My husband is UPSET… that spending time together makes me happy! - r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2183 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

(00:03):
I'm an og okay start time podcast host. I don't care.
I'm making sure that you stay here for the next
two minutes.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes
before we get into this episode.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yeah, we got some ads coming up, so stick around.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Stick around. My husband is upset that spending time together
makes me happy.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
How dare you like being with your husband?

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Here's the TLDR of my relationship. Husband and I have
been together for nine years, married for two and a half.
We're both about thirty. We had a baby fourteen months ago.
The pregnancy was a surprise birth control failure, but we
both wanted kids and we're happy. We had discussed ethical
non monogamy in the past, but put the discussion on
hold during the pregnancy. And by the way, this comes
from user alien Flowers and if you want to submit

(00:46):
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime
subvert it another bullet point here. After I gave birth,
my husband brought it up again and started really pushing
for polyamory. He also took on extra work as I
had to stay home due to day care costs eating
up more than my monthly paycheck could cover. He started
pushing me off onto his family and wouldn't ever be
home to help me or give me a break. He

(01:07):
told me to go to his mom for a break,
and all he was good for was bringing home money.
Throughout all of postpartum, he's basically insinuated, if not outright
said that he doesn't want me to rely on him
or want him around. At six months postpartum, he pushed
for us to open our relationship. I hated it. He
was disappointed when we closed it after a month. I

(01:28):
also went back to school full time at this and
have maintained a four point zero since. My gosh, we've
been in couples therapy for about five or six months now.
We each have our own therapists too. Maybe was also
EBF and I still nurse her two to three times
a day and plan to do so until at least
eighteen months or so.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
Exclusive breastfeeding.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
All right, that's the background. Now we're in therapy, and
I thought it was working. The last few weeks. He's
worked less and made time to hang out with me
and our baby more. He's planned outings for us, taken
us for bike rides, been home to cook dinner and
do chores, and to watch the baby or slash toddler
so I can have some me time or some friend time.

(02:13):
It's been so nice, and I mentioned to him that
it made me happy and thanked him for doing all
this and making progress like we've talked about in therapy.
On our walk this morning and in our last therapy session,
he said it made him disappointed that I was so
happy with spending all this time together. He said that
he'd notice since he stopped working so much and hanging

(02:35):
out with us more at home, that I'd been happier,
and that it just proved to him that he was
the problem. He said that everything he wants is a problem,
and when he doesn't do or get what he wants,
then I'm happy. He said, he's happy spending time with
me and our baby, but he's disappointed too.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
Okay, whoa so is he saying that everything that he
wants is to just be working all the time.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
I don't even know what to think of this, which, yeah,
I kind of agree. I'm just hurt that I've dedicated
so much time and energy to this relationship, to raising
our baby, who is absolutely incredible, and that I've been
told I shouldn't be asking more of him, and that
when I do spend time together, he might be happy
in the moment, but seems to look back at it
with regret and disappointment.

Speaker 3 (03:19):
Okay, so that's definitely something that can be salvaged. I
feel maybe by going to therapy. If you're happy in
the moment, focus on that. Why why are you feeling
this regret now? I don't know if he's even happy
to be with me. It certainly doesn't feel like it.
It feels like he sees our relationship as holding him back.
But when I try to tell him this, he just
says it feels like I don't trust him. He says

(03:42):
that lack of trust makes him not want to try.
I tell him, I'm just I'm trying to trust him,
but he keeps doing the same pattern of spending time
with us and then pulling away, and then the cycle repeats.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
I don't want him to pull away.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
I don't want him to tell me I shouldn't need him,
and that's when I could start trusting him again. Right now,
I'm always waiting for him to stop engaging with me
and just always be away. He struggles a lot with
negative self talk and negative self image, So I try
not to say negative things when describing what I want
out of our relationship or how I'm hurt. But then
he just puts words in my mouth, feels self pity,

(04:15):
shuts down, and stops talking to me for a day
or more. So what do I do from here? How
do I even address this? What do I say to
our therapist? And there are some very relevant comments here,
I'm sure op on her husband helping her with her
postpartum depression. OPI says, there was a time over the
summer when my PPD was really bad. One day, I

(04:36):
asked him to come home from work early. Another day,
a week or so later, I asked him to stay
home entirely. He's a construction worker, so not always with
the same company, and that company didn't ask him to
come to the next job with them. He said that
after he left and stayed home to help me, they
all treated him differently and sort of isolated him. Instead
of being upset with those misogynistic a holes, he was

(04:57):
upset with me and sometimes still brings it up as
an example of how I can't handle myself and the
baby on my own.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
No, like should she should she have to do that.

Speaker 2 (05:07):
I've told him his frustrations are misplaced, that I shouldn't
be blamed for needing him, and if a job can't
be understanding that a new dad may need to help
his wife and child, that it's better he doesn't work
with them anymore. He just gets more frustrated. Caring for
our kid is our job, not my job. A commenter
says it sounds like he didn't really want to be

(05:29):
a monogamous partner or a parent. He may have just
been ticking off boxes on the life milestone list, like
getting married and having kids. Either way, at least he's
gained some self awareness and realized he's been a crappy
husband and father. He's shown you a pattern that is
likely to repeat itself. Opie says, I keep telling him this,
that for the past year, this pattern has repeated. He'll

(05:50):
be more involved for a couple of weeks than throw
himself back into work, and I'll have no support from him.
He asked me today how long it will take for
me to trust him, and that he feels like he's
being timed. I said, there's no time limit. The change
has to keep going I see that he's putting in
the work, but I've seen that before, and I want
it to actually stick, or for him to not put
up such a fight about it if it does start

(06:12):
to slip into him working too much again. Comment or
two says, I've seen this kind of thing happen when
people get together very young. You guys, seemed to be
twenty one. You likely didn't get a lot of dating
and relationships in before the two of you were together.
He isn't happy, he said it by word, indeed repeatedly.
He doesn't want you to be happy in this because
he wants out. He wants to be with other people.

(06:34):
And again he's shown this through word and deeds. Do
you want to be stuck with someone who does not
want you? Do you want to be with someone who
resents you for wanting to only be with him? OHP
says he dated a lot of people before me. I
only dated him. I went on a few dates, but
didn't have any relationships. He said about two to three
weeks ago that maybe we should separate.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
I went to my parents' house with the baby. Oh
my god.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
He started apologizing and changed his actions. Now he's upset.
I'm happy with the change. It just feels like a
big back and forth, and I'm getting tired of it.
I'm scared to not be with him though. I love
so many of the people where we live, and I
know i'd be the one giving that up. Those friendships
and supports I had to build while he was away,
working and doing whatever. It's just so unfair. He didn't

(07:19):
have to stay with me if this wasn't what he wanted,
But he made every effort and attempt to say it
was to commit himself to me and us. But once
we have a baby, he wants out. He wanted me
to keep the baby. He doated on me all throughout pregnancy.
Comment three you says the pregnancy was a surprise birth
control failure, but we both wanted kids and were happy.
Are you sure you weren't the only one happy about

(07:41):
this who's birth control failed. I'm guessing it wasn't his,
because very little of what you have shared tells me
that he wants to be a parent. Therapy is not
the answer. You guys want completely different things. I had
a copper iud baby implanted next to it. I sent
him a picture of the test. Then he met me
at the obgyn for ultra confirmation and iud removal. He

(08:02):
cried when he saw the pictures and said he was
so happy and wanted to be a dad. I was
hesitant and said we could consider a termination due to
our life circumstances and the surprise of it all.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
He said it was.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Up to me, and we decided to keep the baby.
Comment for four says how much longer until you finish school?
I would honestly focus on being done so you can
secure higher earning potential for yourself. Quietly talk to a
divorce lawyer so you can strategize regarding the best time
to file and seek spousal support and child support, and
then leave and let him do whatever the he f
he wants. He doesn't like being a husband or a father,

(08:32):
and he seems manipulative and selfish.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
Op he says, two years and I'm done, and there's
an update. Oh boy.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
I had gotten in contact with a divorce lawyer's office
and had a brief consultation with a secretary. It wasn't
too long, and I haven't done much more gathering of
info because I've had ten different final papers and projects
and presentations happening and just don't have the time or
energy to work on it right now. Since his last comments,
things had gone back getting better. We still spent time

(09:01):
together with our toddler and things were starting to feel
fun and like we were getting closer again.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
Then we went for a walk today. I don't like her.
This is going though. Maybe he'll finally just be honest. Huh,
he'll wake up and smell the flowers on our walk.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
He asked me how I thought things had been between us,
and I said I thought they'd been good, that I
liked spending time together. Then I asked if he was
still feeling the same way as the last time we
talked about this. He basically said yes, that he's disappointed
that he's the problem and if it wasn't for him,
we wouldn't be in couples therapy. He also said that
he doesn't ask me to change anything for him, which

(09:39):
is bs because he asked me to be polled for him.
I felt frustrated at this because I'm not asking him
to change. I'm asking him to do what he had
done our whole relationship before he changed. He used to
make me homemade picnic dates, surprise me with my favorite
snacks and coffee, and drinks or my favorite chocolates from
a European stuff, chocolate tear. We'd go on a date

(10:02):
every weekend and hang out every evening. We'd text constantly
and always found new things to talk about, even after
almost eight years.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
Then, once the.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
Baby was born, he began pushing me away, telling me
I shouldn't rely on him, while also pushing for a
polyamorous relationship. He told me he would burn the fumes
in his tank to make sure others were taken care of,
but then tell me he couldn't give me those same
fumes when I needed him, or even anything from his
tank when.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
It was full.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
It was so opposite of how we used to treat me.
And I told him this on our walk. Okay, like communication,
What on earth is this guy gonna say to that?

Speaker 1 (10:38):
I don't know what. I'm so scared he.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
Think he's just gonna go Wow, I can't believe you'd
say something like that to me.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
I'm gonna have to not talk to you for two
days probably. I can't believe. I can't believe you brought
up the truth. Yeah, how could you? You're You're really
like putting a lot of me right out. I feel
very attacked.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
His response was to say, he accepts that he was
at fault, but I wouldn't be convinced of his position
no matter what he said. I told him that he's
not accepting he was or is at fault if he
keeps trying to convince me otherwise.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
In yeah, he's like, I know it's my fault, but
you'll never accept that it's not my fault.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
It's like, I'm not going to tell you because you
would never understand. I'm not going to tell you why
I would. You know why I'm still in the right. Yeah,
but it's just because you would never understand.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
In our next couple's therapy session, I'm going to bring
up that I think we've been both sidesng the issues
in our relationship. I'm guilty of participating in this. I'll
defend him and try to protect his ego and work together,
but honestly, I haven't done anything wrong in this regard.
I've acted and reacted in an impossible situation that my

(11:47):
husband has put me in. I just don't know why
the birth of our child changed him so much, made
polyamory into such a fixation of his when that time
and energy for his self discovery could have been put
into directly caring for myself and our baby. He keeps
trying to make excuses that he didn't get to do
much the first year of her life. But he went
on multiple hour long hikes and dinners with his friend,

(12:09):
went on a solo camping trip, slept over at another
at another friend's house for their birthday instead of coming
to the first family outing I had planned since giving birth.
Went hiking and rafting a couple times with the significant
others of some of my friends, went on dates with me,
went on dates with other people, had dinner with friends,
went on solo bike rides where he'd been gone for

(12:30):
multiple hours or even all day. And hey, by the way,
you can do all of that stuff while listening to
full episodes with stories just like this. All you gotta
do is go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, wherever you
listen to podcasts, search Okay story Time and you'll find sixty.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Days back to back to back.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
It's twenty four times sixty hours worth of stories to
listen to.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
When I point out my husband has been able to
do things since the birth of our daughter, his comeback
is that it's not as much as he usually did
before the baby. He only got to ride his motorcycle
once or twice last year. I could have done all
those things too, never mind that I was exclusively breastfeeding
our baby and going out anywhere meant having a portable

(13:19):
pump and refrigeration options on hand, never mind a space
where I could actually comfortably sit in pump for twenty
to thirty minutes in the middle of activities.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
I don't know, man, Just what the f happened? How
do I go?

Speaker 2 (13:30):
How did I go from a devoted and loving feminist
minded husband to whatever he is now?

Speaker 1 (13:36):
Whatever?

Speaker 2 (13:37):
I'm still going to try and fix things because maybe
at some point he'll see the light. But at the
same time, I'm going to begin to craft my exit plan.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
That's all you can do.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Let's get into these relevant comments. Comment one. Wait, so
his tank is on fumes but he wants additional partners
right bs, He can't take care of the relationship he has,
but he wants more of them. This man was never
a progressive feminist and is acting like an entitled baby.
He has a child and a wife, and he's acting

(14:07):
like he didn't ask for either, and he's a victim
I don't think there is a both sides here, and
I would seriously reconsider any couple's therapist who lets him
get away with thinking both of you are contributing to
him being entitled, disengaged, and selfish. Ope, he says, yeah,
I've been frustrated by that in therapy, though.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
I think our therapist is trying to.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Follow our lead a little bit because he knows he
can't fix it for us and is trying to help
us figure out how to fix it ourselves. I've also
been contributing to it and presenting things that way because
I'm not trying to avoid responsibility for things. But yeah,
it's not my fault. Things are the way they are.
Comment Or two says, what did he expect when y'all
became parents?

Speaker 1 (14:45):
He's a dad.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
Now, crap gets real when you have to put all
your energy, money, blood, sweat and tears into raising your kids, Right,
it's not going to be a bed of roses the
whole way. And you know what, a bet of roses
would be uncomfortable because they've got thorns.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
Right. I've always been confused by that. I've never thought
about it that way.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
A bet of roses looks nice. Yeah, if you lay
on them, it's gonna hurt.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
It's gonna hurt unless there's enough roses.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
Whereas the flower part is the only part that touches you.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
Ye, a bed of rose petals, bet of rose petals
would have to be the distinction. Anyway, I'm sorry he's
placing the fault on you.

Speaker 2 (15:27):
You don't deserve to be treated like the problem when
it's him that's making insane demands on you and you're
doing the right thing. Girl, Opie says, thank you. It's
not like he didn't expect it, or at least he
was aware. We talked throughout the pregnancy about how everything
will change, how it already had changed for me, and
how my life and my plans were pushed back a
year because of pregnancy and postpartum. He got to keep

(15:49):
much more of his life and freedom than I did.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yes, he took on extra side work.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
To bring in some of the money we were losing
with me staying home, though we would have lost even
more if I had kept working. But all the time
he was working, I was taking care of our baby,
And all the time he wasn't working, I was taking
care of our baby. Comment three says he was never
a true feminist. Oh sure, he was a feminist when
he was getting the spicy sleep regularly and he was

(16:15):
the main character in your life. But after the baby,
patriarchy says, he's not supposed to be the caregiver. Patriarchy says,
it's normal for you to be around a burned out mess,
not his problem. I don't is that look okay, patriarchy aside.
I think you don't need to be the patriarchy to
tell you to be a.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
Good husband or a bad husband.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
This guy just yeah, I don't think this guy's I
don't think this guy's sitting down at the bi weekly
patriarchy meeting and being like, yeah, so we're gonna keep
being bad husbands this week. Cool, cool, good, good good.
I think he just doesn't want to be a husband
at all, and he's trying to make her leave.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Yeah, and he's.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
Probably again, probably cheating on her. I would put all
of my eggs into that basket. Don't think we're going
to get that revelation here.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah, but I'm heavily suspect.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
Oh yeah, what, Like, what kind of trips are he
is he going on?

Speaker 3 (17:09):
Well?

Speaker 1 (17:09):
What's he doing all day at work? In those logs
on me. By the way, what's what's what trips are?
Is he going on? Where's he doing at work? Oh?
He's putting in work. Oh okay.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
Patriarchy says it's normal for him to want spicy sleep
with other people, no matter how is why he feels
about it, so he believed it it benefits him. That's
the whole story. Look, patriarchy has never convinced me I
need polyamory.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
I'll say that. Okay, yep.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
Maybe he gets his head out of his button decides
to actually build a loving and successful life with you,
someone who.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
Really wants that.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
But that's going to be an uphill climb because he's
already figured out that just following the scripts he's heard
all his life ensures his life really didn't have to
change half as much as yours did. I would really
hone in on that with the therapist, and if the
therapist tries to both sides fire that therapist. You don't
need a therapist to act like you're the problem here
when you one hundred percent or not. I feel for you,

(18:04):
and I think it's wise you're keeping an exit plan.
Ohp says, I just don't really know how to make
that exit plan. I'm not working as I take care
of the toddler full time and am in school on
a full time schedule too, squished into two days a
week while my parents take care of the little one,
so I'm not making my own money at the moment.
I don't graduate until twenty twenty seven with a master's

(18:24):
woo nice. So I either have to stay with him
until I get a job after graduation so I can
afford my own place, or I have to move in
with my parents before that, who don't really have the
space for us, but can make it work. Commenter Force says, seriously, no,
just break up. This is a complete waste of time
and energy. I was rooting for you in the last post,
and I felt that reading this is a waste of
my time and energy. Just break up, OHP says thank you.

(18:47):
I feel like my wheels are just spinning on this too.
It feels like every time things get better lately, he
tells me he's not fulfilled. I don't know why he
won't just break up with me. Then what does he
want to fix if being together makes him feel so bad?

Speaker 3 (19:00):
My wife refused to compromise on our marriage because it's
against who she is.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
That's just the way I am.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
When I was younger, before I met my wife, I
had a pretty fun and adventurous life. I drank, I partied,
I worked out, I tried some different substances. I worked
out hard, and I had amazing passionate, spicy, sleep.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
Cool.

Speaker 3 (19:23):
I never went to college, but I worked hard and
became a general manager than a district manager. I was
then asked to move from the West Coast to the
Midwest to open and grow a small business.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
I accepted.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
By the way, this comes from mister one two and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay storytime sepread it. So I met
my wife, I calmed down on the partying, going out
and drinking. The substances I tried were usually a once
or twice off while on a bachelor party here and there.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
So no issue there.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
On our first date, my wife didn't dress up, put
on any makeup, or even shower after work.

Speaker 1 (19:57):
She came in a tank top and some black short charts.
I thought to myself, this.

Speaker 3 (20:01):
Is actually incredibly cute. She gives such few f's about
this date. She is so low maintenance. She's still beautiful
and fit even without all that. She also told me
on our first date that she doesn't like dressing up
or putting on makeup. We went out again and again
with slightly varying degrees of effort and dressing up on
our fourth date. Our fourth date was a big one.

(20:24):
We went to her favorite musical and she dressed to
the nines, tight black dress, wedges, black panties, makeup and everything.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
She looked stunning and I thought, what a catch.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
She's beautiful without any effort and gorgeous with it. We
had spicy sleep for the first time afterwards, and okay,
and it was a long and passionate again.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
You're cool, We get it. We just move on. Come on.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
My wife had the complete opposite lifestyle that I had
growing up. She is a homebody, didn't party. She's never
been wasted, never tried substances. It doesn't really like going out,
hates cooking, but likes tidying it and cleaning. I thought
we would do an amazing job of balancing each other out.
I could make her come out of her show a
little bit, and she could rain me in. We used

(21:15):
to work out together regularly. She was an athlete growing up.
And so was I. I still fancy myself an athlete
to a degree. As my business grew, I had less
time for working out For a few years, she stopped
going to the gym as she got busier at work
and we didn't have a workout routine together. We went
through some ups and downs lowells in our spicy sleep

(21:35):
life due to her going to bed at nine every
night and me usually working until ten pm or later.
We got married and then moved to the suburbs. I
sell my business and get a corporate job.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
I do well at my job. She does well at
her job and gets promoted.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
I have time to go to the gym again, lose
thirty pounds and put muscle back on.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
She works from seven am to five pm every day.

Speaker 3 (21:58):
I don't have any more crazy nights, irely drink, cook
dinner at home, and have a boring life that is
eating at me from the inside. The way that this
oat pe is like setting things up, not even with
the story, but just how he's writing the story. It
feels like his English teacher would be like, you got
a show, Not tell my guy, this is all telling.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
You go giving the uh you know, the the the
exposition here there is no spice or passion in our
life together.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
We are vanilla. We have no similar hobbies or shows
that we watch together. Mostly we talk about work. I
approach her and I say, this is what I need
so I can be happier in our marriage. I'd like
you to start coming back to the jam with me
or doing some sort of exercise with me, for whatever
screwed up reason. I need this for my partner to
feel a connection with you. Interesting team I here, But

(22:46):
the only time we ever have something close to not
vanilla spicy sleep is when we do some sort of
physical activity together, like go on a hike or a
rare yoga class together. I need a little bit more
excitement or craziness from you. Not asking you to do
a line of substances off of a spicy dancer's front airbag,
but just be more open having a few drinks at

(23:07):
a nice restaurant on a Tuesday night. If we lighten
up a bit, some of our passion for life might
come back on our date nights. Don't pull up in
front of the house text me to come outside and
drive to us and drive us to the nearest restaurant
because you're striving. Would you mind coming in and putting
on a little makeup or something other than what you
wore to work, Not every time, just every once in

(23:29):
a while, so it feels like you're putting some effort
into it.

Speaker 1 (23:31):
And there were some other minor requests. Her response, all of.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
Those things are against my core being, so I can't
do those things for you. You shouldn't expect me to change
who I am. I feel like the things I'm asking
aren't excessive or unreasonable.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
Right, but you asked in the way I feel like.

Speaker 3 (23:50):
These are basic things a married couple does to keep
a spark going for the sixty years you plan to
be together.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Am I being unreasonable? There are some edits and additions.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
First off, things with the responsors so far, some of
them have been eye opening to one a hole. I
am for the way I presented this to her. Thank you, However,
that doesn't change the way I feel. Second, something that
I should add is that despite dressing up and wearing
makeup being against her core being, she has no problem
doing it for the occasional wedding or big event.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
Exactly.

Speaker 3 (24:17):
You want an event, you want, you want a special
thing to be excited for, and dressing up is a
part of the process.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
Yeah, that's what you want.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Anyone you're married to shouldn't need to have to put
on anything to go anywhere with you, only if they
want to.

Speaker 3 (24:32):
She says, she likes to look good for the pictures,
so can it really be against her core being.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Third, everyone is focusing on the.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
Makeup and excitement comment, and I can see how that
makes me sound like an absolute jack. But the thought
I was trying to convey, which I did end up
explaining to her as well, was that we needed to
do things together to find a connection again. I unfortunately
feel no closeness or emotional connection to my wife right now.
I've suggested multiple different activities and adventures we can go

(25:01):
on together so that we can share a common experience.
She's usually too tired from work. And I don't need
to do more things alone. I do plenty things alone
between friends, classes, and sports leagues.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
I want to do things with my wife.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
Fourth, At no point did I ever ask her to
come party with me. I don't need a party anymore.
Where did I say that I asked her to party?
All I said that I wish she could be more
open and trying new things with me. Whether it's a
new restaurant or a new class, activity or adventure. More addition,
where does it say anything about asking her to lose weight?
People go to the gym for a variety of reasons

(25:36):
besides losing weight. We do have an update. I'll try
to keep this as short as I can, so over
the weekend we talked much more calmly.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
About some of the stuff that I approached her about.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
I started off by apologizing for the way that I
phrased my once, but also said that just because I
was an a whole in the way that I handle
it doesn't change that those wants still exist. She acknowledged
that it is definitely fair to want the relationship to
be passionate exciting. After being together for five years, we
came to some of the following agreements exercise and physical
challenging activities together. She confessed that she can't get back

(26:09):
into going to the gym because she associates the gym
and working out with ten years of her life where
she was forced to work out constantly told us she
wasn't good enough and needed to be better, and being
yelled at by coaches in high school and college.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yeah, bigger deal.

Speaker 3 (26:23):
Turns out this aversion is something a lot of athletes
deal with, which is news to me.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
I didn't know that either. Oh yeah, dude, you think
that's why.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Like there's a huge you knowing, like a great football
player who retired like huh at like not the height
of his career. But it's like he's definitely still could
have kept going. He's just like, I just don't have
it in me. I just don't want to do anyway.
I already won the super Bowl. Dang, dude, I want
to keep doing this. This stuff's hard.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
It is hard.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
And I got a family. Yeah, I got a Super
Bowl ring, I got money.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
You're good. I'm over it.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
Yeah, and yeah, well that makes sense which to make
that call, you know.

Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
I started looking into physical activities that we can do together,
and we're planning to try some different things. We have
an indoor rock climbing date planned for this week of fun,
which we are both excited about. See, that's fun. There's
a lot of fun activities to do that that doesn't have.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
To be like go go go, push push push.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
You know.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yeah, So that's nice. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
As for effort into the date night, I backtracked big
time on the makeup and be more fun and exciting thing, and.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
Said that I was a total knucklehead for saying that,
and it was not what I meant. I used a
horrible example there.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
I explained in a little more detail that I basically
wanted to feel more like she wanted me to be
attracted to her. She agreed that it was unfair for
her to pull up after work on a date. She
agreed that it was unfair for her to pull up
after work on date nights and just have me run
out to the car so we can get to the
restaurant and chow down. We will both be putting more
effort into date nights.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
See that's so nice. I love these solutionicks.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
What happens when you open communication channels with each other?

Speaker 3 (27:58):
Yes, and it's okay if it starts in a bad
way because you didn't meet it, you make mistakes, and
then you communicate about that.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Yes, I will do.

Speaker 3 (28:08):
A better job of picking new and fun places to try.
She will be more open to trying new things and
spend some time after work getting ready, which brings us
to the last point.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
Her work hours.

Speaker 3 (28:17):
She didn't realize the toll it was taking on a
relationship that she was exhausting herself at work. She said
that she will make a bigger effort to leave by
four point thirty going forward, and to go in less
on the weekends, which will leave more time for us
to do things together, even if it's as simple as
relaxing by the pool. I didn't mention the spicy sleep stuff.
I'm hoping that if these changes stick, that that will

(28:39):
naturally result in a more passionate, spicy sleep life, which
will probably be true.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Honestly.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
I ended by asking if there was anything else that
she wanted for me, and that she didn't have to
respond right now. She said that she will take some
time to think about that, as she hasn't even thought
about anything like that lately. Thanks to everyone for the advice,
and I'm excited to see where our relationship goes from here.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
And I'm excited to see all of you.

Speaker 3 (29:04):
Go over to Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
Whatever your favorite podcast app is. We've got full episodes,
more stories just like this one just searts.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Okay, story tells right, Yeah, thousand episode many there's more
to this story.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
But I'm loving how this is going. Yes, it's perfect.
Makes me feel so warm inside.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Yes, it's it's like when when things when you feel
like things are slipping in any given context, like a
relationship or something, it's like, just talk. You have to
talk about it, don't just sit there and say nothing exactly.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
It's just such I feel like this is such a
breath of fresh air because so many of these stories,
like when problems starts to come up like this, you know,
or similar to this, it's it's usually like no, like
it's just being this whole fight and then it ends
up that they shouldn't be together and whoever brought up
the problems was they whole because he didn't bring them up.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
In the right way. But this is so relieving that
it's like, hang on, guys, it's okay. They both love
each other and they're gonna work it out. It's so
nice And we do have a little bit more to
this story seed more happy update.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
She's currently planning a date for us for the weekend,
which is a trip to Tequila Fest in our local downtown.
This is something so literally beyond anything that she's ever
shown an interest in that I am totally floored. Sorry,
I'm not trying to brag, just really excited, and I
understand that she's probably not interested in tequila, but that
she's going to do it to make an effort to
do stuff together.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
And that is the end of that beautiful story.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Hey is John og host Were gonna get back to
the stories, but a quick free minute break of ads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
My sister fired me from my job, even though I
did nothing wrong fire her. I, nineteen female, have had
a broken family for at least twelve years now, although
I have four siblings. For the sake of this story,
I will only refer to my twenty three female sister
and my seventeen male younger brother. By the way, this
comes from it pulling on strings and if you want

(30:58):
to submit your own stories, going to our slash Okay
storytime separate. So for context, my older siblings have a
different dad to my younger brother and me, and since
I was seven, my sister had moved to her dad's place.
Since then, I have seen my sister on and off
as she moved between her dad's and my mom's house
and then eventually out of home. Her dad lived about
twelve hours away at the time. For example, for my

(31:21):
tenth birthday, she surprised me by turning up, and I
cried because she hadn't even messaged me since she left
three years prior. Around about this time last year, I
needed a second job for extra money, and so my
sister offered me a casual position as she was the
store manager at her place of work. Our relationship had
been strained for years at this point, as she would
let me trust her and then push me away again,

(31:42):
but at this time we had just started talking again
and I saw it as an opportunity to get to
know her once again since we were both adults now.
Her condition to letting me work there was that I
wasn't allowed to tell the others that I was her sister,
which hurt me a lot because I felt like she
was embarrassed of me, especially when my younger brother worked
there at the time and everyone knew that he was
her brother. She's like, yeah, but he's cool regardless. I

(32:05):
let it go because I was just glad to be
around her again. Fast forward to a couple of weeks
and I had a friend who was having issues with
her family, so I had offered her to stay with
my younger brother, my dad, and me until she found
somewhere to live.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
On this specific day.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
It was her first day coming to stay with us,
and I knew she finished work at five point fifteen.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
It was about a half hour drive.

Speaker 3 (32:24):
From her work to my house in about a fifteen
minute drive from my work to my house, and I
was off at five thirty.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
For this reason, I wanted to.

Speaker 3 (32:31):
Leave right on time because I didn't want her to
be waiting outside at night by herself. It was winter,
so it got dark very quickly, and she didn't know
my brother or dad well enough to be in the
house alone with them.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
And I didn't want her to be uncomfortable. For this reason.

Speaker 3 (32:44):
Straight on five thirty, I tried to ask my sister
if I could go home, but she.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
Was busy talking, so I waited.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
After about five minutes, I started getting anxious because I
am a nervous person, and I said to her, Hey,
I'm sorry, but I really need to leave. I'm off
at five thirty and it's now five thirty five. I
need to go home, so my friend isn't there by herself.
She responded with I have made a new rule that
whatever time you finish, you need to stay fifteen minutes.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
After to tidy up your station before you leave. I
will pay you for it. You can't just.

Speaker 4 (33:09):
Make new rules.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
Willy nilly, Yeah, you gotta put that in the schedule then, yeah,
be like, oh you're off now, I'm adding fifteen minutes
to your off time. I said to her, I've already
cleaned up my station. On my roster, it says five
thirty finished time. If you want me to finish at
five forty five, you need to.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
Put that on my roster. That's right.

Speaker 3 (33:27):
I understand you are going to have to pay me
for it, and in the future I will stay back,
but today I really need to go.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
She then told me no, and I was visibly annoyed.

Speaker 3 (33:36):
Like I said, I am a nervous person and being
late makes me anxious. I stayed for another five minutes
before she said come with me now, before walking me
into the back of the store, and said, do not
ever undermine me in front of staff ever.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Again. The way you just spoke to me was disgusting.

Speaker 3 (33:53):
And just because I'm your sister doesn't mean you get
to talk to.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Me like that. I am your boss, girl.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
If you're my friend, God, literally, even if that's your boss,
like you still say to your boss, sorry, can't stay
you'll have to put it on my thing next time,
to which I was confused because I didn't give her
any attitude.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
I only explained that to.

Speaker 3 (34:13):
Her because at my other job, I was a duty
manager and I knew that it was illegal to keep
staff back past their finished time if they refuse to
stay back, which is what I responded to her with.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
At this point, staff were walking past and witnessing.

Speaker 5 (34:26):
Now she's created this whole like mess that's getting even
more dramatic that people are gonna notice.

Speaker 1 (34:32):
Make it a scene, I'm sure.

Speaker 3 (34:34):
Like when they first had that conversation, no one cared
at that place of work. She has lots of staff
that are afraid of losing their jobs, so they agree
with her. So I knew that I wasn't going to win.
I told her, I'm sorry, but I'm leaving. My friend
needs me. I already told you that I will stay
in the future, but that doesn't give you the right
to talk to me like that either, just because I'm
working under you. And she said that if I walk out,

(34:56):
then don't come back because I won't have a job.
I walked out without saying another word. After this, I
asked other people from work if I was rude to her,
and I will admit by the end of arguing, I
was getting pretty angry. However, I never swore at her.
I didn't yell, but I did raise my voice. She, however,
was cutting me off, swearing at me, and yelling. The

(35:16):
other people I asked said yes, and so I was
starting to think that maybe I was the rude one. However,
a couple of months go by and at my other
place of work, one of the girls who I used
to work with at my sister's workplace started working at
my job when I wasn't friends with at the time,
and she told me that she left because my sister
is toxic. I ran into another coworker a couple of
months after, and he told me that he saw the

(35:38):
situation and said it was unreasonable to fire me after
how she treated me, and said that he left because.

Speaker 4 (35:44):
Of her too.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
Boom.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
Yeah, if you're gonna be a bad boss, you're gonna
lose all your employees.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
You're gonna lose them all. That's the thing.

Speaker 5 (35:51):
The sister is thinking that, oh, oh, he can't talk
to her like that, and is saying like, oh, you're
treating me like your sister. But the thing is that's
what she's doing. He's treating ope like a sister and
not an employee. She thinks, oh, hey, can you help me.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
Out a little bit more.

Speaker 3 (36:06):
It's like, no, yes, that's what you would ask your sister,
not your employee.

Speaker 5 (36:10):
Oh I'm gonna yell at you while we're having an argument.

Speaker 4 (36:13):
That's what you do with your sister, not your employee.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Exactly.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
I ended up apologizing to my sister because I didn't
want to leave a relationship angry, and I told her
I want to talk again. I also had my school
formal coming up and wanted her to come to my
photos beforehand, because those photos would only ever happen once,
to which.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
She responded with, are you a fan? Kidding me? Right now?

Speaker 3 (36:34):
I can get over all the other small fights we
have we have had, and the stupid things that we've
had arguments about, because I love you. But the second
you bring your childish little chantrums into my workplace, the
place that I have devoted every single ounce of my
energy and being into, I refuse to apologize or act
like it's okay when it's not. The way you acted

(36:54):
was disgraceful, disrespectful, and had the potential to.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
Threaten my job security.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
You invite I didn't mean to your foremo without even
apologizing to me or acknowledging you were in the wrong.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
Is not you trying to make up with me.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
It's just you being selfish and only thinking about yourself
because apparently that's what you're good at now. And I
responded with you know that I love you and that
I want a relationship with you. I understand that you
have gone through a lot, and I get it because
I have too, and I'm sorry for any part that
I have played in what has happened. If you were
to come to photos, they will be at four forty five,

(37:28):
otherwise it will be too dark. And she said that
wasn't good enough, so I didn't respond. Fast forward a
couple of months and she asked me to come to
her birthday, which I said no to because I was
still hurt and she hadn't come to my birthday in years,
not even sent me a message to say happy birthday.
I asked her to come to my graduation and she
said no, so I decided to not put any more

(37:49):
effort into our relationship and told her that I was
done being the one to put effort in when she
doesn't even try to message me unless it benefits her.
I bring this up now because more drama has gone
on currently and her firing me was brought up.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
So am I the A hole? And we do have
an update? But what do we think so far? Is
op the ahole? No, your sister is clearly a bad boss.

Speaker 5 (38:12):
Yeah, and like taking advantage of her employees, including you,
and thinks that she can get away with it because
you your sister, which is not the case.

Speaker 3 (38:20):
You've got support from the other employees under her rule,
and they.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
Also agree that she is just not a good boss.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
The thing is, if you had had that conversation and
then all the other employees had said, wow, like you
cannot speak to your boss like that, that's not okay,
blah blah blah blah blah, I'd have been like, yeah,
maybe you said something wrong there, but you left and
then everyone, like multiple people came to you and said, yeah,
I quit because she sucks exactly.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
So definitely not the A hole. But we do have
an update, so let's get into it. Update.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
I didn't report my sister because it wasn't a big
issue at the time. I had another job, so it
wasn't like I was without income. Second of all, calling
me the a hole because I tried to make amends
with my sister is crazy. We are currently in no
contact and I don't let her walk all over be Yes,
I would love a relationship with her, but at the
end of my day, my mental health comes first. I

(39:16):
wasn't asking if this made me the A hole. I
was asking if I was the a hole for cutting
her off. So we're clarifying some things. And lastly, for
the comments, this story isn't fake. Believe me, I wish
it was, but unfortunately it's not. Before saying it's fake,
ask me to clarify anything, which I will happily do
to show you that I am telling the truth. This

(39:36):
happened a year ago, and now more drama has come up,
which I will go through now, and for context, I
will say my mom wasn't perfect. I definitely have trauma
that I won't get into for the sake of keeping
this as short as possible. However, my belief is that
your own trauma is your own to heal. You cannot
blame other people, which is something that I have focused
on for the last six years of my life. I

(39:58):
now have a relationship with my mom that, although it
isn't perfect, it is still one where I can trust
her with advice and support. My mom also has had
a traumatic childhood, and although she tried to break the cycle,
she was the type of mother who would give you
heaps and heaps of love and care and then switch.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
It off when things got bad.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
She isn't perfect, but I love my mom and know
that she did the best that she could with the
knowledge she had at the time. She is constantly trying
to fix as much of the trauma as she can,
and she apologizes to all of us for our upbringing. However,
she does still carry a lot of anger, which is
something that I have voiced to her that I think
she should heal. For the sake of this update, I
will not mention my oldest brother as he is not

(40:38):
relevant to the story. I will refer to my older
brother twenty six male, older sister twenty three female, and
younger brother seventeen male.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
I haven't talked to my sister since I.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
Asked her to come to my graduation and she said no,
which was November last year. Since then, I have only
seen her for a few minutes every couple of months
when she drops my younger brother off at home, but
I don't talk to her. A couple of weeks ago,
my younger brother broke up with his girlfriend, and yes
it is only a teenage relationship, but he was very
hurt by her as she is very manipulative. So I

(41:08):
thought it would be a nice idea to try and
get all of us siblings together just for an afternoon
to hang out and support him. I messaged an old
chat with my other siblings in it, before realizing that
my sister had blocked me, so I got my older
brother to add her to the chat. I sent a
message stating the situation and told them when my availability
was and asked them to send theirs. At first, my

(41:29):
older brother said that he would check if he was free,
but then my sister came back I'm paraphrasing here and
said that she already sees him at work and going
to hang out together was really pointless because it's not
going to make him feel better. He's starting my employee.
I don't need to hang out with him. Why would
I see him more than when he's working for me?
That's crazy. He'd at least try to make him feel better.

(41:51):
My younger brother is really hurt by my family being broken.
He has nightmares about my older siblings leaving him and
forgetting about him, so I know how important this hangout
would be for him. Anyways, I responded by saying that
seeing him all the time and all of us hanging
out is very different and that she should know that,
and this is when it went bad. I know I
shouldn't have texted that so witchy, but I do apologize.

(42:13):
Later on, my older brother and sister tell me that
I am reactive and aggressive and I need to learn
how to communicate over text. But regardless he is in
high school, he will get over the breakup. I then responded,
saying that it wasn't just about his breakup, but that
he felt really disconnected from the family for months.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
I then explained that I was sorry and didn't mean
for the text to come out that way.

Speaker 3 (42:34):
I just got annoyed because this happens every time trying
to make plans with each other, and we haven't all
been in the same room as each other for years.
My sister then responded saying that he's fine and I'm
overreacting and that I still live at home so I
don't understand what it's like to be an actual adult.
She then said that reaching out is a two way
street and if I wanted to hang out, I need

(42:55):
to ask her.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
She then said that she doesn't want.

Speaker 3 (42:57):
To hang out if I'm constantly having a victim mentality,
and that's something that I need to fix if I
want her in my life. My brother responded and said
that he agrees with her, and it's hard to make
time for themselves, let alone for socializing. I responded saying
that I'm also an adult now and I work full time,
have UNI full time, play sports, and have a boyfriend,
and yet I still find time for them and time

(43:19):
to decompress. I also buy my own groceries, I clean
the house all the time, payboard, and do all of
my own chores. I'm practically living on my own in
every way apart from my room actually being at my
mom's house. I then said that I don't even know
them anymore or what they're like, and that me and
my younger brother feel completely shut out.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
From their lives.

Speaker 3 (43:38):
I said that I get frustrated when I reach out
for the first time in months and they say they
are unavailable. I also told my sister that I am
reactive because I don't plan on getting close with her
again when she pushes me away every time. I then
brought up how she never apologized for firing me when
I apologize to her for the way I acted. I
told her to stop blaming me for once and see

(43:59):
it from my person. My brother then said that an
employer doesn't apologize for firing.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
You when you have been disrespectful to them.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
He said that she was my boss and had every
right to snap back to me for undermining her.

Speaker 5 (44:11):
Not true, it's not true, and also like, I'm sorry.
The way that she fired Opie was so like blase.
She was just like, okay, well if you leave your fire.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
Opie was just definitely in the right and everyone else
is stupid.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
And I said that he doesn't know the full context
and only knows that my sister has told him.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
Plus I apologize for the way that I reacted.

Speaker 3 (44:33):
I then told him what actually happened, please see the
original post, and he said that my friends on the
shift saying that she was out of line isn't credible,
but he doesn't understand that I was new to that job,
so I didn't have any friends at the time. The
only witnesses I had were those I spoke to after
I left the store. He then told me to keep
dredging up past drama to justify my poor behavior, and

(44:56):
then left the chats. It's not past drama, you asked.
I guess you didn't ask.

Speaker 5 (45:02):
You just kind of assumed that you knew what the
situation was and then said, Oh, that's not what happened.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
Here's what happened.

Speaker 5 (45:07):
He's like, Oh, bring it up past drama.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
Like you just did that.

Speaker 3 (45:11):
You need to know the situation, and all of you
people need to know that. We've gotten full episodes, more
stories just like this one on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
whatever your favorite podcast app is to search.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Okay, story time, get on over there, or you're fired.
We have that authority for all of you. They're really scary.
It's too much power. I have all the power and
the worm Queen.

Speaker 5 (45:37):
You are in my dominion and therefore I have complete
authority over your jobs.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
But anyway, there is a little bit worse the story.
I'm just gonna wrap it right up. Okay, So at this.

Speaker 3 (45:48):
Point, my sister only started responding again when I brought
up how people left because of her I.

Speaker 1 (45:54):
Told her that I'm not telling her.

Speaker 3 (45:56):
Who it was because she hasn't put in any effort
to actually act like mysis, so I'm not.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
Going to support her either.

Speaker 3 (46:02):
And she said, and I quote, you seriously need to
seek some professional mental help.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
So I didn't respond.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
So am I the a hole for not telling my
sister who left the company because of her?

Speaker 1 (46:14):
And there are some comments, but what's her answer? No,
it doesn't even need to be a question. It's not
anything you owe her at all.

Speaker 3 (46:20):
No. Some comments say you are the a whole. You
are young, and sorry to say, immature. You think being
reasonable from your perspective is the right way, and yet
ignore the signs that contradict this. But that's okay. You
will learn over time. Getting fired has nothing to do
with her being your sister. You chose to get fired,

(46:41):
as your manager was very clear about the consequences. You
decided that your friend waiting was more important than losing
your job. Your opinion about reasonableness is irrelevant. You will
find many bosses will do things that you find unreasonable,
and then you decide if you stay or leave. All good, However,
you continue to bring this up as part of your
family discussion. Stem it. It is history in the future.

(47:05):
Don't blur the personal and professional lives. If you feel
the personal relationship can't be repaired, then it's okay to
go do contact. But she does not have any reason
to apologize to you. And someone else's response to that COVID.

Speaker 5 (47:18):
Wrong commenter Opie's family was bringing up sister and the
brother were always bringing it up, saying, oh you were
you talked back bad about me, blah blah blah whatever.
And also I hate the idea that you cannot communicate
your needs and rights as an employee to your employer,
that you cannot stand up for yourself if your employer

(47:39):
is asking you something that is unfair that they have
not given you for warning for that, you know, et cetera,
et cetera, like say, hey, you know, don't just let
them walk all over you. Obviously, sometimes that can lead
to consequences. They might fire you blah blah blah, in
which case hopefully you can get some.

Speaker 4 (47:56):
Legal you know. Root course, if your boss is treating
you unfairly, don't not take it.

Speaker 3 (48:00):
Yeah, I feel like this commentary was just like, ah,
there's all bosses are just like terrible like that you
just have to deal with it.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
You just have to deal with it. It's like no, no, no, no, no,
stand up for workers. You know.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
You called Opie immature for wanting to leave work after
her shift ended, But that's okay, you will learn over time.
And Opie response to that, I didn't decide that my
friend waiting was more important than losing my job.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
I decided that I wasn't going to.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
Be berated by her anymore because I wanted to leave
at my intended shift end time. I brought up her
firing me in the discussion because I was explaining how
these situations occur over and over again and I'm always made.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
Out to be the bad guy.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
I brought it up because it was unresolved and needed
to be resolved going forward.

Speaker 5 (48:44):
Her sister said, literally when she tried to bring it
up and like get past at her sister was like,
how dare you?

Speaker 4 (48:50):
You almost made me lose my job security. It's like okay.
Clearly her sister was not over that.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
But Opie's response continue is also I'm a store manager
myself and have never treated a staff member the way
she treated me, and I had my younger brother work for.

Speaker 1 (49:07):
Me at a time as well. Someone else responds, I.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
Agree with this. The two of you will never bend
because you both think that you're right, So just agree
to disagree and drop it. If she was just a
former employer, she would not have to explain herself to
a former employee the facts that you want to have
a heart to heart about this in itself expecting special treatment.

Speaker 5 (49:28):
But I also kind of disagree with that because there
is a difference in how you treat a regular employee
and how you treat an employee as your family, because
you also have outside time where you see them, but
you have two simultaneous relationships going on with that person
and you have to manage both.

Speaker 3 (49:48):
You can like treat her as a sister in the
sense where you're going to explain yourself a little bit
more like that's really it.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
When you disagree with the boss, you either learn to
live with it or leave.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
You may be a better boss now, but that's not
how she runs her company.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
You chose to leave and you are better for it,
so let it go, and that's the end of that story.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
I think forget about this stuff because it's clearly just
a headache and it's not going to be resolved.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
If someone's ending a conversation with.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
You need serious mental help, then they don't know what
they're talking about because they have nothing else to say,
you need serious mental help. That's just like a default lie.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
Yeah, So just don't worry about that stuff anymore, or
like call her or see her in person and talk
about it in person. But until then, just try to
hang out. And if people aren't free, then they're not
free and they don't want to hang on and that's.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
A big bummer.

Speaker 5 (50:41):
They're not gonna really prioritize me in their life. And
also they fired me, so maybe we're not that close.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
Yeah, maybe they're not that great d after all. But
that's the end of that story. Hey it's Sam. We're
gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes
bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (50:58):
I made my sister cry on her wedding day because
I'm not following her rules.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
Oh crimea river.

Speaker 5 (51:05):
About a year ago, my forty one female sister thirty
three female sent out her safe the dates she was
getting married, less than a week before my son's eighteenth birthday.
Since my family is all over the country, my son
has never had a big birthday celebration. My sister was
planning a post wedding brunch the day after the ceremony
or in reception, and I asked if she would be

(51:26):
okay if we could do something for my son in
the afternoon, since family will already be gathered for her wedding.
She loved the idea, and I ran it by my
son and reminded him he can do something with his
friends on his actual birthday. Both were happy with the idea.
I even chose of any away from the hotel we'd
all be staying at, so my sister wouldn't feel we
were encroaching on her wedding. By the way, this comes

(51:49):
from wedding whoopsie. And if you want to spend your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime supper
in it All good, so far, no problems. Six months
ago the invitations came and I are appede for me
and my son.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Ex husband is not in the picture.

Speaker 3 (52:03):
Meal options were a beef dish or a fish dish.
I rsvped for two beef dinners. Now on to the
problem and where I'm being told I'm in the wrong.
At the reception yesterday, my almost eighteen year old son
was given a child's meal chicken nuggets and steak fries.
I told the server there was a mistake and we

(52:24):
are svped for the beef dish. The server took the
plate and brought out a beef dinner two minutes later.
For clarification, this wasn't a child free wedding and there
were about five kids that aged four to nine or
so at the brunch today. My sister pretty much ignored
me and was really cold when she did talk to me.
As it was ending, I asked if she was still
coming to my son's celebration, since she seemed like she

(52:46):
was mad at me. She pulled out a piece of
paper and said, maybe I'll come once you pay this.
The paper was an invoice she made up for seventy
seven dollars.

Speaker 4 (52:56):
For an extra dinner.

Speaker 5 (52:57):
The steak was seventy seven dollars.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
How it is a weddings, we're having a barbecue at
my wedding. I was confused and asked her what it
was about. And apparently my nearly eighteen year old son
was supposed to get a child's meal and the caterer
was charging my sister an additional seventy seven dollars and
that it was my fault tip to provide an additional meal.
I told her that one I had RSVP'd and chosen

(53:21):
the adult meal for him months ago, and two he's
a seventeen year old. How would anyone think a meal
of four chicken nuggets and a handful of fries would
be enough for him? It became this big blow up,
and my sister turned it into people having to take
sides and surprise, my son's birthday party ended up being
a disaster that almost no one attended because your sister
is the bride and she makes the.

Speaker 4 (53:43):
Rules on her day.

Speaker 5 (53:44):
Even our mom skipped it because my sister was inconsolable.
I still think I'm being perfectly reasonable.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
Am I really this wrong.

Speaker 5 (53:53):
About wedding etiquette? Relevant comments partially Star says Nope, you
didn't break etiquette. Your sister is insane. You are as
vpeed for beef. He should have gotten beef. No one
over the age of eleven eats kids meals, and OP
says thank you. I feel like once a child is
a teenager, they graduate to the adult table and meal. Well, honestly,
I feel like this is the parent's decision. You know,

(54:15):
it's a parent child's co decision on what they need
to eat. And so you know, if you have a
ten year old who's like, I'm a growing ten year old,
I need a full meal, then that's the parent's decision
if they get the kid a full meal. This boy's
seventeen Global fact seven seven five two. I'm sorry, I
agree with you. Here's what's on to me. Someone had
to have given the caterer account of how many adult

(54:36):
meals and how many children's meals. Nobody in the right
mind would tell a caterer a child's meal for a
seventeen year old. My son was man sized at almost eighteen,
and I'm sure yours is as well. Now on your behalf,
I would have done the exact same thing. I would
have immediately assumed the kitchen that's simply made a mistake.
Something is rotten in Denmark here because someone had to

(54:57):
have counted your son as a child, which bizarre. I
won't even go into the caterer charging that much for
a plate, just ridiculous. Secondly, it was your sister's choice
to get all worked up in mad at her own wedding.
This is something that could have been easily addressed at
a later time. I can't see where you did anything wrong,
But the takeaway from this is somebody turned in one

(55:18):
adult and one child onto the caterer. No offense, your
sister sounds like a piece of work, Opie says. But
the takeaway from this is somebody turned in one adult
and one child onto the caterer. Exactly. The RSPP didn't
go directly to the caterer, so at some point my
sister decided to give my son a kid's meal. And

(55:39):
if this was such an issue, why didn't she immediately
address it with me? Dolphine Darko says, I would love
to know what the bride's actual attendance was. Did everyone
actually show up and were they short a beef plate?
I find that very hard to believe. Please forward these
responses to your family. They are absolutely crazy to take
her side, Opie says. The reception was about one hundred

(56:00):
and eighty people. I do know at least four didn't
show up since my mom complained about it to me. Sisters,
coworker's family got the VID. I wonder if they'll get
invoices too, and there is an update, But like excellent
question for the caterers four people that at least one
of them had to have ordered the beef unless they
all order the fish. But yeah, like, why wasn't one

(56:21):
of those plates used? This makes no sense.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
Exactly, And I'm also kind of confused. I don't know
if the caterer just seems kind of whacked.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
I don't know if this is just how I interpreted
it or heard it or something. But like, was the
bride was given the invoice like in the middle of
the wedding or was that like was that a later conversation.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
That's a good question. I'm on it.

Speaker 3 (56:41):
When she pulled up the invoice, it sounded like it
was just in the middle of the wedding.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
She's like, this is why I'm not talking to you.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
I'm gonna go ahead and do my own wedding thing,
you know, and dance around or something.

Speaker 5 (56:50):
Something's fishy about this caterer. But there's an update I
posted a few days ago. And I'm not sure if
this sub allows for or welcomes updates. We do them,
but here it is. It's not good. My post was
about my sister ordering a children's meal for my seventeen
year old son at her reception and throwing a fit
the next day and invoicing me to pay for his
extra adult meal that he wasn't supposed to get. Thank

(57:12):
you all for confirming it was correct that my son
should have been given the adult meal.

Speaker 1 (57:17):
We aresv peede with.

Speaker 2 (57:18):
The invoice was given at a brunch the next day,
so they didn't get the invoice at the actual reception.

Speaker 5 (57:25):
I found out it was all planned, of course, it
was after my sister agreed for my son davis milestone
eighteenth birthday celebrated the day after the wedding. Since all
family would already be there for the wedding, she decided
she didn't want to share her weekend anymore, which.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
She could have said.

Speaker 5 (57:42):
She could have said, Hey, you know, I understand why
you wanted to throw the Sun's birthday party. Don't think
I want to do it on this weekend. Could have
said that, yes, she got Friday for the versal and
versal dinner, Saturday for the ceremony and reception, and apparently
needed all of Sunday too. Would the reasonable thing be
to tell me she was no longer comfortable with my
son's party, Yes, and I would have canceled then postponed it.

(58:04):
What the reasonable thing to be to manufacture some petty
beef and turn everyone against me and my son, resulting
in almost no one's showing up. Apparently, Yes to my
sister and mother.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Well, it wasn't petty beef because it was seventy seven dollars.
It's more than petty.

Speaker 5 (58:18):
It was very expensive beef. Because that makeshift invoice. I
had another look at it after I posted. Printed on
an inkjet printer that slightly bleeds red even on black
and white, just like my mother's old faulty printer, which
means she printed it before the wedding, so that it

(58:38):
wasn't the cater's fault. They probably never charged the oh
B me b. It was actually my son that noticed
and mentioned it looked like it came from my mom's
crappy printer.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
But you know what I'm noticing?

Speaker 3 (58:50):
What are you noticing the fact that we have all
these full episodes for you to listen to with stories
just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or
iHeartRadio and search a Pookeast story time Tivity.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Final thoughts.

Speaker 3 (59:02):
The way that that like last sentence was, uh, it
really feel like a Scooby Doo episode over here.

Speaker 5 (59:08):
I mean, did my sister really spend her wedding night
creating an invoice? Of course, it was already prepared. This
was all planned. I called my mom and.

Speaker 3 (59:19):
Confronted her yesterday and she just said, it was your
sister's wedding. All the attention she'd have been on her anyway,
Why didn't you say that?

Speaker 1 (59:27):
Now I'm just imagining the wedding night that. The husband
is like, babe, come back to bed. She's like, wait,
I have to finish it. I'm curiously typing this invoice.
He goes, oh, babe, are you talking your villain voice again?
What are you doing?

Speaker 2 (59:39):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (59:39):
She'll never cross me again. Her wedding was on Saturday.
She doesn't own.

Speaker 5 (59:44):
Sunday, that's the Lord's Day, doesn't own it. So they
humiliated my son so she can play princess for an
extra day. Honestly, things have been bad in the past,
but for the past five years I thought I was
really making progress with my mom. But I'm questioning her
role in my life now more than ever. Even worse,
my son no longer wants anything to do with both

(01:00:05):
of them, and.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
Maybe that's for the best.

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
And there are some relevant comments circus slav says, this
is absolutely wild. I guess I can see wanting all
the attention on the couple the day of, but the
fact that she saw celebrating her nephew the day after
her wedding with all her family around as a burden,
taking attention away from her own pretty princess special weekend

(01:00:29):
instead of being overjoyed to share a fun, happy milestone
with him is gross. Oh P says that's the thing
that bothers me. At any point, she could have said,
I thought about it some more and I really want
the attention of the weekend to be on me. I
would have been annoyed but canceled the birthday party, But
to not say anything and cause this blow up is

(01:00:49):
really out of this world, okay, Cryptographers.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
Thirteen oh two.

Speaker 5 (01:00:54):
Can I see being slightly annoyed at a nephew's b
day party the day after the wedding? Maybe, but I'm
absolutely passing away that she had him served a kid's portion,
like he isn't eating more than most adults at almost eighteen.
I mean, just every step of her plot makes no sense.
Opie says, I totally get it. When I first approached
her about it, it was only because it's a milestone birthday,

(01:01:16):
and my extended family is spread throughout the country, so
it meant everyone who came to the wedding could also
celebrate my son's birthday. I even booked an entirely different
venue so she wouldn't feel encroached on. If she or
even my son wasn't okay with it, I wouldn't oppressed
the issue at all. I legitimately thought she was happy
with extending the festivities. Well she's legitimately kind of crazy.

(01:01:39):
So that's the end of the story.

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
But wow, wow, I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
Yeah really just stated in a whole coup. Oh that
was so wild. But that's the end of that story, folks.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband is UPSET… that spending time together makes me happy! - r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2183