My wife is FURIOUS I’m not dating anyone else… after I agreed to open marriage! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og
Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories
coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute
break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
My wife is furious. I'm not dating anyone else after
I agree to an open marriage.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Now you're just looking for a reason to be mad.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
My wife and I have been together for thirteen years
and married for ten. We have a seven year old
ADHD son who needs a lot of adult supervision. My
wife came out as by and non monogamous last year.
I agreed to open up the marriage so she could
explore that side of her. By the way, this comes
from deleted and if you want to smit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. I'm Sophia,

(00:39):
I'm mad, and we're here to give good advice. Goofy,
but we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we'd do, So let us know what you would
do in the comments and Op says I wasn't thrilled
about it, but one it meant a lot to her. Two,
sometimes you just gotta do crap you don't want. And
three I have a bunch of blood pressure related issues
that are making it hard for me to keep up

(01:00):
in that area. She has an online boyfriend she's hooked
up with a few times, and she's also gone on
a couple of dates with different women. I am technically
allowed to date other people as well, in the same
sense that a vegetarian is allowed to eat steak tartar.
I have zero interest, and even if I were interested,
between work and our son, I flat out don't have time. Lately.

(01:24):
My wife has told me she feels like I'm guilt
tripping her and martyring myself by not taking advantage of
the open part of our open relationship. When I tell
her I'm not interested, she gets angry and says I'm
being unfair and hurts her feelings by not participating. Twice
now she's threatened to break up with her boyfriend, and
at this point I honestly couldn't care less if she did,

(01:46):
and I know she won't. I am not a patient
man by default, and what little patience I have is
all but gone here. She already gets to f other
people and come back to our home, and that's not
good enough for her anymore. I've been thinking about threatening divorce,
but I don't want to make threats in general, and
especially not until I'm one hundred percent committed to following through.

(02:09):
And I'm not there yet. We are in couples therapy.
Our therapist is useless on this issue. She just makes
us automatically denigrate ourselves by saying the story I'm telling
myself is whenever we talk about our feelings. One time
she charged us four hunchred dollars for a podcast recommendation. Yikes.
My wife loves this therapist and does not want to switch.

(02:31):
I have been asking around for some perspectives on this.
Consensus seems to be a combination of maybe she feels
guilty and you are a liar and an idiot. Any advice,
please and edit. I did not get screamed at for
saying I consented on my bingo card. I'll just say
that upfront. Relevan common says the internet had plenty to say.
In response, a non Commoner says, you know your relationship

(02:56):
better than anyone here, and it's clear you've already put
a lot of thought and effort into navigating this. From
the way you describe things, it sounds like there's some
frustration and resentment building up, and that can make conversations harder.
As your wife shared what's underneath her wish for you
to explore more? Is it about wanting you to feel
balanced or is it more about how she imagines fairness?

(03:17):
And have you two tried exploring together whether that means
deepening intimacy just between you or finding safe ways to
experiment as a couple before branching out. I don't envy
the spot you're in. It sounds draining, especially while managing
the demands of parenting and health. Opening a relationship is
complicated even when things are solid, and it often amplifies

(03:40):
existing tensions rather than smoothing them out. I hope you
both find a way to realign, whether that means leaning
into the open marriage with more togetherness or focusing back
on strengthening your foundation, op says, As your wife shared
what's underneath her wish for you to explore more? Is
it about wanting to feel balance or is it more
how she imagines fairness? Opie responds and says she says

(04:04):
it's because she thinks me not sleeping around is me
actively guilt tripping her for sleeping around. My guess is
she doesn't want to be seen as the only one
doing it if and when other people find out. Another
commenter says, wow, that sucks, Sorry you're going through it.
Why does she say she feels like you're guilt tripping her?
Is there something else besides you just not feeling like

(04:26):
dating right now? You can tell her you might date
someone later, and you reserve the right to maybe you'll
meet someone and have feels for them. Who knows. But
it's strange that she gets to have her hairm and
is pissed rather than concerned or apathetic that you're not
doing anything for yourself in this area. What is her
explanation for feeling like you guilt trip her? Is it
all just protection, is it all just projection, or do

(04:49):
you think there might be a path to putting that
whole part to rest. She is getting to have her
cake and eat it too. There should be incentive there
for her to make a peaceful truce so the two
of you can focus on your ughder together instead of
this toxic dynamic. I think you're going to hear a
lot of feedback like your relationship styles are incompatible break up,

(05:09):
But it sounds more to me like your partner is
having a real crisis and needs to find a healthy
way to process everything. I hope you guys find a
way forward, but also I would say that you should
drop out of the sessions with that therapist. Couple's therapy
can only do so much, and the couple needs to
at least agree on the therapist. I think you'll both
do better with individual therapy, particularly if you make improving

(05:32):
communication and understanding of each other one of your goals
in individual therapy. To work out within yourselves and try
to bring back to the relationship. Op responds, so far,
she seems to think it's self obvious and that if
I were happy about her doing it, I'd obviously be
doing it myself. And the first time I made the
mistake of telling her I wasn't happy with that, she

(05:53):
threatened to break up with her boyfriend. There should be
incentive there for her too to make a peaceful truce.
Opie says, I agree. It would be nice if she
could learn to take the win for once. Steelman Fallacy says,
get another therapist, one that has E and m experience.
Good idea. Opie responds, this one does. Steel Man Fallacy says,
that is unexpected. What is your therapist, saying if they

(06:15):
are useless on this issue, it usually means either they
don't have an m experience or they're telling you something
you don't want to hear. Opie says she charged four
hundred dollars for a podcast recommendation and told us to
preface everything we say about our feelings with the story
I'm telling myself is she also thinks I'll enjoy sleeping

(06:35):
around when I start doing it. Oh that, Yeah, you
need a new therapist because you don't have to want
to sleep with other people. You never said you wanted
an open relationship. I don't think this is working.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
Hey, Siri, play toxicity by a system of a down.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah, I don't think this is I don't think this
is working.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
No, there's an update, but yeah, there's so much on
the wife's side that, oh yeah, not working. And I
don't know if OP is doing anything to encourage it
or to push the wife away. We only get in
the one side, but at least from this one side,
it's it's not healthy.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Good for either of them.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
I think if they break up, then wife he can
go have what she wants to having to feel guilt tripped,
and op he can focus on themselves.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah. I mean they also have a kid, which may this.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
Is not a healthier environments fighting. If they're guilt tripping
each other, then that kid is going to grow up
seeing these two people who hate each other. They're going
to have an unhealthy image of relationships. Whereas if they
split and both parents are happy.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
And then she can pursue what she wants exactly, she can.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
Okay, there are different ways in the world that relationships
can work. Not one size fits all, as long as
it's safe and safe and healthy and happy.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Yeah, it's just really difficult when you go into a
relationship and then later on have that realization of right, right,
I have different desires.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
And that's a problem with our society is that it
projects relationships and marriages like you have to be successful
and happy after the first one.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
Yeah, but like just to.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
Trace the history back, A lot of it is just
historical for like owning land and inheritance and stuff.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, there's no, you don't have to stand this. No,
there is an update. It's been too long and there
are officially too many responses for me to reply to
them all, So I'm making a new thread. It's been
this long. In part because shortly after I said I
wouldn't debate the fact that I consented to this anymore,
someone reported me to the admins and got me suspended,
So congratulations to who ever did that for a twist

(08:37):
I didn't see coming. Anyway. We've had some couples therapy
sessions in the meantime, and I brought up yet again
that I'm fine with her having her boyfriend and dating
other women. I just don't want to sleep around with
anyone else right now. Didn't work. They both think I'm
just a dumb, boring a hole. The next session, I
tried an analogy of someone bringing you a bowl of
ice cream that you asked for even though they don't

(09:00):
don't want any ice cream themselves. Actual response from the therapist,
I just don't see why you wouldn't have your own
bowl of ice cream. That's kind of a downer. So
no progress there. To address other general themes and categories
of comments because there are too many to respond to
them all. Take some time for yourself and or do
something with your friends. This one popped up a lot,

(09:21):
and I can see the reasoning behind it. The problem
is twofold one. My wife doesn't want me to take
time for myself or spend time with my friends. She
specifically wants me to date and other people too that
time and those friends don't exist. We lost three people
at my job and I took over two of their workloads.
My kid requires constant hovering and goating just to get

(09:43):
his homework done and to make sure he hasn't add
another pooper p accident. The neurons just aren't firing for
him to be aware of all that. My friend group
is all lost to normal friend erosion, A couple early
a couple early passings, having an autistic kid who does
doesn't like to leave the house or play well with others,
and us moving across the country, and again my wife

(10:05):
doesn't want me to take time to meet with them.
She wants me to f other people. Why can't your
wife spend more time with the kid, Opie says, based
on what I've seen the few times I've been out
of town for worker funerals. For all that my wife
has going for, she's really really bad at solo parenting.
She doesn't cook, so anything the two of them would
be eating is either raw fruit and veg something I

(10:28):
cooked before and left her to reheat and she stopped
liking leftovers, so that's a non starter or fast food.
She doesn't clean or do laundry, so unless I've done
a thorough cleaning and laundry frenzy immediately before leaving, they'll
be wearing filthy rags and there will be flies and
spoiled food in the kitchen, the living room. Leever, nothing
she dates other people, that's it.

Speaker 3 (10:48):
But who wants to date her with that?

Speaker 5 (10:50):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (10:51):
Literally? Lever? I'm sorry. She doesn't clean, she doesn't do laundry,
she doesn't cook, she doesn't know how to care for
your child. Bye, you're not co parenting. There's literally no.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
Reason one parent and one large child and one small child.

Speaker 4 (11:09):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
If she doesn't like his teacher, she won't make him
do homework. She has trouble remembering to give him his meds,
literally leave her, so his behavior issues flare up at school.
She's also way more willing to just let him skip
school than I am, so I always have to play
catch up whenever I get back. My family lives too
far away to pick up the slack for her, and
her family is flighty and unreliable. And what do you

(11:32):
want out of this? I want her to stop badgering
me to date other people. That's literally it. Oh pee,
you are aiming.

Speaker 4 (11:39):
Too low, Opie.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
You deserve much more than just don't have to date
other people.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
Oh Pee, she's doing nothing. Yeah, I think that you
are grossly underestimating the problems in your relationship. Nothing she's
actively taking. I want her to be satisfied with the
wind she already got. Someone says, you need to find
a new there therapist, and she needs to get her
own therapist, and you need your own therapist too, Opie says,

(12:05):
in an ideal world, sure, but we don't have the
budget to triple our therapy costs. And I don't have
the ability to dip out of work in the middle
of the day once or twice a week for even
more forty five minute chunks of time for even more therapy.
And someone says, just close the relationship. Opie says, If
I thought that would solve anything, I would, But it wouldn't.
She would just be even angrier at me, or she'd

(12:28):
just cheat or both. Why did you agree to this
if you don't want it, Opie says, I guarantee everyone
here has agreed to do something they didn't want to
do because a friend or partner asked, I guarantee nobody
here has gotten one hundred percent of what they wanted
one hundred percent of the time. Sometimes you do, in fact,
have to compromise and give in.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
I feel like wife has pretty much gotten everything. She's
she's gotten everything except for her her husband to go
sleep around.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
She literally she got to sleep around with other people.
She got to not help with the kid, not learn
how to cook, clean, laundry anything. You've gotten nothing for her.
Your girl says, she's by, but she have to do.
She came out as buy and non monogamous. Those are
two different things. That's it. Not expecting much of anything here.
Theree is a little bit left to this story. But

(13:18):
do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 3 (13:20):
Something is up with op that they don't want to leave. Yeah,
because they're already doing all of the work already with
the kids.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
There's literally nothing good about this villa being intimate.

Speaker 3 (13:33):
Clearly because he said, I already said they're not he
can't because there's medication, and two said for that, and three,
I mean she's looking for it with other people. There's
clearly no emotional support because the whole problem with this
is that it's emotional attacks and abuse from the wife.
So there's no friendship, there's no intimacy, there's no dual childcare.

Speaker 4 (13:55):
Is it money?

Speaker 3 (13:56):
Does Opie's wife come from money? And that's what they're
using to support the child?

Speaker 2 (14:01):
I don't know if she has a job. It doesn't
even seem like she Well, she must have a she
must have a job. She must be doing something, some
accounting a kid. Yeah, maybe she's a professional speed dater
or something.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
I don't know. Um, but there's nothing here for op Nope,
break up, divorce. You're taking care of the kid anyway,
So what really.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
Is going Yeah, there's nothing. Nothing's gonna change. You don't
need her help. Divorce comments deleted wrote do your wife
and therapists know that it's much harder to find females
who will date an e in m mann op says
her point has been one it's depressing that I haven't
even tried. Two that she's certain I will be happier
when I do it, not if when Jay Bird says,

(14:45):
they're acting like you can just run down to the
coffee shop and pick up a date that'll agree to
spicy sleep with you. Dating is hard work for married
E and M dudes, even when they're enthusiastic about doing it.
This is totally unfair and unrealistic expectations. Does your couple's
therapist have an actual experience doing non monogamy themselves? At it?

(15:06):
As a married E and M woman. If I went
on a date with a man and any whiff of
the scenario came to light, I run for the hills.
OHP responds about the therapist, I'm not about to ask
her for her dating history, but she advertises as an
E and M poly friendly therapist and has good reviews.
Ghost P wrote, this doesn't sound like a very fulfilling

(15:27):
marriage in general. Have you considered a separation? OHP responds yes,
and I'm not there yet. Dang Crimson says, it sounds
like you are a solo parent already with a controlling
roommate for a wife. Your whole point, too, is full
of red flags. She can't feed your kid, or do
any cleaning, or keep up with his meds or a

(15:48):
firm boundaries around school. She sounds less like a parent
and more like a put upon older sibling. Whether or
not you're E INM, having personal time to yourself to
do things is a no brain or friends take all
the conversation about he in and out, and I'm having
a hard time seeing how this is a healthy partnership
where you evenly divide up tasks and have the time
to enjoy things that make you happy. Your wife needs

(16:11):
to ask herself why she is so against you taking
personal time to do hobbies or connect with your friends.
But that's work she needs to do in therapy. This
whole trying to strong arm you into effing people is
really bearing the lead on some severely underlying problems. And
OP responds, your wife needs to ask herself why she's

(16:31):
so against you taking personal time to do hobbies or
connect with your friends. When I said she doesn't want
me to take time off or spend time with friends,
I didn't mean to suggest that she's against the idea
of me having friends to taking personal time. Sorry for
any confusion this may have caused. What I meant to
say was that she will not take How about I
just go on a walk? Or what if I renewed

(16:52):
my gym membership and started doing that again? Or would
it be okay if I took a long weekend to
fly back home and see my friends instead? As a
compromise to me dating other people. That would all have
to be in addition to sell. Wilde says, your wife
is acting in a very weird and controlling manner. Honestly,

(17:12):
what would happen if you put your foot down and
drew some boundaries, stop attending couple's therapy, stop engaging in
conversations with her. When she tries to insist you date others?
What would she do? And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (17:25):
My wife wants to move across the country for a
lower paying job.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
That seems like a bad idea.

Speaker 5 (17:31):
My wife was recently offered a job across the country
which requires relocation, but also we'll have frequent travel obligations.
My wife feels this would be a huge plus to
her career, but issue is we have two children and
my practice is here. By the way, this comes from
career v Family And if you want to submit your

(17:52):
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.
I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
do in the comments, and Opie says what she will
earn is not even half of what I currently make.
She is currently not working, so I told her if

(18:12):
she wants to take the job, she would have to
help with child care expenses, which would likely include a
nanny because I sometimes work nutty hours, depending if I
have a mandated hospital shift. She feels this is unfair
because she would have to cover her own living expenses
and paying for childcare on top of that would leave
her with very little. This job is not even providing

(18:36):
a relocation bonus. She suggested, we move, but everything we
know is here, our children have their friends here, and
transferring my medical license is not all that simple. Her
final suggestion is she takes the kids, I stay here
and cover the cost of childcare expenses, because she claims
childcare and cost of living is cheaper, just not cheap

(18:57):
enough for her potential salary to sustain sane me being
a stay at home parent. I want to support her,
but her suggestions seem half baked to me. Any advice, please,
am I The A hole has no consensus bought. OPI
received the majority not the a holes, along with a
few others, and we have some relevant comments. Comment to one,

(19:20):
not the A hole. I would understand if you were
a stay at home dad, that would be reasonable. I
didn't really get. Are you completely against her going to
work or just this one specifically? If this one, then
you are completely justified, especially considering that there are kids involved.
Ripping them away from their friends is rude and unnecessary.

(19:43):
Opie says, I am not against her working at all,
just not in favor of moving to a different state
and ope on the long term prospects of staying locally
for his wife in what she wants to do not great.
She can leverage her engineering degree to work at a
civil engineering firm doing consulting, but she did that prior

(20:05):
and she hated it. Her current offer actually would have
her working on infrastructure and work on something with meaning.
She is a female engineer and sick of working in consulting.
She wants to do something that matters. But it is
a big boys club here, which is a factor as
to why she became a stay at home mom. Comment
or two says, not the a hole. This seems like

(20:27):
a really strange situation for a married couple with children
to be in. On the face of it, your wife
thinking her taking this job is a viable option? Is crazy.
It clearly doesn't make sense in all of the ways
that mattered logistically, financially, emotionally. The fact that she suggests,
the fact that she suggested she take the kids and

(20:47):
you stay, is very, very strange. So it makes me
wonder what else is going on. Are you happily married.
Has she been a stay at home mom for a while.
Maybe she's worried about not being able to get back
into the workforce and thinks she has to take any
opportunity she gets. Have you sat down as a couple
to discuss her getting a job and what that will

(21:10):
look like for your family, what's important? Et cetera. Are
you willing for your career to take the back seat
for a while so she can re establish herself in
her career, et cetera, et cetera. Lack of communication seems
to be the issue here, but also maybe deeper rooted
problems in your marriage. A downloaded commenter says, as a

(21:31):
medical doctor, he could get a new job easily. He
doesn't say this there is more than one side here.
An opie responds, it actually is not that simple to
just go practice in a completely different state where we
would move to is not part of imlc's which is
Interstate Medical Licensure Compact. Also, I cannot just up and

(21:52):
leave my patients like that. Commentar III says, what is
it about this specific job that has her willing to
leave you on the other side of the country while
she and the kids start a new life. Does she
know somebody at this job or have connections in the
area that you know of? Seems fishy to me, OPI
responds from what she has told me, she was tapped

(22:13):
for this position by her old professor and mentor from college.
This is op on if he has his own practice
or works for someone else. I have my own practice
and also work and teach at our state Learning Hospital,
director of Multiple Sclerosis Center, and director Neurology Residency program.
I specialize in MS. I am sure many would understand,

(22:37):
but many of them would be disappointed, and it would
take time for me to find someone that is willing
to do this, especially at the rates I take. Not
many here take medicaid. Uh and how old are OPI's children?
They are five and eight and an update three days later.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
Yeah, I think it's not great that she's trying to
mean literally your entire life, right, Uh, for something that's
not even like that great of an opportunity.

Speaker 5 (23:03):
Right, less than half of the salary that you guys
are currently living on.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (23:08):
I wonder too, like the state that they'd be going
to if the cost of living there is just significantly higher.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Or lower, Like yeah, that effect thing. I mean, she
said it was cheaper, but.

Speaker 5 (23:20):
She also said that taking a job like that would.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
Be really good. Yeah, it's like cheaper and you'd be
earning less. So is it just the same, right, or
is it you know, worse better at all? This seems
like a really big decision that Op, he's not on
board for it, So I feel like we shouldn't do it.
We shouldn't split up the family so that she can
pursue this.

Speaker 5 (23:42):
Yeah, not great. I feel like though, there totally could
be that talk of like, well, do you want to
go back to work in this state and then we
can set up childcare so can pursue a career. Yeah,
but yeah, this is exactly it's like, little.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
Let's talk about something that's a little more realistic. Yeah,
and then maybe down the line we can talk about
that have a little but more time. But yeah, that's
not agreed.

Speaker 5 (24:03):
Update three days later A brief update. Since I got
some requests, not much has changed. I spoke with our kids,
and of course they like it where we are.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
They are kids.

Speaker 5 (24:13):
The reason my wife wants to take this job is
because she feels due to the nature of how she
got the offer from her old professor slash mentor, and
that she is also a female engineer, she understands the
weight of her position. My wife is free to do
what she pleases. She does not need my permission, but
by no means can she expect us to just uproot

(24:35):
everything on the drop of a dime. I would never
ask that of her. I did suggest she'd try to
create her own firm here and find like minded individuals
who share a similar experience and create the work environment
she wants. She is concerned she won't be able to
break through that barrier of entry. I told her we

(24:55):
could find a means to funds adventure, but the logistics
of moving do not make sense at this point. I
would need at minimum a year to get my affairs
in order. I am working on research, working on opening
an infusion center near the hospital that would take every insurance.
This is a big one for me, since many of
the infusion centers near US do not take certain insurances

(25:18):
because they pay so little. I am also looking to
possibly expand my MS clinic with more providers who are
willing to do this labor of love for our community.
I cannot just drop all of that. I did tell
my wife I have no intention of stopping her, and
if she wishes to go, that is fine, but I
would not be sustaining two households. If she moves. She

(25:42):
would be responsible for all costs associated with the move.
I will cover our shared expenses and primary residents and
that is all. I will cover everything here and she
would be responsible for her own expenses. I told her
I would probably also lower or get rid of the
credit cards, since I know her she would live off
credit cards if she had to. I will say my

(26:04):
only thing with that, if she does want to pursue it,
I don't think it's wrong to give her some sort
of like set up fund to get there, because if
she has been a stay at home mom, she would
be off come to get you exactly. It would be
like you could be starting at zero.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah, if you want her to do some sort of
startup and stuff, I feel like you could give a
what's the word like investor, like invest in the business.

Speaker 5 (26:27):
Yeah, yeahah. I think that's a fair So if she
chose to move, you can almost like, yeah, invest in
her movie and she could pay you back. That could
be part of the deal. Or if she's starting with
potentially no savings, yeah tricky. I threw out the option
of requesting to work from home. Three out of four
of the weeks she is not traveling, and we can
take it slow. See what the housing market is like,

(26:49):
see what schools look like. Normal stuff you do before moving.
She was not in favor of waiting, since allegedly they
need her answer by October.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
I have no.

Speaker 5 (26:59):
Desire to divorce, but I am a child of divorce
and was raised by my dad. Overall, his outlook on
divorce has always been that there is no point fighting
if the person has already checked out. If my wife
wants out, I will respect that. My wife has only
been a stay at home parent for around five years.
It's a long time if your kids are.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
Five and nine, right, So she's been the stand home
parent for basically one of the second entire life, his
entire life. That's that's a long time.

Speaker 5 (27:27):
She worked when we had our firstborn and well into
the pregnancy of our second, she took maternity leave, and
when that was done, she went back to work. A
few months after her return, she was passed over for
a project in contract she did the legwork to secure,
which led her to quit and stay home with the kids.
Our kids have been in daycare and under grandparents' care.

(27:49):
My mom took two years to help with our firstborn,
her parents took time off for our second. Our second
has been in academic daycare, as she puts it, since
they were three, so it is not like she does
not get breaks or is always with the children alone.
My hours can be chaotic, but I made her well
aware of this when we started dating and progressing. When

(28:11):
we started dating, I was already vested in our community.
My gut tells me she is going to take the job,
and yes, it possibly will lead to divorce. If that
is the case, given how much traveling she will be doing,
I suspect I would be granted primary custody.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
Yeah, I mean, how would she have time to take
care of the kids when she's moving, right, and why
would why would she even take the kids to a
different place.

Speaker 5 (28:34):
Sounds like the kids also don't really want to go,
and I feel like the nine year old could potentially
be old enough that that would be something they'd take
into account too.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yeah, well, I just think like kids don't want to go.
If she goes, she's not going to be able to
care for them, right, So it just doesn't really make sense.

Speaker 5 (28:49):
I would not take child support from her. I have
no desire or need for it. Sorry for the stream
of consciousness, it is slightly disjointed because this is a
frustrating position to be in. I have no desire to
be in this position, but I have other responsibilities. I
cannot just drop without prior notice if it comes to divorce.
That is the way it played out, and you just

(29:11):
roll with it. As my parents told me, I will
tell my kids just because they were no longer together
does not mean either of them loved me any less.
Granted it was not a cross country thing in our case.
My parents lived blocks away from one another. It was
a pretty easy transition on my part, and I hope
we can do the same for our kids if need be.

(29:33):
The deal is far worse than I thought, but it
is a small startup thing with a small team who
won the project since they took a huge cut on
their profits. So pay is actually a lot less than
half of what I make, more like one third of
what I make if.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
That okay, so really not a good.

Speaker 5 (29:52):
Deal thinking about this too, Still not a good deal. Yeah,
but if he is this like crazy doctor with his
own practice and everything, he's probably making a lot.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
That it's probably still a lot. Yeah, but you dope,
So still not it just doesn't. Yeah, it seems like
it's just not financially sound all right, Like there's not
enough of a financial benefit to make this huge life change.

Speaker 5 (30:17):
I can see how she cannot afford to cover any
shared expenses. She probably will barely be able to cover
her own expenses. We will see, but all signs point
to her taking the job, and we will adjust. But
if divorce happens, it happens. That is life. I do
love my wife, but she is her own person with
free will. Yeah, a little bit more some copies.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah, it seems like Opie's very prepared for divorce.

Speaker 5 (30:44):
He was like very quickly on the divorce.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Very quickly. It's like I'm not even yeah, you know,
we talked about it. If she decides yet, but that's
kind of it.

Speaker 5 (30:53):
Yeah, okay, I mean I like having that, like living
across the country for that would be a little bit weird.
It could want if there's almost like, is there a
chance that if she takes the job and could stay
there for like a year, does she have like some
opportunity to transfer back And we're.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Yeah, yeah, I think that there's like if I don't know, like,
let's talk about it a little bit more before we
make these huge descision on both.

Speaker 5 (31:15):
Ends, right for sure, because there be details that could
be worked out where it's like we might be across
the country but only for this specified time.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Yeah, let's figure this out.

Speaker 5 (31:25):
Some comments Commenter one, so she wants to move across
the country to take a job that wouldn't even sustain
her alone. Op says she barely will be able to
sustain herself allegedly just a temporary thing until they established
themselves as a firm and company. First comment or two says,
if she takes the job, just be careful see a

(31:47):
lawyer about protecting assets in case of divorce, because my
guess is she is by herself across the country, no kids.
It's like the old saying, when the cat's away, the
mice will play. Opie says. If it comes to that,
I would not fight it. I will give her half
of what she is entitled to. Probably would also just
buy her out of the house. Also not going to

(32:09):
sweat the little thing. She clearly does not like it here.
She wants more, and that is fine.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
How much?

Speaker 5 (32:15):
Or two says I was thinking more about your business
and retirement. I hope I'm wrong, but also was thinking
of doing it behind your back, not asking for divorce.
Opie says that is a good point. Wasn't thinking about that?
And this is Opie's response to a downvoted comment on
what his wife gave up when he was in medical school.
What has she done to help contribute to the household?

(32:36):
Opie says, we were friends when I was in medical school.
We were not dating. She did not quit her job
until our second child was born, and even that was
after a year or so. Leaving my obligations on such
short notice is not possible and far from professional for
us to move. I would at minimum need a year.
Our kids have been in daycare since they were three,

(32:58):
and we had grandparents for each child. She is not
isolated or anything. Yes, I understand she wants a professional career,
but this job, by all metrics, is a bad deal.
Commentar three says, what are your hours now and what
will they be after you expand your clinic. You said
your hours were already chaotic, so I'm just curious. Opie says.

(33:20):
Outside of my mandated hospital shifts, I am home no
later than seven, so around seven to seven once they
go to sleep. I may respond to patients' messages, review
and update notes from twelve to two once a week.
Sometimes I do work weekends since some of my patients
are working parents, so that is the only time they
can come in. But that is about eight to eleven

(33:43):
am only. I only have a handful of weekend patients.
That is a once a month thing, and there's an edit.
I know it is less than ideal, but I have
my reasons for going this far. My grandfather had MS
and it was rough for him. Commenter four says, I
would reconsider child support when the time comes. Your children

(34:04):
are young. If you take the child support and do
something towards their future investments or such, it could dramatically
change their lives, regardless of how much you earn, save,
et cetera. With young children, it seems like there will
be many challenges that we didn't have to face, and
a bit extra may make an enormous difference in their
lives and futures. Opie says, maybe ego or pride. But

(34:28):
if we divorce over this, I will not request child
support and let her use that money how she sees fit.
Hopefully she would do what is best for our kids.
I don't want to take money from her if we
separate when she claimed she could not afford it. I
would want to limit my interactions with her as much
as I can if she does not pay. I don't
want to have to chase her request hearings if she

(34:49):
does not pay, or deal with her possible adjustments. Thankfully,
I have been saving for our kids from day one.
I will consult my attorney if it does come to it, though,
that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (35:05):
I invited my fiance's strange father to our wedding and
he walked out. We can't have the family reunions out.
A wedding gotta approve beforehand and trigger warning for mentions
of substances. This happened about four months ago. I twenty
six female, have been with my fiance Cody, thirty two male,
or seven years. Our relationship was amazing. We never really argued.

(35:28):
Both had well above average paying jobs and we've been
living together for five years. Cody doesn't speak to his father,
not because of anything his father did, but because when
Cody was a horrible person after his mother's passing, he
was using substances and often fought with his father. By
the way, this comes from Capable Tomorrow twenty one oh four,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia

(35:50):
and I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice goofully,
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
do in the comments. The relationship ended and Cody took
his dad's nineteen seventy one Plymouth Kuda. His dad had
that car for years and it was his pride and joy,
the type that never got driven except to car shows
that he waxed every weekend religiously. Cody took it on

(36:13):
a joy ride while I picked his little sister, ten
female at the time, up from school in it. Then
crashed the car. Oh gosh, the car was totaled and
his sister was seriously injured in the acts.

Speaker 4 (36:26):
Oh no, she.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
Survived, but required extensive physical therapy and will have lasting
effects from her injuries. She and Cody occasionally speak, but
the relationship is superficial. His father, James, never forgave him.
He immediately cut Cody off when he was sent to
juvenile detention for three years and hasn't spoken to him since.
According to his sister, James never wanted to hear anything

(36:48):
about him. Cody would talk about how he wished he
had his dad, or if he'd see father son scenes
in movies, he'd get a sad look and make small
references to his own relationship. I know he deeply regrets
what he did and loves his father, but he has
a lot of pride and says he won't reach out
because he doesn't want to apologize for something so long
ago just to get his dad back. He thinks his
father should want to come back because he's his son.

(37:11):
After we got engaged, I decided I'd try to reach
out to James. I found him on Facebook and explained
that while Cody wasn't willing to apologize yet, he missed
his father and wanted a relationship with him. James didn't
hesitate and said he would love to attend the wedding.
All of my excitement for our wedding became about my
gift to him his father. But when the wedding came,
as soon as Cody spoke to James, who told him

(37:32):
I'd invited me, Cody looked at me with a cold,
flat face. He didn't look happy, he had no emotion,
and then he literally walked out on our wedding. I
was hysterical and I'm about to cry right now just
typing this. I was left to deal with all the guests,
the venues, everything. He never came back. After three weeks
of silence from him, I reached out to his sister,
who set up a time for us to speak. He

(37:53):
called me and said he didn't want to see my face.
He yelled at me for going behind his back to
do something like that. How he had told me he
wasn't ready to apologize, and that whatever apology I promised
his father, he would never get ultimately further ruining his relationship.
When I explained that James didn't expect anything that, I
made it clear he didn't want to apologize, but James

(38:14):
didn't care. He went silent. I talked for another five minutes,
pleading with him to see my intentions were good and
I never gave anybody false expectations before he just hung
up on me. It's been three months since that day
and I've been living in weird limbo. All of his
things are still here. He hasn't picked up clothes or anything.
I started therapy but haven't felt any progression. But two
days James reached out to ask when would be a

(38:35):
good time to pick up Cody's things. I asked him
if Cody had asked him to, and he said yes.
I asked if they were speaking, and again he said yes.
He thanked me for reuniting them and explained how Cody
reached out three months ago after my conversation with him,
and their relationship is on the mend. Cody's living with
him and they've been catching up on life. I mean,
this is not your fault. No, this is not your fault.

(38:55):
You clearly did something good.

Speaker 3 (38:57):
Yeah, I feel like this is just a wake up
call to Yeah, a relationship that we just shouldn't have
been in.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah. I asked him why Cody hasn't reached back out
to me if he ended up reconnecting with him, what
was he shutting me out for if he wasn't mad
about his father anymore? And James told me that Cody
was deeply betrayed by my actions by going behind his
back and doing something so personally invasive, and that he
just didn't want to be near me. After realizing what
type of person I can be, I feel like the

(39:23):
entire situation is unfair. I realized I shouldn't have gone
behind his back, but he'd expressed several times how he
wished his father would be at the wedding and how
much he wishes he'd had a relationship with him, And
I never gave his father a false hope for an
apology that Cody wasn't willing to give. Yet I'm the
one who got ghosted and they have a great relationship now.
But James is saying that I'm wrong because I went

(39:45):
behind Cody's back, and that he isn't going to save
me from the consequences of my own actions by convincing
Cody that I did it for him. I'm just at
a loss, so am I wrong for going behind his back?
Regardless of my intentions? I feel like everything worked out,
so I don't understand why I was iced out And
there is an edit really quick. My fiance was constantly
stating how he wished his father was at our wedding,

(40:07):
saying things like is it weird? I hope my dad
will be there, like I feel like I'll probably cry
not having my father at my wedding, and also telling
his sister that he wouldn't mind if she invited him.
He also frequently brought up the subject of his father
anytime the wedding was brought up, saying how he wishes
he wasn't so prideful it's keeping him from inviting Dad.
I didn't just randomly get the idea to do it
at our wedding. He constantly brought it up. And there

(40:27):
is an update. After speaking with my ex's sister, who
encouraged me to make the post, I wanted to clear
some things up. She's the one who prompted me to
write this because I've been hounding her with are you
sure he wasn't out of line, since she was also
involved in the conflict, and she kept reassuring me that
I wasn't. However, in trying to keep my original post shorter,
I left out a lot of information, partly because I
wasn't trying to include things I felt were irrelevant, and

(40:50):
I wasn't trying to have my ex painted as the
bad guy. I just wanted to know if this was
on me clarify some things. My ex's sister cut him
off after his and my conversation in May. Would she
led him to reunite and move in with his father.
She and I regularly speak.

Speaker 5 (41:03):
My ex had a.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
Huge habit of never really asking anybody to do anything,
but hinting extremely heavily. You know, I just noticed what
she's calling him, her ex. Yeah, well, I mean after
three months. Yeah, I'm not surprised. Three months. Yeah, like, man,
steaks sounds so good tonight doesn't stakes sound good? I

(41:28):
wonder if we have some steak until said thing was
offered to him or done for him. It's how he's
always been. I don't remember him ever directly asking me
to do things. It was just known when he wanted
something by his guidance, which is what he did for
the wedding. Oh, I would love if my dad was there,
love if someone could invite my dad. I think I
would cry if my dad wasn't there exactly. And then

(41:50):
suddenly when he is, and he doesn't know how to
handle his own emotions, he's like, oh, it's your fault,
everyone else's fault. I have to be mad at you.
Now I have to run away. Yeah. When we got engaged,
he literally hinted four months at how he wanted his
father there and how upset he would be if he
didn't magically show up. When the car incident happened, James
had to file a police report and press charges against

(42:11):
Cody in order for his insurance claim to be paid out.
So Cody was charged. My ex never apologized to his
sister or father for the events that transpired. He blamed
them both for taking three years of his life Hugh
and said he'd apologize when they did, which they never
did obviously, why would they. Wow, it's shocking to me
that James is so welcoming. Yeah. When I mean yeah,

(42:33):
I mean like when Op said, like, oh, he when
he was a terrible person, he did this thing right again,
it seems like he never grew from that incidt. My
ex lost his well paying job back in January after
he got a d Y and they let him go.
He has not been working since. I have been supporting us.
My ex repeatedly made comments about how he leave the
wedding to go get wasted if his father wasn't there,

(42:53):
and how his wedding wouldn't be real without his only
living parent there. Update two. I arranged for James to
come pick up Cody's things around noon when I'd be
able to leave for a half day from where Cody
ended up coming with him and asked if we could
talk where he said he was willing to forgive me
on the basis that I rebuild and earn his trust back.
This included allowing him to download an app that allows

(43:16):
him to see everything I do on my phone throughout
the day. I have to be lenient with him and
finding a job because I put him through a lot
of trauma in the past few months and he needs
to heal. I would also need to allow him to
restart our relationship in which were only on the talking stages,
and allow it to progress from there. If it does so,
he wants to go cheat on you yeah, he's allowed
to talk to other people during this period. He's moving

(43:36):
back in, but he'll be taking the guest room. His
father said nothing to any of this, just sat on
the couch and listened with a blank face. When I
told Cody that I was not interested in working things out,
he kept asking me to repeat myself, before blowing up
about how I could hurt him so deeply and then
not be willing to work it out. I apologized for
hurting him, but told him that he had went on

(43:57):
about inviting his father for months, to the point that
I've heard punishment if I didn't invite him. He said
his sister could have. However, she doesn't want to do
anything for him, and she said she'd never invite someone
to someone else's wedding, hence why I felt I had to.
He says he wasn't mad that I invited his father.
He was mad that a spectacle wasn't made of the event,
which I asked him to elaborate, and he said he

(44:18):
thought I'd do like a bride reveal where he turns,
but instead of it being mead standing there, it was
his father and a photo shoot. In reality, he just
casually ran into him. During the seating period when everyone
was arriving. He said I had ruined his dream of
the reconnection and betrayed him. I asked them to get
his things and leave because the conversation was just so
baffling to me. James started to pack, but Cody continued

(44:41):
following me around the house, hounding me about why I
didn't want to work on things and that I didn't
enjoy our life together. I told him he got the
relationship with his father that he wanted and he triggered
my abandonment issues when he ghosted me in that I'd
drained all my love for him. He stormed out and
James finished packing his things. His sister is at work,
so I haven't debriefed her yet, but this will probably

(45:02):
be the last thing I post about this, and that's
the last part of the start. Yeah. Ope, stay far
away from that guy, because that is a giant red
flag of the relationship. Absolutely.

Speaker 6 (45:13):
My date refused to let me visit their house and
it made me suspicious.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
Oooo, I'm suspicious.

Speaker 6 (45:19):
I twenty two female, have been seeing this guy twenty
three male for five months now. He's one of the kindest,
most handsome, and most intelligent men. I've met and I've
had a great time with him so far. We started
kind of casually since I didn't talk to him about
intentions early on, which I usually do, but it got
consistently more serious. He would bring me food before work.

(45:42):
We started texting and calling more frequently, and the feelings
got stronger overall. By the way, this comes from user
front Astronomer seven five eight one, and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subrendit. I'm Dakota and I'm Savannah.

Speaker 4 (45:58):
And we're here to give good gooofully. But we don't
always have all the answers.

Speaker 6 (46:02):
We just know what we would do in the situation,
So if you would do something different, let us know
in the comments. After about three and a half months,
I asked him what he wanted out of this, because
it was starting to feel like we were just going
to be stuck in a situationship. I told him that
I really liked him, but that if he wasn't wanting
something more serious, I didn't want to keep wasting my
time or his. He told me that he does want

(46:25):
that with me, and that he already considers us together now.
He tells me that he's going to ask me to
be his girlfriend. But for me, I don't know why
he's waiting, and when I asked what would happen if
I asked him, he kind of laughed it off. My
main issue is that he refuses to let me come
to his house or go to his work for lunch.
I can understand the work thing since I used to

(46:45):
work at Amazon, and understand the security issue of it all,
but his house. He's been over to my house a
couple times, and at this point I think I would
have been able to go to his. I've brought this
up to him a few times, and each time he
has a different excuse. The most recent was that.

Speaker 4 (46:59):
He kept the dog he had with his ex.

Speaker 6 (47:02):
According to him, this dog can't leave his room because
it doesn't get along with the other dogs in the house,
and because he keeps that dog in his room, I
can't come over. I'm just getting a weird vibe, especially
since he would rather meet later in the day and
sit in his car than have me at home.

Speaker 4 (47:18):
All of this to say, I'm wondering what to do.

Speaker 6 (47:21):
I mostly wonder if telling him, if you can't take
me to your house, I think we shouldn't keep seeing.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
Each other is worth it, or if I should just go.

Speaker 6 (47:28):
I'd like to make it work with him, because I
really do love him, but I can't get over the
feeling that he's keeping something hidden. Come at one says,
people are jumping into conclusions that he's cheating and you're
the other woman.

Speaker 4 (47:39):
That seems hasty.

Speaker 6 (47:40):
Maybe he has like two hundred piss bottles sitting next
to his desk commet to So in five months, he's
been to your place only twice, and you've never gone
to his place, so you've been alone in private only
two times. This sounds like one of the most chaste
flings imaginable. How long is he gonna keep his ex's dog, since,
according to him, that second dog is the only obstacle
to you getting together at his place? There are as

(48:03):
many red flags in this relationship as there are in
this post itself.

Speaker 4 (48:06):
I'm dubious, but if this post is for.

Speaker 6 (48:09):
Real, then he's lying about something, or is just a weirdo,
or both, and you should scram OHP says yeah, I
know it's a pretty odd situation for sure.

Speaker 4 (48:18):
That's why I put it here.

Speaker 6 (48:20):
I've never posted anything, but I just wanted to make
sure that I wasn't just jumping to conclusions and was
looking for insight, like if anyone's been in a similar
situation or just gaining an unclouded perspective. Definitely gonna talk
to him one more time and if nothing changes, I'll
call it. Reply, says, tell him. You can't be in
a relationship with someone who isn't available. If he ever
reaches a situation where he can invite you over and

(48:41):
you're still single, to contact you, No, just leave him. Yeah,
for God's sakes, people, you could just leave this man
and move on with your life.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
I feel like.

Speaker 7 (48:50):
People, like, especially like women, are like really nice, like
when they first start out, because.

Speaker 5 (48:55):
It's like, woh who he's like me.

Speaker 7 (48:57):
And then it's like, oh my gosh, I need to
be really overcompensating, like to make sure that he knows that,
like I can provide and I can take care of him,
and I can do this, and motherly.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
Instincts, other instincts.

Speaker 4 (49:10):
Yeah, you're you're dating a piss bottle freak.

Speaker 6 (49:12):
He won't let you in his house, but then block
him for a good long while for whatever reason. He
isn't available if he's trying to cheat on a girlfriend
or wife. I'd say never be in contact again. Have
you done a Google search to see who else is
connected to his name and address? WHOA, I feel like
these people are freaks, Oh, he replies, Yes, I have googled,
but he isn't on anything like at all. He's got

(49:35):
a pretty unique name, but literally the only thing I
could find is his address and whose name is on
the house, So just him and his mom. Update I
twenty two female just met up with the guy I've
been seeing.

Speaker 4 (49:45):
Twenty three male.

Speaker 6 (49:46):
Thank you everyone for your recommendations in the original post.
I think it's worth mentioning that he does live with
his mom, and he's been open about that from the start.
I took someone's advice from this last post and looked
him up on Google. It's his name and his mom's
name the house. I brought up the house again and
told him that I wasn't trying to sound accusatory, but
the reasons he's giving me for why I can't come
to his house seem a little off. I asked more

(50:08):
about the dog in his room and why he couldn't
let him run around in his backyard for a little
bit while I came in. He said he doesn't like
the backyard and that the dog would claw his way back.

Speaker 4 (50:17):
Into the house.

Speaker 6 (50:17):
I asked about the other dog that doesn't get along
with the first one, and he said she's aggressive and
he doesn't know how she would handle me. I asked
again why she couldn't just chill in the backyard while
I came in, but he had no answer. He then
told me that he and his mom have had a
series of targeted break ins since he was in high school,
and he doesn't want me going to his house because
he doesn't want something to happen while I'm there. I
can understand that, which you shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
No, what do I understand?

Speaker 4 (50:41):
What?

Speaker 2 (50:41):
What part of it?

Speaker 4 (50:42):
I understand?

Speaker 6 (50:43):
But he had someone living at the house before, so
why was there no concern for her safety?

Speaker 4 (50:48):
He said he doesn't like to be at.

Speaker 6 (50:49):
Home and doesn't want to bring me into an environment
that he himself isn't comfortable in. I asked if his
mom would be a concern. He told me before that
she would love me and is accepting, but I was
trying to get to the bottom of it. He said
she would have to meet me before I just came
over and went to his room. I told him I
was never trying to just go to his room. Even
stopping by and coming in for a second would have
been more than fine. Feel like I'm being kept from

(51:10):
something or that he's hiding something. I asked him he
doesn't see this relationship as serious enough to meet his mom,
which I would understand, but he said no, he loves me,
and maybe I don't feel the same way, but he's
really genuine in his feelings for me.

Speaker 4 (51:22):
There's a little bit.

Speaker 6 (51:22):
More story here, girl, I swear, girl, leave this man.
He is hiding something from you. And if he's willing
to go to this extent to just like blatantly like
lie or like keep something from you, you should not
stay with him because guess what, he's probably lying about
his feelings for you.

Speaker 7 (51:39):
Yeah, that's true. I feel like in this type.

Speaker 4 (51:41):
Of Cuatian ship question mark, Yes.

Speaker 7 (51:44):
Yeah, this, it's like you don't owe him anything. And
if he's being weird, why would you want to like,
you know, and why would you want to stay if
one you're not even you know, like you don't have
to stay with him, right, like you don't.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
There's no like obligation, no, So.

Speaker 7 (51:58):
I just don't understand, like I feel like, you know,
there's just some weird, suspicious red flags and I would
just kind of, you know, be weary. But I mean
I also get it because I will literally like come
up with any excuse, but that's bad, and don't do that.

Speaker 6 (52:12):
Yes from the horse's mouth to not do this. He
asked me to be his girlfriend, and I told him yes,
but I can't be in a relationship with someone who
seems like they have something to hide.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
He said that once the dog is gone, I can
come over, but I don't know.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
I'm not so sure though the dog is gone, who is.

Speaker 4 (52:34):
At his house? Because he has a wife who basement.

Speaker 6 (52:39):
Someone is in that house that he cannot let you see.
I feel bad doubting him after he told me about
the break kids. But still, if someone else lived there before,
why can't I stop by for a couple of minutes.
That's all you're asking for is to just pop in
five minutes, meet his mom, leave, And he's like the burglars, No,

(53:01):
the burglars, you can lers.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
Are coming in. The dogs don't like you, and everything's
gonna blow up.

Speaker 4 (53:06):
It's not safe.

Speaker 6 (53:07):
My dog hates the outdoors and my other dog will
eat you alive, and I'm uncomfortable in the house, and
the burglars will find you.

Speaker 4 (53:14):
This guy's crazy.

Speaker 6 (53:15):
I don't know if I should take this as an
elaborate excuse or have more understanding, because it sounds like
a complicated situation.

Speaker 4 (53:21):
I don't want to brush off his experiences.

Speaker 6 (53:23):
I'll do one more update if I get solid proof
of something, but otherwise I'll.

Speaker 4 (53:27):
Probably end it with him, Thank God good.

Speaker 6 (53:30):
If it's something I can't get over and he won't
let me come over, that's probably the only option.

Speaker 4 (53:34):
And we've got some comments from a male comet one
this is nuts.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (53:39):
I'll okay.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
So it's not just the female brain, it's also the
male brain.

Speaker 6 (53:42):
Is that's also a male This is insanity. Something is
seriously wrong with this situation. His reasons are nonsense, and
his constant excuses are beyond ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
It's true.

Speaker 6 (53:54):
The red flags couldn't be any bigger or redder. Move on,
please for your sake. Comment to says there's definitely something
going on here. You should never have agreed to be
their girlfriend without them showing action and not just words.
It sounds like he's talking about rehoming one of the dogs.
So what's the timeline on that. What's going to happen

(54:15):
if he doesn't live up to that and allowing you
at the house. There could be a lot of things
going on. He could be dating someone else, He could
be a hoarder, he could be lying about a substance
habit and doesn't want you to see the way he lives. Ultimately,
do you really want to be with a partner that
is acting this way? Honestly, since you already agreed to
be their girlfriend, which I think is a bad idea.
I would talk to them about a timeline of when

(54:36):
they're getting the dog rehomed and see if they stick
to that timeline. It shouldn't be a very long timeline,
like a week, for instance. And if the dog is
still there and nothing is changed, break up with them
because they're not going to change. Break up with him anyway,
because this is a giant walking the reddest biggest, reddest flag.
It's the size of the moon if the moon was red, that.

Speaker 4 (54:57):
Is this guy. Get out of here. Is the the
end of that story. Here's johni og Host here. We're
gonna get back to the stories. But here's a quick
three minute break of ass from we're sponsors.

Speaker 7 (55:06):
My girlfriend controls every part of my life just because
I forgot to text her.

Speaker 4 (55:11):
That seems unreasonable.

Speaker 7 (55:13):
My girlfriend forty seven female and I thirty four male,
are in a long distance relationship where she's a couple
hours away from me and can only really come visit
me once a month for a couple days at a time.
We met playing a game and we originally hit it
off and.

Speaker 2 (55:28):
Things were going really well.

Speaker 7 (55:30):
We've been together for almost two years now and spend
literally every day together when we're not at work. By
the way, this comes from you, throw Ara's six one
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to Okay Stories.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
I sub read it.

Speaker 7 (55:46):
My name's Savannah, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give
you some good advice.

Speaker 2 (55:51):
Goofully.

Speaker 4 (55:51):
But we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
We only know what we do, so let us know.

Speaker 4 (55:55):
What you do in the comments.

Speaker 7 (55:56):
Over time, I've started seeing just how controlling and manipulative
she can be. It started when I had an event
for work that caused me to be in another city
about an hour and a half drive from me for
a couple of days. My work paid for a hotel
and travel expenses. But when I told her about that
upcoming event, I immediately noticed her mood chain. She started
acting very guarded and concerned, but wouldn't say what was

(56:20):
eating at hers. She would only respond with I hope
you have fun. After some coaxing, I finally got it
out of her that she was concerned I might go
up there and meet someone else. She's been married twice before,
and apparently both of her previous husbands had claimed they
were going on in business trips and ended up hooking
up with people during that time. So I made the
compromise that instead of staying in the hotel my work

(56:42):
was paying for, I'd drive back home every night and
then back up there in the morning. Since it wasn't
a terribly long drive. She was still guarded, but that
seemed to do the trick to commerce concerns. Over time,
I've just noticed things that stood out to me as odd.
I don't use any social media, but I do have
accounts from when I was younger, such as Facebook and Instagram.

(57:02):
One day, she got super aggressive with me out of
nowhere and became extremely stand offish. After finally getting her
to say more than one word, to me. She told
me she's always had self esteem issues. That day, she
decided to look through literally every inch of my social
media accounts to see what I was following and who
I was friends with, and she instantly felt like she

(57:22):
wasn't meeting my standards because a few of the pages
I followed were of the risque nature. I told her
to make a list of the accounts that bothered her
and I would unfollow them, but assured her that I
don't even use those accounts anymore and I don't even
think about looking at Instagram, though I don't even remember
what I was following on there. She did, and I

(57:43):
deleted them and we moved on. There have been instances
where I've wanted to go out with some coworkers for
dinner or drinks. They've been few and far between, but
I'm newer to the city I now live and work in,
so I don't know anyone here outside of work. I
figured it'd be a good opportunity to make some friends
and get out and socialize. It's only been like two

(58:03):
to three times that I went out with the guys
from work, but every single time she basically interrogates me
about it, asking where I'm going, what I'm going to
be doing, who I'm going with, Are there going to
be any females with us, when I'm going to be home,
et cetera. I answer every one of her questions, but
things still obviously don't sit right with her. It's like
she doesn't want me to have friends or anyone in
my life other than her and my family.

Speaker 6 (58:25):
Yeah, oohoo boo.

Speaker 4 (58:29):
That's the alarm siren going off.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
Brother, that wasn't me getting my tires changed.

Speaker 4 (58:35):
Yeah, that's the five alarm bell.

Speaker 7 (58:37):
Even though she says that she's fine with it, it's plainly
obvious that that's not the case. So I go out
with my coworkers, I have a few drinks and dinner.
I text her throughout the night to give her updates
on what I'm doing and when I'm going to be home,
so that she can be kept in the loop. Jill
even go as far as to ask me to take
a picture of me and my coworkers together as proof.
When I get home, she continues with the interrogation, asking

(58:59):
me for very specific details on everything that I did,
like she's trying to catch me in a lie or something.
She's become extremely controlling over so many aspects of my life,
and I've let her do it. She basically controls what
I do when I get off work or on the weekends,
because pretty much from the moment I get home until bedtime,
we're in discord together playing games or watching a movie. Overnight,

(59:20):
she insists that we stay in discord while we're sleeping
so that she can hear me sleeping if she wakes up.
The latest incident that was finally the straw that broke
the camel's back was this last Friday, I got invited
to go out with some coworkers for drinks. We were
celebrating a couple people's recent promotions at work, so I
told her I was going to be going out with
some coworkers for drinks and I would let her know

(59:42):
when i'd be going home. We went through the same routine,
her grilling me on every minute detail of the plan
et cetera. Now I go out with these guys and
we go to the bar as planned, but we decide
to go to another bar instead of calling a night.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
So I tell her that.

Speaker 7 (59:57):
I'm going to stay out later than I originally planned,
and that I would let her know when I'm home
and whatnot, and she just responds with okay and leaves
it at that. Unfortunately, I ended up having way too
much to drink and had to uber home. When I
got home, it was all I could do to stumble
into my place, and I passed out before I even
hit the bed. I woke up around seven am and

(01:00:19):
realized I never told her I got home. I immediately
texted her and apologized and explain what happened. She immediately
facetimed me and asked me to show her my room.
I'm assuming to make sure I'm telling the truth about
being home and to make sure nobody was with me.
She proceeded to absolutely break down, crying and started telling
me that she didn't sleep at all that night because

(01:00:39):
she started thinking that I.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Was secretly out with another girl.

Speaker 7 (01:00:42):
She started saying things like, you maybe like this.

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
You did this to me.

Speaker 7 (01:00:46):
I hope you had fun and it was worth making
me feel this way, things like that. I get it
that I messed up and I drank too much and
I didn't let her know. That's absolutely on me, but
the way she was saying things made it sound like
I did all of this on purpose to hurt her.
She then proceeded to say stuff along the lines of
you can never do this to me again, I don't

(01:01:07):
want you to go out with your coworkers anymore, to
which I really didn't even have a response. I just
don't know what to do anymore. I'm at my wits end.
She has so many other controlling characteristics that just don't
sit right with me, but I let her do them anyway.
It seems like she's always complaining about someone or something,
whether it be someone at work being an a hole
to her, or her mom, or her kids, or the

(01:01:29):
drivers on the road, she always gotta complain about someone else.
She's always the victim in every situation she's in, and
she never owns up to being the cause of anything
negative in her life. If I'm having a bad day
from work, she's having.

Speaker 4 (01:01:42):
A worse day.

Speaker 7 (01:01:43):
If I have something good happened, such as my recent promotion,
then she had a fight with her mom or something.
I'll try and talk about something good and she insists
on bringing up something negative instead.

Speaker 4 (01:01:52):
Who are you gonna break up with a Please? Please
break up with her now?

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
Break up?

Speaker 4 (01:01:56):
Go ahead, go ahead, break up maybe next time, Like, don't.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
With this for so long?

Speaker 7 (01:02:02):
Yeah, sometimes you have to go through it to learn
it's true.

Speaker 4 (01:02:04):
Now you know, you better know and don't let it
happen again.

Speaker 7 (01:02:07):
I'm a generally pretty positive guy. I like to see
the good in situations, and I don't like to dwell
on something bad that happened, But she insists on only
seeing the bad. Those kinds of things hold permanent residency
in her mind, and she refuses to let things go
even when it doesn't pertain to her. How do I
finally get out of this controlling relationship? I feel like

(01:02:28):
she gaslates me into making her past trauma be my fault,
and she insists on trying to bring my mood down
when all I do is try to be kind and
caring to her.

Speaker 4 (01:02:36):
Okay, buddy, we got some comments coming up.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
Comments commet one end it.

Speaker 7 (01:02:40):
She needs her past issues addressed. She can't do right
by anyone until she does write to herself, Opie. I've
told her that she should talk to a counselor or
a therapist before to address those issues, because I know
that is the best way for her to get over
that past trauma. But it's like it goes in one
ear and out the other, and she refuses to get
professional help. So I've stopped mentioning it because all it

(01:03:01):
does is start a fight. Comment to break up over
phone call or video chat. Don't go see her in person.
Make the conversation short and to the point. It's not
working out between us. We're not compatible. I'm breaking up
with you. Do not contact me again. That's it. No
need to explain why. You'll probably cry, beg you, guilt,
trip you, or threaten to unlive herself. It will be messy,

(01:03:21):
but you will need to stay firm in your decision
and don't fall for her manipulations. Hang up on her
when she starts spirally. Remember you are not responsible for
her emotions or how she's going to react to the breakup.
Put her belongings in a box outside of your home
and text her where they are. Do not meet her
in person, Delete and block her number after that.

Speaker 6 (01:03:39):
I mean, honestly, I don't know if there are any
belongings in his home that's hers.

Speaker 7 (01:03:43):
She might start to stalk you, so protect yourself.

Speaker 4 (01:03:46):
She might she sounds a little.

Speaker 7 (01:03:47):
Change your locks if she has keys to your place,
put up security cameras. Be sure to tell your friends
and family what happens, so that they know to be
on a lookout for her good luck and stay strong.

Speaker 2 (01:03:57):
Oh Pee, thank you.

Speaker 7 (01:03:58):
Yeah, you've hit the nail on the head with feeling
responsible for her emotions. It's felt like that's been the
case for a while now, like if I'm not actively
doing everything I can to make her happy, it's not
good enough for her. It's been so hard trying to
keep up with her mood swings when it comes to that,
because she'll say that I'm not making her feel important
enough when I quite literally spend every moment I'm not
at work with her, and even when I'm at work,

(01:04:20):
she's all but insisted that I call her on my break,
so I don't even get the opportunity to chat with
coworkers during those times. I don't think she'll go to
the lengths of stalking me or threatening anything, but I
fully believe she'll try to guilt trip me and whatnot,
because that seems like her go to whenever things don't
go exactly how she wants them to go. But I'll
definitely take your advice on telling my friends and family

(01:04:41):
about it in case she messages them or something. My
family lives in a completely different stage, so I don't
think they'll have to worry about anything other than a
message or something.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
I'll be honest. I should have ended.

Speaker 7 (01:04:51):
Things a long time ago, but anytime I started to
get that feeling of needing to do so, she ends
up playing the whole wounded bird scenario and play on
my empathy. I end up staying instead because I feel
the need to fix things.

Speaker 2 (01:05:04):
I get it. I'm the same way. O. P.

Speaker 4 (01:05:07):
Yeah, don't don't. Don't do that.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My wife is FURIOUS I’m not dating anyone else… after I agreed to open marriage! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories