My husband is having an AFFAIR with his girl best friend…so I exposed them at the family BBQ! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og
okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories
coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute
break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.
So John, it's dump him Week, which means we're taking
out the trash at least emotionally speaking.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Oh yes we are.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
We have stories this week that will make you say
farewell to toxic relationships and hello to red Flag for
your living.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Yeah, and speaking of hello, if you're new here and
looking for that first story in our series, my husband
cheated but he has cancer? Should I say, just click
the link in the show notes slash description or search
dumpim week, Okay story Time wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
All right, Sam, let's get in today's story.

Speaker 4 (00:37):
My husband is having an affair with his girl best friend.
I expose them at their family barbecue.

Speaker 5 (00:42):
Ooh, that's a nice little juicy treat at the barbecue.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
That's the best place to expose someone. I twenty nine female,
have been married to my husband, thirty one male for
five years. We've had a good relationship overall, but there's
always been one issue, his girl best friend, Megan, thirty female.
He's been in his life since childhood, and while I've
always felt a bit uneasy about their closeness, I trusted
my husband and try to be cool with it. By

(01:07):
the way, this comes from Agency at Academic ninety two
oh eight on the r slash showcase Storytime Separate It.
So Megan's always around, She's at our house constantly, they
text all the time, and she even comes on family
vacations with us. Every time I brought up how their
friendship made me uncomfortable, my husband would brush it off,
saying she's practically a sister and that I was overreacting

(01:28):
to make matters more complicated. My mother in law fifty
eight female, is amazing. She's always had my back and
has told me multiple times that if Megan made me uncomfortable,
I should talk to my husband about setting boundaries. On
the other hand, my father in law sixty mail as
a very different attitude. He adoores Megan and has always
said that she's part of the family and I just
need to deal with it. He thinks my discomfort with

(01:50):
their friendship is just jealousy. Aast forward to two months ago.
My husband started acting distant, coming home late, being secretive
with his phone, and just off. I had a gut
feeling something was wrong. So one night, no I went
through his phone while he was in the shower the
classic That's what I found out. He and Megan had
been having an affair four months. Oh No, I was crushed.

(02:14):
I confronted him and he admitted everything. He swore it
was a mistake and he loved me and begged me
not to leave him. I didn't know what to do,
so I stayed quiet for a bit, trying to process everything. Girl,
I gotta go, Yeah, you gotta go. Get A couple
of weeks later, my in laws hosted a big family barbecue.
I was still reeling from the affair, but my husband

(02:35):
convinced me to come, saying we needed to keep up
appearances while we worked things out. I went, but I
was a wreckonside, especially knowing Megan would be there. I
sure enough, Megan showed up like nothing had happened, acting
all friendly with everyone, including me. The audacity. I was
boiling inside, but I kept it together. Then during dinner,

(02:56):
my father in law made some offhand comments about how
Megan would always be part of the family and that
I needed to get over my insecurities. Why is his
father in law he needs to mind his own business.
Maybe he just really likes Megan. He said this in
front of everyone. That was my breaking point. I stood up,
looked straight at him and said, you know what, I
would get over it if she wasn't sleeping with my husband.

(03:18):
M he pushed you to that point Megan. Entire table
went silent, Megan's face turned white, and my husband tried
to calm me down, but I wasn't having any of it.
I told everyone exactly what has been going on, the
sneaking around, the lies, the betrayal. My mother in law
was furious, but not at me. She laid into my
husband and Megan, saying they destroyed our marriage and disrespected me.

(03:42):
My father in law, though, had the audacity to say
I was overreacting and that affairs happened. I feel like
he definitely knew this was going on.

Speaker 5 (03:50):
He had to have it at that point because saying
a fairs happened, so he's definitely doing an affair as well.

Speaker 6 (03:56):
It's like a natural phenomena. It's like a lightning strike.

Speaker 4 (03:59):
It just can't simply must be. I can't do anything
about it, but I shouldn't have aired it out in
front of the family. He even defended Megan, saying she
made a mistake and we should all move on. Megan,
I left the barbecue and have been staying with my
mom ever since. My husband keeps begging me to come home,
and my mother in law has been supportive. But my
father in law is telling the whole family that I'm

(04:20):
the one causing drama and blowing things out of proportion?
Am I the aole for exposing their affair in front
of everyone at the barbecue? Should I have kept it private?
Or was I right to call them out after everything?
And edit? Based on what you guys are saying, me
and mother in law are very close. Should I show
her what you guys are saying about father in law
possibly cheating and see if she wants to look into that.

(04:41):
Their marriage has been very rocky and she's been wanting
to get out of it, but he has been the
breadwinner for years. Oh hell yeah, get out of there.

Speaker 5 (04:49):
I mean, as long as she's got like the lawyer stuff, right,
she can get get some bread he's been winning, get
his money.

Speaker 4 (04:57):
Yeah, do that edit too. There are no kids involved
with my soon to be ex as he can't have kids,
and there is a mini update. But yeah, I think
that oh, he needs to leave her husband and mother
in law needs to leave her husband. I think it
just they have to have a large exodus of wives
leaving their husband.

Speaker 5 (05:14):
You don't have to keep up appearances nowhah to everyone,
it appears like everyone knows.

Speaker 4 (05:20):
Now everyone knows, and the more that they know, the
more you can combat the lies. Your father in law
is done. Exactly after seeing some of the comments about
father in law maybe wanting to sleep with Meghan, I
asked mother in law if there was something weird going
on there or if she knew if he'd cheated before.
They've been married for a long time. He's cheated ten times.

(05:41):
What Oh, I had no control over it. They just
came into my life. I cheated, and then they went
on their way. One that you guys might find important
is he slept with Meghan's mother. Oh what oh? Why?

Speaker 5 (05:55):
That's why Megan's gonna be in the family forever, because
he's like, this is my daughter, which is also icky.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
They're really keeping it in the family.

Speaker 4 (06:04):
Maybe that's why he loves Megan so much. As far
as she knows, he didn't sleep with Megan. The other
eight were people he worked with, and one of them
was an old high school friend. I will also be
researching for a lawyer tomorrow morning. And there's another many updates.
Dude slept with eight people he works people, eight people
he works with. That's like the whole what he or
the whole office.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
Maybe someone someone started a room or they're like, I
gotta I gotta test this out.

Speaker 4 (06:30):
They're like, he sleeps with everyone, and someone was like everyone.

Speaker 5 (06:33):
Yeah, maybe he's just like the communal like he's the
work husband.

Speaker 4 (06:36):
For everyoneusband, it's like, and he just took that. Mother
in law told father in law to get a DNA
test with Megan or she's divorcing him. He said he
would try and schedule something tomorrow. I'm very glad I
came to Reddit with this or some stuff we are
finding out wouldn't have come to light if Megan is
her husband's sister.

Speaker 6 (06:56):
Oh, he's husband is cheating on her with his own
half sister.

Speaker 4 (07:00):
That would be hilarious her problem.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
I love that, that's their problem.

Speaker 4 (07:05):
Also, mother in law is getting divorced no matter what,
but he doesn't know that yet. She decided an hour ago. Yes,
I will be helping her with a place to stay,
and she wants to get into real estate with me,
so I'll be trying to pull some strings and help
her out in every way I possibly can. But you
can help us out by joining us live every weekday
on YouTube. Just tap our profile.

Speaker 5 (07:26):
Both of these men need to be catapulted out of
our atmosphere and into deep space.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Agreed with Megan.

Speaker 5 (07:33):
It's horrible and I'm so sorry that Op he had
to do this, but it's so hilarious that if he
might accidentally be cheating on his wife would starting his
own half sister. He's literally doing a Luke Skywalker right
now kiss his sister.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, but more intense, pretty icky.

Speaker 4 (07:50):
I think you just need to text him and be like, hey,
you might be cheating with your sister, and then and
then blog him and then leave it at that. It
doesn't even necessarily have to be true. Just put that down.
Plant the seed, Plant the seed. But there is a
little bit left to this story. The mother in law
has seen all the comments and with Reddit and my support,
gave her the strength to leave. It's a painful situation
for both of us, but I'm glad we're going through

(08:12):
this together so we can have each other's supports solidarity
when the DNA test results come back. If it is
for sure happening, she will be cutting off my ex
husband and father in law. I also want to say
that father in law was sleeping with Megan's mother for
maybe a month or two. That's why my mother in
law thinks the timelines add up. And yes, father in
law knew about the affair that boils my blood. He

(08:33):
isn't even decent enough. You mean to tell me about it.
If it was me or mother in law cheating, both
father in law and ex husband would be very pissed. Yeah,
because they have double standards and they said I fixed
my grammar for everyone angry about that. Some of you
asked why he didn't just marry his best friend. At
the beginning of my and my ex husband's relationship, she
was in a serious relationship. I'm assuming when he would
go and comfort her after they broke up, that's when

(08:56):
it started. My husband did try to contact me, but
I was told not to blame. But it's getting hard
to ignore the texts. I think probably for legal proceedings.
Don't block him.

Speaker 5 (09:05):
Oh yeah, I was about to say, who told you
not to block him? Man, it is like I'll probably
a lawyer.

Speaker 4 (09:10):
And then Megan contacted me gross ew Megan. They have
an appointment in an hour, so the results should be
back in a week or a week and a half.
In Megan's screenshots, I think she meant Megan as in
that's her, I said, who is this before she said that,
as you can see the people saying it's a lie
because of that need to use their brains. I did
send Megan the screenshots of what he said and am

(09:32):
waiting for a response. It will be posted here with
a link. I'm grateful for all the support I've received.
If I could, I would apply to all the messages
and comments. I'm also very thankful for the people on
TikTok who have shared my story. I've seen two people
so far, and if you see anymore, please let me know.
Several people have asked whether they resemble each other. Well,
there are some similarities. It's important to note that many

(09:52):
people share features like brown hair and blue eyes, making
it hard to say they look alike. I can't provide
Megan's phone number anymore because she recently changed. She made
this decision after I shared her contact information with a
few people. Which led to her receiving an overwhelming amount
of messages that she found annoying. I did share the
comments that people were making about her on Reddit, and
it did affect her. This is from Megan to Ope

(10:14):
you're a bee?

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Who is this?

Speaker 4 (10:17):
Megan? I can't believe you would tell our whole family
about this, And now I have to get a DNA
test so I can find out if I've been sleeping
with my brother. You made this whole thing so much
more drama than it had to be. I see why
he cheated on you. And do you know what he
said about you? He said after you two got married,
he thought you were disgusting. I hope you really go
through with the divorce then he can be mine. You

(10:37):
are a terrible person and a terrible wife. What kind
of wife are you if you won't cook and clean
for your husband every day? I know I can treat
him better.

Speaker 5 (10:45):
Okay, so that might be your half brother, but you
would still date him.

Speaker 4 (10:50):
Do you hear how gross that is.

Speaker 5 (10:52):
If anyone's disgusting, it's you too and your little family affair.
I never cheated on my husband, so don't call me
and or I did everything for him.

Speaker 4 (11:02):
I cut friends off for him.

Speaker 5 (11:04):
I cut family off for him, and I did everything
he asked.

Speaker 4 (11:08):
How did he repay me by cheating on me?

Speaker 5 (11:11):
You are both gross humans and I would prefer if
you don't contact me anymore. And me personally, I would
prefer if they were sent deep into the ort cloud.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
Or send them to the ort cloud.

Speaker 6 (11:24):
I don't want these people in the same solar system
as me.

Speaker 4 (11:27):
Oh, get over yourself. That's a basic wife things. It's
sad that he had to ask you to do things
instead of you just doing them. You work from home.
How hard can it be. You're just a lazy salute
and I hope you never find love.

Speaker 5 (11:40):
You're talking about someone who might be your brother, you idiot.

Speaker 4 (11:43):
It's crazy that she like addressed that he might be
her brother and was still like, you know, I'm I'm
still gonna be with him.

Speaker 6 (11:49):
Yeah, that's just like a little details.

Speaker 4 (11:52):
It's just a minor inconvenience. True love can fight through anything.
I just found out my wife was are friends third
Now I don't want to be friends with them.

Speaker 7 (12:03):
I don't understand that title. While you were like threesome,
oh company baby.

Speaker 4 (12:11):
So I'm going to try and keep this as short
as possible. My wife and I have been married now
for just shy of twelve years. We met in college
between her junior and senior years. During this time, I
also met her close friends Brian and Chloe.

Speaker 7 (12:25):
I don't like the sound of Brian.

Speaker 4 (12:26):
I don't trust Brian or Chloe. They were high school
They were high school sweethearts who are currently married and
friends still with my wife and myself. Girl, how close
by the way. This comes from throw a guy I
on the Okay Storytime subarutteh. So I've been off work

(12:47):
now for a week due to me accruing too many
leave days. I had to burn some or I would
lose them. School is about to start back up, so
I figured I would clean the house and generally straighten
up everything while the kids are still in summer camp
and my wife is at work. While moving things into
the attic on Tuesday, I stumbled across an old filing cabinet,
like the small one you can put on a desk.

(13:09):
Inside I found a flash drive with a red heart
colored on it. Suspicious, very suspicious. Now, I'll admit my
curiosity got the best of me, so I popped downstairs
and threw it into the computer.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (13:23):
Once I opened it up, there was only a folder
titled Summer of Love.

Speaker 7 (13:28):
Of Love, Love is in the Air?

Speaker 4 (13:31):
Was this the seventies? Looking in that folder, I found
pictures and videos of my wife, Brian and Chloe engaging
in various spicy acts.

Speaker 7 (13:42):
They kept it Yoh, sounds like a grade summer.

Speaker 4 (13:46):
That's kind of I don't know. I don't think you
can keep it. I don't think you can keep that.
Maybe would the memory.

Speaker 7 (13:55):
But maybe they forgot, like it was just like in
you know, it's home cabin.

Speaker 4 (14:01):
Looking into it further, it was apparent that it was
the summer we met.

Speaker 7 (14:04):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (14:06):
When my wife got home that evening, I couldn't hold
it and just asked her about the Summer of Love.

Speaker 7 (14:11):
Good morning, honey, what the hell is the summer of.

Speaker 4 (14:14):
Blub She immediately got defensive and saying that I broke
her trust by going through her things. We got into
a huge fight when I found out she had been
there third for about five months or so. Dang, And
it ended at the end of summer, and our relationship
looked like it was going strong. Yeah, that's my question.
Were you guys exclusive?

Speaker 5 (14:33):
Well?

Speaker 7 (14:34):
Yeah, were you exclusive? While the summer of love was happening.

Speaker 4 (14:36):
She says it was college we me and her weren't
serious yet and that I was making your feel bad
for things that happened years in the past. I told
her I wasn't very comfortable being friends with Brian and
Chloe anymore. This only led to more fighting. I kind
of understand that because she admitted the truth, like she

(14:57):
never told him that that was the relationship.

Speaker 7 (15:00):
I understand like concern with secrecy being involved. Yeah, but honestly,
like the what's coming up and there's like it's kind
of harsh. Is like you're an adult, people sleep with
other people. For that part is fine, and it's like
so many years after, like get over it. That's kind
of what's coming up for me.

Speaker 4 (15:19):
I guess I'm a little bit on the side. Like
if she had come to him and said like, hey,
you know, these are my friends, I've have a history
with them and he was still upset, I'd be like, dude,
come on, she like told you, like the people have history.
But I think the fact that she kept the drive

(15:39):
and also she never told them like told him, I
think that's a little bit suspicious.

Speaker 7 (15:45):
Yeah, with the secrecy involved, is never a good look.
It's brittany because Okay, not being serious and not being
exclusive are two different things. So I'm wondering, correct she
didn't see if it was If they were exclusive, it
would be the Summer of betrayal. Yes, but I don't know.
It seems like it's not. They weren't exclusive. Excuse me,
they weren't exclusive, and it's more of just like he's
uncomfortable that his wife had spicy sleep history with friends

(16:09):
that they have, which I'm like.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
I think I'm just upset about the I guarantee you
she did tell him at the time they would not
be married in twelve years later down the line.

Speaker 4 (16:20):
Maybe we don't know.

Speaker 7 (16:21):
Deirdre says she kept photos and didn't tell him that part. Yeah,
it doesn't mess up either.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
So honestly, right now, I'm just kind of lost. I'm
not comfortable seeing Brian and Chloe after seeing what I saw,
but it's driving a wedge between me and my wife.
I'm not sure if I should make it an ultimatum
like choose me or them. I have so many feelings.
I wouldn't say this is an old this is a
conversation that you need to have and say, like Hey,
I didn't appreciate the secrecy. I don't think it's necessarily

(16:50):
a ultimatum.

Speaker 7 (16:52):
I agree completely, And I think the way to go
about this is not like most good communication is not blaming,
but just being honest with what comes up of Like, Hey,
I'm feeling some sense of betrayal, like knowing you have
this relationship with them, and it was never shared enough
that you kept that you kept you know, photos and
videos of it, and I was never told that. I

(17:15):
was under the impression the relationship has been this way
and it hasn't this whole time, and so I'm feeling upset.
I'm feeling just sad that there seems to be like
a big part of your life I wasn't aware of
and also like insecure around like what your relationship with
them currently is. And I think like owning your emotions
like that can lead to maybe like a really intimate

(17:37):
conversation that actually might bring more intimacy into the relationship.

Speaker 4 (17:40):
Yeah, but I don't think it's again, like I think
it's this relationship is over. No, so I don't, I don't,
or they're sorry. The relationship between Brian and oh oh okay,
that's like that as long as it didn't continue. I
don't think it has any.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
There was a summer of love and then that, you know.

Speaker 4 (17:57):
Yeah, but there is additional info from this may get
lost in the comments, but I've seen a few people
unsure if me and my wife were dating first off,
since I'm obviously not in the best headspace right now.
But let me clarify. I met her in June twenty ten.
The relationship with Brian and Chloe ended in August when
my wife returned to school after five months, So something

(18:18):
like March is when it started in regards to dating.
I felt like by July we were definitely going strong
and monogamous.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Huh.

Speaker 4 (18:28):
So it seems like Ope is saying that there was
overlap between when they were monogamous.

Speaker 3 (18:35):
But it's the timetable is you got to get the
timetable exactly from this is from Op's perspective. Yeah, and
I said he didn't say like there's a like a
straight day.

Speaker 4 (18:45):
I specifically say it's it's sure. Yeah, so it could
be a little bit up in the air. Again, sorry
for the confusion. I'm still a little confused. Relevant comments.
BEV says she cheated was she calling you her boyfriend.
Did she biomission allow you to think there was nobody else?
Your entire relationship started based on a lie. I hope
he says more information good. In regard to the boyfriend

(19:07):
girlfriend thing, I would say sometime at the beginning of August,
she posted a picture on Facebook where she called me
her boyfriend. Did you guys have.

Speaker 7 (19:13):
A conversation sometimes at the beginning of August, which is.

Speaker 4 (19:17):
Probably the last time that she saw.

Speaker 7 (19:21):
It ended in August, so there's no question, like it
was like right, it was like right now, back to back?

Speaker 2 (19:27):
Are we are we overlapping? Are we back to back?

Speaker 4 (19:29):
It seems unclear.

Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yeah, I can see it overlapping.

Speaker 3 (19:31):
She was probably like, hey, I kind of like this guy,
and they're like, it was just a summer of love.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
We'll just stick with our things.

Speaker 4 (19:38):
We got summer of love stays and said we did
our thing.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
It's not summers and summer's ending.

Speaker 7 (19:43):
Summer's ending.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yeah, he seems like you like this guy, you want
to marry him. That's cute, Go off and be happy.

Speaker 7 (19:49):
I don't think there's an issue of relationships overlapping in
terms of like interacting, but there's an issue of like
agreements overlapping. If you're if you're telling someone monogamous and
we're exclusive and there's an agreement around that, and that's
overlapping with your spicy sleep relationship with to other people,
that's an issue. But if you're seeing someone, I mean,
that's that's fine.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
Yeah, yeah, it's just yeah, the agreements bad bad. Papa says.
If you became exclusive at the end of July twenty
eighth example, and she broke it off with them in
the beginning of August, but if you were exclusive for
approximately thirty days while she was sleeping with them and you,
that is a different story. Opie says. So I applied
to another comment. And while I think we should have
been exclusively together in July, she did post a Facebook

(20:32):
picture ignowling me acknowledging me as her boyfriend in the
beginning of August, that relationship didn't end until the end
of all.

Speaker 7 (20:38):
Oh interesting. I thought we were in the clear.

Speaker 4 (20:42):
So it seems like I don't like I said.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
I think that's what I'm saying. Like it's like a
guy doesn't know yeah.

Speaker 7 (20:49):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (20:50):
So first off, there is an update. Okay, update, So
I called Brian about a day after my original post.
I told him I knew about the Summer of Love.

Speaker 7 (20:59):
Hey, Brian, I know it well.

Speaker 2 (21:01):
You know the Summer of Love. Why wasn't I involved?

Speaker 4 (21:05):
No, not the Summer of Love.

Speaker 7 (21:06):
The Summer of Love sounds great. He was just wishes
he was apart.

Speaker 4 (21:10):
He's like, why wasn't I there, dude?

Speaker 2 (21:11):
I was.

Speaker 4 (21:12):
I met you guys in July Love.

Speaker 7 (21:14):
I love Summers of Love.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
You guys didn't want me a part of that.

Speaker 7 (21:16):
Where was the invite?

Speaker 2 (21:17):
Man?

Speaker 4 (21:18):
He was quiet for about a minute. He then began
apologizing a profusely.

Speaker 7 (21:23):
Oh that's not a good sign.

Speaker 4 (21:24):
So here's what I know from Brian. In March twenty ten,
my wife had not had the best dating experiences in college.
Chloe and my wife began having a spicy sleep relationship
with Brian Oh, which Brian knew about. Eventually, in late April,
Brian was invited into the mix. The whole Summer of
Love video and photo sessions took place July seventh, twenty ten.

(21:46):
They had gone to a party the day before, and
on the seventh they all got wasted in high in
my wife's apartment and decided to make the video. When
my wife posted on Facebook in August, acknowledging me as
her boyfriend Brian decided to no longer get in the relationship. Oh,
Chloe and my wife continued to engage in spicy sleep
relationship until late September, so confirmed she did cheat on

(22:10):
him damn, which now it is very relevant that she's
still friends with Chloe and Brian. At the time, my
wife had found out that she had been pregnant and
had miscarried. She was about two months along. Until the miscarriage,
she was apparently fully unaware she was even pregnant. Now,
at the time, I thought she was having financial and
great issues as to why she was so depressed during

(22:32):
that time. What I know now is that it's not
certain if the child would have been mine or Brian.
What a turn in this story.

Speaker 7 (22:42):
This is okay, completely different stories.

Speaker 4 (22:44):
Yeah, this apparently sent them all into shock, and it
was determined that it would be best to keep this
a secret and to fully end all relationships. They haven't
done anything. Yeah, they haven't done anything since, and they
want to keep it that way. So now there is more.
Now we are in the realm of you can totally
break this relationship into borce her. Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
Yeah, this guy I loved the summer of sad, this
summer betrayal, sad, sad fall, and.

