My mother-in-law FORBID me from wearing white at MY wedding…because I’m “not pure” - r/dustythunder | Reddit Stories | EP1960 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
My mother in law forbid me from wearing white at
my wedding because I'm not pure.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
I guess you gotta wear red now wear.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Red at your wedding, as your mother in law said.
Sorry for the extremely long post. I thirty two female,
am planning my wedding to my fiance, thirty male. But
his mother has a problem with every choice and decision
I've made. For context, I met his parents, his father
and stepmother. Before I met him, I worked closely with

(00:28):
his father, and after a family tragedy I met my
now fiance. One of his younger sisters passed away. That's
so sad and also very interesting way to meet your fiance.
By the way, this comes from Normal Cupcake thirty eight
ninety nine on the Okay Storytime Subured it so. I
was already in a relationship when we met, but it
wasn't a good one. He never stopped trying, though, and

(00:49):
after I found out that I was pregnant, my boyfriend
at the time decided he wasn't going to stick around
too much. The handle fiance's parents took me in and
helped me through a lot of sadness and grief and
incomes my night in shining tinfoil. He took me to
doctor's appointments, help me with when I had morning sickness,

(01:10):
and brought me chocolate and ice cream when I just
needed to cry it out. This is so sweet. That's
when it all started to go downhill. Mother in law
would make sly and rude comments about my weight, and
now she wished her son would find someone who would
have waited to make a family with him. For all
intents and purposes, my son is his fiance is the

(01:30):
only dad my son is known. Father in law would
say things along the line of if I wanted my
son to date you, I would have introduced you to earlier.
I just shrugged it off and just focused on being
as healthy as possible for my baby. I have somevere
anxiety and depression, so making sure my mental health is
stable is what's most important. Not their words, but it

(01:50):
just kept getting worse. Fiance wasn't able to be there
for the birth of my son because he was working
outside the state at that time. He was sad that
he wasn't able to be there, but called me every
day to check on us. I had to have an
emergency c section because my son and I both had
issues with the anesthesia and orebps plummeted. I almost passed away,

(02:11):
and my son wasn't breathing when he arrived into this world.
I later found out that my mother in law and
father in law never told him I was in the
hospital and he was still at home when I went
to the hospital. A week later, my son and I
were able to go home and recover. Mother in law
started immediately sending my posts and tiktoks about how to
get back into shape. I have always been a bigger

(02:32):
girl and struggled with my fertility. I had my son
three mail when I was twenty nine. They always told
me how important it was for their son to be
with someone who cares about their health. Mother in law
would also talk NonStop about her and her daughter went
right back to their normal size after having kids. Mother
in law also like to point out how skinny her

(02:54):
daughter was even while she was pregnant. I found out
I was pregnant with my first daughter a month before
my son's first birthday. Fiance and I were ecstatic that
our little family was growing, even if it was faster
than we hoped. All three of my children were conceived
while on birth control. Damn you're strong.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Wow, those are some sharp shooters there.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
I'm a little bit confused on which kids are his,
if any.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
The first one is not, the other two are.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
Okay, after our daughter too female was born, we talked
about possibly getting married. Okay, so this makes a little
bit more sense. I feel like at the beginning, it
seems like they were getting married after like a couple months.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
They were engage after a couple months.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
I don't know if that's necessarily true because it says
after our daughter to female was born. I think she
was just saying, this is my future fiance.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Because Op's fiance is our fiance now, so they're just
referring to them as fiance.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
But I believe at the beginning of the story, she's pregnant,
they meet each other, they start dating, and then she
has the baby, they have another kid, and now they're
like broaching marriage. That is my understanding. I've never been
super girly, but the one thing I've always imagined was
my wedding. I told him I wouldn't have a problem
making it official. I just don't want anything super traditional

(04:08):
or uppity. It is a celebration. After all, I had
lost my stepdad as a teenager. I wouldn't have anyone
to walk down the aisle, so our wedding would look
a little different, and I didn't want him to propose
to me unless my family was there.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
Also, real quick, a cute thing you could do is
if you don't have someone walk you down the aisle,
is to have all the little children and your families
walking down.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, that would be so cute. They just all hold
in your hands. Fast forward to my son's second birthday.
My son and I were on a scavenger hunt for
his last birthday present, and it ended with our families
standing in a semicircle around my fiance on one knee.
It was beautiful. He got me a beautiful hexagonal moss
I get ring, and my mom and grandma were there

(04:53):
literally five minutes later. Mother in law was asking about
the wedding plans. Fiance and I had agreed on a
fall wedding. She said we should do it in the spring.
We agreed on burgundy, teal and dusty rose with silver accents.
She said we should do purple and gold.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
I would all black wedding, everything just black black, just
funeral type, just black. I want a rustic Bohemian wedding.
She said it should be formal. I want to wear
an informal white dress in cowboy boots with a flower
crown instead of a veil. This is where I decide.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Mother in law was never going to be okay with
fiance and I being together. She told me that I
shouldn't wear a white dress because I'm not pure. Well,
you should mind your own business because you're not the
bride boom.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
Well's look at your history book too. While we're at it.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
Let's take a look through your Holier than Thou book.
She said, it isn't proper or right for me to
wear white because I had children out of wedlock. This
woman wasn't married until five years after having three children.
My god, you hypocrite. She wore white. I explained to
her that none of the women in my family were
pure before getting married, and they all wore white, and

(06:00):
I wasn't having a traditional wedding, so traditional aspects of
weddings weren't important to me. She lost it, calling me
a harlot and telling me I was ruining the sanctity
of marriage. She's been married twice before and is technically
still married to her second. The thing is that she
actually doesn't care about the sanctity of marriage. She is
just trying to wheedle her way between you guys, because

(06:24):
she doesn't want you to marry a son. So she's
trying to come up with any excuse.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Any and every excuse, and it's out of bounds, out
of bounce.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Father in law and her only held a ceremony, not
legally married. I know this because I was literally there.
It's so sad that they were so supportive of her
before this relationship. Well, they welcomed her into their home
when she got pregnant. The first time the flip was
when she started dating their son. I ended the conversation
about it and told my fiance that I didn't want
their opinions on our special day. His parents said they

(06:52):
weren't going to pay for anything if they didn't get
a say in the planning. We've never asked them to
pay for anything. Most of the planning is around the
reception anyway, and I decided it would be fun to
do a potluck such barbecue.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
All right, you're doing a barbecue deal a barbecue for
my web WHOA, that's bold coming from you.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
What I've said that so many times.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
Barbecue yeah, a pescatarian. Yeah, I'm gonna fish. You're got
a fish barbecue with a fish barbecue. You're a barbecue fish.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
Yeah. It's gonna be. It's an outdoor wedding. Outdoor wedding,
Sophia Donner. Outdoor wedding. Yes, outdoor indoor wedding. But I'm
gonna find someone's backyard to do it in. Okay, gussy
up the backyard, gonna walk down the aisle. My dad's
gonna be there. He's gonna walk me down, and then
he's gonna flip around, put a new hat on. He's
gonna officiate the wedding.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Oh word.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah. And then there's a whole dance floor and we
eat barbecue. That's my wedding.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Two of these things. I'm having a really hard time
comprehending for you, but I'm down. I'll be there, thank you.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
I've had this idea in my head for about five
years now.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
Wow, Okay, maybe it'll change.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
We'll see. We provide the meat and dessert, everyone else
provides the sides. The venue I found free for day
use and a fifty dollars clean up fee for night use.
It is outside with well kept portagons and they will
rent tables, chairs, tents and all the other odds and
ends for one hundred dollars.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
Charge one hundred and fifty dollars wedd invent. Someone showed
me a cheaper.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
One and she's having a cute little white dress with
cowboy boots, so it's probably not an expensive dress. Even
with two small children, we could afford everything we needed.
My dress, shoes and accessories are only one hundred and
fifty dollars combined three hundred bucks. Now I'm a handmaking
all the bouquets, boutineers and center pieces out of felt
designs I found of lilies and succulents and old formula cans.

(08:35):
That's so cute, and also it's nice because you know
people can take those home and they you know, they
don't die.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Oh yeah, yeah, the formula cans look cool after you
take the labels off.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
The bride'smaid dresses are about eighty dollars apiece and can
be worn a multitude of ways. And the groomsman shirts
are thirty bucks and are just got to be style
with an ice bare blue jeans and boots. The colors
I chose gave the wearers the ability to wear them
more than once for price. Mother in law is now
saying I'm TACKI and I'm just trying to exclude her

(09:05):
and sister in law from everything. Sister in law is
one of my bridesmaids and told me she won't be
helping because she doesn't like the theme. One of my
younger sisters is going to be our photographer. She's trying
to get her business up and running and asked if
she could give me her time and use my wedding
as practice. Slash advertising. Whoa wedding out a budget? We

(09:25):
love it.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
I've never seen anything like this.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
I agreed immediately. Another of my sisters is an amateur baker.
She's gifting us a small cake to cut the list
of things I'm up cycling for this wedding. Slash reception
is long, but hopefully you get the picture.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
Leak out literally. Probably under three hundred dollars wedding.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, probably under like five hundred. I would say yeah,
because with the you know, food cost, it'd probably be
around five hundred. Mother in law is fuming to placate her.
We agree to move the wedding to the spring of
twenty twenty four, well in November of twenty twenty three,
I found out I was pregnant again. Damn were you
on birth control then?

Speaker 2 (10:05):
Two?

Speaker 1 (10:06):
I would have been seven months pregnant at the time
of our wedding. We decided to postpone the wedding until
after I had the baby. She's been pressing us to
get married ever since she found out we're having another
B word child. Wow, your mother in law sucks.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
Do you wanted to get married?

Speaker 1 (10:23):
You're not? It's so confusing. Yeah, literally make up your
rind for all of you keeping track. Yes, that is
three babies in three years. I had our third baby
and final baby three months ago. And you know what
else happens at three our lives, So join us at
three VMBSD on YouTube just stop a profile. Oh and
there is a little bit more. But do you have
any advice?

Speaker 2 (10:43):
Why are we menacing on a lovely, beautiful family on
a phenomenal wedding budget.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
Nonetheless not asking you for any money or any of
your opinions, because who wants those?

Speaker 2 (10:54):
I mean, if you want something to be mad about,
Jerry Springer go is on every day used to be
you can watch our shows. We got a lot of
stories you can be mad.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
At those stories. You could go like, I don't know,
watch Criminal Minds. Be mad at the evil people in
that show.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Leave this poor lady and her lovely husband that is
your son.

Speaker 1 (11:13):
Alone because they got your grandbabies. Why are you being
so mad?

Speaker 2 (11:16):
I have no idea why she's acting this way. You
think she's jealous.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
I think that there is a level of kind of
jealousy and control or wanting control over her son. And
I think that her and the father in law clearly
want to have kind of a role to play in
deciding who he gets to marry. And this is outset,
like they're like, you're not who we wanted him to marry,
and so now they're trying to kind of make it

(11:40):
horrible for her until she like backsat or something. But
there's a little bit left. I'm thankful that we did postpone, though,
because four months later my mom passed up. He's really
just going through so much. Three months after losing my mom,
my last surviving grandparent passed, so in the span of
six months, I lost my mom and grandma and was
a month away from having my baby. The birth of

(12:02):
my second daughter was traumatic, to say the least, and
a week later I had to go in for an
emergency surgery to remove a gigantic hematoma from my abdomen
that formed because of the traumatic birth. After three months,
I am finally healed from surgery and finally able to
work out and get back into healthy shape. I am
still grieving the loss of two of the most important

(12:24):
people in my life. This year has made me come
to the realization that what's important is we are happy
and my family is safe and together. I hope that
your mother in law can realize that too. My fiance
said he wishes he could have had more time with
his mother in law. He misses her too. We're hoping
to have our reception in autumn of twenty twenty five.
We've decided to elope and only have the closest people

(12:45):
there with us when we say our vows. Yeah, better
than having your stinky mother in law there. I'm still
doing all the things I plan for her wedding, tacky
or not. I hope mother in law hates it. My
mother would be so proud of how I'm handling my
issues with mother in law. Sick Please sweek. Customer service
always pisses a Karen Off, and my mother lived to
piss Karen's off. Oh okay, well I'm glad it's mostly

(13:07):
working out. Man. Oh man, Yeah, your mother in law sucks.
Maybe we just go no contact with her?

Speaker 2 (13:12):
Oh, one hundred percent, just being a nightmare. See, your
fiance feels about it, and I would definitely be inching
towards that because she's complainer did She's sticking her nose
in places that don't belong. And that's the end of
that story. My mother in law refused to pay for
my wedding if I didn't respect her wishes. I told her,
I'll pay for it, then pay for it. I twenty
five mail, will be marrying my fiance. Gee, you got

(13:33):
a name for Gianna? Gianna twenty five female. Later this year.
I proposed to her a little bit before Christmas and
we're aiming for November wedding. Gianna has two older brothers,
one of which has gotten married, and for one reason
or another, my mother in law sixty eight female, was
not involved in the planning of the wedding at all.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Why well do you want her to be?

Speaker 2 (13:58):
Invaumed She was pretty her over this, as she's always
wanted to help plan her children's weddings. So we got engaged.
She offered to pay for most of the weddings, and
in return we agreed to let her help with the planning. Okay,
in my mind, as long as I'm marrying Gianna, I'm happy,
and I was okay with this.

Speaker 1 (14:16):
I'm sensing that there might be something coming that you're
not okay with.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
By the way, this comes from twelve to seventy three
Rockefeller on the R. Slish Okay story Tom supperder So.
The only thing I'm really stinking to that I refuse
to change is what I'm wearing. My mother died when
I was young, and she was the daughter of the
first generation Scottish immigrants. My grandparents moved from North Scotland
in the sixties and my mother was brought up learning

(14:40):
about her parents' culture. Since she died, I've had a
hard time connecting to that side of the family, and
after my grandfather died a few years ago, I decided
I want to wear her family's kilt when I get married.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
That's so cute. I love that. That's great. You should
do that if that's part of your tradition. Don't let
anyone tell you otherwise.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
That quilt. I talked about this with my fiance before
we got engaged, because it's an unorthodox idea, but she
thought it was kind of sweet and liked the idea,
so she's on board. A few days ago, my mother
in law came up to me and told me I'd
wear a traditional tuxedo instead of a guilt. When I
asked her why, she said it went against the view

(15:20):
she had of Gianna's wedding and that the colors of
my mother's tartan clashed with the colors she chose for
the wedding. When I told her this was pretty much
the only thing I'm unwilling to buddra on, she brought
up how she's paying for most of the wedding and
wearing a tux is the least I could do.

Speaker 1 (15:37):
That's so annoying when someone offers to give a gift
and then holds it over your head.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
When I brought up this to Gianna, she echoed the
sentiment her mother had made about paying for the wedding.
I'm able to pay for it myself and tell Gianna
that I thought she understood how important this connection to
my mother was to me, especially because she can't be
there and if she wasn't able to accept that I'd
pay for the wedding myself. Gianna told me that I

(16:03):
was being a bit of a wiener for this, being
stuck to what I want to wear. And once my
mother in law heard that I would just pay for
the wedding myself, she got really upset because it's always
been her dream to plan Gianna's wedding.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
She literally is planning Giana's wedding though the only thing
that she's not doing is the kilt.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, that's like the only thing he wants, the only.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Thing he's asked for, and he's told his fiance why
it's so important to him, and she agreed on it.
And now she's doubling back and is like, oh, actually,
you're being a wiener. Ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
What do you call that? Living through your children.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
Living vicariously through her daughter. I don't like either the
mother or the fianza.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Now I'm feeling a bit like a wiener right now,
and was wondering if I should just wear a standard tux.
My family's kilt is really important to me. But this
causing more conflict than I thought it would. And we
have an updates. Do we budge? Do we pay for
the wedding.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
I think you should if your mother in law is
going to make this the sticking point, and then honestly,
she's going to try and button in other areas, and
I think it's just easier for you to pay for
the wedding.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
My first thought process is, Okay, you're gonna spend anywhere
from fifteen to thirty K just to work killed at
your wedding, but to your most important day of the year,
and it's connection to your mom. It's gonna be in
every single photo that you have for the rest of
your life exactly.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Again, this is an important part of your culture, and
the fact that neither your mother in law or your
fiance can understand that is pretty telling.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
I hate that the fiance kind of like got behind
her mom.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
I hate that she should be supporting you, not you know,
standing with her mom. I don't like it.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
Update. So, the past twenty four hours or so have
been eventful, and I took most people's advice to talk
to my fiance about this issue before going forward. Her
siding with her mother like this and going against me
was really out of character. So I felt like I
really needed to figure out what's going on. The long
and short of it comes down to money. Gianna doesn't

(17:55):
make much of a salary as I do. I make
almost two point five times her salary. Despite this, she's
pretty insistent on things being fifty to fifty between us.
Our finances aren't combined until after marriage because of some
weird tax issues and legal things in our home region.
But with me making more, she insists we're a team
and have to go fifty to fifty on big things rent,

(18:18):
car payments, electrical wedding. So even though I'm able to
pay for the wedding myself, she's not able to pay
for half. She feels like she wants to pay for.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Okay, so she's like, I want to split everything halfway,
and it's like I could pay for the whole thing,
but she's very adamant, like, no, it has to be
fifty fifty.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
Because of this, she's really clinging onto the idea of
her mother paying for our wedding, even though I'd be
more happy to pay for it all myself. We've talked
to yesterday evening and she said that since she accepted
her mother paying for the wedding, their relationship has become
pretty strained, with mother in law pretty much taking over
the wedding planning. Apparently, mother in law was initially pushing

(18:56):
for tropical destination wedding in Jamaica. Oh my god, the
idea Gianna put down quickly, as she knows I hate
the idea of destination weddings. And mother in law had
even tried to get final say on the dress Gianna
was going to wear, as well as she wanted to
final say over who the bride'smaids were. She wanted her
friend's daughters, whom Gianna is not close with, in the party.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
That's insane. She's like, I want my friends to be there,
and actually, Gianna, you won't be the bride. I'm going
to be the bride.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
I've had a pretty good relationship with mother in law
so far. I found it kind of odd how she
went all Momzilla. But I've noticed her and Gianna drifting
apart a bit, although I never thought it was related.
I feel like this is the reason why Gianna's sibling
planned their own wedding and the mother in law did
plan theirs.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
Yeah, she definitely she butts her head into everything. They're like,
you're not coming anywhere near my wedding.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
I feel like the mother in law should just became
a wedding plannic clearly.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
Her dream in life. I think they need to do it.
Gianna needs to do at her mom and say, hey,
we're actually gonna have op plan this wedding. You know,
we just have some differences and we don't want to put,
you know, too much pressure on you to pay for
everything and just leave it there.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
A few people thought that Gianna actually hated the idea
of the kilt and had mother in law acting as
the band guy to try and change my mind. And
you're not completely wrong. She doesn't hate the idea, but
she doesn't like that the other male members of the
bridal party will be wearing tuxedos while myself and my
cousin would be wearing kilts. We'll just get everyone to
wear a kilt. She wanted consistency across the board and

(20:28):
expressed this to her mother. Mother in law took this
as the opportunity to get me to wear tucks instead
of getting the grooonsmen to wear kilts, and had the
wedding colors change without Gianna's knowledge to contrast with my
family's tartan. She sucks, that's crazy. She's like, it's either
my way or the highway. Good thing, op has enough

(20:49):
money to pay for the highway.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Yeah, pay for that highway. Get her off the road.
We don't need her anymore.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
But she's doing a lot of other sneaky things behind.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
Yeah. No, you just need to get her off the planning,
like as soon as possible.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
When I talked to Gianna yesterday, she said that she
had gotten out of a massive fight with her mother
over changing the colors and wasn't really in the mood
to start another argument with her. She acknowledged she was
in the wrong for siding with her mom and seemed
genuinely sorry. She said that in the stress of planning
a wedding while having an overbearing mother, she had thought

(21:22):
of the kill as another detail and had forgotten the
significance of it to me, and that she was really sorry.
But you can never be sorry if you join us
live every weekday at three pm PST. Just at her profile.
That's sweet that she apologized.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
I appreciate that she finally came around and was like, yeah,
I'm sorry. I know that this is important to you.
It's also just like culturally significant, because I mean a
lot of Scottish traditions have been sidelined and erased and stuff.
So the fact that the mother in law was trying
to do that again is not cool.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, there's a lot of tug of wars with details,
and she probably like another one, another one I have
to vite her on.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, I just get your mom out of there. It's
going to cause you more stress if you have to
deal with like Gianna dealing with her mom about not
agreeing with it. It's just like, just don't even deal
with her. Get her out of there.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
In the meantime, a few changes have been made. My
mother in law is no longer paying for the wedding
and no longer involved in planning. I'm going to pay half,
as Gianna never wanted me to pay more than half
by myself or something that's for the both of us,
and my father in law is covering the parts that
Gianna is going to have trouble covering. Mother in law

(22:28):
is unaware of this. Father in law and mother in
law are still together, however he's not telling her he's
helping pay. We're still getting married in November. White and
colors have been changed back to match my kilt, and
we've decided to rent kilts and our regional tartan for
the rest of the groomsmen so they can match the esthetic. Thankfully,
no deposits were put down on things like tux rentals,

(22:51):
bridesmaid dresses, or decoration, so no money was lost.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Huzzah.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
I know a lot of people told me to seriously
reconsider marrying Gianna and going to our talk last night.
I really was, but I'm happy with how things turned
out since this was really an anomaly in her behavior
and I really am excited to marry her.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Yeah, I don't think.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
I would have gone straight to the jumping to to
the streets Gianna, We're done.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
Definitely. Gianna was in the wrong, but I think it
was wedding stress coupled with her mom being.

Speaker 2 (23:21):
Like, no, if you're willing to five for something, five
for it.

Speaker 1 (23:24):
Five for five for it. But that's the end of
that story. My fiance's sister in law is trying to
steal him back, so I insisted we cut her off.
That's a complicated relationship there. I thirty one female, asked
my fiance forty one male to limit his conversations with
his sister in law thirty eight female. If he can't
cut off all communications with her. His sister in law,

(23:47):
thirty nine female, has been with his brother thirty eight
male for fifteen years now. They're not married, but they
have four kids together, which I know is a sore
spot for her. Why is he not locking her down?

Speaker 2 (23:57):
She probably is looking for another brother.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
By the way, this comes from deleted on the Okay
storytime suvered it. So the sister in law, who I'll
call Amy, was actually dating my fiance sixteen years ago
before she left him for his brother. You backed the
wrong brother there, man. Yikes, cause one person's getting locked
down and one person is not locked down. Big reason

(24:21):
the family isn't a fan of her, amongst the fact
that she was unfaithful to the brother a few times.
Oh wow, doesn't seem like she's got any loyalty.

Speaker 2 (24:29):
She doesn't.

Speaker 1 (24:30):
Ever, since I started dating my fiance three to four
years ago, I can tell Amy has been jealous and
just plain rude. I'm not trying to be a braggart,
but I started dating my partner when I was twenty eight.
I'm fit, I'm good looking. Amy was very good looking
fifteen years ago from the photos I've seen, but she
looks like a completely different person now. Initially I thought

(24:52):
she was jealous of me because she was still harboring
feelings for my partner, or maybe was jealous that he
was seriously dating someone that their family really liked. And
since I came along, Amy started calling my partner way
too much, usually when we were hanging out. She was
calling him about mundane things or to complain about his brother,
which I feel is a boundary issue.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
Oh yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
They were together, and she seems like she still has
feelings for the brother and she's basically calling her ex
to complain about her man who is his brother, right
when he's spending time with his new girlfriend. It all
felt like games to me. Things got a lot worse
when we got engaged and later found out we were
expecting Oh wow, congrats. Amy was calling my partner more

(25:35):
than ever, complaining about the brother and saying weird things
like I wish I could change my decisions in the past,
but I guess I can't, And we all freaking know what, Amys.
We all freaking know what that means. Amy, But you
can't change it because you're not a freaking time traveler,
and you just gotta deal with it.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
Then she ends up announcing she's also expecting two four
months after our own announcement. She just gets busy like immediately, so.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
I have to be center of attention now.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Since that happened, she's been very competitive for attention, called it.
For example, she invited my partner to her ultrasound on
our due date. What I hate this one. Everyone thought
that was so inappropriate and weird. She never invited him
to any other ultrasounds. Why this one? Because she wants
to steal him away. Then, on a day we were

(26:23):
celebrating our engagement with their father, she showed up out
of breath to the celebration. She lives next door to
the dad and tried to tell everyone they needed to
attend her daughter's soccer game that was happening the next day.
And we were rude for not inviting her to our
celebration and not supporting her daughter's soccer game.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
This is a crab in a bucket.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
I hate her trying to pull everyone back into the bucket.
Last night, we were supposed to check out wedding venues
and Amy goes, no, my daughter is having an open
house ceremony at her school and I need you there
to my partner.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
Oh, Wow, what about to the brother?

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Maybe talk to your husband? Have we thought about that?
That was the final straw. I had a long combo
with my fiance and said, she needs to cut the crap.
All these weird events are for moms and dads, and
she does not need her soon to be married brother
in law at these events. What is she playing at?
I straight up asked him if he thought she had
feelings for him. He goes, I don't think she wants

(27:18):
to date me. I think she just doesn't want me
to be happy with anyone else because she's unhappy, which
I think is in astute observation. And she's jealous that
my family obviously likes you better than they like her,
so she does try to steal the spotlight.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
She's not doing a great job at it.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
No, no one cares about her. She's like, please, my
daughter's soccer game.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
And they're like no, and that poor daughter is now
being used for her attention.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
She's just trying to have a soccer game.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
Man, She's just trying to go to open house.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
So I said, that's exactly why I think they should
limit conversation because I do not trust a person like that.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
I think that's really smart.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, just to keep her out of her life. I
don't think the busm's going to do anything, but I
think she's just a bad juju, bad.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
Energy, and cutting her off is getting away from that,
entertaining into entertaining get in a way like if she's
calling you and you pick it up, you're entertaining it.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
You're letting her get away with that as behavior. My
partner responded with, what do you think is gonna happen?
Do you think that she's gonna get me to dump
you for her after she's been with my brother for
fifteen years and as four of his kids.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
I'd never do that, Dude, there was a way better
response you could have had that.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
So many other options that you could have went with,
but you went with that one, and that was the
worst one. You should have said, Yeah, you're totally right,
she is putting into a relationship and I'll limit conversation
with her.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Because it seems like he is on her side. He
just said it like he wasn't.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yeah, you said it like he was against op. I
trust my partner, but I feel like he's invalidating my
feelings here. I'm not saying cut off total communication I'm
asking him to limit it, or at the very least,
to stop considering attending events like ultrasounds and talk to
her appointments. You should not be considering going to those.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
Instead of picking up every phone call every day, just
pick up once a week.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
Maybe just cut it down, be very direct and say nope,
not going, instead of telling them he will think about it.
I feel that's very personal and inappropriate. Things were tense
this morning, and I can tell it was still on
his mind. I think he feels I'm overreacting, and I
feel he is underreacting. But am I the ale for
asking him to limit conversation and there is an update?

Speaker 2 (29:24):
No, absolutely not. This is his ex Yes, and in
any other context it.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
Would be really weird and inappropriate for her to pull
this behavior.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah, but she is kind of family, but kind of
far family.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
No, she's family. She's close enough that she's able to
use that as an excuse, but she's far enough that
she shouldn't be acting this way.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
Yeah, cut off contact, off contact.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah, this doesn't seem like he understands the situation here.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
And is probably so minor of a thing in his mind. Yeah,
he's like, I don't care about her. It's like, I
don't care if she calls me. I don't really care.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Yeah, I feel like that's the attitude. It's like I'm
not gonna cheat, so it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
And he's probably trying to be a good uncle because
it seems like sister in law is always using the
kids and is an excuse.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
So true, but there is an update. A lot of
people are asking whether any of her kids are my
partners and don't worry. My mother has asked the same
thing when I told her what's happening.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (30:21):
The sister in law has had several affairs on the brother,
which prompted the brother to request paternity tests on all four.
The first kid is in his she's already fourteen years old,
though it turned out to be her ex.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
The other three are his, okay, all right?

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Who she actually doesn't know that he has done paternity
tests on the other three. It was requested by their
wealthy father, who absolutely doesn't trust her. It's a big
reason the brother won't marry her either. Then why is
he still with her? Like if for the kids, I
don't understand. The other thing is she is an extreme narcissist,
so she also invites the father in law to the
same things my partner gets invited to because she believes

(30:59):
she'll get his inheritance money.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Dude, she's getting two birds with one stone, the man
and the money.

Speaker 1 (31:05):
She invited him to watch her give birth to the ultrasounds,
to her doctor's appointments, named her fourth kid after him,
and for his birthday, took selfies of herself, frame them
and gave them to the father in law. His wife
through the mountain said nothing, but I'm just gonna throw
out that. You can join us live every weekday at
three pm PST on YouTube. Just tap her profile and
there's a little bit left to the story.

Speaker 2 (31:25):
But she's working hard here. I like the effort, I
like the hustle, just strategically, could maybe go about it
a little bit differently.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
Maybe a little bit different. Maybe if we weren't an
awful person, we could get the money. And you know,
stop doing it, Stop doing that. I really don't like it.
I don't like this behavior. It's weird that you framed
a picture of yourself for your father in law. I
don't think I've ever thought to give a picture of me,
a selfie of me to anyone.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
Except for maybe like your significant other.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah, but I don't think I would ever frame one
of those. You would frame a picture of yourself probably
unless it's your significant other. I don't think I would
ever Maybe my parents, but like that's like has to
be like a good one, yeah, like a student pick
or something. The other thing is she is severely obese,
which I feel my partner focuses on too much. But
like I said, it's not about her physical appearance or

(32:16):
spicy sleep. It's the fact that she wants to make
us unhappy that I don't want her around us, like
why But I had a talk with him last night
and he actually gave her my number and advised her
to text me if there's ever any family events and
she can't reach him, and then blocked her. Nice, that's
how we do it, because I mentioned what someone else

(32:37):
said that he might subconsciously like the attention he gets
knowing she's severely unhappy with his brother. But he's too
old to play those games. And that is the end
of that story. Happy ending.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
I guess nice, that was solid. He kind of came
around to it, figured it out.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
We love that.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
We do love that, And good luck with your wedding.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
You're a winner, and you've kept him, and you've won
him and your sister in law sex, and that's the
end of that. My friend stole my wedding theme, so
I ended our friendship. I female thirties, got engaged last year.
There was a small delay in the engagement being official
because my fiance was having the ring custom made, but
we were one hundred percent planning on getting married. I

(33:18):
asked my best friend of over fifteen years, let's call
her Marie, to hang out as I was planning on
asking her to be my maid of honor. When I
told Marie that a ring was currently being made and
I would be officially engaged soon, she wasted no time
telling me that her boyfriend asked her her ring size
one time and she's basically engaged too. Literally, that was

(33:38):
her response to me saying that I was getting married.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
Well, then I'm engaged them.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
She's like if he was like, Hi, I just want
to let you know I'm getting married. I'd love for
you to be my maid of honor. She's like, actually, well,
my boyfriend he was wearing a ring the other day,
so that's.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
Married, and he like asked me my ring size.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
Yeah, so that's basically that's a marriage. I'm actually further
along in marriage you. We're basically twenty years married. By
the way, this comes from insomb Nerd on the r
slash Okay storytime subredt it Well. I brushed it off,
and when we sat down for coffee, I asked her
to be my maid of honor and she accepted, but
made sure I knew that I wouldn't be her maid

(34:15):
of honor because that was reserved for someone else. Typing
this out, I'm realizing that I brushed off a lot
of things for this woman over the years. Over the
next few weeks, I started looking at what kind of
venues are available in our area and started trying to
get an idea of what sort of budget we'd be
working with. Holy crap, why is everything so expensive? Anytime
I asked Marie for input, she was too busy with

(34:37):
other things, but requested that I save all the information
that I find so she can use it for her wedding.
I see you, I I understand to a certain extent,
being like, Hey, I'm planning on getting married soon. I'd
love if you let me know. You know. It's kind
of like call like when you're researching colleges and stuff
and someone's already done it before you. That's how I

(34:59):
would think of But I feel like she's gonna take
it too far.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
I see that point with the colleges, but I feel
like it's going to another party to homework.

Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, she's coming. Yeah. My fiance and I decided on
a wedding theme and I got to work figuring out decorations.
By this time, he had officially proposed with the now
finished ring. Marie and I arranged today to go thrift
shopping together for a few things for DIY decorations. I
told her about the theme my fiance and I decided
on and how I wanted to make the vision come

(35:29):
to life. She liked the theme very much and even
let me borrow a few of her belongings. Then I
didn't hear from her for a few weeks. I continued
planning without her. The next time I arranged to meet
with her, it was to show her the options for
a maid of honor dress I had picked out. Okay,
I know some people have different friendships, but I feel
like not hearing from your best friend who's going to

(35:50):
be your maid of honor for a few weeks is
a little bit.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
Wait, how how long is the wedding? Did she say
that until the wedding?

Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yeah, no, we don't know.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
Okay, but still weeks without talking to your best friends
with your best.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Friend's gonna be your maid of honor? No weird itch.
Her budget is tight, so I kept the options as
inexpensive as possible, like Sheen and Timu dresses. Oh that's cheap,
those are dresses. After picking address, Marie seemed disinterested in
the other things I was trying to show her and
instead spent the rest of the time talking about her

(36:25):
personal drama. I didn't hear from Marie again and after
that until I reached out to inform her that my
fiance and I decided for financial reasons, to elope and
we won't be needing a maid of honor after all.
Marie said she was fine with this edit. My fiance
and I are still using the theme in our elopement,
just not having a ceremony anymore. Okay, okay, okay, So

(36:47):
I feel like, is she just gonna take it? It's like, well,
you're not using it.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
I could see that out on the table.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
A few months later, Marie and her boyfriend announced their engagement.
I found out from a Facebook post, not even a
text or call.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Oh, and she's your maid, Well not anymore.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
They're eloping. Opie said to the friend, you don't have
to be the maid of honor anymore because we're gonna
Elope gotcham. So I'm wondering if she was like hurt
by that, and so she didn't. You know, she's starting
to cut off this friendship or something I found out.
I asked her to meet for coffee and she agreed.
She's showing off her ring and talking about plans when
she tells me her wedding theme, the exact theme my

(37:24):
fiance and I have decided on. I even said, you're
doing what Beyonce and I are doing, which she glossed over.
She also made a point to tell me that I
was still not going to be her maid of honor,
nor would I be a bridesmaid. I left this meet
up a little shell shocked. Not gonna lie. It seems
like the friendship is a little bit one sided. Okay, okay,
that's what it's looking like. It feels like giving a well, oh,

(37:47):
Pi sees her as more of a friend than this
friend does. Oh. You know, it's like oh, you're my
best friend. She's like, yes, I'm your best friend.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
Does she mean girling this maybe a little bit? Is
Opie's friend Gina George.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
She's Regina George.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
And it mmm.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
I confided in a few friends about what was going on.
I needed to know if I was petty for being
upset about this. Everyone I spoke to agree that Marie's
actions were not okay and I was right to be upset.
I typed out a message to tell her that my
feelings were hurt, and she blew up. Among the highlights
of things that were said were, you're not even having
a ceremony and you're running a smear campaign against me.

(38:26):
I tried to assure her that there was nothing of
the sort going on, but she wasn't having it. Marie
has now blocked me on social media. I've shown the
screenshots to friends because I feel like I might have
handled the situation poorly. Everyone has said my texts were
reasonable and she's the one handling things poorly. I've reread
them more times than I care to admit. I've come
to terms that Marie threw away our fifteen plus year

(38:48):
friendship over her stealing my wedding theme. Unfortunately, there's no
satisfying conclusion to the story. I'm just left scratching my
head over how things got to this point with Marie.
I'm a recovering people please, So I suppose the recovering
part really didn't work for her anymore. I don't know, y'all.
Let me know, am ib a hole and there are
some relevant comments people please her?

Speaker 2 (39:10):
Yeah, name three people you've pleased? Whoa whoa?

Speaker 1 (39:17):
This is? This is you were okay?

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Oh no wow, No, not that way, just like like
oh we're good. No, no, no, I don't know, Wow, I
don't This will sound like a people pleasing this friend
is definitely what are you saying? Using her? Just like
training her badly? Like cut this friend off?

Speaker 1 (39:38):
Well yeah, it seems like she's kind of cutting herself off.
So just you know, letter, letter, drop herself as a
friend because she sucks and she's stealing. You know, she
thinks you're so cool that she's gonna steal your wedding. Yeah,
but she's got to exclude you.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
Crazy. It's crazy how people do this to one another.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
I know what's going on with that? Well, comments vox
Mornem says, I mean you weren't going to use it anyway,
you're eloping. Who cares if Marie uses it if you aren't.
I mean it's kind of a d move, but one
that you roll your eyes over because she's copying ideas,
not one you blast her for on Facebook. But I
mean it sounds like you two don't even like each other,
so maybe it's for the best you broke off the

(40:17):
friendship honestly. Yeah, true, Yeah, I mean, I don't know
if you have to post things on Facebook. I think
that's just a little petty, that's too far. But I
do think that this friendship is just kind of over.
It seems like they don't like it on them Comfortable
Fix says, I agree with Fox. You're gonna be mad
about something you're not using because it was your idea.
It doesn't sound like you've lost anything in this exchange.
Better to have this woman out of your life. I

(40:39):
feel like it was more the fact that she was
mad that her friend was stealing the idea and also
kind of excluding her from the wedding.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
It's kind of crazy that the friend wasn't even considering
Opie's point of view of saving money and just went
to assuming, Oh, you don't like me, so you're not
even gonna be my bridesmaid.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
Yeah, you're out.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
You're out.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
You're done and taking your wedding idea. You're done. By
the way, you can join us live every weekday on
YouTube at three PMPs to eat. Just tap her profile.
Op says, we are still incorporating the theme into the elopement.
I didn't give up the theme, just the ceremony. I
need to know what the theme is though, because if
it's like a beach theme and her friend is upset
about that, Yeah, she's upset about her friend taking the

(41:18):
beach theme. That's a little silly. But if it's like
really specific, then maybe that's a little bit more warranted
to be upset about. I don't know. I need I
need more, I need more information. Comfortable Spick says, it
doesn't sound like you're gonna have a lot of crossover
and wedding guests. Have the wedding that suits you, and
don't let this woman live in your head. And Op says,
I didn't post anything on Facebook. We're using the theme
for the elopement photos. Oh wait, who said she posted

(41:41):
on Facebook? I was like, that's a little far, but
she didn't even do that, so I.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Think she was gonna.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Oh, she was like, should I.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
Option? So they were saying you should post on Facebook.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Mate to get back on her. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't think she said anything. Yeah, I don't even
think she said anything on Facebook. But that's the end
of that story. More of the story is keep your
themes close, ye, and your enemies farther away. That's it.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
Wow, my best friend's fiance excluded me from the proposal.
I help plan. I'm cutting them both off. All happened
a few years ago. This girl, let's call her f
I want to say Fiona, but I feel like we used.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
That one, Jona. I don't think we have used that one.
Let's do Fiona.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Fiona and I had known each other through work for
several years, but had never really been close. Then I
got a new job the same place Fiona worked, and
we suddenly became best friends forever for about a year.
By the way, this comes from ex Carricha on the
r slash Okay story time sub reddit. So here's a backstory. Fiona,
I had been dating Will for years. During this year

(42:43):
or so of closeness, I met him and became friendly
with him. I liked Will, but he was kind of
clueless and needed constant direction from Fiona. I already have
someone in my mind and who This is the entire
year of all Fiona talked about was wanting to wanting
Will to propose aaster a year after she's fast. She

(43:03):
had very clear expectations that she wanted me and had
told me as her bff, to let Will know these
things should he come to me about planning. So she's
basically OPI's the middleman.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
So Fiona is planning her own proposal. She's like, I
already know what I want.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
This ring, this location, these people near.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
I guess if you know what you want, you just
got Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
And Will loves direction.

Speaker 1 (43:26):
Will loves to be directed. Oh, Fiona is the director
and Will's the actor and he just needs to hit
his mark and.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
We need Op to tell them that the things she
wanted for the proposal. Want her family to be there,
dad's stepmom, mom if possible, and her BFFs me and
one other girl. Two pictures. She was very clear she
wanted good pictures of the proposal and would like a video. Two.
Three the rink. She had already designed this herself. And
sit the lick to Will.

Speaker 1 (43:53):
To purchase WI. Wait, what is this?

Speaker 2 (43:58):
Well is that's pretty funny?

Speaker 1 (43:59):
Pretty well, she knows what she wants now.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
Will did eventually approach me about the proposal told him
the very clear rules Fiona had wanted for the proposal.
Will was at a loss and did not know what
to do.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 (44:14):
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (44:14):
What do you mean? You don't know what to do?
There was a very clear three step plan.

Speaker 2 (44:20):
Thankfully, Fiona and I had pretty much planned the proposal
for this exact reason. They've been together for like eight years,
and Fiona was kind of pressuring Will into proposal.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Oh okay, not a year.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
Okay, here's the gist of what we, meaning mostly me
had planned a trip to the beach. As they did
this regularly, we figured out it wouldn't be as sus
They would go with Fiona's family and other BFF. I
would drive up on my own, unknown to Fiona. This
allowed me to set up without having to make an
excuse to be gone for two hours. These set up,

(44:50):
they Fiona, Will and family would take a sunset walk
along the beach to the predetermined area where I would
be waiting. Slash hiding with a camera. Job was to
get the pictures. Other bff wlos to handle the video.
Are you see them?

Speaker 1 (45:04):
Mix up?

Speaker 2 (45:04):
There?

Speaker 1 (45:05):
You think there's gonna you got an ICU.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
I see you.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
It's not gonna live up to Fiona's four step plan.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
The pictures won't end up.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
It never does. Never does.

Speaker 2 (45:15):
A heart made of flameless candles, will you marry me?
Spelled out on the sand and beautiful script sunset on
the beach. It was perfect and fit all of the requirements.
I really don't want to keep reading.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
I know this is perfect, perfect proposal. Fiona gets what
she wants, everyone's happy.

Speaker 2 (45:33):
No, we're already up, Sophia, grow up. Do what you
even do for a living?

Speaker 1 (45:39):
I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Don't think like,
what are you doing?

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Sorry, it's just it's just just way easier than.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
Yeah, oh it's easier.

Speaker 2 (45:59):
It was It was better. Story. Fast forward to the
weekend this was planned to happen. Will text me and
says he doesn't think he's going through with it this weekend,
so don't bother driving up the beach. I think, oh
he's nervous and check it out right wrong? Will proceeded
to invite the family and the other BFF, but told
me not to come. He ended up setting up this

(46:21):
half thrown together a version of what we planned. The
kicker he never got anyone to take the pictures. The
only video they have is from the bff's phone. She's
running along the beach up to Yona and Will. When
she gets to them, all you can hear is a
girl panting out of breath.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
You just hear, like, Babe, I've been loving.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
You can't hear any boys said, and the quality was
akin to a mom trying to film her third grader
at an He just cring. I was sitting at home

(47:03):
as my plans had been canceled. It's going through Facebook
and I see the announcement Leonna and Will are engaged.
I was enraged. After watching the video, I realized a
few things. One video was horrible with no pictures to
make up for it. Two Will had to use our
proposal plan minus me being there and getting the pictures.
Three Will had purposeful Lee left me out of this,

(47:26):
told me to stay home, and then used everything I
had planned. But it wasn't done well and he had
messed up the rules. This might make me sound like
the ahole.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
He's like, he didn't even include me, and he did
it poorly. It sucked.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
Hope he's trying to be a girl's girl. Yeah, we'll
save it.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
Yeah. I just want to know why he didn't include her,
because it would be one because he's a man's man.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
He's a man's man and he can do it himself.
That you're good.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
Tell me how of purpose, No, sir, no, But I'm
wondering why he invited the other best friend, because it
would be one thing to be like I don't want
I just want this to be a family thing and
you know, uh in a more intimate moment. But he
invited the one bff who can't you know, take videos properly.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
This is weird. Fast forward a week or so. I
had congratulated Fiona, but became distant. I was upset I
planned and was excluded from what was supposed to be
a happy moment. I didn't want to ruin her up
in the cloud high on Live Bliss, so I pulled back.
Yona noticed and tried to talk to me about it,
since we were friends and it had been a minute

(48:39):
since the proposal. I unloaded tears and anger rising at
the top. I figured Fiona would have a little sympathy
also be upset about the way things were done despite
having clear instructions. She was reasonable, Oh not at all. Nope, alright,
some conspiracy theories, okay, Josephine, she is jealous of their friend.

(49:01):
He is jealous of their friendship.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
I guess, so the year long friendship, or maybe maybe
because it's only a year long, maybe she had a
longer friendship with this other best friend and he's like, oh, well,
she doesn't really need to be there or something. But
I will say, I don't know if it's the best
thing for OP to be kind of getting mad at
her friend who wasn't in charge of this proposal, because

(49:23):
she said, oh I unloaded, like, you know, tears and
anger at my friend. And I feel like that's a
little bit, maybe a little bit much. I think there's
a way that she could have done it where she's
like and obviously, you know, you can't control your emotions
all the time.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
That's what I'm thinking.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
Yeah, I think if she had gone to her friend
and been like, hey, I was a little bit sad
because I wanted to be at your engagement. I had
like help plan it and stuff.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
You wanna proceeded to tell me I was being selfish
and making her proposal all about me. I was shook.
How could she be mad at me for being upset
with Will? The argument got heated quick and we stopped talking.
Now it's a about five ish years later and we
still haven't spoken five years ago.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
That's that's like a I don't know if that's like
a thing that you should end a friendship over. I
don't know.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
Fiona was not about it. She's like, you shouldn't be
something talk about Will. I feel like I needed a
second perspective.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
When I know I kind of get both, you know, sides,
because on the one hand, I understand that OPI is
upset that she helped plan this engagement and then she
was kind of sidelined. But on the other hand, this
is Fiona's engagement. This is like it is about her
and she didn't plan it. But like, yeah, so I
kind of get both sides of this. Yeah, hm, I

(50:42):
feel like that it's kind of a silly thing to
end a friendship over, though I feel like they could
have communicated a little bit more on both ends, like
even ope, after the engagement happened. She just kind of
distanced herself, she said. And it wasn't even Fiona's fault,
Like I feel like she should have brought it forth sooner.
If she was something that was that's a problem for her.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
Yeah, the wedding was planned and had happened. I was blocked,
so I couldn't look at them, see what bridesmaids dresses
she had chosen, the dress, her hair. I genuinely wanted
to see, as I was not allowed to be a
part of that moment. But I was truly happy that
Fiona was getting what she wanted for so long. This
was the other part where I do feel like a bumhole.

(51:22):
My partner, bless their soul, had not been blocked, and
could see the pictures of the wedding after going through them.
We looked at each other and I knew we thought
the same thing. The pictures about as good of quality
as any two thousands camera phone, addresses, hair, everything I
picked apart. I was still hurting for losing my friend

(51:44):
or being upset at will.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Okay, so OPI was basically saying that on Facebook they
saw all these pictures and they socked, and she was like, ah,
if I was there never would have happened.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
Yeah, yeah, that's basically what she's saying. By the way,
you could join us live on YouTube every weekday at
three pm PSD. Just dap our. Now about five is
years later, after doing what some self work and therapy,
I have come to a realization I was a scapegoat.
Fiona has been so specific in what she wanted. I
spilled it out for Will, almost to the point there
was no planning for him to do for the proposal,

(52:15):
and he still messed it up and on multiple counts too.
But Fiona had finally gotted what she wanted. She couldn't
be mad at Will, but she was mad and it
had to go somewhere. So why not use the pain
that I was feeling and spin it into some story
where I became a self obsessed bride's maid Zilla. It's
taken a long time to come to terms with it.

(52:35):
I still haven't gotten to the forgiveness part of healing,
but I can now acknowledge that maybe I wasn't so
at fault for this friendship dissolving.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
I think maybe everyone sucks a little bit here. My
best friend of twenty years is being awful to me
now she's stepping down as my maid of honor. Hi.
I'll try to condense this as much as possible, but
I apologize if it's long. I think context is needed.
I thirty two female, recently got married to my now husband,
thirty two male, Thomas. Everything went great. One of the hiccups, though,

(53:09):
was my best friend of twenty years and a thirty
female didn't come. She was one of my maids of honor.
I have three maid of honors and seven bridesmaids.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
Wow can you do that?

Speaker 1 (53:21):
You can do whatever he wants your wedding what you
can just throw Chuck Chuck Moore maid of honors and
our engagement was a year long and the finalized date
was known for six months. Threw the month lead up
and had ensured me that she would be coming, and
ended up telling me two days before the wedding that
she wouldn't be attending. The wedding was out of state

(53:42):
for about six of the guests, but all in the
southwest region of the US. I want to say that
if the reason for not being able to attend was
truly because of finances, I would completely understand and not
be upset. In the slightest I have been in bad
financial situations, so I can understand. However, I don't find
that to be the case. By the way, this comes
from Coven coven eleven eleven on the r slash Okay

(54:04):
story Time subret it for context. In the several months
leading up to the wedding, and only ever reached out
to me to trauma dump. She never asked or offered
any assistance for guarding the wedding, which was mostly okay.
I didn't really need much help since we were fortunate
enough to have a wedding planner. As I mentioned, Anne
only ever texted me to inform me of tragic life situations,

(54:26):
which in hindsight now seemed questionable. I know people have
bad luck, but some of the situations were just odd.
What is it? OPI's like she had too much bad luck.
It just didn't seem reasonable, didn't seem likely.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
So I just couldn't have that go into my life.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
So yeah, God, she had kind of a bad vibe
about her, and if I brought her into my wedding,
she'd kind of bring that over. You know, superstitions can't
be doing that. Unfortunately. I won't go into specifics as
to keep identities private. The situations. However, if true, were
all situations that were brought by her own poor decisions.

(55:01):
I'll provide some more context, but I mention this because
I want to express that several times during these events,
I asked her if she was capable of coming to
the wedding. I asked her twice when we were still
several months out, and again two weeks before if she
was sure she could make it. As most of the
situations pertained to troubling her finances, I asked her if
she was okay to come, As I understood she was

(55:23):
going through a lot at the moment, I assured her
that I understood that I would not be upset and
that I would help her further if I could. Her
responses were either to ignore the question and change subjects,
or that no, she would make it happen. With reluctance,
I chose to believe her.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
I don't like the way OPI is going about this.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
What do you mean say more about that?

Speaker 2 (55:46):
It seems like Ope friends going through something hard. Op
doesn't want to be about it. They have other people
that can replace her. It seems like you have three
maids of honor. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
I do understand it's very frustrating when you have a
very big event like this and you do need people
who are gonna be in the wedding like bride, a
maid of honor, even if you have three they do
I'm as sure have a role to play in the wedding,
and for like two days before, to have someone back
out when you've been asking them multiple times, like, hey,
are you sure you can be in the wedding? You know,

(56:19):
no worries if you want to just like come to
the wedding, you don't have to necessarily be a part
of the part like the wedding party. I think that
can be frustrating. Yeah, and you've given them so many.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
Outs, for sure, frustrating.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
For some more context, as mentioned, we've been best friends
for about twenty years. I would say in the past
ten years, I've noticed a steady decline in her behavior
and our friendship. When there was a death in her family,
I wanted to be there, but I couldn't as at
the time I was in a horrible financial position. In
that same week, I totaled my car and had used
my whole paycheck to get out of a bad relationship.

(56:54):
I had no money or transportation. I'll admit I didn't
fully explain what was going on in my life, but
it was only to not add to her plate. She
was dealing with enough, and I didn't think it an
appropriate time to dump on her what I was dealing with.
You guys both what are going through? I think the
thing is that they're both going through a lot in
life at separate times. Yeah, like it's going back and forth. Oh,

(57:15):
Pe was going through something and then her friend was
going through something, and it doesn't seem like they have
the capacity to be there for each other in the
way that they both need. That makes sense, Yeah, yeah,
So I mean I can't you know, if the friendship
starts to dwindle out because you couldn't be there for
her when her father or like her family member was passing,
that's kind of fair for her to pull back from

(57:37):
that friendship even though you were going through something as well.
If you didn't communicate that to her, you know, she
didn't know.

Speaker 2 (57:42):
Yeah, I feel like you still got to be there.
Like I recently found out something really bad happened to
one of my friends. Yeah, they had a death of family,
and I was like, I did not keep up with
them for like three months, and I felt horrible, but
I knew that they had a process set on their
own and I'm still good friends with them. Yeah, but
it's like at a distance, like we still have that
Like I didn't seem still pick up where we are
even though I wasn't there for him in that moment.

(58:03):
Sure if that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
Yeah, but let's keep going, uh with this story. She
held resentment over me because I couldn't make it to her,
and I apologized for years. I did end up explaining
to her why I couldn't see her, but she was
still upset. Over the years, she seemed to let that
go more, but it was never the same. Through the years,
I worked on healing myself from past traumas and relationships

(58:26):
with therapy, reading, spirituality, meditation, et cetera. All through this,
I've been there for her and been there as a
shoulder to cry on while she went through multiple horrible
and abusive relationships. I've tried so much to help her
and lift her up and would send books, articles and
paragraphs to try to help her build her self esteem.
I tried advising her in so many ways.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
I don't know she can let a person do that
or like try to force so many get better. You. Yeah,
she has resources and herself.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
Yeah. I think it's seeming more and more as we
read this, you know, as we continue with this story,
that Opie's having to put in so much of her
kind of mental health into this relationship to help her
friend and wasn't receiving that in the same way. And
it just seems like they're both going through a lot,
and maybe this relationship is no longer healthy anymore. Unfortunately,

(59:17):
I started noticing though that over the years, she started
only texting or reaching out to me to trauma dump.
She never asked how I was doing. She never asked
about my son, her godson, and if I ever mentioned
I was going through a hard time, she never asked
about it. It became tiring, but I never faltered. Yeah,
now it just seems like it's one sided. Yeah, she's
putting all like she's making you deal with everything, not

(59:39):
giving you any.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
Of that back and suck. Can you try?

Speaker 1 (59:42):
There's no point to this relationship anymore if she's not
gonna be there for you in the same way that
you are there for her. Time and time again. When
I met my now husband Thomas several years ago, we
took a trip Demeter and some of my family. My
family and Thomas hit it off and however, was very
passive aggressive him the entire time. This ended up being
the trip he proposed to me. Anne wasn't present for that,

(01:00:05):
as an incident took place with her and her then
toxic partner. The next morning. Anne was aware I was
engaged the night before, but before saying anything to me
about that, she vented about her situation with the partner
the night before, So she's not even congratulating a being
about the proposal. She's just like, oh, my partner is horrible,
blah blah blah blah. The next morning she eventually congratulated me.

(01:00:27):
For the rest of the trip, she kept making remarks
about how her ring was huge, she was married before,
and how next time she get a smaller one like mine, backhanded,
so backhanded, and telling me to be careful with my
bridesmaid dress choices so I don't get outshined. She kept
remarking to my then fiance about the anger issues I
had as a teenager slash young adult. Now she's trying

(01:00:48):
to sabotage things. Not cool.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
She's a crab and bucket all this to say.

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive, but my
family and Thomas both told me they were very put
off by her. Fab From then it was all just
what I mentioned. She never asked about the wedding, asked
about my son. Nothing. It was only ever to text
me the tragedies of her life. By this time, though,
I was dealing with my own personal problems. I had
a lot thrown on my plate due to a family event.

(01:01:15):
I also had a wedding to plan. I was very busy,
and to be honest, with all the stress I was
dealing with, I couldn't hold her hand through everything anymore.
I would reply when I had time. Yeah, when it
starts to drain you, it's just not worth it. A friendship,
like a good friendship, doesn't mean that you can't share
hard things in your life and you know, ask for

(01:01:35):
advice and help, But it does mean that if you're
always doing that and you're never listening to your friend,
then it's just one sided and there's no point you're
making your friend a therapist, and they're not paid nor
qualified to be that. To be honest, it got to
the point where I no longer knew what to say
she was saying and doing a lot of things I

(01:01:56):
thought were quite frankly stupid and self destructive. Still, when
I had time to respond, I would attempt to gently
call her out on some behaviors and support her and
lift her up. And again, as I mentioned, I offered
her outs several times. So two days before the wedding,
I get a text saying she can't make it. Initially
I was upset. I waited to reply, as I don't

(01:02:17):
like responding to anything when I'm highly emotional. Several hours later,
I replied that I understood, and pointed out that was
why I asked. I expressed that I was sad, but
ultimately I understood. I want to also point out that
during the month leading up to the wedding, she had
alluded to having booked a hotel already. I forgot to
mention that after I shared my disappointment with Thomas and

(01:02:38):
family member, they had concerns of the tragedies even being true.
So now he's saying, like, she's not even sure if wait,
what's her name? I totally forgot what's her friend's name?
And she's not even sure if Anne is you know, real,
even for really she might just be making up these
tragedies to get out of things, like maybe they were
true and you know, to begin with, but when she

(01:03:00):
needed them to get her out of you know, being
there for OP and she's making them up now. But
I think that now you just know that she's not
a real friend. Like she's not coming to your wedding,
she backed out two days before. This isn't a person
that you want to keep in your life.

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
She only uses you as a trauma dumping bag. Yeah,
grabbing a trauma bucket. WHOA, that's real. That's huge. Why
did not think of that?

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
I don't know. Some of them pointed out holes which
tbh haven't even crossed my mind. Again, I'm not a monster.
I understand that financial hardship. I would never hold that
against someone ever. I truly wish I could have helped
with travel expenses. I did buy the girls the dresses,
but I wish I could have helped more. But her
funds were tied up in the wedding, so I didn't

(01:03:43):
have expectations that everyone would make it. My issue was
the last minute text. I gave her so many opportunities
to just tell me she couldn't make it, and she
never responded after I told her I understood. No response,
no happy wedding day, no nothing. It hurts. Some people
in my life think it's time to just cut the cord.
I wish it was that easy for me. It's not.

(01:04:04):
It's twenty years of friendship, but it appears it's really
only me holding on. I'm trying to hear out unbiased opinions.
So Reddit, would I be the a hole if I
call this friendship quits.

Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
Load to no content.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
I think load to no contact and maybe having a
conversation with her where you express your opinions if you
haven't already done that, and your frustrations with her, and
that is the end of that story.

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My mother-in-law FORBID me from wearing white at MY wedding…because I’m “not pure” - r/dustythunder | Reddit Stories | EP1960

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My mother-in-law FORBID me from wearing white at MY wedding…because I’m “not pure” - r/dustythunder | Reddit Stories | EP1960