January 12, 2024 • 27 mins
How can you stay motivated in 2024?
How can you stay on track when things get though?
There is always a challenge, some resistance, or pressure to break your goals and lose motivation. Today, Jay will unpack why it’s become difficult to maintain motivation throughout the year. There are scientifically proven ways to boost your motivation and stay motivated.
From investing on people and personalities that is linked to your goal and that can give you positive influence and the three people you need in your life when things get too tough to doing the things that you’ve been planning to do but haven’t got the time to complete, there are options and tips available for you to get that motivation back and stir your path to the right goals.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to stay focused on your goals
How to effectively set goals
How to bring back motivation
How to do the things you’re set on doing
There's a wealth of options and insights waiting for you to reclaim your motivation and steer your journey toward the right goals.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:22 There’s always a challenge to break your goal
02:59 Tip #1: The Four Stages of Cognitive Restructuring
07:52 Tip #2: Follow All The Right Accounts That Is Linked To Your Goal
10:26 Tip #3: Tick Off Anything That You’ve Completed In The Day
14:21 Tip #4: The Three People You Need In Your Life When You Lose Motivation
17:04 Tip #5: The Most Important Thing Is How You Feel After You Do Something
20:05 Tip #6: You Got Everything Done Except For The One Thing That You Needed To Do
22:10 Tip #7: Your Fitness And Wellness Is Based On The Quality Of Your Sleep
24:01 Tip #8: The 20-Minute Routine You Need To Practice
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The most important thing is how you feel after you
do something. We overvalue what we feel before something, and
we undervalue what we feel after something. If I don't
feel like working out before a workout, I will overvalue
that and listen to it. But if I feel good
after a workout, I will undervalue that and just move on.
(00:23):
The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shed Hey, everyone,
welcome back to On Purpose. I am so grateful that
you're back to listen, learn and grow, and it has
been an incredible year so far. We've had Dan Buttner,
(00:44):
the expert behind the Blue Zones. If you didn't catch
the Netflix documentary, make sure you listen to the episode.
If you did watch the documentary, listen to the episode
as well. It will blow your mind as to how
people in the Blue Zones live till over a hundred
of the habits, the practices, the diets. It is really
really fantastic information. We've also had the one and only
(01:08):
Michelle Obama on the podcast. Thank you for all the love,
all the reviews, all the posts and stories about that episode.
And I'm so glad that you loved my goal setting
method As my weekly workshop, Today's weekly workshop is for
all of you who already know that it's going to
be hard to maintain motivation this year. Maybe you've already
(01:32):
slipped up. Maybe you've already tripped up, Maybe you haven't,
but you've got close, and you know that feeling. You've
started to recognize that there is always a challenge, that
there's always something, some resistance, that you're trying to make
sure it doesn't get the better of you. How many
of you have already been challenged, how many of you
(01:53):
have been pushed? How many of you been under pressure
to break your goal, to move away, to lose motivation.
Now here's the thing. This episode is for you. Whether
you've stayed on track so far or whether you've fallen off,
This episode is for you. If you want to stay
on track, this is going to give you these scientifically
proven methods to boost your motivation and stay motivated. And
(02:16):
if you're someone who's fallen off or scared you're about to,
this is going to be the episode that's going to
get you back up there, back on track. This year
is all about making sure that we have you on track,
on purpose for as long as you want to be,
however you want to be at the same time as
(02:38):
giving you the space to rest, recover, and rejuvenate. Now
I'm going to be giving you a lot of great
tips today, so make sure that you take screenshots. Make
sure that you take notes if you are able to,
if you're walking, or you're at the gym, or you're cooking.
Thank you so much for choosing on purpose. If you're driving,
(02:58):
to step number one. To stay motivated, especially when it
feels like you're running out something known as cognitive restructuring.
This is a technique that's often used in both coaching
and therapy, and there are four stages of cognitive restructuring.
(03:22):
You have awareness, reappraisal, adoption, and evaluation. I'll repeat those.
The four stages of cognitive restructuring are awareness, reappraisal, adoption,
and evaluation. Now, let me walk you through when you
would use this. Imagine you started the years saying I'm
going to go to the gym five days a week,
(03:43):
or maybe you've promised to yourself that you won't be
eating sugar retreats in the evening, whatever commitment, whatever goal
that you've made for yourself, whatever resolution that you've set.
Now let's say it's been a stressful week, work piled
up maybe you had a slight conflict with your partner.
Maybe you and your friends aren't seeing eye to eye
(04:05):
right now. Right there's some stress that's happened. Maybe there's
some family thing going on right now, Right now, you're
not in a long going jay, how do you know, Well,
it's happening to all of us. You're not alone, right
So something like that's come in and all of a sudden,
you're sitting there and you're thinking to yourself, I don't
know if I can be bothered to go to the
gym tomorrow. You know what, I just feel like I
(04:26):
need to have a tub of ice cream right now.
Whatever it may be for you, You go and grab
that tub of ice cream. You wake up the next morning,
you miss going to the gym, You press snooze on
the alarm clock, you miss the time that you were
meant to get up, you're running late to work. What's
the thought that goes through your head? I messed up.
(04:47):
I wish I didn't eat ice cream. I wish I
didn't miss my workout. I've fallen off. That's it, it's
all over. I've already messed it up. I failed. I'm
gonna have to wait till next month, have to wait
till next year. Right, we have all these really irrational thoughts,
and I'm sure you've had some of these before, or
maybe you're having them right now where you're saying, it's
(05:09):
only the second week and I've already fallen off. Right,
I've already found it difficult. I've already broken my promise
to myself. This is where cognitive restructuring comes in. So
what usually happens to us is that idea perpetuates, that
idea persists, and then that idea becomes our reality, a
(05:30):
messed up. There's no point anymore. I've fallen off, I've
broken it, and then we start that new pattern eating
ice cream, missing your workout, missing the alarm, for example.
In cognitive restructuring, we first become aware of that dialogue
and how that dialogue has changed. We do a reappraisal,
we look at it, we evaluate it, we try and
(05:52):
understand where it's coming from, and we actually decide and
say to ourselves, actually, I'm going to choose a different
thought process. I needed that ice from that night, I
needed to miss a workout, I needed some time for recovery.
I'm going to be so excited and enthusiastic to get
back on tomorrow because I had a well deserved break.
(06:15):
You're not telling yourself that you made the right decision.
Everything's perfect, everything's wonderful. What you're saying is you're trying
to frame or reframe the situation that you went through
in a way that makes it a healthier belief. Believing
that you have messed up and failed is not going
(06:37):
to get you back on track, but restructuring and reframing
it as a recognition of Hey, I was stressed. I
recognized that because I was stressed, I needed different things.
But now I'm really excited to get back on And
I often say this to people that you have to
program your mind the night before. Right, you set your
(07:00):
alarm the night before so that it rings the next morning.
We have to code our brain. We have to reframe
our cognitive structure the night before so that we wake
up with that code. It's literally like coding. You're coding
your mind to say I will wake up tomorrow morning
(07:23):
feeling refreshed, calm, and energized. Coding our mind saying I
will be excited to work out, to choose healthy foods,
whatever it is for you. Right, So, I want you
to give that a go. And the best way to
do this is by journaling. Now you can voice journal,
(07:43):
audio journal, or write journal, whichever one works for you.
But it's so powerful. Try it out now. The second principle,
second step that I want to share with you is
less of a science one but more of a psychology
call one. Follow all the right accounts, link to your goal,
(08:05):
and like all their posts. I want you to come
up with a list of ten accounts to do with
what you're trying to build. Are you trying to build
a stronger mindset? Are you trying to build a stronger body?
Are you trying to build a stronger emotional connection? I
want you to find the top ten social media pages. Now,
a lot of people will say, don't use social media,
(08:26):
get off social media. Now, we all know, A. That's
really hard. B. It can be extremely challenging to live
your year like that. But here's a way we can
actually use social media to our advantage. Find those pages
on TikTok or Instagram, whatever you use, turning it on
its head, and I want you to like the most
(08:47):
recent posts, and I want you to comment on the
recent posts. Here's what that's going to do. That's going
to tell the algorithm to show more of those posts
to you. Now, every time you're on social media, you're
going to more mindset advice, You're going to get more
health and wellness advice, You're going to get more advice
on whatever it is that you're trying to build. Maybe
it's creativity. I do this all the time, and I
(09:10):
find then that whenever I go on to social media,
even if I go on to scroll, or if I'm
going to see your comments and reply or whatever it
may be, I start to see the things I really
want to see. But it takes the act of saying,
what are the ten accounts, what are the last three posts?
(09:31):
Let me like and comment on them as well. Right,
So ten accounts, three posts to like and comment on.
If you do that simple act, you will start to
see the algorithm show you more of that type of content.
And this is really important because we've heard that famous
saying so many times that you become the average of
the five people you spend the most time with, And
(09:54):
I would argue you become the average of the five
accounts you spend the most time on. And so our
lives have expanded away from individual people to the accounts
the pages that we follow, and so I want you
to do that consciously because chances are unless you've promised
(10:14):
yourself to be of social media, which is amazing if
you have, but if you're still using social media, this
is a great way of actually using it to your advantage. Now,
number three is something that a lot of you may do,
but some of us don't appreciate just how powerful it
can actually be. When you're trying to do something three
(10:36):
times a week, five days a week. Maybe you're doing
something seven days a week. Maybe you've seen this in
the movies, maybe you've seen your friend do it. It
is so important to tick off the day. Some people
cross it off as a ticket off. Crosses make you
feel like something bad. Right, We've been programmed to believe
(10:56):
that a cross is negative. Right, when you get across
on a test, it's the wrong answer. Put a tick
every single day. It sounds like a really small, minor thing,
but the simple act of putting a tick on a
day when you've completed something, it gives you that sense.
Now we've been programmed like this. Right when you were young,
(11:18):
you'd get a gold star. We don't have that anymore.
So if we just say yeah, I went to the
gym today, cool, it doesn't give us that sense of completion.
Completion is a really important metric to be measured. See,
we only measure success, right, we only measure the result.
But completion is so so valuable to recognize, and the
(11:43):
only person that knows you completed it is you. Like
someone may see a difference in your appearance, someone may
notice a difference in how you're living your life, but
you know when you completed something, and it's what you
completed that leads to the result that you deeply desire.
So I really want you to keep a calendar and
physically take it off, not on your phone. I want
(12:05):
you to have the physical calendar where when you've been
to the gym three times a week, that day you
finish your put a tick on that day, put a
tick on the next day, and keep it in front
of you. Because every time you see more and more
ticks on that day, guess what, it will motivate you.
Even if you missed one and you have two ticks
that week, that's still going to motivate you the next time.
The more you put crosses, the more you don't have
(12:27):
this visible you start going, oh, I missed the last
two days, so it doesn't matter about today. Whereas when
you look at it and you went, oh, my gosh,
two days ago, I actually went and guess what, I
went three days in a row before that. That's motivating, right,
That's why we do it. This isn't about accounting, right,
It's not just keeping keeping account it's actually psychologically proven
(12:50):
that that feeling of I've done it, you know, looking
at the month and saying, Wow, this month, I actually
went fifteen times, rather than oh, this month, I think
I missed a lot of sessions. Right. No, it's that
difference in cognitive restructuring. The most healthiest, wealthiest, and wisest
people are looking at the other side. This isn't just
half class fall. It's actually taking a moment to acknowledge
(13:14):
and recognize the number of days you've completed. If you
look at all the apps you use, they all use
this as gamification. It will tell you that you've worked
out three days in a row. It will tell you
that you have completed this mindfulness practice seven days in
a row, whatever it may be. Because we know or
the apps know that, psychologically, you feel more motivated. Please please,
(13:36):
please do this physically, get out of calendar, print it
out for the month, buy one of your favorite ones, right,
and put a tick, a green, a big green tick
on each one. You deserve it. This is about valuing yourself,
valuing the commitment you've made, and valuing the completion and
the process as much as you value the result, because otherwise,
(13:59):
if we keep waiting for the result to value ourselves
will stop the process. And that's what happens to ninety
nine percent of people. We're waiting so much for the
result that we lose faith in the process. Right, We're
yearning so badly for the result that we lose faith
in the process. Now, number four, this is the biggest
(14:25):
one that has made a huge difference in my life.
Every time you lose motivation. Here are the three people
you need in your life. You need one person to
call when you fall off. That's the person you complain to,
you vent to, you share your struggle with. You need
(14:46):
one person to call who helps you get back on.
You need that one person who's going to push you
and challenge you. Right, the first one person might be caring,
the second one's going to challenge you. And then the
third person you need is the person you do it with.
Because guess what, when we want motivation, we have to
make motivation social. If your motivation is only based on
(15:10):
your own mind, it may let you down. But when
your motivation is based on it being more social, competitive,
or collaborative, amazing things are possible. I have a friend
where we defined our three values of our friendship as
being fitness, fun, and friendship. Right, we wanted everything we
did all around to be based on fitness and fun,
(15:33):
So we found being competitive and collaborative was a huge
way of staying motivated towards our goals. So one person
to call when you fall off, one person of quality
who gets you back on, and then one person to
actually do the activity with. These are the three most
important people in your motivation circle. Think about it right now.
(15:55):
Who's the person that you call when things are not
going right. Who's the person that you call that you
know is going to tell you the truth even if
you don't want to hear it. That person's really important.
Often we think the person that's important is just the
person who's going to tell us what we want to hear.
The person who tells you what you need to hear
is as important, if not more important, than the person
(16:16):
who tells you what you want to hear, and then
the person who doesn't just hear you out but actually says, Yeah,
let's do it, let's get on with it, let's build
Those are the three key people. Remember if you're losing motivation,
make it more social, make it more competitive, or make
(16:37):
it more collaborative. Competition and collaboration are brilliant ways to
get motivated. Gamify it right. Set a number. If you
and your friends are collaborating about how many workouts can
we go to together this week? That's where you grab motivation.
A lot of us try and solve motivation as an
(16:58):
individual thing. Motivation is so much more of a collective thing.
I promise you Tip number five this actually transform my life.
Listen to this carefully. The most important thing is how
you feel after you do something. We overvalue what we
(17:18):
feel before something, and we undervalue what we feel after something.
I'll give you an example. If I don't feel like
working out before a workout, I will overvalue that and
listen to it. But if I feel good after a workout,
I will undervalue that and just move on. We have
to shift that narrative when something goes well. When you
(17:42):
complete something, not only do you want that green tick,
you want to write about it. You want to talk
about it, you want to share it. Right, make a
big deal about it. Be louder about your wins, because
we've all experienced this. When we lose, we cry for
a month, but when we win, we celebrate for a day. Right,
(18:03):
how many times have you realize this? Right? Let me
say that again. When we lose, we cry for a month. Right.
If something goes wrong, we'll complain for a month. We'll
you know, criticize for a month, we'll compare for a month.
But when something goes right, we go, ah, yeah, I
went to the gym three times this week. No big deal? Right,
We keep saying no big deal, But it is a
(18:23):
big deal. Make a big deal out of it. And
I'll tell you why. This isn't about ego, this isn't
about pride. The reason to make a big deal about
your wins and completion is you are convincing your brain
of this new narrative that I really like this, this
is really good for me. It makes me feel good. Right,
And in our modesty or our false humility, we make
(18:47):
it out like it's no big deal, which means our
brain goes, yeah, no, well, working out no big deal.
But guess what, eating that type of ice cream feels
really really good. So reward yourself. Find a way to
reward yourself. And one of the best ways of rewarding
yourself is telling someone who cares about you, this amazing
achievement you made this week. A reward isn't a physical thing,
(19:08):
it's not a food. It's actually sharing how you won,
what you did, expressing how you broke through it, because
that gives you more motivation. In fact, a recent study
found that immediate rewards you give yourself, especially in the
first stages of changing your behavior while it's becoming a habit,
(19:28):
can boost intrinsic motivation more than delayed rewards. In the study,
when people were asked to complete a task, there was
a twenty percent increase in motivation amongst those participants who
received an immediate bonus compared to those who receive nothing.
And that is why it's so important that as soon
as you finish an activity that you're proud of, something
(19:49):
you are struggling to do, calt someone up tell them
about it. It's not about ego, it's not about showing off.
It's not about pride. It's about convincing and reframing your
cognitive ability to see it as a positive, to see
it as powerful. Step number six. One of the ways
for me, one of the reasons why I lose motivation
(20:09):
sometimes is because I feel like I'm not achieving anything.
It's almost like I did the laundry, I did the groceries,
I did the dishes, I got lots of stuff done,
but I didn't do the one thing I wanted to do.
I uncovered this a few years ago, and it totally
totally transformed my life. I call it effective versus efficient days.
(20:31):
Certain days in my life are efficient. It means I've
got lots of stuff done, lots of small things, the groceries,
the dishes, my accounting, right, whatever, it is, all the stuff,
all their efficiency stuff. And then there are some days
that are effective where I maybe only got one thing done,
or an effective week where I only achieved one thing,
but it's really big for me. And sometimes what I
(20:53):
find is we end up filling our life with lots
of efficient days, but we don't have many effective weeks
or months, And it's the effective weeks that make us
feel motivated. Right, you have a big breakthrough, you have
a creative outburst, you have an expression that brings you
to life. I want you to plan to have an
effective day or an effective week where you're focused on
(21:16):
the hardest thing, the most important thing, the thing that
you keep putting off. Right. I have a friend who's
always putting off the hard stuff and keeps focusing on
the easy stuff. But it's the hard stuff that's going
to bring motivation. And in order to do this, you
have to sign a contract with yourself. Signing a contract
with yourself is a brilliant way to make yourself feel committed. Right,
(21:41):
It's the act of commitment, the act of intention. In Sanskrit,
it's called sun kulpa san ka lpa that there has
to be a contract, a commitment with oneself and intention
with oneself. When we're serious about something, we have a contract. Right,
when we're not serious about something, we don't have a contract.
(22:03):
Keeping a contract to yourself, a commitment to yourself is
a really powerful step. Now, this next one's huge because
I find that a lot of our wellness habits are
connected to this one. So if you had working out,
changing your food patterns connected to what you want to
(22:24):
stay motivated around. I was looking at the top five
New Years resolutions improving fitness, improving finances, improving mental health,
losing weight, and improving diet. I'm going to share with
you one that affects all of those. There one habit
that affects every single one of those. Can you guess
(22:45):
what it is? Sleep? A recent study shows that a
reduction in sleep of thirty three percent led to increased
hunger and food cravings the next day in study participants.
The researchers suggested that sleep deptation activates food related reward
regions in the brain, leading to more hunger. Lack of
(23:07):
sleep can cause an increase in the production of the
hunger hormone and a decrease in the appetite suppressing hormone leptin.
So so much of our fitness and our wellness is
based on the quality of our sleep. So if you're
trying to say, Jay, you know I'm struggling with motivation.
I don't know how to find it again? Where do
I start? Start with your sleep? Getting quality sleep will
(23:30):
naturally positively impact every other habit, your workouts, You'll have
more energy, your foods, you will have the right amount
of craving. Your mental health, of course, will greatly improve
through quality sleep. Sleep is the one to start with.
If you've been struggling for motivation, start with changing your sleep.
A lot of us are trying to change everything else, right,
(23:51):
We're trying to change all the harder stuff, which if
sleep doesn't shift as a foundation, it's much harder. I'm
not saying it's not possible, it can just be a
lot harder. And I want to end with this last
scientifically proven method to boost your motivation, especially when it's hard.
Is a lot of us feel like we have to
work out for an hour a day, we have to
(24:11):
meditate for twenty minutes twice a day, we have to
journal for half an hour a day, and all of
a sudden, you're looking at a morning routine of three hours. Now,
majority of us can't do that, right, That's just not realistic.
It's not possible for most of us. So I want
to give you a twenty minute routine ten seven three
(24:33):
ten minute workout, seven minute meditation, three minutes journaling ten
seven to three ten minutes workout, seven minute meditation, three
minutes of journaling, study show and I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, Jay, a ten minute workout is going to
do nothing. What am I going to achieve in a
ten minute workout? Seven minute meditation, three minutes journal? We'll
(24:54):
listen to This study show that exercising for just ten
minutes can boost your physical fitness, energy, and mood. In fact,
there's a lot of research to suggest short workouts. A
recent study found that taking an eleven minute daily walk
can reduce your risk of disease and early death. Another
recent study showed that exercise snacks short bouts of exercise,
(25:18):
not things you can eat. By the way, exercise snacks
as in a break or a snack of an exercise,
can be an effective way to boost your fitness level.
One study showed that a ten minute burst of activity
can boost your brain power, and another study found that
those who exercised for ten minutes with one minute of
high intensity intervals saw the same improvement in insulin sensitivity
(25:41):
and other markers of cardiometabolic health as those who exercised
at a moderate pace for forty five minutes straight. Ten
minutes exercise with one minute of high intensity intervals is
having the same impact at forty five minutes of a
moderate pace it's incredible. Please do not underestimate the principal
ten seven to three ten minute workout, seven minutes of meditation,
(26:05):
three minutes of journaling. That is a twenty minute morning
routine to get your motivation back. I'm not telling you
to not only work out for ten minutes. I'm saying
that this is what's needed when you're struggling with motivation
and you're thinking, I can't get to the gym for
an hour, I can't meditate for twenty minutes, I can't
journal for half an hour. Ten seven three, this is
(26:26):
the episode that's going to boost your motivation get you
back on track. All I want you to do is
figure out which one of these steps is the one
that's going to get you back on there. And I
know it's early on in the year, but I wanted
to give you this insight now so that you can
be prepared because eighty percent of people are going to
drop off by the end of January. I told you
(26:47):
that last time, and I don't want you to be
one of those people. I want you to be one
of the twenty percent that breaks through and actually exceeds
your expectations. And together we're going to do that on
on Purpose. Thanks for joining me for this weekly workshop.
I will see you again at the next episode. Makes
you subscribe, makes you download the latest episode. It doesn't
(27:09):
auto download anymore. Make sure that you follow and leave
a review. I'll see you very soon. Thanks for joining
on Purpose, Wishing you a happier, healthier, and more healed.
Twenty twenty four. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy
my interview with doctor Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions
(27:30):
and how to embrace difficult feelings. You've just got to
be motivated every day, and if you're not, then what
are you doing? And actually humans don't work that way. Motivation.
You have to treat it like any other emotion. Some
days it will be there, some days it won't
The most important thing is how you feel after you
do something. We overvalue what we feel before something, and
we undervalue what we feel after something. If I don't
feel like working out before a workout, I will overvalue
that and listen to it. But if I feel good
after a workout, I will undervalue that and just move on.
(00:23):
The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shed Hey, everyone,
welcome back to On Purpose. I am so grateful that
you're back to listen, learn and grow, and it has
been an incredible year so far. We've had Dan Buttner,
(00:44):
the expert behind the Blue Zones. If you didn't catch
the Netflix documentary, make sure you listen to the episode.
If you did watch the documentary, listen to the episode
as well. It will blow your mind as to how
people in the Blue Zones live till over a hundred
of the habits, the practices, the diets. It is really
really fantastic information. We've also had the one and only
(01:08):
Michelle Obama on the podcast. Thank you for all the love,
all the reviews, all the posts and stories about that episode.
And I'm so glad that you loved my goal setting
method As my weekly workshop, Today's weekly workshop is for
all of you who already know that it's going to
be hard to maintain motivation this year. Maybe you've already
(01:32):
slipped up. Maybe you've already tripped up, Maybe you haven't,
but you've got close, and you know that feeling. You've
started to recognize that there is always a challenge, that
there's always something, some resistance, that you're trying to make
sure it doesn't get the better of you. How many
of you have already been challenged, how many of you
(01:53):
have been pushed? How many of you been under pressure
to break your goal, to move away, to lose motivation.
Now here's the thing. This episode is for you. Whether
you've stayed on track so far or whether you've fallen off,
This episode is for you. If you want to stay
on track, this is going to give you these scientifically
proven methods to boost your motivation and stay motivated. And
(02:16):
if you're someone who's fallen off or scared you're about to,
this is going to be the episode that's going to
get you back up there, back on track. This year
is all about making sure that we have you on track,
on purpose for as long as you want to be,
however you want to be at the same time as
(02:38):
giving you the space to rest, recover, and rejuvenate. Now
I'm going to be giving you a lot of great
tips today, so make sure that you take screenshots. Make
sure that you take notes if you are able to,
if you're walking, or you're at the gym, or you're cooking.
Thank you so much for choosing on purpose. If you're driving,
(02:58):
to step number one. To stay motivated, especially when it
feels like you're running out something known as cognitive restructuring.
This is a technique that's often used in both coaching
and therapy, and there are four stages of cognitive restructuring.
(03:22):
You have awareness, reappraisal, adoption, and evaluation. I'll repeat those.
The four stages of cognitive restructuring are awareness, reappraisal, adoption,
and evaluation. Now, let me walk you through when you
would use this. Imagine you started the years saying I'm
going to go to the gym five days a week,
(03:43):
or maybe you've promised to yourself that you won't be
eating sugar retreats in the evening, whatever commitment, whatever goal
that you've made for yourself, whatever resolution that you've set.
Now let's say it's been a stressful week, work piled
up maybe you had a slight conflict with your partner.
Maybe you and your friends aren't seeing eye to eye
(04:05):
right now. Right there's some stress that's happened. Maybe there's
some family thing going on right now, Right now, you're
not in a long going jay, how do you know, Well,
it's happening to all of us. You're not alone, right
So something like that's come in and all of a sudden,
you're sitting there and you're thinking to yourself, I don't
know if I can be bothered to go to the
gym tomorrow. You know what, I just feel like I
(04:26):
need to have a tub of ice cream right now.
Whatever it may be for you, You go and grab
that tub of ice cream. You wake up the next morning,
you miss going to the gym, You press snooze on
the alarm clock, you miss the time that you were
meant to get up, you're running late to work. What's
the thought that goes through your head? I messed up.
(04:47):
I wish I didn't eat ice cream. I wish I
didn't miss my workout. I've fallen off. That's it, it's
all over. I've already messed it up. I failed. I'm
gonna have to wait till next month, have to wait
till next year. Right, we have all these really irrational thoughts,
and I'm sure you've had some of these before, or
maybe you're having them right now where you're saying, it's
(05:09):
only the second week and I've already fallen off. Right,
I've already found it difficult. I've already broken my promise
to myself. This is where cognitive restructuring comes in. So
what usually happens to us is that idea perpetuates, that
idea persists, and then that idea becomes our reality, a
(05:30):
messed up. There's no point anymore. I've fallen off, I've
broken it, and then we start that new pattern eating
ice cream, missing your workout, missing the alarm, for example.
In cognitive restructuring, we first become aware of that dialogue
and how that dialogue has changed. We do a reappraisal,
we look at it, we evaluate it, we try and
(05:52):
understand where it's coming from, and we actually decide and
say to ourselves, actually, I'm going to choose a different
thought process. I needed that ice from that night, I
needed to miss a workout, I needed some time for recovery.
I'm going to be so excited and enthusiastic to get
back on tomorrow because I had a well deserved break.
(06:15):
You're not telling yourself that you made the right decision.
Everything's perfect, everything's wonderful. What you're saying is you're trying
to frame or reframe the situation that you went through
in a way that makes it a healthier belief. Believing
that you have messed up and failed is not going
(06:37):
to get you back on track, but restructuring and reframing
it as a recognition of Hey, I was stressed. I
recognized that because I was stressed, I needed different things.
But now I'm really excited to get back on And
I often say this to people that you have to
program your mind the night before. Right, you set your
(07:00):
alarm the night before so that it rings the next morning.
We have to code our brain. We have to reframe
our cognitive structure the night before so that we wake
up with that code. It's literally like coding. You're coding
your mind to say I will wake up tomorrow morning
(07:23):
feeling refreshed, calm, and energized. Coding our mind saying I
will be excited to work out, to choose healthy foods,
whatever it is for you. Right, So, I want you
to give that a go. And the best way to
do this is by journaling. Now you can voice journal,
(07:43):
audio journal, or write journal, whichever one works for you.
But it's so powerful. Try it out now. The second principle,
second step that I want to share with you is
less of a science one but more of a psychology
call one. Follow all the right accounts, link to your goal,
(08:05):
and like all their posts. I want you to come
up with a list of ten accounts to do with
what you're trying to build. Are you trying to build
a stronger mindset? Are you trying to build a stronger body?
Are you trying to build a stronger emotional connection? I
want you to find the top ten social media pages. Now,
a lot of people will say, don't use social media,
(08:26):
get off social media. Now, we all know, A. That's
really hard. B. It can be extremely challenging to live
your year like that. But here's a way we can
actually use social media to our advantage. Find those pages
on TikTok or Instagram, whatever you use, turning it on
its head, and I want you to like the most
(08:47):
recent posts, and I want you to comment on the
recent posts. Here's what that's going to do. That's going
to tell the algorithm to show more of those posts
to you. Now, every time you're on social media, you're
going to more mindset advice, You're going to get more
health and wellness advice, You're going to get more advice
on whatever it is that you're trying to build. Maybe
it's creativity. I do this all the time, and I
(09:10):
find then that whenever I go on to social media,
even if I go on to scroll, or if I'm
going to see your comments and reply or whatever it
may be, I start to see the things I really
want to see. But it takes the act of saying,
what are the ten accounts, what are the last three posts?
(09:31):
Let me like and comment on them as well. Right,
So ten accounts, three posts to like and comment on.
If you do that simple act, you will start to
see the algorithm show you more of that type of content.
And this is really important because we've heard that famous
saying so many times that you become the average of
the five people you spend the most time with, And
(09:54):
I would argue you become the average of the five
accounts you spend the most time on. And so our
lives have expanded away from individual people to the accounts
the pages that we follow, and so I want you
to do that consciously because chances are unless you've promised
(10:14):
yourself to be of social media, which is amazing if
you have, but if you're still using social media, this
is a great way of actually using it to your advantage. Now,
number three is something that a lot of you may do,
but some of us don't appreciate just how powerful it
can actually be. When you're trying to do something three
(10:36):
times a week, five days a week. Maybe you're doing
something seven days a week. Maybe you've seen this in
the movies, maybe you've seen your friend do it. It
is so important to tick off the day. Some people
cross it off as a ticket off. Crosses make you
feel like something bad. Right, We've been programmed to believe
(10:56):
that a cross is negative. Right, when you get across
on a test, it's the wrong answer. Put a tick
every single day. It sounds like a really small, minor thing,
but the simple act of putting a tick on a
day when you've completed something, it gives you that sense.
Now we've been programmed like this. Right when you were young,
(11:18):
you'd get a gold star. We don't have that anymore.
So if we just say yeah, I went to the
gym today, cool, it doesn't give us that sense of completion.
Completion is a really important metric to be measured. See,
we only measure success, right, we only measure the result.
But completion is so so valuable to recognize, and the
(11:43):
only person that knows you completed it is you. Like
someone may see a difference in your appearance, someone may
notice a difference in how you're living your life, but
you know when you completed something, and it's what you
completed that leads to the result that you deeply desire.
So I really want you to keep a calendar and
physically take it off, not on your phone. I want
(12:05):
you to have the physical calendar where when you've been
to the gym three times a week, that day you
finish your put a tick on that day, put a
tick on the next day, and keep it in front
of you. Because every time you see more and more
ticks on that day, guess what, it will motivate you.
Even if you missed one and you have two ticks
that week, that's still going to motivate you the next time.
The more you put crosses, the more you don't have
(12:27):
this visible you start going, oh, I missed the last
two days, so it doesn't matter about today. Whereas when
you look at it and you went, oh, my gosh,
two days ago, I actually went and guess what, I
went three days in a row before that. That's motivating, right,
That's why we do it. This isn't about accounting, right,
It's not just keeping keeping account it's actually psychologically proven
(12:50):
that that feeling of I've done it, you know, looking
at the month and saying, Wow, this month, I actually
went fifteen times, rather than oh, this month, I think
I missed a lot of sessions. Right. No, it's that
difference in cognitive restructuring. The most healthiest, wealthiest, and wisest
people are looking at the other side. This isn't just
half class fall. It's actually taking a moment to acknowledge
(13:14):
and recognize the number of days you've completed. If you
look at all the apps you use, they all use
this as gamification. It will tell you that you've worked
out three days in a row. It will tell you
that you have completed this mindfulness practice seven days in
a row, whatever it may be. Because we know or
the apps know that, psychologically, you feel more motivated. Please please,
(13:36):
please do this physically, get out of calendar, print it
out for the month, buy one of your favorite ones, right,
and put a tick, a green, a big green tick
on each one. You deserve it. This is about valuing yourself,
valuing the commitment you've made, and valuing the completion and
the process as much as you value the result, because otherwise,
(13:59):
if we keep waiting for the result to value ourselves
will stop the process. And that's what happens to ninety
nine percent of people. We're waiting so much for the
result that we lose faith in the process. Right, We're
yearning so badly for the result that we lose faith
in the process. Now, number four, this is the biggest
(14:25):
one that has made a huge difference in my life.
Every time you lose motivation. Here are the three people
you need in your life. You need one person to
call when you fall off. That's the person you complain to,
you vent to, you share your struggle with. You need
(14:46):
one person to call who helps you get back on.
You need that one person who's going to push you
and challenge you. Right, the first one person might be caring,
the second one's going to challenge you. And then the
third person you need is the person you do it with.
Because guess what, when we want motivation, we have to
make motivation social. If your motivation is only based on
(15:10):
your own mind, it may let you down. But when
your motivation is based on it being more social, competitive,
or collaborative, amazing things are possible. I have a friend
where we defined our three values of our friendship as
being fitness, fun, and friendship. Right, we wanted everything we
did all around to be based on fitness and fun,
(15:33):
So we found being competitive and collaborative was a huge
way of staying motivated towards our goals. So one person
to call when you fall off, one person of quality
who gets you back on, and then one person to
actually do the activity with. These are the three most
important people in your motivation circle. Think about it right now.
(15:55):
Who's the person that you call when things are not
going right. Who's the person that you call that you
know is going to tell you the truth even if
you don't want to hear it. That person's really important.
Often we think the person that's important is just the
person who's going to tell us what we want to hear.
The person who tells you what you need to hear
is as important, if not more important, than the person
(16:16):
who tells you what you want to hear, and then
the person who doesn't just hear you out but actually says, Yeah,
let's do it, let's get on with it, let's build
Those are the three key people. Remember if you're losing motivation,
make it more social, make it more competitive, or make
(16:37):
it more collaborative. Competition and collaboration are brilliant ways to
get motivated. Gamify it right. Set a number. If you
and your friends are collaborating about how many workouts can
we go to together this week? That's where you grab motivation.
A lot of us try and solve motivation as an
(16:58):
individual thing. Motivation is so much more of a collective thing.
I promise you Tip number five this actually transform my life.
Listen to this carefully. The most important thing is how
you feel after you do something. We overvalue what we
(17:18):
feel before something, and we undervalue what we feel after something.
I'll give you an example. If I don't feel like
working out before a workout, I will overvalue that and
listen to it. But if I feel good after a workout,
I will undervalue that and just move on. We have
to shift that narrative when something goes well. When you
(17:42):
complete something, not only do you want that green tick,
you want to write about it. You want to talk
about it, you want to share it. Right, make a
big deal about it. Be louder about your wins, because
we've all experienced this. When we lose, we cry for
a month, but when we win, we celebrate for a day. Right,
(18:03):
how many times have you realize this? Right? Let me
say that again. When we lose, we cry for a month. Right.
If something goes wrong, we'll complain for a month. We'll
you know, criticize for a month, we'll compare for a month.
But when something goes right, we go, ah, yeah, I
went to the gym three times this week. No big deal? Right,
We keep saying no big deal, But it is a
(18:23):
big deal. Make a big deal out of it. And
I'll tell you why. This isn't about ego, this isn't
about pride. The reason to make a big deal about
your wins and completion is you are convincing your brain
of this new narrative that I really like this, this
is really good for me. It makes me feel good. Right,
And in our modesty or our false humility, we make
(18:47):
it out like it's no big deal, which means our
brain goes, yeah, no, well, working out no big deal.
But guess what, eating that type of ice cream feels
really really good. So reward yourself. Find a way to
reward yourself. And one of the best ways of rewarding
yourself is telling someone who cares about you, this amazing
achievement you made this week. A reward isn't a physical thing,
(19:08):
it's not a food. It's actually sharing how you won,
what you did, expressing how you broke through it, because
that gives you more motivation. In fact, a recent study
found that immediate rewards you give yourself, especially in the
first stages of changing your behavior while it's becoming a habit,
(19:28):
can boost intrinsic motivation more than delayed rewards. In the study,
when people were asked to complete a task, there was
a twenty percent increase in motivation amongst those participants who
received an immediate bonus compared to those who receive nothing.
And that is why it's so important that as soon
as you finish an activity that you're proud of, something
(19:49):
you are struggling to do, calt someone up tell them
about it. It's not about ego, it's not about showing off.
It's not about pride. It's about convincing and reframing your
cognitive ability to see it as a positive, to see
it as powerful. Step number six. One of the ways
for me, one of the reasons why I lose motivation
(20:09):
sometimes is because I feel like I'm not achieving anything.
It's almost like I did the laundry, I did the groceries,
I did the dishes, I got lots of stuff done,
but I didn't do the one thing I wanted to do.
I uncovered this a few years ago, and it totally
totally transformed my life. I call it effective versus efficient days.
(20:31):
Certain days in my life are efficient. It means I've
got lots of stuff done, lots of small things, the groceries,
the dishes, my accounting, right, whatever, it is, all the stuff,
all their efficiency stuff. And then there are some days
that are effective where I maybe only got one thing done,
or an effective week where I only achieved one thing,
but it's really big for me. And sometimes what I
(20:53):
find is we end up filling our life with lots
of efficient days, but we don't have many effective weeks
or months, And it's the effective weeks that make us
feel motivated. Right, you have a big breakthrough, you have
a creative outburst, you have an expression that brings you
to life. I want you to plan to have an
effective day or an effective week where you're focused on
(21:16):
the hardest thing, the most important thing, the thing that
you keep putting off. Right. I have a friend who's
always putting off the hard stuff and keeps focusing on
the easy stuff. But it's the hard stuff that's going
to bring motivation. And in order to do this, you
have to sign a contract with yourself. Signing a contract
with yourself is a brilliant way to make yourself feel committed. Right,
(21:41):
It's the act of commitment, the act of intention. In Sanskrit,
it's called sun kulpa san ka lpa that there has
to be a contract, a commitment with oneself and intention
with oneself. When we're serious about something, we have a contract. Right,
when we're not serious about something, we don't have a contract.
(22:03):
Keeping a contract to yourself, a commitment to yourself is
a really powerful step. Now, this next one's huge because
I find that a lot of our wellness habits are
connected to this one. So if you had working out,
changing your food patterns connected to what you want to
(22:24):
stay motivated around. I was looking at the top five
New Years resolutions improving fitness, improving finances, improving mental health,
losing weight, and improving diet. I'm going to share with
you one that affects all of those. There one habit
that affects every single one of those. Can you guess
(22:45):
what it is? Sleep? A recent study shows that a
reduction in sleep of thirty three percent led to increased
hunger and food cravings the next day in study participants.
The researchers suggested that sleep deptation activates food related reward
regions in the brain, leading to more hunger. Lack of
(23:07):
sleep can cause an increase in the production of the
hunger hormone and a decrease in the appetite suppressing hormone leptin.
So so much of our fitness and our wellness is
based on the quality of our sleep. So if you're
trying to say, Jay, you know I'm struggling with motivation.
I don't know how to find it again? Where do
I start? Start with your sleep? Getting quality sleep will
(23:30):
naturally positively impact every other habit, your workouts, You'll have
more energy, your foods, you will have the right amount
of craving. Your mental health, of course, will greatly improve
through quality sleep. Sleep is the one to start with.
If you've been struggling for motivation, start with changing your sleep.
A lot of us are trying to change everything else, right,
(23:51):
We're trying to change all the harder stuff, which if
sleep doesn't shift as a foundation, it's much harder. I'm
not saying it's not possible, it can just be a
lot harder. And I want to end with this last
scientifically proven method to boost your motivation, especially when it's hard.
Is a lot of us feel like we have to
work out for an hour a day, we have to
(24:11):
meditate for twenty minutes twice a day, we have to
journal for half an hour a day, and all of
a sudden, you're looking at a morning routine of three hours. Now,
majority of us can't do that, right, That's just not realistic.
It's not possible for most of us. So I want
to give you a twenty minute routine ten seven three
(24:33):
ten minute workout, seven minute meditation, three minutes journaling ten
seven to three ten minutes workout, seven minute meditation, three
minutes of journaling, study show and I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, Jay, a ten minute workout is going to
do nothing. What am I going to achieve in a
ten minute workout? Seven minute meditation, three minutes journal? We'll
(24:54):
listen to This study show that exercising for just ten
minutes can boost your physical fitness, energy, and mood. In fact,
there's a lot of research to suggest short workouts. A
recent study found that taking an eleven minute daily walk
can reduce your risk of disease and early death. Another
recent study showed that exercise snacks short bouts of exercise,
(25:18):
not things you can eat. By the way, exercise snacks
as in a break or a snack of an exercise,
can be an effective way to boost your fitness level.
One study showed that a ten minute burst of activity
can boost your brain power, and another study found that
those who exercised for ten minutes with one minute of
high intensity intervals saw the same improvement in insulin sensitivity
(25:41):
and other markers of cardiometabolic health as those who exercised
at a moderate pace for forty five minutes straight. Ten
minutes exercise with one minute of high intensity intervals is
having the same impact at forty five minutes of a
moderate pace it's incredible. Please do not underestimate the principal
ten seven to three ten minute workout, seven minutes of meditation,
(26:05):
three minutes of journaling. That is a twenty minute morning
routine to get your motivation back. I'm not telling you
to not only work out for ten minutes. I'm saying
that this is what's needed when you're struggling with motivation
and you're thinking, I can't get to the gym for
an hour, I can't meditate for twenty minutes, I can't
journal for half an hour. Ten seven three, this is
(26:26):
the episode that's going to boost your motivation get you
back on track. All I want you to do is
figure out which one of these steps is the one
that's going to get you back on there. And I
know it's early on in the year, but I wanted
to give you this insight now so that you can
be prepared because eighty percent of people are going to
drop off by the end of January. I told you
(26:47):
that last time, and I don't want you to be
one of those people. I want you to be one
of the twenty percent that breaks through and actually exceeds
your expectations. And together we're going to do that on
on Purpose. Thanks for joining me for this weekly workshop.
I will see you again at the next episode. Makes
you subscribe, makes you download the latest episode. It doesn't
(27:09):
auto download anymore. Make sure that you follow and leave
a review. I'll see you very soon. Thanks for joining
on Purpose, Wishing you a happier, healthier, and more healed.
Twenty twenty four. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy
my interview with doctor Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions
(27:30):
and how to embrace difficult feelings. You've just got to
be motivated every day, and if you're not, then what
are you doing? And actually humans don't work that way. Motivation.
You have to treat it like any other emotion. Some
days it will be there, some days it won't
Host
Jay Shetty
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Amy Robach & T.J. Holmes present: Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial
Introducing… Aubrey O’Day Diddy’s former protege, television personality, platinum selling music artist, Danity Kane alum Aubrey O’Day joins veteran journalists Amy Robach and TJ Holmes to provide a unique perspective on the trial that has captivated the attention of the nation. Join them throughout the trial as they discuss, debate, and dissect every detail, every aspect of the proceedings. Aubrey will offer her opinions and expertise, as only she is qualified to do given her first-hand knowledge. From her days on Making the Band, as she emerged as the breakout star, the truth of the situation would be the opposite of the glitz and glamour. Listen throughout every minute of the trial, for this exclusive coverage. Amy Robach and TJ Holmes present Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.