My wife THREW out my late wife’s videotapes… it made me furious! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, Alyssa Saale and this is Joe.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to the Okay story Time podcast game show.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
The show where you can hear the greatest stories on
ours and.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the best
stories your ears could listen to.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
All you have to do is wait for two minutes.
Through these messages from our.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Sponsors my wife throughout my late wife's videotapes. It made
me furious.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Oh my video tapes Loki though horrendous thing to do.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
I am writing this because I don't know what to do.
I have a daughter with my late wife and her
name is Eleanor. Her birthday is coming up in two
weeks and she's turning eighteen. By the way, this comes
from much Bed twenty three eighty three and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to our slash
Okay Storytime subured it.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Background.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Me and my late wife, Louie had been dating since college.
We got older and ended up getting married, and after
our wedding, she shared the news with me that she
was pregnant. I was excited that we were expecting our
first child. Since it was our first child, we bought
a video camera and made little tapes and snippets of
her whole pregnancy, allSome things such as just joking around

(01:04):
or having lunch, or talking to our unborn child through
the camera. We made a promise to only show Eleanor
the tapes on her eighteenth birthday. Fast forward, two years
after her birth, Chloe passed away due to a wasted
driver crashing into her car. I was devastated by her
passing and went into a deep depression having to raise
our two year old daughter by myself. My friends tried

(01:25):
to get me to go out again and start dating,
but every time I did, I felt like I was
betraying her. Years later, when Eleanor was thirteen, I met Wendy.
We met at a gathering for my sister's birthday and
we instantly hit it off. She didn't mind that I
had a daughter because she had two kids herself and
had just gone through divorce two years after we got married.
Now back to the present, Eleanor's eighteenth birthday is coming up,

(01:48):
and I kept all the tapes to show her.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Mine.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
You her mother passed away when she was just two,
so Eleanor doesn't remember her touch or her voice. I
was excited to show her the tapes, and a week ago,
I was talking to Wendy about it and I noticed
her expression go from happy to looking a bit uncomfortable.
Wendy would always get uncomfortable when I talked about my
late wife. I don't say things like why can't you
be La Kloe or Kloy was only supposed to be

(02:11):
my first love, but I talk about her in a
way to give my daughter a mental picture of how
her mother was like. Wendy has always talked to me
about Kloe and how it made her sad that she
can never be like her. Chloe was a model then
started working on her own fashion career, and don't get
me wrong, she was a really beautiful woman. Well, Wendy
had two kids in college and was not in the
best shape due to her words. I love both women

(02:33):
how they are, and I've never had a preference, but
I feel like Wendy is gaining some jealousy towards Chloe.
I told Wendy that I love her just the way
she is, and she broke down Rye. The next day
after the incident, she came up to me and apologized
for the way that she acted last night. I told
her it was okay and It's good that she felt
comfortable to share her feelings, and I gave her a
tight hug and a kiss on the forehead. She asked

(02:54):
to see where the tapes were, and I showed her
the box of videotapes of my late wife in my closet.
Things were going fine until yesterday morning. No, you've let
her right to the tapes.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
You let her rd into the treasure trow.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
I was looking for the tapes because I wanted to
put them in a prettier box for my daughter. And
when I went to find them, the box wasn't in
my closet.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
What's it? Where's the box? Where's the box, where's the box?

Speaker 2 (03:18):
I looked everywhere to the point I walked downstairs to
see my wife laying on the couch watching TV. I
asked her about the box and she told me she
threw it away with a neutral expression. My heart dropped
and I asked her what she meant, and she told
me that I talk about her too much and that
I need to move on with my life, so she
threw them away as a head start. I was fuming

(03:38):
with anger because not only did she throw away what
I had left of her, she threw away my daughter's
big surprise. We quickly got into an argument and she
noticed how angry I was, so she started apologizing. It
got to the point I started crying and locked myself
in our bedroom. It's the morning, and I'm writing this
in my office, going through my computer finding old files
or any type of video of my late wife to

(03:59):
give to my daughter, because sometimes my daughter still cries
that she never got to meet her mother, and I
really thought it would bring her closer to her. I've
been ignoring my wife for the past day, and she's
been texting me NonStop of how sorry she is, but
I really just can't look at her right now. It's
getting to the point our mutual friends are texting me
to accept your apology and get over it, since Chloe
passed away over ten years ago, but I'm trying to

(04:20):
ignore them all because they've never had someone so close
to them pass away. I am working on finding these
files and I'm starting to think I was overreacting. I
don't know what to do and I really need help.
And there is an update. There were backups. You're finding
the backup. It seems like there are backups, okay, but
like regardless of whether It's like if someone tries to

(04:41):
punch you and you dodge, like they still try to
punch you.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
You know, it'd be like a like imagine in the
home renovation context, you have a contract, yeah, contractors doing
a good job. Then they put like a giant hole
in your floor that goes into your basement and they
go ooh, oh my bad. No, don't worry though, We'll
fix that and then we'll finish the rest of your
house too. Be like, no, you're not going to finish
the rest of the house. Put a hole in my floor,
You're out. Someone else is going to come in.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
But there's an update. I didn't expect this to blow up.
I came on here to look for general advice, and
now I have thousands of people blowing up my DMS.
I was thinking about asking Wendy about the tapes and
where she threw them out, but I saw a comment
that told me not to ask her because I might
give her time to hide it or lie instead. When
I went back home, I checked the outside trash cans
and the kitchen ones, and I still couldn't find them.

(05:24):
Trash Day isn't until Thursday, so I was confused. I
finally went up to talk to her, and at first
she wasn't going to tell me. I threatened her with divorce,
like what have you guys said, and she gave in.
It turns out she kept the videotapes in her car
until trash day arrived because she knew I would look
through the trash. So they have the tapes. So now
I have the tapes. Thank god. Yeah, so op, he
has the tapes back. Another question asked was did Eleanor

(05:46):
know about the tapes.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
No.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
I didn't want to ruin the surprise unless I knew
that I had a backup. She doesn't know about them now,
and I'm not planning on telling her until her birthday. Yet,
don't tell her they exist until they're in her hands.
The only problem is that I'm afraid Wendy might tell her.
One more question p asking is if I'm considering divorce.
Wendy has never done anything like this before, and I
don't want to ruin a six year relationship. But at
the same time, I really do think she needs some

(06:09):
type of help. I'm considering asking her to go to therapy,
and I'm really reconsidering our relationship. Wendy is really good
with my daughter, and my daughter loves her and her
children like family. I think Wendy is just trying to
take Chloe's place in being Eleanor's mother. I'm really starting
to think she's issues. A lot of people also said
if I don't divorce her, I will betray my daughter.
My daughter is my number one, and I think I

(06:29):
should find someone better who can respect not only me,
but my daughter and her mother. And there is a
second update. It's been a month now. Things have definitely
changed for anyone wondering. Eleanor's birthday went great, especially without
Wendy there to ruin it. Basically, what happened was Wendy
found my post and went crazy about it. She started
accusing me of trying to ruin her life over something

(06:52):
so little, and the only way she found out was
because her older sister saw the story on TikTok. We
got into an argument and she tried gaslighting me eat
into being the crazy one. She threatened to leave and
take all I owned and whatever else she said. She
then proceeded to go into our room and started tearing
things down trying to look for the tapes.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
Again.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
I pulled our wrist trying to get her to calm down,
but she took it as an opportunity to start breaking down, crying,
saying that I ate Or. I backed off and just
watched as she tried to throw things at me. I
finally reached my breaking point because it was the day
of my daughter's birthday and I had a little time
left to get to the dinner that night we had reservations.
I was already dressed and had to pick Eleanor up
from a friend's house, so I grabbed my keys and

(07:32):
left Wendy there. I didn't have time for her to
act like a child. And by the way, the tapes
were at my mother's house, smart as we were all
going there after dinner. The night went great after that,
and me and Eleanor came home to a messy house
with furniture and pictures torn up. It looked like a
bunch of three year olds went wild in there. Wendy
and her children weren't anywhere to be found, and neither

(07:53):
was her car. There is a little bit left to
the story. Do you any final thoughts.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
I've never seen a clearer reason to do or someone
in my.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
Life, and I think a piece at that point, because
I think before he was like, well, this is the
first time she's done this, and then he was.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Like, oh, bos Yeah. But it's like, just because somebody
has problems does not mean that you have to be
like there throughout the entire process of them addressing them
and dealing with them and changing through them. Like, sometimes
a problem cannot be overcome in and I just feel
like this is one of those things. Especially the way

(08:27):
that she reacted afterwards, by I don't know, tearing up
the entire house. It makes it pretty clear. Yeah, I
don't have to stick around through that.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
No, not at all. That was a very intense and
very worrying reaction. And hopefully, you know, I say like
in terms of you want to you probably want to
take some like safety precautions, given that's how she left.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
Yeah, maybe get some. I feel like everybody should have cameras.
I think cameras everybody outside their house. Yeah, everyone on Earth.
They did it, they figured out the invention. Everyone needs
the cameras that tell you when people are creeping up
on you in your house, creeping up on you. Yeah,
clearly she needs help, and.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
I think OPI knows that now. I think that's very clear.
But uh, there's a little bit left. I already assumed
it was Wendy who did all of this. Plus I
had proof because I keep security cameras in my house.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
That's right, keep in your house, keep outside your house.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
I told Eleanor about everything that went down before her birthday,
and she was shocked at least to know the woman
she thought was an angel was actually a beat. Long
story short, we call the cops. Wendy got arrested, but
was released after three days. Now I'm almost done with
the divorce process. Also, Wendy, if you're reading this, have
fun living at your mother's house and having a criminal record.

(09:38):
I hope it was worth it.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
What's the over under on that being assaulting an officer?
I bet you that's what it was.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
Cop Yet I was gonna say, I was like, how
would she have been arrested for trashing the house when.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
She's like her house hop showed up and then the
cops were like, what's going on here? She went on,
what's going on? You me? We're throwing down in the
ring right now, you versus me, Baba ba my husband
overspent on his hobby while we're financially struggling.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
Sue a girl for having a hobby.

Speaker 1 (10:11):
I just found out that my husband spent ten thousand
dollars on Pokemon slabs that he said were for Christmas
and my birthday. I'm physically shaking. I had no idea
he was spending that much. I assumed maybe five hundred
to one thousand at most when I checked our bank
account and credit reports. I was shocked by the way.

(10:32):
This comes from user veiled verdicts and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay story time. Stubb bred It eleven years together. I
called him and he admitting to spending ten thousand dollars.
The worst part is that these were not even cards
I wanted or collections I am into. It was a
nice thought, but I was not thrilled by them. To

(10:53):
top it all off, he completely forgot my birthday On
the actual day. He did not say anything until half
way through the day, so he did not get me
a card, flowers, coffee, or anything at all. Even when
I suggested we celebrate over the weekend, he made no effort. Financially,
we are struggling. Our mortgage is ten thousand dollars this
month because of property taxes and home insurance. Our house

(11:15):
is on the market, but it is not selling because
of the high price tag. It's already marked at the
lowest wee can go without profit. We had just paid
off all his credit cards in December, bringing them down
to nine percent utilization, so we could focus on paying
off mine. My credit card debt is from necessary home repairs,
like replacing electrical panels to prevent a fire, and I
had been putting groceries on there to protect our cash

(11:37):
for mortgage payments, not random purchases. At this point, I
blocked his number and told him I want a divorce.
He has always had a problem with saving money, and
I feel completely disrespected in steamrolled, especially given our financial situation.
Am I overreacting? I just need advice or a gut
check because I feel like I've reached my breaking point.
And there's a couple comments relevant comments here. Number one,

(11:59):
of course, are not overreacting. He's deceived you by draining
your finances at the worst possible time. Then he lied
and claimed what he bought for himself was actually for
your birthday. Meet with a divorce attorney. Sell the slabs.
They are supposed to be a gift to you, so
you can do whatever you want them, yes, make sure
you get him to text you in writing that it

(12:19):
is a birthday gift. Dave that for the attorney in future.
Have your taxes and insurance as scrowed. Property taxes and
insurance are outrageously expensive, at least here in California. Having
them withdrawn spread out over twelve months, it's far easier
than doing the lump sum when payment is due. One
of the most important values that a couple should share
is finances. Having one spouse spend freely beyond their means

(12:41):
while the other tries to pay down debt and save dooms.
Most marriages unblock his number because he might text you
something your attorney can use in the divorce. You two
are not suitable for each other for a life together. Ohp,
he says. Our mortgage situation is just ft too much
to go into detail. But yes, we are aware in
trying to make that change. Even said we would rent

(13:01):
for two years at a very low rate in our
area to make things different for the next house. But
they're one hundred percent won't be a next house. Comment
to I only have one question, why did you pay
for his credit cards first before focusing on your own
he's clearly financially irresponsible, and if I was struggling, I
would sell all those Pokemon things first and don't give
him all the money. Op He says his credit was

(13:23):
better and easier to bounce his back faster. I trust
him like an effing idiot. I had a higher balance
from home repairs and medical expenses. Comment three, Sell the cards,
stop waffling. Sell all the cards. Collectibles are for those
who can afford it, and you two are not ready.
Comment here four says eep, they're your gift, you can
sell them. Opie says, I don't disagree. We have collected

(13:44):
the twenty twenty three scarlet and violet as it was
our childhood memories. I was definitely okay when we did that,
and it was something we did together. This feels like
a pure betrayal of trust. He talked about buying slabs
together as they are expensive and we wanted to choose together.
We had that conversation multiple times when we talked about collecting,
adding further betrayal to the situation. Comment five. I would

(14:05):
not call this an overreaction. That was an incredibly selfish,
incredibly idiotic thing for him to do. Here is the update.
I want to start by apologizing to the community for
deleting my original posts. Some people said it was vague.
I didn't want to hear that because it is not fake,
it's real. Please remember to be kind to those who
put vulnerable experiences on the internet while seeking help during

(14:25):
dark times. What is a Pokemon slab? So a slab
is when you'd send the card to the company and
they then they put it in a nice in case,
it in a little protective thing and it adds like
the condition on it and all stuff. That's what adds
the absurd amount of value to a card. I am safe.
I have contacted a lawyer. No matter what happens, I

(14:45):
will continue protecting myself and making better decisions going forward.
I also took screenshots and went through his phone completely.
While we have no children together, we do have a
decade and a lot of love for one another.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
Sweethearts, but they've got to be around thirty. No a decade.
Oh you think they got together and they have their
sweety pies, but like minimum twenty six, twenty.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
Five, twenty yeah, twenty two to twenty six. Yeah. He
was surprisingly open to giving up control and acknowledged his addiction.
He admitted he always knew it was something, but as
each new hobby came along, they became more and more expensive.
He was not angry when I confronted him, he did
break down in tears. We talked, and while I want
to keep identifying details private, I can say that he

(15:31):
is getting help and I now have full financial control.
He attended a meeting for shoppers Anonymous, and we believe
he has a compulsive spending disorder. Thanks to this community,
I realized how serious collector addiction can be. I would
not have gone to a lawyer or even known where
to start if it wasn't for the advice I received here.
That it is honest and they know what's up. That's
why I came here for help. Addiction is a long,

(15:52):
difficult journey, and I will hold myself accountable to ensure
I don't ignore red flax. Here's where we stand now.
He has agreed to all my terms. I have full
financial control. He will sell the cards, he's working to
sell other items from past hobbies. We will have weekly
financial meetings. He will go to individual therapy and meetings.
We will go back to marriage counseling after reviewing the finances.

