My mother-in-law paid for our vacation… now she wants a refund! - r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dearest John, it's a bit a fortnight since I felt
your warm embrace.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay
Storytell podcast. Yes, and I have a message for you,
a delicious story that I think you'll love.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Sincerely Sam.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
But before that, thine divine two minute outbreak must happen.
I bid thee farewell. See you in two minutes.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
My mother in law paid for our vacation. Now she
wants a refund.

Speaker 5 (00:23):
I have an itemized receipt here of everything that you
owe me.

Speaker 4 (00:26):
Okay, so please tell me if I'm crazy or not.
It's our daughter's birthday next week and normally we go
to Disney or Universal, but we just couldn't swing this year.
Even if we didn't go to the parks, it just
wasn't feasible. Resort prices have gone way up. By the way,
this comes from Remarkable Sweet thirty twenty three, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to our slash.
Okay Storytime suppured it. So we explained this and she understood,

(00:50):
but then she started worrying and didn't want us to
spend too much money on her birthday. It just broke
my heart, and we tried to tell her not to
worry about it. My mother in law has asked why
she was so upset, so I explained. We had gone
last year and stayed at a beautiful family resort with
tons of activities, but mother in law and father in
law weren't able to go with us. So mother in

(01:11):
law suddenly wanted us all to go since they didn't
get to go last year. She wanted us to go
to the parks too, but we turned that down because
it's just too much for our youngest. Right now, she's
very easily overwhelmed and overstimulated, and it's been worse recently.
But we really wanted them to go with us to
the family resort, and she made it seem like she
wanted to take us all as in pay for it,

(01:32):
since we obviously couldn't afford it. Then things got weird.

Speaker 5 (01:36):
So wait, but she made it seem like so did
she ever say that or was she just very insistent
that y'all go, because I haven't seen her really say
that she'll pay for anything anywhere.

Speaker 4 (01:47):
Then things got weird. They didn't want to get a
second room. They only have two bedroom villas available, and
the pullout couches are gross We tried to use it
last year and I fell into a dip in the bed.
I couldn't get up without help, and it was covered
in crumbs and dirt. We told them we weren't comfortable
sharing a two bedroom with six people. We would have
either been sharing the small second bedroom with the queen

(02:10):
and a pull out with me, my husband, and our
two kids while they took the huge master bedroom, or
the kids would have to sleep on the couch in
the living room. They're still very afraid of the dark,
and more so in strange places, and our oldest has
major anxiety. So we got the second room after some debate,
but they were still being odd and making odd comments,
things like asking what they were going to do there

(02:31):
since we aren't going to the parks, which we thought
was odd, and our answer was relax with your family
and your grandkids. The response we relax all the time.
Then out of nowhere, mother in law asked my husband
if he thought the girls would be upset if they
didn't go. Q major confusion. My husband questioned them about
why they didn't want to go, and they kept giving

(02:51):
non answers, so he told them, if they don't want
to go, they have to be the ones to tell
the kids. They didn't say anything except that they didn't
think the kids would care. My husband got them to
understand that the kids would, in fact care if they
ditched us. In between this happening was my mother in
law's birthday, but they went and spent all day at
the casino. They stopped by around nine pm, right when

(03:12):
our oldest and I were getting back from her sports practice.
The girls had made cards and my husband got flowers,
but I feel like she was disappointed and expected more.
So I told her we would take them out to
dinner in Orlando to celebrate her birthday. This was before
I knew they wanted to back out of going. Now
they said they would go as to not upset the kids.
That I feel like they really don't want to go. Well,
they already told you they don't want to go. Now

(03:33):
I feel like they don't really want to go, Like, yeah,
they said that, they've been like, we don't want to.
My husband and I feel like it's because there's no
casino for them to go to. But on top of that,
mother in law just told my husband this morning that
we would have to pay them back for the hotel room.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
What the heck yeah.

Speaker 5 (03:51):
So again, I didn't hear them ever say anything about
paying for the hotel room.

Speaker 4 (03:55):
I think if it was just kind of like maybe
they were gonna pay it, you should have been like, hey,
are you guys paying because we can't afford this.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
Let us know, we've all been in a situation like that.

Speaker 5 (04:03):
But you know what that situation demands clarity but also yeah, clarity.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Communication.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
Clarity and communication they both work. Am I wrong for
being pissed about that? We wouldn't have booked it and
told the kids had she not offered in the first place.
And now I'm wondering if we would have gotten stuck
paying her back for the part tickets, as well as
if we had given in to her wanting to do that.

Speaker 5 (04:22):
So she did offer, because I remember very specifically the
language in the beginning of the story was like that.
It was implied they were offered. Yeah, by being insistent
that they go after.

Speaker 4 (04:34):
We got our taxes back, we'll be fine. But that's
not the point. We had made a point not to
spend the extra money right now, which I thought was
why she offered. I would have said no otherwise, So
I told my husband I don't want to go anywhere
with them at this point, and if the kids didn't
already know, I'd cancel the whole thing. Now he's mad
at me, saying I'm wrong and only want them to
go for their money, But that's pretty much the point
I'm making. We wouldn't be going at all if it

(04:56):
weren't for my mother in law, and I explained to
her that we could not afford it right now. So
to get everyone excited about going after thinking we wouldn't
be able to, then trying to back out of going
less than a week before the trip and telling us
we have to pay for our own hotel room is
just really messed up to do and forcing us to
go spend one thousand dollars a hotel and food, et
cetera that we didn't want to spend so that we

(05:17):
don't let our kids down, because there's no way at
this point that I'm going to tell them we can't.
This is not a money issue for them. They're just
fine in that department and spend their money frivolously all
the time, but then get weird about money for other things.

Speaker 5 (05:31):
Right because they go, well, this is ours, We hoarded
this money for ourselves, not for you and your children.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
We're also trying to save money to go see my
dad this summer out of state, who was just diagnosed
with lung and bring on top of his COPD. I'm
just so angry with them right now and really don't
want to go on vacation with them, But now we
can't let down our daughters.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
Whoever's got brain cancer and COPD.

Speaker 5 (05:54):
You should definitely take a trip with them because you're
not gonna be able to take a lot.

Speaker 4 (05:58):
I think that you just have to do talk to
your husband and say like, hey, you know, like I'm
not saying that I want to use your parents for
their money. I just was under the idea that they
were paying for this, and we've already talked about this
and we can't afford it, you know, like we've already
discussed this.

Speaker 5 (06:14):
They tactically put you in this position if you guys
really can't afford it right now, like you said, you'll
be fine after tax.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
Take like the kids. I mean, you could always take
the kids somewhere else, do something and it's like fun,
that's cheaper.

Speaker 5 (06:24):
I would just eat it, dude, I would eat it,
just go enjoy it. Yeah, it's over budget. As long
as you're not putting yourself in like actual harms way financially.
There's a difference between like I can't afford this right
now and like this will ruin our lives if we
do this, like please do not do that.

Speaker 4 (06:41):
In which case like never, yeah, but it's like.

Speaker 5 (06:43):
Let go and enjoy the heck out of that place
with your kids.

Speaker 4 (06:46):
I think that's a conversation that you have with your
partner and say, hey, like, now that we know that
we're paying for this and your parents are not paying
for this, are we okay with losing this money?

Speaker 3 (06:56):
You know is sure?

Speaker 4 (06:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (06:57):
Yeah, yeah, you should be on the same page about that.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
But then moving forward, do not don't rely.

Speaker 4 (07:02):
On parents regardless of what they say exactly, just be like,
oh okay, nay, cause to pay the rug pull Yeah.
Would I be the a hole if I told her
how upset I am and that I feel like she
tricked us into going or would that cause even more attention.
I don't want to ruin our kid's birthday because I'm
feuding with my mother in law. But I don't know
if I can be the bigger person when all I
want to do is be pett. Last thing I want

(07:23):
to do is take my mother in law out for
her birthday. The only thing I can say in her
defense is that she also had cancer last year and
went through chemo. She's no cancer free, but we think
it caused some behavior changes. But part of me wants
to give her some grace, but the other part says,
that's not I gotta knough excuse And there is an update.

Speaker 5 (07:41):
I'm gonna dip into the Bible of Okay storytime real quick.
Clear communication early would have solved this conundrum.

Speaker 4 (07:49):
Yeah, it's just say okay, or be on the same
page about you paying.

Speaker 5 (07:52):
At the very least, it would have made any sort
of who's in the wrong questions unambiguous. It would be
like the people who explicitly told you they'd be paying
for all of this and can obviously afford it, are
now one hundred percent in the wrong.

Speaker 4 (08:08):
And also, I think I don't know if you should
necessarily be like, yeah, pal, you lied to me, blah
blah blah. I think you could potentially go to your
mother in law and say, hey, like, I think there
was a little bit of a miscommunication. I had originally
thought that you guys were offering to pay and sorry
if that's not what you meant.

Speaker 5 (08:23):
Yeah, and you could just say exactly why yeah, and
just say it does feel.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
That way, but there's an update.

Speaker 4 (08:28):
Yes, it was a misunderstanding and lack of communication, but
it's always a lack of communication with my mother in
law and my husband, and I said this to him
multiple times. This isn't the first time she has failed
to communicate properly and caused problems, or my husband has
failed to communicate properly with me and cause problems, And
then I look like an ungrateful ahole.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
Where's your communication, Opie? What what are we talking about?
You also didn't communicate well right tow street.

Speaker 4 (08:53):
She has a problem with not being able to just
say no or tell people the truth, and then beats
around the bush making everyone else try to figure out
what she means, which I don't do well with. I
also find it very selfish that they're so worried about
what they're going to do on a trip that's supposed
to be about their granddaughter's birthday and family time. We
don't mind if they go do their own thing, but
do not want to go at all because they can't

(09:15):
go to the casino. That's an assumption, not what they said,
though we both should have clarified. But there has also
been a lot of tension between us for months. No,
this is not the first time something like this has happened,
and our kids know that we usually are very honest
with them in kin friendly ways about what's going on.
My mother in law said Slash did something during Christmas
that really pissed me off that I don't want to

(09:36):
get into, and she knows I was very upset with her,
and my husband did back me up on it, but
he's always in the middle trying to mediate either way.
Even if I did assume with good reason, because they
offer to pay for hotel rooms a lot for us,
which my husband usually turns down because he doesn't want
things held over his head, I don't think it was right.

(09:57):
I'm not sure if my husband was the one to
convince her to go, I wouldn't be surprised, But from
my perspective, she's the one that said we should go
after I explained we didn't want to spend the money
on a hotel room. Hence my assumption that she wanted
to pay. If a friend came to me and said
how they can't go on a trip because they can't
afford it right now. I wouldn't go and start talking
about how we should go and said trip and make

(10:18):
it seem like I would pay because I know they
can't afford it right now, then turn around and try
to back out of going and tell them they now
have to pay for everything. That just doesn't seem right
to me. To clarify the two room situation, we always
get two rooms unless we're sharing a large, multi level house.
Sharing a hotel room with family might work for most
of you, but not our family. No one likes living

(10:39):
with my father in law. My father in law is
easily irritated and constantly picks on my husband, and my
husband has really bad anxiety and can be very defensive.
This is supposed to be a relaxing trip, and it
would not be if we shared a room. Our youngest
is autistic and so am I and my oldest and
her dad are adhd really quickly.

Speaker 5 (10:58):
I have to say, I'm guessing that this resort is
maybe of the Didney variety.

Speaker 4 (11:04):
I know I think that was. Yeah, we are not
an easy bunch to share a room with, and we
like to have our own space, so we don't feel
like we have to walk on eggshells. My in laws
know this. We haven't shared a room in a long time,
and I'm really not sure why my mother in law
thought it would be a good idea. My husband and
father in law is sharing a space for prolonged periods,
but ruin the trip for everyone, and I won't be
surprised if there's at least one to three disagreements between

(11:26):
them during the trip. I decided to cancel the two
rooms that I booked together. I booked them, not my
mother in law, and I rebooked just one for us
and told them if they want to go, they could
book their own room. Although I really wish they wouldn't
come at this point, I don't want them to break
my youngest daughter's hearts. She is very emotional and sensitive
and doesn't deserve disappointment. But to those who think I

(11:47):
give into everything, I definitely don't. My in law spoil
my kids more than I do, and sometimes I have
to tell my in laws now my daughter would never
trust us again if we canceled completely after us telling
her we couldn't go, than telling her we are going
then to take it back again would break her, and
at this point it's too late to cancel.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
It and just really quickly.

Speaker 5 (12:06):
You know, I know you don't want your kid to
be disappointed that grandma and grandpa aren't there.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
Yeah, lie to your I don't know.

Speaker 4 (12:18):
I just want my baby to have an amazing birthday
and be happy. All she wants to do is go
to see the volcano erupt at Disney Springs. Literally, that's it.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
That's literally, that's all it she wants.

Speaker 4 (12:29):
We sat and watched it last time for at least
thirty minutes straight before we convinced her it was time
to leave. She could care less about going to the parks.
We usually stay at an amazing family resort with tons
of included amenities.

Speaker 3 (12:40):
That kid's awesome.

Speaker 4 (12:41):
It's just like, I just want to see it blow up.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Kids like I know what I like. Okay, okay, sue me,
sue me.

Speaker 4 (12:47):
I know what I like eight years old, and I
know what I like.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
I like geysers.

Speaker 4 (12:51):
Someone on a local post I may have said to
have my in laws take her by herself, but my
daughter has serious separation anxiety, and my in laws will
never truly understand her or believe us when we tell
them not to do something because it will upset her.

Speaker 5 (13:03):
But it's a tried and true narrative of younger versus
older generations.

Speaker 4 (13:07):
Yep, they're like ash, She'll be fine. Just stop baby
in her exactly.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
Just throw her in the river. She'll learn how to swim.

Speaker 4 (13:14):
Thankfully, she started to speak up for herself, and she's
not afraid to hurt anyone's feelings just to make them
feel comfortable while she is uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (13:21):
We will be okay.

Speaker 4 (13:22):
Financially once we get our taxes back. There's just a
lot of other things that money should be going to,
but I think we will use most of it to
go visit my dad over the summer. I care more
about that than getting a new dishwaar or couch, which
we really do need. Both are broken. My glasses also
broke yesterday, no, right before I made this post, and
the dishwasher two days ago. Oh that sucks. Though glasses

(13:44):
are not cheap and you need them.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
There are dishwashers.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
That's also true. Don't necessarily need them, they do make
life a lot easier.

Speaker 5 (13:50):
You got two dishwashers right here.

Speaker 4 (13:53):
So as much as I would be okay with not going,
I just can't do that to my kids. Our oldest
would completely understand, but our youngest would be devastated. And
I don't want that to be a core memory, so
I'll suck it up and play nice for her. Let
us see the volcano, let' us see it erupt. My
sister thinks that my mother in law is jealous of
my relationship with my husband and how much we love

(14:13):
each other and how he protects me and stands up
for me, and that she likes to stir the pot
sometimes and just has a weird competition with me in
her head. Her relationship with her husband is not a
loving one. He is very controlling, and we're both convinced
she's actually a sapphog, but too scared to admit it
to herself, which is just horribly sad, but it makes

(14:34):
sense for how she grew up in her generation. But
you know what's not horribly sad. The fact that you
can listen to full episodes with stories just like this.
Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search
a pokey.

Speaker 5 (14:45):
Story time makes me glad every time, makes me so
freaking happy.

Speaker 4 (14:48):
I'm like, oh man, but uh, there is a little
bit left to the story. Any final thoughts.

Speaker 5 (14:54):
Yeah, I'm glad that y'all still went. I'm glad everything
was good, went fine.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
You did it.

Speaker 5 (15:01):
You didn't put your guys, you know, in financial danger.
But you gotta just know moving forward that these parental
units are not to be relied upon unless it's in
like writing, like a contract, explicit clear communication.

Speaker 4 (15:16):
I think probably there was a lot of miscommunication, but
I think it definitely is still annoying that they've even
implied it, and I think you have a right to
be annoyed about that. I think it's just going forward.
You know, you can't rely on these people unfortunately, which sucks,
but is the truth.

Speaker 3 (15:27):
And if they ask why, just be like, oh, yeah,
this this.

Speaker 4 (15:31):
You may this is why that you were I a
helpless Yeah you didn't.

Speaker 5 (15:34):
I don't believe in walking on eggshells most of the time.
Sometimes it's important, sometimes it's necessary, but oftentimes it's like
the truth showh set you free. You're not in charge
of how other people feel about the life.

Speaker 4 (15:47):
Exactly, but there is a little bit left. They don't
ever have spicy sleep, and he's cheated in the past,
but they both decided to stay for whatever stupid reason.
This is what my husband tells me and comes from
things his dad has told him, which is just super
gross to tell your kid adults or not. But they're
good grandparents and my kids love them.

Speaker 3 (16:03):
Okay, ok eight.

Speaker 4 (16:04):
They could make their own decisions on it when they
grow up. They're already aware of my father in law
being a grumpy a hole and prefer my mother in
law to him, and they aren't afraid to tell him
he's being a grumpy a hole in different words. Mayby
you be sinky, you're being a stinky witt old grandpa
me stinky. But that's the end of that story. My
boyfriend's friend made me uncomfortable. She's way too.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Involved or she's trying to level upo.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
My twenty eight female boyfriend twenty six male together for
almost four years as a friend who I will call Sarah.
Sarah is a rather new friend in his life. I've
only been hearing about her for a few months, but
something just feels off. By the way. This comes from
Dry Union sixty sixty six on the Too Hot Take
Separated and if you want to smit your own stories,
go to the r slash Oky his story time separated.

(16:48):
So let me get some context out of the way first,
I promise this is relevant. Oh boy, My boyfriend and
I have been long distance for most of our relationship.
I moved across the country for a really amazing job
placement opportunity, pretty much right when we started dating. After
a year at the placement, I moved back home for
a few months and then received another offer. After a
long conversation with my boyfriend, he encouraged me to take it.

(17:10):
This placement was much closer, only a two hour drive,
but it was for one and a half years. However,
because we were closer, we would be able to visit
all the time. The year and a half flew by
so quickly, and I moved back last year, with my
boyfriend just moving in with me a month ago. Okay,
on to the girl.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
So we've had a lot of long distance, Yeah, and
a lot of opportunities for your boyfriend to maybe find
another friendship.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
But maybe not. Maybe he's been faithful poltonic friendship. My
boyfriend is just finishing up his education degree and he
recently started talking about this girl in his class, Sarah.
They had known each other over the years and have
played on several intramural teams together. I had heard her
name before, but just as like, oh yeah, this girl
Sarah got hurt during our game or things like that. However,
on their most recent basketball intramural team, she plays basketball.

(17:58):
Apparently Sarah and Tyler became better friends and I started
hearing about her more. I want to preface this by
saying I am not a jealous girlfriend. I'm a firm
believer that I don't need distress about cheating because of
someone cheats on me. Our relationship is just done. I
know I am worth more than that. My boyfriend has
a ton of girlfriends, and I genuinely like most of
the ones I know, But my spider senses are tingling

(18:19):
with Sarah.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
One time I played basketball and there was a girl there,
and I'm pretty sure she just played basketball so other
guys could talk to her.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
And she was a pigmy.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
Girl and why women played basketball. That was just my
one encounter with one girl that played basketball.

Speaker 4 (18:33):
Any other girl I played basketball just for the attention
to men.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
That was my one experience that I know was false.
Getting into it, I'm like, wow, this is actually pretty flawed.
Good But I'm saying this is just like Sarah. She
played an intermeal thing in college.

Speaker 4 (18:47):
Okay, I see what you're saying. Okay, my boyfriend tells
me Sarah describes herself as one of the guys because
she likes sports. Radley's right, and hates makeup, and so
she's not a girl's girl because girls are too much trauma. Yeah,
she's a picking girl. She's made the girl right, He's right, yeah, right,
Rally successfully has jumped out of the hole. He's done

(19:08):
one of those jumps where you literally just jump straight up,
like one of those crazy jumps that people do.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
I am static right now.

Speaker 4 (19:15):
Yeah, these are the things I said in high school
when I was desperately trying to get a boy's attention.
I just got a worried feeling. And I will say
at this point I had not met Sarah, but there
was some red flags going up. Recently, Sarah's family threw
a barbecue for her graduation. My boyfriend was invited. I
was not, but neither were any of their friend group's partners,
and so he went. When he got back, he was

(19:36):
telling me about the barbecue and was saying he met
Sarah's mom and they chatted for a hot minute. I
asked what they were talking about, and he told me.
She was asking a lot of questions, most of them
were pretty basic, where are you from, what's your plans
after graduation? These kinds of things. However, my boyfriend told
me about a portion of their conversation that made me
feel weird. Sarah's mom specifically said, there, tells me you

(19:57):
have a girlfriend, to which my boyfriend said yes and
told her how we met, about how we've been long
distance for so long. Sarah's mom apparently then kept saying
things like why would she not stay here with you?
Why would she choose to leave when she could have
just worked here? I've been with you. Eventually, Sarah came
up to them, and when she learned that they were
talking about me, she jumped in saying, Oh, it's girlfriend's
so smart and so pretty, Mom, she just worked so

(20:18):
hard at her job and she's climbing that ladder. Her
mom then went on a long rand about women not
doing what women should do anymore and how sad she
was to see women pick their careers over her family.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
Oh, she's like reverse psychology, red feeling.

Speaker 3 (20:32):
Sarah, yikes.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, wing woman of the Year.

Speaker 4 (20:36):
Yeah, so she was just like, I got you, s
Sarah and Sarah's like, well, this is how I've been
taught to view other women, my boyfriend said. He eventually
got a little uncomfortable and just kind of ended the
conversation and went to talk to his friends. The second
circumstance that has weirded me out came when Sarah's sub
for my boyfriend and I's wreck basketball team. We needed
an extra girl because we were short and in co

(20:57):
ed you have to have at least two girls on
the court at all time, so my boyfriend suggested Sarah
subb and I agreed. I wanted to meet her and
we needed the sub, so why not. At first Sarah,
it was fine. She came in, my boyfriend introduced us,
and all was well, but throughout the game and at
drinks after, she said a couple of things that were weird.
During a play, my boyfriend made a mistake and bounced
the ball right off his foot and out of bounce.

(21:18):
He did so in a way that was really funny.
Everyone on the court laughed and we carried on. At halftime,
which was right after the foot thing, Sarah came up
to me and said, your boyfriend's thought you a gooseball?
Did you know sometimes when he's frustrated, he picks at
his nails. I thought this was a weird thing to say,
considering one, this is a rec league basketball and a
small silly mistake doesn't really matter, and two, it just

(21:40):
felt like a weird thing to bring up because my
boyfriend wasn't frustrated. I replied, saying, I know it's quirks.
Don't worry. We've been together for three years. And Sarah said, Wow,
three years. That's impressive, with a weird smile on her face.
I kind of shook it off.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Feels like they're competing with one another. Absolutely, she there's
another game happening outside of the basketball game.

Speaker 4 (21:58):
A psychological game.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Dude, it would be so fun to see, Like I
see the story playing out right now. The teams are
going back and forth, and then Sarah and OPI are
going back and forth and who and then you assigned
one to a team, and it's like who's winning?

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (22:15):
You battle it out on the courts.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
Mm hmmm.

Speaker 4 (22:17):
Whoever wins the game wins the men. No, that's bad.
I kind of just shook it off and moved on.
We ended up losing the game by a good chunk
but I think we all had a lot of fun.
My boyfriend went to change and Sarah came up to
me and said, I'm so sorry I couldn't bring in
a win. Brath. You know how competitive your boyfriend eds,
and I really wanted to give you guys the win.
I said, it was no big deal. Everyone likes to win,

(22:38):
but it's rec league and it really doesn't matter at
the end of the day, to which Sarah said, don't
you care about your boyfriend's feelings. If he likes to win,
you should work to make sure he feels good at
the end of the day. You should work to keep
your mouth shut. Girl. I was so shocked, I didn't
even say anything, and a couple of my teammates walked
up and asked if he wanted to go for beers quickly,
and so the subject changed. My boyfriend and I ended
up not going because I had to work early the

(22:59):
next time day, but Sarah did go. One of my
closest guy friends plays on the team and his girlfriend
was at the game watching and she also went for
beers after she texted me while they were out saying
that Sarah was weird, and she kept saying how she
wished my boyfriend could have come out, because then she
would have a familiar face, but his girlfriend made him
go home. I asked a couple of other teammates, all guys,

(23:21):
what they thought of Sarah, and they all said they
liked her. I'm not concerned about my boyfriend cheating because
of my views around cheating, and because I know my
boyfriend loves me and wouldn't do that to me. He
also hasn't really said or done anything to make me worry. However,
Sarah makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if I can
feel justified in being uncomfortable, or if I am reading
into this too much. I also normally would talk to
my boyfriend about this. However, my boyfriend's ax was very

(23:44):
emotionally manipulative and was very jealous of any girl in
his life, so much so that she made him cut
a lot of his friends out of his light. When
we got together, he told me he would never let
a partner dictate whose friends could be again because of
his ex. I don't want to bring this up if
I'm overreacting or reading too much into things, and I
don't upset him. I also don't know if I would
say don't be friends with Sarah. I would probably land

(24:04):
more on Sarah makes me uncomfortable here's why, which is
exactly what I was going to say.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
I think there's a better approach. What how does Sarah
make you feel? Because I have noticed these things and
I want your point of view on it.

Speaker 4 (24:16):
That's a good one too. And then you kind of
and then you're like, yeah, Sarah's been kind of weirding
me out lately. Because after you lead him with.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
That exactly, and then you go into your experience and
then they're like, oh, I really never thought of it
that way. Because if they're like, how does Sarah make
you feel? And you're like, oh, well, you know, it's
like this and this, and like I noticed this. Oh
that makes me think here's my experience. Oh wow, I
agree with that.

Speaker 4 (24:36):
Yeah, you can just be like I had a really
weird interaction with Sarah the other day, Like it felt
like she was kind of like exactly keeping with me,
Like you know, I like, you don't even maybe lead
like I should make them uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
Yeah, she's like I was, I.

Speaker 4 (24:47):
Had a really weird interaction.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah prompted.

Speaker 4 (24:49):
Yeah, and I hope that he makes the decision to
spend less time with her out of respect for me.
Am I justified in being weirded out? Or am I
just overreacting? Would I be the ale if I brought
this up. I don't want to cause my boy friend
any trouble and I really don't want to come off
as an a hole if Sarah gets wind of how
I feel and there is an update.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
I mean, I understand his past experience with his ex girlfriend.

Speaker 4 (25:09):
Yeah, but that's not you. And don't don't be afraid
to bring up how you feel.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yeah, you know, you know you can. You can say
I don't need to hang around this one girl.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yeah, like when the season's up, could you not hang
out with her anymore?

Speaker 4 (25:24):
Or I think you start with uh make me uncomfortable?
See where that goes.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Yeah, but if it gets worse, as you as the girlfriend,
you can make that call.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
I'll be like, I don't really like you being around
this person.

Speaker 4 (25:34):
Yeah, she's like, I don't know, she makes me comfortable. Update.
I just want to clarify a few things. First. I've
seen a you comments saying my boyfriend is going to
cheat or he's the problem. I want to be clear
that I'm not asking if you think he's gonna cheat.
What I'm asking is if I'm valid in how to
approach the subject knowing my boyfriend's history with his ex.
My boyfriend is not the problem here, Sarah is. I
totally get it. To be honest, Usually men are the

(25:56):
issue I'll take, but in this case it is Sarah
not him. After looking over all the comments today, I
decided to have a conversation with my boyfriend. I decided
a bridget in a this is how I'm feeling way,
with no accusations or anything. I also was very forward
with being clear that this isn't about Sarah being a girl.
It's about Sarah being a person who was crossing lines.
He did take it well. We apologize for not seeing

(26:17):
the signs, but even after I explained how these comments
come across, he didn't seem to totally get it. He
said he doesn't always see how things can have bad
intentions because the only person's attention he cares about is mine,
and so he doesn't even pick up on those things
because he doesn't think too deeply about it. This sparked
a bit of a deeper conversation about part of loving
me and being respectful to me, going beyond just him,

(26:40):
but also about requiring his people to not disrespect me.
He was receptive. I think he's still a little lost.
So I suggested he texts Sarah and let her know
he wouldn't be able to make it to a group
dinner this coming weekend. No explanation, just saying couldn't come.
I told him straight up, if she responds by asking
or insinuating that it's something I'm forcing him to do,
that should prove to him what her intentions are with

(27:01):
no context. She shouldn't blame me, She should ask a
general question about why he can't make it. The idea
came from the comments, so thank you. I wanted to
beat her at her own game. A lot of comments
that she might use me bringing this up to him
against me, and so I thought, if it came down
to it, I could beat her to it and sure
his crap or response was exact quote. Let me guess,
OPI has suddenly created some reason for you not to go,

(27:23):
She responded within minutes of his text. The second he
read or text, I think something clicked for him. He
was kind of amazed that I predicted the future, to
which I told him I know girls because I am
a girl. We are currently together crafting a message to
Sarah to formally draw a boundary, because even if he
gets it, she doesn't and he can't avoid her completely.
If there is interest in hearing what a response is

(27:44):
to the message, I'm happy to update once we write
and send it and there is another update. Oh boy,
but I feel like, uh, you know, they're on the
same page at least ye out. Yeah, So even if
it's not necessarily what we would advise, they're not you know,
they're not fighting about it. They're not like distrustful. They're
on the same page.

Speaker 1 (28:04):
It's great. I just can't. I just uh ah, But.

Speaker 4 (28:09):
There's another update. Hey everyone, thanks again for all the comments.
I do have an update. Last night, my boyfriend and
I together wrote a text to Sarah to formally draw
a boundary. After we discussed the situation, we came to
the coclusion that although my boyfriend could not avoid Sarah
in all circumstances, he would be very clear that he
wanted limited contact and only in group settings. He explained

(28:29):
to me that he really valued his friend group that
Sarah is a part of and will be looking to
them for support as they all enter their first year
of teaching. I really understood this, and I get that
unless everyone in the group cuts Sarah off, he will
have to see her sometimes. My boyfriend said he also
felt that explaining this to the guys of the group
would be difficult and that it would be best that
we handle this between just Sarah and us, and explained

(28:50):
to the group of friends that my boyfriend and Sarah
had a falling out. The text message we sent to
her from my boyfriend's phone is, Hey, Sarah, just wanted
to reach out and be straight up with you. I've
been doing some reflecting about some things I've been hearing
from others and feel that some of your actions with
OP have been a little shady. When I brought this
up to her, she told me that she has been
feeling really uncomfortable, and I can't ignore her feeling uncomfortable,

(29:11):
so I need to prioritize her. I decided that it
is best that we only see each other and communicate
to each other in group settings, and even in those times,
I will probably not speak to you as much. I
hope you understand. I expected Sarah to reply instantly, because
she usually does. She read the message at eleven PM.
Last night and did not respond, so we went to bed.
When I woke up, I asked my boyfriend if she responded,

(29:31):
and he said no. I was genuinely surprised and thought
maybe she was handling it maturely. I went to work
and got a text from my boyfriend that said she
has lost her mind.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
This actually is a problem, I thought. I thought this
was a little bit much to text her about these boundaries.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah, like, just like be.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
Chill, don't interact, don't initiate anything.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
People usually get it after a while. Yeah, Nope, she
lost her mind.

Speaker 4 (29:57):
She lost her mind, she lost her marbles.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Well, Sarah's I've forgot about the whole Sarah's mom things like, Sarah.

Speaker 4 (30:03):
Has definitely learned some talking points from her mom and
some like ways to go about the world, and she's
definitely taken that too. Hearts. Yeah, apparently last night, instead
of responding to my boyfriend, Sarah messaged pretty much everyone
else under the sun. She messaged all the friends in
the group individually. We think we've asked for people and
they all said they got her text with screenshots of

(30:23):
the text. One of the friends, who I will call Josh,
is my boyfriend's closest friend of the group. What we
didn't know about Josh is that he and Sarah have
been hooking up for several months. Sarah went nuclear on Josh,
rantingdam about how controlling and obsessive I am, and then
my boyfriend was probably being emotionally and mentally mistreated. Josh,
who I knew decently well, apparently agreed with Sarah and

(30:44):
called my boyfriend this morning. My boyfriend is horrible at
spilling tea, and I really didn't get many details from
him about the call. From what I understand, Josh called
my boyfriend asking what was wrong. My boyfriend explained the
situation how well. I don't know. I wasn't there, and
Josh said that Sarah asked Josh if she should plan
an intervention for my boyfriend with their friends to save

(31:05):
him from me. Josh told my boyfriend that he thought
Sarah was really upset about this, and that's when he
told my boyfriend that they had been sleeping together.

Speaker 1 (31:12):
I would be so confused if I was Josh right.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
Now, Yeah, I'd be like, what you're saying that she's
crossing boundaries with you, but she's been sleeping with me?

Speaker 1 (31:19):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (31:20):
Or is he so hallucinator like, yeah, you're right, whatever
whatever you say. Yeah, he's just mind washed.

Speaker 4 (31:26):
But it sounds like brainwashed. What did I say, mind washed?

Speaker 1 (31:31):
Same thing?

Speaker 4 (31:32):
Sure, Josh DIDIM talked for a few more minutes, and
Josh asked my boyfriend to still come hang out this weekend,
which my boyfriend said, uh, he would think about it.
My boyfriend texted me right after they got off the
call and I told them to check snapmats to see
where Sarah was.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
This is toxic.

Speaker 4 (31:47):
Her location had an updated in eight hours, but it
showed her most recent location was in the area Josh lives.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
I don't like this whole She read it a leve
PM but didn't text back.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
Blah blah blah. I checked her snapmats.

Speaker 4 (31:59):
Are you why are you stalking her now?

Speaker 1 (32:03):
I don't like these little games.

Speaker 4 (32:05):
Ikey. We aren't sure exactly where Josh lives, we just
know the neighborhood. So here are my conclusions and thoughts.
I think Sarah was with Josh last night when she
got the text, and she was likely there when he
called my boyfriend. I also think if my boyfriend goes
to hang out with his friends this weekend, Sarah will
hold this weird intervention. I'm a little annoyed with my
boyfriend because I don't think he explained to Josh well

(32:27):
enough that I wasn't controlling him or forcing him to
do this, that it was his decision. What I think
has happened is Sarah has just successfully made me the
bad guy amongst his friends, and they all probably think
I'm a controlling partner. I do care about this. I
want his friends to like me because I want to
get to know his people. I don't really know this
group too well. I've only met a few of them
a handful of times. Ultimately, the most important person is

(32:48):
my boyfriend, and he knows what my intentions are. However,
I feel like I somehow screwed this up. I feel
like I gave her what she wanted, and I'm questioning
whether I overreacted to everything. Now. If she's been hooking
up with Josh this whole time, why has she been
making all these comments to me? Is she still after
my boyfriend? Is she really sleeping with Josh? I think
my boyfriend is also confused, but he told me that

(33:08):
from what Josh was saying, Sarah seems absolutely distraught about
the situation.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
Are Josh's out there bicking up the pieces.

Speaker 4 (33:15):
The fact that she's absolutely distraught is a red flag.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
I mean, like, you're not talking to Josh Ude.

Speaker 4 (33:22):
Yeah, she's clearly terribly upset that we're not hanging out
one on one anymore. You don't think that's suspicious, Like
why why hasn't she made it official with you know?

Speaker 3 (33:32):
Like what maybe Josh.

Speaker 4 (33:34):
Doesn't want it, but you know, yeah, or maybe she's
in love with someone else. I asked him if he
felt that we did something wrong, and he told me
he doesn't think so, but now feels awkward with Josh.
My boyfriend texted a couple of other people and they
all just confirmed they had heard from Sarah. He called
one of his other guys from the group of friends,
but he hasn't heard back. But you know who, You
will always hear from us if you go to Apple podcast,

(33:56):
I Art Radio or Spotify and listen to all stories
just like this. If you look up Okay story time,
there is a little bit left to the story, But
do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 2 (34:06):
I was looking it up on Apple podcast because it's there,
it's right there. I'm just I'm just shocked at a
blue like Sarah took this out of proportion.

Speaker 4 (34:14):
There's a lot of test and trickery going on on
both ends, which is like not great like Ope's I
think Op is definitely right about Sarah's behavior. Yeah, but
I think in trying, I don't know, she.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
Didn't execute it very well.

Speaker 4 (34:30):
Yeah, Like there was a lot of like tests going on,
which which coming.

Speaker 2 (34:34):
To a maturity. You know you need to test when
you're younger. Yeah, figure out you don't need to test
when you're older.

Speaker 4 (34:39):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
That's all my thoughts. We already know am how we
feel here, but.

Speaker 4 (34:43):
We can finish this off. I feel bad, but I
also still trust my gut. I don't think her sleeping
with Josh really changes anything for me. Josh didn't say
they were dating, and even if they were, I think
her comments and her mother's comments all taken together are
still really weird and rude. But I don't know. My
boyfriend said he probably won't hang out with the group
this weekend. He says it's awkward now and he doesn't

(35:04):
really want to be around Sarah, but he didn't say
he would for sure not go. I don't really know
what to do, but I feel secure in that my
boyfriend has my back. I just feel like I ruined
his friendship with that group, and that is the end
of that story.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
Hey, it's Sam, I'm your og host. Here we're get
back to the stories. But here's three minutes bads from
our sponsor.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
My boyfriend is banned from his workplace because I told
the truth.

Speaker 4 (35:27):
They couldn't hand all the true.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
My boyfriend's cousin, let's call her June, and I have
been very close friends for a long time. My boyfriend,
I'll call him George, works in the restaurant business and
he managed a restaurant in our city. His cousin also
works for the same company that owns the restaurant that
George works in, but she works in a bar they
own in the same city. We rarely go to George's restaurant,

(35:49):
but we decided to have a few drinks and eat there.
By the way, this comes from firm detail twenty seven
on the r slash Charlotte Doe Bray YouTube sibreddit and
if you just smit your own stories, but to our
slash okay stories, I'm subred. So I decided this time
not to let him know we were going and just
surprise him. He found out we were there and told
us he found out because everyone told him his cousin
was there. Everything seemed fine, and we even gave a

(36:10):
card and cash tip. This will be important later because
we had a great time and our waitress was very
intentive and kind. Days went by, and during an argument,
George let me and June know we're not allowed back
at his workplace. His reason was because I apparently was
staring down his waitress, treated our waitress like crap, and
his cousin was shaking her butt and it got posted

(36:33):
on the work group chat. He then told me he
only found out we were there because he was getting
complaints from his waitress. We argued more, and I called
him out on his lines because I never once stared
down anyone nor treated the waitress badly, and it wouldn't
have made sense for me to and then give her
a big tip. I also called him out regarding his

(36:54):
accusations about June, because she was sitting down the whole time.
She happened to come out in a recording, and she
was shaking her arms and upper body to the music
because she knew they were recording, and the person that
was recording was an employee she knew.

Speaker 4 (37:09):
Okay, so she's doing like she's like and they're like,
and they're like, shit, I'm dancing on tables.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
This made things worse, and well, he let me know
I was permanently banned and didn't want June back of
the restaurant and let me know he.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
Was going to tell her.

Speaker 4 (37:26):
Is not depending him at all.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
The following day, I let her know, and she once
again cut ties with him. He eventually, weeks later admitted
he only said that because he was mad and wanted
to get back at me. WHOA however, yeah, you full
on line just to get back at her. However, months
went by and someone told June they had found out
she's not allowed to go. Then eventually George Ramley went

(37:47):
off on me for telling June about it.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
He said he.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
Only ever banned me and not June, that he only
cares about June and never had a problem with her.
He then proceeded to say I was an a hole
because now his supervisor and employee know about this and
have heard that June had been talking bad about him.
He also told me I basically ruined his relationship with
his cousin and I should never have told her about
our relationship problems.

Speaker 4 (38:10):
Dude, you did all of that. You caused everything here
by lying?

Speaker 2 (38:15):
Was I wrong to tell June? I can't help but
think maybe I added more fuel to the situation by
telling her. But I also kind of felt like I
had to let her know because I didn't want her
to go and then be told she can't come in.

Speaker 4 (38:27):
That's insane. He was like, yeah, and also June's not invited,
like she can't come in either, and so he's like,
oh my god, I'll let her know. Like wow, I
really don't know what we did. And he's like, why
auld you child? Dude?

Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yeah, you get mad.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
I'm I'm confused because there's so much more to this Iceberg.

Speaker 4 (38:45):
What is he getting back at her for? That's what
I'm confused. Yeah, what's going on?

Speaker 3 (38:51):
Dude?

Speaker 4 (38:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (38:51):
This literally makes no sense whatsoever, no sense commet one,
not the a hole, but to ban you and June,
who is your friend? Tells me he has a work
girlfriend slash fling and he doesn't want you to meet them.
Best ways to ban you and June so she won't
tell you hope. He says, I did not expect to
hear this here, but I also had a friend tell

(39:13):
me the same thing. There had been some weird stuff
with how he's sometimes going out of his way to
look at my screen nor not letting me use his phone,
but I didn't think much of it.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
Reply.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
Every single person who has worked in a restaurant could
have told you this. He banned you, so his work
shag doesn't meet the connection. I would ditch the pathetic
little wiener head for the way he spoke to you.
But once you check his phone, you will be able
to dump him for cheating on you.

Speaker 1 (39:38):
Update.

Speaker 4 (39:39):
Oh yeah, I think he's I think he's hiding something.
Oh yeah, and that's why he banned you. And then
he was like, oh, now everyone's gonna find out because
you're asking questions. Yeah, he's starting out the note you're
actually not banned, and now you're to find an information.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
He's just so pissed that you surprised in my work.

Speaker 4 (39:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
Update, it's only been a couple of days since my
last post, and a couple of people ask update. So
I'm just sitting to give you one yay. Before I do,
I want to thank everyone.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
Okay cool.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
On Friday, after our argument regarding the banning, he went
out with his friend and came home around three am.
We didn't talk. I was really upset, but I pushed
him away during the night. We barely talked all weekend
until Sunday, when I decided I should tell him we
need to talk. While I was waiting, he went to
drink with his neighbor and would come in and out,
ignoring my existence. So I finally was able to stop

(40:26):
him and ask if we could talk. He said yes,
but he was going to have one more drink, which
became two or so. I was afraid this would affect
the conversation, so when I asked him if we could
talk again, I made a point to ask him if
he was okay to talk, since I felt like he
was coming into this with an attitude. He let me
know he wanted to get straight to the facts, so
we talked. He brought up some issues we had in

(40:47):
the past, one of which was about his best friend.
I told him how I felt regarding the matter, and
that his best friend not talking to him for a
bit was not my fault for contacts. His best friend
cheated on his girlfriend, and then he sought out me
for advice. I shared my relationship problems with her and
told her the best option was to leave now before
more time passes and it gets harder to leave. I

(41:09):
asked her not to share this with her ex if
she was gonna get back with him.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
But she did. Then he shared what he heard.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
With my boyfriend, and during an argument, my boyfriend told
me I was talking crap about him to someone I
barely knew. So I confronted her about it. To what
she pretended she never shared anything. I said, Well, she
got mad at her boyfriend and blocked him for telling
my boyfriend, and he got mad at my boyfriend for
telling me.

Speaker 4 (41:32):
Oh my goodness, this is exhaust It's like, well, you
told Sherry, and Shary told my boyfriend, and then my
boyfriend told him, and then well then that got her
all the way back to you, and that's so ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
Yues how long ago this happened? A year ago? This
happened two years ago?

Speaker 2 (41:45):
Ooh, and during that time, my boyfriend and I had
many issues. I would often think maybe I should have
left early on. I didn't want her to make my mistake. Anyways,
during the argument, I shared my mind regarding this, the
thing that happened two years ago, told him what I
shared came from a place of I wanted to help her,
letting her know I could relate to her, and I
wanted what was.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
The best for her.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
I also told him it was mean to her to
go out and share it when I ask her not to.
He was smirking and chuckling during this, and I got upset.
So while he shared his mind, I smiled because I
felt baffled, and I was petty, telling myself that if
he could smirk and laugh, I could too.

Speaker 4 (42:19):
Why are we still in this relationship?

Speaker 1 (42:21):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
He got upset and when I tried to chime in
about something, he went off on me, telling me to
shut the f up. This ended with me trying to
take a shower and locking the door, which set him
off to scream at me and hit door. I never
usually locked the door, but this time I did and
he didn't like it. Now, after a few days have passed,
I'm in the press of his trying to figure out
where to move out to. But in the meantime, we

(42:42):
still lived together and he's still upset that I broke
up with him, removed him from his Instagram. He tells
me I was petty for it, told his cousin about
the banning and now is saying I hugged and gave
a kiss on the cheek to a manager My boyfriend
now ex greets everyone that way, but I don't. And
by the way, you can greet us at your favorite
podcast platform okay, storytime, iHeartRadio or Spotify such up. Okay

(43:05):
story Tom with a nice welcome. Yeah what that just
crashed and filled. So we're in the heck to this
two year problem from two years ago.

Speaker 4 (43:15):
Coming and you're telling us about a two year problem
that clearly never went away, Like you clearly have giant
communication problems with your your partner that you never solved.
It's not that they're like coming back, they just never left.

Speaker 5 (43:29):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah, I'm just gonna knock this out. He regrets what happened,
but says he was wasted. He claims he has tried
to change for me, that I ruined things by running
my mouth and me and I should have reacted kinder
the day he was wasted. He basically says I shouldn't
have locked the door and doesn't understand that by saying
I should have been nice while he was giving me attitude,

(43:53):
he's basically telling me, I need to pinch up my
emotions while he can go off. He did try to
get back together, but after I said no, He now
says it was a moment of weakness. Coming number one,
So you didn't bring up the possibility of him cheating,
he says, yeah, I did, but he denied all allegations,
even said he has given warnings and contacted HR regarding
waitresses flirting with him, but that was the first time

(44:15):
he's ever told me about it. Comment too, he absolutely
got mad at you because he was going to get
caught trying to cheat and or he was getting ready
to cheat. I am so glad that you left him,
and I hope you will make it to a safe
place when you can move out.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
He says.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
He has cheated on me before when we first started dating,
multiple times with multiple people, but he swears he has
not done that anymore, and I find that hard to believe.

Speaker 4 (44:39):
What. Yeah, you stay with the cheater and problems.

Speaker 1 (44:45):
We're getting this right now.

Speaker 4 (44:48):
The end of the store, She's like, well, he told
me that he hasn't cheated again, but he did cheat before, So.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
Dude, that would that would have helped so much.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
Contexts Coming number three, I love. How he blames you
on running your mouth when it's just his lives being exposed,
the fact that he was mad at you for not
being loyal to a cheat or says a lot. It's
his best friend, and he's an adult who can accept
his consequences for his actions. You did direct the relationship
with his cousin. He did that himself, spouting nonsense. Who
the flies about that sort of craft to get back

(45:18):
at their partner with. That's not healthy in any relationship.
How he reacted as well, just shows that you made
the right choice. He can't take any credit for his
bad choices. He just blames you for everything up.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
He says.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
He does not like it when I tell him it's
consequences of his actions and I'm allowed to talk about
what happened in our relationship. I did talk to a
family member about this, who brought up in perspective that
I never considered. My ex had been bullied a lot
since his childhood. My cousin believes because of this, my
ex has this huge distaste of not wanting to look
weak or bad in any way and tries really hard

(45:52):
to have this perfect PERSONA does not excuse his actions,
though I often feel I am not allowed to have
a negative reaction when he treats me, but he can.
I do admit I have an attitude, but I have
tried to work on it and told him I require
my space to cool down, which he also does not
like because he wants me to be affection in the
kind when I'm mad.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
Yeah, and the issues.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
That Op was talking about earlier was I guess on
her cheating literally.

Speaker 4 (46:21):
Cheating on you, and then bad communication like it, you know,
bad communication throughout the relationship, and then you have this
whole problem is him lying to you and not communicating
and then blaming it on you, and you're like, what
I'm this is shocking. It's like, no, like keep an
eye out for these red flags or I mean it's
you don't even have to keep the glaring, glaring, freaking

(46:45):
sea of lava.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
This is whack dude. You're out and hope life goes on.

Speaker 4 (46:52):
Yeah, better, better people in your life now.

Speaker 1 (46:54):
Yikes, But that's.

Speaker 4 (46:55):
The end of the story.

Speaker 6 (46:57):
My overbearing mother keeps in vain my privacy, So why
I told her off?

Speaker 5 (47:02):
Ay?

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Yi?

Speaker 6 (47:04):
I think this might be em or maybe I'm just
a crappy kid. Twenty four years old and a college student.
I've worked in a bar for the last two years,
and though it's a stable job, I still don't make
enough to move out. I've had other high paying jobs
from my areas, just too expensive. But by the way,
this comes from you, dash Acaria, Sunshine sixteen and the
Rokay story time. It's breddit so and due to having

(47:24):
moved to the state with my parents immediately after graduating
high school and growing up a military kid, constantly moving
and struggling to ever keep contact with friends I didn't
make because of it.

Speaker 3 (47:34):
I had no friends in the.

Speaker 6 (47:35):
Area and I could just move in with and I
have too much paranoia to live with strangers. I've just
been living with my parents until I finished college, doing
it online because my parents didn't want me having to
live in a dorm and be away from them, which
I should be graduating next year, and then hopefully move
in with the only person I've managed to be so
close with by then. We just live in separate states
right now, so it's taken time. Anyways, my parents have

(47:57):
always been very weird when it comes to raise me
and my older sister. There's a lot of instances. I
have plenty of stories, but this one just annoys me
most and causes me anxiety. My parents' house is big,
but every room except the master bedroom is pretty small.
My bedroom can only fit my bed, dresser, and TV
stand comfortably, so my desk and computer and bookshelf, my ferrets,
and his big cage are in the bedroom next to
mine that's used as an office for me instead. I'm

(48:19):
twenty four, so obviously I love having some privacy, especially
since I spend most of my life being heavily monitored
and coddled by my parents, specifically my mom, because I
was diagnosed with Asperger's at four, plus a bunch of
other things that keep adding up as I see doctors.
My sister actually told me she was a bit relieved
about how little they ever paid attention to her because
they were so focused on me. I was cuddled so

(48:40):
much by my mother that I am only now learning
things like cooking or doing laundry, which he still keeps
me from doing because.

Speaker 3 (48:46):
It has to be done this way, not this way.

Speaker 6 (48:49):
And so when I ask for help, she gets mad
and tells me to figure it out myself. You didn't
teach her anyways. Rambling all this to say, our mom
still hovers and overwhelms me with how on top of
me she is.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
But the worst of it.

Speaker 6 (49:01):
Is probably the fact that she will let herself into
my bedroom or office whenever she wants, most of the
time without an announcement. Reminder I'm an adult. I'm also
a fab and again an adult, though my parents don't
believe I do things like that because I'm their baby
who never seemed interesting and acts disgusted, But I act
that way to keep my dad from making jokes and
comments about me. So besides existing, I also do adult

(49:24):
things in my private time.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
Obviously, I lock the door, but does that stop her.
Absolutely not.

Speaker 6 (49:28):
So even if I'm in my office playing video games,
I'll keep one end of the headphones off at all
times so I can listen it out for her moving
around nearby, I won't have anything to hide, but my
anxiety will go through the roof. Besides that, because of
my dad, I hate anyone coming up or sneaking up
behind me without my knowing, and she insists on my
computer facing the door, so my back is to the door,
So I lock my door.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
To prevent people doing that.

Speaker 6 (49:50):
Like any human being, I also lock my door when
I'm changing in my bedroom.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
And what does my mom do.

Speaker 6 (49:55):
She finds my door is locked, unlocks it and lets
herself in. There is this one time, for example, where
I was in my bedroom in the middle of changing.
I am literally completely topless to the wind when I
didn't hear her approach my door alling here suddenly is
a sound in my doorknob, the luck being switched from
the outside and the door being thrusted open.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
And what did I do.

Speaker 6 (50:15):
I body slammed the door shut and nearly her doing it.
I don't know what it is, but even if it's
my mom who insisted on bathing me until I was
nearly worth so, the thought of anyone seeing me in
any state of undress, even if it's just my underwear,
it feels disgusting.

Speaker 3 (50:28):
It makes me panicky.

Speaker 6 (50:29):
So I'm not joking when I say I was hyperventilating
when I slammed into the door to shut it, and
it was quickly trying to dress.

Speaker 3 (50:35):
While I'm doing that, my mom.

Speaker 6 (50:37):
Is shoving into the door, trying to force it open,
yelling the letter in and that she wanted to tell
me something.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
Okay, well wait or tell it through the door chill out.

Speaker 6 (50:45):
I told her no, She gave up getting in, mostly
because I'm a fairly strong person, despite never working out,
unless you count picking up tables and kegs at work
for fun exercise. Lo, I just like picking up everything
to see if I can. When I finally letter in
after changing, she's huffing and mad with me, demanding an oh,
why I wouldn't let her in? I repeated I was changing,
and she said, so.

Speaker 4 (51:03):
I'm your mother.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
I made that booty so I can't look at it.

Speaker 6 (51:06):
Ignored that and said my door was locked and that
she shouldn't just be letting herself in and unlocking my door.
She responds with, I can do what I want my house.
If I want in your room, then I'll come into
your room. I can unlock your door if I want.
What if there was an emergency? What if you were
a doctor? What if I was dying?

Speaker 4 (51:25):
Why are we doing all these wet iphisms.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
Because it's uh you knocked to the door up?

Speaker 4 (51:29):
He said, I'm changing, and then there was no I'm dying.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
I'm hit it again. This is classic Jewish mom guilt.

Speaker 4 (51:34):
What if I'm dying, You're not gonna call your mom back?
I might die?

Speaker 6 (51:39):
I said, I don't care. I'm an adult. This is
my private space. You do not just let yourself in whenever
you want. I don't disrespect you and let myself into
your room and unlock your door.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
Don't do it to me. You just got mad and
ran off forgetting what she was going to tell me
to do. There's an edit.

Speaker 6 (51:55):
Thank you for all the replies giving advice and reassuring me.
I will look into a doorstopper. I just worry about
how reactions since a few years ago a bad experience
with my dad and locked doors that left me stopping.
I need a panic attack on the bathroom floor while
we pounded the door until nearly broke, calling me a
lot of things, so I could have a lot of
anxiety about my parents' reactions to being unable to get
to me.

Speaker 3 (52:14):
I feel so bad.

Speaker 4 (52:15):
Yeah, it's just not a great environment at all.

Speaker 6 (52:17):
I'll definitely try to get a stopper when I get
paid next. I'm making this edit to answer and add
some things that I guess might need to be mentioned.
I don't pay rent. They want me to, and we're
going to have me start last year until my insurance skyrocketed,
and so it's been harder for me to keep any
money saved up and maybe some time before I could
finally move out due to money in the situation with
my best friend. But I've been planning to pursue my
masters after I finished my bachelor's at a school less

(52:39):
than an hour away that's close to my work and
requires freshmen and live on campus. The original plan was
getting an internship out of state for a month or
so to get practice being more independent, but I didn't
get accepted to my choices, so I'm relying on pursuing
a master's good excuse for them to allow me to
live away from them.

Speaker 3 (52:55):
I'm not illegal dependent.

Speaker 6 (52:57):
Back in twenty eighteen, a month before my eighteenth birthday
and right after I graduated high school, my parents insisted
we'd get me an attorney and opened a case to
make me their dependent. I didn't want to. I knew
it meant i'd have to stay forever, that I'd be
stuck at home. I said I didn't want to do that,
but they insisted it was for my own good and
to help me. When we met my attorney, they didn't
allow me to get award, and for the first thirty
minutes with him, he made them wait in the other

(53:18):
room so he could be able to speak with me,
and I told him I didn't want this. He asked
me about me, lots of questions. Finally, when the hearing occurred,
my mother broke down, sobbing and telling everyone in the
room that I needed it, that was going to in
a ditch somewhere. Her exact words, they just want to
help me. The attempt to make me a dependent was denied,
as my attorney found me perfectly capable and happily wanting
to be independent and thought it unnecessary to make me

(53:40):
into a dependent.

Speaker 4 (53:41):
I wonder if it's like, it's not dependent in the
same way that maybe like, maybe they're talking about dependent
in terms of like, oh, this OPI is not able
to function by their like maybe it's something along those lines.

Speaker 6 (53:53):
My sister and I used to speak of me living
with her, but because of medical situation with my nephew
and with other families situations going on, my uncle is
living with her and my brother in law to help
with the kids in the house. After being so long,
I'm not sure the full name and contact with my
old therapists anymore, only a last name. I don't even
know the address of her office is my parents didn't
allow me to learn to drive until I was twenty two.

(54:15):
I may try to speak with our doctor about referrals,
as I know the address. At least, I'm just hoping
I could find a day off or can front an
in person therapist, as I tried digital and was getting
nowhere with the lack of privacy to speak with someone.
My bank account is heavily monitored by my mother and
she sees everything I do with it. I mean looking
into opening a private account. I just worried about a
new card coming in since she goes through all of
our mail and I work often.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
Edit number two.

Speaker 6 (54:38):
Sorry another edit, but I forgot to add some things
that I think I mentioned in the comments, but forgot
to add since I was going into work. Warning because
I do mention wanting to end life. There have been
many occasions when where when I'll get especially stressed from
being busy with work in school and vent about it.
My parents have insisted I just quit my job and
focused on school and they'll take care of me and

(54:58):
my bills. I could just stay home and only do school.
They stopped recently only because I told them to their
faces that if I had to be home and did
not work, I'd go crazy like that and my life dramatic.

Speaker 3 (55:08):
Yes, incredibly so, but it's true.

Speaker 6 (55:10):
And if you want to listen to full episodes with
stories like let's just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or
your favorite podcast appens, there're okay story time. Some of
the hardest times of my depression were when I was
out of a job and trapped at home constantly. Turns
out it's probably a mixture of depression and bipolar. We
didn't find out I was bipolar until last year when
I first spoke with our most recent doctor and I
did attempt but failed, not that they noticed. So I

(55:32):
was acting tired and told me to lay down a
somewhat minor thing. I think, but when I drive places,
I have to let my mom know where I'm going
and she says no, then I can't go Dame with trips,
and she makes sure I'm going where I said by
tracking me. The one time I turned it off, she
called me freaking out. Yeah, not a good situation, especially
since you know your mental health is involved and it

(55:56):
could tend to lead towards depression, and yeah, stream forms
of that.

Speaker 3 (56:00):
And it seems that you know the more.

Speaker 6 (56:02):
Not only is it like your privacy and your different
rights are being taken away by your parents, but that
your mental health gets pretty bad when you're around them
and it just makes it worse. Yeah, and it seems like, oh,
he's pretty capable, and it was like looking into these
different options. Absolutely, it didn't say that they had something
that they I think.

Speaker 4 (56:21):
They're working right now, but yeah, I don't know if
they have any like places that they could move into it.

Speaker 6 (56:26):
Yeah, it seemed like there was like several threads that
I could go through there, but.

Speaker 4 (56:30):
Like, yeah, nothing not solid yet. But that is the
end of that story.

Speaker 3 (56:36):
Hey, it's John here, og host of the show. We're
gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a
quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (56:42):
My father refused to accept me for who I am,
so I told him I don't care anymore.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
I don't care, don't freaking care.

Speaker 4 (56:48):
I am who I am, and you can't change.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
You can't stop. Karen.

Speaker 4 (56:51):
Sorry, if this is all wonky and long, as I
don't normally post, and I'm typing on my cell so
if you don't like long posts, just keep scrolling. We
love this ain't for you you were warned. Yeah, I
female thirty, am the only biological child of my father,
male sixty six, and he is married to his wife,
female fifty Jo happens to also be the woman he

(57:11):
cheated on my mother with when they were together forever ago.
I live in the same state as my mom, female
fifty five, and her husband and our blended family. By
the way, this comes from act your age, not your
shoe size on the okay, storytime separate it. So I
didn't really often speak to my father after he divorced
my mom and left the state to marry his now wife. Honestly,

(57:31):
his wife is nice to me, and I'm cordial with her.
But my dad is a former marine and self proclaimed logicer.
That's his words, not mine. He says he is a
pragmatist and a pessimist because if he's six, hey, it's
not a disappointment but a happy surprise. I can't go
into all of my father's manipulation of me as a
kid without this being a Tolkin book set of words,

(57:51):
so suffice it to say, I'm not like him at all.
I am creative and fun loving, enjoy things like theater
and painting and whatever. He has told me more than
once that my career choice of teaching art is a
waste of those skills he taught me. Don't ask me
what those skills are. My mom raised me my whole
life as a single parent, and when they married, for
all of a year he was away for work, and
after the divorce, mom was alone for years before she

(58:13):
met my dad, her husband. I can count on my
hands the amount of one on one time I've had
with my father growing up, and one hand is all
the times we've either ended up at the hospital once
his sugar ren low and a tunnel visioned while driving
and rammed our car into a building or the police station.
He almost got arrested for getting aggressive with some stranger
we accidentally bumped into on a walk in a city,

(58:33):
and he was let off because the cop was a
fellow marine. Recently, in the past five years, he has
said he wants to be in my life. He called
me a lot, but I worked fifty hour weeks sometimes
and I was just busy. My own mother had barely
heard from me. But he took offense. He left me
six vulgar voicemails like I'm your effing father and you
don't ignore.

Speaker 3 (58:53):
Me, sounds like a marine.

Speaker 4 (58:54):
He then left me text messages throughout the week of
the same sentiment. He then found my workplace office number
and called there, which resulted in ME having a very
awkward conversation with HR and my then supervisor. When I
finally spoke to him, I said he can't blow up
my phone or call my job like that, and that
I was busy between work, therapy, physical therapy, I was
in an accident which he didn't even want to discuss,

(59:15):
and caring for my sick dog. He basically said the
same about him being my father and I better not
dare ignore him again. Fast forward to three months ago
in April, when I came out as by and he
called me to tell me what a disappointment I am
and how disgusting it is that I chose to be
a spicy desire for his fellow Marines by being a
corn f slur. That was when I told him I

(59:36):
really don't want to speak to him about my queerness
and kept my distance. We are friends on Facebook and
he started posting some really home memes and the like
about how queer people should be reprogrammed. Oh my god,
block him, so I deleted him from Facebook. His wife
called me crying that this fighting is stressing her out
and she loves me like her own and begged me
to make up with him. So we had a virtual

(59:57):
family game night with her, her son, my father, and
my son. We played a version of pictionary and he
drew a picture of a stick figure in a straight
jacket drooling, and I didn't guess it. The phrase was
happy pride.

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
I would walk out, Yeah that I.

Speaker 4 (01:00:11):
End the zoom call. They're not a zoom. I ended
the zoom call, and you're going straight in the tribute shape, buddy.
I recently decided to get my next degree, and this
came up in a FaceTime conversation with him and his wife,
and they asked what in. I told them either child
psychology or primary education, as I wanted to advance in
my career. My father sighed heavily and said, well, I
guess those who can't do teach. It was then that

(01:00:32):
I cried in front of him for the first time
since I was a kid. I was proud of myself,
so effing proud that I managed to put my chaotic
life together enough to be on track to get back
in school. I got my PTSD in line, made a
hard choice in leaving my job for a better paying one,
started paying off my debts for my first degree, and
finally landed in a place to go back to school.

(01:00:53):
And he couldn't just say that's nice kid or something nonchalant.
I said, I was tired and needed to go, and
I hung up the call. His wife texted me apology
and said they are proud of my tenacity and hard
work and can't wait to see what I'll do with
my degree. Mmm.

Speaker 3 (01:01:05):
He did not say that.

Speaker 4 (01:01:06):
He never said, you know, I don't think he knows
the word tenacity. I'm sorry. Last week my father called
and told me he's sick, like really sick. His kidney again.
A few years back, he rekindled our relationship because of
his kidney failure or he could have not made it,
but fortunately his treatments and dialysis helped him until a
kidney came. I did get tested and was a match,
but I was at risk and couldn't do so.

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
I hope you would not give this man.

Speaker 4 (01:01:29):
Give this man a kidney. Now he's going downhill again.
He asked me if I planned to get married at all.
I said, if it happens. It happens, but I am
seeing someone right now and we are currently okay with
just dating. He asked if it's a woman. I said no.
He said he wants to be at my wedding and
give me away, so I should ask my boyfriend to
marry me. I was confused because firstly, he didn't ask
if I wanted to marry the man. I would in
a heartbeat. My boyfriend is amazing. And secondly, we may

(01:01:52):
never marry. It's just not on the menu for at
least a year or so. My father told me that
while he was largely absent from my childhood, I'm still
his little girl and he loves me with all his heart.
I'm his legacy and dream and he needs to know
the lineage can go on. I then broke to my
father that I don't want kids right now and I
might never want kids. He told me then that I
would have kids to make me proud for once. He's

(01:02:13):
my father.

Speaker 3 (01:02:13):
He's actively weaponizing his pride and yes, also, I guarantee
you use it to weaponize his life.

Speaker 4 (01:02:19):
He's my father. I love him, But I just snapped.
I asked him how I haven't made him proud before?
He listed things here and there, like when I wrecked
a car at twenty five. He wasn't even there and
I told him about this, or when I chose teaching
over being in the military or police force or at
least a lawyer.

Speaker 3 (01:02:34):
Oh my god.

Speaker 6 (01:02:35):
Yeah, this man is a literal walking meme of like
a disapproving father.

Speaker 4 (01:02:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:40):
Nothing, Nothing will satisfy him, unless if it's like his life.

Speaker 4 (01:02:42):
He then went on about a ten minute rant about
my phase of liking women before I got with my boyfriend.
I said that I'm still by I love my career
and I love the person I become, and I frankly
no longer concern myself with if I make him proud.
I am proud of me. Mom and dad and my
siblings are too. Yes that for me.

Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
Oh yes, I strive to.

Speaker 4 (01:03:02):
Make myself proud. But if that's not enough for him,
so be it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:06):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (01:03:07):
He asked if I'm really okay with him passing away
thinking I'm a disappointment, and I said, well, bottom line,
without luff, yeah it is because I'm happy you should
have been like, yeah, as long as you're good with
you passing away with me thinking.

Speaker 6 (01:03:19):
Oh that you as a disappointment, but I'm no, it's good.
I'm proud of I'm proud of op for being like, yeah,
for yourself. You know, I'm proud of myself. But that
takes a lot, especially with this sticky father relationship where
he's actively weaponizing his pride of you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
So you're doing good.

Speaker 4 (01:03:37):
Ope, he's squolsdon man, I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:03:39):
Proud of you.

Speaker 4 (01:03:40):
His wife called me yesterday and it was a two
hour talk. He started off hysterical, asking me why I
would break his heart and spirit while he was so
sick and facing life threatening issues again. He called me
cruel and said she was incredibly disappointed to me, and
said I think of myself as my mother's daughter more
than my father's daughter. I was crushed, but said something
along the lines of doesn't accept me, and if he

(01:04:01):
weren't my father, that'd be enough for me to never
speak to him again. I don't want him to be sick,
but he is. He doesn't want me to be queer,
but I am. The difference is sickness can be treated
or even cured, My queerness not so much. He started
sobbing and hung up. Look, I am aware that my
father is an omester and if you're a homes don't bother.
I am still gonna be me, but it hurt me
so much that there's just nothing he finds good about me,

(01:04:23):
not a single thing. It hurts. It shouldn't, but it hurts.
The nail for me was today his birthday. I called
to say happy birthday, and he told me to save it.
And he knows I'm celebrating my mom. Her birthday is
the day after his day, and not him. And this
is a pity call because I don't love him.

Speaker 3 (01:04:38):
You're right, yeah, Hi.

Speaker 4 (01:04:40):
He said he wishes he had more children so one
of them wouldn't be so selfish and would just grant
every father's wish to see his daughters married and to
give her away before he passes away.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
I so hope while he's alive that he marries.

Speaker 4 (01:04:51):
A woman he's currently dating the one.

Speaker 3 (01:04:54):
Well, she could marry the boyfriend and a woman. Oh,
that would even add to it.

Speaker 4 (01:04:57):
I spoken to my dad, stepfather about what he thinks
about me not being married and the like neither is
his bio daughter my sister, and he just laughed and said, baby,
if you're happy with your life and I pass away tomorrow,
I pass away happy marrying your mother was the best
choice I ever made, and I'm happy. But marriageing for everyone?

Speaker 6 (01:05:13):
Do you as that is your father, as a healthy
loving father should say, that is your father.

Speaker 4 (01:05:19):
The man who's calling you with slurs, not your dad.
That is the man who added a spring into the cocktail.

Speaker 3 (01:05:25):
That is you.

Speaker 4 (01:05:26):
That's not your dad. He has been hateful, manipulative and sad.

Speaker 6 (01:05:30):
And also just to acknowledge your deep longing for his
approval and for his love. This is your biological father,
and it makes so much sense that you long for it. Yeah,
that you're deeply longing for and that you've you've put
up with so much, Not that you need to, but
it makes sense your your deep desire for that.

Speaker 4 (01:05:47):
Absolutely. I clung to that all day. But I can't
unhear my father crying. He texted me that if I
hate him, to just say it so he can face
his passing away knowing the truth. And that's saying I
don't care about him being proud of me. Was a
low blow to a father and a betrayal.

Speaker 6 (01:06:01):
That's the low blow, not every single thing the father
he said, Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:06:05):
I don't want him to face his mortality. All this
crappy medical treatment. He needs to go through the financial burden,
the mental burden, the everything about the situation that's for him,
and think I hate him. I do not hate my father.
I've been through my therapy and let go of all
that anger. Now all that's left is sadness and guilt.
I don't regret holding my ground, but he seems really
hurt by what I said. I'm too effing emotional to

(01:06:27):
know for sure. Am I the a hole? I am
sitting and waiting for my friends to meet me for
karaoke night to ask them, but I.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
Figured i'd ask to in the meantime.

Speaker 4 (01:06:35):
No, No, You're not, No, not an a hole. I
think it's just like I think you need to go
back to therapy and there is an update. Sorry if
this doesn't make sense. I have been crying and drinking,
and it is what it is. I felt so bad
that I called my father Bio and just cut him
off before he started small talking. I told him that
my stepfather, my dad, is my dad. He was there
when I learned how to ride a bike. He was

(01:06:56):
there when Trevor from sixth grade broke my little email heart.
He was the guy who came and when I got
two wasted at a concert and needed a sober ride
even though I was an hour out. That's my dad.
If I ever got married and did the traditional give
away the bride, no shade to the folk who want that,
I don't, it would be my dad. The same dad
that hugged me as I cried for hours when my
grandmother passed. Same guy who got tampons at the store

(01:07:19):
when I had a teenage meltdown. That guy, my father
just said, I understand and nothing more. When I said
my whole piece, you just said are you done? And
I said I was. He hung up without a word.
His wife texted me not long after, telling me that
if he passes, it's my fault because I broke the
spirit and the picture of why he would fight for
his life. He told me that after our call, he
started to drink heavily and that this is also my fault.

(01:07:39):
It's I've been up at my mom and stepfather since
I tried to enjoy the weekend with family, but it
bothers me. I need to be clear. I don't want
my father to pass. I do have good memories with him,
and no one deserves what he's going through. But I
hate this blame game and I hate them for doing it.
I may or may not have even spoiled my mother
for her birthday, and I've been very obnoxious over social
media about it. Think all she has done for me.

(01:08:01):
I do not want my father to suffer, and I
do not want him to have regrets. But he's just
not my dad. He's not a parent, and I don't
think we will ever get there. That ship is sailed.
I just now sent a text, and you can be
the judge if I'm a horrible daughter or not, but
at this point I don't think I am. And this
is the text. Dad. Words will never suffice. I love
you fiercely. I always will. But as you know, you

(01:08:21):
are my father, but not my dad fake name, THEO
is my dad. I do not ascribe to the tradition
to give the bride away, but if I did, THEO
would give me away. I'm sorry. I know that might hurt,
but I value him and all he has done. He
didn't need to adopt me as his own, but he did.
In my life is great. I love my family, my life,
and I am happy when I think about the future.
Isn't that what you want for me? To be happy,

(01:08:42):
I asked, because it's what I want for you. I
don't want to go no contact. I don't want us
to ever stop talking for so many reasons. I mean,
sometimes you are right. I am like you. I'm left handed,
love jazz, I'm good at programming and generally am the
level headed friend. But I'm also like my mom, kind hearted, tenacious, outspoken.
You don't own me just due to genetics. If you
want to be in my life, I welcome that and you,

(01:09:04):
but it has to be respectful on both ends. I
will not tolerate anything else. If this works for you, awesome,
but if not, understand that this means that we will
never have a true relationship. I love you so much.
I truly hope for you that you will be well
and never in pain or discomfort. But those are my terms.
By the way, you can listen to full episodes with
stories just like that if you go to Apple Podcasts,

(01:09:25):
Spotify or your favorite podcast app. Just go to Okay
story time and there is a little bit left. It
was so beautiful, beautiful that was not only that wasn't
just like hey, that was just like.

Speaker 3 (01:09:34):
Here, It was it was so beautiful. It was it
was real and it was true.

Speaker 6 (01:09:39):
It wasn't easy, and it was you saying that you
love him and also laying down the truth and in
sharing your own pride of yourself as you should, and
also so beautifully done of you saying if you want
to be in my life, the doors here, but I
need it to be respectful if you were to come in,

(01:10:00):
which is so compassionate, and I don't think it's people
pleasing because they're saying, like, hey, if you were to
come in, I would need you to be a compassionate
human being and if not, that's on you.

Speaker 3 (01:10:10):
I think it was so well done and beautifully written,
and I'm.

Speaker 4 (01:10:13):
Proud of you, and I signed it. I saw he
saw my text, but I haven't heard back. I feel
like even if he responded negatively, I would want a response.
This waiting is the worst. So here I am on
Reddit trying to spend time. Lol. What a life. And
that is the end of that story. He's a big
old green flag. I'm very proud of you, Pep.

Speaker 3 (01:10:33):
Yeah, I'm feeling really inspired. Actually, that was so well
and again just true with love.

Speaker 4 (01:10:39):
Yeah, two facts, But that was the end of that episode.

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