Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
But before you rock out with your socks out, look
got a quick chum in an ad break from a
sponsors keeping the show rocking and rolling.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
My husband's best friend humiliated me in front of her
whole family. Get him out of here.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
So, I, thirty female, have been happily married for a
few years now. My husband, thirty one male, is honestly
a gem, kind, patient, hilarious, loyal, basically everything you'd want, which,
after having an ex cheat on me with his best friend, oh,
is kind of a big deal. That's gotta sting.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
That's horrible.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
That relationship wrecked me for a while, but I worked
hard not to drag the wreckage into something new and
my husband. Thankfully, my husband has never given me a
single reason to question him until now. Maybe I don't know.
By the way, this comes from Anxious Fem twelve and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
our slash Okay Storytime selbrt it.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So. My husband and I have a great relationship and
we're pretty social enough to hang out with each other's friends.
I get along with almost all of his friend group,
and they've honestly made me feel welcome except for her.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Yep, his childhood best friend let's call her see C
has always been cold to me. Not outright rude, just
subtle enough to make me feel crazy for noticing, you
know that kind of vibe. Every time we've been in
the same room, she's managed to talk around me, not
to me. I tried, I really did. I've smiled, made conversation,
(01:40):
been nothing but warm, even when she's given me nothing
to work with. She doesn't show up to group hangouts,
but she'll invite him over and he always tells me.
To his credit, he never goes without mentioning it, and
he's never been weird or secretive about her, but it
still rubs me the wrong way. I've tried to be friendly,
I've tried small talk. I've invited her.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
To our birthday barbecues, engagement dinner, and she bailed on
it all. She skipped our wedding too. His best friend, Well,
what kind of friend are you? Then?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
The red flags are yeah, they're going crazy right now?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Right? How is he not seeing this either? She only
ever seems to reach out to him, usually when she's
just been dumped and needs to talk. When I brought
it up, my husband says, I'm overthinking it, that she
is just a little odd socially. Maybe she is.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
But then weeks ago, out of freaking nowhere, she messaged
me she has if I would model for her project,
totally unexpected, and I was caught off guard enough to
say yes, Okay. Part of me thought maybe this is
her trying to connect. Would day that's good? We wanted
(02:55):
that could be, could be maybe this was her all
of branch. I even felt a little hopeful. God I
was naive. Oh, so I agreed. My husband offered to
come with me since he hadn't seen her in a
while and thought it'd be fun to catch up after.
When we got there, her family was also involved, and
(03:18):
from the second I walked in, it was like stepping
into some passive aggressive twilight zone. Her mom and sister
kept calling my husband our son in law. I laughed awkwardly,
and I think I must have mishurt. It only got
worse during the shoot. Came more snarky comments, jokes about
the one that got away. Some bonds never fade. Her
(03:40):
mom at one point literally said we always thought Sea
would end up with him. But life has its detours,
I guess, ma'am. See always imagined walking down the aisle
with him, and then it's sweet of her to fill in, though,
Oh come on, I wish I was exaggerating, and See
just kept snapping pictures, smiling, saying nothing, no, hey, cut
(04:02):
it out, no awkward laugh, no redirect nothing. My husband
clearly uncomfortable. I watched him viget through the whole thing,
cleared his throat a few times. He tried to change
the subject or came near by me during the shoot.
He didn't say about to either, just went kind of quiet.
I stuck it out for an hour, let her take
her photos, smiled, pose, whatever. But the whole time I
felt like I was part of a social experiment and
(04:24):
everyone else was in on the joke but me. When
we got in the car, he was silent for a while.
I mean, what do you even say to that?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Dude? What do you even say? I mean, because I
feel like there's been hints that this kind of thing
has been happening, right, and now it's so obvious.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yeah, It's like, dude, we know what's going on, and
you're continuing to have this relationship and not just it
just goes unaddressed.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
But do you know why he doesn't know?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Do you think there's an ask that OPI makes or
do you think there is a thing that the husband
says that makes that would make Opie feel heard and.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Say, Yeah, I feel like it's hey, can.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
You you know, calls them, reach back after them and
be like, hey, what you were saying in front of
my wife is unacceptable, Like that's that's not cool, Like
I love her, like I'm I'm with her, Like why
would you why would you say that?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I almost want him to come to it though, you
know that's you know, that's what you need. Yeah, yeah,
that's the ideal.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
That is the ideal, Like you need to advocate for
what you want for sure. But I'm like, like, is
this not obvious. When we got in the car, he
was silent for a while, Then finally he said sorry
about all that. That was weird, right, And honestly, I
didn't know what to say, because yeah, it was weird.
It was borderline disrespectful, and the fact that he was
(05:42):
there saw all of it clearly felt too, and still
didn't step in or pull the plug. It makes me
feel kind of alone in this. I think that's a
completely fair thing for OP to feel. Most definitely, I'm
just tired tired of pretending this woman is harmless or
just awkward. He knows exactly what she's doing. I don't
want to start a huge fight, but I'm at the
(06:03):
point where I don't want her in our lives, not
as a friend, not as a ghost in the corner
of her marriage. No more bending over backwards to be
the cool wife. I'm not interested in earning points of
someone who clearly doesn't want me around anyway. Thanks for
letting me scream into the void for a minute. I
really needed to get this out. There are a few
things that we want to clarify about this story, but
(06:23):
before I get into that, John, any thoughts.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
On what we have so far?
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, I mean again, it's kind it's kind of like,
I don't know. Probably my response, you know, P Shoes,
would be, are you telling me that you didn't see
like anything?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Is this so weird and out of place? You think
this is completely out of left field?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
And also probably share like, hey, I had all these
moments where, like you said earlier, it feels like she's
like always talking around me and kind of like almost
like getting in her head.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
This I think proves a lot of a lot of that.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
But she's clear trying to like mess with her, like
provoke her in some way, especially.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
With the yeah for sure, And it's like, you don't
want someone like that anywhere near your marriage because although
their bond may be close enough to weather that kind
of shenanigans, like like why weather, why weather?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Why weather?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Why you even put your relationship in the in the
crosshairs of that. So clarify a few things. C is
actually a photography major and this shoot was part of
her final project. I'm not a professional model or anything,
but I've done some hobby modeling here and there. And
when she asked if I helped out, and when she
asked if I would help out, I thought it was
a casual favor.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Why at her house?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
While she comes from a wealthy family and has a
fully set up photo studio in their house, which is
why the shoot happened there instead of at a regular studio,
I honestly thought it just be her in the camera,
not a full audience with drinks and commentary. Additional background,
I grew up in a pretty emotionally harmful household, so
I think I've gotten used to passive aggressive comments and
just sort of free up. Maybe that's why I didn't
(08:01):
react more in the moment, but yeah, it definitely hit
harder after the fact. I'll update you as soon as possible.
And consensus people say that she's a doormat, that her
husband is probably cheating with the best friend. With the
one hundred percent probability.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
One hundred percent probability, I don't know if it's one percent.
I don't know if its a hundred percent. Math for
you right.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
There, that's crazy statistics. Well, we got to notable comment
so borderline disrespectful. I'd hate to see what you think
is actually disrespectful, says.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
The Strawbrary fifty eighth four. You should be telling your
husband it's not weird, it's par for the course. This
is just a.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Step towards a very apparent behavior from see that he's
allowed to let happen over and over every time he left,
whether to spend time with her out of the home
or over the phone to spend time with her. She
talied that as a victory. Now it's a matter of
pushing the line. How much will he allow at your expense?
How easy will you forgive with a short instance here
apology if he finally says something. She's playing the long game.
(08:58):
I'm trying to plant ideas, and it's even better when
someone else can plant the ideas too. Enter her family.
This is not new, this is not weird. This is
her normal behavior toward you. Maybe his rose colored glasses
are slipping. Says mistakes were made four two seven, and girl,
if there was ever a legitimate reason to start a fight,
it is this. That is a bizarre power move, and
(09:19):
your husband being a doormat allowing them to humiliate you
made her.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Think she won.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
You need to have a heart to heart with your
husband because it seems like they were together at some
point and your husband is not being honest with you.
He also needs to learn to stand up for his wife.
And if you want to give him the benefit of
doubt that his eyes have been opened about his old
friend's feelings about him and you, that's one thing. His
take on it now, and his response will tell you
what kind of husband he really is. Ignoring or justifying
(09:48):
her behavior would be red flags at this point, and
another person says, time for spine check. I'm guessing it's
pretty wobbly.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
If it's there and we got an update, I love
that spine checks nine check well.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
A quick recap for those who missed the original. My
husband's childhood best friend, See has never liked me. She
skipped all invitations but invites my husband alone, avoids me
in person, and still found little ways to insert herself
into his life. The final straw, she asked me to
model for her final project in photography, and I showed up,
thinking maybe it was a fresh start.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Nope. Instead I got publicly mocked by her family, who
joked out loud that she should have been the one
marrying my husband. First off, Holy crap, I did not
expect that post a blow up like a dead Thank
you to everyone who commented messages or just made me
make sure I wasn't losing my mind.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
So many of you asked for an update, so here
it is. For those wondering. No, they never dated. He
had a high school crush on her over a decade ago.
That's ancient history. No, I don't think he's ever cheated
emotionally or physically. He's always very open and honest. We
have each other's passwords. They barely see each other anymore.
(10:57):
In person maybe once for a few months. We love
about two hours away. So here's the update. Do you
think he's Do you think he's cheating or not cheating?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
I see, I just assumed he was a he was
a bit of a dummy.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yeah, could be a little bit of a dummy, but
he could be a maliciously smart dummy.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Dummy.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah, I'm kind of fifty to fifty.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I want to believe more dummy. I want to believe
more dummy. Yeah, let's see where we actually are. So
funny enough, I didn't even get the chance to sit
down and talk to my husband for her. Something else happened.
I just can't believe my life at the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Anyway. I'm still trying to process what happened and sort
through my anger towards se and honestly towards my husband too.
That's when I got a message from my sister in
law we'll call her M. I'm really close with M.
She's also part of the wider social circle that see
floats around him. They're friendly, they're not close. She sent
me a screen recording from C's close friend's story with
(11:51):
a simple what the f It was a clip of
me posing during the shoot no music, but in the
background you can clearly hear sees sister say Se should
have been the one to marry him. I lost it.
I waited until my husband got home from work, sat
him down, showed him the video. You watched it once
and again. His whole face changed. He finally looked pissed.
(12:15):
I could not help but think, why didn't he have
the same reaction there? So I laid it out.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
I told him everything, every snide comment, every time Se
made me feel small, howed. I'd always tried to be civil,
how I never asked him to choose between us. But
I was done being polite while someone consistently disrepected me.
I told him, if this doesn't bother you enough to act,
we've got a bigger problem. I don't like how this
(12:42):
is worded because it feels ultimatumy, but I do think
it's true.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Yes, yeah, it's And it's like, you can understand where
Opie's coming from because.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
It's just so frustrated.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
It's just so frustrated, and it gets to a point,
and yeah, I think you got to say something. I
think Opie's just so frazzled and burned by it, you know.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah, I'm not going to be in a marriage where
I have to beg to be defended. I need a
partner who stands up for me, and if that's not you,
then I need to rethink this again. This is all true,
but I feel like we're using breakup language right now.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I don't know if we're quite.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
It feels a little bit too much, at least for me,
but I can totally understand someone else doing that. I'm
curious for everyone out there. Would you use breakup language
in this situation?
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yes? Or no? Maybe breakup language or not? Let me know.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
He didn't argue, didn't get defensive, and I know he
feels sorry. Then I showed him the Reddit post. He
tried to read every comment. Some of them made him
tear up. When he finished, he looked at me and
said that he feels like the worst husband. He let
this happen right in front of him. He is so sorry,
and asked me, what do you need from me right now?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
First question in a fricking while, What do you need
for me right now? Is I think one of the
most underrated but best questions you can ask anyone that
you're trying to support, such a goaded question.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yes, such a goded question. I told him straight up,
this isn't about her anymore. It's about whether you're not
willing to protect this marriage. But I'm not going to
feel like I'm second place in my own relationship. So
it's either me or her. Again, I don't know about
the ultimatum. Yeah, you never want to force a behavior
(14:34):
change from from a place of guilt.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah, you never.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You never want to force a relationship relationship change from
a place of guilt, because although guilting someone into change
will give you the short term results that you want,
it won't give you long term results. It's not an
identity change. And so like, I feel like this ultimatum
what it does is it guilts. It guilts this guy
(15:01):
and to doing the right thing. But is it actually
bringing upon the change that op he wants? I really
don't think so. Yeah, And so I feel maybe what's
more telling is like, well, what do you think I need?
I don't know if that feels right either, but I
feel it feels better than the ultimatum. And then see
kind of what he says, and then based on that answer,
(15:24):
kind of make a decision for yourself. We called see
she picked up all cheerful, acting like nothing happened. We
brought up the video, she immediately got defenses. Oh, come on,
that was a joke. Are you really mad over that? Seriously?
And that's when he stepped in. This isn't just about
the video. It's a constant disrespect towards my wife. I
(15:45):
didn't say anything before because I didn't want to lose
your friendship, and I convinced myself you didn't mean it.
But what happened at that shoot that was disgusting. My
wife came to support you, and you and your family
treated her like a joke. I didn't speak up then,
and I'm ashamed of that, but that ends now. I
don't even know why I held on to this friendship
(16:06):
for so long. If you can't respect my wife, you
don't respect me. She laughed, literally laughed.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
There's your answer.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Wow, you're really cutting me off over that girl. That girl,
it's his wife, you're that girl.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
OMG.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I was ready to fight, but my husband calmed me down, said,
to see, if choosing between you and my wife ever
felt like a hard decision, I wouldn't deserve her. We're
not kids anymore. You need to grow up. I simply
do not want to be your friend anymore. I have
nothing else to say telling you he can be a
gem sometimes And also if you want to be our
(16:45):
little gem, you should listen to a full episode of
Stories just like this. Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, I
our podcast, or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay, storytime,
there's another relevant update. But what do you think, John,
what do you think about what Op's husband and said
to this friend big air quotes there?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
You know, Uh, I like it. I like it. And
when someone tells you who they are, believe them, believe them.
I'll believe them exactly, you know.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
And I feel like she's been yelling loud and clear
I am a massive C word and finally they listen.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And now and now we can move forward with the
information at ha end.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yes, but we got a little bit more of the story. Yeah,
we blocked her in her entire family. Since then, he's
been checking in with me, not trying to fix things,
just showing up, listening, understanding. He finally sees what I've
been dealing with. We still have some healing to do,
but now I know where he stands and that changes
everything to me. To everyone who commented last time, thank
you seriously. You helped me feel like I wasn't crazy,
(17:45):
and maybe even more importantly, you helped him finally see
it too. Consensus, people are glad husband stepped up and
we got some notable comments which I think OPI responded to.
It was the fact that she genuinely thought that there
was any choice between you and her. And and also
you should update because I guarantee this won't be the
last time you hear from her, which I think could
be true. And this is what apologizing looks like. Address
(18:07):
your shortcomings, ask what to do to fix it, and
act with intent to remedy the situation at hand in
order to mend the one at risk. It sucts a
guy sometimes has to get slapped across the face with
something that is so obvious.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
But it's how he responded that it was redeeming. And that.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Is where that story ends. There, it is there, It
is there. I love ending with a little right, Why
we've grown? We've Oh yes, why yes, in a much
way we've grown.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
We've grown, you know, expanded, bended our minds.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
And our little views on the world. Again, I don't
know if I like the whole ultimatum thing.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Missteps you know, but you know, if we're if we're
we're giving some some grace here and there, it's like, hey,
it was a you know.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
A rogue can be a little bumpy, but hey, we
arrived in a nice place.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
And I guess, like I I my communication style is
like like so devoid of aggression, Like I never really
communicate that way. So it's really hard for me to
see the efficacy in that. But I recognize that I
am not the only communication style that is out there.
I just think often like that because of how aggressive
(19:16):
and ultimatum is it can it convince people through guilt
rather than actual desire to change.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
My friend was horrible during my bachelorette. It's time for
a break, I think so background.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I got engaged in twenty twenty, after the lockdowns, but
long before my friends and I were comfortable seeing each
other in person. A couple of months after my fiance
and I got engaged, I sent out packages to all
the ladies I had chosen as bridemaids. One of them
is the crazy bridesmaid. I'll call her Ellen for the
sake of anonymity, for whom this post is about. By
the way, this comes from Tire lab rise and if
(19:54):
you want to sbmit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime sub bredit. We've been friends since
high school and are still in the same core friend group,
and while not as close as we once were, I
still wanted.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Her to be a big part of our special day.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
We recently went on my bachelorette party, which was a
weekend long trip to an affluent town a couple of
hours away on the coast. We were a large group
of girls and it took my native honor a lot
of time and effort to coordinate in itinerary and place
to state that would accommodate everyone onto the story. From
the very second we got into the house rental, Ellen
(20:28):
was anxious. Oh boy, everything was about Ellen, everything Ellen
over here. Someone had a funny story to share. Ellen
had a funny one. Someone complimented another person's outfit. I
one had to step in the middle of the room
and talk about how awesome, how off it was, so.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I mean, your outfit is great, oh so gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
At one point someone asked me where we were honeymooning,
and sam, my honeymoon was better.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Pray tell what do we think? Ellen says, Ellen. Ellen
came in said her honeymoon was better. That's what I'm thinking.
Ellen and her husband had just booked a vacation to
that same resort, and on and on and on.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Oh my god, Now I am not the type of
bride that needs constant attention. Seriously, I had to take
a day off the Bachelor Laurette because seventy two hours
straight of socializing had me completely exhausted. Anyways, onto the
worst of what Ellen did. Those were just some appetizers,
ladies and gentlemen. On our final night, we had a
reservation at the nicest restaurant in town. I'm talking renown shift,
(21:31):
eighty plus dollar, Entra, dress code, etc. Who. Everyone got
dressed up and excited. We arrived to the restaurant around
five minutes early. Our table wasn't ready yet, No problem.
I understand that there are currently staffing shortages in the
service industry and that patience is a virtue. Ellen does
(21:52):
not understand this, because she immediately started scolding the hosts
for not having our table ready, and then scolded her
for seating us outside at an outdoor restaurant and next
to a live band. Everyone wanted to go for the
music in addition to the food. It got increasingly worse
from there. Allan spoke about money constantly, as in how
(22:12):
much she makes, how much she will make, how much
her lifestyle will be going forward.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
That is the most boring topic imaginable. God, dude. Something
important to note is that everyone on the trip is
not rich. Most of us come from privileged backgrounds family,
but independently are not wealthy. We are middle and upper
middle class. Some are educators, some are mothers, some are
in sales. We all work, some have student loans, and
while we are much much more privileged than some, we
(22:39):
don't talk about money. My opinion is that when you
talk about how well off you are, you do a
great job at making others feel like crap. Yeah, And
I feel like, generally like healthy conversations around money are
like financial literacy, like education, never like oh yeah, you know,
I'm out here making the big getting mister mcmhonson. Yeah,
(23:04):
Yachtnerson over here, mister mcmah I gotten, mister mcmanson, he
was number one. I actually love that. I love like,
you know, like richie rich. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
See that's boring name. I want mister mc now, that's
in name that he was number one.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Okay, not to mention that literally no one gives a
rats butt about your financial situation. But back to the dinner.
Ellen ordered around the weight staff in in a demeaning manner. Dude,
that is like one of the biggest red flags of
any person, biggest and easiest red Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Dude, if they're if they are terrible to wait staff.
Oh just dude, get out of my face.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Screamed at a bus boy to make him take away
patio heaters from other patrons and bring them.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
To our table.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Screamed at a manager to bring us complimentary prosecco because
she was cold, loll u. Took her cel phone flashlight
out to show the manager that her steak was cooked.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
She had the full interrogation. Yeah, look here, what you've done.
It's medium rare, not medium rare.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Well to show the manager that the steak was cooked
medium and not medium rare, and made it a point
to yell at, slash brate every employee she saw.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
It was mortifying.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
It sounds like a great time, dude. What's the point
where we're gonna leave?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Hey?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Ellen, Uh, sorry, girl, but this is not it and
you know we're trying to enjoy the rest of this
thing or you know, I don't know how to say it,
but I'm like, girl by you know.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
I think at some point you get a like after
yelling at the bus boy, I feel like you would
be like, Yo, Ellen, that was really whack.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Why are you doing that? Yeah, she's your friend.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
I feel like you could confront her a little bit, hopefully.
I mean I would confront I would confront a little bit.
I'm like, hey, that's really Whackedy. We don't want to
be like, we don't want to do that.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Let me know what you think in the comments, A
very very curious would you kick her out of the
Bachelolette party as of now?
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Please come below, I'm curious.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
The final straw was when it was announced that my
father had graciously called the restaurant to pay for our
fifteen hundred dollars bill as a gift to us all
on our last side of the trip.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
That's super nice, so sweet, so cute.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Ellen's immediate response was not to thank my father. He
was on the phone with the Maid of honor.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Oh no. Ellen's first response was, well, if.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
I knew someone else was paying for my meal, I
would have asked for my I wouldn't have asked.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
My for my stake to be comped.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Ellen, keep your eye on the price. If she's making
so much money, why is she fretting about comp and steaks?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Why do we care? Why do you? Is something that
do we care? The math a' math?
Speaker 2 (25:40):
And Ellen, you know what I'm getting a huge debt,
living a crazy life.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Oh yeah, that makes sense, that makes sense. That's that's
what I'm getting there. Yep.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I excused myself and went to the bathroom, holding back
tears of frustration and disgust. The next day, we were
getting ready to leave and Ellen was clueless as to
why nobody wanted to engage with her. Ellen is unaware
of her behavior, never thanked my dad and is mad
at me the bride for wanting to go to a
nearby pub for a night cap after dinner. I needed one,
(26:11):
trust me. Yes again, It's just I always feel for
people in these stories where their weddings or bachelotte parties
are ruined by a single person.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
It's just so sad man. It's supposed to be like,
what's the lifetime thing? They make it all about them. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
But after I headed home, Ellen and two other girls
got into a roller coaster of a conversation that did
not end well for Ellen. I am still so disgusted
by the way she treated the employees at the restaurant.
I am so appalled by the way she grossly discussed
money in front of the girls who are underpaid public
school teachers. My wedding is coming up in under two
weeks and I want the day to be drama free.
(26:44):
I am planning to compartmentalize my anger and frustration towards
Ellen and not acknowledge it until the wedding is over.
I mean, I think you should just not invite Ellen. Yes,
I feel like Ellen's gonna be a mass.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
I feel like you should use this infesation, use it,
and integrate into all of your decision making, so you
do not invite Ellen the crazy to your beautiful wedding. Yes,
use your anger, Opie says.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
My question is should I even bother talking to Ellen
after the wedding about why I'm upset? At this point,
I don't even know if I want to continue the friendship.
I feel so sad and hurt over all of this,
and we do have some relevant comments.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
We still got like half the story left to go,
but real quick, just.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
To explicitly answer Opie's question, you should definitely talk to her.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Definitely talk to her. Definitely talked to her.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
I mean, this is this behavior is almost uninvite worthy
or I think is uninvite worthy, and so you need
to understand what the heck is going on in her
life where she's acting out like this, because I can't
imagine this is behavior that has happened often, or she
wouldn't be a bridesmaid, right, I mean, I think back
(27:51):
in the beginning she did kind of preface like she
was kind of always not like.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
The coolest the coolest cat. Then why is she but
why do you? Yeah, why why why invite her?
Speaker 3 (28:03):
I think have a conversation with her first, say like hey,
like do you realize how bad that was? And depending
on her answer, then I think it might be definitely
stepping down as bridesmaid for sure. I don't know, like,
is she going to pull the same crap at your wedding?
Like I feel like, yeah, I would take this one.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Well, I don't know if one of those person on my.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Wedding, Yeah, I think especially because not like either a
she would be a bridesmaid, so that way she has
like it's like easier for her to mess things up
like the ceremony or b she gets bumped from being
a bridesmaid, and then she's like so disgruntled that she
causes a scene, like I honestly think for ope sanity.
It's like, I think give her the iPhone lockstream, like, hey,
(28:44):
we need to.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Time out a little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
That time out includes two weeks aka my wedding. Yeah,
but we have some relevant comments. Cow Much Number one says,
i'd have words before the wedding and ask her to
sit down as a bridesmaid even attracts her invitation completely.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
She isn't there to make you happier.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
You'll be worried all day about her behavior, and Opie replies,
two bridesmaids have apparently stepped up to wrangle her on
the day of and keep her in line. But I
am seriously considering uninviting her, which is something I am
going to discuss with my fiance when we both get
home from work tonight. You're right that if she comes
to the wedding, I will be worried about her behavior
all day and I.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Don't want that. Yeah, nor should you.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Thankful to strangers on the internet for helping me see
clearly hah a reply. I wouldn't feel comfortable putting that
responsibility on my friends. If she's a grown adult and
can't behave as such, that's our problem, Opie says.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
They offered.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
I didn't ask, which is why I am okay with
the idea of it for now. One of my bridesmaids
is her bff slash former roommate, so she knows her
very well, and we have the update. I want to
hear it. I want to hear it. Let's get into it,
Let's hit it. Some of you asked for an update,
so here it is. I was planning to talk to
Ellen after hearing so many of your thoughts, but the
conversation was put on hold when one of my other
(29:55):
bridesmaids will call her.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Morgan called me crying four days before the wedding. Her
boyfriend had a massive heart attack. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
What he is in his thirties and and leads an
active and healthy lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
O my god.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
So to say we were all shocked would be an understatement.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Needless to say, everyone's focus shifted towards supporting Morgan's boyfriend
and Morgan herself through such a touch during such a
tough time. Luckily everyone is now home healthy and recovering.
Oh my god, what a what a whirl? I feel like,
you know, something like that happens. They're like, oh, well,
all that stuff is perspective.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Yes, everything.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
So after the wedding, my husband and I went on
our honeymoon and I planned to speak to Ellen when
I got back. So it sounds like Ellen did still
go to the wedding. As soon as we landed, Morgan
and another bridesmaid, Lana, let me know that Ellen had
dropped both of them as friends after fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Why why? I was shocked. Apparently Ellen told them that
they left her to fend for herself on the last
night of the bachelorette because she wanted to stay at
a pub with friends. We ran into and we left.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Ellen is at a little odd Ellen. Ellen's an odd duck.
Ellen is drama. Ellen is drama.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Like literally she met her other friends there.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Ellen is drama. Dude, This is wild. It's I don't
like this Ell at all. Please explain. Yeah, I don't understand.
So Ellen takes medication and needs to take it.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
By nine am.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
It was in her hotel room who her uber kept
canceling that night, and she demanded that Morgan come get her.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
At three am.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
This would have meant waking up multiple sleeping girls at
that hour to move their cars after everyone had been drinking.
It was a horrible idea, and luckily Ellen got an
uber within thirty minutes and got back to her hotel.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Regardless of all of.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
This, Ellen blames both of the girls for quote unquote
leaving her to to offend for herself, even though she
was never in any danger, and for the record, I
repeatedly asked her if she wanted to take our uber
back with us. I also asked her if she was
okay staying, and she said she wanted to. She knew
she knew all the people at the pub and didn't
want to call it a night at that point. So
(32:11):
after learning all of this, I reached out to Ellen
and told her every single thing she did to ruin
my bachelorette weeknd. Okay, now we're okay, Now we're communication
communication is, we're at communication station, and the train is left.
I told her she was entitled, tacky, and horribly behaves.
I expressed how upset she made not only me, but
all the other girls on the trip. By the way,
(32:34):
if you don't want to upset me, go to Spotify,
Apple or iHeart and search. Okay, storytime, listen to our
two thousand episodes.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Please do it. John will get mad, you will play.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
But ladies and gentlemen, we have the finale to the story.
Let's hit it a little bit of a surprise.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Shockingly, she apologized for everything. I don't believe it total
one e's no, she's cured. No, she's you're you're goofing me.
You're giving me a goof put.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
The on the screen. Boom.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
What that's just the fuckle your seat belts, gentlemen. She
told me she appreciated my honesty and was glad that
I called her out, and that she's always been envious
less jealous of me.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
It was wild and unexpected. What okay, okay, all right,
all right, that's hey.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
That that's honestly a very unexpected but great response.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Little breath of fresh air, I guess.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Oh, okay, Regardless, I told her I need to take
a break from the friendship because of how horrible she acted,
just straight up taking our advice. Let's go that's fair,
and that I can't be friends with someone who brings
jealous and negative energy into the mix.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
That's totally fair. We left it at that. Wow, that's great.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
It's a huge bummer, but I'd rather have supportive and
meaningful friendships than fake and jealous ones.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Yeah, dude, agreed. There you go. Wow, that's where it ends.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
Low key, phenomenal communication at the end by both of them. Yeah, dude,
I think that was a master clous for both of them,
Like with everything that happened before, Alan admitted that she
did wrong, admitted why she did wrong, and then Opie's like,
oh wow, I thank you for telling me, but I
don't want that kind of friendship. Yes, I'm not going
(34:13):
no contact cutting you out, but we're taking distance.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
We need some time.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Yes, wow, Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're
gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes
of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
My father in law accuse me of stealing, and my
wife believed him.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
You should get out of that family.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Yeah you should.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
My twenty seven female wife twenty nine female and I
aren't in a good place. It's not a fun feeling.
I feel the context is important here where college sweetheart's
married for six years and have a daughter. For a female,
our constant hurdle is family. It's like having to validate
our relationship. I always thought that my wife was worth it,
though I haven't felt for anyone else to way I
do about her. By the way, this comes from throwaway
(34:53):
Suchima Road and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay story time separate it now.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
My wife's family is very old school. Their conservatives and
their beliefs and values.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
My father in law, fifty nine male, is treated as
the captain and looks to as the head.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
Got a little sea family over there.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Y are.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
My relationship with him was never smooth, not for my
lack of trying him putting up with me only came
after my daughter. I don't believe he's ever thought I
was good enough for his daughter. I wasn't his first
choice or even in his top five. I don't share
their gated community or their fancy school backgrounds. My father
in law always had some back handed remark about my upbringing.
During a family gathering on my in law's last Christmas,
(35:33):
my father in law's iPad went missing. He blew a
fuse and accused me of stealing it. His reasoning was
there was a period of time I was alone in
the house. I was never actually alone in the house.
I was helping my mother in law fifty eight female
in the kitchen because people were punting back their feet
and she was slaving away working for a big family.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
There was no reasoning with him. He called the police
and actually told the officers how a real man would
own up when caught. But I was never taught to
be a man. Another backcandid remark.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
I'm so he called the police.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Yes on his son in law. Oh, my, I was
raised in a household of women.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
My father expressed once that only a man can raise
a boy into a man.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Incorrect.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I spoke out for myself during his rantings. The whole
situation was humiliating, but I had nothing to hide. The
officers had to de escalate and stood around everyone until
everyone went their separate ways. My father wanted a smear
campaign on social media, accusing me of theft and saying
how I wasn't family.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Some real vicious stuff was said. It impacted my life
and I lost a job opportunity because his posts came
up in the vetting process.
Speaker 4 (36:41):
Oh, because he had posted all like this stuff about that.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Yeah, and like it's like, I guess I could make
a background check or something.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Oh, and it's like, oh, he's an iPad theme, specifically.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
An iPad thief. Wow. That sucks.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Oh wow, that would be.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
A really big conversation with the wife.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Where's the wife?
Speaker 4 (37:04):
Yeah? What she doing? She's like, I don't know. You
do kind of have a shifty way about you.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
What's our rule sty on it?
Speaker 4 (37:10):
Stand up for your partners. If your family's attacking them,
must they suck? In which case, choose to pat them.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
To the wolves. Yes, the company was rebranding and didn't
want drama associated.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
That's why he lost a job. Essentially, I was shunned
from the family. There were those who didn't agree with
my father in law, but they wanted to stay out
of it.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
No one wanted to cross him.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I was no longer welcomed on my in law's property
until I confessed and apologized.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
My wife still attending everything without me and took our
daughter with her, even on New Year's Eve. I wanted
to spend it with her and our daughter on New
Year's Eve, but she chose to appease her dad and
keep tradition during all of my father in law's accusations,
the smear campaign, and the shunning, my wife didn't lend
me support in any way. She bowed to her dad
(37:56):
and would just tell me to apologize. She said that
I was being stuff by refusing. It wasn't about apologizing.
My father in law wanted me to beg.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
I am not a prideful person, but I'm not getting
on my knees and pleading for forgiveness for something I
didn't commit.
Speaker 4 (38:10):
Yeah, you don't have anything to apologize for. Did we
ever find the iPad?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Where is this side?
Speaker 4 (38:16):
Where is the iPad?
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Please?
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Someone get fined my iPhone up on this old man's
laptop and click find Please, please, somebody, my goodness. My
wife said that she was only trying to keep the
peace instead of being right.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
No.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Once my father in law badmouthed me around our daughter
and my wife never spoke up. She claimed she didn't
hear him. I don't believe she would have done anything
either way. Our daughter kept me afloat. I put my
foot down on her attending gatherings after the bad mouthing.
My wife accused me of escalating by withholding our daughter.
I felt my father in law try to influence my
child against me. My move was for boundaries. Yes, I
(38:52):
wasn't asking my wife to cut off her dad. I
know how important family is to her. But we're married,
we have a child.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
We made vows.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
I only wanted her to be there for me as
my partner and best friend.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
She abandoned me. I had more support from my mother
in law and sister in law thirty five female, than.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
I ever did from her. We fought a lot, We
pushed to a new level of argument. I held everything
in and we'd blow up. My wife said she dealt
with her dad her whole life, and she learned sometimes
it was better to just yield. But about a month
ago my name was cleared.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
We finally found the iPad.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
We have Scooby Dude. The situation.
Speaker 4 (39:25):
They were like, my name was cleared, the iPad was
in the closet, old time.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Are we ready for the grand medial? Okay?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
My sister in law found the iPad in her son's
nine males room.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
But the son, are we gonna smear the sun and
take away all of his job opportunities?
Speaker 2 (39:43):
He's going up for hall monitor. But they're like, ah,
we just saw a social media post.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
I said, your iPath thief, a ya yai, not today.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
Your career is done. You're never gonna get anywhere in
this town, nine year old Ellie.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
But he's got MyPad.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
Yeah, you'll be working with Jimmy at the grocery.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Still grown a sweet mustache, he confessed to taking it.
He was afraid to say anything after my father in
law's reaction to me. My father in law has never
apologized or publicly recanted. He acts like nothing happened, and
the rest of the family followed suit. He had my
mother in law relay that I was welcome to their
home again. Others began inviting me to functions, and I've
(40:17):
declined for myself and my daughter. I'm not holding grudges
or using my daughter as a punishment. I saw who
my father was clearly. I don't want any involvement with
him unless necessary, Nor is my daughter allowed to have
unsupervised visits with him. I don't want her exposed to
the ugliness. The situation remains a sore on my marriage,
and my wife won't talk about it. If I try,
she says, I'm throwing the pass in her face. I'm
(40:38):
just trying to open up to her about how everything
still affects me. She feels I'm not working towards keeping
the peace. My father in law falsely accused me of theft,
let a smear campaign bad mouth me around our daughter,
and was.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Enabled by some family. This is me keeping the peace.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I mean, the levels of not crossing any lines that
Opie has done is insane. Opie is truly just saying like, hey,
I didn't steal the iPad. I don't want to grovel
at your feats, like yeah, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (41:08):
Going to apologize or do any like it's over your
son stole it. Just apologize to me and move on.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Is this divorce territory?
Speaker 4 (41:19):
I think this is like a lot of therapy.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
First, yes, because they got a kid indeed.
Speaker 4 (41:24):
And then if it's like, oh, we still can't get
past I don't know, your family trying to get between us,
and you're not going to ever stand up for me,
then it's not going to work.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
I feel it's like a useful tool for the wife
to be able to, like, you know, in her favor,
but like what if any of this turns against her?
You know, I feel like it'd be very valuable for
obviously their partnership and for her, Tot's like, hey, do
you see what's happening?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
And like what your father in law is doing? And
it's crazy.
Speaker 4 (41:51):
It is crazy.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
I don't know if this post is the right call.
My wife wouldn't approve, but there's no talking to her
about this.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
In any real way. I'm lost.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
We've never been so disconnected. I'm in love with her.
I wouldn't have stayed if I wasn't. I want to
work on our marriage and do right by our daughter.
I don't regret my choice on my father in law,
but I am questioning if I'm making things worse. I
feel alone and I need a fresh perspective. How do
I move forward as healthily as possible for my marriage
when I don't know where to step? What's the answer, Sophia, Yes,
(42:19):
it's go therapy.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
First, and then if that is still not working, then
we consider other options, and maybe one of those is divorced.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
There it is, Ladies and gentlemen, there it is. But
maybe these relevant commenters won't agree. Okay, because we've got
some relevant comments for you.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
But Peter the Great says, this problem is much more
simple than you think. You think.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
You're fighting a battle against your father in law and
can somehow magically win him over and everything will be okay.
Your father in law is actually an a hole, But
the real problem is that your wife is actually a
crappy partner quote unquote. Keeping the piece is just code
for I want you to be the target, so I'm
not inconvenienced by the conflict. Your marriage is not healthy
because your wife is not on your side. She stated
(42:58):
quite clearly that she'll go a lot along with her father.
You can't change that. You can decide if you want
your life to be like this forever. Princess Shira says same,
This is a wife problem. I'm very sorry for what
you're going through with the situation. It sounds horrible and invalid.
Programmer says this is also a mother problem. She let
this affect her daughter, OPI, do you really want your
(43:19):
daughter to learn that your father in law or.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Wife's behavior is correct. You need to set a hard boundary.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Your wife needs therapy and to set boundaries with her
dad or cut them off. What happens if your father
in law accuses your daughter of something? Just go along
and don't rock the boats? Or what if he accuses
you of something again? This isn't about you working on
the marriage. Your wife needs to. But I mean I
feel like that's yeah, the.
Speaker 4 (43:40):
Problem is in part the family, yes, but it is
also the root of it is that your wife isn't standing.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
Up for you in a way.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
It's like, not that Opie is a problem, but he
kind of bears the responsibility of working together.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
I mean, like, in every relationship, if someone is doing
something that you don't like or not you know, fulfilling
their end of their side of the relationship, then you
can either you know, leave them or try and make
it work. And if hope he wants to try and
make it work, then yas to come and like actively
participate in the fixing process.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
EJ.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
One thousand and four says, I'm gonna be honest, you
are fighting for a relationship with a woman who doesn't
care about you. I know it will hurt, but it's
in your own best interest to to carter here, counseling
or divorce.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
I guess that's the thing.
Speaker 4 (44:29):
Seems a little ultimated options.
Speaker 1 (44:31):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
You can find a situation she doesn't care to solve
by yourself, and you can't stay in a relationship where
your wife is fine with her family, demeaning and excluding
you without apology. Wife, things haven't been good for a
while now. You've chosen your family over your family unit.
You did nothing to defend me against your family, and
you want me the wronged party, to forgive and forget
when an apology was never even offered. I'm willing to
fight for our relationship, but I'm not willing to rugsweep anything.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
Let's be honest.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Your father has never liked me, and if a situation
like this happens again, as.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Our marriage currently stands, we won't make it through.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
I would have never let my own family sit there
and treat you this way that your family has treated me.
I would have never allowed them access to our child
while they were talking about you behind their back.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
The past few months have been difficult.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
I've been fighting a battle with your family as you
did nothing to support me during that time, and you're
asked that I take hits. I didn't earn or deserve
to keep the family's peace, demonstrated how little you care
for me. I'm not apologizing to your family, as they
did nothing wrong, and if they want a rug sweep,
I'm perfectly fine out having a relationship with them. As
for our relationship, I've talked to a divorce attorney and
a marriage counselor think it over twice and decide which
(45:34):
path you want to take, because I want to partner
in life, and your actions these past few months have
shown me that I don't have one.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
Dang, was that the a commeter?
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Yes, that was like they just wrote a whole monologue.
Speaker 4 (45:45):
They're like, here, read this script.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Yeah, oh yeah, I mean to your point you just made.
I'm like, I feel like you don't have to be
like there are two paths.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
It is either this. It's like, hey, do you want
marriage counseling?
Speaker 2 (45:58):
And then they're like, no, that's the and like, here's
why I feel They're like oh no, it's like okay,
then you have your answer.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (46:04):
Well then it's like, okay, well I feel like the
relationship isn't working the way that it's going right now. Yeah,
and whether we fix it or we don't do anything,
and it probably will go down this path.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Yes, yes, yeah, that's it doesn't have to be an ultimatum,
ladies and gentlemen, And we have an update. I at
twenty seven mail. Want to thank everyone for the support.
I appreciate it. The original post was the first time
I put everything out there, and I didn't feel dismissed.
The situation with my father in law fifty nine male
was extensive and largely unaddressed by my wife twenty nine female.
It occurred to me that, not being able to open
(46:37):
up to her, I didn't know how to communicate with
her anymore. The feedback I received was a real eye opener.
My issue isn't isolated to my father in law. This
isn't solely a spat with my in laws. It's an
issue involving my wife. Things with my father in law
are what they are. I'm not seeking a deeper connection
with them. We're in laws, nothing more, nothing less. And
he made it abundantly clear in his smear campaign that
I wasn't family but a hurdle family needed to overcome.
Speaker 4 (47:01):
And I'm also being reminded of the ages. There might
be some kind of thoughts that the father had because
they have a four year old daughter, so he was
probably like twenty three at the time when they got
together and she was twenty five, and then they have
a kid, so he might have had some thoughts about
how young they were and like that might have changed
how he saw Opie as well.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
Yeah, it kind of sounds like he's like, oh, my
daughter deserves the best. So if she's shacking up and
getting having a baby with a twenty three year old guy,
it's like, okay, yeah, I'm not like you mist just
have a job.
Speaker 4 (47:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
My concern is my wife and our daughter. For a female,
they're my family, They're my focus. That said, I realized
I can't make my wife do anything. I can't make
or communicate with me. I can't make her instill boundaries
with her dad. I only have a say for myself
and our daughter. I know something needs to change. Our
marriage can't be sustained this way. It's not good for anyone,
especially our daughter. After getting my feelings out, I felt
(47:57):
more resolved with what I needed to do.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
I told my wife about the post. She's seen it
and some comments.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
She wasn't thrilled, but to her credit, she didn't automatically
shut me down like usual.
Speaker 1 (48:06):
She was open to hearing what I had to say.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
I don't know if ultimatum is the right term, because
I wasn't trying to force her to choose anything.
Speaker 1 (48:12):
I'm just trying to implement boundaries for our daughter and
our marriage.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
I told her that things needed to change because our
marriage couldn't survive like this. No one should feel alone
or abandon their marriage. The options were either couple's therapy
or separation. She didn't take the separation well. She seemed
repulsed by it. She said she knew we weren't in
a good place, but she didn't realize that's where I
was at and how we made vows and our bond is.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Supposed to with staying.
Speaker 4 (48:33):
That's such the whole point. That's the whole point, the
whole thing. Vows yes, and you're you're not opholding them. Yeah,
that's the problem.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Like don't you think it's like, hey, maybe I should
try to be the best partner I Can's that's really
all it is. It's like, just try to be the
best partner you can. And it's like, hey, you're not
doing that.
Speaker 4 (48:52):
You ain't doing that.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Come on.
Speaker 2 (48:54):
She feels her dad shouldn't take away from us. I
told her I wasn't taking separation lightly. Our vows do
mean so thing. But whether she admits it or not,
she checked out on our vows in favor of her dad.
It wasn't keeping the piece. It was me drowning while
she was on her dad's boat and never tossed me
a line. What a powerful metaphor. Our issues are bigger
than just her dad. Our current way isn't. My wife
(49:15):
chose therapy. We found a therapist and it's officially scheduled.
I want to be hopeful, but that's not something I've
let myself feel for a bit now.
Speaker 1 (49:22):
I don't believe she was only telling me what she
thought I wanted to hear.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
I saw the reality of it hit her when separation
was put on the table. I asked her if MC
was something she really wanted marriage counseling.
Speaker 4 (49:34):
I asked, do you really want to be an MC?
Speaker 1 (49:36):
Do you want to throw down?
Speaker 2 (49:38):
I'm not talking about sometimes it's better to yield things
she said about her dad, or for keeping the peace.
I was asking what she genuinely wanted. She said it
was and that she doesn't want to lose our relationship
or our family. Some have questioned why I'd want to
try working on my marriage. It's not about staying for
our daughter. I want to make a real attempt for
(49:58):
my family and see a thing can be mended. I
know there's more to my wife than just my father
in law. I fell in love with her because of
who she was as a person. When we met and
got to know each other. It was away from her dad.
I saw how caring she was for others, even if
she didn't agree with her POV, how decent she was,
how she had a weight off her shoulders with distance
from her dad's shadow. My wife is the youngest of
(50:20):
her siblings, and I would say my in laws hold
onto her more tightly. I didn't know how bad things
were until I actually dealt with my father in law.
It's why she chose long distance school and didn't come
home on breaks often. Moved us closer to home, and
she was back into the fold fully. My father in
law severe campaign was our first major obstacle following that.
I'm in love with my wife, but I'm not speaking
(50:42):
out of blind love. Whether we're together or not. I
want the best for her. Part of my hope for
marriage counseling is that she regained sight of herself separate
from what her dad sees, that boundaries for herself aren't
crossing a line, and maybe we can recover together and
come out better for it. I know we got married
a little young, trust me. We've heard our face share
from the skeptics, but I always was sure of my wife.
(51:03):
Marriage wasn't something I took lightly. I didn't expect there
to be nothing but clear skies. But we should want
more from each other. Being there for each other and
emotional intimacy are the bare minimum.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
We should be a team. Our family is the core
before any relationship, and.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
To me, our vows mean consciously choosing each other and
committing to each other even when it's hard.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
By the way, what you know, what is never hard? Sophia?
What pulling out your phone and searching okay, story.
Speaker 2 (51:29):
Time on Spotify, Apple or iHeart Sophia. I said, it
wasn't hard. So where's the phone?
Speaker 1 (51:36):
Where is it?
Speaker 4 (51:36):
It's in the phone box.
Speaker 1 (51:37):
It's in the phone box.
Speaker 4 (51:39):
It's a little hard to go get.
Speaker 2 (51:41):
If you had the passion that our amazing viewers had
to find our podcast, it would happen. So check out
the podcast. But any closing thoughts before we get into.
Speaker 4 (51:50):
This somewhat hopeful note depend on it seems like she's
at least more aware of the severity of the situation. Yeah,
because it seems like she was just like, I can
not stand up for my partner, and everything will be
fine if I just toe the line between my partner
and my family. Yeah, but it also seems like she
(52:10):
has a history of not being able to stand up
to her dad and tried to get away from that,
but it came back.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
Daddy's still home.
Speaker 4 (52:17):
Yeah, So just having conversations with her about that and saying,
you just act differently around your family, and I want
you to be more like confident and more willing to
stand up for yourself.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:28):
Yeah, because I imagine yea, if she was staying away
from home, it was like there was something about that
behavior that you know, she tell me, Yeah, she didn't like,
which is totally I mean, the stuff that this father
in law has done is insane bad bad father in
law bad. But we've got the conclusion to the saga.
So I don't know what marriage counseling is gonna bring.
(52:49):
It'll be my first experience with therapy, and all I
can do is take everything one step at a time
and reaffirm boundaries for myself and daughter. I'm not withholding
my daughter's punishment or holding grudges. I don't even want
an apology for my father in law because I know
it'll be empty. I'm just done giving him any more power.
I'm protecting my daughter too.
Speaker 4 (53:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
To those who haven't experienced something like this, I hope
you never will. And for those in a similar struggle,
I hope for nothing but the best for you.
Speaker 1 (53:11):
You're not alone. Thank you for showing me that I'm
not either. So that's that.
Speaker 4 (53:16):
That's that, man, that was nice.
Speaker 1 (53:18):
Yeah. I think you know.
Speaker 2 (53:19):
I love seeing op grow and basically be like, no,
I standing on a self worth like, yeah, I don't
deserve this. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (53:27):
I mean, I think that's a really important aspect of relationships,
is standing up for yourself, because if you can't stand
up for yourself and you let everyone walk over you,
it's not gonna be a healthy relationship either.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
That is exactly correct. And the wife seemed like she
was beginning the crescent of getting there.
Speaker 4 (53:44):
I agree. I agree, a little bit more receptive.
Speaker 1 (53:47):
A little bit more. But there's no more of this,
no more.
Speaker 4 (53:51):
Of this story.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
My mother in law wants us to enroll our child
in her daycare, but.
Speaker 1 (54:02):
It's way too far insider trading.
Speaker 4 (54:05):
My mother in law works for a private school daycare
preschool through middle school, twenty miles from where we live.
When I was pregnant, she requested that when it comes
time to select preschools, she would like to be involved
since she has experience in that area. I said, sure,
By the way, this comes from by preschool, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime separate it. So, when our baby
(54:27):
was about three months old, I began looking for part
time daycare so I could get back to work, and
at the time, my mother in law approached us with
an incredible offer from her own school for full time
care for a fraction of what most places charge even
for part time because she's an employee. But her school
is far away, forty plus minute drive with morning evening traffic,
(54:49):
and I don't even really want to move. Relocating closer
to this preschool would be moving further from or relocating
altogether my own office and a little longer of a
commute from my husband. It also means moving away from
the same city where my parents live, and they've proven
extremely reliable and enthusiastic babysitters. My husband is more on
the fence because preschool is obscenely expensive and he understandably
(55:12):
wants to be able to save the money. Also, deep down,
I think he is a little hesitant to tell his
mother no, as sometimes she can be unpredictable in how
she reacts when she doesn't get her way. Sometimes it's fine,
other times it's not. Whenever the topic comes up, his
mom does her darnness to sell it. She talks about
what other preschools and daycares do that are wrong or dangerous,
(55:34):
the teaching methods for school utilizes that are superior. She
suggested I start working remotely near the school, out of
a cafe or even her house. I'm self employed. She
even offered to help by driving the baby home a
couple times a week. But even when trying to look
at this objectively, I still don't like it because, regardless
of who drives, I don't think such a long daily
(55:54):
commute is actually good for a kid. And if we
committed to the school, I'm concerned might suddenly begin coming
up that would result in me doing all the driving. Anyway, So,
at the time baby was three months old, I gently
insisted that what we needed wasn't technically a school environment.
It was just care, and it was just part time.
I found an in home daycare I liked in our
(56:16):
city and signed up. We could definitely use the money
we're paying for daycare, but we're getting what we expected
out of it. I have time to work, it's close by.
The care is good with small babies and engaging with children,
et cetera. Mother in law did not make any fuss
about the decision, But then again, she also wasn't invited
to tour the daycare or anything like that with us either,
so I wouldn't say she had much of a chance
(56:37):
to make her views known about it. So this is
all before the preschool is not even the thing yet,
because maybe's three months old. You should think ahead, because
of course, you know, you want to make sure that
you are living near a good preschool.
Speaker 1 (56:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (56:54):
I think that's what a lot of parents do, to
my knowledge. But any thoughts, not that.
Speaker 1 (56:58):
You would know, not that I would know.
Speaker 4 (57:05):
I've really been thinking a lot of adene I mean,
Easter did just happen, immaculate conception.
Speaker 1 (57:15):
True.
Speaker 4 (57:15):
I like to give her the benefit of the doubt
and believe that she understood the first years full of
many challenges, and we were doing our best. Now our
baby is a year and a half and I'm starting
to feel it's time she enjoys a more educational and
immersive experience, and I've started researching preschools. The most affordable
ones are religious schools, and we are not religious. The
ones advertising similar curriculums to mother in law's school mother
(57:39):
in law and husband more likely to approve, are sickeningly expensive.
I finally narrowed it down to two places. One is
unaffordable but offers financial aid hopefully we would qualify for
enough to attend. The other would be affordable essentially what
we're paying now, but is a church all faiths preschool,
and I'm sure it would take more to convince my husband.
(58:00):
Soe if this takes into account whether either of these
places would even pass mother in law's pre agreed inspection,
and even at their best, neither could match the affordability
of the opportunity at her preschool, which she won't let
us forget. Of course, Reddit help me approach the situation
with my husband and mother in law, who I agree
to include. Back when I was pregnant, I have been
(58:22):
sitting on this for a few months now, but haven't
been able to work up the nerve to restart the
conversation and open this can of worms all over again.
Mother in law pushing hard to enroll our child with
her school commute be danged, even to the point of
suggesting all of us relocate, husband leaning toward whatever is
the best value commute be danked, and wishing for his
mother's blessing on our decision regardless of what it is.
(58:44):
I embracing myself for what I expect may turn into
a battle royale of me versus my mother in law
with husband stuck in the middle. I almost forgot to
add the last time mother in law brought up the
topic of preschool was when I wasn't present. I think
she may suspect that my mind is mostly made up
and convincing my husband when she's got him alone is
her best shot. Which is what is tipping off that
(59:05):
this is still a very sensitive subject that's dear to
her and there is an update by any thoughts.
Speaker 2 (59:11):
Yeah, I mean just simply on the subject of like,
you will not pick.
Speaker 1 (59:15):
A place without my approval as a mother in law.
Speaker 4 (59:18):
It's like, yeah, stop that, I think you guys need
to get on the same page as parents about how
much are you going to let her boss you around? Yeah,
Because I mean if you're already saying that your husband's
kind of just gonna acquiesce to whatever she wants to do,
that's probably going to be a problem throughout your you know, parenting. Yeah, Like,
especially if this is your first kid, he might be
(59:39):
a little bit more nervous and more likely to think
that ole mom knows best. You have to talk that.
Speaker 2 (59:46):
Yeah, Like if we set a precedent of like, oh,
all of the you know, big decisions for our kid
has to be run through and approved by mother in law,
then it's like, Okay, well now we've lost the ability
to parent our child's kind of it's like, oh, if
mother in law no disagrees, but we don't want to
do it, well what are we doing?
Speaker 4 (01:00:03):
But there is an update, Oh, let's get into it.
When my husband Mark and I were pregnant with our
daughter Eve, my mother in law, Polly made the specific
request that she be involved in our selection of preschools
when the time came for the sort of thing. Polly
is an administrator for a reputable private school in her area.
About thirty five minutes from where Mark and I live. Oh,
now we've gone down five minutes and considers herself an
(01:00:25):
expert in child development, day care, safety, quality, academics, et cetera.
From her point of view, this was how she could
be most helpful. From mine, she was pushing her boundaries.
When Eve was an infant and we began exploring childcare
options in our area, not preschool, just straight childcare, Polly
began pressuring Mark and I to enroll Eve in the
daycare and preschool where she works, which we dismissed as
(01:00:47):
it is simply too far of a drive from us.
I was especially against it as I knew I would
be the one doing ninety nine percent of all the chauffeuring,
and I also do not believe and sitting in lots
of traffic on a daily basis is beneficial to a toddler.
She didn't let up, but we ended up side stepping
the issue temporarily by declaring that we just needed childcare
and not a schooling environment since our daughter was still
(01:01:08):
so young, and we instead put Eve in a local
in home daycare a couple days per week. Polly knew
when the battle was lost and dropped the subject after that.
Mostly anyway. At the time of the original posting, Eve
was eighteen months old and I was ready to start
looking at preschools, especially due to waiting lists. But I
was reluctant to follow through with the promise I had
(01:01:28):
initially made to Polly way back when I was pregnant,
since it now seemed clear to me that Polly had
an agenda all along, that is, to get her granddaughter
enrolled in the preschool where she herself works. I also
felt my husband Mark was unenthused about getting involved, which
was not helpful at all. I really love reading solid updates,
and I wanted to make sure her mind was finalized
(01:01:49):
before coming back. So first off, I read all the
comments and did come to agree with most that I
was letting my mother in law get too far into
my head about her entitlement. I felt more reassured about
putting my foot down regarding her role. I have learned
a lot from this community. That said, when it comes
to matters involving my mother in law for my husband's sake,
I tried to keep things cordial and I was not
(01:02:11):
about to start any unnecessary drama over this, particularly since
Polly is not as bad as some of the cases
I've read about here and on just no mother in law.
So regardless of whatever action we took, I expected her
to be civil as long as the boundaries be expressed
were made very clear. I still have these expectations of
her to be honest. After reading the comments on my post,
my confidence was bolstered, and I began doing research on
(01:02:33):
local preschools. I found a good time to sit down
with Mark to present some brochures and discuss everything. He
balked at first, but eventually it all came out. His
chief concern above all else was simply the cost. He
had never done any research into how much preschools really charge,
and everything he knew was based on popular opinion.
Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
What what He's like.
Speaker 4 (01:02:54):
I don't know. I just didn't think it would come
up with the kid. I thought we could just skip
right into kindergarten, and she's like, did you know much
kindergarten costs? He's like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
I thought the whole discussion thus far was all part
of this and what I am so.
Speaker 4 (01:03:08):
Cracy me such as preschool being more expensive than college
tuition or what other people had told him about it,
including his own mother, of course, who'd suggested that all
preschools were so expensive we wouldn't be able to afford
any place but hers thanks to her staff discount. She
had suggested the same to me, but she comes off
as more transparent to me than she does to Mark.
All and all, Mark had come to believe that we
(01:03:30):
would have no choice but to send Eve to his
mother's preschool because everything else would be impossibly unaffordable for us.
He didn't do any research. He was just like, well,
my mom says so, so I simply must go with
what mama says.
Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
My friend said that is like expensive.
Speaker 4 (01:03:47):
Mama, city is so expensive. I couldn't possibly afford it
with my little man money.
Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
I could never do it.
Speaker 4 (01:03:52):
My little boy money. I just couldn't pay for the schooling.
It can't do some research, man, don't just listen to
what other people tell you, like look up options near you, preferably.
This is where I was able to open his eyes
a little and show him that, in fact, we could
be paying less than our current daycare rates at some
of the schools due to their policies on age, potty training,
(01:04:14):
in some cases financial aid. How many days per week
enrolled in other factors. Once he realized that there were
actually some options out there that were affordable for us,
he quickly became more receptive to talking about it and
considering schools near us instead of only as moms. So
this was a step forward in regards to his involvement.
He also admitted that he was indeed a little nervous
to bring it up around her since it's clearly a
(01:04:36):
sensitive topic that is near and dear to her. So
we agreed to not mention preschool's inner presence until became
closer to crossing that bridge, which wouldn't be until our
daughter was two anyway, possibly even older. Two is the
earliest age most preschools will accept kids. After that discussion, I,
along with Eve, went and toured a number of the
schools I found, and Mark was able to accompany us
(01:04:58):
for a couple of them. We put e Eve on
the waiting list for a few that we liked the
most in anticipation of enrollment openings when she was of age.
I must confess I was naively hoping for a mid
year enrollment shortly after Eve's second birthday, so we would
have only shelved the topic for about six months before
moving forward, not really giving Polly the chance to bring
it up again before it was just too late for
(01:05:19):
her to say anything. But waiting lists for quality preschools
are no joke, and by the time Eve turned two,
it was looking like the earliest we would be able
to enroll her would actually be the fall semester, which
was another six month wait after her birthday. Hey, these
preschools are tough.
Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
Yeah, I mean I've heard by popular opinion, some of
these schools that just high like crazy wait lists.
Speaker 4 (01:05:41):
But ah, yeah, I feel like I'm always watching shows,
you know, movies and something where they're trying to get
their kid into a preschool and they're like, oh, we
just want the best preschool for a child, and whoever's
working out the preschool is like, well, here at the
Montessory Baby School, we teach your children not only the
ABC's but also how to write in Emily bl mats.
Speaker 1 (01:06:02):
Okay, so can we be honest, Like, let's just give
the baby a rock, like.
Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Baby, give them a rock and see what they do.
Have you seen a baby with a spoon?
Speaker 4 (01:06:11):
They love that side.
Speaker 1 (01:06:12):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (01:06:13):
That wouldn't have been so bad if Polly hadn't started
pressing for information regarding our preschool plans right when Eve
turned to Polly, knew full well that waiting lists could
be prohibitively lengthy, and she was genuinely curious whether we
were taking any action yet in order to get Eve
enrolled somewhere before age three, which is the standard preschool age.
Read it. I was really really hoping we could make
(01:06:35):
it till enrollment before the issue resurfaced. But six months
is a long time to deflect questions, especially since we
see Polly once a month or so. About four weeks
following Eve's second birthday, Polly started bringing up preschool on
the regular, literally every time we saw her. It drove
me crazy. It was always the same, almost like a
broken record. She would ask Mark about it. She never
(01:06:58):
brought it up with me, and Mark repeatedly brushed the
issue aside telling her, oh, oh, he is still researching schools.
Eve is on a bunch of waiting lists. We'll see
who calls us first before we make a decision. He
avoided mentioning that I had actually toured schools and made
it sound as though we wouldn't be making any decisions,
even though by then I was about eighty to ninety
percent certain where Eve would end up. Predictably, Polly would
(01:07:20):
sigh about it and express how much she wished Eve
would attend her school, but that was about it. After
a few months of this, Polly got the hint that
she was getting nowhere pressuring Mark, and she already knew
she had no chance of swaying me. It was clear
Eve would not be attending her preschool, so she switched
tactics and suddenly, surprisingly Oh became legitimately helpful. She told
(01:07:41):
me that she could get us a tour and a
discount at a school similar to hers, but near us.
That sounded fine with me, so I set up a
time to tour the place and meet Polly's friend, the director.
Turns out, the school is great, and the discount the
director offered to us was significantly more generous than I
anticipated thought tuition. After all my research, I was well
(01:08:02):
aware we wouldn't come across another deal like this, so
we took it and signed Eve up for the soonest
enrollment opening, which was this past summer. We thanked Polly
for help and sent the director an actual thank you
card for her incredible generosity with the tuition Honestly, I
feel like we need to start now start making friends
with preschool directors.
Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
Honestly, yeah, that's the move.
Speaker 4 (01:08:23):
Apparently, you know what, no a preschool director.
Speaker 1 (01:08:26):
Schmooz schuemouz. Man, here's the problem. Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (01:08:30):
What we really should have been doing was meeting the
preschool directors as the babies in preschool.
Speaker 1 (01:08:36):
We should have been schmoozed, you.
Speaker 4 (01:08:38):
Know, we should have found like when we were a
baby and the preschool director was a baby, we should
have known that they were going to become a preschool director.
Speaker 1 (01:08:48):
That what you're saying, That's not what I was saying.
Speaker 2 (01:08:50):
But that is truly so much better because we can
incept them to say, okay, a you're gonna be a
bit like a baby preschool director to you have to
have my child. It is your little, literal life's goal
to accept my child for free and get them everything.
Speaker 4 (01:09:06):
Yeah, you go up to this other little kid, you're like, ah,
I'm a baby and you're a baby. Wouldn't it be
fun if you if you hung out with babies forever.
Polly feels as though she's been able to contribute and
I don't have to spend hours driving Eve everywhere.
Speaker 1 (01:09:19):
Win win.
Speaker 4 (01:09:19):
And you know what else is a win win? What
listening to full episodes of stories just like this. Just
go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio and search a
pokey story time. It's a win for you because you
get entertainment, and it's a win for us because you
watch us. Yes, but there's a little bit left to
this story. Do you have any final thoughts?
Speaker 2 (01:09:38):
I'm just like, absolutely, we should have brought it up earlier.
This is definite case and just like, communicate early and often.
But mo, what are you doing why withhold this information?
Just give your baby a spoon, That's all I gotta say.
Speaker 4 (01:09:52):
Sharks, spoons? Did we think about spoons?
Speaker 1 (01:09:55):
Sharks?
Speaker 4 (01:09:56):
I've come to pitch spoons to you, not normal spoons,
spoons for babies. Take it or leave it, sharks. But
there is a little bit left to this story.
Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
Those sharks. I'll take that offer.
Speaker 4 (01:10:09):
Ooh, So let's get into it. Polly is still pretty annoying.
Anytime we mention how well Eve is doing in preschool,
Polly puffs up and shamelessly openly fishes for praise and
credit in getting us in there, and to my chagrin,
despite the matter seeming to be resolved, she still continues
to remind us how inexpensive it would be if Eve
(01:10:29):
attended preschool at her work, and it even grows so
bold as to suggest we move closer to her. I
swear this woman grows more and more insufferable every year
since she became a grandmother. But rest assured read it.
So long as Mark values our marriage in the slightest,
moving closer to Polly will never ever happen. And there
you have it, and that's the end of the story.