My sister made my wedding about her SEPARATION… and it ruined the day -r/weddingshaming | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og Storytime
podcast host. Oh yeah, and we got some great stories
coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
But before that, we get a teeny two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like
a little house.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Oh you, My sister made my wedding about her separation
and it ruined the day.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Yep, that would ruin it for me too.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
Sister has a photography business, and she's a talented photographer
with a decent portfolio.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
So I asked her if she would do our wedding photos.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
I told her I understood if she just wanted to
enjoy the wedding, but that would be really meaningful to
me for her to do it. She goes right into
talking about the price with me, which threw me for
a bit of a loop, but I wasn't about to
ask her to do it for free.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Good. I understand that she has a business.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
By the way, this comes from Sea Websters and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay, Storytime separate it. So, just prior to
my asking her, she had gifted her services to a
couple that she was friends with, but told me that
she was going to charge me for the photos. Kind
of hurt, but I'd already asked and she was going
to give me a great deal. I told her that

(01:04):
since money was tied at the time, that I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
Be able to pay her right away.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
But we agreed on a date in the future and
it was settled. Everything was cool, and we didn't really
discuss it again until shortly before the big day, and
that was just a nail down timing. She was excited,
so was I. The day of my wedding comes around
and she's nowhere to be found. We're calling and texting
her to no answer, but she finally shows up about

(01:29):
an hour late. No apology or explanation offered. Irritating, but
this is a happy day, so whatever, I moved past it.
I asked her what the plan is, how do we
go about this?

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Et cetera.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
She asks me for a shot list, something I've never
heard of and she's never mentioned prior to that moment,
and she then proceeds to berate me for not having
provided it to her, puffing and puffing and essentially having
a fit over my lack of preparedness. I tried to
move past it and just come up with the order
of the photos on the fly. Mom here, Dad, there, so,
so and so grouped for this shot and that one,

(02:02):
et cetera. We got through it with some great family
shots that I ended up being really happy with.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
So no big deal. We get through all the family.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Photos photos throughout our unexpectedly short ceremony. I'll come back
to this and some nice ones of my new wife
and I shortly after the ceremony. It's nice and I'm
having the time of my life. Then my sister tells
me that she needs to leave right before the reception.
She and a friend had plans to camp nearby that day.
We were up in the Pacific Northwest Mountains in the
middle of the summer, so there were lots of nice

(02:30):
places to do this nearby, and she needed to go
meet them. I was pretty upset about that for a
number of reasons. One, she's my only older sister and
I wanted her to be there. Two, there will now
be no photos of the reception or anything after the ceremony.
Three she made plans to go camping on the same
day as my wedding.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
She can't cancel that. What the eff.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
Anyways, she takes a plate of food and rushes off
leaving her husband and the rest of us at the wedding.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Some context on this.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Just prior to the wedding, she and her husband have
been having some issue and I was close with him too,
so I was talking to them both a lot about
what they could do to work it out. But despite everything,
she tells me two days before my wedding that she's
going to ask for a divorce.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
WHOA.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
I asked her to play nice and not make a
thing of it at my wedding, which she's not really
having open ears too, saying that she's not going to
talk to him at the wedding, but that she won't
make a scene, as if that's going to be comfortable
for me or anyone else. I beg her to please
just be normal and not drag their issues into the
day that's supposed to be about my wife and I.
She basically shrugs it off. The day before the wedding,

(03:34):
she unexpectedly served him the divorce papers as if it
couldn't wait a few days or weeks. Crazy selfish, But
I can't do anything about it. It's their life, So
this drama is definitely clouding the happy day for me
and my immediate family. It's a major bummer because of
their sudden split, she decided, without telling him and for
reasons that will become clean year later, that they are

(03:55):
not coming to the wedding together. I'm not sure why
that would have mattered, since they both had vehicles, but
he was very late and blamed it on.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
This sudden change of plans.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
This is important because he had a role to play
in the ceremony itself. He's a fantastic singer and musician,
and I had asked him to perform a song as
a part of the ceremony. He and I went over
the arrangement together. It was all planned out, timed out
and everything. I could have done it myself, but I
just knew he could do it better and I wanted
to include him, so I didn't prepare to do it.

(04:24):
I left it up to him. When the time for
the ceremony came, he was still nowhere to be found,
couldn't be reached, and my sister wasn't saying anything about
where he might be. So we ended up making the
very very last minute decision to scrap that part of
the ceremony, which took all sorts of stressful restructuring. He
showed up in the middle of the ceremony and I
didn't even notice him come in. Later, he basically said

(04:47):
that because my sister left without him, he couldn't make
it on time.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
She has his own car, and it was pretty clear
to me that.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
He pulled all of that as a stunt to make
her feel guilty. He screwed a part of the ceremony
that was really important to me to make her feel bad.
He didn't even apologize for being late, he just blamed
it on her.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Oh good stuff.

Speaker 3 (05:05):
Moving on, So the ceremony is over and we're onto
the reception. My sister has left, her husband is still there.
They've both put a damper on things in general, and
that sucked. But it gets worse. A few weeks after
the wedding. My wife is anxiously asking me when we
can see the photos. She's excited, so am I. So
I reach out to my sister to ask her if
we can see a few. She links me to her

(05:27):
business Facebook page, where she's already posted them with watermarks,
without mentioning to us all that they were available or
asking if we were okay with her sharing them. Frustrating,
but again, we're just happy to see them and happy
to be newly married. So we kind of brush it off.
As few more weeks go by, and the photos keep
popping up here and there on various social media platforms
and pages for her personal and professional profiles, We're getting

(05:49):
annoyed and anxious, so I ask her again.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
She tells me that unless I.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
Pay her by the end of that week, she's not
going to share them with us. Keep in mind that
we had agreed upon a specific date to pay, which
was still in the distant future. I'm like, what the
f But she says that she has a business to run,
and if I'm not going to pay her by the
end of the week, she'll just delete them and forget
that she ever took them. Her actual word.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
That's so unprofessional.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
Yeah, dude, that Oh my god. And this is your sister.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
This is your sister. This is one of the most
important days in her life. You guys have clearly chatted
about the contract, agreed upon a date that she needs
to pay by, right to be like, yeah, I'm just
gonna delete them.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
It's like, well, like they I wonder if they do
have like some sort of written contract about it.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
It's like you definitely should.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
Always get stuff in writing and with your friends and
families and family.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Yeah, these are the only photos of my wedding, the
only ones. Not only does she half butt them by
showing up late and unprepared, but she also left early
and missed the entire reception. And now she's holding them
over my head for money, and now she's straight up
shaking me down for them.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
I was in total disbelief.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
She goes on to talk about how it was a
business expense for her to come and take them, and
it's wrong for me to expect artists to work for free,
a business expense.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
To come to her brother's wedding. I'm not in ahole here.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
I understand I shouldn't ask for things for free, but
if it was the other way around, I would have
done it for her without even a question of money.

Speaker 4 (07:22):
I'm all about paying people for their services, but if
it were a family member, I think I would just
be willing to do it.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, right for this one wedding day. Right, Yeah, I
would go very very big exception.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
But yeah, like again, op baby was like expecting that
at first, but then when it clearly wasn't going that way,
they were like Oh yeah, I'm not gonna I'll pay
you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
Like, so it's not like that was the expectation.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
Yeah, when she got married a few years prior, I
called in a favor to hook her up with a
DJ in a sound system for free. I provided a
bunch of the food and beverage for her reception out
of my and I recruited my band mates to help
with some of the setup, followed by all of the cleanup.
That's another story, but I busted my butt at her
wedding and was just happy to have the opportunity to

(08:08):
contribute to her day. Anyways, She's telling me that she's
going to permanently destroy irreplaceable and priceless photos of my
wife and I on our wedding day and if I
don't pay her right away. I was furious, but borrowed
the money for my dad to pay her, got the
photos and cut off contact.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
That was three years ago.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
She is still going around to folks I know, old bandmates,
friends and acquaintances and telling that story from her perspective
about how I try to cheat her.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
To get free wedding photos.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
Something even more ridiculous about the photos. It was only
for three hundred dollars. At the time, that was hard
for me to come up with out of nowhere. But
when I think about it, now, that's a pitton to
throw away a relationship with your brother. I know this
is insanely long, but remember the friend that she was
camping with that she needed to rush off and meet
the plans that were more important than her brother's wedding. Yeah,

(08:58):
that was her boss that she had been a bank
for three months.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 4 (09:05):
She left a wedding for a for an egg plant
of payment.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
Yeah, literally, she did it. She did.

Speaker 4 (09:13):
Dude, It is insane.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
Your brother's wedding.

Speaker 4 (09:18):
Yeah, I don't even think I care that it's her boss. No,
I mean that's kind of that's kind of tough to navigate.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yeah, is that illegal.

Speaker 3 (09:28):
I'm sure in some situations it's definitely her boss.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
It's not illegal, but it definitely I mean it's frown
it's frowned. Well, it depends on I mean depends on
the company. But you get fired, yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:40):
You know, yeah, yeah, I'm like, good for you, vanesse
Sis sure, sure, maybe like wait today, like oh wait
a fair though, wait true fair, Sorry I forgot that
she was married.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah, no, she was married divorced the day before this.
I forgot that it had been already doing this for
three months. That's messed up. So I mean, if you
were single, I mean, sure, no, messed up.

Speaker 4 (10:05):
Yeah, yeah, But the biggest thing is that she left
the wedding period, left the she.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
Cheated on our partner. But yeah, exactly, that's where I dropped.

Speaker 3 (10:15):
The reason she was late in the first place was
because she had taken the time to go drop him
and their camping gear off before she came up to
the wedding.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
But there is a little bit more to this story.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
Yeah, I just on her eye bags, that's all. That's
all we've got thoughts on. Yeah, no, there's a little
bit more to the story. But before we get to that,
like that's crazy. I really want to know if there's
other things that she's done over the years, because this
does not feel like it can just pop out out
of nowhere of her being so disrespectful, like.

Speaker 4 (10:49):
This sounds like she might be the middle child, you
get it. No, I don't know, man, I think gosh,
people are just very self centered, yeah, very self centered,
and she put herself first that day that now you

(11:09):
have me talking like that.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
Right, It's easy. It's easy. And I wonder, like I
wonder what the real.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Reason is for the divorce, Like I mean, it's very obviously, like,
you know, the husband could have found out about the affair.

Speaker 1 (11:24):
That could be one thing.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
But like I wonder if there are other problems and
vis mag stonyd two.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
Dollars peeps out, peeps out in this camping area.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
Uh yeah, But I wonder like if something happened or
like the marriage has just been like so stressful and
hectic for so long, she's just like spiraling down this
you know, mental break pill and it's just all blowing
up right now. This really does feel like a lot
but a lot of kind of manic stuff that's going on, truly.

Speaker 4 (12:04):
Yeah, So maybe there is something happening deeper.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
There's a little bit more to the story. Let's get
on into it.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
Found that out later from my teenage sister, who was
the only one who knew my older sister was cheating
and had to carry that lie around for months to
that poor girl. My sister ended up marrying that guy
last year and I wasn't invited. But there is a
little bit of an edit. There's something extra worth noting here.
My sister and I have an estranged father who treated
me and my mother badly and who I didn't want

(12:32):
to have any information about me or how my life
is going down. I had asked her to keep the
photos out of public social media to.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Keep him from knowing. So the sharing them with the
world before my wife and I was a total slap
in the face that in that regard. WHOA, that is
a big notees.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
Oh my gosh, my sister refused to comfort our grieving mother.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
It made me angry, but she's just a poor lady.
Help her.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
He twenty six female and my sister twenty eight female,
have never seen eyed eye and I get it. We're
both adults and have our own lives, but we're both
single and childless, so we have flexibility in our day day.
By the way, this comes from personal Window five seven
to eight, and if you want to spent your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay, story time severed it.
So let me give some background knowledge and history between us.

(13:22):
My sister, let's call her Sandra, has always been moody
and a waking up on the wrong side of the
bed person since we were six or seven. You'd never
know when she'll be in a bad mood. She could
be a sunshine, bubbly person in the morning and then
aggressive next. I can't give specifics on us clashing without
being obvious in case the rest of my family sees
this post. But when we were teenagers, I would ask

(13:44):
if she wanted something from the kitchen or if she
needed more water, But then she would tell me you're
being annoying, leave me alone, or that was stupid for
you to ask, which I'm like the f I'm just
being courteous, But.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
I'll be danged if I don't ask her Either.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
If I don't ask, she'll say it would have been
nice to ask, or what if I wanted something? Worst
part is that she'll hold a grudge, and the next
time I ask her to fill up my cup, she'll say, like,
who the f remembers stuff like that. Also, my whole life,
it's had to be Sandra's way or no way. When
it came to back to school shopping, I would tell
my parents ahead of time that I needed a pair

(14:20):
of jeans and shoes, but then all of a sudden,
on Payday, Sandra would also need jeans and shoes. Then
my parents would take me aside and ask.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
Can you wait until next payday?

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Just to avoid Sandra throwing a tantrum if she didn't
get her wish first. Then the guilt trip starts with
things that aren't relevant. But oh, p gotta have video game.
Last month, it was a reward for getting straight a's.
But op, he got a ride in the front seat
on the way to them all we rotated and took turns,
so she was getting front on.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
The way back. Why does a P get to take
the car?

Speaker 2 (14:50):
My friends want to go bowling and I said I
would drive. I asked a week ago to borrow the
car because I was going to the library for an
act study of group.

Speaker 5 (14:58):
Okay, why are the pair I'm so afraid to say no, no, yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
No, just no because we said so. Pull apparentism and
just say because I said so. Because I said so,
you can do that, you're allowed.

Speaker 5 (15:13):
It makes no sense at all. Are you scared to
make this child upset because they're going to throw a tantrum?

Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah? Literally, we can't say. We can't say no to
You're like, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
The only thing we can do to get her to
shut the f up is to just give it for everyone.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
He literally, we're going to do because we're going to
give up on parenting her.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
Yeah, she's weirdly obsessed with money being spent on the
two of us two when we went clothes shopping, I
would get two three items of clothes because I really
wanted some new speakers, while Sandra would get a pile
of clothes. Monetarily, it would be like seventy five dollars
me to her two hundred. But if I got new shoes,
she'd start whining and say, why does that pee get

(15:51):
new shoes and I don't.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Which, of course she also got shoes also.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Now that I'm thinking about it, in school, I always
had to get a's no exceptions.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
Was she was praised for bees and seats.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
I also remember saving my allowance money twenty dollars every
two weeks for gas money, where my sister would always
ask for money whenever she needed it. Now the issue
is our parents, that's obvious, decided keeping her mood up
and happy was the priority because we didn't want to
deal with the backlash she said, which brings us to

(16:24):
today and now they're in their mid twenties. Guys, this
seems like she should have grown out of it.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
Because that stuff did seem like like it was teenagers
yeah at that point, but still like the first thing
would be kind of like a haha, funny teenager like
just that one, yeah, but with everything else that exhausting.

Speaker 5 (16:42):
Yeah, I am actually seeing this happen in real time
life with someone back home. Really, it's just crazy to
see how out of hand their sibling has gotten because
their parents have just given them anything they want.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Yeah, you're spoiling your kids. It doesn't do them any service, honestly.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Oh big thing was that my parents would always tell
me to walk away when having a stupid sister argument
with Sandra.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
Me only me.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
Had to walk away, And then when I did walk away,
Sandra would follow me all the way to my room
and either walk into my room and wouldn't leave, or
would continue to yell at me outside of my door,
and my parents would just let it happen and wouldn't
tell her to go to her room or punt her
out of my room. At twenty eight years old, she's
still the same. I'll be danged asking her if she

(17:32):
wants to get lunch and instead of just saying verry,
I already have plans or just a no thanks. Sandra
will say no, I already have lunch, plants.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
Quit asking me.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
You're being annoying like I asked you one time. This
squirrel is aggressive. Or I'll call her on the way
to our parents' house in asking if she wants a
soda or tea where one she usually rejects my calls
to keep talking to her best friend. Or two she'll
answer and say that's it. She's also always been a
angry person and has just done nothing to take accountability

(18:04):
for her angry self, Like how am I supposed to
know if you're hungry and if you've eaten something recently?
Today was just something else. Our mother told us that
her cousin passed away. I didn't immediately get to our
mom until a couple hours later, but I texted her
right away, I'm sorry for your loss. Please remember to
drink water and get some rest. Sandra didn't say anything.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
Shocker.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
When I realized which cousin passed away, I went to
my mom's house because no one should grieve alone. I
was updating the family while sitting with my mom, and
then my mom finally punted me out to take her
medicine and fall asleep. I decided to call my sister
on the way home. She didn't answer the first time,
figured she was doing something. Whatever, she calls back, and

(18:52):
this is how the combo goes.

Speaker 4 (18:55):
What that?

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Oh h well, Mom's going through it and tomorrow'm taking
her to her sister. Oh is that all?

Speaker 2 (19:01):
This could have been a home conversation. You're stopping me
from getting dinner right now, Opie?

Speaker 1 (19:06):
Oh? Really, well, Mom.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Was asking about you, and I said you were busy
Right now, I realized, ninsight, I probably should have just
hung up when she mentioned dinner and dealt with her
being mad because I hung up?

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Can you give Mom a call or text later? Are
you suggesting to Are you suggesting to me or telling me? Opie?

Speaker 2 (19:25):
I mean Mom was asking about you, so I think
she would like the support from both of her daughters.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
Soal, that's not my problem.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
I don't have the mental or physical capability to deal
with a crying mom right now. I asked my sister
why she's so angry and aggressive in this conversation. If
you're in a bad mood or trying to get food,
why'd you call me back? I told her this is
the reason why I say you're bad at communicating because
you can just say now's a bad time, or I'll

(19:53):
talk to you with ause, just something, instead of it's
going to be in a home conversation, and you're wasting
my time being single and childless. I don't understand the
wasting her time thing, because it's always her time.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
Anyways. I made the mistake of taking.

Speaker 2 (20:09):
Out my anger on my dad when I got home,
I said, what is wrong with your other daughter? Why
is she such a crappy person? We literally grew up
in the same household with the same parents. Why can't
she contact her mom who is grieving right now? I
also said she has a horrible personality. My friends know
how horrible she is based on her actions alone. What

(20:31):
I really wanted to say and scream at my parents
is because they enabled her mean personality and braddy behavior,
She's stuck like this. A twenty eight year old who
cares more about seeing friends every weekend than seeing her
family once a year. We live in about eight different
states in total, then complains about why she wasn't invited
to a family event.

Speaker 1 (20:52):
We did.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
You were in the group chat, which she has muted
and never engaged in the family plans. I'm seeing a
therapist to work on accepting who she is and to
not try to push my morals and expectations onto her.
But these were the expectations and morals we were raised on,
and I'm constantly blame for her bad mood. I see
where I'm wrong in this, But like, come on, I

(21:14):
don't even think she's I don't think it's a bad mood.
I think at a certain point, if that's just too
that's just who you are.

Speaker 3 (21:19):
Yeah, honestly, it's like, okay, well, if you're saying that
you just get angry, We've got three meals a day, dude,
that's a lot of time that you gotta be waiting
for a bad meal. Okay, So I mean I get
it you might not always be like hungry in between
the meals, but.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
Three times a day to just be angry, that's not
the food's fault. Too many, that's too many.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
And if this has been going on since you were
six years old, yeah, that's just you girl, That's just
that's just your personality.

Speaker 3 (21:51):
Yeah, I got a little bit left of the story,
But you have any fight of those, Yeah, I just
think that's so frustrating. I mean, like It sucks too
that it's just them too. They don't have any other siblings,
so it's not like, you know, they they can have
like the other siblings that aren't the favorite to be like, ah,
this is my favorite sibling, because like I feel like
that would help too.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
But it's literally just like ope against the whole fam,
Ope against the world man. Yeah, and her sister's bad mood. Yeah,
literally ten year bad mood. No even longer, twenty year
bad mood.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
Dude, that's crazy. He's gotta highlights out of her hair.
I'm thinking, like I was thinking, uh, op against the world,
and then I'm thinking, this girl is like the seven Evilexes,
but all in one. And I know that wasn't one
of the seven Evilexes, but still it was just a
great chan from that movie.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
I don't need advice on out of hand, Alesandra. You're
danged if you do, and you're danged if you don't.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
I guess I'm wondering if there are others dealing with
people like this in their life, some agreement that morally
that normal thing to do is to reach out with grievances,
some empathy of having a craphead sister.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
If someone had enabling parents like mine.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Did you ever have that hard conversation with your parents
that your sibling is a crappy human because they let
her get away with everything? Or simply was there any
harm in calling my sister to update her despite texting
updates to the family beforehand. Am I overreacting to her
not calling her mother? I really can't make her do anything.
Maybe some advice on how to accept her behavior and personality? Seriously?

(23:24):
Am I overreacting? And there is an edit? My sister
and I never met our mother's cousin. We just know
they were very close. Like sisters. My mother's cousin passing
did not have an emotional effect on us. I just
feel for my mom and want to support her because
grief is very hard and you're a nice person.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah, you want to be there for your mother. Hey,
it's sam og host. We're get it back to these
delectable stories.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to
help support the show.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
My sister wants to adopt my baby, not without my permission.
I twenty two mail.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
I've been pestered by my parents and sisters thirty seven
female for the past four days. Now my ex twenty
two female, had a baby about a week ago. She
kept telling me that she wanted this baby, despite knowing
I would only financially provide. We discussed termination and adoption.
I didn't force her to either option.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
Now that the.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Baby is here and in the NICKU, my ex is
nowhere to be found.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
What do you mean she's nowhere? She had the baby
as she booked it. She's in the hospital gown like
with this.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Yeah, I gotta ignored all my calls and texts. Nothing
has been posted on her socials. Her parents can't even
get in touch. One of the nurses handed me the
car seat from my ex's car.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
By the way, this.

Speaker 2 (24:37):
Comes from Time Dragonfly eighty one seventy nine, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash. Okay, Storytime suppered it. So my sister says
she's willing to step up and adopt this baby. I'm
not comfortable with that because her husband, forty seven male,
reeps me out. I don't have good feelings about him.
So I found a nice couple who wants to adopt
this baby. They have been visiting us at the NICU,

(24:59):
getting to know me and spend time with the baby.
I like this couple, my family doesn't since they want
a close adoption lest the couple is two women and
my parents are ignorant yoicks. The adoption will go through
in a couple of weeks in case my ex shows up.
For now, they could be the legal guardian until everything
legal gets settled. Also, I took a paternity test and

(25:19):
am the biological father. Am I the a hole for
not allowing my family to adopt this baby? And there
is an edit and an update, But what do you think?

Speaker 3 (25:28):
I don't know because I can't understand. Like if I
was the sister and my husband wasn't creepy, yeah, and
everything was perfectly fine, and my husband, you know, I
would kind of want the baby, Like I would be
annoyed that they were just going with the stranger and
it's like, well, hey, I've been trying to have a baby.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
Can I have it? You know? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, So on that hand, yes, yeah, But also I
completely like opere not the a hole for wanting that
this is your baby, right, This is your baby And
at the end of the day, yeah, you get to
decide as the parent what is best for your child, right,
And if you think that what is best your child
is not going with your sister and her creepy husband.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
Yeah that's what's best. Yeah, exactly, But there isn't edit.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
I brought up some of the questions some of you
had with the hospital liaison. I wasn't informed that my
ex had asked about safe haven laws. I believe they
were giving her or me a grace period to keep
biological parents with the biological child. The couple was found
with the help of hospital staff. They were looking to
adopt another newborn, but that fell through. I was very
vocal with anyone who would listen that I was not

(26:32):
going to be a good dad and I needed help.

Speaker 1 (26:35):
With options that I have. I mean, good on you
would be at least you're self aware. Well, but he's
twenty two, oh so valid to be like ah.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
As a baby like I'm syd to do, I wouldn't
know what to do with a baby at twenty two.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
I wouldn't know either. I wouldn't know what to do
with the baby right now.

Speaker 5 (26:52):
I think i'd know what to do with the baby
right now.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Riley, we're getting you a baby, let's go. I've always
wanted one. It's just off the streets. Okay, cool, get ready, sweet.

Speaker 5 (27:01):
There's a lot of babies that always go across like
the street I live on. They're just always being walked
and stuff. We can just take one of those.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yep, that's your baby now. I'm just kidding.

Speaker 5 (27:11):
If a baby shut up for my doorstep crying, I
will take it in and taking sure good care of
it as I can.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
Oh yeah, and you would just leave the Oh that's
what it sounds like.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
That's yep, yep, that's what we're doing. I'm an MPC,
so what not the a hole? They have no sway here.
It's your baby and the mother isn't present. You're the
de facto guardian. I hope the adoption goes through and
the baby has a good life, loved by their parents,
and it's safe. I'm worried that your ex is dealing
with postpartum depression or worse. She probably needs help wherever

(27:46):
she is. Oh, he says, the postpartum depression is worrying me.
I still care about my ex. I also want this
adoption to go through. Thank you for helping me feel
better about the nonsense my family is putting me through.
Erwin Flynn says, having a baby in the NIKU is
extremely traumatic too, and I'm assuming since the baby is
in there, she added traumatic berth on top of that.
I'm glad that you care about your ex and worry

(28:06):
about her. Hopefully she will get the help and care
she needs. But make sure you take care of yourself too.
All this must be hard on you as well. The
hospital should have resources, don't be afraid to utilize them,
don't listen to your family, and always listen to your gut.
Hugs from a NICKU mom. And there is an update, folks,
so let's get into it. The police have found my

(28:27):
missing X.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
Wow. Good, that's good.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
She was checked out by medical I introduced her to
the couple that want to adopt the newborn, and my ex.

Speaker 1 (28:35):
Agrees that they would be the perfect parents.

Speaker 4 (28:38):
Aw.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
I love this.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
The newborn will be going home with a couple after
being cleared to leave. The couple is also going to
pick the name. The adoption process is going to take
a while. For now, they will have temporary guardianship over
the newborn, and we've already started the process. My ex
and I got plenty of photos with the newborn and
some with the couple. I'm still no contact with my
parents and told my sister how I really feel about

(29:01):
her husband. She refuses to talk to me.

Speaker 1 (29:04):
I actually was gonna say that that was gonna be.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
My advice of like tell her why, Yeah, yeah, because
you're gonna have a bad relationship with her kind of regardless,
because she's still gonna take offense to you not giving
her the baby, right, But I think giving her the
real reason is nicer, even if she might be offended.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah, I really want to know, like, how ow could
she took that.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
I'm working on repairing my relationship with my ex because
I still love her. I'm also working on repairing my
relationship with her parents. She told me that it's okay
to share the reason she took off. My ex says,
I called you when I started having bad contractions, but
you never answered. I took that as you fully committing
to not being around for this baby, and I got scared.
Nobody was there. You weren't there for me. I would

(29:49):
have been there had I answered that phone call. I
didn't answer because I was at work and I didn't
know that she was going to give birth early.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
I feel terrible for putting her through that.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
I should you know, should be parent realized that you
should probably be taking any phone calls that's coming in
early Yeah he's twenty two.

Speaker 1 (30:07):
Yeah, doesn't know. Yeah, he's twenty two year old boy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
And I mean if the baby was in nick you
then it's like really earlier, yeah, pretty early. So he
probably didn't even think like that would be an option
right now.

Speaker 1 (30:21):
So makes sense.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
Probably advice for anyone who's pregnant. Yeah, new parents take
all calls.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
Good to keep in mind. But also, you know, maybe
send text out and you're like, hey, am I work?
Hey maybe edits you know what.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
I'm going to be the a hole here and let
my ex handle the situation now that she's back.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
Obviously her choice is better.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Since she's the mother, she could decide to continue with
the guardianship process for later adoption or to raise that
baby with my financial support. Only I'm wiping my hands
about this situation and walking out, going to focus on myself.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Good luck to her. Do you any final thoughts, Well, it.

Speaker 3 (30:55):
Seems like things that turning up really figuring things out.
You know, we'll deal with the sister m so really
but yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I mean, if the
mother of the child is scared and so young like
that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
That makes sense that she's scared and doesn't really know
what to do. So glad she's back. I'm glad she
is happy with that family as well. And the baby
will be okay. Bybe will be okay.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
Yeah, I mean, regardless of whether or not you know,
mom decides to take baby, or you got two moms
decide to take baby.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
I think baby's good to be okay exactly, but there's.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
A little bit left comments California, Jade, please start getting therapy,
individual therapy and then couples. You both would benefit so
much from learning how to communicate with each other. I
know pregnancy hormones can really mess with one's mind. I
really wish all the best for.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Both of you.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Oh P says therapy is a great idea. I'll talk
to my AX about it. I know she would benefit
from seeing a professional after that kind of trauma.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
I need someone from this stressful event.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
Professor X says both of you require therapy, not just her.
Oh P says, I'm seeing what my insurance can cover.
I know I need to see a professional. When hate
admitting this, I started crying in my car. In the
hospital parking lot.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
I really don't know why I was crying.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
I was having an OK day considering everything going on
around me. La grand Blue says, please, could you confirm
if I got this right? In your last post, you
said your ex or your still girlfriend wanted to keep
the baby, even knowing you were not interested in raising it.
You said you would merely fulfill financial obligations. Then she
has contractions and calls you, but once you don't answer,
she takes it as a confirmation you don't want to

(32:30):
be physically involved for the birth and raising. That shatters
her mentally. She has some sort of breakdown and she
disappears the same day she gives birth. Must have been
devastating both physically and emotionally, and is now found the
same day police finds her. You present her with the
couple that wants to adopt the baby, and you now
want to prepare the relationship with her. What I'm worried
about is that she is consenting to this adoption in

(32:50):
an environment of pressure and in a very short time frame.
I have no idea how this legally works, and if
she's allowed to change her mind at all before the
official adoption takes place.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
She is they already said that. Also, I feel that.

Speaker 2 (33:04):
You want the adoption to take place much more than
your ex taking the baby and you being financially responsible,
even without being involved in its upbringing. You're also telling
her now that you want to have a relationship again.
If I interpreted this correctly, almost as if it would
be a reward for her behaving consenting to the adoption,
Please do correct me if I am wrong. I wish
to be wrong. I'm concerned for the baby's mom. That's

(33:25):
all that feels not correct. I mean, so okay, First
of all, OHP was pretty involved up until he missed
one call and then she runs off. It doesn't seem
like he was going to break up with her prior
to that happening, unless I'm mistaken, could be I think
they were already were they already broken up?

Speaker 1 (33:45):
He kept referring her to the as the ex, like
the whole story. Okay, okay, so also well okay.

Speaker 2 (33:49):
Then on the opposite, it didn't sound like he was
like I'm getting back together with her. It just said
I want to. I want to repair things because I
just had a kid with this person. So it doesn't
seem like they're necessy getting back together.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
Yeah, that makes sense. In a normal breakup, Yeah, with
no baby involved.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
You would usually just break your eyes and you don't
need to, like, you know, go to counseling for that.
But in this situation, you definitely don't want to be like, Hey,
I just had our baby and put him up for
an option.

Speaker 1 (34:16):
I'm gonna dip. I hope you like buy.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
If it was just whoever wants to take it, I'm
out of here. I don't want to pay for this baby.
Right then, he would give it to his sister, right,
Opie says, I was not the one who broke things off.
My ex ended our relationship when I told her I
would only financially be supporting the baby. I would still
have been in a relationship with her. My girlfriend was
found yesterday. Today, she met with a couple at her request,
not mine. After seeing them hold the baby, she admitted

(34:41):
to me that the couple had a deep emotional bond
to that baby, more than she felt when she felt
the baby. I would never force her to give up
her baby. This baby isn't meant to be ours. Though
we both understand that we're too young and not in
a good financial position. My ex is still earning a degree.
I'm still working my way to mend this baby is
meant for that couple who can offer so much more.

(35:03):
Babies need more than just love. Regardless of what people say.
I would never force her into her relationship with me
for any reason, especially not as an award. My ex
knows this about me. We've been together as a couple
since eighth grade. It's okay you're concerned for her. I'm
grateful for that kindly. Mango says, So you thought there
was some scenario where you continue the relationship with the
mom of your child but also not be in the

(35:25):
child's life except financially.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
How the heck could that have worked?

Speaker 2 (35:29):
Fleet and Flotilla says, I think he gave options because
he mentioned they discussed adoption and pregnancy termination in his
last post, and that she chose to keep the baby
and end the relationship, but then freaked out when the
reality of the choice settled in. Woopie says. For one,
we don't live together. She still lives with her parents
since she goes to college. I live alone. My apartment
is too small to support two people. I would like

(35:50):
any other guy in a relationship with a single mom.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
My mother won't let me alter by engagement ring. Keyword
your engagement ring. This ring is isn't technically mich I'm
twenty four female. My cousin twenty five female at the time,
passed away five years ago and we were incredibly close.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
She left me her engagement.

Speaker 3 (36:11):
Ring in her will, and as I was moving so often,
I didn't want to risk losing it, so I entrusted
it with my father, who.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
Put it in a bank safe. By the way, this.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
Comes from pirate name two two three, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slashowcase storytime separate it. So I always saw I would
use this engagement ring as my own, which my parents
were very happy with, but the thought made me uneasy.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
It wasn't my ring.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
My partner and I have been talking marriage a lot recently,
and he admitted that, despite my mother's fifty female persistence,
he wanted to pick out his own ring. Knowing this,
I didn't want the ring sat in a bank safe
for years, so I decided that with my cousin's fiance's blessing,
I would have it made into an eternity ring. I
thought it would be a nice way to wear it
without looking like an engagement ring. I told my mother,

(36:53):
and she lost her mind, saying that she often goes
to the bank to see it and that she's in
pieces afterwards, to which I replied that it was probably
better I took it back and that I would lose it.
But she never had any problem with me having it
as an engagement ring, which it would have to be
amended for me anyway, because she had tiny fingers. After
a lot of arguing back and forth, she said that

(37:13):
she wanted to do something together as a family with
it when I was thirty. I said, why not this
year for my twenty fifth, and she said no. She
put her foot down and said if I take the
ring back and alter it now, she wants nothing to
do with me. I'm so torn. If my mom liked
jewelry at all, i'd get one of the stones made
into a pendant or something, because she is clearly attached
to this ring.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
But she won't even wear her own wedding ring. She
hates the feel of it on her skin.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
But I don't want to wait another five years of
it just sitting in the bank, costing money for it
to be there, when I could be wearing it as
a reminder of her.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
This is in no way and I want a new ring.
La la la.

Speaker 3 (37:48):
I've wanted to do something with it for a long time,
and I would have hung it on a necklace, but
I'm very rough and I couldn't risk it snapping. Now
the engagement idea is definitely off the table. I would
like to do something with it. Any suggestions on how
to calm this situation down? There are some comments, but
what are your comments?

Speaker 1 (38:05):
Sophia? Like you should just not take the ring.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
There was a sentence there that confused me because it
sounded like she would be upset if you either didn't
take the ring or altered it. Yeah, And I'm not
sure if that's the case, then I guess it's like
kind of lose lose, but right, I do think in
the long run, it'll be better for your mom if
you just don't take it, because she's clearly emotionally attached

(38:28):
to it. So if anything happens in that ring, she's
gonna be like, ah.

Speaker 3 (38:32):
Right, because it really does suck, because, yeah, she's clearly
emotionally attached and way more than OP is. Yeah, so
it's like it's hard that the mom wants.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
The ring to be like I don't know, remember it
or like used for I guess, like day to day.

Speaker 3 (38:48):
Yeah, used for like a purpose, like to honor the cousin,
but she wants it to be honored from another person
honoring it.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Well it's like you couldn't have it. It's like, well, yeah,
you can't really make some and do that, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
But there are some comments Comming Number one says, Honestly,
I don't think this is about.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
The ring at all.

Speaker 3 (39:05):
Based on what you've said, it sounds like the real
issue here is your mother and the way she's still
dealing with your cousins passing. It's easy to say that
that ring could be your engagement ring until it came
right down to it.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
I suspect she'd balk then.

Speaker 3 (39:17):
But even if not seeing that ring on your finger
would represent your cousin to her someone, it seems she
misses very much.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Comment number two.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
Says that that ring is your property and in no
time did you give up possession of it.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Your cousin left it to you, not your mother or father.
That's a good point. That is a good point. While
it is.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
Nice that you want to respect your mother's feelings on
the matter, you have no obligation to Personally, I would
call her bluff.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
Remember, she is the one ending the relationship, not you.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
If you still try and have a loving relationship and
she says no, that is on her. Also, if your
mother is still reacting that strongly after five years, I
think she needs some therapy. That is not healthy for her.
OPI says, thank you for this. I sometimes still struggle
with the idea that it is mine. That's definitely the
reason I didn't want it as my engagement ring. I
did say to her that I offered her a compromise
and that I was grateful she and my father kept

(40:03):
it safe. But I suppose I'll just have to call
her bluff. As you said, there is an update.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah, it's literally her ring and the fiance didn't say, yeah,
you know you got the go ahead. Yeah, yeah, I
guess it's just like it would probably be easier if
you didn't take the ring in terms of like mom
getting upset and everything, but it is yours.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Yeah, and do you have a right to it, right?

Speaker 3 (40:24):
And that is a good point that the commentary made,
that like this is just heard not really letting go.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
And yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 3 (40:31):
If someone passes and then you just have this one
physical object, like non inimate object that is like representing
that person, and you're holding on to that, it's like
you're not really letting go. Yeah, you know, you're still
it's like denial of it.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
Absolutely, we do have an update, So I have a
massive positive update.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
I won't bother going back and editing the original post
because it seems unnecessary now. One thing that became very
apparent to me as I was replying to people was
that I'd missed out a very important part of the
story that I hadn't realized, and I immediately understood why
my mother was so upset. Oh okay, when our family
fell out after the funeral, my cousin was cremated and

(41:11):
her ashes were scattered without.

Speaker 1 (41:13):
Us there, we didn't know where it is.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
She has been scattered, and I think my mother has
always felt like she had no place.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
To go when she wanted to grieve.

Speaker 3 (41:20):
She is very much the kind of person who if
my cousin had a grave, would go and see her regularly.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
I mean clearly she goes into the ring.

Speaker 3 (41:26):
Yeah, Lily, she told us that I think eventually going
to visit the ring, and the bank became like her
going to visit the grave, which is why she was
so upset at the idea of it being taken away
from her.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
Totally understandable now.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
After our argument, I decided to let the dust settle
for the day, and the next morning she sent me
a long message explaining that it was entirely my decision
and she thinks it would be about time something positive
came from the ring instead of it being hidden away.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
I realized her, saying this was a huge deal. Great,
that's really crapply.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
Ah. The ring is basically it looks like an eternity
ring away with owns all around the band, but with
one big stone in the center, as you would expect
on an engagement ring. I propose the idea that, seeing
as I would be taking the middlestone out anyway, I
have the middlestone made into a ring for her, so
we both have a part of her.

Speaker 1 (42:14):
Oh that's really sweet, and she was so happy, she cried. Oh.

Speaker 3 (42:19):
I don't think this was ever about me amending the
ring or wanting to do something special with it. When
I was thirty, she just didn't want to lose her grave.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
Side.

Speaker 3 (42:26):
So to speak, my mother and I are very different.
I will avoid anything that will intentionally upset me, and
my grief comes out as and when it hits me.
My mother kind of sets time aside to grief, so
she'll go through my cousin's photos or see the ring
and let it out. Then, both perfectly normal ways of grieving.
I need to make it abundantly clear that my cousin
was like a daughter to my mother. Her own mother

(42:46):
wasn't very hands on, and my parents loved her and
took her on holidays with us. She spent every summer
with us. I often say to people I lost my
cousin and they look at me like, so what.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
Sorry, who's sing? So I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
If I said that I I lost my cousin and
people went I'd be like, ah, excuse me, yeah what.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
I'm very close to my cousins. That's crazy, that's insane.

Speaker 3 (43:08):
Wow, I'm not even like that close, but I would
still what, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
Crazy.

Speaker 3 (43:12):
They say that because they rarely see their answer cousins.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
But we were a very close knit family.

Speaker 3 (43:18):
I don't think it's strange that my mother is still
grieves after five years, even if she's the aunt. However,
I do believe that she would benefit from counseling, if
not to deal with my cousin's passing, but the probability
of my own. I went to an excellent woman's center
when I lived my mother's hometown. That is a weekly session.
You can do one on one or group sessions. And
I've suggested to my mother that we both go to

(43:39):
one on one together.

Speaker 1 (43:40):
I think the idea of her going alone is too
much for her. There's a little bit more to this story.
But this sounds like a lovely It's lovely. I was
totally wrong. The answer was to do what you wanted,
and your mother came around, right, my bad compromise.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
Yeah, that's a really good idea to have a ring
of her too, because.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
She clearly wants, clearly want you know, she has attachment
to this ring, wants connection to her niece exactly, and
she gets that. And that's lovely and surely, Sunschett says,
very sweet. But mom still needs therapy to deal with
her grief, which it does seem like she's going to. Yeah,
which is good, or like some counseling in general. Yeah,
that's good.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
There's a little bit more to the story.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
Also, I know there were a few people who implied
that I didn't even want the ring if it had
been in a safe for five years, or don't care
that much if I want to take it apart, and
it basically comes down to I thought I would be
using it as an engagement ring, so I left it
in my parents' care while I moved houses and I
traveled for fear of losing it. I love everything the
ring symbolizes and the fact that it was given to me,

(44:40):
but seeing the ring as it is on my own
finger would just remind me of the fact that it's
not on her finger, And as I said earlier, I'm
not want to intentionally make myself upset this way, my
mother has a part of her which she can go
to when she feels she needs to grieve, and I
can carry around a part of her with me, which
is what I feel i'd been missing.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
I did it.

Speaker 3 (44:59):
Previously wear a necklace that she used to own which
set her name on it, but a lot of people
thought that she was my sapphic partner and explaining it
every time made.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
Me cry haha, So that didn't last long.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
I'm also going to talk to my mom about perhaps
planting a rosebush in our local park that would be
dedicated to my cousin. You could do that in the
UK if you pay a fee so that she has
somewhere better to go at bank vault.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
That's so lovely, rightly, and that makes sense.

Speaker 3 (45:24):
I mean, like it's nice to have like a piece
of jewelry or something like that that like reminds you
of loved one that you lost, But having an engagement
ring that you like have to wear all the time
would probably be hard.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
Yeah, like being like this is like a physical representation
of the loss of my cousin.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
Yeah. Also it's supposed to represent.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
You know, this new marriage and stuff, so it's kind
of like dual meaning that's tough.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
Yeah, Hey, it's John here.

Speaker 5 (45:49):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with Asthramar sponsors.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
My husband is having a crisis and his family is
blaming me for it.

Speaker 1 (45:58):
Oh man.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
And this comes directly from the okay storytime supreated it
and also trigger warning for substances and.

Speaker 1 (46:05):
Mentions of a.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
I thirty five non binary have been friends with Carara
thirty two female since we met on a trip in
twenty seventeen. Caraa and her partner erin thirty four male
have been living together for seven years and married a
month or so shy of one year, mainly because Aaron
and Aaron's family would prefer if kids were.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
Born in wedlock.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
Cara didn't have super strong feelings against a wedding, but
was willing to do it if it was important to Aaron,
and she badly wants a kid.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
By the way, this comes from Flying Socks.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
And if you want to smit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime supred it.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
So I attended the wedding. It was a.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
Phenomenal wedding and literally my fave of all weddings. I
have attended Han's down despite my role essentially being half
to pitbull block and door manage both mother in laws
if necessary, which fortunately it wasn't necessary because they both
behave for once. They're both quite image conscious and can
at times put on their best face for company. Aaron

(47:00):
and Kara also rent their house from Aaron's family. I've
also become friends with Aaron, who is a fantastic guy.
What is not so fantastic is Aaron's family Aaron has
a heavy drinker mom with a bad victim complex in
and out of rehab, so frequently some rehabs now refuse her.
And his father passed when he was young preteen, And who.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
Was an option to refuse someone that's trying to go
to rehab.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
Yeah, well it's like if you're like constantly leaving or
not like listening to the rules and taking it seriously.
He's also I think a certain point prioritize the other
people there and if they're right, you know, making trouble
for the other people. While Aaron has several older siblings,
most of them have their own families with multiple children,
and none of the other siblings live as close to
his mother as Aaron does. Aaron's mother frequently takes advantage

(47:47):
of his kindness, making demands to drive her places, pick
her up from places, or bring her things, especially when
she falls off the boozewagon. Aaron's mother has a useless
boyfriend who lives at her house and assists her in
and falling off the wagon. Aaron's mom has wandered off
and needed to be retrieved from ditches and hospitals and
police stations on multiple occasions. Nobody you have has ever

(48:10):
stuck and nothing is this woman's fault. Ever, Also, no
one confronts her on the fact that she's a terrible
and emotionally and verbally harmful person due to her turning
on the waterworks and pulling.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
That I have been deceased, poor me carr and I'm
an addict. It's a disease.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
Caara has pleaded with Aaron and his siblings to have
the mother's license suspended or her car taken away or
the mother put under some kind of restrictive order because
they live in a rural area and said mother continues
to drive under the influence. How does she still have
her license? How does she still have her license? But
this would require more cooperation from the elder siblings, and

(48:47):
they just rather exploit Aaron's time and energy to manage
the problem. Aaron's other siblings often ask for his help,
including getting Kara to watch their children, asking Aaron to
do favors for them, and making Aaron manage Aaron's mom
for them all and want him to visit them, but
act cold towards Kara, don't visit Kara and Aaron's home
and even speak in another language when car is around.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
On purpose.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
Car has been taking language classes to better learn her
husband's other language and set her vows in it, but
is influent yet, and the family knows this, as they
congratulated her pronunciation of her vows at the wedding. They
don't speak to her directly in person at family gatherings
or on the phone. They don't visit her, and they
use Erin as a proxy to transfer information, despite her

(49:30):
having lived with Aarin for seven years and all of
them having attended her wedding. Erin also works in retail
at a store run by a family member let's call
him Bobby, and at this workplace, Erin frequently is encouraged
to work multiple weeks up to a month without a
day off.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
Whoa, yikes.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
He has not taken much of his accumulated leave and
has not been given a raise in years. Bobby makes
Erin ultimately responsible for basically everything about the store, while
he hasn't raised Erin's pay possibly ever. Dea definitely in
years is Aaron asking, though, that's my question Bobby should
be But also you do have to sometimes addocate for

(50:08):
your own.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
Yeah, you know, raise, Yeah, you definitely do.

Speaker 4 (50:11):
So.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
People either forget or go on or don't want to
give you money if you don't ask.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
Yeah, Bobby does give Aarin an allowance of groceries that
he must take from the shop, which is closer to
convenience store than proper grocery quite frankly, which does offset
their bills somewhat, though not enough in my opinion. Now,
Aaron has been feeling depressed for several months, and a
couple weeks after getting some low dose antidepressants from his doctor,
had a mental health episode that necessitated a twenty four

(50:37):
hour hospital emergency room visit, stuck in triage, plus more
extreme meds therapy, and a mandatory two weeks to a
month off work and at home on bed rest. Aaron
recently four months ago quit using Devil's lettuce to focus
on improving his health with Kara, as this is a
goal they have as a couple. While he had been
a chronic user the last several years, largely due to

(50:59):
cars influence, he has tapered off his usage quite a bit,
though still used in order to go to sleep, and
before he quit was down to about a third or
less of his previous usage, nearly all at night right
before sleep. Aaron does not use any other substances. While
he occasionally dabbled while at a musical festival or two
in previous years, he's not partaken in anything more than

(51:20):
Devil's lettuce in a year, and prior to that, his
use was extremely rare as it made Kara uncomfortable. All
that to say, Aarin unfortunately did not see an effective
doctor as the doctor he saw is of the mind
that Aaron's mental health episode, which included a psychotic break
of not knowing where he was and losing time, along
with other symptoms, was solely due to Devil's let us

(51:41):
withdrawal or substances, and didn't put much weight on Kara's
raised concerns regarding stress at Aaron's workplace. Plus they just
got a new puppy, Plus she wanted Aaron to make
a greater effort towards getting healthier so she could be
healthy for a pregnancy, plus his mother, plus his unsupportive family,
in addition to Aaron's recent bad sleep habits and stated depression.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Terrible doctor, Yeah, terrible doctor.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
You know, look into it. You just went, Oh, it's
probably the couldn't be anything else.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
Yeah, what, I'm sorry. He didn't know where he was Yeah,
what huh.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
I mean is that maybe I haven't been to the
doctor in a while, but I feel like they would
ask about that stuff right like they should.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
They should. A lot of times doctors look for the
easy solutions. Well, I got five minutes to talk to everyone.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
Yeah, dude, I recently went into the doctor and they
literally gave me like five minutes, and I was like,
do I do any stretches?

Speaker 1 (52:29):
And They're like, you're fine.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
I was like, Okay, that's crazy, thanks, and which was
not true.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
I was supposed to be doing stretches. They just didn't
get me any gosh, but my peachey did.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
The other problem, aside from the unhealthful doctor, is that
Aaron is literally too nice of a person. He is
kind of the glue in his family and while everyone
relies on him. When he was in the emergency room,
literally none of his family or any one of his
friends showed up to help. His family called his phone,
but he was having the episode that sent him to

(52:59):
the hospital, so Zara was answering the phone, and even
after she explained the situation and these people have both
their cell numbers, they continued to call his phone instead
of hers. Why are you guys, dumb, She just told
you that he can't pick up his phone. Why are
you calling his phone? They continue this behavior after he
himself told them to just call Kara instead. When Kara

(53:20):
called Aaron's brother to sit at the hospital for a
couple hours and keep Aaron oriented and calm so she
could go home and let the dog out, he did
not come, nor could he go let the dog out.
Cara's friends ended up doing that. Note Caara had no
friends in this area before she moved in with Aaron
seven years ago, and really only made friends within the
past year, while Aaron knows essentially everyone in town at

(53:41):
some level, having been raised in the house practically down
the street from his own, which his mother currently occupies
with previously mentioned pos boyfriend. When Caara went to Aaron's
work to report he needed mandatory time off work, Bobby
essentially told her that Aaron was probably hiding actual substances,
where in lying to her about not taking any she

(54:03):
and I and the tests are The hospital ruled this
out as negative, aside from one weird false positive that
turned out to be caused by an interaction between the
antidepressants and some OTC medication. He took for sleep and
pain relief, and when she insisted that Aaron was actually
ill from stress and work and needed rest in time off,
Bobby indicated that Aaron should and would be sent on

(54:23):
a grippy stock vacation.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
I don't think he gets to say if that happens,
that's his boss. I don't think he gets to say
that happens. Oh no, I feel like you guys need
a move. Honestly.

Speaker 2 (54:34):
I feel like you need to move away, cut off
your family from all these people.

Speaker 1 (54:38):
Move away, get a new job, get a new home,
get aarin away from this. The boss he needed a
grippy sock vacation.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
Because Clara said, hey, he needs some time off.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
Incredibly frustrating because he needs the time off because he's
so stressed out from work and is having these problems. Yeah,
I mean like they you know, there might be anything.
But the boss is just like, oh, look, if you
are having a hard time of work, maybe you like
are like, maybe you really need to go to the
ventor hospital.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
My goodness sucked, dude, that really sucks.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Then he had the audacity to ask when Aaron would
be back at work, while never asking once how he
was and insisting he knew better than Aaron's doctor, which
maybe that doctor isn't smart, and tried to tell Kara
what he thought Aaron should be doing for his health
instead of the mandated beds, time off and therapy, Things like.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
Just getting out of bed, getting back to routine, taking
walks in the sun, just go exercise. Have you tried
being happy?

Speaker 3 (55:35):
You tried just like yeah, choosing to be happy, smiling
once in a while.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Have you tried just appreciating every day as they come?
I really wonder what job this is?

Speaker 3 (55:44):
Like?

Speaker 1 (55:44):
What do they do for work? Have no idea?

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Aaron had not been sleeping properly for more than four
uninterrupted hours at once in several weeks at the least,
if not a month. The man needed sleep. When released
from emergency, Aaron promptly slept for about three full days
and night, aside from using the bathroom, drinking water, and
a few bites of food and his meds. Through his recovery.
Thus far, Bobby has wanted to know when he's back

(56:08):
to work. Aaron's siblings haven't helped an have barely shown
up and often been more unhelpful than helpful when they have.
Aside from one sister. She is nice, but she's the
lone exception. While Kara's friends have been the ones to
take their puppy out while there were an emergency and
doctor appointments, and Carr's work that has been understanding of
their situation. Regardless, Cara is having difficulty making Aaron fully

(56:29):
realize how emotionally bad for him the situation is and
getting him to set appropriate boundaries with family and work.
Kara wants them to move, not out of the country
or even that far like a couple hours drive, just
so they aren't physically so close to Erin's mother. Anne
wants Aaron to get a job that isn't working under family.
She's getting desperate trying to show Aarin the ugly truth

(56:49):
of his family, but even after this episode has showed
many of their true colors, she still finds them pushing
back in conversations they have, making excuses or allowances for
their behavior, or agreeing with her, but seemingly unsure how
to do any of what She's asking.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
Why I atta, why I aughta Ain't that right?

Speaker 3 (57:07):
Yeah, it's so frustrating because it is something that you
have to learn, Like I feel like I was in
a spot at one point where I was like, no,
I'm fine, I just am locking in.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
I'm good.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
But then it's like, Okay, your body can't, like you
can't put up with all of the like emotional stress.
You need breaks and like time to rest, even if
you're not like physically doing a lot of work, Like
even if you're just like mentally locked in into a
stressful job, like you need a break from that. Yeah,
it sucks that, like these people are how old and
they haven't learned that you need breaks. Yeah, it's a

(57:38):
terrible boss. I mean like that's a legal thing. Actually,
it's just a legal thing.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
Yeah, And we can go from that standpoint of saying
like yeah, you actually leelal need this break and a raise, right.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
Pull that card. But there's a little bit left.

Speaker 2 (57:51):
Kara is lonely, tired of being excluded and tired of
watching Aaron be exploited. She absolutely doesn't want to leave him,
and quite honestly, apart from this a lack of boundaries,
he is a heart of gold and is the most caring,
kind hearted, funny guy you could ever hope for your
friend to marry. But quite frankly, Aerin has literally always
lived there and never traveled internationally before he and Kara

(58:12):
got together, so we think part of the problem is
just being too geographically close to these people. Now, I've
gone on my own mental health journey and been stable
in therapy and crisis free myself for three years now,
so I've been trying to help my friend. But Kara
and Aaron live in a bit of an echo chamber
and very far away from me, and most of the
feedback Erin is getting is pushing him to downplay his

(58:33):
mental health as per the backwardish attitude of their particular
area of the country and the attitude of his particular family.
Can anyone who's experienced a similar situation give some tips
or advice on how to deal with setting boundaries with
and or while exiting a similar toxic family situation. Kara
and I will be all ears.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My sister made my wedding about her SEPARATION… and it ruined the day -r/weddingshaming | Reddit Stories