My mother THREW AWAY my graduation dress… and my father condoned it! - r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2203 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:03):
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
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before we get into this episode.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
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Speaker 4 (00:17):
My mother threw away my graduation dress and my father
condoned it.

Speaker 5 (00:23):
What was wrong with the dress? What's the deal? Man?

Speaker 4 (00:25):
January thirty, first, twenty twenty five. I twenty three female.
I'm about to graduate from college. The party will be
in two months, but the photographic session.

Speaker 5 (00:33):
Will be next week. One of my goals since I.

Speaker 4 (00:35):
Entered my career was that when I graduated, I would
use a dress that would suit me. Some might think
that I could just rent a dress that I'll probably
just use it once or two in my life, But
I really mean it when I said that, this was
the moment I've been waiting for for years. By the way,
this comes from Kooky Blueberry forty seven to seventy and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay story Time subreddit. So the last

(00:57):
few weeks I had been looking for addresses indifferent, but
I went with several people in different times. One of
them was with my mother, and that time I found
a dress that not only suited me like a glove.
It was a light green, long dress and I immediately
loved it. The problem my mother had It had a
low neckline scandal ohand oh man, oh no.

Speaker 5 (01:19):
You see, my mother is a modest woman, someone who
may be scandalized when a dress is above the knees
or the neckline shows even a little bit of the cleavage.

Speaker 4 (01:28):
So despite she admitted that the dress fit me, I
shouldn't buy it as I might attract unwanted looks, especially
as I have a big cup size.

Speaker 5 (01:36):
Lord Lord, but a letter wear a dress. It's very
let her wear dress. And that's the thing though, too.

Speaker 4 (01:43):
When you've got a bigger bra size, it becomes harder
and harder to hide.

Speaker 5 (01:48):
Everything is like, quote unquote immodest. But it's not.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
Actually, it's just different body type, exactly exactly. I already
have been to therapy about it. So some insecurities that
affected her no longer affected me. But still I wanted
to get to a middle point. I liked that one dress,
and despite the fact that I was the one buying it.
I wanted to make her comfortable, so I proposed that
I use a shawl. I felt fine with it and
it might be useful if it's cold outside, and my

(02:12):
mother agreed with that. With the green light on, I
bought the dress and a few days later a shawl
that would suit the dress. Everything was fine so far
until two days ago when I returned Chalm after returning
from school from continuing my thesis, already working on that,
I got something to eat, took a bath, and changed
to go to work when I noticed that my dress

(02:34):
wasn't in my wark dress.

Speaker 5 (02:37):
Oh no, what's going on?

Speaker 4 (02:40):
I see yous in, I see us man, this is
not looking good. I put it there. I hung it
up to avoid my cat's hair on it. It was there
in the morning, so I was confused. I asked my
siblings and they didn't know anything about it. My father
wasn't in the city, so I directly asked my mom,
who was in the kitchen watching TV while cutting potatoes,
something like, Mom, do you know where my dress is?

Speaker 5 (03:02):
She said, ah, I threw it. Excuse me, what do
you mean by you threw it? She said? The garbage
truck came today, so I threw it away.

Speaker 4 (03:10):
Excuse me? Why why did you throw it away? I
swear I felt like crying in this moment. She said
something like I wasn't convinced at all with that dress.
That shaw didn't cover you at all, and your dad
agreed with me. So yesterday I bought you a suit
for your.

Speaker 5 (03:24):
Photos and party. Huh, A suit is very different direction
to go. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, it was already
a huge crazy thing that like, she's not gonna let
you wear this dress. I mean you're probably like twenty
one at this point. Yeah, but instead of returning the dress,
she just threw it away. Yeah. What I'd be like, Okay, well,

(03:45):
you're freaking baying me. You'reparing me because I spent money
on that absolutely, And then she tries to pull the
whole will I paid for the suit? Well that's not
my fault. I'm gonna throw it away. Yeah, that's not
my money.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
Oh my gosh, that's yeah, that's crazy. Because also too,
it's like, I mean, do they have pictures of her
wearing the dress?

Speaker 5 (03:59):
How was she able to show the dad? Yeah? What
are you talking?

Speaker 4 (04:02):
And you already approved of it. Mother, excuse me. I
couldn't believe what she was saying. I just ran outside,
foolishly hoping that magically a black garbage bag would be outside.
I didn't pay attention to that when I came home
from school. But no, the garbage truck must have came early.
I thought that maybe my mother was joking, because why
why did my parents do that? I thought they agreed

(04:23):
with me. What about the money that I spent on that.
I didn't ask anything from them. I bought it with
the money that I earned working part time in a
bubble tea shop. Dude, you gotta work a while then
to get to get to that dress.

Speaker 5 (04:36):
Oh my god, No, i'micked a man.

Speaker 4 (04:38):
I'd be like, you have to pay me that, absolutely absolutely,
and get me something that I actually want.

Speaker 5 (04:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:45):
I ran to my mom's room and saw her wardrobe,
but nothing was there. As I was crying, she came
in with a gray suit in her arms.

Speaker 5 (04:52):
What is this abnegation? I'm sorry? What? Yeah? Why a
suit also is gray? Like to come on his graduation? Yeah?
It was exactly the kind of clothes that my mom
would choose for me. Usually I liked suits too.

Speaker 4 (05:07):
I used them when I was going for a conference
to my college, but at that moment, I honestly couldn't
believe the audacity of my parents, especially my mother. When
my father returned yesterday, he gave me a bunch of
bills around three hundred dollars, saying that it was for
the dress.

Speaker 5 (05:22):
That my mother threw away. Okay, so we're getting some
money back. At least, it's still still awful. At least
we've got some money, some money. That way, my money
would not be wasted.

Speaker 4 (05:31):
But that money felt I didn't want to take it.

Speaker 5 (05:35):
Man, go buy yourself another dress. Yeah, honestly, we're the
same dress. Man, Yeah, that probably is the same dress.

Speaker 4 (05:41):
My father probably still felt guilty about agreeing with my mother,
so he gave me that to make himself feel better.

Speaker 5 (05:46):
But of course he didn't accept know as an answer.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
On the one hand, I understand where my mother is
coming from. She bought that suit with her money, and
she couldn't stop telling me about it since yesterday. She
said that I would look better in the suit, but
I haven't proven that yet, and that my green would
have made me uncomfortable with the looks I would gain
from yes or males.

Speaker 5 (06:04):
Why are you assuming things? Why are you assuming things
you don't know? You don't know that. Why are you
speaking for your daughter who wanted that dress and bought
the dress that she wanted.

Speaker 4 (06:15):
Yeah, and I mean if she's fine with like a
low neck, then she's probably used to the looks. Yeah,
and it's probably like listen, yes it is, yeah, exactly exactly.
You can't always think about the looks of other And
as my father already gave me the money, I actually
didn't lose anything. Half of me started to doubt, thinking
that maybe she's right and maybe I'm acting over dramatic.

Speaker 5 (06:35):
Oh. The other part of me wants to throw everything away, ignore.

Speaker 4 (06:38):
That suit, and go and look for a second option
the last week I have before the photographic session.

Speaker 5 (06:44):
So am I the a hole if I do it?

Speaker 4 (06:46):
I don't know if I should just go to the
photo session in the suit and ignore her or ignore
her risking the same thing to happen again. I don't
know if I would use those three hundred dollars as
I said. It felt dirty to me, but I don't
know where to get more money to do last minute shopping.
So there are some relevant comments. But before we read
those What what do you think she should do? Dude,
you're not the a hole if you go and get

(07:07):
another dress. Absolutely, they threw out your dress. But but
I do have Okay, what you need to do. You
take your three hundred dollars, you go buy another dress
that you like them, you feel good in here, you go,
and then you hide that. Don't tell anyone about that dress.

Speaker 5 (07:20):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, I'm like honestly, maybe even like like
have a friend put it in their closet, yeah, yeah,
or keep it in your car if you have your
own car, anything like like places where your parents cannot
access it because they might steal it if it's in
your wardrobe. Absolutely, I mean they did it before, so yeah,
don't trust them.

Speaker 4 (07:39):
Yeah, but there are some comments comments to your Number
one says, not the a hole. Can you use the
money to buy the same dress again and hide it
from your mother until it's time for pictures?

Speaker 5 (07:47):
Exactly? Maybe out a friend's house. Oh my gosh, you
freaking steal what I just said?

Speaker 4 (07:51):
Wow, Copier Copier Opie says, Sadly, when I bought the dress,
the seller told me that the dress was the last
one with that design at the time.

Speaker 5 (08:00):
I felt lucky that the dress was exactly my size
and fit me.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
Well, it's still I'm deeply looking back on my relationship
with my parents in general. I think I'll be looking
for more options in the long term, not only.

Speaker 5 (08:10):
With the dress. Yeah, she's like, I'm looking for more
options for parents. Get her parents if anyone's offering.

Speaker 4 (08:17):
But there is an update. Okay, all right, So that
was January thirty first. Now it's March twelfth.

Speaker 5 (08:23):
Okay, we're getting we're getting closer to graduations.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
Yes, one and a half months later, all right, So Hi, Honestly,
I didn't expect doing an update. Neither did I expect
having such attention when I made my first post a
month ago. So thank you very much. I'm sorry I
didn't answer all of you. I was overwhelmed with seeing
the amount of comments. So yeah, as I said before,
I didn't expect to make an update, but I guess
I need. Yes, I had the photo session and no,

(08:48):
I haven't had my prom party yet. It's next month,
but I guess I'll go for parts. I apologize in
advance if this is long. I'm taking the opportunity to
say my thoughts in this post.

Speaker 5 (08:56):
It's Okay, that is long.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
So first on the previous I don't have a close
relationship with my siblings, even though that we've lived under
the same roof.

Speaker 5 (09:05):
For a while and lots of people do.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
We can talk about certain things as TV shows, movies, games, music,
and other media, but we don't talk about our problems.
That's the reason why I got surprised with my older
sister twenty six, female offered me around sixty dollars.

Speaker 5 (09:19):
Where did this come from? Sixty dollars? Why is she
offering you sixty dollars?

Speaker 4 (09:24):
She told me that it was a shame what our
mother did, but I looked good in that dress and
I should look for something similar. Wow, so she knows
about all the drama going on. It was a pleasant
surprise the fact that my sister approached me to show
her support. I usually wouldn't accept the money. I don't
like the idea of having a debt, but considering everything
that happened, I felt rateful for her.

Speaker 5 (09:42):
Very interesting state like mindset that OPI has about her family.
I think of like, oh, I didn't want to accept
the money that my dad gave me. I didn't want
to accept the money that my sister did it feels
like they are very like tit for tat kind of family. Yeah. Interesting.
So I used my free days next week to find
something similar to my dress.

Speaker 4 (09:58):
As I said on one comment, as like expected, the
dress I got before was the last one. When I
got it, I felt lucky that the dress suited me
so well, but that luck ran out on me still.
I found another dress.

Speaker 5 (10:08):
Ye, yeah, huzzah. It was a blue one.

Speaker 4 (10:11):
In my opinion, it wasn't as pretty as the green one,
but it still suited me well. It was cheaper than
the green one and was better than using my gray suit,
so I thought. Another thing that I didn't comment on
is that I didn't want to use all the money
I had with the money my sister gave me, the
three hundred dollars that my father gave me as compensation
and around two hundred and ten dollars I saved before
I knew that I could buy an even more expensive

(10:32):
one than the green one. But some of your comments
made me think long term. I didn't comment on the
previous post. I was already planning to go to another
state to start a master's I like the field of investigation.
My thesis is pretty much about microplastics and degrading process.

Speaker 5 (10:45):
Ooh, that's that's important. Yeah, we need to get those
out absolutely.

Speaker 4 (10:48):
My original plan was to get my title and start
saving money to move out, finalizing the year on the
next cycle. When I told my parents my planned months ago,
they told me that they supported me. They are with
me financially and emotionally. But this experience with the dress
made me wonder if that.

Speaker 5 (11:03):
Was really true.

Speaker 4 (11:04):
I know that moving out and using a dresser to
two completely different things, but my mother told me that
she was fine with the dress with the condition of
using a shawl too, and then she threw it away.
So it made me rethink about the control my mother
has over my decisions, and I concluded that she was
always like that, just that I didn't notice it, as
mostly she did what she wanted on things that I

(11:24):
didn't think were very important. My father is no different.
He is more passive than my mom, but he mostly
agrees with her and tries to wash his hands by
giving me or my siblings something in compensation. So it
made me wonder if they truly support me moving out,
or if they're just pretending, waiting for a moment to
tell me that I can't move out as something happened,
or maybe I should get my master's in our state,

(11:44):
despite the fact that I have no interest in the
options here.

Speaker 5 (11:47):
Well, for that reason, I decided that I wanted to
save the money.

Speaker 4 (11:50):
I already talked with my thesis adviser that if possible,
I want to end the thesis sooner than originally intended.
I started to look for scholarships too. I had pretty
good grades, so I guess that that can help up
the process. And of course I preferred to save money
on the dress. Some of you suggested that I should
burn the suit in front of my mom, but despite
making me laugh with the idea, I didn't do that.

Speaker 5 (12:10):
Yeah, probably a good idea. That's probably best. I think
you should just thrown in the garbage. Yeah, just well,
you know, actually I don't want to waste fabrics, so
maybe we can like goodwill it.

Speaker 4 (12:20):
Yeah, maybe you could see cross returns if the money
returns to card.

Speaker 5 (12:25):
Yeah, I'll be like, hey, can I put this on
this card please?

Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (12:28):
Blue.

Speaker 4 (12:30):
Instead, I asked a friend to keep the blue dress
at her house until the photo session. I didn't comment
about it to my parents, and the day before the session,
I went to my friend's house for the dress. It
was obvious to say that my mom wasn't happy about
the idea of me not using the suit. The moment
I walked down the stairs, she told me that I
made her waste money.

Speaker 5 (12:48):
That's funny. Yeah, it's funny because you made me waste
money when you threw out my dress. Yeah. She literally,
she didn't make you do anything. You were the one
that bought the dress. You were the one who threw
out the dress that she already paid for. Yeah, or
you bought the That's what I'm meant to say.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
Yeah, you are the one actively making the decision to
waste money.

Speaker 5 (13:04):
She also told me that I would look more.

Speaker 4 (13:05):
Professional in that suit, and that I wasted my dad's
money on it too. Still, she didn't complain about the
dress design. I guess she wasn't as triggered with this
one as she was with the green one. It doesn't
have a low cleavage like the green one did, but
it has a Grecian cut, so I guess that was
more acceptable in her eyes. That doesn't make me feel better, though,
To be honest, my father didn't comment on it. He
just told me that I looked good, but I should

(13:27):
put the suit on for the party.

Speaker 5 (13:29):
Nope, No, I'd be like, no, I'm not going to
a freaking business meeting. I'm graduating, exactly. I want to
be pretty. I want to have fun. I want to
be pretty.

Speaker 4 (13:37):
Maybe just wear the suit when you're applying to jobs, yeah,
or interviewing the schools or something exactly.

Speaker 5 (13:43):
You know, there you go. You could still use it
for that stuff.

Speaker 4 (13:45):
I already planned that they would appear on the photo session,
so I didn't uninvite them again. Long term, I can't
stop talking with them until I move out. So they
and my siblings went to the photo session with last week.
The photographer said as the digital version of the families,
I'm not gonna lie. They felt bittersweet, but it's what
I have. So I didn't talk much about the dress

(14:06):
with my parents for the next month. I've been more
focused on finishing that thesis and working in that bubble
tea shop to save some money. It's good to say
that I'm finishing one and a half months earlier than
expect it.

Speaker 5 (14:16):
Wow, that's that's a big job. Is a big job
for a thesis? Having done a thesis? Yeah, wild, I'm
sure I have not done one.

Speaker 4 (14:23):
I already had most of the experimentation from last year,
so it was mostly babliographic research and a few experiments
to see its replication. If everything goes well, I'll be
presenting next month WOW. During this month, I made several
exams too, TOEFL and the first two tests to enter
into a master's I think my objective is to gain

(14:43):
a good scholarship so that I can move out before
finishing the first part of the year. I feel kind
of frushed, but I won't follow my original plan because
I haven't talked about it with any member of my
family either. I've been thinking about talking about it with
my older sister, but I'm still deliberating. So out the party,
I will be using the blue dress. Maybe I'll use
the suit someday, but right now I can't think about it.

(15:06):
I still relate the suit to my parents and everything
that it entails. The green dress topic still tastes bittersweet
to me, like in a way it was Pandora's box
in a very pretty Pandora's box. But it's not going
to lie. I am still kind of nervous about the prompt.
It's the day I've been expecting for years. Despite the
bittersweet taste, I can't help but feel expectant. And by

(15:28):
the way, I expect you to check out full episodes
with more stories just like this one on your favorite
podcast step, I Heart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, whatever you.

Speaker 5 (15:37):
Choose to search. Okay, storytime and do it. Look at
all that, do it? Do it? Yeah, there's a little
bit more, But do we have any file. You're taking
the right steps. You got the dress that you wanted
in the end, or like at least the second dress
that you wanted in the end. It seems like you're
realizing that you need to limit contact with your parents,
which I think is a good idea, and maybe save

(15:58):
up to like do what you want to do. Yeah,
because unfortunately it seems like you just can't rely on
your parents for any sort of help consistently. Yeah. Yeah,
not with this stuff anyway.

Speaker 4 (16:07):
Like I have heard of a lot of situations where
it's like people either have controlling parents or have like
a weird relationship with their parents, and then they move
out for school and then it's like so much better, yeah,
because now they don't have all this say in your
everyday life. But you obviously still kind of they really
won't realize what they have till it's gone kind of thing.
I'm sure they appreciate you anyway as their daughter, but like, yeah,

(16:28):
it's definitely better that they won't have like all of that.

Speaker 5 (16:32):
Involvement in your life.

Speaker 4 (16:33):
Indeed, yeah, I'm glad you didn't sacrifice your pretty dress,
and I yeah, I'm glad you did what you wanted
because in the long one you.

Speaker 5 (16:39):
Would regret it. So true, true, true, yeah, don't wear
that gray suit. But there is a little bit more so.

Speaker 4 (16:44):
Some of your comments on the previous post made me laugh,
and the other ones maybe rethink about my plans for
my life. To be honest, I think if I didn't
post on here, I would just use the gray suit
to avoid any problems and I wouldn't see the big
problem here.

Speaker 5 (16:56):
So thank you, unknown people of the internet.

Speaker 4 (16:59):
Well maybe a post if something big happens, but if not,
to consider everything has gone well.

Speaker 5 (17:04):
Again, thank you, And that is the end of that story.
My aunt disrespected family boundaries and refuse to apologize, Well
why why would you do that? But can we just
say sorry? Please? I thirty six female. I'm wondering if
I made the right decision going no contact with my
aunt seventy three female, my mom's sixty eight female only sibling.

(17:24):
This is very lengthy due to there being a lot
of contexts, so bear with me. We shall Almost a
year ago, my grandma ninety three female, my mom and
aunt's mother, fell and broke her arm while in her
apartment at her senior living facility. This caused her to
need to move in with my mom and aunt temporarily
so they could assist her while recovering. By the way,
this comes from Specialist Fox nineteen eighty eight, and if

(17:45):
you want to smit your own stories, go to our
slash Okay story time separate it. So for context, the
house my mom and aunt lived in is my grandma's house.
My aunt moved in with my grandma and grandpa now
deceased after filing for bankruptcy for a second time around
twenty eleven or twenty twelve. My mom and brother moved
in when my grandparents moved into the senior living facility
around twenty seventeen, because she thought my aunt would be

(18:07):
homeless if she didn't. Turns out this wouldn't have been
the case because my grandparents were paying all of my
aunt's expenses, which my mom was not aware of at
the time. But I digress. Well, yeah, and so she's
taken advantage of your mom while she's getting everything paid for. Yeah,
dang suspicious. My brother moved out, eventually leaving just my
mom and aunt in the house. My mom and aunt
have never gotten along even when they were little, and

(18:30):
basically lived on opposite sides of the house with little
interaction until my grandma had to stay there. They would
take turns helping my grandma to the bathroom and changing clothes.
My grandma has dementia and couldn't remember breaking her arm sometimes,
so they were constantly having to remind her not to
take off her cast or use her arm. Oh, that's tricky.
They were supposed to share nighttime duty, but my mom
always ended up being woken up and helping because my

(18:52):
aunt would take sleeping pills and not hear my grandma
call for help. It should have been noted that both
my mom and my aunt are disabled. My aunt has
I broke my aujia and my mom had thyroid cancer, diabetes,
and high blood pressure, as well as constant back pain,
hit pain, and a fake meet a lot. The house
has been in a constant decline since my grandparents moved
out and looks like a hoarder house. My sister and

(19:14):
I went in once to throw out the trash in
the living room and dining room and kitchen in twenty
twenty three. My aunt resisted anything we did, and my
mom agreed that they needed help but were limited in
what they could do because of their health issues. It's
really interesting that they clearly have like a lot of
mobility issues and health issues, but are taking care of,

(19:35):
you know, mother with dementia like that. Seems like they
need kind of someone else to step in there. Yeah,
if possible. Yeah, it went right back to where it
was over the past two years since then. Anyways, they
went on like this taking care of my grandma for
about four weeks, and then my mom got seriously ill
and ended up in the hospital with signs her kidneys
might be failing.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh my god.

Speaker 5 (19:55):
The night my mom went into the hospital, I volunteered
to spend the night at the house to help my
aunt take care of my grandma and figure out ways
she can take care of my grandma on her own,
since we didn't know how long my mom would be
in the hospital. It seems like she can't even take
care of herself on her own.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (20:08):
I mean, if the state looks like the house looks
like a hoarder's house, right, I feel like both these
people might need extra care. I agree. I agree. I
did night duty and called into work the next day
so I could help my aunt figure out a solution.
Every single thing I suggested from different ways to tell
my grandma get up from the futon she was sleeping,
into different beds she could try another room, was met

(20:29):
with I can't do it, this won't work from my
aunt without even trying. I tried to suggest reaching out
to nonprofits who help with these kinds of things, and
got resistance. At one point, we had my grandma laying
down on my aunt's bed trying to see if it
was easier to get her up from it than the futon,
and my grandma used her broken arm to try to
push herself up. My aunt leaned over and yelled in
her face about not doing that and that if she

(20:49):
does it again, she would tie her arm to her body.
Oh wow. It should be noted that the only conversation
I heard before my grandma and my aunt from the
moment I got there, was my aunt screaming at my
grandma at that point, like you need to find your
grandma some or if you have the funds, Yeah, you
gotta find your grandma some other care. Yeah, this does
not seem like the ideal situation. I stepped between my
aunt and grandma and with my hands raised, tries to

(21:11):
ease my aunt out of the room. I told her
she shouldn't yell at her like that and that we
should all separate until we calmed down. My aunt started
screaming that it was her realm and we eat. My
grandma and myself shook out. Seeing as how my grandma's
wheelchair was in the hallway and my aunt was in
the doorway while my grandma was on the bed, it
wouldn't have been possible for us to leave without her
leaving first. I tried to calm her down and kind

(21:32):
of ease her out by taking a small step towards her,
when she suddenly put her hand on the side of
my neck and pushed my head.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
To the side and doubt what what un like, like
who call away?

Speaker 5 (21:43):
That's not safe. At this point, I placed my hands
on my aunt's shoulders, guided her out of the room
and closed the door. In her face and asked her
to please go into the living room until she calmed down.
I was shaking, as I had never been pushed like
that by her before. I checked on my grandma to
make sure she was okay. She was and didn't understand
what was going on. After a while, since my aunt
had shown she wasn't willing to listen to anything I

(22:05):
had to say, I decided I had done the best
I could took my aunt and Mimi to lunch after
she was calm, made the excuse I had to get
to work, and left the house. I went to visit
my mom to see how she was doing. She was
on the end and the doctors were hopeful that they
would be able to get her kidneys functioning again by
adjusting her mets. I wasn't going to say anything about
what my aunt had done to me to my mom
because she had enough to worry about some additional background

(22:27):
on top of her housecare. I have also noticed that
my mom was getting depressed over the years since moving
into that house. My husband and I have talked about
it and were prepared to have my mom move in
whenever she was ready to leave the house. While visiting
with my mom. She suddenly broke down in tears and
said that she couldn't go back to that house, but
didn't think she had a choice because her mom needed
two helpers. But again, like, these aren't people that like,

(22:49):
these are not the people that are equipped to help
this grandma? Right, the mom is right? No, the mom
is sire cancer. Oh shoot, yeah, so she's like, I mean,
she might a little bit more ability, but it seems
like she's also pretty affected by this. Yeah, exactly. I
told her that she needed to make the choice that
was best for her and her health, and by concentrating
on her mom instead of herself, she didn't notice what

(23:11):
her body was telling her and almost passed away. I
let her know that she can move in with us.
She gave it some thought and decided that was what
she needed. The next day, she informed my aunt and
grandma of the decision, and my aunt blew up at
my mom while she was lying in her hospital bed. Jeez, wow,
you could be heard screaming down the hall. She called
my mom's selfish, blamed her as the reason my mom's
marriage failed it wasn't trust me, and blamed her for

(23:33):
why my aunt now yells at everyone and is so unhappy.
Security almost had to be called. My mom ended up
having to put herself on a list at the hospital,
which meant if anyone looks to visit her, they would
be told they didn't have a patient by that name.
Only I and my brother were allowed to visit. She
was in the hospital for about three days. On the
day my mom was going to be discharged, I decided
to let her know what happened between my aunt and

(23:54):
myself because I was concerned about leaving my grandma alone
with her. She was understandably curius with my aunt for
laying a hand on me and agreed with my concerns.
I suggested be let my grandma move in with me
as well while we work on getting her into an
assistant living Yes, that is absolutely what needs to happen.
She needs to have people who like are equipped to

(24:15):
take care of her and know how to deal with
like a patient with dementia, not an aunt who's going
to scream at her and like potentially if she's treating
no p like this. I'm you know, since I could
more easily help her than my mom or aunt could,
and my mom would only have to take care of
her during the day, while I was at work. She
was hesitant because she felt like she was already being
a burden. Hadn't even moved in yet, and I have

(24:36):
a four year old daughter at home I have to
take care of too. I said it would be fine,
and it is what we need to do to protect
Grandma as well. She agreed that she could do it,
so after she moved in, we called my aunt to
let her know what we discussed and what we would
like to suggest. My aunt wouldn't hear of it. She said,
Rita's yelling that she and my mom are supposed to
take care of Grandma their mom together, and that means
my mom is to live at the house twenty our seven,

(24:58):
helping her. She wouldn't hear of anything else since, but
the rest of the time blaming my mom for everything.
My mom brought up the pushing incident, and my aunt
stated I bushed her first and that she has the
bruises to prove it. My aunt bruce is easily. Eventually,
she didn't have a choice because my aunt fell two
days after my mom moved in, who broke her tailbone,
and we took Grandma to my house while she recovered. Oh,
everything went smoothly, and we eventually got my grandma into

(25:20):
assisted living, which I mean, you know, sad, unfortunate that
it had to happen that way, but at least your
grandma is in safe fans.

Speaker 4 (25:27):
Now, Yeah, absolutely, but oh my goodness, yeah, a lot
had to happen.

Speaker 5 (25:31):
I mean, this is terrible. Yeah. My sister thirty nine
female who lives two and a half hours away, and
I had to pack my grandma's apartment up ourselves, though
my brother thirty three mail did come and help once
or twice when he wasn't working. My aunt wanted to
be there while we were packing so she could help
us decide what has to be kept, but she wouldn't
actually be packing anything up, just advising. We told her no,
put most of my grandma's things in storage, and packed

(25:54):
what she would need for her room in assistant living.
Last forward to the moving day. I went over to
my grandma's new room after work so that I could
help move the furniture around to where she wants it
and unpack her boxes. My aunt and mom were still there,
and my mom had done some unpacking for me while
moving furniture, and my aunt asked me where the reaths
were for the door to the room. I explained that
they were in storage because my sister and I didn't

(26:14):
think it was a necessity and we had limited space
in the new room. My aunt lost it. She screamed
at me that it was a necessity, that I should
have thought about how my grandma would feel around her
neighbors if she was the only one without decorations on
the door, and that's why she should have been there
during the packing. She has to mention, so she's probably
not gonna be worried about any of this. I apologized
if the choice upset her, but we have a difference
of opinion on this. I asked her if she would

(26:36):
please stop yelling because they could hear her in the hall.
She stated she didn't give a dang if they could
hear her, and I needed to be more considerate of
what makes a home a home. Decorations is apparently the answer,
instead of the family photos we did pack and instead
of like the grandma, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yelling certainly makes
the home a great home.

Speaker 4 (26:54):
Yeah, yelling, it's totally fine, doesn't affect it at all.
But no decoration.

Speaker 5 (26:57):
What are you gonna do without decorations? Except? I told her, okay,
then she will just have to go get them from
storage and turn my back to her so I could
move the dresser. Well, my back was turned, my aunt
came up to me and shoved me into the dresser
I was moving. Never turned you back, Never turned you
back on these people. My MoMA lost it, got into
my aunt's face and told her to never put her
hands on her daughter. My aunt pushed my Mom out

(27:18):
of her way. I went up to my aunt, didn't
touch her, and told her I would call the cops
if she ever touched my mother again. She yelled some
more about random things that were apparently also my mom's faults,
and stormed out. My Grandma, precious loony that she is,
was just sitting there in her wheelchair, not even really
understanding what was going on, and wondering why everyone was
so upset. I finished getting her settled, let her know

(27:38):
that everything was okay and to enjoy her new digs,
and took my mom home. My mom and I had
several conversations about what happened during the move. She told
me she didn't want to really believe me the first
time I told her about the pushing, but after seeing
it herself, is even more upset. I talked it over
with my sister as well to get her opinion on
what I should do. My sister was concerned because she
has somewhat similar personality to my aunt and doesn't want

(27:59):
to be cut off from her family if we ever
fight in the future. I assured her that so long
as she doesn't lay hands on anyone, we can get
over it. That's that's kind of silly. It's like the
sister's like, well, what if I'd become like our aunt? Yeah,
what are you gonna cut me off? And I'll be like,
just don't do that. Yeah, well, I don't know. Just
don't push me.

Speaker 4 (28:16):
Why would you think that you're gonna get physical like that? Yeah,
you just don't don't do that.

Speaker 5 (28:21):
I don't know, I don't know. I don't know what
else to tell you. Just don't do that. Yeah. I
had decided that once could be written off because this
was an extremely stressful situation. They had been in four weeks,
but the second time. My aunt had at the point
been living on her own, rent free, only having to
take care of herself and a dog for three weeks,
plenty of time to not be stressed out anymore. There
was no reason I could see that a disagreement over

(28:42):
a door decoration would result in a physical altercation. My
mom and sister stated they would support my decision whatever
I choose to do. I decided no contact was the
way to go because I did not want my daughter
to be around that. My husband and I don't even
fight at home, let alone yell. We have heated discussions,
but never raise our voices because because we don't want
her to think that's normal thing to do. My dad

(29:03):
was a yeller, and I remember being very terrified of
his anger and didn't want to show my daughter that.
Since the pushing has happened twice, I didn't want to
risk it happening again, this time in front of my daughter.
I decided to write a letter to my aunt, explaining
my memory of the two events, my observations of her
attitude recently and while growing up. She was always complaining
about everything, even out loud in restaurants, so that whoever
she was complaining about could hear, and my decision to

(29:25):
cease contact. I pleaded in the letter that she talked
to someone about her anger and get some help. I
explained that I would be open to written correspondence by
mail only if she wishes that that was it. I
blocked her on my cell once I decided on the
no contact. The letter was sent about three weeks before Thanksgiving,
and I haven't her from her since my Mom has
to stay in contact with her because of my grandma,
so I get updated on how she is every now

(29:46):
and then. She's still in my grandma's house and has
given my mom until spring to get the rest of
her stuff out of the house. It is still my
grandma's house and goes to both my mom and aunt
upon her passing. My mom and I have been going
over on Sundays when my aunt is at church to
clean up my mom's stuff and pack what she wants
to keep. We plan to call junk King to clean
up the trash once we move the stuff she's keeping
due to the sheer amount of trash, but only from

(30:07):
the room my mom stayed in and the garage because
that was what my mom brought in when she moved
in the rest of the house we planned to leave
alone since it's my aunt's things and trash. By the way,
we never want you to leave us alone. Because you
can listen to full episodes with stories just like this.
Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search
a pokey story time. That's right, that's right, But there
is a little bit left to the story. Do you

(30:29):
any final thoughts.

Speaker 4 (30:30):
I really like Opie's thought process of not bringing this
around her daughter since she's so young, Like.

Speaker 5 (30:37):
Yeah, that's not okay behavior to bring around a child.

Speaker 4 (30:40):
Yeah, absolutely, so I think Ope's handling it to the
best of her ability.

Speaker 5 (30:45):
It's obviously a crappy situation, and you wish that.

Speaker 4 (30:47):
People wouldn't act like this, Yeah, but you can't meet
them at their level, and she's definitely not doing that. No, definitely,
you know, letting them be wild and crazy, standing up
for myself in the process. Yeah, and then making sure
that it's not influencing her four year old.

Speaker 5 (31:01):
Yeah. I mean also, like everything that I wanted to
happen in terms of like getting the grandma assisted living,
moving her out of the house, moving the mom out
of the house, it all, it is all happened. So yeah,
I'm pleased with that, absolutely, But let's finish the story off.
I keep waiting to see if she will write me
with an apology or something, but no luck so far.
I'm not comfortable with my mom being around my aunt

(31:22):
on her own, but I have to also stick to
my decision. Thankfully, there aren't many times they have to
get together, so that is a slight comfort. So am
I the ale for going no contact? Should I give
her another chance since it's been almost six months even
though she hasn't apologized and that is the end of
the story. I No, I don't think you have to
give this person another chance when she's physically pushed to

(31:43):
you multiple times and as it apologized, like, that's not
on you, absolutely, because I think it's the kind of
person too that if you apologize to them then they'll
just be like, yeah, you are in the wrong. Because
also it's just gonna make it worse. So you definitely don't.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Need to do that. Yeah, hey is Jean oge host.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick
free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (32:04):
My sister in law lied to her in laws about
our family. I couldn't stay silent.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Speak your truth, girl.

Speaker 5 (32:11):
I am twenty five female and have an older sister, Kate,
thirty female. She and I were never close due to
our age difference and because she hated that our dad
married my mom and had me after divorcing her mother.
By the way, this comes from Okay client thirty seventy
five and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to our slash Okay storytime.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
Separate it.

Speaker 5 (32:30):
So, Kate claims Dad told her he never loves her
mother and that my mom was his true love. She
also claims that our dad always compared the two of us,
asking her why she had to be a difficult child,
and that overall he loved me more. On the other hand,
Dad claims nothing she says is true, that she was
very problematic and insolent, and these claims are backed up

(32:55):
by my mother and dad's parents. So I assume Kate
was never one hundred percent honest. Anyways, these are their
problems that do not concern me. Some time ago, Kate
reached out to me and told me she got engaged. Congrats, Kate,
I said, congrats and everything she told me, she had
a favor to ask. She explained that her future mother
in law is very family oriented and it does not

(33:17):
sit well with her that Kate is a strange from
her family. In her words, future mother in law considered
something to be wrong with Kate, and she is to
blame for being no contact with her family, fearing Kate
will also influence her son to do the same thing.
What Kate wanted from me was for me to meet
her in law so they could see she does not
hate her family. I joked that her future mother in

(33:38):
law sounds a little insane, but I agreed to help
her because at the end of the day, I never
hated her, and I don't think she hated me either.
The fact we are not close does not mean we
hate each other or want that things to happen to
the other one. Anyways, I went to meet Kate, her
future husband, and her mother in law and father in
law at a restaurant. They are very nice people and
very warm. At some point, mother in law said something

(34:00):
along the lines of being happy to see that the
we suffered did not affect our sisterly bond. I was
confused and asked what she was talking about. While Kate
tried to change the subject, mother in law says, it's
okay that I have nothing to be ashamed of, and
that she knows from Kate that our parents mistreated us

(34:21):
while growing up. I clarified that that's not true. We
were never mistreated by our parents or anyone in our family.
We were raised in a very loving family. We were
never hit or spanked no matter what we did. Our
parents are well off, so we always had everything that
we wanted clothes, phones, laptops, cars, et CETERA. Mother in
law got very, very angry. She apologized to me and

(34:44):
started insulting my sister. She called her a liar, accused
her of being manipulative and trying to insert herself into
their family by being dishonest. What happens is that Kate
accused our parents of many things that are not true.
Now Kate is accusing me of ruining her her life.
She says her engagement is over the in laws hater,
and her fiance does not trust her anymore.

Speaker 3 (35:06):
I mean, because you lied, you lied about your whole family,
Who would trust you after that?

Speaker 5 (35:11):
The thing is, I don't think I did anything wrong.
I cannot sit and hear people blasting my parents for
her lies and for things that never happened. But still
am I the ale for telling the truth? And there
is an update.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
I don't think you're the a.

Speaker 5 (35:25):
I don't think so. I don't think oh so you
weren't prept for the lie. You know, you were just
kind of thrown into it and you're like.

Speaker 3 (35:31):
What, No, I think OP helped this fiance dodge bullet. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (35:37):
It also feels somewhat like Kate is possibly the type
of person that needs to have her life be more
traumatic and more interested than it is.

Speaker 2 (35:51):
She like, is trying to get like trauma karma.

Speaker 5 (35:53):
Yeah, she's like, I probably something to write about for
my colleges.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I was so misunderstood. No one
understands in not so hard. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (36:03):
We had three cars and no one bought a car
for me. So a lot has happened during these last
days that generated even more drama. But before I get
into that, I want to express a big thank you
to those who commented and provided their feedback. After reading
your comments, some things started making more sense, and honestly,

(36:24):
it brought a lot of perspective on things that I missed. Also,
I got really mad reading every little comment from those
who projected their own messy family life over my family,
and I realized the magnitude of her words and claims.
People called my parents at invented things that never happened,
and started projecting on what her life was Some of

(36:44):
them even claimed my mom ruined her life when my
family did not even meet my father before his divorce.
So it was a shock to me to see that
strangers who somehow hear her stories may as well believe
everything that she says without even doubting a word, or
even add their own drama into the picture to feed
her fantasy. The major thing that happened was that one

(37:06):
day her ex fiance reached out to me via Facebook.
He apologized for how things went during the meeting with
his parents and asked me if I was willing to
meet with him to have a chat because he wanted
to check my version of things that Kate told him,
and I'm sure those are not going to match up
at all. No Nu, I explained that I do not
want to do this behind or back because I don't

(37:29):
think it was fair, but if he could manage to
convince her for the three of us to have a conversation,
I'm all in. I also told him there are a
lot of things I need to confront her about and
I would feel more comfortable with a witness there. For
two days I heard nothing from them, and yesterday the
big conversation happened. We scheduled a call around evening because

(37:51):
everyone felt more comfortable like this. I will say from
the start that I had nothing to do with convincing
my sister to attend the talk. This was her decision
after discussing it with her ex based on what I understood,
she agreed to it, hoping that in the end her
fiance would take her back.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
There's no way. There's no way.

Speaker 3 (38:09):
I mean, this guy is just going to realize how
deep the lies are.

Speaker 5 (38:14):
Yeah, I mean, she's really hoping nop. He doesn't he
doesn't ask the right questions, I guess. Unfortunately, I will
admit her ex and I kind of ganged up on
her because both of us had many questions and she
was the one to provide answers. Some answers that I
got from her. Why did she lie about being mistreated
by my parents? She claimed she did not specifically mention

(38:36):
me as being mistreated, but admitted she did not correct
her mother in law when she understood something else, so
she knew her mother in law was living with the
assumption her parents mistreated both of us, but did not
correct her in any way. When her fiance asked why,
she said she felt by not correcting her, the mother
in law will stop considering her the problem. Knowing that

(38:57):
there were two of us in the same situation, she
still claimed she was mistreated by my parents. When I
asked her to provide some clear examples, she first said,
you now very well what happened. But me and my
fiance insisted. Some of the things she mentioned were when
she was a teenager, she was oftentimes punished while I

(39:18):
was not, which was a clear indication I was loved more.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
And this is a but I feel like, wasn't she
acting out way?

Speaker 5 (39:24):
We were just like we're a worst child.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
Yeah, maybe you were just like sneaking out and doing doing,
doing all Gosh knows what.

Speaker 5 (39:31):
Keep in mind, when she was fourteen to fifteen, I
was only nine or ten, and she was doing bad
things like getting suspended for smoking during one of her classes,
skipping school, et cetera. How was I supposed to be
punished along with her? She said, I was also doing
bad things but was never punished while she was. Her
fiance asked her, verbatim, So you claim you were mistreated

(39:51):
because you were punished for smoking a class, while the
bad things your younger sister did were maybe drawing on walls.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
I love how is like? Show it at the record show?

Speaker 5 (40:04):
Let the record show. The defendant is claiming that smoking
and drawing on walls are a one to one comparison.
Your honor, I rest my case. She was not able
to answer. She claims she was financially mistreated by our
parents because they would not give her money for fun activities,
school trips, or events when she misbehaved. This was an

(40:25):
example of punishments she would often receive. Her fiance asked
her if our parents provided her with basic things like food, clothes,
and school supplies, and she said yes. He mentioned parents
are not obligated to financially support trips and fun activities,
so how was she financially mistreated? I asked her if
she ever thinks about everything she did wrong towards our family.

(40:48):
She claimed she knows she wasn't a saint, but she
was a child. I pointed out that at seventeen, you're
not a child, and you know better than to swear
at your grandmother. Her fiance had no idea about anything,
so I explained some very nasty things she did and said,
one time we were getting ready to go to our
cousin's baptism and she wanted to wear a black T

(41:09):
shirt with a pentagrama on it. The grandma asked her
to change because her outfit was not appropriate for a baptism.
Kate called her an old, outdated, effing hag.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
I guess the grandma just doesn't understand style.

Speaker 5 (41:20):
She just doesn't get it.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
She doesn't get it. I'm being at.

Speaker 5 (41:23):
G He's not a phase grandma down with.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
The institution's grandma.

Speaker 5 (41:28):
Her fiance mentioned his story. Kate told him and his
parents with an incident where my parents mistreated her and
confiscated her car, leaving her to walk to school during wintertime.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
I walked barefoot uphill both ways.

Speaker 5 (41:42):
What she failed to mention was that my parents confiscated
her car because of a dui that she treated like
it was not a big deal. And secondly, she never
had to walk to school during winter because she could
have gone by bus. But in reality, even with no car,
she carpooled with one of her colleagues.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Oh, so it wasn't even bad at all.

Speaker 5 (42:01):
This triggered her ex a lot, because unfortunately he lost
his grandfather because of a weekted driver. Even knowing this,
Kate lied and turned her story into a soap opera
just for her to look like a victim. I asked
her ex if she had ever said negative things about me,
and he said no. She only mentioned some instances where
our parents treated us differently, but always pointed out that

(42:22):
that they were doing it to turn us against each other.
But based on the story she told, she apparently never
blamed me for anything or said anything negative about me.
That's something. The entire ordeal lasted for around three hours.
I was exhausted. I told her that even if we
were never closest sisters, I have always loved her and
considered her my sister period, not half just my only sister.

(42:47):
I told her I understood that our parents could have
handled things differently, and maybe she did not receive all
the help she needed to adjust to a stepmother and
a new family dynamic, But I am now judging her
as an adult who should know not to lie and
is a victim and who should assume responsibility for her part.
As people pointed out in my last post, I advised

(43:07):
her to get therapy and solve all her issues, but
until that happens, I cannot continue to have a relationship
with her. She accuse me of favoring our parents over her?

Speaker 2 (43:17):
She seems radioactive.

Speaker 3 (43:19):
Yeah, like that a person that lies that much about something,
So I don't know, so important a relationship you can't trust,
you can't be around. It's just it's gonna be drama.

Speaker 5 (43:29):
Do you accuse me of favoring our parents over her?
But I told her I favor the truth over lies,
and she should be ashamed of herself, by the way,
you should be ashamed of yourself. If you're not gonna
listen to full episodes of stories just like this one,
you can go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio just

(43:50):
search up Okay story time. But there is a little
bit more to the story. Do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 3 (43:56):
I mean, I think Opie's doing the right thing, cutting
this person till until yeah, until until they better themselves.

Speaker 5 (44:04):
So that's what happened between me and Kate. I have
no idea what happened or what will happen with her ex,
but based on how things turn out, I really doubt
he'll give her another chance. He made it clear that
she cannot be trusted and pointed out something his mother
told him. If she is capable of lying in such
a way about her own parents, what will she be

(44:25):
capable of saying about him? He said, he is not
doubting she can start saying he was all so harmful.
Since this seems to be her narrative, but that's her
own problem. She made this bed for herself, and uh,
we've tucked We've tucked you into that bed because that's
that's the end of the story.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
Wow, well, Op, I think you did the right thing.
But wow, I mean, what a thick, juicy amount of lies.
I'm glad the fiance found out before Yeah, too late,
it was too light. I know this says it's pathological,
this line that.

Speaker 5 (45:03):
I mean, the fact that she's convinced herself that her
parents were awful and like this, you know this this
terrible family that was mistreating her, when it doesn't seem
like that was the case.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
I asked my mother in law to help me after
birth because my mother is making everything even worse.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
Get out of there, mom. This is some doctor SEUs
who's the goose.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
So I want to preface this by saying that my
husband is currently deployed and will most likely not be
able to come home for the birth of the baby.
Knowing this, my husband and I had originally planned for
my own mother to fly into town and help me
before and after giving birth. Keep in mind, we were
going to play for the plane tickets. By the way,
this comes from chronically anxious and if you want to

(45:52):
submit your own stories, go to the Arsasha Okay, storytime separate.
So for the past few months, I've had this gut
feeling that my mom wouldn't be able to help me
in the ways that I needed help.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
So I discussed this with my therapist.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
There we go, and we decided that I should have
a conversation with my mom, letting her know what I
might need help with. The following days, I finally gathered
up to courage to talk to my mom and let
her know how I.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
Expect this day to go.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
I told her I would probably need help with cooking
and chores that require bending over in the event I
get a c section. I also told her that during
this time her role is to be my mom and
not grandma, So you know, take care of mom, don't
just focus on the baby. She laughed, at that comment,
and the whole conversation just made me feel uneasy. The
feeling was solidified when my sister called me the next

(46:37):
day and she informed me that my mom was complaining
about how I had a bunch of rules for when
she visits.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Then three days later she calls me.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
I had an inclination that it was because she was
upset with what I was asking for, So shortly after
I answered the call and I said, my husband is
leaving for deployment tomorrow. We are doing XYZ one last
time to hint at her that now is not a
good time to discuss these things.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
Unfortunately, my mom.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Doesn't exactly care about others' needs or emotions, so she
kept pressing that's a bold statement. She asked me, even
if I wanted her to visit, And she also made
a snide comment about me wanting a live in maid.
Opie says, when I tell you, I lost my crap
at her saying I want to live in Maid. I
am not been kidding and I'm not proud of this,

(47:24):
but I yelled at her and I said, I'm sorry
you expected to come here and be catered, to have
me cooking clean for you with my JJ bleeding and
my nips chapped and bleeding while my husband is deployed.
That you thought that you would get to play grandma
the entire time. Her response was, well, you didn't say

(47:45):
you wanted that. So I'm having my mother in law
come instead of my mother. My mom doesn't know this.
I lied by omission when I called her the following
week to let her know that she can visit when
my husband returns from deployment instead, so she thinks that
I'm just gonna have some local friends assist me. I
told my sister I may have mother in law come
out instead, and she was skeptical, but mostly because of

(48:07):
our own mother's reaction, Like I am making the wrong
choice because if our mom were to find out, it
would be immense drama.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
So am I the a hole for this?

Speaker 1 (48:18):
And we've got edits relevant comments and a lot of
juice left in this story.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
This is a long one, but let's pause right here.

Speaker 3 (48:25):
I think it's the most important thing for ope to
be happy, safe, and comfortable.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
Correct, So I mean choosing the right.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
Person to help you with that, I think, is like, yeah,
like that's above all else.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
Yeah, you're basically prioritizing someone else's feelings and you know,
maybe not the most best placed feelings over your physical health.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
And well be. Yeah, exactly, it is not great.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
Yeah, your health and well being comes first.

Speaker 2 (48:56):
Op. Do you think op's the a holes?

Speaker 5 (48:58):
Ah?

Speaker 2 (49:00):
I don't think so, not the ahole.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
But maybe the best thing to do is to just
fully communicate and say, hey, look, you know we had
this conversation. I'm just gonna have mother in law come
over and help because now if you're like being.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
So difficult, like why like, yeah, let me just have
someone who's going to be easy.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
Edit.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
The only people who know that my mother in law
is coming to help are my mother in law, myself,
and my husband. I mentioned the idea of my mother
in law coming to my sister because for a brief period,
my sister was going in my mother's place. However, due
to my sister being a labor and a delivery nurse
in a different state, the likelihood of her being able
to be here when I go into labor was slim

(49:43):
to none. Dude, that's so tragic when you're when your
sister is literally a labor and delivery nurse but can't
be at your.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
I know, it's like, do your job, you're fired.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
I casually mentioned to my sister that my mother in
law canceled her cruise and will be available when I'm
due to feel out her reaction to me no longer
needing her help around that time. Anyways, that's why my
sister knows that there's the possibility of my mother in
law coming. I purposely haven't told her my mother in
law is coming to prevent her from slipping up and
telling my mom. I know it's all messy, and it's

(50:15):
mostly because everything unfolded so quickly, and we do have
some relevant comments as well.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
Comment to number one, not the ahole.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
You and your sister ought to think about how much
worrying about your mom's reactions to things affects your own choices,
to which Opie replies, that's something I'm working on in therapy.
I feel pretty confident in my decision until my sister
was like, oh, but it'll be so bad, blah blah
blah blah. That's when I started having some mixed feelings
about it. Comment to number two. Maybe I'm wrong, but

(50:45):
I don't see a problem with asking your mom to
be a quote unquote living maide. I did it for
my daughter this past summer when she had surgery for
some touch up work after having four kids and a hysterectomy.

Speaker 5 (50:57):
That's a lot.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
That's a lot. That's rough. Combo.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
I did whatever she needed and made sure that she
had lots of ready to bake meals in her freezer
for when I left. Opi replies to that the only
issue was the context and tone in which she said it.
It was super accusatory, and she said I was speaking
to her like I was interviewing her for a job,
despite me saying I was serious because I was asking
for help for something that's just hard for me to do.

(51:21):
So Opie responds to a comment about being passive aggressive.
Opie says, no, the passive aggressive means that I'm frustrated
because I've mentioned countless times that I'm trying to figure
out how I want to reframe my relationship with my
mother and establish better boundaries for the sake of me
and for the sake of my child. Yet yet you're
just incessantly commenting about how I should have done X, Y,

(51:41):
and Z, while stating that I need to quote unquote
be an adult when things have already happened and I'm
already low contact. That is also new information low contact
with the mother as of now, So go ahead spam
the comments.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
I'm not responding anymore.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
And some additional information from op After reading comments in
the original post, Opie says thanks everyone. Logically, I know
I'm not the ahole, but I just needed some validation
from people not involved to help that sink in.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
I don't know if that makes sense to y'all or not.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
I know I still have a lot of growing to do,
and I know that I have to work on my
boundaries with my mom and my desire to overshare with
my sister.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
I'm not perfect, and I am working on it. Literally.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
These are my current goals and objectives for therapy. But
thank you to anyone who takes the time to read
my post and provide their insights.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
I appreciate it. And we have the.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
Big update six days later, potentially post deliver potentially.

Speaker 3 (52:34):
Oh so we'll get to see how like all of
this help played out or lack of help rather?

Speaker 1 (52:39):
Yes, how does the mom like the truth is going
to get out? That the mother in law is coming
out of the mom? Yea, And from the context clues
we've gathered, it sounds like mom won't like that.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
Yep, it doesn't sound like she knows her to take
things well and with grace.

Speaker 1 (52:56):
After two weeks of no contact, I finally spoke with
my today and I revealed that I had been distant
due to having to process my feelings. I told her
that I found it very hurtful that me asking for
help was spun into her requiring to be my living
maid during my postpartum period. I'd also explained that I
had not been updating her or my dad on the pregnancy.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
Due to their lack of interest SLASH support.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
During this conversation, I learned that when I had first
asked for help, she for some reason interpreted this as
ME saying I did not want her to be there.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
She kept repeating over.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
And over, well, you had made up your mind that
you didn't want me there when you were talking to
me about the things you needed. So I stopped her
and I was like, Uh, make this make sense. Why
the heck would I have it in my mind that
I'm paying for your ticket to come over here. Come
up with the list of ways that I want Slash
can be helped work up the courage to have a
conversation with you and have that talk. Why would I

(53:48):
go through all of that. I'm twenty six years old.
I have no interest in playing mind games. She didn't
have a real response to that other than okay. Mystery
solved as to where all of that stemmed from as
a lack of interest slash support That quite literally stemmed
from their reactions or lack thereof, to the news of
me being pregnant and any updates regarding the pregnancy such

(54:09):
as the name, gender, appointment updates, et cetera, et cetera,
any information that was revealed to both my mom or dad.
I would get a very mild cool when I address
this today. My mom asked, well, how do you want
us to react? I responded with I shouldn't have to
tell my parents how to show interest or excitement.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Over a new grandchild.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
Well, it might seem like this conversation didn't go well
because there was no real promise of a solution or change.
It was extremely healing for me. I preface to talk
with I am not expecting anything to change. I am
just letting you know the reasons that I've been distant.
I have already thought about this, and I've already processed
these feelings. I need to put this out there. That way,
it doesn't build and I don't end up do I

(54:52):
like it.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
That's clear communication with a boundary. And also it exposes
the potential for a relationship in the future too. It
is kind of like it kind of has all of
the necessary part.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
It's like I'm giving I'm giving you context, I'm giving
you full context. And also I don't want to build
undo resentment and then put that back on you, like
that's unfair to you.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
So it's like I'm going.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
To say all this, I have no expectations from you,
but here it is great a I like it.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
I like it chat.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
I'm also I felt so proud because I was able
to have that conversation be very matter of fact, focus
on actions not character, and remain calm throughout the whole
talk despite being despite jabs and unnecessary remarks. But yeah,
thanks for all the people who provide an input on
my initial post. There's a lot more layers childhood trauma
that feeds into the that feeds into the dynamic that

(55:47):
I have with her. So just know that this update
and initial post is kind of like a little scratch
on the surface. And guys, we are not even halfway
done with the story. This is a this is a
fatty for four k Wow. Yes, sir, that is a
long story for a thousand words. So speaking of which,
we've got some some relevant comments dive right into.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
Yeah, let's hit those relevant comments.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
So coming to number one, says, your mother is spinning
things to studor narrative. It's not logical and not something
you should think about. If your mother in law can
help you take her help, I'd say your parents aren't
ones to rely on in this new chapter of your life.
Have I always been like this as your mom always
spun things to change the narrative. I hope you have
a speedy recovery and congrats on becoming a new mom.
Opie says, this talk definitely opened my eyes. That she

(56:30):
creates the narrative to help preserve her ego and play
the victim. Something I already knew, but this helps the
lidify it even more. In the past, she would reframe
things to make it seem like she was some great
mother figure, or she would place herself in an imaginary
competition with my own mother in law and my sister's
mother in law. So that's always been a constant. However,
this was the first time that she revealed the false
narrative that way. And as for my dad, he's quite

(56:52):
aloof for lack of a better word, he need tends
to follow my mom's leap and thank you. As I
enter the third trimester, it's singing in more and becoming
more and more exciting. So we haven't we haven't popped
it out yet, but were, but we're ready to pop
right there, just right at the brink. Comentation number two says,
I know this, I know these words. I use a
lot on Reddit, but your mother sounds manipulative and toxic.

(57:15):
Manipulative because she tries to spin it where she's the victim.
This behavior has been present since as long as you
can remember. It's clear as day from your post, and
it's like she's trying to make you feel like you're crazy.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
Hope.

Speaker 1 (57:25):
He responds with she definitely was trying to make me
feel crazy. She also claimed that I was ignoring her
and avoiding her for months, which which I also had
to correct. I had to explain that I started distancing
myself mid September, but I still responded.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
To her and answered her calls.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
I told her the only reason that I feel like this,
that it feels so much worse than what was actually happening,
was because, for once, it was not me doing the
heavy lifting of the relationship. In the past, I was
the main one constantly reaching out, texting first and calling
and to be frank, within those two weeks, she only
made three attempts text me. She called me two times

(58:02):
when I couldn't answer those. She finally texted me this
past Saturday, and I responded to it saying I was
very busy, which is true, and that I loved her.
By the way she told it, she had it in
her head that she was constantly calling me and texting me,
but I was.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
Just straight up ignoring.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
And Opie clarified some details on the mother uh calling
in to fly in to help her at home. Opie says,
when I found out when I was pregnant, we knew
my husband would be deployed when I was due so
early in my pregnancy, I spoke with my mom and
asked her if she would be able to come and help.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
She agreed to come, and we offered to pay for
the ticket.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
Then last month I called her to have a conversation
that was focusing on what ways they needed help, since
I had not really had to talk with her about that,
and I just made those comments in passing.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
Okay. Update five months later.

Speaker 3 (58:48):
Oh, I love when we have a saga that just
spams multiple months.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
And this is post pop. This is the babies post pop.
Baby's out.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
If this baby hasn't been born yet, ye, than they
are mere because they were bacon in there for twelve, thirteen, fourteen,
fifteen months. That's literally the only way this baby's not out.
This is an update. I didn't think what actually happened.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
But here we are.

Speaker 1 (59:11):
Here we are just a warning. I'm raging internally, so
it might not be written well. First and foremost, the
birth went well. My mother in law was incredibly helpful
and supportive the months leading up to me giving birth.
The relationship I had with my mother was very service level.
I did not reach out as frequently. Things got a
bit tense about a week prior to me giving birth
due to other familial issues. My mother did not call

(59:32):
or text me the two weeks leading up to my
due date. However, the icing on the cake was my
father asking if I was having a boy or a girl.
My husband and I told both of them already last summer,
and the distance led me to telling them that I
had my son the next afternoon. Now that decision brought
me a lot of peace. Fast forward to two weeks ago.

(59:55):
I called my mother to chat, not about anything serious,
just a quick check in. The phone call threw me
off because she apologized to me.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
Apologies. She said, I miss you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
Our relationship is different, and I don't know how to
fix it because I feel like I don't have the
opportunity to. I should have handled that talk a lot differently,
and I want to come and help you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
Are we seeing some a growth? We're what.

Speaker 3 (01:00:21):
Somebody please clip that we're seeing growth and we love
to see it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
I don't know if it was my postpartum hormones, but
against my better judgment, I offered to come to have
her come over for six days. So honestly, my first
red flag should have been her not fighting back and
saying that she would.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Pay her own way.

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
But oh well, I figured this visit would benefit me
in the sense that I could at least try to
be less resentful and I could at least say that
I tried. She arrived Saturday night and the first full
day was Sunday. I spent a lot of that day
feeling agitated because the second I would lay my sun
down in his basinette go do something, she would pick
him up. It became quite clear to me that my

(01:01:00):
decision to have my mother in law come and help
me was correct. One that evening, I told her that
she cannot pick up my son every single time he cries,
because once she leaves, I physically am not able to
do that for him. I told her that I'm essentially
a single parent until the foreseeable future. She sheepishly apologized
and said she wasn't thinking about after she wasn't going

(01:01:20):
to be there, which I think is fair.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
But this stay has been a crap show.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
I didn't trust her watching him alone for long periods
of time because I caught her starting to fall asleep
on the couch while holding my baby literally thirty minutes
after she told me I could go nap. Thank god,
I was in the kitchen prepping dinner and I caught
it her holding the baby will sleeping.

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
She did not offer to make meals.

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
She made a comment about eating dinner at eight pm
because she isn't used to it like me. I had
to tell her that eating dinner at eight pm is
not a choice. I told her that she didn't offer
to step in and start dinner while I was doing laundry,
facetiming my husband between his watches, or nursing my son.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
What was she doing.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
Basking in the Florida sun on my patio with the
dogs while scrolling on her dang phone. Stop scrolling TikTok's mom,
it's a baby time.

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
No, No, she's learning. She's on baby talk. She's learning.
How do you hold a baby without falling asleep? While
falling asleep? God, I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:24):
The real reason I'm rage typing all of this isn't
even because of her lack of help. It is her
lack of emotional support. Today I was told that my
husband's deployment has been extended. I was sobbing. What did
mother do? She said, I'm sorry. I haven't gotten a
single hug from her. I got this news four hours ago.

(01:02:46):
What I did get was her telling me to go
take a shower, which is really code for ghost shower,
so I can cuddle with the baby because you won't
be able to. I feel so angry, disappointed, and ashamed
I spent that money on her coming out here. I
guess it's not a total loss because this stay has
helped me, not has helped me, not put on rose

(01:03:08):
colored glasses like I normally do when it comes to.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
Her, which is good.

Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
I mean, take off those rose colored glasses, see her
for who she actually is, and then treat her accordingly,
like you don't want your baby to be around someone
that has baby butter hands when they fall asleep and
you drop your baby on their little baby ed.

Speaker 1 (01:03:27):
I drop her off in a few hours as planned.
Thank goodness for those saying to never pay her way again,
I absolutely, one thousand percent no, that's not gonna happen.
I did it because she was always making comments about
being single income and having to pinch money. I felt bad,
despite my husband and I also being a single income family. However,

(01:03:48):
I feel tricked because while she was here it was
revealed that my parents are going to Vegas next weekend.
The whole stay has left me feeling like a big
idiot who was strict. I'm so glad she has gone
first thing in the morning and there Arson Merleman comments.
Commagrom number one says, I'm so sorry that your husband's
deployment was extended and I'm sending you hugs. Do you
know any of the other spouses of your husband's unit

(01:04:09):
or local military. I've heard that can be a great
support system, very smart, especially if they've been through having
kids while their spouse was deployed. I wish I could
give you more than more words to help. You're being
hit with so many struggles and emotions while your body
just went through major trauma. Even a good birth is
trauma for your body. It's okay to be an emotional
mess to anyone telling you, and anyone telling you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:30):
Different is lying.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
Take support wherever you can get it, and don't be
afraid to ask, because at worst you'll get a no,
and at best you'll get that support. Reach Out to
your mother in law whenever you can, and consider sending
your mom home early if he's still there. OPI responds,
she leaves tomorrow morning, thankfully. Then my mother in law
flies in Sunday, so I'll get a real break soon.
And then comment number one replies to that, I'm so

(01:04:53):
relieved for you. I don't know if you have considered it,
but individual counseling could help you process just vent all
of this and maybe help you with statlish boundaries that
benefit you while minimizing the guilt you feel, especially regarding
your mom. She gave birth to you, but that doesn't
mean that you owe her, that you owe her piece.

Speaker 2 (01:05:10):
Yeah, and I think something we've seen and read it
a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:05:12):
It's like just a family member earns their place in
your life, just like anyone else. Yes, and if they
continually are disrupting your piece, then you can you can
put a little distance there.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
Like just because they're a family, don't give them an
infinite past, just like bulldozed boundaries. So Opie responds, I
have a follow up appointment in two weeks. I go
bike weekly, but sprinkling extra sessions as needed since strike
Are thankfully doesn't have a limit, and we'll pay for
as many sessions as needed. And OPI responds to a
comment about her being resentful towards her mother because op

(01:05:48):
wasn't getting any support as she was, that wasn't getting
any of the support she was hoping for. Opie says, yes,
I am resentful towards her. I'm trying to work through it.
It's hard. She's she's not a bit selfish. She is selfish.
It's not just this it's a mountain of things from
childhood as well as well as this period of my life.
I wasn't passive aggressive regarding that dinner. I spoke with

(01:06:10):
her about her not helping or offering to help at
the end of the night, after she made three passive
aggressive comments about eating so late when she never vocalized
that she was hungry sooner. Time tends to go by
very quickly when you're judging a household and a newborn alone,
and unfortunately that means eating later than I would like to. However,
she's perfectly able bodied, and she could have told me

(01:06:30):
she was hungry, and I would have either sent her
the recipe I was using, or managed my time a
bit better, or I mean, this is seemingly a you know,
fifty sixty seventy year old woman. Does she not possess the.

Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
Tools to make her own food, to procure something to eat?

Speaker 3 (01:06:51):
I don't know if those teeth work and the blending
stuff is hard.

Speaker 1 (01:06:55):
Opie says. She rarely calls and texts me. I do
most of the reaching out for our relationship. If she
does reach out first, it's maybe once every few weeks.
She did not go out of her way to call
me or apologize. Also, she is a hugger. She hugs
people all the time. I just can't fathom my child
sobbing on the couch while I laughing at a movie
that is playing in the background while they get awful news,
pretending that everything is okay. And that's not a great

(01:07:18):
sight to imagine. This trip has made me accept that
while she'll never be able to fulfill the emotional once
and needs, I wish she could give me.

Speaker 2 (01:07:27):
And that is the end of the story.

Speaker 5 (01:07:30):
Huh.

Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
It's hard to distance yourself from a parent, like like
you know, you like, we saw these red flags from
the beginning, but it's never it's just like it takes
it takes a while, it takes like many it takes years,
potentially if someone being terrible to you for you to
the real because it's also it's like, you know, we
talk about the reality distortion field of relationship romantic relationships

(01:07:53):
a lot, and usually you know those are later in life,
and you also have reality distortion fields of your family,
like they can just as easily say oh, like, this
is the love you deserve and this is the love
you should expect, and it takes maybe someone showing you
differently to understand that you are in the reality distortion

(01:08:14):
field and this is not what you need to accept.
And so I think that's why it can take so
long and be so painful to eventually put up those
boundaries because you didn't even know you needed those boundaries
in the first place.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
Yeah, and it's like, it's just it's it's such a
delicate balancing act because it's like we can I feel
like you can see Op trying to be empathetic and
trying to you know, especially in the beginning of the story,
but it's like at the end of the day, you
don't want to just let someone run over your boundaries.
So yeah, it's it's it's a hard balancing act, especially
coming from a place where they weren't there to get exactly.

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
But I think Op, you know, made made the right
decision and uh and and has made a bunch of good,
good decisions.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Indeed a moon Indeed, my deed

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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My mother THREW AWAY my graduation dress… and my father condoned it! - r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2203