March 29, 2024 • 23 mins
Are you struggling with anxiety?
Are you looking for ways to become less anxious?
Today, Jay Shetty will share several ways to manage anxiety, why it consumes us and how we can navigate through it. Jay will also share insights on how to consciously choose and amplify the voices and influences that nurture your well-being, how to program your mind with positivity and intentionality before bed and upon waking up - a crucial practice that can pave the way for a restful night and a more focused tomorrow.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to not start your day with worry
Begin each morning with gratitude
Prepare your mind with positive thoughts
There is healing in acceptance and tolerance, the essential practices for cultivating inner peace and resilience against life's inevitable ups and downs.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:29 Do You Worry a Lot?
03:38 Avoid Dealing with Your Worries Upon Waking Up
07:31 Start Your Day with Gratitude
11:25 Increase the Voice You Want to Hear
14:49 Program Your Mind Before Going to Bed
18:42 Sometimes, Staying Busy is Healthy
19:48 Practice Acceptance and Tolerance
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The biggest mistake we make is we believe that the
way we are is who we are and that we
won't change that who we are right now is who
we have to be forever. And the truth is we
are simply a set of patterns, a set of systems
that can be changed and transformed. The number one health
and wellness podcast, Jay set Jay Setty, Hey, everyone, welcome
(00:26):
back to On Purpose, where you come to listen, learn
and grow. Remember we've got over five hundred episodes in
our library, so if you're looking to grow on a
daily basis, check in to On Purpose. Today's episode is
all about something that I think a lot of us
(00:46):
deal with. How many of you have something in the
back of your mind that just keeps replaying. Could be
a conversation, could be an event, could be a thought,
and it just sits there in the back of your
mind while you're going about your day, betraining your energy.
(01:08):
How many of you have something similar in the sense
that maybe there's someone in your life that you're worried about,
maybe they're unwell, maybe they're going through a difficult time.
And no matter whether you're at work, whether you're socializing,
whether you're with your family, you keep thinking about that
person and what they're going through. Hey, maybe you've moved
(01:31):
state or country and you're worried about a parent's health.
You're always thinking that when you wake up in the morning,
there's a certain level of anxiety or overwhelm of what
could have happened to them, and I can empathize with
how difficult that may be. Or maybe in the back
of your mind you worry that you're going to lose
your job, maybe you worry that things aren't going to
(01:53):
work out, Maybe you worry that things are not going
in the right direction, and there's just this underlying feeling
you have that just stays there in the background. That's
super unnerving, super draining, and really discouraging because every time
you feel a glimpse of moving forward, this brings you
(02:13):
right back. Sometimes we get hit with something that's always
just in the back of our mind, right And what's
really interesting about this is that, like I said, we
all have something and it affects us in the same way.
(02:33):
It makes our smile less large, it makes our moment
of joy less pleasant, it makes our moment of escape
feel fleeting and ephemeral, And we all deal with this
very complex emotion where we're not going through the challenge
(02:53):
right now, but we feel like we are every single day.
We almost put ourselves through through that every single day.
And that's why Seneca famously said and wrote, we suffer twice,
once in imagination and once in reality. The visualization of
(03:14):
a challenge, the visualization of a moment of pain, can
often cause more pain if we're not using it as
a processing tool. And when we don't use it as
a processing tool, but we use it subconsciously, it keeps
us in a state of pain. So what do we
do about this? How do we do it? We can't
solve it, we can't get away from it. It's just
(03:36):
something that exists there. The first thing I'm going to
share with you is anything that you worry about, anything
that causes you anxiety, don't deal with it first thing
in the morning, and don't deal with it the last
thing at night. When we wake up in the morning,
we're barely awakened. We're barely prepared to deal with anything stressful.
(04:00):
And that's why when we wake up in the morning
and we check our messages frantically, when we make a
call frantically, when we run around and rush around it
creates more anxiety. It compounds that feeling of overwhelm, of stress,
of pressure. And when we do something just before we
go to bed, we're programming our subconscious to be thinking
(04:24):
about it at night. We're programming our subconscious to be
attentive and aware of it while we're asleep. So now
what we've done is we've depleted our sleep, which has
diminished our focus and energy, which is diminishing our intellect
and our ability to deal with the situation when we
wake up. We have weakened ourselves so deeply that we
(04:49):
don't have the ability to deal with it. So when
we wake up in the morning, we want that time
to be the time to set a foundation. For you,
at maybe fifteen minutes, for someone else, it may be
an hour. You want your mourning moments to be moments
that are foundational, that are sustainable, and that are consistent.
(05:12):
Maybe you wake up every day and you write a
grateful thought in your journal. Studies show that when we
have grateful thoughts, we can't have worry filled thoughts at
the same time. So think about that really carefully. If
gratitude is renting space in your mind, worry can't rent
(05:32):
the same space. If you're having a thankful thought in
your mind, anxiety can't rent the same space. So we
want to make sure that our tenant is gratitude. We
want to make sure that the person staying in our
home is gratitude. And this is a practice that we
have to build consciously until it becomes subconscious. Here's what's
(05:56):
really interesting about patterns of thought, patterns of behavior. Patterns
are people. We have to recognize that when we were young,
we subconsciously absorbed patterns that became our reality. Right maybe
there were things your parents said, Maybe there were decisions
your parents made, Maybe there were ways they operated that
(06:19):
defined who you were. And now what we have to
do is we have to plant conscious patterns that become
our subconscious. The biggest mistake we make is we believe
that the way we are is who we are and
that we won't change that. Who we are right now
is who we have to be forever. And if that's
who we are forever, then there is no shift, there
(06:41):
is no transformation. And the truth is we are simply
a set of patterns, a set of systems that can
be changed and transformed. As Dr Joe Despenser says, we
have to break the habit of being yourself. He talks
about how to lose your mind and create a new one. Right,
(07:02):
we think our mind is made up. We think our
mind is what it is, But actually our mind is
just made up of patterns. Our mind is just made
up of thoughts. Our mind is just made up of
subconscious beliefs that can all be reprogrammed. And the two
key times of the day that our subconscious beliefs are
reprogrammed a first thing in the morning and lasting in
(07:25):
the night, especially that which you do it, those two
times will program your subconscious So we want to start
our day with gratitude. We want to start our day
with a thankful thought. And for a grateful thought to work,
it has to be expressed. It has to be specific,
and it has to be personalized. When you write something
(07:47):
in your journal, you also want to share that with someone.
You want to express it to that person. Maybe you're
going to write a text message in the morning to
that individual and express it. You want it to be specific. Right.
A lot of people could say to you, oh, yeah,
thanks so much, thanks for that, But when someone's specific,
it touches your heart. If someone said you, thank you
so much, for how well you made that presentation at work.
(08:10):
It was brilliant. That goes a long way. And then
you want it to be personalized. You wanted to feel
like it was only about you. We all wanted to
feel like you can just say that to everyone else.
So expressed, specific and personalized is how gratitude has to
be shared. And I think a lot of us these
days we think that a gratitude journalist to be grateful
(08:32):
to the sky and be grateful to the plants and
the moon and whatever else it may be. Being grateful
to people is the most reciprocal form of gratitude because
when you get to share it with someone and see
the look in their eyes, when you get to see
how it impacts them, it can be transformational. And by
the way, the way we receive gratitude is as important.
(08:55):
I think a lot of us have trained ourselves to
be modest, to say things like, oh no, it's nothing,
it's all good. And when we don't receive gratitude, we
also don't get to give that person sharing with us
a beautiful moment. I'm so lucky that so many of
you come up to me when you see me around,
whether you know a couple of weeks ago, I was
in Austin for south By Southwest. Maybe some of you
(09:16):
saw me at Expert West, maybe some of you saw
me in Mexico. And I love that you come up
to me and you tell me how much On Purposes
helped you, or how much think like a Monk or
eight Rules of Love you've loved reading. And when I
hear that, in the beginning, I used to always be like, yeah, yeah, no, no,
thank you so much. And you know, I used to
feel that that was the way to deal with it. And
(09:37):
I realized that actually being able to say back to
you like thank you so much, I'm so grateful, I
really needed that. By the way, I do need it. It
means the world to me. I appreciate it so deeply.
I'm humbled by it. But saying that back to you
makes it a moment that we can share. And so
what I'm trying to say is giving gratitude and reciprocating
(09:58):
back with g attitude are both good for the heart.
And I think if we start our mornings that way,
we focus on an amplify gratitude so much that the
pain we're feeling, the stress we're feeling, It's not that
it goes away, it's that we have the strength to
deal with it. This is the point I want you
(10:19):
to take home. It's not about getting rid of pain.
It's not about moving on from pain. It's not about
just saying it doesn't exist anymore. It's about having the
strength and the courage and the support to deal with it.
Hey guys, it's Jay Sheddy here and I couldn't be
more excited to share this exciting news you asked, We
(10:42):
delivered Junie. Sparkling tea with adaptogens made by my wife
and I are now available in all Sprout locations across
the country. Juni is the perfect midday pick me up.
With only one third of the caffeine found in brood
Green tea, it provides a gentle energy boost without the crash.
It only has five calories and zero grams of sugar,
(11:05):
making it the perfect drink. Plus, it's made with the
delicious blend of adaptogens and neotropics that may help boost
your metabolism, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and
stimulate brain function. Head over to your local Sprouts. Visit
sprouts dot com to find the closest location near you.
So we talked about the importance of what to do
(11:27):
in the morning, but it's equally as important to figure
out the evening. When we program our subconscious mind before
we go to bed, we have the ability not only
to get better rest, but to wake up feeling more
energized and ready for the day. So many of us,
just before we go to bed, we'll do something that
(11:48):
induces anxiety. Maybe we'll think about or ruminate about this
thing that's been on our mind. Maybe we'll watch something
that makes us feel anxious. Maybe the last thing we'll
say is I really that doesn't happen, or I'm really
worried about this. And that's not something you're saying out loud.
It might be to your partner or whoever you're talking
(12:08):
to your friend on the phone, but often it's a
subconscious idea. Now it's natural. Right when someone asks you
the question what's keeping you up at night, it's probably
this thing, the pressure at work, the challenge with your partner,
the worry about your parents. Right, it's something very real
that you can't just say I'm not going to think
(12:30):
about it. Right. If I say to you, don't think
about it, that's the worst advice because you're like, well, Jay,
that's why I'm listening right. So what we need to
do is we need to recognize that we can't remove
the thought. Often we think our life is about reducing noise, right,
reducing negativity, reducing the thing that's keeping us up, and
(12:53):
that's actually really difficult. And what we have to do
instead is we have to drown out that noise through
something else. So a good example is, let's say you're
an next door neighbors throwing a party, or the apartment
next door is throwing a party and the music's really loud. Now,
when you went over there and knocked on their door
and said, hey, can you keep quiet for a second,
(13:14):
like I'm trying to focus, they didn't do it. They
didn't listen, and your persuasive skills didn't really work. Now
you have two choices. You either listen to that music,
or you turn on some of your own music, you
turn up your TV, you focus on what you need
to do. In the same way, you can't just drown
out a thought that's perplexing you. But what you can
(13:37):
do is you can increase the voice you want to hear.
So this is where we want to subconsciously program on mind.
I remember when I've been going through health challenges or difficulties,
I often had an affirmation before I went to bed
that said, I am happy, I am healthy, I am healed.
There's something really powerful about the words I am, because
(13:58):
it's an acceptance of something we're already feeling, not I want,
which feels like it's in the distant future. I am happy,
I am healthy, I am healing. I have repeated this
affirmation to myself when I've been going through physical or
mental health challenges so that I can remind myself that
(14:20):
I'm moving in the right direction. And I have found
that the repetition of that affirmation has started to consciously
reprogram my mind towards moving and finding progress. Without the
repetition of that mantrain affirmation, what ends up happening is
(14:40):
I end up stewing, I end up feeling stuck. I
end up feeling like nothing's moving in the right direction.
So that's definitely something to look at. What are we
doing before we go to bed? A lot of people
will say to me, Jay, I'm experiencing anxiety, and the
first thing I'll ask them is what did you watch
last night? Now, if you want it's one of your
favorite shows. I am not against any shows, but I
(15:03):
promise you that these shows are designed to create cliffhanger chemicals.
And what I mean by that is because it's all
about what's happening in the next episode. What are they
going to do? Oh, my gosh, did you see what
happened to them? Oh? Will they make it right? That's
the reaction the show is trying to create. Now, that
makes for great entertainment. What we don't realize is that
(15:24):
our body and mind are going into that mode just
before our head hits the pillow. And so now naturally
your body and mind are in a state of anxiety
before you go to bed, and so that becomes your
natural headspace throughout your sleep, which is then disturbed and
(15:44):
then when you wake up. I have also found it
really interesting to program almost the code of how I
want to wake up. And the example I always give is,
you don't set your alarm the time you wake up.
You set the alarm the night before. Right, You program
some thing to ring or have a tone when you
(16:05):
wake up in the morning, but you set it the
night before. In the same way, we have to set
our programming and code and mindset the night before, I
am waking up energized, rejuvenated, and ready for the day.
I am waking up with health, vitality, and energy. Right
(16:26):
Having that as your repetitive affirmation before you go to
bed gives you a chance again to subconsciously program your
mind to make that its code. So I highly recommend
a powerful morning and evening routine that is away from
the area that's challenging you. And you may require thirty
(16:47):
minutes of time before bed and thirty minutes of time
in the morning, or fifteen minutes before bed is enough.
Even five minutes, actually, you know what, I'm going to
make it five five minutes before bed and five minutes
when you wake up to just journal all your anxieties
and all your thoughts to really get them off your mind,
to really get them out of your mind and onto
the page. I think often we try and fix things
(17:10):
and solve things in our mind. And what's really interesting
about that is how many times have you had a
really amazing reflection or a really amazing realization and you
don't even remember it a week later. I've had this
happen so many times. If I don't note down amazing
ideas insights, thoughts, they disappear and we think, oh, I
(17:32):
have this idea, now I'll always understand this. The truth
is it doesn't work like that. So five minutes before,
about five minutes when you wake up, just to journal
all of that anxiety, to put it out onto the page,
to actually feel that release. I think we often feel
it's a weakness to have a release. We think I've
(17:53):
just got to solve it in my head. I've just
got to deal with all of it. I've just got
to tolerate all of it. And the truth is you
can try that, but it can feel like you start
to carry a real weight. And I feel that for
a lot of people we're just carrying a heavy heavy
weight because we keep adding to it. Right, it's not
(18:13):
that it disappears if we don't release it consciously. It
subconsciously continues to build and build and build to when
we have a really tough moment where we do want
to release it, and maybe it comes out at a person,
we laugh, maybe we take it out on someone at work,
maybe we take it out on a friend. Right, it
(18:34):
does come out, It always comes out, but it may
not come out in a healthy way. I think it's
really important to recognize that when we have things going on,
it's okay to stay busy. I think sometimes being busy
gets a hard time, and I understand rightfully so. But
when you've got something on your mind and it's bringing
(18:54):
you down, sometimes staying busy, staying active is really healthy
because it allows us to process it in different ways.
I find that when I have a busy day, when
I have a busy schedule, when I'm moving around, it
allows me to make sure that I deal with what
I'm struggling with at the right time, but then not
let it bleed into the entire day. And that's what
(19:17):
I mean by keeping busy when as in keeping busy,
I'm not saying ignore the issue. If we ignore the issue,
it will just grow. If we ignore the issue, it
will actually get stronger and bigger and come back harder.
It's so important that we stay busy by creating times
of the day where we do focused on this. I
(19:37):
think working out is similar being physically active. When you
have something on your mind again, it allows you to
release it, release that energy in a different way. Now,
a lot of people say something, especially in spiritual circles,
this idea of we just have to tolerate it. We
just have to accept it. And while there is truth
(19:58):
in that, there's a beautiful statement by an amazing part
of divinity called Chaitanya who says that we should be
as tolerant as a tree. Now, what I love about
this statement is that a tree is extremely tolerant. It
deals with all the seasons. It deals with the cold,
it deals with the heat, and all the time it
(20:20):
provides shade to others, It provides fruit to others. It
tolerates that the soil around it may not be great,
so the roots grow in a particular way to get
its nutrients. We have to be as tolerant as a tree.
But the thing is a tree can't move. So if
a tree could move, it probably would. And so if
you can move, if you can change, if you can shift.
(20:41):
We shouldn't just tolerate and accept. We should learn to
tolerate and accept the things we can't change, but the
things we can change, we should change. If you're dealing
with an issue, it's so important to leave no stone
unturned in solving the problem. Often what we do is
we go into acceptance before action, But it's the other
(21:05):
way around. If you've taken every action you possibly can.
If you've taken every action within your control, if you've
taken every action that will help you get out of
the situation you're in, and then it doesn't shift, then
we can practice acceptance and tolerance. But if you haven't
(21:25):
tried everything, if you haven't pushed and questioned and been curious. Right.
I often find this when I'm struggling with my health.
It's so easy for me to say, you know what,
that's it, can't do anything else. And I've realized there's
another modality I haven't learned about. There's another guide, there's
another teacher, there's another doctor, there's another healing process that
(21:45):
I haven't opened my mind to. Please, please, please realize this.
Whatever you're dealing with, first, deal with it with action.
Before we get into this pseudo spiritual place of I
accept it and surrendering, we have to take action right.
The old statement of the universe helps those who help themselves.
(22:07):
We have to start with helping ourselves before we expect
help from anything else. Start there. I really hope that
this episode gives you a sense of courage. I hope
that it gives you a sense of comfort, and I
hope that it gives you a sense of some really
practical tips and insights to solve this challenge for you.
(22:30):
I'm rooting for you. I'm always in your corner. Thank
you for listening. If you love this episode, you will
also love my interview with Charles Douhig on how to
hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and the secret
to making better decisions. Look, am I hesitating on this
because I'm scared of making the choice because I'm scared
(22:51):
of doing the work, Or am I sitting with this
because it just doesn't feel right yet. There's a lot
of talk about mindfulness these days, which is fantastic. I mean,
we all want to be more present and self aware,
more patient, less judgmental. We discuss all these themes on
the podcast, but it's hard to actually be mindful in
your day to day life. That's where Calm comes in.
(23:14):
I've been working with Calm for a few years now
with the goal of making mindfulness fun and easy. Calm
has all sorts of content to help you build positive habits,
shift yourself talk, reframe your negative thoughts, and generally feel
better in your daily life. So many incredible options from
the most knowledgeable experts in the world, along with renowned
meditation teachers. You can also check out my seven minute
(23:37):
daily series to help you live more mindfully each and
every day. Right now, listeners of On Purpose get forty
percent off a subscription to Calmpremium at calm dot com.
Forward slash j that's calm dot com. Forward slash jay
for forty percent off. Calm your Mind, Change your Life.
The biggest mistake we make is we believe that the
way we are is who we are and that we
won't change that who we are right now is who
we have to be forever. And the truth is we
are simply a set of patterns, a set of systems
that can be changed and transformed. The number one health
and wellness podcast, Jay set Jay Setty, Hey, everyone, welcome
(00:26):
back to On Purpose, where you come to listen, learn
and grow. Remember we've got over five hundred episodes in
our library, so if you're looking to grow on a
daily basis, check in to On Purpose. Today's episode is
all about something that I think a lot of us
(00:46):
deal with. How many of you have something in the
back of your mind that just keeps replaying. Could be
a conversation, could be an event, could be a thought,
and it just sits there in the back of your
mind while you're going about your day, betraining your energy.
(01:08):
How many of you have something similar in the sense
that maybe there's someone in your life that you're worried about,
maybe they're unwell, maybe they're going through a difficult time.
And no matter whether you're at work, whether you're socializing,
whether you're with your family, you keep thinking about that
person and what they're going through. Hey, maybe you've moved
(01:31):
state or country and you're worried about a parent's health.
You're always thinking that when you wake up in the morning,
there's a certain level of anxiety or overwhelm of what
could have happened to them, and I can empathize with
how difficult that may be. Or maybe in the back
of your mind you worry that you're going to lose
your job, maybe you worry that things aren't going to
(01:53):
work out, Maybe you worry that things are not going
in the right direction, and there's just this underlying feeling
you have that just stays there in the background. That's
super unnerving, super draining, and really discouraging because every time
you feel a glimpse of moving forward, this brings you
(02:13):
right back. Sometimes we get hit with something that's always
just in the back of our mind, right And what's
really interesting about this is that, like I said, we
all have something and it affects us in the same way.
(02:33):
It makes our smile less large, it makes our moment
of joy less pleasant, it makes our moment of escape
feel fleeting and ephemeral, And we all deal with this
very complex emotion where we're not going through the challenge
(02:53):
right now, but we feel like we are every single day.
We almost put ourselves through through that every single day.
And that's why Seneca famously said and wrote, we suffer twice,
once in imagination and once in reality. The visualization of
(03:14):
a challenge, the visualization of a moment of pain, can
often cause more pain if we're not using it as
a processing tool. And when we don't use it as
a processing tool, but we use it subconsciously, it keeps
us in a state of pain. So what do we
do about this? How do we do it? We can't
solve it, we can't get away from it. It's just
(03:36):
something that exists there. The first thing I'm going to
share with you is anything that you worry about, anything
that causes you anxiety, don't deal with it first thing
in the morning, and don't deal with it the last
thing at night. When we wake up in the morning,
we're barely awakened. We're barely prepared to deal with anything stressful.
(04:00):
And that's why when we wake up in the morning
and we check our messages frantically, when we make a
call frantically, when we run around and rush around it
creates more anxiety. It compounds that feeling of overwhelm, of stress,
of pressure. And when we do something just before we
go to bed, we're programming our subconscious to be thinking
(04:24):
about it at night. We're programming our subconscious to be
attentive and aware of it while we're asleep. So now
what we've done is we've depleted our sleep, which has
diminished our focus and energy, which is diminishing our intellect
and our ability to deal with the situation when we
wake up. We have weakened ourselves so deeply that we
(04:49):
don't have the ability to deal with it. So when
we wake up in the morning, we want that time
to be the time to set a foundation. For you,
at maybe fifteen minutes, for someone else, it may be
an hour. You want your mourning moments to be moments
that are foundational, that are sustainable, and that are consistent.
(05:12):
Maybe you wake up every day and you write a
grateful thought in your journal. Studies show that when we
have grateful thoughts, we can't have worry filled thoughts at
the same time. So think about that really carefully. If
gratitude is renting space in your mind, worry can't rent
(05:32):
the same space. If you're having a thankful thought in
your mind, anxiety can't rent the same space. So we
want to make sure that our tenant is gratitude. We
want to make sure that the person staying in our
home is gratitude. And this is a practice that we
have to build consciously until it becomes subconscious. Here's what's
(05:56):
really interesting about patterns of thought, patterns of behavior. Patterns
are people. We have to recognize that when we were young,
we subconsciously absorbed patterns that became our reality. Right maybe
there were things your parents said, Maybe there were decisions
your parents made, Maybe there were ways they operated that
(06:19):
defined who you were. And now what we have to
do is we have to plant conscious patterns that become
our subconscious. The biggest mistake we make is we believe
that the way we are is who we are and
that we won't change that. Who we are right now
is who we have to be forever. And if that's
who we are forever, then there is no shift, there
(06:41):
is no transformation. And the truth is we are simply
a set of patterns, a set of systems that can
be changed and transformed. As Dr Joe Despenser says, we
have to break the habit of being yourself. He talks
about how to lose your mind and create a new one. Right,
(07:02):
we think our mind is made up. We think our
mind is what it is, But actually our mind is
just made up of patterns. Our mind is just made
up of thoughts. Our mind is just made up of
subconscious beliefs that can all be reprogrammed. And the two
key times of the day that our subconscious beliefs are
reprogrammed a first thing in the morning and lasting in
(07:25):
the night, especially that which you do it, those two
times will program your subconscious So we want to start
our day with gratitude. We want to start our day
with a thankful thought. And for a grateful thought to work,
it has to be expressed. It has to be specific,
and it has to be personalized. When you write something
(07:47):
in your journal, you also want to share that with someone.
You want to express it to that person. Maybe you're
going to write a text message in the morning to
that individual and express it. You want it to be specific. Right.
A lot of people could say to you, oh, yeah,
thanks so much, thanks for that, But when someone's specific,
it touches your heart. If someone said you, thank you
so much, for how well you made that presentation at work.
(08:10):
It was brilliant. That goes a long way. And then
you want it to be personalized. You wanted to feel
like it was only about you. We all wanted to
feel like you can just say that to everyone else.
So expressed, specific and personalized is how gratitude has to
be shared. And I think a lot of us these
days we think that a gratitude journalist to be grateful
(08:32):
to the sky and be grateful to the plants and
the moon and whatever else it may be. Being grateful
to people is the most reciprocal form of gratitude because
when you get to share it with someone and see
the look in their eyes, when you get to see
how it impacts them, it can be transformational. And by
the way, the way we receive gratitude is as important.
(08:55):
I think a lot of us have trained ourselves to
be modest, to say things like, oh no, it's nothing,
it's all good. And when we don't receive gratitude, we
also don't get to give that person sharing with us
a beautiful moment. I'm so lucky that so many of
you come up to me when you see me around,
whether you know a couple of weeks ago, I was
in Austin for south By Southwest. Maybe some of you
(09:16):
saw me at Expert West, maybe some of you saw
me in Mexico. And I love that you come up
to me and you tell me how much On Purposes
helped you, or how much think like a Monk or
eight Rules of Love you've loved reading. And when I
hear that, in the beginning, I used to always be like, yeah, yeah, no, no,
thank you so much. And you know, I used to
feel that that was the way to deal with it. And
(09:37):
I realized that actually being able to say back to
you like thank you so much, I'm so grateful, I
really needed that. By the way, I do need it. It
means the world to me. I appreciate it so deeply.
I'm humbled by it. But saying that back to you
makes it a moment that we can share. And so
what I'm trying to say is giving gratitude and reciprocating
(09:58):
back with g attitude are both good for the heart.
And I think if we start our mornings that way,
we focus on an amplify gratitude so much that the
pain we're feeling, the stress we're feeling, It's not that
it goes away, it's that we have the strength to
deal with it. This is the point I want you
(10:19):
to take home. It's not about getting rid of pain.
It's not about moving on from pain. It's not about
just saying it doesn't exist anymore. It's about having the
strength and the courage and the support to deal with it.
Hey guys, it's Jay Sheddy here and I couldn't be
more excited to share this exciting news you asked, We
(10:42):
delivered Junie. Sparkling tea with adaptogens made by my wife
and I are now available in all Sprout locations across
the country. Juni is the perfect midday pick me up.
With only one third of the caffeine found in brood
Green tea, it provides a gentle energy boost without the crash.
It only has five calories and zero grams of sugar,
(11:05):
making it the perfect drink. Plus, it's made with the
delicious blend of adaptogens and neotropics that may help boost
your metabolism, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and
stimulate brain function. Head over to your local Sprouts. Visit
sprouts dot com to find the closest location near you.
So we talked about the importance of what to do
(11:27):
in the morning, but it's equally as important to figure
out the evening. When we program our subconscious mind before
we go to bed, we have the ability not only
to get better rest, but to wake up feeling more
energized and ready for the day. So many of us,
just before we go to bed, we'll do something that
(11:48):
induces anxiety. Maybe we'll think about or ruminate about this
thing that's been on our mind. Maybe we'll watch something
that makes us feel anxious. Maybe the last thing we'll
say is I really that doesn't happen, or I'm really
worried about this. And that's not something you're saying out loud.
It might be to your partner or whoever you're talking
(12:08):
to your friend on the phone, but often it's a
subconscious idea. Now it's natural. Right when someone asks you
the question what's keeping you up at night, it's probably
this thing, the pressure at work, the challenge with your partner,
the worry about your parents. Right, it's something very real
that you can't just say I'm not going to think
(12:30):
about it. Right. If I say to you, don't think
about it, that's the worst advice because you're like, well, Jay,
that's why I'm listening right. So what we need to
do is we need to recognize that we can't remove
the thought. Often we think our life is about reducing noise, right,
reducing negativity, reducing the thing that's keeping us up, and
(12:53):
that's actually really difficult. And what we have to do
instead is we have to drown out that noise through
something else. So a good example is, let's say you're
an next door neighbors throwing a party, or the apartment
next door is throwing a party and the music's really loud. Now,
when you went over there and knocked on their door
and said, hey, can you keep quiet for a second,
(13:14):
like I'm trying to focus, they didn't do it. They
didn't listen, and your persuasive skills didn't really work. Now
you have two choices. You either listen to that music,
or you turn on some of your own music, you
turn up your TV, you focus on what you need
to do. In the same way, you can't just drown
out a thought that's perplexing you. But what you can
(13:37):
do is you can increase the voice you want to hear.
So this is where we want to subconsciously program on mind.
I remember when I've been going through health challenges or difficulties,
I often had an affirmation before I went to bed
that said, I am happy, I am healthy, I am healed.
There's something really powerful about the words I am, because
(13:58):
it's an acceptance of something we're already feeling, not I want,
which feels like it's in the distant future. I am happy,
I am healthy, I am healing. I have repeated this
affirmation to myself when I've been going through physical or
mental health challenges so that I can remind myself that
(14:20):
I'm moving in the right direction. And I have found
that the repetition of that affirmation has started to consciously
reprogram my mind towards moving and finding progress. Without the
repetition of that mantrain affirmation, what ends up happening is
(14:40):
I end up stewing, I end up feeling stuck. I
end up feeling like nothing's moving in the right direction.
So that's definitely something to look at. What are we
doing before we go to bed? A lot of people
will say to me, Jay, I'm experiencing anxiety, and the
first thing I'll ask them is what did you watch
last night? Now, if you want it's one of your
favorite shows. I am not against any shows, but I
(15:03):
promise you that these shows are designed to create cliffhanger chemicals.
And what I mean by that is because it's all
about what's happening in the next episode. What are they
going to do? Oh, my gosh, did you see what
happened to them? Oh? Will they make it right? That's
the reaction the show is trying to create. Now, that
makes for great entertainment. What we don't realize is that
(15:24):
our body and mind are going into that mode just
before our head hits the pillow. And so now naturally
your body and mind are in a state of anxiety
before you go to bed, and so that becomes your
natural headspace throughout your sleep, which is then disturbed and
(15:44):
then when you wake up. I have also found it
really interesting to program almost the code of how I
want to wake up. And the example I always give is,
you don't set your alarm the time you wake up.
You set the alarm the night before. Right, You program
some thing to ring or have a tone when you
(16:05):
wake up in the morning, but you set it the
night before. In the same way, we have to set
our programming and code and mindset the night before, I
am waking up energized, rejuvenated, and ready for the day.
I am waking up with health, vitality, and energy. Right
(16:26):
Having that as your repetitive affirmation before you go to
bed gives you a chance again to subconsciously program your
mind to make that its code. So I highly recommend
a powerful morning and evening routine that is away from
the area that's challenging you. And you may require thirty
(16:47):
minutes of time before bed and thirty minutes of time
in the morning, or fifteen minutes before bed is enough.
Even five minutes, actually, you know what, I'm going to
make it five five minutes before bed and five minutes
when you wake up to just journal all your anxieties
and all your thoughts to really get them off your mind,
to really get them out of your mind and onto
the page. I think often we try and fix things
(17:10):
and solve things in our mind. And what's really interesting
about that is how many times have you had a
really amazing reflection or a really amazing realization and you
don't even remember it a week later. I've had this
happen so many times. If I don't note down amazing
ideas insights, thoughts, they disappear and we think, oh, I
(17:32):
have this idea, now I'll always understand this. The truth
is it doesn't work like that. So five minutes before,
about five minutes when you wake up, just to journal
all of that anxiety, to put it out onto the page,
to actually feel that release. I think we often feel
it's a weakness to have a release. We think I've
(17:53):
just got to solve it in my head. I've just
got to deal with all of it. I've just got
to tolerate all of it. And the truth is you
can try that, but it can feel like you start
to carry a real weight. And I feel that for
a lot of people we're just carrying a heavy heavy
weight because we keep adding to it. Right, it's not
(18:13):
that it disappears if we don't release it consciously. It
subconsciously continues to build and build and build to when
we have a really tough moment where we do want
to release it, and maybe it comes out at a person,
we laugh, maybe we take it out on someone at work,
maybe we take it out on a friend. Right, it
(18:34):
does come out, It always comes out, but it may
not come out in a healthy way. I think it's
really important to recognize that when we have things going on,
it's okay to stay busy. I think sometimes being busy
gets a hard time, and I understand rightfully so. But
when you've got something on your mind and it's bringing
(18:54):
you down, sometimes staying busy, staying active is really healthy
because it allows us to process it in different ways.
I find that when I have a busy day, when
I have a busy schedule, when I'm moving around, it
allows me to make sure that I deal with what
I'm struggling with at the right time, but then not
let it bleed into the entire day. And that's what
(19:17):
I mean by keeping busy when as in keeping busy,
I'm not saying ignore the issue. If we ignore the issue,
it will just grow. If we ignore the issue, it
will actually get stronger and bigger and come back harder.
It's so important that we stay busy by creating times
of the day where we do focused on this. I
(19:37):
think working out is similar being physically active. When you
have something on your mind again, it allows you to
release it, release that energy in a different way. Now,
a lot of people say something, especially in spiritual circles,
this idea of we just have to tolerate it. We
just have to accept it. And while there is truth
(19:58):
in that, there's a beautiful statement by an amazing part
of divinity called Chaitanya who says that we should be
as tolerant as a tree. Now, what I love about
this statement is that a tree is extremely tolerant. It
deals with all the seasons. It deals with the cold,
it deals with the heat, and all the time it
(20:20):
provides shade to others, It provides fruit to others. It
tolerates that the soil around it may not be great,
so the roots grow in a particular way to get
its nutrients. We have to be as tolerant as a tree.
But the thing is a tree can't move. So if
a tree could move, it probably would. And so if
you can move, if you can change, if you can shift.
(20:41):
We shouldn't just tolerate and accept. We should learn to
tolerate and accept the things we can't change, but the
things we can change, we should change. If you're dealing
with an issue, it's so important to leave no stone
unturned in solving the problem. Often what we do is
we go into acceptance before action, But it's the other
(21:05):
way around. If you've taken every action you possibly can.
If you've taken every action within your control, if you've
taken every action that will help you get out of
the situation you're in, and then it doesn't shift, then
we can practice acceptance and tolerance. But if you haven't
(21:25):
tried everything, if you haven't pushed and questioned and been curious. Right.
I often find this when I'm struggling with my health.
It's so easy for me to say, you know what,
that's it, can't do anything else. And I've realized there's
another modality I haven't learned about. There's another guide, there's
another teacher, there's another doctor, there's another healing process that
(21:45):
I haven't opened my mind to. Please, please, please realize this.
Whatever you're dealing with, first, deal with it with action.
Before we get into this pseudo spiritual place of I
accept it and surrendering, we have to take action right.
The old statement of the universe helps those who help themselves.
(22:07):
We have to start with helping ourselves before we expect
help from anything else. Start there. I really hope that
this episode gives you a sense of courage. I hope
that it gives you a sense of comfort, and I
hope that it gives you a sense of some really
practical tips and insights to solve this challenge for you.
(22:30):
I'm rooting for you. I'm always in your corner. Thank
you for listening. If you love this episode, you will
also love my interview with Charles Douhig on how to
hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and the secret
to making better decisions. Look, am I hesitating on this
because I'm scared of making the choice because I'm scared
(22:51):
of doing the work, Or am I sitting with this
because it just doesn't feel right yet. There's a lot
of talk about mindfulness these days, which is fantastic. I mean,
we all want to be more present and self aware,
more patient, less judgmental. We discuss all these themes on
the podcast, but it's hard to actually be mindful in
your day to day life. That's where Calm comes in.
(23:14):
I've been working with Calm for a few years now
with the goal of making mindfulness fun and easy. Calm
has all sorts of content to help you build positive habits,
shift yourself talk, reframe your negative thoughts, and generally feel
better in your daily life. So many incredible options from
the most knowledgeable experts in the world, along with renowned
meditation teachers. You can also check out my seven minute
(23:37):
daily series to help you live more mindfully each and
every day. Right now, listeners of On Purpose get forty
percent off a subscription to Calmpremium at calm dot com.
Forward slash j that's calm dot com. Forward slash jay
for forty percent off. Calm your Mind, Change your Life.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.