My wife’s ex is being PUSHY… and it’s weirding me out! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story
Time podcast host.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Oh yeah, and we got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 3 (00:06):
But before that, we got a teeny two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like
a little house.

Speaker 4 (00:12):
Oh yeah, my wife's ex is being pushy and it's
weirding me out.

Speaker 5 (00:18):
Uh push him back.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
I thirty eight male, love my wife thirty seven female
to the ends of times. She's the best thing that
ever happened to me, and she's thoughtful regarding my feelings.
I also try my best to be thoughtful with her
and not controlling her negative. By the way, this comes
from throwing me throwing you. And if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the ours slash.

Speaker 6 (00:37):
Okay, story Time separate it.

Speaker 4 (00:39):
So when we first met, my wife was in the
tail end of a relationship with the guy she dated
for a couple of years.

Speaker 6 (00:44):
According to her, he avoided spice to sleep with her.

Speaker 4 (00:47):
And often sent mixed signals, but in general seemed to
keep her at arm's length. They apparently never slept together,
and when they would kiss at the end of a date,
it was not romantic or passionate, just to peck. When
we first met, she was still dating him, and this
caused me some jealousy, but we relatively.

Speaker 6 (01:03):
Soon became exclusive. Interesting.

Speaker 4 (01:06):
She took a while to tell him, which caused me
some hurt feelings at the time, but I did my
best not to pressure her. I think she just felt
awkward when she did tell him and broke up with him.
They had not seen each other for some time. Anyway,
he apparently took it in stride and seemed to not
care her ex is an interesting guy who runs his
own fringe publishing business, which he originally started in order

(01:27):
to publish his own books.

Speaker 6 (01:28):
Books themselves are not very good.

Speaker 4 (01:31):
Although I'm not a professional author myself, I do think
I am a fair judge on this, and they also
have it a near zero circulation. But he projects success
and in the past infected her with dreams of stardom.

Speaker 6 (01:42):
Supports your dream.

Speaker 5 (01:43):
He is an author.

Speaker 4 (01:45):
Yeah, if your wife has dreams of stardom, support her.

Speaker 6 (01:49):
Come on.

Speaker 4 (01:50):
It seems he's always pitching scripts to some famous movie
house or person, and a blockbuster movie dealer is always
around the corner.

Speaker 6 (01:57):
My personal opinion, no one in their right mind would
make a movie based on his books, as they're highly.

Speaker 4 (02:02):
Derivative and not very interesting, and he's basically been in
a seeming holding pattern for ten years now. The books
and movie deals seem like a bit of a pipe
dream to me, but people can of course be forgiven
for having pipe dreams. My wife's ex in the past
year has tried to get her to go on a
day trip to a remote wilderness location with him alone,
and is always trying to get her to do things

(02:24):
related to his publishing business for free. She has in
the past helped him by doing some unpaid editing, but
this over the past year has morphed into requests for voiceovers,
et cetera, and most lately, a request to edit a
screenplay for free. In the past, he has motivated her
to do these things with big promises that she can
have a part in one of his unmade future movies,

(02:45):
and like he has also dangled the possibility of accompanying
him on a trip to pitch one of his projects.
Soon after we met, he did take her on a
trip to see him accept a quasive Phony book award,
where he kissed her in front of his family and
otherwise apparently treated her like a goldfish.

Speaker 6 (03:05):
I'm very confused about this. Whole situation.

Speaker 5 (03:09):
I need time frame, yeah, because this before you get
like it seems like what we're getting at is that
she went after you guys started dating. That's what I'm
This is what I don't know.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Maybe that's what I'm.

Speaker 4 (03:24):
Hearing too, Like I feel like I'm understanding what OP is.

Speaker 5 (03:28):
Like we're understanding it, but I'm like, does that make sense?

Speaker 4 (03:31):
You just don't know why this is happening, and like
like I feel like what is happening is she never
broke up because he did put she broke up with him,
but that in quotes, Yeah, I feel like.

Speaker 5 (03:44):
She did it, Op. Are you the other guy?

Speaker 4 (03:47):
I think so because it's it like I I feel
like what it sounds like it reads like yeah, I
feel like what she's doing is just like oh my gosh,
like yeah, like we were in this relationship but he
treated me so bad and was like all this, like
you know, don't feel bad about me cheating on him
with you, Like.

Speaker 5 (04:03):
It's like it's already over, but it's not over. Yeah,
it's pretty much over, so like we can see each other.

Speaker 6 (04:09):
Right, but like he just doesn't know that yet. But
it's over. When the wildren and Stage Trip came up.
I was torn.

Speaker 4 (04:15):
I didn't want her to feel pressured or to control her,
but I wasn't comfortable either. I wound up telling her that,
and she gently.

Speaker 6 (04:21):
Put him off.

Speaker 4 (04:22):
He wound up contacting her afterwards that she could change
her mind at the last second, which I feel was.

Speaker 6 (04:28):
A bit in poor taste.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
Recently, my wife's ex posted that she was to be
actually doing the screenplay rewrite of his book, even though
she hasn't agreed to it, and simply avoiding getting back
to him. I told her that I thought she should
just decline because in the end, spending a bunch of
time doing work for free that he could pay for
isn't worth it. She hasn't contacted him about it. In addition,

(04:52):
my wife's ex apparently claimed to receive a request from
one of his authors that my wife serve as his publicist,
even though my wife has never worked as a publicist.
What this feels to me like my wife's ex may
be setting up to ask her to go on an
unnecessary trip with him. I told my wife I didn't
think she should agree to serve as a sham publicist

(05:12):
where the ex would actually be doing the work, because
it would be fraudulent. But I'm wondering how much of.

Speaker 6 (05:18):
This is based on my dislike of the situation. I
don't know.

Speaker 4 (05:21):
I mean that seems still weird to me, and I'm
not in your situation too.

Speaker 5 (05:25):
Ope, hey op, why here's the here's the funky part. Yeah,
why is she still in contact with her ex? One?

Speaker 6 (05:32):
That's yeah?

Speaker 5 (05:33):
Two? Why is she like I guess I'll go, I
guess I'll do these things with you? Why is she
agreeing to these things? And three? Why are you not
setting boundaries? And I also feel like we had a
time skip again they met and now she is his
Now she's his wife, out of nowhere they're was like, yeah,
where was I need a time frame?

Speaker 4 (05:54):
Like how long have her and his her wife like
been working together after their relationship quote ended supposedly?

Speaker 5 (06:03):
I need like this is very weird?

Speaker 6 (06:06):
How very weird?

Speaker 5 (06:08):
Yeah, she's all corresponding to all these things that her
supposed X wants.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
Yeah, like what, I'm never too much of a whoosh
to put my foot down, tell the guy to shove off,
et cetera.

Speaker 6 (06:19):
And I'm in no way threatened by this guy.

Speaker 4 (06:22):
I don't want to come off as controlling with my wife,
though she sees him as harmless and possibly in the past,
he seemed to treat her as a romantic non entity
except when around his family. To me, especially now that
we're married, that doesn't quite explain everything. I don't understand
why he seems to want to impress her when they've
broken up.

Speaker 6 (06:41):
Am I out of line for feeling weird about all
of this?

Speaker 4 (06:43):
If the ex does invite her to another trip, I
will probably tell her I'm not comfortable on the basis
of him pushing the boundaries of good taste. Not because
I don't trust her, but am I being a weader?
And should I let this guy have his harmless daydreams
and involve my wife this way? Yes, I trust my
wife completely. There is no chance she is cheating with
him or intends to. And there are some comments, but

(07:06):
I don't trust your wife.

Speaker 5 (07:08):
We'll say that I don't trust this guy.

Speaker 4 (07:10):
Common number one says, what does she say about him?
Does she think he's a pipe dreamer with unrealistic expectations
of his success? Does she work in any slightly related
field to publishing? Does she want to go on these trips?
Lots of questions because you've not mentioned what she.

Speaker 6 (07:25):
Thinks about any of this.

Speaker 4 (07:26):
Oh, he responds, She's told me at times that she
knows he won't hit it big, and that she feels
like he's not a very good writer, but that it's
always nice to daydream, and that she considers him harmless.
She doesn't work in an even slightly related field. She
didn't seem beaten up by not going on the wilderness thing,
but did ask what I'd think if he hypothetically asked
her to accompany him on a publishing related trip.

Speaker 6 (07:49):
Hypothetically, I feel like he already invited her.

Speaker 5 (07:53):
No is a perfect way of responding. I don't understand
why it's so hard to say no.

Speaker 6 (07:58):
Yeah, I would think that's weird. I think it's weird.

Speaker 4 (08:02):
I said, I'd be uncomfortable, especially since the whole thing
seems a.

Speaker 6 (08:06):
Bit of a sham.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
She says she likes his family and had fond memories
of when he she and his family would get together.
And his family are also in publishing related fields, so
his family members might go on these trips. This is
all just so suspicious, Like it feels so backwards to
read all this.

Speaker 5 (08:22):
Yeah, okay, we're both and we always get these.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
Words like yeah, right, it's like huh, huh, what is it?

Speaker 5 (08:28):
Give narrator, op what do we do? Yeah, there's a
I feel like like everything's nonchalant, like this all makes sense, right,
It's like, no, two plus two equals four, but two
plus two minus two plus eight and that we're at
the answer. But yeah, we're missing context because.

Speaker 4 (08:46):
Like we hear what you're saying, we're not. You're saying
things very clearly.

Speaker 5 (08:50):
We questioned it effort every paragraphicsation. Yeah, so you said
this is what's happening, and we're like that's yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Like the fact that OPI is just like confidently saying
these things and just being like, yeah, this is like normal,
that's like what she says and not thinking that that's
like a clear lie.

Speaker 6 (09:06):
Like she's just really close to his family. Like how
many families of your exes are you still super close with?

Speaker 5 (09:12):
None?

Speaker 4 (09:13):
Yeah, like enough to still hang out with your ex
and go on trips just because his family might be there.

Speaker 5 (09:19):
Did they break up? I'm I don't think that's the thing.
I don't think they broke up.

Speaker 6 (09:25):
Crazy. He is too accepting of all.

Speaker 5 (09:28):
Of this, Opie, are you being played right now?

Speaker 4 (09:30):
I absolutely think he is my goodness. So someone responds,
So when she hasn't been paid for presumably and the
movies have not materialized, what does this make you think
that she's bored of broken promises and won't work for free.
I don't think you even have a problem. She's not
bothered about trips. She doesn't want to do things for him.

(09:52):
She says he's harmless and possibly, Uh what are you
worried about exactly? Opie says she was ambivalent about editing
his screenplay but wasn't looking forward to the time drain.
He didn't break any promises, He just made vague, grandiose
predictions of future success in which she'd be included if
it ever panned out. I'm not worried she'd cheat on me,

(10:13):
but I don't like the pushiness and the continued attempts
to impress her. It feels improper and like he should
have given up by this point. Whether he has some
sort of spicy sleep problem or a different orientation or not,
he is to some degree pursuing her.

Speaker 6 (10:29):
Or that's how it feels.

Speaker 4 (10:31):
Someone responds, he sounds like, for one of a better word,
a loser and nol I suppose it's slightly unusual that
your wife still has any sort of friendship with him
after all this time, but it really seems harmless. There
is an update, So my wife's ex has now posted
on social media again with a full face shot of
her and another old one of her playing in a band,

(10:51):
saying that she plays as a musician in multiple venues,
getting some of the details wrong and basically presenting her
as a member of his business. He then commented with
alter ego accounts, as he often does, saying how cool
that is, etc. That's crazy, making fake accounts to comment
on his own posts.

Speaker 6 (11:08):
That's wild this.

Speaker 5 (11:09):
Guy, This guy's a dreamer.

Speaker 6 (11:12):
Yeah for sure, for sure.

Speaker 5 (11:14):
I don't like this.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
I like this.

Speaker 4 (11:15):
So we've got some selected history here. They used to
date for a couple of years up to when she
met me. They apparently didn't do much together and never
slept together.

Speaker 6 (11:25):
I don't believe that. He has written a few polpe.

Speaker 4 (11:27):
Science fiction books and talks constantly of Hollywood stardom, which
he's been doing apparently for a ten plus years. He
presents himself as a major author, though apparently less than
a couple dozen people, including family members, have read his books.
He has his own small publishing business, which seems to
be a one man.

Speaker 6 (11:43):
Shop, though it's hard to tell.

Speaker 4 (11:45):
He had my wife do some editing for him for
three years ago, but still I believe presents her as
a publicist she isn't one, and submissions editor posing as
her via email, et cetera. He has multiple online accounts
that he uses to the apparent size of this business.
He's told one author recently that she would be the
publicist for his book. Again, she is not a publicist

(12:07):
and never agreed to this. He's continued to pump her
up with dreams of startup since we've been together, including
promising her a place in his movie to be produced
by Peter Jackson, which will never happen.

Speaker 5 (12:19):
Say, this is one of the craziest stories I've ever heard.
What is going on? This guy's a scam artist who
is funding this by the way, so.

Speaker 4 (12:29):
He'll also promise that he will take her on trips
to promote Whirlwind deals, et cetera. In reality, all that's
happened is that he drove himself to a major city
to drop off a script somewhere. It feels to me
like he's stepping up contact via Facebook. For example, he
announced grand Lee recently that she would be finishing his
screenplay that he was too emotionally invested in to edit

(12:51):
after rewriting the books several times over the ten years
and doing the screenplay himself.

Speaker 6 (12:57):
She never agreed to do this.

Speaker 5 (12:59):
My brain cannot process it.

Speaker 4 (13:01):
Yeah, I just it feels like op is like seeing
all this stuff happen, but he's not actually like with
his wife. Like it feels like he's hearing five percent
of the story and then we're getting two percent of
that five percent.

Speaker 5 (13:15):
Thank you. That's what it feels like that.

Speaker 4 (13:17):
It feels like because she should like, if she didn't
agree to it, she should be mad.

Speaker 5 (13:23):
Right, Why yes, thank you? Why does she keep saying
yes to all of these things?

Speaker 6 (13:29):
I don't know. I don't get it. There is a
little bit more I hope we have answered.

Speaker 5 (13:35):
No, I have more questions.

Speaker 6 (13:37):
Yeah, it's what's gonna happen. Let's be realistic.

Speaker 4 (13:40):
So I talked about this with her yesterday and this morning,
telling her that I'm uncomfortable, but not because I think
she'll cheat with him or anything like that.

Speaker 6 (13:48):
I feel like he's being inappropriate. She said, she feels
like it's normal behavior for him.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
But I told her, and I didn't think that most
people would find this normal behavior, and it's pushy in
my opinion. She got defensive and huffed out of the house.
Am I out of line? I deactivated Facebook so this
won't get my goat for now. I don't want to
be unfair to my wife, as I love her deeply.
I just feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Since she
doesn't see any of this is weird. I guess in

(14:13):
the end, if she doesn't want to do anything about it,
I don't really want to pressure her, but I do
at least want to know what others would think or
do in my place.

Speaker 6 (14:22):
Okay, so I'm taking crazy pills for sure.

Speaker 5 (14:24):
Yeah, my wife might have cheated on me. I've seen
the evidence.

Speaker 6 (14:28):
I don't know if mike is the right word here.

Speaker 5 (14:32):
Digging never helped any relationship and I twenty seven male.

Speaker 6 (14:36):
I dug what a great way to start.

Speaker 5 (14:38):
Thank you. I have my shovel ready, not that I
was looking for anything, but my wife thirty female. My
wife's Facebook was left open, and I was curious. There
was a brief conversation with a guy over the course
of about a week in June twenty eleven. It starts
off innocently, and she even tells him to text her
if he can keep it nice. By the way, this

(15:00):
comes from user random t way zero one, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime subrendit. So I only have bits
of the conversation since I assume most of it went
on in text messages. That's not a good sentence, you assume. Yeah,
don't assume.

Speaker 6 (15:20):
Don't do that.

Speaker 5 (15:20):
But what I do have is that after about five
days of chatting with some guy she's never ever met
in real life, telling him that she is is soaking.
Oh with that with the winkie face.

Speaker 6 (15:31):
Why maybe she went to the pool and jumped in
with her clothes on.

Speaker 5 (15:34):
Hey, you're soaking? What does that mean?

Speaker 4 (15:39):
Maybe she went to a water parking on the big
bucket of water dumped on her.

Speaker 5 (15:43):
Was this the ice bike a challenge? No? This was
no I supposed to a challenge, was like twenty fifteen,
he replies, Then have your boyfriend do something about it.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
Lol.

Speaker 5 (15:52):
She then tells him that she was just giving him
what he wanted. This guy that she never had ever
met in real life before and only connected with over
Facebook we went through a really dark period two years prior.
Oh we miscarried twins mid two thousand and nine.

Speaker 6 (16:07):
I'm so sorry, my goodness.

Speaker 5 (16:10):
Which caused her to have a serious depression, which is
again reasonable. We had ups and downs for a long time.
I thought maybe this was a time when she was
depressed or angry with me, or I wasn't giving her
enough attention. I checked her Facebook messages back around the
same timeframe. It was a very playful conversation. We lived
still do together at the time, and I could tell
that I was out of the town for the weekend

(16:32):
visiting family, but our conversation including calling each other pet names,
her telling me that she loves me. Why is it
spelled that way? Very playful conversations with lots of lols
back and forth. It looks like we were having a
great night. A short tidbit, she messaged me, you scream,
I scream. We all scream for ice cream?

Speaker 6 (16:52):
Okay, why is that relevant?

Speaker 5 (16:55):
I compared the two timeframes against each other, and she's
having this conversation with me, this fun, intimate and loving
conversation with me, while she is telling another guy that
she is soaking. It completely tears my heart out. It's
four thirty am, and I've been up all night since
last night reading through all this stuff, and it's clear
that she was the one pushing the naughty conversation and

(17:17):
not him.

Speaker 4 (17:18):
Yeah, because I mean when she would say something like that,
I don't think she's out of water park for real.
And the fact that the guy responded like, Okay, have
your boyfriend.

Speaker 6 (17:27):
Take care of that for you, yeah, not me?

Speaker 4 (17:29):
That does kind of feel like obviously he's not just
cutting contact with her, which is probably what he should do,
but he is trying to be like I don't really
want that, Like you have you figure that out yourself.

Speaker 5 (17:42):
Yeah. And also the fact that you're snooping into you know,
your Facebook, your partner's Facebook messages or any messages because
you're curious. I mean, yes, it's bad, but that also
means there's something wrong with your relationship.

Speaker 4 (17:55):
Yeah, like if you if you had to get there
to begin with, like what caused you to?

Speaker 5 (18:00):
It was just OK. It was just like Facebook was
open and I guess her account was logged in and
she's like, oh, messages, let me Yeah, that's not you know,
let me look at her messages because that's totally okay.

Speaker 4 (18:10):
Right, and then it's always tough too, because then like
she can throw that back at him and it's like, Okay, well, yeah, now, Pe,
you're not totally innocent in here.

Speaker 6 (18:18):
Obviously what she's doing is worse, but.

Speaker 5 (18:19):
Like, yeah, it's just like that's already breaking the grounds
of what's your where is your relationship stand? If you're
really uncomfortable on that part.

Speaker 6 (18:29):
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 5 (18:30):
That's not calling you out of you, that's just in general,
that's just like, oh, I have to snoop through somebody's
personal messages because why not?

Speaker 6 (18:37):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5 (18:38):
I also found another conversation from January twenty twelve with
a guy she had hooked up with before we were together,
and she tells him that he makes her want to
do naughty things because of how much she liked him
in the past. Then she has to take a walk
of shame to the shower because she regretted seeing it.
You still said it. Yeah, I could tell through the
lead up that she was reluctant to say it, so

(18:59):
I don't even know why she did. She still said it.
In the four years since, we've had a wonderful three
year old daughter, gotten a dog, bought a house. My god,
I don't know what to do. I have an appointment
with a counselor on Friday that I will speak with
about it. I don't feel like I can wait until Friday.
If our daughter wasn't in the picture, we would be
over right now. Yeah, this sucks because just hours ago

(19:22):
we were cuddled up on the couch together under the
blankets while I was holding her in my arms for
forty five minutes. We just talked and had a great
and intimate conversation. I don't even recognize the woman who
sent those messages to those other men. I don't have
evidence that she actually cheated, since both of the other
guys were in relationships at the time and shut it
down real quick. So she didn't do anything with these men. Yeah,

(19:45):
she messaged these men, and it was the thought and
she if she had the opportunity, she would have. Yeah.
If they said yeah, sure, she would have.

Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (19:55):
So that's not you know, giving her like h clean slate, right,
she tried to cheat, and in this case, she actually
did cheat because she messaged other men. Yeah, things that
she should only message be messaging you about exactly.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
It's like sure, I mean like physically, yeah, maybe she
didn't do anything of that, you don't have evidence of that,
but like that doesn't mean that you can only be
upset about like if she crossed that line, you know,
because like you said, you know, she's spicy texting these people.

Speaker 6 (20:25):
I think that would.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Be considered cheating.

Speaker 5 (20:27):
Definitely cheating. Yeah, e Isy, yeah that I'm sorry, that
is cheating. Ope, yeah, I mean maybe some people out
there it could be like that's not right to us. Yeah,
I think we both agree that's cheating exactly.

Speaker 6 (20:41):
Even if it wasn't, you don't have to be okay
with it.

Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah, but it makes me wonder how many other times
did someone else go along with it that I don't
know about. I can't even think straight. And we have
an update. Oh man, I'm gonna go straight into it,
go into it. Yesterday started off horribly.

Speaker 6 (20:57):
Oh no.

Speaker 5 (20:58):
I got three hours of sleep if that, and wasn't
able to eat anything at all all day. I still
haven't eaten as a Monday night dinner. Get some food.
I know, it's hard. While I was picking my daughter
up from school yesterday, why was that the doctor? I
took my daughter by the paternity testing clinic? Oh boy?

Speaker 6 (21:15):
Oh yeah, I didn't even think about that.

Speaker 5 (21:18):
Oh boy, yeah, so I took my daughter by.

Speaker 6 (21:20):
The daughter's three and that was four years ago.

Speaker 5 (21:23):
Oh oh boy, yeah, this is I. Oh so I
took my daughter by the paternity testing clinic. I lined
up the dates. She told the second guy that she
wanted to do naughty stuff with him nine months and
three days before my daughter was born. My daughter is
the spitting image of me, so I'm not too worried

(21:44):
about it. Oh well, okay, okay, okay. After I got
off work at five, I had to apologize to my
boss for being down the whole day. I went to
our other house. You have another house. What do your
two houses?

Speaker 7 (21:55):
Right?

Speaker 6 (21:55):
Drop? Some lare there.

Speaker 5 (21:57):
We are in the process of moving into a new house. Okay,
not all of our stuff is out of the old one,
yet our memory keepsakes are still at the old house.
I grabbed everything out of the box of things she
had given me from the timeframe of the conversations. It
hurt a lot, stuck them in my trunk. I had
the intention of waiting till Friday after I'd spoken with
my counselor, but I just couldn't wait. She could tell

(22:21):
something was off the minute I walked in the door.
I also grabbed an adult soda after work to try
and make the night easier. I just couldn't play a charade.
I didn't want to speak or even look at her,
and she could tell when she asked what was making
me so grumpy? I just told her we would talk
after our daughter went to sleep. I felt the time
from getting home to her going to sleep with random errands,

(22:42):
just so I wouldn't have to look at her. I
ran to the market, came back, ran to fat to
get some fast food, took a shower, etc. Once our
daughter was asleep, she said, all right, let's get this
griping over with, in a joking manner, like it was
going to be a high charge on the credit card
or something like that. I told her that how this
night went dependent on her complete honesty to me and

(23:05):
to God, and she agreed. I asked her how many
people she had slept with since we had been together, None,
she says. I asked her how many people she had
sent explicit photos to since we had been together, none,
she says. I asked her how many people she had
had inappropriate conversations with. She hesitated on this one and
said none. It was a disappointing answer. Yeah, well, then Opie,

(23:31):
you got your answer. I then went on to read
her our entire goofy loving conversation from that night and
asked her if it meant anything to her and if
she remembered it. She didn't. I told her to keep
the date and time of the conversation in mine June seventh,
twenty eleven. Then I pulled the picture of her conversation
with the other guy at the exact same time and

(23:51):
handed her my phone. Her face went white, shoulders drooped,
and she said, I don't even remember this on a
in a somewhat down fashion that I pulled the other
conversation she had with the other guy about him making
her want to do naughty things and showed her it.
I told her I had a difficult time believing that

(24:12):
she didn't remember that one since it went on for
six months. It started innocent for the first few months,
so I didn't really care. It was about four months
in that it started getting inappropriate. So how do you
think she's going to respond, Oh.

Speaker 6 (24:27):
My gosh, I don't.

Speaker 4 (24:29):
I feel like it'll just be basic cheater responses, just like.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
No, you went through my phone, you can't do that.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
Yeah, yah, yeah that and then just being like, oh,
like it meant nothing, Like I don't know, I don't
even remember so clearly we have a kid together, like
I love you, Like why did you why is this
a problem?

Speaker 6 (24:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (24:45):
Yeah, I honestly don't even remember what She replied with,
Dang it, he's good at memorying, remembering everything else.

Speaker 7 (24:53):
Right.

Speaker 5 (24:53):
By this time, my anger was just building and building.
I went out to my truck and got all of
our memories from that time frame, every note she wrote,
every gift she gave me. We went through it all.
I read all of what she wrote her tongue, she
loved me, what a great boyfriend I was, how she
couldn't wait to spend her life with me, et cetera.
It hurts so much reading those notes. By the end

(25:14):
of the notes, I was yelling, Oh, man, I know
you're very angry, but don't you don't want to yell.
You don't want to keep your composure, and especially in
this moment. I showed her specific ones. This one right here.
You told me you loved me and wrote me this
note two freaking days after you told another guy you
were soaking.

Speaker 6 (25:33):
Ugh grows descriptor Yeah.

Speaker 5 (25:36):
I don't remember what all I said. I don't remember
what all she said. It was just a long blur
of tears and yelling. I do remember asking how many
of those things she got? Me worse sincere because I
didn't understand how she could be saying such sweet things
to me while turning around and saying all those things
to the other guys. She said they were all sincere,

(25:57):
and she did meet them, but I don't know. I
won't even be able to look at them anymore without
being reminded of what happened. I can't give details because
I honestly don't remember them. It culminated in her getting
angry about digging up the past right what we called
it regretful that she said those things. She promised me
over and over that she wasn't that person anymore, that

(26:18):
she had changed after our daughter was born. I honestly
do believe her on this, as I've found no evidence
to prove otherwise. Our daughter helped lift her out of
depression and make her a happier person, so I truly
believe these messages might have been due to the dark
time in our life. She did bring this up and
said that she was just looking for someone to talk to,
for someone to distract her. I don't know your boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
Op, Yeah, maybe that would be a person to turn
to to help her.

Speaker 5 (26:45):
Yes, having a daughter with somebody still doesn't negate that
you cheated on your partner.

Speaker 6 (26:50):
Right, or like obbies or friends or something like something
you wanted.

Speaker 5 (26:54):
To rely on strange men on the internet like, yeah,
come on, I don't know. This is all a jumbled
up paraphrase of what happened over the course of several hours.
I thought getting it out in the open would make
me feel better, but I still feel like crap. Young
at her didn't help. The tears didn't help. Whatever consolation
she had didn't help. It still hurts just as much,

(27:16):
and I still can't sleep. I don't think I've ever
been cut this deep. That's a hard.

Speaker 6 (27:21):
Rhyme, that is, Yeah, I keep that in mind anyone
that makes songs.

Speaker 5 (27:25):
She said she would move out if that is what
I wanted. I don't know what I want. I want
the happiness we had back. I want her to have
never sent those messages. Half of me wants to punt
her to the curb, and the other half of me
wants her to stay just so I get to see
my daughter every day. I guess I will try to
clear that up on Friday with my counselor good. I

(27:45):
wish this had never happened. I wish she could have
talked to me instead of the other guys. I don't
know where to go from here. The love is gone,
the trust is gone, and the first two to three
years of us being together is now tarnished because I'll
never one hundred percent know what she has said to
other people that I haven't seen. I don't even want
the memories of us being together for those first years now. Oh,

(28:07):
I guess I'll just take it one day at a
time and see where it goes. If there had been
any inkling of indiscretion after our daughter was born, that
would have been the end. But with it being so
long ago without any evidence, after those messages, and believe me,
I looked high and low. I just don't know. I
don't want to blow up my entire life, but I
don't want to feel this way forever. Any advice. So,

(28:29):
and that is the end of that story that we
said our piece again. Take it. You know. It's one
of those things where you just can't rush this. Ye,
nothing is going to be fixed over a day or
even a month. This is gonna be a thing between
you and your partner. And see how you feel if
you really think the trust is gone, you can no

(28:49):
longer trust your partner, and you'd be having that thought
in the back of your head. I think you call it.
It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to
your partner as well, because yes, she cheated, But now
you're like, every day you'd be thinking did she cheat?
What if?

Speaker 4 (29:06):
This?

Speaker 5 (29:06):
What if? That?

Speaker 8 (29:07):
What?

Speaker 5 (29:07):
It's the what if game, and that's going to eat
at you more.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
I should Yeah, hey, it's Sam. We're going to get
back to the stories. But here's three minutes fads from
her sponsors.

Speaker 6 (29:16):
My wife's dream job is in the US, but I
don't want to move.

Speaker 7 (29:20):
Rolling stone gathers no moss, so I guess you like moss.

Speaker 8 (29:24):
My male thirty seven wife female thirty eight, was recently
offered a position at a major corporation in California. She's
currently working as a chemical engineer in Dublin, earning a
very competitive salary. The only catch, at least for my wife,
is that there's a little to no room for professional growth.
In her current job because she's already reached the highest
position available in her department. By the way, this comes

(29:47):
from own Celebration ninety four to thirty one and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime Separate it. So a few months
ago she mentioned looking around for a new job as
she was feeling really burnt out with her As her husband,
of course, I wholeheartedly supported her. She never really mentioned
anything about us or that she was even applying to

(30:08):
a position in California. Now Ever, since she received her
offer a few days ago, she's been really happy and
excited about possibly moving there, Despite my concerns. I've been
very supportive because I did not want her to think
that I'm not happy for her, because I am. But
I really don't want to move to the US. My
wife and I are originally from the Philippines. We have
two little girls who were born here in Ireland. The

(30:29):
eldest will be starting primary school this year, and I
worry that if we ever move, she'll have a hard
time adjusting to a completely different country. In addition, with
the current political climate, I'm scared that she might be
bullied for being an immigrant, not that it can happen here,
but the chances of it happening in the US.

Speaker 6 (30:45):
Are more likely.

Speaker 8 (30:46):
Our parents also frequently visit US from the Philippines and
they get to be present in our children's lives. But again,
with its current political climate, if we move to the US,
it might be difficult for our parents to apply for
tourist visa and fly and to visit US. My wife
is really and it fills me with joy seeing how
excited she is, especially after hearing her complain about how
unfulfilling her current job is for months on end. But

(31:07):
I honestly don't think moving our family to the United
States is the mood. How do I tell her this
without sounding like an unsupportive comment sorry, like an unsupportive husband?
Comments comment one, which part of California we might be
able to run the numbers for you and show your
wife that even with the pay increase, it's possible your
quality of life will go down, and that's without the
current political climate. California is unreasonably expensive. I think it's

(31:30):
in Sunny Vale. The company in California is indeed offering
her a significant amount of money, much higher than her
current salary. However, we already own our place here in Dublin.
If we move to the US, we have to find
a new home. I've been looking around online, and the
price tags for the properties at the city where she
will be working in make working in makes her salary
look like minimum weight.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
Reply.

Speaker 8 (31:51):
The average cost of a house in Sunny Veil is
over two million dollars.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
Your income combined.

Speaker 8 (31:57):
Would have to be at least close to half a
million a year two young children in that high cost
of living area to be comfortable. You really need to
run the numbers. It is an insanely expensive place to
move and live. Common to I'm curious if she'd even
be able to work get a work visa right now. Personally,
I wouldn't count on getting one for your whole family,
and even if you did, it could get taken away
without y'all even being notified. First look up. What's happening

(32:20):
to foreign academics and students? Absolutely to people with green
cards are being you know, deported.

Speaker 7 (32:27):
So we got a guy up here being like, I'll
just denaturalize anyone I don't like and I send them away.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
It's like, that's that's insanity.

Speaker 8 (32:36):
People with citizenships.

Speaker 6 (32:38):
He's trying to get rid of So this is.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
Really trying to start a war with the City of
New York and theirs.

Speaker 8 (32:43):
Col in California, less healthcare expenses, which will be a
shock after living in Ireland, you know, in general insurance. Realistically,
this is the worst time possible to consider coming to
the US, and you would be putting yourselves and your
children in actual danger. Ice does not care if you're
here legally, and due process is not guaranteed. Also, if

(33:03):
either of you have posted anything political online that goes
against the administration's policies in any new way, you're not
getting in or you're getting deported without making it through customs.
She needs to look elsewhere. You're not being unsupportive, You're
being smart. There is an update, folks. You wakes. Uh Yeah,
I mean literally just say I'm so proud of you,
so excited that you got this. I don't think because

(33:26):
of these reasons it is the best time to go.

Speaker 7 (33:28):
Yeah, I mean, you could just like even be like,
I don't know, I don't know anything about culturally what
it's like to raise kids in Ireland, but I'm sure
it'd be better than the you know, I don't know,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
We're not to be brave?

Speaker 6 (33:43):
What was that?

Speaker 1 (33:44):
Because Ireland not a German. Our culture is just a
mess right now out here.

Speaker 7 (33:48):
Honestly, it's it's kind of just I would I would
be petrified raising a child in this country right now,
which is why my buddy went to England. Yeah, because
he did not want to raise his kids here.

Speaker 8 (34:00):
Yep, I got my Australian citizenship in my back pocket.
Hello everyone, thank you so much for all the advice
on my previous post. I made that post at the
break of dawn, and I think I was even half asleep,
So I apologize for the lack of details. I didn't
expect it to receive so many comments, and I can't
reply to all of them, so I'm making a separate
post to answer some of the common questions plus give

(34:21):
some updates. The company she will be working for is
in Sunny Vale, California. Her estimated first year package is
close to half a million US dollars. They are offering
to cover moving expenses for our family of four, and
once in California, we will have temporary housing for sixty days.
She will also be given a thirty thousand sign on bonus.
Both of these, the relocation assistance and sign on bonus

(34:42):
is subject to her pretension clause. I think she has
to work for the company for at least twenty four months,
otherwise she has to repay them. Her base salary is
going to be four hundred and ten thousand dollars, more
than twice her current wage. Immigration wise, the company will
sponsor her H one B visa and perm green card
sponsorship will be available a after twenty four months of employment.
She will also have unlimited PTO and health insurance will

(35:04):
be one hundred percent covered by her employer. Lastly, they
are offering her RSUs vested for four years and a
four oh one K package. Currently, we earned just over
five hundred and twenty thousand euros per year as engineers.
I work remotely as a software engineer for a US
based company, but that arrangement may be impacted if we
relocate to the United States, since I likely won't be

(35:26):
permitted to work under an H four visa. We also
fully own a six bedroom home in Dublin. Moving to
California would mean going back to paying rent or taking
on a mortgage again. We've also been to California several
times before, and my wife loves the fact that it's
home to many Filipinos. She says that she'd like for
our kids to grow up around other Filipino kids. She

(35:46):
did her PhD in Singapore for five years, and two
years after that we moved to Dublin. I think the
idea of being around our own folks really makes the
idea of moving to California more enticing. Anyway, I brought
up my concerns too our today and we've actually been
discussing them since this morning. She seems genuinely intent on
accepting the job. I asked her whether she's drawn to

(36:09):
it because it truly excites her, or if she's just
eager to escape her her current role. As others mentioned
in my previous post, what if we go through the
stress of relocating to California only for her to end
up hating the job too. I told her that if
her me reason is just wanting to leave her current position,
she can just quit. In fact, I've been encouraging her
to quit her job ever since she told me how

(36:31):
burnout she was last year. I had even suggested that
we take a month off back in the Philippines to
reset and help her recover before job hunting again. X.
She can take a year off from work for all
I care. I don't mind it all. She's incredibly accomplished
with an impressive resume. I truly don't think she'd have
much trouble finding something new and more fulfilling and is

(36:52):
not in the United States once she decides to work.
The only answer she could give me regarding my question
was in I don't know. We run the number and
she believes that it's doable even on a single income.
After reading all the commons on my previous post, I'm
convinced that even with a four hundred thousand dollars annual salary,
we will not be able to maintain the same lifestyle

(37:13):
as we have in Dublin. We travel often.

Speaker 7 (37:15):
Yeah, well, I don't know, I mean likes common you
it's like it's.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Gonna be different.

Speaker 7 (37:22):
For sure, things are going to be I don't know, man,
Because it's like.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
You're right in that area.

Speaker 7 (37:27):
You can go like kind of up to the mountains,
you can go to Utah, you can go there's stuff
around you that's like you don't have to travel too
far to get there, and it's really cool.

Speaker 8 (37:35):
I guess it's a reframing of like you might not
be able to travel abroad as much because that is
pretty expensive.

Speaker 7 (37:42):
It's kind kind of why people come to California is
you can almost do everything here.

Speaker 8 (37:46):
Yeah, but like there's so much traveling within the United States,
which is why I mean, like I was, you know,
I feel like a lot of people think that Americans
don't travel, like are not well traveled. But I think
they're very well traveled, just in our giant country in America.

Speaker 6 (38:01):
Yeah, which is huge.

Speaker 1 (38:04):
Yeah, that was sorry. No, Okay, we don't have to
export traveling. We do it. We import it to ourselves. Sure,
I understand. I get what you're saying. Business.

Speaker 8 (38:14):
We travel often, and our eldest does a lot of
activities over the years, such as sports and musical lessons.
We're also planning to send her to a private school.
I'm scared that if we try to continue living the
same way as we did in Ireland, we'd run through
our savings fast if we go through this route.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Don't move here.

Speaker 7 (38:30):
You your life in Ireland sounds pretty solid, Okay. I mean,
I don't know, but if your wife is up still
look for that new job, maybe they I don't know.

Speaker 9 (38:41):
Hot take I say, take it two to three years
of your life being a little different. If you want that,
if you like being different, if you like new things,
try it. If not, stay I But the.

Speaker 8 (38:51):
Thing is that with the trying thing, I think it's
a little bit easier to try and move your entire
life when you don't have kids. But if they go
to California and realize that this is not you know,
working out, and then come back, that's pretty you know,
it's very hard for the kids because they have to
stay for if they go, they have to stay for
two years.

Speaker 7 (39:09):
Yeah, for that so they don't have to pay back, Yeah,
all of that money, like five hundred thousand dollars.

Speaker 8 (39:14):
Yeah, and private school at California expensive. You're looking at
like anywhere between twenty to thirty thousand dollars, and depending
on how good you want, could be more.

Speaker 6 (39:23):
It's expensive.

Speaker 8 (39:24):
So like, really really look at how much that all
would caught before you make that decision. But there's a
little bit left. Thankfully, after showing her the news and
what's been going on in the US right now, plus
the school pupews, she agreed that it might not be
a good idea to go as a family, but now
she's insisting on going alone and flying back to Ireland

(39:46):
on holidays or vacations to see us or we fly
to her. Honestly, I'm really upset that she would even
suggest this, especially when our eldest is just about to
start school. She'd be missing out on so much as
a parent. I asked her what will be the long
term plan for us if she decides to go to
that path, because we can't realistically sustain a long distance
set up forever. I guess that struck a nerve. She

(40:06):
snapped and told me that if I don't want her
to take the job, I should just stas stout instead
of pretending to support her while constantly trying to talk
her out of it. I'm honestly so tired and upset.
I really am trying to keep a levelhead and meet
her halfway that I need her to do the same
for me. She's usually very rational about things, so this
concurrent outburst plus the sudden urge to move to California
confuses me so much. We're at a stalemate right now,

(40:29):
but I fear that she continues to insist on going
to California on her own, I'd eventually just fold and
agree to move there as a family. I love my
wife and my daughters, and I really don't want them
to be apart from each other. She is up until
the end of the month to decide, so I'm hoping
she has a change of heart by then.

Speaker 7 (40:46):
That is wow, my wife is lying about her age
because she's afraid of losing me win. My wife's thirty
three female family was visiting earlier. We were talking about
how long we would wait until we have our next child. I,
twenty eight, mal asked my mother in law how long
she waited between having children, and she said four years.

(41:06):
My wife corrected her and said, no, six years, which
I could see. My mother in law reacted oddly to
reason being my brother in law is thirty seven, and
so if he's four years older than my wife, that
would make her thirty three. After seeing this exchange, my
heart sank because I knew in my gut that my
wife had been lying to me about her age. This

(41:27):
is because this event marked the third time in two
months that I had encountered information that suggested my wife
has been misrepresenting her A. First time was in the
hospital when my wife was going into labor two months ago.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
On the display of the medical device.

Speaker 7 (41:41):
It listed her birth year is nineteen ninety and I
pointed out to the nurse that the date was incorrect.
They said they would need proof in order to change
that date, so my wife showed them her old ID
with her maiden name, and the nursing staff was able
to make the change. I thought it was weird that
the system would have the wrong date, but my wife
said her old ID had a clerical aid error and
that was the one that she had registered with the hospital.

(42:03):
As I understand it, these errors are rare and can
only be corrected by showing two copies of your identification,
in this case, passport and birth certificate. For some reason,
this stuck with me in my head and I started
questioning myself on the subject, But ultimately I decided to
believe my wife. After all, I'd seen her ID before
and it had said nineteen ninety two, and we filed

(42:25):
for our marriage license with that date without issue. The
second time was about a month ago, when my mother
in law was visiting and talking about when my wife
was a baby. Since I was already having questions about
my wife's birthday, I asked her and what year was this?
To which she replied nineteen ninety. I asked her if
she meant nineteen ninety two, and she said.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
Oh, yes, m.

Speaker 7 (42:46):
At this point I was on high alert that something
was up, and I mentioned to my wife after the
family had left, that it was silly of her mom
to forget what year she was born. My wife responded
that she didn't know what I was talking about that,
but she didn't think her mom would have said that.
I told her that I definitely heard her mom say that,
but she told me that I must have misheard her

(43:07):
or her mom made a mistake. At this point, I
went through my wife's closest friend's Instagram profiles and saw
that the majority of them were in their mid thirties,
not early thirties. Being overwhelmed by what I was seeing,
I convinced myself that I was probably overthinking this whole situation,
and that the clerical error her mom forgetting her birth
year and her being the youngest of all of her
friends by a bit were unlikely coincidences, but not impossible.

(43:30):
I stopped short of going through my wife's belongings, as
that would be a massive invasion of privacy and she
would certainly be aware as she is on a maternity
leave at home. That leads us back to the present
and the family discussion about her brother's age gap. Of course,
I brought this up with the thought of entertaining my suspicions,
but seeing my mother in law's reaction to my wife's
correction told me everything I needed to know. This was

(43:52):
the third insinuation that my wife was born in nineteen
ninety and at this point I couldn't deny it any longer.
I excused myself for a bathroom break, and her family
left shortly after I returned downstairs. We cleaned a bit
and got maybe changed, and when my wife sat down,
I said that something was bothering me and we needed
to talk. I explained to her that three times over
the last couple months there's been insinuations that she is

(44:14):
thirty three years old.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
She responded that it's because she is.

Speaker 7 (44:18):
After some silence, I asked my wife to explain herself,
and she said that this all traces back to when
she got her driver's license in twenty eighteen. A clerical
error indeed had been made, but one that printed her
birth year is nineteen ninety two instead of the one
on her birth certificate, which is nineteen ninety. As a result,
she started getting jobs with that identification, and for reasons

(44:39):
that remain unclear, decided to use that age on her
dating profile before we met. At the time, I was
twenty three and was only looking for matches between the
ages of twenty and twenty six, so I distinctly remember
her profile having that age setting, something which she still
denies intentionally doing. On our first date, I even remember
looking at her license since we got cocktails at dinner,

(45:01):
and sure enough her birth you're indicated that she was
twenty six.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
Okay, so she's twenty four.

Speaker 7 (45:05):
I asked her why she would lie about her real age,
and she said that she never knew our relationship would
get this serious.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
The longer time went on, the bigger this lie became.

Speaker 7 (45:14):
She said that she's wanted to come clean about it
for a long time, but she was afraid early on
in our relationship that I would have left her if
I knew she was five years older than me, five
years my senior.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
To be fair, she may be right, really, because Opie
said at the time.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
Folks, can we I'm just gonna put you all on
game real quick, go ahead.

Speaker 7 (45:34):
Numbers matter in a legal sense and a you know,
there is a point where it's like.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
What are we doing? But closer? You were closer when
things when things just make sense.

Speaker 7 (45:44):
If someone's thirty five and you're thirty, but you're like, oh,
five years older than me, if does it feel like
it makes sense? Does it feel right in your chest?
It doesn't matter if it's twenty five years then it's like, okay,
I got to think about like end of life care.
It's like, what is our You know, Dan, you're thinking,
all right, if you're twenty five years older than me,
when you become old old, I'm gonna have to take

(46:04):
care of you. Like what is this gonna look like?

Speaker 10 (46:06):
Like?

Speaker 7 (46:06):
Sure, yeah, five years thirty to thirty five and you
bleas zero difference. She even tried feeling me out at
that time, asking questions like what would you do if
I were older than I am? I had answered basically
that we probably wouldn't be dating in that case for
fear of losing me.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
She let this lie fester, and she said that this.

Speaker 7 (46:24):
Lie was in the back of her head during every
major milestone we shared together. When I asked her to
be my girlfriend, when I asked her to move in
with me, when I asked her to marry me, when
we got pregnant with our baby, when we got married,
when we.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
Welcomed our baby into the world.

Speaker 7 (46:37):
Unknown to me, my wife had an inner conflict that
our relationship had been built on a lie, and each
time one of those milestones passed, she chose to kept up,
to keep up the act instead of coming clean. She
says now that she feels much better for having finally
come clean, But now we're so far down the road.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
I don't know what to do.

Speaker 7 (46:54):
I don't quite know how I would have reacted in
the past to this discovery, and that was before we
got married, I had a kid together. She is my
love and my best friend, but I can't shake the
feeling that our relationship was.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Built on a lie.

Speaker 7 (47:07):
I'm also wondering what else my wife is capable of
lying about, if she could keep something as foundational as
how old she is a secret for so long. In fact,
all of her new documentation, like a license in passport,
has her correct birth year on it now since she
changed her name, so it was only a matter of
time before I found out. My wife said that she
recognized this and was getting ready to write me a
letter on the subject. She even showed me her draft

(47:29):
of this letter in her phone, dated back a month
ago after the second event I mentioned earlier. Apparently her
mom had mentioned to her at the time that she
needed to get that date corrected, and today reinforced the
point that she needed to say something to me.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
After the third event.

Speaker 7 (47:42):
Mother in law encouraged her to be positive about the
situation and that she's still the same person regardless of
her age. Mother in law is right about this part.
I do love my wife as a partner and a mother.
But I'm struggling with the notion that we would have
never met if my wife didn't lie about her age,
and probably would not have continued our relationship had found
out earlier.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
Now we have a great family life.

Speaker 7 (48:03):
When it all started and was perpetuated by a lie,
Shelby Cobra, you're literally living in a perfect relationship and
marriage from the sounds of it, until you're like.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
Oh, my wife's two years older, and she was gonna
tell you. She wasn't gonna keep hiding it, that's the
other thing. But she was going to tell you. But
if she's willing to lie to the government, she's willing
to lie to you. I always lie to the government.
I can't trust you anymore. Government's not your friend. You
don't know that.

Speaker 7 (48:34):
Entertainment that wasn't legal advice. Don't lie to the irs.
Now we have a great family life, but it all
started and was perpetuated by a lie. I have no
idea how we're going to talk about this with my
family or our friends, as this could seriously impact how
they see her. My wife and I both grew up
in broken homes, and neither of us want to impose

(48:54):
that on our children. Part of the reason why my
wife claims she didn't tell me the truth is she
was convinced that I would walk out on her and
get a divorce, which is true based on everything you
said to her. I haven't done that and am instead
looking for recommendations on how to navigate this situation. How
would you recommend we broach this topic with our friends
and family?

Speaker 1 (49:13):
Be funny?

Speaker 7 (49:14):
How can I rebuild my trust in my wife? How
can I handle my feelings of betrayal?

Speaker 1 (49:18):
Therapy? There's a final update here, John. I want to
know should they stay or should they go?

Speaker 2 (49:23):
I think I basically, I think we've we've wiggled our
way down to the same area, which is like, I think,
you know, it is a lie. She did she she
wrote the letter, but also when he asked her, she
didn't admit. However, I think this is probably solvable with
therapy and working through it and rebuilding that trust and

(49:43):
getting also even more of an understanding, like we know
kind of the surface level of why she did it,
but I think it would be nice to like dive
deep with her on that, and I think the trust
is rebuildable. And it seems from all that we know
that they have a great relationship in great life, and
they should, at embarrassed of minimums try they should try
to try and build a relationship to keep going.

Speaker 7 (50:06):
Maybe, uh, you know, maybe I'm just a funny guy.
Maybe I'm just a funny, unbothered guy.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
Huh.

Speaker 9 (50:12):
My take is, don't lie by your age and being
expired milk. You're better than that.

Speaker 7 (50:17):
I just think what a different lie would be way
more concerning. But this is like, first of all, it
did come from a clerical error, which is like great,
It's like you're being handed the lottery. Oh my god,
the government just gave me two free years off of
my life. I get to be two years younger according
to the government, it.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
Still shouldn't lie about it.

Speaker 10 (50:34):
I'm gonna lean in that. You know, it's again just
because people do lie about it. I don't think it's
good that people do. But I think I think their relationship,
their context.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
I think it's okay. I think they can work through it.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
I should say, yeah, it's not like it was.

Speaker 7 (50:48):
And again, it's not like it's like I'm gonna lie
so that I can take something from him. It's like, well,
I'm gonna perpetuate this lie so we can continue to
have this beautiful relationship in this wonderful family, and he
won't just arbitrarily divorce me because I'm like an old
Dusty Sack.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
Here's the update. Here we go.

Speaker 7 (51:04):
I want to thank you all for the feedback, good
or bad. One thing I want to emphasize is that
I don't care that my wife is five years older
than me.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
Okay, sure there was a.

Speaker 7 (51:14):
Time where this would have been an issue for me,
but we're well past that. The issue for me is
and has been, the continued lies and actions to support
a mistake that was made a long time ago. I
also spoke to my wife again today, after gathering my
thoughts and considering the advice that's been shared here, I
told her that I love her, that I have no
interest in divorcing, and that I want to be a
husband to her and a father to our child. But

(51:35):
I also expressed again how hurt I was by her
lying to me, and that we were going to have
to work together to reach a point where I can
trust her.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
This will take.

Speaker 7 (51:42):
Time, but I'm sure we can do it barring any setbacks.
I'm so annoyed, but I'm just gonna keep going. We
agreed to meet with a counselor weekly until we feel
comfortable in our working this week to resolve our documents
that have her errant date of birth. We also have
no plans on discussing this matter with friends or family
unless there is reason to The one thing we won't
do is be deceitful.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
John Here, we're gonna get back to this juicy story,
but a quick three minute of break of ads from
our sponsors. I tried to enforce boundaries of my in
laws and it turned into a legal issue ten ninety nine.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
These guys are trying to set boundary with me. Can
we get someone over here right? Away, arrest him.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
Now, I'm going to have my first baby in a
few months. Congrats. And mother in law has a history
of being crappy towards me and all my hubby's previous
relationships and also his brother's past girlfriends. She gets jealous.
I want to set clear boundaries before the baby comes
with her. By the way, this comes from Big Branch
eighty five twenty one, and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the alar slash Okay Storytime

(52:38):
celebread it So first, a bit of background for our relationship.
Before we were married, my mother in law would try
to tell him to break up with me because she
has gray hairs in her twenties, so clearly there's something
wrong with her health and she's unfitted bare children. The
answer is no, it's genetic. My dad's side went gray early. Also,
she has yellowing to her teeth. She's clearly unhealthy and

(52:59):
unfit to bear children.

Speaker 1 (53:01):
Answer No.

Speaker 2 (53:02):
I had to take an iron supplement as a kid,
but couldn't swallow pills, so it was liquid and discolored
my teeth a bit. I don't think it's that bad
and haven't really gone for whitening advice, but my dentist
once mentioned it, she wouldn't suggest it. In my personal case,
my mom, who happens to be my best friend and
I adore, has been battling and every time my mother
in law sees me, she starts off the convo with

(53:24):
telling me about someone she knows recently that passed away.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
Of hey, shut up, shut up, hey.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
She's always trying to push my buttons and get under
my skin. She went to my workplace to see my
colleague and introduced her herself to her admin, who wasn't
aware of our relationship as my mother in law. My
admin told her that everyone at work loves me and
that I'm so awesome, et cetera, et cetera, as they should.
Instead of having a normal response like we love her too,

(53:52):
my mother in law went, we're actually here to see
someone else.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Right, Okay, we love that for you, all.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Right, which my admin told told me about because that's
so weird. When we were getting married and wanted just
a small wedding, said no to mother in law inviting
her second cousin multiple times, but she went ahead and
printed out our evite and handed it to said second
cousin who we barely know, and who didn't even talk

(54:19):
to us at the wedding and just ate the food.

Speaker 7 (54:22):
Ah.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
Anyways, Hubby has had conversations with her, but she always
thinks she's right and everyone else is wrong, So Hubby
has given up on trying to reason with her, but
also still wants both his parents and his life because
they come as a package deal. And his dad is
decent except for the part where the mom is the
boss of the family, except for the part where he

(54:44):
lets the mom step all over you and doesn't defend
you like a like a good human should.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
The dad is decent except for when he's not decent,
which is all the time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
Now, fast forward to me being pregnant. She gropes my
bell and talks to my belly rather than me as
a person when she first sees me, while not letting
me be a part of the conversation with adults.

Speaker 7 (55:09):
Yeah, I'm literally slapping the hand away next time, No,
don't touch me.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
That'd be great to not touch me. Last time was
meeting with a new neighbor. The vibe is very you're
just an incubator for my baby. Three D printer yep.
Despite her having been pregnant four times and her daughters,
each having been pregnant three times. So I'd like to
set clear boundaries. That was all the that was the background.

(55:33):
That was just the context. Ladies and gentlemen. We are
barely a third of the way through this story. Ooh ooh,
so my idea. I'm in a WhatsApp chat with my
hubbies immediate family, so I'm thinking of just having witnesses
to my boundaries and saying as follows. Hi, everyone, our
first baby is coming very shortly. But we just wanted

(55:54):
to communicate some needs to you all. From what we've
seen with friends, postpartum can be very challenging and we
would appreciate it if you respect some rules to make
this work well. Please don't surprise visits. I might need
some time and space. Please respect that. We will let
you know when we're ready. Please take no photos without
explicit consent. When I need to front air bag feed,

(56:15):
please give me distance. I don't want an audience. No
inappropriate comments towards or about any of us. Actions will
have consequences. Okay, that way, there should be witnesses. Right,
what do you guys think of this? And we have
some comments, but you know what, Let's take a pitstop
right here, Sofia and Dakota, what do we do with

(56:36):
mother in law? Starting with Sofia, what do you think?

Speaker 8 (56:40):
I think that you have your partner talk to their mother.

Speaker 6 (56:45):
It's not your thing.

Speaker 1 (56:47):
Yeah, how can a three D printer win an argument
with a human being? It can't.

Speaker 2 (56:52):
I concur with both of these statements. But we've got
some relevant comments here, so common number one. First of all,
these are not boundaries. They are rules you are making
for other people, which is fine, it's your baby, but
understand that this is what is happening. I find people
receive rules like this much better if they are framed
as what to do rather than what's not allowed, and

(57:13):
the actions have consequences is vague and threatening. Just state
what the actual boundary is. It's what you will do.
If the rules are broken. We will only be welcoming
visitors when it is planned at least a couple of
days in advance. Surprise drop ins will be ignored. Our
consent must be given for taking or sharing any photos,
whether directly or on social media. Violating that consent means

(57:33):
a lengthy timeout from seeing the bub The babe, I
am private about my front airbag feeding and will take
space as needed. Any lack of respect from this will
end a visit. We need support and positivity and what
will be an exhausting and exciting time. Unsolicited advice, criticism,
or comparisons will end the visit. The way you ensure
your rules are respected is to follow through calmly and consistently.

(57:55):
Don't state a consequence you are not willing to enact
because it falls apart. Then there is an update.

Speaker 1 (58:01):
Note.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
I deleted my post yesterday last night because mother in
law and daughter in law were intimidating. The evidence gathered
that it was illegal, and dear husband said to delete
the post on Reddit while we figure out our rights
slash legalities in case they find the post to use
it against us.

Speaker 7 (58:21):
Guys, we're all going to jail. Oh my god, we're
all going to jail. Everything we've been doing has been
illegal as all times. You're not allowed to talk about
other people.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
We should call this illegal the podcast because it is
illegal and a podcast.

Speaker 7 (58:36):
Oh my god, don't go to Spotify, don't go to iHeart Radio,
don't delete all of your phone throw them in the ocean.

Speaker 1 (58:41):
No, don't do that, because this is insane.

Speaker 7 (58:44):
These people literally think it's illegal to talk bad about them.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 (58:50):
Honestly, I'm praying that in this story they call the
police and they say, Hey, you won't believe this. My
daughter in law wrote a Reddit story about me. Arrest
her right now and have her laughed out of the station.
That is what I want to happen. Please please give

(59:11):
it to me.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
Please give it to me right now.

Speaker 2 (59:15):
Wow sou from my search sense. Then there is a
bit of a gray area around camera use where I live,
but it seems largely that I am in my right
to have emotion sensor security cameras in my home as
long as there's no audio slash conversation is recorded, so
and it's not in the bathroom, et cetera.

Speaker 7 (59:33):
I don't think those So there's a rule where if
you're a place of business, your security cameras can't record
audio indoors, and it doesn't.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Apply to your house. Dude, this is your house.

Speaker 6 (59:44):
Do you live here?

Speaker 1 (59:46):
Uh? Like, what are we talking about? Not allowed? It's
all legal.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
But I went through all of the comments with my
husband last night, and he went over to his parents'
house to list the behaviors with evidence and inform them
of their boundaries and group rules. Good good, Now an
update on what happened last night. So I showed dear
husband the comments on reddits, a lot of really helpful ones.
Thank you guys, I appreciate you. Together, dear husband and

(01:00:14):
I started writing a list of instances when her behavior
and treatment of me had been awful in the past. Together,
we run out a list of boundaries slash rules in
his notes app and tried to make them very clear
with time frames for reassessment if appropriate. Dear husband then
drove over to his parents' house too calmly and coldly
make the statements to them slash her. He began with

(01:00:36):
the recent bad behavior incident mother in law snooping through
closet wardrobes, footage of her coming out of the bathroom
with dear husband's toothbrush in her mouth. At first, she
lied and said that she did no such things. Then
dear husband mentioned that we saw her do it in
the cameras. She absolutely exploded at him, yelling, dropping f bombs.

(01:00:59):
Then tried to make excuses that she was looking for
the sheets and our wardrobes and that she had actually
brought her own toothbrush with her and it was hers
that she used.

Speaker 7 (01:01:08):
She of course she has matching toothbrushes with her son,
but what good mother doesn't yep yep.

Speaker 5 (01:01:13):
Yv yep.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Cameras aren't high resolution enough to capture a toothbrush in
her pocket, and I obviously wouldn't put a camera in
the bathroom, So I actually can't confirm or disprove whether
it was in fact her own toothbrush in her pocket.
She lied slash denied to begin with in the first place, though, anyways,
that that doesn't excuse anything else on the long list
of maltreatment of me. Father in law kind of backed

(01:01:36):
her up. What you're new one is illegal?

Speaker 7 (01:01:40):
Like in what universe is recording in your own home illegal?

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
This is insane, and.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
Then admitted that they recently went through this with their tenants.
Mother in law and father in law have tenants at
their house that they own generational wealth must be nice.
Apparently she was recently caught on tenants cameras snooping through
their personal belongings, closets and fridges.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
Why why, why do you do this?

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Anyways, the whole thing took about fifteen minutes. A dear
husband was basically punted out of his parents' house. Without
getting a chance to mention anything other than this recent incident.
I was chased out by yelling at f bombs. His
parents said they're never coming over again or doing any
favors for dear husband, which I guess is still a win.

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
It sounds like it.

Speaker 7 (01:02:27):
I haven't heard a single favor they've done for you
all this whole time, don't you know?

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
The favor of letting me ransack your clauses in your toiletries.

Speaker 7 (01:02:38):
The favor of accusing you of a crime and threatening
to send you to jail.

Speaker 1 (01:02:43):
That's my favorite favor.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
That's my favorite one, Dakota. I love it when you
accuse me of illegal things I never did, and then
you know to throw me in jail.

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
My favorite.

Speaker 7 (01:02:56):
Yes, Police, a pregnant woman recorded me in her own home.
Send her to thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Please please let them call the cops. I hope. Mother
in law texted me last night, is this how you
treat family? Copy that message and send it right back
to her, Like, look in the mirror and ask yourself
that obviously I'm not responding. Daughter in law text to
dear husband this morning, demanding that dear husband have all
the evidence deleted. Dear husband said, This was further proof

(01:03:24):
she can't babysit. Ever, another good stance. This is not
the kind of behavior our child deserves to be exposed
to if we can help it. I'm waiting on a
text back from a lawyer friend read the legality of
the cameras edit. Also in addition, at this point where
I'm at, I should be relieved that dear husband stood
enough for me and for us as a family, and

(01:03:45):
that he is on board with going low contact. But
I'm bracing myself and scared with what mother in law
might try to do next. Will she try to hurt
me professionally at my work? Will she burn the place down?
Someone so hateful and explosive. I don't know what she
might do, and I'm still scared.

Speaker 7 (01:04:02):
That's a kind of ominous way to leave it. But uh,
you know, honestly, sometimes, I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
People are capable of crazy stuff.

Speaker 7 (01:04:10):
But she sounds like someone who's just a mostly a
yapper and she's you know, she's a little no She
does do that weird sly stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
She's snooper. She's a snooper and a yapper.

Speaker 7 (01:04:21):
Ooh, which maybe that is the combo that can create
like a an arsonist.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
Yeah, it's a scary thing because you don't know what's
gonna happen. But your husband actually stood up for you
and your family. Bingo huge, that's huge.

Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
Two.

Speaker 2 (01:04:34):
Once again, we've i mentioned this in the last story.
When you start to fully express like, hey, these things
are not just say the truth, like, oh, these things
are not okay to people who are doing such terrible
things to you, and then they're like, oh, well, oh
my gosh, you're the worst and oh my gosh, im
we gonna go to all contact da da da. Well great,
that is the cards are now falling as they are

(01:04:56):
supposed to, because someone who is doing terrible things is
actually being told to doing terrible things.

Speaker 1 (01:05:01):
And there you go.

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
They will they will sort themselves in your life accordingly. Yeah,
and you can go low contacts, like you said, protect
your peace, protect your baby, protect your husband and your
little family, and that is it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
Yeah, and just cover uh, cover your cover your back,
cover your back.

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My wife’s ex is being PUSHY… and it’s weirding me out! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My wife’s ex is being PUSHY… and it’s weirding me out! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories