My sister ABANDONED me when I was facing homelessness! -r/BORUpdates |Reddit Stories | EP2352 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is, this foundation needs a little support
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get into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
My sister abandoned me when I was facing homelessness. That's
the worst time to do that. Trigger warning homelessness and neglect.
I twenty nine male, haven't spoken to my sister, twenty
six female in over a year, and everyone thinks I'm
being an a hole about it. She's called messaged, banged
on my doors, sent crying voice messages, apologized dozens of times,

(00:39):
tried to explain herself, tried going to my job, tried
going to friends. Everything well, she recently had a child
and is still desperately trying to reach out. Even my
friends and my girlfriend are on my case that I
should forgive her and that they understood it at first,
but now think I'm being too harsh. The thing is,
the one time I truly needed her, she based told

(01:00):
me to go screw myself. Yikes. Nice. By the way,
this comes from Artie Shockers, and if you want to
smit your own stories. Go to the r slash Okay storytime,
separate it.

Speaker 4 (01:08):
I'm Sophia, and I'm Angie and I'm Keon, and we're here.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
To give good advice.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Goofully.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we'd do, So let us know what you would
do in the comments, and OP says, let me explain
why this cut so deep. My sister has had only
one person to rely on from a young age, and
that person was me. We come from a broken family,
with one parent that was only around till I was five,
and the other one who was stuck in a cycle

(01:34):
of regular use. Because of our situation, I grew up
very quickly and shielded her from as much as I could.
She obviously was aware of what was going on, but
she was not in the crosshair. I started with stealing
from our mother to make sure we had food and
bills were paid. I got a part time job at
thirteen because we couldn't rely on our mother, and when
I graduated, I immediately got two jobs and we moved out.

(01:57):
I had to push my sister through high school. She
wasn't an easy teen for obvious reasons. On top of
going month to month trying to get as much money
together to pay our bills. At nineteen, she finally graduated
after being held back for a year. She changed her
tune a lot after that and started working as well
and had her own place when she was twenty one.
I finally got a shot to do something for myself

(02:19):
and got a degree, which led to a much better job. Unfortunately,
that was right before the pandemic hit, so I pretty
much went from hired to fired. As I was a
new hire. This is where everything fell apart. I was
out of work, on the brink of losing my apartments,
and only had one person who I expected I could
turn to, my sister. She was recently married and lived

(02:42):
with her husband, so I asked if I could stay
a few weeks at most a few months until I
got a new job. It was a no. I was
taken aback, but it remained a note. A week or
two later, I was out of my apartments. I asked
again and it was still a no.

Speaker 5 (03:00):
We heard it.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
At this point, I was homeless, and the only reason
I didn't end up sleeping on the street was because
I could crash out a few friends until I got
a temporary job. I rented a room with a bunch
of roommates for a while, eventually got a job in
my field again, and I'm now doing fine. That said,
I have not spoken to my sister since she claims
her husband refused to let me stay. That's crazy. Like

(03:25):
Sam came to me and was like, I need a
place to say yeah, I'd be like absolutely, absolutely, for sure,
and then if my partner was like no, I'd be like, yeah,
you can find a place to say yeah, absolutely. And
he even reached out several times to beg me to
reach out to her. But to me, the one time
I needed her, she basically told me to f myself.

(03:47):
I feel like it was the last push I needed
to just end that chapter of my life. I feel bad,
but just not bad enough, I guess. Even though she's
apologized and tried to explain that her husband was the
one who said no, I can't get past the fact
that when I was literally about to be on the street,
she chose him over me. After everything I sacrificed for
her growing up, after being her safety net for years,

(04:11):
she couldn't be mine for even a few weeks. What
would you guys do? Am I being an a hole
for cutting her off completely top elevant comments. But before
we get into those comments, do you have any of
your own?

Speaker 4 (04:21):
I mean, I don't know, like because I yeah, I
see the like double standards, and I see how that
would feel so like betraying, you know, But I don't
know if I would.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
Jump to cutting her off.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
But I guess if there are other situations beforehand, Like
she said that, we're kind of like, I don't know
her taking advantage of her, if this wasn't like the
first bad incident that it seems like.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
There was a lot. Yeah, and also it seems like
he was really hurt and it doesn't seem necessarily like
the sister has kind of apologized right for doing that. Yeah,
just like to be like houseless is such a terrible
experience to go to sleep?

Speaker 4 (05:01):
Temporary? Yeah, temporary like yeah, final answer, no, not the able.

Speaker 3 (05:06):
Yeah. The last bass slope says, tell your friends and
girlfriend that only you get to decide when you're ready
to talk to your sister. That it's not their place
nor their business to try to force you into an
interaction that you aren't emotionally ready for. And if they
care about you at all, they will shut the up
up and let you do things when you're ready to
do them. I'd send your sister one message telling her

(05:28):
that you aren't closing the door on ever having a
relationship with her, but you need her to back off
and give you the time and space to work through
your feelings of betrayal. If that's true for you, that
you will reach out to her when and if you
are ready to, and not a minute before. And the
more she pushes, the less you want to be around her.
Then get into counseling to work through your feelings, decide

(05:48):
how much of a relationship with her you can handle emotionally,
and then proceed from there. If your girlfriend and friends
keep pushing, then they are only doing so for their
own selfish purposes rather than out of concern for you,
and you need to sh shut them down hard. Emergency
Yard six years or nine says this is good advice.
Some skeptical part of me is wondering why the sister
wants ope back in her life now that she has

(06:09):
a baby, babysitting, defraying baby expenses, wanting op to play
the happy generous uncle. If it was really guilt, she
would have reached out earlier, and it seems like sister
only reached out once OP was back on his feet
at it. It could be that all of Op's sacrifices
have led to her growing up to be very self
centered because all along she's never had to think of

(06:30):
someone else. And there is an update eight days later.
But I think that's a good point. Yeah, I mean, yeah,
OPI was seemingly there for her kind of her whole life,
and then he needs her once, Yeah, and she doesn't
show up, and it's like, well, you know, I think
I've said this a lot in other stories of show
up for people when it's reciprocated, give what is returned

(06:52):
to you. And if you're like putting an effort into
a relationship that you're not seeing that effort being put
back in doesn't mean you have to go scream at
them and yell at them and beg for them, of course. Yeah,
it's just like, okay, you know what, when you want
to show up for me, that can change, but for
right now, yeah, First, to answer a couple of questions
that I was unable to answer, along with addressing some
incorrect comments in the previous post. Yet I saw asked

(07:15):
quite a few times. The first few no's were without
reasonable explanation. I was not aware of her given reason
that her husband was not okay with it until later.
She did not know she was pregnant when she declined,
and most of it happened before she would have even
been pregnant in the first place. I mean, most of
this took place over a year ago. I even put
that in the post, so I'm not sure how that

(07:35):
math would work out. I am not an anti vaxxer
or dirty or something. There were quite a few comments
that theorized this would be the case for her refusal.
I got my two vaccination shots the moment I could
get them, and well, my personal hygiene is not exactly
anyone's business. I shower once a day and my apartment
is spice. A lot of advice and comments seemed to
be from the perspective of functional families with a functional

(07:59):
family structure. This is not the case here. The primary
reason I am so gutted about this entire situation is
exactly that this isn't a case of well, I don't
want my cousin to stay in my house, you can
stay somewhere else. This is a case of me having
sacrificed my entire youth and a significant portion of my
early adult life for someone that I played no part

(08:21):
in creating or have any parental responsibility for, and the
first and only time I ever asked her to do
something for me as the only person I could reasonably
fall back on, and her not doing that, that's more
than a familial spat. That is straight up betrayal. That's
also an answer to the people saying that she owes
me nothing because I chose to be a parent anyway.

(08:42):
With that out of the way, I decided to follow
some advice given by several people. I told my girlfriend
and the friends who involved themselves or were involved by
my sister to back off.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Or lose my number.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Yes, it's like, okay, you guys don't know what's going
on here. Yeah. Also again, way through a really hard situation,
which they apparently did not to I don't know if
they'd ever gone through that. Yeah, it doesn't seem like that.

Speaker 4 (09:07):
They're definitely not being sympathetical.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
They do not understand my perspective and likely it never will.
And I need to get that through my head as
I have a tendency to talk about my life as
if it is standard, but it is standard only to me. Luckily,
most people don't go through any of that. Now. Obviously
had a longer face to face conversation with my girlfriend
and with individual close friends, but it boils down to

(09:30):
that One friend kept pestering me about it, and I
ended up dropping him as a friend. But my girlfriend
was apologetic, and most friends were either apologetic or said
they'd drop it. I ended up writing a long email
to my sister, and while I will not copy and
paste the entire thing here as it contains a lot
of personal information and far more horrible stuff than I
am unsure will even be allowed on a sub like this,

(09:52):
it more or less boiled down to me explaining to
her how her refusal to take me in for what
ended up being a few weeks how that made me,
and I detailed the long list of things I had
done to take care of her. Any final thought.

Speaker 4 (10:05):
Yeah, I think you're taking care of yourself, which is good,
the best thing you can do. Exactly, that's all you
can do, and you're doing a good job of it.
I'm glad you're setting boundaries with those friends, blocking them.
It just is a kind of crappy situation indeed indubitably yeah.
I ended up finishing my email telling her that even

(10:25):
if I take her version of the story as truth
and her husband is the cause of me not being
allowed to stay, that it is entirely irrelevant to me
because that just means she didn't fight for me at all.
I also informed her I have no interest in meeting
her child as of this moment, and I have no
interest in reconnecting with her, and if that changes in

(10:45):
the future, I will be the one to contact her.
I told her to let this be a lesson to her,
as it has been a painful lesson to me boil down.
I have decided to move on and keep the door
on the tiniest of cracks. She has responded a lot
since that moment, she seems unable to accept it, but
I have not responded since, and that is.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
The end of that story.

Speaker 4 (11:05):
I purposely missed meeting my sister's biological family, maybe just.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
A little bit of social anxiety.

Speaker 4 (11:13):
I'm twenty two male and my sister is twenty eight female.
For context, my sister was adopted because our parents thought
they couldn't conceive, and then I was born. But our
parents loved us both or whatever. By the way, this
comes from Active top fifty three and if you want
some of your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime Supreddit. And I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, and I'm Sophia,

(11:33):
and we're here to give good advice goofully, but we
don't have all the answers, so we're just gonna guess
what we would do in this situation. But let us
know what you would do down below, so Op says.
A few months ago, my sisters started meeting with her
biological mom after tracking her down. I was there to
meet with them for the first meeting and everything. My
parents have been supportive and I've been supportive as well.

(11:55):
At that first meeting, her biological mom brought her two daughters.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
They look a lot.

Speaker 4 (11:58):
Like my sister, and the older kid is twenty one,
around my age. She hugged my sister and they cried
and everything. They look alike, and after talking, they were
able to point out similar behavioral characteristics.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
Oh that's interesting.

Speaker 4 (12:11):
I am nothing like my sister, though we have different interests,
but we've been close. When I was a kid, I
used to annoy her a lot and honestly, I've done
some messed up stuff to her. When I was twelve,
I pulled her earring and tore her ear low.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yes, oh, I know that happened to my mom. She
has a little pac Man on her ear.

Speaker 4 (12:29):
Oh my gosh, go out. I didn't want to hurt
her like that, but did want to mess with her.
I used to force myself into any outings with her friends.
I used to annoy her. I made fun of her
a few times when she got bad grades in math,
though she made fun of my English grades as well.
There's more messed up stuff that we did to each other.
Arguably I was worse, but I could go on and on.

(12:50):
When I was around fourteen to fifteen, we got chill
and have been chill ever since.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Chillers, I chiller alert.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
I like video games, the gym, and the pupy range.

Speaker 3 (12:59):
That's all I do.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
She likes outdoor and super social activities. Her biological sisters
seem to be more in tune with her interests. I
kind of feel like I've been a crap brother and
felt like an impostor. I've sat out three other meetings.
They had them claiming that I couldn't come home or
that I was busy with work. I don't know how
to talk about this with her because I have a
super ironic relationship with her. She keeps it real with me,

(13:21):
but I've never spoken non sarcastically to her. Even when
she said that she would contact her biological family, I said, good,
hope they can take you off our hands, and we
both laughed it off. Recently, she's begun to suspect something.
She asked me if I don't like them, or why
I keep avoiding my family as a whole. I lied
to her and said that I'm actually busy. My mom

(13:41):
keeps asking me about it too, and tells me that
it's important to support her. I do support her, but
it's like I feel like she's better off with them.
They never annoyed her growing up and stuff. I know
it's a bit illogical, but I thought I was doing
the right thing since I didn't want her and meeting
them to be about me.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
I think you're in that position giving yourself a little
bit too much importance. I don't think you could overshadow
her meeting her parents just by the virtue of being there, right,
But I think you're also just feeling emotions because you're like, wait,
my sister, but now she's their sister and they look
like they're even more alike. Am I even good at
being a brother? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (14:17):
I think there's some guilt here for like forcing himself
into other like hangouts with her and her friends and stuff.
So maybe he's like, oh, shoot, I can't do that,
and he's just doing it. He's too far on the
other side of the spectrum.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
Now, he's just like, I gotta let her go, her
be with a real squad. Yeah, no, you don't know
you're part of the squad.

Speaker 3 (14:37):
Right, go on in.

Speaker 4 (14:38):
I don't really get along with my dad, and my
mom never intervenes when I argue with him. My sister
has always stood up for me against him. She's the
only one who gets me, so I don't want to
lie to her. But I don't want to make this
moment about me either. I thought I was doing the
right thing anyway. Sorry if this is messly written. I
don't like thinking or talking about deep crap much. And
there are some comments, but yeah, I wouldn't call you

(14:59):
the A hole. I just think it's like, ah, whoops, whoops,
you don't have to do that.

Speaker 5 (15:03):
You're good.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
You just need to be thinking more about that deep stuff.
You're just covered it all up with jokes and facetiousness.
Expert at that right here, But you gotta deal with
the real.

Speaker 4 (15:15):
Yeah, but there are some comments. Comment number one says,
not the ahole. Honestly, I would send this post to
your sister. Sounds like you're struggling to tell her how
you regret how you treated her growing up and you
appreciate her as a sister.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
You wrote it really well here.

Speaker 4 (15:28):
Send this or something similar to her to help open
the conversation up. And there's lots of more support to Opie,
But op he doesn't give us any more information except
for this update.

Speaker 2 (15:38):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:39):
Twelve days later.

Speaker 4 (15:40):
Yeah, followed everyone's advice and thought about sending her a
text or letter. Unfortunately, my dad fractured his leg and
I had to stop by home to see him on Thursday.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
We don't have a speaking relationship.

Speaker 4 (15:51):
But my mom makes me still be a good son,
and he lashes out of my mom if I don't
play the part.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
Oh that sounds.

Speaker 4 (15:57):
Healthy, That's not very cool, yike. My sister was there,
since my dad and I don't talk face to face
and only talk through her or my mom Afterwards, my
dad sat on the couch to watch TV and I
had some dinner with my sister. She just said that
it's been a long time since we'd seen each other
and asked if everything was okay and why I'd been
avoiding her for some reason. I started crying and I

(16:17):
told her everything. It all just spilled out, not just that,
but other issues that I've been having in life as well.
It's a little embarrassing. I haven't seen her since January.
She started crying too, and assured me that I'll always
be family, and my mom.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
Cried as well. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (16:32):
My dad got pissed off and made a comment about
how men don't cry and that my mom and sister
are spoiling me by letting me cry, which is the
same crap that he.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
Normally did growing up. Yeah, that's annoying.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
I can't imagine why you don't really talk to your dad.

Speaker 4 (16:46):
I have no idea why you don't want to be
You're having like.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
The sweetest like family moment, and he's like, shut up,
little baby. Yeah, man, don't do that.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
That's so annoying.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
This time, my mom joined my sister and they both
yell at him. They told him to f off. Essentially,
if off, he got angry and picked up his crutches
and walked or hopped to the neighbor's house.

Speaker 3 (17:09):
That helped a lot.

Speaker 4 (17:11):
I took off from work and my sister did too,
and we spent all of Friday chilling. She wanted me
to come to her bio mom's husband's birthday party on
Saturday if I was cool with it. I was, and
I went there and met them again. Cool coincidence. Her
bio mom's husband's sister was my professor back in college. Wow,
small world moment, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
Small world.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
I ta'ate for her and she was my mentor. I
spent most of the time there catching up with her
and taking grad school and career advice from her. She
said she knew someone at my dream company I want
to work for, and told me to contact her again
when I graduate, since I already know her and we're
confusingly family now. In her words, oh my gosh, that's amazing. Wow,

(17:55):
there's a little bit more to the story, but this
is great, this is wonderful.

Speaker 2 (18:00):
And look, you're all part of the squad. Now you
were already the squad. You ta'd for your new sister's
mom's husband's sister.

Speaker 3 (18:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (18:10):
Yeah, confusingly family is a very good way to put it.

Speaker 2 (18:13):
Very good way to confusingly family.

Speaker 4 (18:15):
But there is a little bit more to the story.
My sister was glad that I had a good time,
and my mom did too. My dad sat it out
since he was injured, and when I had to leave,
my sister cried again and made a huge scene. She
made me promise to never ignore my family like that again.
Oh shoot, I'm home now, and I'll continue stopping by
once every two weeks like I did before everything. I

(18:36):
told my sister that I would show up to her
meetings with them sometimes, but not every time because it's
still awkward for me. She said she's okay with that,
just wanted us all to know about each other. It's
chill now. All it took was crying like a child
and being sappy. I'm never living that down. And there
are some comments coming. Number one says the mom and
sister yelling at the A hole dad part was quite

(18:57):
satisfying to read.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
Get lost dad. Real men aren't afraid of expressing their feelings. Yeah. Also,
what a cute story.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
I'm happy to read about some good siblings relationship. Coming
Number two says, I'm quite glad that Ope was able
to once again make nice with his sister. Obviously they
love each other very much. Yeay for communication, Yay yay. Meanwhile,
back on the farm, it was quite satisfying to Seep's
mom join in on telling his father off. I hope
that the change sicks for both their children's sake.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
Coming number three says I'm.

Speaker 4 (19:28):
Deeply, deeply confused as to why op needs to attend
so many visits with the sisters biofamily. Opie is not
related to them at all though, and they're all grown up.

Speaker 3 (19:38):
What thatck note?

Speaker 4 (19:40):
I'm saying five six seven visits, the Ope is uncomfortable.
They feel left out. Why is it expected that they.

Speaker 3 (19:46):
Continue with this?

Speaker 4 (19:47):
It's not like they all, the biofamily and Ope's family
grew up together. I think it's fine if Ope doesn't
continue at twenty two, I had a lot going on. Well,
someone else responds, I suppose for largely the same reason
that I spend so much time with my brother and laws.
They're his family and he's my family. I don't have
to love them, but he loves them and I love him.
It would make his life harder if I didn't get

(20:08):
on with them. And that's the end of the story.
I think that's a good point.

Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, that was kind of a weird coming be like
so and after like everything is like he like came
to terms with it and was like it's actually nice.

Speaker 4 (20:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
I was like, well, why does he have to keep seeing.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
Them right right?

Speaker 2 (20:22):
Like, I don't know, because it's his sister's actual like
biological family that she's just connecting with. And yeah, exactly,
it makes sense to I don't know, know them and
you maybe get along with them a little bit ly.

Speaker 4 (20:33):
I think some families are closer than others, and this
just seems like a really close family. If that, if
he was already stopping by like every one to two weeks,
like this seems pretty solid and so if it was
important to her, then yeah, I guess it'd be important
to him. Solid Alid dude, they're all just you guys.
And that's the end of the story.

Speaker 3 (20:53):
We're going on to the next one.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
I want to expose my sister to her online followers.

Speaker 4 (20:59):
WHOA Oh you don't want to do that, Hey, Hey,
what kind of followers were talking about?

Speaker 2 (21:05):
WHOA trigger warning for mentions of an eating disorder. For context,
I twenty two female, have a younger sister, twenty female.
She has several issues, and despite everything, I've always tried
to be on her side and stand up for her.
Her problems include an eating disorder, binging and purging, reckless spending,
and a complete disregard for boundaries. By the way, this

(21:26):
comes from a user, It's Memon, and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota and I'm in time keon. Yeah,
we're to give good advice, googly, but we don't have
all the answers. We only know what we would do,
So if you would do something different, let us know
in the comments. As Op says, I used to think

(21:47):
our upbringing was the reason she turned out this way.
But to give you a better idea of how serious
her issues are. During your binges, she can eat entire
loaves of bread, sticks of butter, and leaders of milk
a single night. When we lock the kitchen, she raids
whatever canned food is stored outside of it. She was
in treatment once but refuses to go back. This has

(22:08):
cost my mom over one thousand dollars in grocery bills monthly.
She also spends her entire allowance on clothes and partying.
When she runs out of money, she demands more from
our mom. I've told my mom to stop giving in
to her, but she still does. On top of that,
she constantly uses my things without permission. She used up
my expensive makeup spray and hasn't replaced it, despite promising

(22:30):
to do so months ago. I told her not to
take my clothes to university. She agreed, but then went
ahead and took them anyway. I found out when I
needed a top for an award ceremony and discovered it
was gone. She's even stolen food from my room, including
my emergency snacks. I've talked to her about her behavior
many times, but I can't always be there to guard

(22:51):
my space. I'm honestly so angry and frustrated. I love her,
but whenever I bring these things up, she just gives
off and I don't care attitude. The worst part is,
she once said, I understand how your boyfriend feels now
when you try to confront him, knowing full well that
my relationship struggles are a sensitive topic for me. I'm sure,
she said that just to hurt me. When I try

(23:12):
to explain how her actions affect me financially and emotionally,
she ignores me completely. What scares me is how openly
manipulative she is. She once told me she sucks up
to our mom to get more money, and she's admitted
I don't care about things unless they affect me. Well,
it sounds like your sister might be just a scooch, selfish.

Speaker 3 (23:32):
Sounds like I don't know what to do about that.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
Now I'm at my breaking point. I know her reputation
means everything to her, and part of me wants to
make a TikTok her friends follow me there to expose
what she's really like. I want it to be a
wake up call, something that finally forces her to acknowledge
how she treats the people around her. Well, let me
just say, really quickly, that's not the way to do that.

Speaker 4 (23:53):
That's a terrible idea. He couldn't be worse.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Literally not gonna accomplish anything, make everything worse, very bad idea.
Would I be the a hole if I did that?
Is it too far? Or is it justified? I mean,
it's justified or not. That's not really the point the
point is ever, just what do you want to happen?
You want? What do you want like a sense of
justice that like all of her friends learn that she

(24:19):
treats you poorly, so that what her friends don't like
her anymore. Yeah, I don't think that's gonna help her.

Speaker 4 (24:24):
People might see it as just sister stuff and they
might just like excuse you, or they might think that
you're in the wrong because you're talking about it on
social media. Like with stuff like that that's pastive, aggressive
and something that's so public, you have so much less
control of the turnout of like what you're gonna get
from it, Like what you were saying, It's like, if
you want her to feel bad about it, then I

(24:46):
think you need to just give her natural consequences of
just like Okay, well, if you're gonna be mean to
me like this, then I just don't want to speak
to you or I don't want to be around you.
And if that means anything to her, that is hopefully
what will be hear wake up call. But yes, is
not a way to do that.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
It would definitely be a bit of an a whole
move to make an exposing get ready with me type situation.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Yeah, but we do.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
Have some comments. I wonder what they have to say.
Comment one, You would be the ahole, whether or not
she deserves it. Taking such action would probably irreparably damage
your relationship with your sister. If you're okay with that,
go ahead, What might be a better choice is figuring
out a way to put some distance between the two
of you. It sounds like you both live with your mom,
but you also mentioned that she took your clothes to

(25:34):
university with her. If you do both still live with
your mom and you can't manage to move out, install
a lock on your door. If you don't, then how
does she have access to your space and belongings. Cut
that off as soon as possible. Revealing her true nature
so to speak to her online followers will probably feel
good to you in the moment, but I promise you

(25:55):
those people don't care. Reply yep, not to mention. The
sister is obviously acting out because of some deeply buried trauma.
At least that's usually the case. It may not be
with her, but I would be surprised if it wasn't.
Doing this to her is not going to help. It
may actually make it worse until she's ready for change.
There is no possible way to force her, especially since

(26:16):
she's got that nothing is my fault and everyone's against
me attitude. In her eyes, this will just be one
more reason to act out and make everyone miserable. Trust me, Op,
you do not want the chaos this will bring comment
to says definitely the aole doing something like that speaks
volumes about you, not her. This notion is extremely childish

(26:37):
and vengeful. I suggest you take a good, hard look
at yourself and figure out your true motivation. Doing this
will only create drama for the entire family. There's a
clarification here. It's not possible to move out where I stay.
It is expensive. It is a cultural norm here that
most people only move out once they are married. Some
don't because even with two incomes, housing isn't very very accessible.

(27:00):
My family is not well to do. We've been living
in the same place for twenty plus years. My door
can't be closed properly, much less locked. I would need
to replace the doorframe and the door to be able
to lock the door, which isn't financially viable. In my country,
we can't involuntarily institutionalize people for an eating disorder, which
honestly don't think that's the right move either. Yeah, I

(27:25):
realize that going online is probably very immature of me.
Hence I think that's why part of me decided to
get opinions first before going nuclear.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
Well that's a better idea, Okay.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
The only reason I considered doing this was because my
therapist said that people with her condition don't tend to
change unless it affects her life badly and people find
out necessitating a change. I although very idiotically thought I
could fast forward the need for change. I mean, I
guess that if your therapist is telling you to do it,
that explains why you thought it was such a good idea.

Speaker 4 (27:57):
Yeah, if people find out about it, and she's like, okay,
I'm gonna text the whole school.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Well fair enough that she did say like, I literally
don't care unless things affect me. Yeah, but I don't
know if you being the catalyst, because at some point
her friends, if she does behave this way with you,
I don't doubt that she probably behaves this way with others,
and slowly her friends around her will just be like, hey,
we don't like it.

Speaker 4 (28:22):
Yeah, it will affect her at some point.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
Yeah, eventually, Thank you a lot to the people who
gave me constructive feedback to not blow up the situation.
I understand it sounds absurd what I wanted to do,
but know it came from a place of extreme frustration
and anxiety about my current situation, not that it was
ultimately right. Unfortunately, I am not able to move out
and rent until I complete my university in two years.

(28:47):
I'm still a full time student and can only work
on holidays due to my course load. I know it
seems like I am making excuses, but this is my life.
To be honest, I'm not angry. She has the eating disorder.
I don't feel anything but concern towards her in that regard.
It's the serious disregard for any boundary set, including those
that she proposed herself. What I'm frustrated about is this

(29:10):
stealing of my food. Food I bought to ensure that
when she eats up everything, at least I have my
own stash. She agreed that she would not touch my
food and encourage me to keep it out of sight
from her so she wouldn't find it or be tempted.
I never told her that I bought anything in order
to not trigger her eating disorder. I hid it in
a place where she would not have possibly seen it
unless she rummaged through my belongings, which she did. And yeah,

(29:33):
it's because your sister has a problem.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
Yeah, you know exactly.

Speaker 4 (29:36):
It's like we get a safe if it's really that
big of a deal. And yeah, I mean, it's not
really a need for me to keep saying it that
it was a bad idea to talk about it on
social media because you already know that.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
But I feel like that probably would have made it worse.

Speaker 4 (29:49):
Honestly, I would have made her because it's more it's
more about control rather than just like.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
Wanting food, you know what I mean exactly.

Speaker 4 (29:57):
So, yeah, she's got a problem.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
Let's be paid with that, Opie continues. She almost never
replaces what she takes. This has caused me to end
up super anxious about food security, which is absurd. I
tend to stash food around, not even to eat anymore,
but just to know that it's there. And I'm working
on that in therapy. This disregard of boundaries extends beyond
food too. She takes my makeup, my shampoo, toothpaste, clothes,

(30:24):
honestly anything she so pleases too, without my permission. I
would be okay if she at least replaced things when
they are finished or lets me know when she wants
to borrow things. But she never does the sound minor.
But every weekend when she's home, she goes into my
room when I'm not at home to use my things,
or when I'm sleeping, she sneaks in. This has caused

(30:44):
me to suddenly wake up in the middle of the
night or when I'm out. I get very anxious. I
know that you know your sister's been resistant to I
guess going to therapy, but that would be the move.
I would think there's got to be resources out there
too online how to help a family member with an
eating disorder.

Speaker 3 (31:03):
Right, did she ever mention talking to her parents about.

Speaker 4 (31:06):
Like her taking her shampoo and other makeup stuff.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
Yeah? I think it was, like she told her mom,
but her mom just kind of doesn't really lay down
any level of like consequences or repercussions for it.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (31:21):
Yeah, that is frustrating because eating disorder is like one thing,
but everything else being stolen is like actually really annoying.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah, and I know I respect. Yeah, let's finish this story.
I do not understand why people in the comments think
that this is minor, or that I would be jealous
of her. I worked hard to improve my life in
all aspects despite our rough upbringing. I worked hard for
my mental health. But now I honestly am struggling mentally again.
It is a constant invasion of my boundaries with absolutely

(31:52):
no repercussions. When I confront her, it's either met with stonewalling,
guilt tripping, or empty promises. She isn't a tea agrew
who doesn't know better. She is twenty. I am sure
that she is mentally ill, but I firmly believe that
bad circumstances should not be an excuse for you to
do bad things. I won't be going nuclear. I'm probably

(32:13):
just going to get safe boxes in my room. My
mom has refused to allow me to get someone on
my own dime to check or fix my door. But
I can't lock everything away. I don't have a solution
to my situation. And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

Speaker 6 (32:30):
Here.

Speaker 1 (32:30):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (32:34):
My friend kept his vasectomy a secret from his wife.

Speaker 3 (32:38):
Uh, that's not good trig warning for mentions of missus.

Speaker 4 (32:42):
I twenty eight male, have known my friend Kevin twenty
eight male, and his wife Emily twenty seven females.

Speaker 3 (32:47):
Since high school.

Speaker 4 (32:48):
The three of us went to different colleges and stayed
close throughout. They got together towards the end of our
first year and got married soon after graduation. They have
been married around six years and together around nine. By
the way, this from deleted and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story time subredded And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofilly, but we

(33:09):
don't have all the answers. We're just gonna guess what
we would do in this situation. So let us know
what you would do in the comments. And oh P says,
we all moved back to the Metro area where we
grew up. My wife and I spend a lot of
time with them. She and Emily have grown to be
very good friends, and Kevin and I also spend quite
a bit of time together, as I was always closer

(33:30):
to him than Emily anyway, before getting married, Kevin and
Emily had disagreements about children. Emily was very set on
having children and Kevin wasn't sure that he wanted any.
Kevin eventually said he would think about it, and they
didn't discuss it again until after they got married. Around
five years ago, Emily started bringing up that she was
ready to start trying to get pregnant. Kevin was adamantly

(33:50):
against having children at that point and told her that
he wanted to wait until he was more.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
Stable in his career.

Speaker 4 (33:55):
He was still at his first post college job in
a field where junior level employees typically have a two
to four year shelf life before moving on. He told
her that he wanted to wait a few years as
she would probably stay at home after having the baby.
Kevin confided in me that while the career explanation was true,
it wasn't the whole truth. He was still unsure that
he actually wanted kids at all and wanted to put

(34:17):
it off until he was sure. After much discussion, Emily
agreed to wait until Kevin had a more permanent job.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
Around two and a half years ago. That happened.

Speaker 4 (34:25):
He took a job with one of his long term
clients with better pay, benefits, schedule and job security. Almost
immediately after he took the job, Emily brought up getting pregnant,
and Kevin agreed to start trying.

Speaker 7 (34:36):
Oh wow, oh oh oh, I see you.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:40):
Oh, that's unforgivable as far as I knew at the time.
Kevin agreed and Emily stopped taking birth control. Flash forward
to the present. No children yet. Up until this point,
as I understand it, anyway, their only attempts at conceiving
have been to continue their normal activities san's birth control.
Since this hasn't worked, Emily has started to gussing the
possibility of going to a fertility doctor to see if

(35:02):
there are any problems. The women on her mother's side
of the family have a history of having problems conceiving,
although with eventual success. Emily's grandmother and mother were twenty
nine before they were able to conceive, with both trying
since their early twenties. Yesterday, Kevin confided in me that
before he left his previous job, he had a vasectomy
without telling Emily.

Speaker 3 (35:22):
Wow, because he knew this was gonna happen. Yeah, that's
what I thought was gonna be the thing. Oh my god.

Speaker 8 (35:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:28):
So now and now that she her family has a
history of that. He's probably gonna try to blame it
on her and think have her think that she's the problem.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
Unforgivable. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (35:37):
After picking my jaw up off the floor, I started
asking him questions to figure out why the heck he
would do that. Apparently, after he began to put out
feelers for a new job, a process that took about
a year, Emily had brought up going ahead and getting pregnant.
Kevin pushed back pretty hard to wait, and she told
him that that was fine. Evidently Kevin was really leaning

(35:57):
towards not wanting children. After he got the new job
and they started trying to conceive, I just figured he
changed his mind and got on board. Shortly after they
once again agreed to wait, Kevin became suspicious that Emily
wasn't taking her birth control. He would check her pill packs,
but he wasn't able to confirm one way or another
if she was taking them regularly. According to him, Emily

(36:18):
was acting suspiciously and was initiating spicy sleep much more
often than usual. Evidently, after considering the evidence available to him,
he was convinced that she had stopped taking her birth
control and was trying to get pregnant.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
After they agreed to wait.

Speaker 4 (36:32):
He was angry, but didn't want to confront her with
the evidence that could be explained away easily. At this point,
I don't know if she was actually taking her birth
control or not. He could have been right or just paranoid.
Given his lack of trust of Emily and his increasing
desire to not have children, he decided to get a
vasectomy and not tell her. There was a point where

(36:53):
he was traveling for his job and was going to
be a few states away for about a week and
a half. He was somehow able to range to get
a exectomy done during that time. The initial trip is
supposed to be ten days, but a weekend snowstorm caused
his flight to be canceled and his employer ended up
needing him to stay in another few days. Anyway, the
timing worked out to where the soreness and swelling was

(37:15):
gone by the time that he returned from the trip,
and according to him, this scar is completely unnoticeable unless
you shine a flashlight on the bottom of his walls
and look closely. So in the past three years, she
has never suspected anything. He always had his insurance information
sent to his office, had enough spare cash to cover
his cope and medications, and he changed insurance when he

(37:36):
took his new jobs. There aren't any records laying around,
so that was all well and good for a few years.
But now he's in a tight spot because if Emily
goes to the fertility doctor and things check out on
her end, the next logical step is for him to
get tested, at which point it will be obvious to
the doctor that he had of a sectomy. He gambled
on the fact that Emily's family has a history of
problems conceiving, so maybe there will be issues there to

(37:59):
place blame on.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
See dude, Yeah, yeah, and that's that's the horrible things
he was getting hottle yes, because it's a fault that
you know, I've I haven't been in this kind of situation,
but from what I have heard, it's like, even though
that's an okay thing to you know, not be able
to conceive and there's other options and everything, everyone that

(38:20):
can't seems to be so devastated by that. It does
cause a lot. There's a lot, I mean, like just
the I think they're often our feelings of shame around
round it not that there should be, yeah, but I
think that like they're just kind of that kind of
comes up right, uh. And to knowingly put that on
your partner when you know why they're you're not conceiving

(38:42):
is is just despicable. You're just not thinking about her
feelings at all.

Speaker 4 (38:46):
In this situation, he has no idea what to do,
but guesses that he can stretch this out a year
or two before he has to go get tested. I
am really struggling with this. On the one hand, Kevin
is my best friend. On the other hand, he is
being totally deceitful to m one of my closest friends.
I'm not judging him for not wanting kids, but this
is something that he should have.

Speaker 3 (39:05):
Communicated to her before now.

Speaker 4 (39:07):
If he had talked to me about the situation before
he got the aseectomy, I would have told him that
he needed.

Speaker 3 (39:12):
To break things off with her and move on. If
he was sure that he didn't want kids.

Speaker 4 (39:15):
It wouldn't be fair to her, and it wouldn't be
fair to him if they ended up having children when
he didn't want to.

Speaker 3 (39:20):
But that's not what happened. And I think, I mean, Carly,
you're pointing it out, but Kelsey Jad says it's way
easier for men to get a sect me it's reversible
and tubal litigation. I was just.

Speaker 8 (39:30):
Answering that, yeah, but I was, oh, yeah, oh yeah,
I cleared it, about to say it same, I cleared it,
but yeah, I was gonna say, like, it's stupid and like,
for sure one is reversible, but that still shouldn't limit
the fact that, like, it's so hard for a woman
to get one, regardless of if they're like, like, you
shouldn't need your.

Speaker 3 (39:48):
Partner's permission, and doctors will say like are you sure
that you're right for a whole day, or like, oh,
you can't get it until you've had your first child, right,
that's break her husband or partner back and they can
sign off on exactly.

Speaker 9 (40:03):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (40:03):
It's incredibly especially as a woman in your twenties, to
get yeah, to get that procedure done, it's incredibly hard.
A doctor will not approve of it, yeah or not.
I don't want to say will not, but like it's
very hard for them to approve it.

Speaker 5 (40:18):
Right.

Speaker 4 (40:19):
We love being women in this medical system. We've got
it's great. Great, he's been lying to her for years.
I can't tell my wife about this because I have
no doubt that she will call Emily and tell her immediately.
I'm trying to decide whether I should tell Emily, tell Kevin,
then he has to tell Emily or I will, or
completely stay out of the situation. I feel bad about
the entire situation, and I don't want to break up

(40:41):
their marriage or destroy one or more friendships. But I
also don't want Emily to waste any more of her
time when having kids is such a big deal to her.

Speaker 3 (40:49):
What the heck do I do?

Speaker 4 (40:52):
Edit one, Thanks for the advice everyone. He's decided on
a course of action, But I want your guys' thoughts.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
What do you think he should do in this situation?
Should he should he? Should he do?

Speaker 2 (41:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (41:04):
Should he tell Emily directly?

Speaker 3 (41:07):
Tell? I think? I think he tells the friend, tell
your wife or I will?

Speaker 8 (41:13):
Yeah? I think so give him the chance to come clean,
give him a deadline and be like and then I'm
telling him that.

Speaker 4 (41:19):
I can't stay silent about it because he's definitely not
gonna tell her.

Speaker 3 (41:22):
Yeah, this has been a thing that has been going
on for years that he didn't even want kids. Yeah,
it's been a thing.

Speaker 8 (41:30):
And she's gonna sit there so upset at herself, blaming
herself for no fault of her own rights.

Speaker 4 (41:36):
And also too, it's like that's not even going to
work in the long run too, because there are other
options to getting kids, So she's going to push for
for other options.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
You're just wasting her time, right, And.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
He said that he wants to stretch this out, the
testing thing out for another year or two.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
It's like, dude, this is so unfair.

Speaker 8 (41:53):
I fully also don't believe the whole like and I
think she was like purposely not taking her birth.

Speaker 3 (41:58):
She said he couldn't find any evidence.

Speaker 8 (42:00):
Of it's the week, if it's the one I'm thinking of,
if it's the daily pill one, it's you know, what
day does it say on the top? Has she taken
it today? How bad of tracking are we doing for this?
And why didn't we just have a conversation then and there?

Speaker 3 (42:16):
Yeah, and also the fact that he thought that and
then didn't have a conversation with her, Ya don't.

Speaker 4 (42:21):
And like sure you could just like throw it away,
I guess, but like, why why are we jumping there?

Speaker 3 (42:27):
Yea? And if she is doing it awful too? Not okay, However,
the assumption that he's making and then to not even
have a conversation with your partner and instead like have
like a like a spiteful decision made off of an assumption.

Speaker 4 (42:41):
Yeah, exactly, we do have, and that it. I think
I've decided on a course of action. I am meeting
up with Kevin for drinks in an hour or so.
I'm going to give him this ultimatum. Either he tells
Emily within three days or I will. I'm also going
to tell my wife after my meeting with Kevin, because
I can't keep something like this from her and live
with myself. I will try to get her to sit

(43:03):
on the information as long as possible, but if she
tells Emily, then I can't fault her for doing what
is probably the right thing. I'm going to tell Kevin
that I'm telling my wife as soon as I get
home and impress upon him the strong possibility that she
will tell Emily before he has a chance. This will
give him an incentive to tell her sooner rather than later.
Update just left from talking with Kevin. I took the

(43:24):
exact approach outlined to my first edit, and it went
as well as one could hope. He was understanding and
apologized for putting me in this situation. He understood my
need to tell my wife and said that he wished
he had taken that approach in his own marriage. He
realizes he needs to tell Emily and that the marriage
is likely over. After some reflection, he thinks this is
probably for the best because she will never trust him

(43:45):
again and he really doesn't want kids.

Speaker 3 (43:48):
He's going to.

Speaker 4 (43:48):
Sit down and talk with her tomorrow afternoon. And there
is a second update. Just finish talking with my wife.
Holy f I have one heck of an update soon.
I don't have time to write it out right now
because I need to go to sleep. I'm pretty drained
from all this. I'll update this sometime tomorrow. Update three,
So a lot has happened since last night.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
Holy heck.

Speaker 4 (44:10):
First off, Emily isn't pregnant as far as anyone knows,
So sorry. If you were hoping for that.

Speaker 3 (44:15):
I was not hoping. I wouldn't even thought. I think,
really don't want this woman to be pregnant with a
husband that doesn't want kids. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (44:22):
Absolutely, I'll try to write what happened chronologically so it
makes more sense. Here we go, So I told my
wife everything last night after I got home from meeting
with Kevin. As you might expect, she was absolutely floored
that he would do this to her, given how much
she wants kids. She didn't take it as bad as
I thought she would, though, which was weird.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
At the time.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
I really thought her reaction was going to be to
say that we need to tell Emily, immediately drive over
to their house in a blinding rage, et cetera. Instead,
she told me that she had something to tell me,
that she had been keeping a secret for a long while.

Speaker 3 (44:55):
What.

Speaker 4 (44:57):
Oh my gosh, I'm so excited.

Speaker 3 (44:59):
Okay, now I'm feeling like she was. Now I'm worried.
Now I'm worrying about the birth control.

Speaker 4 (45:04):
Well maybe, and she's excited. I'm excited now I'm thinking maybe.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
I don't know. I'm just get find out. Okay.

Speaker 4 (45:12):
Evidently, a little over a year ago, Emily and my
wife were discussing Kevin and Emily's attempts at conceiving. It
wasn't unusual for them to talk about this, since at
that point they had been trying for over a year.
On this night, though, Emily had had quite a bit
to drink and opened up to my wife more than usual.
Emily it was desperate to start going to the fertility doctor,
but Kevin wanted to wait because they hadn't been trying

(45:35):
very long. Unless I misunderstood him, Kevin seemed to imply
that Emily had only recently started suggesting to go to
a fertility doctor. But nope, she has been telling him
that she wanted to go for over a year. My
wife asked her why she wanted to go so soon
since they hadn't been trying that long. Emily told her
that she had been trying for nearly four years. Oh

(45:59):
whoa what the f Emily stopped taking her birth control
while Evan Well, Kevin was still at his old job
before he ever started looking for a new one.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
You were right, you're a couple.

Speaker 4 (46:15):
I'm so sad she's been cheating on him and like
she once out of the relationship anyway. Yeah yeah, yikes, yikes.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
That so he was right.

Speaker 8 (46:28):
Sounds like you both have some big confessions to make.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
Sounds like you should probably break up yea too. Oh
my god.

Speaker 4 (46:36):
She pretended to take her pills, hoping that she would
get pregnant and she could blame it on the fact
that birth control isn't one hundred effective. She stopped taking
her pills around six months before Kevin started looking for
a job. This is the same time at which she
started pressuring Kevin to move on from that job. So
Kevin agrees that it's time to leave this job. He
starts talking with headhunters, gently approaching his current clients, et cetera.

(47:00):
They have the above mentioned talk about going ahead and
trying to conceive. Kevin says no, and she agrees to wait.
The reason she brought it up on that particular day
is that she thought she might be getting close to
getting pregnant, given that her period was irregular and she
had been trying for six months. About a week and
a half later, Kevin is out of state for work.

(47:21):
He is gone from Sunday night and is supposed to
return late on Friday. Emily had been hoping to surprise
him with the good news when he returned, but it
didn't work out the way she planned. She calls my
wife during this time and clearly upset about something. My
wife goes over to her house to comfort her. So
Emily is obviously frustrated about this, but manages to get
herself together by the time Kevin comes back. She doesn't

(47:43):
say anything about her disappointment, but immediately redoubles her efforts
to conceive. My guess is that this would be the
time where Kevin becomes suspicious about her behavior. He was
right that she wasn't taking her birth control, and he
became more aware of her desperation during this period. As
far as anyone knows, Emily ever got pregnant between this
time and when Kevin had the psectomy. During a routine visit,

(48:04):
Emily asked her obigyn if there were any problems conceiving,
and her mentioned concerns about timing and family history.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
The obgyn identified something with.

Speaker 4 (48:13):
Her uterus that could possibly cause an issue, but said
she couldn't be sure from a routine exam. She suggested
that Emily see a fertility specialist and gave her a referral.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
Evidently the obie loves that word.

Speaker 4 (48:26):
Evidently this specialist wanted to do the first consultation with
both Kevin and Emily there, so Emily couldn't start that
process until Kevin was on board with conceiving. So that's
the state of things. Emily was lying to Kevin about
being on birth control for at least one and a
half years. My wife never told me because she wasn't
sure what to do since they had officially started trying

(48:48):
to have children by the time Emily told her about
all this. My wife decided to keep the information to
herself because it didn't matter at that point.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
Anyway.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
I called Kevin and told him about this late last night.
He wasn't as upset as I I thought he would
be because he already figured that Emily had stopped taking
her birth control back then, although it was actually six
months before he caught on. He was pretty upset about
the mists and felt really bad that Emily had keytis
to herself for all these years. As of right now,
he hasn't talked to her yet. That will happen later

(49:16):
this afternoon or tonight. Is a little bit more to
the story.

Speaker 7 (49:19):
But wow, duding Man oh Man, well read it to.
The situation has resolved itself. Kevin and Emily talked for
a long time yesterday and they've agreed that it's best
for them to split up. Too much damage done and
the lies they told each other were too big. Not
to mention the kid's issue. I wasn't there, obviously, but
I've talked to them both. They seem better than I expected.

(49:40):
Both of them are really angry, but as much as
directed at themselves as each other. Strangely enough, they were
both really glad for my involvement.

Speaker 4 (49:48):
So funny, Emily wasn't even pissed at my wife for
telling me about the birth control situation. I have no
idea whether my wife and I have will be able
to remain friends with either of them.

Speaker 3 (49:57):
I wouldn't want to. Yeah, I feel like that's over.

Speaker 4 (50:00):
Yeah, they were both really deceitful to each other and
to us, but I think I'm willing to move past
that eventually. We'll see how this goes. Thanks to everyone
who commented. I don't think I would have approached the
situation correctly were it not for some of the responses
that I got.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
Here and that's the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (50:16):
Wow, dude, wow, twist there.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
Yeah, my goodness. It's like they both realized that they
were terrible people and they were like, yeah, I guess
this is a draw to shade.

Speaker 4 (50:32):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
Wow.

Speaker 8 (50:35):
I do still hope that they break up, though, because
ultimately we still doesn't want and.

Speaker 3 (50:39):
She still does. Yeah, please break up.

Speaker 4 (50:42):
I think, yeah, that is just so, we're just so
crazy because like, obviously they're both in the wrong and
they should have communicated this whole time.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
But like he was right.

Speaker 4 (50:55):
Crazy. Yeah, what he should have done is talk to
her about the birth control thing.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
Probably would have saved them a lot of time.

Speaker 4 (51:04):
Right with silver lining, he was like he was protected
with his society. But obviously it's still not a good
thing to do.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
No, I wish that he had talked her right then
and there.

Speaker 8 (51:14):
Ultimately, though, I'm like, dude, you started this whole thing
by not figuring out what the heck you wanted this
whole time.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
Yeah, I've been bringing this poor.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
Girl into a marriage with you when you know you
don't want kids. You brought the aholes. Yeah, good job,
okay job.

Speaker 4 (51:30):
Uh yeah, that's the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
He's John yog host here. We're gonna get back to
the stories. But he's a quick three minute break of
asmim our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (51:38):
My father sabotage my food and now it ruined my
dream education.

Speaker 6 (51:42):
Now that's gonna leave somebody very angry.

Speaker 5 (51:45):
Nice. There is a trigger warning. It is for food tampering.
I twenty five mail got into this dream Masters by
my own effort in April despite my health issues. The
tuition for this program is actually very minimal, which is
rare for an Internet master's program. I told everyone close
to me, starting with my parents, elder brother, friends, close relatives,

(52:06):
on an uncle, and some professors from my bachelor's By
the way, this comes from user nef tes twenty and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay story time suppared it.

Speaker 6 (52:15):
I'm ke On, I'm Matt.

Speaker 5 (52:17):
We'll try to give our best advice, but we haven't
experience with most of these situations ourselves, so if you have,
let us stone the comments, op says. My dad sixty Mail,
was initially open to meet going there, but changed his
decision soon after talking to my brother. He told me
how likely he would not be able to sponsor my masters.
So I applied to a scholarship and was falling up

(52:37):
on it. I also applied for an education loan. My
elder brother, thirty Mail, was totally against it, saying he
didn't like it and even asked are you going to
beg in that country? After doing this degree? My mom
and relatives on her side granny, aunt uncle, were overjoyed
and love that I was able to get into this

(52:57):
masters My professors and other professionals in my field told
me it was a great opportunity that would benefit my career.
I was working through all the administrare process by myself
until today. My mom and relatives provided moral support during
this time and also tried to explain to my dad
and brother this was a good opportunity for me. Yesterday,

(53:19):
my brother showed up unannounced at our home and made
my mom stay at my granny's house, saying that he
and my dad wanted to talk to me alone. They
told me I was wrong to inform my close relatives
about this master's and demanded me to update them on
the process. I told them everything, including the education loan
and scholarship I I had applied for. They started nitpicking

(53:42):
the course details, trying to find any fault in the program,
but everything was well detailed and had no issue. Then
then they told me whatever I had done was useless
and that I had achieved nothing in the past two months.
Talk about supportive relatives. There, They said I would not
realistically get the scholarship or loan, and that they had

(54:04):
no money to spare for my studies. They made it
clear they would not help in any process further, but
still wanted daily updates. They also demanded they demanded that
I forward all the emails I received from the loan,
scholarship or university to both of them. Instead, they wanted
me to do a master's in this state in the
next cycle or year. They told me to stop living

(54:26):
in a dream and accuse me of being selfish for
not thinking of the family. So am I the a
hole for not giving updates or not letting them interfere
in the process after this incident and we have there's
some context here, But Matt, what do you think is
op an a hole for not trying to you know,
not letting them, you know, be involved in the updates

(54:47):
after all of this. If you were told, hey, we're
not going to support your dreams, don't we don't like
what you're doing. But keep us in the loop and
make sure you forward everything that you get for your
information or any information on your math loans you have
afforded to us.

Speaker 6 (55:03):
I'm gonna give my answer in Spanish.

Speaker 5 (55:05):
No oh oh, he's multilingual.

Speaker 6 (55:09):
Look at us. We're two Filipino boys.

Speaker 9 (55:11):
You can't really but we do know that at least
there's something weird going with this family, that there's something
we do know.

Speaker 5 (55:19):
Yeah, and here's some context. So if he says, for context,
I was lucky to have completed my bachelor's with almost
full scholarship, with only minor expenses covered by my dad.
I had to move back to my parents' place, and
the money I saved was spent on recent medical expenses.
I made it very clear that I wanted to do
my masters in this field. The program I got into

(55:42):
is not available anywhere nearby, not even not even in
neighboring states. Side note, there's also a separate and very
serious situation happening at home that made me feel unsafe.
I've made a separate post about that, so I won't
go into it. We have an update, let's just go
into it. Update one my dad's asteamail is adding something

(56:03):
to my food that makes me twenty five male sick.

Speaker 9 (56:06):
WHOA that is criminal, that is also unconscionable. That's also
your family.

Speaker 5 (56:15):
Called the cops. Ope. He says, I had been suffering
from bloating and vomiting since December of twenty twenty four,
after four months of consulting five different physicians, including a
gastro three and an oscopies okay, and ooscopies and multiple tests.
They diagnosed me with crones whoa with a structure at

(56:38):
the junction of the duodenum or duodenim Yeah, wadenum, I
think wadenam.

Speaker 6 (56:42):
Thing doodenum towadenum.

Speaker 9 (56:44):
It's the same thing.

Speaker 5 (56:45):
It's dadenum and the jujutum. I know the jujunum. Okay. Interesting,
there's a lot of lingo out there for our medical
field people. You probably know this for a non You
may want to look this up.

Speaker 6 (56:56):
I might be Filipino, but I'm not a nurse.

Speaker 5 (56:58):
We're not nurses. Oh man, that's a first. Two Filipinos
in her room.

Speaker 6 (57:04):
Neither was a nurse.

Speaker 5 (57:05):
Yeah, that's okay. After the diagnosis, I found that I
had become intolerant to rice and potatoes. My mom and
grandmother understood the disease after I explained it, but my
dad's opinion was that it was not a disease and said,
it's all because you ate a lot of lemons. Three
years ago, after completing the meds and avoiding the trigger foods,
I went back into remission. Into remission. Around two weeks back.

(57:28):
I had a flare up that kept worsening every day.
My mom and I saw my dad adding something like
powder to the milk before I drank it. There was
no taste or odor change in the milk. We also
suspected he was adding something to the salt and sugar
in the kitchen, so I stayed at my granny's place
for a few days. During that time, I had no symptoms,

(57:50):
no pain, no bloating. Meanwhile, my mom threw away anything
and everything that was suspicious and bought everything new. When
I returned home, we were careful in locking everything in
the kitchen and ensuring only we had access. After doing this,
I felt better, though we saw my dad trying to
pry open the things we locked. There were also two

(58:10):
things that bothered me during this time that may or
may not be related. One of those was, just two
days before my flare up, I informed my dad and
brother that I had been selected for a masters in Europe.
They hated that idea. When I said I would go,
my dad replied with something unexpected may happen and your
plan may fail.

Speaker 6 (58:29):
Oh that's that's a Threatify our heard one.

Speaker 5 (58:32):
Okay, And here's the second point that may or may
not be related to what everything that's Oh he's dealing with?

Speaker 6 (58:38):
Oh? Good lord.

Speaker 5 (58:39):
Before this flare up, my dad was again doing something
in the kitchen. He never usually uses the kitchen. Later,
when I took a sip of milk, there was a
strong taste of rust. I threw it out and didn't
think much of it. I asked about this issue in
our slash cro Disease around ten days ago and intended
to post it here too, but I couldn't here. What

(59:00):
happened after that, I forgot to lock a jar of
cookies inside the cabinet, I ate them. I ate them
the next day, and I got sick again. My Mom's
coffee tasted weird multiple times, and she also got sick
after drinking it. My dad broke into the locked kitchen,
cabinet and the refrigerator. Because of that, we replaced everything
and shifted food to my granny's house. Since then, my

(59:23):
mom and I have been traveling to my granny's house
for every meal. The fact that you have to go
somewhere to just eat food is insane. I'm sorry, that's insane.
He also states we also suspect my brother knows about this,
but chose to ignore it as he avoids eating anything
at home. Cops, Cops. Now I'm calling the cops. We

(59:44):
are taking careful steps to confirm these I feel very
unsafe and emotionally drained, but I just want to make
sure I'm not losing perspective. And we're onto a second update.
I mean, you've done it. You've been doing it, Opie.
You and your mom get out of that house, stay
at your granny's house. You do not let your your
father or your brother into that house whatsoever. Buy a

(01:00:05):
new food, put it there.

Speaker 9 (01:00:07):
No, here's what you do because you're suspecting it. Now
you can't prove it, but you're suspecting it. What you
do is you buy food right and you leave it out.
You let your dad do his thing. You do it
for a couple of different things, and you get them tested.
You get them tested to see what's been put in them.
There are certain things that shouldn't have rice and potatoes

(01:00:28):
in them. Milk should not have potatoes in it, cookies
should not have potatoes in it. A lot of things
don't have rice and potatoes in them. So you slowly
you kind of have foods out. You get them testing.
You see if there's a common thing in there, and.

Speaker 5 (01:00:45):
If testing is too hard or it takes too long,
here's what I would do. M Hey, dad, hey brother,
I cooked dinner. Would you like to try some with
the ingredients that we have here? I cook you guys
some food because I love you guys so much. Would
you like eating this? Or here's a cookie? Here, Dad,
I've got some cookies. You wanna eat this?

Speaker 8 (01:01:05):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (01:01:05):
No, I'm watching my I'm watching my sugar intake. Okay,
test it again. Here's another cookie, another another, like, come on,
just take a bite. If they're if they're adamantly just
refusing the food, He's like, no, no, no, you should eat it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 5 (01:01:17):
Well we have an update too. Let's get into it.
My relatives said I shouldn't meet my dad to secure
my inheritance. It's legally mine because it could help me
in the future. My brother is pestering my mom to
convince me not to talk to him. I wonder why
my mom and I relocated without telling my dad or brother.
I cut off all calls and messages from them. We

(01:01:40):
couldn't gather much evidence except for okay, so you could
you did gather evidence because we have some bullet points
One a white powder in our plates. Two a microphone
hidden under my mom's dresser.

Speaker 6 (01:01:54):
What this is worse than I thought.

Speaker 9 (01:01:56):
This is insane, This is literal, This is pair annoy
of This is spy. This is invasion of privacy. This
feels disgusting and criminal, depending on what state you're in.

Speaker 5 (01:02:06):
On the day we moved, I drank water at our house.
Two days later I had bleeding from my nose and mouth.
The blood tests showed that both my mom and I.
Both my mom and I had elevated almost identical levels
of austronium and vanadium. Our family doctor said the bleeding
wasn't from those metals, but likely from an anti coagulant

(01:02:28):
toxic possibly rat poison.

Speaker 9 (01:02:31):
Oh okay, now there we have a crime.

Speaker 5 (01:02:35):
Yeah. I moved between friends places to recover and took
the antidote. Since I moved, my scholarship and education loan
were both canceled, almost certainly through my dad's influence. My
mom gave me her savings, which will nearly cover my degree.
My dad has been telling relatives he's sad I'm not
talking to him. My aunt and uncle on my mom's side,

(01:02:57):
who know the truth. Confronted him. He admitted the poisoning,
but claimed it wasn't meant for me. They also asked
why he wasn't financing my masters. He said he felt
guilty and would fund it if I talked to him.
Now he's calling and texting me. I want to see
you or talk finally understand my position. If not, you

(01:03:18):
cannot see any more later. I will never forgive my dad,
but the inheritance is significant and could make a huge
difference in my life. I've spoken to lawyers and the police,
but my dad has ways of avoiding legal trouble. Do
I talk to him, get my inheritance and then cut
contact or is that too dangerous and we have a
third update?

Speaker 9 (01:03:38):
See I was gonna say, have the bastard jailed if
he but he he can avoid legal I mean, he's
already admitted to poisoning. You have the testimony of the
mother and the and other.

Speaker 5 (01:03:51):
Family save those texts. I would say, meet your dad.

Speaker 9 (01:03:55):
If the dad was comfortable enough to record, I would
go there and record in confront and use that as evidence.

Speaker 6 (01:04:01):
But I would either.

Speaker 9 (01:04:04):
I mean, yes, the inheritance is it would be nice,
but like this guy's tried to and almost potentially killed you.

Speaker 5 (01:04:12):
Yeah, if there's there's there can't be inheritance if you're
no longer alive. Right, If you do meet up with
your father op and you probably will get this, get
into that in the third update. But if you do,
or if you want to in the future, have bystanders
and like your aunts, your uncles, your mom, people there
they're like back the police, you're a lawyer. Anybody who

(01:04:33):
can be there to just witness what you guys talk about.
Write it down so you can they can bear witness. Like, oh, yes,
his father said this, he said this. We have a
third update. This is this is a crazy story. Update three.
I was considering talking to him over a voice call.
I was never planning to meet him in person, especially
since I'm in a different state, far far away from him.

(01:04:55):
In the week following that post, I explained to my
close family why I can't and won't ever meet him
in person. The comments here really helped me get my
point across. We agree that he ever pesters my aunt's
family again, they'll call me and I'll tell him directly
that he poisoned me. Then cut the call. Not long after,
my dad home man called my brother Brat okay, and

(01:05:16):
cried that he was wronged. Brat then traveled to my
city and spent two days arguing with my mom, my granny,
and my aunt's family. He made the whole situation about himself,
saying he would have helped me if he had known,
and accusing us of isolating him.

Speaker 9 (01:05:31):
No, that's a lie, because you're the one who brought
up to the dad that he shouldn't fund your your
master's degree and said it was a bad idea. You're
just after the brother is strictly after the inheritance.

Speaker 5 (01:05:41):
Yes, at this point, just take notes. Just just make
sure you have you either hear, you have recordings or
if you say if this is through text or anything,
save them and get ready to document it for something
that's gonna be a hefty, hefty lawsuit.

Speaker 6 (01:05:55):
My other thing is.

Speaker 9 (01:05:56):
Like, there's got to be a way to like talk
to that financial department or talk to that school that hey,
this is what happened to me. I was poisoned by
my father. That's what prevented me from doing this degree.
Is there another way I can apply for the scholarship
or to get some other aid or get back into
whatever it was?

Speaker 5 (01:06:15):
Yeah? Oh boy, my brother even went so far as
to say the doctors don't know anything about poison, claiming
they were exaggerating because they probably didn't study properly in
med school. He also tried to see the evidence, but
my family told him that everything was with me. Uh,
there's a little bit left, but I'm not gonna lie.
This is one of the most insane stories I've ever read.

(01:06:37):
Slash heard.

Speaker 9 (01:06:39):
We've gone we would do some really weird insane ones here,
but this one, this one's crazy. Like rat poison in
your food over a master's program that Ope like applied
for scholarships themselves.

Speaker 5 (01:06:53):
Really that he again op, He was like, I'm not
going to depend on you financially. I don't like it's fine,
I'll do a loan. I'm not gonna asked you about money.
Even to that point was let me, dad's gonna poison
my food.

Speaker 9 (01:07:06):
I've heard of evil parents before, like I know of
stories of people very close to me and friends that
I've had who have had very evil parents.

Speaker 6 (01:07:20):
This is this ranks up there among them.

Speaker 9 (01:07:22):
Where when whenever the parent is hm hmm inflicting bodily
harm upon you and admitting to it and is acting
out of jealousy like that puts you towards the.

Speaker 6 (01:07:33):
Top of this list.

Speaker 9 (01:07:34):
I think there's only a couple people who I know
who have parents worse than this.

Speaker 5 (01:07:38):
But this, that's hard to top that.

Speaker 7 (01:07:41):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 5 (01:07:41):
Let's go ahead and finish this insane story. Both Homan
and Bratt kept trying different ways to make me come
home as planned. My uncle called me and I calmly
told my father that he poisoned me, and then I
got the call. I refuse to talk to my brother.
My father pretended nothing had happened until I said those
exact words, and then immediately switched to claiming I dironfully

(01:08:05):
accused him of poisoning me. He also said he wouldn't
give me my inheritance at this point, seriously, at this point,
I know it sucks. Screw the inheritance, Bye people, Bye
bye so called dad and brother not worth it.

Speaker 9 (01:08:18):
That's what the dad was holding on to. That's his
power card, the inheritance. You take that away. He's literally
got nothing on you. That's what he's trying to use
to get you. Let Why does he want you back
is so badly?

Speaker 6 (01:08:29):
Is my question.

Speaker 9 (01:08:30):
He obviously felt comfortable enough to poison you and potentially
kill you, ruin your education. What do you have that
he wants? Why is it just like an image of
the family thing. Is it one of those cultural things
where the family has to be perfect otherwise you're judged
in the community.

Speaker 6 (01:08:47):
Because that's the only.

Speaker 9 (01:08:47):
Possible reason I could think why he would want you
to come back. Or maybe it's because if as long
as you're gone, then also the wife is gone, and
then again it makes the family look like a failure,
makes him look weak.

Speaker 5 (01:08:58):
I would the only thing I would be like, you
know what, I don't need your inheritance, but mom does
because she used her savings for me because of what
you were doing. So maybe changed that. I don't know.
That's insane. But again continuing the story, the next day
he changed the locks of the house we lived in
we lived in before, but my uncle managed to get

(01:09:20):
some of our things out. My father has since been
telling multiple people to try to convince me to come home,
but I didn't falter. My brother has gone silent and
returned to his city. This is just a summary, but
I want to thank you all again for the sport.
It really helped me stay grounded and alive.

Speaker 2 (01:09:39):
That is the end.

Speaker 5 (01:09:40):
Of that story. Holy canoli, Op, stay, You're so smart
for staying away from your father. Yeah, why does he
want you to come home? I mean, we all know
why he really wants to come home so badly. But
what's a voice call? You know, what's a phone call?
M gonna do at the end of the day, Op,
see if you can contact someone at the college at

(01:10:03):
the university for your masters. You'd be like, I never
approved any of that. It may be difficult, but you're like,
my dad does not speak for me, my brother does
not speak for me. It's I speak for myself. I
want to do this masters. I want to see if please,
please see that you can do something along those lines,
cut contact with both your brother and your father and

(01:10:25):
just live live as far as possible away from these people.

Speaker 7 (01:10:28):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (01:10:29):
Wow, I really hope you can go to Europe and
do what you want to do, especially for that intense program.

Speaker 9 (01:10:35):
These people aren't your family. They are people you just
happened to live with for however many years of your
life because family doesn't do that.

Speaker 6 (01:10:44):
No to not each other.

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