My wife’s best friend developed FEELINGS for me! r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes. We'll get
into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
My wife's best friend developed feelings for me.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Totally go away.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
Yes, I'm aware I'm going to sound arrogant and like
a self absorbed person.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Get over it.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
My wife and I have known each other for a
total of twenty ish years. We've dated for nine, married
for five. She's known her best friend d since the
end of high school slash early college.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
They're like sisters.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
By the way, this comes from users same poet eight
nine nine zero And if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay story Time
Summer it.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
So I think we'll call de Denise.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Denise has horrible luck with guys, harmful relationships, toxic relationships.
She's had it all and then some. I know this
because she vents about it to my wife and me
all the time. Recently, she just got through a particularly
rough relationship which she decided she was no longer going
to date and just be single for a while. She
began making comments to my wife about how lucky she

(01:10):
is that she has me, and then it must make
her feel so good to have a supporting, caring, loving
man in her life to take care of her. This
is when her behavior began to change. She's been very
clingy to me, and she never was before. Now when
she comes over, she's got her head on my shoulder,
she sits in my lap. She tells me all the
time that I make her feel safe and comfortable, and

(01:31):
she always asks how my day is going, and if
I'm happy to see her, or how I think her
body looks in her outfit, which she kind of did before,
but now she draws attention to her feminine areas.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
A joke was made by my wife about Denise being my.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Second wife to do all the stuff my wife doesn't
feel like doing. Denise jumped onto this and now refers
too often of herself as second wife. My wife thinks
it's funny, and it was until Denise sent me a
picture of a ring she wanted quote because even your
second wife needs a ring. I have brought all of

(02:08):
this up to my wife because I don't want to
keep her in the dark. About anything, and she just
says things like ah, that's just her or man, she
doesn't mean anything by it. My fear is that Denise
is getting what she's never gotten from any of her
past relationships, like comfort or validation or safety, and that
she will become attached to this kind of fantasy. I

(02:29):
don't want my wife to think I'm doing anything behind
her back. But as I've stated, she just brushes it
all off. Am I just being too observant? Or is
there something there? My wife isn't seeing thoughts and there's
some comments, so cal Sunshine ten says, just have two
wives problem solved lol. Momo Lafofo says, as a female

(02:49):
with a lot of guy friends, there's a huge difference
in confiding with someone and then sitting in someone's lap.
That to me seems like there's more to it. I
chat with your wife and see where she stands with it.
Op says she brushes it all off. I've brought up
everything that's happened and left nothing out. Momento Fofo says,

(03:09):
you're also allowed to have boundaries. Just because she's okay
with it, and even if your wife is doesn't mean
you are, and that deserves to be respected. I find
it odd she doesn't see anything weird about it. Females
are hyper aware of what they're doing, Opie says, are
you suggesting that my wife may see something there and
not care?

Speaker 2 (03:27):
And there's an update?

Speaker 3 (03:28):
Thank you for everyone's input and advice on my situation.
On that note, there are some questions I keep seeing,
so I'll answer some below. Regarding the sitting in my lap,
this has only happened twice. Both instances were at parties
where there was no seating left where I was sitting.
I actually offered her my seat, which she said thanks
and sat on my lap. Yes, both times were in

(03:49):
front of my wife and she thought it was funny.
So rather than make a scene by getting her off
of my lap, I waited till an opportunity presented itself,
like needing more food or drink, or need to go
to the bathroom, et cetera. So is Denise hot or
am I attracted to her by society standards? She would
be very attractive by society standards, My wife would not

(04:11):
be as attractive. On that being sad, my wife is
exactly what I want in a woman. Just speaking physically,
at the moment. My wife is short, very pale skin, long,
curly brown hair, and not skinny because of the children
we have had together. I love my wife the way
she is, and we're working together to help her lose
the baby fat she wants to lose.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
Denise, on the other hand, is taller than me.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
I'm five ten, tan, skin straight, dirty blond hair and skinny.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Again. Attractive, just not what I'm into.

Speaker 4 (04:43):
I think we get a clear definition of this, and
I think the wife maybe have low standards of herself.
Is like, you know what, I think this is good
for you. You know, she's really attractive and I think
you like her. Hopefully that's not the case, but that
could be the case.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
I'm just hoping it's like she's hyper secure in her relateationship.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Now onto the update.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
Talk to my wife about everything going on and my
concerns about it, using some points people brought up in
the comments. Turns out my wife is aware of the
situation and is actually partially behind it. Apparently she brought
up the idea of quote using me to show her
best friend what to look for in a guy. Was
a good idea, but this has all gone a little

(05:23):
farther than she thought it would forgive her please. She
had good intentions. Okay, thank god. So we're both going
to sit down with Denise and talk about everything next
time she comes over.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
Comments from Gligster seventy one.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
I think you all should just get unclothed and.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
Trust each other.

Speaker 3 (05:43):
I mean, hey, I think that's a horrible idea given
the context we've gotten now, Bingbong sixty nine, your wife
is the weird one here, and there's a second update.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
Let's just get into it.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
Denise came over. We all sat down at the table.
Kids are at their ants for the night. I stated
that I wanted everything to come out, all the cards
on the table.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
I want to know everything. So here's what went down.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
Denise has always had awful luck with men. She ventsd
to me and my wife about it all the time.
During a conversation when I wasn't president, Denise had said
something along the lines of quote wishing she could find
a man like yours because she will never know what
it feels like to be genuinely wanted and appreciated. My
wife then made a bad decision, and in trying to
comfort her, friend suggested treating me more like a boyfriend

(06:30):
than just a good friend, nothing physical, just the support
and comfort and validation for a little to get an
idea of what to look for in a man. Your
wife is off thousand percent the weird one here, my guy.

Speaker 4 (06:42):
Yeah, that is a weird thing to do. You could
another thing you could have done. Hey, just look at
the relationship I have with my man, and you know,
try to resemble something like that on the friendship level
that I have with my man and like, you know,
a romantic level, you know, try to mimic that.

Speaker 3 (06:57):
Denise said she was fine with that, but when she's
started to get it from me, she wanted more and more.
I only have so much to give and started to
cross boundaries to get it, like the lap sitting and
other stuff. I asked my wife about it, and she
said it caught her by surprise, but didn't exactly make
her uncomfortable with her friend. It was actually the mentioning

(07:17):
of Denise wanting a ring that she finally started to
see this was getting out of control. Wife said she
realized she messed up, but didn't want to say anything
to me about it.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
I explained to.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
Both of them very thoroughly about how ridiculous this entire
thing is how there are better ways we all could
have helped, and how this could have destroyed friendships and marriages.
They should have come to me and we all could
have figured out ways to help each other together. There
were apologies from both parties. Denise is still our friend
and she'll be coming over in a few days for
us to discuss how she can potentially work on herself

(07:50):
and things to look for in men she has an
interest in dating. My wife is very sorry to Denise
and me about the entire thing.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Dude, good to the wife.

Speaker 4 (07:59):
Wife's really doing damage control here, really, Yeah, she said
that was my bad. I'm really sorry about how everything
is going on. I think communicated this.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
I would call that more accountability because damage control is
like ope, I feel op he is the one who's
like this was all messed up and then like her
admission of like yeah, I've done this, and now he's
the one being like this is so crazy.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
We feel like he's.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
Pointing out the damage that has been done and she's like, Okay,
I'm digging responsibility in this doing damage stroll.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah I do.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
I do like the way that she was like that
that was c that was not the best the best
move of me.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
Here, I see what happened. I thought my friend would
have a little bit more common since then, the pool,
this kind of stuff. I just don't know if maybe
Denise should be coming back this soon. Oh you think
we should give a little time out, just.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
A little space to maybe reset. Okay, Cuz like that's
kind of an intense situation.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Yeah, trying to get with your best friend's husband. I'd agree.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
So in the end, my wife made a mistake, she
is remorseful for, learned from and will come out better
for it. Denise will have help working on herself and
working towards a healthier future. And then there's me. I'm
tired and I want to drink lol. Thank you again
everyone for your good words and advice. Excuse me, I'm
sorry if this isn't the outcome you hoped or thought

(09:24):
or predicted. But life is unpredictable and I'm glad this
is over. Oh and there will be no men nargettour
Jego Pinn says. Many are saying he fumbled a three way. Honestly,
I think Op's a solidude and he handled it awesomely.
Not everything on the internet is a plot of achornography.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah, any I mean, I'm sure anyone's saying that I.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
Hoped, I would hope being sarcastic because it's absurd.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
Chloe B.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Ninety five says, I'm sorry, but your wife owes you
a lot more than an apology. If the roles were
reversed in this, so many people would be telling you
to call the police and get a divorce lawyer because
it would be a wife who'd been pestered and physically
used by her husband's friend despite her clearly not wanting
him to do it. But because your wife and her

(10:12):
friend are women, no one is pointing out how serious
this is to you. And in that scenario, everyone would
be questioning why the husband would want to be friends
with a man who is a man who spicily bothers
his mates wived. But again, no one's saying this to you,
and you seem to think it's okay for your wife

(10:33):
to continue her friendship with this woman, and frankly it isn't.
I mean, honestly, this is going into like way crazy territory.
I'm cutting this off. This that comment. Some people just
get a little extra about stuff and like, was her
behavior inappropriate?

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yes. Did it cross lines?

Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (10:55):
And I think it is it like prosecutable offense?

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Are we really gonna Yeah? I don't know. I feel
like in someone's lap counts as that.

Speaker 4 (11:04):
I feel like the wife did set up Denise for failure,
saying oh no, no da. Now she's looking back at it.
It could have been innocent. I think it was all
in a intent, But this is what happens. You say
things in a sinc intent, come back you reflect, Oh
maybe that wasn't in a sick content, and I need
to do damage's goal. Love this story. Add it to
the sop book. My husband became intolerable after his work promotion.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Was he a big shot?

Speaker 3 (11:30):
Now?

Speaker 4 (11:30):
My husband forty two male, and I thirty eight female,
had been married for eleven years. I have and have
one kid, eight female. We have a nice four bedroom,
two house with a yard, a puggle, three male, and
a generally nice enough middle class American lifestyles. Previously, my
husband and I made about the same amount of money,

(11:52):
each making a decent too high middle class earning. We
live in a low slish medium cost of living area,
make around sixty five each a year and made the
teeniest bit more about a year and a half ago,
my husband got a promotion that was unexpected and unevoltable.
He tried to turn it down, and just recently he

(12:14):
got another one. By the way, this comes from poor
wife throwaway and if you want Sami own stories over
the Arsis showcase story, I'm subredding. So my husband works
in software and never wanted to be a manager. Literally
avoided any kind of promotion or thing that could lead
to a promotion or supervisory position for basically ever since

(12:35):
I've known him. But he's now the junior VP of
tech at a small software company, making a little more
than twice what he did eighteen months ago. I mentioned
that he never wanted this route because hey, he likes
his company. Plus there aren't a ton of other options
around for him, even his old salary level position, so

(12:57):
he was kind of stuck into taking it. Be I
think some unhappiness with this being forced and him trying
to accept maybe part of what's driving his behavior, but
he says it's not, and I could be totally wrong.
Ever since my husband started making this new money, he's
been a super fool of himself, be super picky about everything.

(13:19):
And see he stopped doing his chores around the house.
At first, he's not really working more hours that he
does get more hours off calls, but not extensively, irregularly,
only in emergencies until I call him on it. After that,
he started doing his chores again, but leaving passive, aggressive
post it notes about mine, like if I left the

(13:40):
dish in the sink that he used at nine at
pm overnight and didn't wash it until after work the
next day, I was falling down on my responsibilities with
the dishes, since they're my chore. He said, if I
was allowed to criticize his chore, then he could criticize
things that bothered him. And he said he left the
note because he didn't have the time to keep it

(14:02):
in his head, to talk it to it, to talk
to me about it, saying this in what I saw
as a condescending manner. He also started criticizing the general
organization of our house, where the kitchen stuff was placed,
how the files for our financial stuff was organized, but
he didn't want to redo it or come up with

(14:23):
a new system. He just keeps putting stuff in random
places and then telling me so I was putting it
in the wrong place. If I move it back to
where it belonged. I offer to make new systems with
him if he wants things in new places, but I
can't keep track of stuff randomly misplaced. Example two. He
used to help her daughter with her homework and actually

(14:44):
be more patient than me. Now he kind of huffs
and puffs at her when she doesn't get it sometimes
or something right. And I started asking me privately not
to let him help her and to help her instead,
which I'm happy to do. But she used to always
ask for Dad for this, so it's a bit sad.
I observed him myself after he asked the first time,

(15:06):
just casually, and he doesn't get you mad or mean
spirited about this, but is way more impatient and kind
of snyderly treats her like she's stupid now or something.
Example three. We went to counseling a few months ago
to try and deal with this, and he didn't want
to try what the counselor said, so we started lambasting

(15:28):
her degree, her experience, her salary, her rights were reasonable,
all these kind of things to her face. Needless to say,
we never went back. I would say he was basically
harmful to this poor woman. I cut the session short
and left in a huff, apologizing to her and took
an uber home. I was so mad. He apologized and
just said he reacted out of anger, but he's never

(15:50):
been willing to see another therapist, saying he will be
the same thing. Example four, he bought a new car
without asking me. Granted, he's making more money so we
could afford it, and this would have been fine if
we had talked about it, but we have a rule
to talk about all purchases over one hundred dollars, so
this made me really mad. I love this rule. After

(16:11):
I confronted him, he suggested to separate our finances to
keep some of his new money for himself, since I
was being so controlling this man who literally doesn't give
two crabs about money usually and never wants to do anything,
so it seemed way out of character. After that, he
starts complaining how our finances are lopsided and it's not
fair that I get equal, say, if I make half

(16:33):
as much as he does. Dakota, when two people go
and get married.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
What are they It's a union?

Speaker 4 (16:41):
It's a union, correct, and keon as a union. If
one person makes money and the other person makes money,
who gets whose money is that our money? Exactly? That's
how I view marriage. And oh you make you don't
even make as much as me. Where is this selfishness
common from? I gotta assume it's just mister big shot

(17:03):
hot pants thinks because he's making one hundred and thirty
k a year, he can just walk all over everybody. Now,
Joe Bess says, my ex did the same thing after
he started earning more, bought a new car without me.
Then he got hair off your part time and had
to gravel. Then he got hair off and they probably
got laid off and then had to get a part

(17:24):
time job. Yeah, all right. Edit, he sort of has
taken this back, though there were multiple fights about this
sort of thing, and I don't know that one won't reoccur.
He has also not done anything to actually separate finances
or made any other purchases over the one hundred dollars
mark without consulting me. But he has come to me

(17:45):
for two things he wanted to buy and has been
pretty pussy about having to ask me, which is unusual
for us. Where's the line? How long do you work
with him? How long do you let him deny that
you should go to therapy until you're like, I cannot
deal with this anymore. Honestly, I think we might already

(18:08):
be at the point where he's like, well, I think
we're it's a little lopsided.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
We should separate our finances.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
I think you should immediately go, why don't we just
separate entirely?

Speaker 2 (18:17):
See how that feels. Why don't you see how.

Speaker 3 (18:19):
It's like to be all alone with your salary and
if you enjoy that life better and you can make
all of your decisions for yourself without without checking.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
In with with me or anyone.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
And it'd probably be even better to not have him
around to, you know, like subtly belittle or sometimes explicitly
belittle your daughter.

Speaker 4 (18:42):
Yeah, Joe Best, there at a scary point in the relationship.
I agree, Hannah. Oh yes, Steve Orse Steve or Steve voice.
I don't think we're there just yet. I think we're
really close to the fence. We're about to jump over it.
But we definitely need to talk talk, talk about this.
He even started trying to micro manage my Starbucks. Well,

(19:03):
sure it's not one hundred dollars at a time, but
it's more than one hundred dollars a year. I'm not
a crazy spender. I never have been, but I but
I live like we're doing well middle class and did
before he got the promotion, because even then we were
doing great. I haven't suggested any extra purchases. Really, so
I don't get it. This is my husband just having

(19:25):
a midlife crisis or what? How do I get through
to this man? I want to say, these examples are
spaced out over a bit of time, and we still
have many good days where my husband is a nice,
lovely person who apologizes for these things but then does
something similar later. WTF. I feel like he's got mental
issues all of a sudden, but has no history or

(19:46):
that it is this just the work stress. Could be
a brain tumor. I mean, brain tumors make people do
wild things.

Speaker 3 (19:56):
Never discount a brain tumor on this show, just like
you never discount lupis when you Watchhouse.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
My wife is unhappy with her new job.

Speaker 4 (20:03):
It was like she needs a new man too.

Speaker 3 (20:05):
A few months ago, my thirty mail wife thirty female
started a new job. To give some background, my wife
works in a broad field, but in a very specific
niche part of that field.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
Think of a.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
Lawyer that practices a very specific kind of law. She
worked in her previous job for five years, and while
she enjoyed the work and the flexibility her job had
because she could work from a home anytime she wanted,
those were pretty much the only good things about her job.
By the way, this comes from user w N fifteen
ninety nine, and if you want to submit your own stories,

(20:39):
go to the r slash Okay storytime. Subbured it so
the management there was terrible. Her other coworkers were cliquish,
and the benefits were bad lots of instability. My wife
generally felt unsupported in her role there. There were many
days that she would come home and practically be in
tears because of how frustrated she was with her job.
She had passively looked at different jobs a few times,

(21:01):
but kept going back because she enjoyed the work and
the flexibility despite things getting worse. The final straw came
a few months ago when her old job announced that
all staff members would have to take a six percent
pay cut. At that point, she revved up her job
search into full gear and quickly found a job with
the county government. While the job is in her field,

(21:21):
it doesn't have quite the same duties as her old role,
as she's not interacting with clients and is doing more
office work. However, it came with a healthy pay raise
and it's only ten minutes away from home, plus it
has all the benefits and job security that a government
job offers. However, she's been at her new job for
two months and she doesn't like it. Since it's doing

(21:42):
less interacting with clients than she's used to. She feels
very bored and that she's not challenged and making a
difference like in her old job. Much like at the
old job, she comes home practically in tears because she's
so unhappy. I totally sympathize with having a job you
don't like and aren't being challenged at. I've been there
before and it totally sucks. However, I personally feel that

(22:03):
she's got to give it more of a chance. As
she's only been there for two months, going back to
her old job isn't a realistic option and probably not
one to go down given her unhappiness there.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
In terms of other jobs in her.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
Field, they don't really exist unless she wanted to take
a larger pay cut than we could realistically swing, which
is an ideal as we're hoping to start trying to
get pregnant later this year. I guess my trouble is
figuring out how to be supportive. On one hand, I
hate to see her so unhappy in her job. On
the other hand, I also feel like she's being a
bit unrealistic about her expectations, and I sometimes want to

(22:37):
tell her, Hey, if there aren't any other realistic options
to work in your specialty area, this doesn't seem so bad,
so maybe you should suck it up and deal with it.
Or is there some kind of middle ground in how
to help her to be supportive? And there are comments
here comment number one, are you sure it's the job?
I mean it might be, but coming home almost in

(22:58):
tears just because your job is somewhat boring makes it
seem like something else is going on. Maybe she's depressed
or burnt out and that is the real issue. You
should try to get her to go to therapy to
figure this out. Don't just phrase it as it isn't
the job that will make her feel unsupported. Instead, emphasize
how a therapist can help her figure out how to
get a fulfilling career this is true as well, and

(23:21):
tell her you can see that she deeply is unhappy
and want her to feel happier and more content in life.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
And there's an update.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
Yeah, I think that's that's good coming from a place
of empathy instead of a place of hey, this is
wrong and you're wrong for wanting to leave this. It's
more of like, well it might suck now, but it's
like will it allow us to have things that counteract
suck factor?

Speaker 4 (23:44):
Yeah? Can we make a plan where we can invest
so we can? You know, quitter daytime jobs?

Speaker 3 (23:49):
Ooh, France has coming home to ope drives her to tears.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
Can you imagine if that was it?

Speaker 3 (23:54):
She's got a work husband and she loves and now
she's just like I.

Speaker 4 (23:58):
Might have been on it. I might have been on
the point where she might need a new Manzu update.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
My wife has continued to be unhappy at her new job.
I've tried my best to tell her to look at
the positives and try to focus on things that make
her happy outside of work, but.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
It's not going anywhere.

Speaker 3 (24:12):
In the interiroom, she reached out to her old supervisor
to catch up and inquire about doing some part time
freelance work for them. In these conversations, her old boss
shared with her that her old organization has some major
changes in management that have happened, including ousting the CEO,
and they recently received a large donation. With this information,
my wife is seriously considering leaving her current job.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
For the old one.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
To be fair, I'm starting to come around to the
idea of her looking for another job because I see
how unhappy she is. Although I'm not thrilled of the
idea of giving up the long term benefits and job
security that come with her current role. However, I am
locked on against her going back to her old job.
I saw how miserable she was there, and while she
says now that maybe it wasn't so bad in comparison

(24:58):
to my job, now, I just have this terrible feeling
that in a month or two and the bad things
about this old job will rear their ugly head. Also,
I hate to say it, I feel like she's being
a tad immature, especially when you consider the benefits she'd
be giving up at the government job. If she was
twenty four, I'd say, yeah, go back to the old job,
and if your job gets cut in a year or two,

(25:19):
we'll manage.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
But that's not the case.

Speaker 3 (25:21):
We are in our thirties, have a mortgage, and are
looking at getting pregnant, likely sometime this year. It's frustrating
that she can't seem to see the bigger picture through
her day to day unhappiness. Anyway, we sat down last
night and I said, I'm not against you looking elsewhere
because you're so unhappy at this job, but I strongly
feel that going back to the old job isn't a

(25:42):
good idea. You were just as unhappy there as you
are here, and I saw for five years how that
unhappiness affected you, both in and out of work, and
I don't want you to go through that again. Ultimately,
it's your decision, and whatever you decide, I'll stand by it.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
But just know this is how I feel.

Speaker 4 (25:59):
Only there was procedures she could take or she doesn't
know what's happening at work, and then after that she
could like just live life. It sounds like eight hours
of life she doesn't have to worry about.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
It sounds like a really streamlined process with no unforeseen
consequences or complicated I'm actually really down for them.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
I think if we could just and.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
I feel like that, like if a company does come
up with that they wouldn't, like, you know, do child labor,
or they'd be really good people and they have really
good intentions with what they're doing.

Speaker 3 (26:26):
And I'm sure that that level of influence over people
would never breach some level of like maybe questions of morality.

Speaker 4 (26:34):
No, yeah, yeah, not at all. Yeah, or an ethical
sense no.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
Well, that didn't go over very well with her.

Speaker 3 (26:41):
She claimed that I haven't been her feelings seriously, and
then I'm just brushing them off by saying, oh, well,
just find something fun.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
To do outside of work.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
I told her this isn't true, and that because I
do care about her feelings, I'm voicing my concerns about
her going back to her own job, where she was
in tears on a weekly basis due to her unhappiness.
And I don't want to go back to a job
that as few as two months ago made her unhappy.
She then continued with how do I know that I
won't go to a different job and I'll be unhappy there?

Speaker 2 (27:11):
I responded, how do you know you won't.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
It went back and forth, and eventually she said, going
back to the old job is really going to be
the only thing that makes me happy, and if you
don't support that, you don't love and care about me.
She stormed off and we haven't spoken since. I'm just
at a total loss over this. I know how unhappy
she is in her current job, and I want her
to be happy more than anything, But she seems so

(27:35):
fixated on going back to her old job.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
That also made her miserable. So I'm not sure what
I should do here.

Speaker 4 (27:42):
This is really tough place to be. I think we're
honestly feels like we're focusing on the wrong thing, like
the problem. It's like, this is the problem. This is
the problem. This is the problem. But I don't think
that this is the problem. I think there's something underneath
it that is actually making Opie's wife feel this way.
She's like, I was more happy that the old job,
But the old job she said she was miserable.

Speaker 3 (28:02):
Well, I think the reason she wants to go back
now is because she liked the nature of the work better.
And there's been a shakeup where like the CEO is different.
So it's like maybe that culture that op said was
so toxic and kind of destructive is maybe changed.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
You know, typically when you change something like a.

Speaker 4 (28:26):
CEO, like that's a big that's a big energy shakeup
from the top down. So yeah, I mean it could
be worth exploring. I think I think Amy Lynn says
it really good. I see you, she didn't know how
good she had it at the first job and at
first off until she quit and work and worked the

(28:47):
state job.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
All right, comment one, So I think she crossed the
line with that comment there as well. From the old post,
it kind of sounds like she actually loved her old
work but hated everything around it, and here she hates
the actual work. I obviously don't know what field she's in,
but it reminds me of science research, where if you're
a researcher, you might be in a crappy institution with

(29:10):
an awful supervisor and no funding.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
But you're a researcher, and if you.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
Get a government job, say advising, it almost doesn't matter
that the coworkers are nice, that the work is regular
and less stressful. You're not a researcher, so it might
actually hurt you more on the inside. At least in
the research job you hated, there was a core of
your passion there, and when you got upset, you were
getting upset because the thing you cared about was being ruined,

(29:36):
rather than getting upset because you hate your own existence.
I think you're right at the core she should be
looking for an option three, which should be the same
role as job one, but at a different place. But
I also suspect she might be right that she won't
hate job one as much now that it's been put
in perspective. This is obviously an issue so full of
emotion and fears from both of you. Yours are about

(29:58):
mortgage and babies, and hers are about her life fulfillment.
She's really overstepped here, which is going to make a sensible,
calm discussion really hard. But I think that's what you
need to try and do. You both have really valid
arguments personally, at the end of the day, I don't
think I could have kids with a spouse who was
this miserable. I'd be more concerned about their well being first,

(30:19):
and if that means taking a hit and things taking longer,
I think I'd have to go that way, because starting
a family on that footing is not good. Maybe it's
worth a couple of visits to a counselor to mediate
the conversation and make sure you're both hearing what the
other person is trying to say. Opie replies, this brings
home a lot of good points without going into specifics.

(30:40):
My wife works in social services, so she gets a
lot of her job satisfaction from helping other people, which
obviously she isn't doing much at her current job.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
I work in a.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Job that's very corporatized, so I gain my job satisfaction
from working on cool projects and knowing that I'm helping
provide for my family. I also went through a period
it sort of similar to what she went through, where
I was in a job that I hated and I
let the negativity affect my life outside of work. Eventually
I left that job for a better situation, but in

(31:10):
looking back, I realized how I couldn't let my life
outside of work be affected by my job. And I
just wish she felt that way too, which is why
I keep bringing up to find something that makes you
happy idea comment to says she may need some therapy.
I think a lot of people have this delusion that
they're going to find a job in which they are
one hundred percent happy and fulfilled, and anything short of that,

(31:31):
unicorn is misery. It takes a healthy dose of optimism
and always looking forward, not backward. Sometimes your job is
just the thing you do to pay the bills and
to platform you use to jump up to the next thing.
Always climb up. If she goes back to the old job,
where is the up? More money, less stress, better benefits,
more security, more time off. No Opie says, there's definitely

(31:54):
more flexibility in the old job, but considerably less security
and benefits and likely less pay.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
Here.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (32:05):
My boyfriend hid another woman in our house?

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Was he playing competitive hide and seek?

Speaker 5 (32:10):
And this comes from the r slash okay storytime sub reddit.
My love story began, like many today in the digital realm.
It was between early January and late February of twenty
twenty three when I, forty one female Mexican, met this
man forty three male on under his profile and the
way he expressed himself caught my eye. He seemed genuine

(32:31):
and well quite charming. After we matched, our conversations began
to flow effortlessly. By the way, this comes from Pucci
three three three and if you want to smit your
own stories go to the r slash Okay storytime superate it.
He was incredibly charismatic and witty, often using sarcasm in
a way that I found endearing. He was also remarkably kind,
and from the start we both preferred to get to
know each other through messages before meeting in person. Our

(32:54):
conversations quickly grew deep and personal. He told me he
was from Afghanistan and had lived in the US since
he was very young. We spent hours talking about our
cultures and values. I was particularly touched when he noted
that Mexicans shared a similar strong focus on the importance
of family. Those long nights on the phone, sharing our
deepest thoughts, our likes, and our differing views on life
forged in intense connection. I distinctly remember one conversation where

(33:17):
he opened up about his first daughter. He told me
how her mother had gotten pregnant, and while he admitted
he never loved her, he said the overwhelming feeling of
becoming a father compensated for everything. He explained that they
eventually had a total of four children together. This surprised me,
and I asked him why if he didn't love her,
he had four children with her. His response struck a
core deep within me. Remember I'm Muslim, and we never

(33:39):
abandoned our children. In that moment, I truly felt he
was a man of strong principles, someone who cherished family
as much as I did, and capable of making significant
sacrifices for those he loved. Two months into messaging, on
April twenty second, twenty twenty three, we decided to meet
in person in La Joya, San Diego. I was a
mix of overwhelming excitement and nervous and patient. When I

(34:00):
finally saw him, I felt like a blushing teenager all
over again. The chemistry was instantaneous, unlike anything I'd ever experienced.
We took a leisurely walk, enjoying the ocean breeze, and
then he surprised me he had set up a small,
thoughtful picnic in the trunk of his suv, complete with wine.
We talked about everything and nothing, and he made me
feel incredibly beautiful. At one point, he leaned in and

(34:23):
told me he really wanted to kiss me, and all
I can manage was a whispered go ahead. We said
our goodbyes that day, both clearly wanting to continue our
time together and daily video calls quickly became our routine
until our next meeting, which happened about two weeks later.
At first, I was always the one traveling to Escondido,
where he lived, usually once or twice a month to
see him. I didn't mind the travel, the effort felt

(34:44):
entirely worthwhile because of the joy and connection I felt
when we were together. However, a pattern soon emerged. Our
dates were never at his actual house. He explained that,
due to his parents' customs and respect for the traditions,
he could only introduce the woman he and tended to marry.
At first, I genuinely understood and accepted this explanation, but

(35:04):
as time went on, it started to feel increasingly strange
and unsettling. Eventually, one day he invited me to his house,
but it was strictly secret. I had to enter through
the window or the garage, always being extremely careful that
no one saw me. This was a huge, glaring red
flag that in my infatuation I tragically chose to ignore,

(35:24):
completely blinded by the deepening love I felt for him.
Gradually he became incredibly possessive and intensely jealous, always justifying
his attitude by blaming the distance between us, and the
fact that he couldn't easily cross the border to see
me as I did him. About four months into our relationship,
I introduced him to my son and he introduced me
to his youngest daughter. Both our children were the same age,

(35:46):
nine years old. From the moment my son met them,
he adored them. He absolutely loved going to see them
and spending time with them. This bond only deepened my
feelings and made the relationship feel more real and significant.
One day, while driving back to his place around the
time of my birthday, I accidentally got into the wrong
lane at a traffic light. He joked about my mistake,
asking the other driver for permission to move. However, when

(36:09):
he saw me simply offer a plight thank you to
the other driver, his demeanor instantly changed. He became stone faced, serious,
and stopped speaking to me for days. Eventually, he called,
telling me he wanted to break up good and demanded
his favorite jacket back. When I went to deliver it,
he harshly accused me of flirting with that man.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
Huh ah, mister projection, Mister projection.

Speaker 5 (36:34):
That's insane. That's insane.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Tintin.

Speaker 3 (36:37):
This guy's projecting like it's his full time job.

Speaker 5 (36:39):
It wounded me deeply, as infidelity is something I would
never ever tolerate. That day we broke up, I simply
couldn't tolerate his baseless accusation. I blocked him from everywhere,
but the following month became one of the hardest periods
of my life. I missed him far more than I
thought possible. I felt completely overwhelmed, profoundly sad, and it
deeply pained me that he actually believe I was capable

(37:01):
of such disloyalty. A month later, he called me to apologize.
He told me he missed me and wanted to fix things.
Against my better judgment, I agreed to give him another chance.
I began to notice him constantly messaging on his phone
and going outside to answer it, always engrossed in it.
This situation was further complicated by issues at home. My mother,
also a controlling figure, strongly opposed the relationship and spoke

(37:24):
very negatively about him, often without knowing the full story.
I confided in him about the pain of being caught
in the middle, and he seemed to understand, but now
I know he didn't truly care. One day, my nagging
curiosity led me to check his phone's notification screen. My
heart sank as I saw messages from other women calling
him my love, oh, saying my love.

Speaker 4 (37:44):
Maybe he's just got so much love to go around,
he can't just give it to one lady. He's got
to give it to a bunch of ladies who don't
know about each other.

Speaker 5 (37:51):
Ask and I confronted him and asked him about it.
He became aggressively defensive, denying everything outright and masterfully making
me feel guilty for even daring to doubt him. After
that incident, he became even more meticulously careful with his phone,
never letting it out of sight. Despite everything, the love
I fell for him, or what I believed was love,
utterly blinded me. After each fit of anger, predictably came

(38:14):
the love bombing, he'd suddenly become sweet, kind and incredibly
loving again. He claimed his frustration stem from his deep
love for me, asserting that MY supposed lack of communication
was to blame. Interestingly, our intimacy was good. Despite his ede,
I never made him feel less. In October twenty twenty four,
he first suffered a crisis involving hallucinations and extreme aggression.

(38:37):
One of his sisters rushed him to the emergency room,
where tests were run and he was diagnosed with psychosis
due to severe lack of sleep and poor diet. They
prescribed medication and his sister took him home to care
for him. Not long after, he had another unsettling episode.
One night when I was with him, he spoke of
strange things, and I stayed by his side, quietly hoping
it would pass. The next day, he asked me to

(38:58):
leave earlier than plan, and I didn't hear from him
over a day. I grew worried and reached out to
his sister for reassurance. When he found out, he was
extremely upset, accusing me of betraying his trust, and, as
he sometimes did, destroyed some of the gifts I had
given him. He started meticulously checking my Facebook profile, even
accusing me of having a fake profile with a friend's photo,

(39:19):
swearing it was me. Despite my protests, he often blamed
me for his problems, accusing me of being selfish for
not considering his difficulties, even when he was taking care
of his parents. Much later, I would shockingly discover that
he did regularly pick up other women at the border
while cheating on me, something he never once did for me.
The situation reached an unbearable point while I was at

(39:40):
his house. I don't know why, but he invited another woman.
While I was there, I overheard him whispering to another
woman in another room that he would take care of
her and protect her. His mother was there too, and
I noticed that she discovered her. He hit her in
the garage. I noticed it because from his bedroom I
could see the door that goes to the garage, and
I saw the reaction of her mother, but she helped

(40:00):
him to hide the other woman. Then he asked me
to go for a walk outside to give her time
to leave. I desperately tried to deny what my ears
were hearing and what my instinct was screaming, forcing me
to believe him. Around that same time, I noticed he
had multiple dating apps on his tablet, but he vehemently
denied it, claiming he didn't know how they got there.
Later at night, I saw his phone on the floor.

(40:22):
I grabbed it, locked myself in the bathroom, and in
that moment I discovered the full extent of his deceit.
He had been actively dating multiple women, at least twenty
throughout our entire relationship. Many of them had even sent
him intimate photos. A wave of intense rage and disgust
washed over me as I finally confirmed his infidelity. I

(40:43):
deleted what I could, sent evidence of the other women
to myself, and purged as many of my personal photos, videos,
and conversations as possible from his phone. When he woke up,
he was calm again, back to his usual pattern of
begging for forgiveness and waiting to fix everything. I demanded
him to get my bad, in which he went to
his mother's room, which was locked, and climbed in through

(41:04):
a window to get my bag. When he had it,
he accused me of stealing a speaker that was actually mine,
but that I had left for him to use, which
he clearly had mistaken as a gift. A neighbor came
out and thankfully began recording everything. Seeing her, he instantly
changed his demeanor, attempting to minimize everything, saying I was
exaggerating and it was a misunderstanding. He also tried to

(41:24):
dissuade me from calling the police, claiming that it would
affect his residency status in the country. The neighbor, however,
wisely called the police. After that, he locked himself inside
the house. When the police arrived, he didn't come out.
They were incredibly kind and helpful, taking my report and
explaining my options for pressing charges. They said he would
be required to appear in court. They were very kind,
and I simply told him I wanted to leave, and

(41:46):
they offered their assistance. While I was there, I received
calls from his sister, who now finally wanted to know
what had happened. It took a while for me to
answer her if he wanted to know what had happened,
and later I briefly told her what had occurred, making
it unequivocal clear that I would never go near them again.
Right now, I just want to heal. I'm regularly seeing
a psychologist to process all of this trauma and to

(42:08):
ensure that I learned from this experience so it never
happens again.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
My boyfriend can't keep his word, so I'm leaving him.

Speaker 5 (42:15):
If you can't keep it, then I can't keep you.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
I'm ending my four year relationship.

Speaker 3 (42:20):
He thirty three male says, I'm thirty two female, throwing
away four years over a mistake he made to keep
it short. On four different occasions over the last two
and a half years, he's gone drinking and came home
to throw a wasted tantrump. By the way, this comes
from user hidden here one, two three, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Showkay Storytime subpred it. Twice I had to leave
to my sister's house because he was going around our

(42:43):
small apartment slamming doors. I've had to wake him up
several times because he falls asleep on the toilet or
the bathroom floor, and he said to sleep in his
car because of his outbursts.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
The second time this happened.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
He gave me his word he would be more responsible
with his drinking and he wouldn't have any more outbursts.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
He said he was going to drink water.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
But between each Bruce Ski or have sodas and bar
food and just one Bruce Ski for the evening. The
third time that this happened, I made it clear that
him going back on his word was unacceptable because it
shows that he doesn't care. I told him I was
tired of his apologies if he's going to keep doing
the same thing. Between all these times, he's continued to
get wasted on the weekends. The last time he went

(43:20):
and got wasted at the bar and didn't eat anything.
Refused the water my sister offered him because she's aware
of the agreement we had, And when I arrived, he
got upset at me because he was too drunk to
keep track of what team he was on, and he
misunderstood me when I told him and he made the
wrong shot.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
We went to get food.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
From a local taco spot and he couldn't even stand
because he was so messed up. I had to pull
over on the freeway because he needed to yack, and
when we got home, he fell asleep in the bathroom
and I had to wake him three times. I kept
my anger about the situation myself, because the sadness of
feeling like I needed to leave him because he's just
not willing to change was overwhelming. The next morning, he
could tell something was up and he asked if I

(43:56):
was okay. I said that I wasn't ready to talk,
but he insisted, so I told him that he went
back on his word again about drinking responsibly, and that
I realized that the only way I was going to
avoid his verbal abuse was if I just kept quiet.
I told him what I told my ex when I
was thinking about leaving. It's not anything I haven't already
told you. He left it at that in the morning,
and at night I was crying because I was upset.
Four years of my life were going down the drain,

(44:18):
and I just folded and asked him why I wasn't
good enough for him to want to do better. He
started to say that I had a fault in our relationship,
ending ignoring that the only reason I'm leaving is because
I can't keep giving him chances to verbally abuse me
when he's wasted and angry.

Speaker 5 (44:33):
Yeah. I was going to point out that of like
she's she's experienced this enough to the point where she's like,
I don't want to incite his wrath, Yeah, which is like, ew,
if you were thinking about that, let's get out of
this resh.

Speaker 4 (44:45):
Yeah, it's wild train of thought. There'd be like, this
is your fault. That's like, yeah, I'm breaking up with you.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
It is my fault.

Speaker 3 (44:49):
I'm believing you, I am I'm making that decision. I
reminded him that he'd given me his word and that
he had gone back on it twice. He seemed to understand,
but the next day he just kept saying that he
deserves to unwind on the weekends because he works all
week to provide for us, not like I have a
job and I am constantly sending him money because he
overspends and his account overdrafts when the phone or internet
bill charges his account. I was getting whiplashed from how

(45:11):
quickly he was going from being apologetic about going back
on his word to him insisting that I'm being unreasonable
and unfair. I slept at my sister's house again because
I couldn't keep dealing with it, and I was just
really emotionally exhausted from all of it. Now he posted
on his Facebook that I'm throwing away forty thousand hours
of our lives together for twelve bad hours.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
So I'm asking, am I overreacting?

Speaker 5 (45:31):
No? No, he's trying to get you to stay using
the sunk cost fallacy of being like, well, we've been
together for so long, why would you leave over just
a couple of mistakes, And it's like, no, these aren't
him leaving the dishes in the sink four time. This
isn't him forgetting to I don't know, like lock the
door for a time. This is him drinking too much,

(45:51):
showing very concerning signs of like verbal abuse and lashing
out and anger problems. That's concerning, and it didn't just
have on it happened four times.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
Update.

Speaker 3 (46:02):
Well, I'm back to give an update as to how
my life played out last year after my posts. My
original post got more attention than I expected, but it
was helpful seeing that for the most part, I was
definitely not overreacting. For those who don't care to hear
me out, I'll tell you now so you can move on.
We're still together. It's not that simple, though, content warning
pet and the family. So after my post, I stood
my ground and told him I didn't want to fix

(46:23):
things because he had shown me he wasn't willing to
do better for.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
The sake of our relationship.

Speaker 3 (46:27):
I saw at advice from family and friends who also
knew him, and many said, although they care about Jack,
which is a fake name, if I wasn't happy and
he wasn't changing, then I.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
Had every right to walk away. So I decided to.

Speaker 3 (46:37):
Save money and get a new apartment or move back
in with my mom. I looked for a new job
in my mom's city, and I started saving for either
a security deposit for a new place or a cat
patio for my mom's house so my cats could have
a place to hang out without making my mom's allergies crazy.
Something to know is my cats and my dog are
My children call me cringey, but my decades long battle
with infertility has me in a state of mind where

(46:57):
my pets are my substitution for children. My older Caid
that has been with me since she was two weeks old,
and I found her on the street and her younger
brother his mom showed up at my house one day
and had him in my bathroom.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
Was my shadow. He would literally.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
Follow me anywhere I went in the house and would
cry when I was showering, and would stand guard while
I used the toilet. So as you can imagine, it
was a huge blow to my mental health, and he
passed away suddenly two months after my post. I found
him unresponsive one morning, only a week before my birthday,
and by then I had never felt such a huge
loss in my life. I stopped eating and blamed myself,
and because of that, I stopped taking care of myself.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
I was still living with Jack.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
At this point, and he had been trying to prove
that he was willing to change, even though before this
he had come to terms that I was moving out
and we would likely never talk again.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
He really did a lot for me. He helped me
pay for my cat's remains to be dealt with.

Speaker 3 (47:41):
He made me my favorite meals and took me to
my favorite food spots, and made plans for me to
see my family while I processed my grief and kept
the house clean, including.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
My bathroom and bedroom.

Speaker 3 (47:50):
Call me weak, but I ended up moving back into
the master bedroom after about two weeks because I kept
having anxiety attacks in the middle of the night because
I would dream about the day I lost my baby,
or just different scenarios where my cats would end up
passed away.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
And so from there we started getting closer again.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
By the time we decided to really give our relationship
another chance, he had stopped drinking for about four months
and had beginning his own crap taken care of. I
was still very cautious, but allowed myself to rely on
the emotional support he was offering me. I also couldn't
bring myself to leave the home I shared with my
cat for three years, and my dog had felt the
loss of her a little bestie and had been relying
on Jack's dog for comfort.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
The month's pass and things continued to go smoothly.

Speaker 3 (48:24):
We got a savings built up, and we fell into
a routine that worked for both of us. Fortunately, the
year was not done with me, and my dad passed
away five months after losing my baby. My family was shaken,
as my dad was the foundation of our family and
his passing was very sudden.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
My dad and I had a very close relationship.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
Technically, he was my stepdad, but he had carried the
role of dad for many years. I had just started
calling him dad to his face, and I was excited
to visit my mom's house the following day to tell
him about the concert I went to a week before
his passing. I took two weeks off work to help
my mom in the weeks after because my sister was
unable to leave her kids, and my brother left on
a trip my dad had helped him pay for. During
that time, Jack maintained the house on his own and

(49:01):
never complained about me being away from home for so long.
I don't know how I would have done it without
him by my side during such a horrible phase of
my life. I'll admit that had those two tragedies not happened,
I would not have taken him back.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
Do we agree? Do we like that? But we like
that sentence.

Speaker 5 (49:15):
I don't think it's like like set. I think she's
just aware that the only reason that she stayed with
them is because she was extremely emotionally vulnerable, and that
is usually, like you know, typically when people fall victim
to relationships like this and they're vulnerable.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
I still think you gotta leave.

Speaker 5 (49:32):
Maybe I think she knows that, but I think it's
just like.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
I know he hasn't drank in four months.

Speaker 5 (49:36):
I think it's like, it's very simple to say you
should just leave, But I think, you know, she's stealing
a lot of loss, and the only thing she knows
that is familiar is no matter how bad, she is
aware that he can get.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Give him three more months, give him, let him get
to seven months. Seven months is a big think.

Speaker 5 (49:52):
I think she should leave right now for setting him,
But it's like I understand why she's not.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
I had a few interviews lined up near my mom's house,
and i'd been shopping for a cat patio. When my
life took a turn, I thought a lot about if
I trusted him to truly change for the better, and
some days I felt like an idiot for deciding to
try again, but I ultimately decided to do what was
bringing me even a little bit of happiness in such
a dark time.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
A little bit more story left. Do we have any
clothing thoughts, folks?

Speaker 5 (50:15):
Just I mean, like, I think she should leave. I
understand why she feels stuck.

Speaker 4 (50:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (50:20):
My advice is that whatever is out there that you
don't you know is unknown, is going to be a
lot better than this. It feels scary to leave behind
your rock, even if it is a rumbling rack. There
are new shores that'll wait, too.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
He's still alcohol for you.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
Over a year later, we haven't had any problems with
his tantrums at all, and he's been really good about
his finances and helping around the house. I have time
every week to relax and unwind with him in ways
that we both enjoy, and we are doing really well
since last year. I know this isn't really the update
everyone was expecting. Maybe I'm an idiot, but for now
I'm a happy idiot dealing with the loss of my
baby boy, cat and my dad the best I can.
My mom and I had a long talk when I

(50:56):
was thinking of letting him back in and she understands
why I let him back into my life and was
happy for us when we got engaged not too long ago.

Speaker 5 (51:03):
Okay, story, Okay, I mean amazing he hasn't you know.
I think it's it's great that he is not drinking.
I think also just be aware of you know what
the signs look like, keep an eye out.

Speaker 4 (51:13):
Shout out to but like, that's amazing being capable of change. Yeah,
that's amazing. Can do It's crazy, right, that's my tattoo.
At any point.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
If you're like, I don't like the way I'm moving, man,
I don't like the way I operate. You could take
a wet towel and wipe that slate clean and you
can rebuild it.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
But it's hard.

Speaker 5 (51:33):
Able to redefine ourselves. I like that, you know, it
seems like it's heading in a positive direction. Just watch
out for yourself, ope, and keep an eye out.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
I agree. He's johnyo Og host here.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a
quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (51:46):
My husband said I didn't do enough for him, so
I divorced him.

Speaker 4 (51:50):
Yeap.

Speaker 5 (51:50):
My ex husband was a problem. I didn't mind the
myriad of health conditions he had, but the fact that
he refused to take care of himself was the re issue,
especially when his problems caused me to lose the very
little sleep I was going to get. By the way,
this comes from misdiagnosed glee and if you want to
smit your own stories, go to the r slash okay
storytime separated. I worked for a terrible corporate security firm

(52:13):
that really doesn't care about its employees. I was the
single field supervisor in my region, and on top of
my regular forty hour work week, I also was called
on emergency to fill open positions. This was during the
height of the VID as well, which eventually put me
at a regular eighty to one hundred hours per seven
day work week. The money was incredible, but I was

(52:35):
miserably exhausted at the time. My husband was working part
time and receiving SSI and spending all of his income
on himself, video games and fast food against his doctor's orders,
while I paid both of our shares of the bills,
car payment, insurance, phones, etc. This went on for about
three years, getting progressively worse as time went on. Despite

(52:58):
the amount of money I covered for him. I'll managed
to bump my credit by paying off my car and
saved enough to buy a house. Nothing too fancy, but
it's a two story with an unfinished basement, plenty of space,
decent sized yard, creek, and really cool neighbors who constantly
invite us over to drink and play pool. While moving,
I was still working eighty plus hours and couldn't spare
time to help much, but I paid for the moving

(53:20):
truck and dinner for anyone willing to help us pack
up and move. I asked my then husband to make
sure everything gets packed. He packed all of his own belongings,
then the household furniture, then ignored whatever didn't fit. Was
late returning the moving truck, and I had to call
about the fee, which they were very kind enough to
wave considering my circumstances. The result was that the majority

(53:40):
of my stuff, my roommates stuff, and my brother's stuff
didn't fit in the moving truck. My brother was making
trips every day after work to pick up a car
load and bring it home. I asked my husband to
please do the same, and he agreed. Three weeks later,
I finally got a day off. I worked a twelve
hour shift and planned to go pack up a few
boxes and take them home. While I was out into

(54:00):
the house and saw that my ex had literally done
nothing three week. He said he had been moving our
stuff and he hadn't touched a thing. I had a meltdown.
My legs gave out from shock, and I sobbed on
the stairs. My room mate and best friend happened to
also come in right after me and found me on
the stairs. He held me while I cried and assured
me he would take a few days off to get

(54:21):
everything packed up and move. He told me to go
home and sleep, but I told him I'm already here,
so I might as well take a few boxes since
my worthless husband lied to me about doing so. He
helped me pack up some things and I drove home.
I didn't even bother to unload it. I went inside
and collapsed on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
Hours and hours later, I finally woke up, a groggy mess,

(54:43):
and made my way out to my car to start unloading.
Best friend was there unloading his own car with a
tired smile. He had been going all day and the
sun was setting. Meanwhile, my husband was slacking off in
the basement doing who knows what, breaking his promise. We
managed to get everything moved, but I had to extend
the lease by one week and pay a pro rated
rental cost, all due to my husband's neglect. I was

(55:05):
quickly racking up anger at him, and finally, when we
were moved, I sat him down and told him how
angry I was about the lies and his laziness and
what he caught. He started accusing me of all kinds
of things in return, like how I wouldn't passionately hug
him because of his medical issues. I lost it.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
Sorry, what that's crazy?

Speaker 5 (55:23):
He's like, why would you hug me? I screened at
him that I don't passionately hug anyone. I don't even
passionately hug myself because I'm working the equivalent of two
jobs with overtime to support his lazy butt and pay
for his lifestyle, because he wastes all of his money
on fast food that he shouldn't even be eating and
video games, and because he does a loving a single
finger to do anything around the house like unpacking, cooking, cleaning,

(55:44):
nothing to.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
Make my life easier.

Speaker 5 (55:45):
In fact, he's actively making my life harder. I'm still
cleaning up after him when he leaves, dishes everywhere and
stains in my carpet. So no, I don't want to
passionately hug him if he's not gonna do anything to art.
He went radio silent on me for two weeks. It
got progressively worse. He wouldn't text me or speak to me,
wouldn't answer my calls, and eventually wouldn't even look at me. Meanwhile,
he's still living off by money. So finally, one day

(56:08):
I message him to ask him why he's treating me
this way, and he ignores me. I ask several other
questions nothing. Finally I tell him that if he hates
me so much, he should just divorce me. He tells
me the next day he wants a divorce. I ask
him why, You're not going to believe his answer, You
don't do enough for me. Oh boy, did he mess up?
I tell you this ding dong is the absolute most

(56:29):
opto smooth brained, intellectually deficient, situationally unaware, half witted possum
brain claw to say that I unleashed it. I told
him that I do everything for him. I pay for
everything so he can live the cushy life. I give
him a roof over his head, food in his belly,
money in his bank account, because at this point I
was also giving him extra money whenever he asks and

(56:51):
taking days off specifically to spend time with them. That
I was doing absolutely everything for him, and this is
the repayment I get. I got extremely quiet and bucked
into his chest, pointing my finger at his face, and
told them that since he wanted the divorce, he had
to file, and if he even suggested at forcing me
to sell my house that I had paid for, I

(57:12):
would destroy him. I would hire an expensive lawyer, force
him into the longest court battle of his life, and
take him for every single penny he would ever earn
for the rest of his life, along with court costs.
Then I punted him out. He moved out. He told
me he was moving in with his family a few
cities away and asked me to file. I filed in
my county because it was closest. He raged at me

(57:34):
when he found out. He wanted me to file online
and pay an extra two seventy out of my pocket
since he expected me to pay for the entire thing,
and I told him no. A few days later, I
got a strange text from him that didn't sound like him.
I argued with him. Then a confession was made. It
was his girlfriend ding Man, Dan, you'd lied to me

(57:55):
again and moved to New York from Georgia. She went
psycho on me and screamed at me via tack about
how abusive I am. Long story short. We argued and
I told her I wouldn't be speaking to her again.
I'm filing in my county because I had already started
the process, and I'm not changing my mind because he
lied to me. If he hadn't lied, I might have
been willing to file online, but I'm definitely not. Now

(58:16):
let's go by and finally the dates come drove him
to Georgia and they were fifteen minutes late. I knew
this because I was fifteen minutes early. And the clerk
asked if I contact him, so I went outside to
do so. I saw her roll up. I told him
she's not allowed inside due to the VID restrictions, but honestly,
I wouldn't have let her inside because I hate her.
He nodded, and up we went. We spoke to the

(58:37):
clerk and started our paperwork. I have some legal knowledge,
definitely on more than him due to curiosity and things
that have happened to me in the past, so I
knew which questions to ask. I know how lazy this
brat of a human is. He hates doing anything he
doesn't have to do, so I reminded him in front
of the clerk that he still had property at my
home and I wanted out of my house. The clerk
told him that anything he leaves on my property after

(58:59):
a certain day will legally belong to me and there
will be no way of getting it back without my
express consent. He asked if he could work something out
with me, and I told him, no, You'll have to
adhere to these legal guidelines and anything left afterward will
be forfeit.

Speaker 4 (59:13):
I don't I feel like we got Op's perspective really hard.
We don't really have anything about his perspective other than
like just that he was unable to take care of
himself or do anything for OP or pack up the house,
and that he has some sort of obscure medical issue.

Speaker 5 (59:26):
But we don't know that he was unable to I mean, I.

Speaker 4 (59:29):
Would assume if you're on SSI like it's because you
can't work, But that's the assumption I'm gonna make.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
I'm gonna say that he's not just leeching off.

Speaker 5 (59:36):
Of oh, probably some medical things. But I do think that, like,
unless she's like totally being unreliable narrator, I think that
she would have mentioned, like he's physically incapable of doing this.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
I mean, but she's just upset. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (59:51):
It's true. These are we never know. We only get
one perspective.

Speaker 4 (59:55):
In these stories, we only get one voice, and I
just I don't know. This one makes me say because
I've seen this happen, and it's like I've seen the
guy like in the depths of like the just the shit,
and it's like he can't get out and he just
keeps making the wrong joys. And it's true his partner
is not responsible for like getting him to change his behavior,
but it's just like such a just awful situation. And

(01:00:17):
then it builds that resentment and she's probably been it's
not just like she started hating him to this degree
smooth brained, half wit whatever, all that stuff and building
up for years, potentially.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
Years, probably at least one.

Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
And when you feel that resentment coming from your partner,
it makes a lot of sense that you're gonna go
look for some level of like, yeah, I don't just
like despise you now.

Speaker 5 (01:00:36):
While we were together, his blessed mother, may our soul
rest in peace, despite her son turning out to be
worthless past I loved that woman. She was a saint,
and I wanted something of hers to remember her. He
had inherited her dining rug. While not worth a lot monetarily,
it is still lovely black and red antique, and I
knew he couldn't afford to ship it, nor could he
afford to rent a moving track, nor could he fit

(01:00:57):
it into his girlfriend's tiny crap car. While he was
crying and loading up his mother's belongings, all of which
he had left behind when he left. Initially, I told
him I'm keeping the rug. I said this flatly and
without feeling. He tried to argue, so I pointed out
the obvious, and he conceded. He knew I was right.
That rug is one of my favorite belongings. I've begun
renovating our unfinished basement, and it currently resides in a

(01:01:19):
lovely guest room that houses my bookshelves, armoire, king size bed,
and fifty five gallon fish tank that is not yet
home to anything. And for even more good news, I
married my best friend and we've been together for nearly
four blissful years. On our fifth anniversary, he has agreed
to a ceremony since we were married in a simple
ceremony with only two witnesses. And for more petty revenge,

(01:01:39):
I still have my ex's childhood art finder, which he cherishes,
and I will continue to hold it until he pays
me back the four hundred dollars he owes me for
the brand new tires I put on his car a
mere a few weeks before he decided he wanted the divorce.
I'm never giving it back at this rate, and I
do send him annual reminders.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
A lot of people in the chatter are being like, yeah,
and he was just like playing video games and like
eating all day.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
Like I don't know if y'all know what the good
life is, but like just.

Speaker 4 (01:02:03):
Like being stuck and not doing anything with your life
and unable to get out of it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
Why you know you want to and you should is
like not the good life. It's a terrible life.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My wife’s best friend developed FEELINGS for me! r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories