We planned a family trip for my MIL… now my parents are upset! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is John, the og Storytime
padcast host.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Oh yeah, we got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
But before that, we got a teeny two minute break
from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like
a little house.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Oh yeah, we planned a family trip from my mother
in law.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Now my parents are upset.

Speaker 4 (00:18):
Well, maybe you should have planned a better trip.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
My husband and I used to go on the same
day trip with our families as kids. He went every
year with his family in the spring and went to
a bunch of other places throughout the day. It happens
to be the same place with connections my grandfather had
through his whole career, and my parents took me with
my grandparents in the fall. By the way, this comes
from just Say and throw Away and if you want
to submit your own.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Stories, go to the r slash. Okay, story Time, sure
about it.

Speaker 3 (00:42):
So we would stay at this one place and go
to a museum there because my grandfather loved to tell
us about it. So everyone here has a meaningful connection
to the place that we went to. We are very
fortunate on both sides of our family are very loving
and involved with their kids, helping out very regularly. My
father in law passed away over a year ago, and
my mother in law has taken his life loss understandably
very hard. She has said that it is difficult to

(01:03):
do things and go places where they used to go.
My husband spontaneously decided to take the kids to go
to the place they always went in the spring, and
really wanted to bring his mom so she could see
that life still goes on and it's good to make
new memories while remembering the time that she had with
her husband. I was torn about it because I knew
my parents also wanted to go with us, but my
husband really didn't want to make it a whole party.

(01:25):
I think in his mind he thought that it wouldn't
have allowed his mom to process things in the way
that he had hoped. We planned to take a different
special trip with them in the fall, where we could
really stay at that one location, visit the museum, and
my dad can share with my kids about what his
dad had done.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
On the way there.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
I remembered my dad had mentioned stopping by my house
today to pick something up for Easter dinner on Sunday,
so I texted him and said that my husband surprised
me with the day off and we were taking the
kids out and I could just stop by later. This
way he wouldn't wonder what was going on. He asked
follow up questions one at a time, which led to
me explaining where we were going, which means what, Sophia.

Speaker 4 (02:00):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
It means that and I see you in the chat
That is father in law might crash the party and
this might you know, upset husband, upset mother in law,
trying to get a process.

Speaker 4 (02:17):
So I see it now, I see that you now.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
I tried to keep it vague, but he kept asking questions,
one detail at a time until he got the whole situation.
I am a chooseful person, and I knew that they
would find out eventually. If I didn't tell them, my
chatty children would have and things would have been a
way worse. My dad was very upset that we would
go without them, and he sent several texts asking why
we were trying to hurt them and leave them out.

(02:41):
I tried to explain that we were only going to
this place for one thing, and that we weren't doing
anything related to my grandfather. I said that we were
going to do it with them, and do it in
the fall. It ended with him saying that he needed
space and my parents canceled Easter. It ruined the whole
trip for me, but I put on a happy face
for the kids. I mentioned the situation, probably to my
husband because he could tell my mood shifted and he

(03:02):
was annoyed, but also kept things going for the kids
and his mom, even though it was the main reason
we went. We were only at the place my parents
wanted to go for one hour, and it was a
two hour drive there. The kids had a fun day
and we went to a variety of places along the
way there and back, as all road trips good road
trips do. My husband's goal was to recreate the trip
his family used to go on with his dad, which

(03:22):
is very different from how my family did things. At
the end of the trip, my mother in law told
me that she could tell I was off and had
a guess about the situation, and that it wasn't fair
that I got put in the middle of everything.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
W mother in law, Ye, W mother in law.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
Overall, I just need to know if I am the
a hole for not accommodating my parents, and what I
can do to make it better.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
There is an update.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
I don't think the a hole.

Speaker 4 (03:47):
I just I think again, could have could have been
avoided like that. I don't think anyone necessarily maybe the
parents are a little bit a holish for overacting, but
I don't think anyone's like super intensely in the a
whole category. For me, I think it's just like there
was a lot of miscommunication that happened.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah, I do think, especially now at this point, Opie
should have because also I think it's kind of a
important boundary to set where it's like, hey, right now,
we're here for you for mother in law. She's grieving
her husband who passed away, and you know, my husband
thinks that this gonuld be a good thing for her,
and I think it'll help her. We will get we won't,

(04:24):
you know, spoiled surprise of you know, taking the kids
to the places you want to go to. We'll still
have that experience. So like, can you grant us the
space to like do this for mother?

Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (04:33):
I think that would have been a good conversation to have.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
But we have an update, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
I tried communicating with my parents my intentions for their
trip in the future, but they were still upset and said.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
It was not good enough. They explained that the.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
Reaction stems from years of my husband not being as
active a participant with them as I am with his
family over the years. Admittedly, he isn't a very social
person and doesn't like to sit still, but he always
tried to be there for my parents and help with
different projects. They're a handful of times in the past
over twenty years when my in laws would invite us
to go to places with them, and we would, but

(05:05):
my parents didn't usually initiate any plans. Spending time with
them would involve going to their house and watching a movie.
We used to do this weekly while dating, but now
my husband would rather watch movies at home, especially with
our kids being little and having early bedtime. We were
always over at my parents' house to hang out, especially
in the summer when they would invite us and the
kids would go swim when they have gone on trips

(05:27):
with us in recent years. It was something we had
talked about and I initiated that would take place during
the work week anyways, when my husband happened to be
working now. In the past, my parents always hosted holidays
even when we were dating, and I never went to
my in laws for most holidays. We would split half
the time at both of them for a few, but
always had a holiday dinner with my parents regardless.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
There was so much stress leading up to it, and
I would hear them complain when everyone left.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
My husband and I eventually took over hosting holidays after
getting married so they could relax and just enjoy everyone's company.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
My mom had.

Speaker 3 (05:56):
Mentioned that she missed hosting because she does things differently,
and she wanted to host some holidays again. We were
going to start with Easter. Now this is going to
be her her grand re debut as director.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Of the holidays.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
It is the mom that canceled, Yes, this is the
mom of the mom and father that canceled Easter.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
Ah man, ah man, It's how gonna be your re
debut if you cancel it.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
But now they canceled after finding out We went on
the day trip yesterday and are saying that we haven't
done enough with them over our whole time married. We
recently took two trips with my mother in law to
help her get past her grief. One she had bought
us expensive tickets for the kids w and we thought
that she would that she would enjoy seeing them for
one of the times that we went. We spent many
more times over the years having dinner or hanging out

(06:40):
with my parents. We would see them pretty much every
Sunday at church. They live closer and stop by my
house more often. I thought things were evenly distributed, but apparently.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
They were not.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
My parents have a history of overstepping boundaries, doing things
to help without asking, and mostly buying big things for
us or for the kids that we personally don't like.
Slash once have the space for it.

Speaker 4 (07:00):
Like a trampoline, I bet Ooh.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's that's such a good and you need.

Speaker 4 (07:04):
Insurance for that.

Speaker 3 (07:05):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (07:06):
My mom never let Sam and I have a trampoline
because she's like.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
The insurance is expensive and people always get hurt on them.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Oh, we never had a trampoline, and my husband has
talked to them about it and asked them to ask
us first. They get offended that we don't like or
want certain things that they get for us. When I
was a kid, I always had to pretend to like
everything I got or I would hurt their feelings. They
said I could tell them if I didn't like something,
but then they would be offended and hurt. The few

(07:33):
times that I tried, so it was easier just to
pretend to like everything and just.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
To keep them happy.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
I'm also adopted and wanted their time adopting me to
be worth it. To quote unquote, oh, I've always had
a fear that if I wasn't the perfect kid, if
I didn't get the best grades, if I did anything
wrong socially, if I didn't succeed with college, if I
didn't do things the way they wanted, they'd return or
abandon me. They kind of proved by canceling Easter and
sending me vague texts that things are going to change,

(08:01):
including their will, which I didn't particularly care about.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Wow, why you this strong?

Speaker 4 (08:08):
Strong a holes?

Speaker 3 (08:09):
This might be me taking a giant leap, and I
might be wildly off, but I'm just gonna I'm just
gonna flow it out there. It's giving parents who adopt
to have the.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
Kid to like, like manipulate all.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah, well I.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
Think like you you like. Some parents will adopt because
they want a kid, yeah yeah, yeah, rather than wanting
to provide a child like.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
The badge of having a kid or the braggings like
I want to nurture this child.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
I want my parents not their money or their things.

