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00:00 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - 40F grossed out over nearly everything my husband (40M) does. How do I get over it?
30:24 r/BORUpdates - I 28F think a nap ruined my marriage to 30M
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
#reddit #funnyredditposts
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is the Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some stories coming up for you. That's right,
But before that, we have a little more sol of
a two minute outbreak from the sponsors keeping the show delicious.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hmmm, my husband is starting to gross me out. He's
not doing anything about it. Ew I forty female, my
husband forty male. Have been together since high school. We've
built a financially stable and respectful relationship. He is a
great father, a role model to our young children. He
does the equal share around the house laundry, cooking, parenting, etcetera.
(00:36):
By the way, that's come from existing key three three
three and if you want tousbmit your own stories, go
to the rsash Okay Storytime suber it. So for the
past three to five years, I'm continuously finding him less
and less attractive.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Ooh.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
We've been to counseling together over this, and we've had
many peaceful conversations, but nothing seems to improve from my perspective.
I'm going to listen a few exams and before Reddit
jumps on me like a group of feral doughts saying
these things are stupid, please understand we've been together for
a long time, and all the little things eventually snowball
(01:15):
into big things.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Are you ready's do it? He forgets about seventy percent
of our conversation. Why is this talking about me?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I'm having to give him reminder receipts on everything we've
talked about. Man, that sounds me, that sounds like me.
I forget so many conversations. He stores wall awake. Oh
that's me, bro, Oh, that's me Ali. When we were
together in that I was reading and she like looked
(01:43):
at me and was like, are you still awake? Because
I breathed so heavy because I can't breathe through my nose.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Our boy was gonna get fixed soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm getting my kim K nose job in a bit.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yep, yep. Anyway, he stores wall awake. Literally, his face
and hair smells so bad to me. Anyways, I'm pretty
sure it's just as bodily oils.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Are you zooming it of you? Again?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
He's it on me. I'm like, dang, dude, get wrecked.
John Effort.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
When he wants attention, he gets really immature and starts
talking in a baby voice.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Do Bobby, does he not? He does do it sometimes
for a joke set. He leaves flickers and skin flakes
in it around the don't do it.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I could go on with more examples, but let's not
keep you here forever. We've talked about every single one
of these things and more. If there could be a
medical issue, He's been to a doctor. Everything is fixable,
but it's not being fixed. I know I'm not perfect,
but these things seem to irritate me to my core.
I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs,
(02:57):
bashing my head through a wall. That's about it, but
I feel desperate. This cannot be the rest of my life.
How do I get over this? Or what can we
do to further live halfway the rest of our lives?
We got an edit, We got an update. We are
less than a tenth through. But what do we think
about this laundry list of grievances?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, I mean it is uh you you are. We
are venturing into like gray area right where it's like, okay,
like how much someone like showers or whatever. But it
does come to a point where it's like, okay, if
you can't like live with that person. Also, I think
like the baby voice and the.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
One's worse to you guys. Also, like of the laundry lists, right,
like which which one? Which one is the worst one?
Because we got snoring, wall awake.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
That one that's light.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
We got smelly face and hair, we got boogers and
skin flakes in the sink.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Seventy percent of conversations for conversations.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Was another one.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
There's another one. There's another one, smell to head smells. Smell.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, we already said baby voice, yeah, baby voice and
buggers and skin flakes and snoring.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Oh sorry, I call snoring snoring. That's the light work.
Maybe either baby voice or head smell, because like you're
if they just smell bad all like really bad all
the time, it just comes to a point where, like,
you know, I can't bad smell is definitely yeah, yeah,
it's just like you can't live with that for I
don't know, it reaches a point I feel.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I mean, I think they're like I think honestly, like
maybe the way to get the bad smell is just
be like thee we will baby one your takeo Bath
use his own his own methods against it.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
But he's an angry baby voice. He's like we space,
I'm telling you does.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It too well he's been practicing. Oh yeah, A lot
of people are saying baby voice. I didn't know baby
voice was so was so uh skin flakes like Andrew
h I could get everyone's got skin flakes.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Ye, true, true. But if it's like I look at
your hair and you have some of your hair and
it's like but it's then the same thing.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
We can help get some shampoo or something. Let's like
figure this out together.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
You know, I to solve.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
But I think if you solve the hair and face
smele you saw the skin flake, ooh yeah, probably ming
mag safety probably does it use soap, unlike this guy
who has eighteen and one shampoo now makes to chat
all the soap eighteen one. Yeah, dude, I even tried
brushing my teeth that if you watch a live you
(05:28):
know what's up.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
You know what's up.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Anyway, Edit, this is really blowing up, and I'm thankful
for everyone's comments. Keep commenting. I think a lot of
us are finding community and can resonate with one another.
Even in the disagreements. There's a lot of valuable information.
There's a lot of actual items that I am considering
as I plan my next move. So more medical checkups,
specialist appointments, therapy HRT, and big girl conversations, et cetera.
(05:54):
Many balls are up in the air, and we'll come
back at June update once I have the ducks in
a row. We got some all the comments. But John,
what do you think OP should do to remedy this
smelly baby man?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
I mean, it sounds like they said they had been
in like counseling, and she's kind of like laid out
this list right.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
This is like the proposed methods of getting to greener pastures.
So these have not been these have not been enacted,
but they are in the process of potentially being enacted.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest, like bottom line
thing is just like very clearly communicating like hey, if
things like if you literally just smell bad twenty four
to seven, are constantly use the baby voice and give
it like upset it with me in an immature way,
like these are just not things I can live with forever.
I can't just like sit here while you smell like
(06:45):
doukie twenty four to seven. You know it reaches a point,
so let's work together to figure out what to do
about it. If you want to, you know care and
work on a relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Also, I feel like, I mean, they're they're a spicy sleep.
Life must be in the toilet to be right. Gotta
be the toilet. Yeah, what are you thinking?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
The thing? I have no idea what you're thinking. Man,
he uses the baby voice?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Oh god, Yeah, how do you ask someone to stop
using a baby voice?
Speaker 1 (07:20):
I don't like it. Stop music, baby voice. Stop using
a baby voice too much? Yeah, there it is.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Give him another voice to use in another context, like hey,
when you're needy, I don't like the baby voice, but
if you're ever happy, he was like a Russian accent,
and I would like to engage you with you in
that way.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
It's a lot. There we go. That's the only voice
I want to hear in bed.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Oh all right, we got the the comments, so go
under one. Why only the last three to five years
is this irritating you? You've been together a lot longer,
So this his behavior suddenly change to this? Or something
changed with you.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Like like I was thinking that too, Like medication changed
recently or something like that.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Oh yeah, I did she get off birth control? And
that's twice so smelly, because do you know about that?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
John changes like the way you perceive smell and stuff.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
So birth can If you're on birth control and you
are attracted to someone and you get off of it,
you may not be attracted them anymore because your hormones
have changed and stuff. Yeah, but Opie said, we had
kids later in life. As two young single people, we
always just had fun and not a lot bothered us.
Throw kids in the mix and everything got flipped upside down.
(08:34):
I was the primary caregiver to our kids, staying home
with them for five years. It's only been in the
past three to five years that I'm back to my
life outside the home, and all of this irritates me now.
In commenter two and before Reddit heard jumps in and
saying these things are stupid. Please understand we've been together
for a long time and a lot of these little
things snowball, and the commenter says, I don't think these
things are stupid. I worry that you frame your concerns
(08:55):
that way at all, Like him never remembering conversations. It's tiring.
It means you have to waste a lot of time
and energy constantly refreshing his memory. And I'm guessing having
to mother him in terms of scheduling and stuff as
a result, throwing well awake. I mean, I just don't
see how that isn't a medical thing. You say he
offers equal participation in the house, but he doesn't, he
(09:15):
doesn't clean up after using the sink, and him constantly
defaulting to an unhealthy communication style when he wants something,
despite you likely bringing it up in counseling. Josie's really
not taking any steps forward. These are all absolutely valid problems.
I suspect part of you downplaying them now is how
you got this far in the first place. None of
(09:35):
these are new. They should have been bigger deals from
the start, but you pushed through and now you just
can't anymore. Maybe you just have to be a little
more blunt and direct about your burnout, especially in therapy.
I think that's a good point point out the utter
lack of progress and point out you feel like you
are being forced to leave as a results. I don't
know about the force to leave, bit. I feel like
(09:57):
that feels a little bit much.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah. I think it's just like, I mean, we kind
of well, I feel like it talked about earlier. It's like, hey,
I don't know if I can continue. I don't know.
I like for the rest of my days in this
relationship with this, so there comes a point, Hope.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
He responds, I appreciate the validation and calling me out
for downplaying it. Sometimes I feel so embarrassed trying to
explain this to close friends who have husbands who are
not equal partners. And you're right, I do need to
be more blunt with him. Downplaying it isn't going to
make him realize how irritated I am. And there is
a question is there any chance that Ope's husband did
(10:32):
not switch out of his party lifestyle? And Ope responds,
we didn't party in the way that's being implied. The
fun we had was travel, hiking, sports. He does partake
in thhc oil at night, and we do have social
drinks on the weekend and convert to three. Do you
think he's in love with you? Have you talked about it?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Nope?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
He responds, we do. He loves me so much and
I love him too, But my love feels like it's changing,
whereas his love is still on the relative plane of
romantic love. That's what makes this really hard for me
to work through. If we both fell out at the
same time, we'd be amazing co parents and have the
healthiest relationship possible for kids. But it's definitely one sided.
And if I actually ended my marriage because of this,
(11:13):
it would be so devastating. We have an update, but yeah,
I mean, I feel like this doesn't feel marriage ending yet.
I understand it's a lot of small things, but it
feels like, I mean, definitely bring them up in a
more blunt aggressive is the wrong word, but more direct way.
And I mean I think I think maybe spare his
(11:35):
feelings less than just say like, all right, like this
this is what I need from you, And I think
maybe talk about like I feel myself, you know, maybe
less attracted. You could even just say like I feel
myself less attracted to you because of like your lack
of hygiene and want I want to feel attracted to you.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I'm curious, like maybe it is more the attraction, But
I I wonder, like on the baby voice and him
like acting really really immature in like a child, I
wonder how big of a part that plays in it,
Because to me, I'm like, oh, if someone literally is
just like completely acting a child and you can't like
work with them or talk with him.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Then yeah, but I do I mean he like she does,
say he's like a good father and stuff. So I
think that I think there are elements that he's and
like she, he says he's an equal partner in terms
of like housing responsibility.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
So when it comes to hygiene and maybe cleaning up
after him, like with the sink, there may be that
kid aspect, like oh I have another kid in the house. Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Yeah, I think maybe there's aspects that he's He's definitely
not holding up his end, but I think there's enough
adults that I'm seeing that I think you can have
a conversation, but.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
You won't know until you have it. This is true.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Miss Jaybird says, nothing says super sexy like having the
mother a grown ass adults. Mommy got an update, mommy,
but we got an update.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Let's go first.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Thank you to everyone who commented and took the time
to share insight. I read as much as I could
as a newbie redditor. It was pretty overwhelming. Just a
few of my own comments. I do recognize I'm in
perry menopause. I will be talking to my doctor about this.
Even though the rage boils my entire being, I still
remember how to be gentle, kind and empathetic. I was
(13:25):
never a raging witch towards him, like a few suggested.
I'm more forceful with my tone to truly get my
message across. As many of you pointed out in the comments,
I've let a lot slide in the past, which is
how I've gotten here, so perry menopause rage is actually
emboldening me to be more assertive.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
It's like the transitional state into minipause.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
My annoyance is amplified, but his behavior is still unacceptable.
He doesn't have ADHD. That's actually me lol, unless mine
is so bad. He looks neurotypical low. He has gained
weight over the past few years. He's not obese, but
he's an athlete the majority of his life, and so
the extra fifty to seventy pounds is probably a lot
for him and is causing a lot of the issues.
(14:07):
The hygiene issues will have to be discussed another day.
Based on what happened tonight, I don't think he could
have handled it. Oh, Oh, what's up? I mean, I'm
just I'm ready for the I'm ready for the shooter drop.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And there's only I mean, the thing is, there's only
one way to find out, and you gotta talk. You
gotta conuckate those things, all right.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
So I will be making skincare suggestions, but will not
be purchasing things for him. He's a grown bump man
and can do that himself. I've been proactive to make
sure I'm taking care of myself as I age. I
don't need to be making his doctor appointments in buying
him his skincare and the baby voice thing. I'll just
keep telling him it's deeply unattractive and honestly gross, and
I will not be having spicy sleep with any man
(14:52):
who chooses to talk to me like that. I'm happy
to answer any more questions, but as this sub only
lets me do one update, I guess this is it
the update.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Sorry so long. It was like talking to a child.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
So tonight we were relaxing in bed and I began
by saying, have you ever considered getting tested or sleep apnea?
He says apprehensively, yes, I have, and waited for me
to continue. I said, I've been doing some research and
I'm wondering if maybe you have it because of the
storing while being wide awake. He said he would like
(15:24):
to try to exercise first, because he knows that's where
a lot of his breathing problems stem from. I continued
by saying, it's not just the storing, it's the lack
of oxygen. Maybe that would explain the weak memory.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
We are connecting some notts here, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I also as a note, I would probably not bring
in all of these things at the same time. I
might if he's already like sensitive, I might bringing in
one at a time, you know.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Or we could put up an FBI corkboard and connect
every single one of his ailments with red yarnd.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Honestly to the bottom of it. I'm so so like
when I'm getting by nose fixed. I'm so excited to
breathe more. I think you'll have like I think you
get so much energy. It's just like you. I mean,
lack of oxygen causes so many problems.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
That is very true.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
But he continued to say he knows he has a
thick neck and wants to try working out first. I
stayed quiet for a long time after this. Eventually, I said,
you've been saying you want to exercise for a long
time and it hasn't happened. It's fine that you want
to get back in shape. But I'm more concerned about
the lack of memory, and I can't wait around for
you to find a time to work out. I feel
(16:34):
like we can't have meaningful conversations together. I can't trust
you're going to remember them. He just kept going back
to the extra solution, so I said, I'm grasping its
solutions to present to you, hoping you'll consider something to
improve this. This is a youth thing now, and I
can't do.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It for you.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I've been giving you suggestions for a while and now,
including getting tested for sleep apnea. Choose what you want
to do or not. But I can't live like this anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I don't know if this is it, because I think
we go from an area where we're like you're putting
him on the defensive. You're putting him on the defensive,
but yeah, yeah, you're it's like it's like more attacking.
When when you could say, like, hey, I'm going to
be honest, like for me personally, you know this is
some and then he could you're trying to like control
I guess exactly what he's going to do, versus saying, hey,
(17:20):
here's how I feel, and like where I'm like, you know,
if I'm honest, I don't know if I can, you know,
I guess live my life with there.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I feel like I would be I would talk about
your experience a little bit more like like I feel
like going straight to the I don't know if I
can live like this anymore. Is like, yeah, I need
a breakup language, which I don't. I think is kind
of not you know, not necessary yet. Yeah, but I
would say like, hey, like I'm feeling less attracted to
you because I can't get good sleep. I feel like
(17:48):
we're not having great conversations like here, and I think
like for this relationship to work and to be the
best it can be, I need you to start working
on these things, like now I need to see it.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Another thing that I didn't like was he's gonna have
to buy his own face skincare.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
I'm not gonna do that.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
What I was thinking is like it seems like it's
all on him instead of like a team effort.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
If if Angie was like, let's work on your face care,
she'd probably buy the stuff and be like, let's do
it one day together, just to understand what that looks like.
And like for the workout thing Hey, let's just take
a walk after we eat. I don't know, just something
to kind of snowball that effect.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Honestly, I don't care about that as much as I
do like being like, hey, I she's like, here's this
like prescription, you're not doing any of the to do
lists that I'm like trying to make you do, Like
why aren't you doing my to do lists? Because I
feel like it also takes it away from the like,
you know, productive solutions and more just like attacking like.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, and again like she is, she is snapping because
this has it's been so long that she's had to
deal with this, So I understand that. I just think
if she's trying to get her way, I don't know
if this is the best way to do it. I'm
curious what Chazz to say about this, And Slyly Toad
says at this point, though I feel it's necessary. Have
you ever had the same conversation with the partner over
(19:06):
and over again? You're a poison tonic? That is the
angel move. But putting all the pressure on op Lady
Morgan says talking to him about it for years hasn't
inspired him to do anything. I don't know if she's
really brought it up as directly before.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, so slightly. Toad's his comment. I would ask him,
could you share how you think I feel about it?
So like, basically, do you understand the severity of like
my feelings on it, because maybe he legitimately doesn't understand,
but like it is of course annoying to have that conversation.
Then you tell him what that is.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Guess I'm just in such a healthy relationship. I didn't
think of that aspect.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Well.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
It was quiet for a long time, and it was
pretty obvious he wasn't really understanding the full scope of it. Man,
it's not having enough air to his brain. So I
continue to say that I don't have a partner I
can trust to have any type of conversation with because
there's no guarantee that he'll remember it. I try to
have mindless conversation about plans that we have are about
(20:08):
the kids, and when he proves again that he can't remember,
it makes me feel even more alone. I told him
I can have a partner where I can't connect with
or feel I can share important things with, knowing I'll
be pointed down, knowing that I'll be disappointed and let down. Later,
he tried to deflect by asking how often I thought
this was happening. Let me tell you if I was
a violent person, now is about the time I would
(20:29):
have ripped out his eyeballs. He seriously was not understanding
the severity of this. I said, it happens enough that
I try to give you a little, but when you forget.
I reminded all over again that you do this often.
I'm angry all the time about it. Is how often
you forget? If you need that indicator? He acknowledged this.
I asked him if he noticed the majority of our
conversations in the past few years happen over text. I
(20:51):
told him this because I think if it's in writing,
at least he can go back and reread and remind himself.
This is why I don't talk to him in person anymore.
I think, you know, I don't know if this has been.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Surface to him. It seems like the first like honest
conversations they're having. I can see that. Yeah, I think it,
and I get it can be hard to fully communicate
and have someone download how severe maybe say out of
like a scale of ten, you know, ten, being like
I'm divorcing you like right now, you know, and I
don't know. Yeah, yeah, I agree, though.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
This is why I don't want to talk to him
in person anymore. He deflected again by saying he thought
we texted more because the kids aren't around and it's
easier to focus and have a conversation. He thought I
wasn't talking to him in person because I'd rather be
on my phone or reading. I told him I do
those things because I don't want to talk to him
in person. By the way, you can always talk to us,
(21:48):
Oh yeah, in person virtually by listening to full episodes
of stories just like this. Go to Spotify app podcast
or your favorite podcast app and search Okay, storytime. I
swear these are place aggressively. I love it. There's another
relevant update. But yeah, John, what do you think about
(22:08):
where we are?
Speaker 1 (22:10):
I mean, again kind of echoing what we've been saying,
like it is definitely possible that she's already communicated this,
but I am like, have we really truly fully sat
him down and understood like how important these things are
to you, especially before going on the offensive and like
trying to prescribe and getting angry at all these things
he's not doing. You know, Oh you said you'd work out.
(22:32):
Why aren't you working out? It's like, no, that's I
feel like we're getting away from the point at that
at that juncture.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, yeah, I'm glad that there is communication happening. Yes, yeah,
it is frustrated communication. Yes, that will get him closer.
I think, you know, even frustrated communication can be better
than no communication. Absolutely, So I'm glad that you're taking
this step. But he's definitely I mean like, I feel
like hearing this, it's gonna be a you're just gonna
(22:59):
put on on the offensive, yeah, which yeah, may not,
may not produce the results that you desire. So I
finally said, he needs to figure this out because I
can't live like this. It's lonely and isolating. I can't
talk about anything from silly, meaningless things to more serious issues.
I need a partner who's stepping up for me and
(23:20):
wants to have an integrated life. When I feel disconnected
from him, it seeps into every other aspect of our
relationship and there's no connection happening anywhere. Because of this,
I reminded him to choose what solution he wants to explore,
but I won't be providing any more suggestions. This is
a hymn thing to fix, and if it doesn't get
figured out, I don't think I can survive the relationship.
I left it at that. He rolled over and didn't
(23:43):
say anything, so I'd asked the decision is on him now.
I hope my message was clear. I don't know if
he'll actually pursue anything, but I know if nothing changes,
I am done with this marriage. I didn't truly feel
how lonely I am until I was trying to express
that to him tonight, And there are some relevant.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Comment sentence that I feel sums up my entire feeling
on the story. It's a hymn thing to fix. Is
he broken? Yeah? I think, like, yes, these are things
that you don't want in the relationship. But I don't know.
It implies at a baseline that he is like wrong,
like like his breathing like Bro's got breathe, you know,
(24:23):
So I think that attitude is just going to not
be conducive to actually getting to the bottom of this.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
I mean, I I think there is a lot of
work that he needs to do. Totally, totally would I
would echo what John's saying in that I think when
you phrase when you phrase relationship issues as a you problem.
You know you're not coming to a relationship, you know
you're like I think, yes, he does have to do
heavy lifting, But I think relationship should be in terms
(24:52):
of like us, like we're going to work on this together,
like you know, I want to support you in getting better.
At least that's how I would want to feel relationship,
a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
But I think where's the line, where's the line of
we we we and whenever you are the ones taken
initiative and they're not taking up their end.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It's like the equal yoke thing.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, and I agree. I think there's a point he
has to He has to. He has to pick pickup
slack for sure. But I just I would love I
would love the the.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
The language to be a little bit more more. We
Tempest says OPI needs therapy two.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
In my opinion, Sam the Caterpillar says his unwillingness to
change is on him, though Kat says so much for
in sickness and health and good times and bad. Sophia
Kallen says he won't change because she's been trying for
years and never left him. He knows she'll stay.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Which I mean that totally could be the case, and
it's like, all right, well this isn't this isn't gonna work.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, but we got some relevant comments. So has Opie's
husband been tested for any medical conditions since he seems
to forget or doesn't want to remember details, OPI responds,
he hasn't been tested for anything. In my original posts,
I did mention he's been to the doctor and nothing
came of it. But now that I think of it,
he probably fed the doc the same line about working
out losing weight, and we know our docs like to
blame a lot of body size, so probably went along
(26:09):
with it. I stood up late last night reflecting on
a lot, and I realized he's fine at work New Development,
but also makes this all the more pathetic for me.
He manages a lot of moving parts through multiple ongoing projects.
He seems capable from what he tells me about work.
One of the execs just came back from stress leave
as his memory was failing, and my husband had a
lot to say about that. So it's not looking good
(26:31):
for us. Someone else suggested maybe he's weaponizing this, like
weaponizing cont and competence totally. OPI responds to the comments
about leaving her husband, and OPI responds, I'm not leaving
him because of his memory loss after going through all
the medicals, if nothing is discovered and he just sucks
at prioritizing us, I'm leaving him because I'm lonely and
don't have a companion. I don't need to stay with
(26:53):
someone who doesn't want to connect with me and only
wants to help pay bills and raise kids. I can
do all of that on my own while finding someone
who wants to share a meaningful life together.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
And OP responds.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Clarifying on lifestyle abilities her husband has, OP says, he
can drive a vehicle, he can work, he can play
and care for our kids. He can cook, he can clean,
he can fix things, he can hang out with friends,
he can make a doctor's appointment.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
And that's where it ends. That's it. Yeah, I don't
know if it's gonna work out. Yeah. Wait, read this one.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
How long can the flakes of yesterday fall down on
her tooth?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Oh? What is that? Man? Skin flakes?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Skin flakes? How long can the flakes of yesterday fall
down on her toothbrush?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Because he won't clean up after himself. That reads like
a It's deep that is deep flakes of yesterday and
sleepy saying says this wants me to really read this.
Opie said, they've been in therapy for years about it. Yeah,
I mean that is a long time. And I'm assuming
he's been in therapy for together, Yeah, for years about it.
(27:56):
That's I think so. And that's also assuming that there's
like a like a couple's counselor with them. So I
mean he yeah, you get to a breaking point, you
get Yeah. I think I think it's recent breaking point,
which is fine. You know, like I think she's she's
well within her right to be like, hey, this is
just not it for me.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
It is interesting how like the rhetoric towards the husband
has gone like like it was kind of like more
positive in the beginning. Yeah, then it like really turned
like like like the resolve towards ending the relationship was
kind of like strong at the.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
End, and maybe it's like, hey, we've we've gone on
too long, so it's like all right, we're both just
like frustrating ourselves where we could just rebuild as like
he parents and relationship that way. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
I was also wondering about this, is he functioning at work, like,
what is his work life like?
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Seems good, It seems good. It seems like he's doing well.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Also, just a reminder, we have talked about every single
one of these things and more. This is what she
says in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
You know, So maybe maybe it has been communicated enough
where it's like you're just not getting it.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I can't do this totally within it, right, Yeah, I
think some of I think, like if I was to
amend some of my comments before, it seems like she is.
She has been bringing it up a lot. Yeah, and
this is just a ranking point. Maybe I wasn't brought
up in like as director of a way and this
was like finally the most direct way. But even his
response to her bringing this up was turning over yep,
(29:18):
one hundred percent, which I think is like honestly a
metaphor for what he's been doing the whole relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Yeah. Yeah, I think I think it got to the
point where she's like, Okay, now I'll just try to
fix it for you, and it's like it's at that
point it's unfair to everyone because now you're trying to
like force someone to do something, and also it's just
not going to work for you.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
So yeah, slivey TOA says, I've been in this situation before.
You start by asking for help as nicely as possible
because it's awkward and uncomfortable. Then you straight up tell them.
Then you exacerate a fight, then you're numb poetic, but
uh yeah, accurate. That's yeah, yeah, I feel like I'm coming.
I think, you know, rereading some of the bits from before,
it feels it feels like just end of the rope
(29:59):
kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Yeah, yeah's which just makes sense. You know, that's a
lot to have to deal with, but ideally you don't
get to the point where you're, you know, on the offensive.
And I think, like doing what she was doing, I'm
gonna take We got more stories. We have more stories
for a Let's get after it. Let's go it. Sam.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's
three of bits bad from our sponsor.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
A NAP ruined my marriage. I finally snapped snap back
to reality, snap it on the NAP. I twenty eight female,
am married to thirty male. I'll probably delete this in
the morning, but I need to scream into the void.
I've been married for under a year, but with my
husband for six years. We have a three month old
little girl who's fantastic. I'm a first time mom who's
(30:46):
a stay at home mom, and my husband works from home.
By the way, this comes from Popcorn Shrimp one on
one and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash. Okay, storytime suburd. So my
husband's not dumb, just emotionally inept sometimes. I've had a
lot of resentment build things since I was pregnant. His
mom tormented me through my pregnancy by talking about miscarriages, stillbirths,
and saying dead baby to me every time my husband
(31:08):
wasn't around. What the heck, Oh my god, we gotta
get a hubby to be like yo, mom, chill, dude,
that's ouch. That is time out there, that sandwich worthy.
Oh dear, oh my god. She denied. He sympathized with me,
but nothing was ever truly done. Since I gave birth.
(31:31):
My husband's just been clueless. When I was there recovering,
he would go home and sleep and leave me all
alone because the couch was uncomfortable. So we wouldn't hang
out with her on the couch because like, oh baby,
the couch, that's crazy. I had to call him twenty
times to get him to wake up and come back
to the hospital because I was lonely. He wasn't at
(31:53):
the hospital with you. He was tired.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Oh god, I gotta take care of himself. You get
the power of two, you like I only have one?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Exactly exactly. Then when he left, he was asking me
to carry things to the car with him. Do you
not understand how child birth works?
Speaker 2 (32:13):
I mean, like, but babe, you were carrying all this
extra weight. I mean, I just want to make it
the same. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah, I would just say, you know, give you in
your routine, this is not the same. But my dad
famously started boiling a pot of coffee when my mom
went into labor with me, and my mom was like,
get into the car, drive me to the hospital. The
nurse had to tell him that I shouldn't be carrying anything.
I just given birth, because I was gonna say, oh
if this was his hospital another time, but yeah, it
(32:38):
was right after sheha birth. When we got home, he
complained about his lack of sleep. I was struggling learning
how to nurse. He was my cheerleader through nursing. I
have to give him credit there as the first two
months went. I was consistently bawling about how sleep deprived
I was, while he was getting eight to ten hours
of uninterrupted sleep every night.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
I mean, just because you're not good and sleep doesn't
mean I can't get my zees.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Golly. It caused a lot of fights because I couldn't
hear him tell me he was exhausted without having a meltdown.
Then his mom would come over and they'd leave a
huge mess for me to clean. On more than one occasion,
he complained about the basement being messy, so I helped
him lift things and clean up. It caused me to
start bleeding heavily, and my doctor told me I shouldn't
(33:24):
be lifting anything heavy. What does this not understand about
medical professionals telling you not to do things that cause
you to bleed?
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Dude, I feel so bad for this guy. He's trying
to like rearrange his basement and his wife just keep.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Doing it all alone. Yeah. Now I used to clean
up blood. No, no, Yeah, it's just so unfair. Yeah, bro,
he's he's trying to be a good manager, you know,
and delegate effectively, and his his his subordinates start doing
their work properly. Once crying. The other one's like bleeding,
I got a useless team. Oh god, he's a poise, right,
(34:00):
I tell you that's how he's seeing it. This is
the point of contention because my husband continuously asked me
to help him lift heavy things and I couldn't, so
he would get annoyed. Then he'd complain about it all day.
Oh my gosh. Now we're at month three and I
think my marriage is over. Oh man, I mean just now, dude.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
It would have been over when you asked her, Like
if I was a girl, it would have been over
the moment you asked me to take something to the car.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yeah, the old things. What. We've been distant ever since
the baby arrived, and I haven't wanted to have spicy
sleep or be affection you. I mean, haven't you just
been bleeding out? Yeah? I guess this is three months later. Yeah,
three months later. Three months later, you know, literally she
goes and she's like, hey, babe, how you doing. He's like,
it's basically clear he got you got those two boy
(34:46):
fours out of the way. What did that little guy
help me out? Or was he just sitting there a
laund just looking around and shaking and say, oh God.
So husband has been asking I'm all right a lot
and I say I'm fine. Boys, what happens when a
woman says she's fine? Not fine, She's not fine. I
(35:08):
don't know what else to say, but I feel miserable
in tents up every time he walks in the same
room as me. Today he was on my case about
walking our dog. I'm so exhausted from my exclusively my
front airbag beating, and I don't have the energy to
walk our dog. I had been up since two thirty
am with my baby and just couldn't handle anything else
(35:31):
on my plate. So he whined and moaned about doing it,
but promised me I could nap. I snapped and remind
him that I hadn't slept the full eight hours and months.
He got pissy and stormed off.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Man is doing nothing. This is the worst husband and
father ever.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Like he doesn't get it. Like when you don't get
it that you're like terrorizing your wife with lifting two
by fours and sleep deprivation. Dude. He avoided me the
entire day and locked himself in his office. Real mature.
I spent the rest of the day randomly breaking down
into full blown sobs because I was so tired. Eleven
(36:07):
PM hits and he hasn't come out of his office.
So I finally break go get him. He gives me
the cold shoulder and I just break down. All of
the lack of support just broke me. I told him
I hated him. I wish I could go home. I
even mentioned divorce. I mean, at this point, I feel
like that is warranted. He's not a partner.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Breaking breaking point, breaking point, Yeah, like to a ridiculous
degree if you're.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Like sleep deprived, And not only is he not like, oh,
figure something out and watch a baby, he's like locking
himself in his office. So the only option is basically
leaving the baby unattended or you continuing to just be
insanely sleep deprived.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yes, sir, you can properly just go f off yep,
like like May locking himself away, making her walk the dog,
and then forcing her to rearrange the basement.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
Yeah. Next up, he's like, uh, hey, I think we
need a redesign in the in the living room, Can
we like, could you like move the couch and just like,
you know a little bit more sure that it looks good?
You know, you just keep moving a little bit more
to the left left. Actually, let's go to the ride.
The pros trying to make it on HGTV over here.
So he calmed down and I apologized for being selfish.
(37:21):
When I asked what he did all day, he said
he napped. Oh, he locked himself in his office. But dude,
I feel like this is the evil version of my brother.
He loves to sleep. I feel like the evil Tait
would do this for sure. Yeah, evil naps are crazy, dude.
Why it takes such a great thing and destroy it.
He napped the whole day. Well, I was struggling to
(37:42):
keep myself standing. He wasn't napping. Oh boy, I broke down.
I cried and cried. He was very apologetic and showering
me in sories, and I love you. For the first
time ever, I couldn't tell him I loved him too.
Now it's two am, and I can't sleep because I'm
so distraught. How do we get this woman some sleep?
We need to figure this out. He's snoring next to
(38:04):
me and I just hate him. Right now, he's rubbing
it in her face. Just give him a little whack. Also,
he slept all day and now he's like knocked out gold, Like,
does bro have like some sleeping like disorder?
Speaker 2 (38:19):
I want, you know, like in like the Freddy Krueger
movies where they like try to keep themselves awake by
like splashing water on their face, like sticking like needles
in their arms.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Yeah, that's what she needs to do. We gotta We
just dropped the two by four from the basement on
his lap. Yeah. Yeah, they get the work to stay up.
I want to take my baby and run away. I
don't want to live her anymore. Being a single mom
seems easier than dealing with all of this emotional stress
and to collect. That's how you know. That's that is
(38:50):
how you know.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Once you believe that raising the kid alone is better
than raising the kid with this guy, that's how you
know it is over. Wow, this guy is a but.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Yeah good good like test Yeah, like marriage test right,
their marriage test? Marriage test? Is it?
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Like what what's easier? Well, but like I mean I
feel like that's like I feel.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Like maybe logistically, is it logistically easier to like care
for the baby, do all the stuff together or apart?
And it seems like I've thought about a.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
Date idea where we baby Angie and I babysit kids
for an evening, just a se I have.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
An idea for you. You should foster a dog together
for a day, for a day. Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
You can take you can take dogs called like happy
Friends or whatever. You can take dogs and foster them
for a day. Puppies.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
Oh that'd be sick. You could.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
Yeah, and then you can take them out. Yeah, be
cute thing. I'm gonna look that up. Sounds fun.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
Yeah right this couple years. Actually, actually not, they don't
need God, it's a foster dog take care of. So
I brought ten of them. Yeah, I love the ball,
brought the whole little babe. I'm really tired from taking
(40:10):
it over. I'm gonna go nap, go babe, go walk
the real qui de no no. Remember they have their
own dog as well. So she has eleven dogs just
like just like she takes it and they all run
(40:31):
a different She's also holding the baby because he's not
watching the baby. He's lapping, she's bleeding.
Speaker 4 (40:39):
Fleeing and is like the chair of the cake. She's
moving from the basement. Oh, they don't move the couch.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
Now you have a bunch of sled dogs at your
disposal and should be.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Okay, Okay, we gotta compose myself here. We got we
got more boys. There's keep imagining insane like three Stooges
scenarios are here. Okay, So what am I supposed to do?
I just can't believe I'm ready to leave him all
(41:17):
because he took a nap.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
I mean, girl, is not just a nap. That is
the tip of the iceberg. It is so much more.
This is the most incompetent straw man's scarecrow of a
husband you have. Yeah, man stands in the field. It
does nothing. I think you gotta I think you gotta
gotta kick him over and leave him.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Yeah, Chad is right with Fury. You should be. Should be.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
We ride on.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
When my rizzle says my rizzle, my rizzle, yeah, is
it mirrors all? I feel like that's what it is. Yeah,
but I also like my rizzle my Rizzle's fun too.
Mirrors all.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
I choose your an adventure, Yeah, let us know how
to pronounce your but yeah, I think like I think honestly.
The first thing I would do is if op has
parents or something in her life, call the parents and
be like, hey, can I literally go to your house
and freaking sleep please.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
Yah yeah, yeah, just like watch my kid for like
if you you know, just like be hanging out, have
the kid around.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
And just like let me sleep, cause this is important
after surgery to you know rest. But surgery and having
a baby's the same thing. So she needs to rest
in order to get herself back.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
It's insane the levels of like he doesn't care respect
her needs at all. These needs we're not talking about, like,
oh I need to like go out, you know with
my girls and I whatever. We're talking like I'm bleeding
lifting your freaking lumber bro falling asleep.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean I think like leaning a
little bit on parents or family would be good.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
Yes, we have an update. Oh my god, let's hear it.
Let's dive into it here. So updates. I fixed the FtM.
It means first time mom, uh, not be able to
make I guess that was an abbreviation use. So we talked, well,
I talked and he listened. I told him I couldn't
do this anymore and something needed to change immediately or
I was going back home and I was going to
(43:10):
take my baby with me. He stared at me, confused, Uh,
whoa I don't go, And then he realized I had
two bags packed by my dresser ready to leave. Oh wow,
I finally was able to articulate all the resentment that
had been built his mom's cruel and careless behavior. I
(43:32):
forgot even about his crazy month.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
That wow, I forgot to again as a reminder to everyone,
his mom would say.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Dead baby, dead baby, dead.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Baby when he wasn't around two op. While she's pregnant.
While she's pregnant, she would like, literally the mom was
trying to like manifest freakin' beetlejuice style a miscarriage, and
he did nothing. That yeah, and this man did nothing,
is wow? I forgot about that? Is so bad? Yeah,
(44:02):
it was so bad.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
His mom's cruel and careless behavior. Feeling abandoned at the
hospital and now at home. How it feels that everything
falls to me so he can bring a paycheck home.
I realized after saying all this, I hadn't really told
him how I was feeling, but just continued to bottle
it up. He was defensive at first, and I gave
him one warning that if this conversation was filled with excuses,
I'm walking out you, sister. So he stopped and truly listened. Okay,
(44:29):
this is the first thing this guy has done all day.
But bro has walked three miles in the wrong direction,
and this is his first step back, don't. I don't
think it's a step. This is the first time he's
just stood still. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, he's not
walking in.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
The wrong walking in any direction, but he is he
is maybe preparing to maybe make one right step.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Ope. He says he was genuinely remorseful. He only said
sorry once at the end, but he meant it. Then
he started asking me what I needed him to do.
We made a plan and I finally feel like I
can breathe a little easier.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Okay, okay, okay again again, you know, a plan is
all is great? But who said was it like Winston
Churchill that was like plans or something.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Something like that, you make a plan and God laughs
or something? Yeah? Yeah, who is that? Who said that?
I don't know? Yeah, I don't know who he's saying.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
But anyway, yeah, plans often you know, don't go how
you thought.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Indeed, what was it?
Speaker 3 (45:27):
What the quote is you make a plan God laughs
a yibbish proverb?
Speaker 1 (45:33):
What Yiddish Yiddish proverb? Yeah? There you go. There it is.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Hey, it's sam og host. We're gonna get back to
these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads from
our sponsors to help support the show.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
So he made a plan, and I finally feel like
it can breathe a little easier. He has dog walks
handled indefinitely. Mother in law is banned from the house
and to have no contact with me or the baby.
Once husband's off work. I'm off duty for the day.
I'm still front air bag feeding because I want to
do that. Feed with them front airbags. I get a
lot of fulfillment out of it. And if you saw
(46:06):
the way that my baby pats my front air bag
when she nurses, you you would too. Her big hazel
eyes are like substance, an addictive substance that I can't
say because of censorship. I'm typing this while soaking in
a warm bath. I've been promised the weekend to deepcompress
and sleep until my heart's content. I'll pump instead of
nurse this weekend, and we have a stash of frozen
(46:28):
milk he's planning on using. He knows what needs to
be done her routine, how much to feed her, so
I know he's capable. I can actually hear him unloading
the dishwasher right now. It's a miracle. We are planning
on doing something as a couple one day out of
each weekend, so I don't feel like just a mom.
I can be a person too. You're not a mover,
You're not a dog walker, a dog walker like.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Little baby making machine. We did just hire you on
Rover to just be there.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
We are going to couples counseling and I'm going to
start individual therapy. He's already in therapy. Well it ain't
working well. He didn't have a dad who showed him
what love looked like. He had an adult toddler as
a father who would throw tantrums and verbally mistreat him
and his mother. My husband often comments on how my
dad dropped everything in a nanosecond for me, and how
he wants to be like that, but he's not. He's
(47:19):
failing me and his daughter. That was really tough for
him to hear.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
I mean, I mean, hey, but hey, direct communication. We
got direct You're saying this is what you're doing. I
got my bags packed. Aggressive, but I think like we
finally got to reach a point you reach a point,
and sometimes you need your communication maybe to cut through
the noise.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
Yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Especially if you've if you had this conversation so many times, like.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
And even like I feel like the packed bags is
like it was a communication tool, but also like, I'm
literally just exhausted and I'm gonna get sleep. So now
we can take it day by day if he's actually
capable of change. I have to wait and see. My
bags are still packed and by the door. My guess
I have them there as a reminder to myself that
leaving is an option at any moment. I please. That
(48:05):
makes me feel a little bit better. I'm hopeful, but
not delusional. I know we might not be able to
come back from this, and that's okay. I have to
take care of myself. So my little girl has a
mama who smiles at things besides her. I have an
appointment scheduled for a postpartum depression screening, and my mom's
planning on visiting the start of next month. That's smart idea.
My family is ready with their door wide open when
I choose to come home. Made me cry to hear
(48:27):
my dad tell me he'll be on the first flight
when I'm ready so I don't have to fly home alone.
That's so cute, horrible. Thank you all for letting me
spill my guts, and we have an update number two.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
Yeah, I'm a little hesitant about this plan because usually
when couples havel like big arguments like this guy will change,
the girl will change about a week or two and
then right back at it as if nothing happened.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
It's hard to change.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Yeah, habits are hard to change old habits. Die Hard
and Winston Churchill said plans are indeed, so the likelihood
of it going through low.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah, we do, we are. We all on He's going
to fail.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
I am, I mean, I am so like I'm I
love that this story has the possibility, yes, of live
being with a happily ever after.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
I love a happy ending, But I'm not hopeful. I'm
not I'm not hopeful.
Speaker 2 (49:33):
That you know that this is going to lead to,
you know, the places you wanted to you know what.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
I'm going to be different. I'm going to be on
the side of hope. Today leads a gentleman, and I
hope he hasn't earned it, but I'm gonna I'm gonna
give it to him for some reason, I'm giving hubby fail.
John's given Hubby success.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
Let's see, because on one hand he is going to
therapy trying to be a better person, but the other hand,
habit's a hearty sang.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Well, we've got update number two, so let's find act.
I've been wanting to update, but I've been scared. I
felt so overwhelmed and haven't ma sure what to write.
The post I wrote was me at my lowest. I
wish I could take the version of me in time
and just hug her. I was broken down. I needed
anyone to be real with me. Those comments feel like
a slap in the face and way too much to
handle all at once, so I needed time to read
(50:20):
through and digest it all. Thank you everyone. I was
diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety shortly after I made
my post. To the people who pushed me to talk
to my doctor, thank you. My life has improved tenfold
after getting proper treatment. I feel like in normal updates,
people dive into their lives and the details of what's happened.
I don't want to do that. I want to say
something that's more important than me in my life, to
(50:42):
the moms and their loved ones. If you or anyone
you know has just had a baby, check in on them.
If you've just had a baby, make sure you have
someone who's tuned into you. Although you have brought new
life into the world and it should be joyous, you
are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Please, even if
you feel fine, prioritize your mental health and wellbeing because
your baby depends on you to be healthy so they
can be healthy. What you're going through is valid and important,
(51:03):
and you need someone to look out for you while
you look out for the baby. Someone needs to look
out for you with the same love and care. By
the way, I want to know how to love and
care the best possibly freaking can two thousand knee slapping,
brain tickling episodes full of relationship advice. That is, if
you go to Spotify, Apple I search Okay, story time,
(51:24):
listen to our huge calog of the podcast. It's a
good time. But boys, we do have I think a
little a little bit of a I can't believe.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yes, yes, your message was important, but I want to
hear the tea. Yes, I want to hear the update.
That's important too.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Did he follow through? Did he follow through?
Speaker 2 (51:43):
That is the question like op, he doesn't really want
to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Oh maybe it's too traumatic. Oh maybe it didn't happen. Well,
I think we're getting at least a little bit. All right,
let's say them a night. As for me, my life
is turned around. Taking care of myself. The was what
I need. I know. People told me to leave my
husband and how horrible he is, and like every other
excuse post, you don't understand because you're not living it.
(52:07):
I'm happy, safe and healthy, but most importantly, my daughter
is thriving. It took a lot of work and it
will continue to take a lot more. I love my
husband and he has shown through time that he can
be reliable and hasn't faltered. Okay, I really thought he
would fail and it was expect to get most dace.
I thought it too, But John might be right ah ah,
(52:28):
but he hasn't. That's right. He actually turned it around,
and that feels better than winning the lottery. I guess
people can change when they really want to, can't they.
I could go on and on, but things are better.
My daughter's happy and healthy. She's feisty like me, and
nothing's going to stop her. She loves her daddy as
much as I do, sometimes more and now with a
clear head, I can see things are okay because we
(52:51):
have and continue to learn how to communicate with one another.
If I could pass anything on, check on your loved ones.
Sometimes they don't even know how hard they're struggling until
you pull the wool from over their eyes. Thank you
to everyone posting with the push I needed and some
quick notable comments. Commentar asked if Opie's husband apologized. Opie
says yes, he has. He continues to and has acknowledged
(53:11):
how his selfishness came at my expense in the most
vulnerable time in my life. It's a shame that follows
him and he asks randomly if I really do forgive him.
It's uncomfortable to see how awful he feels about what happened,
because all I wanted to say is it's okay, but
we both know it's not and never will be. So
it's icky going to live with that. But I also
know that it's for the best, which is a pretty
(53:32):
powerful thing. It's like, hey, your behavior did was not okay.
I can't just say it's okay to it, but hey,
we're building and growing from here, and hey, it is okay, now,
it seems and then another commentary, you're letting yourself down
by staying as someone else. A downthread said, your rose
colored glasses must be glued to your face. I don't
know if that's fair. That's a little little much, Opie says, maybe,
(53:55):
but I really think so. It's easy to judge. I'm
not too interested if people support my choices or not.
I really only posted this in hopes that if anyone
else is struggling with PPD or PPA, this could help
push them to seek help. And that's pretty much it.
Ladies and gentlemen. Wow, I mean I am.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I'm happy that it ended well. Yeah, I mean that
it ended well. I'm still like nervous about the husband,
but it does seem like he's been showing some good sprites.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
I feel like at this point, and you know, maybe
she was able to like with the proper treatment, like
it's easier to give him an excuse because she's just
feeling better in general, give him a pass. But it
seems like from all that she was going to the
first one. If he wasn't kind of holding his end
to the bargain, she'd be more vocal about about it.
And she didn't really say anything, ye like, oh, he's
(54:41):
not really She said that he's doing well.
Speaker 2 (54:44):
So let us know what you think. Put your answers
in the comments below. All right, I think that's where
this episode.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
Ends, So if you love us, make sure to subscribe
We Love You, and see them all
Speaker 2 (55:00):
At
This is John. This is the Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some stories coming up for you. That's right,
But before that, we have a little more sol of
a two minute outbreak from the sponsors keeping the show delicious.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hmmm, my husband is starting to gross me out. He's
not doing anything about it. Ew I forty female, my
husband forty male. Have been together since high school. We've
built a financially stable and respectful relationship. He is a
great father, a role model to our young children. He
does the equal share around the house laundry, cooking, parenting, etcetera.
(00:36):
By the way, that's come from existing key three three
three and if you want tousbmit your own stories, go
to the rsash Okay Storytime suber it. So for the
past three to five years, I'm continuously finding him less
and less attractive.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Ooh.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
We've been to counseling together over this, and we've had
many peaceful conversations, but nothing seems to improve from my perspective.
I'm going to listen a few exams and before Reddit
jumps on me like a group of feral doughts saying
these things are stupid, please understand we've been together for
a long time, and all the little things eventually snowball
(01:15):
into big things.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Are you ready's do it? He forgets about seventy percent
of our conversation. Why is this talking about me?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I'm having to give him reminder receipts on everything we've
talked about. Man, that sounds me, that sounds like me.
I forget so many conversations. He stores wall awake. Oh
that's me, bro, Oh, that's me Ali. When we were
together in that I was reading and she like looked
(01:43):
at me and was like, are you still awake? Because
I breathed so heavy because I can't breathe through my nose.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Our boy was gonna get fixed soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm getting my kim K nose job in a bit.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yep, yep. Anyway, he stores wall awake. Literally, his face
and hair smells so bad to me. Anyways, I'm pretty
sure it's just as bodily oils.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Are you zooming it of you? Again?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
He's it on me. I'm like, dang, dude, get wrecked.
John Effort.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
When he wants attention, he gets really immature and starts
talking in a baby voice.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Do Bobby, does he not? He does do it sometimes
for a joke set. He leaves flickers and skin flakes
in it around the don't do it.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I could go on with more examples, but let's not
keep you here forever. We've talked about every single one
of these things and more. If there could be a
medical issue, He's been to a doctor. Everything is fixable,
but it's not being fixed. I know I'm not perfect,
but these things seem to irritate me to my core.
I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs,
(02:57):
bashing my head through a wall. That's about it, but
I feel desperate. This cannot be the rest of my life.
How do I get over this? Or what can we
do to further live halfway the rest of our lives?
We got an edit, We got an update. We are
less than a tenth through. But what do we think
about this laundry list of grievances?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, I mean it is uh you you are. We
are venturing into like gray area right where it's like, okay,
like how much someone like showers or whatever. But it
does come to a point where it's like, okay, if
you can't like live with that person. Also, I think
like the baby voice and the.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
One's worse to you guys. Also, like of the laundry lists, right,
like which which one? Which one is the worst one?
Because we got snoring, wall awake.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
That one that's light.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
We got smelly face and hair, we got boogers and
skin flakes in the sink.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Seventy percent of conversations for conversations.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Was another one.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
There's another one. There's another one, smell to head smells. Smell.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, we already said baby voice, yeah, baby voice and
buggers and skin flakes and snoring.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Oh sorry, I call snoring snoring. That's the light work.
Maybe either baby voice or head smell, because like you're
if they just smell bad all like really bad all
the time, it just comes to a point where, like,
you know, I can't bad smell is definitely yeah, yeah,
it's just like you can't live with that for I
don't know, it reaches a point I feel.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I mean, I think they're like I think honestly, like
maybe the way to get the bad smell is just
be like thee we will baby one your takeo Bath
use his own his own methods against it.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
But he's an angry baby voice. He's like we space,
I'm telling you does.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It too well he's been practicing. Oh yeah, A lot
of people are saying baby voice. I didn't know baby
voice was so was so uh skin flakes like Andrew
h I could get everyone's got skin flakes.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Ye, true, true. But if it's like I look at
your hair and you have some of your hair and
it's like but it's then the same thing.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
We can help get some shampoo or something. Let's like
figure this out together.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
You know, I to solve.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
But I think if you solve the hair and face
smele you saw the skin flake, ooh yeah, probably ming
mag safety probably does it use soap, unlike this guy
who has eighteen and one shampoo now makes to chat
all the soap eighteen one. Yeah, dude, I even tried
brushing my teeth that if you watch a live you
(05:28):
know what's up.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
You know what's up.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Anyway, Edit, this is really blowing up, and I'm thankful
for everyone's comments. Keep commenting. I think a lot of
us are finding community and can resonate with one another.
Even in the disagreements. There's a lot of valuable information.
There's a lot of actual items that I am considering
as I plan my next move. So more medical checkups,
specialist appointments, therapy HRT, and big girl conversations, et cetera.
(05:54):
Many balls are up in the air, and we'll come
back at June update once I have the ducks in
a row. We got some all the comments. But John,
what do you think OP should do to remedy this
smelly baby man?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
I mean, it sounds like they said they had been
in like counseling, and she's kind of like laid out
this list right.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
This is like the proposed methods of getting to greener pastures.
So these have not been these have not been enacted,
but they are in the process of potentially being enacted.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest, like bottom line
thing is just like very clearly communicating like hey, if
things like if you literally just smell bad twenty four
to seven, are constantly use the baby voice and give
it like upset it with me in an immature way,
like these are just not things I can live with forever.
I can't just like sit here while you smell like
(06:45):
doukie twenty four to seven. You know it reaches a point,
so let's work together to figure out what to do
about it. If you want to, you know care and
work on a relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Also, I feel like, I mean, they're they're a spicy sleep.
Life must be in the toilet to be right. Gotta
be the toilet. Yeah, what are you thinking?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
The thing? I have no idea what you're thinking. Man,
he uses the baby voice?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Oh god, Yeah, how do you ask someone to stop
using a baby voice?
Speaker 1 (07:20):
I don't like it. Stop music, baby voice. Stop using
a baby voice too much? Yeah, there it is.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Give him another voice to use in another context, like hey,
when you're needy, I don't like the baby voice, but
if you're ever happy, he was like a Russian accent,
and I would like to engage you with you in
that way.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
It's a lot. There we go. That's the only voice
I want to hear in bed.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Oh all right, we got the the comments, so go
under one. Why only the last three to five years
is this irritating you? You've been together a lot longer,
So this his behavior suddenly change to this? Or something
changed with you.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Like like I was thinking that too, Like medication changed
recently or something like that.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Oh yeah, I did she get off birth control? And
that's twice so smelly, because do you know about that?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
John changes like the way you perceive smell and stuff.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
So birth can If you're on birth control and you
are attracted to someone and you get off of it,
you may not be attracted them anymore because your hormones
have changed and stuff. Yeah, but Opie said, we had
kids later in life. As two young single people, we
always just had fun and not a lot bothered us.
Throw kids in the mix and everything got flipped upside down.
(08:34):
I was the primary caregiver to our kids, staying home
with them for five years. It's only been in the
past three to five years that I'm back to my
life outside the home, and all of this irritates me now.
In commenter two and before Reddit heard jumps in and
saying these things are stupid. Please understand we've been together
for a long time and a lot of these little
things snowball, and the commenter says, I don't think these
things are stupid. I worry that you frame your concerns
(08:55):
that way at all, Like him never remembering conversations. It's tiring.
It means you have to waste a lot of time
and energy constantly refreshing his memory. And I'm guessing having
to mother him in terms of scheduling and stuff as
a result, throwing well awake. I mean, I just don't
see how that isn't a medical thing. You say he
offers equal participation in the house, but he doesn't, he
(09:15):
doesn't clean up after using the sink, and him constantly
defaulting to an unhealthy communication style when he wants something,
despite you likely bringing it up in counseling. Josie's really
not taking any steps forward. These are all absolutely valid problems.
I suspect part of you downplaying them now is how
you got this far in the first place. None of
(09:35):
these are new. They should have been bigger deals from
the start, but you pushed through and now you just
can't anymore. Maybe you just have to be a little
more blunt and direct about your burnout, especially in therapy.
I think that's a good point point out the utter
lack of progress and point out you feel like you
are being forced to leave as a results. I don't
know about the force to leave, bit. I feel like
(09:57):
that feels a little bit much.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah. I think it's just like, I mean, we kind
of well, I feel like it talked about earlier. It's like, hey,
I don't know if I can continue. I don't know.
I like for the rest of my days in this
relationship with this, so there comes a point, Hope.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
He responds, I appreciate the validation and calling me out
for downplaying it. Sometimes I feel so embarrassed trying to
explain this to close friends who have husbands who are
not equal partners. And you're right, I do need to
be more blunt with him. Downplaying it isn't going to
make him realize how irritated I am. And there is
a question is there any chance that Ope's husband did
(10:32):
not switch out of his party lifestyle? And Ope responds,
we didn't party in the way that's being implied. The
fun we had was travel, hiking, sports. He does partake
in thhc oil at night, and we do have social
drinks on the weekend and convert to three. Do you
think he's in love with you? Have you talked about it?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Nope?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
He responds, we do. He loves me so much and
I love him too, But my love feels like it's changing,
whereas his love is still on the relative plane of
romantic love. That's what makes this really hard for me
to work through. If we both fell out at the
same time, we'd be amazing co parents and have the
healthiest relationship possible for kids. But it's definitely one sided.
And if I actually ended my marriage because of this,
(11:13):
it would be so devastating. We have an update, but yeah,
I mean, I feel like this doesn't feel marriage ending yet.
I understand it's a lot of small things, but it
feels like, I mean, definitely bring them up in a
more blunt aggressive is the wrong word, but more direct way.
And I mean I think I think maybe spare his
(11:35):
feelings less than just say like, all right, like this
this is what I need from you, And I think
maybe talk about like I feel myself, you know, maybe
less attracted. You could even just say like I feel
myself less attracted to you because of like your lack
of hygiene and want I want to feel attracted to you.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I'm curious, like maybe it is more the attraction, But
I I wonder, like on the baby voice and him
like acting really really immature in like a child, I
wonder how big of a part that plays in it,
Because to me, I'm like, oh, if someone literally is
just like completely acting a child and you can't like
work with them or talk with him.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Then yeah, but I do I mean he like she does,
say he's like a good father and stuff. So I
think that I think there are elements that he's and
like she, he says he's an equal partner in terms
of like housing responsibility.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
So when it comes to hygiene and maybe cleaning up
after him, like with the sink, there may be that
kid aspect, like oh I have another kid in the house. Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Yeah, I think maybe there's aspects that he's He's definitely
not holding up his end, but I think there's enough
adults that I'm seeing that I think you can have
a conversation, but.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
You won't know until you have it. This is true.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Miss Jaybird says, nothing says super sexy like having the
mother a grown ass adults. Mommy got an update, mommy,
but we got an update.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Let's go first.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Thank you to everyone who commented and took the time
to share insight. I read as much as I could
as a newbie redditor. It was pretty overwhelming. Just a
few of my own comments. I do recognize I'm in
perry menopause. I will be talking to my doctor about this.
Even though the rage boils my entire being, I still
remember how to be gentle, kind and empathetic. I was
(13:25):
never a raging witch towards him, like a few suggested.
I'm more forceful with my tone to truly get my
message across. As many of you pointed out in the comments,
I've let a lot slide in the past, which is
how I've gotten here, so perry menopause rage is actually
emboldening me to be more assertive.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
It's like the transitional state into minipause.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
My annoyance is amplified, but his behavior is still unacceptable.
He doesn't have ADHD. That's actually me lol, unless mine
is so bad. He looks neurotypical low. He has gained
weight over the past few years. He's not obese, but
he's an athlete the majority of his life, and so
the extra fifty to seventy pounds is probably a lot
for him and is causing a lot of the issues.
(14:07):
The hygiene issues will have to be discussed another day.
Based on what happened tonight, I don't think he could
have handled it. Oh, Oh, what's up? I mean, I'm
just I'm ready for the I'm ready for the shooter drop.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And there's only I mean, the thing is, there's only
one way to find out, and you gotta talk. You
gotta conuckate those things, all right.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
So I will be making skincare suggestions, but will not
be purchasing things for him. He's a grown bump man
and can do that himself. I've been proactive to make
sure I'm taking care of myself as I age. I
don't need to be making his doctor appointments in buying
him his skincare and the baby voice thing. I'll just
keep telling him it's deeply unattractive and honestly gross, and
I will not be having spicy sleep with any man
(14:52):
who chooses to talk to me like that. I'm happy
to answer any more questions, but as this sub only
lets me do one update, I guess this is it
the update.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Sorry so long. It was like talking to a child.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
So tonight we were relaxing in bed and I began
by saying, have you ever considered getting tested or sleep apnea?
He says apprehensively, yes, I have, and waited for me
to continue. I said, I've been doing some research and
I'm wondering if maybe you have it because of the
storing while being wide awake. He said he would like
(15:24):
to try to exercise first, because he knows that's where
a lot of his breathing problems stem from. I continued
by saying, it's not just the storing, it's the lack
of oxygen. Maybe that would explain the weak memory.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
We are connecting some notts here, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I also as a note, I would probably not bring
in all of these things at the same time. I
might if he's already like sensitive, I might bringing in
one at a time, you know.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Or we could put up an FBI corkboard and connect
every single one of his ailments with red yarnd.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Honestly to the bottom of it. I'm so so like
when I'm getting by nose fixed. I'm so excited to
breathe more. I think you'll have like I think you
get so much energy. It's just like you. I mean,
lack of oxygen causes so many problems.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
That is very true.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
But he continued to say he knows he has a
thick neck and wants to try working out first. I
stayed quiet for a long time after this. Eventually, I said,
you've been saying you want to exercise for a long
time and it hasn't happened. It's fine that you want
to get back in shape. But I'm more concerned about
the lack of memory, and I can't wait around for
you to find a time to work out. I feel
(16:34):
like we can't have meaningful conversations together. I can't trust
you're going to remember them. He just kept going back
to the extra solution, so I said, I'm grasping its
solutions to present to you, hoping you'll consider something to
improve this. This is a youth thing now, and I
can't do.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It for you.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I've been giving you suggestions for a while and now,
including getting tested for sleep apnea. Choose what you want
to do or not. But I can't live like this anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I don't know if this is it, because I think
we go from an area where we're like you're putting
him on the defensive. You're putting him on the defensive,
but yeah, yeah, you're it's like it's like more attacking.
When when you could say, like, hey, I'm going to
be honest, like for me personally, you know this is
some and then he could you're trying to like control
I guess exactly what he's going to do, versus saying, hey,
(17:20):
here's how I feel, and like where I'm like, you know,
if I'm honest, I don't know if I can, you know,
I guess live my life with there.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I feel like I would be I would talk about
your experience a little bit more like like I feel
like going straight to the I don't know if I
can live like this anymore. Is like, yeah, I need
a breakup language, which I don't. I think is kind
of not you know, not necessary yet. Yeah, but I
would say like, hey, like I'm feeling less attracted to
you because I can't get good sleep. I feel like
(17:48):
we're not having great conversations like here, and I think
like for this relationship to work and to be the
best it can be, I need you to start working
on these things, like now I need to see it.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Another thing that I didn't like was he's gonna have
to buy his own face skincare.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
I'm not gonna do that.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
What I was thinking is like it seems like it's
all on him instead of like a team effort.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
If if Angie was like, let's work on your face care,
she'd probably buy the stuff and be like, let's do
it one day together, just to understand what that looks like.
And like for the workout thing Hey, let's just take
a walk after we eat. I don't know, just something
to kind of snowball that effect.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Honestly, I don't care about that as much as I
do like being like, hey, I she's like, here's this
like prescription, you're not doing any of the to do
lists that I'm like trying to make you do, Like
why aren't you doing my to do lists? Because I
feel like it also takes it away from the like,
you know, productive solutions and more just like attacking like.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, and again like she is, she is snapping because
this has it's been so long that she's had to
deal with this, So I understand that. I just think
if she's trying to get her way, I don't know
if this is the best way to do it. I'm
curious what Chazz to say about this, And Slyly Toad
says at this point, though I feel it's necessary. Have
you ever had the same conversation with the partner over
(19:06):
and over again? You're a poison tonic? That is the
angel move. But putting all the pressure on op Lady
Morgan says talking to him about it for years hasn't
inspired him to do anything. I don't know if she's
really brought it up as directly before.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, so slightly. Toad's his comment. I would ask him,
could you share how you think I feel about it?
So like, basically, do you understand the severity of like
my feelings on it, because maybe he legitimately doesn't understand,
but like it is of course annoying to have that conversation.
Then you tell him what that is.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Guess I'm just in such a healthy relationship. I didn't
think of that aspect.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Well.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
It was quiet for a long time, and it was
pretty obvious he wasn't really understanding the full scope of it. Man,
it's not having enough air to his brain. So I
continue to say that I don't have a partner I
can trust to have any type of conversation with because
there's no guarantee that he'll remember it. I try to
have mindless conversation about plans that we have are about
(20:08):
the kids, and when he proves again that he can't remember,
it makes me feel even more alone. I told him
I can have a partner where I can't connect with
or feel I can share important things with, knowing I'll
be pointed down, knowing that I'll be disappointed and let down. Later,
he tried to deflect by asking how often I thought
this was happening. Let me tell you if I was
a violent person, now is about the time I would
(20:29):
have ripped out his eyeballs. He seriously was not understanding
the severity of this. I said, it happens enough that
I try to give you a little, but when you forget.
I reminded all over again that you do this often.
I'm angry all the time about it. Is how often
you forget? If you need that indicator? He acknowledged this.
I asked him if he noticed the majority of our
conversations in the past few years happen over text. I
(20:51):
told him this because I think if it's in writing,
at least he can go back and reread and remind himself.
This is why I don't talk to him in person anymore.
I think, you know, I don't know if this has been.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Surface to him. It seems like the first like honest
conversations they're having. I can see that. Yeah, I think it,
and I get it can be hard to fully communicate
and have someone download how severe maybe say out of
like a scale of ten, you know, ten, being like
I'm divorcing you like right now, you know, and I
don't know. Yeah, yeah, I agree, though.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
This is why I don't want to talk to him
in person anymore. He deflected again by saying he thought
we texted more because the kids aren't around and it's
easier to focus and have a conversation. He thought I
wasn't talking to him in person because I'd rather be
on my phone or reading. I told him I do
those things because I don't want to talk to him
in person. By the way, you can always talk to us,
(21:48):
Oh yeah, in person virtually by listening to full episodes
of stories just like this. Go to Spotify app podcast
or your favorite podcast app and search Okay, storytime. I
swear these are place aggressively. I love it. There's another
relevant update. But yeah, John, what do you think about
(22:08):
where we are?
Speaker 1 (22:10):
I mean, again kind of echoing what we've been saying,
like it is definitely possible that she's already communicated this,
but I am like, have we really truly fully sat
him down and understood like how important these things are
to you, especially before going on the offensive and like
trying to prescribe and getting angry at all these things
he's not doing. You know, Oh you said you'd work out.
(22:32):
Why aren't you working out? It's like, no, that's I
feel like we're getting away from the point at that
at that juncture.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, yeah, I'm glad that there is communication happening. Yes, yeah,
it is frustrated communication. Yes, that will get him closer.
I think, you know, even frustrated communication can be better
than no communication. Absolutely, So I'm glad that you're taking
this step. But he's definitely I mean like, I feel
like hearing this, it's gonna be a you're just gonna
(22:59):
put on on the offensive, yeah, which yeah, may not,
may not produce the results that you desire. So I
finally said, he needs to figure this out because I
can't live like this. It's lonely and isolating. I can't
talk about anything from silly, meaningless things to more serious issues.
I need a partner who's stepping up for me and
(23:20):
wants to have an integrated life. When I feel disconnected
from him, it seeps into every other aspect of our
relationship and there's no connection happening anywhere. Because of this,
I reminded him to choose what solution he wants to explore,
but I won't be providing any more suggestions. This is
a hymn thing to fix, and if it doesn't get
figured out, I don't think I can survive the relationship.
I left it at that. He rolled over and didn't
(23:43):
say anything, so I'd asked the decision is on him now.
I hope my message was clear. I don't know if
he'll actually pursue anything, but I know if nothing changes,
I am done with this marriage. I didn't truly feel
how lonely I am until I was trying to express
that to him tonight, And there are some relevant.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Comment sentence that I feel sums up my entire feeling
on the story. It's a hymn thing to fix. Is
he broken? Yeah? I think, like, yes, these are things
that you don't want in the relationship. But I don't know.
It implies at a baseline that he is like wrong,
like like his breathing like Bro's got breathe, you know,
(24:23):
So I think that attitude is just going to not
be conducive to actually getting to the bottom of this.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
I mean, I I think there is a lot of
work that he needs to do. Totally, totally would I
would echo what John's saying in that I think when
you phrase when you phrase relationship issues as a you problem.
You know you're not coming to a relationship, you know
you're like I think, yes, he does have to do
heavy lifting, But I think relationship should be in terms
(24:52):
of like us, like we're going to work on this together,
like you know, I want to support you in getting better.
At least that's how I would want to feel relationship,
a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
But I think where's the line, where's the line of
we we we and whenever you are the ones taken
initiative and they're not taking up their end.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It's like the equal yoke thing.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, and I agree. I think there's a point he
has to He has to. He has to pick pickup
slack for sure. But I just I would love I
would love the the.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
The language to be a little bit more more. We
Tempest says OPI needs therapy two.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
In my opinion, Sam the Caterpillar says his unwillingness to
change is on him, though Kat says so much for
in sickness and health and good times and bad. Sophia
Kallen says he won't change because she's been trying for
years and never left him. He knows she'll stay.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Which I mean that totally could be the case, and
it's like, all right, well this isn't this isn't gonna work.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, but we got some relevant comments. So has Opie's
husband been tested for any medical conditions since he seems
to forget or doesn't want to remember details, OPI responds,
he hasn't been tested for anything. In my original posts,
I did mention he's been to the doctor and nothing
came of it. But now that I think of it,
he probably fed the doc the same line about working
out losing weight, and we know our docs like to
blame a lot of body size, so probably went along
(26:09):
with it. I stood up late last night reflecting on
a lot, and I realized he's fine at work New Development,
but also makes this all the more pathetic for me.
He manages a lot of moving parts through multiple ongoing projects.
He seems capable from what he tells me about work.
One of the execs just came back from stress leave
as his memory was failing, and my husband had a
lot to say about that. So it's not looking good
(26:31):
for us. Someone else suggested maybe he's weaponizing this, like
weaponizing cont and competence totally. OPI responds to the comments
about leaving her husband, and OPI responds, I'm not leaving
him because of his memory loss after going through all
the medicals, if nothing is discovered and he just sucks
at prioritizing us, I'm leaving him because I'm lonely and
don't have a companion. I don't need to stay with
(26:53):
someone who doesn't want to connect with me and only
wants to help pay bills and raise kids. I can
do all of that on my own while finding someone
who wants to share a meaningful life together.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
And OP responds.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Clarifying on lifestyle abilities her husband has, OP says, he
can drive a vehicle, he can work, he can play
and care for our kids. He can cook, he can clean,
he can fix things, he can hang out with friends,
he can make a doctor's appointment.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
And that's where it ends. That's it. Yeah, I don't
know if it's gonna work out. Yeah. Wait, read this one.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
How long can the flakes of yesterday fall down on
her tooth?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Oh? What is that? Man? Skin flakes?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Skin flakes? How long can the flakes of yesterday fall
down on her toothbrush?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Because he won't clean up after himself. That reads like
a It's deep that is deep flakes of yesterday and
sleepy saying says this wants me to really read this.
Opie said, they've been in therapy for years about it. Yeah,
I mean that is a long time. And I'm assuming
he's been in therapy for together, Yeah, for years about it.
(27:56):
That's I think so. And that's also assuming that there's
like a like a couple's counselor with them. So I
mean he yeah, you get to a breaking point, you
get Yeah. I think I think it's recent breaking point,
which is fine. You know, like I think she's she's
well within her right to be like, hey, this is
just not it for me.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
It is interesting how like the rhetoric towards the husband
has gone like like it was kind of like more
positive in the beginning. Yeah, then it like really turned
like like like the resolve towards ending the relationship was
kind of like strong at the.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
End, and maybe it's like, hey, we've we've gone on
too long, so it's like all right, we're both just
like frustrating ourselves where we could just rebuild as like
he parents and relationship that way. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
I was also wondering about this, is he functioning at work, like,
what is his work life like?
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Seems good, It seems good. It seems like he's doing well.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Also, just a reminder, we have talked about every single
one of these things and more. This is what she
says in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
You know, So maybe maybe it has been communicated enough
where it's like you're just not getting it.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I can't do this totally within it, right, Yeah, I
think some of I think, like if I was to
amend some of my comments before, it seems like she is.
She has been bringing it up a lot. Yeah, and
this is just a ranking point. Maybe I wasn't brought
up in like as director of a way and this
was like finally the most direct way. But even his
response to her bringing this up was turning over yep,
(29:18):
one hundred percent, which I think is like honestly a
metaphor for what he's been doing the whole relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Yeah. Yeah, I think I think it got to the
point where she's like, Okay, now I'll just try to
fix it for you, and it's like it's at that
point it's unfair to everyone because now you're trying to
like force someone to do something, and also it's just
not going to work for you.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
So yeah, slivey TOA says, I've been in this situation before.
You start by asking for help as nicely as possible
because it's awkward and uncomfortable. Then you straight up tell them.
Then you exacerate a fight, then you're numb poetic, but
uh yeah, accurate. That's yeah, yeah, I feel like I'm coming.
I think, you know, rereading some of the bits from before,
it feels it feels like just end of the rope
(29:59):
kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Yeah, yeah's which just makes sense. You know, that's a
lot to have to deal with, but ideally you don't
get to the point where you're, you know, on the offensive.
And I think, like doing what she was doing, I'm
gonna take We got more stories. We have more stories
for a Let's get after it. Let's go it. Sam.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's
three of bits bad from our sponsor.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
A NAP ruined my marriage. I finally snapped snap back
to reality, snap it on the NAP. I twenty eight female,
am married to thirty male. I'll probably delete this in
the morning, but I need to scream into the void.
I've been married for under a year, but with my
husband for six years. We have a three month old
little girl who's fantastic. I'm a first time mom who's
(30:46):
a stay at home mom, and my husband works from home.
By the way, this comes from Popcorn Shrimp one on
one and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash. Okay, storytime suburd. So my
husband's not dumb, just emotionally inept sometimes. I've had a
lot of resentment build things since I was pregnant. His
mom tormented me through my pregnancy by talking about miscarriages, stillbirths,
and saying dead baby to me every time my husband
(31:08):
wasn't around. What the heck, Oh my god, we gotta
get a hubby to be like yo, mom, chill, dude,
that's ouch. That is time out there, that sandwich worthy.
Oh dear, oh my god. She denied. He sympathized with me,
but nothing was ever truly done. Since I gave birth.
(31:31):
My husband's just been clueless. When I was there recovering,
he would go home and sleep and leave me all
alone because the couch was uncomfortable. So we wouldn't hang
out with her on the couch because like, oh baby,
the couch, that's crazy. I had to call him twenty
times to get him to wake up and come back
to the hospital because I was lonely. He wasn't at
(31:53):
the hospital with you. He was tired.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Oh god, I gotta take care of himself. You get
the power of two, you like I only have one?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Exactly exactly. Then when he left, he was asking me
to carry things to the car with him. Do you
not understand how child birth works?
Speaker 2 (32:13):
I mean, like, but babe, you were carrying all this
extra weight. I mean, I just want to make it
the same. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah, I would just say, you know, give you in
your routine, this is not the same. But my dad
famously started boiling a pot of coffee when my mom
went into labor with me, and my mom was like,
get into the car, drive me to the hospital. The
nurse had to tell him that I shouldn't be carrying anything.
I just given birth, because I was gonna say, oh
if this was his hospital another time, but yeah, it
(32:38):
was right after sheha birth. When we got home, he
complained about his lack of sleep. I was struggling learning
how to nurse. He was my cheerleader through nursing. I
have to give him credit there as the first two
months went. I was consistently bawling about how sleep deprived
I was, while he was getting eight to ten hours
of uninterrupted sleep every night.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
I mean, just because you're not good and sleep doesn't
mean I can't get my zees.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Golly. It caused a lot of fights because I couldn't
hear him tell me he was exhausted without having a meltdown.
Then his mom would come over and they'd leave a
huge mess for me to clean. On more than one occasion,
he complained about the basement being messy, so I helped
him lift things and clean up. It caused me to
start bleeding heavily, and my doctor told me I shouldn't
(33:24):
be lifting anything heavy. What does this not understand about
medical professionals telling you not to do things that cause
you to bleed?
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Dude, I feel so bad for this guy. He's trying
to like rearrange his basement and his wife just keep.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Doing it all alone. Yeah. Now I used to clean
up blood. No, no, Yeah, it's just so unfair. Yeah, bro,
he's he's trying to be a good manager, you know,
and delegate effectively, and his his his subordinates start doing
their work properly. Once crying. The other one's like bleeding,
I got a useless team. Oh god, he's a poise, right,
(34:00):
I tell you that's how he's seeing it. This is
the point of contention because my husband continuously asked me
to help him lift heavy things and I couldn't, so
he would get annoyed. Then he'd complain about it all day.
Oh my gosh. Now we're at month three and I
think my marriage is over. Oh man, I mean just now, dude.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
It would have been over when you asked her, Like
if I was a girl, it would have been over
the moment you asked me to take something to the car.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yeah, the old things. What. We've been distant ever since
the baby arrived, and I haven't wanted to have spicy
sleep or be affection you. I mean, haven't you just
been bleeding out? Yeah? I guess this is three months later. Yeah,
three months later. Three months later, you know, literally she
goes and she's like, hey, babe, how you doing. He's like,
it's basically clear he got you got those two boy
(34:46):
fours out of the way. What did that little guy
help me out? Or was he just sitting there a
laund just looking around and shaking and say, oh God.
So husband has been asking I'm all right a lot
and I say I'm fine. Boys, what happens when a
woman says she's fine? Not fine, She's not fine. I
(35:08):
don't know what else to say, but I feel miserable
in tents up every time he walks in the same
room as me. Today he was on my case about
walking our dog. I'm so exhausted from my exclusively my
front airbag beating, and I don't have the energy to
walk our dog. I had been up since two thirty
am with my baby and just couldn't handle anything else
(35:31):
on my plate. So he whined and moaned about doing it,
but promised me I could nap. I snapped and remind
him that I hadn't slept the full eight hours and months.
He got pissy and stormed off.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Man is doing nothing. This is the worst husband and
father ever.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Like he doesn't get it. Like when you don't get
it that you're like terrorizing your wife with lifting two
by fours and sleep deprivation. Dude. He avoided me the
entire day and locked himself in his office. Real mature.
I spent the rest of the day randomly breaking down
into full blown sobs because I was so tired. Eleven
(36:07):
PM hits and he hasn't come out of his office.
So I finally break go get him. He gives me
the cold shoulder and I just break down. All of
the lack of support just broke me. I told him
I hated him. I wish I could go home. I
even mentioned divorce. I mean, at this point, I feel
like that is warranted. He's not a partner.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Breaking breaking point, breaking point, Yeah, like to a ridiculous
degree if you're.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Like sleep deprived, And not only is he not like, oh,
figure something out and watch a baby, he's like locking
himself in his office. So the only option is basically
leaving the baby unattended or you continuing to just be
insanely sleep deprived.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yes, sir, you can properly just go f off yep,
like like May locking himself away, making her walk the dog,
and then forcing her to rearrange the basement.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
Yeah. Next up, he's like, uh, hey, I think we
need a redesign in the in the living room, Can
we like, could you like move the couch and just like,
you know a little bit more sure that it looks good?
You know, you just keep moving a little bit more
to the left left. Actually, let's go to the ride.
The pros trying to make it on HGTV over here.
So he calmed down and I apologized for being selfish.
(37:21):
When I asked what he did all day, he said
he napped. Oh, he locked himself in his office. But dude,
I feel like this is the evil version of my brother.
He loves to sleep. I feel like the evil Tait
would do this for sure. Yeah, evil naps are crazy, dude.
Why it takes such a great thing and destroy it.
He napped the whole day. Well, I was struggling to
(37:42):
keep myself standing. He wasn't napping. Oh boy, I broke down.
I cried and cried. He was very apologetic and showering
me in sories, and I love you. For the first
time ever, I couldn't tell him I loved him too.
Now it's two am, and I can't sleep because I'm
so distraught. How do we get this woman some sleep?
We need to figure this out. He's snoring next to
(38:04):
me and I just hate him. Right now, he's rubbing
it in her face. Just give him a little whack. Also,
he slept all day and now he's like knocked out gold, Like,
does bro have like some sleeping like disorder?
Speaker 2 (38:19):
I want, you know, like in like the Freddy Krueger
movies where they like try to keep themselves awake by
like splashing water on their face, like sticking like needles
in their arms.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Yeah, that's what she needs to do. We gotta We
just dropped the two by four from the basement on
his lap. Yeah. Yeah, they get the work to stay up.
I want to take my baby and run away. I
don't want to live her anymore. Being a single mom
seems easier than dealing with all of this emotional stress
and to collect. That's how you know. That's that is
(38:50):
how you know.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Once you believe that raising the kid alone is better
than raising the kid with this guy, that's how you
know it is over. Wow, this guy is a but.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Yeah good good like test Yeah, like marriage test right,
their marriage test? Marriage test? Is it?
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Like what what's easier? Well, but like I mean I
feel like that's like I feel.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Like maybe logistically, is it logistically easier to like care
for the baby, do all the stuff together or apart?
And it seems like I've thought about a.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
Date idea where we baby Angie and I babysit kids
for an evening, just a se I have.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
An idea for you. You should foster a dog together
for a day, for a day. Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
You can take you can take dogs called like happy
Friends or whatever. You can take dogs and foster them
for a day. Puppies.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
Oh that'd be sick. You could.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
Yeah, and then you can take them out. Yeah, be
cute thing. I'm gonna look that up. Sounds fun.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
Yeah right this couple years. Actually, actually not, they don't
need God, it's a foster dog take care of. So
I brought ten of them. Yeah, I love the ball,
brought the whole little babe. I'm really tired from taking
(40:10):
it over. I'm gonna go nap, go babe, go walk
the real qui de no no. Remember they have their
own dog as well. So she has eleven dogs just
like just like she takes it and they all run
(40:31):
a different She's also holding the baby because he's not
watching the baby. He's lapping, she's bleeding.
Speaker 4 (40:39):
Fleeing and is like the chair of the cake. She's
moving from the basement. Oh, they don't move the couch.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
Now you have a bunch of sled dogs at your
disposal and should be.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Okay, Okay, we gotta compose myself here. We got we
got more boys. There's keep imagining insane like three Stooges
scenarios are here. Okay, So what am I supposed to do?
I just can't believe I'm ready to leave him all
(41:17):
because he took a nap.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
I mean, girl, is not just a nap. That is
the tip of the iceberg. It is so much more.
This is the most incompetent straw man's scarecrow of a
husband you have. Yeah, man stands in the field. It
does nothing. I think you gotta I think you gotta
gotta kick him over and leave him.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Yeah, Chad is right with Fury. You should be. Should be.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
We ride on.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
When my rizzle says my rizzle, my rizzle, yeah, is
it mirrors all? I feel like that's what it is. Yeah,
but I also like my rizzle my Rizzle's fun too.
Mirrors all.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
I choose your an adventure, Yeah, let us know how
to pronounce your but yeah, I think like I think honestly.
The first thing I would do is if op has
parents or something in her life, call the parents and
be like, hey, can I literally go to your house
and freaking sleep please.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
Yah yeah, yeah, just like watch my kid for like
if you you know, just like be hanging out, have
the kid around.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
And just like let me sleep, cause this is important
after surgery to you know rest. But surgery and having
a baby's the same thing. So she needs to rest
in order to get herself back.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
It's insane the levels of like he doesn't care respect
her needs at all. These needs we're not talking about, like,
oh I need to like go out, you know with
my girls and I whatever. We're talking like I'm bleeding
lifting your freaking lumber bro falling asleep.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean I think like leaning a
little bit on parents or family would be good.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
Yes, we have an update. Oh my god, let's hear it.
Let's dive into it here. So updates. I fixed the FtM.
It means first time mom, uh, not be able to
make I guess that was an abbreviation use. So we talked, well,
I talked and he listened. I told him I couldn't
do this anymore and something needed to change immediately or
I was going back home and I was going to
(43:10):
take my baby with me. He stared at me, confused, Uh,
whoa I don't go, And then he realized I had
two bags packed by my dresser ready to leave. Oh wow,
I finally was able to articulate all the resentment that
had been built his mom's cruel and careless behavior. I
(43:32):
forgot even about his crazy month.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
That wow, I forgot to again as a reminder to everyone,
his mom would say.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Dead baby, dead baby, dead.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Baby when he wasn't around two op. While she's pregnant.
While she's pregnant, she would like, literally the mom was
trying to like manifest freakin' beetlejuice style a miscarriage, and
he did nothing. That yeah, and this man did nothing,
is wow? I forgot about that? Is so bad? Yeah,
(44:02):
it was so bad.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
His mom's cruel and careless behavior. Feeling abandoned at the
hospital and now at home. How it feels that everything
falls to me so he can bring a paycheck home.
I realized after saying all this, I hadn't really told
him how I was feeling, but just continued to bottle
it up. He was defensive at first, and I gave
him one warning that if this conversation was filled with excuses,
I'm walking out you, sister. So he stopped and truly listened. Okay,
(44:29):
this is the first thing this guy has done all day.
But bro has walked three miles in the wrong direction,
and this is his first step back, don't. I don't
think it's a step. This is the first time he's
just stood still. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, he's not
walking in.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
The wrong walking in any direction, but he is he
is maybe preparing to maybe make one right step.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Ope. He says he was genuinely remorseful. He only said
sorry once at the end, but he meant it. Then
he started asking me what I needed him to do.
We made a plan and I finally feel like I
can breathe a little easier.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Okay, okay, okay again again, you know, a plan is
all is great? But who said was it like Winston
Churchill that was like plans or something.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Something like that, you make a plan and God laughs
or something? Yeah? Yeah, who is that? Who said that?
I don't know? Yeah, I don't know who he's saying.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
But anyway, yeah, plans often you know, don't go how
you thought.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Indeed, what was it?
Speaker 3 (45:27):
What the quote is you make a plan God laughs
a yibbish proverb?
Speaker 1 (45:33):
What Yiddish Yiddish proverb? Yeah? There you go. There it is.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Hey, it's sam og host. We're gonna get back to
these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads from
our sponsors to help support the show.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
So he made a plan, and I finally feel like
it can breathe a little easier. He has dog walks
handled indefinitely. Mother in law is banned from the house
and to have no contact with me or the baby.
Once husband's off work. I'm off duty for the day.
I'm still front air bag feeding because I want to
do that. Feed with them front airbags. I get a
lot of fulfillment out of it. And if you saw
(46:06):
the way that my baby pats my front air bag
when she nurses, you you would too. Her big hazel
eyes are like substance, an addictive substance that I can't
say because of censorship. I'm typing this while soaking in
a warm bath. I've been promised the weekend to deepcompress
and sleep until my heart's content. I'll pump instead of
nurse this weekend, and we have a stash of frozen
(46:28):
milk he's planning on using. He knows what needs to
be done her routine, how much to feed her, so
I know he's capable. I can actually hear him unloading
the dishwasher right now. It's a miracle. We are planning
on doing something as a couple one day out of
each weekend, so I don't feel like just a mom.
I can be a person too. You're not a mover,
You're not a dog walker, a dog walker like.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Little baby making machine. We did just hire you on
Rover to just be there.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
We are going to couples counseling and I'm going to
start individual therapy. He's already in therapy. Well it ain't
working well. He didn't have a dad who showed him
what love looked like. He had an adult toddler as
a father who would throw tantrums and verbally mistreat him
and his mother. My husband often comments on how my
dad dropped everything in a nanosecond for me, and how
he wants to be like that, but he's not. He's
(47:19):
failing me and his daughter. That was really tough for
him to hear.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
I mean, I mean, hey, but hey, direct communication. We
got direct You're saying this is what you're doing. I
got my bags packed. Aggressive, but I think like we
finally got to reach a point you reach a point,
and sometimes you need your communication maybe to cut through
the noise.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
Yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Especially if you've if you had this conversation so many times, like.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
And even like I feel like the packed bags is
like it was a communication tool, but also like, I'm
literally just exhausted and I'm gonna get sleep. So now
we can take it day by day if he's actually
capable of change. I have to wait and see. My
bags are still packed and by the door. My guess
I have them there as a reminder to myself that
leaving is an option at any moment. I please. That
(48:05):
makes me feel a little bit better. I'm hopeful, but
not delusional. I know we might not be able to
come back from this, and that's okay. I have to
take care of myself. So my little girl has a
mama who smiles at things besides her. I have an
appointment scheduled for a postpartum depression screening, and my mom's
planning on visiting the start of next month. That's smart idea.
My family is ready with their door wide open when
I choose to come home. Made me cry to hear
(48:27):
my dad tell me he'll be on the first flight
when I'm ready so I don't have to fly home alone.
That's so cute, horrible. Thank you all for letting me
spill my guts, and we have an update number two.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
Yeah, I'm a little hesitant about this plan because usually
when couples havel like big arguments like this guy will change,
the girl will change about a week or two and
then right back at it as if nothing happened.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
It's hard to change.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Yeah, habits are hard to change old habits. Die Hard
and Winston Churchill said plans are indeed, so the likelihood
of it going through low.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah, we do, we are. We all on He's going
to fail.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
I am, I mean, I am so like I'm I
love that this story has the possibility, yes, of live
being with a happily ever after.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
I love a happy ending, But I'm not hopeful. I'm
not I'm not hopeful.
Speaker 2 (49:33):
That you know that this is going to lead to,
you know, the places you wanted to you know what.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
I'm going to be different. I'm going to be on
the side of hope. Today leads a gentleman, and I
hope he hasn't earned it, but I'm gonna I'm gonna
give it to him for some reason, I'm giving hubby fail.
John's given Hubby success.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
Let's see, because on one hand he is going to
therapy trying to be a better person, but the other hand,
habit's a hearty sang.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Well, we've got update number two, so let's find act.
I've been wanting to update, but I've been scared. I
felt so overwhelmed and haven't ma sure what to write.
The post I wrote was me at my lowest. I
wish I could take the version of me in time
and just hug her. I was broken down. I needed
anyone to be real with me. Those comments feel like
a slap in the face and way too much to
handle all at once, so I needed time to read
(50:20):
through and digest it all. Thank you everyone. I was
diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety shortly after I made
my post. To the people who pushed me to talk
to my doctor, thank you. My life has improved tenfold
after getting proper treatment. I feel like in normal updates,
people dive into their lives and the details of what's happened.
I don't want to do that. I want to say
something that's more important than me in my life, to
(50:42):
the moms and their loved ones. If you or anyone
you know has just had a baby, check in on them.
If you've just had a baby, make sure you have
someone who's tuned into you. Although you have brought new
life into the world and it should be joyous, you
are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Please, even if
you feel fine, prioritize your mental health and wellbeing because
your baby depends on you to be healthy so they
can be healthy. What you're going through is valid and important,
(51:03):
and you need someone to look out for you while
you look out for the baby. Someone needs to look
out for you with the same love and care. By
the way, I want to know how to love and
care the best possibly freaking can two thousand knee slapping,
brain tickling episodes full of relationship advice. That is, if
you go to Spotify, Apple I search Okay, story time,
(51:24):
listen to our huge calog of the podcast. It's a
good time. But boys, we do have I think a
little a little bit of a I can't believe.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yes, yes, your message was important, but I want to
hear the tea. Yes, I want to hear the update.
That's important too.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Did he follow through? Did he follow through?
Speaker 2 (51:43):
That is the question like op, he doesn't really want
to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Oh maybe it's too traumatic. Oh maybe it didn't happen. Well,
I think we're getting at least a little bit. All right,
let's say them a night. As for me, my life
is turned around. Taking care of myself. The was what
I need. I know. People told me to leave my
husband and how horrible he is, and like every other
excuse post, you don't understand because you're not living it.
(52:07):
I'm happy, safe and healthy, but most importantly, my daughter
is thriving. It took a lot of work and it
will continue to take a lot more. I love my
husband and he has shown through time that he can
be reliable and hasn't faltered. Okay, I really thought he
would fail and it was expect to get most dace.
I thought it too, But John might be right ah ah,
(52:28):
but he hasn't. That's right. He actually turned it around,
and that feels better than winning the lottery. I guess
people can change when they really want to, can't they.
I could go on and on, but things are better.
My daughter's happy and healthy. She's feisty like me, and
nothing's going to stop her. She loves her daddy as
much as I do, sometimes more and now with a
clear head, I can see things are okay because we
(52:51):
have and continue to learn how to communicate with one another.
If I could pass anything on, check on your loved ones.
Sometimes they don't even know how hard they're struggling until
you pull the wool from over their eyes. Thank you
to everyone posting with the push I needed and some
quick notable comments. Commentar asked if Opie's husband apologized. Opie
says yes, he has. He continues to and has acknowledged
(53:11):
how his selfishness came at my expense in the most
vulnerable time in my life. It's a shame that follows
him and he asks randomly if I really do forgive him.
It's uncomfortable to see how awful he feels about what happened,
because all I wanted to say is it's okay, but
we both know it's not and never will be. So
it's icky going to live with that. But I also
know that it's for the best, which is a pretty
(53:32):
powerful thing. It's like, hey, your behavior did was not okay.
I can't just say it's okay to it, but hey,
we're building and growing from here, and hey, it is okay, now,
it seems and then another commentary, you're letting yourself down
by staying as someone else. A downthread said, your rose
colored glasses must be glued to your face. I don't
know if that's fair. That's a little little much, Opie says, maybe,
(53:55):
but I really think so. It's easy to judge. I'm
not too interested if people support my choices or not.
I really only posted this in hopes that if anyone
else is struggling with PPD or PPA, this could help
push them to seek help. And that's pretty much it.
Ladies and gentlemen. Wow, I mean I am.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I'm happy that it ended well. Yeah, I mean that
it ended well. I'm still like nervous about the husband,
but it does seem like he's been showing some good sprites.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
I feel like at this point, and you know, maybe
she was able to like with the proper treatment, like
it's easier to give him an excuse because she's just
feeling better in general, give him a pass. But it
seems like from all that she was going to the
first one. If he wasn't kind of holding his end
to the bargain, she'd be more vocal about about it.
And she didn't really say anything, ye like, oh, he's
(54:41):
not really She said that he's doing well.
Speaker 2 (54:44):
So let us know what you think. Put your answers
in the comments below. All right, I think that's where
this episode.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
Ends, So if you love us, make sure to subscribe
We Love You, and see them all
Speaker 2 (55:00):
At
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