My mother is having an AFFAIR… right in front of me! -r/okstorytime |Reddit Stories

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00:00 r/okstorytime - My mum is having an affair and I don’t know what to do
13:21 r/internetparents - I don’t know how to live my life anymore after the end of a 2.5 year affair with a married man 40 years older than me, what do I do? (part 1)
35:58 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - 6 Years, No Ring And He's More Concerned About Other Peoples Lives Than Ours
51:30 r/BORUpdates - WIBTA if I broke things off with a guy because he wouldn't drive me home?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og okay Storytime
podcast hosts.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up, but.

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Before that, we have a quick two minute break from
the sponsors that keep the show alive.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
My mother is having an affair right in front of me.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Cover your eyes everyone, Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (00:15):
And this comes directly from the r slash okay storytime subreddits.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
This is one of our own. Let us know, let
us know.

Speaker 4 (00:22):
If you're in the chat right now. This is this
sounds crazy. Hello everyone. I am nineteen female and recently
I've been put in a really difficult situation with my
parents and I'm at a loss for what to do.
For some background, my parents have been married twenty one
years and have four kids together. I'm the second of
the four. By the way, this comes from a comfortable
yam three six six zero And if you want to

(00:43):
submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay
storytime subreddit.

Speaker 5 (00:47):
And I'm Angie, I'm Riley, I'm Keon, and we're here
to give good advice goofully, but we don't have all
the answers. We haven't been in a lot of these situations,
so if you have, let us know what you have.

Speaker 4 (00:58):
Done, or what you would do if you have in
the commas done below. Anyway, Opie says, over the years,
my mother has had many conversations with me about wanting
to leave my dad and get out of the marriage.
This all started around twenty twenty one. My mom had
her plans to leave, and then my sister got really
sick with an eating disorder and was hospitalized for almost.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
A whole year.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
This continues up until the end of twenty twenty three
when she gets better and I shortly afterwards move out
of my childhood home and move in with my maternal
grandmother for university. Okay, in the last few months, my
mom started her antics again, discussing leaving my dad. To me,
this is something that we don't want to talk to
the kids about if we're not decided.

Speaker 3 (01:39):
I feel like you shouldn't be doing that.

Speaker 4 (01:41):
But anyway, I told my sister about it because it
would really change her life and I didn't want her
to get blindsided like everyone else if my mom did
follow through. My sister ended up telling our dad what happened,
and this resulted in my mother being punted out of
the house and having to move in with me. Ooh
that was three months ago, new roommate.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yay, yikes, three months ago. She is still living with
me at this point. So here is where things get
messy so far.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Oh so this is just a powler cross.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
Yeah, that's nothing compared to what's about how.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
We just turned on the stove. Guys, it's cooking, it's
heating up.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
Recently, my mother has made changes not only around the
house but to her appearance, asking me to dye her
hair and to her scent. She used to only wear
male deodorant and has started using more feminine scented deodorant.
I would notice her sneaking off into her room to
take these phone calls, and she was acting like a
teenage girl with her first ever boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
So obviously I'm.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
Very suspicious of the whole ordeal because she is still
telling my father that she wants to work on their relationship.
This recent Tuesday, I was coming home from university and
parked outside my house and her little boy toy ends
up parking right behind me. I'm friendly, but I'm comfortable
watching my mother and him act like a married couple
while she is married to my father. I know this man,

(03:06):
he is her longtime friend that I grew up around.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
Oh oh oh, so that's why our friend Jason would
stay home late at night with us.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
Oh my gosh, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Maybe the dots are connecting a little bit.

Speaker 4 (03:27):
Maybe this entire situation escalated when she thought it would
be a good idea to invite him over on Wednesday night.
I was minding my business in the kitchen, making up
my baked goods when he comes into the kitchen to
have a conversation with me. I'll give him a name
for this section. Let's call him Gabe. Gabe starts telling
me that he's not trying to take my mother away

(03:48):
from me or act like a parental figure in my life.
I'm just thinking, okay, buddy, take her. At this point,
my mother and I have never had the best relationship.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
But he continues by saying.

Speaker 4 (03:58):
That he has a lot of respect for my father,
but she is going through a lot emotionally, and that
they've found each other in their hardships.

Speaker 6 (04:05):
Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I have a lot of
respect for your dad. That's why I'm taking his wife. Yeah, right,
it's respectful.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
Right.

Speaker 4 (04:12):
So I'm like, okay, so you're just gonna admit it
outright to me in my head, so obviously I ask
if they're dating. He goes on to tell me that
they've got a really strong emotional connection and that they're exploring.
So you're just blinking and you're not gonna commit to anything.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
Cool cool the word a parent should never say, exploring.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Exploring.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
I asked if there was anything physical going on, and
he denies it immediately, that nothing has happened in the
past and it won't until she divorces my dad. By
the end of the conversation, I get him to admit
that he is dating my mom. Out of the whole conversation,
I thought it was weird how he wanted to talk
about not getting physical with my mother and how he
doesn't want to take her away from me. Another major

(04:54):
takeaway was that he has enough respect for my father
not to sleep with his wife, but not enough to
not date her. This entire conversation was weird, and made
worse by the fact that they were cuddled up on
a single chair together. What After he left, I confronted
my mom and pushed her to end things with my
dad because she was currently.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Leading him on.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
She told me that she was willing to go to counseling,
planning his birthday, et cetera. My dad isn't stupid and
knows something is going on. But how do you tell
your dad that his wife of twenty one years is
having an emotional affair. If I tell my dad, I
believe my mom's a fair partner, would be in a
lot of danger. As my dad used to work as
a security guard, he wouldn't hesitate to throw a through

(05:38):
uh the old one two. I'm worried he'll go to
jail or worse, and that is the last thing I want.
But if I don't tell him, it seems as if
I'm gaslighting him. Taking my mother's side, I've never had
a good relationship with my mother. She never liked how
successful I was growing up and envied me for it.
He admitted to me that she never liked living with me.

(05:58):
What I don't like her because she has a history
of cheating on my father multiple times online and physically.
I don't condone her actions, but I also feel like
there's nothing that I can do about it because every
option is wrong. I tell my dad and shatter my
relationship with my mother forever. Dad will probably go to
prison for armfulact. I do nothing, and it ruins the

(06:19):
relationship that I have with my father while I sit
back and watch my mom have an affair, What should
I do? My mom is planning on telling him officially
that she wants a divorce on the twenty ninth of August,
but has no plan to mention her affair partner. And
there are some comments, but alda.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
Made old made mother. You have approximately twenty four hours
before I tell father about Gabe.

Speaker 4 (06:49):
Yeah, yeah, I feel like you could totally say that,
like I am, I'm worried that the dad might do
something act well, I guess that might want her to.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
He's gonna give him the Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:01):
But so don't pull me into it, because but I will.
I will be pulled into it, because you're a piece
of crap, mom.

Speaker 6 (07:07):
O piece already pulled into it since Gabe literally is like,
I'm not your dad, but like, yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
I'm basically born and your mom emotionally.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yeah exactly, I'm doing it with my mind.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah you.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
And while they're like having all this PDA too and
called up on each other and like I wonder, I
wonder if the dad ever found out about the cheating
in the past.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
I don't think.

Speaker 6 (07:33):
I think you're trying to go to like therapy and everything,
trying to work things like yeah, at this point, why
I waste everyone's time.

Speaker 4 (07:40):
Because how this all happened was like the the the
dad got wind of mom trying to get divorced, yeah,
and then and then punts it her out. But so
I I do wonder if they're actually going to therapy
for that was just like the mom was like considering
it or was open to it, And I wonder, like,
I feel like if the mom was debating divorce, if

(08:00):
the dad found out about the cheating, I feel like
he would have punted her out in the like all
those years ago.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Dude, this is one hard ship.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
Yep, some we've got some comments, all right.

Speaker 4 (08:12):
Comment number one says, hypothetically, your mom tells your dad,
do you think he'd leave her alone or do you
think he'd forgive her? Opie says, in the past, he
forgave her, Okay, so he did know. This is mainly
because where I'm from, the women tend to get full
custody of the children, and he didn't want to ruin
his relationship with us kids and quote tear the family apart.
Now that we are all fourteen plus, you can choose

(08:34):
where to go and which may lead him into just
giving into the divorce with this, I still don't know
if he would or not. He won't be able to
afford the mortgage for the house without her, and we
do have an update how we get into it? What's
your what's your guest gonna be? Riley? Do we think
he if he finds out about this, do you think

(08:55):
he would follow through the divorce or work through it?

Speaker 1 (08:58):
He picked they're out when he got wind of the divorce. Yeah,
so once he finds out about Gabe, probably gonna put
Gabe's death way back in his mouth and then divorced
the wife for sure. No counseling about wasting it. We're
done here, We're done.

Speaker 3 (09:19):
We're done here. Update.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
Since my last post, a lot has happened, many conversations
about what has been going on. Firstly, I told two
of my three siblings. I told my younger sister, seventeen
female first, as she is the one that I'm closest with.
She reacted how I did, disgusted with her mother's actions.
Shortly after, I told my older brother, twenty one male.
He didn't really know what to say other than that

(09:44):
Mom was stupid and that Dad gave her everything. While
celebrating Father's Day yesterday, I broke down and told my
father everything I knew. Happy Father's Day, Dad, Mom's cheating
on you. So firstly, all the stuff regarding the affair.
The first day I caught them together acting like a
married couple, the amount of times they came over, the

(10:06):
photos I took in secrets, and what they've been doing.
Oh wow, everything came out. As you can imagine. He
was devastated. I imagined him to become aggressive, but it
was anything but that. He knew something was going on.
But I gave him the nail in the coffin to
his marriage. I felt horrible for saying anything in the
first place, because I knew it would hurt him, but

(10:27):
I know he needed to hear it. I didn't just
mention the affair, however, I mentioned all the times in
the past that she has admitted to cheating on him,
beginning with my oldest brother's conception.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
Oh is this brothers not?

Speaker 2 (10:41):
We don't know, we don't know.

Speaker 4 (10:42):
What well, but I admitted to cheating on him with
the conception.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
So is this brother oldest brother? Then you continue to
have more, so maybe he's gonna stay with her because
she's done this before.

Speaker 3 (10:57):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (10:59):
She told me she was sleeping with two other guys
while in a relationship with my father at the time
that he was conceived. Is this gonna be a Mama
mea situation?

Speaker 2 (11:09):
That's literally it?

Speaker 3 (11:10):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (11:12):
My sister mentioned some others around the time that I
was conceived and when she was.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
You know, your mom needs your mom needs a chill.

Speaker 4 (11:21):
I also have distinct memories of when I was younger
of a man who came with us to pick up
my father from work right before my youngest brother, fourteen,
Mail was conceived, both having vibrant red hair. So I
dropped the second bomb. Some of the kids may not
be his. I have done an ancestry DNA kid and
it came back with his family members, so I am

(11:44):
certain that he is his. But for the rest of
my siblings, namely my brothers, their paternity is up for debates.

Speaker 3 (11:52):
As for living.

Speaker 4 (11:52):
Arrangements, Mom is still living in a house and my
grandmother and I are very unhappy about it. She doesn't
have the courtesy to tell us when the fair partner
is coming over and it has made us really uncomfortable.
My grandmother has punted the dude out of the house
a few times because he has been staying too late, saying,
my house, my rules. Yeah, she's also living with her
mom during during this time away from the dad, but

(12:17):
she's refusing to just punt her out of the house
because she doesn't know where she's going to go. I
may make other updates in the future if there's more
to discuss, but until then, if you could offer any
advice on how to handle the situation, it would be
much appreciated. Since my last post, a lot has happened,
many conversations about what's been going.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
On, Like I feel like the mom needs to go
off and like live by herself. I understand the mom
not wanting to kick her out because that's her kid.
She wouldn't She's like concerned. Right, actions have consequences, and
you were in a way enabling them. It's not going
to help the person at all.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (12:54):
Absolutely, And we do have some comments here, how many.
Number one says, why allow him to the house at all?
Opie says, if it was up to me, he wouldn't
come by at all. I've never told him he's coming over,
which makes it worse that it's just sprung on me.
I've had conversations with my mother about at least giving
notice because she isn't the only person that lives here,

(13:14):
but I don't know how to approach the conversation about
keeping him out without being an a home.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
I had an affair with the married man, then he
left me based the backlash.

Speaker 3 (13:27):
What leaving me all alone? That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
I know what I did was wrong and I don't
deserve sympathy. I'm twenty five years old and the married
man I had an affair with. I'm going to call
mister l is sixty five. By the way, this comes
from Throwaway sixty five to eight. And if you want
to sit your own stories, go to the r slash
okay stories. I'm Subreddit, I'm Riley, I'm Angie.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
And I'm Keon, and we're here.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
To give advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.
If you have any comments about the story, please leave
them below. Under this video, so Opie says, I've never
had issues getting men's attention, and I've always been complimented
on my looks, but I stayed single and was very
independent and ambitious. I was in a relationship with mister
El since February of twenty twenty one, when we first

(14:11):
had spicy sleep.

Speaker 3 (14:12):
Let's call it mister Lex Luthor.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Mister Lex, mister Lex. All right, yeah, mister Eil's now
mister Lex. But I've known him since I started working
at my previous job in August of twenty twenty where
he worked and retired from. He was my manager.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Oh boy.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
We initially had a strictly professional relationship. I went to
him for mentorship and admired his leadership skills. It started
as mentorship and then escalated into spicy related relations. I've
had been going through a very hard time. My mother
was losing your eyesight, and as the oldest of her children,
with her being a single parent, I took over financially

(14:51):
supporting the household. Okay, that makes sense. I'd missed a
lot of work because I was stressed and depressed about
my home life. When I called mister Lex to ax
playing why I was missing work and said I was
going to quit, he encouraged me to stay strong. He
gave me life advice. We talked on the phone and
texted every day since December of twenty twenty and had

(15:12):
a spicy related relationship since twenty twenty one. I knew
he was married, and I knew it was wrong. I
had never been in a relationship prior to the affair
with mister Lex. For the next two and a half years,
we did everything together like it was an actual relationship.
We celebrated holidays together, like Christmas, Thanksgiving, in Valentine's Day,

(15:32):
but it would be the day after or before celebrating
with my family. He spent time with me and my family.
My mom didn't approve of the relationship because I'm an adult.
She said, you're grown. There's nothing I can do. Okay,
what is he spend time with his wife?

Speaker 3 (15:48):
Good question, great question. He's just not huh.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
He would come to my apartment every day after work,
and when he retired, he would come over whenever he could,
telling his wife he had to run errands and he
was going to church.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
Oh man, you're gonna church.

Speaker 4 (16:06):
You're gonna use church as an excuse for an affair.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
This is using the Lord's name in vain.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
That's that's diabolical.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
I'm not going to say I didn't love him, I
really did. I grew up in a single parent household,
and my family is toxic. No one shows love or
compassion for another. After being intimate for two months, mister
Lex told me he loved me, and I felt the same.
That's when I fell in love with him. You showed
me love and affection I'd never had before. Okay. Right
at the beginning of this, she said, I am not

(16:37):
wanting anyone's sympathy, but it feels like you want her sympathy. Ope.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
I think I was yet again confused this whole time.
I thought, for some reason this was mister Lex was
getting with the mom.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
No black story.

Speaker 3 (16:50):
But this is this is so it doesn't matter how
old the mom is.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
No, we were just saying the mother didn't approve of it.
I was probably like, whoa, Okay, yeah, I'm the same
ways mister l or young. Right.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
Someone said forty year age gap in there. Yeah, that
is concerning. That is concerning. This is all very concerning.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
You got anything else you need you need catching up on?

Speaker 4 (17:11):
No?

Speaker 1 (17:12):
Okay, So he told me he loved me. Every single
day for two and a half years. He took me
on dates, spent weekends with me at his home whenever
his wife was out of town, which was every other weekend.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (17:28):
He took care of me when I was sick or depressed.
Mister Lex was the only person I told about my childhood.
I never met my real father, and my stepfather was
an awful man. Mister Lex said he would still love me,
show me true love, help me get over the trauma
of my past, and that he would never hurt me.
My family didn't believe in depression or mental health issues,

(17:49):
and mister Lex was the first person I could actually
talk to about my depression. He was encouraging and supportive.
Whenever something bad happened, I could run to him and
he would fix it or for me. Sometimes he would
hold me for hours while I cried. My family never
did any of that for me growing up or even
as an adult. Throughout the relationship, I did try to

(18:10):
leave mister Lex. I loved him with all my heart,
but I was hurt about being the mistress. I didn't
want to be the mistress anymore. It started to make
me feel depressed. When I would tell him I needed
to end the relationship, he would cry, begging me to
stay with him and say, if I really loved him.
I wouldn't give up on the relationship.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
This sounds manipulative.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
I don't like this story.

Speaker 3 (18:35):
I don't like it.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
I like it. This is gross, Like this is just
all gross.

Speaker 3 (18:40):
It was very gross.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
She's only twenty five.

Speaker 4 (18:42):
Yeah, because people, I think I've generally agreed that around
the age of twenty five, you're kind of like old
enough to make your own decisions on like, you know,
being with an older man. But a forty year age
gap with stuff like this happening is just kind of like.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
Forty year age gap when he's married and you know
he's married.

Speaker 4 (19:02):
So that's just a lot of I just don't like it,
you know, I would.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
I don't like it.

Speaker 1 (19:10):
He would be persistent, saying we could make it work
and find ways to spend more time with me. He
called me his queen true love on his wife. If
I ignored him, he would just keep calling me or
sending me romantic songs and messages. I didn't want to
give up on the man I loved. He also said
he wanted to be the only man I gave my
body to, and that no other man would be able

(19:31):
to make me feel special like aah.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
He's so manipulative. This is disgusting. This is disgusting.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
I truly believed it. He would get jealous or in
rage when I discussed dating another man, saying I never
loved him if I choose not to be faithful to him.
Although I loved him, he did have a bad side.
He had a bad temper. If I made him angry,
he would say harsh things about me and my past.
We have an update. Why did you leave that till
the endop?

Speaker 4 (20:00):
Oh pee girl, this is not a good relationship, gir
old girl. Girl, Look at this point, it's not like
the age gap on top of this stuff feels like
it makes it worse. But besides the age gap, this
is just like a bad relationship.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
Like it's manipulative.

Speaker 4 (20:20):
Dare I say, it's very possible if he's insulting her
like this?

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Like, ah, it was wild.

Speaker 6 (20:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Update two weeks ago. We're doing our usual routine. I
was spending the weekends at his place after not being
able to see him for two weeks because of my
new job. It was romantic and fun as usual. The
morning I had to leave, I was emotional once again,
talking about how I should leave him and that I
deserve better. We were arguing, and I refuse to leave
until I was done with what I had to say.

(20:50):
Long story short, We were late leaving his place when
his wife was on her way home. He was upset,
saying his life would be over if he couldn't come
up with a good reason. When he dropped me off,
he would usually hug me with my bags and leave
me with a hug and a kiss, but this time,
as soon as I got out of the car, sped off.
I called him confused, and he sounded so cruel and

(21:13):
like a different person, not an ounce of love in
his voice. He said he was going back to his
wife and wasn't doing this anymore. Oh, okay, good, I.

Speaker 4 (21:22):
Mean sure good in the long run, but that so
awful to OPI though so awful.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
I asked if he could just come back and give
me a hug and say goodbye at least, but he refused.
He wouldn't even say goodbye. I was just crying. Ten
minutes later, I called him back, and his daughter, who's
thirty seven, yelled at me, saying it was over and
that I should know better than to be with the
married man. His wife got on the phone and said

(21:50):
she was staying with him that they were Christians and
she was going to try and forgive him. Then he
got on the phone and yelled at me, saying it
was over and never to contact him again.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
Why if you may be Christian, but your husband's not
acting that way.

Speaker 3 (22:09):
It's definitely not acting like it.

Speaker 4 (22:10):
And if he's acting this way towards ope his mistress,
then I'm sure he's saying the same step to his
wife of like, oh, you would be a bad Christian
if you left me, or something like that. You are
supposed to forgive me, like what the Bible says or something.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Depending on what church they go to, divorce is probably
not on the table here.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
Oh my gosh, this is an awful man. Awful man.

Speaker 1 (22:36):
Then his daughter got back on the phone, yelling and
calling me names, constantly screaming, you slept in my bed,
over and over, husband, boyfriend, mister lex, you did it
in your daughter's room, her room, she didn't live there anymore.
At his college was a room where we used to
have spicy sleep.

Speaker 7 (22:57):
Yeah, why do we tell things that Well, that doesn't
seem like it's pertinent to anything, like, oh, I've been
cheating with this girl, all right, great, Yeah, why do
you need to say where and when?

Speaker 1 (23:10):
I mean, we had to figure out the reason why
she called her back. Oh my gosh, he must have
told her. Since that day, I've been a crying mess
cry all day every day. After the harsh phone call
from him and his family, I was crying and angry.
I exposed her text messages to his siblings and extended family.
I also told the church, where he was an elder

(23:34):
and deacon and had been intending for decades. The church
wants to investigate all the allegations and wants me to
give a statement to their committee. They also took him
out of his leadership positions until the investigation concluded and
they came to a decision. I hate myself for what
I did out of anger, and I know it's not
going to make me feel better because it hasn't. Mister

(23:56):
Lex threatened legal action prior to me telling the church,
saying if I spread information about our affair, they would
take legal action. Mister Lex also threatened to follow a
restraining order if I ever contacted him again after the
day he broke things off. It's ironic that every time
I tried leaving him, he would constantly call me or
contact me, even if I told him to leave me alone.

(24:20):
Oh my god, I have comments. I had my first
counseling session with a therapist. Although the pain is still
there and strong, it was very eye opening and cathartic
to realize the pain and release it and have someone
to talk to about it. Since I have no family
or friends to talk to. You confirmed that I already
realized about myself at me not having any mail figures

(24:43):
in my life and a family full of single mothers.
I got attracted to a man who I initially won
a mentorship from when he was my manager because he
was an older male who I admired, gave the attention,
and was teaching me new things. He was what I
was la in a male parental figure. I wanted his
approval and attention. Talking about the relationship makes me cry badly,

(25:06):
and unfortunately, during the next session he wants to go
into how the relationship started in the dynamic. It makes
me sad talking about it. I'm not excusing what I
did or saying it was right. My therapist agreed that
what I did was wrong. I want to be different
and not have the lack of positive male figures in
my life affect finding a healthy relationship and true love.

(25:29):
Unlike all the women in my family, they all didn't
have fathers and had kids with irresponsible men who weren't
in their lives or their children's lives. I grew up
without a father grandpa, and my uncle doesn't support his
children and doesn't care to be around his family because
of his strained relationship with my grandma. I don't want
to be like that. I want to break that generational

(25:51):
curse so badly. There aren't even really any married women
in my family.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
Huh, I'm sorry, I can't.

Speaker 6 (26:00):
I want to feel bad for op, but I cannot
feel bad when you knew you were sleeping with a
married man, and yes, he manipulated you, but it takes
It's like a two way street on that where like
you knew that and you're like, oh, I want to
break I want to break the cycle of.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
That, and then you continue to do that. I can't.
You're contradicting yourself with that. I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (26:22):
Well, how I'm kind of seeing it is like she
made a mistake getting into this relationship, and the what
we're realizing in therapy is like why that happened and
something to be aware of in the future. And then like,
even though yes, she made a mistake and she shouldn't
have she shouldn't have gotten with the married man, it

(26:42):
was still it is apparently harder for her to leave
because of how manipulative he was. So it's kind of like,
I don't know, I feel like there's a way to uh,
you know, not scold her, I guess.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
But like I feel like she unders probably understands like the.

Speaker 4 (27:02):
Mistake that she made and the bad choices that she
made that brought her into this mess.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, but I feel like.

Speaker 4 (27:08):
What we can have sympathy for is what like, we
don't have to have sympathy for that, but we should
have it for how he treated her.

Speaker 2 (27:15):
I think, yeah, that too, yeaheah. But it's just again,
it's hard.

Speaker 3 (27:20):
It's a tip freaky, freaky situation.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
One of the other hard realizations is that I don't
have any friends. My mom moved us around a lot
growing up, and I really never made friends. As an adult,
I became introverted. Plus I moved to a new state.
These passed three years. Unfortunately I only hung out with
the married man at twenty five. I feel like it's
too late to make lifelong friendships and even go back

(27:45):
to college. No. I left as a sophomore and didn't
really get the college experience. Losing my job as a
flight attendant has devastated me. I want a career, not
just the job, and that was an actual career with
good benefits now it's gone. I want to break the
cycle of poverty in my family as well. I've been
poor my whole life. That's another thing I admired about

(28:06):
him successful career and how he loved his daughter and
was always there for her. That made me fall in
love too. But I want to find that in a
single man. I think, Op, I'm gonna give you this.
You know what you wanted a man, and you found
some of those attributes in mister Lex. But I think
it's wise that you know what you want in someone

(28:26):
and you're hopefully gonna find that in another guy.

Speaker 4 (28:29):
You will absolutely find that in another guy that is
closer to your age and single.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
Mm hmmm. So my question for you Internet mom and dads,
is it possible for a woman with no male figures
to find a good, healthy relationship with a man and
true love real quick? Yes? I think you should start
with friendships and explore that with you know, some male guys,
like good healthy male friendships, and then you can maybe
find like a healthy relationship. Two is it too late

(28:56):
to make live flowng friends at my age? Dean?

Speaker 6 (28:58):
You can make friends when you're ninety nine, Yeah, it's not.
It's like, yes, it takes a little bit of effort,
but you can find like a common ground and you
can work on it. I t one hundred percent agree
that twenty five is don't don't even think twenty five
is old. Look at Riley, he just turned that.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
Yeah. I feel like I just like gained ten years.
I really do. Confidence is going on.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
I feel like too.

Speaker 4 (29:23):
If it's if you're looking for like lifelong friends, I
mean that is kind of a hard thing to find anyway.
But if that's what you're looking for, you have kind
of less life or you Yeah, easier to do you
as you grow up?

Speaker 1 (29:33):
And another question, will I always be attracted to older men?
And how do I fill that void of never having
positive male figures in my life? And last question, how
can I start breaking the generational poverty? I never finish college.
I feel so lonely without a supportive family, and no friends. Ps.
I'm taking the zoloft, and the church still wants me
to come in and make a statement in person to

(29:54):
the board of elders. He and I will make statements
at separate times. It will look over the evidence and
as side what to do with them. I hope they
don't put him back into a leadership position. He's temporarily
demoted until the investigation is finished. I have all over
text and proofs of my injuries. Oh bus him admitting
to what he did. Oh god, oh girl. Well that's

(30:15):
a lot worse than I thought. I would be devastated
if he just got a warning as a punishment. Up
Day three, Hey Internet, mom and dads, it's me again.
I can't talk to my real mom because her only
advice to my whole life has been get over it.
I'm still taking my zola off and going to counseling.
If you want to take advice from people, take advice

(30:36):
from people whose lives you want to be like, like like,
I'm not gonna be taking advice from, you know, relationship
advice from someone that cheated on their wife. I'm not
gonna do it. I'm not gonna take it, you know.
Career advice.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Take it from mister lex.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Yeah, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna take
career advice from like someone that is comfortable in their job.
I want, you know, like take advice from people you
want it to be from. I'm still taking my soul loft.
But I didn't realize until after the affair was over
and I've been away from him, that I seriously dedicated
three years to this man. I just moved into a
new city and a state. When I met him and

(31:11):
the pandemic started, all I did was work and go home.
I was too paranoid to go out in public because
of the pandemic to meet new people, and I was
too busy trying to make money and start my own life.
I only hung out with my mom and siblings who
had moved here with me, And then once I met
a married man, since he worked at the same job,
he was the only person I hung out with. I

(31:32):
think at least the married guy has a family that
loves him to go home to the wife. I'm so pathetic.
I have no one I'm realizing out of the whole situation,
I'm the loser, not him or anyone else. I made
him my live I did everything with him, instead of
making friends going out, I only went out with him
to a ready, my birthday or anything else. Was only

(31:53):
with him if I needed someone to talk to him,
someone had been to or cried to him for three years.
Please help me Internet, mom and dad with some comfort.
If you met him, you wouldn't believe he did any
of the things I said. He just seemed like a nice,
god fearing man. Most of them do till they start

(32:14):
breaking the god fearing rules. Yeah, I'll day four. I've
been on my healing journey from the whole ordeal, and
I've had some good days and some bad days. Well
one nine. A few days ago, I finally checked my Instagram.
I've never been big on social media and was rarely
on it, but since the whole or deal, I chose
to stay off it completely because I didn't want to

(32:36):
see my flying attendant coworkers from the job I had
to leave having so much fun traveling. I have chosen
to check it to motivate myself and to get back
into the industry. I have my profiles set to private,
but you can still message me. The married man's thirty
six year old daughter messaged me throwing insults. The one
that's stunning the most was that she mentioned me being

(32:57):
homeless and asked how it feels to have nothing else
all my God. She also mentioned me being in her
bed because I didn't have one of my own, and
that I have nothing and will never have anything. She
also mentioned how it feels to have pursued a married
man and failed. She said I was pathetic and made
other cruel comments. He's the only person I told about

(33:17):
me and my family being homeless. It's been a very
sensitive subject for me, being raised by a single mother.
I've experienced homelessness growing up. I wasn't even homeless the
entire affair. It started in February this year. He said
he didn't judge me for it and I shouldn't feel ashamed.
I just broke down and cried for hours. I was
already having a rough day. Job searching hasn't been easy.

(33:39):
My mom was the only one I had to confide
in When I told her about it. She told me
she didn't know why I was crying, that it was
my fault. I played with people's lives and was playing
a big girls game I couldn't handle. She said I
should have just played my part, but no, I had
to mess it up. I wouldn't be taking advice. When

(34:01):
she said this, I broke down so badly. She wouldn't
even give me a hug like I asked. I had
started drinking when I'm not even a drinker, just to
try and numb the pain. But I just cried all night.
I guess my mom like that. He gave me money
and gifts and whatever me or the family needed, He helped,
but it really broke my heart. The pain is indescribable.

(34:22):
Everyone blames me, not once. Has my mom or anyone
blamed the married man, not once. It's like he's an angel.
I'm not saying I'm an angel by any means, but
what my mom and his daughter said have crushed my
heart and soul. I didn't grow up in two parent
households going to private schools like his daughter. I had
a rough life and have had everything on my own.

(34:43):
She also mentioned how she's married with a new baby
and I've gotten nothing. Of course I didn't respond and
blocked her. Please Internet, parents, I really need you.

Speaker 4 (34:53):
Well, yeah, you're eleven years older than me. Like, what
do you want me to like, I'll get there. No,
eleven years older than me.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
Yep, I think hope you like understand in a way
you were a victim. But once you pivot your mind
and your perspective of you are bigger than this, and
you start surrounding yourself around people that are in better positions,
because your mom's still kind of in the same position.
Whenever I started hanging around John and Sam Moore, I
was like, Wow, I can really do a lot more

(35:22):
of my life. I can start, like, you know, thinking
bigger and doing this. It's really who you surround yourself with. Yeah,
and I think you may have picked up really good
things from this married man the time that you were
with him. I think you just need to surround yourself
with people that are ambitious about live.

Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:38):
Continue going to therapy. That's amazing. That will be a
support system for a while. Just one day at a time,
try to stay busy. Do things have been happy and
you will. Everything will fall into place, I promise you.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
Yep. Yeah, And that's the end of the story. We're
going on to the next one. Hey, it's johny og
Host here. We're going to get back to the stories.
But here's a quick three minute break of ass from
more sponsors. My boyfriend refused to pose unless I give
him what he.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
Wants proposed to him instead.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
Six years. On July twentieth, my boyfriend twenty four mal
and I twenty three female, will be celebrating our dating anniversary.
I love him so much. He is my best friend
in the entire world, and we have really grown together
since we started dating at eighteen. By the way, this
comes from post Cable ninety four and if you does
me my your own stories, go to the Arslash showkey stories.

(36:26):
I'm Subredded, I'm Riley.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
I'm Keon, I'm Carly, and we give.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
Goofy advice here. But we don't have all of the answers.
We only know what we do, So let us know
what you know in the comments down below. Oh, he continues,
as excited as I am to celebrate six years with him.
I cannot help, but also dread it because it's another
year of him not proposing. We have had a lot

(36:51):
of people ask, oh my gosh, it's almost six years,
why are you guys engaged yet, and others say, you
guys are so young, just enjoy your lives. Honestly, within
the relationship, we are both split. He went from asking
me to marry him every day when we were eighteen
every day to saying we need to be more stable

(37:12):
once we both enter the corporate workforce. We have discussed marriage,
kids and all of that and have agreed those are
the things we both want. Of Course, I understand him,
and it's a responsible thing to do to have our
finances and be in such a more stable household. However,
it seems he is starting to prioritize other things over marriage,

(37:34):
like Pokemon cards, like sports teens. He has expressed his
aspirations to move into the city, then another day wanting
a new car, and then the next wanting to travel together.
All these new aspirations and wants are starting to hurt
my head because it seems like he does not know
what he wants. We have had so many discussions about
our future and what we want to create together, but

(37:56):
he always seems so sure about what he wants for
himself for us. I have so many thoughts on this.
His older sister got engaged last year, and of course
we were both so happy and excited for her. However,
I found myself getting angry and upset, not towards her,
but towards my boyfriend. He seems so excited for her

(38:17):
and her fiance in their future, but started talking about
our future as if it was a distant future. When
people would tease us saying, oh, you guys are next haha,
he would just chuckle and stay quiet or say, oh,
we've got a long ways to go.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
Oh that's six years.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
That's not what you say. I feel like again when
it was like when we were when we.

Speaker 6 (38:43):
Were eighteen, we were so young, love, puppy love.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
Like the only thing on his mind was literally like you,
you you, It was you.

Speaker 6 (38:54):
And then he was like, wait, there's more to life
than just prioritizing relationship. There's like actual like travel, living
in the city.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
What about himself?

Speaker 1 (39:05):
Yeah, if they've been together since eighteen, does he have
friends outside of this? Is he just relying on her
and he doesn't really know who he is as a
man Because I remember when I was twenty that was
with the girl. I didn't know who I was as
a man, and I couldn't really lead and I was
just like whatever you want, what do you want? What
do you want? What do you want? What do you
what do you want?

Speaker 2 (39:23):
Exactly?

Speaker 6 (39:23):
And it's the thing of like, oh, whatever, whatever you want,
that's first, that's priority.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
And then he kind of got into it and was like, wait, wait, wait,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
I got a quote.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Yeah, I mean with it.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
If you lose, if you put her first and lose yourself,
you will also lose her.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
Ooh, who's that from my buddy?

Speaker 1 (39:45):
Rex? I think said it all right? Yeah, Rex, Yeah.
What was worse was that he would ask for my
opinion about his sister's wedding, almost rubbing it in my face,
asking if I would have a destination wedding plan the
same way as her, et cetera. Meanwhile, he was saying
these contradicting things. In addition to this, I brought up

(40:09):
to him recently that I would like to be engaged soon,
and he said he would not propose unless we lived
together for at least a year. I expressed to him
that I personally would not want to live together unless
we're engaged, but he said this was his one non negotiable.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
Hmm, I don't like this.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
Yeah. I asked if he was willing to compromise, for example,
us getting engaged and starting to look for a place together,
but he said no, just simply no. I asked if
there was another way or if he had any ideas
of how we could compromise, and he just shrugged. I
am in no rush to be married or engaged, but
I wanted to ask him his thoughts to further understand

(40:50):
where he is and where he thinks we are progressing.
What is concerning to me that I asked him, Okay,
so if I'm not to live with you for another
three years and you will not, I propose. He said
yes again, no compromise, no further insinuating that he would
make me wait until he gets his way. This made
me really angry. Now I'm at this stage of denial

(41:10):
but also acceptance, realizing that he will not do it
unless I give him what he wants, and I truly
do not know what to do. I could not even
continue the conversation with him, because how could I after
he just shut me down. He seems to be so
excited for our friends and family around us getting engaged
and having kids, but does not seem to be excited

(41:31):
for us to do those things. I want to get
engaged and marry because I love him and I want
to start our future together, not because I am trying
to relate to people around me, However, I find that
he always compares our relationship to other peoples. For example,
my sister and her boyfriend traveled all over Europe, why
can't wait? Or while my friend and his girlfriend just

(41:55):
got a place together, we should do that. He is
expressing what he wants past ussively, and when I actually
try to talk to him about it, he seems closed off.
What I grew up in a fairly traditional asshold. While
I do not carry all of the values my parents
raised me with, one of the few is waiting to
be engaged, or at least engaged to be married to

(42:17):
move in together. He has known this for some time,
even before we started actively having those conversations. Recently, he
started doing this thing that actually made me crazy. He
will hold my hand and start measuring my ring finger
as if cutely trying to gauge my ring size, and honestly,
it feels like the one two into the gut.

Speaker 6 (42:38):
I think I would be like, all right, because maybe
he is doing it.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
Maybe, but I don't know. Okay, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
Okay, you can only four play for so long until
you just get right to it.

Speaker 6 (42:51):
He's just playing with your emotions now, and he's like Oh,
let me see the size of your finger.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
Let me measure that. Huh. Just just you.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Know, yeah, chick, you can only tease for so long.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Like if he's been doing this for six years, that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
Maybe he's been doing it.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
For maybe like a couple months.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
I'm want like a timetable, So who does that after
saying they did not want to propose anytime soon? At
this point, I truly do not know what to do anymore.
I feel lost and nervous for our six year celebration
coming up. I do not know how to change his
mind because the last thing I want to do is
beg him to propose. I feel stuck advice, and I'm

(43:29):
seeing a lot of comments about our ages. And again,
like I said above, I understand that we are young,
and I've been together with him since I was seventeen
he was eighteen. I understand and I hear that advice. However,
I'm not asking for marriage and babies next year. I'm
simply asking for further commitment and engagement. Personally, I think
if you've been with someone for six years, you should

(43:51):
know by now. Also, a lot of you are saying
I'm not willing to compromise I have been hearing him
out for years. The issue is that I have compromised
so much for him and he has yet to do
that for me. For two years, at the beginning of
our relationship, he's had no job and I almost paid
for everything.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
Oh, staying hmmm.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
For the last few years, I've planned or dates, our trips,
and even reminded him when he has a doctor's appointment.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
You're his mom. You're his mom?

Speaker 1 (44:22):
Cute? Yeah, I don't think you want to move in
with this guy. Fast forward to now, being more financially stable,
we have planned trips and travel together. When I ask
him for some time to save, he keeps on insisting
he wants to go somewhere and money can always be made. Later,
when I try to understand him and see his perspective
of already living together, I said that he does the
same for me, but he does not always put in

(44:44):
the effort and mine, I add, for the last two years,
he has not bothered to do something special or plan
something nice for my birthday.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
Yeah. Sorry, Op, just break up.

Speaker 6 (44:55):
It seems like you're putting I always talk about, you know,
as a dance with relationships would be like a friendship.
Relationship with a partner, anything like that. Sure, sixty forty,
sometimes seventy thirty. Sometimes it's you know, but usually you
should at least be getting something a fifty to fifty
or you know, sometimes eighty twenty. Them giving eighty percent,

(45:17):
you're just giving one hundred percent.

Speaker 2 (45:18):
And he's giving you none.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
Has given you none.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
And what's your hat?

Speaker 1 (45:21):
Say?

Speaker 2 (45:21):
Keon, dump m dump him.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
He's a good guy, and we have so many great
memories together. Sometimes I feel that I just mourn what
we used to have. He's just masking being responsible with
what is convenient for him. It is about him and
not about what I want, because if it was about
what I wanted, he would understand my wants and say
for the future and communicate more. Marriage is not about

(45:44):
having a big wedding or a party. I told him
he could literally propose with me with a ring pop
and I would say, yes. He is a great guy.
But he also has disappointed me so much, and I
do not think I can handle much more disappointment. We
have some relevant comments like I don't know, talk to
his parents and maybe they can help insinuate, like talk.

Speaker 6 (46:06):
To his megaster, just got married, you know, are engaged.
I don't know, I because I feel like if he
did propose, I don't think that's gonna save your relationship
with him. And I hope it because I don't want
you to be blinded, ope that you're gonna keep It's
like you're pestering him. You're pestering him, like you shouldn't

(46:26):
be pestering about engagement.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
He should be the.

Speaker 6 (46:28):
One wanting to do it again, if it's financial circumstances
or anything like that, he should be, you know, at
least working towards that goal. But it seems like he
he has stopped, he has stopped looking at that as
a priority and push it way to the side, not
even like near him, way to decide. He's like, all right,
I'm just living life. I'm going with the flow that Like.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Yeah, does it seem to have that ambition exactly.

Speaker 6 (46:51):
He doesn't have the ambition about like anything, which again
that that does happen, but it seems.

Speaker 2 (46:57):
Like that's dragging. He's dragging you along with him. Which
that's his life. That shouldn't be for your life.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
Update two years later the comments we've already had the
answers for. But two years later, oh wait, A note
two months later Okay, okay, guys, all right. Two months later, Carly,
they together.

Speaker 6 (47:15):
No, jan I really hope either A. You guys had
a conversation and he actually starts working towards it. If
you are still together, great, and if not, I hope
you're single and thriving.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
If you haven't already guessed by now, I've broke up
with him. I let our anniversary pass, tried to move
forward from my anger and frustrations. While our anniversary was great,
I realized he just simply did not and could not
understand me, and I simply couldn't let it go. About

(47:48):
a week after our anniversary, we were downtown working and
on a whim, yes if you could grab dinner after work?
I said yes, And what was supposed to be a
casual dinner and go home type of day turned it
to a dinner and exploring all the neighborhoods he wanted
to live in downtown. I felt like I was ambushed
and viewing neighborhoods in places I didn't even want to

(48:09):
live in Slash. We never discussed openly, and it made
me feel almost sick, as if it felt like he
was just rubbing salt into my wound. Passively dangling the
key to my future ring. If you remember from my
previous post about how he used to size my ring finger, Yeah,
made me sick to my stomach, just like that. At
the end of the night, before heading home, I asked

(48:30):
if we could talk in his car before he dropped
me off. I brought up how I was not happy
about the relationship, feeling one sided, and that while I
put in all the effort, he puts in the bare
minimum and still forced in wine about what he wanted
in a relationship and never considered what I wanted. He
actually got frustrated and said, it makes no sense. Living

(48:51):
together is more of a commitment because we are obligated
to stay together due to paperwork. You can break off
an engagement if you wanted to have. You've had this
conversation four to five times and you still don't understand me.
He then went on about it how it would be
an opportunity to test things out. So he's like, you
can't break up with me if we have a lease together,
we could break up with me if you have an

(49:12):
engagement ring.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
That's so backwards.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
What Yeah, my mind's kind of like what if?

Speaker 4 (49:21):
What?

Speaker 2 (49:24):
Wow?

Speaker 4 (49:25):
You know what?

Speaker 6 (49:25):
I would be again, I'm so happy that you're not
together with this this dingus luminific.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
The statement was very much a slide of the face
because I realized that same guy who used to vocalize
wanting to get married to me every day did not
truly think nor understand the importance of marriage and unity
like I thought he did. And what hurt most was
that after six years of being together, and me for
the last two years really vocalizing excitement and a future

(49:53):
with him, he never once actually listened to me when
I talked about how important exciting engagement and marriage is
to me.

Speaker 6 (49:59):
This is a awkward I feel like, I feel like
OPI was just like, holy crap, he's an idiot. Took
me six years to figure out my boyfriend's an idiot. Yeah, honestly, Well,
we're gonna change that to ex boyfriend now, and I'm
gonna go go rethink some stuff, dude.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Honestly, I hope he continues. Then I brought up how
his words were hurtful, saying it's a good way to
test it out and see how things go. I asked him,
what exactly are you testing out after six years? Test
and see if you still like me and want to
be together. For you to even say that you have
to test things out with us and not know what

(50:39):
you want to do, now that's your answer. You're not
committed to this, not committed to me. So I followed
up with, if you aren't sure you want to marry
me now, you won't be sure tomorrow, next month, next year,
for the next five years. I cannot simply wait for
you to wake up and see me as worthy of
a ring. So I got it out of the car

(51:00):
and told him it was over. It's been more than
a month now, and I think I did the right thing.
Of course, a part of me still misses and grieves him,
but that last interaction told me exactly what I needed
to hear. Yes, he tried to keep in touch and
wants to talk things out, but at this point I
can't even look at him.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
You go, girl, good for up. Yeah, And that's the.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
End of the story. We're on to the next one. Hey,
it's sam' your ogi host here. Read it back to
the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

Speaker 4 (51:30):
My date refused to drive me home, so I dumped him,
thulp him. I twenty one female have been going out
with a guy twenty three e mail for two months
or so. We've been on maybe four or five dates.
He lives in the town over from me. And by

(51:50):
the way, this comes from a zealous ideal use twenty
four fifty three and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the ours lash Okay, story time,
separate it. I'm Angie, I'm Riley, I'm Carly, and we're
here to give good advice goofully, but we don't have
all the answers, so we're only gonna guess.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
What we would do in this situation.

Speaker 4 (52:10):
But if you would do something different or if you've
been in this situation, let us know in the comments below.
So Op says, I live in a college town that
relies mostly on bikes and buses for transportation.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
Most students don't have cars, including me.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
She's in Germany.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
We made plans on Tuesdays to go to this bar
with minigolf in his town. He said that we could
meet at seven, but that he couldn't pick me up
as he got off work at six. His town is
about a thirty minute drive for mine, and that was fine,
and I made arrangements to take the bus. Note that
I've never been to this part of his town before. Anyways,
I take two buses and get there around seven fifteen

(52:46):
and we have fun.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
I drink a bit, he doesn't drink.

Speaker 4 (52:49):
I feel like this is important to mention since I
assumed he wasn't.

Speaker 3 (52:53):
Drinking because he would be driving me back home.

Speaker 4 (52:56):
Around eleven, we decided to wrap things up, and he
says good night and that will planned something later.

Speaker 3 (53:01):
I confused asked if he was driving me home.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
He said no, that he was too tired too after
a six hour shift.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
Listen, a gentleman thing to do would be driving back.
But since they're not dating, there's this weird gray area
that they're in.

Speaker 3 (53:17):
Like they're not like officials official.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
They're just kind of dating. There is this loophole where
he can pull. We didn't discuss it, but the gentleman
thing to do is to drive her back, but there
is this little loophole.

Speaker 4 (53:31):
Yeah, so now I'm panicking a little since he won't
drive me, and the buses don't go.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
That late between our towns.

Speaker 4 (53:37):
I tell him that that the buses are running anymore,
and he sort of just shrugs it off. I asked
him why he didn't drink then, and he said that
he just wasn't feeling it and had work tomorrow. The
only option I had left was an uber, so I
tell him I'll take an uber. The issue with the
uber is that the price is quite high, and I
don't have that much money. Anyways, he says okay and

(53:58):
leaves after saying good night, which I felt was another
red flag. We were in a public plaza kind of area,
and I felt quite unsafe sitting there all alone.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
Close to midnight.

Speaker 4 (54:08):
I wish he would have stayed until the uber arrived
at least, but Op.

Speaker 3 (54:13):
Don't you know, he was working really hard on those
six hours. He's too tired to stay wait with you.
He has to go home and sleep. I think my
six hours.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
This shows if there's another date coming around the corner,
because no guy in their right mind, if they're interested
in someone, would leave them like this.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
Oh yeah, now that's a huge, huge red flag.

Speaker 4 (54:34):
If you're a woman in the dating world and your
your partner is not going to make sure that you're
safe in the nighttime and getting home safely, Yep, that
that is one nd per red flag.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
Yeah, I would dude, if Sophia was in a situation
I go pick her up, I'll be like, no, you do,
not get on I'll be there soon. Yeah, yeah, exactly,
that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
Exactly.

Speaker 4 (54:58):
Luckily the rest of the night pass without incident, except
me being like fifty dollars poorer from the uber.

Speaker 3 (55:04):
I know thirty minute uber is expensive.

Speaker 4 (55:06):
I've been thinking about it, and I just feel very
uncared for refusing to drop me off and not really
caring about how I got home, and then just letting
me wait all alone for the uber around for ten
minutes in what felt like a shady area.

Speaker 3 (55:19):
So would I be the a hole for not seeing
a guy anymore for this reason?

Speaker 4 (55:23):
And there is an edit to add to answer some
questions that I'm seeing pop up. I did not know
the buses would not be running this late. The buses
around my town run until twelve am, and I assumed
wrongly that the buses between the towns would also be
running on that schedule. They don't, and they end at
ten pm.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
If I had known the.

Speaker 4 (55:42):
Buses between towns and A ten I would have ended
the date earlier and gone home. I assumed he was
going to drive me home because A he only mentioned
not being able to pick me up and B He's
driven me back before on previous dates. I'm not taking
advantage of him, as I have also paid for dates.
If I had a car, I would have no problem
driving to him. I was disappointed that he didn't drive

(56:03):
me back, but the real to me was that he
didn't even wait for my uber to show up.

Speaker 3 (56:08):
That was kind of the.

Speaker 4 (56:09):
Final nail in the coffin. Yep, and there are some comments.
Meet More Boo Boo Beep says I was at a
show a few weeks ago and a group of girls
I had just met like twenty minutes prior all waited
for my uber with me because it was late and
nobody else was on the street.

Speaker 3 (56:26):
This guy's an ahole.

Speaker 4 (56:28):
Glittery Dreams says, that's exactly what you should expect from
decent people, even strangers. The guy's behavior was a huge
red flag. Yeah, everyone's just like, yeah, definitely not the
a hole.

Speaker 3 (56:38):
And we do have an update.

Speaker 4 (56:41):
Yeah, I feel like because it's such a it's a
small thing compared to what could happen.

Speaker 3 (56:45):
Yeah, and I love that little guy.

Speaker 4 (56:47):
But it's also it's like such a baseline thing, you know.
It's like if you if you're not even gonna understand
that me being alone at night time and even getting
into an uber alone too, can be very dangerous. And
you don't even want to do like the least you
can to make sure that I'm safe.

Speaker 3 (57:04):
Then, like, what are you going to do in any
other situation?

Speaker 1 (57:06):
You know, I was grown up, that is a man.
I need to protect the woman I was with with
my actions and my words. And he did not do
that with his action at.

Speaker 3 (57:17):
All, Not at all, not at all.

Speaker 4 (57:20):
We have comments from in cells were disregarded and laughed at,
including some guy who commented probably fifteen plus times. But
otherwise I got a lot of good advice. I wonder
if that was this guy, that was the guy she
was dating. So oh well, actually I think I think
it wasn't that bad.

Speaker 3 (57:40):
I think you were definitely saving. He's totally totally fine.

Speaker 1 (57:44):
He had a lot, he worked a lot that day.

Speaker 4 (57:47):
Yeah, I think six hours is a really long shift.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
Actually too long.

Speaker 3 (57:51):
That's too long. I think maybe he was really tired.

Speaker 4 (57:55):
Like you said, you're actually being disrespectful of him. That's
what I'm guessing. I don't know of the fifteen plus comments,
but to address a few points I originally thought he
would be driving me home, since he's done so once
before when it was late, but it was in my town.
This assumption was reinforced when he only mentioned not being
able to pick me up, but nothing about dropping me off.
If he had said that he couldn't drive me back,

(58:16):
I would have just budgeted differently or left earlier to
make the bus. I take the blame for not confirming
with him about driving me back. I'm not really that
upset that he couldn't drive me back, though I was
in the moment. I did, however, expect some kind of
concern over how I was going to get back, and
at the very least for him to stay until my
uber arrived. Also for those who blamed me for getting stranded,

(58:37):
I wasn't stranded. There was no question about the uber,
but I just would have preferred not to as it
put a dent.

Speaker 3 (58:44):
As it put a dent in my finances.

Speaker 4 (58:47):
On the issue of me being a gold digger or
taking advantage of him, I've paid for dates before. If
I had a car, I would drive to him. He
was the one who suggested the location and time for
this date, so I had no problem catching two buses
over and in response, to a few annoying comments about gender.
If the roles were reversed, I would have driven him
back if I was too tired or didn't want to

(59:09):
drive at night or something.

Speaker 3 (59:10):
There's no question that I would have waited for his
uber and paid half of it. In my opinion, that's
just basic decency.

Speaker 4 (59:17):
Not really sure where the comments whining about equality were
coming from, as I would have paid half and waited
whether I was with a man or woman.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
Yeah, come on, like, yeah, that's not the point here, guys.

Speaker 4 (59:28):
Yeah, it's just polite if anything, I mean, even if
you think like, oh, yeah, it's like a safe area,
like I don't think anything's going to happen. It's kind
of like if you drop off your friend at their
house and then you like wait to make sure they
go inside.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
It's like, yeah, probably nothing's going.

Speaker 4 (59:42):
To happen as they walk up their steps, you know.
But it's just polite at the very least to just
make sure they're there. So I think I've addressed the
main points. So on to the updates. The date happened
on Tuesday night. I took an uber back and got
home around midnight. He texted me around twenty minutes after
I got home, asking if I got home safe. I
didn't respond, as I was exhausted and honestly just wanted

(01:00:04):
to shower and sleep. Throughout Wednesday, he sent me a
few memes in the morning and afternoon, then stopped texting.
Wednesday evening, I posted my first post, and after that
later at night, he asked if I was mad at
him or that he'd just been tired.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
I finally responded and told him that I wasn't really
mad that.

Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
He didn't drive me home, especially since it's true I
didn't confirm, but I was just disappointed since I wished
he would have stayed for the uber to show up
at least.

Speaker 3 (01:00:29):
Like did I wish he drove me home? Sure, but
not really that big of a deal of that he didn't.
The part where he left me at midnight in an
unfamiliar place was kind of the for me. He's a
lot bigger than I am, and I just would have
felt a lot safer with him there.

Speaker 4 (01:00:42):
Once again, he said that he was just tired and
wanted to go home, and said that I ended up
okay and that it was fine h for sure. Honestly,
if he'd done a real apology, I probably would have
given him another chance.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
Oh my gosh, No, there's other fellas out there. There's
other mates out there.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:03):
When I didn't respond to what he said, he kind
of moved on and said that he already had a
place to take me next time, some restaurant a few
miles from his house. He said, let's do a reservation
at eight pm on Saturday, then go out for drinks
and then a movie. I kind of wanted to be
petty and asked if I should start saving up for
an uber back already, but eventually I just told him
that his actions from Tuesday had made me feel very

(01:01:23):
uncared for, and then I wasn't really interested in going
out with him.

Speaker 3 (01:01:26):
For six dates.

Speaker 4 (01:01:27):
We liked the honesty, great job, Yeah, like yeah, honestly,
like I just am not that interested anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
Makes sense, That's all it is. I wouldn't be interested. Yeah, wow, okay.

Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
I do think it's it's weird that like when she
didn't even respond yet, he already started saying, like, I
was just tired last night, like he was sending memes,
asked if she was okay, and before she responded, he
was like himself, it's like okay, so so you know

(01:02:00):
that that was something you shouldn't have done then, and
you know that she's gonna be upset about that because
it's something you shouldn't have done, you know, like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Cut him out, dump them. I think I think you
know what your value is.

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
Hero Op Yeah, good on Uop. There is a little
bit more to the story.

Speaker 4 (01:02:17):
He immediately started asking if I was serious, and that
if he'd known it was such a big deal, he
would have stayed for the uber.

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
This annoyed me, since how did he not know it
was a big deal.

Speaker 4 (01:02:26):
Why did it not occur to him in the first
place that leaving me alone at midnight in an unfamiliar
public plaza with bars everywhere might be an issue for me.
He said that he really liked me and didn't want
this to ruin things, etcetera, etcetera. He even promised to
drive me home next time, but I kind of just
wanted to wash my hands with this whole thing. I
don't want him to feel forced into driving me, and
I don't want him doing things only because he thinks

(01:02:47):
he has to. I also don't want to be dating
someone who doesn't even think twice about leaving me stranded.
Buzzed somewhere unfamiliar at midnight and then only texting me
like an hour later. He's still texting me, but I
haven't opened those messages yet, and there are some comments
writing mm romance says, I would just reply if you
couldn't see that leaving a woman alone in a strange

(01:03:08):
place in the middle of the night would make you
an undesirable partner, perhaps.

Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
You shouldn't be dating.

Speaker 4 (01:03:13):
And to answer your question, really, I'm no longer interested.
Please stop reaching out to me and that's the end
of that story. Yes, solid, that would be a good
thing to say, for sure,