Speaker 3 (08:42):
By the way, Uh, if you want full episodes of
stories just like this, well, boy, do I got news
for you. Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts I heard, and
search Okay story Time for two thousand episodes to listen to.
But ladies and gentlemen, before we get into the end
of the story, Uh, Sophia, what are we thinking?

Speaker 1 (09:00):
Oh? Man?

Speaker 4 (09:01):
Honestly, it seems like even if you had communicated with
your parents, they seem like the type of people that
just make drama over everything. Yep, So I think they
are strong a hole in this story, and I mean,
just don't let them bring you down. You know, you
could say, hey, like, we'd love to see it. But
if you keep canceling things, that's you're making the choice.

(09:22):
You're making the decision here.

Speaker 3 (09:23):
Yeah, Like, if you want to see us more, then
don't cancel with things we have set up.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
To see each other.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yeah, where is the math mathing here?

Speaker 4 (09:30):
Silly? Silly?

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Come on, well, let's get into the end of the story.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
If they are concerned that we aren't spending enough time
with them, why cancel the time we had planned to
spend with them so we see them even less. I
cannot imagine doing this to my kids. No matter how
often they see other people, they see it as I'm
choosing my husband and his family over them, which I
never have. My husband apologize to me that he isn't
the son in law they wanted and is probably the
root cause of all this. He marches to the beat

(09:56):
of his own drum, and he sets boundaries.

Speaker 4 (09:58):
Hey, absolutely ridiculous that they're saying, oh, like, sorry, we
had to put you in this position. It's like, no,
you didn't.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
I'm so sorry you made us do this to you.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
It's ridiculous.

Speaker 3 (10:08):
I greatly apologize for you forcing our hands.

Speaker 4 (10:11):
We just there was no other way.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Ah.

Speaker 2 (10:13):
I can't, I can't be like this.

Speaker 3 (10:16):
I don't know if any of this is normal, aholish
or not. And that's the end of a starry An.
There we freaking have it, Perino.

Speaker 4 (10:27):
Wow, Yeah, I think your parents are a bit much,
a bit drama filled, so much drama.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
My parents didn't care about my wedding. It ruined our relationship,
and I don't care about you.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
Just kidding all of you.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
Okay, So two months ago my fiance and I decided
to start wedding planning. We've been together for seven years
and engaged for two. I had two family passings within
the time we were engaged, so wedding planning took a
big pause. I also helped take care of my grandmother
during the end of her life to alleviate some of
the caretaker's stress from my By the way, this comes

(11:01):
from user junior Stuff twenty eight, twenty five, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slashowcase storytime suburden. We finally decided to wedding plan
and told our parents two months ago in February. My
fiance's mom was on board from the start. My mom
gave me a hard time, but then stated that she
was just joking. I basically had to ask if they
were willing to help, and they said yes. After I

(11:22):
said that my fiance's parents were going to help, both
of our parents came to town in March for my
fiance's dad's birthday and my mom's birthday. Both of their
birthdays are in March, so we thought it'd be cool
to celebrate them together and allow them to get closer
before we get married. My fiance's parents helped my parents
get a discount on the resort room they were staying at.

(11:42):
We spent the whole weekend with them. I bought my parents'
food to keep at their villa. We all went to
dinner at a nice restaurant. My fiance's mom paid for
everyone to have shots, and I paid for everyone's dinner.
My future mother in law tried to bring up the
wedding conversation with my mom. My mom stayed quiet and
smiled curtly. I brushed it off and told my mother

(12:02):
in law that maybe she just didn't understand. My parents
mainly speak Spanish, but my mom understands and speaks English
pretty well compared to my dad. My fiance's parents speak
both English and Spanish, but are used to always speaking
in English, so my mother in law said that she
forgot and apologized for speaking in English. The wedding was
not brought up again. After that awkward interaction, my parents
decided to invite their friends, a married couple, to the resort,

(12:25):
and things got kind of weird after that. The next day,
we were all supposed to hang out by the pool
and enjoy the resort amenities, by my parents went and
did their own thing with their friends, and my fiance's
parents were also doing their own thing. My fiance ended
up staying with her parents by the pool, and I
went with my parents and their friends by the ping
pong area. It didn't seem like there was much interest

(12:47):
from my parents to be around my fiance's parents. They
just wanted to enjoy their time dur drinking and hanging
out with their friends. Again, the wedding was never brought
up again. After a week or so, my future mother
in law did Reckon meant a place to do a
reception and take photos, but we were not in love
with it. We spoke to a wedding planner that was
out of our price range, but she had the cool
suggestion that we get our marriage license on our anniversary,

(13:11):
which is April sixth. We thought that was a great idea,
and I just told my fiance that we should just
do our own thing. Since my family hadn't mentioned anything
about the wedding and her mom had not gotten back
to us about a wedding venue that she was going
to look into. We got our marriage license on the
eighth of April. Since our anniversary day was on a
Sunday and the courthouse was closed, we started planning for

(13:31):
a courthouse elopement style wedding. We found this amazing photographer
that specializes in Elope mints in courthouse slash micro weddings.
We fell in love with her werek, and we're like,
uh eeah, this is what we want to do. My
fiance started dress shopping and told her mom what our
plans were. Her mom was immediately on board and said
she wished she could go dress shopping with her. I
told my fiance that she should dress shop with her

(13:53):
mom so she has someone special there with her. The
next day, my fiance drove down to dress shop with
her mom and found the perfect dress, and her mom
paid for it with no hesitation. My future mother in
law remembered this wedding venue place, and it turns out
she knows the owner. We got an estimate of thirteen
thousand for a venue that included everything his and her

(14:13):
sweet honeymoon, sweet wedding day coordinator, catering, ceremony, reception, cake, bartender,
DJ Real Flowers, Silk flowers, and they took care of
all the decorations to our own liking. Oh, that kind
of seems like a pretty good deal. I have no
idea what a good deal is for this, just put
it out there I've openly said my wedding will cost
one thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
So, ladies, there's your guy right.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
That's I said it once.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
I'll say it again. I will say the same thing
I said to you last time, Dakota. Have you met women.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
For thirteen thousand dollars? That was a steel compared to
venues we looked at that were twenty thousand and up.
I planned a day to suit shop with my sister,
and we planned a day to meet up with the
lady at the venue to take a look around and
have a better understanding of things. I spoke to my
mom that night. I was already a little upset because
two months had passed and she had yet to ask

(15:07):
me anything about our wedding planning or offered any support.
My parents had just been silent since I mentioned we
were wanting to get married two months ago. I basically said,
we are wanting to get married in May, so I'm
letting you know. I also said Tea's mom already bought
her the wedding dress. I said this to solidify how
serious we are about getting married. She said, okay, we

(15:30):
can help you buy your outfits. Since Te's mom paid
for her dress. I was like, okay, thank you, and
then told her about the venue. She stated, you can't
find anything more economical. We don't have money like Tea's parents.
I explained to her that in this economy, this was
the most economical that we were going to get compared
to how much weddings and other venues cost. Also, I
don't remember at any point Tea being referred to as Tea,

(15:54):
but that is Op's fiance.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Okay, it's Tea.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
She sighed and said, well, well, you have to let
me know exactly what day because I have to request
it off and if my boss doesn't give me the
day off, then I won't be able to go. I
stayed quiet after this comment in disbelief, and then explained
to her that the venue was all inclusive. I expressed
that my fiance's parents were willing to go half on
the venue. My mom rambled on about something and said,

(16:21):
let me call you back. Four days went by and
she never called me back. Instead, she started to ask
my younger sister, who lives with them, if she had
spoken to me. My sister knew the situation and thought
it was messed up, so she told our mother that
maybe she would call me if she wanted to know
how I was doing.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
W's sister maybe call her back. Yeah, she's like, hey,
do you know what uh Opie's up to and everything?

Speaker 4 (16:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
Why don't you call them?

Speaker 1 (16:43):
There's a nice there's a little invention. It's a telephone regardless.
We went to see the venue two days after my
initial conversation with my mom. The venue was actually located
near my parents' house, literally down the road right after
one light. The lady was super sweet and even offered
us the upgraded ceremonial chapel area and honeymoon swee for

(17:04):
no extra charge.