(16:12):
It was actually seven thousand bent on cards, not ten thousand.
The other three thousand were smaller charges like work lunches
in the Starbucks. We're working on selling the cards. Other
important changes. He has promised to be a better husband
and stop acting like a child. He recognizes his behavior.
He has also acknowledged that his selfishness has affected other
areas of our life, like in our support system, and

(16:34):
he's working to change that. We both understand that this
is a lifelong addiction that will require daily effort. We
have to make that choice individually of how we want
to proceed. I know it's easy to say just leave him,
but marriage is not that simple sometimes when partner is
at ten percent while the other is at ninety. Right now,
he is at ten. Two years ago, I was the
one at ten percent, and he's stuck by me. He

(16:56):
gave me the chance to change, and I did. Now
it's my turn to offer him the same opportunity. I
will not give him a second chance beyond this, but
I believe everyone deserves at least one. OHP. He is
explaining what the financial restraining order is all about.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
OHP.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
He says, a financial restraining order is a court directive
that prevents parties in a divorced or similar legal process
from taking certain actions with their money or assets, like
liquidating assets or making unusual expenditures to ensure a fair
division of property. The purpose is to prevent one party
from depleting or hiding assets before a final property division

(17:31):
is determined, thus ensuring a fair outcome for both parties.
You can do this during a separation. Unfortunately, ultimatums never work.
Each party has to make a choice in the matter,
and only he can choose the marriage and want to
sell the cards. I can't force him to do anything.
He has to want to change. Commenter one says, Hey,
I'm glad he is ready to make changes and willing
to put in the work. If he had just promised

(17:51):
to do better, I still would have advised you to divorce.
But if he sticks to all the steps you agreed on,
I hope it will all work out for you. OHP
says I'm giving him a strict nights. I am going
to a lawyer. Comment to have you considered getting marriage
counseling together. Yes, we've already agreed to go back with
the slabs gifts. Yes they were they are all mine.

(18:12):
I have the screenshot to prove this comment. Three. I
didn't see the original post, but I appreciate the update.
As you said, marriage is a partnership where you see
each other through ups and downs. Not everything is a
leave him situation. It's good he acknowledged his problem. Honestly,
the saddest part of your update is the three k
spent on dumb things like Starbucks. At least with the
slabs you can sell them and hopefully recoup a good

(18:33):
portion of your losses. It's a lesson to all of
us in how the little things really add up. Good luck. Ope, Ope,
he says, I know that three thousand actually hit him harder.
Thanks for your kind words. I'm getting torn apart here.
Can't make people understand my perspective though. I've left comments
for resources as well, and I hope those could help
someone else. I'm at Four. There's a difference between gifting

(18:53):
something to your partner that's on their wish list, surprising
them with an item, and buying leisure items for yourself
without communicating it to your part partner. Plus, just as
an example, my husband and I have financial goals, and
buying luxury or expensive leisure items undisclosed. Just isn't us
right now? Mostly out of respect, but also due to
our shared goals. But that's just us hope, he says.
Let me put it this way. The real issue wasn't

(19:16):
the spending itself, but that he didn't come to me
about it first. You are one thousand and ten percent
correct there. He saw it as a gift and didn't
think through the financial aspect. This morning when we talked,
I told him that if he had asked for seven
thousand dollars for a trip, I would have said yes
he had asked for seven thousand dollars for Pokemon cards,
I would have said to take one thousand dollars and
grab some surprises or new things he thought I would love.

(19:37):
I love Pokemon, I love playing, watching matches and being
a part of the community. I just prefer full collections,
which aren't always feasible. If he had spent one thousand
dollars on a complete twenty twenty three one to fifty
one Scared It in violet Japanese set ungraded with one
version of each card, I would have been over the moon.

Speaker 3 (19:52):
Good luck with that.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Yeah, I was about to say, of course you would
have been because you could have sold that for probably
more than ten times what you bought it for. Instead,
he got a mix of things, including first edition base
sets and a new collection. I didn't even know about
that I now love. I told him I would have
preferred one or two slabs from each collection, maybe a
mix of my favorites, like a bubbles, artful, old picks,
or storyline, to test the waters before diving into a

(20:13):
bunch of new collections. So headstrong. Now we have a
lot to offload. That said, his heart was in the
right place and he genuinely feels awful for his mistakes.
In a way, this is a wake up call for
us both to stop spoiling each other and to refocus
on our financial goals. You may never understand that's okay.
I've known this man eleven years to know his bs
from his genuinely good side. He knows how messed up

(20:35):
it was to do what he did, and he's one
hundred percent here to make it right, and he's doing
all the right things. It can take up to two
years for trust to be built back up, and he's
ready to suck it up. As my therapist says, off it.
He also has been kind and giving me the space
to share what's bubbling inside from all of this. He
told me to stop sorting the cards when I started
to cry and wait for him to come home so

(20:55):
he could help and be there for me in the
way I needed. I was upset because I did love
the one collection and didn't want to sell it. He said,
he already was offloading something of his own for five
hundred bucks from another hobby, and he will sell anything
of his first to pay off the debt he created before.
I have to sell any of the cards I want
to keep because they are my gifts and these are
his consequences. Is the card pictured ten k No? Oh,

(21:18):
that is a stock photo. It was a few different collections,
not just one card. He bought a hundred different cards,
So whoa, he just went on a spree.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
He was like, I need dopamine. I need seven thousand
dollars worth of Pokemon centered dopamine in my brain right now.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Actually pretty crazy. My wife left me for an alpha male,
now she wants me back.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
Oh, I guess he's way too busy flexing his big
muscles to pay attention to you home.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
Is it just to alpha for you can handle all
that he I had been with my ex for seven years,
married for five. It felt like love at first sight
and everything felt so natural when we met. After about
two years of dating, we decided to tie the knots.
By the way, this comes from Throwaway and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to our slash
Okay story time Separate It. Not soon after, we welcomed

(22:05):
our baby boy for male. He was a pandemic baby,
so my wife ended up quitting her job well. I
continued working as a lion cook and started doing uber
eats on the side. After things went back to normal,
my wife told me she doesn't want to be one
of those women who loses their passion after settling down,
so she went back to finish law school and take
her bar. Of course, I wholeheartedly supported her and we

(22:26):
tried to make it work. After she passed, she immediately
got hired at a firm downtown through the help of
her friend Dumbo thirty three female. This is where the
problems started from the get go. My wife began making
good money, good enough that she told me to quit
my job and take care of our son full time,
as she wouldn't have the time. I said no, I

(22:46):
love my job. Cooking was my passion and even worked
my way up to full fledged death. My biggest regret
in our marriage had to have been her talking me
into leaving, but I did and became a stay at
home dad. Slowly, our married life began deteriorating as she
started to pull away. She'd work long hours and barely
spend any time with us. She'd go out drinking to

(23:08):
network with her work colleagues on the weekends, sometimes even
going out of town. At home, she'd always just be
pissy with me. It's like her personality did a complete
one eighty. This wasn't the sweet, nurturing girl I fell
in love with all those years ago. Our intimacy became
almost non existent after going through therapy. I can see
now that I am to blame as well. I should
have communicated better and shared how I felt. Luckily, the

(23:30):
highlight through this was my son. Seeing him grow and
being there for a lot of his first made everything
feel like it be okay. One day, she finally came
up to me and asked for a divorce. I wasn't surprised.
I felt everything was eventually going to lead up to this,
but I still didn't want to give up. I asked
if she's sure about this or if she wants to
make it work. I recommended couples counseling or temporary separation.

(23:52):
She declined both those offers and told me she found
someone else. Hearing this shattered me. Her changing and us
growing apart. I can under but never once would I
have thought that she would be the type to even
entertain other men. She told me it's some partner at
her firm. Ah, when did my life become a Korean
rom com? She told me that he invited her out
a couple of times and showed her the life of

(24:14):
luxury she deserves. We argued for a bit, and she
told me that he's twice the man is me. She
called me feminine for being a stay at home dad
while his wife was working hard and bringing home the money.
And what about me working two jobs during the pandemic?
To her, those weren't real jobs. I was a delivery
driver and a cook. Wow. She told me this new

(24:34):
guy is an alpha male who knows a woman's needs
and how to take care of her. She bragged about
how tall and muscular he is, how he's a real job,
and took her on weekend getaways that she told me
were work related. And here's the punter. He's such a man.
He doesn't want to make things official until me and
her are separated. I almost laughed at how delusional my
ex had become. I asked her what about her son,

(24:55):
and she said, I can have him.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
What dang, Yeah, you can have him.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
I don't need him, he likes better anyways. I think
this hurt the most. I couldn't believe she said that
about her own son, throwing him away like he's some object.
For the first time, I couldn't recognize the person in
front of me.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
I won't lie.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
I did let the anger get the best of me
and said some hurtful things back. I could tell she
was taken aback by this, probably because I almost never
get that angry. You turned around and left. After she left,
I cried my eyes out for two weeks, hoping she'd
call and come back. I don't know. I don't love
her anymore, but life without her feels so scary. The
only thing that kept me going was my son. I

(25:32):
knew I couldn't turn to the bottle or go down
this dark path because of him. I managed to beg
for my jawback and they rehired me for some weeknights only,
which is better than nothing. I spent the next months
just putting my head down and working in silence. The
divorce proceedings were moving quickly, and before I knew it,
it was official. The worst part about this was I
felt like I had no support system. On social media,

(25:52):
everyone was praising her for being this strong, independent woman
who broke free of some metaphoric shackles, like I was
some villain holding her, and not a single person messaged
me on how I'm doing. And thank god they didn't,
because this is what made me want to try therapy
and I haven't looked back since. For all those that
are unsure about therapy, I'm telling you it works.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
Now.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
Fast forward to this week, I received a phone call
from an unknown number and when I picked up, it
was my ex on the other line, bawling. She told
me how our alpha male boyfriend found someone else and
she's too afraid to confront him because he's a partner
at her first she finally explained her perspective and how
everything led up to this point. Basically, my ex has
admittedly always been really pretty and a social butterfly. After

(26:34):
she had her son and the pandemic hit, she felt
ugly and insecure, even if I told her she was pretty.
So I guess when she got the job, she got
the validation she wanted. Of course, feeding into these delusions
was Dumbo, who recently had divorced her husband and poisoned
my ex's thoughts with how I'm a failure as a man.

Speaker 1 (26:52):
It's just so absurd that she was like, I have
the good job, you stay home.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
I just don't understand why, you know, you have this
other woman at your firm saying like, oh, you know
your husband's lesser than and you don't just say oh
no no. I asked him to do that, you know,
like he want he was working full time, and I said, hey,
can you like why wouldn't you?

Speaker 1 (27:09):
But I think again, it's probably coming from like a
place of narcissism where absolutely you have to stay home
because I'm the winner now. And it's like not coming
from like a yeah, oh my god, this'd be great.
You can raise our gee, you can have more time
with our child. It was just more of like a
year the loser, right, I'm the winner?

Speaker 2 (27:25):
How my ex is way prettier than me, and she
deserves someone of her standards. Apparently I'm a beta male
who rolls over and is stopping her from being free.
She said a lot more specific stuff too that I
think I'll keep to myself here, but it was definitely
an eye opening conversation. I shouldn't have pushed my ex
away to be vulnerable enough to listen to Dumbo, But still,
after hearing all this, I was really just disappointed more

(27:47):
than anything, that she would be stupid enough to throw
everything away on some whim and peer pressure. My ex
asked me if we could try again. She told me
how much she misses me and how she took me
and all I did for her for granted, For example,
I always made her lunches in the morning, made sure
she's up to date with her pills and so on.
She misses those little things. Do not forget that. She said,

(28:08):
you can have him about your son, your guys's.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
Son, like he was just a collectible, like he was
just a Pokemon card, Come on card.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
I admit to telling her that I missed her too,
and I know her son does for sure, But she
did make every decision herself, and what if things worked
out with the other guy. I'm not some consolation prize
she can come running back to. She cried and told
me that she wanted me back a week after she left,
but was too prideful to call.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
Don't care.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
I firmly told her no and hung up. Since then,
my phone's been blowing up from friends and family that
I'm heartless that my wife was vulnerable and taking advanta job,
and instead of picking up the pieces and helping her,
I'm leaving her to a fan of ourseuse.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
It's impossible.

Speaker 2 (28:46):
Literally, Like just last week, it seems like all of
you guys were saying, like, thank god that your wife
left you, Opie.

Speaker 1 (28:53):
There's no way, just flip flopping. That almost makes me
I now question the validity of this because that's so
card tuneishly ridiculous of those people to be like she
was taking advantage of this, she was vulnerable, and you
don't even care your heart less.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Not gonna lie. That message hurt the most. There's a
little bit left. Do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 1 (29:11):
Ooh, yeah, this is a moment where you don't get
back together with her. But also, how could we have
avoided all of this?

Speaker 2 (29:20):
That's the real question.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
I would say if we had clearly communicated exactly the
start we were feeling in the moment we were feeling it.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
Yep, instead of waiting until the divorce happened because you
said you weren't surprised, Like, why didn't we have any
conversations about how much time she was spending away from
the family, about you know, saying, you know, I actually
don't want to be a stay at home dad full time.
You know.

Speaker 1 (29:39):
Yeah, I feel like since i've I've become stay at
home I feel like you have started to treat me differently. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
I respect her father a lot. So I heard him out.
He wants me to come over for a resolution slash
intervention this weekend and bring my son. They just want
a conversation, to hear both sides and see if it
really is resolvable. I'm attending, but I'm going to stay
firm with answer. But all the recent messages have been
making me rethink my stance. I just want to make
sure I'm not in the wrong before I attend. So

(30:06):
am I the ale?

Speaker 1 (30:08):
No?

Speaker 2 (30:09):
No, no, Well, she doesn't care about your son like
at all. She didn't bring him up once. She did
not bring him up once. Yeah, No, you should not
get back with this woman who literally only came back
because she was rejected.

Speaker 1 (30:21):
To be clear, oh icky, no good, very bad. I
don't like it. Like it's like, yeah, we want to
just like intervene with her and make sure she knows
how bad she messed up. But it's like, dude, she
didn't even like, where's where did all of this come from?

Speaker 2 (30:34):
Right?

Speaker 1 (30:34):
That's the only thing I don't I don't know what
else needs to be said or what else could be
said other than like, you'd be honest about where all
of this came from. And if she can't figure it out,
then it's like, all right, I can't be okay with this.
John here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories,
but a quick three minute break from ass from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
My fiance's hobbies are ruining our relationship, so I demanded
he toned them down. This is going to be very long,
more than likely. But before I begin, I have to
mention that I truly do love this man. I know
that I want to marry him without a doubt. I
am thankful for most advice, I really am, But if
your primary advice is for me to give up on him,

(31:11):
I will not be reading any of it, because I
do know that we will work through this somehow, even
if it's tough right now. By the way, this comes
from Megaganos, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to our slash Okay story I'm suppared it. I
always thought that women who complain that their partners spend
too much time with video games with the likes we're
a bit controlling. I am pretty introverted and very inwards

(31:33):
person overall, so my personal space and alone time is
important for me to function as such. I never in
a billion years thought I could be in that situation myself,
But I guess heck has frozen over because he I am,
and I can finally say I'm sorry, babes, I get
it now. I thirty two female, and my fiance, thirty male,

(31:56):
have been living together for a bit over a year now.
I propose to him just a week before our second anniversary,
and about half a year later, he moved in with
me in my apartment. This is my first time living
with a romantic partner, so I knew that it would
be difficult to adjust. I just never imagined, well, I.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
Just never imagined that he'd be playing Diablo for for
seventeen hours a day.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
After many years of essentially being perpetually burnt out, I
reached a point where I saw no other way but
to quit my job, albeit temporarily. I've had this job
for my entire adult life since my last year of school,
even but after my fiance moved in and we quickly
realized that my horrid schedule made it impossible to even
enjoy a life together. I always worked late and he

(32:42):
always worked early. I finally cracked. I won't get too
dark and damp in the mood, but for some context,
I was compulsively thinking about self harm. And I had
been in that mindset in the past, but now I
couldn't stand struggling like this in what should be the
happiest days of my life. So one night I signed
my letter of resignation before I'd even had the chance

(33:03):
to tell him how I felt. Funnily on April first,
but definitely not a joke that's coming up.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
You resigned without even the conversation first. Yeah, it seems
like the little backwards to me.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
I mean, would I would have hoped that you were
having those conversations about how you'd been feeling in this
job before. It seems like you know you'd had some
but yeah, especially if you're living together, shared finances and stuff.
I was always welcome back to work when I had
recovered enough, and while I do work a tiny bit
there now, it took me six months to reach that
point where I could handle coming back at all. I

(33:38):
really was worse off than I had even realized.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
Now.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
I understand that he could have felt upset with me
for this, as it seemed a bit sudden from the
outside looking in, and we'd been hoping to save to
buy a house sometime soon. Yet he never said anything
bad about it. Really, As the summer started, I was
now truly unemployed for the first time in my life.
At our first things went well at home, whether I

(34:02):
slept all day or actually did some chores. He was
always as sweet as ever with me when he got
home from work. I personally felt awful, as a past
workaholic who now couldn't even bring myself to leave bed
until five pm on some days, whilst also bringing no
money in, but it was unnecessary evil. However, he began
to gradually change his demeanor. Now I blame a lot

(34:23):
of this on us simply getting more comfortable with living together.
We are both horrible procrastinators who easily fall into absolute
apathy about chores. This wasn't news to anyone, but at
first we tried so much harder to be better for
each other's sakes. Love makes you fight for others when
you couldn't fight for yourself, my friends, but after a
while it felt like I had to do whatever needed

(34:45):
to be done myself or else no one would. He
stopped texting to check if we needed groceries on his
way home from work, stopped helping with the dishes or
taking the trash out, things he'd been amazing with before,
much better than I was. He still cooked most of
the time, because I tend to feel stressed about cooking
for him since he's the pickier eater of the two
of us. But most other things I took the biggest

(35:07):
load of, and I tried to tell myself that it
was only fair given my situation, so I often disregarded
my own burnout. We were supposed to go on a
trip that summer, my birthday present to him, and all
I asked of him to help me with was to
give me dates for it so it didn't clash with anything.
Summer came and went. He never gave me any reply

(35:28):
other than I don't know. But at the same time,
he had all the time in the world for other
things like making his home brewed beer, going fishing, playing
on the computer, binge, watching old shows, and the fishing
trips were a whole other can of worms unintended it's
the worm Queen. He would leave as soon as he

(35:49):
was out of bed, showered and dressed, meet up with
some coworkers to go fishing, and then not be home
until around eight pm to ten pm. Some days he
was literally gone for a full twelve hours. Only once
did he bring fish home to cook. The other times
he let the other guys take what they caught. He'd
also text on his way home to ask what I
wanted for dinner, as if I hadn't already sorted my

(36:09):
own food out by then. Yeah, I was like, what
time does he gett meant ate like ten pms.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
Eight to ten. That's a late dinner.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
This would often be happening multiple days each week during
his whole vacation, and even when he got back to
work it didn't ease up. In fact, one week he
told me they may go again. After work on Friday.
He then text me on Friday to say that he
got off early. I thought we'd then have some time
together before he left, But now, how foolish of me.
He spent that time hurrying home to shower and change

(36:39):
so he could quickly leave again. Then on Saturday, he
says to me that he was thinking of fishing again
and turned it around as I thought I should give
you some alone time as if I had anything but
alone time lately. They had to cancel, So what do
they do? Go fishing Sunday instead? Awesome? When summer ended
without our trip booked, without ever being invited to go

(37:02):
fishing with them, without even going swimming, I breathed a
sigh of relief at least the fishing was over. But
I was sorely mistaken and thinking that our lives could
go back to normal. It seems like Ope was going
through a really hard time. Quits job and then is
kind of going through this like depression of not being
able to go out, not being able to do things,

(37:23):
sleeping a lot longer.

Speaker 1 (37:25):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
And then instead of communicating with Opie about this, he
just kind of started distancing himself.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
I don't want to make this just about the job
that But I feel like I would be upset if
my partner that I was married to just like quit
their job without consulting me for one second.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
No, I think that like Op has done a lot
of things here that would warrant being upset and being
angry over But I think it's just like neither of
them are communicating with each other about it, because we
need to communicate.

Speaker 3 (37:55):
I think, I'm I'm, I'm very adamant about you don't
want to morph your relationship into one being one person,
one mindset, like you need to be your own separate people,
but you do need to communicate here.

Speaker 2 (38:06):
Again, his beer brewing is also a great, big priority.
Bottles and accessories for it take up our home and
I constantly trip over his boxes of stuff. He sometimes
makes something that only I would like, which is sweet,
but I never asked him to yet he will ask
for my help with bottling as such, and often makes
it seem like this hobby is for both of us.
Then there's the gaming. At the moment, he can spend

(38:28):
a whole day off from work at his computer, either
gaming and on and off, talking to a friend in common,
or just watching videos on YouTube. Often about his other hobbies.
He even stays up late at night at any opportunity
he gets, even though he knows that he will sleep
poorly on Sunday and be cranky about work on Monday.
And he always works early even when he comes home

(38:48):
from work. This is where you'll find him often, not
even asking if I have any dinner planned out until
it's already about time to get cooking. He spends so
much time in that chair now that my pet tortoise,
who has her enclosure next to his desk, keeps there
to see if he's home or not, then proceeds to
be upset that he is not in his spot while
he works. Now, I am starting to work again, slowly,
but it stresses me out to imagine working full time

(39:10):
and still trying to keep our household functioning, let alone
imagining us with the house of our own or a child.
He wants me to work, so it's not like we
have an arrangement where I'm meant to handle all of this.
I'm just slowly turning into his mother. It feels like
like how I have to keep teaching him how recycling
his trash works at the age of thirty. How does
this man not know how to recycle.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
A lot of people don't know how to recycle.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
But we finally reached the part where I admit my fault.
I am far from free of them, but my dear friends,
I grew up in a household with a lot of
conflict in fighting, and him and I have to this
day never had a real fight before.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
Yeah, that tracks.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
You guys don't communicate, So anytime I get upset and
riled up, I find myself pushing it down before I
explode on him. Why both of them are just upset
at each other and will never say anything.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
And that's the reciped to a perfect relationship.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah, you guys are breaking up, just really slowly. I
keep meaning to bring things up in a calm manner
as soon as there's a better time for it, when
I'm less upset, But I keep being distracted by just
how much I love him, as well as frightened over
the fact that I don't even know what our fighting
dynamic might look like. There is just a teeny tiny
bit left of this story, and it doesn't seem like

(40:23):
we're gonna get any communication in this.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
That would be my only advice. Yeah, my advice is
communicating to start talking about the things that you don't
want to talk about.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah, I feel like, Ope, you're operating from Oh well,
I'm burnt out and I'm you know, was going through
a really hard time and so I had to quit
my job. I had to do this. But it seems
like your partner is also going through maybe an equally
well maybe not equally, but like an also a hard time.
Like he's staying up late watching you know, the videos

(40:52):
and not going to sleep later and later, he's spending
time away from you and the home. It seems like
he's going through something and you haven't asked him what's
going on.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
What looks like, oh my god, he goes fishing. He
ignores me, but.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
He's like, I love him so much, so I'm not
gonna ask him why he's sad. It also feels so
awkward to be the person who brings something up, not
the first time it happens, but the twentieth An X
of mine once berated me for that very reason, as
he said I made him feel bad about allowing him
to do something, then admitting to him later on that
it made me uncomfortable. So would I be the a

(41:25):
hole if I told him that he lets his hobbies
control too much of his life. Or should I simply
find better ways to encourage him to also do other
things in his spare time. I don't think either of
those are the answer. I think that both of those
are not the roots of this conversation at all.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
The roots of the fruits are communication.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, I think you need to talk about how you
guys are going to communicate effectively.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
My fiance is extremely frugal, and I'm calling off our
engagement because of it.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
Yeah, get out of that relationship if he won't spend
the big bucks.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
I thirty one female struggle with my fiance thirty two
males frugalness, and I'm not sure if I want to
marry him anymore after a three year relationship. By the way,
this comes from user expensive Pangolin sixty and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime subreddit. I met my fiance three years ago.

(42:22):
He came out of in a marriage just two years
before we met. One of hers was financial. She bled
him dry, made him buy expensive jewelry, only to give
it away or break it after an argument. Designer shoes, clothes,
the big house, the nice cars, trips to the Caribbean,
you name it. She made him pay for it. She

(42:42):
also took him to the cleaners in the divorce. However,
my fiance is very well off. He makes far more
than six figures. Oh, mister richie, rich, richie, rich money bingis.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Bag little money bags over here.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
On top of that, he inherited a few million from
his father, and his parents gifted him and his siblings
a few cool millions. What that's a lot of money. So, yes,
the financial is bad, but he does not suffer financially.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
He believin this is so used financially use noworkrop talking
the portament. He's not poor. He's still very rich.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
He has more money than he will ever need. So
last year I moved into his house. I do not
pay rent, but I split the bills and I buy food.
I pay for my own clothes and jewelry. I have
a good job and I can take care of myself. However,
things have been taking a turn for the worse, and
I feel miserable. His house was empty when I moved in.

(43:38):
He had hand me down furniture, maybe three forks and
two knives. He wouldn't put on the heating, so the
house felt cold and moldy. He has no curtains, no decorations.
His ex took everything not bolted down and he was
too cheap to replace it. Just imagine a million dollar
house like that.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
I'm kind of really quick pause. I'm kind of shocked
that he didn't have a prenup in the original marriage
if he was that wealthy, because I feel like that
is a very common thing that we see in these
types of stories where someone's like super wealthy. I feel
like they always get prenups.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
Maybe they were married before the money came in. Maybe
they did have one, and she just like took all
the furniture and he didn't care.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
Yeah, he was like, I'm not gonna use that.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
I only use three forks, I only need the three
utensils in a lawn chair. I am grateful that I
can live in his house. It's something I could never
afford myself. But I don't want to live in squalor.
So I bought some kitchen supplies and some furniture. But
at some point I realized I was dipping into my
savings all the time, and he did nothing. I looked

(44:43):
into curtains, but those things are expensive. His house has
so many windows it's crazy. I didn't want to pay
for this anymore. I told him I needed a fund
to furnish his house. He blew up at me that
I was just with him for his money. I pointed
out all the money I spent on his house, the
gifts and the trips, because he pays for nothing. Ever,

(45:04):
because he wants to be sure, I'm not here for
the money. The fact is, if we break up, I
have nothing. The house is not mine. If I spend
all my savings on his house, I'll be left with
absolutely nothing. He wants a prenup, and I'm fine with that,
but I can't help but feel used. Next to that,
I am jealous of his ex wife. I feel like
she got treated and now I'm neglected. He proposed to

(45:28):
his ex on a cruise with a ten thousand dollars
white gold diamond ring. I got the rhodium plated Svarsky
stuff that might cost like one hundred bucks. I think
spending a lot of money on an engagement ring is silly.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
I don't think that you have to spend like everyone
in the world has to spend, sir. I don't think
there is any certain amount that you have to spend
on an engagement ring. But I do think that you
should take time and there should be thought put into
it that because engagement rings for men many people are
very significant and it's not like it might not be

(46:03):
the wedding ring, but it is something that you wear
for usually the remainder of the marriage.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
The proposal was at a picnic in the park that
I organized and paid for the groceries for, and slaved
in the kitchen for. I almost said no out of
pure disappointment. However, I'm afraid to bring it up and
to be called a gold digger. I don't want to
be funding a millionaire's lifestyle. He loves everything as long
as I pay for it, as soon as he has
to pay. It's frivolous and unnecessary. I can live like

(46:32):
a poor person by myself, at least. The fact that
there are literal millions lying around doesn't hang over me
to bum me out, and I would just be paying
for my own lifestyle. Would I be the a hole
for calling off a wedding purely for financial reasons? Because
I love this man, but I imagine our cheap wedding in
contrast to his ex's extravaganza. Will our future kids be

(46:54):
able to have some luxuries or only if I pay
for it? What if I ever become a stay at
home mom, Well, I have to beg to put the
heating on edited to answer questions, I see a lot
I know is not made up. His family and friends
told me separate stories of what they witnessed. Not only
did it confirm it, it showed me she was way
more terrible than I thought, like stealing heirloom jewelry of

(47:16):
his grandma with Alzheimer's right after she was widowed, pretending
she was gifted these things even though everyone knew Grandma
hated her guts. I didn't realize or see he is
doing the same to me as she was to him,
and he is subconsciously punishing me for what was done
to him. I'm not trying to force a lifestyle on
him where he was previously happy in. He told me

(47:37):
prior to moving in that he left his house like
this because he was depressed after his wife took everything,
even the curtains, and that it makes him sad and
he wants a cozy home. He just didn't know where
to start. His house is paid off, thanks to Grandad.
He isn't actually spending much on utilities either. The house
is very well insulated and has solar panels. It's weird
to see how cheap being rich really is not asking

(48:00):
for designer furniture. IIKEA all the way, and I have
refurbished secondhand furniture myself. I'm actually pretty thrifty.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Actually, I'm pretty thrifty.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
I see where my jealousy over the ex's lifestyle might
have triggered some people. But let me explain, A ten
thousand dollars ring is insane and stupid to me. I
don't want that because I would fear losing it every day.
I don't need an over the top wedding. However, it
almost feels like for her, he did put in the
effort and he wanted to give her what made her happy,

(48:31):
put an effort and thought into it. With me, it
almost feels like he wants to prove how little he
can give me. He talked about how he would see
the wedding, and it is cheaper than my actually financially
struggling cousin's wedding. I can't help but feel he wants
to demonstrate how cheap he can treat me, and I
already feel embarrassed about the family that would have been
to both, and I will feel like the discount wife.

(48:54):
I don't like to say it, but it feels like
he gets off on this to some extent. We're almost
talking washing paper plates at this moment. Somehow I doubt
that part. I'm like fifty to fifty on that, because
that's a crazy level.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
If he has a giant house and it is basically empty,
like she had to supply everything this is, I just
don't think that they can get married. That doesn't mean
they have to break up, but I think he absolutely
has to.

Speaker 1 (49:18):
Go to therapy. Stop buying the furniture in the house.
Stop buying things for this house that's not your house.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
I think you just say, like, hey, I bought a
lot of furniture. If we want to go half on this,
I'm fine with that, But right now, this is my furniture,
and if I move out, this would be my furniture
because I paid for it.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
Yes, I did discuss selling the mansion I really don't
need and moving to a more modest house, especially knowing
this is a house's ex picked. He doesn't want to
do that. He loves this house, but I feel really
intimidated living in a house I could never afford, and
there's so many large windows. Yeesh. I have not talked
to him yet, but a pause on the marriage and

(49:56):
counseling is a must. Good I got you released this smart.
I already am looking for individual counseling because I realized
I might indeed be too much of a people pleaser,
allowing him to control me with the ghost of his X.
I'm also going to separate for a while. I'm looking
to rent something for a few months so I can
get some space. Thank you all for your insights, and

(50:19):
there are some notable comments here. Senior Day says, not
the ahole. I understand you've had some trauma in your past,
and I'm sorry you went through that, but I can't
allow you to mistreat me because of it. It burns
me up inside that you gave her everything, but I
have to beg for the bare minimum. I deserve to
feel cherished by my partner as I have cherished you.
And Opie says, ooh, that hit me right in the fields.

(50:42):
And there's an update. Okay, I hope this update makes
sense because I'm very confused and not really doing that
well at the moment. Reddit, you changed my life. Thank
you so much for all your ideas and insights. Honestly,
I don't think I would have had the courage to
do what I did without you, guys. I went to therapy.
It took the day off just to get my racing
mind to calm down, and therapy has confirmed things that

(51:04):
you guys suspected. I am a people pleaser. I wanted
to save him, and I have internalized the idea that
any effort and every penny I want him to depend
on me makes me a gold digger. I will have
weekly sessions to work on me. I realized I would
have never taken this treatment from any of my other exes,
even though I made more than them. The idea I

(51:26):
had to prove myself worthy to be with a millionaire
and not be there for the money got into my
head pretty early. I called one of his siblings that
I'm pretty close with and just told her everything. She
was not surprised, but just sad about how unhappy he
was making me. She told me that from the day
we started, he had this idea that I was out
of his league. He struggled to understand why I wanted

(51:48):
to be with him, and he probably just thought it
must be my money. She told me she already talked
to him in the past to treat me better, and
she was furious about the proposal. This information confused me
a little. I was little hurt. She never discussed any
of this before, but she thought it was none of
her business. She also explained how she and her husband
organized their finances. He also doesn't have as much as her,

(52:10):
and I took the opportunity to pack back. I haven't
found a place yet, but I'm going to stay with
my parents. I made up my mind that I will
at least want six months apart to get myself in order,
and I made sure my stuff was in the car
because honestly, I had no idea how the conversation would go.
So into the most difficult part the talk, I waited

(52:31):
for him to come home. He was pretty late, but
I didn't want to sleep another night on this. Pretending
I was fine while I was contemplating all of this
just ate me up. I had written down what I
wanted to say. I've never been so scared before. I
didn't want to hurt him, and I didn't know how
he would react, and I took some advice from here,
and I opened with the fact that I was moving

(52:51):
out and that I wanted to pause our engagement. He
was very quiet and just sat down. I told him
that he really hurt me by calling me a gold
digger and that I'm done walking on eggshells and feeling
guilty for just wanting basic things. I told him I
was unhappy and felt neglected. I also told him that
after three years of me showing up for him, he

(53:12):
still doesn't think I'm here for him, and that is
not gonna happen. He was just quiet. He didn't say anything.
I told him that the constant comparison to his ex
was unhealthy and unfair. Punishing me for her sins was
I told him, comparing her to me all the time
has triggered me into comparing myself to her and starting

(53:32):
to feel like she was worth more than me. One
of the things about her was mostly ungratefulness. He would
do nice things for her, but it was never enough.
And the thing is he doesn't do nice things for me,
and I have to be grateful for the pleasure of
picking up the bill. I told him he was not
ready for marriage and that I dreaded having kids with
him and living like this, that I hadn't trust that

(53:54):
he would take care of me if I would become
a stay at home mom, and at that point I
called him abuse and a user. I was getting pretty
angry saying all this out loud and lost my composure
and the script a little bit. He remained quiet, with
almost no emotion on his face. I stayed quiet, but
nothing came out, so I decided that I would just leave.
Only when I got up to go, he said, please
don't go. He asked me if I was pausing the

(54:16):
wedding or calling it off. He wanted to know if
it was over or if he still had a shot.
I told him I wanted out of this house and
I honestly don't want to live in his exis palace
of sadness anymore. I needed him to go to therapy,
and especially financial therapy. I needed a separation, and I
told him I was open to couple's counseling if he
went into individual counseling. He begged me not to do

(54:39):
the separation, but honestly, I really really wanted it. I
just told him to think about it, and I left him.
He was finally showing some emotions and he was crying.
At this point. He sent me a very long text
somewhere in the am and told me he was a
wreck and couldn't sleep. He made all kinds of promises
he would go into therapy and sell his house, buy
a smaller one, and make sure I'm taking care of

(55:01):
whatever happens. He said he would help me decorate and
would make a home. He again asked me to please
come home, but to me, it doesn't feel like home
there anyway.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
I think that's one good conversation.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
Yeah, he woke up to the reality that you're being
neglected and it was his fault. And then he said no.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
And he can make all sorts of promises, but if
they don't have follow through, then they don't mean anything.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
And give him some time. Yeah, because it's like you
can make promises day one and then it's like in
a week. If he's just like, yeah, screw you, yeah
I'll need you, then it's like, yeah, all right.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
I also get the second that you call your partner
a gold digger, It's like, why are you still in
a relationship with that person?

Speaker 1 (55:39):
Then I feel very empty and tired. I've been sleeping
most of the day, and I feel guilty, but also
a little bit relieved, if that makes sense. I don't
know if I actually want back if he does all that,
I don't know. I'm a little unsteady right now. I
need some time to process. I'll go back for the
kitchen supplies and my TV, and I won't take anything

(56:00):
else of the furniture. This is the exact reason why
I was unwilling to buy everything. This house is so huge,
So the couch is huge, and I can't take it.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
I was about to say, I was like, you gotta
take all of your furniture, but it's like, oh, it's
too big, one of those giant like you know, should yeah,
I don't think sationals.

Speaker 1 (56:17):
That was a mistake right from the jump. Should not
have bought any furniture for the house. You'd be like,
you realize your house is empty, right, Yeah? Don't you
want furniture for your house? That I'm saying it? Yeah, anyway,
But that's the end of that story. Strange Sam here
og host. We're gonna get back to these stories, but
here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
First, my fiance wants to exclude my daughter from our wedding,
but I refuse to budge.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
Why is your daughter really that cool?

Speaker 2 (56:43):
I forty five male, have a daughter, Polly from a
previous relationship. I divorced my ex wife on good terms
and we share fifty to fifty custody of Polly. She
is now eleven. After I divorced my ex wife, I
met my now fiance, Sharon. Sharon and my daughter got
all very well, that's great after five years in my
relationship with Sharon, I proposed, by the way, this comes from,

(57:07):
who even is that? Five? And if you want to
submit your own stories, go to our slash okay storytime
separate it. Sharon was super excited and wanted to start
planning right away. She looked at venues and started asking
her friends to be your bridesmaids. She then told me
she wanted her niece to be a flower girl, which
I had no problem with, but I said I also
wanted Polly to be a flower girl. Sharon looked at

(57:29):
me funny and then said that she didn't think that
Polly would fit that part.

Speaker 1 (57:34):
The part of flower girl where it's a little girl
who throws flowers.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
Oh what does that mean?

Speaker 1 (57:40):
What are you saying about that what Madonna?

Speaker 3 (57:43):
Like? What do you?

Speaker 2 (57:44):
I got angry and told Sharon that my daughter would
be in our wedding. Sharon started to become upset that
the girls in the wedding were up to her and
Polly wouldn't be one of them. I told Sharon that
if Polly was in the wedding, then there might not
be a wedding stand on business, stormed out and took
Polly to get ice cream. Polly knows we're getting married

(58:04):
and told me she thinks she will look pretty in
whatever dress Sharon decided she would wear. Oh, this broke
my heart and I decided to text Sharon. I told
her I would be staying at a friends to think
this over. My mother in law texted me saying I
am overreacting and then my daughter doesn't have to be
in my wedding. And I was an a hole for

(58:25):
saying that I would cancel. Along came Paul, So did
I take it too far saying I will cancel? Am
I overreacting or just being a good dad? And there
are some relevant comments and an update? But what are
your thoughts?

Speaker 1 (58:38):
Because I got a cup If you're literally spatting and
being like, well, then I guess there won't be a
wedding right before your wedding. You probably probably not ready
to get married to that wedding. Just a thought, Yeah,
just a thought. Y'all probably are not sturdy enough to
get married in the first place.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
Agreed, man oh Man. I also just think that you
should talk to and ask her why she doesn't want
to Paul, like, we just have a little bit more
of a conversation.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
Yeah, it's also just like weird that she doesn't want
your kids to be like, what do you mean by that?
The flower girl in y'all's wedding, Yeah, doesn't she got
beef with Poulie d She got beef.

Speaker 2 (59:15):
With a ten year old. Weird. But there are some comments.
Did you propose alternatives to the flower girl position, Opie says.
I said, I wanted her in the wedding in some
shape or form. I wanted her to be part of
the day and not sitting with the guests while we
walked down the aisle. Beyonce said it would be best
if she just sat with my parents. Many have suggested
a junior bridesmaid, but my fiance still declines. I did

(59:37):
tell my fiance she will be in the wedding, and
if that means she has to be a groomsman, then
so be it. Fiance blew up, saying she's not a
boy and my side's only for boys. If she denied
my request to have a father daughter dance with Polly,
so this is why I'm rethinking the whole wedding. She
just kind of hates your daughter. Sharon and I are
going to talk tonight and hopefully she will give me

(59:58):
a full reason. And then another. The commenter says, has
Polly ever said anything about Sharon treating her poorly? Opie says,
Polly has never voiced any concerns about Sharon treating her badly.
I have never seen anything happen between them, so this
was very out of the blue. Surprisingly, Sharon has never
had an issue with Polly until wedding talk. The two
have always been super close, so her reaction shocked me

(01:00:20):
for sure. I would have never popped the question if
Polly wasn't comfortable. I totally understand where you guys are
coming from. I do think it's crazy that I haven't
seen any signs. I've talked to Polly and told her
to tell me if anything has ever happened. Polly can't
recall a single time Sharon was mean to her, And
then another person says, could race, weight, or disability be

(01:00:40):
a factor in this, and Opie says, yes, I made
this post late last night and I'm just now reaching
all the comments. My daughter is not disabled. She is
on the average weight scale for an eleven year old,
and all of us in the situation are white. And
now she's eleven becomes he's even smarter. Opie clarifies that
his fiance is thirty nine years old and there is

(01:01:02):
an update. But what are your thoughts now that you've
maybe grasped what's going on?

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
And this is so weird that you'd be like, no,
future husband, my future daughter in law is not allowed
to participate in the wedding. That's weird because of like vibes,
because the vibes would be off. It's like, dude, it's
my daughter. She's not tall enough to she comes up
to hear person's being in a real duf as. Okay,

(01:01:29):
it's true.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Talk to her mom this morning, because I wanted Polly
to start with her until this was figured out. Her
mom said she hopes it goes well and told me
I could stay with her and Polly if need be,
She said, Polly always comes home with nothing negative to say,
so we aren't sure where this came from. Opie is
voted not the a hole And here's the big boy update.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Oh boy stopping, oh big boy.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Thank you everyone for all the kind words. To answer
a few questions. My daughter is not disabled, chubby, or
having an awkward phase. Brace's class says. I did ask
if Polly could be a groomsman. Sharon immediately shot me down.
Sharon is thirty nine, she's the same race as my daughter.
This is her first marriage. I tried to answer as
many comments as possible. I came home to talk to

(01:02:14):
Sharon today. When I pulled in our driveway, my mother
in law was sitting there in her car. I got
out and went inside, trying to avoid talking to mother
in law. Sharon was sitting at the kitchen table and
I joined her. She sat in silence. So I asked
the first question, why does Polly not fit the part?
And why don't you water in the wedding at all?
Her answer, boll On shocked me.

Speaker 1 (01:02:36):
What do you think, oh she's gonna be like? Because
I think she's a reptilian. Whoa, that's your answer. It's
gonna be what she says. Uh huh, Yeah, your daughter's
your answer. I saw her second layer of eyelids one night,
and it's never been the same since. Will tank you
all my money right now that that's not happening. Oh

(01:02:57):
you think you think, Kean? Really, how are you gonna
put me on blast like that?

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
I think that one night Stepma goes into Polly's room,
you know, give her a little kiss kod night and
tuck her in. Polly's in the corner had full turned
crawling on the walls.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
Ah demon, She quietly.

Speaker 2 (01:03:15):
Said, I was hoping that after the wedding, you could
become a holiday visit only dad.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
What what w as in?

Speaker 2 (01:03:24):
She thought that OPI could just stop seeing his daughter
after they got married and just see her on like Christmas.

Speaker 1 (01:03:32):
Yeah, so you're not getting married to this woman.

Speaker 2 (01:03:34):
I didn't want her in the wedding, so she wouldn't
be in the photos around the house, and she wasn't
going to be around much. I kept my cool, calmly
took her hand and pulled the ring off. Wait no,
not even.

Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
Yes, it's mine, it's my precious.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
Reading her eyes, started to tear up. She said we
shouldn't end the marriage over this, and that she can change.
I told her the damage was already done. I told
her I wanted her things moved out by next week
and that she could come get them when my daughter
wasn't home. The house is in my name and I
paid for it. I was allowing her to get her
furniture that she paid for. She stormed out, and mother

(01:04:08):
in law came knocking on the door, saying it was
being unreasonable. I couldn't imagine only seeing my daughter three
or four times a year. The fact that Sharon wanted
me to give up part of my custody blew me away.
I'm sitting on my couch justin's shock. Our honeymoon was
supposed to be in Hawaii. Looks like me and Polly
will be going instead. I will update again if anything happens.

(01:04:30):
And there are some relevant comments and an update. So
let's get into these relevant comments. Let's go see how
relevant they really are.

Speaker 1 (01:04:38):
Let's get relevant.

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
People are once again skeptical that there was no bad
behavior by Sharon toward Polly in the past. He says,
I have truly never noticed a thing Polly has never
had anything negative about Sharon and asked her mom earlier
today when she will get to see her again. But
there is an update. Hello everyone, thank you for all
the kind comments and suggestions. For Hawaii, we did that

(01:05:01):
a few days ago and Polly is already having a
ton of fun lovely. If you have any cool suggestions,
please drop them in the comments. As for my ex fiance,
she has tried to reach out to me, wanting to
work everything out, saying she only did it because her
mom wanted pure grandchildren.

Speaker 3 (01:05:18):
Why what, Wow, God, it gets worse, and that it's
entire family's crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:05:23):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (01:05:25):
I wanted them to be my children. I still do
not care if she really loved my daughter and if
she wouldn't have acted on her mother's wishes. Sharon has
called my workplace to try and get in touch with me.
She has even shown up a few times to try
and talk to me, and I've told my supervisor to
just ask her to leave. She's gone as far as
messaging my ex wife a few times, wanting to know

(01:05:46):
why her calls won't go through to me. When she
caught when that we were in Hawaii, she was pissed.
I'm still close with her brother, and he told me
that her and her mom were going to try and
get plane tickets.

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
Yoicks.

Speaker 2 (01:05:58):
If that's the case, I will.

Speaker 1 (01:05:59):
Likely file restraining order at a boy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:01):
Polly has asked what happened to Sharon, and I told
her that we come as a package deal and Sharon
only wanted me and I couldn't leave her. Paulli understood,
but I think she was a little heartbroken. I know
this update is small, but it's all I have for
those asking and relevant comments. Did your former future brother
in law have any light to shet on Sharon and
his mom's behavior. Obie says her and her brother are

(01:06:24):
not very close and grew up in different homes as
my ex mother in law and father in law are divorced.
Her brother and dad are pretty awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
Though.

Speaker 2 (01:06:31):
We went and had drinks a few days after the
storm of Sharon and her mom, and there is I
think a final update. I realize I forgot to do
an update. Polly and I had an epic time in
Hawaii and she's already talking about wanting to go back.
Turns out, when my ex fiance and her mom tried
to buy tickets, the airlines were sold out. What a
bummer for them. Instead, they decided to leave piles of

(01:06:55):
letters at my door. There were maybe fifty envelopes full
of pages about how I needed to take share and back.
I honestly didn't read them and discarded most of them.
So far, I've coincidentally run into Sharon at grocery stores
and gas stations and not paid any attention to her.
She attempted to show up at my daughter's Meet the
Teacher night, but since she didn't have a kid, she
wasn't allowed.

Speaker 1 (01:07:15):
In my take on this is eleven years old, is
old enough to know the truth, and you just make
it clear that it's Sharon's fault and not Polly's. Yo,
Sharon decided, I guess she wanted me to abandon you
and I wasn't gonna do that. That is not your fault.
Sharon's fault because she's moron.

Speaker 2 (01:07:32):
From what I have heard through her brother and dad,
she already has a new boyfriend that's wild, yikes, and
just wants to get back at me. Now. As for me,
i'd put a restraining order on Sharon. I did see
comments asking if it was going to attempt to date again.
Let's just say I took my ex wife with me
to Hawaii and we decided to try again. Polly parent

(01:07:56):
trapped you all. In all, I'd say, I don't expect
to be from Sharon or her mother again. And my
ex wife has now moved back in with my daughter.

Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
And I wait, what, Wow, didn't you dude?

Speaker 2 (01:08:10):
You gotta take that like fifty times slower

All Episodes

My wife THREW out my late wife’s videotapes… it made me furious! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My wife THREW out my late wife’s videotapes… it made me furious! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories