My husband wanted to DIVORCE me… because I got a tattoo! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2340 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient
two case story Time podcast hosts, and we have some
ancient wisdom in the stories coming up. If you want
to hear the wisdom from two old heads that know
more than they know what to do with, you're gonna
have to wait for a quick message from our sponsors
for the next two minutes or so.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
My husband wanted to divorce me because I got a tattoo,
Go get another one. I fifty female, got my first
and only tattoo a week and a half ago and
my husband, fifty mail, is furious. He says, if I
don't get it removed immediately, he is done with me.
By the way, this comes from Wacky Camp, But if
you want to spend your own stories, go to the

(00:38):
r slash okay storytime Subpreddit.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we'd do, so let us know what you would
do in the comments.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Some background. We've been together for twenty seven years, married
for twenty four and have two children in their twenties.
My mother passed away three years ago in the home
shared with my parents. We bought the house together half
and a half so that I could take care of them,
but the house is in my name, which is relevant. Later,
a few years before my mother passed away, she was
hospitalized with brain surgery. I basically lived at the hospital

(01:13):
with her during that time, witnessing more suffering than I
can describe. During that time, I was pretty much on
my own. I was my mom's advocate in the hospital,
the one who explained everything to the rest of the family,
and a conduit and translator to my mom's family abroad,
and I was still doing my work from the window
seat of my mom's room. My husband did not visit

(01:34):
me there, not to bring me food or company or comfort.
When I was finally home and could release the grief
and horror I'd been feeling all that time, my husband
was shocked and actually cried with me. He said he
never wanted to hear cries like those from me again.
I let him know later on how much I had
wanted his support during that time and how I felt
pretty abandoned. He said he would do better. Two years later,

(01:56):
my dad was the one undergoing a brutal surgery at
eighty four, with physical and mental complications afterwards, and it
was the same story. I was again on my own
when my mother did pass away the following year. My
husband cried with me and volunteered to call the funeral
home for me. But two days later, when I said
I was sad, he asked, why.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
Huh, what are you about that.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Let's take a wild guess. It's taking a wild guess, wyop,
he could.

Speaker 4 (02:23):
Be sad you got this one, buddy.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Confused, I reminded him my mom had just passed, he said,
but it wasn't your fault. I honestly still don't know
what that had to do with anything. Since that time,
he seems to think I'm not still affected by the
loss of my mother, largely because I just carry on
and don't give in to the grief I'm carrying, according
to him, like a human is supposed to do.

Speaker 5 (02:45):
So.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Back to the present, I've been talking for a couple
of years about getting a tattoo of my mom's writing
from a letter she wrote me when I was a teenager.
It's a few loving words in her language, and I
loved the idea of having those engraved on me, like
a sort of talisman. In the last few years. My
daughter and I had also talked about getting matching tattoos
with each other, but I had delayed. My daughter actually
has a tattoo of part of my mom's message to me.

(03:07):
My husband has heard us talk about these things. I
guess he thought I wouldn't follow through. When I made
the appointment, he said, no, not to do it. He said,
in what sounded like a joking tone, to me, that's
my skin. No, it's not. No, is my skin, So
my body is my skin. You're not taking it. That
sounds like something a serial unaliver would say.

Speaker 5 (03:29):
Second thing that sounds like one. Yeah, say the first
one being well, you didn't do it? Why do you
feel bad that? She's so?

Speaker 2 (03:36):
True? But he followed up saying that tattoos are gross.
This was a surprise since his sister's, his daughter, and
his son all of several and he's talked about getting
them in the past. Hypocrite. He just wants to control you.

Speaker 4 (03:52):
He talked about having them before.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
Too, pretty insane. I didn't really take it seriously. The
day before my appointment he told me to cancel it.
I explained that this meant a lot to me, since
it was the anniversary of her passing, and I was
missing her. The morning of. He had tears in his
eyes and said, this is gonna mess me up. I
don't like tattoos. But then he went on to say
that my mom didn't really deserve to be honored this way,

(04:16):
and made a couple of unkind comments about her. So
I'll admit I basically stopped listening. So I had it done,
and I think it's beautiful. In what I hoped would
be a compromise, I didn't put it where I'd originally planned.
I put it on my upper inside arm, where it
would be more discreet. Looking at her words reminds me
that someone did love me totally, unconditionally, and it helps

(04:38):
when I'm missing her or feeling down like I have
been this week because my husband quit talking to me
or anyone else in the house. Wow, twenty seven years
of marriage.

Speaker 4 (04:47):
Over a tribute tattoo.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yeah. He locks himself in his room all day and night.
We sleep separately because of snoring. Moved his things to
another bathroom and his clothes to that closet instead of
our shared closet. He emerges only to go to work
or to make his own food. After we've all gone
to bed. Right before his voluntary solitary confinement, he told
me we were done, that he could never be attracted
to me again. What a like, You're insane, You're crazy.

(05:13):
She got some words on the inside of her arm,
and you can't be attracted.

Speaker 5 (05:18):
To her again, and all your kids have them, and
you debated getting one.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
You literally have never loved her if that's the case,
And that he would move out if I gave him
half the value of the house. Only half the value
is ours since the other half is really my dad's.
So basically he wants to take my half of our half.
I know he says it to be mean, and it works,
and I'm not proud of some of the things I
said to him in response. So I've been miserable this

(05:42):
whole time, and what was a special thing for me
and my mom has been overshadowed by this. Further, our
wedding anniversary passed without acknowledgment. Of course, theodnight, he emerged
to tell me I didn't need to cry, there's nothing
to cry about that. All I have to do is
to get it removed immediately. I know what we can
remove immediately. Dude, dude, you suck.

Speaker 4 (06:02):
I hate, like, genuinely have no words for him. Yeah,
this guy is insane.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Twenty seven years of marriage.

Speaker 5 (06:09):
They talked about this for a while up his daughter
was going to get matching ones with the wife.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
He never wants expressive views. Even if he did, they're
not valid.

Speaker 5 (06:17):
It's her opinion, like it's her body's to get them.
Saying it's my skin is wild old insane.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
One, and I can't do that well it's healing. And two, seriously,
I have to burn it off with a laser to
save my marriage. Once again, I've been told I'll never
be attracted to him with it, that he's the one
who had to look at it, that he hates tattoos
on women. Again, this is a new development, and I'm
basically awful because he begged me not to do it.
But I begged him for years to stop drinking because

(06:45):
it was hurting our family, and stop some other things,
and those were apparently not important. And it's not the
same according to him, A tattoo on my inner arm
is not what he married. And I knew he was
a heavy drinker from the start. I didn't. It took
years to understand that. I think we need to divorce
pretty pretty imminently, because it seems like you are so.
You also have obviously other problems in your marriage already.

Speaker 4 (07:09):
Yeah, some of that sounds like it could be heavy.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
I told him, even if I wanted to take it off,
it would be a long time before I could, since
it hasn't even healed yet, and he noted I'd be
unattractive to him the whole time. I suggested seeing how
he feels over time while it's healing, and suggested he
schedule us for counseling. We do actually need this. He
made it clear he will never change his mind and

(07:32):
that the odds are he's not going to make an
effort to make us a counseling appointment. I guess I
feel I was really his person, someone he loved for real.
He wouldn't be ready to throw me away over a small,
simple tattoo, and he'd tried to understand my feelings. He
insists he has loved me deeply, and that I'm the
one drawing the line in the sand and throwing him away.
He said he'd posted this on Reddit. Everyone thought I

(07:55):
was awful, then laughed a little and said, no, you
didn't post I said, Okay, let's post it. He thinks
i'd represent it all wrong to make myself look good,
but I don't think I have. At least he or
I could spell out my feelings and not have them dismissed.
Am I really the bad partner here? I am interested
because obviously this is biased because you wrote it, and

(08:15):
it's biased towards you know, your own opinions. So if
he knows about this, I'm interested. I want to like,
he should post his side of the story if he
thinks that people would take a side.

Speaker 5 (08:24):
Yeah, I want to know what he could possibly have
to say that he thinks that people.

Speaker 4 (08:28):
Will be like, oh my god, Yeah he was.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
He was totally right. He's like, you don't you guys
don't understand. You don't understand. I don't want her to
have a tattoo because I think she'll look ugly.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
Yeah, that wouldn't help your point.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
Dude comments, Wow, you buried the lead here. Your husband
offered you basically zero support during your mom's illness and
passing and your dad's surgery, and then didn't understand why
you were grieving for a normal length of time. What
the if the only thing surprising about such a self
centered loser wanting to divorce you over a tattoo is
that you didn't beat him to the bunch. Please find

(09:00):
some self respect and divorce him for giving you such
a stupid ultimatum and for all the other ways he
hasn't been there for you. You deserve so much better
than to be basically alone and unsupported by the man
who's supposed to be there for you, for better or
for worse. And a reply says agreed. And this type
of loser man that doesn't really want a divorce. He

(09:22):
wants to stay and be mean and harmful to her,
and he manipulates her with these empty threats. He thinks
she'll never grow a spine and leave. I bet he's
overweight and a gross too, being that he's a long
time heavy drinker. And I bet she's way better looking
than him. Since she isn't, he probably hasn't aged well
and hates himself. Comment two says, girl, I didn't even

(09:43):
get to the tattoo part because I was hung up
on why you didn't dump him when he utterly abandoned
you in your darkest times. He is no loss and
that's the end of that story. My God, that's it,
dang man. Wow. Yeah, divorce him Adora like as soon
as possible because he doesn't support you. He's being controlling

(10:05):
and those are huge red flags and definitely gonna get worse.
And it seems like that has been a problem for
a long time.

Speaker 5 (10:11):
Divorce him and the day that it's signed, get a tattoo.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
Yeah, to commemorate and get another tattoo.

Speaker 5 (10:18):
We haven't been intimate in years, and now I think he's.

Speaker 4 (10:21):
Cheating on me.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
Dump them.

Speaker 5 (10:23):
I'm female and have a normal libido. My husband is
male and has no libido, or so I thought. We've
been married for over twenty years and our bedroom has
been passed away for about the last five. My world
kind of got rocked today. By the way, this comes
from deleted and if you want us to make your
own stories.

Speaker 4 (10:43):
Go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 5 (10:45):
I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we do, so let us know what you would
do in the comments.

Speaker 4 (10:56):
My car is in the shop, so I was the
bus driver today.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
Using my husband's car to take the kids to school
and drop him off at work. He's very fastidious about
his car, so I cleaned out the back seat to
make sure the kids hadn't left a mess back there
when I saw something under the passenger seat. It's been
a long time since I needed them, but I knew
what it was immediately. A Trojan leaner wrapper bonus information.

(11:22):
My husband got a vasectomy years ago. I dropped it
like it burned my hand and sat down on the
driveway for about half an hour.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
That's so brutal.

Speaker 5 (11:32):
I honestly thought I was going to faint if I
stood up. I kept thinking about what I would have
done if one of the kids had grabbed it. Oh
stupid fear. They wouldn't have known what it is, or
if he had been around when I found it. He's
home now, the kids are going to bed soon, and
I can't decide what to do. Most of me is

(11:54):
furious at the cheating. It has to be cheating, right,
and for all of the anguish and rejection I've endured
night after night after night while he apparently is sleeping
with someone else. He travels occasionally for work, and he
has myriad outside hobbies and interests that would give him

(12:15):
ample opportunity to cheat.

Speaker 4 (12:17):
I feel like such a fool.

Speaker 5 (12:19):
I'm home cleaning and caring for the kids and pining
for him, starving for spicy sleep, and he's out doing what.
I'm afraid that if I say anything to him, he'll
have a reasonable answer for why it's there. I'm giving
some real consideration to getting into his accounts and maybe
even following him to prove what I don't really know,

(12:41):
because finding that one little thing has already made me
reevaluate every emotion and thought I've had about our relationship
for the last few years. To be sure, I'm no angel,
I'm a hypocrite. I've lusted after others and have done
things I'm ashamed of during my marriage.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
Like what but I rusting and physically cheating are two
different things.

Speaker 5 (13:05):
But I always felt justified because he wasn't sleeping with me.
I just feel so sick and mad and exhausted. I
wish I hadn't found it. I'm not sure what I'm
going to do here, and I absolutely welcome any advice
from anyone with insight.

Speaker 3 (13:22):
We have an update, Oh man, I mean, I really
I'd love to know what you did to me.

Speaker 4 (13:28):
It sounds like she cheated.

Speaker 5 (13:30):
She's like, it's fine because he wasn't giving me spicy sleep.

Speaker 4 (13:34):
But now that he's cheating, I'm mad about it. And
it's like, girl, what.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
I'm wondering if if she's like kind of overthinking what
like things that she did to be like, oh, well,
like you know, like I'm not an angel either, because
either of my kind of two thoughts are either she
did cheat, which in that case it's like, okay, you're
a hypocrite, or the second one is that she like
had a crush on someone is eating.

Speaker 5 (13:58):
The line that throws me off is but I've always
felt justified because he.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Wasn't sleeping with me. Yeah, I doesn't not great.

Speaker 4 (14:05):
Really, you worry me with that one.

Speaker 5 (14:08):
To the surprise of exactly no one, my ll husband
is probably cheating on me. I haven't confronted him yet,
but I imagine I will soon. I don't have a
smoking pupew, but I don't really need one at this point.
After all, circumstantial evidence is evidence, right. Here's how and

(14:28):
what I found out. I started to really pay attention
to his text and phone usage and noticed that he
would text someone right before he plugged his phone. In
at night to go to bed, and he always sent
a few texts first thing in the morning.

Speaker 4 (14:40):
I asked, and he told me it.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
Was just work.

Speaker 5 (14:43):
As I thought about it, I kind of convinced myself
that whomever he was texting at those times must be
the person he wanted the Wiener wrapper for. So when
the opportunity arose, I cracked open his phone.

Speaker 4 (14:55):
Funny side note.

Speaker 5 (14:57):
The password to his iPhone is our anniversary. I watched
him send those texts for about a week before I
violated his privacy and looked. When I finally snooped, though
there were no texts sent out or received at those times,
it took me a few minutes to realize that he
was sending and receiving messages that he was then deleting.

(15:17):
He has lots and lots of other text messages saved
going back a year or so.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
Giant red flag. Sorry, this is kind of choppy.

Speaker 5 (15:25):
I don't really feel like writing, but y'all have been
so nice and I want to share. So then I
started watching his location on the Find Friends app, which
we all have on our phones in case we lose them.
I watched obsessively for a few weeks, but never saw
him go anywhere out of the ordinary. Here's what finally happened.
We have a routine in the evening where I go

(15:46):
to our small neighborhood Jim after the kids are tucked in,
and then when I get home, he goes that way.
One of us is always here. There's really no need
for that anymore, since one of ours is now old
enough to babysit in drive, but we're just still in
that habit. One night, I got back from the gym
and he left, and I just got to wondering if

(16:07):
he could be flirting with someone up there. Yes, I
realized that sounds creepy and obsessive, so without telling him
I was coming, I drove over.

Speaker 4 (16:17):
His car was there, but he was nowhere to be found.

Speaker 5 (16:21):
The gym is tiny and it was empty. I checked
and his phone was still showing he was there. There's
a yogurt shop across the street, and I thought he
might have just gone over there, and his phone just
looked like it was still at the gym. I drove
over and looked, but he was nowhere to be found.
I decided to sit and wait and watch his car.

(16:41):
I felt like a creep and a stalker. And I
was already feeling disgusted with myself for checking up on him.
That was my mindset when I saw a car pull
up next to his I saw him hop out and
wave and get in his car and drive away. Although
I was too far away to see who was driving
the car, I definitely recognize it as the car of

(17:02):
someone we know.

Speaker 4 (17:03):
Well, No, she's the wife of one of my coworkers.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
Oh yikes. Yeah, So clearly what's happening here is that
he drives the car to the gitgem, leaves his phone
in the car, and then she picks him up.

Speaker 5 (17:18):
We have a lot of social contact with them, and
have even been on family vacations and gone.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
To the other Well you know why they're you know,
got so close. Then she's a friend of mine. Devastating.

Speaker 5 (17:31):
No, because I know you're wondering, I'll admit that she
is very, very cute. She's also about ten years younger
than us. No, if he is sleeping with her, her husband,
whom I adore, is going to be crush. I love
him dearly, not that way, which complicates the whole situation
so much. As he drove away, his phone showed up

(17:54):
that it was moving, so it sure looks like he
purposely left.

Speaker 4 (17:57):
His phone in the car so.

Speaker 5 (17:59):
That I would he was at the gym. Oh I
asked him that night how the gym was. He said
it was crowded and had some story about not being
able to get on the machine he wanted, just another lie,
that place was a ghost town. He had ample opportunity
to tell me that he and Sandy ran into each other,
that she needed help with something, or whenever the story

(18:21):
could be, but he didn't. Just another lie. So that's
where I am today. I still haven't said anything. I'm
just trying to figure out what the future is going
to look like for me and my kids. I don't
think he'll be part of that future, not so much
for the cheating, which I can understand, but for the
thousands of rejections and apparently.

Speaker 4 (18:41):
Lies over the years.

Speaker 5 (18:43):
Have you ever been hurt so badly that you just
feel hollow? That's where I am now, just empty and
charred and emotionless. A few more things worth mentioning. After
my last post, the one where I described my anguish
at finding a Wiener wrapper in my husband's car, I
got a handful of messages from guys wanting to have
spicy sleep with me, really really. The messages ranged from

(19:07):
pathetic to hilariously pathetic, but none of them led to
spicy sleep with me. Also consider this, men, I'm obviously
pretty undesirable and broken. If the man who married me
and who has previously done all kinds of fun kinky
stuff with me, and who sleeps next to me every
night won't touch me, you can probably do better, and.

Speaker 4 (19:29):
You should try.

Speaker 5 (19:30):
Also, I got some hateful messages that tell me I
got what I deserved because I admitted that I have
done things during my marriage that I'm not proud of.
What I was talking about was cyber spicy sleep with
men and women, and never the same person more than once.
I've never had anything close to an emotional or physical

(19:50):
affair with anyone. H I haven't been with anyone physically
beside my husband for over two decades, and I only
sought out cyber spy sleep partners after several years of
no spicy sleep with him.

Speaker 4 (20:04):
Is that cheating?

Speaker 5 (20:05):
Yes, yes probably, But in my admittedly gradually changing hierarchy
of sins, my sins seem smaller. Many of you thought
I shouldn't snoop on him, and many of you thought
I should. I only decided to check his phone for
text because I had a specific suspicion about them. I
feel like I can justify that. I really can't justify

(20:26):
following up on his location by his phone. However, I'm
not sorry that I did so. I violated his trust
to find out that he is very probably violating mine.
There are definitely no winners here.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
That's it. That's the end of that story. Okay, Wow,
dang man.

Speaker 4 (20:44):
I don't even know what advice you want.

Speaker 5 (20:46):
Yeah, tell your husband, I've been cheating on you, and
apparently you've been cheating on me.

Speaker 4 (20:50):
Should we just go our separate ways now?

Speaker 2 (20:52):
Peace out?

Speaker 4 (20:53):
Bye?

Speaker 5 (20:54):
To keep living in this marriage that you seem miserable
in and that apparently.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
And you're mad. That's Hulleen miserable.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
That's what I meant, that Op's miserable.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Oh yeah, but they're both miserable in it. My ex
cheated on me. Now she can't accept that I got engaged.

Speaker 4 (21:09):
I think she really has a choice in that.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
My ex and I met in our mid twenties through
a mutual friend at a barbecue. She seemed almost too
good to be true, incredibly beautiful, but shy and introverted.
We took her time getting to know each other before
things became serious. When we got engaged a year later,
I bought us a house with inheritance from my late uncle.
By the way, this comes from Crushed Survivor one two three,

(21:32):
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the ours slash Okay storytime Separate. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofully, but we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
so let us know what you guys would do in
the comments. Things were going great, and I suggested we
plant a peachtree to signify new beginnings, which she loved.
We were married not long after and it was amazing.

(21:54):
We had normal ups and downs, but she always made
it a point to never go to bed upset with
each other. Later, I was promoted, which meant more pay
but also more travel. I noticed she had been getting
down more and wasn't being as intimate. She kept her
phone close and stopped addressing things that upset her. I
tried to talk to her, but she assured me she

(22:15):
was fine and this was just a phase. Having no
reason not to trust her. I let it go. She
would sometimes stay overnight at her sister's place for girl time.
The day I got that phone call was when she
was supposed to be with her sister again. When I
got home, I found out the devastating truth from her sister.
My wife had been having an affair. Her ex had
contacted her five months ago, doing some redemption thing where

(22:37):
he apologizes to people he's wrong to clear his karma.
They began talking, then he convinced her to meet for
coffee to show he was a changed man, and it
developed into an emotional affair. My wife approached her sister
for advice, who told her to take things slow and
get it out of her system, which led to a
physical affair three months later. My sister in law even

(22:58):
offered to cover for my wife. She was in tears,
apologizing and saying she never thought it would go this far. Liar,
I was numb. When I confronted my wife, she broke
down and admitted everything. I spent the following months in
zombie mode. There was individual counseling for her and marriage
counseling for us. At our family's urging in counseling, she

(23:19):
was forthcoming about how it happened, and now she hated
herself for causing me pain. She mentioned how guilty she
felt and now she tried to end it but was
too weak. She said, only after learning she was pregnant
did she realize any further contact was toxic. When she
went to end things, he became angry and vindictive, but
thankfully nothing more serious happened. She became withdrawn and struggled

(23:40):
with guilt and shame. And after our son was born,
we got a paternity test and he was mine. But
the more time I spent with her, the more I
realized I didn't hate my wife. I loathed her. I
couldn't see the woman I married, but instead saw his
leftovers each time I looked at her. I decided to
leave because I was afraid i'd do something I regret.

(24:01):
She begged me not to and made the ridiculous offer
of giving me a haul pass and letting me slap
her if I wanted. I knew I had to get out.
She was generous during the divorce, moved back with her
parents and signed a well thought out co parenting plan,
And three years later I met my now fiance by
chance in a bookstore. We were discussing Egyptian mythology when

(24:22):
this beautiful woman approached to correct my pronunciation of Egyptian
gods and cities. I was impressed by her understanding and
the fact that she's Egyptian herself. We exchanged numbers and
eventually started dating. When I proposed to her in front
of the peach tree, I planted years ago, Okay, that's.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
Pachatic with your wife, your ex wife.

Speaker 2 (24:42):
She ran into the house and came out with the
ring as well. She was planning to propose herself because
she was madly in love with me. Ah, it all
worked out. My son told his mother what happened because
he was present. My ex showed up that night in
the rain, yelling about how could I do this? How
could I propose in front of our tree, and that

(25:03):
this isn't the end of us. I'm completely exhausted. I
cannot go no contact because she's the mother of my child,
but she's basically pestering me and my fiance. How do
I convince her to move on without getting a restraining
order at It's something that still bothers me is how
she went back to someone from her past who had
caused her so much pain. It's hard for me to

(25:23):
understand why she would give him a chance to hurt
her again. At a two, when my fiance presented me
with the ring she was going to use to propose,
it had an a graving to my pharaoh. I love
this woman. And there are some comments that's this is. Yeah,
just just ignore her, block her everywhere you can't. I mean,
I guess you can't block her because you got a kid.

Speaker 4 (25:42):
That's why you don't want the restraining order too.

Speaker 5 (25:43):
Yeah, probably isn't there like a level be lower restraining order.

Speaker 4 (25:48):
I know you're probably saying.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
You don't want to get that either, But yeah, I
think like this comment. I'm gonna read this coment because
it seems good. Kama want, says Gray Rock. Strategy, don't
communicate about anything other than the sun. Don't get sucked
into another discussion. It's not your place to convince her
of anything. I think that's probably the best strategy.

Speaker 5 (26:05):
I think the issue is she showed up at the house,
and yeah, prevent that.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
At that point you just have to be like, don't
even answer the door. Comment to says, hey man, congrats
on the engagement. That took a different turn at the
end there. My only advice is to not talk about
your fiance to your ex and put up a non
emotional front every time you see her OPI says, thank you, friend,
and yes, I try by all means to not mention
my fiance to my ex, even when she asks about her.

(26:30):
At first, my ex was under the impression that I
was trying to get even or something, and actually said
she would wait until I came to my senses. But
the engagement caused her to completely freak out and show
it at my home in the night, in the pouring rain.
Her mother has even told me that she hardly speaks
about anything other than the life we had and how
losing me has ripped her soul apart.

Speaker 4 (26:52):
She shouldn't have cheated.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
You shouldn't have cheated, then, that's a pretty easy solution
to that. That is the consequence of her actions. It
is what it is. Now. She has to live with
a regret for the rest of her life. No amount
of therapy will fix that. And there is an update, folks.

Speaker 5 (27:07):
The great common advice like, yeah, this was she's the
one that cheated. She had an affair that she wanted
to go through with, ruined it herself.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah, there's like, yeah, I think the gray Rock method
is probably the best thing to do. Maybe get her
parents involved so they can kind of get a handle
on her. But uh yeah, just keep trying to keep
your distance as much as you can. My son absolutely
loves the outdoors, so I offered my backyard for his birthday,
since we couldn't go to our usual spots due to
the ongoing situation. He also requested that my ex sleep over.

(27:39):
He wanted to imitate a scene from one of his
adventure shows where both parents sit on either side of
the child roasting marshmallows around a campfire. I had no
intention of denying my son's birthday wishes, but I couldn't
have my ex sleep in the same tent as me
and my son. That would be disrespectful to my fiance,
and even though she said she understood, it was clear
she wasn't okay with it. My ex took advantage of this,

(28:02):
saying how much she was looking forward to spending the
night with her two men and buying excessive camping equipment.
She was trying to rub it in my fiance's face.
I had to tell her to stop several times, and
she only relented when I threatened to invite her sister.
Since our divorce, my ex has had a burning hatred
for her sister. She acknowledges her role in destroying our marriage,

(28:24):
but blames her sister for encouraging the affair. Wow, that's great. Yeah,
you're really throwing the blame off yourself there. It's gotten
so bad that she refuses to let her sisters spend
significant time with our son, which caused my ex sister
in law severe depression. A redditor suggested I purchase a
multi room tent so my fiance could be included. I
immediately went out to get one. My ex wasn't happy

(28:46):
about it, but was glad to be under the same
roof as me. During the birthday celebration, my son was
on cloud nine. You ran around pretending to be an
explorer discovering new land. When evening came, I made the
fire and my ex provided marshmallows. He excitedly sat between
us roasting his marshmallow. What I didn't expect was that
after we took pictures and made smores, he handed my

(29:06):
fiance stick in marshmallow and sat next to her to
make his seconds more. It's a mystery how something this
pure could come from the mess that was my relationship
with my ex. Any final thoughts.

Speaker 5 (29:16):
That Sun is probably adorable and really just like he's
out here sating, he's like handing some to the fiance too.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Do you want to me? Now here you go?

Speaker 5 (29:25):
He's yeah, that's really sweet and I'm glad he got
the wholesome birthday that he wanted despite.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
The craziness drama that's going on with his parents.

Speaker 4 (29:36):
You guys are at least doing doing the kid co
parenting right.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
My ex asked for a moment of my time. We
stepped into the kitchen and she apologized for her behavior
the day I proposed, but not for her actions afterwards.
She told me she still sees me as her husband
in her mind, so the thought of me giving my
heart to another terrifighter. She said she never wanted to
cause me pain and would give anything to undo her mistakes.
She mentioned how happen she was when the paternity test

(30:01):
showed I was the father, because she thought it was
a new beginning and that our son was proof of
our love. I thanked her for sharing, but told her
I was happy with where I was in life and
hope she would find someone to make her happy as well.
She said she meant what she told me on our
divorce day, and we'll wait for me. I left the
kitchen exhausted because nothing I said got through to her.
We called it a night with my fiance and I

(30:24):
sleeping in one room with a tent and my ex
with my son in another. All in all, a good
birthday for my son, but not a good night for me.
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (30:32):
Hi, well, I mean, yeah, that still doesn't sound great,
but maybe slightly on the better paths.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, hopefully, hope.

Speaker 5 (30:42):
I'm not like that wasn't great, but she didn't try anything.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's something, But that is the
end of the story.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But
here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
My fiance had my deceased brother tattooed, and now I
can even look at her.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
I really need an explanation for this one.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Okay, So for context, my older brother, thirty male while
I'm twenty nine male, passed away three years ago in
a motorcycle accident. This messed me up severely and it
still does. He was my best friend and we had
that whole inseparable since we knew each other type of bond.
Even if he was older, he was never the stereotypical
older brother bully sort and I loved him for that.

(31:26):
By the way, this comes from Ottica Michael, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie,
and I'm Keon.

Speaker 6 (31:36):
I'm actually here man.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
We're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
so let us know what you would do in the comments.
And Opie says, anyway, my fiance, who I'll call Bella,
is twenty eight female. She med him only a few times,
but always said she admired our bond since she had
no real siblings of her own, only step but they

(31:58):
aren't close. A few weeks ago, Bella surprised me with
the tattoo she got in memory of my brother. It's
a pretty big, realistic grayscale tattoo of his face with
a little snoopy icon beside it on her upper arm,
with his nickname we used and his birth and passing
dates underneath. That not snoopy is a lot.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
That is a lot.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
That's a lot. Yeah, when I saw this, I was stunned.
She said she did it as a tribute to him
and to support me because she knows how much I
still struggle with grief. I honestly didn't know what to
say at first, but the more I sat with it,
the more it bothered me. I told her as gently
as I could that I appreciated the gesture but found
the tattoo really uncomfortable. It's unsettling to see his face

(32:46):
on my fiance's body. It feels like too much, especially
since they barely knew each other. She got upset and
said I was being weird about a nice gesture and
making her regret doing something beautiful in her work. Now
she's distant, and my mom thinks I should just be
thankful someone loved my brother enough to memorialize him.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
But first off, I didn't ask her to do this,
and also she doesn't love the brother usn't that she
doesn't know?

Speaker 2 (33:11):
Now, Well, now I'm stuck with a fiance that won't
even talk to me properly, and my brother is perfectly
black and gray eyes staring at me when I'm laying
beside her, and honestly, I don't even want to think
about how horrifying having spicy sleet would be with that
on her arm? Am I being unreasonable a holish? Is
it my right to ask her to get it covered
up or removed? I guess I'm adding some additional details

(33:34):
because I don't know how to respond individually. My fiance
and I both have tattoos, and many of them. I
have smaller ones, she has bigger ones. To my knowledge,
neither of us are mentally ill in any capacity, and
we aren't on medication. I can't believe I have to
write this, but here we are. Ever since my reaction,
she has been wearing longer sleeve shirts in the daytime

(33:55):
at work. She has too anyway, but she's also doing
it at home. It's only during time that I really
see it, with her wearing tanks, and it physically hurts
consensus not the ale. Commoners are asking if she could
show signs of being bipolar, if she takes any medication
that could mess with her decision making, and NOP says
for info, Yes, me and her both have tattoos and

(34:16):
plenty of them, and we're both the sort that likes
to have tattoos linked to good memories or experiences, like
my latest tattoo five or so months ago, of my
childhood dog. Though I'd like to be clear I got
a paw print with her name under it, a paw print,
not a whole portrait of her. My fiances similar ones
that are larger in scale, So her forearm tattoo with

(34:39):
my brother's face isn't half odd esthetically, it's just it's
my effing brother. Also, to my knowledge, she's been doing
fine and has only been bitter for a few weeks
by my reaction, and SI, that's my mistake for not
knowing anatomical terms. Just so it's clear. It's on the
upper part of her arm, which I thought was the forearm,

(34:59):
because it's the arm attached to the rest of the body,
so the first one forearm, like foremost. I don't know,
that's my mistake. Forearm is here, yep, it is the
upper arm. Though also in case this comes up, I
know the anatomical terms for my legs and torso because
I have tattoos there, slightly clueless on the arms though,

(35:21):
so sorry, but thanks for bringing it up. I will
probably ask for her to remove it completely, though I'm
guessing it'll be a hard conversation and she'll expect me
to pay for it, which I don't necessarily mind, but
it sucks anyway. I was initially going to suggest to
cover up, but I read some comments saying it'd be difficult.
I'm not sure, but I'll figure it out once we

(35:41):
speak about it. Ear me out. Maybe, just maybe your
brother has been in your spotlight for a long time,
says one commoner, and she wants to be but doesn't
know how to, so she goes out of her way
to impress you, but unfortunately in an inappropriate way. Maybe
something along these lines. Moto Dude cat Dad says, hey, man,
have been my thoughts exactly, though I'm ashamed to say it. Oh,

(36:03):
I think this is Opee responding. I admittedly have been
in over my head with grief ever since everything happened,
and I feel like she did this to support me,
but missed the mark in how she went about it.
I don't feel like her actions were mentally ill or
ill natured, because I know her and I know she
wouldn't want to hurt me intentionally, so this just might
be it. Another person says she's gonna have the whole

(36:25):
family tattooed on her back. Bro won't be able to
do it doggy ever again. Oh god lol.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
Laughed at this a little too loudly, says Opee. And
there is an update.

Speaker 6 (36:35):
That's what I was asking, Where is this touch?

Speaker 2 (36:37):
Yeah? Right, I was like, yo, yo yo yo, her arm,
it's on her arm?

Speaker 3 (36:42):
Uly thoughts though, so many, yeah, so many thoughts, because
if he was okay with it, that would be a
very nice thing to do. And it does suck from
her perspective that like, she spent so much money on this,
jack can't tell shood on her body, But also like
that's her mistake to do that. Should have asked, Yeah,

(37:03):
if you're gonna get a tattoo for another person, you
want to either know them better or ask Yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
First. It's kind of like tattooing your partner's name on
your body and then not taking them beforehand. Yeah, going
and being like, hey, I tattooed my name on my
body or your name on my body.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
Yeah, and I'd be like like, show my devotion, don't
do that, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. Yeah,
that's just it's just never a good idea to get
tattoos for other people in general.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
But especially without talking first.

Speaker 3 (37:33):
Yeah, so I it sucks that she now has to
deal with this and feels like she regrets something. Yeah
in her eyes that she saw beautiful.

Speaker 5 (37:42):
But.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
Again that's a that's a risk.

Speaker 3 (37:47):
You were taken updates after breakfast this morning at around
half seven.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
It's ten thirty four as I write this. By the way,
I sat down already was sitting down after eating but yes,
whatever with my fiance and spoke about the tattoo again.
I basically echoed all the comments I've received, which by
the way, I'm so grateful for for the most part,
because some of them were crazy. Anyway, I told her
again that the tattoo made me very uncomfortable and wasn't

(38:14):
the leap she needed to take to comfort or support
me on my journey with grief, as I still had
a firm belief that she didn't do this in a
malicious manner. She was quiet initially and then asked if
she could explain herself, and I said I was willing
to listen a summariz She said she simply got the
tattoo because she thought it would symbolize the extent you
would go to love me and support me and said,

(38:37):
in that way, I had both people I loved so
much in the same place. For words not mine. H
She did say she was sorry and that she wouldn't
have done it if she knew that I wouldn't have
liked it. I asked her why she hadn't spoken to
me about it prior, and she said it wouldn't have
been a surprise then, which is what she wanted it
to be. And maybe before we make anybody modifications, we

(38:59):
just talk to the person. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
I think that's simply too big of a risk. You
can't make something permanent a surprise.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
No, you just don't do it. It's like buying, you know.
It's like when in those commercials or whatever, when like
a dad buys a car, yeah, or the like the
husband buys a car for the wife without talking and
they're like, we can afford this right with the big
bo yeah yeah, and he's.

Speaker 6 (39:24):
Like, I bought you a car and she's like, we
already have a car.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Yeah. Also, never do permanent things or anything drastic to
show someone how devoted you are.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
That's not we don't want that. She also said, And
I'm remembering this fresh and internally cringing as I write this.
Sollowell that the tattoo was meant to be a symbol
of a new beginning because we're going to get married
in a couple of months, and she wanted to turn
over old leaves, she calling your brother an old leaf,
like you just need to move on from him now,

(39:57):
and this way you can because he'll be on my
boy right or did you guys have like fights or
something before?

Speaker 3 (40:03):
And she was like, see, this will make up for
everything because I'm so devoted to you.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
I'm still stuck on what she meant, so I'd appreciate
any word sleuths helping me in this. To wrap it up,
I said, I didn't want to end our relationship over
with this, and I really wanted to move on from it,
but that she needed to either cover it up or
laser it off, and she was, to say the least,
not very happy about it. Said a cover up would
be complicated and would take too long, said laser might

(40:30):
be painful and look scary from the videos. Also said
she likes how the tattoo looks along with her other ones,
and asked if I'd be okay with her just covering
it up, either with clothes or foundation.

Speaker 6 (40:41):
No, I just want people to ask her. You know, hey,
who who is that?

Speaker 5 (40:46):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Your brother?

Speaker 7 (40:48):
No, No, it's my it's my it's my fiance's brother.

Speaker 6 (40:52):
I really don't even know.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
No, I didn't really don't really know him that well. Yeah, y,
I was as firm as I could be. Mind you,
this is the woman I've loved for five years straight,
so admittedly I'm soft, but I reiterated that I wanted
it gone, either by a cover up or laser. She
was quiet then, and that's honestly where the conversation ended.

(41:14):
She already left for work at ten, and I'm going
to start my own work now as I work remotely
from home, after I finish this. Anyways, I hope this
works out, and I would appreciate any advice. I did
read a comment that's shame me for taking this to
Reddit instead of speaking with her first, So I will
prioritize our communication first, but we'll hopefully keep this updated.

(41:35):
Thanks for all the help for now, and there is
an update two days later.

Speaker 6 (41:39):
Oh wow, why are we shaming? Ope?

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Any thoughts?

Speaker 3 (41:42):
Yeah, I feel I feel like that's kind of what
reddit is for. Shambel are here to sort out their
thoughts before they communicate to others sometimes, which I think
that's fair.

Speaker 7 (41:53):
Yeah, we're like, yeah, I get a secondary opinion, Yeah,
exactly exactly from a neutral internet.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (42:00):
Usually No, I.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
Think I think stand your ground.

Speaker 3 (42:05):
I think it's entirely reasonable of you to say, hey,
I want to cover up or lasered off. Yeah, and
if she says, oh, that's expensive, long, that's gonna hurt,
then you say, well, next time, let's not make any
big body modifications or anything big that's permanent without you
know that that's for me without asking me. Yeah, yeah exactly.

(42:28):
I mean, maybe be patient. I guess if you can
with that, like she's if she's covering it up for
now with like shirts and stuff, Yeah that's cool. But
uh yeah, I feel like I don't know, I get
the anger and frustration with it, but maybe maybe try
to not say it in an angry way. I wonder,
I wonder what difference that would make.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
Update two, it's final, I'd broken up with her.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
It made no difference. I guess, Well, that's it. I
don't even know why I'm.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Writing this other than to get some closure on this
situation and maybe some support. Wow, I've read so many
comments this morning, and while it didn't go the way
I or anyone anticipated, I've taken my decision, though I'm
struggling to accept it myself. Last night, when Bella came
home from work, I made sure to make dinner and
asked if we could talk after dinner in the back garden.

(43:18):
She said that was okay, but that she needed time
to shower and unwind before dinner, so she'd be a
bit late, but that I could start eating. I agreed,
and she went upstairs while I ate the dinner I'd
made with the TV on in the back. She came
down about an hour later while I was winding things
up and washing the dishes from earlier, and I'd offered
to get her a hotplate, and she agreed, saying she'd

(43:40):
eat it on the couch in our living room rather
than the kitchen, where we have a dining table, also
where I eat. I said that was fine, and I
brought it over to her, and as I gave it
to her, while she was sitting her hand out to
take it, I somehow managed to drop it and the
hot spag bull went all over. Oh no. I immediately
apologized profusely and went to grab her some water and

(44:02):
tissues and towels, but she just started screaming at me.
I don't want to make myself sound like a victim
in this, so I want to be careful with how
I write this. But yes, she started saying that I
did it on purpose, and that I was punishing her
for our conversation that morning and with the tattoo in general.
I immediately defended myself and as I brought over a damp
towel and some tissues and said I knew I had

(44:23):
a steady grip on the plate, so there was no
way I'd done that on purpose, also saying that I
always spoke respectfully and calmly to hear about the tattoo situation,
and that I'd never escalate things like this. Things beyond
are a blur. But we had a big fight, and
she broke many, and I mean many of our glasses

(44:45):
and plates. Oh wow, even trying to pull off a
cabinet door in our kitchen that was already not in
good condition. What whoa that? Okay, well that's a huge
red flag and you need to go. Yeah. By the
end of it, I said, I couldn't be with the anymore,
and that this was the last straw and left for
my parents' house. Any final thoughts, Wow, wow.

Speaker 6 (45:08):
If someone here, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:11):
Yeah, I can drop the ball man. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (45:14):
I was thinking at first, like when he first said yeah,
I broke up with her, I was like, see, this
is why we don't do things that are like yeah
for other people, because you don't know what's gonna happen,
and things sure do happen.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
But it wasn't even that it was it was that
she took well, she first took his words of being like, hey,
I'm little uncomfortable by this, Yeah, what do you mind
doing and instead made this like he hates me, he's
attacking me, and.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
Then everything that he did after that was gonna be
another a further attack. Yeah, and then she responded by
breaking things and ripping doors terrifying, terrifying. It is so
not someone that you want to be around. That's not
one that you are safe around. So this is kind
of like, Okay, well you get to deal with the
consequences of having my brother on your arm.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
Yeah, now you have to explain that to your future partners.

Speaker 3 (46:05):
And why you have your ex's brother on arm and
explain why I'm an ex now and totally screw yourself over.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Good luck, yike. But to finish, uh, Opie says, I
haven't returned and I haven't picked up any of her
calls or messages, and I'm honestly afraid of what she'll
do to my belongings if she so easily broke so
much of the crap we brought together. I'm still at
my parents' house and I haven't told them either, but
I think this is it. This may be the last update,

(46:33):
because I don't know if I can focus on this,
but I have everything else I need to resolve. I
have spoken to my family about it, and they asked
me to try to have a final conversation to remedy this,
and I rejected it. We'll be bringing my things back
either tonight or tomorrow, depending on when she gets back
from work, and we'll bring a friend with me. I'm
more at peace with my decision now, So thank you

(46:55):
for all the help. And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (46:58):
Oh my gosh, good luck. Ope that is you're out
of that relationship.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
I suppose.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
Yeah, that is so wild. Dang, dang, oh my gosh, wow, boy,
I accidentally snooped on my fiance saying that she's still not.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
Over her ex. Well she can get back together with
them and uh and then.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
Trigger warning there's a physical altercation mentioned in here, so beware.
My fiance female thirty one and I Mail thirty three,
got engaged in October last year, and I've been in
a relationship for five years. Everything has been great and
I can honestly say that I've never met anyone who
comes close to her. She's absolutely been the love of
my life. By the way, this comes from throwaway love

(47:42):
of life. And if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay story times. Separddit and
I'm Angie.

Speaker 6 (47:46):
I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon.

Speaker 3 (47:48):
And we're here to give good advice goofully, But we
don't have all the answers. We probably haven't been in
these situations, but if you have, let us know what
you either would do or have done in the comments.
So Oh p says I've known her most of my
life as we grew up on the same street just
around the corner from each other. Her mom and dad
still stay in the same house, and I still live

(48:08):
in the house that I grew up in, which my
mom left to me when she passed away in twenty fourteen.
We don't officially live together yet, but for all intents
and purposes, she lives here. She's still very close to
her parents, though, and still has her bedroom there, so
she'll occasionally spend the night at their place, but she's.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
Almost always here.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
So this morning I decided to walk to the shops
to buy some things. About halfway down, I realized I
had forgotten my face mask. Masks have been mandatory here
in the shop since the tenth of July, so I
had to walk back. When I walked in to grab
the mask from the kitchen table, I heard her speaking
loudly on the phone in the living room. She said, yeah,
but David will always be the love of my life.

(48:49):
And David is her ex boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
Ah uh, oh, that doesn't sound good. This sounds like
the simmer turn pretty Oh. Yeah, sounds like we got
a little Conrad Jeremiah. So she was good on you.
She's about to marry Jeremiah, but the love of her
life is Comrade.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
Oh no, I don't know much about him, but I
know they were together for two years, and it ended
about a year before we started dating.

Speaker 2 (49:18):
He dumped her.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
I grabbed my mask and walked back out, But when
I got to the shops, I.

Speaker 2 (49:22):
Felt so weird.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
I had to sit down because my mind was going
in a thousand different directions. When I got back home,
I immediately told her that I felt sick and sent
her background to her parents' house because I didn't want
her around. While I was ill, I laid in bed
wondering what to do. I know she didn't do anything wrong.
It's not like she cheated or intentionally tried to hurt me.
But what's heard can't be unheard. She said, the person

(49:45):
that she's agreed to Mary isn't a patch on an
ex that she hasn't been with in the six years.
The fact she said he will always be the love
of her life makes it feel like her heart's already
been taken. What happens if he comes back into her life?
You can't turn down the love of your life when
they come calling. I'd be dumped quicker than yesterday's leftovers.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
So how do I navigate this?

Speaker 3 (50:08):
Do I tell her I overheard her and the relationship
with the vague it's not you it's me, so allow
my pride and pretend I didn't hear it. Everything has
been great, but I don't want to be someone's second choice,
especially when her ex is still the one on her mind,
the one she would obviously.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
Be with if she could. I thought about just saying.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
It's not working anymore. Meanwhile, she was texting me about
coming around to spoil me, because I was the sickie
f that Oh, do have an update?

Speaker 2 (50:35):
Bold your horses, can't your horses. Your mind's running faster
than the horses that you need to hold. Um, you
need to do, don't. I don't understand the Should I
shuck up my pride or whatever and forget about it?

Speaker 3 (50:52):
Like that's not that would be the opposite. That would
be like a pride move. You need to talk to
your fiance about it.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
I think absolutely I overheard this. Huh what did you
mean by that?

Speaker 5 (51:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (51:03):
Oh yeah, don't make yourself the victim? Like yeah, I
mean not, don't make yourself like the reason why you
should break up.

Speaker 6 (51:10):
Like you have nothing to do with this. Everything was great,
so yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
Yeah, let's go talk to her figure out what she meant. Yeah,
maybe like by I don't know, like not saying that
it is, but maybe by some you know, weird thing,
like you like the miscommunication trope of only hearing one
part of the sentence and you just misheard something, misunderstood

(51:34):
something and not saying that you did. But that is
a possibility, or maybe the other possibility is that is
what she meant. And then you talk it out and
you say, hey, like, are you still in love with
your ex, because maybe we should slow down on the
marriage if you're not over your ex. Yeah. Absolutely, yeah,
But none of that can happen without a conversation, for sure.
But we do have an update.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
After posting and receiving advice on Reddit on Thursday, I
planned to tell her to come back round that night
so we could talk, but I decided on Friday morning instead.
I needed time to clear my head. She still thought
I was sick, so it gave me a chance to prepare.
She came around Friday morning about eight am, and I
think she could see right away that something was wrong,
because I looked stony faced, and you could cut the

(52:14):
atmosphere with a knife. I told her I wasn't sick,
and that when I went back to the house for
my mask, I heard her talking about David. Her face
went completely pale and she started welding up. I stopped
talking and just stared at her. She ran into the toilet,
locked the door, and started hysterically crying, Oh and bad sign,

(52:36):
bad sign. Yeah, alarm bells were going off in my head.
Her reaction made me think that she didn't know what
part I heard, meaning she must have said worse.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
That's kind of what I now. I'm wondering if she cheated.
I'm wondering that as well.

Speaker 3 (52:51):
I knocked on the door and told her if she
had any aspirations of saving this relationship, she had better
tell me everything right now. After about thirty minutes, she
finally came came out, dabbing her face with a tissue.
She admitted David got back in touch four to five
months ago, and she had been sleeping with him once
or twice a week since.

Speaker 2 (53:09):
Yep, cheating, Yeah, which you know you wouldn't have known
if you hadn't confronted her. And now you know for
sure though, you should not go through with this marriage.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
So I guess it was a little bit of a
miscommunication in the sense that you just didn't hear how
bad it was.

Speaker 2 (53:27):
So much worse than you thought of. Isn't that great
worst case scenario?

Speaker 3 (53:33):
I realized the snippet I overheard was likely her friend
helping her choose between him and me. When I heard this,
I lost it. I threw her out, grabbed handfuls of
her stuff, put them in bin bags, and tossed them
into the front garden. Then I drenched them with the
garden hose. I'm not proud of that. It was petty,
and in hindsight, I shouldn't have done it. She ran home,

(53:53):
and a minute later her dad came rampaging around screaming.
We ended up rolling about in the muddy garden fighting.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
Who By nine in the morning, no less police fans
showed up and half the street came out because of
the chaos. Afterwards, I blocked her on everything and went
to my friend's place, where we spent the weekend drinking.
When I came back on Monday, I noticed that she
had been back in the house, made the bed, stun
the washing, and even ironed. I have no idea why.
As I was writing this, she tried to get in again.

(54:21):
I haven't been able to change the locks yet, so
I put the door chains on from upstairs. I heard
her trying to get in and the chain's clanging. She
also slipped a note under the door.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
I didn't read it.

Speaker 3 (54:32):
I'm too hurt, hungry, and hungover to deal with what
she has to say. And we do have a second update.
But oh my gosh, dude, oh.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
My god, her marriage is over. You weren't even married yet.
Were they engaged?

Speaker 3 (54:46):
They were engaged fiance Okay, Yeah, it's just got so
much worse.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
I wonder what she told the dad to make him
so mad. Probably that Op was leaving her for no reason. Yeah,
just like oh, he just me, Yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Have nowhere else to go. Yeah, and then I was
like my little girl. Yeah. And then it's like rolling
in the mud and he's like, she's Jesus me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:10):
Oh my gosh, that is so wild intense. But we
do have a second update. So things have gotten worse.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
Yeay.

Speaker 3 (55:17):
Hey. As many of you advised, I emailed her father,
explaining my side of the story and apologizing for going
public and embarrassing his daughter. I told him I acted instinctively.
I didn't apologize for fighting him because he came at me.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
Yeah, he told me to.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
F off and accused me of biting his ear for
some reason.

Speaker 6 (55:36):
Ah, good old Mike Tyson, So that's what.

Speaker 3 (55:40):
Was stuck in my teeth. I'm joking, of course, if
you didn't laugh. About a week ago I found my
car keyed all the way down one side. Then last Sunday,
while walking to me to friend, the local gossip called
me a disgrace. When I asked why, she said it
was for quote, beating up.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
My ex fiance. What and then you say, I'm sorry,
what are you talking about? That did not happen.

Speaker 3 (56:04):
Let's be clear, I've never laid a finger on her
in my life. Either she, her dad, or someone else
is spreading this lie and me tossing her stuff out
and hosing it down made it believable. I haven't spoken
to her, and she hasn't contacted me either. They're all
on the same page. Now I'm the bad guy. I've
started the process of putting my house up for sale.
I can't live here anymore. I wish my mom was

(56:27):
still here. She'd know how to make this better. And
we do have a second update or a third update.
But yeah, wow, you if you if the gossip wants to,
and you gotta leave.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
Gotta tell you, small town with these small minded people.

Speaker 3 (56:43):
Find somewhere no one knows your name.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
Yeah, but we do have a third update. Do you
have any final comments before we move on? I mean
it's pretty cut and dry.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
Yeah, my goodness, let's get into it.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
Let's cut.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
I'm still in my house, but I'll be renting it
out instead of selling. I can't give up something that
was my mom's and has been in the family for generations.
Oh that's right, I forgot the house was left to
him by his mom. Oh, honestly, that's so sad man.

Speaker 6 (57:08):
I would try so hard to clear my name.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
Yeah. Probably if it was like a you know, in
the house for generations, I'd be like, yeah, he yee
ya yee. I laid no hand on that woman. She
cheated on me.

Speaker 6 (57:22):
Yeah, David, ask him what's going on.

Speaker 2 (57:26):
Yeah, let's bring David into them. I mean, if she's
slandering you and saying that you her.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
Yeah, that's that's honestly important, because I'll suit. Yeah. I
spoke to her father again. I understand why the family
circled the wagons, but the way they threw me under
the bus was brutal to them. My name and reputation
were just collateral damage. I've known them my whole life,
and this is what I get. I feel like I
was in the middle of a crab storm, but I've

(57:53):
got an umbrella and a road map now. I even
posted my side on social media. Whether that was right
is to meate, but I'd already discreetly shared it through
close friends, so I felt it was time. Her side
is still united against me, but I hope neutral people
can see the truth. My close pals have been incredible.
Shall we get into it. Let's dive run in update numberfore.

(58:15):
It's been over a year now and I've since moved
out and I'm renting my house to an older couple.
I thought i'd give an update. I'm doing great now
and even have a girlfriend. Yo, wish me luck. What
did I learn? Crap hit the fan fast, but I
stood strong for the first time in ages. I'm looking
forward to the future. We only get one life, right,

(58:35):
I have spending it with someone who would treat me
like trash, and that is exactly right?

Speaker 2 (58:40):
Got you pee? Things are looking up for you, there are,
and none of.

Speaker 3 (58:44):
That would have happened yep if you hadn't Yeah, right,
So you did all that you could. I mean, I
think it's perfectly rational to want to, you know, throw
someone out of your house, obviously, like in a no way.
I'm sure that's assumed. Uh, and and react. At least
you didn't like set her stuff on fire.

Speaker 2 (59:03):
I mean, at least you didn't do that. You just
got it wet. That's all. That's all. Ain't no crime,
John here og host.

Speaker 6 (59:10):
We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick
three minute break from as from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
My fiance lied to me years ago and now it's
haunting our relationship.

Speaker 3 (59:19):
No, maybe you just need to ghost her then.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
Ooh, trader warning bullying. I thirty three male, am engaged
to my beautiful fiance Rachel thirty three female, who is
my school sweetheart. We haven't set a date, but we
hope to get married next year and she wants the
wedding to be big. She is a consultant cardiologist doctor
and I am a boxing coach. By the way, this

(59:43):
comes from deleted and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime, separate it.
I'm Sophia, I'm Angie.

Speaker 6 (59:49):
And I'm Keon and We're here to.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
Give good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.
We only know what we do, so let us know
what you would do in the comments and op says.
We were not always close. I was friends with a
girl called Beth, who I knew since we were toddlers.
I had a huge crush on her but was happy
to stay friends, but Rachel made her life a living
heck throughout school. I hated her during this time and

(01:00:14):
always protected Beth against her and her friends. Rachel already
had a crush on me at the time and asked
me out a few times, but I didn't like her
and was not interested. Beth was very insecure due to
being bullied by Rachel, and because of how Rachel felt
about me. It destroyed our friendship. This was when we
were sixteen and had finished year eleven, but we stayed

(01:00:35):
on at school to do A levels. Rachel and I
were in the same math's class for a levels, and
while I didn't like her, she was top of the class,
so the teacher got her to help other people out,
including me. During these classes, I got to know Rachel
and it seemed like she changed a lot from how
she was in the early years. She didn't pick on
anyone and was really nice. I eventually agreed to go

(01:00:56):
out with her, and we connected really quickly for pretty soon,
and we've been together ever since. Wait, I'm sorry. So
she was a bully. Okay, Okay, So OPI had another
friend we had a crush on.

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
Rachel bullied that girl until Opie fell in love with Rachel.
All right, So when people say bullying works, it means
it works to get the one you love.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
Apparently, last week I went for a drink with an
old friend of mine from school called Adam. He worked
in Dubai and I haven't seen him since we left.
When I found out he was back for a few weeks,
I messaged him and we went for anodult soda. He
was surprised to see me engaged to Rachel, given the
history with me her and Beth. But I tried to
say that she changed and wasn't that person. When I

(01:01:41):
said yes, Adam said that Rachel and her girlfriends continued
to target Beth and were actually even worse during the
a level years. Apparently, it was sort of an open
secret that Rachel convinced a lot of people to keep
quiet from me. I wasn't willing to take his words
at face value, and I asked Rachel about it when
I got home. She outright stated that she continued to

(01:02:03):
bully Beth when we were together, but asked why it mattered.

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
This just it was so long ago, it was under
the bridge. What do you mean what I just bullied her?

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
It's no big deal. Yes, I was just a bully.
I asked if it bothered her at all, and she
said no. I pointed out that she lied to me
in order to make me go out with her, but
she said that we've been together for fifteen years and
this shouldn't bother me now since it brought us together.
Because after spending a few days thinking, I told Rachel

(01:02:34):
that I wanted to put the engagement and wedding planning
on hold, not because I want to break up with her,
but because we need to spend time working through what
I just found out and possibly even make amends with Beth.
This made Rachel cry, and she demanded to know why
Beth is affecting our engagement. I'm not sure I've done
the right thing. I love Rachel, but what happened was

(01:02:56):
years ago when we were kids. Not like she cheated
on me or anything like that. Should I let bygones
be bygones? Or is it best to hold the engagement
off for the moment? And there are some comments, but
what do you think, op, I mean, Angie, I am ok,
this is me.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
I think it says a lot about who she is
as a person. Yeah, so, I feel like it's it's yeah,
cheating is bad, but cheating doesn't have to be the
only reason that you like change your image on someone,
you know. So I think if she is not remorseful
about this, like I feel like it could be forgiven.
If she was like, yeah, I did that and I
feel so bad about it. That was not the right

(01:03:37):
way to do it, but I am glad that it worked,
but again, not the right way to do it, That
maybe could be forgiven. But she's clearly just like, well, yeah,
I mean I'd put it again.

Speaker 2 (01:03:46):
Yeah, She's like it happened, I got what I wanted. Yeah,
I don't care. Aren't you happy now? Yeah? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
So I think, uh yeah, just trust your INSTI heroky yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
Common. No one says did she really change or did
she finally get what she wanted? Is she cruel to
people now? And as she been since. The answers to
that tell you what your next move should be. Reply.
Even if she isn't actively cruel to others, she still
lacks remorse that in and of itself should be a concern. Reply.

(01:04:19):
That's a fair point, but that could be from embarrassment.
I did my fair amount of dumb things as a teenager,
nothing cruel like this, but still dumb. Reply. That's as maybe,
but it's still incredibly disconcerting as a response. I'm not
advocating dumping her over this. I just think a step
back and careful consideration of what's going on here, along

(01:04:40):
with counseling, would be prudent at this time. And there
is an update, let's jump in do it. Wednesday evening,
Rachel and I sat down to talk about things. I
put forward that we both need to make amends with Beth,
Rachel for what she did to her, and me for
ending my friendship with her when she needed me the most.
Rachel refused straight away. She said the stuff that went

(01:05:03):
on between her and Beth was just get stuff and
things all girls do.

Speaker 6 (01:05:08):
No, hey girls, I got two girls right here.

Speaker 2 (01:05:11):
Yeah, I didn't do that. No. No, she said that
if Beth couldn't take a joke, then that wasn't her problem.
She asked if I expected her to apologize to everyone
her and a girl's had problems with. I then asked
if she's still acting this way at work, and she
pointed out that as a high up doctor, she at
times needs to lay down the law to those working
under her. Sounds like she's still a bully. He then

(01:05:33):
proceeded to get at me and asked if I expected
her to apologize to them too. I asked if Rachel
had had he regrets at all about how she treated Beth,
and she said it was just a bit of fun.
There was nothing to regret. Fun.

Speaker 3 (01:05:45):
God, but we're using the word bullying here, so I
don't think that's fun.

Speaker 5 (01:05:51):
No.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
I asked if she regretted lying to me, and she
answered saying that if I'd known what she was doing,
I'd never have agreed to go out with her. You
want me to pogize for starting this relationship. I was
shocked and confused. I love Rachel the bits, I truly do,
but I feel like I'm suddenly living with a completely
different person. My Rachel is bubbly, funny and passionate about

(01:06:13):
her career. She isn't someone who sees nothing wrong with
the fact that she's made someone's life a living heck.
I said, we need time to work through this, possibly
through therapy, and should put the engagement on the back
seat for the moment. We're also trying for a baby,
and I said that we should maybe hold off until
we're in a better place. Rachel started to cry, and
I went out to give her some space. Rachel rarely

(01:06:35):
drinks due to her work, and I'm not a big
drinker either, but we do have some booze in the
house for gatherings and things like that. When I got back,
I found Rachel absolutely wasted, because she really drinks, so
she goes crazy when she's wasted. This time around, it
seems like she turned back into her school self.

Speaker 3 (01:06:52):
She started saying I should be grateful that she told
the lies she did, because otherwise I'd have ended up
with ugly Beth. She then started screaming at me that
how could you let that CU and T get between us? Oh,
and then broke down sobbing and hugging me. Wow, yikes,
what did she ever do to you?

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
Wo? Why are you calling her that? Why are you still.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
Bullying her all of these years later. Yeah, this is
not a bit of fun. No fun for no one,
no one, but for you.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
I guess. Rachel was so wasted she barely knew what
she was doing. I helped her onto the sofa, where
she passed out fairly soon, and she slept there until
Thursday morning. She was extremely hungover and would never risk
her career by going into work with booze in her system,
so she called them sick. I went to work and
when I got home, she was still on the sofa

(01:07:45):
and was sobbing quietly. After Rachel's wasted behavior, therapy is
definitely the way forward. I'm looking into it right now,
and Rachel is reluctantly agreed, though she's insisted she doesn't
need it. Girl girl. I think apologizing to Beth is
a bit of a stretch at this point, but maybe

(01:08:06):
something for the future. And there is a second update.
But wow, she is not who you thought she was, clearly.

Speaker 3 (01:08:16):
Oh that is Yeah, this is a big realization that
we're having on this this woman here ooh and yep, yep,
I think pausing that engagement, pausing baby making yep, yeah, yep.

Speaker 2 (01:08:33):
Update two, So we've started therapy and it's going well.
We both opened up about a lot of things and
gotten to talk a lot about the bullying towards Beth
that went on behind my back while we were dating.
Rachel has tearfully admitted some of the things she did,
and some of them were absolutely disgusting. She has, however,
apologized for the very first time and admitted she was wrong.

(01:08:56):
Our therapist also suggested that if possible, we should seek
out and apologize, but only if we feel comfortable doing so,
and if we feel Beth would appreciate it. Rachel has
refused so far, but I decided to look her up
on social media. Beth is now married with two kids
and manages a nursery. She looks really happy and I
was delighted for her. I decided to message her on

(01:09:18):
Facebook and get it all out. I told her that
I genuinely did not know that Rachel continued to treat
her badly after we stop being friends and I started
dating Rachel. Had I known, I would never have agreed
to go out with her. Beth responded saying that with
her family and work, she has no time to deal
with what I have to say, and then she's moved
past all that now. She also said that even if

(01:09:39):
she at the time, she has absolutely no intention of
listening to anything I have to say so long as
I remained involved with Rachel. Oh wow, she blocked me
from messaging her before I could respond, which totally fare
on that's part. Yeah, honestly, I mean, like, yeah, to
ope even said some of the things that Rachel did
were discussing like Beth is probably yeah. I mean, we

(01:10:01):
don't even know all that she did. We just know
that she bullied her.

Speaker 3 (01:10:04):
Yeah, and if she is still to this day, like
calling her the sea word and saying that she's ugly
and stuff and having this reaction, Yeah, it was probably
very bad. It's nice of you to apologize. Yeah, that's
I think the right thing to do, even if you
know it wasn't didn't have like, you know, an accepting response,
But I think that's okay.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
At least you did that as you did it. Yeah,
obviously this was a fairly disappointing turn of events, but
Rachel wasn't surprised at all when I told her this. Well,
I completely understand Best's position. I should state that it
was not my fault. My friendship with her ended when
Rachel and her friends used to torment her, and then
Rachel used to try to flirt with me off and

(01:10:44):
at the very same time it took a toll on
Beth's mental health.

Speaker 3 (01:10:47):
Get out of there, ye, get in there, maybe demand
and like to know what exactly happened, Like what did
you do?

Speaker 2 (01:10:54):
What was the worst fit?

Speaker 3 (01:10:56):
Why is just for my own curiosity? Why is Beth
having the strong reaction Like I already am not very
happy about what's happened, absolutely, but I just I really
want to know. Maybe you can say, like, even if
it's not true, maybe you can say, like, you know,
I will only consider I mean, maybe this isn't the best,
but you an option is to say, like, I will

(01:11:17):
only consider getting back together if you are honestly about
what you did to her. M But then like, don't
actually have an intention of that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
Just to get that out of her, I think, well,
I mean it's fine, you can say I'll consider it, yeah, yeah,
right yeah, and then you considered not doing it? Is
that yep OPI continues. She became very insecure and paranoid
and started accusing me of secretly being friends with Rachel
and secretly giving her info to use against Beth. This

(01:11:45):
wasn't true at all, but she started accusing me more
and more, to the point that all we ever did
was argue, and finally got to the point that I
decided to end our friendship due to the lack of
trust and now hurt, I felt for my best friend
to accuse me of betraying or like that. I didn't
start going out with Rachel until quite a while after that. Well,
it's a shame my attempt to apologize didn't work out.

(01:12:06):
At the end of the day, I value my relationship
with a woman I love more than reconnecting with a
friend from years ago who is living her own life.
What I'm focused on now is fixing our relationships so
we can get back on track and work towards the
life we've always dreamed of. Therapy will continue, but any
other helpful hints to ease us along day, I don't know, man,

(01:12:26):
because I don't know how you would look at this
person the same.

Speaker 3 (01:12:29):
This will take a lot of thinking and a lot
of reflecting on it.

Speaker 2 (01:12:34):
Sure will. Good luck

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