Have you ever caught yourself stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts?
Do you have a go-to way to reset when you’re feeling overwhelmed?
Today, Jay dives into one of the most common modern struggles: overthinking. Whether it's an unanswered text, a mistake at work, or uncertainty about your next step, our minds often trap us in loops of doubt, fear, and frustration. But what if the path to peace starts with a few spiritual truths?
In this episode, Jay shares timeless wisdom from the Bhagavad Gita and Buddhist teachings to help you finally stop spiraling and start releasing. He walks you through five powerful shifts—from learning how to emotionally declutter your space and mind, to embracing the truth that pain is part of life, but suffering is a choice. Jay also introduces practical rituals—like writing and discarding thoughts—that are scientifically proven to help you regulate difficult emotions.
With heartfelt insight, Jay explores how we can become friends with our own minds and stop rehearsing conversations and conflicts that never happen. He urges us to face the things we’re avoiding, take action instead of postponing, and learn the art of letting go with intention.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to Stop Thought Spirals Before They Take Over.
Why Writing Down Your Emotions Can Help You Let Go.
The Difference Between Pain and Suffering—and How to Reduce Both.
How Your Environment Impacts Your Mental State.
Why Speaking the Truth Sets You Free from Overthinking.
This episode is your invitation to choose presence over perfection and peace over pressure. Whether you're caught in a loop of overthinking or simply craving clarity, this conversation will bring you back to stillness.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.
Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there!
What We Discussed:
00:00 Introduction
00:43 How to Let Go Gracefully
04:58 #1: How Writing Down Your Thoughts Calm Your Mind
09:00 #2: How to Start Decluttering Your Mind
15:23 #3: How Acceptance Lessens the Pain
20:11 #4: How to Have Difficult Conversations Real Time
21:30 #5: Don't Delay What Can Be Done Today
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce
my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can
experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city
near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It
could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO
or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,
(00:25):
spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to
meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences
for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a
meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.
Head to Jsheddy, dop me Forward, Slash Tour and get
yours today when we can shift that story to instead
(00:47):
of why is this happening to me? All the way
through to well, what can I do about it? What
skill is this asking me to develop? What is this
reminding me that I've forgotten? What wisdom is inside of
this that I need to learn? As soon as you
shift to a solution proactive approach, you don't have the suffering.
(01:08):
You will always have the pain, you don't have to
suffer from it. The number one health and wellness podcast,
Stay Sety Jay Setty, Say, set are you still thinking
about something that happened last week at work and you're
kind of embarrassed about it? