My wife DECIDED to “test” me… it sent our marriage in a downward spiral! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient
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for the next two minutes or so.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
My wife decided to test me. It sent our marriage
in a downward spiral.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
No go, this is me going on to spiral.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Trigger warning for verbal So if that's not something that
you can listen to right now, skip ahead to the
next story. Background. I'm thirty mail and she's thirty. We've
been married for one year and eight months, but lived
together for five years before getting married.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
No kids.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
By the way, this comes from I Sell Putts and
if you want to spend your own story, go to
the r slash. Okay, Storytime suppared it. So we have
been fighting since the day we got married because she
got into an altercation with my family, my mom, and
supposedly I did the wrong thing and sided with my family. Okay,
I know that in laws and this sort of thing
can definitely get sticky in a marriage, but I tried

(01:04):
to work through it. I don't believe my character and
intentions are bad. I've supported her and provided everything in
the world for my wife. I do not hutter or anyway.
To be fair, there have been fights we have had
a year ago regarding my family, where I did say
mean things to her, but since then I have corrected
myself and refrain from using bad words and hurtful comments. She,

(01:26):
on the other end, still cusses me out, uses ef
in this and ef in that, and makes demeaning comments
towards me. You guys don't seem to have a healthy relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah, it's not sounding good to me.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
I made her apologize to my family for acting disrespectfully
towards them, which she did reluctantly, but nevertheless she did.
At the time a year ago, I told her that
if she could not get along with my family, we
couldn't be married. So I guess it was an ultimatum.
I'm very close to my parents, and right now they're
getting old and really need my help the most. I'm

(01:59):
not going to put them in a home ever. They've
done so much for me and raised me, went through
ups and downs with me, bailed me out of several
sticky situations, and I cannot thank them enough. So it
is very important for my wife to get along with
my family because I do spend the weekends with them.
In return for the apology my wife made to my parents,
I promised my wife that I would ignore and disregard

(02:21):
anything negative she says or does to me.

Speaker 3 (02:23):
These were her terms.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Basically, act normal even when she's upset and bringing down
the world on my shoulders. Since last October, we've been
fighting a great deal about this said promise. Every fight
we've had since then, she says that I broke the
promise and I'm a liar. It usually goes like this.
She cusses me out, says really mean stuff, hurtful things,
and not being able to take all they've herbal, I

(02:45):
end up making a sarcastic or passive aggressive remark. Basically,
she wants to yell at me like I'm a piece
of trash, and I sit there and take it and
shut the f up. Well, since January fifteenth, we haven't
been fighting much because she was basically yelling at me
and I decided to shut the f up. So things
were going, Okay, Oh pee, if you're just not talking

(03:06):
while she's yelling at you. That doesn't mean things are okay.
Oh no, By the way, she starts getting angry at
me when I do little things wrong to make her mad.
They are insignificant to me, like coming home at three
point thirty instead of three, or forgetting to fill the
dog bowl, or serving her cold fruit when she has
told me repeatedly she likes it at room temperature.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
Are you her maid? Are you one of are you
her butler? Are you goldilocks? Perhaps? Yeah, she goldilocks.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
She clothed it locks, or putting too much cream cheese
on her bagel and making it look sloppy.

Speaker 4 (03:38):
Ah, cast him into the fire.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
This woman, I mean just little things, nothing like cheating
or lying, She says, Each and every consecutive time I
break my promise to her, She'll get worse and worse.
It will take longer and longer for her to get over. Oh.
She does not let things go easily. I can be
mad today and twenty minutes later I'm fine and happy again.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
She cannot do that.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
She also says she will be testing me the more
I break these promises, and she needs to test me
to make sure that this final promise I made to her,
is for real the punner? Well, she tested me two
days ago and I failed miserably. She was on her period,
so I understand she was moody. Okay, she was nagging
me all day long about little things and such, and
I just simply apologized and admitted fault.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
At night, I.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Hands squeezed her a glass of orange juice, which I
left at room tenth before squeezing, and said, baby, do
you want some OJ? She got furious at my question
and sharply responded, when do I ever refuse OJ? You
normally just give it to me. In this case, you
can drink it yourself. She got mad at you because
you asked her if she wanted OJ.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
Yeah. Yeah, See it's in these kinds of stories that
I have to remind myself that I am not in
this situation. Yeah, it's not worth the blood pressure.

Speaker 4 (04:53):
Now. I would classify this person as maybe a little uppity.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
She can't use the excuse i'm sorry, I'm on my period. Well, actually,
I don't think she's saying I'm sorry. Yeah, I think
she's saying on my period. She can't use that when
she doesn't change at all, regardless of whether she's on
her offit.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Yeah, that's it's just you at that point. Also, that's
also not exactly like it's just an explanation.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
You say, hey, sorry, I was you know, mean, I
was mean. I'm sorry said that. Yeah, she's not doing that.
She's just like, yeah, she's just like, I can't believe
this is who I am.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
You can't read my mind. That's crazy. Yikes. You should.
You should be severely punished for not being able to
read my mind.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
The only reason why I asked her this time was
because she refused to eat those specific oranges because they
were sour. So obviously, I asked her because what if
she didn't want to drink sour juice?

Speaker 3 (05:48):
Opi, Opie, please leave.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Possibly think that you are in the wrong for asking
her if she wants to drink some oree juice that
you freshly squeezed for her.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
I feel tingly I have no power in this situation.
I need to grab a hold of.

Speaker 5 (06:10):
Something, maybe a good orange. Give it a nice squeeze.

Speaker 3 (06:15):
Orange orange that looks like this woman.

Speaker 4 (06:18):
Even remember, guys, the title said, downward spiral, downwards spirus.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
Sirl been thirteen years thirteen years ago. It's gotta get better, folks,
it's gotta be better, yez.

Speaker 4 (06:33):
Yeah, yeah, maybe they put a lot of money in crypto.
You know, maybe this person's got like one hundred billion
real dollars right now.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
They're rich now.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
Exactly knowing she was in a pissy mood, I did
not let the clment phase me. Instead, we proceeded to
play with the dogs, and about five minutes later, I said, baby,
are you going to drink your juice? Well, she responded
by picking up the glass and dumping the contents into
the sink, down the drain six hole hands squeezed oranges.
It may just be oj and a small thing, but

(07:00):
you know, it hurt me really bad when she did that.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
Yeah, not a small thing. That's a very big thing
that she just did.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
I was furious at that, and it kind of pushed
me over the cliff. I responded, in a soft tone,
you did not have to do that, and you're a
terrible person.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
Good, I'm just a magicaling. You didn't have to do that,
and you're a terrible person. Yeah, she's not gonna like that.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
Well, that blew her up, and she cussed me out
and cursed me and said she was right. Of course
she knew I couldn't keep my promise and that I
failed her again divorce. My wife intentionally tested me and
kept driving me over the cliff and set me up
to fail. I feel that she's a buy this way
and making me look like I'm just a compulsive liar
and cannot honor a single promise when she has already

(07:44):
lived up to her end by apologizing and getting along
with my family. Well, we haven't spoken for two days,
and when we did, it was her screaming at me.
I feel like every day is a walk on eggshells,
or I'm walking in a mine field, not knowing when
or where I step, and it's going to explode in
my face. When the times are good, they're really good,
but they never last for more than a few days.

(08:06):
My wife acknowledges her anger and says it would only
get better over time and if and only if I
stick to my promise. But there are some comments, so
we're gonna get into those, all right. Comment one, it's
pretty obvious to me that she doesn't want to be
with you and is just trying to make the separation
look like it's your fault, so she isn't to blame.
Comment to congratulations might seem insensitive, and I'm sure you

(08:29):
love her on some level, but seriously, this is someone
you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I'm thinking good riddance. Your wife sounds like a horrible, petty, selfish,
pretentious witch who was intentionally mean to you. Let her
go wallow in her anger. No need for you to
be tied to an unreasonable person. Hit the gym and
find someone who will treat you right to protect your assets,

(08:53):
see a lawyer and change the locks and clean out
your bank account. Yes, I reply says, no, kids, it's
like a get out of jail for re card. Yay,
congratulations my friend, and there is an update.

Speaker 3 (09:06):
Any thoughts before we jump in? Yeah, these people there's
nothing that you can do when they put these these
pressures on you, like, oh, it's all your fall. You
just have to be better for me to be better.
It's like, well, what the heck how does that work?
Because no, it's just they just don't know how to
deal with their own emotions and they just put everything
on everyone else and nothing will be good enough. No

(09:27):
matter how much you change about yourself, they will always
find something new because it's about their emotions that they
can't exaculate. So just the fact that she made you
asking her if she wanted orange juice a promise. Yes.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Wednesday night after posting my original story here, and my
wife came home that night and handed me all the
divorced documents, signed dated everything. Neither of us had moved
out of the house yet, so basically I am sleeping
downstairs on the couch, all right, but.

Speaker 5 (09:55):
It's the party couch now.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
I yeah, I'm like, I understand that you're sad, but
I'm so happy for you, so happy for you. I
was a bit shell shocked when she actually signed the papers,
but okay, whatever, she said she was going to file
them first thing in the morning, so I said fine.
While I was resting on the couch, she started texting
me from upstairs. She was telling me how it was

(10:23):
my fault for us getting to where we are, and
basically everything that I did was wrong.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
She's that's not true.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
I tried not to say too much for fear of
setting her off, but then she started comparing my love
for her to my love for my family. I told
her that I loved her and my family equally, and
I was you are both my family, but love for
a wife is different than love for parents, just a
different type of love, in my opinion. She didn't accept
that answer, texted me another couple of paragraphs and then

(10:52):
stormed out of the house and did not return till
after midnight.

Speaker 3 (10:56):
She texting you from inside the house. She was like,
let me just hit really quick and then I'll slam
the door. Wait, I don't know what she's doing.

Speaker 5 (11:04):
The call is coming from inside the house.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
Side those Thursday afternoon to night.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
In the morning, I asked her if she was going
to file, because if not, I would She responded, unlike you,
I actually do what I say.

Speaker 3 (11:17):
Okay, enough said.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
I came home from work and saw our car in
the garage earlier than usual. I was scared to go
upstairs in my home office because of what I knew
would be waiting there for me on my desk. I
couldn't face it seeing the actual stamped and filed copy,
so I stayed downstairs on my couch and just stared
at the ceiling. My wife started to text me again
from upstairs. It started out with just know that I

(11:41):
still love you. I responded, I don't believe it, simply
because I feel that if she truly loved me, I
would not have been put through all this verb and such.
I did express that to her in another reply text,
and of course her response was, if you loved me,
you wouldn't have made me apologize to your family against
my Well.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
So basically circles.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
Each party thinks they have the right and valid arguments
or not wanting to piss her off even more because
she warned me and said.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
You don't want me to get hostile with you, do you?

Speaker 6 (12:12):
What?

Speaker 3 (12:13):
Who is this? She literally looked at him and said,
why ayada YadA? Why you she hit? She hit one
of these? Shit? Yeah, I would hit one of those,
one of those her right now? Where is she thirteen
years later? I'll do it. I'll still do it.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
I said, Okay, no more replies. I'll shut the f up.
Then she started to text me, let's just be happy
for our last days.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
Oh shut up, sorry girl, Oh oh ah. Because that's
the thing. There's no one's gonna stay in this relationship
if it's only these bad things. They stay because of
these little blips of good things.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
Then she started to text me, let's just be happy
for her last days together. In addition to that, she
was texting me about how.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
It's fine, she's okay with that. It's better for the bother.
We'll get over it soon. Oh my god, blah blah
blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Indeed, a few moments later, she came downstairs to find
me on the couch. She brought me a snack and
a drink, and we went outside dub a chat. She
was super nice and super sweet, saying stuff like let's.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Just be happy.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
She was smiling and grinning, not sure if it was fake.
I'm Jesus, I know you have a bad back and
it must hurt sleeping on the couch. You can come
upstairs and sleep on the bed and we can watch
our favorite shows together, basically inviting me to sleep in
our room. Dude, she's gonna turn you into a vampire.
Don't go in there.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
Literally, I declined and told her, as much as I
would like to, it would only make things harder for
me because at the end of the day, it's not
gonna meet anything. She told me she would be out
by the end of the week. The house is owned
by my family trust, so there will be no division
of property here, and I cannot be the one to
move out. I told her, just take your time to
get your situations straightened out. I will buy another bed

(13:58):
and sleep on it to temporarily. She went back upstairs
and I went back on my couch. She texted me
again telling me how I did not deliver on my part,
but she did. After the apology, it took about twelve
months to regain back trust in my family. But she
did not have to do anything. She just had to
show up with me and just chat, say hi, or
simple social stuff. So she used this against me to

(14:19):
say that she did her part and I didn't. So
the divorce was basically a result of my actions and
her anger was a result of my lack of communication skills.
Over and over, that's not true.

Speaker 3 (14:29):
I want to break things. I want to grab things
and break them over other things.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
She did finally admit some fault, though she said it
was her fault for not walking out at the time.
I said she had to apologize to my family. She
said she should have left me back then, but because
she loved me so much, she did it anyway. I
feel that she did it, but resented the fact that
she did it and has been making me pay for
it ever since. She said it was typical of me

(14:57):
to think negatively of her like that. She then came
back downstairs sat with me on the couch. I started
to tell her again that I don't believe she loved
me ever. I told her she was just in love
with being in love. I told her how her anger
issues got me to where I am. I told her
I felt mistreated and that I read about it and
what it is. She said, of course, if I'm looking
for it, I'll see it that way and see her

(15:18):
in a negative light.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
See, ah, I have so many thoughts inside my brain
right now, and now an excelt on my nose. Thank
you to ever sent this ah, this one, this woman ha.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
I told her she needed to take responsibility for her
anger and stop blaming it on me and holding that
resentment inside, letting it turn bitter. She said, her anger
came from me, so it was circles again.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
See, it's never her fault. It's never gonna be her fault,
someone else's fault.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
By the way, this was the first time we ever
sat down and just talked without her screaming at me,
calling me names and getting worked up. I told her
I couldn't live in fear anymore and worried about her
moods on a daily basis.

Speaker 3 (16:04):
Yes, I told her it.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Was my fault for not bridging the gap correctly between
my family and spouse. I told her I assumed she
saw my folks the way I did through my eyes,
but made the wrong assumption and did not work the
communication correctly between the two parties. I did say, even
though I made a mistake, I am human and I
wished to take the steps to correct it and do better.
I said, I wanted to learn how to bridge the

(16:25):
gap properly, but she never gave me a chance to
do it. It was like this for me. Every time
I wanted to speak to her about my family or
teach her something, she was in a good mood. I
was scared that by me bringing up my family that
good mood would turn into a bad mood, so I
would only bring up issues during our fights, which now
I know is never a good thing, because she wasn't
listening anymore. In addition, her screaming scares me and makes

(16:48):
me nervous, and I end up spurting out bits and
pieces of what I really want to say, and it
comes out all wrong and not really what I meant
to say, she told me.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
Why didn't you tell me all these things before?

Speaker 2 (16:57):
I said, because I couldn't. Yeah, I'm sorry you were
yelling and constant berating of Op didn't really offer a
safe space to bring his, you know, problems to you.
That's the stupidest thing to get mad about, Like, why
didn't you tell me these problems earlier? Yeah, in any
situation like it happens in situations that aren't as a
business one too, And it's just like, what, why are.

Speaker 3 (17:18):
You mad about that? Bring it up now? I'm talking
about it now?

Speaker 2 (17:21):
Come on, I said, because I couldn't, because I was
scared your mood would change. When she's in a good mood,
I try to enjoy it as long as I can
because they never last. So for me to bring up
an issue is like asking for it. She said, had
she known that this was what I was trying to
do learn how to bridge the gap, then she would
have taken a different approach with me this whole time.
And again she's blaming you. She's saying, Oh, well, if

(17:44):
if you had just done this, I would have been better. Oh,
if you had just done this, maybe I wouldn't have
gotten mad at you. But I told her, this is
all too late. I was late in telling her because
of that It's too late. So she said it was
my fault this divorce for miscommunication. I told her, I
want to learn, but I need time and patience from you,

(18:06):
which I felt I didn't get at the time. Again,
this was the first time in almost four years that
we sat down and just talked and tried to understand
each other. It had to be after the divorce was filed.
I balled as I was talking because I just couldn't
hold it in. I felt that I was cheated and
viewed as someone that I am not. What hurts me
and disappoints me the most is that my wife was

(18:26):
not able to look past these communication issues and see
the true person that I am. She could not see
how much I really love her. I have done everything
in my power above and beyond to try to give
her happiness, and I feel if she loved me, she
would step up and do something positive to keep us together.
You finally admit it and said we both made mistakes.
But what I wanted her to say was that she

(18:47):
was wrong and sorry for treating me badly, and to
admit that her anger came from within. The thing is,
even if you did both make mistakes, you didn't apologize
for the mistakes that you made. You still haven't apologized.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
No note at all, And with people like this, you're
never going to get an apology either. So she's going
to use the way to twist your words. Yeah, there's
no use in asking for one, or waiting for one
or anything at all.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
Yeah, I wanted to hear say she wanted to work
on her anger and such. I owned up to my
mistakes from the outset, but she still feels her actions
were a result of my lack of communication. It hurts
really bad right now because I do really love her
and I have given her everything. It would have been
easier if she screamed at me and stormed out. Now
that she's being very nice and sweet, it is just

(19:30):
reminding me of the good days that we have. Oh,
that's that's trick. That's the cycle.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
The cycle. They trick you. They know what they're doing,
all these people, they know what they're doing.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
Comments common one. She only wants you now that you're
slipping away from her control. Stick to your pupews, be
strong comment to stop right there. Sara's do not believe
a single word that comes out of her mouth. If
she was that remorseful, she still wouldn't be blaming you.
In fact, it's smart because she's taking a new direction
with her manipulation and leaking out a time, a bit

(20:00):
of responsibility on her part, but still getting you to
admit fault. And once you admit fault, you're back to
being in her clutches. See the pattern here.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
And it's working, is it?

Speaker 2 (20:09):
I reiterate my advice from you from first thread. Pack
your bags and sleep in another person's house until she
is physically out of the house. You're wounded and still
love her, and she knows it and can smell blood.
This is you at your very most vulnerable, and you're
still running to her. This is why she has power
over you. She's buttering you up and getting you to
trust her, and all she has to do is seduce
you to get you to take her back, which I

(20:31):
promise she's gonna do. Dude, it's been two days since
she posted this. Where's your resolve from this?

Speaker 3 (20:37):
You're letting her lee get away from you.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
The longer you're in her presence. Get out of that
house and sleep somewhere else. What do you think is
going to happen once you admit fault once again and
take her back. I don't like manipulative people. I've seen
all the tactics and counseled through all of them. I
can't claim a single manipulative person as a friend because
they sicken me the same as your wife. It's a
cruel game to play with someone's emotions. And that's why
I'm taking in rest in your story. Your wife hasn't

(21:01):
changed magically over night. Realize this and seek support in
family and friends, and for the third time, get out
and sleep somewhere else. And there is a second update.

Speaker 3 (21:11):
Oh wow, ambig saga continues, But uh, what what are
you thinking? I'm glad that she brought up divorce because
I don't think he would have been able to bring
it up, because you know, obviously in these situations, we
notice it is hard to bring yourself out of that.
So I'm glad she at least started that cycle and
that he is knowing, like you know, it's gonna be

(21:33):
harder for me if I if I go to bed
with you, like I'm gonna say, I'm so glad that
he's doing that for himself.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
Really proud of this guy, because it's not easy to
get out of these situations and he's been in it
for a while.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Oh yeah, you know. I mean if he's married to
her like.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
That, thinking that he's the one in the wrong.

Speaker 3 (21:52):
Yes, yes, and that is not a good way to
live at oh all.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
But yeah no, dude, stick to to your pew pews,
as you said.

Speaker 3 (22:02):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
Up date two, the epic saga continues. I know I
will be flame for posting this, and I seriously do
not know why I am, but I just need some input.
Maybe I do have a high tolerance for pain, but
by no means do I like it or get off
by it.

Speaker 3 (22:18):
I have no.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
Friends, no coworkers, and I do not want my family
involved because I cannot give them this kind of stress.
I've read all the previous posts, and I should have
moved into hotel, but since I do work out of
my home and there is a great deal of equipment
and sensitive information here, I cannot leave my house. Since
my last post, I've been still living in my house
and my wife hasn't really moved out yet. He's only

(22:40):
taken half of her belongings into a storage facility down
the street from my house. Despite everyone's previous comments and
efforts to get away and not communicate with the wife.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
I failed.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
I was busy for the most part of the week,
but we somehow managed to talk. We were talking about
how to improve ourselves in our future relationship, and somehow
got to the topic of how this all started between us,
what caused the spark that caused the fire? Cude it is.
I don't believe this is the truth. Okay, I don't
think this is true, but we're gonna read it. This

(23:11):
is how they met, how they like kind of got together.

Speaker 3 (23:13):
Well, this is what caused the problems. Oh what caused
the problems? Okay? Okay, gotcha.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
We met seven years ago. Me and my little brother
lived together in the same house. He was twenty one
at the time. Brother and I went to school together
and bought this house together and at her own business together.
Later I bought him out of the house, But that
is beside the point. Met my wife and she moved in.
My wife only met my parents a few times. After
one year together. New love for me butterflies distracted from business.

(23:39):
Brother was pissed at me for neglecting our business. Instead
of working my normal hours, I worked odd hours to
make up for it, brother took out anger on my
wife by giving the cold shoulder when crossing paths at home,
slamming doors bombastically, acting immature, but never really made any
mean or harsh direct comments to my wife. Passive aggression.
You could say wife took notice got angry at my

(24:00):
brother because she initially did nothing wrong to him. First
wife told me I got mad at brother, and me
and brother fought. Business was getting busier. Brother and I
fought more frequently. I quit the business, and wife and
I moved out of town. Business relationship severed, and brotherly
relationship as well.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Moved out of.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Town for two years, and I did not speak to
my brother or parents often. Brother was angry and spoke
negatively about my wife to my parents. Parents got a
bad impression of my wife from my brother before they
got to know who she really is. After returning back
home from moving out of town, brother and I mended
our relationship, and parents wanted to get to know my
wife but had a bad impression of her. Parents did

(24:38):
not do anything to my wife. They just wanted to
get a know her. They asked her questions. English was
not their first language, so it came off as offensive
and interrogating like to my wife.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
Ah, I don't think that's because of the language barrier,
my guy. I think this cuzar and her lack of
understanding of her her a bad the control on her motions. Yeah,
she stinks.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yep, stinks like wife who yep and poetry. Wife got pissed,
never wanted to see my parents again and didn't for
at least two years. Our relationship carried on. I ignored
and respected her wishes to not be around my family.
Six months before our marriage in twenty ten, a wife
started to come around to family events. I was happy,
thought she changed. All I wanted, by the way, was

(25:23):
for her to just get along with my folks, and
it appeared she was getting along with everyone.

Speaker 3 (25:29):
I married her. Big mistake. Yep, yep, okay.

Speaker 2 (25:33):
A week after marriage May twenty ten, wife fought with parents,
got mad that I defended parents' actions and did not
support her. In my eyes, I felt that my wife
should not have walked off and stormed off on my
parents when they were talking to her. I also told
my parents that they should have been more constructive in
what they said to my wife, but I could not
say this in front of my wife, because it is
great disrespect in our culture to reprimand adults in front

(25:55):
of a spouse. I told wife she had to apologize
or make things right with my parents or we would
not be together. One month later, a wife apologizes to
my parents but tells them I'm sorry. I really don't
know what I'm apologizing for, so she didn't apologize.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yeah, she's like, I said the word apologize. She said, yeah,
the word apology was in my sentence. Yeah, I think
we're good. The criteria was met, everything's fine.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
Parents got mad, felt that that was not a real apology. Rightly,
so and wife stormed out of my parents again for
the second time. Wife and I fight over this because
I felt that she again disrespected my parents. I told Wife,
parents should not have said this to you, and you
should not have walked out. I felt, deep down in
my heart and still do today that both parties did

(26:40):
something wrong and did not communicate right. Wife says it's
my fault for not bridging the cap properly and communicating
with both parties. Fast forward to June twenty eleven. Wife
calls my parents without me knowing, about a year after
the initial blow up. Goes with me to my parents'
house and apologizes again. Apology was accepted. Since then, wife
has been gradually coming to family events, but still rarer

(27:02):
than what is normal. Parents are totally cool with my wife.
They bought her gifts, took her to dinner, and tried
to socialize with her. Parents are not mad at my
wife and don't have any issues with her ever since
the real apology back in twenty eleven. Ever since then,
I thought we dropped the whole thing and finally put
it behind us. But it became more and more clear
that my wife was resenting me for the real apology

(27:24):
she made to my family. We would be fighting about
what to eat for dinner, and she would somehow navigate
the argument to my relatives and how she did this
and that for me and I couldn't do jack. Around
October we had another monstrous fight. This was when I
posted the last one. I ended up apologizing to her.
I came to understand that I should not have forced
her to apologize against her will, and that I was

(27:45):
not supportive as a husband when she fought with my family.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
Oh you understandings, no, stop understanding those things up. I
wanted to find oping give him a big old hug up.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Thinking back, Okay, I probably could have done some things differently,
so I tried to be the bigger person and gave
in again. I bought her a bouquet of long stem
roses and wrote an apology letter and attached it to
the roses. She threw my roses in the dumpster and
tore up my apology letter without reading it.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
First. Okay, I forgave her for that. Stop forgiving her.
Don't do that.

Speaker 5 (28:27):
That's not a forgivable thing.

Speaker 3 (28:29):
No, He's like, yeah, it's okay. We got over it
because I forgave her. She didn't apologize, of course. Yeah no,
and she just.

Speaker 4 (28:36):
Woke with your brainstorm me like, what do I have
to do to get this guy to actually hate me?

Speaker 3 (28:40):
Yeah? Yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Wife says, none of those apologies are genuine because I
keep breaking our promises.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
HA said, to let that out really quick. Don't mind me.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
Now that we know what the spark was that caused
the fire, I spoke to my bro who openly admitted
saying bad things about my wife to my parents, but
he also said he was Imma, that's sure.

Speaker 3 (29:00):
At that time. Being twenty one, wife.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Tells me I cannot blame her for how she acted
towards me, the mean and demeaning comments, cussing, anger, resentment,
all that. She states that she was merely reacting after
a situation that snowballed inside of her over the years
and finally blew up. She says, it was my fault.
Of course, it's O peace fault for not being supportive
and not owning up to the whole thing as my fault,

(29:23):
me and my family as the cause of all of
our pain and suffering.

Speaker 3 (29:26):
I feel that while what I did.

Speaker 2 (29:28):
Was wrong, that is to force her to get along
with my family, I made a mistake, which I expressed
to her time and time and again. I should not
have done it. Why it feels that since she carried
her part of the deal and I have not kept
my promise to take her crap, I am the one
who is ahempocrite and the one who is younger. I
feel that wife is bitter and not wanting to forgive
and forget. I told my wife several times that it's
my fault for the cause.

Speaker 3 (29:49):
Of all of this. Stop.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
But I also told her that she should not have
treated me with zero respect or as a doormat. She says,
while she knows that was wrong of her. She cannot
be blamed for treating me that way because it was
nearly a human reaction to something she did not start
or cause, or an any faulton.

Speaker 3 (30:05):
She's perfect.

Speaker 5 (30:06):
I'm gonna do crimes.

Speaker 3 (30:07):
I'm gonna turn to a life of crime now because
of this woman. I'm turning to life of crime. Me
and my little axel Omos, We're gonna do crime together. Bye, guys,
I'm gonna do crime now. Bye.

Speaker 4 (30:20):
Wow, very justified crash out. Look, it's like, I don't know.
This is a great disclaimer for like or not disclaimer?

Speaker 3 (30:33):
What is it?

Speaker 6 (30:33):
Now?

Speaker 5 (30:33):
That's a p s A for like just having like
self respect.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
Yeah, this is if.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
This guy had just even just a little bit of like, hey,
like I actually deserve.

Speaker 5 (30:46):
More than this.

Speaker 7 (30:47):
Sure, sure he'd be able to you know, yeah, but
this woman properly.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
Yeah No, but this woman she keeps. It's that's what
they do, though, That's what they do. They again with
the emotion that they know, you can they can tell
when people are are starting to pull away and then
they go, oh, it's perfect, especially especially since he's like
she's not only telling him that like everything that you know,

(31:16):
she has a problem with is his fault. She's also
telling him that everything that he has a problem with
is also his fault because she wouldn't be acting that
way if he acted this way. And it's like, well,
well we'll shut up. Would he just shut your freaking
mouth that? Yeah, and then no one's got a problem
with anything. Yeah, because you don't want to leave somewhere
if you think that you're the problem, because you wouldn't

(31:36):
leave because you're mad. But you can't be mad if
you think you're the problem. So exactly, that's the cycle.
Any final thoughts, My final thoughts are as follows. Yes,
it's a very concise final thought.

Speaker 5 (31:52):
I just love that you screamed and then Sophia yawned
right to that.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
That's my final thought.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
My final thought is get out of this situation, leave
her behind, Do not talk to word because she is
a manipulative gaslighting.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
Exactly, we accept the love that we think we deserve.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
He's been told that he exactly has made all these mistakes,
and now he thinks that he deserves us.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
Yeah, and it's yeah, ugh, so now you know the
whole story.

Speaker 2 (32:25):
This pretty much sums it up in a nutshell. I'm
trying to write only the facts because a part of
me feels that I should do better in terms of
handling her and my family, although my family is nothing
against her.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
At the moment, she.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
Made me feel guilty for the past and did quite
well at it too. I've been telling her the past,
it's the past and we should move on, but she
says she cannot forgive me until I genuinely accept all
responsibility and act genuinely sorry for everything.

Speaker 7 (32:49):
You can't, not until you say I'm the Queen of
France and you really mean it, Not until you.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
Not until then, exactly. Comment one, Why do you ask
for advice and then ignore all of it? Comment to, Oh, man,
you're not gonna fix this.

Speaker 3 (33:06):
You aren't.

Speaker 2 (33:07):
If you keep doing what you're doing, obsessing over every
wrong turn in the course of relationship, you're going to
do your self harm. Keep in mind that you don't
have to hate her or yourself or make a decision
about who was at fault.

Speaker 3 (33:17):
All that matters is.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
That you two were not healthy for each other. Exactly,
Let's forget about fault. Let's let's remove it from the equation.
You too don't work, That's all that matters. You two
do not work as a couple.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
That is true. It is true, and go to therapy.
That's it.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
You can't be together because you're not good for each other.
It's natural for it to be hard to avoid contact
with your someone who has been such a central part
of your life. Don't beat yourself up if you slip.
This is a nasty situation and one that would be
emotionally chaotic and draining for anyone. I hope you reconsider
your decision to keep this from your family. You need support,
and that, folks, is the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
God fine, wow, oh, oh my gosh, I need support
after I read that at.

Speaker 5 (34:04):
The bottom of the downward spiral.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Sam, Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But
here's three of it's bad from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (34:11):
My parents discovered I have a girlfriend. They want us
to break up. They're just jealous. I've been with my
girlfriend for a little over a month. She's the first
girlfriend I've ever had. Prior to her, I had only
kissed one girl. I come from a very religious and
conservative background. We're Christian and my parents are church elders,
and the Word of God is absolute in our household.

(34:33):
Growing up, I wasn't allowed to date girls. If I
had done so and they found out, there would have
been heck to pay. That heck has finally materialized. By
the way. This comes from just another Gunner And if
you want to submit your own stories, go to our
slash Okay storytime sepreddit. So I'm fortunate that I'm away
at university. I'm not even in the same country as them.
I'm from Kenya and I've been studying for my undergraduate

(34:55):
degree in the United Kingdom. I only arrived a couple
of months ago, and my girlfriend is f Norway. We
stay in the same dorm. I'm very shy and introverted,
and when I arrived initially I kept myself. She is
like the total opposite of me, very confident and extroverted.
She would drag me out of my room when I
tended to isolate myself, forcing me to interact with other

(35:16):
people and to explore. One thing led to another and
we started dating. Yeah. I loved this. I loved this.
You these the last few weeks have been in the
best of my life. Honestly, I've never been so happy.
My girlfriend is beyond amazing. Like I wrote, I come
from a very strict and religious background and upbringing that

(35:37):
didn't allow dating or spices sleep before marriage. I lost
my virginity with my girlfriend. Initially, with my faith, it
was difficult to reconcile with, but I realized I couldn't
live in my parents' shadow forever, and I am now
content and at peace with it. However, it's not so simple.
My parents found out about my relationship before coming here.
They were clear that dating was off limits, that it

(35:59):
was some thing I should do only when I graduate.
They found out about my girlfriend and me because of Facebook.
I was tagged in a photograph by a friend and
we were kissing. The pick went onto my timeline and
someone from my church back home saw it. That person
told my parents and it was game over. My dad
called me in a rage. What made the picture worse

(36:22):
was that it was taken in a bar. I don't drink,
but that night my girlfriend and I, along with a
few friends, went to a bar. They were drinking and
I wasn't. But the table we were sitting at was
filled with booze, and because of that, my parents also
thought I was drinking. Oh man, I caught so much
check They have demanded that I end the relationship. They

(36:44):
made me feel like the devil. They wouldn't even let
me explain or get a word in. They said, if
I don't end it, and if I don't stop drinking,
they will turn their backs on me. It's like, well,
I've got great news for you. It's never drinking in
the first place. So there are some comments coming. Number
one says like if for you you are eighteen and
not living under their roof, just because they demanded something

(37:04):
doesn't mean that you have to do it. Dating is
normal at eighteen, and if you want to do it,
so be it. Live your life how you want, especially
abroad at UNI. You ain't getting this time back. Opi responds,
The thing is they are paying for my education. Yeah,
that's a tricky bit, and that is something that they
are using as leverage. Someone responds, if they are threatening
you financially, it is likely a bluff More than anything.

(37:27):
What they desire is control. If they stop paying for college,
what else would they have left to threaten you with?
What has happened in the past when you disobeyed? Then
Opie says, I have an older sister and she said
the same thing. They're bluffing. My parents value education a lot,
and growing up as a kid, I was always pushed
hard to do well in school. My sister told me

(37:47):
that there is no way they would stop me from
doing my degree as for what they have done in
the past when I disobeyed, shouted at me and reprimanded me.
But these were minor things. The disobeying, as someone else responds,
this is that's why you need to get in touch
with your dean or an admin of a financial affairs
whatever it's called. Explain to them that you are in
a harmful situation with your parents and need to start

(38:09):
transitioning to independent financial aid. Explain the situation, your upbringing,
and the fact that they will pull your financial aid
if you don't follow their ridiculous rules and you just
cannot live with you anymore. Go from there. Make sure
that they know it's not just a typical helicopter parent
situation either. If those are even typical, Comment number two says,

(38:29):
just lie to them. They aren't your friends and they
don't respect you. Lie and get what they should have
given you unconditionally. Then set boundaries and gradually decrease contact
until you are comfortable. People like this don't change easily.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
I'm like not gonna lie. Yeah, you try to talk
to them. You did that already, didn't.

Speaker 3 (38:48):
Work, right. It sucks that Like the picture is literally
of them kissing though it's not like I think you
just go in.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
They say you better break out whether there are roused okay, Like, okay,
I'm doing yeah, honestly, all right, I'll do it.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
I'll break up, yes, sir, and then tell all your
friends like you, guys, you can't post anything about me,
can't post anything at all. Are there settings on Facebook
to like not have other people's posts about you on
your pH I think there are it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
I wonder if you can make sure like so people
don't tag you on things or something.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
Honestly, I think for now that's the way to go.
You'll grow up and then they'll be fine with it.
I guess we do have an update. So, my parents
recently gave me an ultimatum break up with my girlfriend
or face them turning their backs on me, prompting me
to drop out of university. There we go and then
just lie. They are very conservative and religious Christians, and
they said that I should only date when I'm done

(39:39):
with school. Growing up, I wasn't allowed to date at all.
Prior to my first girlfriend, I had only kissed one girl.
My parents have always been very strict and unrelenting and
what they think is right and what they think is wrong.
Spice to sleep before marriage for them is an absolute
no new I come from Kenya, but I'm studying for
MYBA in England. My parents found out that I had
a girlfriend. Dude Facebook. Yeah, I learned from that mistake

(40:02):
big time, and they flipped. Initially, my plan was just
to lie to them. They are thousands of miles away
and with me being much more savvy with Facebook privacy settings,
in the aftermath of what happened, the chances of them
finding out that I was still with my girl were
slim exactly. That sounds great, but there is However, that
didn't come to pass because I got very pissed off.

(40:22):
I want my dad demanded of me. He required physical
proof that the relationship was over. Do you want me
to send her a locket of her hair? How do
you get physical proof? Crying face? Yeah, like we're done.
I could just broke up with her. Yeah, a picture
of you both crying or like a video of you guys,
like of you telling her and like a secret video

(40:45):
she's on a boat. She's going bye, but yeah, broke
up with her. She's moving.

Speaker 4 (40:51):
Just a bad photoshop of her on a boat and
you like with like the modified like face edit that
gives you the big overdone like frownie face.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
Over the week weekend, he called and demanded that my
girlfriend should record a video of herself saying it was over.
This is so funny. I am a shy, reserved person
who has always been obedient to my parents. But for
the first time in my life, I stood up for myself.
I've never spoken back to my parents before, but on
that day I did. I told my dad that he
wasn't living in the same universe as everyone else, and

(41:20):
that there's no way that I would humiliate and degrade
my girlfriend in such a manner. Honestly, good point. That's
like so awkward to for the dad to ask off
the girlfriend. Dude, I could do it. Get some fake
tears going, I'm breaking out with you. It seems like
an easy video to record and then just be like
hah and then just kiss afterwards.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
From like a principal standpoint, I understand for sure, for sure,
like if we're all adults here, you're asking another adult, like, hey,
you have to record that you are breaking up?

Speaker 3 (41:46):
Like that's weird as heck. Yeah. I would be like,
do I want to be with you? I don't know,
but so it's good that O. He's like, no, yeah,
I won't do it exactly. Good on you. Op. He says,
that's such a propose was insane. He then started screaming
and shouting at me characteristically, so I got the line.
He tried calling again. I answered, and he continued chouting.

(42:10):
I told him I wouldn't talk to him until he
started acting in a civil manner. I hung up again
and didn't respond to his calls. He then sent me
a string of angry messages saying that he will stop
paying for my tuition and that I'm not his son anymore.
My mom called me a few hours later, and she
imitated my dad's angry rhetoric. But I calmed her down
and we spoke. I told her that I absolutely love

(42:32):
her and my dad and that I'm grateful for everything
that they've done for me in life. But I stressed
the fact that I'm eighteen, I'm a man living in
a completely new country, absorbing a completely new culture, and
making my own way in life and that I'm old
enough to have a girlfriend. I told her, my girlfriend
makes me happier than I've ever been, and that she
got me out of isolating myself in my room during

(42:54):
those few weeks when I was too shy to meet
new people and make new friends. She continued to object
and will into the extreme justification of her reservation's pregnancy.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
And that's why we teach kids safe practices exactly so
that there is no pregnancy right, going so far as
to asking whether we had slept together. I told her that, respectfully,
none of her business. After that, she just hung up
on me. I didn't hear from my parents until yesterday.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
It was my mom. She said that she and my
dad will continue paying for my tuition nice, but that
they are very disappointed in me and they regret setting
me off to Europe to study, that it was better
for me to go to a Kenyan Uni. How would
I live with your disappointment? No, happily. She added that
they raised me to be a better man and that

(43:41):
the path I'm going down isn't right and there is
a little bit more to the story, but I think
we're at a great point. I agree.

Speaker 2 (43:48):
I mean, yeah, I understand why that commenter said lie,
but he found out that, you know, they probably weren't
going to cut off his funding. Yeah, and then was like,
you know what, No, I'm not gonna let them boss
me around.

Speaker 3 (43:59):
This is my life life.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
You know, there are certain things that you gotta acquiesce
to your parents because they's still financial or you know,
you're still financially dependent, or you live at home or
et cetera.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
Et cetera.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
Right, and Opie's like, you know what, this is not
one of them. I'm my own man, I live in
my own place. I'm not even in the same country.
But there is a little bit more to this story.

Speaker 3 (44:20):
I was planning to go to Kenya for the Christmas break,
but with the way things are, I don't think I will.
My older sister lives in Seattle, and she said that
I'm welcome to stay with her over a Christmas break,
but that will probably be too expensive of a proposition
for me. My girlfriend is Norwegian, and she said that
she would love it if I spend Christmas with her
and her family back in Norway. Her parents would be
cool with it. Norway is a much more realistic destination

(44:41):
for me. It's much closer than the States and thus
much cheaper. And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Lovely, lovely, we'd love to see it. Good on you, Opie,
good on you. My parents disown me now my sick
mother wants to rekindle our relationship. I don't know if
that's possible. My parents to so own me last year.
It's been a little over a year now. This isn't
the first time. They also dis owned me two years
ago for a few months. They came back to talk

(45:09):
to me, and at first it seemed like things were
smoothed over, but of course they weren't. By the way,
this comes from both repeat three eight one seven and
if you want to smit your own stories, go to
the rs slash Okay, storytime separate it so a bit
about them. My father mistreated my mother for most of
my life. She was always in his shadow and we
lived in fear, but that was considered okay because we

(45:31):
had enough money. We went on vacations and at everything
material we needed besides the physical stuff. I wasn't fully
aware of how deep the psychological scars were until I
met my long term boyfriend. And also I think trigger
warning for mentions of being with him helped me realize
just how problematic my parents' behavior towards me was. Daily control,

(45:51):
constant belittling, treating me like I was twelve when I
was actually twenty. For the first time, I started standing
up for myself and behaving like an adult. At first,
things were fine between them and my boyfriend, but that
changed over time. My boyfriend and I went through rough patches, arguments,
and even breakups, but we worked through them together. The
first big issue arose when my boyfriend moved in with

(46:13):
me in the city where we lived. This didn't align
with my father's standards, meaning we didn't ask for his
permission in person at his house, though we did call him.
My boyfriend took over paying rent so that my parents
wouldn't have any control over me, as I was still
a student at the time. Later, we decided to leave
the house and move to a rural area where my
boyfriend inherited a house that needed work. We wanted to

(46:36):
fix it up and make it our home. That's when
my parents disowned me again. But stop disowning your children. Yeah,
you don't deserve your children if you keep disowning them.

Speaker 5 (46:46):
Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice. Still,
shame on you, stop disowning your children.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
Eventually they came back and after a lot of back
and forth, we reconciled. But after some time they started
another cycle of manipulation, insulting where I lived, mocking me,
saying I'd be stuck taking care of livestock and become
a dumb country girl despite my education. They called me worthless,
said my boyfriend had me under his control, was probably

(47:13):
hurting me, and so on. During this, my boyfriend and
I had a huge argument and I decided to leave
the house. There was a lot of yelling, but no violence.
My parents came to get me and I moved back
in with them.

Speaker 3 (47:25):
They were overjoyed.

Speaker 2 (47:26):
Everything was fine for a while until my boyfriend reached
out to my father, trying to explain that he was
the one who suggested I leave because our living conditions
weren't ideal. We had no heating, no bathroom.

Speaker 3 (47:40):
Et cetera.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
My father refused to listen and got even angrier, saying
my boyfriend had no right to call him. My boyfriend
then called me and I went to see him. I
wanted to bring him home so we could all talk properly.
But my father said my boyfriend could only kiss his
feet before getting punted out. He told me I had
two choices, walk out the door and never return, or

(48:03):
stay and block my boyfriend completely. I panicked how to
break down and block my boyfriend, who had been waiting
outside for me For a month, we had no contact.
I moved in with my sister in a bigger town
near where my boyfriend lived. One day, he came to
her place just to hand me a letter and see
me one last time. That's when I unblocked him and
we started talking occasionally. After a while, I realized I

(48:27):
wanted to try again with him. When I told my parents,
they said they would disown me again.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
You don't get three. It's too many, too many. One
is too many, two is too many. This is a
lot of paperwork, such a big like punishment thrown out
will and illy.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
Yeah, you gotta expect to hit a little easier the
third time, right, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
At the third time, you're like, well, they'll come back.

Speaker 5 (48:49):
So this is like we're gonna go get some ice
cream and then everything's fine, right.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
Yeah, we know the stats.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
They claimed he would beat me, throw me out like
a dog, that I'd end up homeless and they start
cursing me. I stayed silent. Then I realized, why do
they think they can forbid a twenty three year old
woman from seeing or reconciling with her partner because you
allow them to And that's not like, get your fault.
The only power that they have is what you give

(49:15):
them true wise words. It was insane. Meanwhile, they either
treated me like a princess or a servant. One moment
they'd say, you don't have to cook, You've cooked enough,
And the next they say, why don't you cook, You're
just sitting around. If I didn't cook, it was what
just one meal? If it cooked more, it was that's nothing.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
Leave her alone.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
My sister started spying on me and gave me a
cleaning schedule. What my parents showed up unannounced twice a week.
That's when I fully realized how sick our relationship was,
how it wasn't normal for someone to control the grown
woman's life. What if I wanted to move change jobs,
would they think they had the right to decide for me? Yeah,

(49:58):
just like my old childhood, where I lived in their shadow,
afraid to even breathe differently for fear of the reaction,
so I told them I was getting back together with him.
Their response, you'll only answer this house again in a
coffin or a stretcher.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
Oh my god, that's psychotic. Your parents are crazy.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
They called me a substance user, mentally ill, cursed everything
they ever gave me, and told me their doors were
closed forever or until like next year.

Speaker 3 (50:28):
Knowing them when they've owned you again, when they're on again.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
Parents, Even if my boyfriend, oh my goodness, hurt me
or threw me out in the street, I simply said, okay, can.

Speaker 5 (50:38):
We point out the logical gap there? They're like, if
you a boyfriend makes you cease to exist, we're still
not taking you back.

Speaker 7 (50:47):
It's like you're a little too late at that point. Guys, Yeah,
I reckon you wouldn't take me back.

Speaker 4 (50:54):
So now it's just like okay, fourth or fifth time,
you just gotta like be like, oh, I like, okay,
I believe you. I guess I'll have nothing to do
with you. Then from now on, treat.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Your parents like the okay storytime public livestream timer.

Speaker 5 (51:09):
Treat it like it's not real.

Speaker 2 (51:11):
Within days, I moved out completely. They threatened everyone not
to talk to me. They pestered. My grandparents checked their phones,
monitored their messages, and yelled at them. My aunts eventually
reached out, and when I saw my mother at a
family wedding, I nodded at her, but she ignored me completely.
And my sister also cut off contact because I told
her I wouldn't call her to avoid her being pestered,

(51:33):
but that I'd always answer if she called. Once I
missed her call, and she never called me again. Your
sister is very much in that, like she's in the
trenches of your parents kind of manipulation. Yeah, I mean,
is she's spying for them. She's pretty far gone. My
grandparents secretly came to see me, but later my father
found out because he has people in the village watching me.

(51:55):
In the village, dude, this is nineteen eighty four.

Speaker 5 (51:58):
No, no, no high key. This village being dropped in
there makes so much sense.

Speaker 3 (52:02):
This is the thought, please, dude.

Speaker 4 (52:03):
This is like a small community of tight knit people,
and that's why these parents are like ah, this.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
Is where like a disappointment means something and disownment is devastating. Now,
the twist my mom is she had her uterus removed
and she's recovering. My grandparents are pushing for us to reconcile,
and they accidentally gave her my.

Speaker 3 (52:25):
New phone number. They didn't accellently do anything. They did
that on purpose. They just whoops, Oh no, I slipped
and typed it in your phone. Oh no.

Speaker 2 (52:37):
My parents are now claiming they have had no issue
with my boyfriend anymore. I understand why my grandparents want peace,
but I can't erase everything that was said to me
or the year I spent completely alone. During this time,
my boyfriend and I have struggled with rising costs and inflation,
but we made her twice and that's fine. Still, every
time I think of my parents, I feel nothing but anger.

(53:00):
A few days ago, my mother messaged me, I think
enough time has passed and it would be nice to
meet and talk. I've been home resting, so why not
if you feel the same, You know.

Speaker 4 (53:09):
Mom, just absolutely insane that these people are conflating disowning
their kid with like we're just gonna like have some space. Yeah,
not at all the same thing.

Speaker 3 (53:22):
Nope.

Speaker 2 (53:23):
And the thing is that like it's like it's not
even like in their circles, disomen means nothing, like it's
just a word probably if they're in I mean, like
I'm again, I'm just kind of guessing here. But they
mentioned village. It seems like they have a pretty tight
network of people. Disomen is probably a big deal, yeah,
I bet, And yet they're using it like it's nothing.

(53:45):
I replied, I heard what happened. I hope you recover soon.
If you want to talk, we can, But I don't
see where the conversation would lead. Time alone won't erase
everything that was said to me without a good reason.
She answered, it wasn't right on either side. If you
want to talk, let me know. That response infuriated me.
I haven't replied in ten days. I never insulted them

(54:09):
or responded to any of their words, but they trashed
my name and disrespected me entirely. I thought that was
the end of it, but today she messaged again, asking
to meet in a nearby town. My boyfriend says I
should go, since it can't get worse. I'm considering it
just to put an end to their constant calls and
messages and to hear what they have to say. But

(54:30):
the idea makes me deeply uncomfortable and anxious. I avoid conflict,
and I don't know how to handle it. I'm afraid
they'll manipulate me again and I'll end up back in
the same cycle. Before we finish off this story, do
any final thoughts.

Speaker 3 (54:43):
It's the kind of thing that like you really have
to just kind of let it go over your head.
Can't let it affect you too hard. I mean, way
way easier said than done. But it's like, you know,
try to distance yourself. You probably should be in therapy
if you're not already. Just focus on yourself, focus on
the things that make you happy, in what you want
for your future, and just you can understand why they're

(55:05):
saying these crazy things, not forgiving them, but just be
like that's just their own issue, has nothing to do
with me.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
And these people are never going to be in the
right because they you know.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
But we got a little bit onto this story. What
do you think.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
I know this is a lot and you don't have
the full picture here, but please help me gain some perspective.
Everyone around me just says, do what you think is right,
or ask me if I could live with never seeing
them again if something happens to them. But I don't
even know how to deal with what's happening now. Let
alone hypothetical futures. I feel lost and overwhelmed. It seems

(55:39):
so unfair that everyone expects me to make the effort
to visit, to talk to lower my pride, when in
the end I was the only one it was hurt.
Comment one says, say you'll go, but leave a letter
addressed to them with whatever you want to say. Go
no contact, Quit answering them. They're probably trying to get
you to come back and play made or nurse now. Yeah, yeah,

(56:00):
she's recovering from, you know, having.

Speaker 3 (56:03):
To get rid of her uterus.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
Opie says, from what I hear, they are all one big,
happy family helping my poor mother get better.

Speaker 3 (56:10):
They don't need me.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
I live nowhere near them, and I neither have the
money nor the willingness to help her. I've been no contact.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
For over a year.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
This is the first time they reached out to me,
aside from my grandparents. Common two says, do you really
trust them? They already lured you back in once and
look how that went. What do you think you might
get out of seeing them? Opie says, No, I don't
trust them at all. That's why I'm feeling scared, because
I fear that they can still have power over me.

Speaker 3 (56:36):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
Maybe if I do see her and stay no contact,
I will feel easier if something happens to her down
the line. I do not want to be a bad
person who holds grudges, but I can't help feeling furious
that she even thought it was okay to message me
without even an apology. Reply says sounds like you already
know your answer.

Speaker 4 (56:53):
You know.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
The thing is, I think a lot of people are like, oh,
you know, when someone's sick or ill, you know you
need to go and like let them apologize. You need
to let them see you because they don't have a
lot of time. And sure, there are scenarios where you know,
that's you being the bigger person and stuff. This isn't
a moment where she's like on her you know, like

(57:13):
last day, right and saying like I would love to like,
please come, I want to apologize for everything I've done.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
Like, that's not what's happening here.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
Yeah, she's got no self awareness, noop, but uh, I'm
aware that this is the end of the story.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories.

Speaker 5 (57:31):
But here's a quick three minute break from as for
more sponsors.

Speaker 3 (57:34):
My parents disapprove of my relationship with my boyfriend. It
made me miserable. Disown your parents. There you go. Treg warning,
there are mentions of self harm in this story.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
And I also looked ahead. It's very brief mentions and
it does not go in depth.

Speaker 3 (57:48):
So this all started because my parents don't approve of
my boyfriend. As backstory, Me now twenty one female and
my boyfriend twenty three male, got together when we were
fifteen and seventeen, respectively. We are each other first love
and had been together for five and a half years.
By the way, this comes from Flower Coffee and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
our slash Okay storytime stepread it. So, during my childhood

(58:09):
and teenage years, my dad always said to not date
or marry anyone Middle Eastern, Central Asian or Indian because
the cultural differences would be too big for context. I
am Chinese Indigenous Malaysian, all right, starting off strong here. Coincidentally,
my boyfriend is Uzbek, so Central Asian. Yes. I didn't
listen at the time, though, I always thought that they

(58:30):
were being too strict, just discriminatory. And my boyfriend brought
out parts of me that I never knew existed. For
even more context, I was brought up in a really
strict household, and my dad's temper is super short. He
goes from laughing one second to suddenly screaming f in
the house, shouting at us, slamming things, accusing Mom of
being sarcastic. It was hard to talk to him openly.

(58:51):
I grew up to be quiet, learned how to walk
on eggshells. I also had difficulty socializing sometimes because I
was bullied a lot in primary school and mom didn't
let me hang out too much, so I was pretty
socially awkward person. I was also pretty unconfident because of
my quietness and introversion, as my classmates would make fun
of me. Dad wasn't helpful either when it came to confidence.

(59:11):
For example, he would laughingly say that I don't have
what it takes to get into Oxford or Cambridge or medicine,
but it's worth a shot. I wanted to do psychology
and he said that I was too sensitive. I was
also never encouraged to speak my own opinion, to always
stay neutral, but my boyfriend taught me how to feel
okay in my own skin. With him, I learned how
to be witty and funny, to not be afraid to

(59:32):
speak up my opinion. He said that it was okay
to be quiet. He taught me how to be patient
with my dad, but to also stand my ground. He
encouraged me to do psychology and medicine, even though I
doubted myself. I'm doing a bachelor's in psychology now and
am internally grateful I am doing so. He is patient
and always does his best to make me laugh when
he himself is hurting. He taught me it's okay to

(59:53):
be neutral in some situations, but that it's important to
have my own opinion too, so I can be strong.
He was my ca and gave me so many perspectives
on life, which guided my decisions to allow me to
become the person that I am now, more extroverted, more
confident in my own abilities, more steadfast in my own values,
so that I am not easily swayed by others because
I tell him everything. He always also calls me out

(01:00:16):
when I do something wrong, but does so in a
way so gentle I don't feel fearful to grow and learn.
I am now a third year undergraduate student studying in Australia,
and he is working as a software engineer and as
the director of his own company in Malaysia. We are
also both adults. He is financially independent, I am planning
to go to medical school. We are in a long

(01:00:36):
distance relationship, and yet my parents won't let me see him.
The plan was for him to come to Australia, or
at least for me to visit him as much as
I could whenever I came back for the holidays. But
really I had to fight so much with my parents
to see him. He moved during the bid to a
different city and I always layover at his city whenever
I come back, but they always say not too long

(01:00:58):
of a layover, even even though I tried to negotiate.
How I barely ever see him when he comes to
my city. They barred me from seeing him, saying that
I was acting like a witch. What he flew over
to my city time and time again for me. Whenever
I mentioned his name as well, my mom would say, no,
you guys are just good friends and don't mention his
name in front of dad. So my boyfriend and I thought, okay,

(01:01:20):
how about we meet him so that everyone can relax,
since you know who I'm hanging out with. But they refused.
I understood they were ready, but stopping me from seeing
him and calling me names and made me feel hopeless.
Their criteria is Malaysian and has a degree. He doesn't
have a degree, but he holds a qualification from forty two,
a prestigious free coding school based in France or which

(01:01:41):
has a branch in Malaysia. And while he is in Malaysian,
his whole family is here, and he lived here since
thirteen fourteen years old, and he didn't allow himself to
move anywhere else in case my parents wanted to meet him. Wow,
this is a devoted guy you've got here. He sounds
like a great guy.

Speaker 6 (01:01:58):
Yeah, if parents were telling you that you can't date
like a certain culture or certain you know, like just
right off the bat, you can be like, oh, yeah,
that's just prejudice.

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
It's not something we're gonna hang on to.

Speaker 4 (01:02:12):
And have we ever heard of Romeo and Juliet the
Montagusian acapulates his shadaway shadower.

Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
Exactly, But that's also a story about them being very
young and naive.

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
I'm just social.

Speaker 5 (01:02:25):
Shane Love Conka's cultural boundaries.

Speaker 3 (01:02:28):
That's right. Okay, Well you don't have to take everything
from that story and ably to this one, but I
see the similarities. Finally came the latest holiday, and he
said that he won't come to my city unless my
parents really let me see him. This time reasonable request
because he was nearly stranded alone in my city had
his friend not traveled with him, But instead they didn't

(01:02:49):
let me see him at all. The layover was even
shorter this time, and when I tried to negotiate for
a longer one, my parents just said, we're your parents,
listen to us. Created a lot of tension between me
and my boyfriend of my parents. So something happened in
between the previous portion and the next. But long story short,
I asked my dad what he thought of my boyfriend
to spite my mom telling me not to, and my

(01:03:10):
dad cut off contact with me. WHOA, that's a big jump.
It's disowning.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
It really really sucks to lose your parents or like
you know, lose their relationship or that relationship that they
have with them for very silly reasons. But just know
that you haven't done anything wrong. Yeah, you are in
love with someone who is a good person, not hurting you, not,
you know, being any sort of is supportive, and your parents'

(01:03:39):
story against him because.

Speaker 3 (01:03:40):
Of very prejudiced reasons. It's just ridiculous. Yeah, I was
back in Australia at this point. My mom would call
me and say that it's my fault and that I
should have just listened, and that I wanted to cut
my dad off. It was a cycle of gaslighting. It's
good that you know that though. Yeah, that is good.
When I told my mom that I was self harming,
she sort of laughed and said, I'm not surprised. I

(01:04:00):
read your self harm letters before. We should read them
together someday. Oh my gosh, what, Oh my god. No,
that's insane.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
That's like sick in the head. They're not your yearbook.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
These aren't love letters. This isn't something to just like
read and like hah, yeah, hey, mom, let's look at
the times when I was at my lowest point, literally,
like maybe we can talk about them, but if we're
in therapy at the time, like, oh my goodness. I
was appalled, especially because right after that she gasped me again.
All the tension led to our breakup. He was tired

(01:04:36):
of needing to beg to see me, and he didn't
want to get hurt further. We had plans to marry
each other. His example of how things might get worse was,
imagine your family doesn't come to our wedding. It hurts you,
it hurts me, and it hurts both our families. The
breakup hurts because we were never given a proper chance,
and because I know he's right. Without my parents' support,
there'll be more hurt down the line, especially because he

(01:04:59):
comes from different culture. He says that he doesn't want
me to be left stranded alone if anything happens. He
wants to make sure that my family supports me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:06):
But there don't support you. That's a thing like you.
Guys are operating under the idea that if he you know,
is out of the picture, then your family will support you.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
No, No, they'll find something else that they are upset about. Yeah,
he feels responsible for not only us, but for my
family and his family as well. He says exactly what
my dad always says, family first. He also never cut
me off. He texted me every day, checking in on me,
calling me and my friends to make sure I'm okay.
Even after I said nought to call me because I
was so hurt. It took a while to see why

(01:05:37):
he broke up with me. I thought he just abandoned me.
Eventually I realized that he just wanted me really badly
and didn't want to hurt anyone further. So I flew
out to see him secretly without my parents knowing. Oh wow,
this is romantic. This is literally Romeo and Juliet. We
had one week of bliss before it flew back to Australia,
then back to my city in Malaysia. I've never flown

(01:05:58):
to see him in secret before because we both knew
that if my parents found out, then it would be disastrous.
He always stopped me because he knew the risk of
things falling apart was too high. But I snapped because
my dad didn't want to talk to me anyway, and
I felt so guilty not being able to give my
boyfriend what we both wanted, all this while just each
other's company in person, without needing to feel like we

(01:06:18):
were fighting the entire world to be together. So I
wanted to talk to my dad about it. I wanted
to finally clear the air and get him to see
my perspective. Instead, he compared me to ants who got
pregnant out of wedlock, ants he called parasites to society
because she doesn't work and lives off grandma's money, and
who got caught for being a mistress to an aunt
who he cut off because she made irresponsible mistakes in

(01:06:41):
her marriage decisions. He started to cry and say, it's
easy for you youngsters to live in these dreams. What
about this, old man. I don't want to go live
your dreams. Man, what why are you putting your regrets?

Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
Yeah, I don't know the mistakes of other people on
your daughter.

Speaker 3 (01:06:59):
Yeah, that's insane. He's just holding them back because he
doesn't have a good example like in his own life.
So these aren't dreams. This can be a reality. You're
just not letting it happen. Like this is now your fault.
He said. My boyfriend worked as a coder and hacker
in some IT shop and that was basically the lowest
of low. He said, my boyfriend has a work pass

(01:07:20):
and that it could get canceled at any time. I
tried to clear things up with my dad about who
my boyfriend really was, because he said, these are based
on what you told me. He misunderstood everything I told him,
but he only said, I don't want to talk about
him anymore. Please, you're crazy, girl, what you're doing. He's like,
I just know it based on what you told me.

(01:07:40):
He's doing this and this and this, and then he
he's just like wait, wait, wait, and you're like, no,
I'm too distraught to talk about it. I don't even
want to talk about him anymore. Stop it. You're the
drama man. You're the drama. Am I the villain? Am
I'm the drama? Yes you are. I never even got
the chance to say that my boyfriend's death is one

(01:08:00):
of the top men in Patronis Malaysia. My dad thinks
that I fell for a guy with no future prospects. Furthermore,
my boyfriend isn't some hacker, and he is an expatriate.
Funny how he says hacker when my cousin is also
a software engineer. Plus, he says, AI will replace his
job anyway. Probably it's a possibility, but that's not a

(01:08:21):
reason not to like pursue him.

Speaker 2 (01:08:24):
You know what, I thought I'd be the last in
the line of AI replacing jobs.

Speaker 3 (01:08:29):
Apparently AI's placed an actress too.

Speaker 4 (01:08:31):
Nah, not in a real cool way. It's a whack way.
People won't care about AI actors because there's no allure,
there's no mistique, there's.

Speaker 5 (01:08:39):
No humanity, there's none of this.

Speaker 3 (01:08:41):
He says that I live comfortably and that I shouldn't
ask for more. He said that I caused suffering for
the past two months because we weren't speaking. You're literally
the one that win no contact. What do you mean, oh,
P caused the suffering? That's on you, my guy. He
said he nearly had a heart attack when I spoke
to him about my boyfriend, and that he is going
to pass away.

Speaker 2 (01:09:00):
What you gotta get that checked out, brother, If you're
having a heart attack from that, you gotta get that
checked out.

Speaker 3 (01:09:05):
Yeah, he said. If I still want my boyfriend and
refuse to cut off contact, then my dad threatened to
cut me off. Now. He said that because of my aunts,
so many other family members were still suffering. But I
never messed around. I never said I wanted to run
off to marry him. I was just trying to do
the right thing by getting them to know him. I
am not going to throw away my degree for a man,

(01:09:27):
especially not the man who encouraged me and gave me
the bravery to do the degree in the first place,
and he would never let me do that. I even
offered to move back to Malaysia to do my medical degree,
but my boyfriend said that he didn't want me to
give up my dream of living in Australia. So in
the end I never got a say and my dad
threatened to cut me off and we are still broken up.
My boyfriend, technically, my eggs and I have agreed on

(01:09:51):
a checkpoint later in the year to see where we
both end up geographically, to allow time for the both
of us to ease from the tension see how my
parents react then. But it's a lot of waiting, and
based on how my parents are, I don't see much
hope for us anymore. I feel like I'm being selfish
by choosing my own happiness. Another reason when my dad
is so against my ex is because my dad doesn't
want more trouble. He said I was heading down the

(01:10:14):
root of all my aunts, that my problems were unwanted,
and that my dad is the only one keeping the
family together. Half of my relatives rely on him financially,
and that he doesn't want another problem in his head.
This guy he's forgetting about emotions in humans. He's thinking
that everyone has to like work as a robot. He's
thinking of everyone as a problem that he has to solve,

(01:10:35):
which is not the case. He and Mom also married
because they both did it for a family, not love
for each other. So very different perspectives going on here.
Mom comes from a respectable family and Dad had the
character and build to make sure Mom's respectable family, which
was crumbling because of the above mentioned ants, wouldn't collapse.
My sister also had lupus. So they don't want me

(01:10:56):
moving far away, and neither do I want to move
far away, but they think that I will be brought
away to Zbekistan forever. And there is a little bit
more into the story, which do we have any final
thoughts before we wrap this up?

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
The trouble here is again we have this like culture
or person who would live in a culture where family
is very important clearly, and you know, not disappointing your
family members the main goal for the life. But you
know you have to also take into consideration what makes
you happy. We don't have very long on this little rock.

(01:11:29):
And if you're gonna let your parents kind of tell
you or who you're allowed to date and love, You're
just gonna be spending your whole life catering to all
of their demands and that's just tough.

Speaker 3 (01:11:40):
Yeah, we've got a little bit more to this story.
I don't know. Am I being selfish or am I
just begging for a sminge of a chance for us
to work out. I'm not saying it will be easy,
but the chemistry my ex and I have is something
we both know a lot of people fight an entire
lifetime just to find We get each other on such
a level, I find and it amazing that we were

(01:12:01):
able to find each other. I just wish I had
greater space to breathe, to be given a proper chance
for us to work rather than have a relationship built
on tiny moments my parents barely allowed because they are
too cautious. And that's the end of that story.

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My wife DECIDED to “test” me… it sent our marriage in a downward spiral! | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My wife DECIDED to “test” me… it sent our marriage in a downward spiral! | Reddit Stories