My mom BLOCKED me for telling the truth...now I have zero family left! - r/JUSTNOFAMILY |Reddit Stories | EP2353 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors, So stick around two minutes. We'll get
into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
My mom blocked me for telling the truth, and now
I have zero family left.

Speaker 4 (00:21):
No, she's all alone in the world.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
My mother got pregnant out of wedlock at age nineteen.
My biological father was in the military, so it would
have been quite easy to go after him with child support,
but she didn't and he didn't want to be in.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
The picture, so because of her pride, she.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
Didn't go after him. I've never met him. By the way,
this comes from a deleted user, And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota and I'm Savannah, and we're
here to give you some good advice.

Speaker 5 (00:49):
Goofully.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
But we don't have all the answers, you know, we
only know what we would do in any given situation.
So if you would do something different, let us know
in the comments. Op says, when I was two and
a half, she may read my first stepfather. He made
it clear that I was generally an unwonted addition to
my mother. After a while, she forbade him from spanking me,
but he still did things like picking me up on

(01:10):
my shirt and screaming in my face. Tell me I'd
never mount to anything.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
That kind of stuff classic terrible stepdad behavior. I'm sorry, Op,
that's awful.

Speaker 4 (01:20):
Yeah, that's absolutely terrible.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
Until I was eight or ten, I genuinely thought that
no one liked their father and was shocked to learn otherwise.

Speaker 4 (01:28):
That's actually really sad.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
That's really sad. Time moved on, I moved out, went
to college. Mom divorced first husband, and I haven't seen
him since, thank goodness.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Pretty quickly thereafter, she married second stepfather. He's okay.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
I guess he has two daughters who have had no
contact with him for years. Not one hundred percent sure
why I've moved all over the country for work. She's
never visited me in any of the places I've lived
that weren't within driving distance.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Because she's afraid to fly. To my knowledge, she's never flown.
She's afraid of heights. She's just afraid.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
I got tired of always coming home to visit or
sitting around the house. So for a while, we'd meet
up at a semi decent destination, maybe the beach. I
eventually stopped telling her if I was traveling, because all
I'd hear from her would be doom and gloom related
to her own fears. Fast forward, I am now forty something.
My sisters are both losers, and anytime I talk to
my mom, all she would talk about is what new

(02:21):
mess my sisters has gotten into. No questions about me
or my life, not that I would tell her anything anyways.
I asked her repeatedly to stop talking about my sisters
and their children and their messes, as I found it
too depressing to listen to constantly. If it wasn't that,
it was usually whatever job or church she had most
recently quit. Her pattern would be that she'll work or

(02:41):
worship somewhere for a while, then someone makes her mad
about something stupid and she just quits. So, Opie, it
sounds like your mom is pretty emotionally unstable, and I
would probably just slowly, you know, cut contact if you
can't bring this to her and be like, hey, I
feel like our relationship is really like suffering and languishing,
and I want to be able to like have a

(03:03):
connection with you, but I find it very difficult. And
then if she's not receptive to working on that together
with you, I think you just need to move on.

Speaker 4 (03:11):
Yeah, honestly, it took the words were right out of
my mouth.

Speaker 3 (03:13):
She never stops talking about those things. I finally just
start interrupting her with a reminder that I've already asked
her not to talk about those things, or I say
I have to go and just end the conversation, but
she keeps trying. The major problems started some years ago
when I got really sick. I had also just ended
a bad relationship, and I seriously needed some help caring
for myself and getting to doctor and legal appointments. The

(03:36):
illness involved my lungs, and at the height of the illness,
my O two saturation was in the very low eighties.
I was in a bad way. I asked Mom to
come help because I couldn't drive myself to doctor's appointments,
and she finally.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
Did drive up. I lived three hours away at.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
This point, but was just acting weird, but to be fair,
so was I. Lack of oxygen in your brain will
make you do strange things at any rate. She was
sitting in the doctor's office with me when the doctor
finally came back with a possible diagnosis that made sense.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
She labeled it reactive airway disease.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
By this time they had already done tons of other
tests and X rays and ruled out for etc. Later on,
I found out for sure from an allergist that allergens
in the air were shutting down my lung. Anyway, she
just had this strange demeanor the whole time we were
at the doctor's. I woke up the day after the
doctor's appointment and she's sitting in a room of my
house reading a book. I asked her if she could
make me something to eat, and she acts all bothered

(04:28):
and finally makes me a few pieces of bacon with
a side helping of attitude ooh yum, not very nutritious attitude. Finally,
I'm like, is something wrong?

Speaker 6 (04:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (04:41):
I was barely hanging on, but let me try to
figure out what's wrong with you. A neighbor of mine
who happens to be an RN had stopped by the
night before to check on me, and I had introduced.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
Her to my mom.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
My mom was super upset about this, apparently because she
was already in her pajamas. I was embarrassed and upset
her also, she wanted to know what was really going
on with me, like huh. Apparently she couldn't grasp that
I had an actual physical ailment and basically accused me
of having some kind of substance or booze problem. Both

(05:12):
of my sisters have had really bad problems with this.
I'm like, uh no, here's the print outs the doctor
gave me that explain it. I have had super bad
allergies my whole life, so I have no idea why
this was hard for her to understand. She takes one
look at the papers, drops them, and starts laughing at me.
I turned to leave, and she just follows me with
more of the oh, come on, now, what's really going
on here? I was crying so hard at this point

(05:34):
that I had a breathing episode like an asthma attack.
After I recovered, I asked her to leave. He didn't
speak for several years after that. I personally would probably
say to never speak to her again after that.

Speaker 7 (05:44):
Yeah, honestly, I feel like it's best, you know, to
just get away from a bad situation.

Speaker 3 (05:49):
One of our guests on the show, Matt explained recently
to me that the phrase blood is thicker than water
is actually a mistranslation, and it's the blood of the
covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. So
it's like, the bonds that you choose to make with
others is more deep and more important than the contrived
bonds that just happened because you were born. But people

(06:11):
always use that in the wrong way, where it's like.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Your blood, your blood, your relatives are more important than
your friends, But it's the literal exact opposite of that.

Speaker 7 (06:21):
My philosophy is just like, if I am like happy,
you know, with these people, then I'm going to stick
with them.

Speaker 4 (06:28):
If I'm not, then I don't have to. You know,
I'm not.

Speaker 7 (06:31):
Obligated to do anything, but I get that, you know,
having that family connection is.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Hard, So yeah, don't have it.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
She laughed in your face when you had serious illness
and is now accusing you of having the same issues
as your sisters, which you do not have.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
I was so sick that to this.

Speaker 3 (06:46):
Day, I literally don't know how I made it through
that time period until my lungs recovered. My nurse neighbor
definitely was a life saver. I was going to say,
you should lean on your nurse neighbor. My stepfather later
confirmed during a phone conversation where he was trying to
convince me to call and apologize to her, that my
mom simply didn't believe I was sick. Fast forward about
three years, and my fiance and his family want to

(07:08):
meet my family. I've explained the situation to husband, but
of course I get the you only get one mother,
you should try to work it.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Out, blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
So I bite the bullet and ask her and my
stepfather if they'd like to meet us for Thanksgiving and
meet my fiance and his family, as the place we
were going to was within driving distance.

Speaker 5 (07:26):
They agreed.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
The day before they were supposed to arrive was Mom's birthday,
so I had texted her Happy birthday, we'll see you
guys tomorrow, what time are you guys leaving? Various things
like that throughout the day. I never heard anything back. Finally,
later that night I call and ask what time they're
leaving tomorrow? Oh, well, they're not coming now because I
didn't make a big enough deal about her birthday. Apparently

(07:48):
she had somehow missed all of my texts. Despite my irritation,
I said, look, this isn't about you, this is about me,
and I've already told everyone you're coming. So they finally
show up late. The situation was horrible and tense, and
apparently I was.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
Rude to her the whole time. They left early.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
I bite the bullet again a year later and invited
them to the wedding again. They left early, and later
I got some story about how rude I was to her,
about how many pieces of bacon she took a breakfast. Yeah, what,
your mom is a petulant, a hole, and she has
her own problems.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
She's a human being. You're not indebted to her because
she also doesn't seem much. She took very good care
of you.

Speaker 7 (08:28):
Yeah, if she like let all of that happen and
then like put you in a bad.

Speaker 4 (08:32):
Situation and didn't really like you know, it's like, oh, well.

Speaker 7 (08:35):
You know whatever, like didn't think anything of it, and
then is now like blaming you for other stuff of
just like random stuff too, just like well, you were rude.

Speaker 4 (08:43):
To me, Like that's such a cough out.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
I feel like, you know, what's really rude is you
marrying some guy who would like pick up ope by
their shirt and like shake them and scream in their face. Yeah,
and then staying with that guy. That's pretty that's rude.
If I have a kid and my partner does that
to them, once, it's over forever, immediately.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, I understand. You know, maybe there's some situations.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
Where it's like because of survival, it's like you're not
you don't have any income whatever, you have to be
with that person like in that moment.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
But it's like, you know, I rather take my chances,
throw me to the wolver right.

Speaker 3 (09:14):
It's like you got to figure something else out because
that's dangerous.

Speaker 4 (09:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
A few years have gone by, and while things weren't all,
the Waltons were at least friends on Facebook and occasionally
send Christmas cards and whatnot. A few months ago, one
of my friends posted a question on Facebook asking something
like this, explain the.

Speaker 2 (09:29):
Impact your dad had on your life.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
I replied and said none, that he had I'm sorry, Yeah,
that he had gotten my mother pregnant and didn't stick
around to do anything else. A few weeks later, I
noticed I haven't seen anything from my mom popping up
in a while, and found out that she had not
only unfriended but blocked me. Apparently, and unbeknownst to me,
she and any of my other friends were able to

(09:52):
see this factually true comment that I had made, and
it embarrassed and upset her. I said, okay, why didn't
you call me? Then I explained that I didn't know
that she or anyone else could see the comment. I
could have taken it down, and that defriending and blocking
me seemed like a really immature way to handle it.
She then goes on to say this, I did the
best I could, and if that wasn't good enough for you,

(10:13):
then you need to let it go, just like I
had to do with Mama. I just thank god that
I never put her down in front of others or
disrespected her. To be clear, oh P made a comment
about their dad not being around, and now their mom
is saying that embarrassed me.

Speaker 7 (10:27):
So yeah, it seems like it's very much like a
relationship of like, well what about me? Like the mom
always needs to be like, you know, either the one
in charge or the like everyone feels bad for everyone,
you know, like blah blah blah, like everyone.

Speaker 4 (10:40):
It always just circles back.

Speaker 3 (10:42):
To her, it seems like, yeah, one hundred percent. She
had a bad relationship with my grandma as well. Shortly
before all this happened, my stepfather called me up and
basically asked me if I would call my mother and
tell her what a great mother she's always been, because
they're both beat down and tired from all the drama
with my sisters. I said no and explained that I
thought that ninety percent of her drama she was self
created because she's all about herself.

Speaker 4 (11:03):
Boom, I just said it.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (11:05):
He continued to ask if I could call her up
and lavish her with praise, but finally gave up and
hung up.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Apparently my comment about my.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
Lack of a father was the last straw for her
and she couldn't take any more. There's a little bit
more story left. Yeah, I think honestly, it's like it's
no contact time. She's already been like this is enough
for me.

Speaker 4 (11:21):
It's like, I mean, she kind of got really contact herself.

Speaker 3 (11:24):
I feel like she's she's got problems that she could
work on. She won't work on them. Her husband clearly
sees no issue and just wants you to like lie
to her and be like yo, she was a great mom,
which she wasn't. Anyone who stays with a partner who's
abusive towards their children is not a good parent. Agreed

(11:44):
with like, very very very few exceptions where it's like, Okay,
I have to stay with this guy because we have
nowhere else to go and it's negative twenty degrees outside. Yeah, maybe,
but even then it's also shelters. I rest my case.
So at this point, she and her husband have zero
contact with any of the five children they have between them.
I don't have any contact with one sister an addict,

(12:05):
and the other one I have very limited contact with
because all she does is ask for money. So at
this point I have exactly zero family. My grandparents are gone,
I have no cousins or any contact with my only aunt.
I have no relationships with my niece and nephews. Ones
in prison, another is well on his way there, and
I wouldn't trust any of them alone in my house.
I see the relationships my husband has with his family

(12:26):
and how supporting and loving they are, and although I'm
grateful for them, it's not the same. It depresses me
because my family is such crap. I did some sleuthing
a few years ago and found out that my real
dad had another daughter. I contacted her on Facebook and
explained who I was. She acted like I was trying
to steal the family inheritance and blocked me on Facebook.
I am actually quite well off and don't need anyone's money.

(12:48):
It's like, man, could I just catch a break? I
guess I should be thankful for what I have and
stop dwelling on the past, but it's difficult. I just
don't understand how a mother could act the way mine
has acted. What can I do to stop being sad
and depressed over the situation and just forget about it.
I know I'm better off with no contact with them anyway.
It's just sad and confusing, and that is the end

(13:09):
of that story. I loved my sister, but she betrayed me.

Speaker 8 (13:14):
No.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
I have always been close to my sister.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
We were always together and I've always thought we had
a good relationship. But last year I moved away for
reasons I will explain later. Things have been different ever since,
and I began to realize things never really were that good. First,
let me introduce.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
You to us.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
I'm twenty six and my sister's twenty eight. But people
always think I'm the big sister, and I have to
admit I.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Do feel that way too.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
By the way, this comes from a deleted user, And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Slash Okay storytime subvered it. I'm Dakota and.

Speaker 7 (13:47):
I'm Savannah, and we're here to give good advice a
little goofily.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
But we don't always have the answers to everything, so
we only know what we would do in a situation.
So if you would do something different, let us know
in the comments. And Ope says when I was a kid,
I remember we were really close, but there were times
where she would make fun of me endlessly until I
had to be violent. That is when she would go
to our parents and say I was mean to her.
I remember when I was a kid, I had an

(14:13):
important allergic reaction. My whole body and face doubled in volume.
It was traumatizing because I couldn't breathe, and I thought
it might be the end for me. It took me
weeks to go back to normal. During that time, she
insistently called me fat, ugly, and a potato head me,

(14:34):
which I know sounds stupid, but as a kid and
because of the circumstances, I didn't like being.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
Told I looked like a potato.

Speaker 3 (14:40):
I think this traumatized me to some extent because I've
had really unhealthy eating habits since that. I am still
working on today. No, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
Ope.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
Once she exchanged messages with a friend of mine, she
kind of had a crush on him, and I saw
that she said bad things about me again, saying I
was mean. This made me wonder what else she could
I have told other friends we had in common during
our teen years. We didn't fight a lot, but it
was always about the same things. She stole my clothes
and I never managed to make her understand I took
it as a lack of respect. Now I have to

(15:11):
say that she and I are completely different. I'm introverted
when she is more sociable. I prefer to have a
small circle of great friends when she cannot stand to
be alone. I'm responsible and she can be forgetful. I
always was a good student when she had to repeat
a grade, making things, so she ended up being on
the same level that I was.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
In high school.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Overall, I feel like my parents put more pressure on
me because I always had to be the bigger person
and was expected to succeed slash, be wise or understanding
blah blah blah blah. When we were preparing for our
A levels, my mom put us in so much pressure
that I cried. Later that day, she went to my
room to apologize and said that she was actually worried
my sister wouldn't get the exam, so she was giving

(15:51):
both of us a hard time to avoid being hard
on my sister. Only it made me feel like crap
for my sister and even more pressure to get my exam.
After that, I went to a different city for studies
that actually weren't good for me and ditched. Two years later,
I went back to my parents for a year, and
the feeling of failure made me feel really low. I
felt very depressed for a year, which my parents never understood.

(16:12):
I get it. It really is valuable that like the
notion of like, it's not how hard you fall, it's
about how you get back up. If you focus on
how hard the fall was, you're never gonna get back out.

Speaker 4 (16:23):
The comeback is always greater than the setback boom.

Speaker 3 (16:26):
Around this time, my sister came back home for a
few days. She was living in London and told me
to come with her as I was feeling useless here.

Speaker 2 (16:34):
I accepted.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
In London, I slowly managed to turn things around and
decided to study again and got my degree there. If
living with my sister was fine at first, it got
more and more difficult. The first year of my studies,
I didn't have a job new studies foreign language. I
wanted to focus on that, but my parents gave me
enough money to survive the month. She would insist I
come to the parties with her, saying she'd buy me drinks.

(16:57):
But she would always bring that up anytime we are argued,
saying she paid for everything and was doing everything. The
second year, I struggled to find a part time job
and she made me feel like crap for it until
I found a stable job. Overall, I was the one
in contact with agencies that rented us the different places
we lived in. When signing the contracts, the full responsibility
was mine.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
When it went.

Speaker 3 (17:18):
Badly with the realtors, I had to take care of
it myself, as she claimed to not understand these things.
Same for the bills providers and broadband. If we had
any issue, I automatically was the one who had to call.
I managed to take a few things off my shoulders.
When we rented the last flat we lived in together,
I only gave my sisters contact to the land lady.
She was always late paying her taxes, and one time

(17:41):
she got a trial because she ignored the warning letters.
I told her she needed to take care of that.
Guess who had to go to the council and fix it.
In spite of all this, she would sometimes complain that
I was a burden and she was taking care of
everything and the only one cooking and the only one cleaning,
totally not acknowledging what I was doing or that I
I had work to do too. I forgot to tell

(18:01):
you we were sharing a one bedroom flat.

Speaker 7 (18:04):
Oh nice, So they're just like sleepover every night?

Speaker 9 (18:10):
Love that?

Speaker 4 (18:11):
Yeah, I've done that.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
If you're in that situation, like, if you don't have
a great relationship with that person and y'all aren't communicating like.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Very well with each other, it's always going to end
up very bad.

Speaker 4 (18:23):
Yeah, especially if your sisters. Yeah, that's yikes.

Speaker 3 (18:27):
Most of the time I would sleep on the couch
in the living room when I wanted more privacy, But
there was always a point when I would miss sleeping
in a bed. My sister also invited people to sleep
over at our place. Once she went out and I
stayed at home as I had to go to UNI
in the morning. She came back late with a bunch
of people, came into my bedroom with a girl and
told her she could sleep in the bed with me
and the others would sleep on the couch. I was

(18:49):
just shocked and really mad. That night, I told her
her behavior was not okay and I didn't feel respected.
I made her promise this would never happen again, but
she kept inviting people over and hosting friends who came
from abroad all the time, even though we didn't even
have our own space. She kept doing it, and I
kept accepting it for a while until I was fed
up again, but she wouldn't hear me. We fought more

(19:10):
often about this and her overall disrespect. She would often
retort that I wasn't easy to live with either, and
when I asked her to tell me what I was
doing wrong so I could change it and make her
feel better, she would say she doesn't have an example
in mind. One time she said she didn't like the
fact I left my empty glass on the table, so
empty glass on the table is the equivalent to hey, stranger,
sleep in this bed next to my sister.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
She doesn't know you.

Speaker 4 (19:33):
I'm sorry, but that's weird. I would never ever like
what if the they could be.

Speaker 3 (19:38):
Both sides of that are weird to me because it's
weird for her sister to be like, oh, yeah, you
could totally just sleep in the bed next to my sister,
And it's weird for OP to not just be like, no,
you're not, like, yeah, sorry that my sister brought you
over without a place to sleep, but I'm sleeping in
the bed. I don't know you. You're not sleeping in
this bed. Get out of my room.

Speaker 4 (19:59):
Yeah, I feel like that's not all a rude thing
to say, you know.

Speaker 3 (20:01):
No, if I was the random person, I'd be like okay, clearly, clearly, okay,
if this isn't cool.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
She made it sound like this is cool.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
If it's not cool, I'm not gonna do it because
I'm not a psycho.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (20:13):
If I was the random person who like came in
and then we were like, oh, by the way, you're
gonna sleep with my sister that you don't know, I'd
be like, I'd rather sleep, probably anywhere else.

Speaker 2 (20:22):
I'm like, I'm gonna go. Actually, I'm just find a
place gonna leave.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Around that time last year, I was sick as heck,
and as she was going to go out that day,
I told her I didn't want to contaminate her, and
I'd be sleeping on the couch. She rang at the
door at three in the morning because she forgot her keys,
because yeah, that happened from time to time. Also, she
had also brought a friend of hers who didn't want
to take the bus home. At this point, it was
really too much. We had different people over for months.

(20:51):
She was basically treating me as if I was in
appliance in her flat, and I was tired of having
the same conversation over and over. So the next morning
I told her we needed to have rules.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
We don't tell.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
People they can stay over until we both have our
own room, and we try to be considerate to our roommate.
She said I was being annoying for always bringing up
something that happened one time two years ago, referring to
the first incident where she brought a girl in my
bed in the middle of the night, and that what
we really needed was bunk beds.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
Where did that idea come from?

Speaker 3 (21:22):
My sister only ever says sorry this way when I
confront her really hard about being disrespectful to me, and
this time added she can't change the way she is anyway,
which is bs. That's when I realized she really didn't
give a crap about me or my well being. Following
this conversation, she avoided me for days. I was the
sickest I had ever been. I didn't even go to
work and I was staying on the couch all day.

(21:44):
When she came back home, she would go straight to
the bedroom. When I started to feel better, I went
to the bedroom while she was at work and found
empty snack bags. Going to the kitchen would mean she
had to see me so potentially talk to me when.

Speaker 2 (21:55):
She got back home.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
I told her this needed to stop, and she said
I was the one ignoring her. I said it was
crazy how she could never admit her wrongs and she
didn't give a crap about me, because if she did,
she would have checked on me when I was sick,
or at least asked how I was feeling. Again, she said, well, sorry,
I'm that way, to which I replied, didn't mean anything.
If she wasn't doing anything to make things better. I

(22:18):
told her I was tired and afraid I might end
up hating her if she kept doing this to me,
and I really don't want that. A few days before,
I had received an offer for an internship back in
my hometown. Considering the situation, I felt like nothing was
holding me back in London. I accepted, but only announced
it to my sister about a week later, saying I
was out of here by the end of next month.

(22:39):
Once when we were out with friends, she said in
front of me, this time that I was mean and
I never let her do anything. It was around that
time also that she met a guy on Tinder and
things got moving pretty fast. One morning, I was falling
asleep I had worked the night shift when I heard
someone come home. I knew it wasn't my sister because
she was at work. I heard footsteps and started to
get scared, so I went to the bedroom door and

(23:00):
asked who was there. It was her new boyfriend, and
he had a few boxes with him. It looked like
he was moving in. I was puzzled, but didn't say anything,
as I thought my sister would have told me if
a guy I didn't know was moving in anyway. The
next time I saw my sister different working hours, the
guy was still home, so I took her aside and
asked what was going on.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
I said, what's happening? Is he living here?

Speaker 3 (23:19):
She says I don't know, and like I say, well,
I think it's simple. Either you told him he could
move in or he decided he could. Now you need
to tell me which is which, so I can react accordingly.
Same answer from her, She's like, I don't know. At
this point, I just go silent. There's nothing more to
say or do, and I know I'm moving out in
no week.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
Anyway.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
She came to talk to me a few days later,
saying she wanted to talk to me. She asked what
was wrong because she felt like I didn't like her boyfriend.
I told her the problem was her, not him, and
we had already talked about it, but she just ignored it.
She basically ignored it every time I tried to ask
her to be more considerate. We have a little bit
more story left, but like, this situation is insane, Like
your sister doesn't care. Just acknowledge that, understand how your

(24:01):
sister moves instead of like pretending like she's gonna change,
operate like she will never change, and then act accordingly.

Speaker 7 (24:09):
Yeah, this is like me and my sister, Like we
we get along great, but like in times like these
when we like don't.

Speaker 4 (24:15):
It's kind of like the same situation.

Speaker 7 (24:17):
Of like you say you're wrong and then like you know,
everything will be fine, but it's like no, like we
are so stubborn with each other because nobody wants to
lose a battle first and second, like especially if it's
with your sister, like it just I don't know, it does.

Speaker 4 (24:30):
Something to you. I feel like I feel like it
does something.

Speaker 7 (24:33):
It's like hmmm, like no, like I want to be right,
you know, cause you always say, like my sister used
to always like, you know, I do something. She'd be like,
you know, I remember that from when we were little,
and I'm like, what, like, especially when we were like
teenagers or whatever, she just come over and like just
hit me or punch for me or whatever.

Speaker 4 (24:49):
And I'd be like what was that and she'd be like, well.

Speaker 9 (24:52):
I just remember the time you did this to me.

Speaker 4 (24:53):
And I'm like it's stupid, but that's just like what
sisters do.

Speaker 7 (24:58):
I don't know, but she does seem inconsidered, and I
get that because I feel that way as well with
my sister.

Speaker 3 (25:04):
Sometimes that's good good to have the sibling perspective because
I'm just only child, can't really tap into the sibling mind.
But yeah, it's valuable to have that perspective for sure.

Speaker 4 (25:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:14):
Since I moved out, I'm so relieved, and I feel
like a huge burden has been taken off of my shoulders.
I wasn't feeling like myself anymore. I think my sister's
behavior forced me to be more serious and responsible. I
had to give her attention and support her all the
time and fix her mistakes when I felt like I
was on my own. Now I feel like I can
have more fun and focus on me. The only problem

(25:34):
is that I still love her. She's my sister and
we did have good times, but she pushed me to
the edge, and now I feel resentment to the point
that I sometimes want to be mean.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
Or belittle her.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
I know it's petty, and I know I shouldn't, but
something between us broke before my moving out. I don't
want to hate her. I know we're still better off apart,
that's for sure, but our family is still very close
and I'm scared this whole thing will destroy us. It's
been a year since I moved out, and when she
visited recently, I was surprised that I still feel anger.
I don't know how to make things better, or if
it's even possible. Maybe I need therapy bingo. Thank you

(26:09):
for reading, and any advice or suggestions are welcome. Well,
it was probably pretty cathartic writing all that out. That's
the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
She married my brother. Now she controls my life.

Speaker 4 (26:20):
No, not the brother.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Shouldn't she be controlling his life?

Speaker 4 (26:24):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (26:24):
I have only met her twice before she recently married
my brother. She was at her best and seemed decent enough.
I was happy to have a sister in law and
hope that we could have a great relationship. By the way,
this comes from user melancholy Bean, and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
I'm Dakota and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give
good advice. Goofly, But we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
We only know what we would do in any given situation.
So if you do something different, let us know. In
the comments, as op set. They got married in a
courthouse and told us about two months in advance. I
told them that I wasn't able to attend to be
because I have a senior dog with EPILEPSI fair a
fair reason to not attend. I have never boarded her
before and was worried because she's also high strung. They

(27:09):
also planned to have a vow renewal in two years
time with an overseas trip and planned to invite more people,
so I thought it wouldn't be too bad that I
missed out. I didn't think my sister in law cared
that much that I couldn't attend. They got married on
Christmas Eve and insisted I come and visit them.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
For a week the week after.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
They live in a different state. I am here now
and can't believe how controlling she is. She treats me
like a child, even though I'm older than her. When
my parents visited to attend their wedding, they told my
brother and sister in law that they were worried about me.
I lost confidence from my last job and was depressed and.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
Didn't work for a year. I did a short course.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
But other than that I stayed home most of the time,
I got more depressed because I let go of my
friendship with my supposedly best friend of almost twenty years.
My relationship with my mom is also strained. Twenty twenty
two was a depressing year for me. I already know
that my situation is pathetic, as I'm thirty six and
still live at home. Results may vary, that's not necessarily
the case.

Speaker 4 (28:04):
Yeah, sometimes it's hard. I get people a break.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
It's really only like once you like get married and
stuff in most other cultures that you're expected to even
move out in the first place. Yeah, it's only like
in the States and like Western culture, where that's so expected.
It's like until you have your own family, it's like
pretty much everywhere else, it's like.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Why would you not live with your family?

Speaker 4 (28:23):
They're right, and it makes sense.

Speaker 7 (28:25):
It's like save money so that you can afford instead
of you know, trying to do it and then failing
and being like, I'm in squalor.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
I'm a failure, right, and I talk.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
I've never moved out, so I don't have the experience
of living on my own or with roommates. But even
though I live at home, I used to pay rent
to my mom and split the utility bills. My parents
don't force me to pay rent, but as an adult,
it's the right thing to do, and I appreciate not
having to pay excessive rents. But since I didn't work
last year, I didn't pay rent. But I still split

(28:56):
the utility bills and buy things from my parents when
they need me to, and sometimes I don't ask to
be repaid. My parents don't know a lot of English,
so I help them as a translator when they need
me to, and help with whatever else they need. I'm
not mocking them. They mostly leave me alone and I'm
free to do whatever I want. They're not controlling or toxic. Obviously,

(29:17):
if they were, I would move out. On the first
night that I arrived, my brother and sister in law
were telling me I needed to move out. My sister
in law also complained about my new dog and said
I should give him up and that I'm using him
as an excuse to not move out. My mom wanted
to get a new dog as her friend was giving
her dogs away. I was hesitant because I was worried
my senior dog couldn't cope with a new dog. I said,

(29:37):
we can try him out for a week, but it's
been a month and I'm attached to him and.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
He's attached to me.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
He's two years old, and since he wasn't socialized and
was left in the backyard with his siblings, he has
behavioral and social issues, which is understandable. He's aggressive around
my parents, tending to bark and lunch at them, But
so far I have taught him to sit and he
tells me when he needs to do his business because
he goes and sits by the door. He's still peas
and poops in the house if I let him roam free,
but he doesn't do it in my room.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
He's actually quite a good boy otherwise. No he's not.

Speaker 3 (30:05):
Sorry, No he's not. He's trying to bite your parents.
You can't say he tries to bite my parents.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
All the time. But otherwise he's a good boy.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
He also poops and peas everywhere in the house unless
I keep him in my room, but otherwise he's a
good dog. That's a dog that takes a lot of
training and a lot of time and energy that I
don't think you're able to give.

Speaker 4 (30:24):
Yeah, there was a lot of stipulations with that.

Speaker 9 (30:27):
She was like, I mean, he's great but like it
was the butts.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
And to be honest, you've had the dog for like
a couple of months, and you say it's attached to you,
It'll be attached to someone else if they stay.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
With it for a couple months.

Speaker 4 (30:38):
It's true, and it's sad.

Speaker 3 (30:40):
Sorry, my sister in law was putting down my dogs
and praise how good her dog is, even though she
bought him from a breeder and put in the effort
to take him to puppy school and train him. So
of course her dog would behave more than my dogs. Well, yes,
I mean she's right, but I mean she shouldn't be
like to just like like throwing it in your face. Yeah,
she shouldn't throw it in your face. But like it's
kind of weird that you're like, well, yeah, of course

(31:01):
she had her dogs trained.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Yeah, it's like, yeah, you should do that. And then
people tell me I.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
Hate dogs because I say stuff like that hates dogs.
I'm like, no, train your animals. If they're animals that
need to be trained, train them.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
Well, it's just everyone thinks they need a dog. Like
they're like, oh my god, it's OK, you don't want
a dog.

Speaker 7 (31:17):
Then they don't realize how much work, and then they're like,
oh my god, and then they're like not good, you know,
like they can't be if you.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
Don't put in the work to train your dog. Your
dog's in menace.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
To society, to literally everyone around it. It's sort of
like the same premise of like an unruly child, where
it's like the parents are like.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
Oh, I love They're so sweet.

Speaker 3 (31:38):
I love them, but everyone around them is like, make
that kid be quiet.

Speaker 4 (31:42):
Yeah, no, they're just charismatic, Like.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
They're actually screaming at the top of their lungs in
olive garden and you need to make them stop. The
next day, we went to have brunch and they kept
on telling me to move out and treat me like
a child.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
I was frustrated and started to feel more depressed. They
already felt depressed.

Speaker 3 (31:59):
But tried to have a good time, only to be
subjected to lecturing. It was New Year's Eve and that
night we went to a dinner event at a brewery.
She forced me to drink, even though I didn't want to,
as I already felt depressed and I get sad when
I drink. On the way home to uber, the conversation
somehow changed into her mentioning again that I live at
home and don't pay rent. Before that, she was ranting

(32:20):
about how her parents forced her to do piano in
sports when she was young. I joked that she had
an Asian childhood. I am Asian and she's Caucasian, but
our childhoods were the opposite. I didn't know her parents
were quite strict and headstrong. I said that usually Asian
parents don't force their children to pay rent, and she
started getting angry and saying I can't generalize, and just
getting really pissed off. When we got dropped off, she

(32:43):
kept on going off at me and saying that I'm
a child. She said that I'm negative and don't appreciate
her hospitality, and then I don't say thank you, and
I kept on asking for things. I was so confused
because I didn't think I was doing anything wrong or
being rude. I wasn't obsessing over saying thank you, and
was chill because when I first arrived, my brother was
showing me my room. I was saying thank you and
that he doesn't have to worry about making me comfortable

(33:05):
because I'm easy, and he yelled at me to not
be so polite.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
So I relaxed.

Speaker 3 (33:09):
I'm usually polite and say thank you and sorry more
than necessary. And apparently I'm negative because I told the
truth about the bed being uncomfortable, they asked me how
I slept. I said the bed was quite hard. My
sister in law told me a few weeks before I
arrived that she bought a sofa bed. I appreciate that
she did that and message here thank you. I told
them I would be fine sleeping on the floor or
the blow up mattress that they have. When she apologized

(33:30):
after berating me, I started crying.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
Because I was so confused.

Speaker 3 (33:34):
After talking it out, it turned out that she was
still upset that I didn't attend their wedding and was
getting upset over little things I did. Even so, it
was completely out of line. I can forgive her, but
it's the fact that she's condescending towards me. I can't
say anything without her trying to one up me, making
it seem like I'm a complainer, or treating me like
a child. Examples. I don't want to talk to her

(33:55):
because of how she is with me. And the other
day when we were waiting for my brother to own
opened the door after he parked his car. She asked
if I was okay. I said, yeah, I'm just tired.
She asked if I usually have afternoon naps and I
said sometimes, but I try not to because it's not
that beneficial for me. And she said that it could
be worse.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
I have sleep issues.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
And she gave me advice about seeing a cognitive behaviorist
and all that, because she does breath exercises and tried
other methods to help with her ADHD related anxiety. I
asked her, so do you feel well rested the next day,
and she couldn't even answer me. Normally, she kept on saying, well,
I know what's wrong with me, and I took steps
to do what's right for me, and prevention is better
than a cure. It sounds like she answered you my guy.

(34:36):
She's like, well, I mean I know what worked for me,
so I did that. I try to figure out what
was wrong with me. Your situation is different than mine.
I don't know if what works for me is gonna
work for you. That's an answer. We went to an
open range zoo yesterday and she did mention that a
Safari bus tour usually comes every ten minutes. Later on,
she asked what I wanted to see, and I said
we can go on the tour and asked when that
came by. She looked annoyed and walked away and said,

(34:57):
like I said, when I went there, they came around
every ten minutes.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
She sounds annoying.

Speaker 4 (35:01):
I mean it's different, like who cares Honestly.

Speaker 3 (35:04):
She sounds annoying. She's not being honest about why she's
annoyed by you. If she's upset that you were at
the wedding, she should have just said that and been like, hey, sorry,
I just gotta get this on my chest.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
I'm kind of upset that you didn't go to our wedding.
What was that about?

Speaker 3 (35:16):
You go, oh my god, I'd have an elderly dog
with epilepsy. I had to take care of him.

Speaker 2 (35:20):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (35:20):
So she got pissed off because the first morning after
I arrived, I took too long in the shower. I
took a bit longer because I washed my hair. I
also didn't think they needed to shower because they had
a shower before bed the night before. We also didn't
have a booking somewhere, so we weren't late for anything.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
We just went to brunch.

Speaker 3 (35:36):
She makes little comments about me, and I've seen her
whispering to my brother from my peripheral vision after I've
walked by. She constantly treats me like a child, and
it's frustrating, but I have to pretend everything is fine
because I'm the guest.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
We have a little bit more story left, But like,
what is our take here?

Speaker 7 (35:51):
I think that this sister in law is very controlling
and she feels resentment towards Opie because they didn't come
to the wedding. But the thing is, like, you know,
she had a reason. It's not like she just made
up a fake reason and was like, oh, I just
something's happening and I can't come.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
You know, my stories were on that day and I
couldn't not watch them.

Speaker 4 (36:14):
Yeah, like it could have been like a much worse.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
But she I can't do anything until I watched the
new episode.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
Of she Hulck.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
Sorry, I'd be mad if you didn't come to our
wedding because of she Hulk, But you had an elderly
dog with e BILEPSI, So fair enough.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
Let's finish this story.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
Yeah, she said she stopped taking her ADHD medicine because
they're trying to start a family. So at first I
understand that it might be causing her to have mood swings,
but it doesn't give her the right to be in
a hole to me. She doesn't try to understand me
or my anxieties. She has all these assumptions about me
when she doesn't know my experiences. I try to be
understanding towards her, but she's self righteous and judgmental. She

(36:54):
thinks she's better than me because she's married. I worry
about them having children now because she seems quite manipulative
and controlling. She needs more therapy before starting a family.
I worry about my future nieces and nephews and.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
That here's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (37:07):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

Speaker 5 (37:09):
Here.

Speaker 1 (37:09):
We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (37:12):
I adopted my little sister, but my girlfriend was not happy.
Last month, when my twenty four mail parents were driving
back from my uncle's house outside the city, they encountered
a moose on a remote road in the forest. My father,
who was the driver, swerved at a high speed hit
a tree. They both passed away on scene. Because it
wasn't a very often used road, they were only discovered

(37:34):
the next day by passerby trigger warning mention of passing away.
By the way, this comes from Throwaway eighty nine. And
if you want to speak you own stories, go to
the RSAE okay stories. I'm Subreddit, I'm Riley, I'm Dakota,
I'm Keon, and we have not been through all of
these situations before, but if you have, please put your
comments down below. We're just here to give the best

(37:55):
advice we can. Sopi says, my sister eight female has
been staying with my grandma, who I'm not a great
fan of. She said that she doesn't want to adopt
my sister, so the next option was me. I agreed
with it without a question. We are very close and
in the end, she's my family and I love her
to the end of the world. My sister moved in
with my girlfriend twenty three female and me two weeks ago. Obviously,

(38:16):
she is very scared from what happened to our parents.
We're both very close to them and they were great people.
She still doesn't really talk much, only to me and
sometimes my girlfriend. We take her to therapy twice a week,
and there are improvements even in such a short amount
of time. Yesterday, after I stayed with my sister in
her bed until she fell asleep, I went to my
in my girlfriend's room. She said that we had to

(38:39):
talk about this situation. She said that we don't really
have time for each other since my sister moved in.
It's fair point. We've only had spicy sleep once and
that's when my sister was away, and even then I
wasn't really into it at all. She said I should
reconsider the adoption and maybe hand her over to my
uncle and aunt. I feel like the girlfriends should have
brought this up with questions for the boyfriend, because this

(39:00):
is an easy solution one. This is a season. Girlfriend,
We're going through a season that I have to take
care of my sister, and you could be a part
of it or not. And we can always have working
arounds where the aunt and uncle can help out too. Sometimes,
That's what I think. Anyways, I refused. They already busy
as it is. My uncle isn't allowed to work because
of a heart condition and because it didn't work long

(39:20):
before the being diagnosed, his disability fund isn't very big.
My aunt works at a retirement home that obviously doesn't
pay great They also pay for my cousin's university expenses
while juggling taken care of my younger cousin, who's only five.
My girlfriend is in her last year of university, so
we don't have much money either. Luckily, I found a
job after university in my field that pays pretty well,

(39:42):
and it's been tough financially. Soon enough, I will start
receiving funds from the government for adopting my sister. My
girlfriend said that she isn't ready to become a mother
and overall having all these responsibilities of a parent, which
I can understand, it's tough. She said. It's been putting
a big strain on our relationship, which again is valid.

(40:03):
Hate to say it. Don't seem like you cut out
for this season of my life.

Speaker 8 (40:07):
Yeah, dude, I think it's time to leave her. I
think if you're like, oh, okay, me taking care of
my sister is a red flag for you, I guess
you should find somebody else. I guess we're not cut
out to be together because I'm picking my sister over you.

Speaker 5 (40:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (40:22):
We just lost our parents as well. Those were my parents, yeah,
and hers also.

Speaker 5 (40:29):
Pete. How are you doing? How are you doing? With this, Yeah,
I hope you're doing all right before we get back
from work and university and be off for the entire day.
But now we have to pick up my sister from school,
driver to the therapist and take care of her a
lot since when she's home, since she doesn't like to
be alone. I told her that while she makes valid points,

(40:49):
all of that goes out the window when this is
my sister. I just can't throw her away because it's
not easy. It won't be easy, and I have to
write it out. But she doesn't. It probably wasn't the
right thing to say because it set her off, and
she said that if I had to choose between my
sister and her, who would I pick?

Speaker 8 (41:08):
Crazy? Are you crazy? Do you think in any universe
you win that? Do you think at all? I've just
lost both of my parents, Me and my sister are
now the only ones left in our family, like immediate family.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
You think I'm gonna pick you over my sister?

Speaker 5 (41:26):
Yeah, get your head screwed on straight there.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
That's the fastest I pick my sister. Bye. Yeah, see
you hit the bricks.

Speaker 5 (41:33):
I did an answer, and we got into a bit
of a verbal fight, after which I went to sleep
on the couch and I broke down from everything that
has been going on lately.

Speaker 4 (41:42):
Day.

Speaker 5 (41:43):
I should add that my girlfriend and I have been
together for nine years. She knew my parents and they
loved her. She also knows my sister from birth, and
I can't understand how she would make me pick between them.
I love both of them and I don't want to
lose either of them. I think I need advice on
what to do or say with my girlfriend because I'm
at a loss. We haven't edit. I also want to
add because people seem to think that I just suddenly

(42:05):
took my sister without even talking to my girlfriend. That's
not the case. We've talked about it at length. She
said that we needed to get her to come home
to us no matter what. That's why I was also
really surprised at what she had to say. Even if
you didn't have to have a conversation, take your eight
year old sister in, I don't think you need a conversation.

Speaker 8 (42:22):
Yeah, that's my hot take, and I'm gonna agree not
ill that's ice cold to me because it's like, yeah,
my parents are gone, I have a sister who's eight. Yep,
she's gonna live with us, and you live with me,
So if you're gonna be here, she's gonna live with us.

Speaker 5 (42:39):
So this is what I think you should take your girlfriend.
As I tell her, I love you. This is something
I'm serious about. One of the biggest things that you
voiced to me is that we don't have a lot
of time together. I think once we get to the
root of that and work towards saving figuring that problem out,
we'll be good. I cannot get rid of my sister.
I am not going to let her be with someone else.
She's gonna stay with me, and that's my responsibility.

Speaker 7 (42:59):
Straight.

Speaker 5 (43:00):
I'm going to need you to work with me on
that or I don't think this is going to work out.
But let's drop the ultimatum. Let's figure out ways to
have more time for ourselves, because that's the biggest issue
here is that they just don't have time for each other.

Speaker 8 (43:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (43:11):
Update two, Okay, we ended up talking about it for
a while, and this is how it all went down.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
I think they're splitting.

Speaker 5 (43:18):
I think they're together, and this is how we talk
went down. At first, my girlfriend apologized profusely for the
other night. She said she acted like a spoiled little
crap and that it wasn't acceptable at all. I told
her that I still love her the same, even though
what she said was hurtful, that I understood it was
a huge jump for her. I explained to her that
she doesn't need to be a mother, just a friend

(43:41):
or a big sister to my sister, and that I
don't want to push any responsibilities on her. I said
that if she'd like to, we could both take a
break from each other to process this. She refused and
said that she processed it and admitted that what she
said was a result of everything changing so quickly. She
said she didn't want or need a break because she
realized what she said was in the wrong. She said

(44:03):
she regretted what she said almost immediately, but thought that
the damage was done and that I would break up
with her. She was scared to approach me because of that.
She also said that she didn't mean to make me
pick between them, and admitted herself that if someone posed
her that question, if she were in that situation, she
would drop them. She was thankful for me with holding

(44:23):
that decision until we had a talk. She said it
arose from her feeling distance from me, and jealousy that
I was spending a lot of time with my sister
but had to spend less time with her as a result.
That makes sense. There was a little bit of jealousy there.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Fair, I mean logical, logical.

Speaker 5 (44:40):
She understands why though it's necessary I take care of
my sister while she's hurting, and she said she wishes
to help me with that as much as she can.
She admitted, for the past thirteen years, I've been her everything,
and for those two weeks she thought she was losing me.
It terrified her. But after talking about it with some
of her close friends, I saw that she wasn't losing me,

(45:01):
just that a very important thing popped up in my
life that I had to be taken care of and
it was going to take a lot of my attention,
which was previously focused mostly on her. Which makes sense.
You guys were very deeply in love in thirteen years
in which is beautiful, So a little bit of unstability
in that it makes sense.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
Was it thirteen or nine?

Speaker 5 (45:21):
I thought it was nine, Yeah, she admitted, for the
past thirteen years, I've been heard everything.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
I guess I like this.

Speaker 5 (45:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
I also were not even like that.

Speaker 8 (45:28):
It could have even come out though. Okay, hear me, like,
this is just damage control.

Speaker 5 (45:32):
Yeah, it's damage control and we're not even halfway through.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
Oh yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (45:36):
She said she wants me to know I can depend
on her in terms of responsibility about my sister and
that she will do her best to be good to
my sister. And I can see that compared yesterday or
the day before, my girlfriend really tried with my sister. Today,
she initiated conversations with her and helped her out more
with homework and picking out some clothes before going to
the therapist. It was as if seeing my girlfriend go

(45:58):
from being a child to an adult in a matter
of a day. I'll submitted some of my faults, such
as neglecting her over the past few weeks, although unintentionally
I realize it could have had an impact on a person.

Speaker 8 (46:09):
Brother, you're literally grieving the passing of your parents. Yeah,
like you deserve to be given all of the grace
in the situation. And that's why there was a comment
saying like, well, sometimes people say things that are like,
upon further reflection, they realize we're wrong. Sure, but like
you need to know in the context of your partner

(46:30):
of maybe what thirteen years their parents are gone and
you don't have the wherewithal to like be sympathetic to
their sister and him wanting to adopt.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
Her and take care of her.

Speaker 8 (46:43):
Yeah, not giving him grace being maybe I don't know
a little not as present in your relationship after that
happens is insane.

Speaker 5 (46:51):
To me, agreed. I also admitted to not really giving
her much of a say on the matter of whether
my sister would come here to stay. We came up
with a few things, namely that we must definitely go
to therapy sooner rather than later. She suggested leaving my
sister with my aunt and uncle for a few hours
over the weekend, but we go and sort that out.
We also agree that we need to balance our time

(47:13):
more efficiently so we can at least have a bit
more time to reconnect with each other, which was my thing.
She told me that she's sorry for not helping me
grieve or finding time to do that, and that our
fight was a wake up call for her not being
supportive enough of me through what happened recently. She said
she will do whatever she can to make up for
her overstepping. It was at this point that the whole

(47:36):
month hit like a train. I cried a lot while
she hugged me and gave me words of reassurance and
comfort through the whole thing, while allowing me to release
what I'd been holding on for the past month. This
was my girlfriend, as I knew her, a very caring person.
I really hope that what she showed two days ago
wasn't her real face, but merely a reaction stemming from insecurity.

(47:59):
Only time can tell, and it has to true. Park.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
It's good that you're aware of that because it is true.

Speaker 5 (48:05):
Yeah, you're pretty mature for this. He's adulted a lot
within the past a little bit.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
Yeah, you're not out of the woods yet.

Speaker 3 (48:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (48:12):
I think it was a positive thing to do, And
obviously there were still tons more where that came from,
but it's a step in the right direction. When I
came back home with my sister, we all played cards
and it just felt like we were a family. It's
a good feeling. As of the time that I'm writing this,
I put my sister to sleep, and today she didn't
take much time to fall asleep at all. She's pretty
much drifted off after a forehead kiss and some cuddles.

(48:34):
I'm in the living room on the couch right now.
My girlfriend is taking a shower and we're planning to
watch a movie together. Honestly, I'm thankful to everyone who
gave me advice over the past few hours. I don't
think I could have kept a level head so much
if Manny hadn't offered different points of view and sound advice.
One thing I learned from this ordeal is that communication,
especially in times of stress like this, is vital for

(48:56):
making important decisions. It's good to talk to your partner
and see if they maybe have an explanation for what
they did, but also be ready for the worst. Yeah.
Like we say, communicate early and of yeah, and we
also say pee.

Speaker 6 (49:16):
Side.

Speaker 5 (49:17):
It's good for the plants. Really is. I went into
the conversation with my girlfriend being ready to break up
with her if her view had it changed, because like
it or not, but don being my sister was a priority.
I think that two days ago my girlfriend didn't understand
why and could accept it. But after talking to her
and explaining why I have to take care of my
sister like this, she now understands and accepts it.

Speaker 8 (49:37):
I'm sorry it is such a red flag to me.
That she needs that explained to her. That in and
of itself, I'm glad that she seems receptive to the information,
But like, how do you not understand parents pass away
in a car accident?

Speaker 2 (49:54):
Was she involved in it? The little sister was in
the car, right, Yeah?

Speaker 8 (49:58):
Yeah, so in incredibly traumatic for her.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
And you don't understand why the one person she has left.

Speaker 8 (50:05):
In her immediate family wants to adopt her and take
care of her. And you're mad that you won't be
able to go on date night.

Speaker 5 (50:12):
Yeah, come on, girl on, dude, we have a third
update seventy two days later. Everyone's against the girlfriend here.

Speaker 6 (50:18):
Oh p and sister. They deserve a little vacation from girlfriend.
Go somewhere nice. I don't know. They deserve a fun time.
They deserve such a good time.

Speaker 5 (50:26):
Yeah a lot. This happened as my first post in
the end my girlfriend now.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
X, I guess there it is.

Speaker 5 (50:33):
Deal with the fact that I had a new priority
because for the last thirteen years.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
It was you, baby.

Speaker 5 (50:39):
All she had to worry about was you and her,
and that was gonna be live. I admit I wasn't
the best at managing time between them two and I
spent a lot more with my sister than my girlfriend,
but I think that's understandable. Maybe In general, my girlfriend
was on and off with my sister. One day she
would be the nicest person to her, and the other
would completely blow her off and be borderline mean. I

(51:01):
had a few talks with her that this needs to stop,
but it would only end up working for maybe the
rest of the week, and the next it would be
back to square one. About three weeks ago, it erupted
into a big argument. She accused me of not loving
her anymore and that I play favorites. I told her
they're not my children to be playing favorites, and that
obviously for some time, my sister is gonna need a

(51:24):
lot more attention since you know, she lost her parents.
In the end, she went back on her ultimatum sister
or her. I was angry at this point because she
had been mean to my sister that day and I
told her she can pack her crap and find a
new place to sleep. I haven't seen her since, and
quite frankly, I really don't want to good.

Speaker 6 (51:43):
I want to see her explain to everybody like she
broke up with me because he picked a sister over me, Oh,
why did he do that?

Speaker 5 (51:54):
She was just in a I don't know, in a
car one time and and something happened. I don't know.
It's like, it's really dramatic.

Speaker 2 (51:59):
Eye Christy Cameron's putting it the right way. Girlfriend had
no empathy.

Speaker 5 (52:04):
Oh my, zero.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
Empathy for the sister.

Speaker 8 (52:07):
And that's not something that you can go Actually, I
thought about it now. Empathy is not something you just
think about.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
It's something that hits you and you feel it. She said.

Speaker 5 (52:14):
Girlfriend had no empathy for his poor sister and him
going through something traumatic.

Speaker 8 (52:17):
Yeah, yeah, none whatsoever. Oh, you cannot teach that. You
cannot think that he stopped painting my nails.

Speaker 5 (52:24):
What am I gonna do now?

Speaker 6 (52:25):
She literally said, what about my needs? And rots Huh.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
She should immediately understand, Oh, this isn't about me at all.

Speaker 5 (52:31):
All.

Speaker 8 (52:32):
She's saying that she's that you don't love her anymore
because you're taking care of your sister.

Speaker 5 (52:36):
She's insane and a mom's boy says, that's why she
was a girlfriend, not a wife. This was a good
wife test. Yeah, see how she would do.

Speaker 6 (52:43):
So girlfriend test? That's terrible, it's wild.

Speaker 5 (52:48):
So we text her for a bit basically both sides,
confirming it's over and arranging when she can come for
the rest of her stuff. As for my sister, she's
a lot better. She doesn't stay in her room all
day anymore, and she's slowly going back to her talkative
old self. Oh I wonder why she still doesn't lie
being alone. But it was the same before the accident.
So my girlfriend moved out and we're sharing a bed

(53:09):
for comfort. She still wakes up at night crying sometimes,
so it's better when I'm there, and frankly, it's a
lot more comfortable. Guys, you called it. I didn't want
to believe it. I thought there was a little bit
left here, but I did feel love bombing.

Speaker 8 (53:22):
Let me say exactly what should have been said. Yeah,
let me say what I think he needs to hear,
diffigure And he did. And it's like, if you really
meant that, and you meant that down to your core,
it could have worked.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
But you didn't.

Speaker 8 (53:33):
You just said that because it's not something you should
need to check.

Speaker 2 (53:37):
I cannot emphasize enough how easy.

Speaker 8 (53:40):
It should be to know that when your boyfriend of
nine or thirteen or however many years loses their parents
in a car accident, and their sister's in the car
and lost her parents and she's eight years old. And
he goes, I'm gonna take care of my sister, and
you go, ah, but us, but me, but my time
with you?

Speaker 6 (53:59):
It doesn't matter. Crazy for that, I was gonna say,
it doesn't matter if it's ten years, twenty years, one week,
two week, three months, one day. Yeah, that's insane.

Speaker 5 (54:08):
It is wild, very much wild. One thing I really
regret is my sister heard that whole fight and she
started apologizing for breaking me and my girlfriend up. I
assured her it was not her fault at all, and
if anything, she helped me see who my girlfriend really was.
She still goes to therapy and it's really helped a ton.
She doesn't need me to be there while she falls asleep,

(54:29):
and doesn't panic when I go to the shop for
fifteen minutes. All in all, these past three months have
been the hardest time in my life, but eye opening
to my exes, regard for family, and kind of me too.
Sorry for no happy ending, I guess this is how
life really is.

Speaker 6 (54:44):
Brother, Yes, sucks, but you have a happy ending with
way better off with that chick.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
Super happy ending. Imagine you were married to her.

Speaker 8 (54:52):
Oh my gosh, and then she like she would drag
out the divorce, try to take everything she could from
you and your sister. Now, she probably would have been
vicious because there was talking there about I hate that
I predicted that she was going to be mean to
your sister because she's just full of crap saying oh, yeah,
I was wrong, I thought about it. I was wrong,
you're right, and then we can do this, and then
the resentment's just going to go right on to your

(55:14):
sister while she's literally recovering from one of the most
traumatic things you could ever go through. Oh right, so hard,
not only like parentless, but then there's the survivor's guilt
and everything, you know, all of it. Yeah, that she
could be mean to your sister because she's jealous that
she's getting attention from you is actually like psycho, come on,

(55:35):
so good, it's good.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
This is great news.

Speaker 5 (55:38):
It's amazing news. And guys, let's the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (55:42):
Hey is John og host.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
We don't get back to the stories, but a quick
free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 9 (55:47):
My boyfriend refuses to bond with our baby. Now I'm
starting to regret everything. Well, I hope you're not regretting
the baby. I'm twenty eight female and I have been
dating my boyfriend, twenty nine male since August twenty twenty three.
I just gave birth to our son, who's six weeks old.
We both didn't necessarily plan or want to have children,
but we're both excited when I got pregnant. I personally

(56:08):
have always been afraid of childbirth, but obviously had to
get over that. By the way, this comes from belly Lynn,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime subparate it. This is
straight from the r slash Okay Storytime Suburn.

Speaker 8 (56:19):
Yes, I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon. Well, just
to let you know, folks, these stories we read, not
all of us have.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
Been in these situations.

Speaker 8 (56:29):
We're just trying to give the best advice that we can,
so keep that in mind as you listen, and if
you've been.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
Through these situations, tell us what you did down in
the comments.

Speaker 9 (56:38):
I am currently on maternity leave, unpaid but insured, and
have another seven weeks left. My boyfriend's fully paid paternity
leave ended two weeks ago and he's been back at
work eight thirty to five Monday through Friday. My boyfriend
has not missed a single second of sleep since the
baby was born. We had to spend a couple nights
in the hospital due to my blood pressure being elevated,

(56:59):
and the second baby started cluster feeding and was up
all night crying. He did not wake up and slept
soundly from ten pm to six am. I had a
third degree tear and it hurt to sneeze or laugh,
let alone get up and walk around. But I couldn't
get the baby to stop crying unless I was pacing
around the room. I was literally standing above him with
a crying newborn, and he didn't even flinch. The first

(57:22):
week home, he took the baby from me maybe once
or twice that week so I could catch up on sleep,
but wasn't able to figure out how to stop him
from crying. Then figure it out. You either have to
deal with crying baby for however long your shift is,
or you know, figure out how to stop the baby
from crying. I feel like that discouraged him from taking him,
and he constantly tells me, well, you have the front

(57:44):
air bags, you have what he wants, which is true.
I'm pumping and feeding, so it's not like he doesn't
have food to give him. If he's crying, his mother
can take him and feed him and he will stop crying,
which is immediately followed up with, well, she has front
airbridge too, as if his mother is feeding him. So
from the second week on, I have been basically with
the baby twenty four to seven minus the roughly two

(58:05):
to three hours he has with him sporadically through the day,
holding him so I can use the bathroom, shower, or
make food. But the second the baby cries, he's searching
for me or ignoring it. The next two weeks of
his paternity leave was filled with him trying to get
back on his schedule. He needs to go to the
gym daily, spending roughly two to four hours at the
gym because of his mental health.

Speaker 8 (58:26):
Hey, I see a sacrifice we can make because you
don't need to go to the gym for two to
four hours a day day getting physical exercise to maintain
your mental health.

Speaker 9 (58:36):
You're on paternity leave, not gym leave. Why are you
prioritizing the gym over your baby? And he was getting
annoyed once the afternoon hit and he still had not
gone because I was asking him to help. He also
spent hours playing video games with his friends, sometimes from
the afternoon till one or two in the morning. Didn't
once ask if I needed a break or just take
initiative on taking the baby to hang out with them,

(58:59):
when that is literally why he was given time off.

Speaker 6 (59:01):
Nah, babe, this is vacation.

Speaker 4 (59:03):
It's vacation.

Speaker 9 (59:04):
Paternity leave means I hang out with my friends.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
It's crazy.

Speaker 9 (59:10):
Paternity leave was not given to him for him to
catch up on sleep or be out of the house
for hours, or to play games with his friends. It's
literally for him to be there to help me heal
from pushing out an eight pound baby. I couldn't get
out of bed without pain for the first two weeks,
but he was in the other room and couldn't hear
me call for help. So I'd get up to do

(59:31):
the things I needed to do, and when I walked
past him in the living room playing games, he'd look
at me as if nothing is wrong. I made comments
about his helping, and he'd take the baby from me
and continue playing his game, having the baby lay on
his lap with a little to no neck support, which
just annoyed me, you can't hold your child for a
couple hours without playing video games, and you wonder why

(59:52):
the baby is crying all floppy on your lap. He
does anything i'd ask, and he does make food for me,
but at the same time he doesn't take any initiative
and would just let me pick up food for thirty
minutes while carrying the baby while he goes back to
his games. It's quite hard to eat when you have
a wiggly baby in your arms, all right.

Speaker 8 (01:00:10):
Like straight up, you need to lay down like a
full blown ultimatum of yeah, hey, if you don't want
to take care of our child, that's fine, go ahead
and get out of our life. Leave and you know whatever.
But I'm not going to just have you here being
a completely unhelpful presence, Like you need to speak up
and say like, hey, this is entirely unacceptable, and you're

(01:00:32):
acting like you're like not do my partner, Like this
kid's not even yours.

Speaker 9 (01:00:36):
You're acting like absolutely Before having the baby, he would
play games, but when he was working, he'd only play
from eight to nine pm to ten to eleven PM.
So I don't really understand the increase in playtime when
you literally have a girlfriend and baby to take care of.
When he does have the baby, he acts completely oblivious
to the needs of a newborn, which consists of being hungry,

(01:00:56):
being dirty, or being uncomfortable. You literally feed, change or
reposition the child and it'll be okay. And he looks
to me for help. Did he not read like any book?
Did he not do any prep? And then I'm leading
up to the baby.

Speaker 6 (01:01:09):
Has he not seen a single thing about father's.

Speaker 9 (01:01:12):
That's what I'm wondering because I feel like when I
get pregnant, I'm reading every book that I can, like
any material that I can. I'm talking to everyone who
has a kid to are my parents. I'm like, how
do I parent baby? What do I need to know?

Speaker 6 (01:01:26):
He like holds it by the ank. Was like, is
this how you hold it?

Speaker 7 (01:01:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 9 (01:01:29):
Like, brother, how the f am I able to figure
that out both our first child and he isn't. Do
one of three things to make him stop, and it works.
He sits on the bed or couch with the baby,
and baby will start crying and he refuses to get
up and pace around the room. When I take him
back and walk around the room with him, he stops crying.
And that's obviously because I have front air bags that

(01:01:52):
he stopped crying, like, what the f Since he's back
at work, he gets up at five am, goes to
the gym from six to seven fifty, gets ready for work,
then goes to work from eight am to five pm,
with the occasional meeting that ends around eight pm. He
tries to be asleep by ten to eleven pm, so
you get two.

Speaker 4 (01:02:10):
Hours with him. Two hours so he's.

Speaker 9 (01:02:13):
Out of commission from ten pm to six pm the
next fing day. Does not check on the baby or
me before the gym or going to work, and when
he gets back from work, doesn't request to take the
baby from me so I can shower or just have
some time to myself. We'll get on the video games
until eleven to twelve pm. I'll have to ask to
shower or ask him to help me and give the
baby a bottle so my nipples have a break. He

(01:02:35):
doesn't ask for basic needs. He also kind of just
implied that his day to day wasn't going to change
because he needed the gym and likes to wind down
with video games, when my life has completely changed and
revolves around the baby schedule. Last week Friday, he told
his friends he can't be on the video games all
night because he feels like an irresponsible man, and like
he doesn't spend time with us, So you don't feel

(01:02:57):
like that, you just are.

Speaker 2 (01:02:59):
I think he's slowly developing a brain.

Speaker 9 (01:03:02):
I don't even know.

Speaker 8 (01:03:03):
Maybe the brain stem is built and now there's a
little bit of brain being built on top of it.
He's like, actually, guys, when I played games until the
end of the day and then go to sleep without
being a father, I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Speaker 9 (01:03:17):
Well I feel like maybe I don't know if this
is true, but I feel like maybe someone in that
friend group was like, all, like, how's the baby, and
he's like the baby, Oh my god, the baby. Right.

Speaker 8 (01:03:28):
That will make you snap too when your own friend
group is like yo, are you being a like why
are you playing video games?

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
And you just have a baby.

Speaker 8 (01:03:38):
And then you're like yeah, but like I wouldn't ever
stop playing games with the bros. And they're like you should, idiot,
Like you have a baby.

Speaker 9 (01:03:46):
So that's cool that I didn't have to tell him
to do that and he noticed on his own, But like,
in what world was that okay to begin with? Yeah,
the last two nights he's been falling asleep by nine pm.
He gets home at six pm, makes food for himself,
but Bill doesn't insist on taking or holding the baby,
or giving the baby a bottle. Now, since he's back
to work, he hasn't taken any initiative on taking the

(01:04:08):
baby on the weekends either. Last week Saturday, he ended
up helping a friend move some stuff and told me
it would take two hours, but ended up taking seven.
His justification is, well, I made two hundred dollars. I
don't care like sir one. You don't ask for crap.
You just tell me you're doing stuff, whereas I have
to ask you to watch him, to go to the

(01:04:28):
dentist appointment or my postpartum appointments and ef thing. Shower. Yeah,
he gets to go to the gym for one to
two hours a day, play video games and oh he
can't even shower. That's absolutely ridiculous.

Speaker 6 (01:04:42):
The guys is again, do he comes into after gamings
like you stick?

Speaker 9 (01:04:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:04:48):
Yeah, you looked.

Speaker 9 (01:04:50):
Oh are you so tired babe?

Speaker 2 (01:04:52):
Oh my god?

Speaker 9 (01:04:52):
And make sure you're okay to be with the baby
for that long by yourself. Where do you get off
by taking my only alleged free time away from me,
and justifying it with wool, I'm getting paid. What are
you afraid of being around an effing baby? Don't even
get me started on his mother. She sucks all the
excitement out of the effing room. She posted about the
baby being born on social media before either of us did.

(01:05:15):
That's a big no note including delivery room picks. Wow,
totally not okay to post pictures of the mom right after. Like,
that's also just a very vulnerable state.

Speaker 8 (01:05:27):
Apple doesn't fall far from the stinky loll trees the
garbage can.

Speaker 9 (01:05:32):
It's one of those trees that smells like fish, you know,
the ones when they bloom. They look nice, but they
smell like fish. Didn't even ask to be in the
delivery room, but kind of just lingered until everything was happening.
Justified it by saying, well, I just thought she'd want
a motherly figure in the room, not you. Yeah, i'd
be cool with my mom because that's my mom. But
I don't even really know you like that. Also, you

(01:05:53):
think you'd ask, guess not, but also just sat on
the couch in the corner and did nothing for me.
She kissed our old baby on the face and got
offended when I told my boyfriend to tell her not to.
We'll make passive aggressive comments about it. Then we'll tell
a story about how when my boyfriend was a baby,
he got RSB and was hospitalized. Which, then, why are

(01:06:15):
you kissing my baby?

Speaker 8 (01:06:17):
Yeah, imagine being offended that germs exist on you. You
can't put them on the baby who was born less
than a day.

Speaker 9 (01:06:24):
Put my germs on the baby.

Speaker 5 (01:06:25):
It's not fair.

Speaker 2 (01:06:26):
Baby needs time to develop its immune system.

Speaker 9 (01:06:29):
I've had to tell her about it multiple times, and
I swear she went into the other room once and
did it anyway and thought I didn't see her. Will
come over to help and just hold him while I'm
running around the house cleaning, and then when he starts
crying and I'm done cleaning, We'll give him back to
me to feed him, and then ask what needs to
be done around the house conveniently when I'm done cleaning everything,

(01:06:49):
and then leaves. When we were still in the hospital,
she kept pestering us about having her friend, who she
just recently reconnected with, come and see the baby. I
met this random lady once. Why why are you even asking?
And I didn't even know till they were outside the
effing room. I know I could set some more solid boundaries,
but baby came two weeks early, and I'm literally ours postpartum,

(01:07:11):
hadn't slept in two days, got pain medication, and honestly,
why do I have to say anything? Why does your
random friend want to see a newborn that fresh that
it practically still has amniotic fluid on it? Efing weird?
She constantly is trying to organize get togethers for people
to meet the baby. He is six effing weeks old.

(01:07:31):
You're effing lucky you met him this early, considering your
job consists of you interacting with many people. She insists
on going to her house, which is thirty minutes away.
Then we'll invite other people over while we are there.
Like which, this is not your child. I don't care
how excited you are what you are not understanding about
a child with no effing immune system. I'm getting resentful

(01:07:54):
of him not taking turns to get up at night
during his paternity leave or now on the weekend since
he's been back to work. Like as this has gone on, Ope,
he is getting more and more frustrated. Ye in this pot,
She's like, I hate him. I hate his mom.

Speaker 8 (01:08:09):
It's yeah, it's got to be super frustrating right Saturday,
realizing how bad it is.

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
Yeah, breaking out with that more you riot.

Speaker 9 (01:08:17):
Yeah, you're like, oh wait, this guy sucks and his
mom's a mom's a stinker too, not wanting to spend
time with his child without being asked, having to be
told what to do when he's a grown but adult
and has been here the whole dang time, not taking
the baby from me and insisting I have some time
to myself, not understanding anything from my point of view,
and honestly not having to alter his life at all.

(01:08:39):
He's somewhat uninterested in bonding with his son. Somewhat girl,
I don't see any bit of interest, no interest. It's
crazy how little interest this man has in his own son.

Speaker 8 (01:08:50):
I don't know what the psychology is of Like sometimes
would people have a baby and they're just like and
everything is normal, everything's the same, nothing has changed time.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
I'm just gonna be on the game.

Speaker 8 (01:09:00):
So what, I have a baby, So that doesn't mean
my life is going to be different forever.

Speaker 2 (01:09:04):
Sorry, buddy, it is. That's the thing.

Speaker 9 (01:09:06):
Well, they said they weren't expecting to have this baby,
which is so obvious, because this is a twenty nine
year old man who is not an adult. He's not
ready to advocate. He was not ready to advocate.

Speaker 8 (01:09:16):
I gotta say right now, I'm not ready to have
a kid, And that was fair.

Speaker 2 (01:09:20):
If I was going to have a kid, though.

Speaker 8 (01:09:22):
I would be trying to be ready, Yes, I wouldn't
just be like, well, I'm not ready. So I'm going
to continue to be I don't know, just yes, I'm
going to continue to act like I'm not a father.

Speaker 6 (01:09:34):
I was going to say, he's not even ready to
be an adult.

Speaker 9 (01:09:36):
Nope, and said once that he could worried to be
a father since all of the stuff right now is
so motherly?

Speaker 2 (01:09:41):
What since all of what?

Speaker 3 (01:09:43):
What?

Speaker 2 (01:09:43):
I can't wait to be a father because.

Speaker 9 (01:09:45):
Sang, even though he has a child right now, he's like, well,
the father part hasn't started yet. I'm going to be
a father later.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
Sir, once he's big enough to handle tools.

Speaker 8 (01:09:54):
Well, once he can hang, then I'll be a father
once he can hold a video game controller.

Speaker 9 (01:10:00):
It's just the vibes.

Speaker 6 (01:10:01):
Yeah, I'm sure, Hey, get this little guy away from me. Yeah.

Speaker 9 (01:10:04):
If you don't bond with your child, he will not
go to you when he's finally able to do the
fun stuff. My entire pregnancy, I kept saying I'm scared
to be a mother, but I'd be the best father,
and he always acted confused when I said that. But
it's twenty twenty five and men act like they don't
need to be part of the newborn development. There are
single fathers who don't have boobs, yet are able to
take care of their children. There are women who pass

(01:10:26):
away in childbirth, and yet somehow these men are fully
capable of raising their children. But he has to just
basically help me and still doesn't take the initiative to
do so. How does he expect me to go back
to work if he can't put the baby to sleep
or get him to stop crying. He doesn't want you
to go back to work. He wants you to full
time take care of this baby. Mm hm, I'm down

(01:10:46):
to be a stato mom, but I make more money
than him, and he constantly says we can't do that well.
Simultaneously not learning how to take care of the baby
when I'm around. I normally work night shift and have
to switch today is because I'm afraid he's not going
to wake up to the baby crying in the middle
of the night. When does he grow up? I've voiced
all of these concerns to him, but he seems not

(01:11:06):
to understand the weight of them. I am also five
thousand miles away from any family. Let's fine to them, yep,
which would consist of many people to help me and
help us take care of this child. And at this
point I'm regretting not moving home.

Speaker 2 (01:11:18):
Never too late, it's never do a home.

Speaker 9 (01:11:20):
Let's go, let's go, let's pack up.

Speaker 8 (01:11:21):
I think even if you've expressed all this to him
and he's like not getting it, you need to express
in a way that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
If this does not change, fly, I've.

Speaker 9 (01:11:31):
Got a ticket to go visit my family and I'm
gonna stay with.

Speaker 2 (01:11:33):
Them the next time.

Speaker 8 (01:11:34):
He's like, Babe, by maybe two hundred dollars, you'd be like, great,
you can send that to me as a child support payment.

Speaker 9 (01:11:40):
Mike could take that two hundred Gonna get a plate
and ticket to see my parents. See, yeah, I feel
like I'm doing this alone because you are. And if
that's the case, why am I even here? Great point
when I have people who would be elated to help
me go seat them? Well, most days I'm sitting alone
with no help, running on no sleep, waiting for him
to get home, to do anything, just to be disappointed.
He thinks the baby is going to be three months

(01:12:02):
old and I go back to work and it's going
to be easier, which is about ten percent true. But
it's going to be a lot harder if the baby
doesn't like you or you don't know what theft you're doing.
Do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
Straight up, go to your family break up.

Speaker 9 (01:12:14):
Well, you're not marre to him, break up.

Speaker 8 (01:12:16):
First thing you need to do is make it clear, yes, hey,
if you can't be a father to our child, then
you're not going to be a father. Yep, you're going
to be a check that comes in the mail because
it's the same thing. And if that doesn't make him change,
or if he goes that's not right, that's unfair. Don't

(01:12:37):
even tell him on you just get your stuffy.

Speaker 9 (01:12:40):
And you go agreed. Is this dude the type of
guy who buys a dog, leaves dog outside always and
never plays with it and says he's a pet owner.

Speaker 6 (01:12:47):
N Worse, he says he's a father and has a kid,
but doesn't take care of his son.

Speaker 9 (01:12:51):
Whenever I say anything, I feel like I'm nagging him.
You shouldn't have to do that. If you feel like
that and he's not listening to you, it's sober. But
then if I don't say anything, he thinks everything is peachy.
Do I just let him crash and burn? I don't
want my son to suffer and cry all night and
day because his dad didn't use the time he has
to get his crap together. I don't want to be
bitter and resentful. But here we are two am. Haven't

(01:13:15):
showered in two.

Speaker 6 (01:13:16):
Days, that's crazy.

Speaker 9 (01:13:18):
Didn't even get the option, while man has been sleeping
since nine pm. Soundly, Probably we'll get up at five
am and not even check on us in the nursery
because you know, I got it. Everything's fine. I'm starting
to resent my boyfriend for not being attentive to my
feelings and bonding with our son. I don't know if
I'm being overdramatic, or if postpartum feelings are clouding my judgment,

(01:13:38):
or if I'm justified. What do you think? Comment one?
Where do even start? It's your baby? Tell his mom,
no set boundaries, but when you're comfortable with kissing and
passing around and strangers meeting your child. You're the mother
and deserve respect. Yes, you have the front airbags and
the manual. Your body hardwired a response during pregnancy. You know,

(01:14:01):
the hungry cry from the gas cry. Men got a
hard ad and a blinking light for prep. So yes,
it's easier to pass a baby to the person who
knows versus learning. Your boyfriend is uncomfortable and avoids the situation.
He's not an irresponsible man, he just doesn't know how
and is like a kid afraid to ask for help.
He wants to help, but lacks the manual.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
No, he doesn't. He doesn't want to help help.

Speaker 9 (01:14:24):
What are you talking about? In what way does it?

Speaker 2 (01:14:26):
How do you wanted to help? He'd be like, what
can I do to help you? How do you wanted
to help? Ope, he wouldn't be showerless for two days.

Speaker 9 (01:14:33):
I'm sorry. If he wanted to help, he wouldn't be
at the gym every day for an hour and then
playing video games for two hours.

Speaker 8 (01:14:40):
Yeah, you can do a calistatics routine in a half
hour at the beginning of the day.

Speaker 9 (01:14:44):
Make lists. The commenter continues, his mom coming over, great,
tell her you're happy she's here. Enough stuff you need
to help with while she holds the baby, Announce each
chore you're tackling. She can jump in any time, and
if she doesn't, you can say I told you everything
I needed done. Babies are boring right now. His time
comes later. You had nine months to bond. What is
these commenters.

Speaker 2 (01:15:05):
Say, let's just keep going, this is interesting.

Speaker 9 (01:15:07):
He didn't. Once they start throwing things and rolling around
a here, that's when they get interesting and he'll connect.
Don't force it. Bonding looks different for dads. I don't
like this comment.

Speaker 2 (01:15:18):
I know my advice.

Speaker 9 (01:15:20):
My advice tells you've noticed his awkwardness with the baby
and want him to help learn what the child needs.
You can't always rely on front air bags. You need
actual partnership. Set up routines where he takes baby duty
while you shower or rest. You have to help him,
help you make him the map. That's the end of
that story, though,

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My mom BLOCKED me for telling the truth...now I have zero family left! - r/JUSTNOFAMILY |Reddit Stories | EP2353

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My mom BLOCKED me for telling the truth...now I have zero family left! - r/JUSTNOFAMILY |Reddit Stories | EP2353