Speaker 4 (23:13):
The fact that she was kind of gaslighting you and said, oh,
it's like nothing, it didn't matter. And then you have
to find out not even from her, but from Brian. Yeah,
exaustly that he might have, you know, had a kid,
you know that she lost.

Speaker 7 (23:25):
Yeah, she's still lying to this day, and she's lying
that she did cheat on you, and potentially she was
pregnant with your child or another man's child.

Speaker 4 (23:35):
Which is crazy.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, crazy.

Speaker 4 (23:39):
But she never told you that week. I was still off.
On that Thursday, my wife dropped the kids off at
daycare and took the day off. I forgot that had kids.

Speaker 7 (23:49):
Dude, this just got so messy. I was like, this
is kind of fun.

Speaker 4 (23:52):
Yeah, and then it was like no. We spent the
entire day talking. Her story is the same as Brian's
from what I can tell. She playing that her and
Chloe did keep up a spicy relationship due to past
failed relationships. She was afraid that ours would fail as well.
That is not an excuse.

Speaker 7 (24:09):
She was like, I thought ours failed, so I cheated
on you.

Speaker 4 (24:11):
I so cheated on you. You know it goes.

Speaker 7 (24:13):
Yeah, you had to understand.

Speaker 4 (24:14):
She told me that she had thought of telling me
of it over the years, but figured it would be
best left a secret. It always comes to secrets are
never secrets, are never secret, always left secret. She was
also embarrassed to admit that she'd been bisexual in college.
What Yeah, no, doy the flash drive she had completely
forgotten about. Okay, so you guys were right about that. Yeah,

(24:37):
we had moved around four times since we had been married,
so it's plausible. The small little filing cabinet was used
in the past for junk items like spare batteries and
wires and crap. By the way, you know what else
is plausible? You guys joining us live every weekday had
three pmpst on YouTube. Just tap our profile.

Speaker 7 (24:56):
So planned.

Speaker 4 (24:58):
But let's get into the last bit of the all right,
we have managed to get into a couple's therapy session
on short notice. It was last Thursday. Everything went smoothly.
A lot of tears were shed on her side, and
I believe what my wife was saying. The thing is
that there has never been once been a day or
time frame in all of her years of marriage where
any of them could have gotten together. She has agreed

(25:19):
to keep contact with Chloe to a bare minimum while
we work through all of this.

Speaker 7 (25:24):
Oh with a hard stop.

Speaker 4 (25:26):
And that is the end of that story. And it's
pretty said. It's a compliment. Nice.

Speaker 7 (25:31):
I think she's backtracking.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Down.

Speaker 7 (25:36):
I'm glad that they I'm glad that they went to
couple therapy, that they immediately went to couples therapy.

Speaker 4 (25:40):
I think, regardless, even if you're not going to stay
together when you have kids, couples therapy is kind of
a necessity.

Speaker 7 (25:45):
Agreed, if that is what is the option. But yeah,
I mean, do you think that they could come back
from this? Do you think there's a possibility for relationship
repair and trust building.

Speaker 4 (25:56):
According to Sam's rules, I don't give a whop. According
to cents, I think that there is a chance that
they could, because they've been married for so long and
they have kids. Yeah, I mean, I would also completely
understand if opended this relationship.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
For sure within those twelve years twelve it seemed like
twelve again, nothing else happened, nothing else happened. This was
right at the beginning of the very beginning. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (26:20):
Yeah, In terms of likelihood of them staying together, I
think there is a likelyhood. I would also understand if
he divorced her.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
I understand both scenarios, but I think they're going to
be fine.

Speaker 7 (26:30):
Yeah, I'm in the same place. I'd think, like, yeah,
just a lot more like transparency, yeah, just and honesty
and hopefully use this as an opportunity to deepen in
intimacy and trust and care and compassion in your relationship.
I think there is, you know, the doorway for that.
And also it makes sense if you don't have the

(26:50):
capacity to.

Speaker 4 (26:51):
Because on that road, this was a huge breach of
trust and if you want to continue the relationship, you
have to build back so much of that trust, and
some people cannot do it. And that is not bad.
That just means like, that's just you saying like I
don't think I can. I don't have the capacity to
get back that trust. And that's okay.

Speaker 7 (27:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
Here.

Speaker 1 (27:12):
We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (27:16):
My husband stopped putting effort into our relationship. I'm tired
of his excuses.

Speaker 7 (27:21):
I'm done, I'm tired, get mad.

Speaker 4 (27:26):
I twenty three female have been with my husband thirty two,
male for five years and married for three So you're quite.

Speaker 7 (27:35):
Young legally okay, legally, but like on the on the
edge of legally okay.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
Yeah, depends what state you're in.

Speaker 7 (27:42):
Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 4 (27:43):
Our relationship has had it's up and downs, but we
always do our best to improve. Every day he shows
me love and affection. Our relationship is the most stable
and secure.

Speaker 6 (27:53):
It is so stable and so secure.

Speaker 4 (27:56):
She's like, it's so stable. As of last we moved
out of our prior apartment and now are in a
house with more stability for our health and financial situation. Guys,
Opie's freaking stable. She's okay.

Speaker 6 (28:08):
If you say otherwise, you're freaking unstable.

Speaker 7 (28:11):
You're unstable.

Speaker 4 (28:12):
By the way, this comes from Inner Cattle fifty seven
to twenty seven on the Okay Storytime Separate It. So
next month we'll be celebrating our anniversary and we will
officially be married for three years. When we got married,
we couldn't afford to do anything for a honeymoon and
couldn't do anything special for our anniversaries over the years.
With us now being able to afford to do more,
we decided to go out of state for our anniversary.

(28:34):
We also both recently got on some mental health medication.
He's on anxiety medication and I am on both anxiety
and antidepressants. Like any medication, drinking is supposed to be avoided.
My husband, though, is a boozer who he still drinks
while taking his medication, saying it gives him a decent high.
That's that's probably not good, oh no, but it also

(28:57):
makes him sicker and have to call in more often.
I have made it clear to my husband that with
him calling out so much, if it was any other job,
he would have been fired. If I'm thinking correctly. My
husband has barely worked for more than two weeks since
the middle of last month. I have told him that
I would like him to work his entire schedule and
not drink if he's still going to take his medicine.

(29:17):
So far he has agreed, so hopefully that part improves it.
You remember, yes, you're so they're so freaking stable, and
op reminds us. It seems with the stability of being
in a house, my husband has somewhat stopped putting efforts
into the relationship. So they're like so stable that it's
kind of making them a little less stable.

Speaker 7 (29:36):
Yeah, Well, they're so stable they can be unstable.

Speaker 4 (29:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (29:39):
Because they're so stable, they're.

Speaker 4 (29:40):
So freaking stable. Do you understand how I get it? Yeah? Yes,
do you.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
Guys so stable that I'm unstable?

Speaker 5 (29:49):
Right now?

Speaker 3 (29:50):
I'm it's jumping out of the story. How stable I
am right now?

Speaker 4 (29:57):
Yes? He still spends time with me, says he loves
and we still spend time together and try new things together.
He just hasn't tried to put effort into things like
surprise outings and dates. I'm usually the one saying, let's
go out of town, let's go here, let's do that.
I feel like I have to practically force him to
find out where he wants to eat, and even then
he doesn't usually suggest anything. But with me being an

(30:20):
habitual person, I struggle finding or suggesting places we should go. Yes,
he tries on the dates, and usually if he has money,
he pays for the meal. It's the fact that I
feel like I'm the only one trying to put effort
into finding things to do. I don't ask for much.
It makes me extremely happy when he decides to suggest
doing things together or visit someplace new. He showed up

(30:43):
and gave me a cool stick and that made me happy.
And yes I still have that stick where this.

Speaker 7 (30:50):
Man is literally doing the barest minimum and LP's.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
Like I got a stick, so stable. If okay, preface,
if your partner was doing other great things and also
got to you a cool stick, great, he only got
you a cool stick, raise the bar and or stick.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
I kind of want to stick right now. What I
want a cool stick?

Speaker 4 (31:17):
Okay, at least at least two sticks. My anger might
solely be just stress, but I feel like I'm being
listened to by what I'm saying isn't being acknowledged. I
even told my husband about the fact that not going
to work is putting stress on me because in a
couple of weeks we're leaving for our anniversary and I

(31:38):
don't even know if we'll have money to try to
pay for anything. But he just brushes off my concern
and guilts me by saying sorry that I haven't been
feeling well. My mental health is crap, but he says
it in a sarcastic and pointed way that makes me
feel bad for mentioning it. You don't even have to
tell me. I already read it like that. Because your

(31:58):
relationship is a stable. That's it's it's really stable. This
trip means a lot to me, and I've already put
a little less than one thousand dollars into the trip.
But with his actions, it's like he doesn't care and
won't try.

Speaker 7 (32:11):
If he doesn't give her a stick on the trip,
I'm gonna be pissed, So be a really cool stick.

Speaker 4 (32:16):
I'm trying to make this memorable and the best anniversary,
but it feels like he's brushing off my concern. I
already told him almost half a year ago about my
plans on us doing something for our anniversary, and two
months ago I started talking about and paying for everything.
Then he got sick for almost a week, using all
of his sick time, and I understood he was feeling ill,

(32:38):
like go to a doctor sick. But the following week,
when he was better, he was having panic attacks and
throwing up from stress. I still understood, and he used
up all his vacation time because of that. He went
on medication for his anxiety, and I was proud of
him because he's never been on any medication before for
mental health. Then he started drinking with his medicine. I've

(32:59):
expressed my dis approval and Because of that, he kept
calling out sick, so his paycheck's up been small. This
is not good. I try to be patient, but with
how little he has worked as of late, I'm trying
to understand and be by his side, but everything is
building up and making me stressed. And when I'm stressed,
I become either angry or depressed, and I don't know

(33:19):
what to do. This just seems like a just No.
One's in a good place right now.

Speaker 3 (33:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (33:23):
Are they married?

Speaker 4 (33:25):
Yeah? Married for three years.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
Damn.

Speaker 4 (33:28):
We're open with talking when we have a problem. As
of late, no matter when I try to tell him
how I feel, he throws it back in my face,
making me feel horrible, and he acts like I don't
understand and trying like I know what he's going through,
and it's like he forgets that. I'm also just starting
on anxiety and depression medication, and just like him, I
use the medicine although it is in affecting me horribly.

(33:49):
I'm also not drinking before or after I take medicine.
I don't complain, and I still go to work, and
even then, I'm still trying to plan dates and get
him gifts. I try to do anything that we can
do together. But he also got you a stick, don't
forget that. With that and trying to save money for
our trip, it feels like I'm the only one putting
financial effort to this endeavor. I don't know. I just

(34:11):
feel like I'm being a jerk. But I feel so
angry with him. But I'm trying to be patient and
not let him see how stressed I am, because he
already is stressed enough. He can simply bring me flowers
and suggest a place to eat or shop, and I
would be over the moon. Yes, I would be even
more happy to be wearing a wedding ring on my
finger once more, as well you took it off.

Speaker 7 (34:30):
I don't think she ever got it.

Speaker 4 (34:33):
But he also acts like it's funny to say he'll
replace my wedding ring with a dollar ring from TIMU.
My wedding ring was too tight and I could hardly
get it off, so he got you the wrong size. Yeah,
I've told him he isn't allowed to spend less than
them out he spent on the first ring, which was
only thirty bucks. WHOA, and he wants to buy you
a one dollar ring. He doesn't care about you. He

(34:54):
does not care about it'll just get you a stick. Yeah, raceless.
I feel like crap Emotionally. I know that for the
wedding ring, it will be a while till he replaces it.
I know and I understand. Wedding rings aren't always cheap
and affordable. That's why I never ask for a different
ring when we got married. My wedding ring is my
engagement ring. I'm currently wearing my wedding ring out a

(35:15):
necklace that he gave me, and I never take it off.
I value everything I'm given. It is something that matters
to me. He hasn't given me gifts. He hasn't been
suggesting places to go or activities to do on our
dates or even for our anniversary. He has used up
all of his sick in vacation time. He invalidates my
concern and worry about finances for the trip by flipping

(35:36):
it over to the fact that he hasn't been mentally
well when both of us are mentally unstable at this point.
His lack of effort is making me worry that I
will be paying for everything during our entire trip and
planning everything, and that doesn't feel great. This is our anniversary,
not just my anniversary. By joining us live every weekday
three PMPSD on YouTube, Facebook and TikTok just hop our

(35:59):
profile and there is a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
But I have so many thoughts.

Speaker 4 (36:02):
Stang me too, what are your thoughts?

Speaker 7 (36:05):
Yeah, I'll trade, Okay, I know we were making a
lot of jokes. Yeah, but this is really sad.

Speaker 4 (36:10):
This is really sad.

Speaker 6 (36:12):
This is really sad, and she is taking a lot Yeah.

Speaker 7 (36:17):
So op, the issues around your relationship, to be real
with you, are so much deeper than just him not
putting in time, energetic or financial effort. It seems like
your partner is majorly struggling not only with like mental
health and everything around that, but also like more.

Speaker 4 (36:40):
Deep sited, deep seated like.

Speaker 7 (36:43):
Addiction challenges and tendencies, and with all of these things,
your partner is not able to show up to a
relationship in it seems like any capacity to give you
the relationship that you deserve. And so I think it's
so much more. And then just like oh you just
need to you know, suggest things or you know, pay

(37:03):
a little more money. I think it's to have a
serious look at the state that your partner is in.
And I think it's so far beyond just adjusting the
container of your relationship, but asking yourself, like, if nothing changes,
would you be comfortable to stay in this relationship with
this person? Because if you try to change your partner
or have expectations or hopes that your partner is going

(37:25):
to change that they usually are will be let down.
And because we can't at the end of the day,
we can't change people. And so if you're willing to
accept this as it is, that's your choice, and if not,
this is how it is, and it possibly might always
be like this.

Speaker 4 (37:41):
Yeah, And on that point, I think of like, you
can't change your partner, OPI, You've you've brought up your concerns.
The only person that can not drink was on medication
and make that decision or like go to rehab or
something like that is him. And if he's not willing
to do that, then you do not owe him and
you do not owe it to him to stay with

(38:02):
him and put yourself in that situation. So yeah, I
think that this relationship is I think over and yeah,
which is sad because it seems like this was I mean,
you're young, so it seems like it's like a it's
a big deal.

Speaker 7 (38:16):
But which also on the bright side, you're.

Speaker 4 (38:19):
Young and you're twenty three.

Speaker 7 (38:20):
Yeah, so much of your life left to have a
relationship with someone that has the capacity the way that
you deserve to be met.

Speaker 4 (38:27):
Yeah, but let's finish the story. I even told my
coworker and she was frustrated for me and said, with
how he's acting, if it wasn't the fact that it's
for an anniversary, I should just leave him at home
and enjoy my time there because it will pretty much
be the same thing as you going together out because
I'll still be doing everything by myself when it comes
to money and planning. I love my husband, I really do.

(38:48):
But am I overthinking and letting my stress get the
better of me? Am I the jerk for being mad
at my husband? No? You're not, and you're not overthinking
these are? You need to think more? Honestly?

Speaker 2 (38:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (39:00):
The question am I jerk for being upset and my
husband makes me really sad? Actually, Yeah, I want you to.

Speaker 4 (39:06):
See your worth you're underthinking.

Speaker 7 (39:08):
I want you to see your worth. I want you
to put down standards or how you deserve to be treated,
and to uphold the closest people to you with those standards.

Speaker 4 (39:17):
But I hope that you know you're able to leave
this situation. But that is the end of that story.

Speaker 7 (39:24):
I've given my man child husband so many chances. I
think it's time to finally move on, Move Move, As
the title says, I have to have a very difficult
conversation with my husband, and I'm just not sure the
best approach. He is someone who thinks he's always right.
He also has ADHD, and as a result.

Speaker 4 (39:45):
RSD rejection sensitivity disorder.

Speaker 7 (39:49):
You learn something every day. Rejection sensitivity disorder so usually goes.

Speaker 4 (39:52):
Hand with ADHD, just like you very sensitive to rejection,
as the name implies.

Speaker 7 (39:57):
Interesting, I've never heard of this connection.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
Maybe it's me too.

Speaker 7 (40:00):
So he completely shuts down and overreacts majorly to any criticism.
Part of what makes this difficult is that he's absolutely
infuriating to bring up issues too, so I often don't.
And by this way, this comes from sav l one
two on the r okay storytime subreddit. So it always
confuses me when someone's like, oh, yeah, my partner has

(40:21):
no room to have an argument or to have a
healthy conflict, and I'm like, how do you have a
healthy relationship?

Speaker 4 (40:28):
Yeah, exactly, you can't have a healthy relationship if you
can have healthy communication, agreed.

Speaker 7 (40:33):
So that makes me sad when I hear that. But
for example, when I've tried to bring up our huge
household labor gap, he'll get mad, roll his eyes and
then oversimplify to do more housework and don't expect any direction.
Cool and be done with it. He's very immature and
unfortunately did not experience any form of healthy relationships or
communication in his childhood, and it shows he tends to

(40:56):
overvalue his role and it's not open to criticism as mention.
Since it sucks so bad to talk to him about anything,
I typically keep my gripes to myself. This is not insulting,
but this does not sound like not relationship. No yeah,
so Yet he's happy to nitpick and gripe about anything,

(41:17):
and if I try to give at all give my side,
he calls it an excuse, says I'm gaslighting him, et cetera.
It's just ridiculous. But I refuse to let this one go.
Over the weekend, he brought up our lack of intimacy,
physical touch and overall general lovingness. He's out wrong. I'm
completely turned off and resentful towards him. But I've been

(41:37):
for a while, which I'll get into.

Speaker 4 (41:40):
Well, it's because I mean, it seems like you have
a lot of other problems going on in this relationship.

Speaker 7 (41:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (41:45):
Honestly, I think that if you are at a point
where you're like, I'm trying to have a conversation with
him and he just refuses to, you know, meet me
in that space, then it's time to maybe and the relationship.

Speaker 7 (41:58):
Yeah, the spicy sleeplie is usually a representation of the.

Speaker 4 (42:02):
Relationship, if that is a part of your relationship.

Speaker 7 (42:04):
Yeah, it's like it's like a symptom instead of like
something that is usually like the cause sometimes. Yeah, I
think so. So he's not wrong. I'm completely turned off
and resentful towards him. I have been for a while,
which I'll get into. But I hate any kissing and
hugging and can't find a kind word to offer it.
I'm not very outwardly loving. We've had a rough go

(42:26):
of things for years. I felt like he was my
rock and my best friend for a long time. We
met when I was a single mom of two, and
he was a big support system to me in many ways.
We went through a recurrent loss and infertility situation for
a bit before having our child together, and I don't
know if I've had made it without him. There was
some infidelity on his end during the pregnancy and our

(42:46):
daughter's first few months. He lied about and hit a
gambling addiction. We walked through, but I'm not sure I
really I really fully moved on. So the infidelity was
the gambling addiction, there was all so.

Speaker 4 (43:00):
Like both there is two things, Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 (43:03):
Got it. He also just isn't an active partner at all.
He goes to work and comes home to play video
games and that's it. He does take toddler to and
from daycare, but everything is else is on me. I'm
not exaggerating when I say he gets up in the morning,
gets dressed, takes kid to daycare, works, picks kid up,
and comes home to a mentally pop down on the

(43:24):
couch or at his desk. All right, I'm just gonna
say it here. This is not a relationship. No, this
is not a romantic relationship. At this point, you are
roommates who don't like each other. You're cohabitating, and you're
co parenting. But other than that, there is it seems
like there isn't a relationship.

Speaker 4 (43:41):
There's not a relationship to save at this point.

Speaker 7 (43:43):
Yeah, you would have. It seems like if you wanted
a relationship with them, you need to start from like
ground Z.

Speaker 4 (43:50):
Yeah, and.

Speaker 7 (43:52):
A relationship with this person because there isn't right now. Yeah.
So one hundred percent of the housework, invisible labor mentor
mental load, and raising the children is on me. He
plays with the kids sometimes, and after a lot of
complaining for me, has started staying home alone with our
daughter when she's in bed so I could grab drinks
with my friends on occasion while the older two are

(44:13):
with dad. He also has tried to attend more outings
with the family, but does not contribute to any actual
house adult parenting tasks. As you can imagine, being left
to handle one hundred percent of everything while also working
full time while he spends his day sleeping in and
playing video games doesn't make me very happy loving. I
just feel like he has no respect to regard for

(44:34):
me at all and treats me more like a house
elf than a partner, because you guys kind of aren't
really partners.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
No, he's just expecting you to take care of the
kid and take care of the house.

Speaker 7 (44:45):
He constantly has asked me to wait on him, find
his things, grab him a drink, serve him dinner at
his desk, etc. I was taken aback this week. And
when he threw out that he get a divorce if
I didn't improve my attitude.

Speaker 4 (44:57):
Take him up on it, take it up on it, just.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Get it out.

Speaker 7 (45:00):
This is like now he's just casually throwing out divorce.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, threatening with you.

Speaker 4 (45:07):
Yeah, to improve your attitude? Yeah, super nothing, there's nothing
there left.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (45:12):
The only thing that seems to be there to be
saved is the children.

Speaker 4 (45:17):
The children, Yes, but it's your relationship.

Speaker 7 (45:19):
Your relationship, there's it doesn't seem the one positive, one
positive thing to save.

Speaker 4 (45:24):
No.

Speaker 7 (45:25):
At this point, I'm not particularly opposed to divorcing, but
I like it to work out and get back to
the times we had before. I'm not one to stay
for the kids, but I really would like to at
least say I have our marriage. I gave our marriage
my best shot. When he brought this up, I was
angry at his audacity to even complain when his whole
life is handed to him on a platter by me.

(45:47):
He wouldn't even know what toilet paper to buy, or
where our daughter's clothes are and he wants to complain
about anything, but he refused to hear me out. Said
the entirety of our relationship problems are my fault because
I didn't don't ask for help, which is bs and
anytime I tried to say anything, he dominated the conversation,
said he makes all the effort to do better while
I make none. I'm certain he knows better, but he's

(46:09):
trying to make me think I'm the wrong. I'm also
certain he thinks he's contributing much more than he is,
so I'm giving it one last conversation for him to
come to his senses. As is probably obvious, he's in
delusional manchildland right now. I plan to sit him down,
talk about everything I do, why I'm so angry and resentful,
have a list of my task so he could sort
out what he's going to take on, and give him

(46:30):
the opportunity to acknowledge why his complaint and expectations are
totally absurd and unfair. My goal is to lay everything
out and let him sort out for himself if he's
up for the challenge of actually being an adult and partner,
if he'd rather go for the divorce, for what it's worth.
I've complained plenty that he doesn't help, but never had
to sit down about what I do and gave him
the option to grow up or he's done. Okay, I

(46:52):
can tell you right now that will go awful. I
understand the desire to do that, to be seen by
your partner in all that you do and all the
tasks you do.

Speaker 4 (47:03):
But he if he can't see that now, he's not
going to see.

Speaker 7 (47:05):
He's not going to and he doesn't want to see it.
And someone who you're saying has no capacity to see,
to have self awareness, or to under too take on
other people's perspectives in conflict, like to come at him
with anger and the demands and the blame is just
going to make him even more defensive, which is going

(47:27):
to make him blaming of you, and then it's just
going to bring things down. I don't think what is
needed is a one conversation to fix everything. I think
what is needed is a conversation to say, do we
want to be in this relationship together and not? And
if we do want to be in this relationship not
out of a sense of obligation, but out of a
sense for care and love and compassion we've had. We

(47:50):
were best friends at one point, and we loved each
other at one point, Like, this is what a relationship
that would feel good to me looks like, what would
a relationship that feels good for you look like? And
do we have the energy in order to create this
relationship together?

Speaker 4 (48:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (48:06):
And if not, then there's a conversation about going separate ways.

Speaker 4 (48:10):
Yeah. But I also think that you know, you've seen
his response to these types of conversations where you've brought
up what you need and what needs to change, and
it doesn't seem like he's receptive. So if you try
to have this last final conversation, I just also think
you have to know like that that was the last
chance you have to so at a certain point move

(48:33):
on for your own you know, mental health, and for
your own ability to be a good parent because you can't.
I don't think. I think it's really hard to be
a good parent in a situation like this.

Speaker 7 (48:44):
Well, I'm confident I'm not wrong here, and I think
anyone would agree with me. I have every right to
be as straightforward as i'd like. I think it's also
obvious that by jumping in on him with an attack
is not going to do anyone any good. But if
you want to do a lot of good, you could
join us live on YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, and Twitch every
weekday at three pm live PST.

Speaker 4 (49:06):
Just tap a profile.

Speaker 7 (49:07):
There's another relevant update. But let's discuss I think we discussed.

Speaker 4 (49:10):
Yeah, I don't have any of other thoughts, all right,
I just want to hear.

Speaker 7 (49:14):
I do know it's going to be hard regardless, but
I'm hoping for suggestions. I'm not good at confrontation or
talking about my feelings. He's not good at receiving criticism.
It's not a not a good match. Now doesn't work out? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (49:29):
It isn't working out?

Speaker 7 (49:30):
Yeah? Is a message better so he could read and
think about his response? Is face to face better so
we can understand tone? Do I tell him this is
me asking for help? But do I just tell him
I'm taking the opportunity to be transparent, that there will
be no change in my demeanor until there's a change
in his. Do I maybe keep it unrelated to our
talk on the weekend and focus more about the lack
of respect, my need for our partner slash more support.

(49:53):
Is there a certain way to award things that are
better for people with RSD. I've heard about using eye statements,
but I'm not really sure what that means. Has anyone
had any luck salvaging a marriage from this is their hope?
He'll open his eyes here.

Speaker 4 (50:07):
I honestly still don't think this marriage can be salvaged.
I agree, but I think that there is hope to
maybe salvage co parenting.

Speaker 7 (50:15):
That is where we're at.

Speaker 4 (50:16):
Yeah, but that is the end of that story.

Speaker 8 (50:21):
My aunt is furious that we want a child free wedding.
Now she is using Bible versus to guilt me.

Speaker 4 (50:28):
The Lord says you need to have children out your wedding.
He says it in the Bible.

Speaker 8 (50:34):
Hello, I twenty nine female just got married to my
very best friend and the love of my life, thirty
one male last Saturday.

Speaker 4 (50:42):
Congratulations.

Speaker 8 (50:43):
It was everything we could have ever dreamt of, and
multiple people came up to us and said it was
the best wedding they'd ever been to a man, I'll
buy it.

Speaker 4 (50:54):
Buy it. Trying to stuck up to you. Ah, just
let him believe it.

Speaker 8 (50:59):
By the way, this was from a Secret Serenity four
four one two seven on the RSLASH Okay.

Speaker 4 (51:04):
Story time is separated it.

Speaker 8 (51:05):
We got married at my family church and had a
guest count of about seventy. We knew we wanted to
keep the wedding on a smaller side because my husband
has auditory processing delay, making it hard for him to
handle large crowds with lots of loud noise. I also
knew my parents and in laws were helping to pay
for a lot of the wedding, and I hated the
idea of bankrupting them just for a big party. So

(51:27):
considerate all that being said, we decided on a child
free wedding. It is also relatively well known that my
husband and I do not wish to have children, maybe
fostering or adopting later on in life, but who knows
what the future holds. It's not that we don't enjoy children.
I love my little cousins, but it's a decision we've made.

Speaker 4 (51:45):
Together and don't feel the need to justify it to anyone.
I think it's period like, also, we don't want to
see them. We don't want them at our wedding right shock.

Speaker 8 (51:55):
A few months ago, when I was checking in with
people on OURCPS, my aunt let's call her so.

Speaker 4 (52:00):
Was like, yeah, sure, your uncle and I will be.

Speaker 8 (52:03):
There a few minutes of silence, and then the message
that started it all, a child free wedding.

Speaker 4 (52:10):
What happened to family? Read James two to one. Please
for those that would like to know that Bible verse reads, my.

Speaker 8 (52:18):
Brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ,
must not show favoritism.

Speaker 4 (52:24):
I was a favorite doism. I don't think that's favorite doism.
I don't think that's I don't think it's the great verse.
It's a bit of a stretch. I think. Yeah. Sally
essentially accused me of showing favoritism.

Speaker 8 (52:35):
Towards guests without children and being against children in general.

Speaker 4 (52:40):
I was furious. Like I said, I would have loved
to invite all the kids in our families because they're
all actually.

Speaker 8 (52:47):
Really cool and I love them to bits. But I
wanted my husband to feel comfortable on our special day
and didn't want to break the bank. I also go
to church regularly and have sung in church choir since
I was a kid. My least favorite thing on earth
is when people throw Bible verses at others to make
them feel guilty. I responded to her message with as
much composure and compassion as I could must.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
No.

Speaker 4 (53:09):
No, what you do is you respond with another Bible verse,
throw it back, be like actually you suck, but a
Bible something about like not judging. Yeah, may the first,
May one without sin be the first to cast the stone.
There you go, sons fact check that in the conject.

Speaker 8 (53:32):
I responded with all due respects Aunt Sally, this is
not a decision of favoritism. I know there will be
alcohol and dance music out of reception, and my partner
and I didn't think that it was an appropriate place
to have young children, and we didn't think it was
very kind to invite children to the wedding ceremony and
then deny them the reception. We did our best to

(53:53):
make this decision out of compassion and fairness. I hope
you understand that sounds That sounds very solid, Sarah boss
I ever responded, and I nearly forgot about it. She
was also invited to my bridal shower and said she
would be there but never showed. It wasn't necessarily surprising,
as my side of the family can be a little flaky,

(54:13):
so I didn't pay much mind. The next time I
saw her was the day of the wedding side story
for context, my cousin aunt Sally's aunt Sally's daughter, let's
call her Meghan. It's currently going through a nasty divorce
and has three young kids, ages ranged from about two
to eight years old. It can be hard for her
to find a babysitter, so my aunt Sally usually looks

(54:34):
after them. With Sally and Megan rsvping to the wedding,
I assumed she found a sitter.

Speaker 4 (54:39):
From our point of view, the wedding goes off without hitch.

Speaker 8 (54:43):
It's time for family photos and we find that Meghan
and Sally are missing. We asked around and someone says,
Meghan already left.

Speaker 4 (54:51):
Without saying goodbye. I guess irish goodbye. Good to say
that she literally had.

Speaker 8 (54:58):
Aunt Sally is waiting in the cars go to the venue.
Keep in mind that the ceremony itself was super short
and the venue is practically walking distance.

Speaker 4 (55:06):
From the church, so there was absolutely no reason to hurry.

Speaker 8 (55:10):
Well, we're all lined up and ready, So Sally and
Megan miss being in the family photos. Photos are yeah,
photoshot ai so much available to you. The rest of
the night is beautiful and fun and everyone has a
great time.

Speaker 4 (55:23):
I didn't. I don't learn the real story until the
next day. Honestly, I think that's good. I'm glad that
no one told you the real story until after your wedding. Right,
enjoy your day to cause annecessary stress with all that rama.

Speaker 8 (55:37):
Exactly, it turns out we have some loyal family moles.
Nice and aunt Sally was talking smack in the shadows.
My wonderful brother in law doing the lord's work, overheard
Sally complaining to someone about how rude and inconsiderate I
was not to invite children to the wedding. The brother

(55:58):
in law was so taking back by the audacity of
this woman that he immediately reports to my sister. He
wanted to confront her about her rude comments, but my
sister helped him back to avoid causing sea.

Speaker 4 (56:11):
Shot her brother in law. Yeah, honestly.

Speaker 8 (56:14):
Yeah, brother in law is from Columbia and definitely has
that Latin fire in defense of his friends and family,
which I appreciate. But Sis made the right call in
the moment. I was none the wiser and I am
the kind to stew quietly over a nasty comment comment,
so she saved the day.

Speaker 4 (56:31):
Yeah, good on them, dang.

Speaker 8 (56:33):
Not only did the brother in law hear this? Another
cousin overheard, and this cousin then reported to my mother
it's straight to the top, right to the It was
also reported that during pictures, the reason Meghan and Sally
were missing is because Aunt Sally was in the car
with Megan's ChIL dreads.

Speaker 4 (56:51):
So they literally brought them and just left them in
the car for the ceremony of ceremony. Wait, yeah, what
just crack a window?

Speaker 8 (56:59):
Yeah, it's like when you when you sit in the
car when your parents go to run errands.

Speaker 4 (57:03):
Yeah, like ten times.

Speaker 5 (57:05):
No.

Speaker 4 (57:05):
When I was a kid, my mom she would like
go into the store and my friend and I would
be like, we don't want to go in, so she's
like okay, and we would, but we lived in the valley,
so we'd be in the back and it was just
like like ninety degrees were like it was our choice.

Speaker 8 (57:22):
Though, So instead of letting me know that she couldn't
make it to the wedding because child care was an
issue which would not have upset me, I understand your
kids should come first. Megan thought the only solution was
keeping her kids in the car during the ceremony and
having her mother check on them during family photos.

Speaker 4 (57:40):
Bandoning them simply can't couldn't have been the only solution, right,
You gotta figure gotta be another one. I'm assuming they
also had a fair amount of time before the like
when they got the invitations from when the wedding was,
to figure it out, because that's why they that's where
they do it. They sign out wedding invitations so you
could make sure that you have all of your ducks
in a order, right, Yeah, exactly, Like I know droud

(58:02):
care is like difficult, but like there is app for
these things. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 8 (58:07):
By the way, you can always check on us by
joining us live on YouTube every weekday at three pm PST.

Speaker 4 (58:13):
Just tap her profile, tap ta her profile.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
Don't leave us in the gar please.

Speaker 4 (58:17):
Please, But there's another relevant update. But what do we
think so far? Man? It seems like Megan and Sally
are just just problem problem people. Yeah, or they're just
like really not good at problem solving. Yeah, Like I
want to go to the wedding, but I got got
my kids, got kids, and there's no solution because we'll

(58:39):
just leave them by. We're gonna leave them in the
car for an hour, but they'll be fine.

Speaker 8 (58:43):
What are they gonna do for the reception though, because
they're still not allowed, the reception will take much longer
than the ceremony.

Speaker 4 (58:50):
Okay, this is what they're gonna do. So they stack
eats children, They put them in a trench coat. Here
you go, put a little glasses with the fake mustache on.
It was like a great plan, problem solved. I think, so, yeah,
we think about that. Didn't think so huh? In the end,
I had no idea at the time.

Speaker 8 (59:08):
It didn't affect our wedding, and the only one who
looked a fool here was Aunt Sally. I'm torn between
confronting her at the next family gathering and pointing out
how utterly alone she was in her sentiment or just
totally ignoring it as if it didn't happen, because I
am truly unbothered by it. It didn't make me regret
our decision to go child free for the wedding. Everyone

(59:28):
still had a wonderful time and I still love my
very wonderful husband. So moral of the story, don't let
a sour puss dull your sparkle.

Speaker 4 (59:37):
That always says that's in the Bible, and Jesus said that,
and Jesus and Jesus always said that that's the end
of our story. I think, oh, we handled it well. Yeah, yeah,
everyone was on her side besides Sally and Megan, right,
And we don't need them because they they doled our
sparkle exactly, or at least tried and tried, but they couldn't.

Speaker 7 (59:58):
They couldn't.

Speaker 4 (59:59):
But that is the of that story. So we'll see
you next time.

Speaker 6 (01:00:04):
Hates johnyo Ogos here, We're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
But he's a quick three minute break of ass from
our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (01:00:09):
My dad's girlfriend keeps stealing from weddings. Now I don't
want to invite them. That's fair. Fair. I'm forty seven
female and my dad is seventy nine. Let's start off
with I love my dad even after all of this.
I love him, but I don't want to speak to him.
That's complicated. I do have daddy issues from things I've

(01:00:31):
been through in my life with him and his mentality.
But I do love him very much and invite him
to everything we do and even just dinner out for
no reason. His wife, on the other hand, he's a challenge.
By the way, this comes from Big Introduction thirty three
to ninety three on the Okay storytime Separate it. So
my mom and dad got divorced when I was eleven
and they both moved on. So this isn't I hate

(01:00:52):
the new wife because of a divorce. Years later, twenty
my mom was oh my god unalived and my dad
second wife passed away from complications from dementia. While his
second wife was sick is now third wife came around
a lot to help him out with her. My dad
went to church with this lady and has since I

(01:01:13):
was born. At family functions, but the new third wife,
we noticed she was a little different my first time
at their house. I realized very quickly that she is
a hoarder. So at kids' birthday party, she would take
the extra plastic silverware and plates and napkins and stick
them in her purse. At every function, after my dad
and her would leave, we would discuss it among ourselves

(01:01:35):
that I wonder if she has a mental issue. The
last party, there were no plastic silverware left and she
dug them out of the trash. You know what, maybe
go environmental consciousness. Sure, my daughter got engaged last year
and when we started planning the very elaborate wedding. I
spoke to my dad several times in a very nice
way to talk to Sally and let her know that

(01:01:58):
she isn't to take any we have the silverware or
table decorations. At one point we had a sample table
set up and my dad saw it. I said, Daddy,
make sure want to talk to Sally and make sure
she understands she can't take any items from the wedding
except the guest thank you gift. My dad made a
joke about how much Sally would love the table decorations
and blew me off. I was stressed that for months

(01:02:21):
that Sally would take items at the wedding, and I
again reiterated to my dad to talk to her or
leave her at home. Phearsal dinner night, hearsal dinner was
at the venue and everything was set up for the wedding.
The next day, I was eating and looked up to
see Sally grab a huge stack of napkins and put
them in her purse. But napkins that were for both

(01:02:41):
days and were special order for the wedding, not just
plane store bought napkins. I was so upset that I
just got up and walked outside. So I wouldn't cause
a scene. For the wedding, they weren't having alcohol, so
they set up a hot cocoa and coffee bar that
sounds great, which was for the wedding, but already set
up the night before. While I was outside trying to
calm down, one of our family members came out and

(01:03:02):
told me Sally was taking items from the hot cocoa bar. Cups,
coffee stirs, and the cocoa sticks died and died in peppermint.
My oldest daughter walked over and politely, I have witnesses,
told her those items were for the wedding. Sally threw
the items down on the counter, threw her hands up
and huffed and walked back toward table. Boy. Man, I

(01:03:23):
think you just have to, like, if she's coming to
an event, you just got to lock everything down. You
just gotta put it away, lock up the stirs. Yeah,
do you know how old Sally is. She's like at
least seventy nine ish. It sounds like old person. Way
to ask. Yeah, She's like, it's mine. I really like this,
Like you you won't let me do what I want
to do, can't do anything that really doesn't It reminds
me yeah, it reminds me of old people. When I

(01:03:45):
came back in to address the issue with my dad,
he was on his way out. He has had enough
of my kids twenty four and twenty two behavior and
how his wife was just treated. I very quietly told
my dad that we had discussed this and that she
wasn't to leave with anything. His response to me was
that my daughter, not the one getting married, had no
business speaking to his wife the way she did, and

(01:04:06):
that if he didn't want items taken, we should have
had a sign stating that. I told my dad I
wasn't wrong, they were, and they continued to leave as
I went to fix the drink station. Five to ten
minutes went by and I noticed my daughter the bride,
was missing, along with my husband and the other daughter.
The bride followed my dad out and said he shouldn't
leave in that manner, and that's when things went south.

(01:04:29):
My dad grabbed the bride by her arm, stuck his
finger in her face and said, you're nothing but a spoiled,
rotten brat, and you're ruined with no fix and yeah,
this guy sucks WHOA bride grabbed his finger out of
her face and told them the only reasons he's still
standing was out of respect. She's like, I'm gonna freaking
knock you out. An out of town family member that

(01:04:51):
did know it was the bride's grandfather, stepped in between them.
My dad turned around to walk off and said he
wouldn't be there tomorrow for the wedding. Well, nobody wants you,
so that's totally fine. Yeah. My husband found out what
was going on and told him, we will address the
issue of you putting hands on my daughter later, but
if you don't show for the wedding, your shaky relationship

(01:05:13):
with your daughter will be done. Next day was great. Surprisingly,
my dad showed up and was even seated at our
table with his wife. He was included in all photos
with the bride and groom and family photos. My dad
didn't speak to me the entire day. I found out
later that he had someone introduce him to the family
member that stepped in the night before and apologized to

(01:05:35):
her and an uncle that didn't have it, that didn't
have a clue anything had happened. Never apologize to me,
my husband, the bride, or my other daughter. He has
even called since then and asked for a favor I
was busy and couldn't help. Sally texted and asked how
the honeymoon was going, and I didn't respond. My brother says,

(01:05:56):
I'm overreacting. He's old and to just let it go.
I don't think I can't as this is part of
a very long list of male chauvinist x and comments
he's made. Just one example, Thanksgiving two years ago, my
dad told my daughter bride that the way you dress
gives men the wrong idea and if something were to
happen to you, it would be your fault. Those guys

(01:06:18):
really awful. Oh he sucks. She had an address for
the first time in years except church, and it was
to her knees. Ugh, telling your grandchild, that's so weird,
that's so weird, that's so easy. She did tell him
how he was wrong, and his wife, Sally, defended my

(01:06:39):
dad's statement. I could go on for days, but I won't.
Am I the a whole if I don't invite him
to anything else? And there is an update. But what
say you? It's so hard because he's your dad, Yeah,
the grandpa, Yeah, your kids. You know that feels like
someone that you would have at family and special events.

Speaker 8 (01:06:58):
Sure, but these also are these feel like this very
like old old person like, Yeah, things to deal with
and sometimes you don't want to deal with that.

Speaker 4 (01:07:08):
And that's fair too. Exactly if he's gonna, you know,
piss off everyone in your family, then it's like you
don't want to be around him, your kids don't want
to be around him. Yeah, so maybe he needs to
learn that unless he changes his behavior, nobody wants to
be around him, right right. I think that's fair. But
there is an update. I have had a rocky relationship
with my dad since my parents divorce, and I have

(01:07:28):
daddy issues because of it. I don't have any delusion
about who my dad is or what kind of man
he is. I have two older brothers, and my dad
never knew what to do with a girl. So on
my weekends with him, he either left me sitting on
the porch and never showed he insisted he did not
want to see my mom, or he would actually show
up and would take me to work with him on
his side job of handyman work. I'm grateful for that

(01:07:51):
because I am independent and can fix just about anything.
Aside from that, without going into crazy detail, I have
gone one hundred percent no contact with his entire side
of the family except an uncle that has nothing to
do with any of the issues that I've come up
in the past. I have also gone low contact or
no contact several times since I was eighteen and legally

(01:08:12):
allowed to. My husband and I have raised very smart,
level headed, most of the time strong women. Since my
mom was unlived. They desperately wanted to be close to
my dad and he never wanted. Sash allowed it. I
don't know why, except he's a very selfish human being.
They learned very young what a nasty, ugly world this is,

(01:08:33):
and I allowed them to an extent to decide who
they would allow to be in their bubble. Having a parent,
my best friend and favorite person on earth unlived is
something that puts things in a completely different perspective. In
the past sixteen years, my kids have lived that, felt it,
and suffered through it. I don't sugarcoat life because they
know the truth. My daughter's bride twenty two sister twenty

(01:08:57):
four have never been forced to have contact with the
family member they didn't want to have contact with my
youngest daughter that my dad made the comment to stood
up to him and let him have it before I
could come flying from the kitchen and told him to
get the f out of my house. What is so
completely hilarious about the whole thing is she's the most
modest person you ever met, never wears revealing clothes or

(01:09:19):
short shorts and anything to give him a reason to
make the comment. As wrong as it was. Her bathing
suits have long sleeves because she has fair skin. After
he left and I quit plotting bad things on him,
we just laughed. We laughed because he is so selfish
and many many other things that it was funny that,
of all people he said that to her. Well, yeah,

(01:09:40):
it's not about It's not about whether or not someone's
actually dressed modestly, modestly, it's about making you know, it's
about asserting power and dominance and making people feel bad.
That's why they do that, right, yeah, right, That was Thanksgiving.
A couple of years ago, before Christmas, he stopped on
my house to talk. I had not spoken to him.
It's kicking him out of the house. At Thanksgiving he

(01:10:02):
stopped by to see what my adult children that were
in college wanted for Christmas, and my response was all
any of us want from you for Christmas is to
show up and shut your f and mouth, or don't
come period. Boo. Yes, it's like you can come if
you don't talk. Yeah, you're silent, You're welcome. Everyone in
our family has enough money to buy what they want,

(01:10:24):
and it's truly about family time and not gifts for Christmas.
Since then, he has done good at not making any
out of the way comments that I have heard. I
do all the cooking for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, and
we get together at my house, so I will stay
in the kitchen and talk to my other guests and
family and mostly ignore my dad and completely ignore Sally.

(01:10:44):
Just to keep my sanity, I do always give him
a hug and tell him I love him, and just
a buye to Sally. Both of my daughters have the
right to include or exclude anyone they want from their weddings,
and I did not force anything on her as far
as my dad being there. The bride is a strong
adult woman, and her now husband is supportive of her

(01:11:05):
and her choices. She chose to have my dad in
her wedding photos because she knows that those will be
your memories when he's gone, and she chooses to remember
him from the good memories. I am so very, very
aware that my only true loving parent was taken from me. Ough, Oh,
that is really hard. I am aware that my kids
and my nieces and nephews lost the best grandparent they had.

(01:11:28):
I have often wondered and prayed for an answer of
why it was her or not him, which I feel
bad about. I know for a fact that my kids
feel the same way. Why was it her and not him?
I raise my kids to love, give trust when earned,
be strong, and stand up for yourself, and they do.
To address why I didn't do anything about my father
when he grabbed my daughter. I was in another area

(01:11:51):
of the rehearsal dinner fixing what Sally had messed up,
and had no idea what was happening outside. No one
came and got me or told me what happened to
It was over and he was gone. I do remember
my two daughters and husband walking the doors together and
they were laughing and smiling, and I thought they must
have not seen or heard my conversation with my dad
and Sally. Nope, they did, and they were laughing and

(01:12:14):
smiling because they weren't letting that a hole ruin her
special day. This is really great, it seems like they're
all like, not you know, not letting their boundaries be crossed.

Speaker 5 (01:12:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:12:23):
I think they're going about it Anya, which is like,
I mean, they've lost someone really important in their life
and are left with this gun kind of really you
know not great parents slash grandparents, right. But yeah, as
long as you put those those boundaries up and you
don't let someone cross them, that's the important thing. I
found out everything that had happened when I got home

(01:12:44):
that night. We had twelve family members staying with us,
and one of them happened to be the one that
stepped in during the altercation. That's when everyone decided it
was safe to tell me what had happened. Yes, I
said safe, and I mean safe for my dad. The
bride decided it was okay for him to come if
he shows up, and out of respect for her and
her hobby, I didn't say anything or cause a scene.

(01:13:08):
Her wedding day was not the time or the place
for me to unleash forty seven years of fuse on him.
My oldest daughter will be getting married in the next
year or so, and she's already said he isn't invited,
and that's fine. By the way, you're always invited to
join us live every weekday at three PMPST just top
her profile and there is a little bit left to
the story. But do you have any thoughts before we

(01:13:29):
finish it off? I think like before I was thinking,
like it's just told people before you yeah, you know,
But now it's like, okay, with all that background and
all that h yeah, it's like okay, Yeah. I think
that's a little more understandable to just not want him there.
I don't want totally shut up. Yeah, I think that's
totally totally fine. Yeah, I think. And also it's not

(01:13:49):
even like they're fully cutting him off. It's like you
have the option if you because if you act like
an adult and act kindly, then you can come. Yeah,
but otherwise don't just leave. If you can't, if you
can't keep your mouth shut, don't cuh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
I think everything's very fair here. I think so. I

(01:14:10):
think so. Also, guys, it's only been eighteen days, which
maybe I should have since suit her since this happened,
and I haven't calmed down enough to address anything with him.
The bride and groom are still on their honeymoon and
haven't addressed it with him either. My husband isn't calmed
down enough yet to speak to my father, and we
also have out of town guest staying with us. I

(01:14:31):
vented to my brother, who also agrees we lost the
best parent and best grandparent our kids had. He was
only saying that dad will never change, and even though
his wife is embarrassing, men are supposed to defend their wives.
He agrees what my dad did by grabbing my daughter
was wrong, but also pointed out that my dad hates
to be wrong or stood up to, and she stood

(01:14:51):
up to him being an a hole. I hope this
answers some of the questions that people commented, and that
is the end of that story. Well, sometimes you gotta
stand up to your dad when he's being awful. Yeah,
gotta do is take all this story? Yep, So we'll
see you next time.

Speaker 8 (01:15:10):
My narcissistic mother tried to hijack my wedding, so I
uninvited her.

Speaker 4 (01:15:15):
It's not her wedding, My goes, come on bat here,
I thirty five female, have never had a close relationship
with my mother.

Speaker 8 (01:15:24):
For as long as I can remember, there has always
been an invisible wall between us. I've spent years thinking
it was just my imagination. But now that I have
kids of my own, I can say with confidence that
the invisible wall was and still is real. By the way,
this comes from Astraia zero eight eight nine on the
r slash Okay storytime Supreddit.

Speaker 4 (01:15:44):
So I've done a lot of research and believe that my.

Speaker 8 (01:15:47):
Mother has something called narcissistic personality disorder. The book You're
Not Crazy, It's Your Mother could have easily been written
about her.

Speaker 4 (01:15:55):
There's a lot in that book that is practically word
for word things I have gone through with my mom.
While we have never been.

Speaker 8 (01:16:01):
Close, the crazy crap didn't start happening until my parents divorced.
My mom got it in her head that I prefer
my bio dad over her, and things were never the same.

Speaker 4 (01:16:12):
You know, he's like, now I do. Yeah, he just
made prophecy exactly, especially after she remarried.

Speaker 8 (01:16:20):
Suddenly, the only thing that mattered was her own reputation
as a family.

Speaker 4 (01:16:25):
We had to be the perfect.

Speaker 8 (01:16:27):
We had to be perfect, and that meant only associating
with people she deemed worthy. None of my friends made
the cut, so I had to keep our friendship a
secret and stop inviting people over.

Speaker 4 (01:16:39):
For my birthday. Oh my gosh, damn.

Speaker 8 (01:16:42):
Things got their absolute worst when my older brother saw
me talking to a boy who had a pretty strong
reputation of being one of the weirdest kids to go
to our school.

Speaker 4 (01:16:51):
But he was just the freaking coolest kid. But's so,
you're just freaking jealous. Let's call this boy Matt. Matt
was from the West Coast and stood out like a
sore thumb in our tiny midwestern town. Him at least
like a regular California kid, and then met Midwestern people
are like, It's like, who's this, this Californian kid, what's

(01:17:14):
he doing here? He had long, fluffy, blonde hair and
was super pale.

Speaker 8 (01:17:19):
Everyone thought he was goth or something because he likes
to wear all black clothes and boots and wore a
black trench coat.

Speaker 4 (01:17:25):
Turns out the code was his dad's navy trench coat,
so it has high sentimental value. Okay, he's just misunderstood.
You just don't get him, Just don't get him. Come on, guys.

Speaker 8 (01:17:34):
My brother didn't like that I was talking to Matt,
so he told my parents and they filipped out.

Speaker 4 (01:17:40):
So strange, so strange.

Speaker 8 (01:17:42):
They immediately started accusing me of having a crush on
Matt and told me I was not allowed to talk
to him anymore.

Speaker 4 (01:17:49):
I was fourteen and in middle school. What a weird
thing to like, what a weird interaction apt with your parents, Like,
you have a crush on him? Yeah, get out? She
just starts playing, like romy listen to some tailor stiff
and you're good, nice, You're fine. This is this is starcross. Yeah,
it's so much more interesting now, right Me, being a

(01:18:11):
very honest kid, I told Matt my parents said I
couldn't be his friend anymore.

Speaker 8 (01:18:15):
And that's when he said something I'll never forget. He said,
that's okay, You're still my friend, and they can't take
that away.

Speaker 4 (01:18:23):
Oh that's so sweet, so sweet. Wow. I think that's
when I developed the crush wow around Oh my goodness.

Speaker 8 (01:18:35):
For the next three years, my family made my life heck,
just for talking to Matt, Mom would accuse me of
being in love with him.

Speaker 4 (01:18:43):
Was angry and disgusted when he gave.

Speaker 8 (01:18:45):
Me a charm long and for my birthday so cute,
so cute, and called me names and ranted on the
way to school about how stupid I was for falling
for his tricks. Meanwhile, Matt and I realized we liked
each other romantically, but put up dating until I could
figure out how to sort things with my family. By
the end of our sophomore year in high school, I'd

(01:19:05):
finally made up my mind. If it had to be
my family or Matt, I'd choose Matt.

Speaker 4 (01:19:11):
Oh. They literally pushed him, pushed her into his arms. Yeah,
like that's on you. You guys. You were like, you love him,
and she was like, no, WHOA, I guess I think
you have loved me right right.

Speaker 8 (01:19:24):
Things did not get better between me and my family.
By the end of the second year of college. My
mom had become physically abusive towards me, So Matt got
an apartment and invited me to move in with him.

Speaker 4 (01:19:34):
Oh my goodness, that is like the hero of this
sh He's so sweet.

Speaker 8 (01:19:39):
My stepdad accused us of playing house and believed that
Matt would never propose. He was so effing cool when
he looked my stepdad dead in the eyes and said, actually,
I've already been saving up, birbring I'm almost there.

Speaker 4 (01:19:54):
Oh, get in get it, mad, Who is this man? Amazing?

Speaker 8 (01:20:00):
Ten months later, Matt proposed, literally is the Taylor Swift song.

Speaker 4 (01:20:05):
It really isn't. Oh my gosh, yeah, Oh my gosh. Wow.
Just play this over at your wedding. Yeah, at the wedding, dude,
So good.

Speaker 8 (01:20:14):
Now here's the content you've been waiting for. I really
wanted my mom to be excited and happy for me.
After all, At this point in time, I still believed
my parents were just trying to look out for me,
and we're just worried I would make reckless decisions out
of love. My stepdad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer
the year before, and the high medical bills was our concern.

(01:20:35):
So I reassured my mom that Matt and I would
cover the wedding expenses ourselves, and that all she needed
to do was show up. Remember this, it's important later.
Matt and I just wanted our families to be able
to celebrate our big day stress free. Is it so
hard to ask for?

Speaker 4 (01:20:51):
I just not that hard, please. I thought my mom
and I could bond over the wedding planning, but she
was very cold and distant.

Speaker 8 (01:20:59):
She would hardly respond to any text I sent her,
and her only response to anything I said was a
very flat okay. Looking back, I should have immediately realized
something was wrong when she harshly criticized our.

Speaker 4 (01:21:12):
Choice on our wedding date. It was two weeks before
her wedding anniversary.

Speaker 8 (01:21:16):
Once the date was set, Mom began asking me what
my plan was for losing weight before the wedding.

Speaker 4 (01:21:22):
Hello, my plan is mind your own business. Yeah, out
of here, Get out of here.

Speaker 8 (01:21:27):
She wanted me to lose thirty pounds. That is so much.
That's so much. She wants you to lose a dog. Yeah,
that's what in weeks on.

Speaker 4 (01:21:39):
That's insane. It's like not, that's not that's crazy. And
it's not even your wedding. It's not even your wedding.
Shut up, your body looks beautiful exactly. She would order
bulk packs of slim Fast and send them to my
house or give them to me whenever I visited. She
expected me to stop eating lunch completely or release or

(01:22:00):
replaced lunch with a single can of slim Fast. Why
why I hate this? I hate this so much? Like
literally just wants her to starve. Yeah, so that she
can look a certain way and it loves thirty pounds,
which like it doesn't like really work that way. It's
just very unhealthy.

Speaker 8 (01:22:19):
Yeah, she demanded to know how much weight I'd lost
per week, and would brag about how much weight she
was losing.

Speaker 4 (01:22:25):
This is so sad. I'm so sad.

Speaker 8 (01:22:27):
I'd find out years later that I have an autoimmune
disease called hashimotos hashimotos which makes weight loss nearly.

Speaker 4 (01:22:34):
Impossible without medication. So at the time of my wedding.

Speaker 8 (01:22:38):
Losing weight was literally impossible for me, and my mom
shamed me for being fat. Six months before the wedding,
I got a call from Mom that made my heart drop.
After months of cold responses or just dead silence, Mom
suddenly called to text me that she had set up
the entire wedding venue, staff and all without me, and

(01:22:59):
then all all I needed to do was show up.

Speaker 4 (01:23:02):
Ooh that's crazy. What that's crazy. She's like, it's happening
at three to day, be there right, Like out of
your dress. Uh, it's three sizes too small for you,
really really small. Yeah, it's actually one of those little
Polly pocket dresses. Right, and you should have lost the
way to Sorry, Oh my gosh, don't show up obviously,

(01:23:25):
if that wasn't obvious, don't go to this wedding. Yeah,
and the fact that word for words she repeated, all
you need to do is show up. Nope, don't do that, dude.

Speaker 8 (01:23:34):
The reason she called was not to tell me this,
but to ask if I'd picked out my wedding dress
already and let me know where I would be storing
it on the big day. Shocked doesn't even cover it.
My brain completely shut down on me. When I told Matt,
he was livid and reminded me that this was our
day and not hers, and he didn't want anything she
had set up.

Speaker 4 (01:23:55):
He ultimately left it up to me to decide.

Speaker 8 (01:23:57):
He knew how desperately I wanted to keep the peace,
but Matt was very honest about how he felt, and
he let me know that he would be very hurt
if we caved to my mom on this. I called
my mom back and let her know that she needed
to tell everyone she had booked that there was a
misunderstanding and that we would not be needing their services.
When she asked me why, I told her that Matt

(01:24:20):
and I had already said we'd be taking care of
the wedding ourselves and that the only thing she needed
to do was show up. She said fine and hung up.
I felt bad for making my mom cancel the wedding
she'd set up. I know I still want wanted to
believe that my mom just wanted to be helpful. I
can't believe it took me twelve years to realize she

(01:24:41):
was throwing it back in my face that I told
her she just needed to show up. I thought we
could patch things up by going dress shopping together.

Speaker 4 (01:24:48):
No big mistake, No, we don't. Okay. If you have
someone in your life who actively makes you feel bad
about your body, yes, and like constantly to me, don't
take them to one of the most important like like clothing, dress,
like shopping shopping spree in a lot of people, in

(01:25:10):
all of women's lives. Don't do that. Yeah, do like,
don't for your own sake, don't do that. Right, If
they make you feel bad, don't bring them right.

Speaker 8 (01:25:19):
When we went dress shopping, my mom made sure to
point out something wrong about me in every dress.

Speaker 4 (01:25:23):
I tried that she didn't like.

Speaker 8 (01:25:25):
I wanted something elegant and princess like, but my mom
would say things like, you need sleeves cover your chunky arm,
you need tape to cover up your mouth, here you go,
or the skirt on that makes you look pregnant. My
friends tried to encourage me, but my self esteem was
rock bottom.

Speaker 4 (01:25:42):
After all, my mom had been dressing me my whole life.
She obviously knew what looked good on me and what didn't. Right, no, no, wrong.
I ended up settling on the only dress she approved of,
something I regret to this day because it looked awful
on me, and it turns out she only chose it
because a modeling Bridle magazine was wearing. That's the thing
I feel like a lot of times people who are

(01:26:04):
like plus size, when you have people who are like
who like like this mom, who don't like hate that
and are actively like fat phobic and stuff, they choose
things that aren't flattering because they want to cover that
up when you should be like, there are very flattering
clothes or and plus size people that accentuate those curves
exactly and their body type, and if you focus on

(01:26:26):
covering it up, it's it doesn't focus on like making
a look Yeah, it make me look good exactly, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's crazy.

Speaker 8 (01:26:34):
Before we left the Bridle store, one of my friends
pulled me aside and warned me not to eat or
drink anything my mom served me, because while I was
in the changing room. My mom asked her if she
knew if any laxatives were a good way of losing.

Speaker 4 (01:26:47):
Oh my god, she'd like slip her laxidive. Yeah, it
sounds like it, just like the Fay Court. She's like,
you don't drink anything that she sucks. You'll be stuck
in her clutches forever.

Speaker 8 (01:27:00):
I'd like to think I wasn't too strict on my
bridesmaids as far as what they wore. We talked it
over and I listened to their concerns about material, style,
and price. My girls didn't want to be sexy or
show off too much skin. They just wanted to be
comfortable while standing next to me on my big day.
They stressed that they were fine with whatever I wanted
them to wear, as long as it was what I
wanted and it was comfortable.

Speaker 4 (01:27:22):
We picked out the dresses together and everyone looked great.

Speaker 8 (01:27:25):
My mom was there to see what dresses the girls picked,
and I could see the wheels turning. One day, my
mom calls me to let me know that she got
her dress and that she is going to look even
better than me. You're planning to upstage the bride at
her own wedding that was like rule number one, don't
you wear a freaking white dress?

Speaker 4 (01:27:45):
Yes? Like, why don't you go to that wedding that
you already planned? Yeah, don't you go be the bride
that one show up? No one else will you know's
gonna be there, and it'll be all about you, exactly.
I'll be sure to include a photo of her standing
there to me, cropped to protect identity, and you can
decide if the color was appropriate or not. Oh was

(01:28:06):
it like red? Do you think? I think it's probably
like cream or something. Oh? Yeah, yeah, we're like, yeah,
something something that a bride would wear. By this point,
I was seriously considering uninviting her and the rest of
my family and just having a close friend's only ceremony
to that. I had issues with my in laws as well,
but that's a story for another time. But the straw
that broke the camel's back was when my mom texted

(01:28:27):
me that she had paid for the perfect dress for
my little sister. Hmm. To be clear, my little sister
and I are not clothes at all. We've been thrown
together our whole lives, and my wedding was just another
event my mom wanted us to be a sister set
for the demand for weight loss was so that my
sister and I could go back to looking like almost
twins again. What hate that I'm three years older than her.

(01:28:52):
I'd sent my mom a photo of three different dresses
that I thought would look really good on my sister.
The goal was comfortable yet classy. I told my mom
that I at least wanted to see what she looked
like in each dress, and if and if for some reason,
those dresses didn't work out, I at least wanted to
see the dress they chose before they paid for it,
so I could make sure it blended well with my bridesmaids.

(01:29:13):
After the whole I'm going to look better than you comment,
I couldn't trust my mom to pick an appropriate dress
for my sister, which is why I gave her three options.
Sure Enough, my mom dodged my questions and tried to
reassure me that because she's been dressing us for years,
she knows.

Speaker 8 (01:29:29):
What looks best and to just trust her. When she
finally sent the picture of my little sister, my heart broke.

Speaker 4 (01:29:37):
The dress itself was gorgeous.

Speaker 8 (01:29:39):
It looked like my sister was wrapped in one giant
silk ribbon with a lovely bow tied at the shoulder.

Speaker 4 (01:29:45):
The problem was that.

Speaker 8 (01:29:46):
It completely ignored my sister's body type and it looked
like it was awkwardly hanging off her. Surprise, surprise, ignoring
the body TIPE would have guessed it from this lady.
My sister does not have any curves at all, no bust,
no hips, straight as a board, and the dress was
designed to rely on curves to hold it in place.
The one strap that draped across the shoulder was there

(01:30:08):
to look pretty, not to actually hold the dress up.
My mom said that they really struggled with this when
my sister was trying to was trying the dress on,
but that they were going to get her padded, get
her a padded strapless bra to help.

Speaker 4 (01:30:22):
Oh my god, my goodness stop.

Speaker 8 (01:30:25):
It was clear that the focus behind this dress choice
was not to find a dress that helps my sister
natural beauty shine, but to choose a dress that outshined
my bridesmaids and stuff and steph pad or switch whatever
to force the dress to just fit. When I tried
to ask basic questions about how they came across this
dress and how they ultimately decided on this one, and

(01:30:48):
why they didn't send me any pictures until I asked
to see. My mom got frustrated and angry and blurted out,
you know what, Molly, you're being a real bridezillt.

Speaker 4 (01:30:57):
You're stressing me out. You're the reason you're step dat
had a heart attack. It's because your wedding is stressing
everyone out. And that's why he collapsed at work and
had to be hospitalized for a week.

Speaker 8 (01:31:09):
And his medical bills are so expensive. Yet we still
bought outfits for your wedding, and all you can.

Speaker 4 (01:31:14):
Do is complain. Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness. I'm sorry.
The only person who is stressing the step dad out.
It's you, lady. It's you. It's you. It's the calls
coming from within the house. Yes, And if the medical
expenses were so high, why did you freaking plan in
a whole wedding?

Speaker 2 (01:31:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:31:34):
Why did you literally book venue.

Speaker 8 (01:31:37):
Caterers whoever you needed when you have a heart attack
to pay for?

Speaker 7 (01:31:42):
Like?

Speaker 4 (01:31:43):
Make it make sense, Make it make sense. I felt
like I had been punched.

Speaker 8 (01:31:47):
My stepdad had a heart attack a few months prior,
and my mom didn't tell me until.

Speaker 4 (01:31:51):
He had been in the hospital for almost a full week.
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 8 (01:31:55):
Even if I was out of line for asking about
the dress, even if I was wrong to ask so
many questions, blaming me for my stepdad's heart attack was
just brushing. I hung up and cried for a bit,
then talked it over with Matt. He stood by me
when I called my mom back and said, you know what, Mom,
don't bother coming to the wedding.

Speaker 4 (01:32:15):
Go ahead and return the dresses. You bought them.

Speaker 8 (01:32:17):
You just bought them, right, so you should be able
to return them, get your money back, and put that
money towards dad's bills. It's okay. I never meant to
stress you all out with this. I'm sorry. You don't
need to come. Just focus on Dad's yes. The perfect response.
It's like, okay, fine, you don't.

Speaker 4 (01:32:34):
Need to come. I totally feel for you. H Dad
is number one priority. Right, You're so right. It's more expensive.
You need to put it towards the medical bills. Go
ahead it, go ahead and do it. Yeah, It's like
it's beautiful because it puts it on them. It's not like, oh,
I don't want you to come to the wedding where
they could flip it and be like, oh dad, she
had invited me. It's like, oh no, it's like the
perfect amount of PASSI regressive this. I love it. I

(01:32:55):
love it. Mom backpedaled hard. She never said sorry. She
just said it wasn't as bad as all that, and
if I really wanted her too, she could get one
of the dresses I'd originally picked out. Aha.

Speaker 8 (01:33:09):
Oh my gosh. I didn't care anymore. I said my
sister could wear that dress, that it wasn't a big deal.
I just wanted to be included, like in the process
of shopping for it. Okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 4 (01:33:20):
To this day, my wedding day is one of the
biggest regrets of my life. That's so sad that it shouldn't. Yeah,
I do like a little doe like, not that it
doesn't have to be expensive, but do a little like
vow yeah, make it without them.

Speaker 3 (01:33:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (01:33:33):
I wish I'd stood up for myself more. I wish
I had never settled, And I wish that we'd kept
it strictly to our closest friends, the real ones who
had stuck with us through all the bs.

Speaker 4 (01:33:43):
And you know who can stick with you is us.
You just gotta join us live every weekday through PMPST
just tab our profit. But there's there's more to the story.
But what are your thoughts right now? Oh man, it
seems like your mother is just incredibly manipulative, and I think,
going for word, it seems like you've already kind of
cut your or are cutting her out of your life

(01:34:04):
to a certain extent, which I think is a great
idea because she doesn't deserve to have a hold over
you anymore. Yeah, release sad to the to the dogs,
let go, let it go. Yeah, I agree with all that.
I think renewing of vows and having a little redo
is like perfect, that's what I Yeah, that's I think
that would be lovely. How that just be a little
close friend's only thing and then just like have that

(01:34:26):
replace it? Mm hmm. Get a cute little dress, Yeah,
get a dress on a budget that you actually like,
and then actually, let's just get on you. Doesn't have
to be just a crazy thing. So more to the story,
little update, My family still showed up to my wedding.

Speaker 8 (01:34:40):
My mom yelled at me after the ceremony and demanded
that I help clean up, so.

Speaker 4 (01:34:45):
I ended up being late to the reception. What you'd
make the bride clean up at her own wedding. What
you sit around with a trash bag?

Speaker 6 (01:34:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 8 (01:34:54):
What picking up a little flower petals wherever the shoulders
drop on. My sister's dress kept sliding off and she
I had to constantly pull her dress up while she danced.
Matt and I are still together to this day, been
married for twelve years.

Speaker 4 (01:35:07):
Oh good. We still have a rocky relationship with my mom.
But I'm seeing a therapist now and have come so
far from who I was back then. Anyway, thank you
for listening to my story. And that is the end,
beautiful good thing that she's going to therapy. Yeah, I
think twelve years is coming. When fifteen rolls around, Rene
those vows, renew those vows, fifteen year anniversary.

Speaker 8 (01:35:30):
Yeah, let your sister like pick her own dress, because
that's another thing.

Speaker 4 (01:35:34):
The sister her dressed. I was so sad. That's just sad. Yeah,
your mom sucks. Yeah, you mad a great. That's the
end of that story, So we'll see you next time.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband is having an AFFAIR with his girl best friend…so I exposed them at the family BBQ! | Reddit Stories