My sister is dating my EX… and she’s mad that I didn’t react! r/AITAH | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
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Speaker 3 (00:04):
We have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 1 (00:14):
My sister is dating my ex and she's mad that
I didn't react. The rage bait backfired. My sister recently
told me she has been getting coffee regularly with an
ex girlfriend who broke up with me way back in
two thousand and five. She hid it from me for
over two months, and then when she eventually told me
and asked if I was okay with it, I had

(00:36):
no visible reaction and asked her what she wanted from me.
By the way, this comes from Mobile Meal ten to
fifty nine, and if you want to spend your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay story Time. Supured it.
This X and I dated from nineteen ninety nine to
two thousand and five, from the ages of fourteen to twenty.
She was cheating on me over the last two years

(00:56):
and left me for that guy. It was twenty years
years ago. I'm forty now. I was heartbroken, but dealt
with it and moved on. I have a wife, I've
been married for twelve years to her. I'm a dad
to three kids. Why would I care about someone from
twenty years ago. My sister is frustrated because I have
no reaction. She wants to know if I'm okay with

(01:18):
it or not. They were good friends back then, but
stop talking when the breakup happened. But she says it's
like all that time hasn't passed. I guess she wants
my approval. Like I said, I literally don't care. If
she wants to talk to her, that's fine, but I
won't be interested. It's her life. She can talk to
who she wants. Edit to add, my sister also felt

(01:41):
as betrayed as I did about the cheating, hence why
they stopped talking. But again, the whole affair was twenty
years ago, and I dealt with the hurt and have
moved on from it. I genuinely don't feel weird if
my sister is talking to her again. And there are
some comments, but what do you think this is Op's

(02:01):
X from twenty years ago? Cheated on opee with the
sister or just in general in general with another guy? Okay, gotcha?

Speaker 4 (02:08):
Yeah, yeah, and twenty years ago, but then the sister
is now interested or was interested back then or something.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
It's unclear because right now it seems like they're just like,
I want to talk to your ax. Yeah. So maybe
the dating comes later and she's just testing the waters
and she's like, yeah, just trying to see if it's
okay if I hang out with your ex. I don't care. Okay,
I haven't seen her in twenty years.

Speaker 4 (02:35):
Yeah, okay makes a little bit more sense. But I
don't know, go ahead, just do it.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
Literally, I'd just be like, would you want okay?

Speaker 4 (02:43):
Yeah, I don't know what you'd be the A hole for.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, you just didn't do anything. Yeah, sure, I don't know. Yeah,
I haven't thought about her in a minute. I'm in one,
not the a hole. It was twenty years ago, and
you've more than moved on. I actually think you're being
quite mature and having no reaction would be a normal
response to hearing about someone you haven't seen or heard
from in twenty years. Maybe your sister feels guilty for

(03:06):
talking to her again because of the cheating, Opie says.
I can see why she may feel guilty because she
was swiftly on my side and felt extremely hurt and
betrayed too, But again, it was a very long time ago,
and I literally don't care who she talks to you,
as it's not like it just happened. Reply how did
they start talking again if they haven't seen each other

(03:29):
in so long, Opie says. She said, apparently she was
out getting stuff for my nieces when she bumped into
my ex by chance. They talked for a bit, ended
up exchanging numbers, and have been talking most days, doing
a lot of catch up, and have been getting coffee
at least once a week now. And reply, so this
is really weird to me, you said, you have no reaction, like,

(03:51):
did you just stare at your sister deadpan for thirty
seconds then move on? Did you tell her okay, I
don't care, have fun, I'm happily married. I got no
interest in her life or who she talks to. Then
that is an answer, and your sister should accept it.
I'm friends with people who are friends with my ex wife.
I just go all right, cool, leave me out of

(04:12):
anything involving her. But I don't care if you're friends
with her. She did the thing to me, not you,
and I'm married. The woman so I know she has
the qualities to be a good friend. I'm just not
interested to hear from or about her, And everyone I
know has been absolutely fine with that answer. It makes
it sound like you didn't actually tell your sister or anything.
Tell her you're fine with their friendship, but you want

(04:34):
nothing to do with it. Comment two says, not the ale.
Just tell her that you're fine with it full stop.
Why exactly did she get mad at you for not
showing a reaction? Reply My guy says, she wants a
clear sign off. She may feel like she's betraying you
by being friends with her. My brother's ex wife cheated
on him a lot, and even though he didn't ask

(04:55):
for it, I hate her for him. She's probably asking
if it's okay to be friend friends if she is
the loyal type, and based on the way she took
your side, she isn't asking you if you don't care,
but wants you to bless the friendship. And there is
an update, folks, But any.

Speaker 4 (05:11):
Other thoughts, Yeah, I mean, I guess that would make sense.
Maybe she like, yeah, maybe she is just loyal and
just like kind of feels.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Bad for wanting this.

Speaker 4 (05:20):
Yeah, but she wants it, and so she just kind
of needs, like the okay to not feel guilty.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
I mean, that's yeah, that.

Speaker 4 (05:27):
Makes sense to me.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Sure, but I feel like it's not really Opee's job
to make her not feel guilty. Oh totally yeah. I
feel like Opee's well within his right to just be like, I.

Speaker 4 (05:36):
Don't know, I gueah like whatever, No, yeah, I totally agree.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah. Update, I realized I had never given my sister
an exact answer, just that I had no visible reaction,
just that I had asked her what she wanted from me,
and she was frustrated over it. I ended up calling
her not that long ago and we talked about it.
I asked why she felt so strongly about wanting to
know my feelings about it, and a lot of you

(06:00):
suspected she wanted approval, and you were right. I explained
in my original post that my sister and expert quite
good friends, and that the friendship ended because I got
cheated on and my sister also felt betrayed. The two
haven't spoken in twenty years. When my sister and my
experre friends, they did a lot with me and together,
they did a lot together and were almost like best friends.

(06:23):
And my sister told me that of course she was
pissed and felt betrayed about the cheating, but also sad
because she lost her only genuine friend at the time.
I know she has really struggled to maintain good friendships,
so she said when she happened to bump into my
ex by chance, and that they picked up where they
left off, she left at the chance to start their

(06:44):
friendship up again. She said it's like a fog has
been lifted from her and that she feels like she
has her best friend back. She said she wanted to
tell me, but thought I'd be weird about it because
at the time I was so cut up about the breakup.
She feels really guilty for being happy about rekindling her
friendship with someone who caused me so much pain. After
hearing all that, I understand why she wants to maintain

(07:06):
the friendship and why she didn't want to tell me.
I explicitly told her that I have no reaction to it, because,
without sounding like a wiener, I really don't care who
she spends time with. I told her I feel enough
time has passed that I can accept my exes in
her life, especially since my sister told me she's still
with the man she left me for and they're married

(07:27):
and have a family, so they're obviously serious. I do
think we're gonna have to re record that title.

Speaker 4 (07:33):
It's not accurate yeah, because it said like cheated or something.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Or no, it said my sister is dating my ex
and she's yeah. She also said her daughters by nieces
are the same age as my ex's kids, and that
it would be good for the kids to be friends too,
which I get as they don't have many. Like I said,
I have also moved on and have been married for
twelve years and I have three kids. I basically told

(07:57):
my sister if she's looking for my blessing, but that
I won't be involved or really interested in the friendship
because it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I also
told her she shouldn't feel guilty, as it's happened, it's done,
and I moved on and recovered from it. Like if
I saw the ex, I would be civil, but I
wouldn't be weird or anything about it, because again I

(08:19):
don't really care. Plus, from the sounds of it, the
ex will really only be mingling with my sister, potentially
my brother in law and their kids, so I may
not see her at all. She left the call feeling
at least happier, and I'm just glad she has a
friend back. I suppose, not an exciting update or anything,
but I guess a good outcome. We were just mature

(08:40):
and civilized. Do you have any final thoughts? I feel
like this.

Speaker 4 (08:44):
Makes this feels like no one's a whole cun Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
Sorry, I feel like it wants to be friends with
your ex. Yeah it's been twenty years. Yeah, you don't
really care.

Speaker 3 (08:52):
She's just thinking of your feelings.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, but you don't have any.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
So cool.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
Honestly, I feel like it's kind of it's cool of
her to be like, hey, are you good this?

Speaker 3 (08:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (09:00):
I think that's actually really polite. For sure? For sure,
I don't know. Yeah, you know what a a plus?
Good job everyone, good job everyone what.

Speaker 4 (09:09):
We like to see, except for you know, the one
that cheated.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yeah that's job. But edit, my wife knows like me,
she doesn't care. She would have a problem if my
sister expected my ex to be involved in family stuff
if we were there. But it seems like from what
my sister says, my ex will only be involved in
her life and potentially her and my ex's kids can
be friends. I need to make it clear my ex

(09:33):
will not be involved in my life in any way
or be around my children. And no, this isn't some
plot of my sister who secretly wants me to get
back together. And no, I'm not cutting my sister off
because she's friends again with the woman who cheated on me.
It was twenty years ago. I'm over it. I don't
care anymore. She can be friends with whoever she wants

(09:56):
as long as she's happy.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
My family's jealousy it ruined my my wedding. Now they
want to reconnect. No, am I the hole for blocking
my whole family on my mother's side after my wedding
and not talking to them even when they still try
to contact me. I twenty eight female, got married two
years ago and moved to a different country just two
weeks after. Since then, I've never spoken to any of

(10:19):
my aunt's uncles or cousins from my mom's side. By
the way, this comes from Tired but Witchy on the
Charlotte do Bray YouTube sepreddit, But if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
storytime Separated it so. For background, my mom's entire family
lives in the same town as us. Growing up, we
were very close. I used to live in another city
for my studies, but whenever I came home, it was

(10:40):
always dinners, meet ups, staying over at each other's houses,
and going on trips. They felt like my people. I
was very close with all of them, especially my cousins.
The issues started one year before my wedding when I
got engaged to my longtime boyfriend, and our culture, love
marriages are not common. In fact, I am the first
one in my family to have a love marriage. Luckily,

(11:01):
my parents were supportive and open about it. Since my
boyfriend and his family lived in the same area, my
parents already knew him and they were happy with our relationship.
During my engagement party, one of my uncles, my mom's
sister's husband, made a horrible comment about me. First, they
came really late to the party and didn't talk to
any of us. Then he said, in front of other

(11:23):
family members, if my daughter was effing around with a
boy and then came asking you for a marriage, I
would be ashamed not celebrating they're engaged. We didn't even
know this happened. Because we were busy enjoying the party.
But the next day, my mom's older sister called her
to tell her everything he said. She also told my
mom that she should call him and apologize because he

(11:43):
felt disrespected that no one asked him for his permission
if I can marry my boyfriend or not since he's
an elder. He's the type of person who can't stand
to see anyone happy. At every celebration, birthday's, weddings, even
religious events, he somehow finds a way to make it
about himself and create drama. But we still never expected
this level of hatred, especially towards me. He used to

(12:04):
call me his own daughter and loved me growing up.
When my mom found out, she was furious at all
of these family members for not standing up for me.
Even worse, the rest of the family kept saying, that's
how he is. Don't take it to heart like they
always do. But this time my mom stood up for me.
She called her sister his wife and said clearly how

(12:26):
disgusting his behavior was and that if this was what
he thinks about me, then he should never come to
our house or talk to us again. After that, the
entire family started pressuring us to apologize to him. They said,
if he won't come to the wedding, we can't either.
Out of respect. They kept saying that we should be
the bigger person. But my parents were not ready to

(12:47):
give in. We thought it was one of those regular
dramas that he does every few months and maybe things
would calm down eventually. But no, that issue became the
reason that we were slowly cut off from the whole family.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
Well you know, what if they're your family's gonna side
with this guy and what he wants. Yeah, I'm also
confused because like it's not even his family, right, you know,
like this isn't his blood Yes, he was married in
so obviously you know that is important, but sure he's
calling all of the shots. Yeah, and they're like, yeah,
we're gonna listen to him because she's respect, you know.

(13:18):
And it's like you're not even that's not even a
blood relative, right, not even like you're the father.

Speaker 4 (13:23):
Like what just because he's an elder, he should have
like power to give permission.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Like so what you have to go to every single.

Speaker 4 (13:31):
Person in your family that's older than you and get
permission for your marriage?

Speaker 1 (13:36):
Like you No, you can't get a unanimous vote out
of that much. Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (13:41):
I'm talking about six aunts and uncles and seventeen cousins
that I was once really really close to. The pressure
from my family continued for two to three months. Then
ten months before the wedding, my mom's brother passed away.
He was a heavy drinker and had been very sick for.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
A long time. He was really sad.

Speaker 4 (13:59):
After passing, we all met again for the funeral and rituals.
It was the first time the whole family came together
after the fight. Everyone was acting nice and normal. We
thought maybe the grief had healed the differences and brought
us back together. Normally, we would have canceled the wedding
after or passing in the family, especially since it was
so close. But since I was moving abroad just two
weeks after the wedding, and in our culture we can't

(14:20):
live together before the marriage, it wasn't an option to postpone.
To honor the laws in the family, we decided to
cancel all celebrations. No music, no dancing, no functions, just
a simple temple ceremony with close family. My parents and
in laws agreed. We just wanted to make it a formality.
But when we informed the extended family, they lost it again.

(14:41):
This time, they weren't upset because of the grief. They
were demanding that we canceled the wedding entirely, at least
for two more years. They didn't want to understand our
situation at all. It didn't matter that I was leaving
the country, it didn't matter that we were still grieving.
They just wanted control. I had a breakdown. I told parents,
I don't even want a wedding anymore. Let's just get

(15:03):
married at the temple with just the people who love us.
I'm done trying to please anyone else. My parents didn't
like it, but they understood. We also planned to come
back a year later to celebrate properly when my sister
got married, so that gave us some hope. Before we
informed them about this, one of my aunts, who doesn't
usually get involved in drama, told us the real reason
behind all of this. It was not my wedding, or

(15:25):
my uncle's passing or any disrespect. The truth was jealousy.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Shock. Wow, everyone's surprised about that. Yeah, come on, they
didn't have a real reason for being against your marriage.

Speaker 4 (15:38):
Yeah what, No way, no way. Two cousins brother and
sister from two different uncles, were still unmarried at the
ages of thirty six and thirty five. I loved my cousins,
but none of them really have stable jobs like their
parents do or are doing well in their careers. Both
had bad reputations in our small town doing due to

(15:59):
multiple affairs and toxic behavior. For years, their families had
tried to find arranged matches. Nothing worked because of their
past and how everyone knew about it. On the other hand,
I was getting married at twenty six to a good
man from a respectable family, and my sister was engaged too.
According to this aunt, those uncles were bitter that our
lives were moving forward while their children, who never studied,

(16:21):
never built careers, and created drama, were stuck.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Sucks to suck. Yeah, stop comparing your kids to other
kids exactly. Don't get your lane.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
Can't bring down everyone else just as your kids suck.
They thought that it was unfair that our family always
got everything, that we had a house, education, stable jobs,
happy relationships while they had nothing, but that was their
own choice. My mom worked hard to study even when
her family had nothing. My dad supported her after marriage
to continue education and become a teacher. They sacrificed luxuries

(16:51):
to build a life for us. I study for years
to become a dentist. My sister also worked hard to
move forward. Meanwhile, our uncles spent money on trips, married women,
they never let study or work, and raised kids who
didn't take their futures seriously. But when things didn't go
their way, instead of taking responsibility, they blamed us. After
hearing the truth, I decided I wouldn't delay or change

(17:14):
my wedding anymore. We held the wedding as expected. The
entire maternal family cut contact with us. Wow, even after
realizing that it was all jealousy all along.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
Well, I think it's It wasn't like they realized, yeah
it's jealousy. I think the aunt was like, you know's
like jealousy. Yeah yeah, And they're going to continue living
in their little jealous world instead of being happy for
other people.

Speaker 4 (17:37):
Right, come on?

Speaker 1 (17:39):
Boohoo, god boo.

Speaker 4 (17:40):
Those ten months were the worst time of our lives,
especially for my mom. She had always supported her siblings
financially and emotionally.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
When someone needed.

Speaker 4 (17:48):
A fridge, car or medical help, she gave During the
VID when no one had income, she sent them money
every month, without even counting. She helps them with college fees.
She stood by them in hospitals, and when we needed them,
no one showed up. My mom started having panic attacks.
We pulled all nighters calming her where My dad's health

(18:09):
declined from stress. I had to arrange everything for the
wedding myself, food, clothes, logistics, and also prepared to move abroad.
I had no bridesmaids. None of my cousins who I
grew up with even messaged me, not even once. Most
of my friends were abroad. My hometown didn't feel like
home anymore. My husband and his family were supportive, but
they had their own preparations to do. I was physically

(18:32):
and emotionally exhausted. I fainted right after the wedding ceremony
while we were getting our pictures taken, and I was
hospitalized the next day. That's my wedding memory, Not joy,
not laughter, just exhaustion, sadness, and betrayal. Now it's been
two years we moved abroad. My parents are doing better.
We've healed in many ways. A few months ago, the

(18:52):
same aunt who told us the truth started talking to
my mom again. She told my mom that one of
my cousins, the son of the uncle who passed. I
wanted to reconnect. He told her it's time to move on.

Speaker 1 (19:03):
And start over.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
A few days later, I got a message from him
through his wife's Instagram account saying that I was being
selfish and that it's not easy to go against your family.
I blocked him immediately.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
This was.

Speaker 4 (19:16):
He wanted to move on and start over. And he's like,
you're selfish. You shouldn't have left your family, even though
they all cut her out.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
Yeah, they left you, and so you left because of
you too, Yeah, because of the freaking uncle. Yeah's all
his fault. Literally, he's the one you left your family. Yeah,
come on, that's that's looking to me. Her, buddy, you
didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, Like you literally just got
married and have a good life and they're jealous. Yeah.

(19:45):
At this point, I think you just kind of distanced yourself,
which they've already done for you. You support your mom,
who's unfortunately had to lose a lot of her family. Yeah,
and you know, you create your own kind of family
unit apart from these people.

Speaker 4 (20:01):
Right, And I'm like so confused and like it's so
frustrating that the aunt that told the truth about the jealousy.
Didn't even talk to them all anymore.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
She was part of She was like, yeah, they're doing jealousy. Well,
it's because the whole thing of her being like the
one who's not involved in drama. But it's like when
you're not involved in drama, but you still kind of
take the side of the people who are aside. Yeah, yeah,
it's not great.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
No, that's crazy because I feel like, if you are
gonna take that route, you gotta be like the middleman.
But she just totally wasn't even talking to the mom
at all.

Speaker 3 (20:35):
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
There's a little bit more to the story.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
Now.

Speaker 4 (20:38):
My mom is gently asking me to consider giving the
cousins a chance. She says that they were just silent
because they couldn't go against their parents, and that I
shouldn't lose all my relationships over something that the elders did.
But here's how I see it. These cousins are not children.
They are adults between twenty three and thirty five, and
not one of them tried to speak up, not one message,
not one call. They chose their parents' side. Silence to me,

(21:02):
is the same as betrayal, especially when we needed them
the most. Now they want to reconnect, but I honestly
don't need them. I've lived through the worst without them.
My parents are stronger now, my husband's family treats me
like their own.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
We've built a peaceful life.

Speaker 4 (21:16):
But deep down, every time I remember what happened, my
heart starts pounding. I get anxious, and I hate that
I still carry that pain. So now I'm here asking
am I the a hole for refusing to forgive, refusing
to unblock them, and refusing to let them back into
my life?

Speaker 1 (21:30):
Even now? I think my brother is faking being sick,
so I confronted him. I'm sick. I eighteen female have
an older brother, Mason, twenty one, and I'm very suspicious
about all the times he's gotten sick suddenly. By the way,
this comes from your mom Hot one oh one, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to

(21:52):
the r slash Okay storytime separate it. So my birthday,
he magically got a bad headache on the day of
my birthday, so I had to move my birthday party
plans to a different place. But he also got another
bad headache coincidentally, on the day I was trying to
go out with my aunt and my mom for a
birthday activity. Both times my parents or others have stayed

(22:12):
back to dote on him, and I would completely understand
this if him getting sick wasn't only on every single
special occasion of mine. It's gone from migrains to what
I assume is fake puking in the bathroom when I'm
trying to have friends over, to complaining of a sore
throat and a fever. Keep in mind, he doesn't even
live with my parents and I right now. He lives

(22:33):
about forty five minutes away, and this happens when he visits. Otherwise,
he doesn't really seem to get sick so often. This
feels like it's my last straw. I'm graduating high school
and I was able to contact some relatives I don't
get to see often, and they expressed interest in coming
down to my graduation and staying for a few days
to have a nice dinner and all that. Magically, my

(22:53):
brother is sick again. He shuffled from the bathroom, made
some coughing noises, and announced that he had puked, the
bathroom didn't smell like it, and he then went off
to bed, where I saw he was online on steam
for six hours straight, while he claimed he was trying
to sleep off and incoming migraine. He's been coughing loudly,
having these voice cracks that are so comically forced. I

(23:16):
can see right through that stupid crap. I can't stand it.
I've known my brother so well I can tell when
he's lying, and at this point, all of this feels
too often to be just coincidental, given it's only when
I have a special event coming up. Now my mom
is saying we can't have anyone else over because my
brother will get them sick, and that I should cancel

(23:37):
a plan for a graduation party at our house I've
been planning for weeks with my friends. I'm tired of this,
seriously tired. At first, I was guilty for even thinking
that my brother could be faking it, because what kind
of horrible sibling doesn't feel sympathy for a sick brother
who's suffering. Either way, I have to know would I
be the ale if I confronted him. I need to

(23:57):
put a stop to this if he's faking it, but
if he isn't, I'll probably look like the biggest idiot.
Please any advice would be helpful and there is an update.
I honestly think you gotta confront him. Yeah, go ahead,
because even if he is sick, he's being really disrespectful
to you, Like he's coming home while sick. If anything,

(24:18):
he should be back at his place. He knows, right,
he doesn't live with you, and he knows that you're
having a party. Yeah, i'd be if I were that
sick and I knew you're having a party, I'd be like,
I'm so sorry. I'll go, you know, to back to
my place and be sick there, right.

Speaker 4 (24:32):
I won't like be here so I could get everyone
else sick. Yeah, it's just rude.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
It's so rude. Yeah, definitely. You guys are brother and sister.

Speaker 4 (24:40):
I feel like, I mean, you know, obviously everyone's relationship
is different, but like if you guys have the relationship
where you can fight and maybe be okay afterwards, I
think also you call his bluff.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Yeah, you stick right next to him. You're like, oh,
if you're sick, then you'll get me sick, right, And
he's like no, no want to and you're like no, I
don't care. And every time you don't get you're like,
that's so strange. I never get sick around right right, Yeah,
so crazy, weird yeah. Update all right, Well here's a
little update a bit later, because I'm angry and so

(25:13):
tired of this. He's a little crap. He missed my
graduation because he got another migrain. Surprise, surprise. I figured
I wouldn't be able to have a grad party at
my house, as I'd been planning for a while. I
didn't get to, but I narrowly managed to go on
a post graduation trip I had planned with my friends
four months. My wonderful brother kept saying he was pretty

(25:36):
sick and what if he got me infected and I
got all my friends sick on the trip. My mom
almost didn't let me go because of that. At this point,
I feel like every single instance pointed at me. I
don't understand why. It's like he's trying hard to ruin
whatever fun I could possibly try to have, or anything
at all I may be excited about. Back to my graduation,

(25:58):
I was pissed for a bit because despite all this,
he's my brother and I would have wanted him to
be there, and clearly he didn't want to show up
to support me. I've attended both of his graduations. I
don't know if there's going to be an end to
this or if anyone will see this update, but there's
plenty more going on. The third week of June, my
dad and mom surprised us with a week long trip

(26:18):
to Hawaii, which isn't something we get to do much
at all, and I was super excited for it. He
was a nice place on the Big Island, and I'm
being completely serious when I say this, but every single
day something was wrong with him. The first morning there,
he claimed to be so sick he couldn't come with
us to get groceries for the whole family for the week,

(26:39):
missing the whole first day of chores and getting settled in.
Yet he was upset we got breakfast out without him.
The second day, he was magically okay to go to
the beach resort with us and spend the day out
shopping and eating. The next day, have stomach issues and
he went into the bathroom to Vomit can tell when
someone vomits. That sounds weird, but I am intense sympathy vomitter.

(27:01):
Like the second I smell that rank stomach acid smell,
I will be making a puddle on the ground too.
Of coross you ran to the bathroom dramatically after breakfast
and made some wretching noises in the bathroom. No splashing
in the toilet, no smell of stomach acid. Trust me,
I would know from a mile away. No hoarseness or
raspiness afterwards when he hobbled out to tell my parents

(27:23):
he was sick again. Okay, I'm getting too much into
the vomit. What I mean is pretty much every day
there was something ranging from oh, my fours, I couldn't
possibly let you guys go on a hike when I
feel like this all the way to I have to
be in your bathroom at all times or also poop myself.

Speaker 4 (27:40):
And poop yourself. That's what you deserve is poopy pants
in your pants.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
I don't Honorstan. Why he's not being taken to a doctor.
Don't get it.

Speaker 4 (27:49):
Don't get it, because that really is like how they
need to deal with this is like, oh, I'm so
sorry that you're just like, let me help you with
all this stuff. I'm gonna watch you drink this Nike
will and like I'm gonna I'm gonna have to take
all this.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yeah, start giving him medicine.

Speaker 4 (28:03):
Yeah, you have to, like drink this disgusting medicine. You
can't have those delicious foods you want, You can't have
any desserts. You can't come out with us.

Speaker 1 (28:12):
Like you have to go to the resort.

Speaker 4 (28:14):
Yeah, yeah, you have to like overly sympathize.

Speaker 1 (28:17):
Yeah, so that he stops because.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
He's getting away with it.

Speaker 1 (28:19):
And I don't think that your parents are gonna believe
you if you say, oh, like, he's not sick, So
I think you just do that with your parents. You go, oh, oh,
he he needs time to rest. Oh, we should probably
get him on you know, we should take him to
a doctor. And like, yeah, so, as you said, overly sympathetic, Yeah,
just like being so really weird. You don't even have to,
you know, say that he's lying. You get him to

(28:41):
admit it because he's you know, yeah, yes, it's exaggerated
in those quotations, but legitimately his foot hurt, his head hurt,
his back hurt, his tummy hurt, ufing name it. Finally,
by this point my parents started to believe me. We
began to quietly mutter exasperated things to one another while
leaving the hotel without him, yet again, mostly with me

(29:02):
staring at them with pure annoyance and getting to say
that's what I've been She Dad's upset that he spent
so much money on a nice vacation for us, only
for us to get to do half the things we
wanted to and all the things we tried to do
without Mason. He got pissed at us for doing without
him while he was moping at the hotel. Now we

(29:22):
are seeing family across the world. Guess what. Mason's been
sick for two weeks straight. The second day of us
being here, he trudged into my shared room with my mom,
lay on her bed and explained he had a fever.
Checked with a thermometer nothing above ninety eight. He still
had my mom feel up his sweaty forehead were in
the tropics, and she relented, letting him stay in his

(29:45):
room for days on end. Then the loud coughing, not
hacking or wheezing, just coughing that sounds so gosh darn
loud it echoes through the walls. He went to a
doctor for it after a lot of prodding at mom
from me, who found not much wrong with him, but
after he complained about the coughing, she prescribed him some
cough suppressing pills two weeks straight. He refused to leave

(30:08):
the apartment because he's too self conscious to cough in
front of other people. I'm sorry, is this man eight
years old? Eight years old? He's eight years old.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
I remember old, like leaving the cloths room in like
second grade because I was embarrassed to cough in front
of people because it was so silent in there. Yeah,
this man is twenty one. He's twenty one, Like.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
I don't know, wear a mask.

Speaker 4 (30:30):
This like pisses me off more than actual like violence,
Like this is like.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
This is so annoying. He's so annoying because it's just
so stupid. Yeah, it's like why you're upset that you're
missing out all these things? Yeah, you're doing that to yourself, right,
I think you're.

Speaker 4 (30:47):
Just maybe self conscious as a person and never got
out of high school.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Or I think yeah, I think either he's lying yeah,
or he's like, you know, a hypochondriac and he's like,
oh yeah, I have a little tickle on my throat.
Oh go right, you know yeah, And it's like both
are annoying. Yeah, well fu too. I'm fully eighteen, but
my mom doesn't want me exploring a city on my
own because she's terrified I'll get kidnapped. Love you, mom,
but come on, So Mason was supposed to be my chaperone.

(31:14):
Guess what. I also haven't been able to leave the
house for two weeks. I can't see my friends here,
I can't see the places I want to go. I
can't do anything but sit in this apartment on my phone.
I've tried presenting evidence to my parents, and before that,
I tried pushing them, playing up his migraines and pushing
them to get him tested for bad allergies or just

(31:34):
I don't know something, but they've been resistant. They believe
me kind of now, but they're not doing anything no
matter how frustrated I get. Do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 4 (31:44):
I think you definitely need to stop right up to
him and be like, yeah, you're stupid, there's no vomit
in that toilet or go and like hold his air bag, yeah,
even though he probably is, Oh, I'll help you, like
I'll be there for you. Yeah, don't worry, and then
be like, so, why is there no vomiting it?

Speaker 1 (32:01):
There's the vomit. Yeah, you always are rushing like run
into the bathroom.

Speaker 4 (32:05):
Yeah, exactly vomits, right, because he's like being so theatrical
and like rushing into the bathroom to vomit. When you
do that, it's not like you're gonna suddenly feel like, Oh,
I'm actually good, I don't have to vomit anymore. Yeah,
you would have vomited, be stupid. Yeah, you gotta come
up with some sort of scheme if confronting him doesn't work.

Speaker 1 (32:25):
Yeah, because this is so insanely frustrating. The parents are
putting up with it. Yeah, but you're nineteen, means you're
probably off to college soon. Yeah, so you want to
have to put out with him for too much longer?

Speaker 3 (32:35):
Hopefully.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
Man, there's just so much going on and I don't
want to have to put up with this crap on
top of everything else. This was long. And if it
sounds like I'm mad, I apologize, but I am. I'm
sick and tired of his antics ruining literally everything. He
gets very very pissed if I have the nerve to
ask him if he's really feeling sick all the time,
because yes, I've tried to confront him so many times

(32:57):
it's not even funny. Mom and Dad are both kind
of starting to believe me, but not enough to do
anything about it, or to not let him be a fragile,
little Victorian child and lay around coughing dramatically with four
gaming devices in his room that I can hear him
playing on for hours and hours that he made me
carry on up fifteen hour flight. That's it. That's the update. Truthfully,

(33:21):
I don't know if I'm doing this right or what
the rules are on this kind of subreddit. I've never
had to update any post before, but I'm just so
done with his crap. I don't even know what to
do anymore.

Speaker 4 (33:31):
Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
We'll get back to the stories, but here's three minutes
of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
My husband won't help with the baby at night. Is
he a baby at night? I, twenty three female, am
the primary caregiver for our son. I watch him all
day until his dad, twenty five mail, gets off work
around six pm. I go into work from seven pm
to twelve and during that time he has to just
make sure the baby stays alive during his sleep, as

(33:55):
the baby's bedtime is at seven. By the way, this
comes from unconventional mom And if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash okay, story
time separate it. So I had burnout a few weeks
ago and knew I couldn't keep this up. Watching him
all day going to work, then watching him all night
was unliving me. So I had to tell husband he
needs to wake up at least once a night to

(34:17):
feed the baby. He does sometimes. I'm sorry, why is
op the primary I thought she was like a stay
at home mom.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
Yeah, she's a primary caregiver and she works.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Yeah, that's kind of also insane to have like a
whole partner and be like, yeah, I've heart primary caregiver.
That's crazy for some reasons. If the baby wakes up,
he will hand him to me while he warms a bottle.
I don't do this. If he wakes up, I leave
him in the crib and warm one. I don't see
the point of us both being awake. But he will
wake me up out of sleep and give our son

(34:54):
to me, then take him back to feed him. The
bottle takes four minutes to warm. During those few minutes,
he will lay back in bed and somehow fall asleep
so the baby doesn't get bet. He did this again
last night, for like the twentieth time. I have told
him that if he cannot put the baby to sleep
ninety eight percent, he can't to hand him to me.
Baby is now at the age where he prefers me

(35:14):
over dad and sometimes will fight sleep for hours until
he sees me, probably because you are the only one caring.

Speaker 3 (35:20):
For him that does even ninety eight percent fail rate.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
That's crazy. You can't have a ninety eight percent fail
rate with a baby. No, that's just not okay. And also, yeah,
your baby. It is not because your baby's at the
age where it's like, oh mama, No, it's probably because
he's never seen.

