My stepmother BLAMES me for alienating her child… but it’s her own fault! -r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2318 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
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Speaker 3 (00:14):
My stepmother blames me for alienating her child, but it's
her own fault.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
Send her to space, so she's the alien.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
Et phone home. So my twenty female dad is with
his affair partner Laura. He and Laura have a kid,
Lucy thirteen female. Lucy was conceived after my dad and
Laura were already together for a while. Her birth wasn't
the reason my parents split, in case anyone is wondering.

(00:43):
By the way, this comes from user National Property thirty four,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime suburd it. I'm Keon, I'm.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Carly, and I'm Dakoda.

Speaker 3 (00:54):
But obviously, my dad's family knew about the affair once
my parents split, and they banned Laura from ever attending
family events. To this day, the only people on that
side of the family who have ever met her are
me and my one doesn't. That's crazy, just two people
who came to stay with me at my dad's for
a few days. One time, my grandparents told Dad they'd

(01:14):
happily be active in Lucy's life, but it would have
to be Dad that facilitated the relationship meeting. He'd have
to bring her to see them alone. Laura said, no.
I guess she thought eventually she'd force herself into the
family through Lucy. But all it did was me. No
one ever met Lucy, and that sucks for Lucy. My

(01:36):
dad would take me to my grandparents or aunt's place
without Laura and Lucy, and that was just how it went. Well.
It recently came up that my grandparents were giving me
money towards buying an apartment when I graduate, which set
Laura off. She's always been bitter that my grandparents financed
my schooling but my dad paid for university. Why, okay,

(01:59):
you're up set, Laura because the granddaughter is getting stuff
from the grandparents and she's loved unconditionally. Because I don't know, Oh,
he's not scummy, yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
Katie Paladin says, can anyone say projection?

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (02:15):
She was passive, aggressively grumbling at the dinner table that
this is why she felt we could have asked them
to pay for my university and that it would be
nice if Lucy got to have grandparents. But some people
are petty and cruel. You are.

Speaker 5 (02:30):
She could have had grandparents if you hadn't isolated her,
if you had just been like, yes, Lucy can totally
go to the family events with her dad, she would
know all these people.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
I looked at my dad like, are we really playing
that game? But he didn't say anything. Then Laura turns
to Lucy and goes, you should know none of this
is your fault. Life isn't fair, and you got the
short and of the stick with certain family members. So
I just said, yeah, the short of the stick family
member is you, Laura Burn, here's some ice.

Speaker 4 (03:08):
Crazy.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
Lucy could have had the same relationship with my grandparents
that I do, but you were so selfish that you
screwed your own kid out of that might drop drop.
Laura argued that no one who hated her could have
a relationship with her daughter. So I was like, well,
what are you mad about then? That your principles ended
up sabotaging your kid? Maybe maybe that's on you.

Speaker 5 (03:33):
I will say, though, like I don't think that it's
always fair for the kids to be put in the
middle of things like this, Like, I think it really
sucks that Lucy couldn't have that, And I feel like
at some point, like, okay, fine, she was your dad's
a fair partner.

Speaker 4 (03:47):
We don't like her, we don't need to like her,
but we.

Speaker 5 (03:50):
Can still lighten this band a little bit for the
sake of the literal child that they have together.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
But Laura also needs to understand, like, but she's not
be like, yeah, you can't. You're not gonna be liked.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
You.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
You are the sole reason for one Lucy having no
relationship with any of the family members, and two the
reason why everything's so messed up because of you. I mean, yes,
you're Opie's father, too involved in that. At this point,
my dad was just giving me a passing stare, so

(04:25):
I just went back to my food. Laura sent me
a text later that night about how much she didn't
appreciate me, saying that in front of her child, and
that it was her prerogative how she managed that relationship.
She also said, my dad's family are cruel and vidictive.
I hate Laura.

Speaker 4 (04:41):
Yeah, there's the cruel and vindictive ones. Your dad had
an affair because.

Speaker 3 (04:48):
Here's my tiny little whote, here's my tiny little violin.
Do you like that? I don't care. This is your fault.
So back to the story. Opie doesn't reply, and honestly,
the only reason I don't have her blocked is in
case my dad is taken ill suddenly. But now my
dad is saying it's caused issues at home because Lucy

(05:08):
is finally grasping that Laura is the one who wouldn't
allow her to have a relationship with Dad's side and
now is apparently pretty mad about it.

Speaker 4 (05:19):
Lucy.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
He's saying the way I went at Laura was inappropriate
in front of a child, not a child, and that
Lucy shouldn't have heard all that. But I think she
only heard it because her mother was ret conning reality.
I didn't mean to cause an issue between Lucy and Laura,
but honestly, I do feel like Laura was asking for
it by acting like an idiot in front of someone

(05:42):
who knew the whole story. Just to clarify, no, my
dad's family didn't immediately forgive him for a long time.
They only invited him to things if he brought me
During his custody time, but time heals most things. They
all still think he's a prick, but honestly, I'm sure
they thought that before. No, they haven't totally cut him

(06:03):
out because we're just not that kind of family. But
Laura was never family to start with, so it's way
easier to never make her an acquaintance than to cut
her out on your own blood relative then that you've
known for forty years. I think that's fairly obvious, right.
I am not mad that Laura set the boundary she did,

(06:23):
and I'm not mad my parents got divorced. I got
mad that Laura said a totally fair boundary again that
my dad went along with, not saying he's blameless, he's
just not the one actively complaining, and then tried to
pretend that the consequences of said boundary shouldn't have happened.
If you don't want your kid around people who don't

(06:43):
like you, again, understandable in this scenario. Why are you
whining that you're not around for your kid? And we
have some comments, Carly, I.

Speaker 5 (06:53):
Think that every person in this story needs to lighten
up a little bit in some way, but I think
Laura has to do the most of like you did
this to yourself. It's again like you dug this. Sorry, guys,
uh lie in it now.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
At the same why.

Speaker 5 (07:11):
They like me, Like, if it's been at least thirteen years, presumably.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Because of luiybe a little bit longer.

Speaker 5 (07:18):
Yeah, right, probably longer, Like, couldn't we start just trying
to see who they are as people? Like, couldn't we
let them in a little bit with the understanding that
no one needs to like anybody.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
Yeah, it's it's a little bit of yeah, this is
that whole dynamic is one thing. Yeah, but for Lucy's case.

Speaker 5 (07:36):
It's because they have Lucy that I'm kind of like,
could we have lightened up a little bit so that
that boundary didn't go But at the end of the day,
if Laura's always going to be like, if these people
don't like me, she can't come like Laura needs to
lighten up.

Speaker 3 (07:49):
It's the most And yeah, and now Lucy's finding out
the truth, which is insane.

Speaker 4 (07:54):
And a lot to find out at thirteen.

Speaker 3 (07:57):
Yeah, but we have some comments comment number one, not
the a hole. She's thirteen, and it's it's better she
knows her mom was the issue and not her child's self.
I wouldn't be surprised if she starts asking you for
hard truths going forward, because her mom spins crap so
she always she's always the victim. I assume Lucy knows
her mom wasn't a fair partner Initially. I can't imagine

(08:19):
the fantasy her mom's fun about them being destined and nothing,
not even a wedding ring, could stop their love. It
sucks the rest of the family cut her loose to
avoid her mother. Lucy's innocent, and too many kids end
up ostracized with this kind of thing when they should
have just saved the rage and freeze out for the
actual guilty parties. Op says, I honestly couldn't answer this.

(08:43):
I barely see Lucy and Laura. I presume she knows.
I remember I threatened to tell her when I was
like fourteen, but I never did. But obviously she was
way younger then. She probably knows now. I would hope
she knows, and there's reply she really might not know.
Laura might have lied slash omitted to save face, and

(09:06):
she has no contact with the family. So if you
didn't and your cousin didn't during the one visit and
her parents didn't, don't be shocked if she comes to
you someday for answers. Just be kind when you tell
her the truth, and do it in person, because she's
gonna flip out at thirteen if she asks you one day.
I hope she's older or your dad will nut up

(09:26):
and tell her. And there is an update. First thing
that happened, Laura would not stop texting me, not like constantly,
but once or twice a day about her feelings or
demanding a response slash conversation. No response is a response, Laura.
This middle aged woman having a crashout via WhatsApp was

(09:47):
not on my bingo card, But eventually I just had
to tell her. I don't want to block her because
I do want to be there for my dad in
an emergency, but I was going to. I was going
to if she didn't stop bothering me more crash out material.
I called my dad and told him to get his
household under control because this was getting crazy. I wasn't

(10:08):
going to apologize to her. And in my whole life,
I've never had as much contact with this woman as
I had in this past week, and I wouldn't allow
it to continue. My dad was kind of getting that
it was an actual issue now, and I pushed him
a bit and the damn broke. So the wider contact
I was not aware of is that Lucy's only now

(10:28):
putting the pieces together of how Dad and Laura got
together again. We couldn't assume that she knew She vaguely
knew about the affair, but I guess she's finally getting
what that means now now that she's older, and how
much damage it did. And she's been asking a lot
of hard questions about it and has been really down
about it. That's probably why Laura was so triggered by

(10:49):
the mention of my grandparents and in a rush to
put her spin on it. But since the dinner, Lucy
has really really been raking Laura over the court for it,
apparently because she knows my dad would have let her
see the extended family were it not for Laura. My
dad also shared that Laura basically feels like she spent

(11:11):
a large chunk of her life being punished for the
affair and it's now weighing on her because of how
hard Lucy is taking it. Oh, it took you this long.
We have a side note. A lot of people were
rightly roasting my dad for the affair. But if the
above should prove anything, it's how much he is the
definition of a roach. The way this man manages to

(11:32):
get away with diabolical behavior relatively unscathed is shocking. I
was gonna say, yeah, they let him back over time, but.

Speaker 4 (11:39):
Yeah, and for a while it was only if he
was bringing ope.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:43):
The second thing that my dad said and uncharacteristically admitted
was an Etha was telling Laura that probably part of
the reason no one ever eased up on meeting her
was because they all knew I can't stand her. So
he's throwing you under.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
The bus, so he's lying.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
Yeah, the dad is no angel here. And I hold
my hands up because I did a lot of bad
mouthing Laura back in the day to my grandparents and aunts,
because well, I don't like her, and when you're a teenager,
you think that needs to be everyone's problem. I don't
think this is as big as a reason they still
won't meet her as my dad probably made it seem.

(12:20):
But he did admit he threw me under the bus
for it ages ago, and Laura has never forgotten it.

Speaker 4 (12:27):
Oh my god, woohoo.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
There's a little bit left, but I think we've we've
said it multiple times.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
Now, like a sucky situation. You don't really know if
there is much of an outcome for this though.

Speaker 5 (12:42):
Besides, like, is there a way that Laura will lighten
up to let Lucy meet these people? And if she's not,
you're kind of still back to where you were, unless
we deem Lucy as like they can see that Lucy's
old enough to want that and make her own decision.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
That's what I was gonna say.

Speaker 4 (12:58):
At the end of the day, Laura at thirteen, she
still could be like, you're not.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
Going, which is crazy.

Speaker 4 (13:04):
It would be crazy.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
This is where you text Lucy and be like, hey, Pigmy,
we want to sneak out. You want to meet Grandpa
and Grandma. We'll get ice cream. Yeah, but let's go
ahead and finish the story. She thinks me poisoning the
well is the whole problem. So that's probably got a
lot to do with her complaining at me. Specifically, My
dad did acknowledge that it was a mistake to tell

(13:25):
her that or tell her what was said. And while
I wouldn't go around talking bad about Laura now, I
don't feel bad about sharing my feelings with my family
at the time. I did ask my dad if Lucy
was going to be allowed to contact with the grandparents,
but Laura is still saying no. This is where your
dad needs to be like, that's not fair to Lucy.

Speaker 5 (13:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
Yeah, this is where you give a phone to Lucy
and be like, text Grandma and Grandpa. I'll give him
a call, introduce yourself if you want. If you want,
I'm not going to force you, but if you are
really yearning for that, and I think you are, this
should be allowed. However, he said she's close to just
because of how much of a hard time Lucy's giving her,
so he's going to wait it out. Your dad sucks too.

Speaker 5 (14:07):
Also, though I get one hundred percent see a thirteen
year old girl being able to wear down her mom.

Speaker 4 (14:14):
Until she says yes.

Speaker 5 (14:16):
So I feel like Lucy will probably hopefully get what
she wants.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
I can see me soon.

Speaker 2 (14:21):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
We don't have much contact in Lucy, but a thirteen
year old girl, That's what I'm saying, especially when she's
really want something and she's getting very upset getting all
this new stuff, she can break you down in a snap.

Speaker 4 (14:34):
Lucy's gonna be meeting those grandparents.

Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yeah, She's like, you're the reason I can't mean my grandparents.
You're the reason that nobody likes me. You're the reason.

Speaker 5 (14:45):
I just hope that the grandparents will be super open
to meeting, like and they're willing to meet, but I
hope that they are super like arms open for Lucy.

Speaker 4 (14:55):
They still do not have to be for Laura. But
Lucy is innocent in all of this.

Speaker 5 (15:00):
Aunt celebrated my father's affair baby, so I called her out.

Speaker 6 (15:04):
No celebration for this thing. Please.

Speaker 5 (15:06):
My parents, Miguel sixty three and Elena fifty five, have
been married in the Catholic Church for decades. They are
still married in the eyes of the church because my
father has never had the marriage annulled. That means, in
the church's view, my parents are still husband and wife.
But in September twenty twenty four, my dad started a

(15:28):
relationship with Laura forty five. The last affair lady was
also Laura.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
Guys, watch out for Laura's.

Speaker 2 (15:38):
Laura's are not it today a woman.

Speaker 4 (15:40):
Who at the time was married to someone else. By
the way, this comes from Zira solely.

Speaker 5 (15:49):
Yes, yes, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 7 (15:55):
Uh and I'm Carly, I'm Riley, and I'm Sophia.

Speaker 5 (15:59):
And Opie says by July twenty twenty five, they already
had a baby together. Laura is not the saint she
has presented herself to be. She has around ten lawsuits
against her, but still parades herself as extremely devout and moral.
My dad's side of the family, the Riveras, are very

(16:20):
Catholic and talk a lot about values, but when it
comes to Miguel and Laura, they've conveniently looked the other way.
My dad even tells people he's been alone for ten years,
despite living with me and my mom until late twenty
twenty four. Oh okay, so he didn't see them as
married for ten years.

Speaker 6 (16:41):
I see now, I see.

Speaker 5 (16:43):
I want to make it clear that I, twenty eight female,
have no relationship with Laura, as I cannot morally and emotionally,
I cannot.

Speaker 4 (16:53):
Accept this for my entire life.

Speaker 5 (16:55):
I've only been seeing my mom and dad together and
out of nowhere, my dad wanted.

Speaker 4 (17:00):
Me to just accept his affair with a married woman.

Speaker 5 (17:03):
I should also note that Laura and my dad met
because Laura's husband was my dad's employee. I should also
note that Laura came into this country as a tourist,
got married to her now ex husband for a green card,
and then saw my dad who was a citizen unlike
her resident ex husband and who had money, and decided

(17:25):
to have an affair with him. She came into this
country in twenty twenty three, got married to the guy
in early twenty twenty four. I actually met her once
when I went to church with my dad and saw
that she was there with her husband. She said she
wanted to get married via the Catholic church with him
to not be in sin. No Ah, not being sin

(17:50):
in that one. But she's like totally fine with like
a ton of other sins. We're just like slightly worried
about this one anyway. This was in August of twenty
twenty four instead September. The affair started in October twenty
twenty four.

Speaker 4 (18:03):
It was made public.

Speaker 5 (18:05):
What in November twenty twenty four, my dad got an
apartment with the woman, and in December twenty twenty four,
she was announced.

Speaker 4 (18:13):
To be pregnant.

Speaker 5 (18:16):
Given all of this, I had her investigated, which is
how I found out that she has ten lawsuits against
her in her home country and has even had her
car taken from her for not paying For a few
years now, Miguel, my dad has been financially financially supporting

(18:37):
much of the Rivera side, paying bills, giving cash, helping
them out with favors. They've all benefited from his generosity,
and now they've rallied behind him and Laura while pushing
my mom and me aside. Completely flashed back to ten
years ago. We did not have a lot of money
and so this family aka my dad's siblings didn't even

(19:01):
give us the time of day. Here's where the hypocrisy
hits hard. The Rivera family has a long history of infidelity.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
Okay, now they're like, you're one of us, Now, come on,
son of us.

Speaker 6 (19:17):
Give him a big backpack and a burger and a beer.

Speaker 5 (19:20):
They have never gone out of their way to publicly
celebrate the kids that came from those affairs. My aunt Rosa,
the aunt in question, my dad's sister, lived through her
ex husband cheating and having a child outside the marriage.
Rosa's daughter's ex husband also cheated and fathered a child.

Speaker 4 (19:39):
My uncle, my uncle Lewis, my dad's brother cheated on.

Speaker 5 (19:43):
His wife and had two children outside his marriage. My
grandpa also had cheated and had children outside of his marriage.
He passed away a few years ago, but my grandma
prides herself on saying that those children are not my
grandpa's kids. Aunt Rosa's ex husband's kids are not biologically

(20:04):
related to us. But if Rosa truly believed all children
are blessings, she could have celebrated them. She didn't, which
is understandable because she was cheated on.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
So the guys are just going out here pumping out
kids and the women aren't about it, seems like.

Speaker 4 (20:24):
But they just stay.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
They stay.

Speaker 5 (20:26):
This is interesting, but this child she posted about was
the product of my father's infidelity. Uncle Lewis's children are
biologically part of the family, and yet no glowing Facebook tributes,
no blessed family captions, no public celebration for them. In fact,
the family ignores their existence. Why because Uncle Lewis doesn't

(20:51):
have a lot of money to support everyone. Fast forward
to last week, Rosa posts a big Facebook album celebrating
Laura's baby turning one month old, Heart emoji's blessings, proud captions,
et cetera. This was the first post ever publicly acknowledging
my dad's affair and.

Speaker 4 (21:10):
Thus his child.

Speaker 5 (21:12):
I couldn't believe the hypocrisy. For one, Aunt Rosa was
supposedly my mom's friend and sister in law.

Speaker 4 (21:19):
My mother sent me the post.

Speaker 5 (21:22):
She was sad and angry all over again, just like
she was in the first few months of my dad's affair.
To be fair, it hasn't even been a year since
he left my mom, and so since my aunt Rosa
made a public on Facebook for everyone to see, I commented, Uh, oh,
Aunt Rosa, what about the children from your ex husband's infidelity?

(21:44):
What about the children from your daughter's ex husband's infidelity?

Speaker 4 (21:47):
Where are those kids? Kind of fire though, clap it
out for people?

Speaker 6 (21:53):
Oh so, I guess saw.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
If you don't want to talk about it with me,
let's talk about it here with every morn.

Speaker 4 (21:59):
Yeah, you want to make this public, Let's have a chat.

Speaker 6 (22:02):
Why not.

Speaker 5 (22:04):
My point wasn't that the children from affairs shouldn't be acknowledged.
It's that this sudden public joy isn't about loving all
children equally. It's about celebrating Miguel's my dad's infidelity while
conveniently ignoring every other similar situation in the family's history.
Why because my dad has a lot of money and

(22:26):
financially supports them all. Also, it's that she herself was
cheated on but doesn't care when it was my mom
who was cheated on.

Speaker 4 (22:34):
To post this, Cue the fallout.

Speaker 5 (22:37):
Oh gosh, my cousin Melanie dms me. She starts with
I know you're hurting and says blocking people might be
for the best, and then blindsides me by accusing me
of spreading a rumor that another cousin, Pedro.

Speaker 4 (22:54):
Was the father of Laura's baby. This is one hundred
percent false.

Speaker 5 (22:59):
I told her I never said that, and that my
half sister Fabiola, who has lied about me before, likely
made it up. This part is a bit messy, and
I can explain it here. Basically, Pedro twenty eight used
to work with Laura and they'd travel for work and
stay in the same room together to save money.

Speaker 6 (23:20):
Oh save money, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:23):
Pedro himself told us this.

Speaker 5 (23:26):
My half sister is eighteen years older than me and
is from another of my dad's affairs, except he didn't
cheat that time around. He was sixteen when he had
her with a servant at my grandmother's house who was
twenty four so pre marriage.

Speaker 4 (23:42):
He how is that an affair?

Speaker 5 (23:45):
Oh?

Speaker 7 (23:45):
No, okay, maybe she was married.

Speaker 5 (23:48):
Probably Since then, Fabiola has been raised by my grandma
as if she is her daughter. Back then, my father
didn't have a lot of money individually. Anyway, Pedro worked
with Laura and he would tell us how obsessed she
was with him. But I never said that Laura's baby
was Pedro's. Never I did hear Fabuola say that Laura

(24:11):
was obsessed with Pedro.

Speaker 4 (24:13):
While I don't know if.

Speaker 5 (24:14):
The baby is my father's, I think it is the
woman's ex husband's baby, as no DNA test has been
done since my father is a proud man.

Speaker 4 (24:24):
My dad also paid for Laura's divorce.

Speaker 5 (24:27):
By the way, also Pedro was considered a friend of mine,
a friend of my husband's as well.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Tom Out paid for her divorce. But you can't pay
for your own You can't get your own.

Speaker 4 (24:38):
Yeah, I forgot about that.

Speaker 2 (24:42):
And then if you're in the States of America, isn't
it's legal.

Speaker 4 (24:46):
To be mar Yeah, you can't have too, No, I
don't think so.

Speaker 6 (24:49):
You can have two girlfriends though, right.

Speaker 4 (24:51):
You can have a wife and a girlfriend.

Speaker 6 (24:53):
You can't have two wives.

Speaker 5 (24:55):
Yeah, we are the same age and would go on
double dates with him in his wife. I would never
speak ill of my cousin Pedro, as he has been
nothing but sweet.

Speaker 4 (25:05):
That was the last straw.

Speaker 5 (25:07):
I told my cousin that I have never and will
never say that about Pedro, and that it is surprising
to me that she would believe that lie. But ultimately
I realized that she won't change her mind because she
thinks I am on a war path for making the
first public comment I have ever made about my dad's infidelity,
and I only made it because my aunt made the post.

(25:31):
I then decided to block everyone on my dad's side, cousins, aunts, uncles,
even my grandmother. My grandmother is also not innocent in this,
as she herself has said that she will never meet
my uncle Lewis's kids born out of wedlock, Yet because
my dad financially supports her, she is all in with

(25:51):
my dad's new baby.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 5 (25:54):
I'm done with the gossip, favoritism, and rewriting of reality
to make make themselves comfortable. My mom has also blocked them.

Speaker 6 (26:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (26:05):
A plus.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
Only reason I would still stay around with this family
is if you want to make it soap opera.

Speaker 6 (26:10):
You're gonna have endless material quality TV.

Speaker 5 (26:13):
Other than that, no reason now the rivera family narrative
is that I'm bitter, angry, lashing out and hurting innocent people,
not that they've erased my mom and me while embracing
Miguel's new life and ignoring their own past hypocrisy.

Speaker 6 (26:30):
Is it her words hurting you or is that the truth?

Speaker 7 (26:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (26:35):
Is that the truth hurting you?

Speaker 5 (26:36):
Some self reflection, This in particular hurts for me as
I have always been closer to my father. My mother
and I have never been as close as we are now,
but now it seems like it's my mom and I
against the world. My husband is also here, but understandably
he doesn't get involved, though he has also blocked my family.

(26:59):
He says that I I should have commented you are
only posting about this baby because my dad financially supports you.
As a slap to the face and hard truth right there,
my husband said either go big or go home. I, however,
did not comment that, as the first comment was made
as an impulse decision after my mom sent me the post.

Speaker 4 (27:21):
We've got a little bit more, but any other thoughts adopt.

Speaker 6 (27:24):
A new family.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, find one that doesn't like to cheat.

Speaker 5 (27:30):
Yeah, and I don't know, figure out how to get
your mom a divorce.

Speaker 6 (27:35):
Yeah, she didn't deserve this.

Speaker 4 (27:37):
She doesn't need to be stuck with this man attached
to her.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
She's a good divorce. Marry someone else, she has better benefits.
There we go, better insurance policies, better this.

Speaker 4 (27:46):
Better that pinder someone with the best benefits. Only go
off that.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
Why Mary, if you're gonna cheat, you know that's sort
of the life. Yes, I think the only extent that
I've seen is grandpa dad son, not.

Speaker 4 (28:01):
You know, extended family to stand a.

Speaker 6 (28:03):
Family, cousins, uncles, grandpa.

Speaker 7 (28:06):
Always know that.

Speaker 4 (28:07):
I've seen my dad's son.

Speaker 2 (28:08):
And then their wives kind of accepting it. Never seen
that aspect.

Speaker 4 (28:12):
Right and just fully being like, yeah, I get cheated on?

Speaker 2 (28:15):
Why not?

Speaker 1 (28:16):
Crazy saw?

Speaker 6 (28:17):
If you guys are better than my own kids.

Speaker 5 (28:20):
They will probably always believe I said that false rumor
about Pedro no matter what I say. But I know
the truth and I'm done trying to prove it, and
they will think I am the bad guy for not
saying what my dad wants to hear. I should note
that I still have somewhat of a relationship with my dad,
but we only see each other sometimes and we never

(28:41):
talk about his other family. It's the only way I
can have him in my life now, whereas before I was,
as they say, the apple of his eye. So am
I the a whole for publicly pointing out my aunt's
public selective celebration of my father's a fair baby on
Facebook and then cutting off his entire side of the family.

Speaker 4 (29:01):
That's the end of that. But no, not the a whole.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
I do think there was a different way to go
about it. With how much resentment and anger you have,
and you're just willing to go no contact. I do
think you are the everyone's the a hole here?

Speaker 7 (29:18):
You think everyone is.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
I understand you're calling them out. I wouldn't personally do that.
You gotta be an a whole sometimes.

Speaker 5 (29:26):
Just do you think that they would have talked to
her though, if she tried to go to them separately
when they were already ignoring her so much, or do
you think it had to still be like some public way.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
I don't think they would have talked to her even
if she tried to, they definitely would ignore her.

Speaker 5 (29:42):
So just don't do anything. Just cut them off and
cut your losses kind of thing.

Speaker 6 (29:45):
Maybe you write a letter.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
I don't know. I don't think the public kind of
vibe is a move at all.

Speaker 4 (29:50):
I could see that.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Yeah, Or it makes good TV, it makes good scenes,
and you're done. There's no consequence as to what you've
done because your consequence is cutting them off.

Speaker 6 (30:00):
So that's fine. You already everyone here is not moving.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
I think if someone does something and you react to
certain way, there's just everyone's the a hole, but you're
the justified a hole.

Speaker 5 (30:10):
Yeah, yeah, I could agree with that, A justified one.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
Come after me, please, John here, we're gonna get back
to this juicy story, but a quick three minute break
of ads from our sponsors. My brother refuses to handle
simple tasks, so I told him off.

Speaker 4 (30:26):
Sounds like a weaponizing commentance at it's finest.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
And trigger warning for verbal abuse and physical altercation. So I,
twenty six female, honestly feel like I'm at my breaking
point and need some outside perspective because I'm either going
crazy or just finally waking up. Growing up, my brother
twenty four Mel was always the golden child. He got

(30:49):
to do everything I wasn't allowed to he had freedom, friends,
could go out, date, live like a normal teenager. Meanwhile,
I wasn't allowed to do any of that.

Speaker 6 (31:02):
If I even.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Question it, I'd get the he's a boy, it's different.

Speaker 4 (31:07):
I hate that.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
That excuse was drilled into me for years, and I'm
still resentful of how much I missed out on it
just because of that double standard. For context, we are
bulk and Muslims, and this is pretty common for US women.
By the way, this comes from do Astronomer thirty two.
And if you want to speak your own stories, what
are the our social okase stories. I'm subbrut it.

Speaker 7 (31:28):
I'm Riley, I'm Carly, and I'm Sophia.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
And op he says. Now, I'm married with a child
of my own. I live an hour away from my parents,
and while I don't mind helping them occasionally, I've got
a household, a job, and a toddler to take care of. Lately,
they've been needing more help with bills, paperwork, appointments, organizing
their estate.

Speaker 6 (31:49):
And guess who's been handling all of that?

Speaker 3 (31:52):
I wonder who me?

Speaker 2 (31:55):
Not the son who lives with them, rent free with
his girlfriend and has all the free.

Speaker 6 (32:01):
Time in the world.

Speaker 4 (32:02):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (32:03):
It became too much and I told my parents I
can't keep doing everything. They need to start asking their
son to step up. They weren't happy, but for about
a week things were quiet. I thought they were finally
listening and my brother finally grew up. This past weekend,
I went to visit and immediately saw a giant pile

(32:23):
of paperwork, unopened mail and bill scattered on the table.
I asked what's going on and why it was all
in touch. They told me they'd ask my brother to
take care of it, and he kept saying he'd get
to it. My parents asked me to do it, and
I said no, We're going to wait until he came home,
and he was gonna do it, no more excuses. An

(32:45):
hour later, he walks in, doesn't even greet me, just says,
have you done mom and Dad's paperwork yet?

Speaker 7 (32:52):
Ah?

Speaker 2 (32:53):
I looked at him and said, no, it's your job
now you live here, you handle it. He starts one
that I'm better at organizing. I know what gets paid
when I can translate things better, I know where everything goes.

Speaker 5 (33:08):
Crazy that it'll say all of that on the paperwork,
pretty crazy?

Speaker 7 (33:11):
How that works?

Speaker 6 (33:12):
I yeah, I told him, I don't care.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
I have my own life and family to take care of,
and it's not my responsibility to keep doing everything just
because no one ever taught him how to be an adult.

Speaker 6 (33:24):
So this is a problem with parents.

Speaker 5 (33:27):
Yeah, I do feel like unfortunately I don't know much
about the culture, the culture that they were raised in,
but I think that tends to be a little bit
more common in Muslim practices, where women like don't have
those same freedoms.

Speaker 4 (33:42):
God it like hold your son accountable.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
Yeah, he got mad and things escalated. He started yelling,
insulting me, and at one point picked up a binder
and threw it at me.

Speaker 4 (33:55):
Oh, so he just sucks.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
I just stared at him and waited for my parents
to say so something, to defend me, to check him
for throwing a binder at me. Instead, they looked at me,
said it's my fault. I started it, and I should
have just shut up and done the paperwork like always.

Speaker 4 (34:12):
Yeah, parents' eyes not opened, not open.

Speaker 5 (34:17):
I tied something else over their eyes actually, so that
they really didn't have to see their mistake.

Speaker 6 (34:23):
I snapped.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
I started yelling at them, saying everything I've bottled up
for years. I told them all they raised a spoiled,
lazy manchild who can't do a basic task, and he
will throw them into a nursing came the first chance
he goots. I told them I was done being the
one who carries all the way while he gets to
live care free. I grabbed my things and told him

(34:46):
I couldn't stand this family anymore and I hated them all.
As I was walking out, said if I left him
refused to help, they would have nothing.

Speaker 6 (34:55):
To do with me.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
I said, fine, it's actually better if they have nothing
to do with you. They can't keep asking to do
stuff for him.

Speaker 4 (35:02):
Yeah, you're out, run away.

Speaker 6 (35:06):
I left and haven't spoken to them since.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Now. They're blown on my phone, first asking for help.
My brother's saying he doesn't know where the checkbooks are,
how to write a check, who my parents' doctor insurance is,
et cetera. When they saw I wasn't responding, the text
got nasty. They began calling me selfish, heartless, and cruel.
My dad left the voice smell that broke my heart.

(35:29):
They've said horrible things to me. That was way too far.
They even dragged my aunt into it. Oh my god,
he's now telling me I will be ashamed and that
God will punish me.

Speaker 5 (35:41):
I'm what so glad though that OPI clearly, despite being
raised in this environment, has such a good head on
her shoulders to be like, no, I don't deserve this.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
Yeah, that's so hard to Yeah, your own family. At
this point, I've gone completely no contact, but I can't lie.
I feel guilty even though I know I was pushed
beyond my limit? Am I the a hole? We have
a little bit of a netted halfway through here.

Speaker 4 (36:08):
Not the ale, not at all.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
You're the ale for not showing your son how to
write a check book?

Speaker 5 (36:17):
Yeah, your parents they And why do the parents not
know any of this stuff?

Speaker 7 (36:22):
Either? Like why do the parents not know?

Speaker 2 (36:25):
He's taking care of it?

Speaker 5 (36:27):
But like at some point someone had to teach Op
that or like yeah maybe not maybe Op, he's really
been doing this just for her entire life.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
It feels like some people's presence or some people's tools
can be the consequence of other people's actions whenever they
take it away, and you gotta be the hammer of
justice and you know, give them that consequential factor. Yeah,
because they're gonna keep relying on you and they're never
they're never gonna see those as a sad part, but.

Speaker 5 (36:58):
You know the truth, and they might come around to
be like, wow, she was doing a lot for us,
but they're probably still just gonna blame you for it.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
So we have an edit. I again, just wanted to
clear up a few things that came up. Someone said
I was iehle for not teaching my family how to
do anything. That's not true. I spent hours trying to
teach my parents how to access bills, online, sign checks,
et cetera. They always struggled to remember, which really just
means they didn't care to learn. I even really tried

(37:27):
teaching my brother, but he always had plans or wasn't
in the mood I tried. As for religion, please don't
confuse culture with Islam. My parents picked and chose what
Islamic values suited them, which is unfortunate, which is unfortunately
very common, especially in the Balkans. For example, I wasn't

(37:47):
allowed to date because I'd shame the family. I had
to marry a Balkan Muslim, but my brother dated whoever
he wanted, including non Muslim women. Yet my brother's girlfriend
basically moved in day one and no.

Speaker 6 (37:59):
One blinked in on.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
I've been the translator and basically the family employee since
I was ten. I filled out every form, made every call,
done everything for my parents, and it just never stopped.
I blame myself for this, as I should have put
my foot down years ago. My husband doesn't like my family,
and hey, it to my brother. That hatred really cemented
when my water broke at thirty weeks and I was

(38:22):
in the hospital having a mental breakdown, thinking I failed
my baby.

Speaker 6 (38:25):
No, my lovely brother.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
My lovely brother showed up and told me that I
must have done something stupid and broke my water myself.

Speaker 4 (38:34):
Oh my god, Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
My husband dragged him out, and my brother wasn't allowed
back young right now, my husband only knows there was
a screaming match and I decided to cut everyone off.
He doesn't know the full story, because if he did,
I know exactly what he'd do. I know they'll probably
show up at some point. I'm mentally preparing for it.
I've mentioned wanting to move closer to my in laws,

(39:00):
and my husband is on board. He also talked to
me about starting therapy. Yes, and we're reading into it.
We were reading the messages and comments together and we
both realized I was severely emotionally mistreated. Thank you all
for your kind words and support. It's just sad that
internet strangers have shown me more kindness and love that

(39:22):
my own family has in years.

Speaker 4 (39:25):
Hope, I want to give you a hug. God, Oh
my god, Oh my God.

Speaker 5 (39:31):
Showing up to the hospital and saying something like that,
he deserved way more than being just kicked.

Speaker 6 (39:36):
Out kicking the gonads.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
Yeah two, I forgot to mention I told my husband
what my brother did to me. As you can imagine,
he is furious and wanted to head over there tonight,
but I won't let him stoop to his level. I'm
now worried about them showing up here and causing a commotion,
as they are the type of people to do that.

Speaker 6 (39:57):
And we got an update.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Oh ooh, ooh ooh. After I went no contact calls
didn't stop. My phone was blowing up constantly. Then my
dad decided to try and call my husband directly. He
acted like absolutely nothing happened, all cheerful and casual, as
if my brother hadn't just thrown a binder at me
over a week ago. I guess my dad thought my

(40:19):
husband didn't know what had happened. My husband caught him
off and told him he knows exactly what had happened,
and if my brother ever bothers me again, or so
much steps foot on our property, it won't be pretty.
Conversation ended very quickly after that. A few days later,
my uncle and aunt decided to randomly drop by our
house on announced to talk things out. My husband went

(40:40):
outside before I even had a chance to react. He
absolutely chewed them out, telling them that if helping my
parents is so important to them, they should go do
it themselves instead of pestering us. They left pretty fast
after that. Dude, this husband the perfect person to have
behind your back right now.

Speaker 5 (41:00):
Oh my gosh, he gets all the stars because he
like swooped in. He was like, you will not talk
to my wife like that.

Speaker 4 (41:06):
Yeah, that doesn't happen a lot with these stories.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
Like it's nice whatever you say, mommy and Laddie.

Speaker 7 (41:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
An hour after they left, my parents showed up. My
husband did not allow them inside, but they stood at
my door yelling at me, saying how disappointed they were
and how it was disrespectful for talking about family issues
with my husband's her family.

Speaker 5 (41:31):
She won.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
They called me horrible names that I can't even repeat here.
Finally snapped and told them I want nothing to do
with them anymore and this would be the last time
we speak. They kept going, but I refused participate any
longer and even and they eventually left after my husband
threatened to call the police. When they left, I completely
broke down. Things my parents said were vile and cruel.

(41:55):
I didn't know what I did to deserve this treatment.
Sad truth is, my mother law has been a bit
better and more loving mother to me than my own
mom has ever been, and that hurts in a way
I can't even explain. This happened a few days ago,
and since then I've blocked my parents, my brother, my uncle,
and my aunt. A few other family members have tried

(42:15):
reaching out, but the moment I see they're defending my parents,
I block them too. I just can't deal with it anymore,
and I have my own family to worry about. We've
decided we'll be moving closer to my in malls this winter,
and no one will know except for a few close
friends and family we can trust not to run back
to my parents. My first therapy session is scheduled for

(42:37):
this week as well.

Speaker 5 (42:38):
I see a lot of people saying cameras until you move,
which it is a really good idea.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
I agree.

Speaker 5 (42:45):
I wouldn't put it past someone who's already been known
to have outbursts to come back to your house and
have one.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
Yeah, dude, because I mean call the police to next
time you show up.

Speaker 6 (42:58):
Can you get a restraining order where you are?

Speaker 5 (43:00):
I definitely start reporting to make a case if you can,
because there's already been physical things against you.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
Yeah, report the brother, oh dude, and ops so many
like things she can do here to the parents that
she's not going to do. When I fully opened up
to my husband and our close friends about my childhood,
the look on their faces made me sick. They explained
to me that what I went through was not normal
and that no parents should ever treat their child the

(43:29):
way mine did.

Speaker 6 (43:30):
I'm not doing well.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
At the moment, but I'm thankful I have my husband
and friends to support me. I really hope therapy will
help me heal, but I know it will take a
long time. Right now, it just feels like I'm floating
in darkness. I can't comprehend why my parents hate me.
So much. I did everything they ever wanted, even if
it compromised my own happiness. It still wasn't enough for them.

Speaker 4 (43:52):
No, they just suck.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
It's them, not you at all.

Speaker 6 (43:58):
Shoo uugh, you'll.

Speaker 4 (44:01):
Learn that in therapy.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
Ah.

Speaker 7 (44:03):
My boyfriend manipulated me and made me look bad, like
in like photoshop or real life. I'm hoping to get
some much needed insight. I twenty five female, have been
in a relationship with my boyfriend twenty seven mail for
four years. Our relationship has been very good for the
most part. Some fights here and there, but nothing worth

(44:23):
noting until a week ago.

Speaker 1 (44:26):
All Right, I'm feeling like it's real life not photoshap.

Speaker 7 (44:29):
By the way, this comes from Throwaway, oh dearest, and
if you want to spit your own stories, go to
the r slash. Okay, storytime separated. So I got a
call from my brother telling me my mom had passed
away last Friday.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
God.

Speaker 7 (44:42):
Growing up, I was never super close with her. We
were usually fighting, but over the last five years our
relationship improved tremendously. We text throughout the week, and every
Sunday I would go on four to five hour drives
with her on speaker to keep me company, talking about
anything and everything under the sun. She became my best friend.
For context, my boyfriend knows how close we had gotten

(45:05):
and had even joined me for some of the drives.
Now here's the problem. My boyfriend has a fairly close
group of friends that he keeps up with, usually gaming
with them throughout the week. Then once a month him
and his friends will hang out and drink. He let
me know a few days prior that he would be
hanging out with them that Friday. When I got the news,
I immediately called him, breaking down and telling him I

(45:28):
didn't know what to do, and then I knew I
needed to be with him tonight. He went from consoling
me to saying, ooh, I let you know a few
days ago. I have plans with my friends. I only
get to see them once a month. My mom only
dies once in my life.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
You got a good point.

Speaker 7 (45:49):
That's crazy. I'm sorry. If anyone ever said that to me.
If I said I need you here for me my
mom just passed and they said, can't make it. I
got plans with the homies, I'd say, well, we actually
don't have a girlfriend anymore. So perfect I told him
I understood, but I really needed him, and I'm sure
they would reschedule, to which he said they definitely wouldn't

(46:12):
be able to as they all have their own responsibilities.
After some more time going back and forth, I gave
in and said I would be okay with him going
as long as he left early. Since he leaves at
seven pm, I said I would like for him to
come back by eleven.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
He agreed.

Speaker 7 (46:26):
I spent the night going through text with her photos
everything I could. I tried to distract myself with other things,
but nothing worked. Eventually, ten pm rolls around and I
text my boyfriend, will you be leaving in an hour,
to which he responds, you told me twelve, so I'll
be leaving then, and now he's lying.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
I was trying to gash like you. That's crazy, I
told him.

Speaker 7 (46:47):
I said eleven, and I was standing by that. He
didn't respond after and came home at twelve. I asked
him why he didn't reply and why didn't just come
back an hour earlier. He immediately got upset with me,
telling me I was being selfish for ruining his night
with his friends. Him spending an extra hour there means
nothing since he still left early, and I'd be fine

(47:08):
since I didn't spend my childhood with her anyways. Are
you dating the devil from the Bible?

Speaker 1 (47:17):
A biblically accurate devil is your boyfriend?

Speaker 7 (47:20):
How did you wrangle that? I told him I didn't
even want him to go out with them that day
to begin with, since I had just gotten the news,
but I agreed to it under that specific condition, and
so had he. He could also just catch up with
his friends when they game during the week. The fight
ended with him telling me I was again being selfish
as he doesn't get to see them in person often

(47:42):
she will never get to see her mother again, and
you couldn't be there, and that I shouldn't expect him
to drop everything for me. We've been fairly cold to
each other since, which has left me overthinking and reevaluating
our relationship. On one hand, I'm extremely heartbroken he wasn't
there for me, and no, that's not something I want
for my future. On the other end, his words have

(48:04):
definitely gotten to me, and I feel bad for separating
him from his friends. I also know it would break
me more to lose someone else so close to me.
Where do I go from here? Out the door common
one if my mother passed away and my partner didn't
come home from being with his friends, that would be
it for me. He's trying to tell you what he
didn't do was bad because he told you it was happening.

(48:27):
You weren't close with her in childhood, and uh, he's
genuinely trying to make it your problem. You're grieving and
your boyfriend of four years doesn't think it's a big deal.
Create a plan and end this relationship. Reply, he is
totally darvoing her op. Darvo is shorthand for classic abuser responses.

(48:48):
It stands for deny, attack, reverse, victim, and offender. Your
boyfriend did all of them. He denied that he agreed
to come home at eleven, He attacked you for asking
him for emotional support, and then made himself the victim
of your demands instead of letting you be the child
who just lost her mother and needed emotional support. Oh pee,
get out.

Speaker 5 (49:08):
Now.

Speaker 7 (49:09):
This is a man who will always choose his needs
over yours. And there is an update, folks, But yeah,
I get out. I agree. I agree if your partner
can't be there for you, like honestly, even if this
was a friend, like you know, a friend that you've
known for a year, I would still be like, I'm

(49:29):
so sorry, Like I'll be there for you if this
is something you care about.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
I don't.

Speaker 7 (49:32):
There's no time you know, there's no time requirement for
how long you have to know someone to be emotionally
affected by it.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (49:41):
So I think the him saying oh, well, you didn't
have her in childhood is ridiculous. Update though, a little
while after posting, one of my boyfriend's friends reached out
to me. He asked me if I had posted it,
because if I did, he had something to tell me.
And I was wondering when the title would come in
because I'm wondering what he told his friends. Yeah, I

(50:02):
said yes, and he told me. Before my boyfriend left
their boys' night, he had started complaining about me to
everyone there, telling them I was being a psycho and
forcing him to leave.

Speaker 6 (50:14):
Wow.

Speaker 7 (50:16):
Wow, don't worry, You're not going to be forced to
do anything comelong. He completely lied about my relationship with
my mom and told him I wasn't close with her
at all, rarely talk to her. Anytime I mentioned her,
I did nothing but crap talker, and that I was
using her passing as a way to control him. Honestly,
I could see through that if I had I mean, like,

(50:37):
I don't really trust these friends, because if I had
a friend who's like, yeah, my partner is the worst,
she's controlling me. Uh and like she's using the passing
of her parent, who she's not even closed. But I'd
be like, huh, that doesn't sound right.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
You can still be emotionally like messed up about that.
In fact, I think that's probably be one of the
most common ways to be emotionally messed up is y,
it's like I did my God, my parent that I
never got close with is gone now Well, now I
never had a chance. Yeah.

Speaker 7 (51:10):
Absolutely. I also learned throughout our entire relationship he'd tell
his friends about every fight of ours, and again would
completely lie about everything that happened in them. Why. If
I was those friends, I'd be like, why are you
with her? For context, Yeah, I am not close with
any of his friends, and he had apparently told him

(51:31):
I was faking my personality whenever I interacted with them
and crap talked them when they weren't around as well, ironic,
So I don't necessarily blame them for believing it. The
only reason why his friend reached out was because my
boyfriend had done the same thing in past relationships and
he was starting to get suspicious and tired of it.

(51:51):
I confronted my boyfriend about it afterwards, and he denied
everything for a while before ultimately admitting to all of it.
He started crying, saying he'd doesn't know why he's like this,
but that he loves me, can't live without me, anything
and everything you can think of. I packed whatever I
could and told him I needed time to think. I'd
be staying with my brother in the meantime, as I

(52:12):
had to drive out to go to my mom's funeral
and go through her things. So for the few that
asked if I had another support system, my family lives
a few stats away, as my boyfriend and I started
out long distance and I moved away from them a
couple of years ago. For him, ooh, the few new
friends I made are away traveling for the summer, which
I couldn't join in on for numerous reasons. I also

(52:34):
couldn't get out of bed for the majority of the week,
so I didn't leave sooner. What he didn't know at
the time was that I didn't need time to think,
and I had already decided I would not be coming back.
As I said in my original post, there was nothing
awful worth noting about him during our relationship. He didn't
treat me exceptionally well, but not terrible either.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
That's like a horrifically bad description of a partner.

Speaker 7 (52:59):
Yeah, there's nothing awful. He didn't treat me great, but
it wasn't terrible.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
Yeah, it treated me like a coworker whose birthday you
always forget.

Speaker 7 (53:08):
So prior to his friend reaching out, I genuinely didn't
know what to think of the situation. To me, it
was out of character for him. My main thought was
the news of her passing might have hurt him a
lot as well, and he didn't know how to handle it. No,
that was the wrong thought. But I now know that
he was an entirely different person with his friends, and
what was out of character for me was completely in

(53:31):
character for them.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
I mean, it's only up from here, I would hope.

Speaker 5 (53:35):
M M.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
I think you need to not, you know, keep an
eye out, have a relationship with someone where you could
describe them as just like a stranger who you see
on your walk to work every day.

Speaker 7 (53:48):
It definitely scares me to think of what would have
happened if I didn't post and never learned the things
he was saying when I wasn't around. I also have
no clue what I do if another life changing event
tap and he put something else above being there for me.
So to everyone that wanted an update, just know I
have completely removed him from my life.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Yay Bizah.

Speaker 7 (54:10):
No amount of tears and fake apologies would convince me otherwise.
He wasn't there when I needed him, and that's enough.
But the lying and fake stories he'd share on top
of that is terrifying. I know my mom would rip
me a new one if she heard all this and
I did anything other than leave him. Oh well, I
will always be grateful for this little corner of the
internet and the awful future it saved me from. And folks,

(54:34):
that's the end of that story. I mean, in a
very sad way, your mom saved you.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
Wow, in a way.

Speaker 3 (54:43):
Yeah, it's a very poetic way.

Speaker 7 (54:45):
Yeah, It's like you had this moment where you lost
someone very important and she was like, you know what,
I'm gonna give you a little favor essay on my
way out.

Speaker 3 (54:52):
We're gonna start you a big new chapter. Yeah, start
offs from scratch.

Speaker 7 (54:56):
Yeah, but you're gonna do a lot better. Find the
people in your life who want to provides you support
when you need it. And that person is clearly.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Not your ex boysfriend, clearly not. Life works in mysterious ways. Hey,
it's sam og host. We're get it back to these
delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads from our
sponsors to help support the show. My friend stood me
up and now everything's crazy.

Speaker 7 (55:19):
Why did you do that?

Speaker 1 (55:22):
And I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon And let's
see what this op has to say. So what did
my friend twenty four female lie to me twenty nine
mail about her health? Two months ago? I told her
that I liked her, and she didn't know if she
wanted a relationship with me, but she was willing to try.
So we did just that, or at least I did.

(55:44):
I tried really hard.

Speaker 7 (55:46):
Okay, Wow, you're coming off desperate.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
I planned dates, dinners and talked with her for hours
about what she would like to do, about her preferences, everything,
but I got nowhere, turned down every date I planned,
and began canceling plans we had made together, even plans
she came up with on her own. This comes from
user her friends won't see and if you want to

(56:10):
submit your own stories, go to the RT slash showcase
story time to subred it. So I tried to break
it off. Clearly she wasn't into this right well, No,
each time I suggested we just be friends, she asked,
even begged once for more time or another chance. This
continued for more than two months until yesterday. I was

(56:33):
stood up yesterday actually for the third time. And to
be honest, that was pissed off.

Speaker 3 (56:38):
That's strike three year out.

Speaker 1 (56:40):
Yeah, and it is so op ended it. I tried
to call her, but she wouldn't answer, so I ended
it over text, which is the first time I ever
did that. And it felt bad breaking up overtext, at
least to me. I thought that would be the end
of it, but I was wrong. She texted back with
every excuse. She said she was busy, her steam file
indicated otherwise. She says she's a pro gamer, and I

(57:03):
sent her a screenshot showing her play history for the day,
and then she told me she overslept. I didn't respond.
Then she said she was sorry and that she would
make it up to me and that she would never
do it again, and each time I just didn't respond.
Eleven PM I heard a knock at the door and
it was her. I planned on telling her off, but
I didn't. I just stared at her, frozen like a

(57:25):
deer in headlights. This person standing at my doorway wasn't
the woman I knew. She was braced against the doorframe,
trembling parts of her bodies.

Speaker 7 (57:37):
She's Lily, She's Lily rose Deep.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
She's so you're her nose feratu.

Speaker 7 (57:42):
Yeah, wait, you're nose farratu.

Speaker 1 (57:45):
This whole time, she couldn't speak, but instead made strained
incoherent noises.

Speaker 7 (57:50):
Dude, this is literally no s fatu.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
I can't stress this enough. We've been friends for a
long time. I know her, and this isn't how she
acts when she upset. She would never throw a tantrum,
even during a breakup. I took her inside my apartment
and sat her down on my futon. I thought she
was just hysterical and that calming her down might help,
but it didn't. Things just got worse. For the first

(58:15):
few seconds, I thought she was having a fit, but
it became clear this was involuntary extremely quickly. She had
a seizure in my apartment. This is now hospital time.

Speaker 7 (58:27):
Yeah, this is I call the doctor.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
It felt like it lasted for an eternity, but it
was really just a minute or two. I lost my
cool when I saw blood coming out of her mouth.
She had bit herself, but thay belie, she was able
to pull herself together and talk to me. She suffers
from epileptic seizures, specifically nocturnal seizures. The fatigue and weakness
starts between four thirty and six. By eight pm, speech

(58:51):
becomes difficult and spasms start no later than nine thirty.
S Users only happen on bad nights and run from
ten pm to five am, and she was having a
very bad night. She drove to your place.

Speaker 7 (59:01):
Like wow, I would take her immediately to the hospital
post pit.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
So, while my friends were partying on Saint Patrick's Day,
I sent around my apartment communicating quote unquote with my
friend who was sitting right beside me. Speech difficulties had
already started, and learned about her condition and trying to
make her comfortable. Oh so you didn't know?

Speaker 7 (59:21):
Oh wait, is this why she's always late and like
can't come to things?

Speaker 1 (59:26):
Could be maybe this changes a lot.

Speaker 7 (59:30):
Maybe this is like, this is the secret that she's
been keeping.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
Yeah, could be.

Speaker 7 (59:35):
I mean like, still, it doesn't mean that you have
to date her because she lied to.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
You, but uh okay does add layers. Everything is getting crazy.
She told me everything about how embarrassed she is about
all this, about how she hated standing me up over
sleeping and extreme fatigue, and how difficult it is for her.
What got to me most was when she explained that
there were times when she couldn't make it and stood
me up because she can't call me no voice and

(01:00:00):
can't text me with no fine motor skills. She structured
her entire life around this. She's the ultimate morning person
because she breaks down most nights and can barely function. Okay,
I never thought about it before, but it all makes
sense now. Out of all my friends, she was always
the responsible one, never stayed out late, never did any
substances or drank, wakes up every day at five point

(01:00:23):
thirty and usually has all her chores in studying done
before the most people even leave for work. This also
explains her love life, or rather the lack of one,
dating as difficult, and she's lost people before due to this. Condition.
That's why she didn't tell me. Her social life was
destroyed when she was diagnosed in high school, and she's
kept her epilepsy hidden ever since. She stayed the night

(01:00:43):
at my place. I'm at work now and she's alone
in my place, sleeping off the seizures. Turns out she
has extreme fatigue after one of her bad nights. I
guess I do too now. I didn't want to leave her,
but her seizures don't occur during the day. She has
a pile of pillows, blankets, snacks, and video games, so
I think she'll be fine, at least until I get home.

(01:01:03):
I'm glad that she was honest with me, though I
wish it hadn't taken a medical emergency to get there.
The situation has given me a lot to think about,
both about her condition and how we can navigate this
going forward. The misunderstanding about her behavior makes more sense now,
and I can see why she felt trapped between wanting
a social life and managing her health. Our friends know
she spent the night. Location sharing keeps everyone safe while

(01:01:26):
pub hopping, and also tells your friends who's crashing at
your place, and they're sending us both the congrats on
getting the laid texts ugh to make matters worse. I'm
not sure what to tell them. I think you should
just be honest with your friends about having epilepsy, and
if you can't and they don't like you, then they're
not your friends. And that's okay.

Speaker 7 (01:01:46):
Yeah, they absolutely should know, just for your safety.

Speaker 3 (01:01:49):
Yeah, in case if that happens.

Speaker 7 (01:01:50):
And Andrew, Yeah, I understand that she's had like bad experiences,
but like effectively, nothing is changing for them because you
are already you know, oh, not going out at night.
So it's not like they are gonna have to do
really much differently. They're just gonna, you know, no relevant
medical history about you. Yeah, just in case they need

(01:02:11):
to help you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
So being unsure what to tell them is just a
minor problem. Looking back, I understand why she kept this hidden.
Dating is difficult with her condition, and she's lost people
before because of it. Still, there is the concerning fact
that she drove when her license clearly states she can't
drive after seven pm on Saint Patrick's Day. She took
a significant risk driving during her vulnerable hours in holiday traffic,

(01:02:34):
which could have been dangerous for everyone involved. So I
don't know what to do. I'll see that she gets home.
I'm driving and I'll figure it out from there. I'm
posting this on a throwaway so her friends don't see it.
She knows I wrote this, and I'll send her a link.
Feel free to leave a comment for me, her or
both of us.

Speaker 7 (01:02:51):
That's kind of crazy to be like, this is exactly
how I feel. We're gonna see what the people say,
and she's also gonna read it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
I guess that's good.

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 7 (01:03:00):
I guess it's good.

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
And there is an update, yeah, with the friend's point
of view. Ooh, so wow this blew up. So to
clear up any confusion, I am the best friend slash
maybe girlfriend. OPI wrote about this post was actually my idea.
I suggested writing one as a joke the other night.
I never thought he would do it, but here we are.

(01:03:23):
So I want to address a few things in the comments.
Ope isn't a bad person.

Speaker 7 (01:03:27):
I didn't think he was.

Speaker 1 (01:03:28):
Did not come off that way.

Speaker 7 (01:03:30):
Never never thought that.

Speaker 1 (01:03:32):
Uh. He left out a lot of details in the
original post, sparing me from humiliation or something. A lot
of the comments called Op a manchild or something to
that effect.

Speaker 7 (01:03:41):
What No, I didn't get that at all.

Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
Manchild, that's crazy. Uh No, he's not a man child.
He stayed up all night helping me out, cleaning up
after me, and just talking with me. I've seen man
children before, and they don't do that. OPI is also
honest about his feelings, even this is the ugly ones.
I don't know if you can relate to having chronic illness,
but when you do, people treat you like you're made

(01:04:05):
of glass, and it feels awful. OPI might not always
be the nicest, but he's never fake with me. He
treats me no different than any other crazy girl, and
I love it. I only talk about my epilepsy on
a need to know basis.

Speaker 7 (01:04:20):
I feel like your friends need to know a little
like anything true.

Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
Your friends need to know you have a history of
epilepsy or seizures. Only talk about my epilepsy on a
need to know basis. I'm not ashamed of it. That
was speculation on Ope's part. I just didn't feel that
op needed to know. Clearly. I was wrong.

Speaker 7 (01:04:39):
Yeah, I I It might not be like a shame
like you know, you might not be ashamed of it,
but like clearly, there are some sort of unresolved feelings,
because why would the person that you're dating not need
to know that?

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
Yeah, I don't have seizures every night or most nights really,
although weakness, dizziness, and mild life loss of coordination and
slurred speech are common. Showing up at his door was
not a romantic gesture, I will explain. So I didn't
show up at Op's door to reveal my deepest, darkest
secret to him at my most vulnerable time. I'm cracking
up just thinking about it. The TLDR would be that

(01:05:15):
I thought I could get away with being out laid
a bit and bit off more than I could chew.
So seven pm, Saint Patrick's Day, I'm supposed to meet
OP and some friends. Around four thirty. I'm feeling okay,
so I text Op that I'll make it tonight, and
fast forward to six and my voice is starting to
go FML. So I call my friend, not Op, a
mutual friend, to let everyone know I won't make it,

(01:05:36):
But unbeknownst to me, she has already pre partied and
is about to skip out to chase some guy. Eight
pm comes around and I'm not feeling too bad, but
I get a text from Op pissed off about how
I stood him up. Op stops responding, But my other
friends let me know that my friend I had called
earlier today totally bailed again FML. I apologize to Op

(01:05:57):
over text, but get no response, and this is where
I aft up. I called my friend, the one from earlier,
and yell at her. Girl, yell at yourself, honestly, like
the way that this goes down, it's like, I feel
like your friends would be quick to jump to like
a does does she have like a substance abuse problem?
Like she's just like never comes down, She's always at home.
Whenever we could talk, she's like slurring your speech, like

(01:06:18):
what's going on?

Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
And then they just think you're a crappy friend. Yes,
you're having a you know, a seizure.

Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
So why communication is the key? I didn't care how
I sounded. I was mad. Well, she picks up, and
boy is she ever wasted. The two of us incoherently
babble at each other until I just give up. However,
after hanging up, I realized something my slurred speech and
my clumsiness with so many wasted people out and about,

(01:06:47):
I can probably blend right in this. In retrospect was
a terrible, miserable, horrible idea. I was desperate for a
night out. I've never had a night out before, and
maybe I could even save things with Op for the night.
So I did it. I put the TV on in
my room so things wouldn't sound too quiet, dodged my
parents and took the old hand me down Ford Focus

(01:07:07):
that is quote unquote my car, and went downtown. Yes,
read it. I'm twenty four and I had to sneak
out of my parents' house. FML. Well, it's because you're
not allowed to drive after seven pm legally because of
your condition. I made a downtown okay before nine thirty.
My friends were right where they said they would be,
and for the first hour everything worked out. I walked

(01:07:27):
right up to the table and boldly announced I'm wasted.
I wasn't. I didn't drink anything. Everyone bought it too. Honestly,
I feel like you're doing more damage like this than
you would be by just admitting that you have a condition.
I hung out for a while, played pool and shot
darts very badly, but I didn't see Ope anywhere. Some

(01:07:48):
of the guys left to go pub hopping, so I
thought he was with them, but Op never came back,
so around ten forty five, I decided to call it
a night and swing by OHP's place to talk. Things
go downhill really fast at this point. As I'm about
to leave, a friend yells cheers and hands me a
drink and I drink it like an idiot. I've never
actually drank before, and I thought I could just do it.

(01:08:11):
It was maybe half of a Booski. I didn't get
anywhere close to finishing it on a full stomach, no less,
So what could be the harm?

Speaker 7 (01:08:19):
Right, I'm sorry, she's actively having an episode, she's already
having an episode. Yeah, And it's like, yeah, what could
be the harm of me drinking? Now?

Speaker 1 (01:08:31):
I'm really feeling like this whole thing should have just
been instead of you kind of explaining it like it
was okay, or that it should have been okay, it
should be explaining like none of this was ever okay.

Speaker 7 (01:08:41):
Yeah, and like, hey, I was the whole sequence of
events that I deeply regret.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
After all, everything was going so smoothly, Well, things stopped
going smoothly and it got bad really fast. I waved
goodbye and headed to Ope's apartment. Maybe ten minutes away.
I pulled in and got up the stairs when I
suddenly lost control of myself and body slammed into his door,
face first. Thank god that happened when you were at

(01:09:09):
his front door and not behind the wheel of your automobile. Now,
I can usually feel an epileptic fit coming on about
a minute or so before it happens. It's no big deal.
Just stop what you're doing and lay on the floor
so you don't fall and can cuss yourself. Well, I
guess the booze, even just a few SIPs, Yes, screws
my brain up enough to not notice the seizure. FML.

Speaker 7 (01:09:31):
Stop saying Stop saying FML.

Speaker 1 (01:09:33):
It sounds like it's like all boob It's like not
my fault.

Speaker 7 (01:09:36):
Oopsie.

Speaker 1 (01:09:37):
Definitely also shouldn't be drinking a single drop of nothing
on anti seizure medicine, Yeah, man, because I assume you're
taking that and this is your first time and then
you rolleme for all.

Speaker 7 (01:09:51):
Not only did you drive while you were having a
like episode, you also drove after drinking. I get it
was a couple of SIPs. I don't care your first time.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
I'm on uh okay. OPI opens the door and finds
me struggling to hold on to the doorframe. He helps
me inside, just in time for me to seizure all
over his futon. OPI left this part out, but these
were far from my normal seizures, not that he would know.
These were really bad. I made a huge mess and

(01:10:20):
I lost control of my bladder, which almost never happens.
So after I pee myself and buy my tongue, I
tried to explain to Op what's going on in post
seizure voice. You can barely understand me, and thinks I'm
just extremely wasted. It didn't help that the first thing
I said was it must be the drinks. The rest

(01:10:42):
of the night happens as OP described.

Speaker 7 (01:10:45):
Wow. I think if I were this, if I were
the original OPI I could perhaps, after you know, having
a whole talk sit down, let's let's get everything out
in the open, could perhaps be friends again. I would
not want to date this person.

Speaker 1 (01:11:02):
Yeah, and it does. It's not because you have epilepsy.
It's because you just made a very horrifically poor string
of decisions.

Speaker 7 (01:11:10):
And it wasn't even that, it wasn't even just that night.
It was you didn't tell people, didn't tell me for
months we were dating and you didn't feel like medical
very relevant medical information was worth telling me.

Speaker 1 (01:11:26):
Yeah, that's the thing.

Speaker 7 (01:11:26):
It's like, did you not trust me to tell me?
How is it not relevant? I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
Yeah, And I hope that doesn't get misconstrued. Is like,
and it's because of the epilepsy, like for her or whatever,
And it's like, no, it's it's not because you have epilepsies,
because you didn't tell me you had epilepsy. And then
for months I thought you just didn't like me at all,
and I tried so hard.

Speaker 7 (01:11:48):
There's a little bit left. There is a little bit
left know.

Speaker 1 (01:11:52):
So uh. He also made me breakfast and it was
an omelet. Oh he is a good cook, omeling boy.
I didn't feel like eating, however, so it got cold.
It looks great. That's I'm still bummed out that I
missed that omelet.

Speaker 7 (01:12:09):
That sucks.

Speaker 1 (01:12:10):
Okay, So finally the outcome of this crazy night, I
have no car. My parents have banned me from driving,
and not like I can blame them.

Speaker 2 (01:12:21):
Good.

Speaker 1 (01:12:21):
I will never drink again. I had no idea how
much booze messes with epilepsy. I mean, I knew it
could increase seizure risk, just not how bad it affects
seizure intensity. OMG, it's bad. Finally, Op is giving me
rides sometimes and he will make me breakfast again. I
just hope I can eat the breakfast next time, so

(01:12:44):
I can't say things are too bad. That's the whole
story at least. Thanks for reading everyone, man.

Speaker 7 (01:12:50):
Oh man, boy, oh boy.

Speaker 1 (01:12:53):
I don't know if everyone knows this. Every single prescription
or over the counter medication in the United States has
a code on it that you can google and it
will tell you exactly what that thing is. Yeah, you
never have to be like I don't know.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My stepmother BLAMES me for alienating her child… but it’s her own fault! -r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2318