Speaker 4 (17:05):
Well, they're already charging you thirteen thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
I don't know. I'm liking this. I'm not mad.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
They're like, we'll upgrade you to the ceremonial chapel area
and the honeymoon sweed. It's like, well, yeah, I'm paying
thirteen thousand dollars.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
So I told as well, this is thirteen thousand percent
over my budget.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
She even lowered the amount to ten four hundred and
ninety five with a fifty percent payment up front and
then the rest of the payment the day before the wedding.
The lady was super sweet and we fell in love
with the venue. I told my fiance that this was
an amazing offer and that we couldn't pass it up.
I decided we should try to speak to my dad

(17:44):
while my mom was at work, so we stopped by
my parents' house. My dad sat down next to me
while I showed him videos of the venue and I
explained everything, and after the last video finished, he just
stood up and didn't say anything. He started to continue
working on the backyard. My sister, fiance and I all
looked at each other confused. So I was like, hey,

(18:06):
and he was like what. I said, Well, what do
you think? And I started making a money hand motion
with my hand to try to be funny and lighten
up the mood. I don't know if that if that's
what that was, or it was like I was thinking this,
like give me what do you think? Give me the money,
the money money. He said, we don't have the money

(18:26):
for something like that. I said, okay, but Tea's parents
are willing to go half. He said, they don't have
five thousand dollars, which is a wild thing to say
about somebody else whose finances you are completely unaware of.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
Also, so just context, that's like they're pretty, they're up
there in age.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
Like I don't know, man, I mean you never know anything,
but like it doubly, doubly.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Just crazy for that to be.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
They'll pay half. They don't have five dollars, I explained
the lady, the lady at the venue. The venue lady
is willing to accept fifty percent first twenty five hundred
from them. He already sounded heated, and was like, I
guess we would have to put that on a credit card.
I said, okay, but I wanted to tell you to
understand that the rest of the money would be due

(19:12):
before the wedding. He said, If I'm already struggling to
find twenty five hundred, what makes you think I'll be
able to have another twenty five hundred. I stayed quiet
at first, and then calmly asked him, Well, how are
you guys able to go to the Dominican republican February
if you guys don't have any money? Said, oh, I
saw you guys took a nice little vacation. Yeah, what's
going on with that?

Speaker 4 (19:31):
Was that all expenses paid for free?

Speaker 2 (19:33):
What about what about your your suite.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
Huh, how about that? You can't can't pay for my
sweet but you can pay for yours.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
He immediately turned around and started screaming at me and
pointing his fingers, saying I paid for that with bye
by day. I stayed quiet and then said, but if
I were to be marrying a man, things would be different.
Oh I was I thought this. I didn't pick up
on the the the genders, the sexist at the beginning.

(20:01):
I don't know which one of those words is right.
Please don't kill me, um. But yes, this is a
definite case of if you had some more traditional values,
maybe we'd be more willing to help you.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
If you had a traditional marriage, I would give you
traditional money.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
He yelled back and said that it had nothing to
do with that and walked away. I looked at my grandfather,
who looked upset, My fiance looked shocked, and my sister
looked disappointed. I held back my tears and told my
fiance to grab our dog and that we were leaving.
I told my grandfather that we would be moving back
in June and that I would only come around to
visit him, and said goodbye to my grandfather. My sister

(20:37):
followed us out and said she knows that I wanted
to cry, and gave me a hug and said she
would meet me at the suit shop. My fiance and
I got in the car and cried all the way
to the suit chop. I have not spoken to my
dad since and do not plan on it until I
get an apology. It took my mom five days from
our initial conversation to text me and then call me.

(20:57):
She started the conversation acting like everything was fine, which
truly annoyed me because I was already hurt and this
is what I would deal with growing up. They would
just never apologize and then out of nowhere, act like
everything was fine and think that this was okay to
just move on from things like this. I finally said,
so are we going to address the situation or continue
like everything is fine? She said, are you talking about

(21:20):
the situation with your dad? I said, yeah, that's part
of it. She said, oh, well, you know how you get.
I was shocked and became triggered with this comment, as
I also was triggered, and as was.

Speaker 2 (21:32):
John same here I am.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
I was like, how I get He's the one that
yelled at me. I admit I became emotional and responded emotionally.
Unable to control my anger, so I did raise my
voice a bit on the phone. She said, you come
to ask for money, expecting us to pay. I said,
I asked for support because you guys haven't said anything
or asked if we needed anything. They never offered any

(21:55):
kind of help and support. She started talking over me
and was not letting me speak. I was so upset
that I told her what kind of mother tells their
daughter that if their boss doesn't give them the day
off that she wouldn't be able to go to their wedding?

Speaker 2 (22:07):
A fair point? Very true, very true.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
Like there's got to be such a short list of
jobs and or bosses where it's like, hey, my daughter's
getting married, can I have the day off? And they'd
be like, we just can't do it. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 4 (22:19):
We just can't do it.

Speaker 3 (22:21):
Get back to work, stop stop talking, and start making money.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
She kept talking and yelling on the phone over me
to the point that I couldn't even make out what
she was saying. Next thing I hear is the phone
hang up. She started texting me, saying, when you're ready
to listen to me, you can call me. I wrote,
you're the one that needs to listen to me, because
you guys have already caused enough damage to T and I.
She said no. It got kind of heated where I

(22:49):
said she was ungrateful because of how I bent over
backwards for her to have a good birthday weekend. Then
she wrote me saying that I was the ungrateful one.
I had to block her because at that point I
was shaking and just wanted to scream and cry. The
last thing that I saw from her messages that came
through was something about if she had zell, she would
send me money for her birthday gift and five hundred

(23:10):
dollars for the dinner, and she also said thank you
for throwing it in my face. Can't we just can't
we all just get along? Folks? Man? Can we all
just get along?

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Is it?

Speaker 1 (23:20):
Is it impossible?

Speaker 2 (23:22):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (23:23):
That is a good point, though I'm not sure how
I feel being like, well, why what you guys won't
pay five grand for my wedding, and then just being like, well,
is why? Because you don't want to help me? It's like,
I don't know, dude.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
That's I think it's less about the money and more
just about their attitude towards it. If they said like, oh, hey,
you know, we're not doing so great on money right now.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
We want to do what we can to help support you.

Speaker 3 (23:45):
But it's like, hey, I I don't know if I
can go to the wedding if my boss doesn't let me.
Dad's just like my money, like it's there. It's their
attitude and energy towards it.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
You know.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
I feel like they could still be amazing parents while
not spending a time potentially on the wedding because you know,
who knows there's a situation.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
Yeah, and just basically like you gotta earn it. Yeah,
why am I gonna pay for your wedding? It's not mine,
it's yours.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
The thing is, I wasn't trying to throw it in
her face. I was trying to get her to see
things from my perspective and understand how I felt. Of course,
is my parents. They have done a lot for me,
but I have also been a good daughter who has
been their personal translator for them since the age of six.
Anything they needed me to do on the computer, I
would do for them, like resumes or job applications, resignation letters,
et cetera. Anything that they needed me to translate or

(24:33):
be there for, I would do it. My fiance even
told her parents that whenever my parents need something, I
am quick to drop everything that I'm doing and go
help them. She's witnessed my family slash, my people pleasing behavior,
and she's the one that has taught me how to
not take so much on and help me learn how
to say no to certain things because I would always
run myself dry, not filling up my own cup. Uh.

(24:55):
The situation is truly disheartening. I told my fiance that
I don't want my parents at the wedding, and as
much as it breaks my heart to let the wedding
venue go, we have to. Her parents were willing to
still go half with us on the wedding venue, but
they also didn't want us to put ourselves in debt
since we want to save up for a house. So
at this point, I haven't spoken to my family other

(25:16):
than my sister. We decided to go with our original
plan and do the courthouse wedding with a nice reception
dinner at Maggiano's. My fiance's parents are willing to pay
for the reception and the photographer. My sister even offered
to give us five hundred bucks after she figures out
her tax situation. At this point, I don't think I
want my parents there, and I do not think I

(25:36):
will be inviting them to the courthouse. I think that
maybe I will be more upset if I see them
and remember all the pain they caused me around wedding planning.
I'm not upset that they can't help me financially. I'm
hurt that I had to ask them for help instead
of them offering or having a simple, calm conversation about it.
I would have loved if they had been like, hey,
we don't have a lot of money, but we want
to extend our help and support in any kind of way.

(25:58):
There are many ways to support an adult child on
the most important day of their life that doesn't include money.
It was their lack of interest in asking us how
the wedding planning was going. It's like they turned their
blinders on after I mentioned it's a strange situation because
they love my fiance. Part of me thinks it's low
key embedded in them that two women shouldn't be married,
But my sister and fiance don't think it's that they

(26:20):
are very old school, but have come a long way
since my sister and I are both attracted to the
same gender. My fiance thinks that they are embarrassed that
they aren't able to financially help us like her parents,
but are going about it the wrong way. The way
they're reacting is just so strange. We are all confused.
All my future mother in law can say is that
she is so sorry and has been supportive and emotionally

(26:42):
there for us. I feel grateful to be a part
of my fiance's family and can't wait to marry their daughter.
Aw they have truly shown up for us, especially during
this difficult and stressful time. What do you guys think
I should do regarding my parents? What do you think
is going on or why they are reacting this way?
Am I wrong for wanting nothing to do with them?

Speaker 2 (27:03):
Now?

Speaker 1 (27:03):
I feel so hurt and lost. We were so excited
to be wedding planning, and now I feel like every
day is a struggle for me to get anything done
and be motivated. I feel like I'm going through a
mini depressive moment in my life when I should be
happy and excited to be marrying the love of my
life and my best friend. I even created a GoFundMe
to see if that would help pay for the wedding venue,
but nothing so far. I really just wanted to see

(27:24):
my fiance walk down the aisle. We fell in love
with this wedding venue, but we had to accept that
we can't afford it without putting ourselves in a financial restraint.
I was excited about the courthouse Elope Mint style wedding
before seeing this venue and imagining what could be. Now,
it's hard to go back to feeling excited about the
courthouse slash Elope Mint wedding. I'm trying to get back
to that feeling though, by looking at the amazing photos

(27:46):
our photographer has taken of other couples at the courthouse
and surrounding areas. Hoping to speak with her in the
next few days to solidify things. And by the way,
you can listen to full episodes with stories like this
for not just the next few days, but for the
next fifty three days non stop on Spotify. iHeartRadio, Apple podcasts.

(28:08):
Wherever you listen to podcasts, search Okay story Time, and
there you can listen to over twelve hundred and seventy
two hours worth of stories. Now, but we do have
some more story here. But John, John, let's get start. Okay,
what are we gonna do? What are we doing about
the parents? How are we are we keeping the parents

(28:30):
out of the courthouse wedding.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
I think we need to maybe take a beat, you know,
and think about, Okay, like what do we want to
do here? If OP does not want the parents at
the wedding, that's totally fair' that's you know, the people who.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
Hold the wedding decide who is.

Speaker 3 (28:44):
At the wedding. That is how that works. So if
it be ultimately decides that, you know, go for it.
And maybe maybe I think it could be worth saying.
And I know that the parents are just crashing out
and you know, we're trying, and they're just always saying
terrible things, but maybe going to them and being like, hey, listen,
like everything you've said and done throughout this whole wedding

(29:05):
planning experience makes me want to not invite.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
You to the wedding.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
I you know, I would love to have my parents there,
but like, if you don't start you know, acting in
a way that's like actually supportive, I don't want you
at my wedding.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
Right because very it does feel like very sort of
bird in summer. Afterthought ish the way that they're approaching it,
because it's like I get it where it's like, oh
we can we have five thousand dollars, but instead of
being like how dare you ask us for five thousand dollars,
it's more just like, well, I have five thousand dollars,
but I can help you in a different way, like
what do you need? What else do you need? So
I told my fiance that any money that is given

(29:41):
to us during the reception dinner, I would like to
give it to her parents because they deserve it. We
never had to ask them for anything. They immediately offered
and we're like, we will pay for this, let's do this,
Let's let me know et cetera. Grateful for her family,
and there are some comments. Comment one, I am not
sure you actually received an agreement that they would hand

(30:01):
over five thousand dollars for your wedding ten thousand. Not
quite sure what all inclusive covers or how many guests,
et cetera. Seems very reasonable, but if they can't afford it,
they can't afford it. They should have communicated this better though,
Comment too, I'm not sure why you expected them to
give you money. You didn't ask if they were able
to give you money. You made a joke about money
in the past. Did they ever tell you they would

(30:23):
help pay for a wedding? Have you ever talked about
finances with them? Something is going on. Just because they
had money for a vacation doesn't mean they have money
for you. Some people live paycheck to paycheck. I think
you expected too much from them. However, they are treating
you like crap for some reason. I know that hurts.
I would suggest going no contact for the immediate future
and don't invite them. Just try to enjoy your day

(30:44):
and your new life. Good luck and congratulations to you
and your partner, Op says in reply to that comment.
Two months ago, I told them that we were starting
to wedding plan and wanted to get married this year
since my grandfather is still alive. I've had two grandmothers
pass away one year after the next. During the time
my fiance and I have been married, my mom joked

(31:05):
about the wedding because that's how I was raised to
use humor when avoiding serious topics. I got frustrated and
was like, Okay, never mind, I guess we will. Elope
then she said, well, if Tea's parents are going to contribute,
then we will as well. Then they never brought up
the wedding or ask anything regarding our wedding planning. They
stayed silent. A few weeks ago, when I spoke to
her about my fiance's mom buying her dress, she said

(31:25):
she would pay for my outfit. Then she got overwhelmed.
When I tried to talk to her about the venue,
she told me she would call back and never did
until five days later. When we argued, she did her
usual avoidant technique. I figured I would ask to see
if they could help with the venue, since they had
told me they would help two months ago. They never
gave me an amount or asked for a budget. They
never spoke on it or asked questions. I've had to
be the one to bring anything up. I understand they

(31:47):
don't have the money, and that's fine. I just don't
appreciate how I'm being treated when I bend over backwards
for them my whole life. Well, I understand that, but
also I don't understand your comment of I've had to
be the one to bring everything up. It's like, yeah,
it's your wedding, Yeah, you gotta be proactive about stuff
in your life. I don't care if it's your parents.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
Yeah, and I think, like, you know, and Opie said, like,
it's not about the money, But I don't know. There
is a sense of like I feel like there's a
tipping point where like, okay, this is just becoming too much.
I mean, OPI hasn't said whether they could afford it
or not or have.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
Right, It's like, if the core of this is my
parents wouldn't give me five thousand dollars, should I cut
them off and not let them go to my wedding?
The answer is absolutely not. That is a ridiculous thing
to do because you know, judging from your dad's response,
you being like, oh, well you went on that vacation
to Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic like like with
I guess that means you're not broke. The way he
got so angry after that might be an indicator that

(32:39):
their finances are kind of messed up right now. Yeah,
And he might have gotten mad because he thought, I
don't have the money to have gone to the Dominican
Republican and I wish.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
I had it all back.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
And so now he's yelling at you because he's like,
cause there was mine, and it's like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
A lot of misstrected. Yeah, potentially miss.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
Was right, because I'm noticing all throughout this story, the
consistent theme is miscommunication.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yes, there is.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
No consistent foundation of communication between Op and her fiance
and her parents.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
And also Op instead of being like, hey, so I
know we had this conversation about it before, but do
you guys think you could help?

Speaker 2 (33:17):
Like this is seem before she was like she was.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
Like, hey, money, where's the money?

Speaker 2 (33:22):
I'm like, that is not maybe not the best way
to do.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
Yeah, So especially if you're a traditional person or it's like,
you know your parents are a little more traditional or
a little more like you know where it's like if
you're gonna ask your dad for five thousand dollars, they're
probably like, you know, you'd be like, hello, sir, Yeah, man,
I ask for your you know, I don't know, I'm
not I don't know your dad. Yeah, but it's like
I'm just spitballing here. I figured I would ask to
see if they could help with the venue, since they
had told me they would help two months ago. They

(33:47):
never gave me an amount or asked for a budget.
They never spoke on it or asked questions. I've had
to be the one to bring anything up. I understand
they don't have the money, and that is fine. I
just don't appreciate how I'm being treated when I bend
over back for them my whole life. It's not about
the lack of financial support. It's about the lack of
interest in our wedding, the lack of seriousness and emotional

(34:07):
support through this journey. Also, the only reason I brought
up money to my dad the way I did was
because he watched the wedding venue video and just got
up without saying a word and made things awkward. So
I resorted to trying to make a joke to lighten
the mood. They never let me say much because he
resorted to yelling and saying they don't have the money.
I was willing to accept whatever they were able to give,

(34:29):
but I also don't like asking, so I was already
frustrated that I even had to bring up an uncomfortable
conversation about money and about having a wedding. At this point,
we could have secretly eloped, and a year from now
my parents wouldn't have even asked us what day we
were planning to get married. That's how uninvolved they have been.
We've been engaged for two years and not once has
it been brought up by them. I agree with you

(34:50):
about the no contact, which is what I have been
planning on doing. It's not fair to me or my fiance,
and I refuse to have my fiance experience what I
had growing up, my dad's angry and yelling outbursts. Okay,
well that's information. All I want is an apology for
once in my life. I don't even want their money.
I just want an interest in me getting married to

(35:11):
the person that I love. Thank you for your comment,
and that is the end of that story. Dang. I
strongly suggest do not go no contact with your parents. Yeah,
you you want that stuff, You want the apology, Like
all of this is very achievable, but you cannot get
there without communication, and nothing has happened at this point
that I would deem as like, all right, we can't.