Speaker 3 (35:36):
His dad, right or yeah, oh my god.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
I assume that's what he was doing. He had fed
the baby and couldn't put him down, so he gave
him to me, but he had not The baby will
fall back asleep on me, whether he has eaten or not,
but he'll toss and turn and eventually wake up from hunger.
That is so dangerous. Gods are you're.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
Not feeding your baby? You're not even trying at that point.
If you're, I'm that bad of a time doing it.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Truthfully, Come on, I sleep terribly when the baby's on
me because I'm not a back sleeper. And my brain
knows the baby is beside me, so it's on panic mode,
so I don't roll on top of him. I hate
co sleeping, especially with all of us in the bed.
The whole point in him waking up to feed the
baby is to let me get a few more hours
of sleep. I'm not getting that. And now our baby

(36:23):
won't settle for sleep again because he's starving and relentless,
So me and the kid have been up since fot.
This isn't the first time he's done this. He'll make
bottles and just fall back asleep, and I end up
having to be the one doing everything. I just don't
understand how he can sleep knowing his son is hungry,
tired or not. Like I'm not tired too. I watch
his son all day, I clean every day, I cook

(36:45):
every day, and then I go to work and have
to come back and watch the baby all night. I
know parenthood is by definitional lack of sleep, but it's
not supposed to be solely on one parent. I'm seriously
contemplating this relationship because I have boy my opinion multiple
times on this issue. You said this is your twentieth
time twentieth time, aye ya Yai, come on, it's ridiculous.

(37:10):
I mean, what truly, what's the point of being in
a relationship with this person, co parenting with this person?
If he's not even parenting.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
He's not doing anything.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Now help you, yeah, Releman comments. Commoner one says, uh,
what does the father say when you confront him about this?
Opie says he was the one who was pushing for
himself to wake and help. Actually, so I figured that
was his compromise for it all. But he does apologize
and says he doesn't remember falling asleep. I don't care,
don't know. Arm Yeah, you're warming a bottle. Common Or

(37:41):
two says, now that he knows he can't stay awake
if you hop back in bed, there is no reason
he should be doing anything during those four minutes, but
standing there waiting for the bottle to finish warming up.
He's being selfish and hoping you'll just do it yourself.
Opie says, I tell him this. I don't understand why
he can't just stand for four minutes. Comina three says,
wake him up. Every time you get up at night

(38:03):
to feed the baby, make sure he stays awake while
you're feeding. If that means turning on the light in
the bedroom or feeding the baby in the dark, but
in bed next to your husband. When the pain he's
in is greater than the pain of change, he will change.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
Yeah, I'd be making so much noise at the.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
Oh, I'd like you're waking up every time, like, oh sorry,
did I wake you up? Oh?

Speaker 3 (38:23):
Sorry, I have to feed the baby.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
I to feed the baby. I did it. Though I
fed the baby, I didn't go back to sleep. At
the very least, he will understand how tired you are,
Obie says, I will. The crazy thing is just this
week he started only waking up twice. Used to wake
up four to five times before, but he wakes up
at six am, meaning I sleep like four hours. If
his dad could literally just do one feeding, Oh oh,

(38:46):
the baby's sorry, he's waking up. The baby's only waking
up two times a night, and oh wow. Yeah, if
his dad could literally just do one feeding, that's already
half the work done. As Opie's husband been tested for
any possible medical conditions that affect his sleep, Opie says,
I don't think so, but I'm no doctor, so I
wouldn't know for sure. I'll bring it up. But you're

(39:08):
right on the dot with men not liking doctors. When
he's sick, in pain, anything of the sort, he will
refuse to see one. He does snore, and he will
like choke and wake himself up. Sometimes it's scary to hear.
I always think he's going to pass away or something.
I definitely think it's a possibility. He wakes up at
six am to get ready to leave for work. He
gets home around six pm, and I leave for work

(39:29):
at six and come home around eleven to twelve. So
he really only gets a max of six hours of
sleep because it takes him about two to three hours
to put the baby to bed. That's dode close to normal.
That's pretty close to normal. A lot of people only
get six hours who aren't parents of a newborn.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
Child, and she's getting maybe four.

Speaker 1 (39:50):
Yeah. Does Opie's husband take any sleep related medications? Opie says,
nobody is a log. He's been like that since I've
known him. He didn't budge with our mirror crash down
and s added a few years ago. And he sleeps
through all of his alarms, even when the phone is
beside his head. Dude, is what is this is? Sleep?
Does concern me sometimes because one second he's up, then

(40:10):
the next he's out. Common or four says, First off,
do not close sleep with the baby. Super dangerous. It happens, sure,
but it only takes one second for the baby to
be blue and gone. Don't do that ever again. Next step,
tell him he is not allowed back in your bed
until the baby is fed. End of story. I have
triplets and I did night feeding, and I never once
just handed my kids back. That being said, some dads

(40:33):
have a hard time adjusting to the new regimen because
they didn't carry that baby, and it just takes time
to stop caring about oneself over another. Don't get resentful.
He can do better, and you need to tell him
as much. Good luck, mama, Ope, he says, Yes, we
don't co sleep if he's in the bed one of
us is awake, or I wait until he's knocked out

(40:53):
to transfer him because I can't sleep with him in
the bed beside me. I definitely think it's a slow process.
I just add him like two weeks ago to start helping,
and he just got this new job, so it's definitely
a balancing thing in my opinion. Opie on her son's
age and why it's necessary for him to have his feedings.
He's a baby.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
Yeah, but wait read the next one.

Speaker 1 (41:13):
Opie says ten months, but he has an ostomy bag
and needs sodium supplements, so he needs at least one
feeding at night. He won't drink salt water or else
his electrolytes will drop too low. Oh my goodness, he's
ten months old though he's almost a year old. Wow, wow,
And this has been going on that whole time. And
also like medical condition clearly.

Speaker 3 (41:33):
Yeah, And I think in the bag is like outside
of your stomach.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Yeah, yeah, but like you're not eating your child, like
the dad's not feeding his kid who has a medical condition. Right,
He wasn't allowed to start solids for a bit because
he was in the nick you for so long, plus
his surgeries afterwards. So he is just now starting to
accept solids. It's a work in progress. And we clean
his mouth after he eats, like dentist advises. And there
is an update, folks. But dang, So.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
She's also going to work, coming home, cleaning the house,
doing cooking dinner. Yeah, is the one that's staying up
taking care of a baby that has a medical condition. Yeah,
on four hours of sleep.

Speaker 1 (42:13):
On four hours of sleep.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
That's so much.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
I'm tired just thinking of this baby. Yeah, I mean
of this situation, not this baby. Oh my wow.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
I mean like at that point, she'd probably get more
sleep if she were the only parent.

Speaker 3 (42:30):
Yeah, you know, like what, she'd get up four minutes
and be done and go back to bed.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah. And I probably wouldn't have to worry about baby,
you know, waking up later because it's hungry or something.
Oh yea wait, three days later. Just want to start
off by saying thank you to everyone who gave thoughts, opinions,
and advice. I realized pretty quickly I wouldn't be able
to answer everyone, and a lot of the same questions
were being asked as well. For starters, my husband missing

(42:56):
a feeding doesn't hurt his medical condition because I make
sure I double the amount before bed allowed, and I'm
always up around four to five am to give him
a feed regardless, so he's always getting his sodium supplements.
Look up perch Sprung's disease if you're interested to learn
about our baby's condition. Also, I think some people get
confused and thought him missing a feed was every night,

(43:18):
but it only happens about twice a month. Still frustrating
when it happens though. Anyways, updates start here. I asked
him why he hands the baby to me, and he
says he does it because he can't hold himself while
getting milk, mixing supplements in and keeping him in the
crib to cry will wake me up more.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
Yeah, it's really hard to hold a bottle and shake it,
okay in your hand.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, Okay, this is my baby, my baby,
my shaker. That's really hard. It's really hard. I make
it look easy. It's so hard. Yeah, it's hard to
bounce on this actual but I'm balancing it anyway, s

(44:04):
crazy Mike wave ready, whoa how did they do that?
And also second thing? But it put the baby back
here you go. Yeah, what do you mean waking up
your wife will wake her up less than her hearing
a baby crying? He's he said, he said, waking you
up will be will wake you up less.

Speaker 3 (44:24):
Yeah, you're waking up the same amount.

Speaker 1 (44:26):
You're still waking up, except in one hand you're having
to hold a baby. In the other hand, you're like, oh,
baby's crying, you're plugs.

Speaker 3 (44:32):
I do think it is a thing though, when uh
new moms hear baby cry, they are like very awake,
really quickly, Like I think that's like.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
I mean, but the baby, she's probably waking up right
the way, hold the baby and make the bottle and
it won't live crying that this is ridiculous. You normally
will take the baby back ninety eight percent of the time,
he said, He'll stop and bring the baby into the
living room and let him cry there while he gets
everything done. Just figure out how to hold the baby.
I asked why he falls asleep, and he told me
that he genuinely does not. You know what you can

(45:01):
get like a little papoose and then and then you can.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
Do everything he's had, like a holder for the baby.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people went straight to calling
him an awful and a crap dad. But I see
this man every day and can promise he is anything
but that he's just lazy, or so I thought. I
brought up sleep apnea because there were tons of people
saying to look into it. I asked him to tell
me what sleep was like for him, and I'll give
you the short version. He wakes up constantly because he

(45:28):
feels like he loses his breath, heart stops, but he
does fall right back asleep, so he doesn't mind it
too much. He sweats so much he ends up cold
from being drenched. It's bad. His mouth is always dry
and horse from his onoxious snoring. It's gone awful. Oh
my god. So this poor woman, even when she's sleeping,
she can't get sleep because he's probably storing. And also
I don't even feel that bad for him, because he

(45:50):
could have caught him the doctor doctor, and he refused
to go to the doctor. So I'm sorry if you're like,
oh well, it's my sleep is pretty awful and I
can't breathe, but I didn't go to the doctor.

Speaker 3 (45:58):
And also this is the twe at least now, because
we've been longer twentieth time of this happening, and every
time she was like, I need you to stay up,
he never once said this.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
During the day, he has micro naps, so his head
is constantly bobbing. At work, he has to roll the
windows down with the AIC at full blast and music
at max, so he stays up while driving sometimes. Another
thing that I myself have diagnosed him with, so I
could be wrong, is somnia. Somnia. Look it up. What
I did this years ago because when we first started dating,

(46:27):
I noticed at night, when we were passed away asleep,
he would initiate spicy sleep every night. I went along
with it, but when we would wake the next morning,
he would always joke about how I was a wild
card at night and couldn't keep my hands off of him.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
We does he have it or she has it? That
sounded like he was the one asleep for that.

Speaker 1 (46:47):
Well, it seems like he like initiated asleep and then
wakes up.

Speaker 3 (46:51):
Oh, she said, she hello, continuing the deed.

Speaker 1 (46:54):
Okay. I was baffled and told him I was just
following his lead, and he too was baffled. He had
no memory of anything he did at night to me
or himself. Huh, he still doesn't know when he does it. Well,
guess what one of the causes for six spicy somnia
sleep apna. He has done all of these things since

(47:14):
I've known him. Also, he sticks his arms straight in
the air and strokes it while he sleeps, very creepy.
And just want to let you know what I deal with.
Oh my goodness. We came to an agreement me because
he fought me on seeing a doctor that he would
have telemed virtual appointment with the doctor and if they
advised us to come in, we would. Yesterday, before he
went to work, I set up the earliest appointment we

(47:34):
could get. No surprise. She heavily advised he come in
and start a sleep test with the clinic with all
his symptoms, including my awkward nighttime stories. Really weird telling
a doct your husband is a spicy sleep sleeper. The
arm thing is apparently a self soothing thing too, by
the way, he was on the fans. But she also
said they offer a sleep test at home kit and

(47:56):
we could do it ourselves. However, I don't know if
I trust it, and she said, but it's not as
reliable and there could be issues that we wouldn't know about.
We have an appointment next week to see a doctor
in person about this and we will decide then. But
I will leave it to him as it's his sleep
and comfort. No, it isn't. The thing you do is
not comfort. Your sleep and comfort are being disrupted. Your

(48:18):
baby's sleep and safety are being disrupted. It's not really
about him anymore. Your baby's not eating, Okay, I honestly
don't really give a one care in the world. About
his fear of doctors. I don't care.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
I don't care at all.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
I'd be like, no, you're going to the doctor because
this is our unless, like, like, our child's safety is
a risk. The kit is covered by our insurance, but
it comes with the risk of being less accurate. We
are making a sleep schedule, but knowing he might have
a sleep disorder. I don't want him waking with the
baby as of now. We agreed I should cut my
hours down at work. That way, I'm not so tired.

(48:54):
I can handle less sleep with less hours work. I
am upset with him because I only knew about his
snoring and wedding. I had no idea he had trouble
staying up or and working or driving. And that's frustrating
because what if he had to watch the baby alone
one day, or if he hurts someone or himself on
the road. We're definitely going to have another conversation about
honesty and communication because these issues could have been solved

(49:18):
months ago.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
Yeah, baby's ten months old. NA can get that test, Like,
I don't care if he's scared of the doctor.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
No, I'd be like, we're not going to do the
at home test because it's accurate, and I want to
solve this.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
Also, I'm pretty sure a sleep test is literally you
just go to the dock, they put some thingies on
your head, and you go to sleep.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (49:39):
They're not out here doing like a bunch of different tests.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
Literally just sleep.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
I don't know if I could do one of those, though,
because you'd have trouble going to sleep. Yeah, I think
I would also have trouble going to sleep, but I
think that helps the test. Maybe.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
Yeah, they're like, oh, you haven't solved it. Oh look
at that.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
You're here because you can't sleep, and you can't sleep.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
You can't sleep. What relevant? Cominer one says, make sure
he knows that he can pass away from untreated sleep
ATNA art attack and stroke can occur while he's sleep suffocating,
Opie says. The doctor and I both heavily emphasizes him.
He's worried, but not as worried as I think he
should be. But according to him, he's lived the past
ten years like this, So another week or two won't hurt.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
Yeah, it won't hurt him, it'll hurt you.

Speaker 1 (50:23):
Hopefully his luck stays up with that mindset. Cominer two says,
I hope your husband takes this seriously. He is literally
fighting for his life every single night, and it's taking
a massive toll on his health. It's also creating a
safety risk for your baby, and he's gambling with his
life and future by delaying diagnosis and treatment. So tell

(50:43):
him to drop the stubbornness and do exactly what the
doctor recommends as quickly as possible. Op. He says he
hasn't been to the doctor once since I've known him,
and according to him, his mother was the last one
who took him at fifteen.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
He hasn't been to the doctor since he was fifteen.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
What that's such a red flag to me, honestly, Like, okay,
I will amend that statement because obviously they're a financially
you know, financial reasons why a person can't go to
the doctor. But the fact that he seems like scared.

Speaker 3 (51:12):
Of the doctor and his mom at fifteen was like,
well you don't have to go anymore.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Yeah, I'm sorry. What like, if it is not a
financial reason.

Speaker 3 (51:19):
Go to the dock at the doc. I think that's
a real thing that men. Yeah, like ten to fifteen,
you're passed away ten thirteen years ago because they don't
go to the doctor. It's a totally fixable probability, and
you just don't go to the doctor.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
And they're like, I'll figure it out. Yeah, it's probably fine,
go to the doctor.

Speaker 3 (51:35):
We're too scared to make the appointment.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
Yeah, yeah, you're like to I have to call myself, mommy,
can you make the appointment for me? Yeah? I tell
him every other day to see a doctor, as he's
always had some random or concerning pain. Comin three says,
this needs to be a hill you pass away on.
Let him know and know on certain terms that if
he doesn't go in to do a proper sleep study,

(51:58):
you can pack his crap and move. I know it
seems extreme, but he's putting his life on the line.
He's putting your life on the line every time he
drives you, and he's putting your child's life on the line.
This cannot be negotiable. Keep in mind, sleep deprivation is
a form of torture. He has literally been torturing himself
for ten plus years. Opie says, Yes, once I heard

(52:19):
the driving part, I knew this wasn't a game anymore.
I've already set him his appointment and I'm driving him
to make sure it's done. Mommy said, sit your appointment.
Mommy sets your appointment for you. Also, luckily for us,
his best friend works at the same job and lives
in the same apartment complex as us, so he's offered
to drive him to work until his appointment with all

(52:39):
the help and support he's getting right now, if he
doesn't keep up his end of the deal, I'll have
to fight him and drag him there myself. Does op
and her husband have family close by that can help
out or be the support system? Opie says, my parents
aren't too far, but not close enough to help at night.
They're out of the country at the moment as well.
I do not get along with his mother, as she
is issue with obeying our babies sleep slash feeding schedules,

(53:03):
so we are low contact with them and only see
them once every two weeks. I don't trust help premarn
or do I want it. It will cause me more
stress than I already have. It's just us three at
the moment, but I do believe cutting my work hours
will help a lot with my stress and sleep. Common
or four says, I can't believe you agreed to let
him shirk his responsibility and you cut your hours at

(53:24):
work to make up for it, so now your career
will suffer. Holy heck o pie. He's acting like a
child and like he doesn't have any agency at all,
and you're falling for this weaponizing and competence scrap. He
let his medical issues affect his family to this degree
and still won't see a doctor until you force him to.
The story is infuriating to read. Not a happy update.

(53:46):
He has medical issues, okay, he did nothing to address
them for years, even when you begged, and still doesn't
take responsibility sleep test at home for what reason when
you can get a better test to the doctor and
they offered it. It's pure laziness and selfishness. If he
cared about his family, he would do everything he can
to make sure he is healthy and present for them.

(54:09):
Now your career takes a hit while he can continue
to let you do every single thing for him, including
managing his health like he's the baby, which is what
you said, which I called op says the plan was
for me to quit my job and become a stay
at home mom. From the beginning. I hate my job.
It's physical labor, and I certainly don't love working, especially

(54:31):
when it means I can't see my son. He is
going to the doctor. He was iffy about whether to
do the test at home or at the clinic because
of work.

Speaker 3 (54:39):
No, not a reason.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
Not a reason. It's a new job and he doesn't
have the same leeway as his other He's been iffy
for ten years. Test sleep test night, Well, not necessarily, I.

Speaker 3 (54:52):
Think usually they're really night I think even.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
Regardless of that, I'm just ten years. Yeah, so this
is he's just always like, oh well now I have
a new excuse. Yeah, but he is going to the doctor.
He's going to decide which test is best when he
gets there and go with whatever the doctor decides. He
didn't know he had an actual issue and just blames stress.
I didn't know either, and I never asked him to
test for apnea. He gets bad migraines and his side

(55:17):
hurt sometimes. Those are the issues I was referring to.
But while he's there, he has to get a general
work up anyways, so we'll see if he has any
other underlying conditions, and he'll bring anything else up because
he would rather do it all there than make a
second appointment. Opie on having babysitting sources for son. Opie
says most babysitters aren't comfortable with handling a baby with

(55:38):
special care like an ostemy bag. If it were to
fall off, they would be responsible for reapplying his dressings,
and that's a lot to ask for anyone. I enjoy
watching my son and already work part time as it is.
We have already discussed how we aren't comfortable with our
son being in daycare or having a babysitter. They aren't
cheap and it would be more money than it's worth.

(55:59):
I don't mind while watching my son day and night
if I'm not working, because I can sleep when he does.
As of now, my job drains me physically and emotionally.
I can barely keep my eyes open after work, but
all my days off, I have no problems. If I
had a job I loved, it would be one hundred
percent different. And that is the end of that story.
But uh op, good luck. I hope your husband goes

(56:19):
and gets tested.

Speaker 3 (56:21):
I hope it's something they can actually like treat. Yeah, yeah,
she gets any more sleep, I know.

Speaker 1 (56:27):
And it's like, you know, a lot of these things
get worse the longer that you go without treatment, So
it's special lasting damage.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
Yeah, a lot of times too. I think with sleepepnia,
one of the first things that they do is your tonsils.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Yeah, and that hurts the older you are. Yeah. So
good luck dude, and also good luck Ope, and I
hope that you get the help and support from your
partner that you deserve.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
Aed John here og host. We're going to get back
to these stories, but a quick three minute break from hous.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
From our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (56:56):
I think my wife wants to open our marriage, but
I don't want to.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Then you just have to say no.

Speaker 3 (57:03):
I met the woman I would marry in twenty sixteen
through mutual Friends online. We had hit it off well,
but lost contact as we were both young and had
different lives on the entire other side of the country.
In twenty twenty we reconnected as with the lockdown, we
were able to get online more and began to talk again.
By the end of the year, we started dating and

(57:24):
had plans to visit each other, which would happen in
twenty twenty one. During this time, I was exposed to
the drama, neglect, and mental strain her family would give her.
By the way, this comes from the unknown ask and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. So in twenty twenty two,

(57:44):
I convinced her to move here, but her family was
very insistent on her not moving till she was married.
We regrettably compromised, and while she was allowed to move unmarried,
we had to plan and have our wedding the same year.
While we don't regret marrying, we do regret the circumstance
that brought us to doing that so quickly and without

(58:05):
the financial situation to really have an amazing wedding. We
did our best to enjoy it, and to be fair,
it wasn't a bad wedding by any means, aside from
me dropping her during the dance, but we laughed that off.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
Yeah yeah, if you play it off in a certain way,
it could be okay, it's it's not hurt, yeah, asuas
she's not injured, and be like, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (58:26):
We've been happily married, but have had to jump apartments
twice since then due to financial situation and terrible owners
We additionally had avoided trying for kids, as we both
grew up in struggling households and didn't want to put
our kids through that. But with things settling and an
apartment that we can really start saving money in, we
decided to try in the past year to no success

(58:50):
so far, which I can tell is just one of
the many things that have been bothering her so far.
A little over a year ago, middle of Juneish, me
and my wife were in a very difficult time. There
was a lot of tension. I was unemployed, our finances
were in the tank, problems with her family grew, and
a decent amount of arguments occurred between us. During one day,

(59:12):
after I had just become employed again, she approached me.
She stated that she was considering a divorce and she
was very unhappy in our relationship. I tried to understand
what I could do to help make things right, and
she mentioned how she had started to potentially develop feelings
for another guy.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
Oh, She's like this isn't working, And you're like, how, Like,
let's work on this, and she's like, actually not, I'm
wanna go on someone else.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
Rough yea. Over the next week we talked more and
she basically asked permission to explore this relationship further.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
And this is they've been married for how long.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Since they rushed it in twenty twenty two, But they've
known each other since twenty sixteen, with like a couple
of years of.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Not okay, so since twenty twenty two?

Speaker 3 (59:56):
Yeah, okay, but like back together talking against twenty gotcha,
but married since twenty two Okay. Since I was unsure
if our relationship would survive and I still held her
in the highest respect, I allowed her to go ahead
with seeing how compatible they really were. Oh, we had
We had also discussed opening our relationship to possibly allow

(01:00:19):
us to see other people while still committed to us.

Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
But we already know you guys aren't committed to each other, right,
I like this, You can't open the relationship when you're
already having problems. It doesn't it doesn't like ninety percent
of the time, it's not gonna help fix it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:35):
And she came to you like, there's already someone else.

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, like that's at that point the
relationship is over if you say, yeah, you can go
check out this other person.

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
Within a month, she decided it wasn't going to work
out with the other guy, and the thought of an
open relationship wasn't something she wanted, and she dedicated herself
to fixing what was going on in ours. A few
weeks later and of August, I saw to thinking back
on the open relationship idea. I could see my wife
was still struggling with a lot, and brought back up

(01:01:06):
the topic as if it was something she had wanted
to do. I felt like I owed her.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
You guys are bad at this.

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
She wasn't interested in the idea and felt a bit
insecure over it. I would leave the offer there as
a possibility until a few weeks later mid October, where
I was sure she wasn't interested anymore and we went
back to focusing on our own relationship. Over a month later,
which is now the end of November, the conversation was

(01:01:34):
brought back up as she had stated she was approached
by someone she knew who mistook her friendly personality as
flirting and in his mind he was getting very far
with her. So, y'all are in an open relationship whenever
your wife finds someone else hot.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Yeah, yeah, he's like, well, I noticed that you're interested
in that guy, so we can open it up again.
I'm sure it'll help fix the relationship problems, right, And
then he like her relationship?

Speaker 3 (01:02:00):
Yeah, they dumped her, and he's like, well, we can
close it off again.

Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:05):
I had thought that we had moved past having an
open relationship, so I was surprised and unsure how to respond.
She had seemed so adamant that she wasn't interested in
it that I had completely closed the door on it,
and this time I put up a lot more resistance
to it. Over the next week we'd talk again and
she had brought up how throughout her teenage years she

(01:02:26):
had thought she would never actually settle down and marry someone,
and thought she'd bounce around different relationships as nobody really
wanted her. Coming from a Christian household, she had no
prior experiences than me, and that this second guy she
really only viewed as an experience and nothing more. I
resisted the idea, as I, who grew up in a

(01:02:47):
non religious household but still grew up in the belief
of marriage exclusivity, didn't think this was the way to go.
This ended before the end of the year, as the
guy wasn't the best kind of person and she recommitted
to it just being us.

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
This relationship is in a relationship, No, you can't just
like you're You're not really married. No, you're on and
off married.

Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
You're on and off married.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
That's how it works. It's top.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
Another month later, I still trapped in my head now
and just desperately trying to make her happy again, resurfaced
the idea, and it controlled let's see what would happen
if this was a thing.

Speaker 1 (01:03:28):
Op.

Speaker 3 (01:03:28):
You sound like you want the open relationship, but she's
the only one ever having.

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
On like you're always bringing it up. You're like, well,
I guess we can look into open relationship, but it's
just her right going and like cheating with someone. And
you're like, well, I didn't like it, but fine.

Speaker 3 (01:03:46):
And then he brings it up again. I brought up
testing out certain things and seeing how we handle the
whole thing in multiple forms. I brought it up more
over the next several months, and we even engaged in
conversation with a potential guy who would we test everything
out with and exchanged photos only after she asked for permission,

(01:04:07):
which I granted. This only lasted a few days as
he started getting weird and had a very awkward schedule. Yeah,
i'd be weirded out too if my girlfriend's husband was
planning our dates.

Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
So strange she's like, oh, yeah, I'd love to take
you out, and she's like, well.

Speaker 3 (01:04:26):
I'm sorry, what does that mean?

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
It's just him saying he's busy every time he hit
him up. Additionally, she shot it down as she wasn't
confident in her body and having grown up following God,
didn't want to engage in something with someone who wasn't
her husband.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
Huh, that's new.

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
After another few months, we're now in April may I
backed off as she just couldn't get comfortable in it.
Why do you want your wife to date someone else?

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
So bad? He's like trying to fix the problems in
their relationship, and the only way he seems to know
how is open relationship. Right, but it's clearly not working.
You guys clearly are not meant to be together. It
shouldn't be this. I don't know what.

Speaker 3 (01:05:11):
We'll fix this.

Speaker 1 (01:05:11):
I'll get you a boyfriend. I'll get you a boyfriend,
and then our marriage will be fine.

Speaker 3 (01:05:15):
Yeah. In the last two weeks, the subject was brought
up again as she was branching out trying to make
new friends, and initially was concerned that if she started
to get to know more people, she'd end up getting
close and too close to someone, and it would start again.
I told her I was happy she was making friends,
but reiterated my hesitation of another possible relationship conflict. A

(01:05:40):
few days later, she told me that she was developing
feelings for one of the guys and wanted this time
around for us to establish some ground rules for us
to follow and hold each other accountable for the for following.
I told her that I wasn't sure what to say.
On the one hand, I didn't want an open relationship
and I was just uncomfortable with the whole thing. But

(01:06:00):
on the other I couldn't be the one to deny
her something, as I felt like I owed her and
just wanted her happy. In the end, I told her
both of those things and stated that I'd have to
think about it, but I did want her to keep
me informed about things as they were happening. Two days ago,
we were talking about what restrictions we intended to have.

(01:06:21):
I'll get to that in a second, and she said
she had forgot to tell me, but that she and
him had sent pictures to each other as things had
gotten out of hand. One night, while I understand I
was asleep when it happened, so she obviously couldn't tell me.
Then I was a bit hurt she forgot to tell
me till I brought it up.

Speaker 1 (01:06:41):
She didn't forget to tell you. She did not unless
she forgot about your existence, which is possible. She didn't
forget to tell you, she just didn't tell you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:50):
I'm just confused by this whole thing. I laid out
my list of things I wanted to see more activities
where were both included open, honest and clear communication, the
request for us to avoid traveling long distances unless both
of us went, and the ability to meet whomever she's
thinking about talking to or is. Things I didn't want

(01:07:12):
to see relationships that aren't ours, disrespect from any potential partner,
us to be separated for long periods of time, and
to avoid language with someone that would seem possessive but
understand accidents happen. I again reiterated how I was uncomfortable
by the whole thing, but was trying to push past

(01:07:32):
that for her. And while almost every time I have
brought something up, she had agreed or made little tweaks
to it, which I still found agreeable. After a little while,
she starts to partially or completely disagree with some of
them and were back to square one.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
My god, yeah, I need you guys to back out
of this relationship. I need you guys to break up divorce. Yeah,
because it's terrible. It's been terrible to say whole time.
She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.
She wants to date like all of these other guys.

Speaker 3 (01:08:04):
But in the same hand, he's the one that keeps.

Speaker 1 (01:08:07):
Breaking it up exactly exactly. She's like, I don't know,
I don't know if I want to do that. He's like, no, no, no,
you should do it. And then she's like, I think
I want to open the relationship and he's like, I
was very resistant to it.

Speaker 3 (01:08:17):
It's but I decided that now I'm done, and now
I don't want it. When we had married, I told her,
at her request, that I would develop my faith and
that we'd try to raise our kids in a Christian
household like she had been. Now a little more recently,
she stated she felt trapped under that belief and wants

(01:08:38):
to have a more unrestrictive upbringing for our children like
I had, and she always felt like the rebel of
her family. She has continued to state that these would
not be separate relationships, more like friends with benefits, and
we'd still only be in a relationship with each other.

Speaker 1 (01:08:56):
We're not wanting.

Speaker 3 (01:08:57):
Children or anything else with anyone else aside from each other.
In the end, it's something she really wants and something
I just don't think I can support. During it all,
I never asked about me searching other women or wanting
to explore things myself. Neither of us want a divorce,
and we're still very interested in each other. Didn't know
if this start with her asking for a divorce.

Speaker 1 (01:09:18):
Yeah, it did. She said, I don't think this is working.
We need a divorce, and he said, well, we could
open we could try this new t we could try
this new thing that you know I've heard about opening
the relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:09:28):
You'll just date everyone you want, and I'll be sad
about it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:31):
I'll be sad and I'll be upset about it every
time you do it, but I'll bring it up. Don't worry.
It's gonna work so well. You won't want a divorce anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:09:41):
Also, I do not want anyone to bad mouth her
in the comments. While there's tension, she still is my wife,
and I'll protect her every step of the way. We
have another update.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
Ah, stop updating us, just divorce. If this update isn't
we got divorced. I don't want to hear about it.

Speaker 3 (01:10:00):
Oh. Almost as soon as I posted it, she woke
up and we began to talk. We have agreed couple's
therapy would definitely be the best course of action. As
some of you put in here, we have some comments
comment or one seems like she is asking for permission
to cheat. All the back and forth. Seems like she's

(01:10:20):
only interested in opening things up when someone's pursuing her,
and it closes immediately, So you can't allow the idea
of being able to pursue someone else into your head. Personally,
I feel like she's either incredibly insecure and loves the
attention from other guys but doesn't want to lose you
in the process, or she's incredibly manipulative and has made

(01:10:41):
you think it's your idea for letting her bang someone else.
I'd say you need to see couple's therapy with a
spicy sleep positive therapist so she can be comfortable with
telling you exactly what she needs in the bedroom to
get this out of her system. But the going back
and forth was getting old just reading it, so I
can only imagine how you feel.

Speaker 1 (01:11:02):
Uh, that's the end, and there we have it.

Speaker 3 (01:11:05):
There we have it.

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
There we have it.

Speaker 3 (01:11:08):
I mean, sure, tricouples therapy. I don't know that that's
what y'all need anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:11:12):
But yeah, it's a solution. I don't know if it's
the best solution.

Speaker 3 (01:11:16):
I think it may just lead you guys to divorce.

Speaker 1 (01:11:19):
Yeah, it's like, oh, wait, we have a terrible relationship
we don't like isn't working at all. I get it now,

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My sister is dating my EX… and she’s mad that I didn’t react! r/AITAH | Reddit Stories