My husband’s spending habits are RUINING our marriage… despite him making six figures!-r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2316 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dearest John, it's been a fortnight since I felt your
warm embrace.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay
Storytell podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious
story that I think you'll love. Sincerely Sam, But before that,
thine divine two minute outbreak must happen, I bid thee farewell.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
See you in two minutes.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
My husband's spending habits are ruining our marriage despite him
making six figures.

Speaker 5 (00:25):
We're cutting you off.

Speaker 4 (00:26):
And this comes directly from the r slash Okay storytime subreddit,
so let us know if you're in the comments. Ryan. Now,
I thirty eight female, and my husband John forty mail
are having marital issues that I believe started with finances.
We went into both the relationship and marriage knowing we
were on completely different levels financially. John made it seem

(00:47):
like a non issue because it's just money and he
made so much of it. Despite how he talked about money,
I knew things happen and money can be a huge issue,
so I wanted to protect us both before we got married.
By the way, this comes from correc to stay Stay
and if you want to submy your own stories, go
to the hour slash okay, story time and sub rereddays
and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and I will now forever

(01:11):
use Craig creates Day's day. Talk about relationship. Yeah, that's amazing,
that's Craig Credit's day. Yeah. But Op says, I made
it clear that a prenap was a must and he
had to be active in helping me create it. I
typed out a fair agreement which left us basically leaving
with what we came into unless we became mutually or
individually wealthy while married. The major issue was that I

(01:34):
went into it with school loans, a mortgage, and a
small income, whereas John owned a small home outright and
had no debt and made a very comfortable wage. Initially
I was in charge of finances. John and I have
always done our bills very differently. I grew up poor
and felt comfortable knowing how every penny was spent, saving
several months worth of expenses as a just in case

(01:56):
in budgeting. Accordingly, I didn't have jobs I could easily
support us single person, let alone a woman and a child.
So the struggle was real, but I always made a
work and had enough. John was the polar opposite. While
he wasn't rich growing up, he was very comfortable and
money was never an a shoe. As an adult, there
was never a financial struggle for him either. He bought

(02:16):
a home, vehicle, had a row one k, made almost
six figures, never put thought into budgeting, paid bills as
an afterthought, unbothered by potential late fees, never saved money,
and find savings accounts to be secondary to spending accounts,
or to be secondary spending account O. Who are his parents?

(02:38):
They did they discover oil?

Speaker 6 (02:41):
Like ya?

Speaker 5 (02:42):
What is? Or his parents frackers?

Speaker 4 (02:44):
Who are they? Dude? I don't think his way was
necessarily wrong. It worked fine for him as a single
man with only himself and two dogs. Story about I'm
just highlighting how incredibly opposite our finances were. His way
was wrong, Yeah, exactly when we started combining bills, I
was naive even assumed he would be better with money

(03:04):
because he had so much of it, wasn't in debt,
he owned a home outright and never worried about finances
and seems so zen about money. I completely took all
his suggestions into account, attempted to mix the way I
did things with how he did them. Listen to what
he would say about it, and I failed. You can't
make oil and water mix without an extreme process, and

(03:25):
I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't mix what I
understood and was comfortable with with what he understood and
was comfortable with. Yeah, it makes sense because if you're
so incredibly frugal and then you just see some guy
that's just.

Speaker 7 (03:36):
Like ah, just like so you know, so what I
do is, yeah, I think I take all the money
out of my savings.

Speaker 4 (03:43):
Yeah, now I just make more because it'll come back.

Speaker 7 (03:46):
It'll come back. That's what you just gotta realize. Money
comes back, so.

Speaker 5 (03:49):
Spend it while you have it. Exactly in one go
on on gambling that.

Speaker 4 (03:55):
Would make a lot of people very uncomfortable. Yes, I
kept trying to measure our financial styles and talk him
into making it work, but he hates having conversations about
important things that may bring up uncomfortable feelings.

Speaker 7 (04:07):
You're like, oohause, like, can we please talk about like
your you know, how we're gonna approach our finances and stuff?

Speaker 8 (04:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (04:14):
Ah, she you know my my motto in life. Yeah,
he's Hakuna matata. It means no worry. So I don't
worry about anything, and like you bringing up finances.

Speaker 4 (04:28):
Ah, downer freaking party over here.

Speaker 7 (04:33):
Yeah, you're really really taking the hakuna out of my mazada.

Speaker 4 (04:38):
Literally, while I didn't realize it. Then he also felt
like I was calling him out for being financially irresponsible.
So yeah, but he never said that though. Instead he
pointed out that I had always struggled financially and he
had not. I struggled to keep bills paid and he
had not. He had a four oh one K and
therefore had a large and accessible amount of money at
a moment's notice, and I did not. Essentially, he pointed

(05:02):
out my financial inadequacies, and I felt foolish and decided
that he should be in charge of all finances.

Speaker 9 (05:07):
Oh no, oh oh, I just don't like it. I
don't like that that one like sniff of maybe being
accused of being like financially irresponsible, and then was like, well.

Speaker 4 (05:21):
But what, I'm more money.

Speaker 5 (05:24):
To the finance.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Yeah exactly. It's like you don't need to like come
at me like that, dude, Come on, like back off,
back off. He always told me not to worry about money.
If we need it, buy it, if we want it,
buy it. I initially had a lot of difficulty with this.
We had a few talks about it, and it always
seemed to be dismissed as a me problem. So I
let it go and just spend blindly to maintain my

(05:49):
inner piece. While I spend next to nothing on myself
short of a few thrift or Walmart outfits a year
and a few coffees a month, I do spend money
on fixing the house. Make no mistake, I don't mean
buying knick knacks or luxury linens. I bought windows, siding, flooring, trim, insulation,
and things of that nature with my portion of the

(06:09):
first joint tax return and my stimulus money. John hated
that I was buying things in anticipation of a project
rather than right before the project started, but he was
very upset, and I tried to explain that I needed
to buy the materials when I could afford them in
order to do the project, because dropping significant amounts of
money at the time I was ready to start a

(06:30):
project would not be an option for me. He informed
me that it not only would be an option, but
the whole idea of all that crap taking up space
made him angry and uncomfortable. We are three people in
a four bedroom, two bathroom home with an attic, basement
and shed. I agreed to not purchase any more materials
until the projects start, even though that made me nervous

(06:50):
and uncomfortable. I had bought about half the siding we
would need and almost all the windows the year before
prices triple. The next year, twenty twenty three, we decided
to have the house resided and new windows installed. I
had difficulty finding contractors because they were all so busy,
and eventually landed on the cheaper of the two who
showed up. John was shocked and upset by the prices quoted,

(07:11):
but I was confused by his being upset because we
had already discussed that it would be a huge chunk
of money all at once, and that it would be fine.
In his often repeated words, don't worry about it. I've
got money.

Speaker 5 (07:22):
I trust you less and less every time you say that, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
Don't worry about it, thought.

Speaker 4 (07:27):
Worry about it.

Speaker 5 (07:28):
Don't worry about See, I got money.

Speaker 4 (07:30):
Don't look man, it's in the past.

Speaker 5 (07:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:32):
I looked at it, and then I'd looked away, and
now it's in the past. And I don't have to
worry about it exactly. That's all everything is in the past,
you only look forward exactly. After many confusing discussions where
everything I said was wrong, it was decided that we
would remove our old sighting to save money. This caused
many arguments because John hates working, let alone coming home

(07:53):
from work to then need to do anything at the house.
We were miserable. It turned out that I saved us
well over one thousand dollars by buying materials early.

Speaker 5 (08:01):
Good on you.

Speaker 4 (08:02):
This was no comfort to him and actually seemed to
upset him. He was awful to me during the whole
process and for several months after. But around Thanksgiving we
established a fragile piece and things were good again. The
next spring, John decided that he wanted a patio in
the back of the house. I was dreading a new project,
but wanted him happy. I tried talking him into the
driveway that I had been planning so we had more

(08:24):
parking instead. He was adamant, so I agreed. We fought
the whole time. His friend Doug was going to do
the patio, but we had to prepare the site for
the concrete. Doug was trying to upsell him at every turn,
and John kept insisting that it was what he wanted.
At first, Doug and John thought a larger, stamped and
colored patio would be ideal. I disagreed completely. We're lucky.

(08:46):
I finally started insisting on the cheaper, smaller, low maintenance
option that mashed our driveway better, or we would still
be arguing about it. That project was several thousand dollars
at this point, and things were actually starting to get
tight financially. We each have a separate bank account and
credit card. We have one joint bank account. I buy

(09:07):
all household items, gas, groceries, take out for the family,
et cetera on my credit card, and he pays the
overwhelming majority of the bill. He puts money into the
joint account once a month, and then I pay the
credit card from there. The crazy extent of the credit
card bill every month is food. I contribute the overwhelming
majority of my money to the credit card, but it's
a pittance compared to the balance. I tried to talk

(09:29):
to John about establishing a food budget and eating budget
friendly items. He hated the idea and pretty much flat
out vetoed it. He hates the whole idea of budgeting,
But the idea of not eating beef every day or
packaged foods whenever he wants was like slapping him in
the face.

Speaker 6 (09:47):
Wild.

Speaker 7 (09:49):
He just doesn't know what a budget at all, Yeah,
which is crazy, like one thing when you're living alone,
but like to have kids and a wife and still
not know how to budget, right do you guys, like
you know, is he saving for a college fund because
he doesn't believe in savings?

Speaker 5 (10:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (10:05):
Right, Like it has to be just like a crazy
amount of inheritance money, because I feel like when people
are self made rich, they're usually like extremely fruit.

Speaker 10 (10:14):
Yeah, it's you know, they're constantly yeah, which, like you know,
both kind of makes sense, Like I could see both
happening of like, you know, you build this up so
you want to be very thoughtful and smart about your
money and you want to just have a lot of
money rather than you know, buying things, which makes sense.

Speaker 4 (10:31):
But then it does make sense that if he just
grew up like this like that, he wouldn't have any
sort of budgeting skills at all, because he's just like
we just we have.

Speaker 5 (10:38):
It's not really money an issue.

Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah, it's been hard and slow, but I have at
least gotten him to be fine with some store brands,
and a few other meats sprinkled into our diet, as
well as fewer packaged snacks. Our diets were also polar opposites.
I'm doing my best to mesh our diets, but all
food is outrageously expensive these days, and if we can't
keep the peace between us while we go through this
very slow process, we just won't make it. You know,

(11:04):
I don't have a lot of faith that you'll make
it anyway.

Speaker 5 (11:06):
I've gotta be.

Speaker 7 (11:07):
Honest, I'm not Yeah, you don't have a lot of
faith that you should make it or you op?

Speaker 4 (11:11):
Yeah, because you're one of us. Yeah, that's true. I
forgot about that. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (11:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
It just also feels like she's making so many changes,
and so.

Speaker 5 (11:20):
At least she's your partner, hasn't done a lot of.

Speaker 4 (11:24):
Yeah, it's just like you sacrificing. That's not what we want.
Spite me already having a part time job caring for
my son with autism and ADHD, fixing half the things
that break, doing all of the cleaning and scheduling and
planning for the house. I am now planning to get
either a second job or a different full time one.
After many arguments and years of being fooled into financial insecurity,

(11:47):
I need to start building my walls and coffers back
back up. I want a true savings again. I want security, stability,
and our happiness back. I've told him that I plan
to save almost all of my money from the new job,
and I don't want to hear a word about it
at this point. I need this or I won't feel
okay with continuing this relationship. But yeah, there's a little

(12:07):
bit more to the story. But I think it's very
smart of her. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I mean, you
gotta look out for number one, that's especially with your child. Yeah, totally.
And it's good that she was like kind of money
conscious set first, Like from the start them perfectly.

Speaker 7 (12:25):
He was very convincing m and you know, telling you, oh,
I should be in charge of all the money, but
like very be very never let anyone be fully in
charge of your money. You know, people can give you
advice and they could be helpful, but always keep an
eye out right for what's going on with your funds
because you.

Speaker 4 (12:42):
Can trust people. You could let people and they could
love and trust you, but you'd never know.

Speaker 5 (12:47):
Well, I think It's just.

Speaker 7 (12:48):
Like you can trust people. People are like a lot
of people have your best interest at heart, but they.

Speaker 5 (12:54):
Also just might not, you know, make the best decisions
in general.

Speaker 7 (12:58):
Yeah, they might make mistake, So just be aware of
what's happening with your money because they might not know
what they're supposed to be doing.

Speaker 4 (13:04):
While this isn't all of the issues we have, I
believe it's where all of them are branching from. He
has so many complimentary equalities that make us mesh like
the finely woven fabric you want your life to be.
John and I love each other very much, and we
are going to start going back to therapy as soon
as I can fit it in. When we are in
a good place, we are amazingly happy and probably the

(13:24):
envy of any couple with how loving and caring we
are with one another. John always gave me a piece
in my soul that I value more than money, looks
and humor, which he also has. The fact that he
is verbally lashing out so much anymore is breaking us.
Even if he apologizes after my trust in him is broken.
At that point, without that piece, I want to back

(13:45):
away from what we've built. I want to run far
and fast. So, since your redditors have such good advice
for posts like this, please give me your two cents.
Do you think we can overcome this with therapy or
am I beating a past away? Well?

Speaker 7 (14:00):
I think that you should work with you know, go
to therapy first, just because you have a kid. Yeah,
in general, like therapy out a co parent is super important.
I would say, like your eyes seem to be opened
about how he is treating your finances and treating your
relationship and not.

Speaker 5 (14:16):
Really valuing you as a partner.

Speaker 7 (14:19):
You as someone like that he has to kind of
teach and that's right.

Speaker 5 (14:23):
No, you're not equal to him, it seems. I discovered
my husband's text with his coworker two weeks after our wedding.

Speaker 4 (14:32):
Dude, you mess that up so fast.

Speaker 7 (14:35):
I'm shaking as I'm writing this right now. My husband,
thirty two male, and I twenty six female, got married
two weeks ago. We have been together for four and
a half years and almost two year old daughter. Oh no,
for starters, I am completely in shock. When I say
this man is loyal, dependable, considerate, I mean it. He

(14:57):
is truly my best friend and my favorite person on
earth besides our daughter. By the way, this comes from
no explanation a two to four on the r slash
two out take subreddit, and if you want to spy
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story
time subparate it.

Speaker 4 (15:09):
I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and I'm Keon, and Op says.

Speaker 7 (15:14):
My husband is an upper executive at a mid size
company that we were both working at when we met.
We decided I was going to be a stay at
home mom once our daughter was born because we were
in a good financial spot and it's truly what we
both wanted. He is still at this company and part
of his former position was to oversee HR. This wasn't
exactly typical of someone in his role, but it was

(15:36):
a smaller company at the time and it just worked
out that way. A woman was hired at the end
of twenty twenty two beginning of twenty twenty three. Will
call her Amber. I didn't know much about Amber other
than seeing her name on a few blanket HR related
company emails, but I noticed that she was younger than
most of the people we worked with about my age.
This actually excited me because I initially thought maybe we

(15:56):
could become work friends.

Speaker 4 (15:59):
Oh so hopeful to night.

Speaker 7 (16:02):
Fast forward a couple of months and I noticed one
day while my husband was showing me a Snapchat video
from his friend group that Amber had requested to Adam.
I thought this was odd, considering he was her superior
and they did interact much, or so I thought at the.

Speaker 4 (16:16):
Time, don't don't do.

Speaker 7 (16:19):
I asked him about it, and he brushed it off
by saying he had no idea why she added him,
but that he wasn't gonna accept he didn't. I then
noticed a few months later that they started following each
other on Instagram. I again asked him about this and
stated that I felt slightly uncomfortable with a female coworker
attempting to connect on social media, especially because again I

(16:40):
was being told that he really doesn't know this girl
and has only doked to her once or twice in
the office. I would just like to say, I do
have my insecurities like every woman, but I, by no
means have ever felt this way towards anyone my husband
is interacted with. He has many women coworkers that have
become my friends, relation that we both adore. We have

(17:01):
a larger friend group of men and women and I
truly have never thought twice. You then started to deflict
a bit, saying the Instagram following wasn't a big deal.
He's just trying to maintain a good working relationship for
professionalism's sake. I didn't buy this. I have had many professional,
working relationships with men in my career that never carried
over to social media or my personal life. I would

(17:22):
like to pause. Snapchat is one thing. Yeah, Instagram. Everyone
follows each other on Instagram.

Speaker 5 (17:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (17:28):
I feel like it's one of the easiest way to
network with people that you've just met personally.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
It's like, really, I feel like in a lot of ways,
like if you barely know someone, it's a good Thay.

Speaker 5 (17:38):
Yeah, it's a better way.

Speaker 4 (17:39):
I agree. Yeah.

Speaker 7 (17:40):
Fast forward to the middle and end of twenty twenty three,
about three months before I was due to give birth,
and I got a message from her on teams asking
me what I was wearing to an upcoming company boat party.
Mind you, I had never spoken to this woman in
my life. I didn't know her at all, and I
was unaware that she knew me, because again, they don't
know each other that well. I gave a polite, unsuspecting

(18:02):
response and left it at that. I did, however, reiterate
to my husband that I felt this woman's intentions were
off and I couldn't place why. I had such a
strong gut feeling. At this company party, she made a
point to come up and say hello and begin a
conversation with my husband, where it was clear to me
that they had talked many times previously. She brought up

(18:24):
inside topics that they discussed, like her jeep, her plans
for the following weekend, etc. And I feel like she's
doing this on purpose in front of you.

Speaker 4 (18:32):
It's very possible.

Speaker 7 (18:34):
At this point, I was pregnant, hormonal, oh gosh, but
my red flags were flagging. All the alarm bells were
going off. It was at this point that I really
made my feelings known and requested to my husband that
they cease contact.

Speaker 5 (18:50):
You agreed and said it was no problem. She ended
up leaving the company later that year, and things went
quiet until last night. Don't don't dull, Don't.

Speaker 7 (19:00):
We were sitting on the couch after putting our daughter
to bed, and he mentioned to me that she texted
him congratulations on our wedding. I was a bit surprised,
considering it had been almost two years since they would
have even interacted. I asked to see the message, and
then my stomach sick. I could see there were previous
texts dating back to March of this year, about once

(19:22):
a month or so. It's currently August. The first message
was out of place, meaning that there were messages prior
to March that were deleted. I immediately confronted him about this,
and he claimed that he deleted the previous messages because
he knew I would have been upset that she.

Speaker 5 (19:36):
Was texting him.

Speaker 7 (19:38):
Why why would you have been upset because you said
a boundary and you agreed to them.

Speaker 4 (19:42):
And oh, I like, I just kept a secret from
you because I knew you wouldn't like it if you
knew that I cheated on you.

Speaker 5 (19:48):
That's why.

Speaker 7 (19:51):
Again, I didn't even know they exchanged personal phone numbers.
He swears on our marriage that there was never any flirting,
but that he knew his contact with her alone was
wrong and that's why the messages were deleted. I don't
know if I can believe him, but I also do
at the same time, I mean, is your marriage really
that sacred.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
If you cheated on you?

Speaker 7 (20:10):
You know, like, of course he would be spearing on
that if you cheated right because you didn't care about
the marriage he didn't care, that would be like a
terrible thing to swear on.

Speaker 5 (20:17):
Yeah. He has now.

Speaker 7 (20:18):
Confessed that they were texting slightly more often when she
was an employee at this company, but it was only
one message from her here or there that he would
respond to out of courtesy. My problem. You were being
courteous at the expense of me. I feel so embarrassed
that she felt comfortable enough to even text my husband
in the first place. I'm sorry if this is jumbled.

(20:40):
I'm still in shock. This is not cheating or really
anything close, I hope, but it crossed major boundaries and
it hurt me badly. My trust in him is shaken.

Speaker 6 (20:50):
What do we do?

Speaker 7 (20:51):
Reaching out to her for clarification sounds insane and really
won't solve anything other than make me look desperate. I
want to believe him, but how can I How can
I stand up for myself without blowing this out of proportion?
And there are some comments. Comment one says he's giving
you bits at the truth as you discover it for yourself.
There's no way of knowing how much he's kept from

(21:12):
you as he's proven he's not honest to begin with.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I don't
want to just tell you to leave him, because I
know it's.

Speaker 5 (21:18):
Not that easy.

Speaker 7 (21:20):
You can lay it all out for him and hope
he's honest with you, but you're at his mercy in
terms of how much he decides to reveal. My ex
pulled crap like this. Another reply says, because he was
hiding crap and there is an update, folks, But what
do you think is going on?

Speaker 4 (21:35):
I think there's some cheating. Yeah, I don't trust him.

Speaker 5 (21:39):
Yeah, trust him.

Speaker 4 (21:40):
I don't either, because it's like it's just his excuses
are stupid. They're so bad, like like the terrible. I'm
agreeing to not talk to this woman anymore for you,
but I did talk to her because she talks. She
texted me first, but she texted and it was rude
to not reply, like I you know, I it's like.

Speaker 5 (22:02):
I know you told me not to talk to her, Yeah, but.

Speaker 4 (22:05):
Like but like that to me, I guess means I'm
not gonna reach out first.

Speaker 5 (22:10):
And then she like asked me out. I had to go.
It would have been rude to say no, exactly exactly
what do you want from me?

Speaker 4 (22:18):
I demand an eternity test, a maternity test. Yes, this
baby even hers there was cheating going on from baby camp.

Speaker 7 (22:28):
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 5 (22:31):
Update.

Speaker 7 (22:32):
First of all, I want to say thank you to
every single person that responded or offered advice. I know
some of it is harsh, but it's the harsh I
need to keep myself from being gas lit in this situation.
I told my husband I needed a few hours to
myself to think, and took off for a good drive slash,
listen to music and cry session. I'll be speaking with

(22:53):
him tonight after I feel like I'm ready to go home,
and we'll be telling him that we'll all be seeing
a couple's counselor a SAP. I don't feel as though
I can engage in a conversation about this without him
deflecting and manipulating me, so I think I need a
professional to help mediate. I can get really worked up
when being gas lit due to trauma from a past relationship,

(23:15):
and it makes it very difficult to speak clearly. I
also need a neutral space away from my daughter so
she is not emotionally affected in any way. A few
clarifications from the comments my husband did block Amber over everything,
Instagram and phone number. I checked other apps for verification
and said that he will absolutely not be speaking to

(23:36):
her again.

Speaker 4 (23:36):
I don't believe this man. On second.

Speaker 7 (23:39):
I mean, I understand why he wants to, like, you know,
go to counseling everything and that got kid. Sure it's fair. Yeah,
I feel like do that. You know, hopefully there is
nothing else going on here and it was just texting,
but yeah, keep an eye out for suspicious behavior and
don't let him delia your your losing your mind exactly.

Speaker 4 (23:58):
Yeah, like you know, they have they've been married, like
you know, it's well, they just got married. But it's
it's worth it to give it a shot, yeah, because
then if it is cheating, you know, some people can
move past that. Some people can't. It's just kind of
up to you guys. So you know, counseling will help
with that either way. So yeah, I give it a shot.

(24:21):
But I mean, oh, I don't believe it. And I
think the fact that he still lying you is a
big problem. Yeah, he keeps trickle truth and you just
got married. You just just got married. Not a good start.

Speaker 7 (24:32):
No, The texts that I did see were generally non flirtatious,
but they had a friendly tone that surprised me like
a familiarity. A few of them from her mentioned our
beautiful family, and another alluded to an inside joke about
my husband's father slash my father in law, again signifying
some kind of consistent communication. One was a selfie of

(24:53):
her with some mutual contact of thirds. So it makes
me wonder if they were all generally innocent, why delete
them the end of the day. There was something there.
I just don't know to what extent. I'll be keeping
composed and doing some digging in the meantime, separate from
contacting Amber, which I've decided will do no good. Thank
you again, and comment one says I think therapy is

(25:15):
absolutely necessary. Can I suggest, just so you have more facts,
that you look at copies of the back phone records.
You should be able to just access them through your
online account if you share a cell plan. I discovered
an emotional affair by looking at the detailed text and
call logs. There were hundreds to the same number. You

(25:36):
can't see the text themselves, but seeing the number of
them labeled as incoming and outgoing, we'll at least tell
you if he's being honest about the frequency of contact
and how much he's actually responding.

Speaker 4 (25:47):
Good luck to you.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
We're go get back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
My husband wanted to take a cruise with another woman
and lied about it.

Speaker 5 (25:58):
You can take a cruise on out of this reallyationship.

Speaker 4 (26:00):
Of my thirty female husband thirty eight mail of three
years will always receive free cruise trips for two passengers
at least once every two months. He is self employed
and able to work remotely while I am working in
an office with limited annual leave entitlement. This means he
can always travel freely while I'm almost always stuck at work.
By the way, this comes from impatient to procrastinate. If

(26:24):
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
ur slash okay storytime Separated it II Angie, I'm Sophia
and I'm Keon and Ope says. While he will always
check with me first on my availability to go on
these free cruise trips, oftentimes I won't be able to
join and he would go alone instead. On rare events
that I did join the cruise, it wasn't that enjoyable

(26:45):
for me as he would spend a lot of time
in the casino instead of accompanying me for a swim,
gym or show. This means that I'm mostly alone during
non meal time and cruising days. Hence I would rather
use my annual leave on air travels instead of going
on cruises. Recently, he told me that one of his friends, Althea,
thirty three female recently single important note there, is interested

(27:09):
in joining him for the cruise trip since she is
available during that period and it is free of charge.
Servey says no. For background info. I had agreed and
was comfortable with him going on a two week overseas
trip with another friend thirty eight female, a single, as
her actions are totally appropriate towards opposite gender based on
the limited interactions that I had with b. However, I'm

(27:31):
not comfortable with him traveling with Alfia as I had
observed Althea being inappropriate in front of a group of friends,
sitting on the lap of another guy that is just
a friend of hers.

Speaker 5 (27:42):
Get off his lap.

Speaker 4 (27:44):
That's not where friends sit, that's not where they sit.

Speaker 5 (27:47):
Get off his lap.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
I don't know to Coda sits in my lap A
couple of times.

Speaker 7 (27:51):
I said a lot on my friend's lab but yet
in this case, but not here off, not like.

Speaker 3 (27:56):
This, get a spray bottle.

Speaker 4 (28:01):
We are all from Asian culture. I have not seen
her make any inappropriate action towards my husband, though my
husband casually mentioned to me that Althia suggested that the
three of us share a room on the cruise as
long as it is free of charge. He told me
that he is totally not comfortable with Althia's suggestion. I
also told him that I disagree with him going on
any one on one trip with Althia because of the

(28:21):
said incident. I observe today not sure if it's my
sixth CeNSE or what. I went to secretly read my
husband's chat with ALTHEA. Oh no, it was my first time,
believe it or not. When Athia first asked if she
could join him for the free cruise, he replied that
he will definitely say yes if he is not married.
But then he went ahead and checked CRUs availability based

(28:43):
on their available dates. This was not aligned with what
he told me, and it felt fishy. Thankfully, the cruise
is fully booked for their dates. On one hand, I
feel guilty to limit the number of trips that he
can go on just because of my limited annual leave
and I want him to travel as much as possible
before we have children. On the other hand, I feel
insecure as I had gained about sixty six pounds in

(29:03):
stating him. Though my husband is overweight two both of
his female friends are slim, above average looking and date
men on and off. My husband doesn't have any male
friend to travel together with as all his male friends
are married with children. Althea and him don't have any
mutual friends, so if they travel together, it would just
be the two of them. Is it okay that I
asked if I can check his chat with Althea and

(29:25):
then clarify with him if he intends to travel one
on one with her? And they would have.

Speaker 7 (29:29):
Been okay if you hadn't secretly done it.

Speaker 5 (29:33):
But more so, you shouldn't be in a relationship because
you don't trust each other.

Speaker 4 (29:36):
Yeah, Because honestly, I mean it like it is weird.

Speaker 5 (29:39):
It is suspicious that he said that.

Speaker 4 (29:41):
Well, it could be, but also I feel like it
could not be, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (29:45):
Like the thing is, Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 7 (29:46):
It's just like Opie's lack of trust, which might be
totally correct, right, and on spot it's but yeah, regardless.

Speaker 5 (29:55):
Like you don't trust your partner, so.

Speaker 4 (29:56):
Yeah, like if he's if he's telling you something different
than what you're finding the chat, then that's something that
I would definitely not trust those words alone. I feel
it could be taken either way. Like I feel like
it could be like, oh, if I'm not married, then
I'd totally get with you.

Speaker 5 (30:09):
But yeah, but it was like, you know.

Speaker 4 (30:11):
Yeah, like because I'm married, I'm yeah, I can't really
this yeah yeah, oh no, I mean like close fellow.

Speaker 7 (30:19):
Written texts can be taken very very different ways, right,
They're difficult.

Speaker 4 (30:24):
Yeah, so I don't think you'd be the a hole
for asking to check the text messages. Yeah, no, we'll
clarify that, I guess. But we do have an update.
So last night, before we went to sleep, I asked
my husband who we had invited to go on the
cruise with him. He claimed that he didn't remember. I
told him that it was impossible to forget, but he
stayed silent. Since I was exhausted after a sleepless night,

(30:47):
I decided not to push the conversation and went to sleep.
The next morning, I brought it up again and asked
him one last time who he had invited. He finally
admitted that it was off the end. When I asked
if he was planning to share a room with her,
he avoided answering and instead justified himself by saying that
he only wanted her to gamble in order to earn
free cruises, like he does. Wait, what huh, that's just

(31:10):
like a weird line.

Speaker 6 (31:11):
What do you do?

Speaker 5 (31:12):
What do you mean?

Speaker 4 (31:13):
Does he gamble to get these free criss.

Speaker 5 (31:15):
So I don't understand. And also he's lying again, lie
more lies.

Speaker 4 (31:20):
Everyone's lying in the story about the about not. He said, Oh, yeah,
I don't know who.

Speaker 5 (31:26):
And then people's like, are you staying the same room
and he's.

Speaker 4 (31:28):
Like, oh, he avoided, Then yes they are. He added
that he already knew that she wouldn't go with him anyway,
but I thought she was asking about it.

Speaker 5 (31:38):
She wants to me.

Speaker 4 (31:40):
That response felt like an indirect admission that he had
intended to share a room with her. I asked him
why he would even invite off THEA if he knew
that she wouldn't agree to go. Deep down, I already
knew the answer. He had been trying his luck. If
she said no, he would lose nothing. If she said yes,
he would get what he wanted. When I pressed further,
or he deflected by asking what I meant. After a

(32:02):
long pause, I asked him what he would do differently
if everything could restart. His answer was that he would
ask me first before inviting ALTHEA, and he apologized. I
told him that I had given him a lot of trust,
because I believe trust is crucial in every relationship. I
explained that I didn't want that trust to be misused.
I acknowledged that it's normal for people in long term

(32:23):
relationships to sometimes find others attractive or even have inappropriate thoughts,
but I reminded him that I trusted him to be
mature enough not to put himself in situations where things
could go wrong or where he'd be exposed to unnecessary temptations.
I also said that no couple is ever a perfect
one hundred percent match, and that's okay, But if he
ever felt like I wasn't giving him enough, or that

(32:44):
I was lacking in some way, I wanted him to
talk to me about it, rather than looking outside of
our marriage to fill those gaps. I made it clear
that I had thought deeply about this, and then I
was prepared to walk away from what we had built
together if it came to that. He stayed silent while
I spoke. After the conversation, I went into another room
to give him space to think about. Twenty minutes later,
he came in, hugged me, and gave me a sincere apology.

(33:05):
I accepted it. I believe our marriage is still salvageable,
although I can't say I trust him as much as before. Still,
I've decided to give him a bit of trust as
he earns it back over time. And there is an
update eoo, it seems like we've made more progress there. Yeah,
But the fact that there's another update, I don't believe it.

Speaker 5 (33:24):
I don't trust it. I feel like there's no suspicious
I don't know. I just feel like she doesn't trust him.

Speaker 7 (33:29):
He's still lying to her, even when she brings it
up yeah, and gives him a chance to come forward.

Speaker 5 (33:33):
So I don't know.

Speaker 4 (33:34):
Yeah, I mean, like, you know, if he really does
understand that he, you know, messed up, messed up, should
have done this all differently, and if that apology really
was genuine, then maybe things can be rebuilt. But like
she said, he would have to earn her trust back
over time. Yeah. Yeah, but there is an update, so
let's see update number two. I asked to have another

(33:57):
talk with him. Well, I made the choice to trust
him again. Going back to our original routine like nothing
happened is not going to earn back my trust for him.
He has to do much more than that. He has
to think how to earn back my trust to the
original level. Initiating more intimacy with me is not going
to solve the problem. He remained silent again. I then

(34:18):
left the room to give him the space to think.
After around five minutes, he came to find me, begging
me to go back to the room again. I refused.
I told him that I left the room to give
him space to think, and that it's not an ultimatum.
If he needs more time to think, I can wait
for a few days. But he can no longer remain
silent on this or else we cannot move forward with
our marriage. Remaining silent hurts as much. He has to

(34:40):
do something to make our marriage work. He offered to
show me his cruise booking through the app to prove
that he will be alone in the room. He also
passed me his phone to check his chat with al THEA.
I didn't check the cruise booking as even if he
is not sharing a room with anyone, it doesn't prove
that he is going alone. There isn't much suspicion in
his chat with al Thea, apart from the I will
definitely say yes if I'm not married. Whilst rolling through text,

(35:03):
he was explaining the conversation that he had with alt Thea.
He invited her as he knew that she enjoyed cruises
in gambling, but it's too costly for her to go frequently.
He didn't invite any other friends as they have family
commitments or they have no interest in cruises. He will
still go on this upcoming cruise alone as after this
cruise he will be upgraded to the next tier. This

(35:24):
means that our next cruise will come with free room upgrades,
lounge access and another place to eat with peace without
squeezing in the buffet area. I then explained in details
why it was inappropriate to invite her. She recently broke up,
she doesn't have clear boundaries with the opposite gender, and
she has no control in booze intake. As a responsible adult,

(35:44):
You don't put yourself in circumstances with unnecessary risks. Things
may or may not happen. If it happens, you have
to bear the consequences if it doesn't happen. You already
knew that you can resist the temptation, but it doesn't
mean you can resist it again next time. I did not.
I'm stay in contact with all of my exes because
I don't want to have all of the unnecessary risks.

(36:05):
I add close friends of the opposite gender, but I
went low contact after they have partners because both of
us are innocent. This does not mean that it will
not cause issues in their relationships. I have never stopped
him from meeting friends of the opposite gender because I
trust him, but now, because of his interactions with al THEA,
it makes me not want to meet and know Althia personally.
ALTHEA isn't going to be the last case if he

(36:27):
continues to blur his boundaries with the opposite gender. And
I told him that it's not her fault, it's his fault.
But I'm okay for him to continue to go out
for a meal with her. Just don't invite me. He
said he doesn't intend to meet her anytime soon. Because
of this issue, he now understood why it's so inappropriate
to invite her to go on a cruise with him.
He said that I am his first relationship, so he's

(36:48):
still learning what is right and what is wrong. Oh wow,
first relationship. It is unfair for me to expect him
to know it from a start, as even with our
seven years of relationship together, he is still a learning
new things. It is better for me to tell him directly.
I asked him if he has rejected Althia's interest to
go on and cruise with him. He said that he
didn't intend to. Uh, He'll just wait until she asks
again and tell her that he no longer has the

(37:09):
free cruise. I told him that this is not acceptable.
I would expect him to downright reject her now and
not keep her hopes up. I don't want her to
think that it's okay to go on a trip with him.
He said that he will tell her, but won't mention
it is because I objected to it. Man, Yeah, I
don't know. I guess it's kind of hard for me
to like think about this relationship when I feel so

(37:30):
differently about like gender norms.

Speaker 5 (37:33):
I guess I agree. I just feel like they don't
trust each other. That's that's my problem. At the end
of the day. It feels like they don't trust each other.

Speaker 4 (37:39):
Yeah, Like I don't know. I just I feel like
I would in some contexts and in some situations, like
it might be weird to go on to one on
one trip with the friend of the gender that you're
attracted to, But like, I don't know if you trust
your person, Yeah, well she doesn't.

Speaker 5 (37:53):
Yeah, she doesn't trust her.

Speaker 7 (37:55):
And also I feel like the whole the evidence that
Althea wasn't a trustworthy persona was that she sat on
another guy's lap who we don't know was in a relationship.

Speaker 4 (38:05):
Never heard that right, and like could just like him,
didn't see red Bull randas. What was that comment that
you clicked on one second? Uh, he's getting the cruise
because he gambles so much that he's considered a high roller.
They get their food, room, bars, stuff like that come
colped because they drop so much money in casino in day.

Speaker 5 (38:24):
Interesting, That's that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (38:27):
They're basically just paying for pretty much.

Speaker 5 (38:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:31):
Literally, that's so funny. That's so funny. Yeah, at first,
I was like, what can I do to get like
this guy. But I don't want to do that. Hey,
I don't want to do that.

Speaker 5 (38:39):
There is a.

Speaker 4 (38:39):
Little bit more. He mentioned that he would wish to
maintain his friendship with Althea, as she had initiated to
help him through difficult times before my husband and I met,
and he won't be able to pass through those times
without her help. It is difficult for him at his
age with his work nature, having no colleagues to make
new friends. His friends will only get fewer as he ages,
unlike me, who can make new friends through work. Hence

(39:02):
his he treasures every friendship he has. Now, I agreed
to let him keep the friendship with Althea, but they
have to maintain clear boundaries going forward. His actions and
words sounded very sincere to me, and hence I've decided
to move past this issue. We will work together to
earn back the trust level I had for him previously.

Speaker 8 (39:18):
I refuse to adopt my husband's step daughter because I'll
end up doing.

Speaker 6 (39:22):
All the work.

Speaker 8 (39:23):
Honestly, Vallan, I'm thirty three female and my husband is
thirty five male, and he has a daughter who's ten,
and she has a sister who's not my husband's kid
who's three. Their mother is a heavy drinker. Last year
we put her in rehab and it helped. She came out,
got a job and started making a good life for
her kids. By the way, this comes from user royal

(39:45):
Return seven one three six, and if you want to
submit your own stories just like this one, just go
to the r slash okay storytime subreddit and do y'all thing.
Three months ago, his daughter called in the middle of
the night saying her mom wasn't home, they hadn't eaten,
and that' they needed help. We went over there and
a few minutes later her mom came back wasted and
probably on other stuff as well. He put her back

(40:08):
in rehab and we've kept both kids. She just got
out and has been talking about how she wants my
husband to adopt her daughter, as she feels she's going
to relapse again and she wants him to just take
the kids after the adoption is finalized. My husband just
agreed and didn't talk to me about it. When he
finally talked to me, he said that it will be
better for both of them if this happens and the

(40:30):
little girl already lives with us. I told him that
he's not taking care of the three year old and
that I am. I also told him that even though
I work from home, someday I have to go into
the office and it's very random and I can't just
drop her off with anybody because I don't know their schedule.
I also told him that we are having our baby
and I can't handle a baby, a toddler, and a

(40:52):
ten year old. I told him that's too much to handle.
He said I could just quit my job and stay
home until they all turn five or six, and then
go back to work. I told him, if he wants
to adopt her, that he can do that and I
can go in full time and make more than he's
making and take care of everyone. He got mad and
said he's going to adopt her whether I like it

(41:13):
or not. I had talked to some people and they
said it's best for the little girl since she doesn't
have family on her mom's side and we don't know
her dad, so that I need to just suck it
up and leave.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
So am I the a hole? Edit?

Speaker 8 (41:26):
If you all have asked questions, I will try to
answer them, But the main question I keep seeing is
what is the plan with my bio kid. The answer
is I had planned to work and probably see if
I could try to not go into the office as much,
and my mom said, if she's nearby, she won't mind
watching her. But the plan is not solidified and if
that doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (41:45):
Daycare.

Speaker 8 (41:46):
A lot of people asked why can't we take the
three year old to daycare. The answer to that is
we brought her last year, and she screamed and cried
and I had to go pick her up early almost
every day.

Speaker 3 (41:57):
They said she might do better at home rather than there.

Speaker 8 (42:00):
I think she just likes to be around people she's
comfortable with, and she knows us, so she's comfortable with us.
People also ask where my stepdaughter goes sometimes after school care,
but most times I'm able to pick her up. Someone
also asked how the three year old called? How the
three year old called? But to specify, she didn't call.
It was my stepdaughter who called us last thing. The

(42:22):
three year old is not my husband's kid. They are
all so different races. Oh, he was not the a hole.
There's some top comments here is the child's father not
an option. I can understand how you feel about the situation,
and it is grossly unfair and a huge imposition. However,
this is one of those times in life where you
should probably find a compromise. This is the sister of

(42:43):
your husband's daughter. Your stepdaughter will not understand if you
send her sister off to live god knows where and
under less than ideal circumstances. If you want stepdaughter to
have a loving relationship with the child you are having,
then let her continue with her relationship with the sister
she already had. Would your husband pay for a nanny,
maybe even two nanny's so there's always coverage when you

(43:05):
return to work and you won't have to take the
hit to your career. Not a whole though, it is
very unfortunate that his ex didn't make more of a
mature decision and forego a second child considering her regular use. Ope,
the child's father is not an option. He doesn't know
she exists, and he's just like her mother, and she
doesn't know where he is. Commenter two Info, what about

(43:27):
the three year old's father a paternal again with the
father paternal grandparents? Also, why not just make your husband
the legal guardian for now in case mom gets her
stuff together? Why did he volunteer you. We don't know
who the father is, we don't know if he has family.
I think they are still working out everything. But she
doesn't think she's going to get her crap together, so
she just wants him to take them permanently.

Speaker 3 (43:48):
That's so awful.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
I feel like's disgusting that that kind of feels. And
that's why, you know, addictions are crazy thing, right, Like.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
It's a disease and it's it's terrible.

Speaker 8 (43:58):
But is there no part of this mom that just
like has anything for her own kids?

Speaker 6 (44:04):
Well, I'm sure is trying to.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
It sounds like to me it feels like she's trying
to stifle it and being like, if I just get
rid of the responsibility or the presence of my children,
then I can fully just be I can lean into
my addiction without feeling as bad because then no longer
it's no longer on me to take care of my kids.

Speaker 6 (44:25):
Right, which is the addiction talking.

Speaker 8 (44:28):
Yeah, it's she's clearly not in her right mind. It's
sad that she doesn't like that. The bio mom doesn't
even like think she's going to be able to get
her stuff together and doesn't really seem like she wants
to at this point.

Speaker 6 (44:41):
Yeah, I mean it makes sense that he's like, we
should do this.

Speaker 2 (44:44):
I'm gonna do this, but it's like, you can't do
that when you're in a relationship, in a partnership or
a marriage and you are a kid on the way,
It's like, you can't do that.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
Tom Menser three not the a hole.

Speaker 8 (44:55):
Him becoming a stay at home dad until the baby
is in school sounds like an excellent comp He can
be the one to take the career hit since it's
his idea to take in an unrelated toddler coming for
not the a whole your husband is. It may be
the right decision for the kids, but he made it
without and gave you an ultimatum. That's a hard pass
for me. I think it wouldn't take long before you

(45:16):
became extremely resentful of the kids. There you go, and
it will show no matter what you try. I'm really
sorry you're in this position. Personally, i'd be done. And
we do have an update. Three spongebb voys three days leta.
So I've returned and I wanted to address a few questions.
Number One, race does not matter to me. I wouldn't

(45:36):
care if she was white, Hispanic, Asian, or Indian. The
only reason I said that was people kept accusing my
husband of being the father. Another thing, yes, I am pregnant.
Last thing, people kept asking why our schedule now won't work.
And this schedule is temporary, not permanent. If it was permanent,
I would probably get fired. So I talked to my
husband on Saturday and told him that I don't want

(45:57):
him to adopt her. Of course, he asked why, and
I've told him my reasons, which are that I've already
sacrificed a lot for this child, that I can't handle
three children, especially with two that little and who are
probably going to want to be on me, and that
this was never part of the deal. He tried to
argue that there was no deal, and I told him
there was. When I married him. It was supposed to

(46:17):
be one child that wasn't mine that I was supposed
to care for. He tried to explain that she's young
and that she needs us, and I told him that
I get that, but he has no plans for what
will happen if he gets her. He tried to say,
I leave my job, but I told him again that
I'm not doing that. I told him that this would
be a real deal breaker for me, and that I

(46:38):
would be okay helping him get some form of custody
for her as long as it won't affect me, and
then I would want to leave. He tried to say
that they will need a mom and what we would
do with our baby, and I told him either fifty
to fifty or I get full custody and he can
pay child support. He kept trying to say he was
just trying to do the right thing and that it
feels like I'm punishing him for that, and I told

(46:59):
him I will wasn't, but this would be where I
draw the line, because I'm not doing or dealing with that.
So he asked if I did divorce, would I be
willing to watch his kids if he were busy, or
at least hang out with them as they are attached
to me, and maybe let them come over to my
house some weekends. I told him no to watching them,
as that would have to be on him to figure out.

(47:20):
I said his daughter could come to my house sometimes,
but even then he kept on saying I was punishing
him for trying to help, and I told him that
it wasn't on him to help.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
I understand.

Speaker 8 (47:30):
He feels like he's got to help her, But I
said that she told you she would and you just
said okay and jumped with it and never asked me.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
I mean, I think him trying to be like, you know,
you're punishing me for just wanting to do like the
right thing is. It's like, yeah, you want, you do
want to do like this righteous thing for this girl,
but also you're putting all of the like responsibility for
it on OP.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
He's gas lighting OP immensely right now.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
Yeah, I mean, like, well, you're punishing me for trying
to do the right thing. It's like you're actually trying
to make her do the right thing because you're not
going to be the one taking care of the kids constantly.
You're not the one who's gonna give birth to your
new baby who's then gonna have to take care of
that at the same time as a new toddler who's
been neglected by their mother. And yet yeah, it's also

(48:20):
like your child's sister, but like you are just not
in a place where your partner Ope feels that that
is possible for them. So yeah, if you really were
like this is the righteous thing to do, you would
be the one quitting your.

Speaker 6 (48:36):
Job so you could take care of the kids full time.

Speaker 8 (48:39):
It's just it's not fair to really to anyone in
this situation. Yes, the husband is the a hole here,
I think fully.

Speaker 6 (48:48):
Because it's just because it needed to be a conversation.

Speaker 8 (48:50):
Yeah, I think his like, I'm doing this without you, regardless,
I'm doing this no.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
Matter what is his wrong.

Speaker 8 (48:59):
I get that he wants to do the best thing
for these girls, even though he's not related to them,
but he did it in the wrong way and he
is now making it everybody's problem. It's not a good
situation for anyone to be with. But you have to
be realistic here, like you are sacrificing the well being

(49:19):
of your two bio kids for this one girl who, yes,
she needs a mother, she needs a parent, But that's
not an op to have to want to do exactly.

Speaker 6 (49:28):
It's not exactly it.

Speaker 3 (49:29):
It's not her responsibility.

Speaker 6 (49:31):
It's really not.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
And it's awful to have to like weigh the importance
of anyone in this situation. But it's like, if you
did your your wife and your unborn child would have
to take priority over your your daughter's half sister, and
that's terrible. That's that that is a terrible algebraic equation.

Speaker 6 (49:55):
That sucks. I hate that.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
But like if you just made it math, that in
my head be what it was and doesn't mean that
she's not important or not worth it, Like you should
do whatever you can to help her.

Speaker 6 (50:07):
But like it clearly you.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
It's not what anybody in this situation signed up. It's not.

Speaker 8 (50:14):
It's it's a problem that they're being forced to solve,
and there really is no good solution here. But the
solution that husband is proposing is not absolutely not the solution.

Speaker 6 (50:26):
No, he's just saying, this is the way it's gonna be.
You can't do that. It's gotta be a conversation.

Speaker 8 (50:30):
That's you're asking Opie to put her entire life and
career on hold. No, she's worked for this, she has
your own bio child on the way. You can't ask
someone to do that and expect them.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
To be, oh, yeah, sure, let's do it. Yeah No,
that's not how life is. Yeah, So to the to
the update.

Speaker 8 (50:48):
Then he went on trying to ask did I even
like the little girl? And I told him that I do,
but I'm tired of making sacrifices for her and tired
of having her clinging to me all the time and
told him that I can't deal with that.

Speaker 3 (50:59):
He got mad and started yelling, so I left and
went by my mom's.

Speaker 8 (51:03):
He's tried apologizing, but my mother said not to go back,
as I would be unhappy there and to leave that
on him. I can live with her until I find
somewhere else, and she will be happy to watch my
baby all day. So for now, I'm going to try
to talk to him and see what his plans are,
and if he still doesn't have any any then we
may get a divorce. Top comments are comment to one

(51:26):
not the a hole. Even when you were telling him
you would leave, he was asking you about childcare while
you were gone. Do not agree to look after or
help with the children. He needs to understand that adopting
this little girl will be on him completely. Also, get
a storage locker and start to move your stuff out.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
Commentary too.

Speaker 8 (51:43):
I laughed out loud when Opie's husband asked if she
would still babysit if they got divorced.

Speaker 3 (51:48):
This man does not get it at all.

Speaker 8 (51:50):
He keeps asking about how it is important to adopt
the little girl, or keeps talking about how important it
is to adopt the little girl, but he is continually
making unilateral decision. The thing that frustrated me the most
about this entire story is that Opie's husband was willing
to adopt, but wasn't willing to do any of the work.
Opie was left to take care of the two soon
to be three children, and he didn't really do anything

(52:12):
to make her life easier. When OPI mentioned that it
would be hard to work with three kids, he told
her to quit her job.

Speaker 3 (52:19):
Opie was absolutely.

Speaker 8 (52:20):
Correct in stating that her husband should quit his job,
as she could make more money than him if she
worked more hours. However, he didn't like that option as
it would mean he would actually have to take care
of his own children. I wish OPI the best and
hope that she gets full custody. I can see her
husband trying to pawn off responsibility for his child with
OPI from the beginning, so it may be best if

(52:42):
he isn't involved. Relationships are about compromise, but in this
relationship it has been changed to do as I say,
not as I do. Another commentor sorry? But is he slow?

Speaker 3 (52:55):
You want to leave him? If he adopts the child?

Speaker 8 (52:57):
Asks if you'll help take care of them if you divorce.
He's spiraling because he wasn't expecting you to divorce him.
He's trying to bully you into accepting he won't go
through with it because his only plan for the adoption
was you to be the primary carer. He has no
other childcare options, hence why he wants you to quit
your job. I'm thinking it's less of a do the
right thing situation and more of a make my wife

(53:20):
do the grunt work whilst I have zero life change,
but everyone thinks I'm a hero. Honestly, I'd leave that
man regardless. Comet four, your marriage is over. He will
either keep trying to manipulate you into doing what he
wants because he truly does not care about or respect
your feelings, or he will let the child go and
resent you. Then he will throw it in your face constantly.

(53:41):
Either way, it's over. Get a lawyer and start a
plan that does not include this marriage. Wow, and that sadly,
we don't have any resolution included in this this story.

Speaker 6 (53:50):
Is I think that's probably the resolution.

Speaker 8 (53:52):
To be honest, because yeah, the husband is husband's never
gonna let that go at this.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Point, Untilly, If as soon as he wasn't immediate immediately
like okay, yeah, I will quit my job. Actually, you're right,
because you would be making more money, So I'll quit
my job and take care of all the kids all day.

Speaker 8 (54:08):
I mean, opp became like solution did the hypocrite Yeah,
Op offered the solution of Okay, this can happen, but
you you're leaving their job. I'm gonna earn more money.
I'm gonna do my work. I didn't ask for this,
but if you want this, you do the work.

Speaker 3 (54:21):
He said. No, okay. I wonder if part of.

Speaker 8 (54:24):
It may have been maybe like a masculine thing for him,
like I'm the man, I gotta go to do the work.

Speaker 6 (54:29):
John here og host.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick
three minute.

Speaker 6 (54:33):
Break from hops for more sponsors.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
My mother has been gaining weight on purpose for her boyfriend.

Speaker 8 (54:39):
That's a I mean, if you're hungry, eat, but not
for anybody else.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
Trigger warning here for emotionally harmful slash feeder relationship. The
problem relates to my nineteen female mother forty five female
and her weight gain over the last year or so.
It started sometime last spring or summer, A few months
after she had started dating her current boyfriend, Mike. By
the way, this comes from user throw Away for Life,

(55:05):
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the RT slash Showcase storytime subreddit.

Speaker 6 (55:08):
I'm Dakota, I'm mat. Prior to that point, she was
in decent shape.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
My mom was always a bit overweight during my childhood
and teenage years, but after my parents split up about
two and a half years ago, she started taking better
care of herself. We became running and diet partners, and
she eventually reached the one thirties, although her weight still fluctuated.
Sometime around late January of last year, she met Mike.

(55:36):
He seemed like a nice enough guy when I met him,
and they soon became serious. Mike is the first serious
relationship my mom has had since she split with my dad.
Things were fine heading into the summer of last year,
and then sometime around my high school graduation in June,
she told me that she needed to have an important
conversation with me. When we talked, she told me that

(55:58):
she was going to be seriously cutting back on our runs.
She said that it was because she wanted to put
on some weight and become curvier again. Mike had told
her that he preferred women who were more curvy, and
she wanted to please him. She also said that she
wanted to relax for a little while and not worry
so much about her weight. I didn't really think that

(56:20):
much about it at the time, and I assumed that
my mom knew what she was doing, so I just
left it at that and.

Speaker 6 (56:26):
Didn't really try to discourage her.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
She seemed content with her decision, and I was happy
to see her relationship with Mike going so well. After
our conversation, my mom cut her runs with me from
four to five days a week to just one to
two days a week, and she started walking instead of
running or jogging. She also stopped being so strict with
her diet. She had cut things out like SODA's and

(56:49):
junk food in order to lose weight, but she started
eating and drinking them again.

Speaker 6 (56:54):
As you can.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Guess, she started to put on some of the weight
she had lost, and by the time I went to
college last fall, she had probably put on about fifteen
to twenty pounds, which put her back around.

Speaker 6 (57:05):
What she weighed when she was still with my dad.

Speaker 2 (57:08):
I wasn't that worried, though my mom carried the weight
well and seemed happy with her decision and her relationship
with Mike.

Speaker 6 (57:15):
I didn't see or speak.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
To my mom that much for the next month until
I came home for fall break. That was the first
time I had seen her since move in weekend, and
she had put on even more weight. I thought it
would be okay if I tried to subtly encourage her
to be a little healthier, especially since she had stopped
exercising alltogether by this point. I tried to get her
to go on a run with me overbreak, but she

(57:38):
would just give me an excuse each time, like it's
too cold, or she's too tired, et CE.

Speaker 6 (57:44):
Or Mike would discourage her.

Speaker 2 (57:47):
I also couldn't help but notice that her diet had
become even worse. It seemed like almost everything she ate
now was fast food or some kind of junk food.
I suspected that this was mostly Mike's doing, since he
was always bringing home on healthy food and avoiding things
like fruits and vegetables. Still, I didn't really feel like
it was my place to say anything yet, so I

(58:07):
left it be. I went back to school and didn't
come back home again until Thanksgiving break. But it was
more of the same. My mom had gained more weight.
I hadn't planned on saying anything, but I got worried
after watching her eat over break. Even though I knew
it was normal for people to indulge over Thanksgiving, it
seemed like she was always eating. I would see Mike
constantly bringing her snacks and Mom would eat it, even

(58:31):
if she said she was full or not hungry. He
would make a big fuss until she gave in and
ate whatever it was he brought her.

Speaker 3 (58:38):
There we go.

Speaker 8 (58:39):
There's there's the control again. He's forcing her to do
something she doesn't want.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
I made a point to speak to my mom and
told her that I noticed she had still been gaining
weight and it was starting to worry me.

Speaker 6 (58:50):
I told my mom that if she.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
Continued to gain weight, it would have a negative impact
on her health. She told me that she had just
been enjoying herself and the freedom of not having to
worry about her weight and what she was eating.

Speaker 6 (59:02):
She said that Mike told her that he.

Speaker 2 (59:04):
Didn't care if she gained more weight after the first
twenty pounds, and it actually encouraged her to get bigger
and curvier. I asked her why she had decided to
stop caring about herself and her weight, and my mom
told me that Mike had helped her see that she
was always meant to be an overweight woman. She now
believed that she looked better if she was larger, and
said that she planned to gain some more weight. I'm sorry,

(59:27):
nobody was meant to be overweight. We're underweight. We were
all meant to be a healthy body.

Speaker 8 (59:34):
Weight, right, Like there is some wiggle room. Like I'm
a little chubbier than I would like to be, but
I'm within.

Speaker 6 (59:40):
That hem you're a healthy bodyweight. Yeah, I can't.

Speaker 8 (59:44):
I'm trying to lose a little weight just to be
a little healthier. But like, I'm not in a bad
spot right now. And I get like not one to
body shame people, but I think discount her discounting her
daughter's concern about her mother health is a very bad sign.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
Right.

Speaker 8 (01:00:03):
She's fully giving up and just fully let Mike take
the reins on her life.

Speaker 6 (01:00:08):
Exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
She's like that thing of like the oh, well, I'm
just doing this because I'm relaxing and I don't have
to care. It's like you kind of do have to
care if you want to care about your health. You
have to care to some extent, but it does it
just feels like brainwashing at this point.

Speaker 6 (01:00:23):
Already it feels like brainwashing.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
Like Mike convinced you that that you're meant to be overweight.
That's That's not the same thing as someone saying, Oh,
it's like I just prefer curveyer women.

Speaker 6 (01:00:38):
That's not the same thing at all. This is now
quickly becoming insidious. Let's keep going.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
I asked her when she planned to stop, and she
said when she got to around two hundred pounds.

Speaker 6 (01:00:51):
I sort of lost it there.

Speaker 2 (01:00:52):
I told her that she was eating herself into passing away,
and that she needed to eat healthier, be more a
lot about, be more active, and lose some weight. We
had a huge fight, and I wound up leaving to
go back to school early. After the Thanksgiving incident, she
messaged me and told me that she was an adult
and would not be lectured to or controlled by her child.

(01:01:14):
My mom also told me that if I wanted to
live in her house, I needed to respect her choices
and not interfere with them or her relationship with Mike.

Speaker 6 (01:01:23):
I also got an email.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
From Mike and it said basically the same thing, respect
my relationship with your mother and her choices, or don't
come home. He had actually moved into my mom's house
by this point. I decided to spend Christmas in New
Year's with my dad and his family, and I didn't
come home.

Speaker 6 (01:01:40):
During the spring semester.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
I just recently finished school and moved back into my
mom's house for the summer. I had kept up with
her through Facebook and knew she had still been gaining weight,
but I didn't realize how big she had gotten until
I got home. I would guess she's somewhere around, if
not over, two hundred pounds.

Speaker 6 (01:01:59):
Now everything about her is bigger.

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
She doesn't even look like my mom anymore because of
how much weight she has gained in her face. She's
mostly sedentary now, other than what she does at her
office during the day. After she gets home, she sits
on the couch and gorgeous herself.

Speaker 6 (01:02:16):
I'm shocked at how much she eats now.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
Mike is always bringing her food and encouraging her to eat,
and she is happy to stuff herself each night until
she has a belly egg. My mom will also wake
up each night and go into the kitchen to fix
herself a snack, which is really just another large meal.
They don't even hide the fact that my mom is
actively trying to get bigger. Mike has encouraged my mom

(01:02:39):
to buy larger sizes of clothing so that she has
room to grow, and she agreed. I have also heard
Mike and my mom talk about her trading in her
car to get something that will be more comfortable for
her as she gets bigger.

Speaker 8 (01:02:52):
I'm wondering, is Mike trying to get Opie's mom to
be unalived.

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
I think it's I think I've seen I've seen some
stuff about this, and you switch it over.

Speaker 6 (01:03:06):
I have seen some stuff about.

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
This before where it's like it all comes down to
it's like a form of an abusive control relationship, where
it's like they become big enough to where they're dependent
on this person for care. They're like Mike might have
like a savior complex or like you know, and it's
easy to fulfill when it's like you get someone in
a position where now they're so big they need you
to take care of them.

Speaker 3 (01:03:28):
They literally cannot take care of themselves right.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
Which is really messed up and needs to be addressed.
So I know this is what they both want, but
the extra weight is starting to impact your health. She
gets out of breath very easily now and complains if
she has to do a moderate amount of physical activity.
She also has developed minor knee and back problems and
is always tired, and I know that this will only

(01:03:52):
get worse if she continues to gain weight. However, she
blames these problems on age and on her asthma rather
than her way. It is breaking my heart to see
her doing this to herself. I'm so afraid that she's
going to pass away young and leave me without my
mother if she continues down this path. I've tried bringing
up the subject again the other night, even though I

(01:04:14):
knew that Mike and my mom would get upset.

Speaker 6 (01:04:16):
I asked her at dinner if.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
We could maybe try to eat less fast food and
junk food, and if she could stop trying to actively
gain weight.

Speaker 6 (01:04:23):
She got mad.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
She told me that I was a vain person and
that not everyone wanted to be a shapeless rail. Some
women wanted to have curves. After that, Mike came into
my room and told me that if I said anything else,
my mom had agreed with him that I would have
to find another place to live for the summer.

Speaker 6 (01:04:40):
He also told me that I just.

Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
Needed to accept that my mom is a larger woman
and that she will be getting larger. I asked him
what he meant, and mentioned that she said she would
stop at around two hundred, and he told me that
they both had decided that she should keep gaining past that.
You need to have a conversation with your mom away
from Mike. That is the only situation. Bring this up
at dinner with him present not gonna work.

Speaker 6 (01:05:03):
He is now her abuser.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
This is an abusive relationship and it's emotionally and mentally abusive.

Speaker 8 (01:05:09):
Yeah, he's gonna I think Mike is gonna push to
the point where he gets himself added to like care
like agreements for documents, where he's like legally in charge
of her.

Speaker 3 (01:05:20):
He's now legally in yeah, right the house, legally in
charge of her finding it could be everything.

Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
And then at that point the ultimate goal is probably
make her bed ridden. Yeah, become her legal caretaker, her
legal guardian or whatever as a partner, and then yeah,
he has access to heavy then he has full control
and he no longer has to even pretend. At that
point he doesn't have to be nice and he doesn't
have to pretend. Now she is fully dependent on him,
and that's when it will.

Speaker 8 (01:05:43):
Really really get bad, and then he takes everything and runs.

Speaker 6 (01:05:46):
I got angry with him, but was afraid to say more.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
I don't doubt that they would get me out of
my mom's house, and I'm not sure if my mom
would try to stop him. I tried contacting my sister
about this, but seeing as she lives in an state
and doesn't get along with our mom, she doesn't really
have anything to say. My dad doesn't want to get
involved either, since he has a fiance and his own life.
I would speak to some of my mom's friends, but

(01:06:11):
I don't know if that would work. She hasn't had
much to do with them since she started dating Mike,
so I don't know if they would feel comfortable intervening.

Speaker 6 (01:06:18):
I really would appreciate.

Speaker 2 (01:06:19):
Any help or advice, and I want to say something again,
but I know how that will end. I guess I'm
wondering if it is better to take a final, desperate
stand or bite my tongue and try to help my
mom in a more subtle way, or should I just
accept that my mom is an adult and has to
make her own choices and mistakes. The way he makes
her eat is disgusting. My mom will sometimes complain she's

(01:06:41):
full or not hungry after a meal, but he'll always
insist that she needs to eat dessert. If she says no,
he will pout until she feels bad. Then she'll eat
it to make him happy. There was an incident last
week where he brought home a pie. I was going
to cat off a slice before dinner, but he stopped
me and told me it was my mom's. At dinner
that night, after we had finished eating, he brings the

(01:07:04):
pie out for her. He cuts two big slices and
puts them on her plate. My mom then tells me
that she is full. Mike just looked at her and
told her that she was ungrateful. He said he had
gone out of his way to get her her favorite
pie and that she never appreciated the things he does
for her. My mom began to apologize, and she said
she was not that full and started to eat the slices.

(01:07:25):
The whole thing was pretty horrifying to experience. I am
still deciding what I'm going to do, but I do
think that it will depend on what choice gives me
the most peace. It would hurt me to lose my mom,
whether that is physically or emotionally. But I have a
hard time seeing myself being able to just stand by
and watch her make decisions that I know she will regret.

(01:07:46):
I also think I wouldn't be a very good daughter
if I didn't try everything I could to help her
for as long as I can. There are definitely some
more subtle things I could do before a final confrontation.
If I try everything that people have suggested and it
doesn't help, then I would consider being direct. I would
hope that either then or someday, she would come to
her senses. It may cost me my relationship with my mom,

(01:08:08):
but I can accept that if it saves her life
and we have an update. So I read all of
the comments that people made in the first post many times,
but I was still unsure of whether or not I
should say anything and risk being removed from my mom's house. However,
I felt like I had to say something. After I
continued to watch my mom at Mike's encouragement overeat, I

(01:08:28):
came to the conclusion that my mom's life and health
were too important for me to stand by and say
nothing while she slowly unalived herself. I knew that I
would stand a better chance to help her if I
planned out my strategy ahead of time, instead of getting
angry and exploding like I've done in the past, which
went very poorly. I invited my mom out to eat
lunch one day so I could get a chance to

(01:08:50):
speak with her alone. I knew that if Mike were
around that I would have no chance of getting her
to listen to me. I printed off some materials about
harmful relationships and feeder relationships to give her When our
conversation was over at lunch, I basically repeated what I
had told her in the past that I was concerned
about her health because I wanted her to be around
for a long time. But I did emphasize that I

(01:09:13):
respected her role as my mother and her ability to
make choices for herself as an adult. I told her
that I was just concerned and wanted her to have
the ability to make informed choices, but ultimately I would
respect whatever decision she reached. My mom did not respond
to what I said well. She started getting upset, and
she got particularly angry about me mentioning feeder relationships. She

(01:09:38):
told me that none of this applied in her case.
Mike just liked curvy women. She also accused me of
being jealous and insecure about her relationship with Mike, and
she said some other hurtful things. She continued to deny
that her relationship with Mike was harmful and that her
weight was causing her any health problems, even though I

(01:09:59):
think there's no longer any.

Speaker 6 (01:10:00):
Doubt that both are true.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
When we got back home, she told me that I
had two days to move out, so I spent the
rest of my summer at my dad's house. I didn't
see my mom again until two weeks ago. I had
to go back to her place to pick up the
stuff I left there. I can't say that I was
surprised to see that she had continued to put on weight.
I was surprised to see the state of the house,
though it was an absolute mess. They were all kinds

(01:10:25):
of takeout boxes and food containers all over the place,
and it looked like it hadn't been cleaned since I left.
I tried to get out as quickly as I could,
but before I left, my mom said she wanted to
speak with me. She told me that I needed to
know that Mike had asked her to marry him and
she had accepted his proposal.

Speaker 8 (01:10:45):
He wants control, he wants what he wants the house,
he wants her money or whatever asked that she might have.
He's not in it for her. He is absolutely just
in this because she's got something he wants. And when
she is to the point where she's too big to
care for herself, he's got free reign. He can do
whatever he wants. Because I don't hear anything about Mike

(01:11:07):
being this big. I don't hear about anything about him
eating this much, so he's fully just trying to take
her agency out of the picture. I am in a
state of distress listening to this.

Speaker 2 (01:11:21):
Yeah, man, this is like this is this is genuinely
like so far above my pay grade in terms of
like what I'm able to like give advice for, like
how to navigate this, Like this is uh.

Speaker 6 (01:11:33):
I don't even know who to call. I don't know
what to do.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
I think maybe at some level nothing you can really do, no,
which is terrible.

Speaker 8 (01:11:41):
I think that's the only thing you can do is
maybe a welfare check.

Speaker 3 (01:11:46):
I don't know if OP knows that you can, but.

Speaker 6 (01:11:49):
I mean, like if somebody shows up.

Speaker 2 (01:11:50):
Her mom's gonna be like, what do you mean, Well,
for yeah, I'm great, I'm exactly I'm doing exactly what
I want to do. That's how insidious and nefarious this
guy is being.

Speaker 6 (01:11:59):
He's he's got her wrapped up in that idea.

Speaker 2 (01:12:03):
There's like, Oh, I'm meant to just be bigger, and
I'm gonna just keep getting bigger and bigger because Mike,
my partner, wants it. And it's like clearly, you know,
I mean if she was in a vulnerable place when
they got together, for sure.

Speaker 8 (01:12:13):
Yeah, if the house is really as dirty and messy
as Opie claims it is to be, at some point
it's going to become a public nuisance. And at which
point I think Opie could probably call it in that like, hey,
I need a welfare check. This is becoming, yeah, a
mess of poet nuisance. It's a health worry for my mother,
Like I don't know if she's okay, if they're taking
the trust, if she's live, if there's bugs and rats

(01:12:35):
and rodents and all these other things.

Speaker 3 (01:12:36):
There's mold growing.

Speaker 2 (01:12:38):
Like there, you could do that, But then at that
point it's like yeah, so it's like kind of too late.

Speaker 3 (01:12:43):
At that point.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
Okay, Well, my mom told me I needed to know
that Mike had asked her to marry him and that.

Speaker 6 (01:12:49):
She had accepted his proposal.

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
The wedding would be taking place soon, and I was
invited to come if I apologized to the two of.

Speaker 6 (01:12:57):
Them for my behavior. She then for me that they
were looking to move to Oregon.

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
Mike has family out there, and since my mom has
no close friends or family here anymore, mostly because of Mike,
she thought it would be a good move.

Speaker 6 (01:13:10):
To start over.

Speaker 2 (01:13:11):
Oh good, further just furthering the isolation. Honestly, I don't
know if this is the only thing I can think of.
I think you do apologize just so that you can
go to the wedding and then blow it up and
be like they shouldn't be marrying this guy's an abuser,
like Bubba.

Speaker 6 (01:13:27):
Like I don't care, like blow up their wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:13:30):
I don't know if that's more of a positive and
more of a negative thing to do. I don't know
if that's gonna make things better or worse. But I
don't even know who's going to be at the wedding.

Speaker 8 (01:13:39):
I think maybe for Ope's own sanity, it might be
the move to go to the wedding and give one
final shot. It's not going to work because I don't
think that the mom wants.

Speaker 3 (01:13:51):
It to work.

Speaker 8 (01:13:52):
But I think for Ope's on sanity to say, hey,
I gave everything I could, I did everything I could
to try to say my mom, and she just would
not be saved.

Speaker 3 (01:14:01):
I think maybe Opie has to do it.

Speaker 6 (01:14:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (01:14:04):
I think that after that, if you do it, though,
know that your mom is never going to want to
talk to you again. In a couple of months, She's
just not going to be there anymore. It's because if
she's gone with Mike's family in Oregon, she's not lasting
very much longer. I don't think. I think that's the
end for her if she leaves. Unfortunately, this is oh
Man like, this is very calculated on Mike's part. I

(01:14:26):
wonder how many times she's done airy, how calculated it
is he had a timeline, disturbing how calculated this is
on him and absolutely had a plan, a timeline, a methodology.
I wonder if he's known people who's done it, or
if this is not the first time he's done it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
I you know, I would say I would probably guess
it's not the first time. I'm going back into the
story a little bit to see.

Speaker 6 (01:14:49):
When, uh, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:14:53):
It doesn't say okay, I was seeing I was seeing
who divorced too. It doesn't say exactly, yeah, I'm yes
that she was the one who was broken up with.

Speaker 8 (01:15:03):
Because she has the the devastation response there, right, because
it's like like just.

Speaker 2 (01:15:11):
Everything about finding this other guy and sort of not
being able to say no or think for yourself because
it's probably like the fear of losing him again, like
losing your partner again. Like, man, she's so much, she
was worth so much more than this dude, let's finish
this story.

Speaker 6 (01:15:27):
So she thought it would be a good move to
start over.

Speaker 2 (01:15:30):
I didn't really know what to say, so I just
told her I was glad she was happy. I honestly
don't know what, if anything, I can do. I want
to believe that there's something else I can do, but
I have no idea what that would be. I hope
that she'll eventually realize what Mike is doing and we'll
ask for help. I don't think I can attend the wedding.
It would feel like I was giving my approval to

(01:15:52):
the relationship and it would feel wrong. I realized that
it's probably going to cause further damage to our relationship.

Speaker 6 (01:15:59):
But I have to live with my choices too.

Speaker 2 (01:16:01):
At some point, you have to let people make their
own choices and mistakes, even when it breaks your heart
to watch. Even though even though things didn't turn out well,
at least we tried. That is the end of that story,
and I think that is accurate.

Speaker 6 (01:16:18):
You've done pretty much all you can at that point.
It's just really unfortunate.

Speaker 2 (01:16:23):
You got to just hold on to hope that one
day she will see the light and open her eyes.

Speaker 8 (01:16:27):
It is just a very sad story, yeah, because Opi
is doing everything that she can to save her mom,
and the mom just doesn't want to be saved. The
mom felt like she was saved by Mike and doesn't
want to be saved from being saved. Yes, she doesn't
want to make her own decision. She doesn't have to
deal with the consequences with Mike.

Speaker 3 (01:16:47):
It's easy. Mike tells her what to do and she
does well.

Speaker 2 (01:16:49):
It's got to be it's some level of like mental
illness and exploitation, and it it's like this guy, Mike,
it's like a you know, I would, I would make
the like comparison of like, you know, there there's like
like the parasitic wasp where it's like where it lays
its egg in like another creature, and it's like, how
does the wasp know how to do that?

Speaker 6 (01:17:10):
It's just like it just knows which ones are the
right ones.

Speaker 2 (01:17:12):
Mike knew instinctively, like after meeting Opie's mom, like, oh Okay,
this is someone that I could sink my hooks into.
This is someone I could manipulate and slowly get to
that point where I have absolute control and I'm moving
her out from nobody's gonna know where where we're moving.
It's just gonna be me and my family, and she

(01:17:33):
will have no say or no ability to do anything
for herself, and it's just like awful

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My husband’s spending habits are RUINING our marriage… despite him making six figures!-r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2316

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband’s spending habits are RUINING our marriage… despite him making six figures!-r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2316