My wife is taking care of her sick aunt… and it’s destroying our marriage! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
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Speaker 2 (00:05):
Some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is, this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll
get into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
My wife is taking care of her sick aunt and
it's destroying our marriage.

Speaker 4 (00:21):
Take care of our marriage.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
My sixty six male wife, sixty one female aunt eighty
six female became a widow two years ago. She came
to live with us because she was afraid of staying alone.
Since we had extra rooms and she was perfectly healthy
and fine, we decided it was okay to let her
stay with us. By the way, this comes from old

(00:43):
Aunt Help And if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
Sophia, I'm Dakota, and.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
We're here to give good advice. Goofily, But we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we would do,
So let us know what you would do in the comments.
And Opie says, for time she grew more and more
attached to my wife, she wouldn't want her to go
to work because she'd miss her. She didn't want her
to go shopping because it was always too long. She
would follow her to parties and events even if she

(01:12):
didn't want to go, because she didn't want to bet
without her. I told my wife that it was becoming
unhealthy and that her aunt should talk more to her
friends and try to meet with them. She has a
couple of friends around her age. My wife always told
me that I was exaggerating and that there was nothing wrong. Recently,
about six months ago, the aunt caught bronchitis and then

(01:34):
another viral infection and some type of spine pain. She
became very dependent on us to move her. That's when
things started going really bad. She required my wife's attention
almost twenty four to seven and would cry when my
wife wasn't around. She wanted my wife to sleep next
to her, feed her, talk to her constantly, not go out,

(01:56):
not go to work.

Speaker 4 (01:57):
Well, is codependent and it's not actually helping her aunt.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yeah. After a week, I complained to my wife about
not spending any time with her and that her aunt
was taking all of her My wife dismissed my worries
and told me that she would get better. Soon after
two months of her aunt acting like a baby and
constantly complaining about pain, I suggested we go consult a doctor.
The doctor said she was perfectly fine, nothing wrong. We

(02:23):
had trouble believing it, so we consulted different specialists and
they ultimately said that if she keeps up her good health,
she could live another ten to fifteen years. How old
is she eighty six? That's a good amount of years
hit in a hundred.

Speaker 4 (02:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
We met with a psychologist and he said that the
aunt needs more tests to determine what she has, but
that my wife and I clearly need to focus on
us and not let her aunt affect our marriage. Since
I am retired, I told my wife that we should
finally take the vacation we always wanted. I booked tickets
to go on a cruise around Alaska. I even planned

(02:57):
everything and asked my daughter, thirty five, buy female to
take care of her aunt. A week before going. I
couldn't keep the secret anymore. Aunt told my wife what
I had done. My wife was clearly happy and amazed.
I finally thought we could have some good alone time.
When she let her aunt know later that night, it
was a major catastrophe. The aunt cried through tantrums, called

(03:21):
all her friends to tell them how awful we were
to leave her alone, and she even threw herself on
the ground.

Speaker 4 (03:29):
Yeah this is so difficult. Yeah, it's just super codependent.
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
I told my wife it was time to put her
in a home for elders and that she couldn't stay
with us anymore. My wife refused. She said she wasn't
going to abandon her and that it's hard to be old.
She also canceled our vacation and said she was sure
I'd understand. It hurt me a lot. I did end
up going with my daughter instead and we had a
great time. But that's besides the point. Now we are

(03:58):
selling our house. It's too big for us. The aunt
has a say in all of this. She requires a
room with specific details such as dimensions, views, number of
stairs to come into the house, et cetera. My wife
is actually listening to her, and it is making me
more and more unhappy. The only one of those that's
valid is steps. Yeah, I retired to spend time with her,

(04:21):
our kids and our grandkids, but it feels like she's
only spending time with her aunt. We are in couples counseling,
and it is not helping us. I have been married
to her for almost forty five years. I don't want
to give her an ultimatum, as she is the love
of my life and I certainly don't want to ever
be without her. I just want to spend quality time
with her. Relevant comments hard Pete Tron. Is your wife

(04:45):
willing to ruin your retirement and marriage for her aunt.
You need to issue the ultimatum as this isn't fair
to you or her. Would getting professional care to look
after her in your home be an option instead of
sending her to a nursing home. Opie says, we found
this lovely lady who would come and take care of
her aunt a couple hours a day. She speaks the

(05:06):
same language Anne has over twenty five years of experience.
My wife refused, saying she's a stranger. And then if
we need to pay someone, then we should do it
ourselves and keep the money.

Speaker 4 (05:17):
I mean, that's not the point. It's about getting a
professional and someone to like let less than the load,
right it is? I will say you know about her
point avent like it's hard to be old and stuff,
something that I kind of fear is I think when
you get older and like when you come grandparents and stuff,
it I feel like it can become very lonely. Yeah,
you know, because I think they're especially like you have

(05:39):
your grandkids and your kids and stuff.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
And if she says she's got friends or age though.

Speaker 4 (05:43):
Exactly, which is why it's like, yeah, Like on one hand,
I get that because a lot of like kids and
grandkids for sure, see it is like a chore. It's like, oh,
we gotta go see you know, It's like I gotta
talk to them. And so yeah, I understand there is
that like fear, but it seems like that's not the
case here. Just just like she expecting way too much.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Right from Op's wife Stuck Hans, I would just start
taking the trips without her, maybe she'll notice. Opie says,
I took that trip without her. It was her dream trip.
She did say that she wished she could have gone,
but that was it. I think she feels like her
aunt is her duty, kind of like when you have children,
Jay Palin says, is your wife of another ethnic or

(06:24):
cultural background, sometimes that plays into the situation, and if
her family speaking the non local language is used to
rely upon one another, going to an outsider might seem
even more difficult, no matter how qualified and caring. I'm
in my thirties and my husband and I are caring
for my aged widowed father in conjunction with all of

(06:45):
my four siblings and paid care takers by switching off
days and weekends. It's really hard stuff and very frustrating. Yes,
I was wondering about that, like the language barrier, maybe
even keeping her from like being fully a to communicate
with even friends. But that caretaker they found spoke the language.

Speaker 4 (07:05):
I think also a part of that is seems like
they aunt solely wants Opie's wife. Yeah, that's not like
I need someone to speak late you. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah. You don't mention where you're from, though, since you
mentioned cruising Alaska, I'm guessing you're in North America, but
in the States. If someone is still competent to make
their own decisions, i e. Doesn't have dementia, you can't
put them in care against their will. It complicates things.
You've been married to your wife for a very long time,
so I would reach out to her and tell her

(07:37):
that you want to make this situation as easy as
possible for her. For the ant and for you. Find
out the elder care laws, find out what the requirements
are to keep the ant in her own home or yours.
There are charitable groups that will do regular visits, or
agencies to offer respite care. There are adult day care centers.

(07:58):
I don't know what the compromise here. My husband and
I don't either. Opie says, you're right. My wife used
to take care of her mom, who took care of
her mom. It seems to be very cultural. The aunt
has been living in America for fifty years but never
made any effort to learn English. She only speaks her
native language, which really complicates things. We have an update

(08:19):
one month later.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
I don't know what my advice other than like, you
just have to keep talking about it with why, keep
talking to your wife and hope that you have changes.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yeah, you know, Yeah, I'm not sure. It's tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky,
get in tricky. One month later, something completely magical happened.

Speaker 4 (08:38):
Yay magic.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
My wife and I were looking at a house we
both actually love. It has every single thing we wanted
in our retirement home, and it's close to everything that
we need. We were thrilled and when she told her
aunt and showed her the pictures of the house. Her
aunt laughed and said, you can't buy that it has stairs.
I can't go up and down the stairs.

Speaker 4 (08:59):
Well, oh, well, I guess you'll just have to go
somewhere else or stay at the bottom of the stairs.
I don't know why she's so adamant that you can't
have a house with stairs. As long as there's a
room on the first floor and on the first floor,
then she's fine. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
I was picturing more like the stairs to get to
the front door, Like if it's a raised like a
garage underneath, yeah, that's that's yeah. But you can also,
like I don't know, put one of those stair things. Yeah,
you guys, my grandpa had one of those.

Speaker 4 (09:29):
Yeah. Fun.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
Something clicked in my wife's mind. She simply said to
her aunt, it's the house that my husband and I like,
and the fact that it has some stairs that you
are healthy enough to go up and down on won't
stop us.

Speaker 4 (09:42):
Nice stand up, go white up.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Her aunt cried and cried. We called our new therapist,
who suggested that we treat her like a child, check
on her every fifteen minutes, but not give in.

Speaker 4 (09:54):
Well, I mean, she's behaving like a child, so makes sense.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
We did that and she got over it by the
next mo arding. My wife also got more tough love
with her aunt. And whatever she'll complain about stuff my
wife knows are unreal. My wife dismisses it politely. Things
aren't one hundred percent perfect. The new therapist helped my
wife a lot. She mainly focused on her and why
my wife was feeling the almost nurturing need to be

(10:18):
there for her aunt. Thank you for the advice. Changing
therapists was a great idea. I don't know if I
have had the courage to just follow through with you.

Speaker 4 (10:27):
Uh wow.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
I don't know if I have had the courage to
just follow through without you, but I did the very
next day. Some comments commenter one, it's so much harder
to care for the elderly than children, especially when cultural
context plays a huge role. Someone replies, Yep, my toddler
is challenging but also cute. My grandma is challenging in

(10:48):
some of the same ways, like fussing about naps and
being grumpy about wanting constant snacks, But she's not cute.
She was a mean, unpleasant woman and is now super
mean and super unpa less an old lady. Someone replies,
it's also developmentally appropriate when kids try to manipulate you
because they're young and still trying to navigate getting their

(11:08):
needs met. Someone else replies, kids also tend to improve.
Adults either continue to decline or usually don't get better.
That's the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (11:18):
My wife is lying about her friend, and I know
it's more than just a friendship.

Speaker 5 (11:23):
Well, she ain't a truther.

Speaker 4 (11:25):
I've thirty five female, been with my wife thirty five
female for seven years, and we've been married for four. Recently,
my wife has become friends with someone she met through
her job. The very first time she told me about
this girl she started with. So I think I have
a crush on a girl at work.

Speaker 5 (11:40):
At least she's coming out honest.

Speaker 4 (11:42):
By the way, this comes from pieces mended and if
you want to spit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon,
I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice schoofully,
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we do, So let us know what you would do.
In the comments, and OPI says for some contact, it's
not abnormal for us to say things like that to

(12:03):
each other. We both have acknowledged that it's normal to
find other people attractive, so we're pretty open about that
sort of thing. We've also agreed that if one of
us develops feelings for someone, we would be open and
honest about it. So it started off with her texting
back and forth a lot with this girl. My wife
was adamant that I read their texts. However, I told
her that I wasn't comfortable doing that and that I

(12:23):
trusted her. They texted for a couple of weeks, and
then finally she was able to come hang out. Just
observing them together, I could tell by my wife's demeanor
that she was very attractive.

Speaker 5 (12:32):
Whit she came over to hang out was like, hey,
so I've heard a lot about you. Oh yeah, what
my wife's India.

Speaker 4 (12:38):
Yet this is the problem. It's like, no longer just like,
oh that person's so hot. This is I have a
crush on them. We hang out a lot, and now
she's coming over and we text a bunch of dayah.
Soon she started wanting to hang out with her every day.
The weekend rolled around and I was going to my
parents to help them with a few things. Normally, my
wife loves seeing my family, but she said she wanted
to stay home to clean, which is very unlike her.

(13:01):
About an hour and a half after I got to
my parents, she called me and asked if she could
go get food with her friend. I told her that
I figured that's why she wanted to stay home and
to go do whatever. So then she decided not to
go and was poudy the rest of the night. What
Opie literally said yes Sure. That night, I asked her
if we could have a break in between having friends
over because I was socially exhausted and I thought hanging

(13:24):
out all day for like five days in a row
was excessive. The next day, my wife came home early
from work because she had bad cramps. She ended up
inviting her friend over to hang out while I was
at work. I got home from work at about five
and she was still there. She tried leaving at around
seven so we could eat dinner, but my wife essentially
begged her to stay and even bought dinner for all

(13:45):
of us. The following day, my wife came home early
from work again, and her friend was at her house
less than an hour later.

Speaker 5 (13:51):
Do they both call out sick? I'm sorry?

Speaker 4 (13:54):
Yeah, I'm like, you both work together? How are you
both not having work? She's constantly either texting this girl
or on the phone with her. There was one day
I came home from work and was telling my wife
about something that had happened. She had a headphone in
her ear, and a few minutes into my story, she said,
do you want me to text you? That's when I
realized she had her friend on the phone the whole time.

(14:14):
Oh I didn't. I was trying to understand what this happened.
So Ope was talking to her wife. Her wife has
a headphone in and her wife's listening, and then is like, oh, sorry,
do you want me to text you? And he's like, oh,
you haven't been listening to my conversation at all.

Speaker 5 (14:27):
Yeah, that's awful.

Speaker 4 (14:29):
That's awful.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
That would actually ruin the entire relationship. I'd be like, oh, okay, I'd.

Speaker 5 (14:34):
Be like, we're done.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Whoa, We're done, right, We're done.

Speaker 5 (14:37):
WOA while on the phone, which is hilarious. That's crazy.

Speaker 4 (14:41):
Today, I went against my beliefs and looked at their
texts while my wife was out of the room. She
makes so many comments about how gorgeous her friend is
and how everything she does is so cute. She talks
about playing hooky with her, She's given her perfume and clothes,
and even joked about pulling the popcorn trick on her.

Speaker 5 (14:56):
What is what is the popcorn trick? You're the popcorn
girl over there? What's a popcorn trip? I haven't even
done that with you, like get the movies? Is it
like a throw a popcorn and like grab it? I'm
very confused.

Speaker 4 (15:08):
Here Today, they've made plans to hang out at her
friend's place. I asked if they could hang out at
our place so that I could join after my appointment.
Her friend texted her and asked if I really wanted
to hang out with them, and my wife replied she
wanted to hang out. I'd prefer to come hang out
with you, though your relationship is like, this is not
cheated you.

Speaker 5 (15:25):
You are second? Fair, Yeah, you are second in this
relationship now in this her relationship with her friend, she.

Speaker 4 (15:33):
Would prefer we all hang out here, but I'd rather
come over there. Yeah, I mean, this is emotional cheating.
My wife has been so persistent lately about how much
she loves me. You know, I'm the only one she'll
ever want. But then she has these conversations with this girl.
My wife is very insistent that she's only friends with her.
Am I overreacting with their friendship and there is an update.

(15:53):
But what do you think I mean?

Speaker 5 (15:55):
I get it she found a new work buddy, but
the fact that she started off that strong, Like, yeah,
I met this person at work and she's really attractive.

Speaker 4 (16:03):
It started off I have a new work buddy. I
have a crush on her. I think she's so attractive.
We hang out all the time. I want to hang
out with her over you.

Speaker 5 (16:12):
I'd rather hear her than talk to you.

Speaker 4 (16:15):
Yeah, I text her all the time.

Speaker 5 (16:17):
This is we play hooky. We play work hookie together.
By the way, Yeah that's insane. One day's like okay, cool,
it's cute. Yeah, but like it seems like it happens
a lot.

Speaker 4 (16:26):
Yeah, this is like if you and Carly call that a.

Speaker 5 (16:28):
Work quinkadink, I think not.

Speaker 4 (16:30):
I think not. I'd be like, I don't know about
this seems kind of suspect.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Although in that case, it's likely we would get each
other sick.

Speaker 5 (16:37):
She says.

Speaker 4 (16:38):
She says, I think this is emotional cheating at this
very much so, especially so blatant about it too.

Speaker 5 (16:43):
Which she's like, she's admitting it's the thing of like
op's like acting kind of shock, like, oh, the audacity
was like, it's straight into your face kind of thing.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
She told you.

Speaker 4 (16:52):
Yeah, she told you to your face. I have a
crush on her. Update. I ended up going to my
friend's house after my appointment because the text I saw
were pretty upsetting. My wife asked me what was wrong,
and I told her to let me know when her
friend leaves. A couple of hours go by and I
finally get a camera notification that her friend is leaving.
I waited fifteen minutes to see if my wife would
let me know that she was gone. She never ended

(17:14):
up texting me. When I got home, I immediately told
her that I didn't like what was going on between them.
Of course, she played clueless and was so mad that
I would think anything was going on between them, that
they're just friends. I asked her if she wanted to
go through texts, and she, without hesitation, gave me her phone.

Speaker 5 (17:30):
I guarantee she like tossed it like here take it yeah. Well.

Speaker 4 (17:33):
Being able to go through their entire text thread revealed
more upsetting messages. My wife telling this girl that she
can barely control herself around her, how she wanted to
kiss her so badly the other day, whoa, how she
can't get enough of her making spicy related jokes after
a spicy related joke, talking about how she wished that
she had a wiener because that her wife wouldn't be

(17:54):
interested in her, but she'd have a chance with her friend,
who was confused about her spicy orientation, talking about playing
a hookie together. So obviously this is all very upsetting
to me. I'm crying and asking my wife, why would
you think this is okay? Why would you think that
I would be okay with you saying these things to
another woman? And she just replied, yeah, I want effort
and shrug. WHOA, Like, no big deal?

Speaker 5 (18:16):
WHOA all right?

Speaker 4 (18:18):
She said that because apparently, back when they first started talking,
she asked me what the boundaries were, and I guess
I just said, don't f So she took that as
the opportunity to basically date this girl while still being
married to me. But it's cool because they haven't done
anything physical.

Speaker 5 (18:33):
But it's that's not cool, just like so that willfully
misunderstood what said zero cool? Yeah? What She's like, yeah,
just at least don't f her. And she's like all right,
so I'm gonna do everything I can to get to
that point.

Speaker 4 (18:47):
Well, it feels like what she did was like, hey,
like what are you comfortable?

Speaker 5 (18:50):
You know, like you know, yeah, it was probably a
good joke too.

Speaker 4 (18:53):
Because she's probably like, I don't know, I just don't ever.

Speaker 5 (18:56):
Yeah, I could see him just like nonchal, I just
don't do it right.

Speaker 4 (19:00):
That's a joke, right, meeting like, oh, yeah, you could
be friends with her, but don't have out a relationship
with her.

Speaker 5 (19:05):
Yeah, she's definitely gonna be like, that's your fault. You
didn't say explicitly not to do these specific things with
my bff.

Speaker 6 (19:11):
She's acting like the genie when you get a wish granted,
and the genie's like, ah.

Speaker 4 (19:16):
Ah, that's but not what you said, drick.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yah.

Speaker 4 (19:20):
I told her that I didn't want her talking to
this girl anymore. I was so hurt that I didn't
even want to see her. I made her sleep on
the couch that night. The next morning, I get ready
for work and leave without saying a word. I get
to work and she immediately starts messaging me, asking what
this means for us and am I gotta leave her?
I replied that I didn't want to talk to her
right now and that I didn't want to talk about

(19:40):
this while I'm at work, so I get an APT
notification that she leaves work. She ends up showing up
at our house, but parks in the street instead of
the driveway. We have security cameras. She sits there for
about an hour and a half, then finally makes her
way inside. I pull up the camera inside and I
hear her asking about where they're going to meet up.
I end up leaving work and showing up to the

(20:00):
meet up spot. At the time, it was just my
wife's vehicle there, so I pulled up and sat next
to her until she looked up at me. I took
her a second to register it was meat, and when
she did, she waved. I asked her what she was doing,
and she said nothing. At that point, she held up
half a bottle of tequila. For some context, my wife
was clean and sober for five years. I was always

(20:22):
incredibly supportive of her and even got her accustomed five
year coin to commemorate her achievement. I was so mad
I ended up just leaving. I ended up going back
up there after about two hours. She made sure to
tell me that her friend had come up there and
smashed all of her booze. So the next morning, we're
driving to pick her vehicle up. I asked her if
we could talk tonight after work sober she agreed. She

(20:44):
ended up leaving work early again that day and came
home and got wasted, this time in the driveway. I
ended up taking her phone and calling her friend because
I didn't think either of us was getting the complete
story from her. So talking, we both discovered that my
wife was implying that I was a lot more open
to the her friendship than what I actually was. I
told this girl that I had asked my wife to

(21:04):
stop talking to her. She agreed that that would be
best and that she didn't want to be the reason
for someone's marriage ending. The next morning, she tells me
she's never drinking again. We go to work and she's
just messaging me about how she regrets what she did,
She's so sorry, how she's treated me so badly, how
she's going to fix everything. I tell her that I
want to do marriage therapy, and she agrees. A couple

(21:26):
of days before our first session, we found out that
my dad has stage four pancreatic and is very sick.
I'm devastated. My wife vows to be there for me
and promises she'll do anything for me and my family.
The morning before our first session, I had a gut
feeling that my wife had never stopped talking to this girl.
So I texted her friend and asked if my wife
was still reaching out to her. She confirmed that yes,

(21:48):
she was. She again agreed with me that it would
be best for them to not talk, and how my
wife needs to focus on me and support me through
what's going on with my dad. I brought this up
during our first session, to which therapist responded that if
we want to work on rebuilding trust, then her friend
cannot be in the picture. I ended up seeing text
from the friend asking for my wife to stop texting

(22:10):
her for my sake at least the friends trying to.

Speaker 5 (22:13):
Think yeah, I think, well, we can't point the finger
at the friend because again the OPI's.

Speaker 4 (22:19):
Wife made this you know, commitment.

Speaker 5 (22:21):
No, but Opie's wife was just saying like, hey, yeah,
we can do all this stuff, my husband said, so
you know, he wasn't blatant, and he's like, I guess
she was like her wife, Yeah yeah, but good on
the friend. That's like she's seeing how Opie's wife is
turning out and how she's it's a full crash out.
I think the way you went about it was kind

(22:42):
of petty, like he's like, oh, she's drinking in the car.
They're both woman. Oh so sorry, but how Opie's wife
was five years sober? And then OPI was like, you
know what, I'm going to go home, enjoy your time there. Like,
I think that was not the best way to handle
it that situation.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
I just feel like at this point, it's like, I mean,
tried the therapy, but I don't know if this relationship
is going to work out right now.

Speaker 5 (23:05):
It's just really hard way that is going because especially.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
Because she's dealing with them drinking problem too.

Speaker 5 (23:09):
That and then OPI just finds out their father's it's
just super hard. It's a lot going on, and I
feel like, oh man, yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:18):
Her responses were so childish, and she even asked her
friend if I was the one making her say these things.
A week or so goes by. She brought up missing
her friend a few times, instantly angering me. She's convinced
that we're all going to sit down and chat and
I'll be BFFs together. I tell her that's not happening.
I outrighte tell her that it's me or her friend.
She finally stops bring her up for a bit. Friday morning,

(23:40):
before Father's Day, my wife says she really wants to
go do something after work. As we're talking back and
forth about what we could do, she brings up missing
her friend. I immediately finish getting ready for work in
silence and leave without saying bye. She asks me if
she's still allowed to come home from work. I tell
her that if she can stop talking about this girl
and move on, then yes she can come home. So

(24:02):
after work, she calls me and tells me she's decided
to get a hotel room for the night.

Speaker 3 (24:06):
What.

Speaker 4 (24:07):
I ask her? Why I told her to come home.
She says it's best for both of us. I spend
the night bawling by myself. She decides to come home
at seven am and act like everything's completely normal.

Speaker 6 (24:18):
Okay, But to be fair, like you were like, okay,
come home if you could stop talking about her, and
she's like, why can't So I'm not gonna come home,
I'm gonna go to the hotel room. It's like the
solution to this is not like never speak of her again.
That doesn't change the fact that all this has happened.

Speaker 4 (24:33):
Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, I just don't think
this relationship is working out.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
No, it's it's over.

Speaker 5 (24:38):
It does sound like too that Op's wife is just
got like it's not a substance problem, but it's definitely addiction.
I think, I think, I mean both, I mean both
again at the Five Years Sorority. Yeah, it's very true.
And it's like the fact that she's like I need
to talk to my friend because I need to bring
up my friend. I need friend friend friend friend friend.

Speaker 4 (24:56):
It's like whoa, it's take an addiction to the friends exactly.

Speaker 5 (24:59):
It's like whoa, whoa, Oh, what's going on here kind
of thing. And yeah, it's very it's a very fine
line because you're like, you want to be upset, but
you also want to be like supportive of your partner,
and it's you're trying to find a good balance there.
But it's very, very hard, especially with everything else going on.