(35:32):
This is a point of no return. You can't come
back from this.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
Yeah, yeah, to your point, Like, I feel like it'll
probably be very healing for OP to be able to
communicate in a way where it's like, okay, like maybe
maybe they're like we just felt constantly pressured to like
get the money and then I like did a stupid
thing which was getting angry at you and like not acceptable,
but this happened, and I'm sorry, and like I don't
know that like to your point, I think there is

(35:55):
a world where that happens. John here og we're gonna
get back to these stories, but a quick three minute
break from as from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (36:04):
My coworker hit her disability on a dating app. I
told her it's dishonest. Yes, this is a tough one,
and I'm genuinely curious to know what people think. So
here goes. I have a coworker called Caroline, who, as
you can guess, is disabled. She's in a motorized wheelchair
and can't really move a lot, but is still very

(36:25):
capable for her job and a lovely fun person in general.
By the way, by the way, this comes from Deep
season fifteen seventy seven, and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to our slash Okay storytime Separate it.
So we were talking on a break about dating and
dating apps, how I had never used one, and how
she did talking about our experiences casual conversation really, and
we were careful not to go into detail or anything

(36:48):
or make each other uncomfortable till this came up. She
brought up how she didn't disclose that she was in
a wheelchair or disabled on her Tinder bio because it
tended to scare people off or make people unco comfortable
when they chat through the app. This confused me, because
it's very obvious she's in a wheelchair, and if they
want on a date in person, they would find that
out very fast. There is absolutely no way she can

(37:12):
function in daily life without it, so she can't exactly
stash it nearby or something and just sit on a
chair during the date. She also told me that she
does not tell them at all until they show up
to the date and see the fact she's in a
wheelchair right in front of them. Anyway, I may be
stupidly pointed out that that is it not dishonest to
not share that she's in a wheelchair on her bio

(37:33):
or disclose it to potential partners before meeting for the
first time. She told me that everyone on dating apps
lies about stuff, so she doesn't see the big deal.
I told Caroline that it's not like hiding you have
a twin or an accent or a particular way of looking.
This is something that will heavily impact their dating life
with you, and they should be aware of that going in.
She's a wonderful person and shouldn't feel awkward about it,

(37:53):
and there are plenty of people out there who aren't
phased by their partners being in wheelchairs. So I didn't
think she should lie about it. She went off at
a uff, saying I didn't understand, but now I'm worried
I'm somehow being the a hole by telling her this.
I know it's not really my business, and I never
would have told her this if she didn't ask me.
Slash hadn't brought up the subject at all. I just
didn't want to lie to her about what I thought,

(38:15):
and I tried to be tactful, but I think it
blew up in my face. Am I the a whole?
And quick clarifications? She asked what I thought when she
mentioned how she hit her disability on the app. I'm
guessing she saw my surprise in my face when she
said that I would never tell her or anyone in
my opinion on a delicate matter like this if they
didn't ask first and there are some comments, Do you

(38:37):
have any thoughts before we jump into the comments.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
Yeah, I mean I don't think you're an a hole
for bringing it up. I mean it really just depend
on the context of like, how are we saying thing?

Speaker 3 (38:49):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (38:50):
Did we say it?

Speaker 4 (38:51):
Yeah? Were you like you're a liar?

Speaker 1 (38:53):
Yeah? You like you should feel disgusted? Dirty diy a
lot soul. Your dirty soul is rinsing away, because if.

Speaker 4 (39:01):
You said it like that, that you'd be the a hole.
But if if she said, you know, what do you
think about this? Do you think that's okay? And you're like, well,
it's you know, you know, it's not necessarily you weren't.
You're not the a hole for telling her if she asked.
But also I don't think she's necessarily the a hole
for for going about it in that way either, because
she kind of might be right. You might not get it, Yeah, yeah,

(39:22):
I do, might not get it. Yeah, I mean I'm
not the sable I'm completely like as able bodied people,
we go about the world completely different, so we don't
understand those How it feels to have to kind of
assessor assess people out on dating app specifically.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
My dating profile doesn't have that. My back is always
messed up at a whack like. Yeah, they find that
out later.

Speaker 4 (39:44):
The leader a sum of Opie's comments, Commoner says, not
the a hole. You're entitled to your ideals and opinions,
and she's entitled to her. Her lived experience is that
she gets far fewer Tinder hits if she adds the
information to her bio, so she opts to leave it
out because she wants people to least get to know
her before rejecting her on that basis. Feel free to

(40:04):
lay all of your cards on the table in your
personal Tinder profile. Opie says, Yeah. I think she's absolutely
entitled to live the way she wants, and I don't
really think she's being a bad person in any way
for hiding the information on her Tinder. She asked what
I thought about it. I replied honestly, But now I
wonder if I'm a prick for telling the truth. Commra says,
not the a hole. I would recommend apologizing, though whoever

(40:27):
she dates can decide for themselves if they want to
continue seeing her after the first date. It's not like
she'll be hiding this from them for two years and
revealing it right before the wedding exactly, it's good. I mean,
first date is when you decide whether or not you
want to have another date. So Opie says, Oh yeah,
I apologized immediately, but she's still in a huff with me,
and now I just wonder if I should have kept
my mouth shut, to be honest, Commra says in response

(40:50):
to this, confused me because it's very obvious she's in
a wheelchair, and if they went on a date in person,
they would find out that very fast and they respond.
Have you considered that there is maybe a step or
two between them reading her profile and them going on
a date. I think it would be weird not to
bring up before meeting in person, but I think it's
fine to leave it out of the profile and then
bring it up in chat or messages or whatever. Some

(41:12):
people would definitely not try and connect with someone with
the disability, but be okay with it if they were
clicking with the person. Opie says, Oh, I get that entirely,
don't mistake me. The fact that confused me more is
that she didn't tell anyone anything until they met in person.
If it were me, I'd want to know at least
before showing up to the date. I know there's plenty
of chatting in between and then it's not relevant, But

(41:33):
to say nothing at all and just let them be
shocked on the day that seems odd to me. Commnor
says for what it's worth, I strongly agree with you.
I can understand her perspective, but it seems like she's
setting herself up for even more disappointment than those apps
usually bring. I'll be honest, I wouldn't date someone in
a wheelchair because there are a lot of things I
like to do that would be off limits to do together.

(41:54):
I'd have the same response to someone who was just
uninterested in those activities. Obviously, it's different if you're in
a committed relationship and that person becomes disabled later on.
I wouldn't leave someone I love. That's part of what
you sign up for and hope responds. I worry more
than anything that people would get angry or upset or
lash out at her for not being straight up before
the date about her disability. Someone could be really violent

(42:16):
about what they view as deception, and she won't be
able to defend herself. In general, you should be making
sure that you're in a public space like that is
always a thing, especially when you go on dates with strangers,
like you should be preparing yourself and making sure that
people know where you are and you're in a public
space in general. Yeah, I don't think that is necessarily

(42:37):
like a like a fair point.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
I think that's like any at any point at any
time during anyone's day, it's like you could be find
yourself in a violent situation, but it's like, I don't know,
gotta be prepared. Yeah, yeah, I think that's a little
I think you could probably tell like maybe I shouldn't
go on a date with this guy wh seems a
little unstable.

Speaker 4 (42:56):
Yeah. I just think in general, like if you're going
on dates with strangers, like you should have a plan,
you know. Commoner asks are you close personal friends have
you hung out with or outside of work? Are you
in a line of work where people discuss things openly
all the time? Also have you considered that disclosing wheelchair
use can attract predators, which is what someone mentioned before.

(43:17):
As a disabled person, I would be very hesitant to
use an app to meet people. There is no good
time to disclose a relative stranger that you're more physically,
socially or financially vulnerable than the average person. Opie says,
we're good friends outside of work, like we hang out
and get dinner once a week and catch up about
various personal interests we share. I wouldn't have been perhaps
as honest if I didn't know her well. She brought

(43:39):
up the conversation to me first, talking about her date
on the weekend before and how it went with how
the subject of online dating came up. I want to
know how that date went. That's the key, Right, did
it go out? Did it like he storm out? What happened? Also,
I'm very aware of those factors. I just think it's
a bit dishonest to not inform someone when you agree
to a date and they don't say anything about it

(43:59):
till they show up to meet you and see you
in a wheelchair, like really quick here.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah, I think that we were focusing a little too
much on like the deception of like date number one. Now,
if this is something where it's like you've been talking
for four months and you like, oh, let's meet up
blah blah blah, and you for four months didn't disclose
that you had, you know, a disability or you were
in a wheelchair for that long. That's when I'm like,

(44:23):
all right, now, you're kind of wasting our time here. Yeah,
it's like, okay, why are yeah casually talking? And then
you go to the first date, it's like.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Yeah, by the way, I'm disabled.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
I'd be like, I don't know. I think that's she's
probably figured out that that's just the way that works
best for it.

Speaker 4 (44:36):
Yeah, but there is an update. Since there's been a
few questions or comments about various parts of this, I
feel obligated to share more info. I apologized immediately after
she got huffy with me. I did not just let
the matter sit. Whilst she is still a little bit
off with me, we have not stopped speaking. By any means. Well,
she is a coworker. I would say we are also

(44:56):
light friends. Given we get dinner together once a week
and catch mo together, share hobbies, et cetera.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
That feels more light friends to me. I was about
to say, like that feels like.

Speaker 4 (45:05):
Like maybe I'm just incredibly busy, but I see like
one of my best friends like once or once a
week or once every two weeks.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
You know, I'm really not liking the term light friend like,
it's what light mayo like, can we like? Not that's
your friend?

Speaker 4 (45:22):
Yeah, you know that's your friend. You see them once
a week and you work with them every day. That's
that's your friend.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
Not to put opium blast, but I think I might
be sensing why their friend kind of got a little
houffy with them. I don't think they probably said it
in the best way.

Speaker 4 (45:36):
Yeah, I think that is possible. But I don't know
how well our connection would be if we didn't see
each other five days a week. Oh, okay, if that
makes sense. Oh, it's more of a work thing.

Speaker 1 (45:45):
Circumstantial friend.

Speaker 4 (45:47):
There are people you meet through work that became lifelong
friends and those that are friends throughout their shared workplace,
but fate after. I just don't know where we stand
in terms of that. Yet. I have stated and continue
to point out that I never have said what I
thought if she had not asked me for my opinion.
It isn't my business how she dates, and I fully understand,
even if I can't relate, that dating with the disability

(46:10):
is not easy, and there are a lot of warning
signs she needs to be aware of, like people with
spicy fixations and so on and I recognize that she
should not put the information in her bio. However, to
not disclose it before the first date, when they are
about to meet in person for the first time is
the main point. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, we met
today at work and had lunch together, as we often do,

(46:31):
and she brought up the conversation from the other day.
Caroline admitted that she wasn't angry with me, but more
with herself because, in her words, I know it isn't
right to not tell them if we're going to meet up,
but I think it's easier to hide it at first
and judge the reaction in person.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
Exactly.

Speaker 4 (46:47):
I know it's not the right thing to do if
I really like a guy, but sometimes it's less daunting
when they don't know. I explained I understood, and that
I didn't judge her. I just hope she can understand
that she asked me what I thought, and I don't
like to lie, but I probably should not have said it.
By the way, I've got to say something, and that
is that you can listen to full episodes of stories
just like this. Oh yeah, just going to Spotify, Apple

(47:09):
podcast or iHeart Radio and search a book A story
time perfect ending.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
I'm feeling like that's reconciled because it's like, sure she
is being duplicitous, she's lying, but it's like that's her
truth and experience or whatever. And she's frustrated because she's like, yeah,
I know I should be, but this is just what works. Yeah,
because I do think it's it's like judging their reaction
in person does give you like a good rate of sense.

(47:36):
I'm like, all right, is this person someone who I
could really have a.

Speaker 4 (47:40):
Relationship with, because I think there is kind of this
it probably is very hard to judge that in an
accurate way over text and stuff. Yeah, my opinion has
not changed from the beginning. I think I would probably
suggest doing it before the first day, but not in
the profile. But you know, again, she has a different
lived experience.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
So yeah, I think it's not you know, and I.

Speaker 4 (48:00):
Don't think anything and I don't think anyone's the a hole.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
He had a potential to like kind of go the
wrong way if like op was just like fixated on it,
like I can't she's a lie or she's no, it's
really not even the big deal what to him? No,
it's like so such a small deal. Yeah, there is a.

Speaker 4 (48:14):
Little bit left to this story. We agree that it's
a very nuanced subject and each person with disabilities has
it different, so it's hard to say what works for
each person. Caroline said she would try being more honest
in the future with potential partners, and I said I
wasn't It wasn't my place to judge, and I wished
her luck with dating in the future. All in all,
we both acknowledged we were both a holes and not
a holes. It's a different subject and either of us

(48:36):
have a place to say what everyone should or shouldn't
do one date, and that is the end of that story,
and all all seems well, yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
Yeah, I knew, I do. I do see some comments
that are like I'm just really calling out that that
it's like deception and like, but like I agree, however,
all about Timeline I have from my perspective, all about Timeline,
I think, to.

Speaker 4 (49:00):
Me, there's just like levels of deception. Yeah, you know,
it's like a little white live versus something that's like
oh my god, this is you know, it's execution too.

Speaker 1 (49:07):
It's like if you make it weird where it's like hey,
so you're probably wondering what's up with my chair? Yeah,
well that's still actually kind of funny. I think leaning
into doing it like a.

Speaker 4 (49:16):
Yeah, like you probably weren't expecting this.

Speaker 1 (49:18):
Yeah, yeah, I know, I just a curveball, right, yeah.

Speaker 4 (49:22):
Yeah, And then maybe having that conversation in person would
probably help, being like, I know what you're thinking.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
No, the wheelchair is not for aesthetics.

Speaker 4 (49:30):
I know what you're thinking. I'm shorter than I said.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
Yes, like you could make jokes, yeah, jokes better people
with disabilities say, like, I find they prefer levity and
like human into like not making light of it because
their whole lives.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
So serious.

Speaker 1 (49:48):
Their whole life, everyone's always so serious. And yes, like
why can't an even make, you know, make fun of
me make jokes? These days? Sam here O, g host,
We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three
minutes fads from our sponsor. First, my friend repeatedly disrespected
my home boundaries and I finally lost it. Everyone's got
their breaking point, and there is a trigger warning at

(50:10):
the top here there is mention of animal cruelty this story.
It is not central. However, beware, beware, be ready. My
boyfriend thirty one male and I thirty two female moved
in together over a year ago. We were long distance
at the beginning of our relationship, and I made the

(50:30):
move to the Midwest from Colorado. I brought my eleven
year old dog and he has a seven year old
dog as well. By way, this comes from user very
am witchus, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay story time subbreddit. So
here's a little backstory. In twenty seventeen, I had an

(50:51):
ex boyfriend who attempted to unalign my dog after I
broke up with him for DV. I pressed charges Tom
to court and one thank god that he's got that
on a criminal record now absolutely Jesus. Yeah. With that trauma,
I became cautious of who's around my fur baby and
how long I leave him at home alone. My now

(51:13):
boyfriend is the kindest human and his dog is a
little brother to my dog. We're one beautiful happy dinks
with dogs, family, duel income, no kids.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
Can't we just say don't want kids.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
We are at the age where everyone is getting married
and traveling out of state has been almost a monthly occurrence.
As I shared, I'm very cautious and paranoid about who
watches our dogs if we go away. We had my
boyfriend's father watch the dogs, but he always wanted them
at his house and not ours. For safety and comfortability
of our dogs, we ask my boyfriend's best friend to

(51:47):
watch the dogs. They love their fur uncle. Her uncle nice,
and we all know he'll be a good guardian while
we'll while we're away. However, I am very strict with
boundaries and respecting my home, and that's where the conflict
comes in. Fruncle loves to sleep on our couch, even
at times when he comes over with his friends and

(52:08):
has too much to drink. He responsibly spends the night
to avoid any DUIs. We have a guest bed in
the guest room, fully stocked and prepped with any accommodations
for having a guest. However, he absolutely refuses to sleep
in the guest room. He claims that our couch is
so comfortable that he prefers to sleep there.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
This man loves this couch.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
But haven't you experienced that where I love sleeping on
a couch and you've never slid on a couch, and
you were like, this is better than any bed.

Speaker 4 (52:36):
Honestly, I struggled to find couches that are more comfortable
than my current bed because it's just perfectly it's just
perfect for me, you know.

Speaker 1 (52:43):
Yeah, and I get it, but like, I also get this.
I understand Opie's friend's perspective. I shared with Frountl that
I don't want anyone sleeping on our three thousand.

Speaker 4 (52:56):
She's my mom, she's my mom. That's exactly what she
doesn't say. She goes, stop.

Speaker 1 (53:01):
Sleeping on a couch, trying to make the best Yeah,
three thousand dollars couch. We wanted to have a nice
We wanted to have nice furniture when we moved in together,
and the couch was one of those pieces we wanted
to maintain well. He said that he'll try, but will
most likely sleep on the couch.

Speaker 4 (53:17):
That's so funny, Like your friends are like, hey, don't
sleep at the couch. She's like, ooh, I'd give him
my best shot, but that couch it's too good.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
Look if you added more flavor on top of that,
where it's like, don't sleep on the couch because it
does this, or like if you like, don't wear your
clothes that you wore at the bar, or like don't. Yeah,
if there were, you know, yeah, more subsets. I need more.
He's like, okay, now I understand. Frunkel asked if his
girlfriend could help watch the dogs. I'm very good friends
with his girlfriend, so I surely didn't mind, but only
if they slept in the guest bedroom. Frunkel refused and said,

(53:51):
I hate that bed so much and that room is
so hot. I love the couch because it's massive and comfortable.
I off the end of the bed and I don't
like it. He's five eleven and it's a queen sized bed.
His girlfriend doesn't mind, but she shared she wants to
sleep wherever he sleeps.

Speaker 4 (54:09):
Is there enough room on this couch for them both
to sleep on the couch.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
If there's enough room for two people to sleep on
this couch comfortably, you need to stop gate keeping this
amazing couch.

Speaker 4 (54:18):
That's I want to know what couch yat.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
You need to let these people sleep. The couch is
made to be slept on if two people can fit
in it comfortably. After the last trip, I told my
boyfriend that I don't want Frunkle to help watch the
dogs if he can't respect our boundaries and wishes for
our home. We do pay him and his girlfriend compensation
for taking the time to dogs hit for us, and
he still refuses to sleep in the guest bedroom. We

(54:41):
let him bring his entire PC setup. He's a huge
gamer as my boyfriend is as well, and set it
up on my one point five thousand dollars dining table.
Oh my god, Okay, okay, now we're getting ridiculous.

Speaker 4 (54:52):
Oh pe, what does he what's the game? What's the
computer gonna do?

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah? Like, do you think he's like throwing it around
like a ball where it's like he just slam scratching
up the surface. He's like his mouse has spikes on
the bottom of it, scratching up the table. Yeah, come on, Yeah,
Op's energy is very much like I will send you
an invoice for this couch if you keep sleep, which
is like a weird That's like, dude, your husband is

(55:16):
my best friend. Both of their energy super close.

Speaker 4 (55:20):
I think both their energies is a little bit weird.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
I've done my best to make accommodations for him to
be comfortable. We're traveling again in May for Mother's Day
and I asked if they were free to watch the dogs,
and yes, I did voice that I didn't want them
to sleep on my couch. Frunkle said f that bed,
I hate it, and if you don't want me to
sleep on your couch, find someone else to watch the dogs.
I was then told by his girlfriend he doesn't even

(55:44):
do anything for the dogs. I'm the one feeding them,
letting them out, and making sure they're taken care of.
And I was frustrated to learn that I was paying
him and he wasn't completing his responsibilities. I told his
girlfriend that she can watch the dogs without him, and
we'll just compensate her. She shared that she knows he'll
want to dill come over and spend the night on
my couch. I told my boyfriend that we're going to

(56:05):
have to hire a dog sitter because we'll pay them
cheaper than our friend's asking price and they'll actually respect
our home. My boyfriend agreed that his best friend had
the opportunity to change his mindset, and it'll be better
to hire a dog sitter who can accommodate us and
our home with our dogs. I shared with Frounkle's girlfriend,
it's sad and ridiculous to admit that I can't have

(56:26):
you both watch our dogs. Because he can't respect our
home and our wishes when we are also compensating him
for his time. It would be understandable if he did
it for free, but this isn't the case. She agreed
with my choice and shared the news of being let
go as the dog sitters with Fronkel. His response was,
if that's how it's going to be, it's just.

Speaker 4 (56:45):
Like a weird energy from him. I mean, like, I
understand that she's maybe being like overly protective of this couch,
but I just think it's like weird to like if
a friend is paying you and they're like, hey, just
don't sleep on the couch.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
Like, I don't think I would be like, oh, drive,
guttle sleep.

Speaker 4 (57:01):
I don't think I would react that way either. Okay,
for example, I'm thinking from the perspective if I said
to someone, hey, take your shoes off in my house
because this is the thing I do, and they were
like no, like, I'm not gonna come over to your
house because I'm not gonna take off my shoes, I'd
be kind of pissed.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
I feel like it's like, yeah, I get that, but
this feels different because it's like, like imagine just being
like I sleep the dreamiest, slumbriiest sleep on your couch.

Speaker 4 (57:28):
But if they're like I love walking around houses with.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
Shoes on, different, it's different the sleep man, it's different.
Sleep is sacred.

Speaker 4 (57:36):
I just think his response is weird.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
I would understand though, one hundred percent, and I agree
with like op being like, yeah, you and your girlfriend
not sleeping on the couch. Yeah, not going there. Let's
not throw any of that into the mix for sure.
Just we're gonna keep the couch a sacred place. She
agreed with my choice and shared the news of being
let go as the dog sitters with Frunkle. His response was,
if that's how it's going to be, And shortly after,

(57:59):
my boyfriend shared with me that Frunkle was sour on
discord about the feedback. Some friends are saying I'm too strict,
but my boyfriend understands that I'm all about respecting someone's
home and for our home. I just wanted him to
respect the rules and boundaries of our home, and because
he didn't want to, I said fine and found someone
with and found someone else who can respect my home

(58:20):
at a lower compensation while attending to our dogs. I'm
writing into this because I've been listening to the podcast,
and his girlfriend also wanted to know what everyone's thoughts are.
So am I the ahle or was I truly just
standing up for my home and boundaries?

Speaker 4 (58:35):
And there is an update. I don't think you're the
a hole. I think you might be too strict, but
that is your right in your own home. I think
it is your right to be strict on this. It's
your home. And yeah, like maybe i'd be a little
bit weirded out if someone told me that, but also
I'd like I wouldn't respond in that way. If I

(58:55):
was your friend, you know, or even the husband's friend,
I would not talk to Look at this, I'm not.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
It's like they're probably super closed. They've got to be
like cat like, it's got to be. The thing is,
he's not really providing them a face. He's not doing
them a favor. Well yeah, and then the girlfriend being like,
and he doesn't even do anything.

Speaker 4 (59:12):
Yeah, he's not even doing anything. Yeah, he is not
doing them a favor.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
He's just like, I'm chilling him my buddy's house. He's
probably got more money than him.

Speaker 2 (59:20):
Whatever.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
You know, I've got friends with way more money than me.
It's just there's a spectrum. So maybe he's thinking like, yeah,
I'm chilling my rich buddy's house. He has couch three
thousand dollars. I sleep on it, and she's like you
cannot sleep in all three thousand dollars couch and.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
He's like so muched up.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Oh se, so you get rich and snobby now, like great, great,
but it's like really more, just like if someone does
tell you that they don't want you sleeping on their couch. Yeah,
now you have to enter the negotiation phase. You can't
just be like no, it's like exactly their couch.

Speaker 4 (59:50):
You can't say no. It's like you can in your
mind you can be like that's kind of silly a
little bit, but like don't.

Speaker 1 (59:55):
What you can do is say if I can't sleep
on that couch, I'm out, which is kind of what
he did. Yeah, you know, it's again it's the negotiation phase.
But we do have an update. Let's get into it.
So below are some items that get lost in comments.
For clarifications, My boyfriend and the girlfriend of Fronkel encouraged

(01:00:16):
this post, so they are very aware and supported the literature.
As said in the comments, Yes, my boyfriend and I
have slept in the guest bed. We do when we're
too lazy to pull out the sheets on our California
King bed, or if there's a load of laundry needed
to be put away and we're simply too lazy for that.
As said in the comments, yes, we have had numerous

(01:00:37):
guests stay in the guest bed in the guest room
with no complaints. Rather, they embraced how comfortable and cozy
the room and bed are. Just imagine this is a
war where like OPI's like I put so much efforticular Yes,
we love this bedroom. Why won't he sleep in it?
There are five to eight pillows to accommodate their pillow preferences,
four different blankets. That's a heated blanket and a bed.

(01:01:00):
We also off of toiletries, guest towels, and even spicy
rappers for intimacy.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
What or now it's really weird?

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
Ye, I don't want to sleep in the slam jam,
thank you, mam. Room, I've got to sleep on the couch.

Speaker 4 (01:01:15):
She would not want to sleep in this room. Now
that I know that, they're encouraging into Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
I did, that makes no. I'm a guy's side.

Speaker 4 (01:01:25):
They're like, no, I don't want to sleep in the
spicy sleep room.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
As said in the comments, we purchased the furniture with
Nameless Furniture Store because we don't do free sponsors. It
was our first big couple purchase and we host ninety
percent of our events for friends and families. Since we're
the ones with the only house rather than an apartment,
we want all guests to feel comfortable by having a
clean and welcoming home.

Speaker 4 (01:01:48):
I've still hung up on the protection in the drawers.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
It's just like a they've got it in like a
candy bowl, like next to the next to the bed. No,
we do not hate Fronkle, and yes we will stay
friends with him. He's a long time neighborhood friend and
childhood friend of my boyfriend. Instincts on point, let's go.
He will eventually be the best man at our future
elopements since we have told him he and his girlfriend

(01:02:15):
are relieved of watching the dogs. He asked my boyfriend, well, dude,
she hates me, huh, And he replied, no, she just
doesn't want you to sleep on our couch, and because
you don't want to, she's not gonna argue with you anymore.
And she found someone else. As you instructed, It's fine,
she's not mad. Very reasonable, right, I like that whole exchange.

Speaker 4 (01:02:31):
There we go.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Yes, we have considered asking his girlfriend to solely watch
the dogs, but we also believe it's low key ridiculous
to not have him come over if she's there, so
we just eliminated any conflicts because he could just sneak in. Yes,
we have considered other friends, but with my dog's old
age routines, we believe they wouldn't be able to upkeep
the needs for him. My eleven year old Pomeranian Pepion

(01:02:55):
mix has pre kidney disease and needs to believe himself
every two of four four hours. A house sitting is
necessary for his care. Our other dog is a long
haired Corgi and he's okay with long periods of absence
from us. Reminder, my ex almost alive my dog, so
I'm very cautious about who my dog is with. We
do not want the dogs to be at my boyfriend's

(01:03:16):
dad's house because he doesn't have a fenced in backyard.
It just leads right to the forest. There are sites
of deer and coyotes, and if the dog runs away,
he's too old to chase them to bring them back.
We have a fenced and gated backyard where our dogs
can comfortably explore and be a dog. Yeah. I think
that's really low key underrated. It's like, don't have the
dogs at a place where they can run off into

(01:03:37):
the woods, because that's how a scary movie's gonna start.
You don't want to be caught up in a scary movie.
We understand the importance of finding a dog sitter. I
used online services for an emergency once, and I am
also a dog sitter myself, so I'm familiar with the
process and procedures. Yes, there are horror stories online, but

(01:03:58):
we did a meet and greet and I'm confident we
found our permanent sitter. Before I moved in, my boyfriend
lived like a bachelor pad blue couch for free from
Facebook marketplace, no guest bed, and a free dining room
table from Facebook marketplace. Are we shaming that? Why are
we shaming that Fronkel slept on that couch after board
game nights or other boys nights they had at the house.

(01:04:19):
Not an issue, it's keeping people safe. After I moved in,
we made some aesthetic adjustments and accommodated friends who needed
a place to crash after enjoying events at our home.
We gained a sectional that sat twelve people.

Speaker 4 (01:04:32):
Today, that's why two people can fit on that comfortably.

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
Yeah, I'm sleeping on that. I'm sleeping on that couch.
So we gained a sectional that sat twelve people, a
dining table to fit ten people in a fully furnished
guest room. Fronkele did attempt to the guest bed several
times and still disliked it, while our other friends have
stayed in the same bed claimed it was comfortable. He
had the freedom to change the thermostat, open the windows,

(01:04:57):
et cetera. My dining table is one of my favorite
pie I have a food vlog, so most of my
content is represented on the table. But to accommodate his hobbies,
we agreed he can bring his massive PC and two
screen monitors to game at the house. For those who
didn't read the entire post, I understand it's long and thorough,
But for those who read word for word, hats off

(01:05:18):
to you and I appreciate the efforts. As you may
have learned, I'm a very particular individual and I do
not contone disrespect I feel like that's the best way
to put it, because it's not like Op's being an
a hole. No, I don't feel like Op's being like,
that's our three thousand dollars couch, you know, hasn't.

Speaker 4 (01:05:32):
It's more just like very strict and very particular.

Speaker 1 (01:05:35):
Yeah, And if I spend three thousand, I wouldn't spend
three thousand on a couch, But if I did, I'd
be like or I'd be invested in its you know.
Upkeep For sure. I did my best to let it go,
but it hurt to know that after many attempts to
make accommodations for him and even providing compensation, I still
got slapped in the face with that. If that guest bed,

(01:05:56):
I'm sleeping on the couch. And if that's still a problem,
find somebody. Yo. You can't make everyone do what you want.
And that's their decision. To save our friendships, I made
the executive decision to believe him and his girlfriend from
future requests to dog sit and find someone who doesn't
mind my expectations. I just wanted to know if I'm
truly the a hole, or did I do the right
thing to stand up for myself, my home and our

(01:06:18):
overall friendship. By the way, you can stand up, you
can sit down, you can anything in between. You can
be listening to full episodes with stories like these. Just
go to your podcast platform of choice Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts,
search Okay, story time, and then just go.

Speaker 4 (01:06:35):
Crazy ah and then you're off to the races.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
We have a little bit more story left. You have
anything to kind of tie this up.

Speaker 4 (01:06:41):
I'd probably have a few in inner thoughts about it,
but uh, I think at the end of the day,
it's her house, kind of her rules.

Speaker 1 (01:06:49):
I only wish one thing. I wish that I could
have gone to Opie's friend ahead of time, Yeah, and
taught him the art of negotiation.

Speaker 4 (01:06:57):
Because he did a pretty terrible drama.

Speaker 1 (01:06:59):
And you have leverage. My guy, you'd be like, I
don't know if I'm comfortable, yeah in your spicy tango dungeon,
I don't know. That's my pillows. Too many pillows, too
many pillows. And if you're five eleven and you've got
eight pillows on the bed, your feet are hanging off
of the end. So boyfriend and I went on a
double date with Frounkel and girlfriend. Frunkle gave me my

(01:07:20):
favorite flowers and apologized for his behavior and extended his
value of importance of our friendship. Oh yeah, very nice.
He was very sincere, and he said that if we
gave him another chance in the future, he'd still loved
to watch our dogs because they love each other, and
he will sleep in the guest bed.

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
Movie around, he.

Speaker 4 (01:07:40):
Came around.

Speaker 1 (01:07:41):
I trusted you, dude. I stood up for you. Now
I've been left a fool alone on Pouch Island. So
we had a great time out on the town and
ended the night with some ice cream. Me moral of
the story, stand up for yourself and your friends who
truly love and care will respect you. Thank you everyone,
and that is the end of the story. Well that's

(01:08:04):
actually kind of a lie because it said thank you everyone,
and then it said XO XO, So that's really the
end of the story.

Speaker 4 (01:08:11):
Yeah, thank you

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