My step mother REFUSED to plan my wedding… because of my mother! -r/TwoHotTakes | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:16):
My stepmother refused to plan my wedding because of.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
My mother mother's conundrum.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
My twenty four female mom forty five female, and stepmother
forty four female are very very different people. My mom
is one of those people who wears her emotions on
her sleeves. She cries and laughs a lot. If she
is angry, you know it. She's very expressive. She also
had a really hard life. She had me when she
was young, and my biological dad abandoned her. By the way,

(00:45):
this comes from a throwaway mom sm and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime, Separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Dakota,
and I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,
but we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna
guess what we would do in situation. But let us
know what you would do in the comments below. She
met my dad and they were together for ten years,

(01:06):
and she had my sister with him. Because she had
babies so young, she had to raise us and didn't
get a chance to go to college. She met my
stepdad right after she left my dad and they have
been together ever since. Because she isn't educated, she's never
been able to get a good job and works twenty
hours at a thirst store, so she has a funny
schedule and never really has money. She'd give me money

(01:26):
for the wedding, but she doesn't hardly have enough for
her own bills. My stepdad is her soulmate, but he
needs a lot of attention and it has always been
in conflict for her. She would cry a lot because
she wanted to spend more time with us as kids,
but couldn't because stepdad only had certain times off and
she needed to make sure that he had the attention
he needed too. I mean, she didn't even have time

(01:48):
to cook us dinner at night. She'd take us out
to eat instead, so there was no way that she
would have the extra time to do some of the
stuff that my stepmother did. I know she tried really
hard at being a mom and did her best, but
life was just harder than it was for my stepmother.
My stepmother came into my life and I was ten,
and we have always gotten along well. She is basically
the opposite of my mom. I don't think I've ever

(02:09):
seen her cry more than one or two tears. She
has never raised her voice and yelled at us growing up.
She was always the one that we went to when
we needed things done. She is the one who would
sign us up for all the things that we wanted
to do, help with our homework, throw our birthday parties,
and call the doctors. She went to college before my
stepbrother was born, so she got a good job as
a project manager and always had money. My dad started

(02:31):
his own business too, and he married my stepmother, so
they had way more money than my mom. They also
owned their own house and didn't have to pay rent
like my mom did. But the courts didn't give my
mom any child sport at all. To help, my stepmother
did more of the traditional mom stuff like cooking dinner
and making Halloween costumes, but she was always a little cold.

(02:52):
She rarely said I love you. My real mom was
the emotional support, but life was hard for her, so
she couldn't do the traditional mom stuff. The same as
my stepmother, even though she wanted to. I love both
my mom and stepmother and am happy that they are
both in my life. They both helped me to grow
up in their own ways. My significant other and I
are getting married in less than seven months, and I'm

(03:12):
planning my wedding. A couple of times I sent my
stepmother some things asking for help, and each time she
shrugged it off, saying you should ask your mom. The
last time, I texted her to ask what she thought
the best flower shop in the town we are going
to get married is, and if she thinks that Lily's
would be good in the bridal booquet. But she never responded,
which is really unlike her. So I stopped by her

(03:33):
house on the way home from work and asked her again.
This time she told me that I should plan my
wedding with my mom. I pressed her on why she
wouldn't help, and she said that she had promised herself
a long time ago that once us kids were out
of the house, she would never have to deal with
my mom again. She said she will be happy to
financially contribute to my wedding, but would rather not get
in any situation where she has to deal with my mother.

(03:55):
I never knew she didn't like my mom. She never
said anything growing up, if anything saying, she always was
supportive of my relationship with my mom. When I had
problems with her as a teen, she would always tell
me that your mother loves you, or would say, I
don't know your mom. I can't tell you why she
does what she does, but I know she loves you.
I asked her why she doesn't like my mom, but
she wouldn't answer. She said that her relationship with my

(04:18):
mother should in no way affect my relationship with my mom,
and there is no need to spread past drama. But
she has set a boundary and hopes that I can
respect that. I was so confused. I asked my mom
about it to see if she could tell me why
my stepmother might have said that my mom got so
upset and started crying and getting angry. But she was
saying that my stepmother is trying to ruin my wedding

(04:41):
because she has always tried to control our lives just
because she wanted power. She said there was a reason
that stepmother had thrown our birthday parties even though she
wanted to. I asked my mom to tell me what
she was talking about, but she said it wasn't my concern.
She then tried looking up my stepmother on Facebook to
write her letter, but stepmother had blocked her. Stepmother had
blocked her everywhere.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
Oh my god, Like why though, Like what did she do?
She's just an emotional person.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
That's why.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
It's been four days and my mom is still so mad.
I'm a little concerned that my mom is going to
use my wedding to talk to my stepmother about it,
and I really don't want the drama. I asked my
stepmother to contact my mom to help calm her down,
but stepmother just started laughing. I'm so frustrated. I don't
want this sort of drama. I don't know why now,

(05:30):
after fourteen years, my stepmother has started acting this way.
I don't understand why she just won't talk to my
mom or open up the channels. My mom is just
an emotional person. She really does try her best as
a mom. Though I really could use some help with
planning my wedding. My mom would help, but like I said,
she doesn't really have time. My stepmother is way better
at planning things and keeping organized. It's not like my

(05:53):
stepmother would have to talk to my mom to help
me plan it. It makes me feel like she doesn't
actually care about me, that she just would cut me off.
I really want to know what happened between my stepmother
and mom. I know they say it is my business,
but it sure feels like it is my business and
their actions are affecting me. How do I keep this
from blowing up at my wedding? I almost feel like
telling my stepmother that she shouldn't come if she won't

(06:16):
help me calm down my mom. First, I don't want
my wedding day ruined by my mom being so hurt.
But I also really need the financial support that my
stepmother and dad are giving me, and I don't want
to jeopardize that. So what should I do? And there
are some comments so shiny, so new says, your perspective
here is really skewed. Your stepmom doesn't want to deal

(06:38):
with your highly emotional and volatile mother, so you asked
her to deal with your highly emotional and volatile mother
on your behalf hope. He says, Yeah, when you put
it that way, it doesn't sound very smart at all.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, but it's like, yeah, I don't know, the only
person who can make amends in the situation or like
come to some sort of compromise in the situation is
the stepmom and the mom.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
Population tire quotes, Ope, my mom got so upset and
started crying and getting angry. She was saying that my
stepmother is trying to ruin my wedding because she has
always tried to control our lives just because she wanted power.
If that's a typical response from your mom, it tells
you everything you need to know from what you wrote.
Your step mom never tried to bad mouth your mom
or get in the way of your relationship, which shows maturity.

(07:23):
Your mother is demonstrating immaturity with that statement. There probably
isn't one incident, just a general behavior from your mom
that your step mom understandably doesn't want to deal with.
Opie response. It's a pretty extreme response, even from my mom.
My stepmother used to say some people are just more
emotional than others, So I never thought it bothered her before.
I thought she just understood that my mom was that way.

(07:45):
Wondering dev says she was protecting you. Now she's being honest.
And there is an update from nine months later I
had posted originally when I was very frustrated about my
stepmother saying that she wouldn't help with me with my
wedding because of my mother rightfully ripped into by quite
a few people. I just re read what I had written,

(08:05):
and there's so much cringe. I did what many suggested
and told my stepmother that I respected her boundaries and
thanked her for always having supported me in my life.
She seemed really touched. We had a good conversation, and
she admitted that she would like to help, but as
one commentary had guessed, she was sure that if my
mom heard that she had helped with something, my mom
would become critical of it, and it would put me

(08:27):
in an awkward spot. I told my mother that she
needed to calm down. Even if stepmother didn't like her,
they were adults and this was my day and I
could really use some help making it special. Much to
my surprise, she said that she would love to help
and had been waiting to plan a wedding her whole life.
A little backstory, my mom and dad had married in
a courthouse with no ceremony. My mom and stepdad aren't

(08:49):
actually married, He's just been around for so long, we
just call him Stepdad. Well, guys, it turns out my
mom is crazy. It started with her canceling the venue
that we had reserved we wanted an outdoor wedding in
a beautiful park near us, and trying to book a
destination wedding in Hawaii. What the f Luckily, the refunded
deposit didn't at all cover her desired location deposit, so

(09:10):
she came and asked me to cover the rest. That
was a huge blow up, but we got it sorted out.
She had claimed that she wanted to surprise me with
a dream wedding and that I deserved the best. I
told her that an outdoor wedding with all of my
friends that fit in my budget was my dream wedding.
I still believed at this point that she had been
doing it to be kind, but boy, am I sucker.

(09:31):
Things slinked into the twilight zone after that. She kept
saying it was our wedding as in mine. In her wedding,
I wanted a cupcake bar. She tried to change the
orders to a cake. She picked up the wrong supplies
for our centerpieces. Sure, the wrong supplies, right action, Yeah,
she would argue with all the vendors. Every time she

(09:52):
did something, we had a massive fight, ending with her
crying and hysterical, saying that I shouldn't be getting a
wedding before she got her wedding, that my dad owed
her a wedding.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
Okay, now it's time to go.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
Mom.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
I love you, but you can't. We're not doing this. Yeah,
we are halting indefinitely your planning responsibilities.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
She'd apologize profusely the next day and say that she
knew she was acting crazy, but that the wedding planning
was just bringing up a lot of unresolved issues for her.
She said she was going to counseling and getting her
depression medication adjusted. I would feel bad and forgive her,
and then the whole cycle would start again. After months
of this, I thought we had finally reached an understanding

(10:34):
that she could have a wedding, but she couldn't have
my wedding. But I was wrong.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
She bought a.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
White sequin floor length dress with a pillbox hat with
a veil to wear to the ceremony. When she sent
me the picture, I honestly just went numb. I know
I had told her that I would respect her wishes,
but I didn't know who else to talk to, so
I brought the picture over to my dad and stepmother's house.
I showed it to my stepmother and then started bawling

(11:01):
my eyes out. At first, I thought my stepmother was
crying with me. She wasn't. She was laughing so hard
she could barely breathe. She called my dad and he
started laughing so hard that he couldn't stand up straight anymore.
Long story shorts. Both my stepmother and dad ended up
helping me manage my mom during the wedding. They taught
me how to put her on an information diet and

(11:24):
require passwords at venders. My dad ripped into her about
it being her wedding. My stepmother had the great idea
of telling my mom that the white would match stepmother's
dress and be good because it's popular for brides now
to wear a dress in the wedding colors. My colors
were teal and gold, so my mom showed up in
a teal dress, as did my stepmother. Lol. My dad

(11:45):
and stepmother ran interference for me with my mom all
day on my wedding day. They said that they were
old pros at it and it was their wedding present.
To me, it turned out to be a beautiful day,
and I didn't hear about any of the drama until
after the day. All in all, it was an eye
opening experience. I always knew my mom was emotional, I
just hadn't realized how much she also manipulates things. I

(12:08):
became a lot closer to my dad and stepmother, and
am actually pretty low contact with my mother.

Speaker 4 (12:12):
Now.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
Oh wow.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
It has made me really reevaluate my childhood and I
feel like I've grown a lot. Thank you read it
for being the first to start opening my eyes. We've
got some final comments here. Mega Moze says, quoting Opee,
my stepmother had the great idea of telling my mom
that the white would match stepmother's dress and be good
because it's popular for brides to now wear with dress
in the wedding colors. Holy cow, that's genius. Apparently this

(12:36):
is not your stepmother's first rodeo hope, he says, I
really didn't think it would work. The funniest thing was
them both ending up in almost identical dresses. I guess
my mom had a minor moultdown over it, but I
didn't see it. Denver Socialist says, come on, you can
drop that kind of bait without giving us more details,
Hope says. I guess she had found stepdad after seeing

(12:57):
stepmother and demanded that he take her shopping right now.
But Stepdad was like, the ceremony is going to start,
we aren't leaving now. She's stormed off and found a
friend who she tried to trade dresses with, but the
friend thought she was being silly and said it was
really cute how both of Opie's moms are wearing matching outfits.

(13:18):
My stepmother found out that she was crying in the bathroom,
so she went in there with one of my bridesmaids
and said loudly enough for my mom to hear, I
wish I had worn a different dress. It's so similar
to Opie's mom, and everyone keeps telling me how much
better she looks at it than I do.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
Ooh skilled issues.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
She really does wear it better. I guess that was
enough to calm my mom down, because she came out
of the bathroom and was smiling and showing off her
dress after that. Oh, so that was the step While
I'm saying that about them, Oh.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
I was confused as well. Yeah, that's not a skill issue.
That's actually extremely skilled.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
That's very genius. Ye.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
Well, and again, you know what, this is the perfect
like silly baby type scenario. It's like she's been a
silly baby, but then if you just tell the silly baby.

Speaker 3 (13:59):
I'm so sad.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
Everyone keeps saying you look so much better than me
and your dress.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Bob Barker says, as kids, we look up to our
parents a whole lot, but part of becoming an adult
is learning that they're human too. It's usually a harsh lesson.
Opie says, I believed everything my mom told me growing up.
Why would she lie to me? And my dad and
stepmother kept quiet about drama, so I only ever heard
one side of the story. I feel badly that it
took me so long to see it through. I started

(14:24):
going to counseling, which has helped tremendously to start unraveling
all of the lies. It's been painful, but so liberating too.
All of these things that didn't ever sit right with me,
I now can see it is because I knew something
was off, but I didn't know what to. DC Webb says,
your stepmother keeps things quiet because she didn't want you

(14:46):
to think that she was intentionally alienating you from your mother.
You had to come to the realization yourself. Otherwise you
would have resented your stepmother and it would have been
easier for your mom to just manipulate you against her.
Must have been incredibly tough both your stepmother and dad,
Opie says. My dad and stepmother said that they had
hopes that maybe she would be more sane to us

(15:06):
kids than she was to them. They haven't told me
a lot because they say that their relationship with her
shouldn't change my relationship with her, but they did clear
up some things. My mom always said that dad stole
everything from her in the divorce, but he had come
into the marriage with the house, cars and investments. They
had signed a prenup with an infidelity clause, and my
mom had cheated on my dad, leaving him for my

(15:28):
step dad. My dad had still paid her out quite
a bit of money to help get her on her feet,
but she didn't get a job and blew it on
a huge vacation and a new car that she crashed
while driving, wasted fines ate up the last of the money.
I remember her telling me that her car broke down
and Dad had towed it away, saying that he was
going to fix it, but never did I remember being

(15:49):
mad that my dad wouldn't help my mom out when
he was really good with cars. I don't know all
of the stories, but I questioned a lot of the
I was mad at dad memories. It's so weird to
look back on your life and not even know what
you don't know. I'm questioning everything. I wish Dad and
some mother would tell me more, but I understand that
they want me to come to my own relationship with

(16:10):
my mom too. She is crazy, but she wasn't completely
terrible all the time. The hardest thing has been with
my little sister, who has always been one of my
best friends. Even though she has seen what my mom
did with my wedding, she has also had my mom
crying to her the whole time. There were many times
where my sister would call me and tell me that
I was being unreasonable with Mom, and it has put

(16:31):
a bit of a wedge between us, and I'm not
sure how to handle it. WHOA and not seeing that
story day, Dude, I freaking called it though, Dude, I
freaking knew that she'd be reflecting on these things and
find ways her childhood was not what she thought it was.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
Yeah, it was living a lot.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
It's hard to see.

Speaker 2 (16:48):
That sucks though, And that's the end of this story.
We're gonna go on to the next one.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
My mother in law destroyed my garden while I was
on vacation.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
Speaking of the garden of Eden.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
My husband thirty five male, and I twenty nine female,
went on holiday for a week and just got back tonight.
My in laws stayed at our house and looked after
our dogs for us while we were away. By the way,
this comes from user tragic Mushroom from the two Hot
Takes subreddit, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay story time subreddit.

Speaker 3 (17:21):
I'm Dakota, and.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
I'm Angie, and I'm I didn't see you there, Hi,
I'm Keon.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
And we're here to give good advice googly.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
But we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
We only know what we would do in the situation,
So if you would do something different, let us know
in the comments. We got back tonight to find that
mother in law has completely changed our garden without our
consent while we've been gone. We have a small ish
paved garden with some raised flower beds, a couple of trees,
and some nice flowers and bushes. Most were left by

(17:50):
previous owners, and we've cared for them the.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
Best we can.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
We did laid wood chips and kept the garden tidy
while we've been away. An entire tree on the right
hand side has been removed and is now just as stump.
New shrubs and flowers have been planted in its place.
My roses, which I enjoyed caring for, have been cut
to a stump with nothing left. The trellis completely bare.
The two other trees have been cut back dramatically. All

(18:15):
their flowers and buds are gone. The huge flowers on
one bush have been cut off and the garden feels
very exposed and barren. The tree that was cut to
a stump flowered beautifully in summer and attracted lots of butterflies.
I'm big on biodiversity, so that was so sad. The
roses I'm devastated about as my uncle was helping me
care for them. Various other jobs have been done, like

(18:36):
cutting a small patch of grass we have at the
back and jet washing the paving slabs, which I'm grateful for.
It's important to note nothing like this was discussed before
we left. We only asked mother in law and father
in law to care for our dog, nothing more. Mother
in law mentioned patching some missing sealant in the windows
of our shed for us, and that was all she mentioned.

(18:56):
I really struggle with anxiety and needing to be in control,
and I've been. I'm sobbing this evening. I'm devastated. Mother
in law is asleep and father in law is staying
out of it. I'm sleeping downstairs with our dog because
I can't stand to be away from her either. Three am,
but I can't sleep.

Speaker 3 (19:14):
What do I do? Am I right to be upset?

Speaker 1 (19:17):
I'm certain their intentions were good, but I feel like
this is an enormous overstep and I'm really upset.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
And there are some comments wow.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
So I went to your comments on your post because
I wanted to see if I could get a little
more background here. What I did not find is what
your husband plans to do about this. I understand you
having anxiety. It sounds like you're medicated and doing pretty
darn well overall with your medication combination, and that's wonderful.
This has just thrown you for a loop. And is
a bit of a setback, which is completely understandable. What
you need to understand, though, is that your in laws

(19:45):
are not yours to manage. Your husband needs to be
managing his parents. I don't care if your mother in
law likes to stay busy and gets carried away. I'm
sixty five. Do you know what I would never do
in a million years go to my daughter's place in
Phoenix and mess with her beautifully set up back patio.
She has plants all around, she babies them, she waters them.
She has lovely furniture and a pergola out there. It's

(20:07):
a beautiful area to just sit and breathe. But you
know what's most important about this, it's hers, not mine.
She is thirty three years old and her partner is
thirty four. I don't pay the bills there and I
don't live there, so I would never do any of that.
There is no excuse. Let me repeat myself as a
sixty five year old white lady named Karen, there is

(20:27):
zero excuse for what your in laws did. You and
your husband need to be on the same page. I agree,
and he needs to lay down the law to his
parents and they need to pay to restore everything. You
didn't want the flowers there, you do want the climbing roses,
because that's what it sounds like you had. And they
need to pay for the plants and the materials and

(20:48):
the new tree, and it needs to be made clear
to them they are never to touch anything in your
home again without asking you. It doesn't matter if they
think something's rotten, it doesn't matter if they don't like
the look of it. It doesn't matter if they think
the paving stones need washing. Not a zilch zero, changing
anything at your home without express permission from both of you,
not just your husband, both of you. I want to

(21:10):
assure you this is a reasonable boundary. I want to
assure you it does not make you a witch or
a terrible daughter in law. It makes you an adult
standing up for what is right and what is their own.
As somebody darn close to your mother in law's age,
I'm appalled this is stepping over so many boundaries. And
your husband literally needs to look at his mom and
say this. Would you go watch a friend's dog and

(21:32):
cut down trees and landscaping and change up their entire
garden without asking them? No, you wouldn't, would you Dad.
You wouldn't cut down their trees, would you. You know
why you wouldn't do that, because not only would you
lose a friend, you would probably get sued and made
to restore it all using a landscaper. And you wouldn't
do it because it's not your house, you don't own it,
and they didn't ask you to do it or agree

(21:53):
to have you do it.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
Well, because we're.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
Family, do we deserve less respect? Do we deserve to
have you treat us less well then you would a friend?

Speaker 3 (22:01):
Of course we don't.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
You should actually be doing better for us. Famili should
treat each other better than they want an acquaintance or
coworker or friend to treat them. So, yes, you will
need to buy us a new tree. You will need
to buy us new roses, and you will need to
agree to never touch anything in our home again without asking,
or you won't be allowed at our home. I don't
care if her intentions were malicious. I don't care if
she just got carried away. I do not care, no

(22:24):
matter what the reason, what they did was wrong. It
was an intrusion, it was a betrayal of trust, and
it was wrong. I don't care what excuse they try
to give you. Your husband needs to tell them Mom
and Dad, I do not care. I would never come
to your house and change everything around because it's not
my home. You don't get to come into my home
and do this anymore than you would to any other adult,

(22:45):
no matter how much you want to set the boundary now,
it is okay to do so. I know it is
anxiety inducing, but you need to do it now. You
need to fully internalize what they did was wrong, and
it's okay to acknowledge it, and it's okay for you
to stand up for yourselves. And there's an update.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Yeah, the tree is crazy because they had to hire
someone to do that. Depending on what tree it is,
they probably had to hire someone to come in so
that the tree didn't just fall down on everything else.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Oh no, maybe Op's mom is an expert with the chainsaw.
She just was out there.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Doing in herself.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Save Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
No, I'll take care of this all by myself. Actually, yeah,
I got this a one man job. To answer some questions,
I think the tree was a badelia. I think it's
usually a bush, but it was quite mature and had
a trunk about eight inches wide and was around two
to three meters tall. It very much looked like a tree.
Sorry if I gave the impression it was like a
huge tree that required a tree surgeon. But it wasn't

(23:40):
a tiny bush. It was still a task to chop
it down, and they didn't hire anyone, They did it themselves.
Thank you for all the suggestions about tree law. I've
learned something new. Thank you to all that said the
roses might be salvageable. They are literally a stump only
three inches tall. But I'll try the blood and bone
mixture to promote growth and try to bring them back.

(24:00):
Mother in law has done things like this before, but
never to this extreme. She gets bored and one thing
leads to another, and you can tell part of her
knows she's gone too far, but she tries to justify
it anyway. It's well known in the family that mother
in law can't sit still and finds jobs to do
to be helpful, But to my knowledge, she hasn't done
anything this big before.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
Now.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
The update in the morning, my husband spoke to mother
in law alone and laid out how this was really
inappropriate for her to make changes to our garden without
permission or even notification. He said, She offered some explanations
as to why she did it, but did acknowledge it
wasn't right to go ahead and cut down trees without asking.
He posed the question many of you suggested, how would
she feel if we looked after her home and repainted

(24:43):
a room, or chopped a tree down in her garden
or removed her fence.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
I think that made.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Her realize she was in the wrong. He asked her
to speak to me directly and apologize. As I said
to him, I needed an apology and for her to
acknowledge that what she did was wrong. Later, mother in
law spoke to me privately, and she said she was sorry.
I was so upset by the garden, and I said,
thank you. Her explanation for the tree is that she
was doing some pruning, which again I did not ask

(25:09):
her to, but anyway, and when she trimmed the branches
they were black inside. They went to a garden center
and got advice, and we're told it was this kind
of bug infestation. Mother in law is adamant she was
being bitten by whatever bug it is as well.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
Tree was green and healthy looking to me anyway. At
no point did they speak to us. Despite going through
all this trouble. They then decided to just chop it
down since it was infested. So to speak, She did
at least say the words, I know, we should have
called you or asked.

Speaker 3 (25:39):
And then I said, and the roses.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
I loved those, and my uncle was helping me keep
them going, and she said the dog had been chewing
on them. Ere in mind, these are in a raised bed.
She'd have to jump up to get to, and apparently
she yelped and hurt herself on the thorns. So obviously
the logical conclusion isn't to keep an eye on the puppy,
who's a four month old lab but to chop down
the flowering roses. That was the end of that discussion,

(26:04):
but later in the day she and father in law
went to a garden center to try to replace both
the butterfly bush and the roses, but couldn't find the
right kind. They've said that if we find the plants
we want, they will buy them for us, so we
can replace them and things are civil again. Still hurt,
and I hate how my garden looks, especially since other
trees and flowering bushes were cut so far back. All
the color is gone. It feels very exposed and like

(26:26):
a new build or showroom garden before any character is added.
But I can't make the plants regrow and I and
replanting the tree would mean removing the stump they left,
so couldn't be asked personally. I will never allow mother
in law and father in law to be alone in
my house again, and they will not be asked to
look after our dog unless it's in their own home.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
I feel like when you're a gardener that your plants
are your babies. Yeah, when you are like watching over
your plants like that, raising them from seed, you just
you just love them. And so once you find got
to that point where they're blooming and they're attracting butterflies
or they're roses or whatever, like everything's great, and then

(27:06):
they're just chopped down randomly, chop that's gotta hurt. So
you I think it totally makes sense, like, yeah, even
if they do nice things here and there, it's not
worth the risk.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
I do have a generally good relationship with both of
my in laws, and they are generous and kind people,
but this lack of respecting boundaries has been an ongoing issue,
especially since we got our house, which they did a
huge amount of work on with us and for which
I'm extremely grateful. I do, however, feel like this contributes

(27:38):
to how they view the house and garden as a
project and not as our home, despite the fact we've
lived in the finished house for two years now. That
might be why they thought it was no big deal
to go around messing with our garden. My husband has
been on my side throughout this and took us all me,
him and the dog out for a Sunday roast today
to cheer us up.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
He's upset with.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
His parents as well, and has done his best to
make me feel better and validate my feelings.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
He's the best. And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
What a cool guy, what a great guy.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
Pretty nice gas. And that's the end of this story.
Let's head to the next one. Hey, it's Sam, your
og host here, bring you back to the stories. But
here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
My friend takes everything I like, including.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
My crushes that's not yours. I'll call myself Maya and
my friend Tanya. We've known each other for years and
at one point I thought she was one of my
closest friends. But there's a pattern that keeps repeating. Now
that she's trying to push me out of a leadership
position I rightfully earned, I'm starting to wonder if she's
always been quietly undermining me. She's always inserted herself between

(28:45):
me and people I've liked. And by the way, this
comes from user formal Revolution one four eight and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay story.

Speaker 3 (28:52):
Ti'mem subre it.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, I'm Carly, and we're here to
give you good advice. Goofily, But we don't have all
the answers. We only know what we would do, So
if you would do something different, let us know in
the comments. As Op says, years ago, there was a
guy I liked. We'll call him Jay. It wasn't anything
serious at first, but we talked, flirted a little, and I.

Speaker 3 (29:12):
Genuinely liked him.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
Tanya knew she would hype it up, tell me to
shoot my shot, and even help me text him, but
behind the scenes she was getting closer to him too.
No next thing I know, she's suddenly with him, and
I've pushed it to the side. Fast forward to now,
it feels like deja vu. There was another guy, Argin.
I met him through mutual involvement in clubs and orgs.

(29:36):
We vibed. We were really close.

Speaker 3 (29:38):
Friends, and for a while it felt like there was
something there. Tanya knew again.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
But slowly she started popping up in all the places
we hung out. She'd insert herself into our conversations, comment
on our dynamic, and eventually they started dating again. I
never confessed anything to Argin, and maybe it was just friendship,
but the timing always it feels like she waits for
me to show interest and then swoops in in the
nicest way possible. Though you didn't show any interest, right, Yeah,

(30:08):
you think president day I won my election, She's trying
to replace me. I've been a part of this cultural
student org for years. It's my baby. I put in
hours of work and even stayed during breaks to help
plan events. Let's call the org csa cultural student association.
Last semester, there was a student wide election for president.
My name was the only one on the ballot for president.

(30:30):
Tanya didn't even run for that role. I won the
advisor the executive board, and everyone was notified via email.
It was official I'm president of the cultural student Association. Later,
Tanya and her now boyfriend Argent, who used to be
co president last year, apparently had a conversation and decided
that Tanya should be president. She just took the role.

(30:52):
How how is that possible? She told me I would
be the vice president now after the election already happened.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
No discussion, it was just decided.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
When I brought this up privately to the advisor, just
to ask for guidance not to throw anyone under the bus.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
The advisor agreed that it was wrong.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
This was an election, not a dictatorship.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
Where has democracy gone in this school? What happened to it?

Speaker 1 (31:15):
She's trying to be the palpatine of your student cultural association,
My goodness. In the follow up meeting, she said there
were two fair solutions. One is to honor the original
election and let me be president, and two is to
make us co presidents so it's balanced. Normally I would
be like, well, that's not fair because she won an election.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
She was the only one running.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
I guess. But maybe then what the real solution is
is that we have another election and then now we
can really see.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
We call a referendum.

Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah, but also why were they thinking of Tanya in
the first place. Did Tanya say like, wait, wait, wait,
oh no, the election already happened, but I wanted to
be president, you know what I mean? Or was it
just like they were just like, you know, Tanya was
actually pretty cool. Hey Tanya, you want to be president?

Speaker 1 (32:04):
Well it's just yeah, sure, it totally speaks to just
like Tanya's whole vibe as Opie's friend or I get
what fake friend frind of me, where it's like as
soon as op has something going on. At first it
was with these guys, but now it's like, oh, well,
she's gonna be the president of this club. No, actually no,
I want to be president of the club. You know.
Oh she has a crush on this boy. No, actually

(32:25):
I have a crush on that boy. Right, It's like,
get your own vibe, God, get your own vibe, Tanya.

Speaker 3 (32:30):
Tanya immediately looked uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
She acted like she could handle the work, but clearly
didn't want to share the spotlight. After the meeting, she
cornered me privately and got super emotional and started accusing
me of going behind her back, which is crazy because
that's what Tanya did because I had spoken to the advisor,
even though the advisor had been emailed the election results
from the beginning. She said I broke her trust and

(32:54):
that she now can't work with me. Well, then I
guess you shouldn't be president.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
Dumb, dumb.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
She demanded a reelection and told me that whoever wins
will stay in the org, and whoever loses will have
to leave. Those were literally her words. It was like
Tanya was trying to exile me. What really hurts is
I've always been the one people go to. I'm not
trying to be arrogant, but multiple members of the org
always come to me when they're stressed, when they can't
make a meeting.

Speaker 3 (33:18):
They ask me because I'm understanding. I listen.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
I get that people have lives and families and mental
health struggles. Tanya, on the other hand, is rigid and
controlling ah Future Homeowner Association's president. People have told me
they feel like they're walking on eggshells around her, but
they won't say it to her face. She micromanages every
little thing, tells people they can't leave early from meetings,
has strong opinions on what food is allowed at events,

(33:44):
and has told people no one brings x y Z
unless I approve it. She wants total control over what
the org looks like, even if it means ignoring people's
needs or voices. Where it stands now is that she's
pushing for a re election even though there already was
one and she wasn't on the ballot. She blocked me
and made her boyfriend Argin block me too, without a word.

(34:07):
She accused me of trying to make her look bad
just because I talked to the advisor. I think it
looks worse that if you want to play this game,
you lost an election because you were too lazy to.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
Sign up for it.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
Why would we want you leading the organization and clearly
care so much about it?

Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yeah, Like I feel like if that happens and they
do have to do another election like Maya's campaign, thing
could be like, yeah, I was here first. I cared
enough to fight for it in the first place.

Speaker 3 (34:35):
Can you imagine like in.

Speaker 1 (34:36):
The real world, like you like go to get a
job and you like submit your application, you go through interviews,
and you like do all the work to get it,
and then they give you the job and then like
a week later they're like, oh no, But like Tanya
really wanted the job too, but she just never submitted
her resume. YEA, so we're actually just gonna not give
you the job anymore, and we're gonna go back and

(34:57):
you guys can both try to get the job.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Yeah, honestly, that's what it sounds like.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
So she told me, if you want to be the
face of the ORG so badly, let the public decide,
which they again kind of already did. Meanwhile, I'm heartbroken,
not just about the ORG, but because I've lost two
people I cared about, and I'm left questioning whether they
ever really respected me. So am I being dramatic? I
feel like she's manipulated the narrative to make me look

(35:23):
like the villain for wanting fairness, when really she just
didn't like the outcome of the election. I don't even
know if I should try to defend myself anymore or
just let the reelection happen and hope for the best.
But I can't help but feel like this has been
a slow, calculated effort over the years to insert herself
into every space I find comfort or connection in and
then try to control it. I'm not perfect, but I

(35:43):
didn't go behind her back. I didn't lie I followed
the process and now I'm being punished for it. Has
anyone been through something like this before? And what do
I even do now there's an update?

Speaker 3 (35:54):
I think you.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
Should just be like, all right, friendship pass revoked.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
Yeah, I don't think you're being dramatic about this at all,
Like you're being very a matter of fact about like
this is just what happens, just telling the advisor, like, yo,
what happened to me wanting to do it and getting elected?
Like she is clearly being so dramatic by just the
way she's wording things. You're not doing that, So just
keep doing what you're doing. Just be when it comes

(36:20):
to these matters, you can act like it's a business,
and in a business, especially if you're a you know,
a higher up, you got to just be a matter
of fact and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
No, this is just how it is. I don't mean that.
I hope you don't take it that way, but I
can't control how you think about it.

Speaker 3 (36:35):
So business is business.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
Yeah, And I think given what she said about how
like you know, she's like I can't work with you
and you've betrayed me, and blah blah blah blah, blah
and making like all this stuff. I think if you
take that to the advisor and go, well, hey, remember
how you said, there's two solutions. One is we just
honored the normal election, right, or the other one is
that we just make her co president. Right. She's literally
told me she can't work with me now, So I

(36:57):
guess we just have to honor the original election. Right.
Update Last semester, I was confirmed as president of our org,
but another member, Tanya, started pushing back afterwards. A few
weeks ago, we had a meeting with our advisors and
they gave us two options, either go through with co
presidency or have a reelection. Well, I just reread what
the original post said, and it said to honor the

(37:19):
original election. So I guess that has changed.

Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah, changed your mind now?

Speaker 1 (37:24):
Anyway, Tanya very clearly said she did not want a
co presidency, and I left that meeting believing we would
just do a reelection and be done. But literally the
next day she changed her mind. She said she now
does want to try a co presidency, but added that
if she feels uncomfortable later, she'll push for a re election.
At that point, she also told me that I shouldn't

(37:44):
speak to the advisors until she and I make a
contract about expectations between just the two of us before
we tell anyone else. Mind you, I'm on vacation right
now and trying to clear my head. She knows that,
but she keeps trying to push this fake sense of
resolution and while I'm away, and I've realized I'm just
not okay with it. If she's already saying there could

(38:05):
be second thoughts or discomfort later, why even agree to
something now. It's not real, it's not mutual, and it's
not sustainable. To be honest, I'm also seeing how people
around us are reacting, and that's making things even more clear.
Multiple Eboard members are quietly on strike. Some of them
have even told me they feel uncomfortable with how she's
been leading.

Speaker 3 (38:25):
Already. She's made controlling, abrupt and rigid.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
Decisions that don't sit right with people, including a message
demanding no last minute call outs for meetings, which alienated
people who are just trying to balance their lives. The
thing is people actually want me as president. I've been
in the or longer, I've been consistent, and people feel
comfortable coming to me. A few of them even said
they only stayed on the board because they thought I'd

(38:49):
be leading. This is not about ego. It's about trust
and communication. I try to lead with kindness and respect,
not ultimatums or threats. So, after all this back and
forth and reflecting while I'm away, I've decided I'm not
open to a co presidency anymore. I want a reelection,
a fair and clear process where everyone can vote.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Again. I plan to.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
Talk to the advisors directly when I return and make
that official. And there is a second update. And I
bet you Tanya lost that election.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
I'm one.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Hundred and that's going to be extra sweet. Yeah, or
really really really really annoying. Essential'll be like, you didn't
actually win the election.

Speaker 2 (39:30):
You cheated, right right.

Speaker 3 (39:32):
We did it, Joe.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
I'm upset honestly that the whole org is even trying
to be like, oh, well, we have to do another election.
It's like, no, we don't.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
I mean no, we don't. The fact that this was
a problem in the first place is bizarre because what
you already chose, and then all of a sudden you're
just like, oh, yeah, Tanya is actually going to be president,
even though these are the election results. Oh yeah, we
should honor the election results. You guys could just do
it together, that's all. That's what you guys.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
I guess. I guess maybe from the perspective of like,
I guess it's not that sick. Yeah, but it's like
it is though for OP because it's like, this is
a person who is not really your friend. She's your enemy. Yeah,
that's become clear. She just wants whatever it is that
she thinks would like be, I don't know, be a
positive force in your life.

Speaker 3 (40:14):
Yeah, but there is an update.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
Theyt just get it basically.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
Tonya, the same person who's been stalling the leadership transition
for weeks, officially quit the organization.

Speaker 4 (40:23):
Yay.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
She said in our Zoom meeting that she wasn't gaining
anything from this anymore and only joined for fun. She
also admitted that she knew I was planning to email
the advisors about a reelection, but instead of letting that
happen transparently, she kept delaying the process over and over.
She'd say she wanted to talk, but then never followed up.
She'd be active in other chats while ignoring direct messages
about moving things forward. It was incredibly frustrating, so annoying

(40:49):
that it's just like, after all that, she's like, yeah,
I quit. I don't know, I just want to do
it for fun.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
Then why did you want to be the leader?

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Right?

Speaker 3 (40:55):
Being the leaders often not fun.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
It's like, yeah, it didn't seem like you were having
fun at all throughout that whole process at all.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Okay, what really got me is she told me she
wanted to talk before sending the advisor email, and then
just ghosted and ended up sending the email behind my back,
no heads up, no nothing. Meanwhile, the rest of us
were working hard on the trifold and preparing for the showcase.
She didn't come help and barely communicated and then messaged
way later asking where everyone was, which by then most

(41:24):
people had checked out on her. She later claimed it
was all high school drama and biased and said she
wanted to focus on other things. It just sucks because
I kept trying to keep things respectful and move the
org forward without drama, but she made things unnecessarily difficult,
and the whole time she was trying to make it
seem like she was being wronged while doing the bare
minimum stalling and leaving people confused.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
Hey, y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories, but here's a quick three minute
break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
My longtime friend ghosted me after I helped him out
for years.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Well that's no best friend of yours.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Just a few days ago, it suddenly hit me that
it's been an entire year since this guy ghosted me
after I did so much for him. I won't reveal
his name, but this is the story of what happened.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
I warn you all.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
It is long because it spans a friendship that went
over twenty years.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
Wow, we're getting twenty years where the story so happened.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
We first met at thirteen years old in nineteen ninety nine.
In middle school. I just sat at a table at
lunch and sort of became part of the group. That's
when I met Mark. He and I agreed on so
many things. Granted he didn't warm up to me super fast,
but by ninth grade we were fairly close. Me and
another friend did have a habit of small scare pranks
on him, but we stopped after we realized we'd taken

(42:41):
it too far, and then we became a trio. By
the way, this comes from de Foxtrot eighty six on
the r slash Okay storytime supreddit. Oh, this is one
of our own, is that right? And if you want
to submit your own, go to that our slash Okay
storytime subreddit.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
And I'm Anjie, I'm Dakota.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,
But we don't have all the answers. We're just going
to guess what we would do in the situation. So
let us know what you would do in the comments.
So Opie says, our birthdays were all month apart from
each other, April, May and June, and all of our
first names were four letters long. It felt like we
were the three amigos. All three of us were in

(43:22):
special Ed too, and it stayed that way until twelfth grade.
That's when Mark decided that he was going to leave
special Ed and just barely finish high school with the
lowest possible grade that he could pass with. And during
that entire senior year he treated me like crap at school,
but when not at school or talking over the phone,
he was his same old self. He would even call
my parents' house and leave messages of him doing impressions

(43:44):
of Uncle from Jackie chan Adventures. It was funny at first,
and then it just got really annoying.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
Then no, no, it's funny forever.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Then, when high school ended, Mark told me that he
was moving with his mother and stepfather to Idaho. I
was sad to see him go, but it was his
life to live. He had no cell phone, so I
had no way to reach him, and he didn't try
to call me either. Fast forward five years to two
thousand and nine, he's back. He had moved back to
Oregon for personal reasons and we reconnected. Things were great
with him. At first. We were the three Amingos again,

(44:16):
with my other best friend as well. Mark's coming back
felt so natural, and it was like he had never left.
All three of us were living similar lives, all three
of us ended up on disability, et cetera. It was
like we were just meant to be friends for so
many reasons. But the red flags slowly started creeping up.
It started with him constantly forgetting that we'd made plans
and trying to duck out. I'd call him one day,

(44:37):
he'd say he'd be ready to hang out the next day.
Then suddenly he went to hang with some other friends
and passed out sleeping on their floor. He did this
to us many times and finally realized his error when
we talked to him about it. That and he be
peaed himself while passed out and ruined his cell phone
that was in his pocket.

Speaker 4 (44:57):
Oh there were rating your phone from p yeah, and
having to go and being like, I did not drop
it in water.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
It is in fact my pee. It was in my pocket.
I did not fall in water either. It was me
who were some gloves. There were other issues too. He
was constantly talking about his old friends back in Idaho
and how he really missed them. He also ranted a
lot about a guy over there who totally betrayed him.

(45:25):
He ranted about this guy so much I still remember
his name despite never meeting the man. But this guy
apparently stole an idea about something he had and then
stopped talking to him. Mark also had a similar thing
happened in grade school, when a friend of his just
one day told him that they were no longer friends
and stopped talking to him.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Dang, you gotta really let go of that happening in
grade school.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
Yeah, that's rough.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
We cannot be holding on to the grade school You're
friendship canceled? Okay, killed, it's grade school. It probably sucked
in grade school. It was grade school.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
Right, let's move on. All I could think was that
Mark had it rough. He was essentially raised by his grandparents,
because his mom is a real piece of work who
was in and out of his life. Mark also constantly
talked about wanting to start a company of his own,
but anytime he ever took the first step in anything,
he'd decide that it was too hard and then quit
so he could go back to dreaming and procrastinating. For

(46:19):
an entire decade. I listened to him do this. I
tried to help him. I tried to teach him how
to write. He did one page and decided that it
was not for him. He asked me to teach him
how to draw. At bottom a ten dollars thrift store
coffee table we could use for drawing, and because he
never had a coffee table in his apartment for some reason,
he loved the table. But we only sat down to
do one drawing lesson, and during it he threw a tantrum.

(46:42):
This was about twenty seventeen, so we're both like thirty one.
Then no, can't.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Either on thirty one year old tantrums. Yeah, because you
are bad at something you've never done before, right, come on.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
He had a nice sketch book, and I tried to
teach him the basics that I taught my Well, he
didn't try much at all. The most detailed thing he
drew was a face with crazy eyes. I asked him
to draw a head around it, and he refused, saying
that he just couldn't figure it out and wanted me
to show him well, and like a couple of fluid motions,
I quickly drew ahead and hair to the face. Second
he saw that, he just got upset. He was upset

(47:18):
that I could do that. I said I could do
that because I took the time to teach myself. He
just needed to try it himself. But he just got
angrier and asked if there was a faster way.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
Dude, this is totally the guy who wants to be like, yeah,
chatchypt like, how do I.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
Finish this sentence?

Speaker 1 (47:34):
Hello? Just like it just was like, I can't wait
for the AI to think for me, right.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Dude, He's gonna be so happy when twenty twenty five
rolls are out.

Speaker 3 (47:43):
So happy, wait twenty win.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
That's right now, Well I know, but oh sorry, it
was so meta. I didn't even compute it.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
That's all right.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
I needed chatchypt to tell me what that meant.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Well, he wasn't convinced there was no shortcuts. Proceeded to
answer a timely phone call, and I drew a picture
of him pacing back and forth in the room. He
laughed when he saw it. I tried to get him
back to drawing and reminded him. He asked me to
teach him. He wanted a reference drawing, so I asked
for something that I could draw in reference. He selected
the Nuka Cola Cola girl in a spacesuit fall out.

Speaker 5 (48:20):
Okay, it's a fallout reference. So I drew her fine
in about a half hour. He was impressed and then
never tried drawing again. I also tried drawing his online
OC character for him, and he was completely unsatisfied no
matter what I did. I tried drawing the hair as
he described, even following reference images he provided, but it was.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
Never good enough. His OC character was some sort of
trans Wraith goddess with super sayan hair or something like that.
Another problem with Mark was he had no concept of
understanding money.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
I know that we've got a lot more story here,
but just for anyone else listening, this is the time
we start quiet quitting the friendship. Okay, like, after all
this stuff, after the like you ask me to teach
you something and then you get mad at me for
teaching you, I'm quiet quitting the friendship. We are not
gonna be hanging out as much anymore. Yeah, thirty one
year old tantrum quiet quitting the friendship.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
Yeah, well, I wonder too, because OPI said that they're
all uh like special ed too, and they're on disability,
so I'm sure that it has something to do with
a tantrum at thirty one. But also I do wonder,
how like if they have the same mental or like disabilities.
I guess then I wonder, like in that community, how

(49:34):
they view each other, having their reactions to things, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (49:38):
Yeah, I mean probably pretty tolerant. I'm still gonna tell
you to quiet quit that friendship.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
Yeah, But another problem with Mark was that he had
no concept of understanding money. I was the only one
with a car and driver's license in the friend group,
so I became at the de facto taxi. I still
kind of am with my other friends sometimes, but friends
help friends when they need it. Mark, on the other hand,
couldn't or wouldn't understand that aaslene costs money. He acted
like we could just roacher of one hundred miles without care.

(50:04):
He was also constantly broke from his rent, continuing to spike,
so he couldn't eat out unless I bought his food.
I didn't mind, because it meant that we could hang out.
But whenever he tried to save for anything, he'd get
a few months and then splurge it. Then he would
go back to being insistent that he could save thousands
to buy a better computer or start a company or both.
But I had to remind him he could barely save

(50:26):
fifty dollars a month, yet he was not convinced for
years to come. I snapped him out of his financial
denial many times when he came out to me that
he was by I told him there was nothing he
could tell me about himself that would surprise me, and
it didn't, which repeatedly shocked him. But then he started
saying that he wanted to get a gender affirmation surgery.

(50:47):
I pointed out that he couldn't afford it. But he
was convinced that health insurance would pay for it. But
it's considered cosmetic, not life saving surgery. He was in
denial about this many times until I proved it. He
was already upset about that, and then his teeth started
falling out because he literally never brushes them. Whoa, that's
pretty literal of never brushing your teeth. If they are

(51:09):
falling out, that's like he got scurvy, right, yeah, Oh
my gosh, his teeth got to just be like just black,
black teeth. I actually don't know if that's true, but
at least some part of it has got to be.
He broke a rotten tooth eating a custard a clayer.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
Oh, you break a tooth eating one of the softest
tooth you can possibly eat. Yeah, those things are busty.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yeah, Oh my god, all.

Speaker 1 (51:35):
The ops link up for the picture. All the teeth
look busted injured.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
Oh. I had to convince him to go see the dentist,
and he kept putting it off until I drove him
there myself. They had to pull six of his front teeth.
He was convinced still that insurance would provide it with
dental implants. We have the same state provided insurance and
it only covers the minimum, And I repeatedly told him so.
He really wasn't happy to find out that he couldn't
get dental im plans and got stuck with a bridge

(52:01):
dventer that he didn't care for. Then he was convinced
he could save money by paying double for a bill
one month, so he wouldn't have to pay that bill
the next month and just keep the money. Oh no,
I said that that wasn't saving money, that was moving.

Speaker 3 (52:15):
That's not how money works.

Speaker 1 (52:17):
Yeah, if I paid double the money this month, then
no money next month. I'm saving money right now.

Speaker 3 (52:24):
You're just paying the same amount of money faster.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
No.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
Oh, yet more financial denial. I burst his bubble on
after doing the math in front of him. At that point,
he was only financially surviving because his sickly grandfather in
Texas was sending him an extra one hundred dollars a month. Then,
after a decade, Mark lost his apartment in twenty nineteen.
He couldn't make rent, got evicted and then taken a
court and was on the hook for seventeen hundred dollars

(52:50):
for rent, late fees and court fees. He had nowhere
to go but come stay with me in the sub
building I rent from my parents' side. Note where do
they live, because I don't know. Rents seems so cheap
wherever they are.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
There's a lot of cheap rent in places, but also
like there's also nothing to do, and also not a
lot of opportunity to make income, right because it's like
federal minimum wage. I don't know if they've raised it yet.
I know for a long time it was like eight dollars.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
Oh yeah, it's like yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
But side side note, Yeah, I just want to go
back to the fact that he's mad that he didn't
get implants and he has like the dentures. But I've
always thought that if you had to get dentures, it
would be pretty funny because you can do stuff where
you just like like you just like unattached your teeth
like along like ye. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:38):
It opens the door for so many.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
Goofs comic con and stuff.

Speaker 4 (53:43):
One of the things that we try to convince people
to hand in little fake plastic teeth to us, And
the amount of people that whipped out their dentres for me,
this bit or like retainer that had a tooth in it.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
Oh my god, Nah, that's no.

Speaker 1 (53:56):
We want fake teeth, not the ones that are attached
in your face.

Speaker 2 (54:00):
He's like that you could find around here, not that
you're given to by the dentist. That's crazy.

Speaker 4 (54:07):
It took so much not to laugh at like the
just the like, oh, you were like so prepared for.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
That, right, Oh my god. So things were okay at first,
but I live out in the country and he's a
city boy. He was like Mark Wahlberg and the other guys.
When Mark's character kept saying, I'm a peacock, you gotta
let me fly, and they'd tell him that peacocks don't fly. Well,
Mark was a lot like that during the first six months,

(54:34):
only he kept calling himself a social butterfly. Then the
pandemic hit and he started obsessing about wanting to remodel
my house with money that neither of us had. He'd
walk into the room multiple times a day to ask
me the same question, but he kept rephrasing it. Then
he left disappointed when he kept getting the same answers.
He kept wanting to knock down walls and kept asking

(54:56):
me how much it would cost. Then he'd start saying
money danged because he wanted to remodel my house. He
was living with me borderline rent free. All he had
to do was cover his half of utilities and help
me with the cost of pet supplies and gasoline and
vehicle maintenance, a deal he found very agreeable at first
till my car had to get fixed a couple of times,
and he kept asking me why he had to pay.

(55:19):
Mind you, it was only like a couple hundred bucks
each time, and that's nothing compared to paying rent. He
also kept telling me that I shouldn't have to ask
whenever I needed his help financially with shared items like food,
but when I did ask, he'd pull a reverse and
act like he shouldn't have to pay. I was the
only one doing any cooking. He promised to do his
share of cooking when he moved in, and only made
hamburgers once. He also acted like he had cooking PTSD

(55:42):
from having worked at McDonald's. He also didn't at this
time have a computer, so he was always on his phone.
He would constantly complain about people on Discord that he
liked one moment and then hated the next Lots of
the same people in a vicious cycle that he refused
to stop. He also got mad at the slow Wi
Fi because the Internet was being split by a lot
of people. My sister and her kids live in the

(56:03):
same property too, and he would moan that he couldn't
play Second Life since he didn't have a PC. But
he had the money saved to buy a PC, he
just kept refusing to get one. We also got in
repeated fights over his procrastination. For over a decade. I
heard him talk about wanting to start a company, but
he kept refusing to take any initiative and acted completely

(56:23):
insulted when I told him he was just mentally surviving
off the idea that he would do something instead of
actually doing that thing. All he was really doing was
being on his phone and talking about crap that he
would never do. Then came the argument about the vid
medication VEX the vidvacs here you go. He literally acted
like everyone in the world needed to get the shot
but him because he hates needles. Then he didn't like

(56:45):
how I told him that he couldn't expect everyone else
to do something that he won't. He would also find
random things to be mad about, being that they were historical, biblical,
or political. Meanwhile, I defended this guy to everyone who
kept saying that he was being negative.

Speaker 3 (56:58):
And crazy imagin getting upset.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
He's like, I just read this story Jesus flipped a
whole bunch of tables over in some kind of marketplace, right,
and some kind of I don't know. Yeah, I just
didn't know Jesus was that kind of guy.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
I just personally didn't know. Also, he's like bringing wine
to everyone, Where's my wine? He's just complaining that Jesus
won't be everything for him. He's like, he never answered
my prayers of fixing my teeth that I didn't brush.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
Jesus needs to give me wine and fix my teeth.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Yeah, my own mother some years ago acted like she
had some big secret about him that would end our friendship.
It turned out that she had nothing, and it just
acted like she did. That's interesting. Don't know what that
would look like. Anyone who dumped on Mark I would
tell to knock it off. At one point, my mother
threatened to evict Mark because he told a small lie
to stay out of a fight between my mother and sister.

(57:52):
I defended him for that because all I was trying
to do was not be involved. I even threatened to
leave with him if he was a victor. That actually
scared my mother because this place would fall apart in
a year without my help. Wow. So ok, he's just
helping everyone here.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
I don't know, fall apart in a year. Things should
fall apart fast.

Speaker 3 (58:09):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
If someone's gonna fall apart, it'd probably be faster than
a year.

Speaker 3 (58:13):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
All I know is that you shouldn't be putting yourself
in jeopardy for Mark. Yeah, okay, it feels like Mark
needs to learn some hard truths. Yeah, a little bit
for I mean yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:27):
Yeah. Meanwhile, Mark was doing crap behind my back. He
was griping to friends online about me, and even went
to my mother while he was living with me and
told her that I was stifling his creativity.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
Oh my god, Mark, then you can leave. Yeah, you
can leave then, Mark, get out of here.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
Right.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
He only told her half of the story. My mother
called me over to lecture me, though, until I told
her what the other half of the story was, and
how he acted like we could afford to tear my
house down and rebuild it even though we're both unfixing.

Speaker 3 (58:54):
That's what he's saying.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
You're stifling his creativity to remodel the house, which, by
the way, Zee has zero skills to remodel the house
right only has the skills to demolish it.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
When it comes to home decor, There's a lot you
could do creatively that does not include breaking down walls. Yeah,
me be danged. She was mortified, and we were about
to come up with a plan to deal with the
situation when Mark just walked right in. When we confronted
him on what he did, he a then thirty four
year old man, nearly started crying. He blamed it all

(59:28):
on his family dynamic of wanting to make a house
a home. We had to tell him that he wasn't
with his family, he was with mine. After that, he
started getting more bitter with me. For one thing, he
woke me up from a deep sleep in the middle
of the night just to tell me about breaking news,
and then got mad when I told him to not
wake me up and save it for later.

Speaker 3 (59:45):
He's like, oh, you got to wake up. They changed the.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
Cracker barrel, local breaking news, breaking news.

Speaker 3 (59:51):
Don't ever wake me up again.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Yeah. He ruined several nights of sleep that way. Then
he was bounding in and out the room to ask
me random things so much that I called it yo
yo ing. He was not a fan of that. It
got to the point that in order to make him stop,
I had to play music that he hates on my
computer to discourage him from coming into my room to
tell me about every little thing. He once walked in

(01:00:16):
with a big grin on his face and told me
that he massacred the entire population of Diamond City in
Fallout four, and then he got mad when I told him,
I don't want to hear about that stuff because even
in the game, it doesn't sit right with me. We
even got into a fight about Fallout four because he
was convinced that the character Father wasn't the long lost
son that was kidnapped in the beginning. But when I

(01:00:36):
pointed out every irrefutable detail that he is the son,
he just got upset with me and claimed that he
was just being in character.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, is he
thinking he's in Fallout.

Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
No no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no. We're not
living in character.

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
You're not Daniel d Lewis, all right, We're not method acting.

Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
Oh my god, I guess put that to the side wild.
So while living with me, he grew his hair out
long and started dressing with more feminine clothes. I really
didn't care, but there were rules that he couldn't dress
like that in front of my grandparents while living with me,
that was about it. One of his crazy habits was
a love for shopping for women's underwear, and anytime we

(01:01:17):
were at the mall, he tried to drag me into
a lingerie store, and I really hated that. Then in
summer of twenty twenty one, he found a new apartment
in downtown Portland. For some reason. Oh yeah, they're in Oregon.
They're in the countryside of Oregon, and they have this
cheap rent. Very curious. For some reason, he's always been
infatuated with downtown Portland. From out in the country mountains,

(01:01:40):
we can literally see the lights from downtown Portland at night.
I warrant him that Portland would eat him alive, and
it did. I warned him many times to try and
hold out for a better place, but he was adamant.
While living with me, he also became the owner to
a cat that we had taken in his new apartment.
Didn't allow pets unless they were a doctor prescribed ESA,
but he didn't need an emotional support animal and acknowledged

(01:02:02):
that it would be lying. I was fifty to fifty.
It treated like both of the good and bad guy.
For pointing this out, he went to a doctor. The
doctor gave him a note, and he got to keep
his cat as an emotional support animal. Well, if you
got a doctor's note, I guess that that works. If
you sign up online then okay, yeah, but if a
doctor says sure, then.

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
Yeah, I think, honestly, like it's whether it's right or wrong.
I think you're getting a thing for your animal. Being
an emotional support animal is like one of the most
like commonly frauded things of all time. Yeah, but it's
like whatever, right, Like it's fine, right, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
I used to think he was a good guy. I mean,
he stuck up for me when his family wanted me
to wait for hours outside in a cold car at
twenty five degrees on Christmas Day just so that he
could spend some time with them. But he refused unless
I was allowed in two Wait what oh his family
wanted you to wait for hours in a car. That's crazy.

(01:02:58):
So I mean I guess that's good that he convinced
them to let you in, But that's wild. They didn't
really like that, but finally caved. I thought we were
so solid as friends, but he turned out to be
a user. When he moved to Portland, he promised to
get a bus passed so we could meet up and
hang out once in a while, but he never did.
For months, he kept telling me he hadn't gotten the
bus pass and there was some of his stuff that

(01:03:19):
he left in my house that I needed to get
back to him, like the cane and his deceased grandfather
gave him that he was super protective of.

Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
Well, clearly not protective enough to take it with him.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
Yeah, that's wild. We set a date and time for
me to drop by, but he tried to bail when
I was halfway there because another friend showed up and
they went out bar hopping, but I made him stick
to they agreed upon time because my truck eats gas.
We used my truck to move all of his stuff
and I was afraid to leave it unintended for any
amount of time in downtown Portland because Cadilla converter thieves

(01:03:52):
were rampant there. Trucks like mine were prime target.

Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
You drive a Toyota Tacoma next.

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
Yet he acted like I was being paranoid. I've literally
seen tons of trucks and SUPs in Portland ads for
a sale because someone stole the Cadillac Inverters off of them.
It wasn't paranoia, it was a fact. Then last November,
we hadn't talked for a couple of weeks, and I
realized he had blocked me, and not just me, but
my entire family as well. I did so much for

(01:04:20):
the Sky. I helped to keep him going for a decade.
I took him in for two years, and then he
just ghosted me. He refused to tell anyone why either. Yet,
this is exactly the kind of thing that he was
super angry at other people for doing to him. Anyone
who did that, he said, had betrayed him then, and

(01:04:42):
that's exactly what he went and did to me. He's
still an occasional contact with my other best friend, though.
We're finally getting rid of this guy. Finally.

Speaker 3 (01:04:51):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
I mean, hey, I know it sucks, but you know
best to just move on. Yeah, chalk it up as well.
I'll never let someone do that to me again.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
Yeah, it's very important that we take this as a
learning opportunity.

Speaker 3 (01:05:04):
Yeah, we need to.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
Never ever do that for someone. Again, that is a
very long time to put up with all of that stuff. Yeah,
very very kind.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
Ope, And I think the important thing to recognize is
that this guy was probably like I mean, you know,
whatever issues he has are his issues, but like, just
based on how he's treated you, right, was never really
your friend. You were just a convenience, right. You were
a person that had a big heart and treated him
like he wasn't, you know, constantly overstepping. You were a

(01:05:35):
financial source, You were tolerant of his behaviors, Yeah, when
most people would not be. And I don't know if
that would equate to a real deep friendship because look
at what he did.

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Right, there's a little bit more I saw recently than
market sender other friend a picture of himself in women's lingerie.
And apparently he's back to thinking that our state health
insurance will cover gender affirming care. And he's got a
social worker whose biggest way of talking to him is
to use the word yes a lot. He's always been
a product of his environment, and just a few months
in Portland, turned him into a complete stranger to me.

(01:06:06):
He destroyed a twenty two year friendship just like that,
and with the one year anniversary of it hitting, well,
I just needed to vent all of this. Apologies to
anyone who read that massive text dump, but a TLDR
couldn't do it justice and that is the end of
that story.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;} My step mother REFUSED to plan my wedding… because of my mother! -r/TwoHotTakes | Reddit Stories