Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Before that, we have a quick two minute break from
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Speaker 3 (00:09):
My husband's ex showed up after years to tell him
he has a daughter. Oh surprise, surprise. My husband twenty
seven male and I twenty seven female, got into a
long distance relationship on October sixteenth, twenty twenty two, until
he moved from Florida to Kansas to be with my
son and me. Everything was perfect until a few months
ago when we found out that I can't have more
(00:31):
kids and I actually needed to be scheduled for a
medically necessary HYS directed me in early twenty twenty five.
Oh wow. By the way, this comes from Capital Monitor
four four five five And if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate.
I'm Sophia, and I'm Anjie and I'm Keon, and we're
here to give good advice. You flee, but we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
(00:53):
So let's know what you would do in the comments.
And OPI says, well, today my husband's ex called me.
I didn't know it was her until I answered, and
she told me that her two year old daughter is
my husband's. She was conceived two months before my husband
and I got together. She's in Florida. I'm not able
to move to Florida due to my son's dad living here.
(01:14):
I feel like the only option at this point is divorce.
I won't leave my son behind to move to Florida,
and I would never expect my husband to stay in
Kansas and not be there to raise his daughter. I
can't explain the amount of sadness I feel. I never
in a million years saw this coming. I don't even
know what to do at this point. We're absolutely doing
(01:34):
a paternity test before anything, as I can one hundred
percent see it being her trying to get him back,
but the resemblance between the two is uncanny. In any case,
her not telling him for two years is absolutely disgusting
in my opinion. As someone with a kid, I could
never imagine hiding a child from their father unless the
father is violent, and my husband has never even once
(01:55):
raised his voice and me or my son. So Reddit
what should I do? And there are some relevant comments
Folks did Opie's husband know about his daughter, op says
he had no clue about her. He didn't even know
she had another baby. She says she didn't tell him
due to him being harmful, which I am not her,
so I don't know what she went through with him
(02:16):
except what he told me, and I won't speak for her,
but he has never even once raised his voice at me. Again,
I'm not her, so I can't say she's right or wrong. Ope.
On the timeline of when her husband was with the
X and the possibility of the child being conceived during
his relationship with his ex, op says they broke up
December twenty twenty one, but hooked up a handful of
times after. We are absolutely going to be doing a
(02:38):
paternity test before anything. Opi clarifies the details regarding the
relationship between her husband and her son. Opie says, he's
not the father of my son, but he's been in
his life since right before he turned too. He hasn't
said much so far, and I'm not pushing anything. He
just found out he's been on the road. He's a
truck driver, so I'm sure his head is just spinning.
(03:00):
I'll talk about it with him tomorrow. Opi responds to
multiple comments about divorcing her husband. I've responded many times
to this question. No, I was not going to divorce
my husband because he has a child. I was not
going to divorce my husband willingly period. As mentioned many times,
I was worried that he wouldn't be able to see
his daughter while living in Kansas and would have to
(03:21):
leave us to go be a father to his daughter,
who deserves her father just as much as any other kid.
I posted here to make sure I didn't ignore my
husband's feelings and emotion. I've been there for him and
many and made him the priority here. I've stated this
many times. Additional information, Opie says, we've slept, we've talked,
and everything is okay at this time. We've contacted a
(03:41):
lawyer and are going to start the paternity process. We
were able to get it in writing from his ex
to him that she had no intentions of ever telling him,
did not want him in her life, and is not
going to share her daughter with him. The lawyer we
talked to said there's definitely a chance he can have
his parenting time in Kansas if he's the dad is
especially since she admitted she hid the daughter from him
(04:02):
and didn't tell him until he had already been settled
in Kansas for two years with a solid job, a wife,
and a stepchild. And there is another update two days later.
We talked with and hired an attorney yesterday. She will
be served more than likely this week, and we will
first schedule the paternity test if it comes back. If
it comes back that he's the father, then then they
(04:24):
will determine custody and child support. He said it should
be a very quick process as Florida is a fifty
to fifty state and it's extremely rare for a judge
to even consider negotiating with either party as long as
both parents seem fit, especially since he didn't know these
past two years and has it in writing that she
never planned to tell him out of spite. The judge
will have little to know sympathy for anything she says.
(04:47):
The attorney said the most likely and typical scenario he
sees in situations like this is his daughter spending one
week in the spring, five weeks in the summer, and
two weeks in the fall with us in Kansas, and
every other holiday. The attorney said, there will not be
any need to relocate. OHP clarifies on how long she
has known her husband. Opie says, I have known this
man for eight years. We have spent many vacations with
(05:11):
him and his family in Florida in the past eight years.
He's known my son since my son was four months old.
We didn't start a romantic relationship until October of twenty
twenty two. Ope on the ex's family and how old
the other kids are, op says she has two other kids,
totaling three baby daddies, and the first two are in Florida.
I'm honestly not one hundred percent sure. I've never asked.
(05:33):
I do know that my husband left her in twenty
twenty one. The kid in question was from a random hookup,
and she had both kids already. I'd say the younger
one is probably four to five. Has op seen the
pictures of the girl and if there are any resemblances
between her husband and the child, which we already learned
there were, op says, after seeing more pictures, the resemblance
is not uncanny. I don't see much of him in
(05:56):
her at all. Oh didn't she say at the beginning,
like thee some resemblance, I actually don't remember.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I was just agreeing with you before. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
we're sure that.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
She said in the beginning, like I see some resemblance.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Yeah, I cannot confirm, but I believe interesting.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
I think my brain was just forcing me to believe it, okay,
and that made me think they're super similar. So he
was just like they look exactly alive, and she's she's like, well,
actually that's just a baby.
Speaker 5 (06:25):
Yeah, actually two year olds just kind of Actually the
baby just has skin and hair.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Right.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Update two four days later, final update for now. So
much was uncovered today and if you guys thought the
situation was sus before, man, you're in for a surprise.
But as of this evening, the case is officially open
and a summons has been issued. So I'm going to
stay quiet until this is over, just in case. Once
(06:55):
everything is finalized, no matter how it may be finalized,
I will create a new thread with an actual final
update three months later. It's been a roller coaster the
last three months, but by hopefully next week, we will
officially have answers. DNA tests were done yesterday. They said
results typically take three to five business days, but since
they were done in two different states expect closer to
(07:15):
five to eight business days. In the last three months,
there have been a million new things come out in
a million different stories. She and my husband had talked
quite a bit until things hit the fan recently. She
and I also talked quite a bit for a while.
It was all friendly. She would text her call us frequently,
and my husband and I agreed to keep peace since
she could potentially be a part of our lives for
a long time. It turns out she did tell my
(07:37):
husband she was pregnant prior to him and me getting together.
She said the baby was probably not his. He asked
if they could meet up and talk, and a couple
of days later, she texted him saying she doesn't want it.
They did not talk again. After the conversation, she admitted
to me that she decided against terminating it, and she
told me that she was going to tell him that
(07:58):
she did go through with terminating the baby because she
felt they wouldn't be able to cope parent. Well, oh wow,
the daughter has another man's last name, and that man
is on the birth certificate. Even though she has told
my husband over a dozen times in the past three
months that she has always known the daughter was my husband.
There's a ton more, but I don't want to make
this post six hours long. My husband's attorney is sent
(08:20):
in proposed orders already in the case that paternity comes
back positive, so they can jump right back in. In
his proposed orders, he's put in fifty to fifty legal
and physical custody until she starts school after a few
months of visitations to let the daughter get to know
my husband. He also included that my husband will fly
with the child both ways, no child support if granted
(08:41):
fifty to fifty custody, physical custody, and no back child support.
As she has said multiple times that she never intended
on telling him he has a child, and since there
was another guy supporting the child these last two years,
per her, he is still active in the child's life
even though they aren't together. I also proposed that my
husband carries the child on health insurance. My husband's name
(09:04):
goes on the birth certificate and the daughter's last name
is changed to my husband's name. His attorney has also
talked about filing paternity fraud charges against her, since she
has stated many times that she is always known, but
she didn't want to co parent with him, so she
chose to put a different guy on the birth certificate,
which caused my husband to miss out on two years
(09:25):
of his potential child's life. If paternity comes back negative,
his attorney is requesting she pays us back all the
legal fees due to frivolous litigation. My emotions are insane
right now waiting on these results. I of course would
love and accept the child. If she is my husband's,
she would be accepted into our family immediately and treated
and loved the same as my biological child. But the
(09:46):
exes texted my husband about how much she still loves him,
how she always will. She has also texted and called
me many times saying she feels bad our marriage has end.
It isn't going down, that's crazy. She's texted Opie multiple
times and called being like, hey, Op, I'm so sorry.
(10:09):
I feel so bad that your husband's gonna leave you
for me. Just oh man, it sucks, and op He's like, yeah, okay, yeah,
right right. I really don't believe this woman at all.
I do not either. She's gonna be a tough one
to cope with if this child is his, But that's
not the child's fault, and no matter what, we will
(10:31):
get through it. Additional information from Ope Opi says, adding
to this, my husband and I tried for a baby
for almost a year before searing. Before seeing a fertility specialist.
He did two semen analysises and both came back one
hundred percent sterile, literally nothing due to a chromosome in version.
Doesn't mean it couldn't have happened, but unlikely. Is Opie's
(10:53):
husband able to have children. We already know that he
is not. And when was the girl conceived? Opie says
as of August is, twenty twenty four, he cannot have
biological children. Both analysis a month apart, just came back
with literally zero baby juice count azuspermia IVF wasn't an
option because there was no baby juice to use unless
(11:13):
be used a donor. Also, I had a hysterectomy last
month due to medical issues, so even donor baby juice
isn't an option. So they cannot have kids, which makes
the situation ten times worse because either one he has
a daughter and missed out on the first two years
of her life, or two she made him think he
has a biological child that he will never have and
(11:36):
it was all just a game that both of those
are terrible. Yeah, both of those are bad options.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
I need the results.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
I need them now. Oh P says the child was
conceived in the summer of twenty twenty two. Yeah, so
this is yeah, good adding up, so twenty twenty it's
probably twenty twenty five. Now they've known for a year.
Had the kid twenty twenty three, so yeah, so and
then they were trying, so they've known for a year.
(12:05):
They were trying for a year, so they've probably been
trying since twenty twenty three. Yeah, and the kid was
born or it was conceived summer of twenty twenty two.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
Yeah, and they were together twenty twenty two, so yeah,
you know, unless one he like just became sterile and
he cheated.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Yeah, and you know that it's his, but I don't
think so. I don't buy it. There is a little
bit left to this story. Any final thoughts, and guys,
we do have a fourth update four days later, but
any final thoughts.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
I just really hope this update has the actual paternity results. Yeah,
after all of this back and forth of like, yeah,
it's probably not Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
I need to know. I need to know. Sure, But
there is an update four days later. Folks, are you
ready for this? I'm so ready for this. Paternity tests
are back zero percent probability. My husband is the father.
Let's go as I suspected. Hi, my goodness, comment. What
did the ex say about the results? Oh, pie says,
(13:04):
since my husband paid for all three tests, she didn't
get the results. Oh, he sent them to her and
she never replied. We will be taking her to court
for attorney fees and all communication is ten thousand percent done. Wow,
that is amazing, great job. Yeah, I get sewer. Yeah, friackingsueer.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
So you got roped into all this mess. Yeah, that's
a crazy story for later.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
So crazy is she a rat? Because you should sewer?
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
on to the next one.
Speaker 6 (13:37):
My husband has become pathetic and now I want to
end everything.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
You're a loser, baby.
Speaker 6 (13:44):
We're both early thirties, married, no kids. We own a
house together. Mortgage. My husband worked for the same company
for almost a decade. Hearing a good salary, but the
last few years were rough on him thanks to his
overbearing boss. He just got quitting every so off. And
while I was open to the idea as long as
he had another job lined up. By the way, this
(14:05):
comes from feel good and if you want to spit
your own stories, go to the r slash okay story
on subredits.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I'm Riley, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and we're here to.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Give good advice. Goofully. But we don't have all the answers.
We only know what we do know, So let us
know what you know. In the comments below, Opie says
while last year he quit spur of the moment over
a seemingly minor dispute at work. He would later call
it the straw that broke the camel's back. No other
jobs lined up, nothing. He assured me that he had
(14:36):
savings he could live on and that he wanted to
take some time to recalibrate. He also had a few
business ideas he wanted to pursue before getting back into
the workforce. Trying to be a supportive partner, I said, Okay.
Fast forward to today. He has no income and literally
has it sent out a single job application. He hasn't
(14:58):
even updated his resume. What has he been doing that
past eight months? You ask smoking the devil's lettice, That's ridiculous,
a bunch of scammy work from home bs that hasn't
made him a dime, and most recently, trying to become
an Instagram influencer. Yes, seriously. To be fair, he has
also done some handiwork around the house and fixed up
(15:20):
some things, but for the most part, he spends his
days smoking the devil's lettuce and weanering around on Instagram.
I'm effectively subsizing it. We used to be fifty to fifty,
Now it's more like eighty twenty.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
The last time I.
Speaker 6 (15:34):
Tried to have a serious talk about his future plans,
he jokingly said I could divorce him and pay him
alimony if I didn't like the current situation. Then he
broke down and wept, saying he might be depressed. I
felt horrible and offered him my full support and retrospective.
I'm curious if it was just a convenient excuse to
(15:56):
pivot the conversation and get me off his back. What
would you do in my shoe? I've grown resentful of
him in this whole situation. Tom's come under one. If
he thinks he has depression, then he needs to see
a doctor and get help. It only gets harder alone.
I'd see how that goes first, because it might get
him back on his feet. If he declines that it
won't change, you can't change him, Hope. He says, Oh,
(16:18):
that's a whole other issue. He reads some book last
year and now he doesn't believe in antidepressants or thinks
that they are way over prescribed. When he told me
he was depressed, I suggested seeing a doctor. He said, no,
he'll figure it out himself and just help be there
for him coming here two. Honestly, he sounds more like
a punk than he does a grown man. It's one
(16:39):
thing to not work if you're a stay at home parent,
et cetera. A completely other thing if you're just a
lazy bumb dudes taking advantage of the situation, and quite
frankly you Hope. He says he wasn't always like this,
He was responsible and hard working before he quit. But
I agree. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of
is opie Hope. He says. I work full time. I
(17:02):
make a decent income, but if my husband can't contribute
anything toward our monthly expenses, I don't make enough to
cover them totally myself. We got an update Six days later,
on the day I made my last post, my husband
and I had a talk that night when I got
home from work. I basically said he needed to make
a doctor's appointment for his mental health, or cut off
(17:23):
the devil's lettice use or both. He repeatedly refused and
actually got a bit hostile about it, which is not
like him at all. I moved on to finances. I
asked how much of his savings he had left, and
all he said was enough. I pressed him for a
dollar figure and he wouldn't answer. I asked if he
had a balance on his credit card, and he said no.
(17:44):
When I asked to see his bank statement to confirm,
he basically told me to f off again, hostile and
outright out of character of him. I told him that
the current arrangement wasn't working and that he'd have to
start paying fifty percent of the bills on March for
At this point in the conversation, he completely shut down.
He wouldn't even look at me. He just sat there,
(18:06):
looking away from me with tears in his eyes as
I talked. I doubt he even heard a word I said,
but I clearly stated all the other issues I had
the Instagram stuff, our plans for the future, et cetera.
After this conversation, he stopped sleeping in our bed. For
almost a week now, he slept in the basement. He
basically doesn't leave the basement when I'm home unless he's
(18:29):
to go get food. Honestly, it's pathetic. I'm going out
with some colleagues this weekend for a fun night and
my husband stay home like a hermit. I also have
a coffee date plan for Sunday with my best friend.
I'm going to tell her everything and get her opinion,
because honestly, this is in the life I want to
live in. Trying to correct it only made things worse.
(18:50):
I'm beginning to think of divorce as a real option,
which would have seemed outrageous even three weeks ago.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
I think that, I honestly think you've given him your ultimatum. Uh,
you're at least not even an ultimatum. You've given him
a timeline of saying, hey, you have you know this
amount of time, and then you gotta and I can't
let you keep coasting.
Speaker 6 (19:11):
Yeah. Anyways, update two two months later, who my husband
continues to sleep in the basement? I asked him a
few times to start sleeping in our bed again, he
said maybe, but never actually does it. We stopped having
spicy sleep entirely, but I've heard him watch corn in
the basement. On the morning of March first, we had
a horrible argument. When I asked him for his half
(19:33):
of the bills monthly. He he he transferred me about
two third of what he should have, and when I
asked him for the rest, he exploded. He just kept
saying f off, louder and louder over and over as
I tried to say that he needed to contribute his
fair share, and he started talking about his depression again. Literally,
(19:53):
the only time he will bring up his depression is
when I'm criticizing his crappy life choices. He hasn't even
seeing a doctor or been diagnosed yet he uses it
like a get out of jail free card and to
be totally unproductive and not pay his bills.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Also, just to be clear, even if he did have
depression and it was diagnosed, that does not give him
It explains things, but it doesn't give him a get
out of jail free card to just not contribute and
also not to get help, because that's the issue here.
He's not doing anything to improve his lifestyle or get
help for what he says is his depression.
Speaker 6 (20:29):
Yokes, I used to be a friend to a guy
like this. Yeah, every time I'd leave hanging out with
him felt horrible.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Yeah, he just doesn't. I don't know. It doesn't make
anyone else want to be around you if you're acting
like this guy.
Speaker 6 (20:41):
So I told him point blank, either see a doctor
for your depression and start fixing your life, or this
marriage is over. Sounded so harsh, but those are honestly
the only two options at this point. He made some
quip about me paying him alimony if I divorce him.
Not the first time he said this, and that was
the last we spoke of it. We have briefly seen
(21:02):
and talked to each other since then, but there is
no warmth there anymore. Psych where roommates. Last week he
told me he booked a doctor's appointment, and I was
happy for him, but as far as I can tell,
he never ended up going, even after I offered to
take the day off and drive him to the appointment.
I don't think he's left the house over two months.
I have now stopped cooking his mills, so he now
(21:24):
eats only instant noodles he bought off Amazon. I met
with a divorce lawyer for the first time earlier this week.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Nice.
Speaker 6 (21:31):
He was excellent and gave me a comprehensive rundown of
all my options. When I told him about my husband's
alimony comments, he laughed and said, not a chance. He
voluntarily quit his job against my wishes, and he has
no official diagnosis from a doctor that would preclude him
from working. I don't know where he got this in
his head that he'd be entitled to alimony from me.
(21:52):
I'm holding on to a shred of hope that my
husband will put forth some kind of effort to get
better and repair our relationship. I pray every night that'll
do a complete oneint eighty and start being his normal
self again. But if nothing changes, I plan to meet
with my lawyer again sometime in early April and officially
(22:13):
file for divorce. Update three nearly four months later.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I think I think you have to. I think at
this point he's even saying so. He said before. I mean,
you know, when you started this whole thing, that he's
relying on you, yep, And then when you started pushing him,
he said, I'm not getting a job. I refused because
I'm divorced, and then you said okay or sorry, it's
because I'm depressed. And then you said, oh, well, I'm
(22:38):
going to divorce you, and he said, well, I'm going
to keep relying on you forever through all the money payment.
He refuses to take any responsibility and has the idea
that he's just gonna mooch off of you for life. Yeah,
so yeah, I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Maybe he'll turn his life around after he realizes that
he's really and I gonna get anything from you and
(22:59):
your leave, but it's not working here.
Speaker 6 (23:02):
The TLDR version is that we are separated with plans
of divorce. In one year. I finally got him to
see a doctor. I wasn't in the room for the diagnosis,
but the doctor suggested my husband look into cognitive behavioral
therapy and SSRI. I of course, my husband was opposed
to both. He could read about CBT online and I've
(23:22):
known for a while that he's outright hostile to the
idea of taking antidepressants. He describes them as brainwarping. We
had a week or so in April where things almost
felt normal. We talked more, ate, dinner together, sleep to
the same bed, even had a date slash movie night.
I felt so hopeful. Things truly seemed to be getting better.
It didn't last long, though. We had a little fight
(23:45):
about something completely small, and things fell apart quickly.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
I think it's over.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah, I think it's done. You can play the game.
Speaker 6 (23:55):
I'm gonna change, We're gonna do this.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Mm hmm. But you haven't shown. These are all words,
where's be nothing without action. So I think you should
be done, Opie. Live your best life, girl, don't let
him drag you down.
Speaker 6 (24:07):
My other thought is would it be smart to have
a mediator in a marriage? What do you mean someone
I guess like a therapist or a couple of therapists. Yeah,
but they but like they don't have that title. It's like,
I don't know, like a mutual friend you both like.
I'm just seeing like an old friendship behind white man
that you know looks you know.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
What, is he a white man?
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Yeah? Wow?
Speaker 6 (24:29):
Really, I don't know. It's just this is my mind.
I guess, you know what, take out the white part
an old man man white?
Speaker 3 (24:37):
I was just man, just a white hair, Okay, Santa as.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Media, dude perfect.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
He knows both of you guys, my gosh, and.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
He sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're away.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yeah, Santa probably wouldn't have been white.
Speaker 6 (24:53):
Yeah, so he's not white to me, he wouldn't have
been historically anyways. Color aside. I think having some kind
of mediator for couples would be great, so whenever something
like that happens, you can kind of drag someone into
it that is very very seeing everyone on both ends.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Yeah, I think a couple's therapist could have helped them,
But I don't think he would have been receptive to it,
because it doesn't seem like he was receptive to anything.
So yeah, I think it's a little too late at
this point. I think, Oh, he's, you know, made up
her mind. He's made up his mind that he's not
going to change at all. Yeah, and that's that.
Speaker 6 (25:26):
So one day after work, I sat in my car
and was completely overcome with dread. The thought of going
home to my broken relationship. It was just too much.
I drove around aimlessly for hours, wondering and how God's
name my life had turned out like this. Half the
time I was sobbing. I must have looked crazy. This
was my breaking point. I was done with the relationship
(25:46):
and the marriage for good. When I told him my decision,
he wept openly as I did. He said he was sorry,
but that he understood. He didn't ask me to reconsider
or make any efforts to save the relationship, which tell
tell me it was the right decision for both of us.
He moved into his parents' basement a few weeks ago.
I'm still in a rough place emotionally. I pray that
(26:08):
time will heal me and that I'll be able to
find love again.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
Oh will.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
You're a strong, independent woman. I've been supporting this, this
little lump of a man, not by choice, not by choice. Yeah,
you'll be fine.
Speaker 6 (26:22):
And that's the end of the story. We're going on
to the next one.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But
here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My wife's
best friend is a man twenty six years older than her,
and it's suspicious.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Uh you can say that again him, I not seeing something?
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Could this be an affair? My wife, thirty five female,
and I forty two male, have been together for ten years,
married for seven. My wife has a best friend, John,
who is sixty one male. They talk every day, either
texting or on the phone, and see each other there
at least once a week. John is an elder at
(27:03):
our church, non Denominational Christian and has been married to
his wife, Judy fifty five female, for twenty years. By
the way, this comes from professional Pin forty nine forty
one and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly,
I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here to give cridif icecoofully.
(27:24):
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we would do, So let us know what you
would do in the comments and OPI says, I want
to start by saying I do not think my wife
is having an affair with John. I have never had
a second thought about the nature of their relationship. I
also have a friendship with John and Judy and we
go to their house at least once a month for dinner.
(27:46):
Our pastor's wife learned from my wife that they were
close and meeting one on one, and she came to
talk to me about it. She was angry to say
the least and explained that it's not appropriate for an
elder or man in a leadership position to meet privately
with a woman. She told me it was my job
to protect and guide my wife. I thanked her for
(28:09):
telling me, but said they were just friends. She didn't
really respect my answer, so I reached out to our
pastor and told him what happened. I asked if it
was going to be a problem, and he said no,
that it was between me and my wife and John
and Judy. I then asked a few of my friends
who know him, and it was unanimous. Your wife would
never cheat on you, but that guy is in love
(28:31):
with her. Here is where I may not be seeing
the potential for an affair. There's no way to describe
my wife other than magnetic. She is everyone's favorite person, stunning, funny,
kind to her core, and always ready to help someone
in neat She volunteers, visits the elderly in long term care,
and stays home with our three children under five. If
(28:53):
there's a party and my wife can't attend, even if
everyone else can, the host reschedules. She's the glue of
every circle she's in, charismatic and genuinely loves people. She
makes everyone feel like the most important person in the world.
She's the most amazing person I've ever met, and we
have a solid, healthy marriage. She loves me and our
(29:16):
children completely. That being said, she's completely oblivious to her
effect on people. She truly thinks she's just an average
woman and that people are simply being nice. Anytime someone says, Carrie,
do you know how special you are? She replies, you
are special and starts listing things she loves about them.
(29:36):
She genuinely has no idea how magnetic she is. John
is a great guy. I like him, My wife adores him.
She talks to him and sees him more than her girlfriends.
He's really her best friend after me. Of course, every
time someone brings him up, she says, I love John.
If there's anything inappropriate happening, I don't think it's coming
(29:57):
from her. Maybe he has a crush on her. A
beautiful woman twenty five years younger giving him attention. It's
easy to see how that could happen, but it's always
felt innocent. He's a big teddy bear. He tends to
buy her gifts, so she'll bake for him and Judy,
or he'll bring her favorite food, and she'll share books
(30:17):
for them to read together. They play music and sing together,
learning songs for church or just for fun. Something noteworthy
that maybe my pastor's wife noticed is how John behaves
at church. When other people are around, he keeps his
distance from her. She'll seek him out or ask where's John,
and he'll just smile or wave, but won't approach. He
(30:39):
seems stiff and guarded around her in public, though he
interacts normally with our kids, who call him uncle John,
and with me or anyone else. Today, at church, I
watched him, even though he didn't talk much to her
or sit with her. I caught him looking at her
several times, even when he was mid conversation. His attention
seemed divide. When my wife said something funny to the
(31:02):
other woman, I saw him smirk while they were laughing,
like he was listening from across the room. At our house,
though it's totally different, he's engaged, relaxed, and sits close
to her. He plays with our kids, rocks the baby,
and plays music while she sings. It feels natural and comfortable.
I don't know what it's like when I'm not there,
(31:23):
but I assume it's the same. I just need to
know if I should be concerned or not. Is this
guy a covert predator with eyes on my wife or
is it an innocent crush. Is there an affair happening?
Or are my Pastor's wife and friends overreacting and we
have an update. I spoke to my wife, I spoke
to John, and I spoke to Judy. Everything was blown
(31:46):
up wife. When I came to my wife about what
Pastor's wife said, she was confused at first why she
would be concerned then her because it felt like an
attack on her character, and why Pastor's wife didn't come
to her with this concern instead of coming to me.
After we talked through that, she was worried that she
had hurt my feelings because of her friendship with John.
(32:08):
She told me she loved John, but that she would
discontinue their friendship in a heartbeat if I felt the
same as Pastor's wife, that she would never jeopardize the
trust in our marriage that I come first. I reassured
her that their relationship has never worried me. I trust her.
I did express the thought that John may potentially have
feelings for her that a few friends said it seemed
(32:31):
like he was in love with her. To say she
was devastated is an understatement. Her face literally fell. She
said he has never acted in a way to indicate
feelings other than friendship and mentorship, and that he has
never made comments, he has never made her feel uncomfortable,
has never come even close to crossing any lines. That
they frequently talk about Judy and how much they love
(32:53):
each other, how they have overcome so much in their
marriage and are stronger than ever.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
And then here's the conversation with John. I came right
out and asked if he had feelings for my wife.
I told him his friendship means so much to her,
and that if he needs to be open and honest
now to prevent her from getting hur if his intentions
had been anything but platonic. He responded with a resounding no,
she's my friend.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
No, Officer, I didn't.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
Do that right.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Maybe and that concludes our investigation. Thank you very much.
It's over now. I don't know, man, this needed this guy? Wait,
you did not need to involve everyone.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
No, I was gonna say, I feel like we go
back to Judy, have a second conversation with Judy, maybe
not even Judy.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
What are we talking about Judy.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
For Judy's the pastor's wife.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
No, Judy's John's wife. The pastor's wife, yeah, is not.
Is not John's wife. Pastor's wife was Joe. Pastor's wife
literally stuck her nose into the business and was like,
this is now a problem. I'm making it a problem.
I wanted to make sure that you knew this needs
to be a problem. If he came to op and
he's like, what is that a problem? Wait a minute?
(33:59):
Is my wife and cheat on me with this? Like dude,
who's Who's Who's your uncle? Basically like and you should
have just gone to your wife and been like, hey,
have you ever gotten any weird vibes at all from John?
Speaker 1 (34:10):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Pastor's wife came up to me and said something, and
it's just made me think, like, I just want to
make sure that you're not He's not.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yeah, he's not ever.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Doing anything uncomfortable or weird or giving off any vibes.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Probably shouldn't have gone straight into the are you having
an affair with John?
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (34:29):
This is totally like just like stumbling around in the
dark looking for a light switch when you had a
flashlight in your hand, you could have just shined it
right at your wife non accusatorally. I just realized the
flashlights kind of that's kind of painting, like a very
interrogative picture.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
But uh, you should have just talked to your wife, buddy.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
It made sure she's okay, not like.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Who with his old band.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
I mentioned pastor's wife's concerns. He said, I will speak
to pastor and Pastor's wife. Thank you for bringing this
to my attention. There is there's a history there that
I'm not comfortable sharing at this time. I tried to
ask him further questions on this, but he continued to
say it's inappropriate to talk about without his wife present.
I pushed and told him I noticed he treats her
(35:13):
differently at church versus in our house, that I've seen
him looking at her and paying attention to her even
when they were in separate social groups at the gatherings.
He said, I don't approach her at church. First, to
protect both of our reputations and our walk with Christ.
Even though our friendship is innocent, it can be misconstrued. Second,
(35:34):
to keep her from the wrath of certain members. I
asked him which members, and he said that is a
conversation we should have with both Judy and Sea present.
I'm assuming she is Carrie his wife, I reiterated, seeing
him looking at her and she's talking to others, and
he said, Opie, you know your wife better than anyone.
She has a light about her and a fire for
(35:56):
the Lord that is hard to ignore. People are drawn
to it. This was unintentional on my part, and I
will do my best to avoid doing it in the future.
But she's very funny, Opie, and sometimes after a hard
hitting sermon, we all need some light. Overall, his demeanor
was not defensive, just matter of fact, open and apologetic.
My wife had been acting normally after our conversation, tending
(36:19):
to her millions of tasks as usual, with a smile
on her face. But I could see in her when
she felt no one was looking, deep sadness. In the
moments she didn't realize I was paying attention, I could
see her brow furrowed deep in thought. At this point
I thought I had royally messed up. I feared that
I had ruined their friendship over nothing, or worse, that
(36:42):
I had put an idea in her head. But again,
I trust my wife. It don't sound like you really do. Though,
we have another update. I really trust my wife. But
the second that I even got the slightest whisper that
she might be having an affair with someone that like
I've never thought over heard anything else about, I immediately
(37:03):
asked her if she was having an affair.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah, it's just like a crazy move. That's like if
you were playing chess, your opening move was like you
threw up on the chess board. He's like, yeah, maybe
I'm being MG's like, I don't know if he's if
that's how op he's really approaching it. Maybe I'm just
being a little over critical. But I think he came,
(37:28):
you know, you know, he definitely didn't move. You know,
I don't think that he like just it's less that
this guy thinks that his wife is like, you know,
not smart enough to recognize this, or like doesn't trust her.
It's that it's like he's more beholden to like the
optics of his faith, and like everything is being funneled
(37:50):
through like the optics of like the congregation of the
community or the pastor's wife, and it's like, oh, well,
if they see that it's not okay, then I guess
it is something I need to worry about instead of
just trusting your wife. He was probably you know, by
all right, it's probably beautiful, intelligent, energetic magnetic.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
It's that tiny seed that gets planted in your brain
and it's just it's the tiny seed of insecurity and
it just grows and grows into a giant tree and
you're like, hmmm, yeah, that's what it is. That's what's
overtaking my brain. Yeah, it's a hyperfixation, what Nigming says.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
Update two, My wife and I met with John and
Judy for dinner at Theirs. My wife had anxiety about
this because she and John hadn't talked since I told
her about my conversation with Pastor's wife. John had already
explained to Judy what was going on with Pastor's wife,
calling into question John and my wife's friendship. Judy firstly
(38:42):
expressed that she has no concerns about their friendship, that
they both view my wife almost like another daughter and
our children like extra grands, that she not only trusts
her husband, but also my wife finds it ridiculous that
she has to even say that out loud, and finds
it sol affable that there was ever any question about
(39:02):
the nature of their relationship. I apologize that this is
all blown up, and Judy scoffed and said, it's not
your fault. And I explained I could have just let
it be, and she said, no, it's a good thing
that you brought it to our attention, and then looked
at John. As it turns out, this isn't the first
time that John has been accused of having an inappropriate
relationship with a woman member. Only the other one was
(39:26):
none other than Pastor's wife, who I will be referring
to as PW from here. For years ago, John came
to Judy and shared Pastor's wife was emailing him in
a manner that verged on inappropriate, talking about her relationship
with Pastor, how she was feeling emotionally and physically, neglected,
how John's counsel had made her realize what was missing
(39:47):
in her marriage, asking questions about him and Judy how
their marriage was. If Judy was attentive enough, he showed
her all of the emails. John had kept the conversation
light and christ and prayer centered. But even though Pastor's
wife never directly came out asking for an affair, Judy
could tell Pastor's wife was fishing for more from him.
(40:09):
Judy called Pastor's wife out, and Pastor's wife tried to
turn the narrative around and say that John was the
one being inappropriate and making her feel uncomfortable. Judy pointed
out that she had read the emails, and Pastor's wife
said that he was manipulating her. Judy unleashed years of
frustration during this dinner. She explained that behind closed doors,
(40:30):
Pastor's wife is a control freak and power hungry and
possibly a self absorbed person. She is attention seeking and dangerous,
that she doesn't take criticism or correction well, that any
challenge is met with being shut down and invalidated. Judy
has a theory that Pastor's wife is jealous of my
(40:51):
wife in general. Her other theory is that maybe Pastor's
wife does think something inappropriate is going on, but that
the reason she brought it to me instead of my
wife or John directly was to cause discord in our
marriage as a retaliation for John shutting her down.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Agreed, I think y'all should just have a have a
weekly dinner and invite Pastor's wife to it every week,
and she'll say no every week.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
You think she'll say no, She'll.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Say no, pastor's wife, you're invited, but not your husband.
Speaker 4 (41:24):
I think she'd jump on that it's finally my time.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
Can it just be John, No, all five of them,
the op his wife, John, Judy and then think a
little pastor's wife.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
Well, well well now that's an idea.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Yeah, that would make her uncomfy.
Speaker 4 (41:40):
I think my wife stayed silent during most of our meeting,
as did John, except when he needed to add details
here and there. I asked why they stayed even after
this all happened. Judy said, even though we are called
to turn the other cheek, that shouldn't bout to bullies.
That leaving the church would have given Pastor's wife the
power to control the narrative. John is now going to
(42:02):
bring this before all of the elders and leadership. I'm
afraid this is going to implode our church, but also
know that if this is true and Pastor's wife is
truly damaging, it needs to be brought to light. That's
the end of the story. My boyfriend spent our anniversary
with another girl because my ex visited my parents.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Ooh, happy anniversary.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
Two weeks ago. It was me twenty seven female and
my boyfriend Mark's thirty mail anniversary. We've been dating for
two years. We had plans after he finished work, but
he never showed up. I tried to call and text him,
but he ignored me all day and didn't contact me
until after one am. He was wasted and went on
(42:50):
a rant about how I deserved this because I shouldn't
have invited Jason, my ex, to my parents' house. By
the way, this comes from throwaway Anniversary and if you
want us to meet your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and
we're here to give good advice. Goofully, but we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we would do,
(43:12):
So let us know what you would do in the comments,
and Op says. I was pretty mad at him and
told him I thought we should break up. He ended
up apologizing profusely and assuring me he would never do
something like that again, and he was just feeling insecure.
I decided to give him a second chance to clarify
about Jason. We had an amicable breakup three years ago
(43:34):
because we didn't like having a long distance relationship while
he was away from med school. My dad had a
heart attack a week before my anniversary, and Jason went
to see him since his mom is friends with mine.
Me and Mark turned up while he was there. Jason
was discussing some of the treatment options the doctor had
given my dad with my mom. He left a little
(43:55):
while later. When he left, my mom made a comment
about how help Jason was. Mark mentioned later that he
didn't like that Jason was there or what my mom
said about him, but I reassured him he was there
as a family friend and not an ex h He
seemed to be over after that. Yesterday, Mark's friend Penelope
(44:18):
mentioned how Mark had gone out with her and a
group of her friends that day. I'm furious because he
told me he had spent the day at a bar
alone getting wasted. Mark doesn't understand why I'm angry over this,
since I already forgave him for missing our anniversary. Would
breaking up with him be an overreaction? No, No, I'd
(44:41):
be pissed that he didn't answer me till one am,
because I would be like, oh my god, something happens.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Especially on a very important day, right, Well, you guys
had plans or at least something for your second anniversary. Yeah,
and he was being very childish and immature.
Speaker 4 (44:57):
Edit to add more info. My parents are nice to
my boyfriend. They like him and have never mentioned Jason
to him until this happened. They still talk to Jason
if they see him whenever he comes back for a visit,
but as far as I know, they don't go out
of their way to keep in contact with him anymore.
I stopped talking to Jason three months into dating my
(45:18):
boyfriend because he said he didn't like it. Relevant comments
comment are one. I would suggest it heavily. He's obviously
not ready for something serious if he's going to throw
a tantrum purposely ditch your anniversary to then lie to
your face and say he was wasted by himself. Then
his female friend broke the actual truth to you that
(45:40):
he wasn't alone and was wasted with friends while you were.
I'm guessing clearly upset and angry for missing an important date.
He never tried to hear why your ex was there,
I'm guessing, and wanted to punish you. If so, that's childish,
and I wouldn't want to be stuck dating a man
child that would rather be petty than actually talk, Opie says,
(46:03):
we did talk about my ex being there and he
seemed to understand, only to pull this a week later.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
A week later, it's crazy, yeah.
Speaker 4 (46:11):
Commenter two. Wait, so you both had to talk about
this and we're okay with everything. Then he acts passive,
aggressively and like a man child about it, Opie says.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
Yup.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
Commentre three, It kind of sounds like he cheated on
you a little bit, Opie says. He says he didn't.
Commentre four. First paragraph, you said you invited the X over,
or at least that is what your current boyfriend thinks.
Second paragraph makes it sound like the X just showed
up on his own to check in on your dad.
Your boyfriend definitely should have talked to you in either situation.
(46:47):
If it was the second situation, then he is definitely overreacting.
If it was the first situation, then he is still overreacting,
but he does have some possible reasonable concerns al be
it also maybe from insecurity. There is nothing more to
it than just your ex being there. Your boyfriend needs
to communicate whatever he is feeling or thinking to you.
(47:11):
It sounds like the communication between you two it needs
some work. Like most answers on here, just communicate with
each other. If you or him aren't willing to be
open and honest with one another, then I'd recommend reconsidering
a relationship together.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Hope.
Speaker 4 (47:25):
He says, sorry for the confusion. I didn't invite him,
but my boyfriend assumed I did. Commenter five. I would
dump his butt. Your dad was sick, a good boyfriend
would understand that your ex was there to help. Then
your boyfriend ditched you to get revenge and lied to
you about where he was. I think you should talk
to him and then dump him. Why did you even
(47:47):
get together with him in the first place. He seems
like a knucklehead. I'm sure you can find a better guy,
one that will understand that your father's health is far
more important to you than ghosting your ex. You're both adults.
Didn't cheat on your boyfriend, You didn't do anything wrong.
Then he hangs out with another girl on your anniversary
(48:07):
and lied about it. You deserve the sun, and all
you have now is a light bulb. Dump him, Opie
says he wasn't like a knucklehead before. Opie on why
Jason was there at the hospital. Jason's mom asked him
to go because the doctor my parents spoke to didn't
explain the treatment options very well, and he clarified them
to reassure my mom. I didn't even know he was
(48:29):
going to be there. If Marks ex did the same thing,
I wouldn't be upset. I would be happy his parents
were getting support and reassurance during a difficult time. He's
finished med school. He was dumbing down the treatment options
because the doc my parents saw didn't speak to them
for very long and was very rush rush, so my
(48:50):
mom was overwhelmed by it all. It was more to
help reassure my mom than anything else. Opie, responding to
a downvoted comment about her current boyfriend and her being
toxic with her wanting to break up. No, I said
we should break up because he stood me up on
our anniversary and then called me wasted to blame me
for it. Did Jason have Opie's number? Opie says, Jason
(49:15):
doesn't have my number, and my boyfriend asked me to
block him on everything, so it's not like he could
ask me even if he wanted to. We have an
update four days.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
That's a very interesting thing that Mark was, like, you
have the cut off contact immediately with your amical ex boyfriend. Yeah,
if it was a serious thing and like very toxic
relationship makes sense. Mark just seems very controlling and very
very insecure.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
I could understand, like you dated for three years even
it was amicable. I don't even talk into your ex.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
All the time if it's yeah, if it's all the time,
but he's like, hey, I.
Speaker 4 (49:49):
Would probably say I wouldn't like still would be like,
it's weird that you talk to your ex right now.
There's the fact that their family friend, so that you're
gonna have interactions with them. I don't think they necessarily
need to be like down blocked on everything, Like you
could never contact me, Like yeah, no, dum pim dump pim,
don't come on team dumpum dump them. Update four days later,
(50:12):
after I posted my original post, I asked Mark for
some space to think and went to stay with my parents.
He was upset, but said he would respect my decision.
He did send me one text after I left, which
said he was sorry and he loved me. Jason's mom
called me the day after to ask if she could
give him my number. This was very random, since he's
(50:33):
always respected my decision not to stay in touch with him,
so I figured it had to be something important. I
gave her the go ahead, and Jason called me later.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
In the day.
Speaker 4 (50:43):
He sounded pretty irritated on the phone and asked me
to tell my boyfriend to leave him alone. No way.
Mark had been pestering him on Facebook all day since
I moved out. He'd sent him some nasty and threatened messages,
and he also commented on every picture that included me
(51:04):
on his profile.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
All right, Mark, you're cementing. You're cementing this break up.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
Mark, you're diggings where you're gonna lay?
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Uh yeh, yikes, that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (51:18):
Mark's messages read like he was wasted. Not that that's
an excuse. Jason did block him, but Mark kept making
new accounts. I was super embarrassed by his behavior and
apologized to Jason and told him i'd talked to Mark.
Mark denied it. He tried to say Jason faked the
screenshots he sent me to make Mark look bad. When
(51:40):
I told him I didn't believe him, he got angry
and tried to twist it back onto me again. He
asked me why Jason even had my number, why we
were even talking to each other, and he accused me
of letting him ruin our relationship. Like I said, letting him.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
He did this, he ruined us. It's his fault.
Speaker 4 (52:03):
The calls coming from in the house, Bunny, it was you.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
Mark.
Speaker 4 (52:08):
He also made a comment about how I should just
go f Jason if that's.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
What I wanted.
Speaker 4 (52:13):
We got a little bit left. Anything anything else to add.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
Well, this this is I'm all for second chances. I
like second chances, but this guy never really deserved beyond.
This is ridiculous and he really you know what he
threw in the flag? He threw it in.
Speaker 4 (52:32):
Yeah, you gave him the second chance with just getting
over him ditching your anniversary.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
Yeah. The fact the fact that he was lucky enough
to get a second chance when ditching your anniversary, lying
to you about everything and then putting the finger at
you saying you deserve this, And then you're like, hey,
you know what, maybe you should we could try this,
work it out. I'm gonna go spend some time, like
we need some time apart, but we're not broken up yet.
Just give me some time. He just starts going straight
(53:01):
at your ex. Yeah, and now he's doing this. Yeah,
all right, bye bye bye, bye.
Speaker 4 (53:08):
I think my relationship is over. I wanted to try
to address his jealousy and how he handles it to
see if we could work things out, but he just
isn't willing or able to talk about it without getting defensive.
The last conversation I had with Jason was him sending
me a screenshot of Mark apologizing to him. But this
(53:28):
just feels performative. Now. I don't really know what I'll
do now. We have some relevant comments. Comment one, are
Jason and your parents close? Do they meet regularly? Opie
says he was close to them when we dated, and
they still saw him occasionally after whenever he came home
for the holidays. If they went over to his parents' place,
well he was there. But they don't go out of
(53:51):
their way to me as far as I'm aware. Comment
two just a tadbit strange how close your ex is
with your parents? Lol, Just saying not making excuses for
your new boyfriend. But whatever, Opie says, they've known him
x his whole life, if that makes it less strange.
He's also a doctor, guys, and they were asking for
(54:11):
doctor advice.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Again, it was very clear because I was the same way.
I was like Oh, that's very weird. But the fact
that I that's why I was saying, they probably knew
Jason even way before. Yeah, they started dating. Op and
him started dating because Op's mom and his mom are close.
Maybe they got close when they were dating, doesn't matter.
The families are.
Speaker 4 (54:32):
Definitely before that. What I'm saying, I mean they said
who life.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
Yeah, so that's why I was. Yeah, so it makes
sense and everything's cordial, and Jason respected Opie's boundaries of Okay,
that's totally fair.
Speaker 4 (54:45):
We weren't talking if the parents overlap with Jason when
they're at the place that Jason lives at, that's crazy.
Don't you want Jason to like leave the state when
your parents go to visit the Jason.
Speaker 1 (55:00):
Yeah, no, that's very odd that comments here again, unless
of op he was like openly like I don't want
you talking to Jason, cut off ties with Jason kind
of thing, or like even then for the parents.
Speaker 4 (55:14):
Nah, I think if you're going into a relationship with
a family friend, you have to understand that the parents
are allowed to still remain friends after. Yeah, you don't
have to hang out with them.
Speaker 1 (55:24):
Although something bad happened between the for sure, But that
was amicable. It was very cordial and very amicable. We're adults, Mark, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (55:33):
Almost all of us are adults, Mark. And that's the
end of this story. We're going on to the next one.
John here og host.
Speaker 2 (55:41):
We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick
three minute break from ass from our sponsors.
Speaker 1 (55:45):
My girlfriend threw a fit just because I wouldn't lend
her my expensive keyboard.
Speaker 4 (55:50):
You gonna say, control all delete who.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
My girlfriend and I both twenty six, got in a
fight about this two nights ago, and she's making it
seem like I'm being an a hole. We've been dating
for around four and a half months. By the way,
this comes from user tough Volcano, And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subburn. I'm key On, I'm Carly, and we're
here to give good advice. Goofully. But we don't have
(56:15):
all the answers. We only know what we'd do, So
let us know what you would do in the comments.
As Opie says, my girlfriend has a twenty thirteen Lenovo
laptop that has seen better days as it stands right now.
Among some other issues, her keyboard totally doesn't work yikes.
Because of this, she always uses a small bluetooth keyboard
(56:36):
with her laptop. She had texted me the next morning
saying that her wireless keyboard had stopped working as well.
We had already planned for me to stay the night
at her place after I got off work, so I
offered to stop by my place on the way to
grab her a keyboard, as I have a few extras.
Speaker 4 (56:52):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (56:54):
When I got to her place, she was eagerly awaiting
the keyboard, which makes sense as she wasn't able to
use her computer for most of the day. But when
I handed her the keyboard, she started getting a She
started getting really quiet and poudy. A bit later, when
I asked her what was wrong, she said she thought
I'd be bringing her something nicer, like the keyboard I
have at my desk. The thing is, I have a
(57:17):
really nice keyboard at my desk. I'm a programmer, and
I love this keyboard so much that I also bring
it to work with me. I have even specific macro
profiles for it that definitely improved my workflow. For context,
I had an extra Amazon Basics keyboard around fifteen dollars
lying around, still brand new and in the box. My
personal keyboard, which I've had for years, is some variant
(57:40):
of the Razor black Widow around one hundred and twenty dollars.
I was going to call it out being a razor
or an alienware one. Anyway, she was apparently expecting me
to be selfless and let her use my nice keyboard
while I use the Amazon keyboard. She was upset that
I didn't value her enough till under my nice possessions
(58:01):
and left her with the cheap ten dollars keyboard. Those
were her words. She said, if the situation was reversed,
she'd lend me the nice keyboard. I explained to her
that I have my keyboard specifically set up for work,
and because I'm so used to it, it would hinder
my ability to do work if I didn't have it.
We continued to argue about it. Things really came to
(58:22):
a head when she boldly claimed that if I wasn't
willing to let her my nice keyboard, I should have
bought her a nice new keyboard. If I really cared
about her.
Speaker 4 (58:31):
Girl by yourself a keyboard.
Speaker 1 (58:33):
This is when I got really mad. I told her
she was acting like an entitled spoiled child, and that
she should have been grateful that I went out of
my way in the first place to grab her the
Amazon keyboard. Right she started crying and asked me to
go home. I left, but I still gave her the
Amazon keyboard to use. Very nice of you, Opie. I
(58:55):
was far more upset at the principle of the situation
than the keyboard itself. She's calling me an a hole
for both not giving her my keyboard and for calling
her spoiled. We're going to meet up tomorrow to talk
about this in person because I refuse to continue this
silly argument over text. I'm thinking about any things with
her as I feel like this is her showing me
(59:15):
her true colors. And we have some relevant comments. But
before we get into those comments, Carly, what do we
think she sucks?
Speaker 4 (59:25):
Be happy that you have a keyboard at all?
Speaker 1 (59:28):
Yeah? No, exactly the fact that you're expecting him to give.
Speaker 4 (59:32):
It like his fancy coating keyboard that is like pre
set to probably a lot of shortcuts. No, he needs
that one. Get your own, get your own keyboard. If
you're gonna complain about keyboards, you can't pick in this case.
Speaker 1 (59:46):
And then with the complaining of like, oh, well, if
you loved me, you would have bought me a brand
new one.
Speaker 4 (59:51):
Girl, you buy your own keyboard.
Speaker 1 (59:53):
Excuse me, you don't buy love. You don't buy love.
But we have some relevant comments. Relevant comment Coffee Mistake says,
you're honestly one hundred percent right. She's acting like a
spoiled child. Beggars don't get to be choosers. She wants
your nice keyboard, she can buy one herself better. Yet
(01:00:14):
she can buck up and save up for a new laptop.
I don't blame you at all for feeling angry. I
think you should attempt to talk through it before you
decide to break up with her. But it is definitely
a red flag that she's acting this way. In full
girl says, I think you got it right when you
said she was a spoiled brat. She should have been
grateful that you came over with a keyboard, any kind
(01:00:37):
of keyboard.
Speaker 4 (01:00:38):
Yeah, maybe you could have just not had your laptop
until you sucked it up and bought one.
Speaker 1 (01:00:44):
Maybe she should take her own advice and be a
little selfless. I would pose a question to you, if
you two are fighting over a keyboard, what will happen
when an issue that is a bit more serious comes up.
Good luck with your talk. I have a feeling you're
going didn't need it. And LMKBK says never marry someone
until you've seen how they act on a really bad day.
Speaker 4 (01:01:07):
Wow, it is good advice.
Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
And there is an edit. She texted me asking to
meet up tonight instead of tomorrow, as she is feeling
anxious and stressed out about the situation. I also wanted
to clarify that she's never acted like this before, although
admittedly we haven't been together for very long. Some of
you suggested that maybe I'm not making her feel valued
and the situation is a symptom of that. While I
(01:01:31):
think I both show and tell her that she's valued
in different ways, this may be something I bring up
with her. Also, the fact that you went home first
to get an extra keyboard, you already went on of
your way again, I don't know where people are seeing
that from this story where she's not entitled to anything, right.
Speaker 4 (01:01:52):
I also think that you have to have your own
self value and self love like that can't be reliant
on a partner. That's a different problem altogether. Yeah, they
could make you feel special and stuff. But it's like
you need that on your own first.
Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
Yeah, especially when it comes to just items too.
Speaker 4 (01:02:09):
Come on, it's so materialistic at this point, this is
over a keyboard.
Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
It of course doesn't forgive her behavior, but may explain
some of it. Cheers, and we have an update. Let's
just get stranged.
Speaker 4 (01:02:22):
Nothing to add.
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
Yeah, So we met earlier tonight and sat down to talk.
I was somewhat prepared to end things with her, so
I suggested we meet at her place so that I
could bail if things went south. And boy did they.
Oh No. Even though I thought I made my post
as anonymous as possible, one of my girlfriend's coworkers figured
(01:02:45):
out who the post was about girlfriend's age working in HR,
which I mentioned in a comment, same computer problems dating
a programmer, et cetera, et cetera, and they sent it
to my girlfriend. The reason she wanted to meet early
was because she was furious that I had made the
post airing our dirty laundry. Girl.
Speaker 4 (01:03:06):
Well, it's anonymous. I'm shocked someone even figured it out.
Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
Sometimes the world is a little bit smaller than you.
Speaker 4 (01:03:14):
Thing small.
Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
It's crazy in a sense. I guess she was right
because at least one person had figured it out. My
girlfriend never used read it, so I figured I was safe.
There's a strong chance she'll read this one as well. Lol. Anyway,
she immediately began berating me, telling me that I made
her look bad in the post and lied about the
(01:03:35):
details of our argument to get people on my side.
I would love to hear it. I asked her to
point out any part of it that wasn't true or
where I had lied. Long story short, she couldn't point
to a single thing.
Speaker 4 (01:03:50):
I'm shocked.
Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
I definitely raised my voice when I told her that
if she looked bad, it was only because of her
own actions. I told her I only made the post
to get some perspective on the matter. The post was
one hundred percent accurate, and she knew it. She began
to cheer up and asked me if I really was
considering leaving her over the keyboard. Hold on, girl, you're.
Speaker 4 (01:04:14):
The one who Girl, you're the one with the problem.
Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
You're the one who blew this whole thing out of
proportion over a keyboard.
Speaker 4 (01:04:23):
Crazy.
Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
I asked her if she understood that this wasn't about
the keyboard, it was about the way she acted towards
me when I was trying to do her a favor,
she stayed She stayed silent, and she didn't answer. I
asked her what had prompted this outburst, if everything was
okay with her. I asked if anything could happen with
her friends, parents are at work that was upsetting her
(01:04:45):
and may have led to this. She got really defensive,
asking are you calling me crazy? And do you think
I'm unstable? I had no idea where she was going
with this. I told her I wasn't calling her crazy,
but that she had to understand that I was quite
confused about how she was acting and that there had
to be a reason for it. We talked in circles
(01:05:08):
for a bit and I tried to pride out of her.
I still don't know what caused all of this, because
she simply wouldn't tell me. When I realized our conversation
was going nowhere, I finally asked her if we were
going to have an adult conversation or if this was
the hill she was willing to let the relationship pass
away on. She asked, what do you want from me?
(01:05:29):
And I said, I want an apology. I'm getting tired
of typing so I'll wrap this up quickly. She was
absolutely unwilling to apologize. She thought that my betrayal of
posting about this was far worse than her initial behavior.
We talked for about five more minutes before I told
her that I didn't even care anymore. I told her
(01:05:51):
this whole thing was exhausting, as she wasn't willing to
help us get to the bottom of it. That was
she just break up. I didn't waste any time making
my way to the door. As I was leaving, she
asked if I wanted the keyboard back. She didn't ask
to be nice. She was definitely trying to get on
my nerves. I could tell by her tone of voice.
I told her she could keep it as long as
(01:06:11):
she promised never to call or text me again. There's
a little bit left. But Carly, yay, you.
Speaker 4 (01:06:19):
Broke up with the crazy dramatic girl.
Speaker 1 (01:06:22):
That's wild.
Speaker 4 (01:06:24):
That god to happen. That was crazy.
Speaker 1 (01:06:26):
The fact that one the post was sent to her
and she got furious about it, and she was like,
you lied about me? How dare you? Everyone knows it's
about me, Like, girl, we don't even know your name.
Speaker 4 (01:06:39):
Also, like the fact that she's like making this post
is way worse than what I did. And it's like,
what's the post about?
Speaker 1 (01:06:47):
Could it be what you what you did, what you did,
and how you can't take accountability for what you were
doing and how you're just ungrateful.
Speaker 4 (01:06:55):
If he made a post and he was like, this
is my girlfriend Sarah, she is twenty five and she
works at this specific HR firm, then like, yeah, I'd
be like, dude, you're air and everything out. But no,
this is comlely anonymous. It's insane that someone even figured
it out.
Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
In sense, she felt like, oh my gosh, now the
internet's after me. The internet's after you because you were wrong.
Speaker 4 (01:07:17):
Because you're wrong girl, and.
Speaker 1 (01:07:19):
You can't take that. But oh my gosh, everyone's calling me.
Let's finish off this story. I've been getting tons of
not so nice messages from her friends, which finally propped
me to delete my Facebook. She obviously told her friends
some false version of the story, which made it seem
like I really did leave her over the keyboard. Good
(01:07:39):
you did? Wow, that's insane. Also, you did, but you did?
But she started this because of the keyboard, right. I
couldn't care less as I'll never be seeing any of them. Again,
we only dated for around four months, so in the end,
I don't feel terribly heartbroken, mostly just relief that it's over,
but also confusion. Still have no idea why she acted
(01:08:02):
out And to the people who had someone kind words
towards me because I use a razor keyboard pound sand Doris,
I like what I like, And there's a top comment here,
oceans of Umbrellas says. I saw a comment on Reddit
a while back that asked why so many relationships fail
at approximately the three month point, and someone no, I'm
(01:08:23):
not going to spend twenty plus minutes googling to give
credit to the person replied that they'd once been told
it was because it was really hard for people to
continue pretending to be someone they weren't for much longer
than three months. I think maybe this applies to your situation. Yeah, yeah,
and that is the end of that story. You dodged
(01:08:43):
a missile. Yeah, I think you dodged a missile because boy,
oh boy, she Crai Cray? What is she not? Craig Cray?
Speaker 4 (01:08:51):
She is? You're just silly goofy.
Speaker 1 (01:08:52):
I'm silly goofy right now