My husband said he’d choose his late wife… over me! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2104 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay storytime
podcast hosts.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up.

Speaker 1 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
My husband said he choose his.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
Deceased wife over made Oh. I love comparison because it
is not the thief of joy.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
Try making a ven diagram.

Speaker 5 (00:21):
What it's not gonna.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Do, It'll at least make things clearer.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
I guess make a pros and gonzo list. My thirty
four female husband thirty seven male was once married before me.
She was his high school sweetheart. They started dating their
junior year, survived long distance during college, and got married
when they were both twenty three, very shortly after graduating college.
By the way, this comes from No Contact seventy seven
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to art side Storky Stories. I'm Suburta. So she passed

(00:47):
away unexpectedly at the age of twenty six from an aneurysm,
and it obviously devastated him bro especially because they were
extremely young. They never had children. He contemplated remarrying because
he was so heart broken, but we ended up meeting
about four years after that. We got married when I
was thirty one and he was thirty four, and we
have two children. Last night, we were at a friend

(01:10):
part luck gathering. Everything was going well until one of
our friends brought up a new topic that had to
do with relationships. She was newly divorced, so it was
about her divorce. Oh no, lovely, others were chiming in
with past relationships from high school, college, et cetera. I
had said I never thought I would get married because

(01:31):
my luck with men has always been terrible until I
met my husband, and I said I felt very lucky
to have met him. After a little while longer, my
husband brings up his deceased wife. Everyone has known he
was married before me and that she had passed. He
was talking about her and then drops a bomb and goes,
she walked through that front door right now at pickup
or we left off. If I am being honest, it

(01:53):
felt like someone put my heart in a blender and
the old one tuned me and the gut as hard
as they could. Everyone in the could. Since the awkwardness
that followed. To avoid making a scene, I just laughed
and off, even though I think it was still obvious
that it hurt me. I just felt that if you
still felt that way, then why are we married. I've
never asked him to get over his wife. I've never

(02:15):
had a deceased spouse or even a deceased partner, so
I'm unsure how that feels.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
But I would never say that in front of my
new spouse. Exactly.

Speaker 4 (02:24):
It's like there's a time and a place that's something
you say to like your best friend who's known you forever.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
After the gathering we left. I did not speak to
him the entire card ride home, or barely the entire night.
I did tell him that what he said hurt my
feelings deeply, and that we could talk in the morning
since I've calmed down. Because I didn't want to say
something mean to him, I ended up sleeping on the
couch because he would not leave me alone. It's now
the next morning and I barely slept. He is still sleeping.

(02:52):
I'm not really sure what to do or say, or
what he will say. Divorce or therapy, therapy, therapy.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Really, I think, yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
This one comment isn't divorce worthy. No, this one comment
doesn't show that he's not ready to have you as
a wife.

Speaker 4 (03:07):
Well, it's like you're talking about like a really intense
emotion and something that honestly, like you know, being in
a relationship with someone that just like you're just like
in love with and you're like, this is gonna last
like forever, and then like if that person just like
fell off of the face of the earth, that would
have shattered me for the rest of my life. It
wouldn't matter who I met or who I got married to.
That would always be in there somewhere.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
I also have tried to reply to as many comments
as I can. They were flooding in and we are
into the update right now. I may still try to
read them and reply to them. Many brought me so
joyous and grateful tears. Also, Booze was not involved in
the scene. He wasn't wasted. My husband is six three
and almost two fifty pounds. He had eaten quite a
bit and had one He was practically sober. Anyway, we talked.

(03:52):
I asked him to let me go first and to
not interrupt. He doesn't usually interrupt.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Anyways.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
This isn't verbatim, just a rough skey of how things went.
I'll also include points of some of you without mentioning.
I posted about this stuff, of course me. I just
want to say that I do not hate you or
what you said. I understand where you were coming from.
She passed and it was something neither of you saw coming.
I could never ask you to get over her or

(04:19):
forget her, because I know how much you loved her.
She was your first love. I do understand that if
she hadn't passed, we likely would not be together, and
you too, and you too likely would be together. I
have always understood this, But to say what you said
hurt my feelings and embarrassed me. And even though her
coming back from the passing away place is impossible, it

(04:41):
were possible, you would have leave me and the children.
It was probably one of the worst things anyone has
ever said to me. It is clear your feelings about
her are still raw, and it hurts, and I want
to get you counseling. I also want couples counseling very
very soon. Even apologize profusely.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
Wait, honestly, that was that was great. That was a great,
very calm.

Speaker 4 (05:04):
The only thing that would be more impossible than this
situation right now. It would be like if she actually
did come back, like if it was like a castaway
type scenario.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Yeah, tear it up and said how he did not
mean to hurt me and embarrass me in front of
our friends. He basically said that he thought about it
before he went to sleep and came to the realization
that he could have kept it to himself. I mean,
I can't be angry for what he thinks. He loved
her and fell asleep eternally, his feelings are also valid here.

(05:32):
He also said that he would never leave me and
the children and that what he said was just poorly
thought out in poorly worded statement, that he was not
thinking clearly and when he said it, he immediately felt
that it maybe came out wrong. I asked him how
he would feel if I said that to him. He says, yeah,
it's bad. I know I shouldn't have said it. I
wouldn't be happy. I know you are happy. I should

(05:54):
have apologized in front of everyone as soon as I
said it, or not have said it at all. I
then asked him to think of the children and said,
it's like you saying hey, children's name. If I not
passed away, why flocked through the door, I'd pack my
bag to never speak to you guys again. And then
it really got uncomfortable. After some silence, I had no
idea what to say. After that, he asked me if

(06:14):
I wanted too divorced. So I asked him why he
would think I would want a divorce.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Just to see what he would say. He says he
doesn't know.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
I didn't answer his question, and he said we needed
to look into counseling, that he needed to go to
counseling for himself, and that we would go to couples counseling.
And if the answer is no, I am not interested
in moving forward. This isn't one hundred percent about the
comment anymore. I need to know if he's willing to
make the necessary changes and to put in the work
to fix what he messed up, because if he were

(06:44):
to dismiss my feelings or not one counseling, it means
he doesn't think that it was that serious and that
he might not think to take me seriously. I also
told him this. Some of the comments also told me
to take the kids elsewhere. I agreed with this because
it would be difficult to get through this while also parenting.
I've got a very young daughter and a son that
is a coddler. They're currently with my parents for the weekend,

(07:06):
and I will be getting them Sunday night, So this
gives us time to really work.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Ah.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
So this is like the little onion. It's like, oh,
what's underneath here. It's like, it's maybe not the onion.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
The orange layers. There's layers to the orange peel. It's
a little rotten in there. Oh no, yeah, you waited
a little too lawney, that orange rot. Yeah, No, I
think it could have get under the hood. You know.

Speaker 4 (07:29):
I would have even thought of, like separating the kids
from this sort of event going on right now, if
that's what you would call it.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
But it's a pretty good idea, yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:38):
To at least like it gets them away from whatever
sort of turmoil might be, you know, brought up or
being processed while the therapeutic process is happening.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
So that's good. I think Op's approaching this with the
right mentality.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
He suggested he sleep on the couch instead of me.
I have nowhere else to go. I haven't told my
parents because I really would like to keep this in
between me and him as much as possible. I mean,
friends jump to judge too fast and sometimes offer extremely
harmful advice, and also it's embarrassing. Luckily, we both have
very good insurance that will help out with counseling. I
told him that it seems like whatever counseling he got

(08:16):
after her passing was not enough, and that he was
not consistent with it like he should have been. With
trauma like that, I personally would have been in counseling
for years before I even consider remarrying. He agreed, he
was only in it for about a year and then
stomped once he moved away from his hometown never got
back into it. He also agreed to the individual and

(08:38):
couples counseling. He kept apologizing, kept telling me he loved
me all day. It was also so difficult to be
around him because he kept looking at me. I couldn't think.
It was like he would try to say something and
then he would just stare and not say anything. With
kids gone, there's nothing really to do except talk. So
we talked again right before dinner time. If I wanted

(09:01):
him to cook or buy something, I was not hungry,
to be honest, so I told him he could pick
something up for himself and that I wasn't hungry, and
that prompted the second discussion. I realized he must feel
very bad because he noticed I hadn't really eaten much
at all today. He kept asking me to eat. I
wasn't sulking too badly or anything, just doing my usual task,

(09:21):
but not speaking or eating as much because we're home
together all day. He noticed this. He asked me one
more time to please eat dinner with him, so I agreed.
During dinner, he told me that he looked for counselors
himself and wanted me to see if I thought they
were okay enough, and that he would keep looking last stretch.
After all that, I told him that we can't really

(09:42):
predict anything until we've met with therapists. I don't want
him to keep saying sorry. I want to work and
change and then maybe we can move forward. But this
is the first step. I don't want to leave him
just yet. I am also not saying divorces off the table.
I think he is still hurting from her, and his
judgment is very, very clouded. If he didn't love me,

(10:02):
I doubt he would have apologized so many times and
looked for counselors on his own. A man that doesn't
love me probably would have made me look or rejected
me going along together. Many people were suggesting this. I
do not think he doesn't love me. I thought of
this myself, cried about it. A lot of my children
cried more. I'm not staying for the kids. I'm staying
because I want to at least try and fix it.

(10:25):
If it cannot be fixed, then at least I tried.
We're very close. Some people were asking how close we
were prior to marriage. I guess this was a way
to gauge the difference between their relationship and our relationship,
maybe to see if he settled. He was always romantic, caring,
and sweet to me. We've never yelled at each other.
When we first started dating, he would plan dates, surprise me,

(10:46):
bragged to me about to his friends. So that's why
I'm very confused on why he would blurt that out,
unless it was just very poor brain and mouth coordination.

Speaker 4 (10:58):
That's the number one tell you that, that's the number
one culprit.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
I also told him that I may need to get
a counselor for myself. I don't think I need one.
Someone suggested this, but I think he needs it more
than I do. And because of insurance, companies are getting
crappier by the year three counseling bills may be pushing it.
I don't know. If I do get one, it's because
I don't want to potentially resent him or doubt myself.
Some people were making attempts to make me doubt myself.

(11:25):
Some people were very nasty to me. I appreciate Reddit
hiding comments with many down votes, as they may be
mean to me, but I couldn't help but click. Some
of you are very mean and nasty individuals. And I
hope you find happiness one day. I hope that you
find someone that you can fall in love with and
then they die three years later.

Speaker 2 (11:46):
Wait what what? What? I was picking that? He just
picked that up out of nowhere? Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Those things where it's like, I hope you have a
wife and kids and a family of four one day
and they all get in a car accident. Has anyone
ever told you that? Nope, someone told me that once.

Speaker 4 (12:02):
You technically just told me that now, because you looked
me in the eyes and you said it.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
I just asked if anyone It's sort of like, as
anyone told you that they like your hat.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
You're like that.

Speaker 4 (12:10):
See when Nick Cage is like, have you ever been
dragging along sidewalking beatn to you poo bah.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
He said that where is your name?

Speaker 3 (12:18):
There could be another update in the future, not opposed
to making one. Thank you all for your kind words
and support. I've also respond to everyone that texted me
people blah blah blah blah blah. They basically said the
same thing. They can't believe he said that they feel
bad for me, asking if everything is okay what he
said was not okay, et cetera. He showed me some
of the texts with him and his friends, and some
made me cry with how kind they were towards me,

(12:39):
basically telling him he wasn't necessarily wrong for thinking that,
but be wrong for saying that. And by the way,
it will not be wrong for you to join us
every day, every day on your favorite podcast platforms when
you search up Okay story Time and there will be
how many days worth of content?

Speaker 2 (12:56):
Forty eight? Just click there? Just go right now? Oh wait,
this what we just added? Another one?

Speaker 4 (13:03):
Another day of content, well, another episode of content, twenty
three more and it'll be another day, a.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
Day of contents.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
But do you think they're gonna make it?

Speaker 4 (13:12):
It's hard because they're an idealized version it's like they there,
you can't actually compete with them because they're not here anymore.
So all that you have is an idealized memory.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
Right.

Speaker 4 (13:22):
But that's why moving forward with counseling, with therapy can
maybe help break down this grief into something that's actually
digestible for OPI's partner, and then he can move forward
without this being this like, all right, well, I have
her up on this pedestal that no one else can touch,
because that also is unfair for OP to have that
sitting in the back of her brain, regardless of if

(13:43):
it was said in a bad way or not. It's
like they're gonna have to figure out how to, you know,
break that down into something that can.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
Be back to the story, I told him I loved
him as well, and I've never not loved him for
even a second, and that I wasn't angry with him,
and I didn't want to, I guess suffer for what
he said, but I was just sir and needed him
to know that it did hurt me and him to
respond how he saw fit and we go from there.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
That's all for now.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
I couldn't possibly answer more questions here if you have any,
If I didn't address your question. I'm sorry, blah blah
blah blah blah. Have a nice weeek in everyone, and
thank you again and thank you for your lovely story.
I hope things work out, but that is the end
of that one.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
My husband's girlfriend wants to stay with us permanently. I'm
having second thoughts.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
I would maybe have ye second, third, maybe four thoughts,
and I would discuss them. Let's go to twelve. Let's
run it up.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
So editor's note, metamore is someone who is dating one
of your partners. So my husband male thirty three and
I female, thirty four. I've been together for twelve years
and married for seven. We also have a kid who
is too By the way, this comes from fluid background
two to seven. And if you want to submit your
own stories, go to our slash Okay storytime, subred it
and send it in.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
So, my husband has.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
Been opened about the fact that some of his previous
relationships were polyamorous, and we have always been opened to
general ethic non monogamy.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
For example, we.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Used to go to spicy sleep parties together and some
other examples. Fast forward to six months ago, when a
friend of his came to the end of her marriage
and quite urgently needed somewhere to stay, so we took
her in. That was all well and good at first,
and they were very close, but so were the three
of us. There were knights we all slept in the
same bed because she couldn't face sleeping in her own.
There are also nights when my husband slept in the

(15:24):
bed with her at my suggestion, because again she couldn't
handle sleeping alone.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
But I struggled to share a bed with the three
of us just because of space. Wife. He gave the.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Okay, mutually agree, mutual spicies we got now. However, the
topic of Holly did come up a bit further down
the line as a genuine option, so they started spending
every Friday night together, and honestly, I was genuinely happy
about this. This started as a nominally friends with benefits thing,
but naturally progressed into a relationship. I honestly don't think

(15:54):
I have any issue with him seeing her, but the
problem I am facing is that they want to live together.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
I'm three forever, get a bigger house and then do
this permanently.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
And I can't tell you why, but I'm really uncomfortable
about permanently sharing my space like this. On the other hand,
my husband's mental health has always been really bad, but
since his girlfriend or friend of benefits. Since my husband's girlfriend, yeah,
there we go, I lived here and there have been
more of us around, it has been a lot better.
So I really don't want to take this away from him,
really really don't want to. So I have to find

(16:25):
some ways towards happiness for myself and this. Even though
I work from home and they both work out of
the house, I never feel like I'm on my own
anymore somehow, because wherever I look there are reminders that
it's the three of us now. So I just feel
permanently not at ease in my own home, and I
don't know how to get past that. Also, she really
wants us to move houses so that way we can
have somewhere bigger, but also so it doesn't feel like

(16:47):
our house that she's living in, rather something that we
have as equals. And I really don't want to transition
to potentially having less time with my husband than I
do right now.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Do I send some miscommunication happening here?

Speaker 1 (17:00):
Miscommunication of no communication at the moment he's in my
bed four nights a week and in her bed for
two nights, and then we share the bed one night,
all three of us.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
We bought a bigger bed so that we could do this.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
It has to be said that I really like his
friend with benefits a lot of the time, and one
of my hopes is that if she and I work
on our relationship and get closer, this will get easier
for me.

Speaker 4 (17:21):
Or it could never get easier because it's just something
you found dationally don't want. You want a marriage, not
a threerriage or whatever you call it.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
It's a great new term friarrage, take care apology communities
for you.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
But at the moment, I'm losing the home that I.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
Thought I would grow old, and I am worried. I
am losing half of my husband. I don't know what
I'm looking for, but I'm so worried right now because
of relevant comments and what a sad person says. I
can't tell you why, but I'm really uncomfortable about permanently
sharing my space like this. Not that you need a
reason for not having someone else to move into your home,
but unless I'm reading things wrong, it kind of seems
like they kind of assumed it had happened instead of

(17:57):
asking you how you felt about a roommate. That is
a great call out. This also doesn't seem like a
good idea anyways. They've only been together for a short time,
so not only would moving in not be sound.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
But she just got out of a marriage boom.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
If you're worried about your husband needing to split time
between you two, that is a reality of having multiple relationships.
Is that something you'd be okay with? Because this all
just seemed to happen, and I'm wondering if you ever
had the time to truly process and consider if this
is right for you, to which Opie response, I'm under
a lot of pressure to make this work for me.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
My husband has not.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Ever been truly happy in a long while, and having
both of us around has transformed his mental health. I've
expressed my worry that just swapping around which of us
is unhappy is in progress, even acknowledging that I'm not
as happy as he was, but long term might I be?
But there doesn't seem to be a middle ground he
can consider. I'm hoping some support from polyfrin therapist will
help us to articulate the needs and find a workable

(18:48):
middle ground. A sad person replies again, your husband's happiness
shouldn't be so dependent on everyone cohabitting. To be honest,
of course he's happy right now. Him lending a friend
a helping hand out of their marriage ended up with
him having a living girlfriend with his wife's permission, walking
around the.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
House going score all day long.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah, bro is on cloud nine right now, and you
have to deal with the consequences. Not that he shouldn't
rely on those close to him. I have mental issues myself,
but it's not you or his friend with benefics' job
to keep him well, especially when it's at the cost
of your happiness. A good husband partner person would understand that,
depressed or not, Also, neither of you should be playing

(19:28):
the oppression Olympics. Not the most apt turn, but you know,
don't think about who's less happy than the other. Your
husband's mental health needs treatment, not another partner in a
complex and unplanned living situation. At the end of the day,
it's the home you share with your husband and your child.
Oh God, oh God, yeah, oh God, complicated?

Speaker 4 (19:47):
Hi Auntie, Why is Auntie Daddy having special sleepy dimes?

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yay go little Timmy, watch out.

Speaker 4 (19:57):
None of my other aunties do that with my uncle
or my dad.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
I'm I'm so okay, he's not gonna know who's who.
What's what you see? Little to me, daddy has some needs.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
At the end of the day, it's the home you
share with your husband and your child. In my opinion,
this should always be a two yeses and one no.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
Sort of situation. You have the right to choose who
lives with you.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
Wyand Merk says, Unfortunately, it really seems like you're at
an impass here. Have you made it clear that you're
not interested in this to your husband, Opie says, I
have really tried, but he's very clear that this is
absolutely what he has needed for a long time, not
just being Polly that's fine, but also all of us
living together. I think I've at least got across my
very strong reservations. Now we are going to try to

(20:43):
put everything we have into how we can genuinely make
this work. Seeing a poll friendly therapist together as a
three as well in various pairs. According to me and
his friend with benefits, dude, they're going to be just
swapping around.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
So funny.

Speaker 4 (20:54):
Yeah, that's again not complex or hard to navigate whatsoever,
so expensive.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Too, and doing the work to find a balance together
and separate the bits of life that actually work for us.
Wandmerk says, what about your needs? Though your needs, Opie says,
I really want to learn to compromise. There are a
lot of ways I've got my own way over the years,
and it's fair that I at least give this my
best shot.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
Tore Ryder says, but why are you the only one compromising?

Speaker 1 (21:19):
Opie says, I don't know. I really need to find
ways to stay on my ground. Everything gets turned around
on me when we start talking about it, so I
think I may genuinely need the therapist there.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
Do help me communicate here and to a.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
Deleted reply, she's been living here for six months already,
since before they got together. So we have a big, fat,
juicy update, dude, But let's talk again. I feel like
those relevant comments and Opie's responses have made it even
more abundantly clear that husband's getting one hundred percent of
what he wants, op is getting zero and that's it.

Speaker 4 (21:48):
And op is just like trying to figure out a
way to be like and I'm okay with this, How
do I force mye while really not being okay about it.

Speaker 2 (21:56):
Yeah, it's it's pretty clear.

Speaker 4 (22:00):
You know, I've been in this kind of situation in relationship.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
None in the context of.

Speaker 4 (22:04):
Polly, but like right, like you know that there's something
that you kind of want to say or should say,
but you also have that innate knowledge that when you
say it, things are gonna change like for ever, yes,
and might be over.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (22:20):
But it's like you can either then, like live a lie,
which is harder than that exactly, or you can just
like you know, be honest and move through the relationship
in the truth, which is what you have to do when.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
You're in Polly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
Cohabitating just got harder and harder, and I was getting
less and less of my husband's love, attention, and even compassion.
A friend then bought a house and my husband was
going to live there two then three, then even.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Five nights a week. Nothing I said was right anymore.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
I was the villain, apparently uncompassionate, selfish, a bad communicator,
not seeing it from my husband's or a friend with
benefits point of view. I was increasingly excluded in my
own life, and unsurprisingly, about six weeks ago, my husband
ended our marriage. Thank god it's over. Yeah, thank god
it's over dude now ostensibly for other reasons about our relationship.

(23:12):
But it may surprise you not at all to learn
that he is now moving in with the friend in
the house she bought. I am now not on speaking
terms with her at all after some increasingly manipultive behavior
from both of them, but especially her.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
By the way, if you never.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
Want to be manipulated and you want a master guide
on how to never be gas lit or have anything
bad to you in terms of emotional manipulation happen, go
to Spotify, good Apple podcast search. Okay, story time, listen
to the episodes. It's full episodes, Ladies and gentlemen. But
we have an update number two. Any quick thoughts before
we dive into that.

Speaker 4 (23:42):
Shout out to Opie's husband for low key like doing
the things she needed to do for her, because it's like,
it's just not gonna work if you're unhappy on a
fundamental level like that with something like that.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
Update number two.

Speaker 1 (23:54):
So I posted here ages ago about my husband and
his girlfriend essentially putting a lot of pressure on me
to be pop.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
It's not enough for you to want to want it.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
You have to actually want it, rather than in any
way acknowledging that I didn't.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
It was bloody awful. I couldn't do it.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
It's not who I am, and no matter how I
tried to say that, they weren't having it. In the end,
my husband broke up with me, ostensibly not because of
me not wanting to be Polly, but I mean it
was absolutely that his girlfriend is hugely manipulative and had
swung him from being deeply in love with me to
completely not and thinking I am a terrible person within
the space of a year, a world record. I've got

(24:30):
my faults, to be sure, but I didn't deserve any
of this. I've been doing a lot of work on
myself to identify and understand what happened to me and
the way my husband abuse manipulated me. Part of me
is also concerned that the girlfriend is also effectively doing
the same thing to my ex.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
But that's his problem, not mine. Yes, there we go, now,
we're not your monkey, not your circus. There it is. So.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
I've recently met the girlfriend's monogamous X and that has
been eye opening.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
It feels like she's got a playbook.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
She treats her ex badly, and it's similar to me
and debatably to my ex. My ex has also been
controlling over the years. I've been so much.

Speaker 2 (25:09):
Healthier out of the situation, and it's better for me.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yes, I'm heartbroken for losing what I thought was a
happy marriage and for being so disillusioned about what I
thought we had. This has really pulled the wool from
my eyes, and it's awful being away from very small kids.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
Half the time, I'm hyper vigilant about.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
Their welfare and I'm so worried for them, but they
seem to be okay. In short, I have to accept
that some of you are happy and healthy and in
good relationships. But if that's not your experience, if it's
being used by your partner or their partner to have
their cake and eat it. If you're not happy, listen
to your gut, listen to your heart, listen to your friends,

(25:45):
and get out.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
The sooner you escape, the less I hope you might
get hurt.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
Yes, my wife came out as queer after being caught
having an.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Affair convenient timing, some would say, perhaps even dubious.

Speaker 4 (26:06):
Timing dubious, and two weeks ago my wife came out
as the l n LGBTQ. To say that I'm confused
her upset and possibly even relieved is an understatement. And
by the way, this comes from user average bald white guy.
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
do it at the r slash ok storytime subreddit. So

(26:29):
earlier this month, my wife told me she wanted to
disconnect for a little while. I chalked it up to
a midlife crisis of sorts. She had turned thirty last
year and was depressed about how she felt her life
had not lived up to her expectations. For example, she
had a bunch of things she wanted to do by
thirty but never did. I agreed to allow her to
disconnect because I just wanted her to be happy. She

(26:50):
started hanging out with other women, including one with whom
she previously worked. In the meantime, she would practically ignore me.
On one weekend, she and the former coworker went out
to a s by some men club and then to
Disney World the following day. I had my suspicions when
I saw the coworker slowly pull her truck up to
the house, as if she was trying not to be seen.

(27:11):
I eventually looked at my wife's phone and saw text
messages between them, flirty messages at that nothing explicit, but
definitely flirty. I wondered if my wife was having an affair.
She had previously identified herself as by to me when
we first started dating. I spoke to my wife several
times without directly asking about my affair suspicions, and she

(27:31):
didn't really say anything to me. You're like I didn't
really ask her directly, and she told me nothing.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
Flash forward to two weeks ago.

Speaker 4 (27:40):
I cornered my wife in our kitchen before work and
told her I didn't like how she was treating me.
She broke down and cried hysterically and uttered the two
words I never thought I would hear, I'm the LMLGBTQ. Well,
that was unexpected. She said that she knew she was
this way since she was eight, but she was too
afraid to say anything. A deeply religious woman would have

(28:02):
likely disowned her. Plus, even in this time and age,
coming out of the closet is still a hard thing
to do. I told my wife that I still loved
her and I would not just remove her from our house,
and I encouraged her to seek counseling. I've done so
as well. Make no mistake, I have no illusions about
our marriage anymore.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
It's over.

Speaker 4 (28:21):
The only thing keeping us married is the marriage license.
But I'm now dealing with this tremendous range of emotions, relief.
I now know what's going on. She is just not hetero.
She wasn't cheating on me, or so she says. And
if she was, nay, it's with another woman.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
Not as bad.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
Oh peep, unbothered by heys, I like it, okay?

Speaker 2 (28:48):
Anger?

Speaker 4 (28:49):
How could she keep this hidden from me? Why didn't
she tell me four years ago when we first started dating,
or three years ago when I proposed to her, or
two years ago when we got married.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
Lack of trust.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
I'm pretty sure something was going on between the coworker
and my wife before she came out to me. I
know they are now in a relationship.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Hurt. I am heartbroken.

Speaker 4 (29:09):
My wife was someone I thought I would spend my
entire life with. We even discussed having children. I was
so in love with her, and she made me a
better person. And now I fear I will be alone.
And that is just the tip of the iceberg. The
problem is there's not much out there when it comes
to men whose wives came out of the closet again.
I'm in counseling, and my wife and I are being

(29:29):
open and honest with each other. But what else could
I do? I know that we're getting divorced or anulled?
What do I tell my parents? I don't want to
out my wife, but I don't want to lie to
my parents either. Am I doing the right thing in
not punping my wife out of the house? Am I
being too supportive and nice? Should I be an ahle?
I've got so many emotions flying here and I simply
don't know what to do.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
And there is an update. However, buddy, I gotta say,
don't just be an ale now yep, which I mean
he isn't yet. I understand how he's like, am I
being too much?

Speaker 1 (29:58):
But I think it's phenomenal that he's kind of It's
almost like he's like looking at it as a third
party in a way, and he's like, hey, look, I'm
not gonna get you out of the house right like
we still share this life together. It's an upheaval to
do this. I you know, feel for you that you
went through this thing. Obviously, I hurt myself and all
these other things. But I think there's a world where
it's like, hey, let's like figure out the next steps together.

(30:21):
Let's figure out how to get you to a new
place as quickly but also, you know, safely and effectively
for you as possible, so I can move on with
my life too. I think it's that. I think it's
coming together and working as a team. You still care
about each other.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
I think, do that right. Yeah, wonderfully said, there's no
need to get nasty. Yeah, let's get into this update.

Speaker 4 (30:40):
It has been a few days since I reached out
to Reddit for help and advice about my problem. I
have seen a therapist twice about this whole sordid thing,
and I've reached out to good friends for support. My
wife and I have also talked about how we are
and where we're going. I don't have all the answers
yet about why this is happening to me, you know,
besides the fact that my wife doesn't date man anymore.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
But for the first time in a long time.

Speaker 4 (31:02):
I do feel good and upbeat. My response to this
life changing event has surprised me. I haven't lashed out
in anger, caused any damage, destruction, or harm.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
I've been level headed, and I've.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
Handled, not ignored, the emotions as they come, and I've
chosen to take this time to make myself a better person.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
My wife has.

Speaker 4 (31:19):
Yet to see her a therapist, and I don't think
it's right for us to start making major decisions until
she gets a chance to have her issues examined as
I did to mine. However, I acknowledge and accept that
our marriage is over, which is good. She no longer
sleeps in the same bed as I. She instead spends
time between the couch at my house and her girlfriend's apartment.
I've told my wife that I no longer see us

(31:40):
as a husband and wife. I also don't wear my
wedding band constantly anymore. Perhaps you're wondering why I'm even
wearing it at all, good thought. I wear it mainly
because I do not want to misrepresent myself to someone
who could be a future partner. We are still technically married,
and I know I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship
with someone who hasn't legally ended theirs yet, which is again.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
This guy is the greatest. He should be sitting in
his seat. He is crassed the.

Speaker 4 (32:05):
Code Wow and he's like, there's not a lot of
resources out there for men whose wives leave them for
other women. It's like, buddy, you're becoming the blue prays
for how to deal with it.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
So true.

Speaker 4 (32:16):
So my wife, however, seems to have the opposite point
of view because she's already in a relationship with her
new girlfriend. But I'm not gonna play that game. Plus,
my wife isn't out of the closet. Fully, we have
mutual friends at work. If someone sees me without my
wedding ring, what will they think. I'm not about to
start any rumors or say something until I am dang

(32:37):
well ready. And don't get me wrong, I know a
split is inevitable, and I'm not about to think that
our marriage can be saved. It cannot. She is one way.
I am not do the math people. Honestly, I'm not
ready for any new relationships yet. I must still mend
my broken heart and then take that time to be
happy with me again before I can be happy with another.

(32:58):
I know love will come again, after all, I'm an
educated man, in good shape, with my own home in
a nice neighborhood.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
Tako Pie the most well adjusted man on Flanet art, dude.

Speaker 4 (33:11):
Truly, the blueprint can we is that we should call
this story the blue print? My God and I also
have a job that pays pretty well. Allow me to
toot my own horn and say I am one f
an incredible catch.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
Well, at least your confidence is certainly way up there.

Speaker 4 (33:30):
Yes, some of you have wondered why I'm acting so
calm and collected, especially in light of my wife's decision
to be in love with another woman.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
Getting angry is not going to solve anything.

Speaker 4 (33:39):
I can scream, smash and break things and act out,
but what is that going to do to solve anything
in the long run. I can work out my emotions
in healthy and productive ways. Acting out is only going
to defeat me. I must be the strong, level headed
person in this situation. I will still deal with my
emotions as they come, but I will do so in

(34:00):
a way that helped me be a better person.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Do I worry about a messy divorce? Not really.

Speaker 4 (34:06):
While I hope for the best, I do prepare for
the worst. My family is very protective of each other,
and should things go south, I know they will be
there to support me and to make sure I come
out on top. Besides, the house is in my name,
as is the new car in the driveway. My wife
also cannot really afford anything but an amicable divorce. We
also want an amicable split. Finally, a word about my wife.

(34:29):
I wish things were not the way they are now,
but that's just fate. She is going to make her
decisions and live with the consequences. I will likewise do
the same. But I would be lying if I didn't
say my wife helped me become a better person over
the past few years. Yes, I made the decision to
be a better person, but she was the catalyst. I
still consider her a very good friend, and in fact,

(34:50):
as I think about it, I think we were destined
to be best friends and not husband and wife.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
Hey, better late than never, huh. I want the.

Speaker 4 (34:59):
Best for her, and I know she wants the best
for me too. She is still upset over the pain
she has caused me. And if you want to listen
to full episodes with stories like this, you can't scamper
your little master Chef eight.

Speaker 2 (35:16):
I mean, well, you don't really have to walk anywhere.

Speaker 4 (35:17):
All you need is a device where you can listen
to podcasts beat a phone or a tablet or a
PC whereever and wherever, Spotify, Apple Podcast, YouTube, wherever you
listen to podcasts, just search. Okay, story time, we had
little tip tap fingers and you will have literally a
month and a half's worth of stories to listen to.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Bingo.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
This is just the greatest, most self assured, self confident,
non egotistical, just beautiful man I've ever seen.

Speaker 4 (35:51):
Truly, I expected this story to go south. You're very
hard yep, and it did not close.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
He's like, guys, should I be more angry? Should?

Speaker 1 (36:03):
And then he just doubled down on being the greatest human?
Who is this man is Jesus? This is literally Jesus.

Speaker 4 (36:11):
For those of you who offered your opinions and your advice,
thank you so much. It means a lot to know
that I am not alone and that I will make
it through this with my mind and body intact. I
plan to share my journey with you as I forge ahead.
It's going to be a long, strange trip, but I'm
eager about what lies ahead from me. God bless you
all and for the atheists made Jean rayburn and smile

(36:34):
upon you, And that is the.

Speaker 2 (36:38):
Man is the greatest of all time. Bro.

Speaker 4 (36:42):
Wow, Hey, it's Sam your ogi host here bring it
back to the stories.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

Speaker 4 (36:49):
My fiance proposed to me with a cheap engagement ring
and I hate it no better art did he get
it from Evil Marketplace.

Speaker 6 (37:00):
Incorporated.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
I twenty nine female, got engaged my fiance thirty mail
after two years of dating. In fifteen years of knowing
each other. He is super sweet, kind, supportive, and very
family oriented. His parents love me and my parents love him.
There was absolutely no drama in our relationship until now.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
The fire Nation effects. By the way, this comes from USA.

Speaker 4 (37:23):
Cats are cool, m and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subred.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
It then do it there.

Speaker 4 (37:30):
So I knew that he had been looking to settle
down and be married, and he knew that I was too.
We just kind of always knew, even for those fifteen years,
that this was going to happen. It's hard to fight
the gut feeling because we were talking so much about
getting married. He wanted to take me engagement ring browsing
so that he could see what styles I liked and
didn't like. When we went, I suggested we go to

(37:52):
an outlet jewelry shop, because I knew he wouldn't want
to spend a fortune on it, and I didn't want
anything super expensive or extravagant either. The one the only
rule I told him was that I only wanted traditional diamonds.
No offense to those who like more colorful rings, but
I prefer to be a little more traditional. I tried
on many rings that were all very similar, just one

(38:13):
simple diamond and a strap. I tried to keep the
budget at no more than a thousand dollars, which I
thought was generally reasonable. Months later, he proposes, and I
start to cry from the joy. After I say yes,
he opens the box and in the box was a
small greenish brownish diamond with extremely tiny traditional diamonds around it.

Speaker 6 (38:33):
Greenish brownish diamond? What's a greenish brownish diamond?

Speaker 2 (38:39):
Ugly?

Speaker 5 (38:40):
Sorry, hey, this is just a ring?

Speaker 2 (38:42):
Pop sounds bad?

Speaker 6 (38:43):
Greenish brown? I don't think there is a greenish browns.

Speaker 4 (38:45):
To a honey, you're greenish brownish gem is so beautiful?
Fan of like it's the caramel apple ring birthtones, but like.

Speaker 6 (38:56):
You can get a brown diamond. There's a there's like
a chocolate diamond, but that was. That's all those are
just like.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
Can you eat it? It made a really.

Speaker 6 (39:04):
Chocolate No, but there was a whole It's basically it's
all marketing. Chocolate diamonds should have been cheaper.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
But the diamonds are just marketing. That's true.

Speaker 6 (39:11):
But anyway, there's a greenish brownish diamond.

Speaker 4 (39:15):
I was disappointed, but I put on a big fake
smile and tried to erase it from my mind so
I could let the excitement of.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
The moment continue.

Speaker 4 (39:24):
After about thirty minutes, I went ahead and asked about
the ring. I asked what kind of diamond it was,
and he said it was called a moss diamond. He
chose it for me because turquoise was my favorite color
and it was the closest he could find. I wanted
to say, what about my one rule of traditional diamonds only,
but I also didn't want to be ungrateful, so I
didn't ask. I asked him if he had gotten it

(39:46):
out of the outlet shop we went to, and he
said he had gotten it off at sea.

Speaker 6 (39:51):
Well, you literally went to the outlet shop though, you
literally like, why even go together? If you're not even
gonna listen?

Speaker 4 (39:58):
Why why I made of later told me that Etsy
made good quality jewelry, so that perked me up a bit.
I decided to just kind of let it be and
accept the ring, learning to love it and attach memories
to it, getting onto the drama. This whole process has
made me realize how cheap he is. I don't mind
when someone knows how to stretch a dollar, but to me,

(40:19):
there's a difference between.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
Frugal and cheap.

Speaker 4 (40:23):
When I look back at all our dates, his gifts
and everything, it kind of clicked that all of them
had either been cheap or a free gift from a
friend that he decided to give to me. The gifts
he has given me during our relationship were just because
he found them for free or someone sold them for
an extremely cheap price. For one of my birthdays, he
ended up getting us tickets to this massive local ball

(40:45):
and getting us ballroom dancing clauses before the ball started.
I showed no interest in ballroom dancing, but I thought
it was a fun idea to go, and we had
a generally good time. I thanked him and asked how
he found out about this. He told me his friend
was originally going to go with his girlfriend, but couldn't
make it, so they gave us the tickets.

Speaker 6 (41:04):
What a thoughtful gift, So like nothing he's ever given
you has been like something he paid for.

Speaker 4 (41:08):
Really sorry, I've been giving you gifts of convenience for
fifteen years.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
That's crazy.

Speaker 4 (41:15):
So basically the ball and our food, our drinks, our
dance lesson and even my corsage.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
We're all free.

Speaker 4 (41:22):
And there's more cheap and free stories where that came from.
When I look back at things, wherever we did something extravagant,
it was always on my dime. He's not rich, but
he's certainly not poor. He makes decent money. Thing that
I think made me finally break was our Valentine's Day plans.
He had told me that he was going to take
me to the biggest landmark of our city, which is

(41:43):
expensive to just even set foot it, and they have
a restaurant inside that was ridiculously expensive. I was amazed
and even said, are you sure you know that place
was expensive?

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Right?

Speaker 4 (41:54):
He said that he knew it was one of my
bucket list things to do. It's gonna make us, he's
gonna make up, he's gonna make Gopepa. It's gonna be
like Okay, you got the bill, right, babe, Right? It
was your favorite restaurant. Why would I pay for it?
It meant so much to me that he was willing
to do this, and I was so excited. A few
days later, I found that there was gonna be a

(42:14):
wedding convention in our town. I bought our tickets fifteen
dollars each plus one for my mom, and made of honor.
I told him about it, and he said, great, it's
better to spend our money out there than at the restaurant.

Speaker 6 (42:26):
No, they just didn't even go. Oh.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
I was so confused.

Speaker 4 (42:31):
I told him they weren't on the same day. In fact,
they were a week apart. In that I already had
bought the tickets and he didn't need to buy anything,
so he wouldn't have to worry about spending any money
at the convention.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
He said, no at all.

Speaker 4 (42:44):
It's better to save our money, so let's not go
to the Landmark restaurant.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
My mind was blown. Break up.

Speaker 4 (42:49):
I couldn't believe he canceled my dream plans over something
that had absolutely nothing to do with the plans.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
That we made.

Speaker 4 (42:57):
I talked to my maid of honor. Yeah, breakup, but
like fifteen years sunk cost fallacy.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
You don't want to be with this guy for another
fifteen years.

Speaker 6 (43:05):
Don't be with him anymore.

Speaker 7 (43:07):
I got fifteen years of just getting reused gifts, not
even yeah, heart like thoughtless gifts is crazy.

Speaker 4 (43:14):
Yeah, I wonder if he even gets He's like, I'm
saving money on contracept.

Speaker 2 (43:19):
He probably, yeah, I'm using.

Speaker 5 (43:21):
He probably got like flowers from somebody's guarden.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
He's like, oh, I guess I'll get those Jimmy's.

Speaker 6 (43:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (43:26):
I talked to my maid of honor about it, and
she said she has always noticed he was a bit cheap.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
Onto the ring.

Speaker 4 (43:32):
I never looked up my ring on Etsy to try
to find it or ask for the price, because I
thought it was rude to look.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
Up or ask.

Speaker 4 (43:38):
Because of all this craziness, I decided to go on
Etsy and find it. There were surprisingly many moss diamond
rings to look through, but I eventually found it.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
The ring was being sold for twenty eight.

Speaker 6 (43:48):
Yeah, no break up, break this marriage off and say
you were a cheap little man, and I hate you.

Speaker 4 (43:55):
I knew it was made out of rescent. Honestly, my
heart kind of broke. I started I started saying stupid
dramatic things in my head, like am.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
I only worth twenty eight dollars?

Speaker 4 (44:06):
I want to confront him about it? But I might
be an ale here for just letting this get to me.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
Girl. No break up, break up.

Speaker 6 (44:14):
You're not the oh You're.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
Worth your worth, your worth, know your worth? World?

Speaker 6 (44:21):
Are you the A hole? Not this one?

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (44:23):
In a world where you guys literally only have twenty
nine dollars to your name, then maybe you'd be the
a hole.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
But it's not the case.

Speaker 6 (44:32):
No, no, no, no no.

Speaker 4 (44:33):
There is an update, so I'll go ahead and answer
some of y'all's questions and comments. No, my finger has
not turned green yet, surprisingly lol, believe me, though I
do check once in a while. Here's a bit of
info on his financial life and history. He grew up
as one of seven siblings with parents who financially struggled.
He definitely grew up learning how to stretch a dollar. Currently,
even though I know he can afford a lot more.

(44:53):
He rents a cheap studio apartment in a sketchy part
of town, where when I come to visit, he will
come down and walk me from my car to his
room for safety. His apartment has basically no decorations outside
of old comic book posters. All his furniture and household
appliances I can guarantee our secondhand or bought from goodwill.
He almost never eats out, and when he does, it's
always a small meal from Jack in the box, where

(45:14):
he is willing to spend a spring for a milkshake.
In terms of what he does with all his money
that he does not spend, I'm not sure. I never
asked because I always thought that it was rude to
ask people where they put their money. But now that
we're engaged, I guess I have every right to ask
where it goes. Here's a bit of my financial life
in history. But really quick, it really does sound like

(45:36):
this guy's just dealing with like a complete scarcity mindset,
which is something I've dealt with before.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
Or I guess, like, you.

Speaker 4 (45:43):
Know, I never really made a whole lot of any
money whatsoever, and now having a little more money, I
have to remind myself like, oh, I can actually like
afford things, yeah, and buy things I want. It. It
is a switch up doesn't justify buying a twenty eight
dollars freaking engagement.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
Right now, I'm saying, fine.

Speaker 6 (46:03):
Like not eatting out, Not like that's all fine, but
like not being not spending anything on your partner.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
That's tough. Yeah, when you have that money to.

Speaker 4 (46:12):
Move to a place where you don't have to risk
worry about your safety working walking to it from your car,
if you can afford that. So here's a bit on
my financial life and history. I grew up as an
only child with parents who owned a small business, who
never had to struggle for money. We weren't rich, but
I would call us upper middle class, so rich. If
I needed something expensive for a project for school, was

(46:33):
easy for my parents to get it. I wasn't spoiled,
though there were plenty of times my parents would tell
me no and would only buy expensive things for me
if I really needed them. As an adult, I make
a pretty good living. I did not go to college,
so thankfully I'm in no debt.

Speaker 6 (46:47):
What was no way join the no debt train.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
It's right over here.

Speaker 6 (46:53):
God, I don't have no debt. I'm almost I'm almost
a free good job. Thanks.

Speaker 4 (46:58):
I have a career in the field I always wanted
to be in, and I'm hoping that soon it will
be growing even bigger. I don't think I make more
money than my fiance, though, but I could be wrong.
I currently live in an apartment complex in a safe
part of town and decorate my apartment nicely. All my decorations, though,
were not expensive. I do eat out, probably a little
more than I should, but it's not like I go

(47:19):
to cheesecake factory every day.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
It's more like I'll get a.

Speaker 4 (47:21):
Little chicken file ay or a little Chippota les or
get a pre made meal from the taje every other
day on my way to work. What the heck was
that sentence? That's crazy, that's Oh my God.

Speaker 5 (47:34):
Give him snaps, Give him snaps.

Speaker 4 (47:36):
Here's some more information that maybe I should have mentioned.
For those of you who are saying he's a bad
or terrible guy.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
He's really not.

Speaker 4 (47:43):
He's literally one of the sweetest guys you'll ever meet,
and honestly, he's pretty innocent. He's lightly on the spectrum
and doesn't always know how to process emotion but understand
why what he said was inappropriate.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
He also can't always take a.

Speaker 4 (47:55):
Hint and doesn't always know whether someone is joking around
or being serious. Oftentimes, when I make a joke, I
make it obvious, so he understands by the way, it's
obvious that you can listen to full episodes with stories
like this. Just go to Spotify, go to Apple podcasts,
go to whatever you listen to podcasts search Okay, story
timed and give it a gander, give it a little listen,

(48:18):
give it a list Not saying that replaces therapy, but anyway,
I just wanted to put that out there because of
his being on the spectrum. He has a therapist that
he has been going to ever since he was a
kid therapy.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
He apparently used to see.

Speaker 4 (48:30):
Her every month, but now as an adult, he only
goes once or twice a year. A maid of honor,
my maid of honor had a fantastic idea and said,
I should book an appointment with my fiance and his
therapist to talk about this. I told my fiance that
it might be a great idea to talk about our
relationship with her so we can learn how to best
communicate as a future married couple. He said that it

(48:52):
was a great idea, and we're going to book an
appointment soon. Okay, So and that's the end of that story.

Speaker 6 (48:57):
Not not preborest quite yet.

Speaker 4 (49:00):
It sounds like really he just like has Yeah, like
that like a really intense, like probably trauma related, scarcely
mindset where it's like, you can't spend any money on
anything because you might need it for something to.

Speaker 6 (49:14):
Keep you alt, which they have to have like a
big conversation about that. Yes, because that sounds like she's
very hard to go into that.

Speaker 4 (49:21):
Yeah, yeah, it sounds like she kind of knows a
little bit about it. But yeah, but definitely go deep
on that.

Speaker 6 (49:27):
Boy.

Speaker 4 (49:27):
But yeah, you're you're not in the wrong for feeling.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Like that's your kind of disrespect. It's like it's disrespectful.

Speaker 6 (49:34):
That's in that story. My girlfriend disrespected my mother, so
I refuse to eat the dessert she made.

Speaker 2 (49:41):
Ah, dessert more like dessert. Put your food to my
mouth is staying dry?

Speaker 6 (49:46):
Put your foot down?

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Oh look like her?

Speaker 4 (49:49):
Actually, well, yeah, it sounded bad. I shouldn't have done that.

Speaker 6 (49:52):
I've been with my current girlfriend for almost three years
and we pretty much get along for most things except
when it comes to my mother.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
Ah.

Speaker 6 (50:00):
My mother is mentally slow. I don't know what else
to call. Since she grew up pretty rough and was
never formally diagnosed and had me at thirteen. Her being
physically and emotionally younger, made her a fun mom, just
not very responsible.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Oh oh my god. Oh.

Speaker 6 (50:15):
By the way, this comes from Throwaway eighty one forty
five seven and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to our slash Okay storytime Separate. So this is
one of the main reasons my girlfriend feels uncomfortable around
my mom. She says, my mom has no manners and
can be rude, both of which can be true at times. However,
my mom doesn't do things intentionally. It's just how she
was raised, and it's hard to teach her new things.

(50:37):
The second reason is that I spend a lot of
money for my mom to live in an expensive facility
slash community so she can be independent but still have
some help. She thinks it's a waste of money, especially
since she wants to buy a big house in the future,
and I refuse to pay her medical insurance. Despite having
the money, She's currently on a plan that she can't afford.
What she brings up a lot in arguments she's not

(51:00):
my wife, so I don't want to commit to something
like that yet, since I'm not sure how that would
work if she ever decided to end the relationship, or
if it increased to something I'd rather not pay.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
I won't lie.

Speaker 6 (51:10):
I love my girlfriend, but she's not my wife, therefore
not a priority.

Speaker 4 (51:15):
What okay, that's one of the wackest things I've heard
in a minute.

Speaker 6 (51:21):
I've tried proposing twice and been turned down each time.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
Oh okay, immediately things are clearer.

Speaker 6 (51:28):
Anyways, I feel like I'm derailed. I've derailed this for
a second, but I felt some context was important. This year,
she decided to make me a cake for my birthday.
I was happy because she's a great maker and even
better at decorating, so I asked for a chocolate sheet
cake with canned frosting and rainbow sprinkles. She said it
was fine, but kept suggesting I have something special and less.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
Cheap this year.

Speaker 5 (51:48):
It's me, I'm the cake, It's he is the cake.

Speaker 6 (51:52):
My mom has made me this birthday cake every year
since I was a child, but of course this year
she couldn't, and I told her that. I told my
girlfriend I was sure that's what I wanted. No presence
and no people over. When I woke up on the
morning of my birthday, she had me eat breakfast in
the living room because the dining room and kitchen were
a mess. I'm not sure if I believe that now,
and got me up and out of the house after lunch,

(52:13):
telling me it still wasn't ready. She also told me
I couldn't see it because she had a really small surprise.
I came back an hour later and she asked, and
when I opened the door, pretty much everyone we know
and even some people we don't know well leaped out
with those blow things blow things like kazoos. Yeah, blah
blah blah blah. I tried to act happy, but to

(52:35):
be honest, I didn't want anyone there at all. If
it had just been our families, maybe it would have
been nice, but I was secretly annoyed. Then when I
saw the cake, it wasn't anything like what I asked for.
It was three round lemon crem cakes. They unclothed, fancy
kind but what.

Speaker 4 (52:52):
I think where it's like there's just nothing on them.

Speaker 6 (52:55):
Okay, the uh's kind.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
Of like it's the inside of the cake.

Speaker 6 (52:58):
Yeah, the bear fancy kid with flowers and berries. It
looked incredible and I could tell it must have taken ages,
but it's not what I wanted. I'm pretty neutral about
lemon desserts. Everyone brought gifts and I tried to pretend
that I like them, and I did, but at the moment,
I just didn't feel like opening and reacting to gifts,
so I feel like my reactions were underwhelming. Then when

(53:19):
it was time to cut the cake, she gave me
a big piece and I didn't even finish half of it.
I wasn't in the mood. I just lied and said
I was too full for eating all of her favorite foods.
Wooo dunkin on her.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
I was a shot fired across the bow.

Speaker 6 (53:33):
I'll admit that was a bit blunt, especially since there
was company and she was a little short with me
the rest of the party. Finally, my mom came just
after everyone finished, and according to my girlfriend, she accidentally
told her the wrong time. That's messed up.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
Messed up. Sorry, I had to stand up for a second.

Speaker 6 (53:51):
My mom brought me a single cupcake just how I
like it as a gift because she couldn't make the
cake this year. I was happy and I couldn't hide it.
My girlfriend noticed and kind of gave my mom the
stink eye, which is fine as long as she wasn't
being rude. But then she took it a step further
and just outright made a bad joke about how the
cupcake was unique, like my mom, she still likes dresses

(54:12):
and two ponytails. A few people even.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
Laughed, Okay, this is this is.

Speaker 6 (54:17):
Your girlfriend is mean? Why are you trying to marry
this woman? Why did you propose to this woman twice?
And also I feel guys like me girls.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
I don't know.

Speaker 6 (54:26):
Okay, I don't want to make generalizations, but I feel
like if someone I think I think sometimes if a
person denies a proposal, that doesn't necessarily I don't think
that has to mean like the relationship is over. But
I think that if someone denies a proposal twice fool
me once. You guys are not on the same page.
Shame on, you woo me twice, shame on. I think
it's I think it just shows that you guys are

(54:47):
not having a conversation about where you are, where you're at,
and that's that's an issue.

Speaker 4 (54:52):
Sometimes you gotta leave it to receive what's coming next.

Speaker 7 (54:56):
You know, what do you think is like baseball? You
a third strike and you're like, all right, this is
my my last chance.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
Yeah, gime on, man.

Speaker 6 (55:02):
Fast forward to later, I'm eating my cupcake in bed,
hoping to end the day on a good note. I
didn't complain at all outside of that one comment because
I didn't want to seem too ungrateful. But then she
says under her breath that, of course I'd rather eat
something that looks like it was made by a toddler
than actual quality. That was the last straw for me.

Speaker 4 (55:19):
I'm just food snobbery is like one of the cringiest
things to me.

Speaker 6 (55:22):
It's like, sometimes people just have like comfort foods and
that's okay, okay, Like sometimes I'd rather have this, like
one cake that my mom made me, you know, every year,
rather than like an Eclaire or something.

Speaker 4 (55:34):
Sometimes I want a cosmic brownie, not Tarah masou, sorry,
Parah mussou me.

Speaker 6 (55:40):
That was the last draw for me. We got into
a heated argument, so I ended up sleeping on the
couch on my own birthday.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
The next morning.

Speaker 6 (55:47):
I made it clear that I wasn't going to eat
any of her desserts until she apologizes. It's been three
days and she told everyone that I hated the party.
Now everyone is calling me ungrateful, Plus her family found
out I don't pay her and insurance. Right now, things
are on and off, tense and not tense between us,
am I the ale here and there are there is
an edit, and assume it presumably an update. Dude, you're

(56:11):
the a hole if you don't break up with her.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
Yeah, you're the ahole. You have proposed good enough.

Speaker 4 (56:15):
That's the only thing keeping her from being nicer to
you and marrying you.

Speaker 6 (56:19):
Like, she doesn't like you, she doesn't like your mom.

Speaker 4 (56:22):
Leave her honestly, Yeah, it's like you. It shouldn't be
like the main thing, but it is a thing. It's
like when you marry, you're you're also marrying into the family.
If you like can't tolerate like the family. Yeah, like
that's gonna be rough.

Speaker 6 (56:37):
It'd be difficult. But there is an edit, not an update.
Just wanted to say that I read all the comments
and now I'm strongly considering just biting the bullet and
saying I don't care, especially since she only knows of
both because I told her not due to actual evidence.
It's just not something I wanted to be outed for,
metaphorically and literally. In any case, I guess the Statue
of limitations in my state would have already passed for

(56:58):
me finnally right when we started dating. So at least
if things go south, I can finally get the plastic surgery.
I always wanted a new name.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
What is this about? I think just happened? Did you
submit a change? Realities?

Speaker 3 (57:09):
Here?

Speaker 2 (57:09):
What's going on?

Speaker 6 (57:10):
What?

Speaker 2 (57:10):
What's happening? What just happened? Chat? What just happened? What
has happened? Where are would you commit some sort of crime? Year?
Is it?

Speaker 4 (57:15):
Day?

Speaker 2 (57:16):
Is it? Anyway?

Speaker 5 (57:17):
The eleven lmfao just dropped.

Speaker 6 (57:20):
But I'm going to tell her we aren't twin flames
or anything close anymore, and probably update when I feel
better if things get intense. Fortunately, my mom is happy
as always and we talk every day. For those wondering,
she's so nice. She doesn't always notice when people are
being mean, so I won't and would never tell her
about how my ex girlfriend truly felt about her if
she asks why things are going wrong, By the way,

(57:41):
things will never go wrong if you listen to full
episodes of stories just like this. Just go to Apple Podcasts,
Spotify or your favorite podcast app. Just search a book,
a story time. Just go there, and there is a
little bit left.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
I got confused.

Speaker 6 (57:56):
I don't know what that whole thing about. I don't
understand what OP was talking about.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
I got confused. I think we're all confused.

Speaker 6 (58:01):
But we're just gonna ignore it and move on. Were not,
We're not even gonna read it.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
Uh.

Speaker 6 (58:07):
Second, another thing that I just wanted to add is
that my mom, fortunately was not an essay victim the comments.
Thinking that made me irrationally sad for some reason. My
father was the same age. I don't know if he
had a disability, but he was pretty strange in a
good way. You didn't talk much, but he liked drawing
the same types of birds and flowers, and they got
along well, and she was loved. I just didn't mention
him because well, he passed away anyway. Sorry, I have

(58:30):
a tendency to get long winded and over explained. But
I'm going to sleep additional in the comments. Since the
post is already long, I guess i'll comment instead. Maybe
I'm just a terrible writer when I'm tired, but writing
this a few hours ago felt like it would make sense.
To make it make sense, I used to make adult videos, okay,
mostly with other men, so I don't want anyone to know.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
Oh, okay, this is sketch situation.

Speaker 6 (58:53):
Second, I used to scam dates by using their credit
card information online to buy textbooks and personal items because
they could really afford food. But it was still bad
and sometimes I wonder if they didn't eat so I could,
And it makes me paranoid. Even if I can't go
to jail, now, I can still be socially ostracized.

Speaker 8 (59:10):
Wow, yeah, I mean, I guess it's brave to say that,
but also like that's pretty that's like behavior that is
hard to look past.

Speaker 6 (59:22):
Well, it seems like op he was like maybe being
vulnerable to his girlfriend being like I have this like
past life that I'm not proud of anymore.

Speaker 4 (59:30):
Ye, scamming people's still it's like, you know, I don't know.
It's like, didn't seem like the right moment to let
that one fly right now? Right when when was the
vulnerability made with us or with with the girlfriend?

Speaker 6 (59:47):
Well, I think they're about to get like he's they.

Speaker 4 (59:49):
Proposed like two proposals down. Then he's like, hey, by
the way, I used to do credit card fraud on dates,
do you still want to marry me?

Speaker 2 (59:56):
Like yet you're there, We're.

Speaker 6 (59:58):
At a third time. Yeah, Yeah, I don't know. And
plastic surgery is just that if my social life is ruined,
I can buy a new face and name. I was
half joking. Also, for those wondering, I didn't mention the
reason why my girlfriend rejected my marriage proposal twice is
because it sounds really bad to people who don't understand
what it's like to live with someone disabled. I love
my mother dearly, but in all honesty, I would not

(01:00:19):
want to have children like her. They won't have an
easy life. And that's the reason. Basically, she thinks I
might pass on bad jeans.

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
Oh you can adopt.

Speaker 4 (01:00:29):
That's so non that's nonsense.

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
What you just said.

Speaker 6 (01:00:32):
Also just like bad the bad genes terrible thing to say.

Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
Well, I do get that to some extent, not like
the bad genes thing is like bad, but like there
are certain like hereditary diseases. Sure it is like I
wouldn't want to have a kid, and then be like, literally,
I gave you this, I knew it could happen. Yes,
now you're gonna have to leave your whole life knowing
this thing's.

Speaker 6 (01:00:51):
Hanging over You understand that, but why are you even
dating him?

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
Correct?

Speaker 4 (01:00:57):
You're also that was just probably beyond any think that
even dating out.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
Jab yeah jab twist like a.

Speaker 6 (01:01:04):
Horrible thing to say. I'd like to try to have
at least one child anyway, because I don't have any disabilities,
so I'm hoping my child would be healthy as well.
But I think also you have to know that, like
you have to go into parenting knowing that, like, however
your child comes out, you have to be ready to
parent your child.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Yeah, like that. You know, you just have to adopt.

Speaker 4 (01:01:25):
You know, there's like a bajillion kids out there who
are in need of a parent.

Speaker 6 (01:01:30):
He says. I don't think not wanting to adopt or
take a chance is about a reason to project someone
In any case, I decided to take the coward's way
out and leave for work excessively early to avoid her,
and I put a breakup note in her lunch spot.

Speaker 5 (01:01:42):
What is going on here?

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
Brother? Oh? What are you in fifth grade? What?

Speaker 4 (01:01:48):
Oh? What?

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (01:01:49):
You're the a hole?

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
What I mean?

Speaker 6 (01:01:51):
She's the a whole? But you're also the ahole?

Speaker 4 (01:01:53):
You guys both like you really both freakings no wonder.
I bet you she doesn't want to marry.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
I'm on the tracks much left.

Speaker 6 (01:02:03):
You left a sorry, so you made her lunch and
you left a little note in the lunch box that said,
I'm breaking up with you?

Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
Are you eleven years old? For real?

Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
I'm sorry, but like, that's one of the most out
of pocket things I've ever heard. If you're that afraid
of confrontation, you're not ready for marriage anyway.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
Buddys, marriage, marriage.

Speaker 4 (01:02:24):
And relationships, there's confrontation in them that you work through.
You work through things, you find compromise. I'm expecting to
do that. Yeah, No, I'm expecting to feel awful later.
So I think I'll update again when I'm not sad,
which takes me a while. I really hope these comments
are roasting them. Yeah, coming one.

Speaker 6 (01:02:41):
I can appreciate why she has such a grip on you.
If the credit card thing hasn't come back to bite
you yet, it won't. Was it a good thing to do? No,
but you know that and you stopped. There's no shame
in adult spicy sleepwork. But again, I understand why you
might be feeling shame. It's twenty twenty five, and if
she tries to shame you with it, then laugh and
tell everyone is ai?

Speaker 7 (01:02:59):
I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
That's a good deflection. I guess.

Speaker 6 (01:03:05):
I guarantee people will just forget about it. Okay, Well
I'm not forgetting that you wrote a breakup note.

Speaker 2 (01:03:11):
You want me to psycho this one.

Speaker 6 (01:03:13):
I just want to know if there's common saying, like, dude,
you wrote a breakup.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
Hey, it's John here og host of the show. We're
going to get back to these juicy stories. But here's
a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
My boyfriend's parents told me about their family.

Speaker 4 (01:03:26):
Trip that I've always dreamt of going on, and it
made me jealous.

Speaker 6 (01:03:32):
Just go on it, not allowed, Just do it band,
Just freaking do it banned.

Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
Hello. First of all, I want to acknowledge how petty
this is.

Speaker 4 (01:03:42):
I have no doubt in my mind that the jealousy
I'm feeling is completely uncalled for.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
I just want to know how to deal with it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:49):
So for years and years, it has been my dream
to visit Japan. I began learning Japanese in elementary school,
and I am fascinated by their culture. Cook Japanese food,
read books in Japanese, and stay up to date with
the culture.

Speaker 6 (01:04:03):
He's like, I stay up to date with their culture.
I watch a lot of anime.

Speaker 4 (01:04:07):
Yeah, low key people anime is not being entrenched in
Japanese culture, which we don't know if this person is
doing that, just putting it out there.

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
It don't conflate.

Speaker 4 (01:04:17):
That'd be like watching a bunch of cartoons from American
Like I'm in American culture.

Speaker 7 (01:04:23):
It's like yeah, it's like saying, oh, I watch anime
and eat sushi, I'm Japanese.

Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
It's not being like I eat Hamburgers and watch Adventure Time.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
I'm basically American.

Speaker 6 (01:04:31):
I had a I had a professor in school who
had a Japanese husband and he and he taught our
Asian American theater class.

Speaker 7 (01:04:39):
Uh.

Speaker 6 (01:04:39):
And he was a white man, and he was like, yes,
I know everything about Japan. And he just really thought
he knew everything and with like correct a lot I
don't know, and he just didn't.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
He just he just knew.

Speaker 6 (01:04:52):
He just thought. He was like.

Speaker 4 (01:04:54):
The he's basically honorably Japanese.

Speaker 6 (01:04:57):
Yeah, that was his vibe.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
Yeh. By the way, hey, this comes.

Speaker 4 (01:05:00):
From user Jelly Japan Throwaway and if you want to
submit your own stories, go do it at the r
slash Okay Storytime supreading sue. As I'm graduating college in
a few months, I would love to have a travel
the world type vacation over the summer to Japan, but
sadly it's just not possible. I don't make that kind
of money to make.

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
Matters even worse.

Speaker 4 (01:05:20):
In my junior year, I was given the opportunity to
study abroad there and even received a small scholarship, but
the degree plan I'm in would not permit it. My
boyfriend of three years, Jack, and his family in their
late fifties, are all aware of my love of Japan
and my desire to visit then, even the sensitive subject
of the failed study abroad semester. So when his parents

(01:05:42):
surprised me by telling me about their trip to Japan
this summer, I was confused and shocked. Jack has zero
interest in going to Japan. He's told me as much
since then, and he didn't even know about the vacation
until his parents told me. The biggest problem is every
time they make more plans in Japan, like booking tickets
or meeting with tour guides, adding another place to visit,

(01:06:04):
they make a big show of it to me and
fill me in on every last detail. Maybe they think
that it will be interesting to me, but in reality
it just upsets me, and yes, I know for a
fact that I'm not invited. They've made it very clear
that it's just a family vacation. They've also met with
and hired a local translator to come on vacation with them.
They're paying for his vacation and his translating services, And

(01:06:27):
the selfish part of me wants to know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:29):
Why couldn't they have just used me? I'm fluent.

Speaker 6 (01:06:33):
Dang, that's actually I feel like you should suggest be like, hey, guys,
do they know that I'm fluent and I'm free? I mean,
you do have to pay for MI. You do have
to pay for me just to like the ticket.

Speaker 4 (01:06:44):
Excellent point, I'm free, say I do that?

Speaker 2 (01:06:48):
You remember that I do that.

Speaker 4 (01:06:50):
You're not in Japan yet, you can still fire them.

Speaker 2 (01:06:52):
I do that.

Speaker 4 (01:06:52):
Jack and his family have taken heavish family trips for
as long as I've known them. They're very wealthy and
taken numerous enviable vacations to the Bahamas, to New York,
to England, France, and the Grand Canyon. Whereas I've never
been out of our home state, and all the places
they've been before seems like typical hotspots for tourists and travelers.

(01:07:14):
I just can't understand why they'd want to go to Japan,
one of the most it's like desirable travel destinations on
the face of the planet.

Speaker 6 (01:07:22):
Everyone wants to go to Japan.

Speaker 5 (01:07:24):
Every people want to go to Japan.

Speaker 6 (01:07:27):
I want to go to Japan.

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
Japan. I'm the only one.

Speaker 6 (01:07:31):
I want to go to Japan.

Speaker 2 (01:07:32):
Why are they just want to go to Japan. I'm
quirky and I love.

Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
Any may Japan is the one place I've gushed about
visiting four years to them. And why they've decided to
make a big publicity show about it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
I don't know. I need your help on how to
cope with this jealousy.

Speaker 4 (01:07:51):
Is it something that I should just su up and
deal with or should I speak to Jack about it?
I feel like it's so trivial that telling him how
I feel would be pointless. I also want to know
how to kindly tell his parents to stop mentioning every
detail of their trip to me. We do have an update,
get into it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:08):
Talk to Jack.

Speaker 4 (01:08:09):
You should be able to tell your partner, like how
you're feeling about something.

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (01:08:13):
I feel like, yeah, like the parents are probably really excited,
and I think they're kind of like blinded by the
excitement of like, oh, we're going to Japan. You will
talk about Japan so much, like oh, what should we do?
Like we want to go? And yeah, I kind of like.

Speaker 6 (01:08:26):
That they're necessarily being like, you know, they're they don't
think they're intending to.

Speaker 7 (01:08:30):
I don't think they're trying to wave it in Opie's
face no less if they really are, like we're going
to Japan, you're not.

Speaker 2 (01:08:34):
Yeah, I don't think there's.

Speaker 6 (01:08:36):
I think you just talked to Jack and you say, hey,
like sorry, you know, I've been a little bit bommed
because I really want to go to Japan, and I
know it's like I know it's just in my brain,
but I'm feeling a little jealous stuff. I'm sorry.

Speaker 7 (01:08:49):
The fact that Jack is also just like kind of
oblivious to this is kind of like, come on, man,
your girlfriend or your partner talks about this twenty four
to seven, how much they love Japan.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
He says, I kind of place a little bit, so
I don't even care. Yeah, I don't even care. What
couldn't care?

Speaker 7 (01:09:03):
Much like if my if like my partner, if like
Carley was like, oh, I want to go somewhere, my
parents are going somewhere. I'm like, oh, get her something
or like, you know, talk to her about it. It's
not only that, Yeah, i'd be excited for that.

Speaker 4 (01:09:15):
Well, there's enough here. Maybe maybe olp ends up going
to Japan. We can keep our fingers crossed. Hello, and
thank you all for your advice in my previous post
to those of you giving me information on programs in Japan,
thank you. I took all of your advice to heart,
but unfortunately I already have a job in the stem
field lined up to begin this summer, and programs like

(01:09:35):
those are not in the realm of possibility. Anyway, onto
the actual update. I talked to Jack the night after
I made my post. I told him that I knew
his parents meant well by it, but the way they
were constantly filling me in on the details of their
trip made me more sad than interested. At first, Jack
didn't understand what I was trying to say or why
hearing about the trip would upset me. When I reminded

(01:09:58):
him about my rejection from the study Abroad program and
the time he'd spent helping me work through that, he
was able to empathize a little more. Okay, good would
Jack get to w there. Jack told me he recognized
that his parents were, albeit indirectly rude, by going out
of their way to tell me about the vacation. He
said that gushing so much about a vacation to anyone

(01:10:18):
who wasn't going was insensitive, and if I asked them politely,
they would tone it down. Unfortunately, he refused to talk
to them himself.

Speaker 6 (01:10:26):
What coward, coward? That is such an awkward Why would
Ope have to talk to them? I mean, oh, he's
a girlfriend, and as you want your girlfriend to go
talk to your parents about talking to her about the vacation. No,
that's your thing. Go say hey, mom and dad.

Speaker 4 (01:10:41):
You know you're kind of making OP a little sad
at the very that's going as a unit.

Speaker 6 (01:10:47):
Coward coward.

Speaker 4 (01:10:50):
I think Op he could learn to speak up for herself.
But no, but it's not her parents exactly.

Speaker 6 (01:10:56):
I think speaking to your partner makes sense, speaking touse.
That's like if you like your friends over people.

Speaker 2 (01:11:03):
There's people, they're just people.

Speaker 6 (01:11:05):
No, this is like if you go to your friend's house, yeah,
and they're like, and you're like, hey, like hungry or
like I need something, and you're like and then your
friends like, oh mom ah. He says that they're hungry,
they like need you know, and put on you.

Speaker 7 (01:11:23):
I would kind of do that because my parents would
be like, oh, we got to get the food immediately
if I was like I'm hungry, like.

Speaker 6 (01:11:28):
Yeah, But it's like when you when you throw your
friends all make something for yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:11:33):
All right, okay, I'm still in unit camp. I think
you can go in together. Let her speak like you speak.
I don't think you need to learn. You need to
learn to be able to speak your mind to people
who are like you.

Speaker 5 (01:11:45):
If they're like your step like in laws or something
like that.

Speaker 6 (01:11:48):
They're in law girl, this is your boyfriend's parents, you know.
I think it's good practice. I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:11:53):
I think that you can't just go fully hands off.

Speaker 2 (01:11:57):
That's absurd, that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:11:59):
I'd requested that he do so to get things resolved
a little more smoothly, but in the end it was
all up to me. I decided to call ahead and
visit Jack's parents privately to have the conversation instead of
during or after one of our dinners.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
That would have been awkward.

Speaker 4 (01:12:14):
I broached the subject with his parents by saying that
I appreciated their thoughtfulness in trying to keep me updated
on the vacation planning, but that travel to Japan was
still a sore subject to me, and hearing about it
made me sad. I spoke for a while about my
dream to travel there and to study abroad, and how
I was very regretful that the experience had impacted me
so strongly. It was incredibly selfish of me to get

(01:12:35):
jealous so easily, and I planned to work on my
sensitivity in light of the issue. I had hoped that
by making the conversation more focused on my behavior than theirs,
it would deflect the blame from them and feel like
less of a direct attack. It did not work very well.
Throughout my home out of log they were completely silent.
As soon as I finished, Jack's mom said, quite coldly,

(01:12:57):
I'm sorry you're offended. I kept the conversation going for
a few more minutes, trying my hardest to reiterate that
it wasn't their fault, but.

Speaker 2 (01:13:03):
I received only short, cold responses.

Speaker 6 (01:13:06):
And this is why you don't have your girlfriend go
talk to your parents solo about being sad about not
being able to go on a trip, because that's such
an awkward conversation to have. That's such a weird conversation.

Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
No, but it's the parents are whack.

Speaker 6 (01:13:19):
But like OPI was set up.

Speaker 2 (01:13:22):
But like to make it about this trip.

Speaker 4 (01:13:25):
You could be like if it was you, if it
was anybody talking to me about how they're going to Japan.
It just reminds me on how I'm not going to
Japan and I want you so bad.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
No, I get that, but just talk to anyone else.

Speaker 4 (01:13:37):
Was freaking set up and just feels so weird that
the parents are like parents.

Speaker 2 (01:13:41):
I guess you don't want to hear about it.

Speaker 4 (01:13:42):
It's like they're adding like a four year old who's like, Mommy,
look at this. Look at this, Mom, Look mom, look
at this. And then when Mom's like, I don't really care.

Speaker 2 (01:13:50):
I was like, why did you care? That thing out
the window? The stick is moving in that tree.

Speaker 4 (01:13:56):
Jack's dad did not speak at all and walked out
of the room as soon as I stood up to leave.
Before I left, I thanked his mother for speaking with
me and said I'd see them at dinner during the week.
Her only response was we'll see. When I told Jack
about the confrontation, he was confused by their reaction and
then changed his stance on the whole thing. Now he's
saying that I was being unreasonable from the start and

(01:14:18):
I should have been able to tell they would take
it poorly, as it was rood of me to mention
it to them at all.

Speaker 2 (01:14:24):
He set her up. Yeah, it's time to break out.
That's whack.

Speaker 4 (01:14:31):
That's all right, and I'm not I'm not able to
move forward from how.

Speaker 5 (01:14:35):
We excuse to break up. And this was an excuse by.

Speaker 2 (01:14:38):
Whack boy w A C K A F.

Speaker 4 (01:14:44):
He insists that they would have had the same reaction
if he had told them instead of me. You know,
they wouldn't have used the little idiot, You little idiot.

Speaker 2 (01:14:50):
Boy, I hate you.

Speaker 4 (01:14:52):
Over the course of the next week, Jack's parents never
contacted me about dinner, which the four of us usually
have together weekly. Our dinner dates are always on Wednesdays,
So yesterday I decided to take the plunge and give
his mom a call. I asked if she was still
on for our usual Wednesday dinner and told her I'd
been wanting to make a new recipe for them to
try for a while now. She said, quote, sorry, that's

(01:15:15):
not going to work, and that was the end of
the conversation. So here's where I am now hurt and
completely confused. His parents are ignoring me completely in my
relationship with Jack as strain, since you've a humanly denies
supporting me at all. Gaslighting, break up, break up with it, breakup.

Speaker 2 (01:15:29):
It's time to break up. Break up with this, Marriag.

Speaker 4 (01:15:31):
I'm at a loss for what to do here, break up.
I don't know why either of them reacted like this.

Speaker 2 (01:15:37):
They're whack.

Speaker 4 (01:15:38):
Any advice is appreciated as always, but I've decided to
just see if time will mend the wound. It'll mend
the wound of the breakup. Break up, break up, break up,
break up, break up, break up up. You say when
I say break you say up? Break up, break up,

(01:15:58):
break up, break up. Break In the meantime, I'm reconsidering
my relationship with all three of them.

Speaker 5 (01:16:05):
Good.

Speaker 6 (01:16:05):
Consider it, consider it done, considerate freaking done.

Speaker 2 (01:16:09):
I'm considered the mocked.

Speaker 6 (01:16:12):
Part of not part of their family.

Speaker 4 (01:16:14):
By the way, by the way, uh, by the way,
you can sassily listen to full episodes of this podcast
with stories just like this.

Speaker 2 (01:16:25):
All you gotta do is go to the Spotify or
Apple podcast.

Speaker 4 (01:16:28):
Where have you listen to podcasts Search Okay, story Time,
and Boom forty eight consecutive days worth of content for
your listening pleasure. There's a little bit left. We're just
gonna finish it off. Honestly, we already know break up.
Jack's mom called me on the phone a couple of
hours ago in a nutshell. She told me, very spitefully

(01:16:49):
that they brought it up to me so frequently to
make me jealous.

Speaker 2 (01:16:53):
They was they hate me the hazy.

Speaker 6 (01:16:57):
When you're crazy, I mean not wait, sorry, you and
they're crazy. You're not crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:17:02):
She said.

Speaker 4 (01:17:03):
They were hoping I would eventually break down and beg
them to pay for me to come. That way, they
could show Jack that I am of a lesser social
standard fit for him.

Speaker 6 (01:17:14):
WHOA, they're rich rich, they're evil rich rich rich richikes.

Speaker 5 (01:17:21):
They bond villains, they're not spies.

Speaker 4 (01:17:23):
Oh my gosh, these people in a lake, by these
people in a cold lake.

Speaker 6 (01:17:28):
I don't want to see you ever again.

Speaker 4 (01:17:29):
Then she basically broke up with me for Jack over
the phone.

Speaker 2 (01:17:32):
Pathetic.

Speaker 4 (01:17:33):
I'm honestly at such a loss here. You've lost nothing.
All you've done is gained everything. You've gained all the
opportunity in the world.

Speaker 5 (01:17:40):
The fun type of rich mom broke up for him.

Speaker 4 (01:17:43):
Yes, what a pathetic loser?

Speaker 6 (01:17:49):
No, but okay. Also, they're not even like, can you
break up with my girlfriend? They're not They're not even
the fun type of rich where they pay for all
of your trips.

Speaker 2 (01:17:59):
They just are mean in the meantime, and they make
you jealous.

Speaker 7 (01:18:03):
Is the family the Purge movies that you're like, that's
that's Purge. Oh good, But that's this is the family.
This is the family that's in the Purge movie that like,
oh wow, you're crazy, I hit crazy.

Speaker 6 (01:18:14):
I hate them.

Speaker 2 (01:18:16):
Such a loss here.

Speaker 4 (01:18:16):
Maybe this was just a lie she made up now
because she was offended, but even so, it's incredibly hurtful.

Speaker 2 (01:18:22):
I have no idea if.

Speaker 4 (01:18:23):
Jack knows about any of this, but I don't care.

Speaker 2 (01:18:25):
I'm done with him and them.

Speaker 4 (01:18:28):
I do not want to be associated with such classes
manipulative people.

Speaker 2 (01:18:32):
There.

Speaker 4 (01:18:32):
This was such a terrific waste of three years of
my life, and that is the end of that story.
But oh, you're not gonna waste any more of your life.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband said he’d choose his late wife… over me! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2104