My step father INSULTED me and my husband behind our backs… so we retaliated! -r/BORUpdates |Reddit Stories | EP2350 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hmm.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
My stepfather insulted me and my husband behind our backs,
so we retaliated with kindness. Try to translate it as
best I could, but the word pig does not mean
a literal pig in the context it was used. I
think what my stepdad meant was the bourgeoisie or capitalist
pig and used it as a double on tandra in

(00:39):
reference to body fat. My stepdad has been with my
mother for about five years now. I was an adult
before they met. We are not that close, but I
have a cordial relationship, or so I thought. By the
way this comes from, just want cuddles and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime separate it.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.

Speaker 3 (00:58):
Hey, we're here to give good advice, poy, but we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do. In the comments,
ann Op says, my husband and I were invited to
a small impromptu dinner party. My husband was sick, so
I initially made her apologies, but afterwards he encouraged me
to go, even though what I truly wanted was to
play nurse for him. These dinner parties happened with regularity,

(01:21):
and my husband is far more important anyway. However, he
encouraged me and said it would be good for me
to go, so I did. I arrived a little late
and didn't immediately announce my presence. I stood in the
entryway arranging myself and overheard the talk from the dinner table.
I heard my husband's name mentioned. This was rude, but
I was curious what was going to be said while

(01:43):
they thought I wasn't listening, so I took my time
next to the door. The question about our absence was
casually directed to my mother, and my stepdad cut in
with the line and the title. He said, exactly, yes,
where is the pig and his dumb little We'll see
you next Tuesday. There was some chuckles, and my mother answered,

(02:05):
your sudden law is sick in a mildly chastising tone.
She then turned the topic to something else. I decided
to leave. I nearly cried in the back of the car,
but stayed composed until I got home. My mother's reaction
was the most hurtful. I would have expected a far
harsher reaction than she gave. This suggest to me that
this happens with some regularity. My mother doesn't defend me

(02:28):
when I'm called a dumb little See you next Tuesday.
She doesn't defend me. She doesn't defend my husband when
he's called a pig. She acts as if someone made
an inappropriate noise at the dinner table. Should I tell
my husband? I'm a little afraid of his subsequent actions
if I do. He has helped specific family members that
were not at the dinner party and could take that

(02:48):
all away on a whim. I need to tell him,
but I don't want him to punish people that weren't
at the party. My husband will be very angry at them,
but I still need to tell them. Then there is
my relationship with my family. I've been trying to think
how this could mean something else. I've been trying to
twist it into a term of endearment.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
And I can't.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
This was cruel. I feel used by those I loved most,
They hid their feelings while we were around and top
relevant comments. But before we get into those, do you
have any top and relevant comments of your own?

Speaker 1 (03:18):
Nothing? Really beyond what I've already said. You should burst
in through the door and said, hey, hey, you have
some choice words for me. I hear I heard my
ears were ringing? What about a turning? Anything like that?

Speaker 4 (03:32):
Tuesday was involved A line.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
Next?

Speaker 1 (03:36):
Who are we talking about? Huh? Yeah? Who we're talking about?

Speaker 2 (03:40):
We gossiping?

Speaker 3 (03:41):
Deleted says Tell your husband he has the right to know.
If family members are dependent on him and talking behind
his back, he should know about it. Do you think
so little of your husband that he would punish people
in need because they are related to someone who bad
moouthed him once? What about when you have children and
they go visit their grandmother? Will your children learn to
call you a dumb sea word behind your back? There's

(04:03):
no good reason for that type of name calling, especially
when the person isn't around. You don't need two faced
jerks like father in law in your life. Tell your husband,
and then you and your husband can confront your mother,
demand an apology and minimal and minimize contact with mom
and father in law for a while. Opie says, I
think the world of my husband, but he is a

(04:24):
very fierce man when it comes to people who don't
respect him and me. I know I need to tell him.
Jin Baytai says, my man is exactly the same, protective
and unforgiving of people he feels have disrespected me himself too,
but it's a whole other level when I'm involved. All
I can say is you need to let him vent

(04:45):
and be angry, and then ask him to have a
game plan with you. His loyalty should help you come
up with a compromise that you both can live with.
Clam Delicus says, my initial reaction was you should have
walked in and said, the dumb little sea word is
right here, picked up a drink from the table and
thrown it in his face. Seriously, op you have to

(05:06):
tell your husband. Tell him exactly what you told us.
He deserves to know. Let him be part of the
decision on how to proceed and burning cake for fun
says ah Yes, the classic soap oup branding a fantastic choice.
June Gloom says he has helped specific family members that
were not at the dinner party and could take that

(05:26):
all away on a whim. I think this is where
the pig thing is coming from. For some people, your
success and help just makes them feel inferior, and they're
resentful of you as being the cause of those feelings,
so they cut you down when you aren't around. Instead
of taking responsibility for their own life choices or being
secure in themselves and happy for you, they'd rather drag

(05:47):
you down in some crab bucket mentality. They don't have
your best interest at heart. They only want to drag
you down to feel better about themselves. It may be
the healthiest thing for your relationships, not to help. If
they aren't the kind of people who can deal with it,
they're not happy, and you're just losing respect from people
you previously had a better relationship with. And there is

(06:08):
an update.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
Any other thoughts.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
I'm just thinking about the crab bucket reference now because
I hadn't heard that.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
It's like before about crabs and a bucket and they're going
to drag it you.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
And then when the crab tries to get out the
rest of the crabs.

Speaker 4 (06:19):
Saying, he says it a lot here with me is right?

Speaker 2 (06:22):
Riley says, that all the time.

Speaker 4 (06:24):
Yeah, he says it all the time.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
Like crabing a bucket. He's always saying it.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
I've never heard Riley say that. He says it all anyway. Yeah,
And to make a compilation, I think you know your
husband should know what was said about you. The people
just said that stuff about you should know that you
heard it and be like, hey, so y'all are weird
and I'm not going to be hanging out with you guys.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
If you think that about me, then why would I
hang Why would I be around you?

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Updates.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
I told my husband about this earlier this morning. I
did it carefully, making sure to tell him that I
didn't know exactly who was there other than a few names,
and ensuring that he knew a few specific people were
definitely not there. My husband is a very deliberative person.
He sat and listened to everything I had to say
without showing any emotion. It's hard to talk to him

(07:16):
sometimes about difficult things because of this, but I got
through it. He asked me a few questions, making sure
that I was completely sure on every detail. Then he
told me to fetch his phone and I did. He
made several calls, called various people, and over the next
thirty minutes, three of my family members lost their jobs,

(07:37):
two lost their apartments or will be losing them as
soon as the law allows. He only punished people who
were guaranteed to be at the dinner party or directly
related to those who were. He did not punish my
big sister, who I was worried about the most, or
people who couldn't have been involved. Afterwards, he told me
that he would not tell me to cut contact with
my family, but that he will not be seeing them

(07:59):
until he received a written apology from everyone who was
at the party. He said, I can handle my family
as I like. I mean, I think he handled them.
I thanked him and told him that I would not
be seeing them either until that happened. Whilst I was
helping my husband dress for work, my mother call. My
mother called, but my husband waved it off and told

(08:19):
me to keep her waiting because she'll call again. He said,
I don't know her promptness, and that keeping her waiting
shows her I have the power. She called many times
in succession afterwards, but I only answered after my husband
was dressed and I had seen him to the car.
She told me in a frantic voice that person A
had lost a job and wondered what happened or if

(08:39):
there was anything my husband could do. I'm glad my
husband had me wait because I had to formulate a response.
Because I had a formulated response, I told her that
my husband had person A B and C fired. I
didn't tell her why. She went silent for a bit
and finally asked why in an odd tone. I just
told her that I heard what my stepdad said at

(09:01):
the party. I told her that my husband and I
expect written apologies from everyone at the dinner party.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Dude, that you did you You've made people lose their
jobs before you even were like, hey, we heard what happened.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Why did you say that?

Speaker 2 (09:13):
Who said?

Speaker 3 (09:14):
You guys are crazy?

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Genuinely? You guys are crazy. I'd have a problem with
my partner if they did.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
This genuinely, I'd be like reaction if one of my
family members said something against me, and you know, I'd
be like, that's really awful. I'm gonna go talk to
them and be like, why would you say that? Why
would you say that about me and my partner when
we're not there?

Speaker 1 (09:34):
Those are words You're like, what you're doing is genuinely,
genuinely affecting the fabric of people's lives.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
Also, I'm sorry you want this is you don't want
a real apology.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
You want them to grovel. You want them to be
like punished.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
You want to beg for mercy.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
This guy's a vigilante practically like.

Speaker 4 (09:54):
A TV show or a film where you're like, oh yeah,
I want them to feel bad, but like not ruin
their life life kind of thing, or like get an apology.
You you ruined these people's lives, and I feel like
you can't undo.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
You can't they say sorry that what they get their
apartment back.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
I want to clarify because we have Ace makes it
on on Twitch comment. Got to disagree with Dakota on
it being okay since the people being talked about weren't there.
It's not that it's okay, it's that the level of
reaction from other people there is usually isn't gonna necessarily
gonna be like okay, well that was unacceptable. When I'm
leading this instant, it was like.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
Sometimes I feel like when someone says something like if
I was talking to you know, like let's say Dakota
wasn't there and I said something out of pocket about Dakota,
he's stinky Keon, Like, I feel like you, you know,
you might be like, hey, you know, that's not very nice,
but you wouldn't necessarily have the same reaction as like.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Like there, it's uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
So to call someone out.

Speaker 4 (10:52):
Yeah, Dakota, Dakota, make fun of you. I'm gonna go
scorch dr Yeah his bloodline. Yeah done.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah, especially if you like.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
Not like a group bashing session. It was one person
made a guy yeah said it, and her mom was
just like, oh, don't do that.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
Yeah, which neither that's not okay. But to like then
say that everyone at that party is complicit is kind
of crazy.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
I mean, three people shouldn't be losing their jobs. Its
that's great. How do you have the power to do that?

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Makes it wild?

Speaker 4 (11:27):
Yeah, Ace makes it does say if someone's trashing me
in conversation and my people are not saying anything, they're
not my people, which is fair for sure.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
Yeah, but I think, like we don't we don't know
how close all these people at the party were, you know,
their family, but are they Like I just think there's
a different level of reaction that you'll have when the
person's not like I see what you're saying.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, it's which is.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
You know, like, obviously you would still want your friends
to defend you, but I'm saying they shouldn't lose their job.
They probably didn't necessarily agree.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
I feel like I think it's the point. It's a
great way to go about it.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
It's just take hey, you all you guys suck calling
them out and be like and then you're not a
friend or you're not Opie's friend. Yeah, and the person
who said it, guess what, you suck and you should apologize.
That's it. And if they were like, no, I'm not
gonna apologize, then you're like, you know what, it's like,
I did.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
You a favor. I can take that favoriteway.

Speaker 4 (12:16):
It's the it's the I don't get mad, I get even,
but not even.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
This is not even.

Speaker 3 (12:21):
This is like you you kicked me in the shins,
so I burned down your house. A long silence followed,
so long that I nearly hung up, but my mother
did it first. This was a confusing reaction. I think
she was too ashamed to speak, but it could also
be that she doesn't care. I'll wait. The need to
reach out to us with an apology is on them
if they're interested in continuing our family ties. I am

(12:43):
at peace about this and top relevant comments. Evil Buddha says,
if you live in China, I can understand the response.
People in relatively high positions can make the lives of
family miserable if they show disrespect. Opie says, you're right,
I know it's not the same way in Western countries.
Evil Buddhas says, I agree, it's not the same in
Western countries, and folks here have to understand that the

(13:05):
culture in China is way different. Stuff like this happens
in China. Question did your husband help your family members
in getting jobs in housing? Makes me wonder how he
was able to get them all fired and a victa
just like that. Op says, yes, he did help them
get the jobs and housing, good jobs and preferred housing,
which can be very hard to get. And Op says,

(13:27):
my husband was kind at all times. It may be
that they resented him for his help. He asked me
what I thought should happened. I told him I was
very upset. He makes the decisions after consulting me, but
this was disrespectful to him just as much as me.
Thank you for your explanation. I understand why this might
be shocking. In that case, when I said helped in

(13:48):
my first post, I meant jobs and preferred housing. Delete
it says, what the heck?

Speaker 2 (13:55):
Why would your husband get people fired?

Speaker 3 (13:58):
As far as I read in your last post, they
didn't even have anything to do with what your stepdad
called you.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
They were just there.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
This seems like a huge overreaction on his parts, where
you guys could have just gone and confronted your stepdad,
not f up people's living situations and their jobs. That's crazy,
Opie says. I think it might be cultural. Often when
someone does something poorly, it's part of our culture to
judge the family as well. Also, they laughed.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
I don't know, dude, I've given an uncomfortable laugh more
than once.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
Also, they laughed.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
Someone says something, you go, aha, yeah, this is actually
and then like twenty minutes later, you leave, they leave
the room, and you're like, okay, so that was the
weirdest thing.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right that, yeah, because you
don't know how to talk like sometimes you're in a
like I'm not saying that they shouldn't have stood up
for Ope and her husband, But there are some times
where you just feel so uncomfortable that you don't know
how to address it. Abe Atarano says, I am genuinely curious,
and I'm sorry if I come across as naive in

(15:01):
this question. But what would the proper etiquette in China
be in this situation? For example, what if it was
you and your husband at your aunt's house in dinner table,
your aunt's husband makes this rude comment about the person
who gave your husband his job, who is your cousin's husband,
her daughter's spouse and not present. Should you say anything?
Would you speak up out of loyalty for your employer,

(15:21):
or would you not say anything out of politeness for
the host who is also your family? What is correct
in this situation in China? Opie says, of course I
will answer, and no, you do not come across as naive.
I think first understand that there are no individuals in China.
I'm not a single person. I belong to my husband,
I belong to my family. Those units are more important

(15:42):
than me alone. I think there is no correct response
for this. Would there be a correct response for this
in a Western country? I think it was incredibly rude
and that crosses cultural barriers. The shock in this thread
is that my husband punished everyone. Yes, here we return
to the fact that no one is in an individual
in China. You see my stepdad as an independent individual

(16:04):
who made this decision. My husband and I see him
as a part of a larger group, in this case,
his family unit and those others at the dinner party.
They all allowed this disrespect to stand by not acting.
I think the correct response would have been for everyone
at the dinner party to banish my stepdad.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Well doesn't he live there? Yes?

Speaker 3 (16:23):
I think it wasn't he the one that was throwing
the party?

Speaker 1 (16:27):
Oh? Man, well I really quick. We got twenty more
Whoo babies that bababies on a stream thanks to Purple Trader.

Speaker 3 (16:36):
And we're gonna hit that that wheel spin after.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
This story donated twenty gifted memberships.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
They should have collectively showed him that what he did
was wrong. Social harmony is very important. I hope that
this makes sense. Fired On says, I'm from Taiwan living
in America, and I completely understand your husband's response.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
Trust is difficult to come.

Speaker 3 (16:56):
By in China, and if your husband is in a
position of financial power, then he is in a position
a lot of people are willing to suck up to
just to get something out of him. He is one
hundred percent correct to cut his financial and personal connection
with people he cannot trust.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
Most others in the.

Speaker 3 (17:11):
Sub will not understand the cultural implications of this, but
trust is everything in a workplace situation in Chinese culture
because of the possibility of backstabbing and betrayal. You do
your thing, op and don't let all these naysayers in
the post sway you. And there is a second update.
I guess I just, yeah, I just can't understand this
because it I have such a different cultural upbringing. I

(17:34):
don't know, it's uh, yes, I guess I can't give
a proper you know, he had to have known what
he was messing with.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
I guess then by saying that, I.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
Feel like, if there is that cultural background, then yeah,
I think you're at the door.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
Probably Yeah, I have done that. Well. I would be
living in fear every day of my life for.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
All of my family member Like, I'm like, don't say
anything about anyone, guys. But there's a second update. My
husband has received several written apologies from those who were
at the party, but not from my stepdad or my mother.
I think it is correct to say now that they
are not going to apologize. I talked to my mother
again a few days after my second comment for a

(18:15):
brief moment. She prostrated herself in front of me verbally,
but she will not give us a written apology. She's
supporting her husband over her daughter. I hung up on
her as her apology was hollow in many ways, despite
how deeply she spoke. Those who have apologized have said
that these insults were not uncommon, but no one other
than my stepdad engaged in them. My husband believes them

(18:36):
and blames my stepdad. My stepdad later lost his job
as a result of his words. My husband could not
punish him immediately because of his position. I'm feeling okay.
It hurt me after the second conversation with my mother,
where I realized she would not apologize. I am trying
to make peace with it, but it has been hard.
My husband has done things to cheer me up. He

(18:58):
bought me a puppy. I need to feel this for
a period of time, if that makes sense. I just
again like I want to go back because says her
mom didn't apologize, but she literally said, she prostrated herself
in front of us verbally, So she did apologize, she
just didn't apologize in the way that you want it.
But there's a little bit left to this. Again, I

(19:18):
don't I don't think that I have the cultural, you know,
knowledge to accurately make a judgment on this. I think
it is very different to how I would react and
act in this situation.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
Wild to me that there was no investigation on the
front end. Instead, it was just like I'm gonna.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
It was immediate.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
You'd take three jobs in two apartments away.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
Yeah, and not even from the person that did it either, right,
Like he didn't even immediately lose his job.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
This is scary. You're married to a scary guy.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
I also, if anyone has like more cultural knowledge about this,
because I know some of you in the comments were
already kind of speaking up about it, let us know
what you think about this.

Speaker 4 (20:00):
Yeah, a lot of people again, a lot of people
were like uh. People were saying, like in Chinese dramas
or k dramas, that this happens more frequently than we
think it's again, it's not we're not used to it.
But for them, this is probably like you know that's
the norm. I guarantee you in the Philippines if this happened,

(20:21):
especially with like a barangay captain or like a cop
captain or something like that, yeah, it'd be the same thing. Yeah,
it'd be like, all right, well you did that to
my wife, so you're on bad terms with us, and
now jobbn't pretty much.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
Dang, there's a little bit left to this story. OHP says,
I agree. The letter is a formality, but an important one.
I think my mother's words were hollow, though I'm not
sure I have the words to describe this. She apologized
but defended and dismissed at the same time. That's why
I hung up. Last leader says, your mom sounds like
you in a lot of way. Both of you stand

(20:57):
behind your husbands no matter what and let them make
all all the decisions. This is between your husband and
your stepdad. Your mom won't be able to apologize until
your stepdad allows her to. This is one of those
times that being old fashioned and doing what your husband
tells you to do is pretty stupid. I mean, both
you and your mom, both of you are letting men
ruin your mother daughter relationship. These updates sat at me,

(21:18):
to see all the unwise decisions and ego continuing on
both sides. I hope someday this will change. Oh, he says,
my husband did not force me to cut ties with
my family. I chose not to forgive my mother because
her apology was hollow, her words were empty. Sil Mariel says,
I think it's refreshing to see someone posting to this
creddit with such a clear idea of their boundaries and

(21:40):
acting on them when they are valulated certainly acted upon.
We always encourage people to find their boundaries and learn
to back them up when they face crises in relationships,
and here is an example of a couple who have
very clearly defined boundaries and are doing something about it
when they got disrespected. The husband was clearly taking care
a lot of people in this family and would feel

(22:02):
deeply hurt and disrespected to learn that these same people
were witnessed to the offensive things said about him behind
his back and not stopping it or standing up for him.
I one hundred percent agree with his decisive actions, and
while I feel sorry for Opie's mother who is trapped
between daughter and husband, I think Op's husband was still
within his moral rights to act as he saw fit

(22:25):
in this case, Opie. I wonder if you would act
differently than your mother did, though, Would you go against
your husband if he ever behaved badly towards someone in
the family, or would you have his back even when
he was wrong. Your mother has apologized to you in
the only way that she can without making open conflict
with her husband. Can you understand her at all? Maybe
you can forgive her eventually, Smaxaw says, your mother has

(22:47):
all apologized to you in the only way she can
without making open conflict with her husband. Oh wait, that's continuing.
Oh I think you make a great point responding to
that commentary, not just there, but the whole post. But
that party's framed incorrectly. She isn't making open conflict with
her husband. The husband is making open conflict with her
by not standing up to him. She is being an enabler.

(23:10):
She is giving him tacit permission to continue. Is it
unfair she's in the middle of this along with the
people who got fired. Yes, in life, when unfair things
happen to you, though through no fault of your own character,
shows when you do the right thing. Absolutely no one
did the right thing, and she still refuses to throw
his mess back in his face. Op's stepdad is the

(23:32):
one causing trouble. He's an ingrid piece of crap after
all the problems he's caused and impossible scenarios he's created,
to not back down and give her an out. FIM,
there is at least three to four other people like
the mom who also need to save face. He isn't
allowing them an out. She isn't choosing conflict. She's choosing
to lose the conflict rather than fight for herself. Op's

(23:55):
stepdad is a piece of crap to the highest order.
Asian and Chinese society is harmony and making decisions that
benefit the group so that everyone wins. He is sacrificing
the group for his own twisted sense of egotistical cute honor.
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
My mother took me off her insurance because I said
my dad was nicer.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Well you should have said your mom was nicer.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
There's a trigger warning for emotional abuse. I twenty three
female and my mom forty nine female. I've never really
gotten along growing up. She treated me differently from my siblings.
I'm the second oldest of four, and she was always
stricter and harsher with me. By the way, this comes
from user moist West forty two twelve, And if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the art
slash Okay storytime subburt it.

Speaker 4 (24:38):
I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
And we're here to give you good advice googly, But
we don't have all the answers. We only know what
we would do, So if you'd do something different, let
us know in the comments. As Op says, I, if
I brought home anything less than an A, I'd get grounded.
Even one B on an assignment meant trouble. My siblings
never had that rule. On top of that, she always
commented on my weight, calling me the fat kid, even

(25:03):
though I was thin. She never said this to my siblings,
just me. As I got older, I realized she liked
getting a reaction out of me. At first, I defended myself,
but when I stopped, she escalated and even got physical.
On my eighteenth birthday, while I was still in high school,
she kicked me out. By then, I was already staying
with a friend most of the time just to get

(25:24):
away from her Now as an adult, I hardly speak
to her again. At family events, we might exchange a
few words, but that's it. Recently, I was at my
sister's place and she had my mom on speakerphone. I
was in the background talking to my brother and he
asked who I thought was nicer, Mom or Dad? Without thinking,
I said dad. My dad wasn't great either. He wasn't

(25:47):
around much and could be harsh, but compared to my mom,
he is nicer. I also talked to him more, though
not a ton. My mom overheard, asked what I said
and I repeated it. She snapped and said she'd never
speak to me again. I said, you're saying that like
it's a bad thing. Honestly, it sounds like heaven. She

(26:09):
didn't hang up on me, but ended the call with
my sister, who was the one talking to her. Later,
my sister texted me that my mom took me off
her insurance. I never asked her to be on it anyway.
She added me without telling me because it lowered her
own rate. One day, she just said, hey, I put
you on my plan. I didn't argue, but now I
see it was just another way for her to control me.

(26:30):
She's done stuff like this before, Like when I was younger,
she put my phone on her plan and shut it
off whenever she got mad. This time was the same.
After removing me, she told my sister she thinks her
dad is the better parent. Let him put her on
his insurance. I never said better parent. I just said
dad was nicer. She also told my sister she hoped

(26:51):
my car got impounded and that she could turn it
off through on Star. My car is fully paid off,
so I doubt that's even possible, But the fact she
said it was ridiculous. I don't need her insurance anyway.
Before she added me, I was paying for my own,
and after she removed me, I just went back to mine. Meanwhile,

(27:11):
my sister said I was too harsh and should apologize
because mom has done so much for you. I asked
what she meant, and she said, she put a roof
over your head and gave you food and clothes. That's
literally the bare minimum of parenting.

Speaker 3 (27:25):
Two things.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
Oh, she took care of the life she brought into
the world.

Speaker 3 (27:30):
Should you neglect her child?

Speaker 4 (27:33):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (27:33):
Okay, Yeah, she's a terrific parent.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
My mom has gone to my grandparents and aunts saying
I was disrespectful and need to apologize. From my perspective,
I just answered my brother's question honestly, So Redda Am
I the a hole?

Speaker 3 (27:47):
No?

Speaker 1 (27:48):
No, but I mean like you weren't even talking to that.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
You weren't even talking to her.

Speaker 3 (27:53):
You're not the ahole. However, in this situation, if you
didn't literally bow down to your mom, she was gonna,
you know, get rid of anything anyway. So you know,
I think you just have to take this opportunity to
cut her off, you know, not necessarily like if you
want to go no contact, but like definitely lower contact

(28:15):
and just be more financially independent from her.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yeah, which sounds like it is not an issue. Yeah, well,
let's get in these comments come at one. Is your
mom a registered owner on the car? If so, she
may be able to cause problems with it. If she isn't,
and even if you don't use on Star, contact them
and let them know to ask them if they have
the ability to notate on your car's file that your

(28:38):
mom is not allowed to have any information or use
any of the features. Ask about passwording the file. OHP says, unfortunately,
she is. I initially got the car from my grandparents,
and I guess when you gift a car, or at
least in my state, it cannot be transferred from grandparents
to grandchildren. It has to be transferred from parent to child.

(28:58):
So the original plan for my grandparents to sign it
over to my mom, who would then sign it over
to me. However, she never did that, probably to have
something to hold over my head. But yeah, unfortunately she
is registered as the owner. I'm planning on looking into
getting a new car next week just to be completely
rid of her. I'll definitely contact on Star. Comment to says,

(29:19):
your mother is mistreating you. Why have contact at all?
What does she add to your life? It's common for
narcissists to have scapegoats and golden children. Look at the
subredit raised by narcissists. I got similar abuses, being called fat,
as a skinny kid, etc. And physical and emotional abuse.
My parents haven't known where I lived for twelve years

(29:39):
now and have had zero contact from me. I've not
long stopped having nightmares about them finding me. Hope. He replies,
we don't really have any contact. Her number is blocked,
which is why she had to use my sister as
the messenger. I don't speak to her, talk to her,
or hang out with her. The only time I see
her is at family gatherings, and even then I hardly

(30:00):
go to those, especially if I know she's going to
be there. Comment three says objectively, your mom is an
a hole, but your sister is approaching a whole status
with her comment. You didn't ask to be born. It's
your parents' job to feed, clothe, and how's you. You
may want to remind your sister that your mom booted
you out at eighteen, and so her suggestion that a

(30:22):
roof over your head merits an apology is wide off
the mark. You're not the a whole, your family not
so sure. Fourth comment not the ale. All you did
was state your honest opinion about your mom, who is
an a hole. Don't take their opinion for anything. You
don't need the approval of a family in the pocket
of an abuser. And there is an update two days later.

(30:46):
I bet your mom like repoed the car or something.

Speaker 3 (30:49):
Yeah, I did something.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Over under that she reports it stolen. Seventy chance she
says it's.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
Stolen, wouldn't be on some sort of insurance.

Speaker 4 (31:02):
Mom turns into a car who knows she's a Transformer.
Now he's from Cybertron.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
She has the all spark.

Speaker 4 (31:08):
But is she an autobot or a Decepticon.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
She's a Decepticon two days later. Growing up with my
mom has always been difficult. She is self absorbed, controlling,
and manipulative. Her whole family has mostly tolerated it, which
made me feel like I was constantly in the wrong,
always backed into a corner. This situation helped me realize
I needed to step out of that mindset. I needed

(31:32):
to see my experiences from my own perspective and recognize
that my feelings and reactions are valid. For instance, talking
to my grandmother about the situation confirmed what I already knew.
My mom has always treated everyone poorly, not just me.

Speaker 3 (31:50):
Oh well that's nice, it's comforting. Yeah, you know that
you're not the target.

Speaker 4 (31:54):
You're not alone, No, just everybody, everyone else.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
Everyone is everyone. Family members tolerate her behavior to avoid conflict,
even my younger siblings. I've always been outspoken about her
treatment of us, which has made me seem difficult, but
in reality, I've just been honest about her behavior. Yeah,
I think you're on the right track. Yeah, I think you.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
Just have to kind of limit contact with your mom
and limit any kind of connection that you have with her,
because she's going to use that against you.

Speaker 1 (32:24):
Yeah, she's going to leverage any level of power she
has over you, legally, fiscally, emotionally. So yeah, it's time,
all that jazz, time to just like close that door
and don't look back.

Speaker 3 (32:38):
Agreed.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
As a result of this recent incident, I've decided to
go low contact with my brother. He's been influenced by
my mom and started calling and texting me with insults
about things I supposedly did wrong, things that only make
sense from her perspective. I'll probably also go low contact
with my sister, because I've realized she shares information about
my life with my mom, even after I've asked her

(33:01):
not to. I want to protect my boundaries and maintain
some privacy regarding my mom. I'll be moving to no contact.
I was already pretty much no contact, but also I'll
be including avoiding a family functions where she's present and
limit any other interactions so that I can protect my
mental health and break the cycle of manipulation I've experienced

(33:22):
my whole life. There are some more comments here. Comment
one says you're not wrong As for your sister, get
her on an info diet. She can't share what she
doesn't know. That does not mean you have to stop
talking to her. Op says, Yeah, I've put my sister
on an info diet for now, I won't be talking
to her because, like most toxic, self absorbed mother's mine

(33:42):
as a way of turning siblings against each other, She's
managed to convince my sister that I've been talking to
her and trashing my sister behind her back, which is
insane considering my mom prides herself on supposedly avoiding my calls.
I never call that woman and insists she doesn't even
speak to me. Yesterday, my sister blew up on me
over this supposed trash talking and then immediately called my

(34:05):
mom to trash talk me with her, which is pretty hypocritical.
Why she believes anything my mom says is beyond me,
especially since my mom is a pathological liar. Second comment says,
you cannot begin to heal until you pluck the splinter out.
If you leave it in the wound just keeps festering.
You've done the painful part and pulled the splinter out.

(34:25):
Good for you. Now focus on yourself heal, grieve if
you need to take care of yourself and love yourself.
Well done, Oh Pete true that that is the end
of this story, sam here og host. We're going to
get back to these stories, but here's three minutes fads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
First, my brother is dating my cheater X and it's
tearing our family apart.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
No no, no, no, get.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
Out of there, Get out of her. My ex and
I dated for four years. We broke up in twenty
seventeen after she cheated on me multiple times and tried
to keep it a seat. The good news was that
I had my full family support. I cut her off
and life was fine. By the way, this comes from
a username, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the hour slash Okay, story Time, Separate It
And I'm Angie and I'm Savannah and we're here to

(35:13):
give good advice. Goofully. But we don't have all the answers,
so we're just gonna guess what we would do in
this situation. Let us know what you would do in
the comments. So Op says, fast forward to June of
this year and I get dropped with a bombshell from
my brother who's two years younger than me. He's now
seeing my ex. They ran into each other at a

(35:33):
bar and supposedly hit it off and went from there.
Apparently she's a totally new person now or something, and
my brother wants me to try and be understanding. Luckily
for me, I don't live in the same state anymore,
so I haven't been forced with making a decision on
seeing them. However, my parents called the other day and
asked about my holiday plans at the end of the year.
They said that my brother and my ex his girlfriend

(35:54):
will be invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas if they want
to come. I absolutely won't stand for it and don't
want to see her, and now my family is upset
at me. Am I completely insane. I'm losing my mind here.
We have some comments, though common nuber one. It's their house.
They can invite her, but you don't have to attend.
They should respect your position in not being interested in

(36:16):
exposing yourself to that. That's fine for the short term.
What if they marry and become a permanent fixture. Has
she reached out to you and to try to patch
things up on a personal level. I bet she hasn't
she wronged you, and there is almost certainly unfinished issues
between you. This cannot come from someone acting on her behalf.
It must come from her directly. Accept no envoys acting

(36:38):
on her behalf. If she has changed, then she can
clean up the mess she left in my experienced people,
your family will try to smooth things over, but she
will not. That's how you know that she hasn't really
changed or improved. That's how you know it's the right
thing to stay. Let them play happy families without hurting
you with an unrepentant and unreformed cheater fan firm on this.

(36:59):
If it's a multi year issue, example, she hasn't already
cheated on him and split up, decide what she would
do to redeem herself to the point that you can
stand being in the room with her. Then insists that
she does it before you will attend anything involving her.
Once a cheater, almost always defective, Opie says, to answer
one of your questions, she has supposedly wanted to reach

(37:19):
out to me, but I completely cut her off and
blocked her number and have made it clear to never
contact me again. I have reiterated this to my family.
As for if it's a multi year thing. My head
hurts thinking about it. I didn't find out about her
cheating until year four. Feels impossible for me to ever
think of regaining trust in her in any capacity.

Speaker 1 (37:39):
You know?

Speaker 2 (37:39):
Someone else responds, she wants to talk to you so
that she can check a little box in her head
that says, see, he's okay, so I'm not so bad
after all. You can allow that or not at your
own whim. In my opinion, you should skip the holidays.
What are the odds is she's really a changed person
in her and your brothers aren't broken up in one
to two years. They're asking you to rip open your

(38:00):
wounds for what is almost surely a temporary relationship. Comment
number two of this comment is downvoted. You were not insane,
But I will say this, Does she matter to you anymore?
If not, then who cares? People? Don't change. Your brother
will find out soon enough what the deal is. Don't
let it bother you. It's not worth your energy. Opie says, No,

(38:21):
she doesn't matter, but my family does. I hope I'll
never have to use past tense. The biggest difficulty is
my relationship with my brother. I don't know if betrayal
is the accurate word to describe my feelings, but that's
what hurts more. We do have an update. First off,
I want to thank all of you who responded in
the original thread and motivated me to have a long
and uncomfortable conversation with my family last night. I'm going

(38:42):
to try my best to summarize the details and feelings
of my family as I decide what to do from here. Brother,
so we did a bit of a deep dive into
the relationship. Essentially, they met at a bar at the
beginning of the year. She sought him out, recognized him,
and approached him. She said she had wanted to apologize
to me for the longest time, but I was no
contact with her, so it didn't work. She basically apologized

(39:04):
to me through my brother, but he didn't really want
to get in the middle. For some unknown reason, they
just kept talking and catching up, and I guess they
just instantly hinded off. Supposedly, she has been going to
therapy and hates who she was then and the things
she did. So they exchanged numbers and it all went
from there. He keeps trying to tell me that I
would think she's a different person if I gave her

(39:24):
a chance, still have no desire to do so, I
asked if I ever get brought up, and supposedly they
don't talk about it much because she's ashamed of who
she was. Then uh, again, this is all from his perspective,
so who knows what's real and what's rose colored. We
basically ended with him saying he's happy and he's sorry
for how crappy of a position this puts me in,
but to just try and give her and them a shot,

(39:46):
and we're gonna go into the mom But I it's
I have a lot of thoughts on that one too.
I just like, don't I don't know, I if she
wants to patch things up, like if she believes that like, oh, okay,
I you know, am in love with your brother. He's
the one for me. Blah blah blah, I see me
being with him. Then you have to recognize who you

(40:08):
were before if you have changed mm hmmm, which a doubt,
but you know, giving her the benefit of the doubt. Sure,
you have to acknowledge what you did in the past,
and you can't just apologize through someone else. You know,
you have to go up to that person, even if
they don't want it if they are, like you know,
cause I in that situation, like if my ass came

(40:29):
up to me, no way, absolutely no way, would there
ever be a conversation. Would there ever be like a
face to face like no, like you know what you
did and that's it, and if you want to go
and do this, leave me out of it. But like
now you're going to my family, Like, no, that's not okay.
I I don't like that exactly. Yeah, what I don't
like is that he's trying to convince Opie that she's

(40:52):
a different person and ask for her to be given
a chance, but not so that she can start dating
op again, and so she like that's just such a
weird thing of like, Okay, I'm being asked to forgive
my ex for what she did to me, not so
that we can give it another shot, and I don't
not so I can give her a chance to try
things again with me, but now to try things with

(41:14):
my brother. That's just weird. It's just weird. That's it's
very very weird. And also I just don't really like
the whole Like I don't know, if I didn't like
your your brother, I probably wouldn't like your.

Speaker 3 (41:26):
Brother like, I don't you know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
If I didn't like you, I probably won't like your brother.
I'm just I don't know. You do not have to
keep it in the family. Yeah, exactly the conversation with
my mom for context. My mother is a very religious person,
but in my opinion, she represents the best of religion.
She's kind, generous, thoughtful, and all that good stuff. But
she's also very forgiving, and I think that's where the
issue is here. This was the hardest conversation. She admitted

(41:52):
she had reservations, but searched within herself to try and
find forgiveness. If it was meant to be so, she
was willing to give it a shot, and she's been
happy with the two of them. It seems like they're
doing all the right things in her eyes, to earn
that forgiveness. She started crying, which eats me up, and
talked about not wanting to see her family torn up
and to try and see if I can find it
within myself to give this a shot. She said if

(42:13):
I couldn't, that I'd always be her son, and a
lot of other motherly stuff that hit me in the gut.
I felt like crap. After but I had to talk
to my dad, so I powered through. As for Dad,
he's kind of always been the if mom's happy, then
I'm happy type of mindset. Not much has really changed,
he said. He knows it's a tough situation, but to
see if I can find a way to give it

(42:34):
a shot. Yeah, I'm glad we're having these conversations. At
least it's true seeing how everyone else is feeling. Yeah,
because it's just it's a weird situation. But also like
to hear, like if I were to have this conversation,
like if I were Opie and I were to have
this conversation with my firshault, this would never happen in
my family, right, everyone hates the same people in my No,

(42:56):
there would never be an issue on that because one
thing we can all agree on. So like I think,
like if if I were to put myself in this
situation and my mom would be like, I think we
just need to give her another chance and stuff, I
that would rub me the wrong way, cause then it's like,
didn't you see what happened to me? Didn't you see

(43:17):
me go through all of that? Don't you not want
that for me or your other son? Like, you know, yeah, no, absolutely,
and it's just like it's not even just like that
this is gonna be a problem in this moment too.
It's like, this is gonna be a problem, something uncomfortable
whenever you like hit milestones, because then I'm gonna remember
hitting those milestones with her, and then I'm gonna remember

(43:39):
how confused and betrayed I felt thinking that she was
cheating on me that whole time, you know exactly. So yeah, Luckily,
my dad said if it isn't something I can do,
then we can do something separate from my brother and
his girlfriend for the holidays. My mom is hurt about
the idea, but he said he'd get her to come
around to make sure that they get to see both
of their sons in some way. So while it was

(44:00):
nice to talk and learn more, I still feel stuck
in the situation. I don't mind going back home and
doing something separate, but not sure if we can dance
around the elephant in the room. I told them I'd
think about my decision and let them know in a
couple of weeks. I hope this helps, and if you
have more ideas, I'll take them. Thanks guys, And there
are some comments. Comming number one says, sorry, Ope, that stings.

(44:23):
Long story short, Your family has chosen the one who
cheated on you over you. Someone else responds, why is
the mother the one who is trying to forgive Opie's
cheating X, She's not even the victim. Mother has a
clear bias on which kid she likes, and it's not op.
Someone else responds, sounds more like they have two sons
and just want them around for the holidays, preferably altogether.

(44:43):
But they're willing to be like the two Christmas kids
to their son's role as the divorce. Just go make
it super awkward for your bro and X as you
wonder aloud if she tastes any different in the Yule
log crazy, don't say that, coppeture, that's crazy. You only

(45:06):
got one life. Don't hold on to anger, don't take
everything as a mortal wound. Um And yeah, Op doesn't
respond to any of these. And that's the end of
this story. We're gonna go on to the next one.
I cut ties with my cheating father. Now my brother
is furious. Does he not understand since I thirty five

(45:28):
female was a baby, my father sixty seven male has
never changed his philandering ways. I have grown up seen
my mother and father's toxic relationship, yet my mother never
kicked him out for all the thirty six years of
marriage with my father being unfaithful. By the way, this
comes from you throw away seventeen and if you would

(45:51):
like to submit your own stories, you can go to
the Okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah and I'm Angie,
and we're here to give you some good advice. Goofully.
But obviously we are not professionals. We're just telling you
what we would do in this situation, so take it
with a grain of salt. All right, let's get back
to OP. I have been in countless therapy sessions as

(46:13):
an adult due to depression cause by this my mom
has been keeping it strong and has only her friend
and I to talk to for support. Last week, my
father royally messed up by accidentally going on Facebook live
with his new mistress and see through very sheer clothing.
Oh god. This was viewed by my sister in law,

(46:35):
my cousins on both parents' sides, my mother's coworker who
they're friends with, and many other people in his friends list,
including me who lives overseas. I was so heartbroken, angry, sad,
and to be honest, quite feeling vengeful. For the past
few days, I screenshot her image on his Facebook to

(46:56):
send to him and confront him, as well as telling
him that I am cutting ties with him, practically saying
that he has now passed away to me. My brother,
twenty nine male, found out from my mother, whom I
have been in close contact with for emotional support, that
I have cut ties with my father and was furious
because he thinks that family is family no matter what.

(47:18):
I told him that my mother doesn't deserve us sticking
with our father, what with all the pain he has
caused her, and it's about time for someone to stand
up for our mother. I love my brother, but I
want to make him understand that what I did is
for my own mental health as well as for my mother's,
as well as to at least reclaim some of the
dignity caused by my father's shameful act. He has comment

(47:41):
Number one, your brother sees how your father behaved, yet
after thirty six years, he's still married to your mother.
This is how your brother thinks successful relationships work, and
he doesn't want you rocking the boat just replied, he
sees OP as the root cause of the problem, because
in his mind, the problem is OP causing a fuss.
He doesn't see the dad's cheating as a problem. Comment

(48:02):
number two. Your brother doesn't have to understand it. You
can't really make people agree with you, but you don't
have to. You can just tell him I'm not going
to hurt myself for somebody else, even if they are family.
If you don't understand that, that's okay. But I don't
want to discuss it with you if you're only going
to try to make me feel bad. If you think
family is family no matter what, then I expect you

(48:23):
to be supportive of me your family. And if you
think family is not family no matter what, then you
might start to understand why I had to do this.
The point is set boundaries so you can get along
with your brother without feeling bad, without falling into the
same track he did. He thinks he should get to
change your view. He can present his view, but you

(48:44):
get to decide for yourself and he should respect that.
While setting boundaries so that you don't feel bad when
you interact with each other, which might mean agreeing not
to discuss.

Speaker 1 (48:55):
This issue together.

Speaker 2 (48:56):
Further so, going to comment number three, there is this
thing that my mother in law, who is in the
mental health field, told me what others think of me
is none of my business. It might seem like an
odd thing to say in this instance, but hear me out.
You will never truly be able to change what others
think of you, and it's not really your place to
because their thoughts are their own and yours or your own.

(49:18):
Let your brother think when you will, let him be
the one on the outer stand firm. If you feel
the need to say anything, just point out that you
haven't done anything that your father hasn't already done on
his own, and that pointing out that you were the
only one to finally say something doesn't make you the perpetrator.
He needs to deal with it in his own way.
And maybe he doesn't see anything wrong with what your

(49:39):
father is doing because he has grown up with it
going on, and now that someone has pointed out that
it's unacceptable, his world has been racked. You need time
to deal with what your father did, and I am
sure it wouldn't be easy for you to deal with
your own feelings while also assisting your mother to do
the same. But what your father did must surely be

(49:59):
a double edge sword for your mother because the added
embarrassment of him posting it on Facebook for the world
to see. So I think you and your mother should
seek some counseling to help you through all this. Agreed, Yep,
give your brother some time to work through all of
this on his own. Try to talk to him again
when the wound is not as fresh. Update. Oh, let's
do it. Thank you redditors for your support and kind words. Yes,

(50:23):
my brother seems like he has also taken after my
father's lifestyle. My brother's ex saw the video as well
of my father and knew that I would need someone
to talk to as she was like a sisternamy. We
have been friends for so many years. Even after their breakup,
she told me about the reason why they broke up,
and now it made total sense. My brother was not
loyal to her either for the past five years that

(50:43):
they were together. She broke up with him after he
cheated on her the second time. My home country does
not have divorce, only annulment that is available, and it
is quite long, tedious and expensive. Unfortunately, my father still
lives with my mother, thus will not be sitting home ever.
I found out that my father had two mistresses, and

(51:04):
out of anger, I sent the screenshot of my father's
live video of Side Chick one to side chick number two.
I told both women that I promise not to tell
their husbands and children if they return any gift of
value that my father has given them and hand it
to my mother to make sure that she can sell
or pawn them. Haha, Okay, that's a way to do it.

(51:25):
I mean, yeah, she's like, listen, she did like the
Reynolds pamphlet literally and you can keep seeing. Yeah, she's
like literally blackmailing them, you know, just keep just letting
keep the money, right. I was able to track mistresses
famili's info. Ah. Needless to say, my father is now

(51:47):
also in hot water with both mistresses, aside from my mother,
who is now only keeping him in the house so
long as he gives her all of his retirement money
as payback for all the pain has cased. As crushed
as I am, I've done such, I am happy to
at least see my father in this dilemma I have
created for him. I've told my brother my reasons and
told him that I understand his position, but that is

(52:09):
not going to change my decision about me cutting ties
with my father. There is another update, But what thoughts?
What are we thinking? Oh Bi, I think you're so petty,
but I really like what you did. I usually don't like,
you know, those petty responses and stuff, but honestly, like
he deserved it. Yeah, he totally deserved it. And because

(52:31):
because really I feel like you would probably want to
do that anyway of like if you if your mom
didn't know, for instance, like you would want your mom
to know and you would tell him like okay, dude,
you tell her, you tell her or I do you know?
And so you're kind of just doing that with the
other mistress. Obviously you don't have the same obligation to
them as you would your mom. But like still, it's
like you're really just you know, you're you're advertising his

(52:56):
his work, So you're really just like which he was
already advertising by live literally yeah, those so crazy, Like
what did you would you want to have happened? Yeah?
Like he literally did it to himself and you just
like literally got him the views that he wanted, right,
and you're just like reaping the benefits now with all
this other Ste's like Okay, give a mom the money. Yeah, exactly,

(53:18):
all right, back to what Opie has said. I have
also advised my mother to seek actual professional help, as
my mental health is not at a good spot since
I have been her sounding board for so many years now,
which is hard otherwise. I asked her if she can
speak to her sisters about it, as I am not
mentally and emotionally equipped to handle this anymore. I have

(53:40):
also blocked my father from all social media contacts and
from contacting my children, eight and twelve year old girls.
My boyfriend has been with me throughout this entire ordeal
and has been very supportive of me and my decision.
He was also my voice of reason and talked me
out of my recklessness. So as to not contact any
more of my father's miss is to avoid further pain

(54:01):
on my side. It's like, but I won't revenge. Yeah,
that's actually larious. But there's only three more I have
to like figure out, hold me back, hold me back.
I gotta talk to these mistresses. Oh my god, that's
so that's that's it's not funny, but you know, think
of it making light of a situation. I led him

(54:24):
a terrible that's pretty funny. Right, All right, here's some comments.
Comment one, did you confront your brother on his cheating?
OHP responds, Yes, I did. He said he and his
ex were working two different schedules and they drifted apart,
that he never meant to have a lapse in judgment.
I called his bus and told him that his ex

(54:46):
was lucky to have gotten out of their relationship before
they even married.

Speaker 1 (54:49):
She was a.

Speaker 2 (54:50):
Wonderful girlfriend and cared for my family genuinely. He married
the girl he cheated on her with. I barely talked
to her, and she knew that I never liked her.
Because I found it fishy that my brother has one
moved on so quickly, and to propose less than a
year of them together, I knew something was fishy. Yeah.
I openly call his ex sister and her child with

(55:13):
her new husband niece. His wife hates it because she
wants me to call her sister, to which I refuse
because we never had a bond to begin with anyway.
Common number two, good for you feel free toy cut
out the toxic brother too. Sounds as if he is
headed down the same path, so why allow him around
your children? Avoid all the toxicity? Oh pe responds, I

(55:36):
only talk to my mother now, as far as I'm concerned,
I only have one family member now and that is
my mother. Oh. Oh, I'm sorry it didn't work out
with your brother, right, but it seems like he's just
going down the same path. So obviously, honestly, if if
it took you, what like the thirty six years of
like doing it with a dad, like, if you it's honestly,

(55:57):
you shouldn't have to wait another thirty six years if
it's gonna be this same exact thing, you know right,
just a different person doing the same thing to you,
you know right. I feel like you have the opportunity,
you know the signs, you know what you want in
your life and what you don't exactly.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
Oh and that is the end, Hey is John Ogi host.
We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick
three minute break of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
My boyfriend cheated with an escort while I'm pregnant. Oh leave,
Oh my gosh. And this comes directly from the r
slash Okay storytime separate it. So this is one of
our own out there. I twenty five female, am pregnant
with by my boyfriend. Twenty eight male let's call him Junior.

(56:37):
Last October, before our little week long trip to California
from the East Coast, while on the plane, I made
a joke about him cheating. I meant nothing serious by it,
but when I looked at his face, I saw guilt.
I pressed the matter, and while we were on our
second flight, he confessed to me that he had slept
with the Lady of the night a few weeks prior.

(56:58):
Oh boy, like legit cash for a spicy sleep. By
the way, this comes from Radiance Shoulder sixteen ninety one,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay, storytime separatedit. I'm Angie and
I'm Savannah, and we're here to give good advice goofy,
but we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna
guess what we would do in this situation. So let
us know what you would do in the comments. So

(57:18):
Opie says, I now had to spend a week with
this man stuck in California doing activities with his family
while we worked out logistics. I forgave him because I'm
not about to hold that hate in my heart. We
decided to work on a relationship and move forward. Moving
on to January of this year, his mom let her
friend host a mini sweet sixteen for her daughter at

(57:39):
my boyfriend's house. Long story with that living arrangement. While
I was in my boyfriend's room just chillin', the birthday
girl and her twenty year old cousin went up to
my boyfriend and asked him if he wanted her hmmm.
Immediately he was like, that's disrespectful, as f my girlfriend
is here, blah blah blah ah. Then he came and

(58:01):
told me, of course I wanted to fight, but my
boyfriend and I just stayed in his room for the
rest of the night and watched a movie. The next day,
I made it clear that I was going to talk
to this girl and his mom with the help of
his older sister. They all speak Spanish. While gearing up
to talk to everyone, his sister and I found out
that his mom had been making her friends and her

(58:22):
friend's cousin comfortable with the idea that they could go
after two sons, my boyfriend and his brother, who at
the time was just beginning to separate from his wife.
To this day, they're still married, separated but married. I
told my boyfriend. The only logical conclusion was that the
girl who tried to get at him couldn't come over.
No more parties could be hosted there, and his mom's

(58:44):
friends needed to dress more appropriately when they came over.
He agreed, His sister told his mom what's up, and
she lost it on them. At the end of the day,
I got what I wanted. For like a month, the
offender moved out of her cousin's house, the friends stopped
hanging out, and for a while they would dress appropriately
if they came over. By the way, his mom is

(59:06):
like in her sixties and these friends are mid thirties
to early forties. After this, hanging out at his house
just became toxic. I didn't want to be disrespectful towards
his mom, but I'm the type of person who will
cut significant people out of my life very quickly out
of respect. I just say hello and goodbye when I
see her, but I never start a conversation. With this

(59:26):
turnaround and us working on trust, things between my boyfriend
and I seemed better. A few weeks later, I found
out that I was pregnant, and we were both excited
for context. Junior works out of state during the week
and comes home on the weekends. From February to August,
we took turns traveling back and forth seeing each other.
Around mid August, my pregnancy hormones got really strong and

(59:47):
I started to feel very territorial. We share locations have
been since our first year of dating, currently going on four.
I didn't see him going anywhere hot Sometimes he'd grab
dinner with his bosses, but he'd always FaceTime me before
they ate and again and he got back to his hotel.
But of course, in the back of my mind, it
kept thinking about how he had slept with the lady
of the night and I didn't know it. I chalked

(01:00:07):
my feelings up to pregnancy and decided to keep moving forward. Eventually,
Junior told me that he was tired of working far
away and wanted to be home with the baby and me.
He let me know that he told his boss come
the end of September he would be taking two months
off to get ready for the birth of his first child,
which brings me to where we are today. Last Friday
was Junior's last day. Turns out that on Sunday, his

(01:00:30):
mom's friends were moving out of her home so she
could move back into her own home and out of
Junior's home. Don't get too caught up on the living arrangements.
Got it at the end of the day. His mom
is currently moving out of Junior's home back into her own.
I felt so much relief and stress leave my body.
Junior and I talked and figured out plans for the baby,

(01:00:50):
made lists of things we needed to get this week,
and started getting our hospital back together. At this point,
I am two weeks away from my due date.

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
Well.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
On Sunday morning, I woke up very early to be
I was spending the weekend at Junior's house and for
some reason something came over me to go through his phone.
Say what you want, but we both have each other's passwords.
We both use each other's phones to watch videos on
the toilet. I went to his photo app to recently
delete it, and what did I find? A screenshot of

(01:01:20):
him talking to some woman who was calling him baby.
The conversation was very short. He said talk to you soon,
She said okay, babe. He asked if she was busy
if he could call her. She said yes and sent
him a number. He tried to FaceTime her. It didn't work,
and that was all of the screenshot that I saw.
I sent the screenshot to myself. I re downloaded his
Snapchat and Instagram. On Snapchat, I found conversations he was

(01:01:43):
having with women towards the beginning of us dating. He
was messaging women in July. We first met in April,
had our first date a few weeks after that, and
didn't make it exclusive until August. The only reason I
had a problem with this was because when I asked
him if he was talking to anyone else, he said no.
In fact, he said a few days after he met me,
he met some women at a bar, but they didn't

(01:02:04):
really hit it off. So why lie? We weren't exclusive
in July, so just be honest. In these snapchat conversations,
he was talking about paying for hotel rooms and how
these women looked on Instagram that was a different thing,
and his dms, his friend and him would send videos
back and forth of women who didn't look like me
at all. These were dated around a year after we

(01:02:27):
started dating exclusively. Seeing how they talked on Instagram, I
wondered what their eye messages looked like. His friends would
send him random pictures of women walking on the street
or say things like I just meant this bad thing,
and Juneior would respond with things like let me pull
up that's what I'm looking for my DMS, or scrumptious

(01:02:48):
that one gave me a little bit of a nick
taking pictures of random women on the street. Yeah, sending
it to your buzz that's crazy. Yeah. I mean, okay,
if I saw like a cute guy and I'm like,
oh my God, like you Yeah, okay, wait, maybe maybe
I would like, wait, like how cute, but also like
it's just weird. I don't know. They just don't seem
to be very respectful of these weeks and when men

(01:03:10):
do it, yeah, to weird. When women, when I'm in
the picture, it's harmless, Yeah, do it in a respectful way.
But yeah. Also Junior would say things like, yeah, I'm
gonna come over because this is what I've been looking for. Yeah,
that's been crazy. Yeah for a year. I mean at

(01:03:32):
this point, yeah, they're going on four years or happened
like four years yeah exactly, And this was their first
year of dating. And he's like, oh, like, that's what
I'm looking for my DMS, Like why are you looking
for anything in your DA exactly? And they're sending like
women sending like pictures and videos of women that don't
even look like Opete. That's another level of heartbreaking. Yeah,

(01:03:55):
I'm sure that they and they're probably like, you know,
bikini or like swimsuit. I'm sure like that are not covered.
I know that, I'm sure. At this point he was awake.
I gave him his phone and started gathering my things
to leave. The only thing he knew I knew about
was the screenshot of him talking to the Lady of
the Night. He explained that he saw this woman at

(01:04:15):
his hotel and she looked familiar. She looked like a
lady from the Lady of the Night website that he
had visited in the past. He cheated on me in Atlanta,
this current situation was in Virginia, but I let him continue.
He proceeded to say that he then went on the website,
saw her and reached out to her, but nothing happened.
I said, I forgive you for the hurt that you

(01:04:35):
just caused me. I need to leave. I left, and
we haven't spoken about it since. At this point, I'm
thirty seven weeks and three days pregnant. I've been pregnant
for two hundred and sixty two days. We've had conversations
about our wants for the baby, placenta encapsulation exclusively, breastfeeding him,
staying at my house over night for the first month

(01:04:56):
to help me with postpartum, the baby taking his last name.
I've have strong beliefs that if you're not married, the
baby gets the mom's last name. This was something we
talked about, and he convinced me that he was serious
about marriage. I told him he could propose at anytime,
but I'd want to get married after the baby comes,
so i'd have time to heal and make this decision
fully without all the hormones in me, just all this stuff. Now,

(01:05:19):
I just feel betrayed and angry. Please don't marry this man,
O'll be Yeah, don't don't marry this man because what
you've already been cheated on him, or he cheated on
you once already and you forgave him. Yeah, and now
he's just doing it again, so like obviously he didn't
learn his lessons, Like you know, I could see it,
like I don't tolerate any cheating, So like if someone

(01:05:41):
were to cheat, I'd be like, okay, cool, go be
with them, Like what, Yeah, why I'm going like, cool,
then we don't need to be a thing. Like I
don't want an open relationship. I would rather just be
explosive and just not have to worry about It's hard
to worry about one person, let alone like five, right, Well,
like literally, I don't I don't need that, especially when
his stories are changing too. It's like, yeah, well that

(01:06:05):
means that we're lying. That just is what it means. Yeah,
it's not adding up. And also I don't think that
he really even is like sorry about it. Yeah, doesn't
seem like he's like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
I'll change, Like I mean just like, oh, that person
looks like someone that I messaged looking for a night
of fun, you know. Yeah, Like he just never really

(01:06:28):
he doesn't seem like he has any remorse for what
he's done. He's just like, oh, yeah, like that happens. Sorry,
not even sorry, just oh yeah that happened. Like ohay,
there is a little bit more to the story. I'm
trying really hard to think about all of this because
I don't want to go into labor early. I don't
want my emotions to cause any complications with the baby.
So far, everything seems fine, but my brax and hicks

(01:06:49):
have increased in pain and frequency. Sleep the past two
nights has been very uncomfortable. He's supposed to be in
the delivery room with me, my push partner. Again. I'm
trying not to let this affect me negatively, but I
need to be very realistic right now. I just need
some help and advice, and that's the end of that story.

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My step father INSULTED me and my husband behind our backs… so we retaliated! -r/BORUpdates |Reddit Stories | EP2350

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My step father INSULTED me and my husband behind our backs… so we retaliated! -r/BORUpdates |Reddit Stories | EP2350