Speaker 4 (25:14):
Absolutely, we get through Father's Day and we end up
talking about what happened that Friday in our session and
again come to the conclusion that what my wife did
wasn't okay. We're getting through the week trying to come
back to something that might resemble normalcy. She asked me
about going to a coworker's game this Saturday. I told her, yeah,
I had to go out of town to take care
of my dad for the day because my sister was

(25:35):
working a twelve hour shift. I told her that she
shouldn't feel obligated to always come with me and she
can have fun. Saturday comes around and I've been at
my parents' house for a few hours. My wife calls
me and lets me know she's home from work and
getting ready for her coworkers game. I had another gut feeling,
so I pulled up our living room camera. You have
a living room camera, y'all have a lit.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yeah, and they already they already used it in the story.

Speaker 5 (25:57):
They did that was from the driveway.

Speaker 4 (25:59):
Yeah, I didn't think it was in the house.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
I thought I thought that one was in the house.

Speaker 4 (26:03):
I might have misread it they found.

Speaker 5 (26:06):
I thought it was like you know, like, yeah, camera
like right in the front entrance. As about it.

Speaker 4 (26:10):
Yeah, a camera inside your house is kind of.

Speaker 5 (26:13):
Wild security purposes. I don't know. I have no idea.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
She got a phone call and went into our room
to answer it, which was kind of weird. She ends
up walking around inside her house and I hear laughing
and joking with whoever on the phone. The whole time
she keeps glancing up at our camera. I hear laugh
and respond with something like no way, I would immediately
make that spicy, So I'm suspicious. I pull up my
maps and realize the event is right around the corner

(26:37):
from her friend's house. What they didn't realize what was
that the event they were going to was being live streamed.
I pulled up the stream once I knew she'd got
to the venue, and within thirty seconds there they are
walking in together, sitting down next to each other. I
ended up leaving my parents' house and made it back
to town and record time. I picked up my best friend
for backup, drove out to the event venue, pulled in,

(27:00):
drove all the way to the back of the parking lot,
and there they were, both vehicles backed into the very
last row of spots. So after I got out and
confirmed that it was her friend's car parked right next
to hers, I got back in my car and we waited.
About fifteen minutes later, here they come walking out together.
I'm just sitting there next to her friend's car with

(27:20):
my window rolled down. They see us, and immediately my
wife says hi, in the tone she used when she
was excited to see me, like she wasn't doing anything
she wasn't supposed to. I asked her, what's up, and
she told me nothing. My wife came up and leaned
in my window and I just asked her why. She
asked what playing clueless? I asked her why she was
doing this silence. I told her I can't trust her,

(27:42):
and how can she complain to me that our relationship
has become resentful when she's lying to my face.

Speaker 5 (27:47):
Yeah, and you guys already went to the therapist and they said,
if you want to make this work, you have to
cut off this friend.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (27:55):
At this point, I'm sorry, like you've tried everything anything,
I'm breaking up. I'm breaking up on the spot. Yeah, divorce.

Speaker 4 (28:02):
She just smirks, heavy size. None of this is a
big deal to her. Her friend ended up taking off.
I took my wedding ring and gave it to her
and told her tonight would be a good night to
get a hotel room. I asked her if she had
anything to say. She said no, so I told her, good,
get out of my face so I can leave. She
asked me if I'm taking my wedding ring back, and
I said no. She laughed and told me that's so silly.

Speaker 5 (28:25):
Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 4 (28:26):
I again asked if she had anything to say. She didn't,
so I started rolling my window up on her. She's
asking mege, really, are you serious? Are you for real?
And we drove away.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
It's like she thinks that if she's just entirely transparent
and shameless, that there shouldn't be anything wrong with it,
which is crazy, extremely.

Speaker 5 (28:45):
Delusional, especially at that point where she's she said, oh
my god, really, or like you're serious after you've done
everything literally possible to be like, hey, we need to
make this work between us, and this is how you
you literally are just mocking me in my face now, yeah.

Speaker 6 (29:00):
Playing the dumbest of dumb when it's like here, like
I'm giving you my wedding ring, like take my ring,
go get a hotel room and again, and then they're like.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Oh, why aren't you going to take your ring back?
It's like, no, stupid, I'm giving it to you.

Speaker 5 (29:12):
It's the friend too, crazy, the friend too. The friend
was compliant of like at the very beginning.

Speaker 4 (29:16):
I was like, oh, yeah, I won't talk to her,
blah blah blah, and then keeps doing it anyway.

Speaker 5 (29:21):
That's yeah, that's slimy, app very slimy.

Speaker 4 (29:25):
She's blowing up my phone trying to call and text
me and I'm just ignoring her. Her friend ended up
texting me some bs about how she was invited by
their mutual friend and they were invited months ago before
I decided that they couldn't be friends. And now she
just happened to recognize my wife's vehicles, so that's why
she parked by her. What a lie, and it was
just some crazy coincidence. I didn't reply, and we all

(29:47):
know that's not true because we have recordings of it.
I ended up hanging with my friend for some time
to be sure that my wife wasn't going back to
her house. At one point we pulled up the event
livestream again and well, look at that. Her friend came
back to the event and was sitting right next to
my wife again. I went home and watched one of
our movies and bawled my eyes out. The GPS tracking
at My wife insisted that we have showed her hanging

(30:08):
around two bars until two thirty am. She came home
at six am. I had purposely locked our storm door
so she wouldn't be able to get in. She blew
up my phone and I kept ignoring it. I was asleep.
Finally I heard her knocking, so I went and let
her in and she thanked me. I went back to
bed for a few hours. She came crawling into bed
and I woke up and told her to get away

(30:29):
from me. She wisely kept her distance, then casually asked
me if I wanted to get breakfast.

Speaker 6 (30:34):
No, I told honestly, just really sounds like someone who's
intensely mentally ill.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
Well, I feel like she's just going through this very tough,
you know, relapse. But not to say that that excuses anything,
but it feels like a lot of this behavior is
very manic.

Speaker 5 (30:48):
Yeah, I was gonna say that this is insane, but
also the fact that they can still be doing this.
Op's wife and the things that op's going through, and
she's like, oh my gosh, she want to get breakfast.

Speaker 3 (30:59):
Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 5 (31:00):
She's just not even an apology. First and foremost, I.

Speaker 4 (31:02):
Told her that I want her to work on getting
her stuff out of my house, or at least work
on figuring out where she's going. She sighed and almost
rolled her eyes and tried to come at me with
the mutual friends coincidence alibi. I told her that I
know she thinks this is no big deal, but I'm
not kidding. I went out into the living room and
started working on divorce paperwork. She ended up getting up
and leaving with the bag of clothes, so my best

(31:24):
friend came over. My wife replied back to my friend
that she met up with her friend because she's not
going to be controlled or told how to move through life. Fine, fine,
that's fine. You can make decisions, but there are consequences,
and that consequences that you no longer are going to
be married to your wife.

Speaker 5 (31:39):
I feel like she doesn't even see in them as consequences.
She's like, I'm free now, Like you know what, this
is great for me? Yeah, which is insane.

Speaker 4 (31:47):
She said that I'm blowing things way out of proportion.
I ended up sending my wife sixty five plus screenshots
of just her messages from the day after. She told
me that she wanted to f her friend to maybe
a day or two prior. I told her thanks for
lying about her everything. I thanked her for breaking her
word to my dad, and why couldn't she just wait
a few months until he's gone so that he doesn't
have to be more stressed than he already is. I

(32:08):
told her that I didn't believe their fake story, and
even if that was the case, common sense would have
told my wife to leave without interacting with her out
of respect for my boundaries and our marriage. I reminded
her that I wasn't just freaking out about a genuinely
platonic friend. She looked me in the eyes and told
me that she wanted to have spicy sleep with her.
My wife ended up coming home and hiding in her

(32:28):
bed for a few hours until my friend left. She
came out and I let her know that I'm filing
the divorce papers on Wednesday. She asked me if I
was serious, and I said absolutely. I told her she
picked the wrong time to play this game with me.
The most important person in my life is passing away
in a horrible way, and I don't care about anything
but that I have way bigger things to focus on.

(32:49):
I told her that while she's been sneaking around and
lying to my face, I've been watching my father deteriorate
from stage four pancreatic cancer. That while she's been texting
her friend and making plans to meet up behind my back,
I've been trying to be strong for my family as
we prepare to lose him. That she promised to support
me through this, like I supported her when her brother

(33:10):
passed away, but instead she's made everything worse. There is
a little bit left to the story, but I think
Op's doing the only thing that she can do.

Speaker 3 (33:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (33:18):
I mean, Op, You've tried and tried everything. Yeah, and
you looked at her for support and what did you get?
None of it? If anything more, just lies, lies, lies, hardship. Ah.
So I mean good on EUOPI that you put your
foot down finally and you realize this is not what
I want. This is not fair to me, and you

(33:39):
know your worth and you know your boundaries. It sucks.
It sucks that it's coming at this time in your life.
That's the worst part. But it seems like you have
friends there, your support system. Go to them, your family
that don't worry about this, don't stress about this anymore
that you should have to. It's it's ridiculous at this point.

Speaker 4 (33:56):
Yeah, I agree, but there is a little bit left
to this story. Let's I told her, I'm done. I'm
done with the lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting. I'm done
watching her smirk and shrug like betraying our marriage vows
is no big deal. I'm done being made to feel
crazy for having normal boundaries. I'm done with her acting
like a victim when she's the one who chose to

(34:16):
pursue another woman while claiming to love me. I told
her that right now, every ounce of energy I have
is going towards spending time with my dad while I
still can't. I don't have anything left to give to
her drama and her excuses. She made her choice when
she kept lying, even after getting caught, even after therapy,
even after promising to change. She chose her friend over

(34:37):
our marriage, over me, over my family during the hardest
time of our lives. I told her the doors papers
will be filed Wednesday, and that's that, and that is
that because that's the end of story.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a
quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 4 (34:54):
I think I ruined my relationship and now I want
to fix it.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
Too little, too late.

Speaker 4 (35:00):
Female twenty seven met this boy male twenty nine back
in twenty twenty online. I'm from a small country in
the Caribbean and he's from.

Speaker 5 (35:09):
Turkey, Saint Martin calling it.

Speaker 4 (35:11):
After matching and talking, we immediately clicked. He asked me
to be his girlfriend via message and I said yes.
In October twenty twenty, I met his family via FaceTime
and vice versa. By the way, this comes from Hummus
Girl for twenty and if you want to spit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime severed it.
I'm Sofia, I'm Carly, I'm Keon and we just want
to give good advice. So the little goofy look, goofy, loule, goofs.

(35:36):
Gaffs not the but we don't have all the answers,
folksops gas line. I'm just human, I'm not God, I'm
not Allah. So I can only give you what I think,
but I hope that you give me what you think
in the commons. Yeah anyway, oh, he says. In August
twenty twenty one, I flew to Turkey so we could
meet in person. Traveling with my dad. It was amazing

(35:58):
meeting his family face to face, and he even gave
me a promise ring from the Turkish Bazaarre. All good
until I returned to my country two weeks later. I
had post trip depression and kept thinking, now, what long
distance again? But for how long? By November, I was
deeply depressed because I couldn't see him in person anymore.
I downloaded Tinder and told him I wanted to use

(36:19):
it to make friends since I had studied abroad and
didn't have any real friends in my country. He empathized
with me and made me promise to tell him everything,
which I did. I matched with a local guy, and
he and his friends were telling me that long distant relationships.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
Don't work, so like you are in one, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (36:35):
You're in one. My Turkish boyfriend told me not to
listen to them, since only we know about our love life.
Months past and by New Year, the local guy and
I kind of fell in love. Wow, no one was
expecting that.

Speaker 3 (36:47):
See that coming coucket. You can't leave Cuquet.

Speaker 4 (36:51):
But he knew everything about my Turkish boyfriend. I told
my boyfriend I started to feel love for this new
guy and was scared. When are we meeting again? Even
if we meet, it will be temporary because he has
his life in Turkey a job.

Speaker 3 (37:03):
So I think like there'd be a really simple solution,
yea of breaking up with your long distance boyfriend so
you can continue with your small distance boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (37:12):
Yeah. I told him we should break up. Yeah, you go.
He was so in love with me that he didn't
accept it. He started begging for me to be with
him only. I told him again, crying and depressed, that
I couldn't stand over thinking about the future. How would
we form a family eventually marry each other living on
different continents. It's not easy, as me flipping my head.

(37:32):
You know, I got it, especially with lack of money
from both sides. I insisted on breaking up, but he
still didn't accept it. At the end, he agreed on
giving me more space. Well, I think that space is
something that's pretty easy to for you guys, since you
are long distance. So I cheated on my Turkish boyfriend
for almost all of twenty twenty two.

Speaker 3 (37:52):
So you did break up with him though, so it's
not like really cheated honestly, unless you were continuing to
entertain it as though you were.

Speaker 4 (37:59):
This is amusing because it feels like you were like,
I'm breaking out with you and he was like no,
and you're like I'm breaking out with you and he
was like way, and you're like I'm breaking out with you,
and then you had a separate relationship's like well, I'm
not broken up with you and you're like okay, fine.
So unless you were like, fine, I won't break up
with you and then proceeded to do this on you.
But if you were like I'm breaking up with you
and he's like no, you're not, and you're like, yes,
i am, and then had the relationship that sounds very different.

Speaker 3 (38:23):
Yes, still not sure where we went to Tinder for friends.

Speaker 4 (38:26):
Still don't know about that. In my head, it was
like he gave us time apart, but in his head
we were still together. I was honest and told him
I had spicy sleet with the local guy. Things got
worse between us. We broke up. Stay broken up like stay.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
Like how is he convincing you to date again?

Speaker 4 (38:45):
I don't understand this. I tried blocking him everywhere so
he'd realize how I felt, but he kept looking for me,
texting me on emails, Discord signal places where I didn't
block him. This is your Turkish stocker.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
Not a delight anymore. No.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
I know he was tough a lot, but simply didn't
accept that I broke up with him. He even talked
with my mom for help. What the freak, dude? I
remember one day I read a message from him on
Discord saying, I'm just texting you to know if you're
alive or not. I don't know anything about you, but
I love you still months past like that, of course,
I was still heartbroken, but the local guy was there

(39:20):
and he was starting to lose it with jealousy. Yeah,
because you're dating two men, stop it, the local guy said.
The Turkish guy had to disappear, but I simply couldn't
cut him off completely. I loved him so much and
everyone knew I couldn't get over him.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
Oh p, you're a mess, messy, messy mess.

Speaker 4 (39:39):
You're act up, but you're currently a little bit messing.
Even if my Turkish boyfriend insulted me for breaking his
heart and cheating on him. Some calls lasted hours of
him expressing his feelings of madness but love for me.
At the same time, I used to put the phone
far away while he talked because he constantly repeated himself
about how much damage I made to his heart. It

(40:00):
was awful for both of us, and I knew I
messed up. I realized my mistakes and said sorry a
million times. Of course that wasn't enough. Months later, I
found a way to go to Turkey basically for free
with an Erasmus scholarship. That suddenly brought my hope back,
and I did everything I could to win it and
Drew Mannick says she obviously enjoys the attention and the yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
Indy by Night says, called the police. The thing is that, like.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
To end, the thing is that she's not in the
same country. She is actively planning to go visit as man.

Speaker 4 (40:35):
She's actively planning, She's actively like entertaining this. So this
is not even something that she would want to go
to the police about because she wants. I spent sleepless
nights with anxiety about the results. I broke up with
a local guy without even knowing the results yet, because
at that point I didn't care about him, you suck man,
and I made my Turkish boyfriend a promise of being
only with him. I begged my Turkish boyfriend for forgiveness

(40:57):
again and again. This was around June twenty twenty three.
It wasn't easy, but eventually he forgave me. Yikes, y'all
are messy, messy, messy. It took so much time and
effort for my part. I talked with his family and friends,
asked for forgiveness from everyone. I was serious about getting
him back, and I knew he wanted that too, even

(41:18):
though he was still heartbroken. During this time, he didn't
call me babe because he was hurt, but we still
talked every day. In July twenty twenty three, I graduated
from university and one month later he surprised me by
visiting me in my own country.

Speaker 5 (41:33):
This guy's full of surprise.

Speaker 4 (41:34):
I don't know what you want. Ope, he met my family,
we traveled, had dates. We didn't even fight. I guess
it was during this time that we became boyfriend and
girlfriend again. He started calling me babe again slowly in
October twenty twenty three, the scholarship results came out and
fortunately I won. No no. I moved to Turkey that

(41:58):
same month. Life there is a little because of the
inflation rate, but nevertheless, he arranged an apartment and fees
before I arrived. We were together in person again and
our relationship was way better. He started calling me babe
and we rarely fought. When we did, he sometimes brought
up my past mistakes. Will you have so many to
choose from? I tried handling his bad feelings with love

(42:20):
and support and fidelity. We started living partially together in
the same apartment because his hometown and job are like
two hours away from my Turkish city. Everything was great
until around the end of twenty twenty four, when I
started complaining about the rent money increase and having trust
issues about it. Questions popped into my head, like if
the rent price was actually legit because the money for

(42:41):
it was increasing every time, like every three months, That
is really suspicious. Plus the contract for the rent said
another thing than what was actually being paid because the
landlord does a hack about not paying taxes. And my
boyfriend explained that to me, Huh, this is all quite suspicious.
This is all very suspicious and I don't trust it.

(43:04):
What do you mean your rent is going up every
three months? And why are you paying that? I'm sorry,
if my rent went up everything else, I'd be like,
what that wasn't in the least do you guys have
lease agreements? I was overthinking so much that I started
to believe that my boyfriend and the landlord were scamming me.

(43:24):
It's always a good sign for your relationship when you
think that you're being scammed by your own boyfriend. To
the point that I directly told my boyfriend he was
scamming me and was a scammer about my money because
he also asked for my scholarship money every month, saying
you can help me with my debt's BIB And of
course I did. What do you mean? Of course you did?

(43:45):
It's your scholarship money? What girl?

Speaker 3 (43:48):
I have such low sympathy for you.

Speaker 4 (43:51):
What are doing none? Sancey speaks Turkish and I don't.
I let him handle all the rent situation. So I
kept thinking badly as time past, months past, and turns
out I was completely wrong. Was that a new feeling
for you?

Speaker 3 (44:05):
It's crazy.

Speaker 4 (44:06):
At the same time, he got heartbroken by me constantly
calling him a scammer.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
What about like when you cheated him?

Speaker 4 (44:12):
Was he heartbroken?

Speaker 3 (44:13):
Then? Dude?

Speaker 4 (44:14):
Why does he stay with you?

Speaker 3 (44:15):
You took you back after that. I feel like he's
gonna stay with you if you're giving him money, if
he's successfully scamming you.

Speaker 4 (44:22):
And he told me I broke his pride and dignity,
that no one can do that to him. It really
affected him so much. Of course, I said, saw we
and promised to never do that again. But the got
deeper in his heart. Around January twenty twenty five, we
had a big fight and I told him something like,
you know what, I'll just enjoy my time here in

(44:43):
Turkey until it finishes. And I feel like you don't
love me, or at least not enough. I feel like
you do the bare minimum. Obviously, these words I regret
because those things just accumulated into a heavy snowball that
would eventually wreck the relationship. I think that you you
don't know quite what the word eventually means. I think
the word that you are looking for is my relationship

(45:06):
is already over and has been for years.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
Since the moment I got on Tinder.

Speaker 4 (45:10):
I don't know if there's like a short German word
that encapsulates all of those feel like they've got a
lot of those types of words, like one word that
means like a bunch of different you know. Okay, Well, anyway,
in May twenty twenty five, we broke up for a day,
but that day was insanely painful for me. Before that
day I was kind of mad at him for not
loving me enough and accusing him of doing the bare

(45:31):
minimum in our relationship. That day of the fight, we
went to the shopping mall and stopped at a Pandora
kiosk like the jeweler restore. Uh oh. I liked a
ring and he bought it for me. He didn't say
anything about it though, just bought it, and of course
I thanked him and hugged him, despite how I was feelings.
Coming home after, I was still mad about the bare
minimum thing and said something like you didn't even put

(45:51):
the ring on my finger, And that's when he exploded.
He desperately said that he reached his limit and wanted
to break up with you because enough is enough.

Speaker 3 (45:59):
Good him truly truly sounds like a nightmare.

Speaker 4 (46:04):
I don't know why you freaking tried to convince her
to stay in this relationship with you, dude. Immediately I panicked.
He said he couldn't do this anymore and got up
from the bed, rocking himself back and forth while saying
to me that I can't be happy because I never
get enough. I always want love, but at like two times,
five times, ten times, and that he tried, but he

(46:25):
has had a nieff. He said he would just leave
the apartment to go to his home city, and since
vacations start for me in mid June, he wanted to
break up and leave me at the airport, then end everything.
By this point, I was drowning in tears, begging him
for forgiveness and saying sorry over and over, and he
kept saying you. It got so bad that I had

(46:46):
a panic, an anxiety attack so severe that I couldn't
talk because of gasping for air. My thoughts were rushing
inside my head and tears fell from my eyes one
after the other like a fountain. I really can't find
the means to care.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
Almost like he was upset and rocking back and forth
after you literally broke him after the ring incident.

Speaker 4 (47:06):
And then you have the audacity to be like, I'm
the one who deserves your pity. He said he loved me,
but the trust and his pride are broken and it's
so hard to fix them. He kept saying he was
sure of not marrying me, and that I need to
calm down and learned to live without him because we
never know the future. He even told me he talked
with his mom and sister and one of his best

(47:27):
friends about me calling him a scammer. I got so
bad that he told me to take a cold shower,
but I couldn't breathe. I was collapsed mentally and physically.
He manually had to drag me to take a cold
shower together, and still I couldn't calm down. I kept
hugging him and begging forgiveness. This is so manipulative, This
is like so manipulative. These are crocodile tears.

Speaker 3 (47:49):
Yeah, I'm like now I'm totally unlike. Maybe he wasn't
even scamming her.

Speaker 4 (47:53):
I don't know, Well, no, he wasn't. She knew he wasn't.

Speaker 3 (47:57):
She knew he wasn't. She found out was she giving
the rent?

Speaker 4 (48:00):
She found out that he was not scamming her, and
she was just accusing him the girl.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
You suck.

Speaker 4 (48:06):
After the shower, we talked again, and I kept repeating
about not breaking up desperately, but it was so hard
to convince some otherwise, I said, I took him for
granted and it was wrong for me to feel that,
and I didn't think things through intelligently. In that moment,
I felt like something changed in me. Suddenly nothing has
changed in you, like a reality slap to the face.
And I was no longer mad at him. No, I

(48:27):
wanted to protect him, hug him, and do everything I
didn't do while I was calling him a scammer and
cheating on him for a year. I was vulnerable and
it went like this for hours. We were in bed
and I asked him to cuddle with me, and it
occurred to me to be intimate.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
Ooh, manipulation, manipulation, you suck. I don't like you.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
Opie h. When we finished, the air felt calmer. Yeah.
I still begged him for forgiveness and not to leave
the relationship. It was like three am at this time
point and it took so long, but he said he
loved me and never stop loving me. But it was
the pride, trust and respect that are broken. I asked
if he was still in love with me, and he

(49:11):
said yes, that never changed, and his loyalty to me
never changed. By the end of the fight, I promised
to never be disrespectful towards him or make him feel heartbroken.
I begged him, saying, let's not end us, and he
finally agreed NA saying, Okay, I won't. This is the
worst relationship I've ever seen you sucko P I'm.

Speaker 3 (49:32):
Sorry you are the worst.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
You really are the ahle if that was the question, the.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
Answerestion, Yes, I hope that's not the question. I hope
you realize.

Speaker 4 (49:41):
Like ay yai yaii. And I was unsure, so I
asked him again and he said, I won't end things
between us. At the end, he promised me wouldn't be
over and he told me he would repeat it in
the morning. The next morning, I asked him first thing,
and he said it again. I mean you literally just
like wore him down.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
I hope that he's still I need to take you
to the airport and leave you here too.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
Maybe that's the only way you can do it with
her like being so like crazy about the future, He
said he doesn't know what will happen because he doesn't
control what will happen, and that he's not seeing clearly,
that's obvious. He said, there are voices in his head,
his brain telling him to leave me, but his heart
telling him to stay with me. Follow your brain.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
I think this poor man's been so manipulated.

Speaker 4 (50:22):
So manipulated. He also said, we need to see how
we behave with each other. Still, the next days I
turned completely submissive towards him and add a total change
of attitude. I wasn't mad at him again. I started
to send him more pictures and ask if he wants
me to send him food. Yesterday I ordered him some
pringles that will arrive at his house. Now, fast forward
to August twenty twenty five. We've been doing long distance

(50:45):
since I'm in my country for vacations. Yesterday I random
Turkish guy texted me on Snapchat. Op, I'm putting you
in time out.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
No, I'm doing so much more than that.

Speaker 4 (50:56):
And we started talking. But I said to this guy
immediately that I have a Turkish boyfriend. Lest we forget OP,
he has a boyfriend and he is Turkish. So I
texted my boyfriend and told him about this guy texting me,
and he took it so badly. He said, why did
I respond to his text message that, for example, he
doesn't text any girl he doesn't know or approve follows

(51:19):
of people he doesn't know on Instagram. Then he accused
me of wanting attention and wanting more and more always Yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
See, because here's the thing. Opie definitely answered that so
that she could be like boyfriend, I did the right thing.

Speaker 4 (51:32):
Boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
Luck also in hope that the other guy came back
and was like, so.

Speaker 4 (51:36):
What if you yeah, boyfriend, Yeah, I don't care if
you have a boyfriend, and then she would get fair
with them.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
Later.

Speaker 4 (51:41):
I began to regret telling him this, but in my
head I thought I was doing the correct thing about
being honest about that random guy texting me you texted him.
At the end, I think I brought up the topic
of whatever happened to him wanting to marry me, and
he said he still doesn't know. Don't marry Opie? Do
not marry Opie. So I started to push him about
wanting an update about his way of thinking since three

(52:03):
months passed since our big fight in May. Now he
exploded again and told me he doesn't want to marry me.
Good because every time I make him sad and mad
and now he's at work and said that I made
him feel burnt out. He started to act like that
day we broke up for one day during May please
break up. I got so scared. I had another panic attack,

(52:24):
but since we're long distance, I ended up calling him
via phone call and everything again like a loop.

Speaker 3 (52:29):
I thought you lived with him.

Speaker 4 (52:31):
I don't have no idea, Okay. I realized faster this
time that I had a panic attack and opened the Bible.
I started praying to God for us. God doesn't want
you to stay together. God doesn't want you to stay together.
This is against the Bible.

Speaker 3 (52:45):
Hey, you should open it to that one that's like.

Speaker 4 (52:47):
Don't ye, don't have affairs. He's now saying that when
I returned to Turkey in October, he'll stay far from
me because he's reached his limit, please please stay away,
and doesn't want to make the same mistakes again. He
told me, well, if you say you're matured and have grown,
that you could apply that to your next relationship. Yes, dude,
yes you go dude.

Speaker 5 (53:10):
Yes, Turkish boyfriend, that's our Turkish delight.

Speaker 3 (53:13):
That's our Turkish delight right there.

Speaker 4 (53:15):
And he repeated again how his heart tells him yes,
but his mind tells him, No, your heart is wrong.
Follow your mind. Boy. However, he said that he still
loves me, that his love and loyalty he has always had.
There is a little bit left to this frustrating story.

Speaker 3 (53:32):
Sadly there is.

Speaker 4 (53:33):
Do you have any final thoughts for our woefully misguided OPI.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
I hope you grow and learn from this and can
somehow be better in your next relationship.

Speaker 4 (53:44):
I hope that he blocks you me too. I hope
he realizes you know what you know. I'm constantly pulled
into this relationship and I just need a blocker and
all communications so that I don't get pulled back again.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
I hope you never talked to this man again.

Speaker 4 (53:56):
Yeah, leave him alone. I tried to make him understand that.
Since that in May, I have realized so much false
and grown so much. It's true that now I even
read the Bible and pray to God about us.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
See that just feels like another manipulation tactic. Look at that. Yeah,
you're finding new ones that we should never use again.

Speaker 4 (54:18):
This start's even funnier. He's Muslim but not religious. You're
reading the wrong thing. You gotta read the Koran.

Speaker 3 (54:26):
She's like baby dumb Bible, and he's like, why why
would you be reading the Bible?

Speaker 4 (54:31):
That's not my thing? He said, Babe, Like I said,
I have trust issues because of you, So I hope
you can understand that. And also it will be extremely
hard to fix. Please sleep, babe. We can discuss it later.
He still responds to my calls. He calls me, babe.
The door is not closed. The last thing I said

(54:53):
was that I'll try my best to be better for him,
me and our relationship, which you're not in anymore. He's
broken up with you.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
You are single, maybe not depending on how many other
guys you're seeing.

Speaker 4 (55:04):
But first, about me fixing my demons, controlling my anxiety,
even receiving therapy. He said, he hasn't noticed changed in
my mentality, just very little. He actually loves me so much.
He came to my country to visit me and arrange
the apartment in Turkey. Cares about me and my family's
safety and health. Any advice.

Speaker 3 (55:22):
Please leave this man alone, leave him alone, go so
far from this far, far far away. Let this man
have peaceful life without you.

Speaker 4 (55:31):
You're just the worst.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
And that's the end of that story. But we're going
to go to the next one.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories,
but here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
My boyfriend keeps controlling me, and I'm getting sick of it.

Speaker 4 (55:45):
I'm sick of you.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
My boyfriend and I met online and we really started
chatting and it was really nice. We started dating officially
a month after we talked continuously. He is a really
nice person. By the way, this comes from Low Possession
eighty eight. And if you want us to meet your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime, Supreddit.
I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we're here to

(56:08):
give good advice. Goofily, But we don't have all the answers.
We really know what we would do, so let us
know what you would do in the comments. And Opie says,
the thing is, my boyfriend started to control me. Initially,
it was subtle, or maybe I was too in love
or delusional to notice it. See how I will say
you wait the extra months, it's yeah.

Speaker 4 (56:28):
It usually gives you a little bit better of a
birdseye view.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
For example, I started a new job at this place,
and my boyfriend got so upset when one of my
colleagues gave me the company's merch as a welcome gift.
This is actually a common practice in the company, and
I tried explaining it to my boyfriend, but he was
so po'd at me. Next, he would get so angry
if I changed something about myself, like once I went

(56:51):
to the hair salon to get highlights. I wanted chestnut
brown highlights, but somehow the hairdresser made it too yellow
and light, so it was close to blonde, and you're
from chestnut to blonde. I was pretty upset with how
my highlights turned out, but I just laughed it off
and thought, it's all right. I'll have fun with this
color for a week or two before I diet a
different color.

Speaker 4 (57:11):
There you go.

Speaker 3 (57:12):
When I FaceTime my boyfriend that evening, he was so pioed,
not at the hairdresser but at me for purposely dyeing
my hair blonde.

Speaker 4 (57:21):
You're he's so ugly. You're so ugly. I hate it.

Speaker 3 (57:26):
I swear it wasn't on purpose. I didn't choose blonde.
I asked for chest not brown. And then he would
get so upset with me going somewhere, For example, I
love going to the gym. I would just walk on
the treadmill or weightlift some lightweight stuff because it makes
me happy. I used to be a big girl and
going to the gym has helped me a lot to

(57:47):
shed those weights and battle with my depression. And my
boyfriend wouldn't even let me go to the gym. He
would call me when I'm at the gym so many
times and ask me why I went there, and he
would get so upset. His reason was because he would
get jelly if I go to the gym and people
could see me, and he's afraid I would fall for
someone there. He is so suspicious of me. One time,

(58:08):
half an hour before my exam started, my boyfriend actually
called to share screen my Instagram account because he suspected
that I was having an affair with a fake follower.

Speaker 4 (58:17):
When we're there, when we have like a partner accusing
you of being an affair or cheating or something and
you're not, it's like, Okay, we're done. We're done.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
And also could be projection, because yeah, absolutely projection.

Speaker 4 (58:31):
I just think that we're done. This is too much.

Speaker 3 (58:34):
Get out of here, get out of my mind. It
was a fake follower. I didn't even know who that
person is. And then he said he trusts me, but
his mom influenced him to think I was going to
cheat on him. I didn't do anything to raise any
kind of suspicion. I have always been loyal to him.
I love him. I would call him every time during

(58:55):
my lunch hour and fly to him during my vacation days.
The thing is, the are a few little incidents that
have happened. So many crazier things have happened, but it's
too lengthy for me to explain it here. Recently he
started the gym. It's been about two months or so now,
but I started to resent him because I've left doing
so many things for him. I've sacrificed doing the things

(59:18):
that I love because of him. Never do that, because
never do that, because then you resent your partner. Yeah,
just say, this boy's icky. And I've gained weight too
because of it. I haven't moved around as much. I'm
just constantly doing everything for him, from not going to
the gym to not getting lash extensions. This might seem

(59:40):
very small and silly, but these things give me joy,
and I stopped doing them because he was always picking
fights with me whenever I did so, so I stopped.
But now he's going to the gym and loving it,
and I hate that he's doing the things he loves
but stops me from doing them. The fact that he's
going and he's still like that you ca but.

Speaker 4 (01:00:00):
Y'all could go together if you were. Actually, I don't know, Like,
I don't like this man him, I am him? Is
this relationship is done? Jamara says, the true relationship must end.
He's not being a good partner. He's being controlling. And
when you get to that point where you're get sacrificing
the things that you love for your partner, then you're
not in a partnership anymore. He's on the top and
you're on the bottom. That's where that there's bad dynamic there. Yeah,

(01:00:24):
there's a power structure.

Speaker 3 (01:00:25):
And when I cry and bring it up, he says,
then go to the gym or why do you always
bring up about the past whenever you look at me.
I still love him and want the best for him,
but I hate that he has no remorse or feel
sorry for basically stopping me from doing the things I
love for the past one year and pretends like it's
not his fault. Why do I feel this way. What's

(01:00:46):
wrong with me? Is controlling someone normal in a relationship?
Is resentment normal? And we have an update?

Speaker 4 (01:00:53):
But what do you know?

Speaker 3 (01:00:54):
No, none of this is normal.

Speaker 4 (01:00:56):
There are times when you might be upset at a partner,
or you might have like things that you're annoyed about,
but like to resent your partner and for them to
control things, to say that you can't do things yeah,
or to accuse you of cheating.

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
Get adding?

Speaker 4 (01:01:10):
Not normal? Accusing your partner of cheating is.

Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
Not normal, not at all. Update. Now onto the update.
I just want to say thank you so much to
every single person who commented and gave me the support
to leave the relationship.

Speaker 4 (01:01:23):
Yay, good job.

Speaker 3 (01:01:26):
Your kind words and assurance that it's not in my
head gave me the confidence to end my one and
a half year long relationship. I have to admit it
took a while for me to step out of the
relationship and it was not easy at all. A couple
of weeks after that post, I twenty three female was
scrolling through my Instagram and saw him twenty two male

(01:01:47):
liked a real of a girl showing her before and after.
As a result from working out and feeling good about
her body. If you read my original posts, I used
to enjoy going.

Speaker 4 (01:01:57):
To the gym.

Speaker 3 (01:01:57):
And what's funny is that my body before where I
gained weight, was very similar to the after body of
this woman. So I don't know what got to me,
but it kind of triggered me because he forbids me
from going to the gym as he was too afraid
someone would flirt with me. And he's uncomfortable that I
wear body hugging sports attire leggings to the gym.

Speaker 4 (01:02:18):
Dude, if you have a partner who was telling you
what you can or cannot wear it to the gym,
you can get you to the gym. It's like, I'm
wearing exercise clothing. What do you want me to wear
a suit? You want me to wear a potato sack,
little paper bag over my head?

Speaker 5 (01:02:34):
Call me Dobby.

Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
I was gonna say Dobby, Like true, he cannot go
to the gym.

Speaker 4 (01:02:38):
It's just ridiculous. You want a little doll that you
can put in your room and keep there.

Speaker 3 (01:02:42):
Yeah, but he was okay with liking a post of
a woman flaunting her body. That woman can flaunt her
body all she wants. She was respectfully hot, and I
don't care. When I did a little stalking on her account,
I noticed that he did not follow her, but had
liked a couple of her reels on Instagram. And so
I confronted this man by sending him a screenshot of

(01:03:03):
the reels and said nothing. He asked me not to
freak out and said it's not what I think, and
that he only liked the reels because he found it relatable.
And he knows her because he has talked to her before,
probably at the gym.

Speaker 4 (01:03:17):
Probably at THO GM. That's why he doesn't want you
to come. Yeah, so you don't meet. He's a fair partner.

Speaker 3 (01:03:23):
And initially I thought it must have been one of
his old friends. But somehow my instincts were sensing that
something was wrong. So I checked her account and it
was made in August twenty twenty four and checked if
any of his friends followed this woman.

Speaker 4 (01:03:37):
Guess what, no heads or tails cheating heads.

Speaker 3 (01:03:41):
Well, we'll find out after so I asked him again
when did he talk to her. He said it was
a couple months ago, didn't specify when, and when I
asked him why he didn't tell me about his new friend. FYI,
he is always suspicious about my friends, my colleagues, and
my cousins and berates me over very platonic conversations. He

(01:04:03):
said it was because we were not in a good place.
He said they met at a powerlifting competition. My ex
boyfriend does heavy weightlifting and occasionally powerlifting as well, but
as far as I know, he was not in any
competitions this year, and he would not hide it from
me because he loves gloating about his little winds at
the gym almost every single day. When I asked him

(01:04:25):
to show the chats, he didn't, and then I took
a step back and realized he has turned me into
a suspicious monster like him. Though my suspicions were right, oohoo,
I was never this person. I trust my partner enough
and never ever had the habit of asking my partner
to show their chats and et cetera. I have never
been this insecure in my life where I keep looking

(01:04:47):
at the girl's profile for hours and compared myself to her,
wondering what went wrong When I did everything he asked
me to, honey, it's.

Speaker 4 (01:04:55):
Not you, girl, it's not you.

Speaker 3 (01:04:58):
Not you, Yet he still spoke to another girl. God
knows what they talk about in secret, And as much
as I wanted to ask more and dig more, when
did it happen? Why did you start talking? Why didn't
you tell me? Do you love her? Do you like her?
Did you guys just talk or did you send pictures too?
When we were watching memes on your Instagram together and

(01:05:19):
you stopped showing your screen suddenly? Was it because you
wanted to hide her messages?

Speaker 4 (01:05:24):
Probably?

Speaker 3 (01:05:25):
What did I do wrong? Was I not enough for you?
Despite doing everything you asked me to and so many
more questions, I realized it was not worth it at all. Yes,
this man without his cheating, can I call it cheating?
Because I feel like it controlled me and forbade me
from doing the things I enjoy, like working out and
et cetera, and berated me for doing normal activities that

(01:05:49):
everyone does. Is already bad enough. He was low key
harmful when he held bad words at me during our arguments,
so I immediately said thank you for everything, and Merry Christmas.
Before we're blocking him, thank you and marry christ I
don't want to be that person. I don't want to
be him. He was always suspicious that I was cheating

(01:06:12):
on him, because he was the one doing it a
few days after. It was a little hazy because I
was sad and the curiosity of knowing what actually happened
really itched me even now. But I don't think it
was worth it because the second he hit something from me,
regardless of what happened, it shows that he never respected
me enough to let me know. What are the thoughts

(01:06:33):
you got a free? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:06:35):
Break up, stay broken up up. Find a guy that
appreciates the things that you like to do and doesn't
control you. And also, you know, and don't even focus
on finding a guy. Just focus on living your life.
Your life, what you like to do. I tell you
that you shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, breathe there, you know,

(01:06:55):
live life there.

Speaker 3 (01:06:56):
Somehow You're gonna get there exactly and it'll be so wonderful.
So I took a week off from work and went
back home during Christmas week, and my mom kept asking
me what was wrong. She kept saying I look lost
and exhausted, like when I was depressed in high school.
I don't know why, but I didn't tell her what happened,
and I just hugged her. Being at home really helped

(01:07:16):
me shift my perspective. I deserve to be loved gently too.
Being out of a relationship really questions your self worth sometimes,
and the attachment of being with someone often feels less
daunting than the idea of being single. So I vowed
to myself not to date anyone at the moment and
focus on recovering myself from this. I don't want to

(01:07:38):
bleed my trauma onto anyone who sincerely loves me for
me if there's any in the future, wish me luck everyone. Also,
happy New Year everyone. I hope twenty twenty five is
kinder and more gentle towards us all this year. That's
the end of the time.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My wife is taking care of her sick aunt… and it’s destroying our marriage! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories