My wife is leaving me…for someone she’s only known for 3 months! | Reddit Stories

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My wife is leaving me for someone she's only known
for three months.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
It's a.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Slight preface. My wife and her brother were very close
when young. He got very into booze, went to prison
for ten years, went immediately back into drinking, then passed
away in front of her.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Quite some backstory, by the way. This comes from you
Heiss Scheiss on the Roka storytime subreddit. So my wife
thirty and I thirty three started going to the gym together.
We were loving the results of the fitness. It made
a spicy sleep even better, and we couldn't keep our
hands off each other. We felt as happy and as
close as ever. Three weeks after her brother passed away,

(00:46):
this guy chats her up at the gym and she
immediately clicks with him. I was wary, but I trusted
my wife. She is a sweetheart, and never imagined her
having the ability to have an affair. Last weekend we
had one of the most romantic days and evenings we've
had in a while. This week she decides that she
cannot go on without finding out why she developed such

(01:06):
a quick connection with this guy. We own a house
and three pets, her family and everyone we know are
devastated and blown away, but she is very serious. The
woman I knew last month, last week even has left
the building. This is a living nightmare that I just
want to wake up from.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
I'm betting you they do CrossFit.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Maybe we did couples counseling three times and have one
schedule on Wednesday, but she has completely made up her
mind and seems.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
To have rapidly fell out of love with me.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
My life as I had known it is over. I
just needed to get this all off my chest.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah, go bitch, press.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah this poor dude, like what that is very drastic.
There is an update. I had a kind reditor reach
out to me over the weekend asking how I was
doing regarding the above situation. The original post got a
lot of attention, so I figured I would give an update.
My wife filed for divorce a month after moving out.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Oh my gosh, geez.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
During this time, I did the whole online dating thing,
which was way worse than I could have ever expected.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Why would you do that to yourself?

Speaker 3 (02:13):
That's so quick? Yeah, you need time to grieve.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
Kept myself busy, working out, building my own confidence, hanging
out with friends. In general, it was horrible, but I
was trying to keep my head up. I was in therapy,
didn't drive with my first therapist, found a new one
in December who I liked a lot more and am
still seeing her. Mid December, my wife calls me crying,
asking if she can stay in the guest bedroom because

(02:38):
she has nowhere to go. I say yes, No. Even
though she hurt me so badly, I did still love her.
So things with the guy at the gym turned very toxic,
very fast. I know the word narcissist gets thrown around
a lot these days. This guy, though, it's hard to
believe these subhuman pieces of trash actually exist. So she

(03:00):
stays in the guest bedroom for a week, then goes
and stays at her parents for a month. She had
a nervous breakdown and was able to get a medical
leave of absence from her work.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
Mid January comes around and she.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
Is back at the house, but still in a very
frantic and erratic state, sort of like she was withdrawing
off of hard rugs. Woo. I had no idea about
the addictive nature of toxic relationships. It's a psychological cluster
f She is clear that she is too fed up

(03:31):
in the head to be in a relationship and is
going to work on herself. I give her the time
in space she requested. She goes all in on learning
about the psychology of all this crap in her child work,
how the nervous system reacts and attracts you to toxic
people if you grew up in a toxic household, anxious
and avoidance attachment styles. There's this book called How to
Stay Married where the wife had an affair and it

(03:53):
turns out the root of her issue was her unresolved
childhood trauma. Long story short, same thing happened here. It hurts,
but I can forgive her. She's my best friend and
we are insanely compatible in a lot of ways. She
has really been returning to herself the past month. She's
the happiest I've seen her in at least a year.
And last week we filed the paperwork to dismiss the divorce. Okay,

(04:21):
so we are both in individual counseling and soon to
start couple's therapy. I'm sure a lot of people will
think I'm making a mistake and reconciling, but I am happy.
I do trust her that she now has a knowledge
to not let this happen again, and she is the
drive to become the best person she can be.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
What are your thoughts? Would you take her back?

Speaker 2 (04:39):
I have seen relationships work out after being cheated on.
Opie's ready to do the work. I do not know
the state of mind of Ope's partner ready to do
the work.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well, I mean, it seems like the partner was the
one that started all the work, like all this like
inner child work, reading books.

Speaker 3 (04:55):
Yeah, acknowledging that.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
I think she's doing that to understand herself. I don't
know how she values this relationship though. I think she's
trying to figure out, Okay, why do I get with
this guy? What's going on? Blah blah blah blah. I
know that she said she's not ready for relationship and
she's working on herself. I just I know everyone's going
to probably disagree, but like, I think this could work
out if they're both on the same page. Yeah, I

(05:17):
just don't see anything from the why for right now
that's like on the same page.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
There is an edit.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
I'm reading all the comments and taking everything to heart,
even Slash, especially the ones calling me stupid chump and doramat.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I just
don't have time or desire to respond to so much.
I want things to work out and do trust my
gut that this was a one time thing. I will
post an update and take all of the I told

(05:43):
you so if it comes.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
To that, ooh, suspense. Is it gonna work or is
it not?

Speaker 2 (05:48):
You have an update? Oh my god, please, Oh my gosh.
I don't like this update. I don't like it.

Speaker 3 (05:56):
I'm scared update too.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
My self esteem is a re shattered and I really
don't know what to think. My wife and I were
together for twelve years, and I thought we had a great,
spicy sleep life three to four times a week, felt
very passionate.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
She always talked about how good I was at pleasing her.
She always came.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
She left me for someone she knew ninety days and
they lasted five months. I tried to salvage a relationship
of twelve years. Things were decent, but the passion was gone,
and she was clearly hung up on the fact that
her night and shining armor wasn't who she thought. It
was making me hate myself staying with her, so I

(06:37):
finally left.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
Okay, today, she.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Told me that the main reason we were not able
to rekindle things is that spicy sleep with the other
guy is mind blowing and that she can't be in
a romantic relationship that doesn't have that level of spicy,
sleepable intensity.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
I was not expecting.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Holy cow, that came out of left field.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Holy So she was getting a decent six out of
ten and then.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
She just had experience like I can't go back.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
I cannot live with the six out of ten anymore.
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
Wow. I don't know how I'm supposed to process this.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
Dude, we're mind blown too.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
I'm so mind blown. Like, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
Op, Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
Just remember guy's doesn't matter in comparison.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
Is a thief of joy.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
It's about the motion of the ocean.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Oh wow, yikes.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
I don't even know what to say.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
This is why people wait till marriage. Yeah, so you
don't have anything to compare it to. Not that I
think that's good either, Yeah, but dang, there are some
relevant comments. Different management once said she sounds rather cruel
and kind of stupid. I bet your life is going

(07:55):
to be better off without her in it. Big opinion
says your wife fantasy sized spicy sleep over twelve years
of commitment, memories and building a life with you that's
self absorbed. The fact that she gives you the details
too is really low. She could have just said she
wasn't happy and ended it. Time to find yourself again
and think about what you want.

Speaker 4 (08:17):
You know.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
That is like something that I think.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
About, right, It's like, how, like what do you prioritize
or I think like some people might put spicy sleep
above like or have that as.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Like oh more over compassion.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Yeah, or like over commitment and like stability. Right, it's like, oh,
this person had like passion, but then they're also really toxic,
right versus like your husband has compassion and you is
not toxic. But then maybe it's not as like passionate
in bed. So it's like how do you weigh the two?

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah? I don't think she did not make the right story.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
I don't think so either. Deleted comments from op that's
the truth. I wish i'd accepted that seven months ago.
Our divorce was twelve days away before she dismist. Now
we got to go through it again, love and learn.
I wish that were true. I'm leaving because of her
hitting me below the belt last week. I wanted to reconcile,
try and save what was once a loving and secure relationship.

(09:13):
Her telling me that crap was the final nail in
the coffin, one last kick in the balls to conclude
a year of pain and heartbreak.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
I will be okay though. Yep, yep, got that right.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
Also just started making six figures in a low cost
of living area, Sleigh, in addition to selling a house
that is nearly paid off. Fitness is my main priority
right now. Overall, I'm not too worried. I'm ready to
move on. I just feel stupid, not divorced yet. It's
been a long time coming, but this crap just went
down two weeks ago. Our finances have been separate for

(09:45):
a while. Now She is broke and I have like
one hundred and fifty k in IRA and four to
one saving, so he's thriving.

Speaker 3 (09:53):
Rose up.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
My sister is a lawyer, not a divorce lawyer, but
she says I should do it without a lawyer. I'm
doing the paperwork right now. By the way, these people
are divorcing, but doesn't mean we should. So you should
join us live on YouTube and Facebook every day at
three pm ps T. Tap on our profile soon to
be ex wife isn't mad at me or anything. She

(10:14):
does feel bad and knows she is the pos in
this situation, so she is being civil. We've agreed to
sell the house, split the profit, and that will be
that she will leave my retirement account alone. Appreciate the
advice that is sound wisdom. I hike a lot, hit
the gym five to six days a week, have been
for two years. I'm a novice at guitar and this
seems like a perfect opportunity to get really good. Would

(10:37):
love to be in a band. We'll have to think
about combat sports. I do kickboxing workouts for cardio and
do enjoy these.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Yep, yep, no doubt. Divorce has been filed, all.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
Right, and he has a lot of free time coming up.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
I guess you know he's like hot boy summer now.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, I'm gonna be kickboxing mile of the way.

Speaker 3 (10:56):
That's it.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Yep. And if you love, let's make sure to subscribe
you and see you tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
My ex fiance just broke up with me, and now
he's stalking me because I moved on quickly.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Oh the chase never stops, so I don't know.

Speaker 1 (11:13):
Man Ah twenty eight had been with my fiance Alex
thirty four since twenty twenty. We met at a friend's party,
hit it off, and have slash had been together ever since.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
He finished his doctorate in economics just last year. Since
then he has been working at the UNI. I have
my masters in media sciences and decided to start working
instead of going for a PhD. By the way, this
comes from you Past House two five eight on the
Roka Storytime subreddit. So okay, So the problem is that
Alex broke up with me last Monday. It was literally

(11:47):
so surreal and honestly just weird. For the past few months,
he'd been acting strange. He was making demands and then
dropping them immediately. A few examples, he told me we
were going to paint our walls back from dark green
to white. When I asked why, he just said, for
f's sake, forget it and never brought it up again,
even when I asked.

Speaker 3 (12:08):
Another time.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
He came home and got mad because I was sitting
on the couch with my head covered in a blanket.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
I had cramps.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
He was upset because I was just sitting there watching Netflix.
Mind you, the house was spotless. When I tried to
talk about it. He said, forget it, it's not a
big deal. That kind of thing became common every time
I tried to communicate, tried to figure out what was
going on, whether it was something I did or maybe
he was just stressed at work. He would just say
everything was fine, but he was clearly seething with rage.

(12:37):
I didn't even have to do anything. He would just
find something to complain about the apartment, clothes, me, work.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
Et cetera.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
So I gave him space, which apparently was also wrong.
I told him I was going to help my parents
with repairs for a few days, and somehow that was
also wrong because he wanted to renovate the apartment too.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
Oh my gosh, you can't do anything.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
Yeah, geez.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
Then on Monday, I got a text saying we need
to talk. I knew what was coming, and after the
last few months, I had made peace with it. When
I came home, he was sitting on the couch. He
didn't even wait for me to take off my jacket
before saying I want to break up. Then the verbal
diarrhea started. He told me he resented me first because

(13:21):
I didn't pursue my academic career further. Even though I
was capable and he didn't want to upset me at
the time. Then, when I started making more money, since
he didn't make much as a PhD student, he felt
like I should have the last word financially, and he
hated it. Mind you, I never said anything like it's
my money, so I have the final say. That's a
rule he imposed on himself, and he hated it. He

(13:44):
said he hated our paint scheme, the couch, and even
our effing Kroc pot. Then he told me he had
rejected a better PhD program to stay here because I
had already started my job by the time he got
the acceptance letters. Only he never even told me he
had applied overseas. He said a few months ago, he
checked in with a friend who's in that program, saw

(14:05):
how they were thriving, and decided I ruined his life.
He said I had too much control over his life
and that he hated the idea that I could just
decide not to pay for things and f him over.
I honestly don't even know what that means. He also
said that he hated that all of his friends loved
me and didn't let him vent about me. So clearly
the problem is him. Then he said again, I'm done.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
I was floored.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
I had already made peace with the idea that we
were ending, and it hurt, But after that rant, I
was just disgusted. I looked at him, probably with a
disgusted expression, and said, okay, he lost it. He said,
this is exactly what he meant that it was horrible.
We had been together for four years, and all I
had to say was okay to our breakup. I just
asked if he wanted to stay here while he figured

(14:53):
out where to go. He said, typical, of course, you're
holding the apartment over me and started ranting again.

Speaker 3 (14:59):
So I just left.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
I told my parents, and they're all so confused. My
dad suggested I reach out to our landlord and explain
the situation to see what options I have. I can
keep paying the rent, no problem myself. He covered the
utilities and some subscriptions, just to reiterate, I never had
a problem with this. I saw that he was chasing
his dream and that was more important to me than
a fifty to fifty financial split.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
Being a reasonable woman.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, that's awesome that you did that.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
I make good money and I'm happy at my job.
I never saw it as slaving away. I always had
the mentality that my money was our money because we
were building a life together. Of course I had my
own savings and fun money, but I honestly never cared.
As long as I felt he was working towards something
and wasn't taking advantage of me, I was fine with it.
More than fine. Alex is still mad. He's going between

(15:50):
texting me like a robot about the logistics of the
split to being a seating a whole complaining about everything.
I'm not even hurt anymore. I just feel nauseated by
him at this time point. I don't know should I
have reacted differently. No, at it. Thank you for all
your opinions. It was nice to get this off my
chest lol. Just to clarify though, I don't feel.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
Like a victim, don't see you as one.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
And no, I feel like something happened and my relationship
just turned bad. He behaved like an a hole, but
that is the extent of it. Very clearly something is
going on, but he doesn't want me to be part
of whatever it is, and I have to respect that.
Now I just have to detangle myself legally from him,
and after that I'll just be left alone with my ugly.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
Green wall color.

Speaker 1 (16:32):
I think I might also adopt a cat, as my
ex was really allergic.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
I support that decision. Adopt that cat.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Update one to start. Alex moved out pretty quickly after
the breakup. He has been staying with a friend and
we sorted out everything like male subscriptions and the lease.
I'm also in the process of adopting a cat. Her
name is Luna.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
Oh that's so.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
Cute, but I've been thinking about changing it since my
family already has two pets named Luna, a Moon and Kamar.
She is still at her foster home for now, but
I visited her a few times and I already adore her.
She's a scrappy little tabby who follows her foster mom
around like a shadow, and I can't wait for her
to move in during the first weeks of December. I've
already gotten her bowls, toys, and a bed by the window.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
Ready.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Now onto what happened last week. I was out showing
someone around the city. He is the son of my parents'
friends who recently moved here for work. My parents asked
me to help him get familiar with the area, so
I agreed, I see you, I see you. It was
nothing special, just walking around, grabbing coffee and pointing out
useful spots in the city. Apparently, Alex saus oh yeah,

(17:38):
but he was like I didn't even realize he was there.
But later that night I started getting texts from an
unknown number.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
Oh no, that's weird.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
I guess he got a new number since I blocked
his old one. The texts were just weird. He accused
me of flaunting my new relationship in public, said I
must have been seeing this guy before we broke up,
and told me that everything he suspected about you was true.
I didn't respond. I wasn't going to entertain his paranoia.
The messages kept coming through. They went from angry to desperate,

(18:07):
with him saying things like, at least admit you were
lying to me and was anything about us even real?
It was exhausting and honestly a little scary to see
how quickly he spiraled. For the record, this guy isn't
my boyfriend. He's not even someone I'm interested in. He's
just the son of family friends who needed help settling
into the city. The whole thing was completely innocent, but

(18:28):
Alex has twisted it into some kind of betrayal in
his head. What gets me is how little Alex seems
to know about me. I'm not the type of person
to jump into a relationship so soon after everything that happened.
Even if I were, it wouldn't be any of his business.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
We are done. I've made that clear.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
After I didn't respond to his texts, Alex started calling.
I didn't pick up, but the voicemails were a mix
of angry rants and desperate please. I ended up blocking
his new number two. It feels ridiculous that I have
to keep doing this, but I guess this is where.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
We are now.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Are there any red flags before this? Can this just
happen to someone like that?

Speaker 1 (19:04):
I don't know, man, some people, Yeah, you never know.
Then this weekend I went out to a bar with
my friends.

Speaker 3 (19:10):
A few hours in. Guess who walked in?

Speaker 2 (19:13):
Girl. You gotta check everything you have, check all your clothes,
check your phone. Hey, he's got a track her on.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
He's got an air tag or something. Alex.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
I don't know if it was a coincidence or if
he followed me there, but as soon as he spotted me,
he came straight over. He was clearly upset, asking to talk,
and I told him no. My friend stepped in, and
thankfully he left without causing a scene, but it ruined
my night. It felt like I couldn't escape him, no
matter where I went or what I did. When I
got home later that night, I was completely drained. I

(19:42):
just started to relax when I heard a knock on
my door. It was Alex standing there in tears.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
Call the cops.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
He started crying, saying he missed me, that he didn't
understand why I was doing this to him, and that
he didn't know how to move on. It was like
all all the anger from earlier had been replaced with
this desperate sadness.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
I didn't let him in.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
I told him he needed to leave, and if he didn't,
I would call someone to make him leave. He begged
me to listen, but I just close the door. I
spent the rest of the night feeling shaken and honestly
a little scared. I don't know what he's going through.
I wrote his best friend about the situation, but the
plea of talking to him, he said he would. I'm
seriously considering getting a new phone number and possibly even

(20:26):
talking to someone about how to handle this. Legally if
it keeps happening. It feels unfair that I have to
go to these links just to have some peace. But
I don't see another option. Oh my god, we have
there's another update.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
You restraining order. Of course, at this point, you.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
Do that he keeps like showing up at her doorstep
and like low key like harassing her, then yeah, she
she should update number two. Thanks for the concern and
support I've received.

Speaker 3 (20:51):
I'm fine. Really.

Speaker 1 (20:52):
A lot of people suggested things like getting a restraining order,
but I just want to clarify that it's not as
simple as walking into an office and asking for one.
The process involves proving there's an immediate danger to your safety,
providing evidence like text calls or witnesses, and then attending
court to get approval. It's not something you can do
lightly or without solid proof. And no, I'm obviously not
getting a gun. I've also seen people diagnosing Alex with

(21:15):
various mental health issues, and I want to ask everyone
to stop. Yes, something is clearly wrong, but I'm not
a doctor, and neither of most of you. It's not
fair or helpful to label him with something like bipolar
disorder or anything else without real expertise for what it's worth.
I don't actually feel like I'm in danger. In the
past months, these were the only three incidents that happened.

(21:36):
I don't think he's actively stalking me so much as
he just knew my patterns. The barbie were at is
my favorite spot, and it was a party of one
of my closest friends, so it makes sense that he
might have guessed that I'd be there when he showed
up at my apartment. He knows what time I usually
get home. The city tour is the only thing that
might have been more intentional, but it could also have
been a coincidence that triggered everything. Anyway, this is the

(21:58):
end of it. Yesterday Alex came over with his mom
and one of his friends. At first, I didn't want
to let him in, but he promised me that this
would be the last time I ever saw him. I agreed,
mostly because his mom and friend were there, and I
figured it would be more awkward to argue on my doorstep.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
Okay, we have a common it's in a public place
with people, with people. Okay, this is better.

Speaker 1 (22:19):
When we sat down, Alex admitted that he was going
through a crisis. He told me he was mad at me,
and he didn't know why. He said he didn't like me,
that I annoy him, but that he weirdly still loves me,
which is why he went crazy when he saw me
with someone else. He assured me that there wasn't anyone
else on his end either. He said he felt like
he was going insane. He talked about how he feels
judged for being older and not being able to give

(22:42):
me the life he thinks I deserve. So you know,
he's feeling bad about not being the provider. He said
he hates his colleagues, hates his job, hates everything right now,
and that everyone and everything annoys him.

Speaker 3 (22:55):
This is why they say.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Like, you can't be in a relationship until you learn
to love your Like, if everything in your life sucks
and you're like, you know what, my partner sucks too,
maybe think about how maybe the other things in your
life that suck are making you think your partner sucks.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah. Yeah, Because if everything in your life is feeling.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
This way, might not be you right, and it might
not be the person that you're like, Oh, this person sucks.
Like when I'm stressed and in like down in the dumps,
I get more annoyed at my partner too. Doesn't mean
that they're doing anything wrong. I'm just stressed.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yum.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
He told me he feels old and he should want
kids at this point in life, but he doesn't. That
thought terrifies him. He said he just wants to be
alone and not talk to anyone for a while. I
didn't say much. I mostly just nodded because I didn't
know what to say. After he was done, he told
me he was leaving. He's on some kind of mental
health leave from work, and he said he's leaving the
country on Sunday. He's going to South America to spend

(23:50):
time in nature and find himself. He thanked me for
everything and said he was sorry for how he acted.
Then he just got up, grabbed the few things he
had left at my place, and walked out. His mom
was inconsolable. She kept apologizing to me over and over,
saying how embarrassed she was by his behavior. I told
her it was okay and that she didn't need to
apologize for him. She cried a lot, and his friend

(24:11):
ended up driving her home after Alex left. By the
way they left, but hopefully you can stay and watch
us the live on YouTube and Facebook every week at
three pm PST. And we're probably live right now, so
go tap on our profile. I don't think that this
dude is like inherently a bad person. I think clearly
he's going through a lot in his personal life and
then he's projecting it and like unfortunately decided to terminate

(24:34):
his relationship.

Speaker 3 (24:35):
Because of it.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
But yeah, this is why I feel like a lot
of problems in relationships. Most of the time, it's not
even about the partner.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
It's like you WHOA.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
I don't really know how I feel about this. Part
of me is relieved that it's over. Part of me
feels sad for him because he clearly doesn't know how
to deal with everything he's feeling. Mostly though, I just
feel tired. I'm glad he's taking steps to figure himself out,
but it's not my responsibility anymore.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yeah, good for you for figuring that out.

Speaker 3 (25:04):
You know. And I hope he finds himself and he
finds his happiness.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
And should we take him back if he does what
he changes into his best self.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
I don't see why not. That's a thing too. It's
like I think people can change, doesn't seem like they
had like a bad relationship. I think he just was
like going crazy a little bit. So that's the end
of that story.

Speaker 2 (25:24):
Yeah, I'm going to get to the next one. He
cheated on me and I'm not giving him a second chance.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
Don't give him one.

Speaker 2 (25:29):
Apologies for my English. I'm still trying to be fluent.
I female, twenty six met my partner Mail thirty nine,
six years ago when I first moved to Canada from Germany.
We moved in together within a year. We work in
different fields, but we make about the same amount annually.
I found out I got pregnant in July. When I
told him, he got frustrated. Mix emotions. Congrats. By the way,

(25:52):
this comes from sad Panda twenty twenty four to one
on the r slash Okay story Tom saubredd It. I
told him that I repeatedly reminded him about medication interactions
and doctor advising using the protective layer among the banana
while I'm on this medication, and he refused. Eventually, he
said he is happy to be a dad and supports me.

(26:14):
We got invited to a destination wedding in Mexico, his
friend's wedding. I told him my doctor advised me not
to travel, as I have been very sick lately, hospitalized
a few times, so I can't go. Doctor, how do
we feel love this, I'll go. He got upset and
he said he really wanted me to go. I got
tired of hearing his grumpiness, so I said I would
be fine. It's just a week, so I said, okay,

(26:36):
let's just go. I talked to his mom and she
said she would drive me to the hospital again if
I needed to while we will be away. Wedding was
last Tuesday. He left on Saturday evening. He sent some
pictures to me on the day. He said he missed
me and how he wished I was there, which I said,
hopefully we can do more trips when the baby is here.
Then he was quiet. On Wednesday, I got worried, so

(26:59):
I texted his friend. He replied, oh, yeah, he's fine.
I'll tell him to text you. Still nothing on Friday evening,
so last night he called me. I asked him, what's
going on. I was worrying, sick. He asked how I
was doing if I needed help. I said I'm good. Luckily, no,
I've been fine. He then said he needed to talk
to me. He made a horrible, wasting mistake.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
That's never good.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
We already know what it is.

Speaker 3 (27:24):
So what happened?

Speaker 4 (27:25):
He hooked up with one of the bridesmaids, bride's sister
and brought her to his room, but in the morning
he realized what a fool he was and told her
to leave.

Speaker 2 (27:35):
He said, I made a mistake, but you have to
realize if you were here with me, this wouldn't have happened.
I was wasted and lonely. What it was a one
time thing. It meant nothing.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
How dare he blame it on her?

Speaker 2 (27:46):
It's her fault. She should have been there.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
You should be ashamed.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
Ah, I felt like my brain was frozen. I said,
you ghost to me for days and now tell me this.
You were busy with her all this time, he said, no,
I needed time to and I was ashamed. I told him,
don't bother coming home, dang, stay with her or your
mother until I find a place. Then I don't ever
want to see you again. He said, I'm being selfish, hormonal,

(28:10):
and overreacting to one mistake, just one little sake.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
Calling a woman hormonal when she's pregnant, and also when
you just cheated on her.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
Is demanded he calm down.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
You're being so hormonal right now.

Speaker 2 (28:22):
He said, he took responsibility. Oh this mistake and will
do anything to prove it to me. Am I overreacting
for not even considering this for the sake of the baby.
My best friend says we should try counseling and give
him one last chance. But I'm just so upset. I
can't even think thank you for your advice, and we
have an update.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
If she did give him a second chance, I'd be like, Okay,
that's fine, you know, you guys are having a baby together.
But also like she's probably so hurt and shocked right
now that I feel like she probably needs some time.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
Oh yeah, separation, that's valid. I know a few marriages
that have stayed together after being cheated after cheat, but
not all marriages can handle.

Speaker 3 (29:02):
That right exactly. And I think it's like a case
by case basis.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
And I think it's fine if that's a deal breaker
for you, and it's fine if it isn't.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
I don't like the part where he's saying I made
a mistake, I took responsibility. You need to give me
another chance.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
Yeah. Absolutely, he's being a douchebag.

Speaker 2 (29:16):
That's not gonna last because he'll do it again. Yeah,
as I mean you suggested. I sent a quick message
to his friend and the bride's maid he slept with.
I told him that Kyle had admitted about him hooking
up and says it was a one time thing. But
I'm wondering if there is more to the story that
you would like to share. They both blocked me, then

(29:36):
all his friends blocked me on social media. He said something.
He said something because you believe the news you first hear.
So he went around and said, hey, my wife cheated
on me. So I was wasted and we've been having
bad But he lied to them. He probably manipulated them
into saying something.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
I mean, I guess good friends to him.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
They're very loyal, but also like what bad people if
my friend cheated on their partner, While they're probably I
don't care.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
If you're my friend, I'm gonna side with the partner.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. The victim of the cheating situation
girl Code. Last night late he sent me a message.
I think he was wasted that I am an unhinged lunatic.
He did the right thing and owned to his mistake
and confessed to me. Yet I acted like a crazy
see you next Tuesday and harassed him and his friends
and their family. He meant the bridesmaid he said, I

(30:25):
am so insecure, it's pathetic. He said, we are done,
and he wants me out of his house immediately. What
he didn't even mention once the baby's out. He's like,
I think I can work this out with the bridesmaid's sister.
We're done. You know we're done. I don't think this
is gonna work. You're at you're being insecure.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
This man makes no sense to me, and I think
he needs to be blocked out of her life.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
Oh yeah, wait till he comes back to reality. He's
gonna be bagging back for you. Op. He's like, please
take me back.

Speaker 3 (30:51):
What about the baby?

Speaker 2 (30:53):
Oh yeah, and I bet you coming up, it's gonna
be like I cooked him food, I cleaned up, blah blah,
I did everything for him. That This is top a
gap we're talking about. I decided not to bother replying.
I had no energy and was crying all day. I'm
moving back with my family, I decided last night early
morning tomorrow. My family is happy that I'm moving back,
especially my mother. Oh that's sweet. I don't think I'll

(31:16):
say goodbye to his mom. I'm not ready to talk
to him, and she will make him do that. Thank
you again for all your comments. We have another freaking update.

Speaker 3 (31:25):
What do you think is going to be?

Speaker 2 (31:26):
I don't even know.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
Do you think she's gonna take him back?

Speaker 2 (31:29):
He's definitely gonna bag. I think op, no, goodbye. Che's
over it. Hi. I'm sitting in the airport waiting for
my flight, so I thought i'd right one last update.
I messaged his mom and told her what happened. I
was shocked when she called back immediately and was furious
with me.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
She said, I have some nerve twisting the story covering
my cheating. But I told her I don't understand what
she's talking about. I called that. I'm freaking called that.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
Would never have expected that.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
I called that because he went around. He's like, I'm
gonna get and lie because whatever you say first, people
believe that's wild. I knew it. I freaking knew it.
Roll that back. Apparently he told everyone, including his mother,
that he checked my social media. He had all my passwords,
but I never asked any of his. I've changed them
all now and found out I was having an affair

(32:18):
with my coworker and I was trying to check him
into raising my affair.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
Baby, what this man needs to be arrested?

Speaker 2 (32:28):
To Gel, I told her, most of my team work virtually,
so this makes no sense. I also have maybe twenty
five followers on my Instagram and most of them are
my family from back home. I also have a rule
to never add any of my coworkers on social media
because I'd rather keep my personal life professional life separate.

(32:50):
She said her son found out when he was alone
in Mexico and now he is heartbroken. Then went on
and on about how could I do that to say
him and stuff. I kept explaining. She wasn't listening. I
was so upset. I told her I'm done. I'm done arguing,
and I hung up. I'm done with this man and

(33:10):
his lives. By the way, please don't be done with us.
When we go live every weekday at three PMPSC just
tap our profile and where do we go live?

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Stuff on YouTube and Facebook and Twitch and.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
TikTok and we might be live right now, so come
and check. But yeah, no, this man doesn't he want
you back anyway.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
So he's a menace to society, and you should run
away far away from this man and his family because
clearly they suck.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
They do suck. I love doing or get it ready
with me, explaining your side of the story and posting
on TikTok and letting everyone in the world know. Yeah,
the fans.

Speaker 3 (33:41):
Then they all blocked her.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
So oh, man, he already did get ready with me first, Yeah,
he did. Even if your partner cheats on you, going
to Mexico and doing it back to them, and I
guess he had a few days to think about it.

Speaker 1 (33:52):
This man was like making too many moves. He's like
playing chess out here. He was like three steps ahead.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
Yeah. Yeah, he just makes up lies and blames me
for it. I can't do this anymore. I submitted time
off from my boss. She is amazing and will be
settling for the next few weeks, looking forward to the
new chapter of my life without him. And that's it.
Good for you, OPI good for you figuring that out.
Leave him. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (34:18):
I hope you have a good life, and I hope.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
One day he'll go on social media and see how
nice your life is and be like, man, what would
I do?

Speaker 3 (34:25):
I will not wish evil upon other people. But next
story your time. My friend wanted me to make her address,
but she had ulterior motives.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
Ooh, is a.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
Maybe I was going to make this a Facebook real
its event, but I decided to put it here instead.
That's funny. If I'm bugging, just let me know. I
have a hobby of sewing, and every year I take
custom prom dress orders. Wow. The standard procedure when I
accept a commission is for people to send me an
inspo pic and in turn I quote them a price,
then schedule a consultation to get all of the details

(34:59):
ironed out before they're given the final cost of the dress.
By the way, this comes from Shaysha four fifteen on
the OK storytime. Separate it so a friend of mine
will call her Sheila inquired about a dress for her
daughter back in November twenty twenty three. They sent me
an inspo pick and I quoted her a roundabout price
for the gown. Her daughter's dress was the first inquiry
of the season, and needless to say, I was excited

(35:20):
because I'd watched this baby grow up and was thrilled
that they'd ask me to make her a gown.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
That's very school It's like they're a little what do
you call someone you look down to but like you
kind of look up to them?

Speaker 3 (35:30):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
Come on, I don't know, like I look up to John,
but like as me being John's mintee. Yeah, what's my
title here? Chack? How's my title?

Speaker 3 (35:41):
Proud of?

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Oh, I'm called proud of, proud of. I'm proud of
proud that's not proud of.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
That's not proud of. Fast forward a few months to
the end of January. We have a proper consultation where
I take measurements, discuss dress details, et cetera, and they're
given the final price for the dress. All dress details
are written out in an invoice along with payment details.
I'll make a note that the dress consultation was rescheduled
three times for some reason or another. Another month passed

(36:08):
before I finally received a deposit for the dress. I
decided to wait another day to order materials and just
added an everything to a cart online to double check
before I placed the order. Of The following day, I
was having some drinks at home and didn't want a
wasted shop lol. The next day I decided to see
if there was anything that I could purchase in town
to speed up the dress making process, and luckily I

(36:29):
found most of what I needed at a store locally.
I don't have many options in my small city. As
I'm about to leave home to run at my errands,
Sheila texted me to wait and not purchase anything for
the dress and then requests an itemized list of materials.
Red flag number one. I immediately thought to myself, Okay,
it's about to be a problem, so let me just
go ahead and give her back her money. I literally

(36:50):
had the car running and had to step back in
the house to pick something up before I left. When
the text came through, I sent a screenshot of whatever
was in the different carts that I added, I don't
recall if the car r it's haid quantities, just prices,
and then asked her where I could meet her to
return her deposit. She eventually decided that she'd stop by
my place to pick it up later. When she stopped
by that evening, she said that her daughter and mother
got into it, and the grandmother isn't letting her daughter

(37:13):
go to prom anymore. What messie. I'll make a note
that she's always bragging about how well behaved her daughter
is and how well she's doing academically and never gets
into trouble, so that to me was another red flag.
She then mentions how her son's baby mother got him
locked up and they're looking for a lawyer and she
may need the funds for that. Oh no, I thought

(37:34):
to myself that I didn't need to know all the details.
You have your funds now, so it's cool because none
of that makes sense for why you asked me for
an itemized materials list. Maybe three days later she list
sends a message asking for the measurements that I'd taken
for her daughter because she wanted to order her some bras.
I informed her that the measurements that I'd taken wouldn't
help her get bras and that she should find a

(37:54):
store that she could get measured at. To a sister.
She says okay, and then asks if she can just
have the measurements any way, but she'd understand if she
can't have them. I said no, and that they're for
my records and that she'd have access to them in
the future once they completed a purchase with me. She
then mentions that she's still going through it with their
son's situation. And that she'd appreciated it if I could
do that for her. I replied, dang, that's crazy. I

(38:16):
hope y'all get that situation figured out.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
Dang. So they so they paid her up front, took
the money back, and is trying to use the free work, yes,
for the things, because I think what they're gonna do
is get.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
To get their own dress.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah, get their own dress, and that's why they want
the atomized lists.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
But honestly, I feel like, just like, probably just pay
for the measurements.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
Yeah, but be like, hey, give me twenty bucks and
give them.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
Yeah, I mean, taking measurements isn't that hard. A couple
more days past, and I received a message from Sheila's
daughter stating that her grandmother wanted to know if I
still have her measurements, which I replied yes. She said
that her grandmother wanted to know the measurements, but she
wasn't sure of why. I responded that, as I told
her mother, the measurements are mine to keep and they'd
have access to them when they completed a purchase with me.

(38:56):
My theory is that she'd found someone else to make
the dress for cheaper and wanted to turn over the
deposit and whatever leg work I'd done to the other person.
I think it's very disrespectful, since we're supposed to be friends,
that she didn't consider my time and work put into
any of this. I'm not at all upset that she's
chosen to go with someone else. She has a right
to do so, but don't play in my face like
I'm stupid. There was no need to beat around the
bush to go to give me some excuse for wanting

(39:18):
your money back. I quoted her a price of seven
hundred dollars for the dress.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
That is such a deal. I am sorry. I know
the world of fashion, dang kind of and that's a deal.

Speaker 3 (39:29):
I think that's totally fair for her to price at
seven hundred. But I also understand on the other end,
being like, oh, I cannot spend five one hundred dollars
on this. Plus in my invoice terms and conditions, all
the deposits are non refundable, as they're used to purchase
materials for the dress. But because she's my friend, I
didn't mind giving her the refunds since I'd yet to
obtain everything. There is a standard fifty dollars consultation feed
that i'd take up front that's non refundable that goes

(39:51):
towards the price of the dress, so I was at
least compensated for what little time I'd already put into
the project. Personally, I think what she did was trash,
but you all may feel otherwise. I'd be happy hear
your input. I'll post another update after prom because there's
no way that she won't post a pick of her daughter.
We have a lot of mutual friends, so even if
it was blocked from seeing the post, some will show me.
I think it's scheduled for the end of April. I

(40:11):
doubt if there will be another update before then. At it,
I see a few comments about measurements and materials. I
keep all measurements in one of three journals. The different
journals are for different categories of clients, so I didn't
discard them because I don't rip pages out of the journals.
As for the materials, during each consultation, materials are chosen
by the client. I don't use anything that they don't
pick out, so I scrolled the websites or vendorless that

(40:33):
I use local or not, so that they see the
cost of everything being used. I have a base fee
based on design and all material costs are added to
that feet. I hope this clears some things up. Update.
I coincidentally ran into grandmom. I needed to drop off
a suit to a client while who works at the
school that Sheila's daughter attends. While waiting up the front office,
I see Sheila's daughter there with the grandmother. Long story short,

(40:55):
the grandmother had nothing to do with it. Prom is
in a couple weeks I'll update again. Then oh, there
isn't update. Okay, okay, now that that's kind of confirmed,
they're definitely really stinky. Because I was gonna say, like,
if they can't afford it, they can't afford it. But
if they're lying about it, that's really stinky. That's very stinky.
I did I thought he definitely found something. Yeah, but
there is another update. Sheila texted me one day stating

(41:17):
that she missed hanging out with our old group because
we used to have so much fun. By the way,
you can have fun with us by joining us live
every weekday three pmpst on YouTube and Facebook and TikTok.
Just hop her profile probably live right now and there
is a little bit left. But what's your final thoughts?

Speaker 2 (41:32):
The mom's crazy Grandma checks out, she's my daughter, checks out.
Mom doesn't.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
Crazy.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
My only thought and maybe, like you'll you guys will
disagree with this kind of going back to my point
about the measuring being not that hard of a thing
to do. My only thought would be if they had
asked about the measurements, you could have just been like, hey,
it's gonna cost this much, you know if you want those,
rather than saying outright like you can't have them. Yeah.
But there is a little bit left to the story.

(42:01):
Before then, I hadn't heard from her since she asked
me for the measurements. I suspect that she only reached
out because I made a post on Facebook asking if
everyone wanted to come have drinks in the backyard like
we did last year for my birthday. I think she
just wanted to get an invite. She was invited last
year but didn't come. I forgot the reason why. Ultimately,
I let her know how the situation left a bad
taste in my mouth, and how asking for an itemized

(42:23):
list and measurements suggested that she'd found someone else to
do the dress or plan to order one elsewhere. I
mentioned to her that I didn't care that she found
other avenues for the dress, but I felt laid and
like she wasn't honest with me. But ultimately I wasn't
very upset. Initially I was because of how it played out,
but now I just wanted her to know how I
was feeling. And that is the end of that story.

(42:44):
No contact, minimum, you know, minimum media not to talk
to her because you're just because he's still kind of
close with the daughter. I think, yeah, but yeah, you
don't have to talk to this she's just well, it
depends on how she responds. If she's like, I'm so sorry,
I didn't realize that's you know, yeah, But if she
just doubles down and bye, shoe, shoe go. But that

(43:04):
is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
My friends don't get along, so I didn't put a
single one of them in my bridal party cause it
too much drama, nukid. I had a great wedding, but
I still wonder if I was in the wrong on this.
Also all fake names. My aus and I live in
his hometown, not mine. When we moved in together in

(43:27):
his hometown, his guy friends and their significant others became
my friends as well. By the way this comes from
Albini WEENI on the r slash Okay storytellme ceubred it
So I need to give some background and relationship dynamics
before I get into this. Everyone hang in ming Ming.
There is a lot of new names here.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
Damn all flowers, Daffodil, Daffodil. Oh, is that what you're
waiting for? I thought you were just like, there's so
many flower names.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
I've never seen daffodil spell out before. Wow. Wow, I
don't really read them much, man oh man. Daisy, Daffodil, Rose,
and Lily are all girlfriends of mine that I know
because of my husband. Daisy and Daffodil are the significant
of the two of my husband's guy friends. Rose is
a friend of his high school and Lily is Rose's wife.

(44:15):
I am closer with Daisy and Daffidil because we have
a weekly's girls night, and when my husband and his
guy friends hang out, us girls come along too, and
we hang out together. Rose and Lily are not usually
included in these gatherings because Daisy and Daffodil don't like them.
Rose is not a fan of Daisy. When I host events,
I invite everyone, but when Daisy or Daffodil, hosts, Rose

(44:37):
and Lily are not included. Now. I didn't want to
deal with any of this for my wedding, so I
wanted to keep the bridal party small in order to
make things easier for me and to avoid weird tension
and drama. I thought the best thing would be not
to have Daisy, Daffodil, Rose, or Lily and my bridal party.
I wanted to make a small bridal party anyways, and
it would be mean to pick some of them and

(44:59):
not all of them. So I told all four girls
that I've decided not to have them to be bridesmaids
because I wanted the small bridal party to keep things
easier for me, and that it would be impossible and
unfair of me to pick some of them and not others.
And I didn't want anyone to have their feelings start
because they were not picked and someone else's was. You
know how you have those like she asked me to

(45:19):
be a bridal like thing, and it's like big on
social media op to the opposite. Yeah, So I asked
her not to be my bridesmaid.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
None of you are going to be my bridesmaids. And
also the hearts signify that, oh, he's closer to Daisy
and Dapotel, but none of them are bridesmaids. I feel
like they're going to be pretty upset about that.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Okay, they were still invited to the wedding events like
my bachelorette party and bridle shower. I let them know
that I would love them at these events if they
could make it, but not to sweat it if they
couldn't make it. They all ended up coming to my
bachelorette party and not the bridle shower. I had a
great time at both of these events, and I thought
everything was good. But my bridal party, I had my sister,

(45:58):
sister in law and two childhood best friends. Okay, for
my bridal party, my sister's sister in law and two
childhood best friends. All these people I had known for
much longer than before girls. A week before my wedding,
Daisy and Daffidil and I had her weekly girls night.
At this girl's night, they told me they were upset
and disappointed at me that they were not selected as bridesmaids.
They said they thought we were all good enough friends

(46:19):
and that they deserve to be included, and that they
felt bad that they were missing out on things like
dress shopping and getting ready together in the bridal suite.

Speaker 3 (46:27):
I don't think you can really be like, we deserve
to be your brides I deserve being your bridesmaid.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
I to live with you for a year. Yeah, I
totally deserve your I mean but yeah, but like yeah,
you don't. You don't get to call the shots and
what you deserve.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
And plus like that's her wedding.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
It was like she had like other people in her life,
Like come.

Speaker 3 (46:44):
On, yeah, she has other closer friends and siblings.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Get out of here. The thing is, though, I didn't
want to do any of that stuff with my bridesmaids.
They all live in different areas, so most wedding planning
I did was with my husband and our parents. I
got my wedding dress with my mom only. My husband's
parents went to check out venues with us and did
the food tasting. My sister would ask about wedding stuff
since she was my maid of honor, but she didn't
do anything to help the plan the wedding because I

(47:09):
had it covered. There was no bridal suite. I got
ready with my mom and my dad in their hotel room,
so my husband wouldn't see me. I feel like the
things Daisy and Daffodil said they were missing out on
were things that never happened, and my actual bridesmaids didn't
even do. And Daisy, Dafinil and I all got mannipaidies
together before the wedding that I paid for because I

(47:29):
wanted them to feel a little prettier and I thought
it would be more fun with them instead of going alone. Yeah,
so she did do kind of her version, yeah, of
getting ready together.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
Yeah, like they're still part of it. I mean they're
going to the Bachelor Red Party, They're going to the
bridal shower. It's still they're still part of most of
the things. They're just making drama, which is why they're
not bridesmaids because they're freaking making drama.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
Also, besides with the parents, I didn't talk about my
wedding in front of Daisy or Daffel or with anyone
really unless I was asked about it. I like planning
and I'm pretty organized, so it was a pretty fun,
chill process with not a lot to talk about. Anyways,
I was absolutely crushed when they told me that I
hurt them. This was what I was trying to avoid,
and I was sad and guilty that I hurt them,

(48:14):
but also angry that they wouldn't bring it up a
week before my wedding after telling them my reasoning behind
why I chose or didn't choose who I did to
be bridesmaids. It made me feel like they cared more
about the bridesmaids title than they did about me. Yeah,
and it completely consumed me and brought me down the
days leading up to my wedding when I should have

(48:37):
been excited.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
Oh, they're making it all yes, Yeah, they're making it
all about them, which is like the whole point of
being a bridesmaid is to make it easier for the
bride and they're making it harder. And they're not even
bridesmaids and they're proving why they shouldn't be.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
Yeah, and they're probably like, oh my gosh, like, you know,
at my wedding, I did this, blah blah blah blah.
Plus oh, Pie, you weren't at their weddings. Oh my gosh.
I told them I was sorry that there wasn't a
ton I could do about it now. I ended up
talking to my mother in law about including them in
the rehearsal lunch since she was planning and paying for it,
and then we were able to add them in. I
also arranged with the photographer to have photos of us

(49:14):
taken after the wedding to try to make it up
to them. And we will make it up to you
on your all very good or very bad days.

Speaker 3 (49:20):
We need you.

Speaker 2 (49:20):
Wannas live every weekday at three pm PSD. Where do
you go?

Speaker 3 (49:22):
Sovia on Facebook, TikTok, Twitch, YouTube, just top her profile.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
We got a little bit more here. Should o p
be doing this? She should be going out of her
way to make her friends feel more.

Speaker 3 (49:33):
No, I would just be like, dude, guys, my day,
I don't have time.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (49:36):
I probably honestly wouldn't say that because I'm a little
bit of a conflict avoidant.

Speaker 2 (49:41):
I have a crippling people.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
Please, but what you should do is be like, you
know what, you guys have made this a lot about yourselves. Yeah,
and it's not really fair to me, and you know,
I loving us, but it can are hard.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
I think taking photos afterwards is nice. Yeah, they are
important to OPI, but I don't like the way well.
And also Daisy and Daffil probably were like uh, like
we wanted to have special moments with you blubb blah.
But they should have brought it up earlier. Yeah, come on,
here we go. Even though this happened a little bit
ago and didn't end up affecting my actual wedding day, thankfully,

(50:17):
I'm not over it. I can't imagine being so entitled
that I feel I deserve to be a bridesmaid's in
someone's wedding, and then complaining about it when it doesn't happen.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
That's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
I feel like they were being selfish and thoughtless. They
really hurt me, and I feel like I can no
longer trust them. They have no idea how much they
hurt me, and honestly, I'm glad they weren't bridesmaids because
they thought doing this was okay and didn't think about
how it would affect me a week before my wedding.
I know Daisy and Daffodil are over it because Daffidil

(50:48):
asked me to be in her wedding, and you better
bet that I'm going to be Miss Positive Patsy and
I will not bring that girl down like she did me.
So am I they a hole for not including my
friends at my bridal party to avoid her feelings, but
then having that happen. Anyways, No, you're not the hole.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
Your friends are the whole.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
Yeah, your friends are not. They're like you can't just
like lay a mine filled the week before a wedding happens.
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (51:17):
Keep it to yourself, bring it up later and be like, hey, like,
I was a little hurt by this.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
So that's the ODR on that story.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
My friends made my birthday feel unimportant for years. It
might be time to cut them off.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
No, just cut out your birthday. It's nothing.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
Your birtha doesn't matter. This is a throwaway because I
haven't made up my mind and don't want this link
back to me. This might get quite long. Sorry in advance,
it's actually quite short. Some background flow, some background in foe.
In school, around age fourteen, I became part of a
big friendship group of girls. I was the last to
join the group, so as an outsider from the get go.

(51:54):
What is that called an outsider?

Speaker 2 (51:57):
No?

Speaker 3 (51:57):
No, no, no, a pariah? No, an outcast?

Speaker 2 (52:00):
Oh my gosh, I'm almost there. The flower wall Wallflower.

Speaker 3 (52:08):
Yes, okay, I was never part of the og friends
around five of the girls, but grew the closest to
one of them in the circle. With big friendship groups,
you'll be closer to some people more than others. I
know this and never resent not being in the circle.
I was just so happy they were my friends. By
the way, this comes from Throwaway twelve eighty nine fifty
four sixty seven on the Okay storytime Separate It. So,

(52:30):
with so many of us in the group, we decided
that instead of us all getting small individual presents, we
would instead pool all our money together to buy someone
a big present for their birthday.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
Oh wow, that is something my friends did for me,
and I'm so hapry. That's true. We did do that
for your birthday, and I give them back gifts. Oh.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
This tradition has lived on until this day. I was
given presents for two of my birthdays the same as
everyone else. Before finishing school. When I was sixteen, my
dad passed away. To make a long story short, roughly
half a year after this, I was based on fully
supporting myself, living away from my mom and siblings while
doing my A levels. This was a very stressful time
for me, and while trying to balance working and all

(53:09):
STEM subjects, as well as keeping in touch with my family.
I know I wasn't able to be as involved with
my friends as I would have liked. I would try
to attend as many of the outings as I possibly could,
but I couldn't afford to drop hundreds of pounds on gigs, festivals,
even thirty pounds on eating outs wow, or it would
mean I would struggle to survive for the next week.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
It's hard being friends and going out.

Speaker 3 (53:31):
It's real. It is because I mean sometimes you know
you have friends who can only hang out by doing
like paying for something like that's the only way they
can hang out, and you're like, I don't have the
money for that. No, it's yeah, especially in college when
I didn't have money, I was like, guys, what if
we what if we cooked at home? What if what

(53:52):
if we had a game night? What do we think
about that? And that usually worked. My my friends all
had two parents who had good jobs to depend upon,
and I only had my mom, who worked a minimum
wage job and had my siblings. Story about I'm pretty
sure during this time I was never asked to put
money towards buying a present for anybody. My memory of

(54:13):
this time isn't great since I blocked a lot of
things out, and from the ages of around seventeen to nineteen,
I'm reasonably positive I never received a present or put
towards a present for anyone else, but I always made
sure to wish everyone a happy birthday. From around nineteen,
my situation didn't change much. Only now I was back
living with my mom and siblings. I should probably mention

(54:33):
I was still working a lot and lived around an
hour by car from all the girls. Around this time,
my mental health got a lot better, and I was
communicating with the girls much more frequently. However, I was
still unable to attend most of the hangouts since I
couldn't drive, I had little money, and public transport was
impossible since girls didn't want to meet in the middle.

Speaker 2 (54:50):
See I saw two things there. Yeah, I distanced myself
from the girls. My mental health got better.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
Well, I think the thing is here, just based on circumstance.
OP was going through, you know, financial stuff and mental
health stuff and just couldn't you know, couldn't contribute to gifts,
couldn't hang out with them a lot. And unfortunately, sometimes
that is the way that life goes, and you just

(55:17):
kind of lose those friendships yeah, and it's like, honestly,
not like right now, at least unless we learn something crazy,
it's not really anyone's fault, I think. I think that's
just kind of how some sometimes it goes, you know,
when you have to distance yourself based off of life.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
M I agree.

Speaker 3 (55:35):
I agree, like yeah, like for sure they could have
made more of an effort, but like when you're sometimes
when you're the only friend out of a big friend
group that can't do anything, it's like, oh, well, a
year or so after that, after taking a gap year
to work all time, I was finally able to get
my driving license and pay for a car and insurance.
Then I started UNI. With UNI, I have a lot

(55:56):
more time and opportunities to hang out with everyone and
attend every meeting I possibly can now on to. If
I would be the ale, around one to two weeks
before someone's birthday, we would make a group chat to
discuss what we were going to get someone. I have
been added and even sometimes created the group chat to
discuss this for each person in the group. I am
the second oldest in the group, with my closest friend
Lily being the eldest. The year before last year, I

(56:19):
was added to a group chat to discuss getting Lily
a present. Since I was now in a better situation,
I gathered that was why I was being included again.
When my birthday came around, however, I never received a
present from the group.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
Oh that's that's not freaking gosh. These are mean girls.
These are girls that only like go up to the hierarchy,
popular ladder chain of whatever.

Speaker 3 (56:39):
What the heck, what the heck egg what I think
they're just like they no longer feel that close to Ope,
I guess, which is still Yeah, No, it's still like
messed up to not you know, to expect her to
give you guys a gift and then not do anything
in return.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Freaking crazy.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
Originally I thought maybe the girls were just including me
and getting Lily a gift because they knew I was
closest to Lily. However, for everyone else in the group,
I was also added to a chat to put money
towards buying a present for them. Yeah, that is where
it gets like they are actively, you know, doing something
wrong here. This year that would just went the same
thing happened again. Everyone else in the group received a present,

(57:17):
and I am the only one who didn't. I just
want to make it known. It's not the fact that
I didn't get an expensive present that has me upset.
It's the idea that no one must have cared enough
to remember that my birthday was coming up so they
could create a chat and get me something. They could
give me a five pound bouquet of flowers from Tesco,
and I would be so happy that they remembered. I'm
pretty sure they only wished me happy birthday because snapchat
reminds them. But I'm just reminding you, guys that we

(57:40):
go live on YouTube and Facebook and TikTok every weekday
at three PMPST. Just typ her profile and there's a
little bit left.

Speaker 2 (57:46):
Dude, cut these girls out. Ah yeah, you friends.

Speaker 3 (57:49):
Yeah, you know, sometimes people because of life circumstances, you
kind of dripped apart. But the fact that they are
still actively relying on you to spend money for people
in the front group and not providing anything to you.
These are fake These are fake friends. It's yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:05):
Also, Mean Girls is a beautiful movie.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
It's a good movie.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Yeah, It's It's just beautiful how it just evolves, It's
just brilliant. I love the musical too.

Speaker 3 (58:16):
It's yeah, I haven't seen. I've listened to some of
the music.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
I knuck into the musical I actually don't like musical.
How just snug in where the movie theaters?

Speaker 3 (58:27):
Oh, the movie the musical? I see them.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
I was like, oh, I watch this, and I did.

Speaker 3 (58:30):
Yeah, But there is more to the story.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
Uh oh.

Speaker 3 (58:35):
It's also the fact that they all know that they
haven't gotten me anything for the past five years, but
still include me to buy presents for everyone else. That's ridiculous.
After this happened two years consecutively, I went to get
the opinion of another close friend outside of the group,
who said I shouldn't allow them to treat me like
this and to cut them out of my life. But
I don't know what to do. Would that be too drastic?
Or am I allowing people to walk all over me?
Am I being childish? I don't even know what I

(58:56):
would say to them, or to how or how to
even broach the subject without ounting stupid or entitled or
breaking down in tears, which happens every time I think
about the situation. So would I be the a hole
if I cut them out of my lives? If they
do this again this year? No, that is the end
of that story. No, it's been going on, as Lulu says,
for five years. I think you guys were already you

(59:17):
already lost that closeness and they're still expecting you to
shell out money. Yeah, so I think that you're not
saving anything here. There's nothing to save here. Yeah, I
definitely think you should cut them off.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
This should have stopped four years ago.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
I'm also wondering if Lily is, you know, getting her
a gift, because Op said, oh, we're the closest, but
it doesn't She hasn't mentioned whether or not Lily has
gotten her a gift, which is ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (59:39):
Yeah, it doesn't sound like it

Speaker 3 (59:41):
But that is the end of that story.