My husband’s JEALOUSY is ruining our marriage… now he’s asking for divorce! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is aam. This is John, your og Okay
Storytime podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy stories
coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,
just stick around for a two minute break with a
word from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
My husband's jealousy is ruining our marriage. Now he's asking
for divorce.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
Oh okay, sounds like it's over then.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
My husband, thirty four male, told me thirty two female,
that he's fed up and going to file for divorce.
We've been married for one year, together for four He's
very angry and I feel depleted and numb. By the way,
this comes from user free Boys and Berry twenty six
eighty and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime suburdit.

Speaker 4 (00:38):
I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and I'm cute. No, I'm ke On.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Hello, and we're here to give good advice. Goofley, But
we don't have all the answers. We're only human. We
only know what we would do in this situation. So
if you do something different, let us know in the comments.
Op says backstory. My husband suffers from a type of
OCD called relationship OCD, otherwise known as retroactive jealousy. It's
where he fixates on my past spicy relationships, particularly on

(01:06):
one person, a person who I've not even spoken to
in over eight years. He can get triggered anytime anywhere.
We could be watching TV and a character will have
the same name, and he'll get triggered. Last weekend, we
were at a concert celebrating our one year wedding anniversary
and someone came on stage wearing a jersey for the
same sport this person used to play. He wanted to
leave the concert immediately. We ended up fighting and our

(01:28):
anniversary was ruined. Anytime he's triggered, his energy completely shifts
from warm, goofy and loving to ice cold and bothered,
and he shuts me out. It's a very sad, confusing, frustrating,
and isolating experience for me and for him, it's mental turmoil.
Pretty Much every single fight we have had in our
relationship has stemmed from his retroactive jealousy. Other than that,

(01:49):
we've been extremely happy. Unfortunately, every time he gets triggered,
it chips away at my happiness. I walk on eggshells
and feel anxiety sometimes because I never know when he'll
get triggered. Next thought he might get better with time
or after our marriage, because you would finally see that
I want him and only him forever. I was wrong.
Ever since he was triggered on our anniversary last weekend

(02:10):
and we fought, things have never been worse. Something feels
different about this time, like I finally realized this isn't
going away, or that I've hit my breaking point. We've
been cordial to each other all week and sleeping in
the same bed, but no spicy times. Yesterday he asked
me if I'm ready to go back to being loving again?

Speaker 3 (02:28):
Dude, it was you.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
Yeah, I don't know. Are you ready to you.

Speaker 5 (02:32):
Ready to get over a person that you never met
from eight years ago?

Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah, dude, Like I get it. You've got a thing,
but it's like it's your thing. Yeah, you need to
address it.

Speaker 5 (02:42):
It's not like Op's like acting on anything with this person.
Like there's nothing more I feel like that OPE can
really do.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
Yeah, they're not hanging out. I told him my concerns
and how he needs to seek support or medication for
this retroactive jealousy. I also thanked him for giving me space,
which literally just meant not initiating spicy sleep, and he
got an attitude and said, yeah, well I was upset too.
We know, buddy, you made that pretty clear. It felt
clear to me in this moment that he wasn't really

(03:09):
listening to me. And to be fair, I sometimes have
a difficult time seeing things from his side as well.
Sometimes his aggressive approach and victim mindset in conversation makes
me automatically defensive. He ended up storming out of the
room and slept in the guest room, where he always
sleeps when he's upset or when he's taking a nap,
and has been slamming every door he walks through ever since.

Speaker 3 (03:30):
My gosh, this is a little childlike.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
At this point, there is so much tension that I
told him I will move his things from the master
bedroom to the guest room so that we can both
have space to process what we're feeling.

Speaker 4 (03:42):
Someone call a w ambulance for this guy.

Speaker 5 (03:44):
I'm sorry, it's a w ambulance sitting and forgetting how
long they've been together.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Long enough to be married? Four years? Four years together,
one year married?

Speaker 3 (03:52):
Okay, so five years that's what I thought.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
He left for the day to go golfing a new
hobby he picked up that he has trashed for the
past four years. While he was away, I moved his stuff.
I did not move it to upset him. I truly
feel broken and anxious when I'm around him now and
just need a little space to process everything. He came
home from golf and was livid. He said he wasn't
interested in being roommates and this was no way to live.

(04:16):
Whoa dude? Then you should analyze your own behaviors? Yeah,
how did we get here? Scratch his head?

Speaker 4 (04:22):
Why did we get here?

Speaker 1 (04:23):
M I told him once again that I need space
to process everything, and he said, rudely, You've had enough space.
You've had a week of space. Instead of moving my
belongings all day, you could have instead come up with
a way to communicate. I told him I did try
communicating with him yesterday and he got upset. I told
him that the way he's currently speaking to me is
with an aggressive tone, to which he replied, because I'm angry.

(04:46):
This is ridiculous. I won't be married to someone who
can't resolve simple issues.

Speaker 5 (04:50):
I won't ask you, I genuinely, Opie, I want you
to look husband in the eyes and be like, how
do you want me to fix this?

Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (04:58):
How do you want me to fix the.

Speaker 5 (04:59):
Fact that I I dated a guy eight years ago
that you've never met and I don't talk to him.

Speaker 3 (05:04):
How to fix do you tell me the way to
hike this?

Speaker 1 (05:06):
How to fix this is within you, my guy. I
won't have kids with that person. I'm filing for divorce. Great,
so he took care of the issue himself. Good, he
took it away. I responded that I don't want a
divorce and all I'm asking for is a little space
for us to work through this. I don't remember what
he responded with, but he didn't care that I said that,
and I think again, he just repeated that he was

(05:27):
filing for divorce. After he said that, he left the house.
The crazy part is I still don't feel much. I
don't feel sad or angry. I'm just numb. Perhaps I'm
over it, or it could be some kind of coping
mechanism to protect myself. I've never spoken to friends or
family about his retroactive jealousy because I love him and
I didn't want them to think negatively about him. I
think it's finally time I open up to my mother
about it. I feel very alone. I'm not sure what

(05:49):
to do or where to go orom here. I've never
been more in love with anyone in my life. He
was caring, made me laugh, bought me flowers, supported me
when I was laid off from my job. But I
am just not sure can be in this relationship anymore
now with how he's acting, not taking accountability, being rude
to me, and instead of giving me the space I need,
threatening divorce instead. Reddit, it would help to hear from

(06:10):
you an outside perspective on this. I am too in
it to think clearly at the moment. Even if no
one responds, it would feel nice to be able to
type this out there are comments. My comment would be,
I don't think he's ready for any kind of relationship
until he fully works through his YEA, his OCD.

Speaker 5 (06:30):
He needs to get to the root of all that first.
They can help him find ways to cope with that
so that he can be in a relationship, but ultimately
there is nothing for Op.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
Two fix And this all happened because they were at
a concert and the musician was wearing a jersey from
a sport the guy used to play, And you're gonna
let that ruin tho, that's we have to leave. We
have to leave.

Speaker 4 (06:51):
Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
It is just the same sports team.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
I guess that's insane.

Speaker 4 (06:57):
Like when you hear a name, you're like, all right,
I got the ick from that name. We get that,
like the fact that this guy can see or like
he smells grass and he's like, oh my god, he's
slid on grass. I'm angry at you, like what.

Speaker 5 (07:10):
He needs some serious help, and I hope he gets it,
and I hope that maybe he can come back and
give ope the apology that is deserved.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
Comments Comment one, you can't solve this problem because it's
not your problem to solve. He needs to sort his
stuff out. Seeing a person wearing a sports team merch
shouldn't cause this much conflict in any relationship. Can't build
your life around avoiding his trigger and a reply says,
to be clear, retroactive jealousy is something he's choosing to
not treat. It's something therapy can really help with. So

(07:40):
he is choosing to treat you like that. Why do
you want to continue to deal with this? Comment two
says the divorce would be a gift. Honestly, I don't
know if this is genuine, but it's absolutely wild. Comment
three relationship OCD sounds like a BS excuse for abuse
to me, be glad he's going reply to that, says
I made a separate comment about this and was a
little less point because I hate telling anyone they don't

(08:01):
have an illness. But as someone with OCD, I'm like
seventy percent sure this guy's on the RJ, subredded and
self diagnosed his own insecurities as OCD. Now he just
lets it run wild. It really isn't a single thing
about this post that flags as him having OCD. Not
being able to get over something doesn't qualify it as OCD.
Comment for I've suffered from retroactive jealousy and relationship OCD

(08:22):
for many years, and the only person who could help
me was me. I had to take control and accountability
for my own behavior and my own healing. I've hurt
many partners over the years. If he's not willing to
help himself, you're better off divorcing so you can find
someone who won't blame you for your past. I'm now
happily married with a baby doo in November. People can change,
but they have to know they need to and there's

(08:42):
an update. What do we think are they divorcing?

Speaker 3 (08:45):
I therapy enforcing.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
I think they're divorcing. If they're is fortunate, Yeah, I know.
So if they have like a genuine conversation and he
doesn't like just point the finger at op the entire time,
he actually takes accountability.

Speaker 5 (08:58):
If he has some action, will come to a moment
of like, oh my god, Like if I got help
for this, we could make this work.

Speaker 3 (09:04):
But I don't think it's gonna happen. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
I don't think this guy's gonna be like, I'm sorry
for that. He's like, no, I feel like he said
to come to.

Speaker 3 (09:11):
This, not this quick anyway, No, not at all.

Speaker 4 (09:13):
I feel like he's be like, ah, so you are wrong,
I'm right.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Divorce, Yeah, I think that's where we're headed, folks. Update.
I'm blown away at the amount of support this post
has gotten. Thank you to everyone who has responded, and
to the mod of this post for giving me a
great book recommendation. As many of you guessed, his threat
of divorce was not real. For the first time in
four years, I truly put my foot down and told
my husband that I will no longer put up with

(09:39):
this treatment. I told him that if he continues to
choose not to seek help and instead continue to hurt me,
then I'm not staying and he knows I mean it.
I told him I love him, but I love me
and my mental health more. Since this long conversation, he
has set up an immediate plan daily plan morning reflection
and meditation, medicine vitamins, fluxitine, magnesium and make it three

(10:00):
work out weekly plan. Meet with the therapist. Yes, start ERP.
First session is scheduled for this weekend. Read fifty pages
of self help books The Art of Letting Go read
by October first, The Happiness Trap read by October first,
Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy read by October fifteenth, Brain Lock Overcoming
OCD read by October thirtieth.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
M freightom to them, and let's.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
Get right into the end of this. I like where
we're going.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
I want flux. I don't wantability.

Speaker 5 (10:30):
Oh okay, I don't want him to overwhelm himself with
a list of things that he's not going to do. Though,
at the same time, so like it is true, Yes,
I think everything sounds great if you don't read those
books by those dates, I think it's fine, but therapy.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
Therapy therapy city. So I told him that I support him,
but that he needs to do deep reflection and work
on himself before we can start rebuilding our relationship. I
plan on leaving town this week to spend some time
with my mother, and we'll be working on an exit
plan to have just in case that day comes. I
found a lot of strength and growth within myself throughout

(11:07):
this process, and I'm very proud of myself. I can't
describe how it felt going from feeling so isolated and
alone to feeling like I have a community who supports
me through this post. So if you're scrolling and see
someone who needs help, just know that your comment can
make a big difference. Heart And that is the end
of that story.

Speaker 5 (11:24):
My coworker is obsessed with me, despite us both being married.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Gross eh yucky.

Speaker 5 (11:36):
Me twenty four male and my crazy coworker twenty six
female work at the same office. She sits on the
desk across her mind and is married as well as
I am. Recently, we've been talking more with each other,
but nothing out of the ordinary. I have a good
relationship with pretty much everyone here except for Carl.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
If you Carl and your credit to Yeah, Carl, why
don't you give the credit they deservemies hate don Carl.
If you ca you Carl.

Speaker 4 (12:10):
Carl, are you stealing credit?

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Carl?

Speaker 3 (12:13):
That haunted in high school?

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Carl.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
By the way, this comes from as your doctor.

Speaker 5 (12:21):
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and I'm Kean, and.

Speaker 5 (12:29):
We're here to give good advice goofully, But we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do in the
comments and Opie says, just cheap chat about regular stuff.
How was the weekend? Look at this funny video? What
do you think about this that, et cetera. Then she
started texting telling me that she is surprised about how

(12:52):
easy it is to talk to me and how she
enjoys how the conversation just.

Speaker 3 (12:56):
Flows, and I was like, cool, me too, you're nice.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
Yes.

Speaker 5 (13:00):
Last week I left my car at the auto repair
since the break started to make a funny noise, and
since she lives two blocks away from.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
Where I live, I asked for a ride home.

Speaker 5 (13:11):
We were in traffic going home, talking about regular stuff.
Then she brought the subject up again about how nice
our conversations have been, and I agreed. I have plenty
of female friends, so this is not uncommon for me.
Then she started talking about how interesting it is that
we have some different opinions about stuff, but we get

(13:32):
along well anyway, and I was like, yeah, sure. This
is when I noticed things got weird. Then she said
she started looking at me differently, that she's attracted to me,
and put her hand on my thigh.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
No hand thigh No.

Speaker 5 (13:51):
I thanked her and told her she's nice and good looking,
but we're just colleagues.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
We're both married.

Speaker 5 (13:56):
I respect her, but I'm not interested, So no way
anything is going to happen.

Speaker 3 (14:02):
The rest of the ride was an awkward silence.

Speaker 5 (14:05):
When I got home, she kept texting me about how
we're getting along so well.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
Stuff. Yeah. I really liked that complete silence we had together.

Speaker 3 (14:14):
I really liked the silence in the car. I think
I fully would have been like, pull over, I will
walk home. Yeh, I don't care how far we are,
I will walk home.

Speaker 5 (14:22):
Don't anyway, how we're getting along so well and stuff,
how she is not in the best moment in her marriage,
et cetera.

Speaker 3 (14:32):
Then I received a lot.

Speaker 5 (14:34):
Of Instagram notifications of her mass liking my photos.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
Now it's the time to block her and also bring
this to like hr and immediate HR. Wife, HR your
wife first, right.

Speaker 5 (14:48):
Now, Wife, this girl's got her hand on my thigh
right now.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
Help help, help, please, I need you to fight this person.

Speaker 5 (14:59):
I reply to the text, trying not to be rude,
saying that maybe she should use her energy and time
to resolve the problems she is having at home instead
of this.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, you just corporate dunked on her.

Speaker 5 (15:11):
At this point, I think she is crazy and the
best way to avoid any problems is just dismissed the
crazy stuff she is saying and keep it cool and
distant since we work together in a fifty five person company.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
She said, it's not just physical attraction that she's.

Speaker 5 (15:28):
Jealous and can't stand seeing my wife's post on Instagram
with me read alert, and now she wants to meet
me after work or during the lunch break out of
the office to talk about things. I haven't told any
of this to my wife yet. Why not talk to
your wife right now? And I was not planning to

(15:48):
do so, since she is way too stressed out recently
with her job and some problems with her parents. So
I'd like to know from the all might and all
knowing Reddit how oh my mind to avoid this crazy
lady getting more crazy and trying to cause problems at
work and with my marriage and two wives of Reddit.
If you were my wife, would you like me to

(16:09):
tell you what's happening or just deal with it?

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Are you crazy?

Speaker 4 (16:12):
You don't need the wives of Reddit the time.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
First of all, your wives shouldn't get stressed out. That's
some girls into you. As soon as you say that,
she should go. Man, my husband tells me thinks I'm
not stressed because my husband's not an idiot, and it's
clearly not into this woman. You're just letting her know
because it's relevant.

Speaker 5 (16:27):
Ye.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
There's literally obsessed with me. It's crazy. I'm gonna have
to talk to HR about it.

Speaker 5 (16:32):
Done, easy peasy, hey, wife, she'd put her hand on
my thigh in the car today.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
I'm going to HR to mileth You know.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
Two steps, talk to your wife and then everything all
the texts that this woman has sent you and show
them to HR. Done.

Speaker 5 (16:45):
My plan so far is to let her know again
that I'm not interested. Just play it cool and dismiss
what she is saying, slowly decreasing the number of interactions
we have until everything fades into regular coworker stuff. That
is who here terrible play Top comment sand Man forty two.

Speaker 3 (17:03):
You need to tell two people, one your wife two HR.

Speaker 5 (17:08):
Show them the texts, including your requesting that she stopped
contacting you and hitting on you. You need to tell
your wife and HR because this could easily spiral out
of control and you need to be on top of
the story.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
Also, you gotta trust your wife.

Speaker 5 (17:25):
Man, then stop talking to this coworker about anything that
isn't directly work related. Update two two weeks later. Any
other comment, sir, we on the same page that.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
Do exactly what that comment just told you to do.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
Great.

Speaker 3 (17:41):
I agree that I agree.

Speaker 5 (17:43):
Since it was the first time this happened to me
in such a blunt way, I tried to handle it
the best I could, but I was kind of lost
about what to do. So thanks again, your advice really
helped me. Following your advice, I got home yesterday, asked
my wife to sit down and told her what was
going on. I showed her all the messages and explained

(18:03):
to her in detail what happened. She was really concerned,
didn't get mad or anything. She was just worried that
using her words that which would ruin your career and
stress you out. So I told her I would talk
to my boss and HR the next day, and so
I did. I arrived earlier scheduled the meeting with HR
and my boss. He went pale when I told him

(18:25):
I'd like to talk to him and HR together. Later,
he said he thought I would quit. I sat down
with them, asked them to be prepared for a Mexican
soap opera, then showed them all the messages and explained
to them everything that happened.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
I'm giving you the script of my telenovela.

Speaker 5 (18:42):
I told them I'd like her to be moved to
another desk, and that I trusted them to discipline her
so she would stop pestering me. They listened very quietly,
nodding between the sentences and asking quick questions when in doubt.
After I finished telling my tale, they said they would
call her in to te and addressed the subject, and

(19:02):
that I could rest assured they would take all reasonable measures.

Speaker 3 (19:06):
I went back to my desk and got to work
that I was.

Speaker 5 (19:09):
Going on a business trip to Mexico City the following week.

Speaker 3 (19:11):
I was pretty busy.

Speaker 5 (19:13):
Then I heard the BSCC phone short for backcrap crazy
coworker ring. She looked at me with suspicion in her eyes.
When she got up and went to talk to HR.
I tried to avoid eye contact and didn't express anything.
One hour later, she came back crying, got her purse
and left. Everybody in the office was like, what the

(19:34):
f just happened.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
My boss then called me into his office and told
me what happened.

Speaker 5 (19:38):
They told her. I told them what was going on.
Then she made a whole dramatic show, telling them she
was in love with me and was fighting for what
she thought was right, et cetera.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Wow, you're gonna be fighting in the unemployment line.

Speaker 5 (19:52):
My boss and the HR person dismissed her arguments and
told her she would need to keep things professional and
move to another desk, otherwise they would have to rescind
the work contract, and she preferred to get fired, so
from now on she no longer works with me. It
has been two weeks and so far nothing related to
the subject has happened. So I guess my life is

(20:12):
back the way I like it, just peace and quiet,
So thanks again for all the advice.

Speaker 3 (20:17):
I think my thoughts were kind of clouded by this.

Speaker 5 (20:20):
You guys made me think clearly, so thanks some relevant comments.
Comment one says they told her I told them what
was going on, then she made a whole dramatic crap
show telling she was in love with me and she
was fighting for what she thought was right, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera. Wow, this woman is mentally ill.
No joke, she is completely detached from reality. If she's

(20:41):
pulling stuff like this when facing both her boss and HR,
that is unhinged. Keep a sharp eye out, op she
knows where you live, and she's no longer constrained by
the prospect of losing her job. Don't hesitate to call
the police if she shows up. Comment or two says
this opie, if possible, have if your boss and HR

(21:01):
give you something in writing about what happened in case
you need it for documentation purposes with the authorities.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
You might also.

Speaker 5 (21:08):
Want to write out your own quick log of everything
that happened and when while it is still fresh in
your mind. Check into what your legal option might be
just in case. I know it sounds like overkill, but
trust me, you don't want to let your guard down
just yet. This woman is potentially dangerous. Another commenter says,
I agree with all this. I would just add that

(21:29):
the messages et cetera she left should be kept too.
Better to not need them than to regret trashing them.
Opie responds, guys, thanks for this advice. I think I've
been a little naive believing this would stop now following
your comments here, I wrote my logs, made a backup
of all the messages, and requested HR for a formal
letter explaining what happened. I was considering going to the

(21:52):
police station and checking what I could do to get
this registered, just in case anything happens, but I don't
think this is necessary with all.

Speaker 3 (21:59):
The other menures I took. Another commenter says, my question
is was she always this crazy?

Speaker 5 (22:04):
Or are you that good looking and charming that you
drove her insane that she couldn't have you.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
You drove her insane with your beautiful eyes. Anyone would
lose their sanity staring into your gorgeous.

Speaker 5 (22:16):
Pools comment response. I must admit he does sound completely
adorable and charming.

Speaker 3 (22:21):
No wonder she fell for him. Oh no, the commenters are.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
Falling for him too. His power is too strong. I'm
falling for him. Oh god.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
Oh, he says.

Speaker 5 (22:31):
I've been working with her for two years, but we
never talked much before this happened, so I cannot claim
anything for sure. But before all this drama, she didn't
let any craziness show up. Now about myself, you're making
me feel embarrassed.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
I'm not that self aware.

Speaker 5 (22:50):
Another commenter says, maybe a bipolar or manic episode.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
Just speculating, but.

Speaker 5 (22:55):
It is weird that it took her two years. Seems
like it escalated quickly once she said her sights on you.
Opie says, well, I'm also known for not being very perceptive,
and I.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
Never paid much attention to her, so it can be
my fault on this point. Like, we have another update,
a call from her husband.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Oh lordy, yeah, I think is firmly now, just in
the realm of if she keeps showing up, it's I'm
call the police, but I don't know's husband's making the call.

Speaker 3 (23:23):
Heikesact.

Speaker 1 (23:24):
Let's see what he says.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
I just got a call from her husband.

Speaker 5 (23:27):
Apparently she was crying all weekend and told him on
Monday why she was fired. He told her he didn't
buy her version of the facts since she contradicted herself
in several points of her story. He told her to
call the company to clarify what happened, and now he
was calling me just.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
To make sure.

Speaker 5 (23:44):
I told him everything and offered to show him the messages.
We are going to meet in an hour in a
coffee shop next to the office. He sounded her but
very clear minded. I just told my boss hr and
my wife that I was going to meet him, and
my boss offered to go with me. Okay, man, I'm
surrounded by good people. We have another update. I hope

(24:05):
she doesn't show up instead and it's not somewhere.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
Yeah, I would be very suspicious that I'd be, like,
you want to FaceTime? I don't know if I want
to meet up with this guy in person. I don't
know you and your wife is insane. I don't know
if you're crazy as well.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yeah, just came back from the meeting with her husband.

Speaker 5 (24:22):
It was all very quick. I arrived with my boss
and he was waiting for me. I just showed him
the messages on my phone. Answered some questions about what happened,
and that was it. He said he just wanted to
be sure because she deleted all of her messages.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Wow, what you think. I think it was probably a
smart move to not go meet that guy alone. Yeah,
I guess, you know, he's like, this can't be true, right,
it can't be that it is it was.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
I wondered the crazy story that she told him.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Things weren't lining up.

Speaker 4 (24:51):
Yeah, several points, by the way, not one, not several.

Speaker 5 (24:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
Just I mean, I guess good on her for at
least saying it. But I think that kind of speaks
to you more of like how unhinged she is right now.
She's like she probably told him like I was doing
this for love, for what's right?

Speaker 2 (25:06):
Yikes.

Speaker 4 (25:08):
Yeah, don't let your husband stop you from finding your husband.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (25:12):
He said this was not the first time something like
that happened and apologized for everything. He said she was
seeing a psychologist in the past, but she had stopped
going recently. I just said I didn't want anything to
do with it, that I came to meet him just
to make clear I didn't want any of this to happen,
wished him the best and left. He just nodded and
apologized again as I left. I'm surprised by his reaction.

(25:36):
Maybe he doesn't seem angry because they went through something
similar before. I don't know, and I really don't care.
I've just had enough drama and I'm glad this wasn't
another one. So let's hope this is the end and
that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Sam. Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But
here's three of minutes bads from our sponsors. My friend
through a bridal party before even getting engaged.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
And if you know what's gonna happen, why not.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Well, let's find out. My twenty nine female friend twenty
nine female is getting married to her boyfriend, twenty four
male in two months. They just started dating this January,
and neither of them have been in a serious relationship
before this. A week into their relationship, they already started
talking about marriage and signed up for marriage classes through

(26:22):
their church. By the way, this comes from user Emily Freeze.
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, and I'm.

Speaker 4 (26:31):
Angie and I'm Sophia, and.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
We're here to give good advice, goofily, but we don't
have all the answers. We only know what would we do,
So let us know what you would do. In the comments,
Opie says, not even three weeks into their relationship, my
friend found a fake topaz ring on the ground at
a grocery store and decided to buy a ring box
and give it to her boyfriend so that he could

(26:55):
use it to propose to her. She found a trash
ring on the ground and gave it to her boy
boy friend and said, propose to me with this ring.
She sent us pictures of the ring and told us
about their plans to get engaged using that ring after
their sixth month anniversary, and then they would have their
wedding one to two weeks after that. Her boyfriend has

(27:15):
displayed a lot of very concerning behavior since the beginning
of their relationship. He is very religious and wants to
save himself for marriage. He made my friend get rebaptized
since she was not a virgin. He has expressed concerns
to my friend about her age and that he is
worried she might be getting too old to have children
if they don't start right away. He has also tried

(27:35):
to ban her from watching all of her favorite television
series immediately gone, such as Friends or Bridgerton, because he
believes they are Satanic and Korn related and compromise their
Christian values. Several of our friends, as well as her parents,
have expressed concerns to her about rushing all of this
and making sure she isn't making permanent decisions she will regret.

(27:56):
Both my friend and her boyfriend have never moved out
of their childhood homes after high school graduation, so neither
of them have experience taking care of themselves without their parents' assistance.
She gets very defensive whenever you questioned her decisions, no
matter how gently you phrase it, and always insists that
they don't have a traditional relationship, but that they both
know what they want and they're best friends.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
Who knew what they wanted first. And how did the
second person know what they want? Was the first person
trying to talk them into it or something like that?
How did that go?

Speaker 1 (28:28):
I don't know. I just don't know. How you have
like the most traditional, like the throwback traditional relationship. Yeah,
your future husband's being like you are not allowed to
see these things, right, I am the one in control
of your eyes?

Speaker 2 (28:44):
Right, quite traditional.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
Talk about a throwback.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yeah, is that a reference from something or just.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
No, that's just a reference into the history of men
and women.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
I just wanted to make sure it wasn't Sally.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
Were all like that. I'm right, that has to be
if you're talking about tradition.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
Yeah, so it feels like, yes, you are traditional.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
About a month ago, she went wedding dress shopping and
said yes to the dress. I congratulated her and asked
her about the wedding, and she said they're getting married
at the beginning of August, but that they don't have
a venue picked out yet. They don't plan on having
a courthouse wedding, and she's adamant about having a real
wedding with a ceremony and reception. No save the dates

(29:23):
or wedding invites have been created yet. My friend just
sent out invites to her bridal shower on Monday, and
mine arrived in the mail on Wednesday. To my surprise,
her bridal shower is already this upcoming Sunday, less than
two weeks after the invites were sent out. I looked
at the registry and she's asking for a lot of
very high priced and luxurious things. On very short notice, right,

(29:49):
because she's someone who fundamentally doesn't even understand how the
world works, yet she's never moved out of her house.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
I mean, this is the whole point people get married, right,
is to like get a bunch of gifts, have a party,
and then you don't have a great night afterwards.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
Again, the most traditional you could be. You're like, yeah,
I mean, we're getting married mostly because people are gonna
give us a lot of stuff. And I guess yea right,
right the family, I know that they have a rushed
timeline since she wants to get married two weeks after
they're engaged, which is crazy who wants that? But it

(30:25):
is shocking being invited to a bridle shower for someone
who isn't even engaged and doesn't have a venue booked
yet for a wedding less than two months away. After
talking with the rest of our friend group, who have
all been friends for twenty four plus years, almost all
of us have decided against going to the shower. This
is basically due to the principle of it being inappropriate

(30:45):
throwing yourself a bridle shower months before you will even
be engaged, and there is nothing set in stone to
demonstrate they will go through with this wedding, other than
saying they plan to get married in August. In addition,
she can't expect everyone to bend over backwards for her
and makes sure she can have her luxurious dream wedding
when almost everyone else in the friend group is currently

(31:06):
planning their own wedding with their long term boyfriends, in
the process of purchasing a home, or are pregnant. It's
too soon to know what the ramifications will be of
having her entire friend group not show up for her
bridal shower, but it will be interesting to see how
the next two months of wedding planning go. And there
is an edit to add. First, I understand where people

(31:27):
are coming from saying she is actually engaged, since they
have plans to get married and attentative date.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
That's what I was wondering. It felt like she was
engaged already, but like she's not, but they're just planning
the engagement while they're planning the wedding.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
No, I know that she's given him the ring that
she wants him to give her. I can assure you.
Every time we ask her if she is engaged, she
insists that she's not. They're still just dating. When we
ask why they don't get formally engaged or why he
doesn't just propose now, considering they already have a ring,
she says they don't want to be engaged until there's

(32:01):
six month anniversary because they don't want to feel like
they're rushing things.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
What I'm confused by them because OPI mentioned that it's
like weird that they're gonna get married after two weeks
of being engaged, but they're not even engaged yet, So
why are we planning the engagement.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
Just the ultimate self gaslight. Yeah, they're like, we're getting
engaged on this day, we know it, but we're not
gonna get engaged right now because we don't want to
rush things. After all, we want to wait at least
six months before we commit to being with each other
for the rest of our lives, right at least half
a year. But we already are going to do that.
We know we're gonna do it. It's set in stone that
we're doing that, right, but we're not gonna.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
Rush because to me, six months is still rushing things.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yes, we talked about getting married a week and do
our relationship. Yeah, we're not gonna rush it.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
We're not gonna actually do it.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
Yeah, we don't want it to look like we're Russian delusional.
It's like the same feeling of like having like a
car like covered in rust and you just paint over
and you're like, I solved it right, just rotten house
and you're like, oh, just put a blanket on it.

Speaker 2 (33:06):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
Also, for those shaming us for not planning her a
bridal shower, it has always been the sister's sister in law,
mother or mother in law who planned the shower for
everyone else's wedding in this friend group, and for her sibling.
We are not sure why it was expected to be
any different for her. Even so, we only just found
out the tentative date for a wedding. You don't normally
immediately plan a shower the second someone announces they're going

(33:28):
to get married, especially when nothing had been set in
motion to secure an actual venue to have the wedding.
We found out on Mother's Day that she had a
wedding date set. That's not much turnaround time to drop
everything else we have planned in the next coming weeks
to try and plan a shower in the two weekend
window of dates. She said worked for her. The part
I failed to convey initially in the post is our

(33:51):
biggest concern is her sense of entitlement. She genuinely wants
people to cancel their plans such as a baby shower,
gender reveal party, and vacation to plan things for her.
She also was expecting to not have to pay for
anything for the wedding and fully believe both of their
parents would fully finance their wedding. She lashed out when

(34:11):
her parents told her they aren't paying for her wedding,
only the wedding dress. When her boyfriend's mom asked where
they were getting the money to pay for this wedding,
she called her broke and greedy for not wanting to
pay for their venue, food, and drinks. She then turned
around and texted us about how she wishes harm upon
their parents, Oh and how much she hates them because

(34:33):
they won't financially support this wedding. It's impossible to defend
her actions when she feels entitled to everyone else's time
and money. Honestly, at this point, I'm just dropping the friend.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
How much of this I could hear, how much of
this complaining for nothing?

Speaker 1 (34:50):
Yeah, anyone who's like able to call their future in
law just like broke and greedy for not paying for
their entire wedding that they shouldn't even be having. Because
this is just not the right way to do this.
I'd be like, oh, I'm out. Yeah, have a good life.
I hope it's good. I truly do. I just hope.
I wish you the best. Yeah, but it's not me.

(35:11):
Any thoughts would be appreciated, and there are some comments.
Come at number one, man, this is probably gonna be
a disaster. He's probably gonna hold over her the entire
marriage that she didn't save herself for marriage like he
allegedly did. Hmmm, he's going to use that to wear
down her self esteem. If they can't have kids for
whatever reason, he's going to blame it on her for

(35:31):
not being married younger. Everything in her life that brings
her joy will slowly be labeled demonic and cut out
of her life little by little. Agreed comment too. I mean,
if her and the boyfriend are in agreement in getting married,
then they're engaged technically. But that's the least of the
worries here. They're moving way too quickly, and it's likely
so that they can have spice to sleep together, setting

(35:54):
themselves up to fail. A reply to that comment says,
I think that the rush is either to have the
spice of sleep or for the bride to get married
before she turns thirty. I'd put money on her birthday
being in September. Oh P replies, she has always been
the friend that just copies what everyone else does for
as long as we've known her. If you cut your hair,
she cuts her hair. If you buy a new band

(36:16):
t shirt, she buys the same one. You pick up
a new hobby, she picks up the same hobby. So
as soon as her best friend got married, bought a house,
and got pregnant, she's pretty much spiraled and immediately jumped
into a relationship and started talking marriage and children right away.
Comment three. If she's a good friend, I'd be comfortable
asking her how the wedding shower planning is coming and

(36:36):
see if she has it all together at all to
be throwing a party like that. Obviously there's a lot
off here. There is no reason for anybody to be
spending lots of money. Maybe the friends could offer to
help her with some wedding planning, to maybe help her
realize how nutty. Some of this is if they see
it through, they see it through. Ope replies, it's definitely

(36:57):
thrown together last minute because she assumed her made of honor,
one of our friends was planning the shower for since
the maid of honor was planning the bachelorette party, which
spoiler alert, she wasn't. So her sister in law helped
throw something together and it's at their own apartment complex downtown.
She has asked our other friends for their contact for
the venues, hair and makeup stylists, photographers, and videographers that

(37:19):
they used for their wedding or are using for their
upcoming wedding, and she was shocked that everything costs more
than fifty dollars.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
Who is this woman? She isn't a woman yet. It
feels she does not feel like an adult, even though
she's twenty nine years old.

Speaker 1 (37:35):
She's a bubble person. She's just lived in a bubble.
She's been in a bubble forever, and she's just copied
everyone around her.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Yeah, I'm assuming that her parents aren't actually broke like
she accused them of, because clearly she hasn't paid for
anything for herself. It seems she thinks that all that
crazy stuff is gonna be fifty dollars not gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
You guys are charging so much money, what more than
one family outing at the at the fast food restaurant. Right,
It's like you're gonna be astounded once you have children, dude,
and a house. Yeah, oh boy, oh boy, things get expensive.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
Oh my goods.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
I had assumed she works, right, she's got help, so okay.
Everyone has tried to help her and tell her it's
not realistic to expect to book any of these things
in only a month when they had to sign contracts
and put deposits down six to twelve months ahead of time,
but she still thinks she can have it all for
her wedding. Comment four. I know this is going to

(38:35):
sound harsh, but could your friend be learning disabled or
develop mentally disabled in some way, or if this is
out of character, I worry about mental illness like bipolar,
which doesn't always manifest until slightly later in life. Hope,
He says. We don't have any sort of formal diagnosis.
But she has always been different from the rest of us,
like she was in some of the catch up type
of classes in high school, and she absolutely does not

(38:58):
understand social cues whatsoever, and couldn't read the room to
save her life. She just demonstrates that she makes very
illogical decisions, most recently like wearing fashion heeled boots and
daisy dukes to go hiking and everyone is wearing sneakers
and athletic wear. Believe me, we have not abandoned her,
and we've tried helping her for literally two decades now,
but it is absolutely impossible to give her any type

(39:20):
of advice or guide her towards making different decisions. She
just doubles down on whatever decision she makes if you
try to help and there's an update, I really do
think at some point we just got to excuse ourselves
from the situation.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
Yeah, Like, you could try calling her out on it
and telling her, but I have a feeling, got some
sort of feeling that she's not going to care, she's
not going to listen to you. Yeah, so yeah, I agree,
it would just be best to just remove yourself from
the situation.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
Because I also have a sneaky little feeling they're not
getting married. It's puss my sneaky feeling.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
A lot happened in one week, so a lot could
happen in six months.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
I think it's very eye opening that she's like, this
is all more than fifty dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and
she wants to book everything in basically two months. It's crazy. Update.
It's been about a month and a half since our
friends bridle shower, and things have continued to spiral. Her
bridle shower surprisingly had an okay turnout for how last
minute the invites went out. She had her bridesmaids there

(40:19):
and then one other friend and then about a dozen
or so family members from both sides of their families,
but the rest of us childhood friends weren't able to
make it. From her Maid of Honors report, she did not,
in fact get any of the one hundred dollar Turkish towels.
The games at the party were a little awkward since
a lot of the questions didn't apply. For the game
of who said or did what first? For the question

(40:40):
who proposed, her sister in law yelled out, let's skip
that question. They aren't actually engaged. She's expressed to her
Made of honor some of her dissatisfaction with the gifts
she did get, and she's disappointed no one bought them
the high ticket items she wanted like twelve one hundred
dollars Carnival cruise gift cards. About a week after the shower,

(41:03):
they did officially get engaged in front of the emergency
exit door at their church on their five month anniversary,
a month earlier than they had originally planned, and posted
about how it was really special to them because that's
where they had met at the emergency exit. Isn't that poetic?

Speaker 2 (41:22):
He overheard me talking in the church and he started
running away, and so I chased after him and caught
up to him in the emergency exit door. Thank goodness,
he didn't open the door yet.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
And he was impressed by my athleticism.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Yeah, and I convinced him to come right back here.
I'm not going to let him leave.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
You know now that I think about it, Based on
how fast you ran, Yeah, you could sire some very
strong children. Right.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
Oh, this is so wild.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Let's go to the coffee shop and then immediately talk
about getting married.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yeah, it's the kind of thing where they would break up.
And then he would be prossessing all of it. And
look at their wedding pictures again and see the emergency exit,
see how close he is, and think, how did I
not see this sign all along, that was a sign
literally from God in this.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
Church, God at the church. Emergency exity exit exit.

Speaker 2 (42:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
When she posted all over social media, it finally happened
with a picture of the ring. I congratulated her on
the engagement and asked her the story about the ring.
She didn't know that I knew it was found on
the ground of the grocery store. She lied and told me, hmm,
I actually found it and picked it out, and he
just bought it. I then asked her if she knew
what kind of stone it was, since I've never seen

(42:38):
a blue engagement ring before, and she said, no, I don't.
I need to take it in to find out. I
questioned how she didn't know what it was when there's
no way the jewelry store wouldn't tell them. After a
bit more back and forth of me trying to coax
the real answer out of her, she broke down and
told me how she found it on the grocery store
floor and they wanted to keep the wedding as cheap
as possible, and she was fine with us that I

(43:01):
used this as an opportunity to try and have a
heart to heart with her and make sure she knows
what she's getting into, as marriage is a big deal
and not something to take lightly. I brought up some
of the difficult conversations they should be having, as well
as a lot of the red flags I've heard about
this relationship from her mom and other friends. But she
blew me off and said she knows how marriage works

(43:22):
because of their church classes. She claimed they've already supposedly
talked about every possible scenario that could ever happen in
their marriage or the future, such as illness, disability, passing
in the family, and unemployment. She pretty much ended the
conversation with we covered all of that in our marriage
preparation class that we took. It was a whole month

(43:44):
that we took and they talk about all of that.
Plus we also go to church, so we believe in
God and his plan for us. So much more has
happened since then, between her bachelorette party drama, first apartment drama,
wedding planning disasters, and just her general sense of selfishness
and ungratefulness, But that needs its own separate posts to

(44:07):
really dive into. Anyways, she just sent out her wedding
invites in the mail on July first, for a Friday,
August first wedding, so only ten days to go before
I will probably have more drama to share. And there's
a second update. I'm not associating with this person or
this wedding, especially if their attitude is so like ungrateful

(44:28):
and rude and mean, and I'm trying to have a
heart to heart of like, you're marrying this guy for
no reason. You don't have to do it. And all
I get back is.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
Well, you get I know everything about marriage. Actually because
I took a glass.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
I'd be like, well, let me know when you realize
how wrong you are.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Maybe this is all just a part of the class.
Maybe their final is to find someone to get married to.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
Yeah, their final is it's actually like and this was
all a game.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah, yeah, this was all a route. So if you
want to graduate at the end of the semester in
six months, you have to get married. Otherwise you have
to retake the class until you get married again, just
like mister monkch just again again. She's twenty nine. She's
an old maiden. Now, yeah, she's far past the age
if we're getting married.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
Yeah, I hear your eggs crying out. Update number two.
My friend's fiance said, this isn't his wedding, it's hers,
and she's blaming his feelings on his diet. My friend
has been dating her current fiance since January, and they
planned after only a week together that they were gonna
get married. They signed up for marriage classes through their church.

(45:35):
She threw herself a bridal shower before getting engaged, and
then a month later, on their fifth month anniversary, they
formerly got engaged. Her wedding is now in five days
and he has not helped plan it at all. To
be fair, she also deferred most of the wedding planning
to her mom. There have been a lot of issues
throughout all of the wedding planning since they're rushing this
marriage just so they can have the brown chicken, brown

(45:58):
bound down brown and get pregnant right away. He's concerned
about her ability to get pregnant because he thinks she
might be too old to have kids. One of the
biggest issues is that they gave their final headcount to
the caterer before sending out the wedding invites. The invites
were only sent out four weeks prior to the wedding

(46:19):
with no RSVP date. They estimated one hundred and forty
people for food, but almost two hundred and ten people
have RSVP'd they do not plan on ordering more food.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
How many people for food?

Speaker 1 (46:31):
What if that was that number one hundred and forty
but then two hundred and ten rsvpd. How are you
gonna order the catering before you even have a headcount.
That's the dumbest thing I've read so far.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Why did you invite that many people?

Speaker 1 (46:43):
If you're like, we're gonna keep the wedding like low cost,
low maintenance, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Inviting anyone over one hundred people, Yeah, that's way too
many people.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
We're gonna invite enough people to fill a small theater.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
So another issue is that she wanted a small, private
ceremony with only immediate family, but she sent out the
same invite to everyone. That invite included both the ceremony
time and location and the reception time and location. Because
of this, at least one hundred people do not know
they are not supposed to come to the ceremony, which

(47:16):
means there will not be enough seating. A few days ago,
my friend and her fiance were hanging out with a
group of friends from their church. People kept asking if
they were excited for the big day coming up. My
friend told everyone, of course they are, but her fiance
was quiet and shrugged. He told everyone, eh, not really.
This upset my friend. Later that evening, my friend texted

(47:40):
her maid of honor and asked if her husband was
excited when they got married. The maid of honor responded that,
of course, her husband was just as excited as she was.
My friend responded by saying, he wants to get married
and he wants to have kids, but told me he's
not excited about marrying me, and he's worried, but he
has been praying about it. And the maid of honor
responded and said that it is not okay this close

(48:00):
to the wedding for him to be saying that. My
friend's response was, I read it's normal for some guys
to just want to be married instead of being excited
for a wedding.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
According to my studies, my marriage class, It's okay. If
they are trying to escape from me when I asked
them to marry me, that's okay.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
It's okay.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
If they were trying to get out of the church
through the emergency exit, that's totally fine.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
He looked me right in my eyes, and he said,
I genuinely don't care. Yeah, yep, I couldn't care any less. Yep.
I just want to get married so we can go
ooh chapal woo. Yep I regret some of those noises.
The maid of honor told her that she cannot just
believe everything she reads on the internet. She said, they
need to have a serious conversation about whether this marriage

(48:43):
is really what they both want. It's a serious commitment
and it sounds like he's not so sure about it. Unfortunately,
my friend does not listened to any of her friends
in the last few months. When we tried to give
her advice and help her. Her response to all of
this was very concerning. She said, he thinks it is
a spiritual attack, and he only told me because he
wanted me to know, not to make me sad. He's

(49:03):
just not excited for the wedding stuff. He knows we
will have fun the day of and he wants to
marry me and have kids, but right now he just
feels off and it could be a spiritual attack. Where
it could be because he is eating gluten and dairy
lately and that is not good for him and messes
with his mind. He also has not planned anything, so
it is not his wedding. It is more mine. Don't worry.

(49:27):
He wants to marry me and loves me and wants kids.
He's just not excited right now. He's been eating Darian gluten.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
Is Darian gluten satanic?

Speaker 1 (49:37):
I am under spiritual attack from Darien gluten.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
It's so crazy.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
Were we not wife?

Speaker 2 (49:43):
There's just some sort of spiritual poll right now. My
stomach hurts when I have gluten, right, and that's the
devil right. And on a spiritual level, something is telling
me that we shouldn't get married. It's gotta be demons.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
Right, It's gotta be I'm not excited demons.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
Yeah, it couldn't be a sign from God.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
No. Also, why are you not involved at all in
your own wedding? Crazy crazy work. Apparently even Op's friend
is it that involved? It was mostly her mom, but
it's crazy.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
Yeah, Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
After creating all this, I was absolutely speechless. I've not
heard of men questioning their entire relationship because they ate
a grilled cheese, But I guess there is a first
time for everything. Of note, this man does not have
any food allergies. And has never had issues with any
type of food messing with his mind before. Our friend
is just grasping its straws to justify them still getting married.

(50:41):
I cannot wait to see how this wedding goes. Hopefully
he doesn't ghost her at the altar based on his
current feelings. Regardless, it is going to be interesting to
see how this wedding goes, with not enough chairs or
food for all of the guests and the crash out
that ensues after.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
I hope he figures it out that he doesn't want
to marry this woman, he's just not ready for it.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
And I hope that your friend one day figures out
that she doesn't just need to do what all the.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
People around her are doing exactly.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
Yeahly, let's finish this off. Edit to add I cannot
believe I forgot to mention this in the original post.
I think it adds more context to how ridiculous this
all is. Her engagement ring was found on the floor
of a grocery store. She found it and decided to
keep it. She then gave it to her boyfriend to
propose to her with. It is a non traditional ring
with the topaz stone, but likely a cheap ring since
the metal is turning red and her finger is turning green. Also,

(51:31):
the wedding is in five days and they have not
applied for their marriage certificate yet. She didn't know they
had to do that and assumed they're officient would get
the license for them. And that is the end of
that story. Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're
gonna get back to the story. So but here's a
quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
My friend fired me for automating my workload, but it
backfired on him. Oh No, hired full time and I
make a good living. My work involves a lot of
data entry, verification, blah blah blah. I'm a programmer at
heart and figured out how to make a script do
all my work for me. By the way, this comes
from a CSNL. And if you want to submit your

(52:09):
own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime Separreddit.
And I'm Anjie, I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we're here
to give good advice goofully, But we don't have all
the answers. We only would guess what we would do
in these situations. But if you do something differently then
let us know in the comments, so Op says between
co workers they have a ninety percent accuracy rating and

(52:32):
sixty to one hundred transactions a day. Complete it. I
have ninety nine point six percent accuracy and over one
thousand records a day. No one knows that I do
this because everyone's monthly accuracy and transaction count are tallied
at the end of the month, which is how we
earn our bonuses. Oh dude, you've got on lockdown. You're
getting that bonus.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
I think AI is coming for all data entry jobs. Yeah, unfortunately,
it's very possible.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
So yeah, it.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
Might be time to look into a change.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Very very possible. So the scum part is that I
get eighty five to ninety five percent of the entire
bonus pool, which is a huge sum of money. Most
people are fine with their bonuses because they don't even
know how much they would bonus regularly. I'm guessing that
they get about one hundred to two hundred euros bonus
a month. They would get a lot more if I

(53:21):
didn't bot so read it. Am I a dirt pickle.
I work about eight hours a week doing real work.
The rest is spent playing games. On my phone or
reading Reddit and there isn't edit. But wow, eight hours
a week.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
Buddy, you found a hole in the fence, all right,
enjoy it. Enjoy it while you can.

Speaker 2 (53:36):
Yeah, a lot of people are posting that I'm asking
for a pat on the back. Nope, I'm asking for
the moral dilemma if my around ninety percent bonus share
is unethical for me to take some comments from OP
explaining their program. I wrote the script from scratch. It
is a combination of reading the screen for data and
a screen front reader, mouse automation, slash, keyboard automation, all

(53:57):
custom code. I used to do work cracking captures to
help make them stronger, so it's right in my alley
of work. Although I did this for fun, not for money,
it's part C plus plus and part game maker. I
did it for prototyping but got lazy and never rewrote it,
and there are some relevant comments. Eventually someone will realize

(54:19):
the over one thousand a day is done by a program.
Everyone will then lose their jobs as the corporation realizes
that there is a cheaper way of doing things. But
I don't think you are a dirt pickle for finding
the most efficient way to do your job. The cranky
hermit says, absolutely this. You're not a dirt pickle, but
the gravy train will have to end. Eventually. Your company
will likely catch on and make changes to the data

(54:40):
entry process. Colloquialism says, agreed, the only way to keep
job security is to do just enough to not get fired.
Keep expectations low. If you raise our expectations will only
end badly for you.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
We don't have an ey step this five step plan
somebody posted.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
Okay, let's see what is that, So Mike does Web
says Step one, send an email to the supervisor. Hey, boss,
I know this is kind of a strange request, but
I would like to schedule a meeting with you and
your supervisor. I found a way to save the company
boatloads of money, but I only want to talk about
it formally. Thanks. In step two, go into meeting and

(55:15):
present the following points. I found a way to save
the company about salary number of employees a year. At
home on my personal computer, I created a computer program
that increased productivity by ten times per computer it is
run on. I am willing to license the program to
the company for half the salary of the number of
employees and be hired as a consultant who keeps the

(55:37):
program running daily. I'll give you some time to think
it over.

Speaker 1 (55:39):
I already can tell you this is a bad idea
because they'll go, no, actually that's fine, and then they'll
just have somebody whip up the exact same kind of
code that you did, and then it's possible not pay
you any money.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
So are you possible? I know you made it yourself
from scratch, but how complicated was it? Do you think
someone else could figure it out?

Speaker 1 (55:54):
Yeah, Brie, they could.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
Do you think step number three? Wait for the company
to come begging you to do it, and then accept
Step four. Invest each license payment or use it to
pay off debts, home credit cards, etc. Live off your
contract or fees. Step five, work for five to ten years,
and retire wealthy, and we do have an update.

Speaker 1 (56:14):
But I mean it, that sounds like the way to
do it. But you are putting everyone out of a job.
But like I said, they're going to be out of
a job anyway.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
So yeah, that might just happen. I wonder though, if
they find out about it and then do that, then
maybe you can propose this. If they just find out
on their own and then maybe you can go to
other companies that are similar and sell it to them
too or something. Make a bunch of money.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Single handedly destroy the entire workforce here in your career field.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
And That's not what I was thinking personally, But I'm
just thinking, like, if you end up losing your job anyway,
and then they end up losing their job anyway, then like,
but but I don't know. There's lots of ways that
you could. There's pros and cons.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
A lot of people went unemployed all the time, and
when things change, technology changes.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
Yep, so totally. But we do have an update. This
is from forty days later. So Okay, the past month
and a half has been insane. Like I said in
my last post, the code was originally signed to only
run on the desktop that I was assigned and also
required a password upon starting Nice I felt secure in
that they couldn't steal and rip the code and fire everyone.

(57:25):
I don't like that where this is going. I then
went to my manager and told him what I was doing.
He asked me in Dutch, is a program still on
the work desktop and did you do it on company time?

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (57:38):
Oh uh oh, I replied, yes and yes. I was
promptly fired and expelled from the building. Once I left,
I called my boss, a superior, the one higher up,
and left him a voicemail saying what happened. That my
boss fired me for it, but I thought he was
being close minded and not open to advancing the company.
I also got a call from my manager telling me
that I have to give him the password. I told

(58:00):
him that I'm no longer employed and am not required
to any longer. Boom.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
I got a call for my.

Speaker 2 (58:05):
Boss's boss and he asks to have a meeting with
me to discuss what actually happened and if it is
true and it could save money, then he would listen.
But I was he on refusing to give out the password.
Not to be mean or defensive, but the code was
not designed for anyone to use. It was very primitive
in the way that it had to be set up.
I didn't want to be liable for someone using it incorrectly.

(58:26):
I met with him a week later and we discussed
over tea about the program. I asked if I was
doing anything wrong or immoral, and he said that the
only issue was that I coded it on company time
when I wasn't supposed to. The app itself was fine,
no requirement to have it done by a person, and
it saved the company lots and lots of money. They
never realized. They would have had to hire more people
to handle the load, but didn't because everything was getting done.

(58:49):
Once we talked about it, he said that I was
very talented and asked why I worked in the line
of work that I do instead of software engineering. I
replied that I found this job first and was making
such great money, which he didn't expect. He asked me
how much I was making, and when I told him
the true amount, he was floored and cracked up, laughing.
I made more than my boss, but not the guy
I was talking to. He told me that he would

(59:10):
love to give me a job doing software engineering for
the entire company's systems. I agreed, only if the current
employees wouldn't be fired and would be put into different
places in the company. That's something I didn't even think about.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
What a nice Yeah, what a nice guy move.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
Yeah, that's great, Good on you. We came to a
compromise that some of the useless people there were a few,
would be let go. These people were morons beyond belief,
but that he could find jobs for the rest. Translation
was a big one, since Dutch people have a culture
of learning others languages. Others went into sales HR and
other departments, and a few were offered training for jobs.

(59:45):
A handful were kept on the original team, but their
job was changed from manual input to now working with
the tool that I built. As far as I know,
the bonus program was slashed a lot, but they're still
making more bonus than before. I bet since I was
taking it. All is a little bit more to the story.
But I think that's a great thing. That's a great
way to go about it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
He's looking out for a masterful but not screwing over
all the people around him.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
Yep. And you had about fourteen years of being able
to do that before the machines took over entirely.

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
So congratulations, wait to get ahead of your time. But
there is a little bit more to the story. So
now I am a lead software engineer over my own department,
making the same base pay as I was making base
plus bonus previously.

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
So this salary is now what he was being paid before.

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
Yeah, no bonus unfortunately, haha. Most other workers moved departments
or change jobs in their department. So most people got
a good deal except my boss. They were upset with
him before this and were even more upset after him
after this. I'm guessing he was notoriously a bad manager
and he was fired over all of this. Oh well,
they hired one of the previous people on my team

(01:00:52):
to take over his job. Amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:00:54):
Yeah, that really is like a bad manager move where
it's like someone's like, yeah, I created a thing that
is better than everyone else at doing this job, and
he's like, what, huh, you're fired.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
I can't believe you did that behind my back. Well
it was I can't believe we were paying you to
do that was on company time.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
Sounds so smart, You're smarter than me.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Fired, crazy, and it's one thing is worse. My new
desk chair sucks. And that's the end of that story. Well,
there's silver lining. What would you call the opposite of
a silver lining, like the one negative mud pie mud pie?
I like it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
I think, uh, it's now a silver liner.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
N'sh a mud pass a mud pie. But that's the
end of that story.

Speaker 5 (01:01:32):
That.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
Honestly, that was great. I think that was an amazing
move to have the other people keep their jobs good
on UOP. I didn't even think about that. I didn't
even think that's a goo

All Episodes

My husband’s JEALOUSY is ruining our marriage… now he’s asking for divorce! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

Crime Junkie

Stuff You Should Know

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband’s JEALOUSY is ruining our marriage… now he’s asking for divorce! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories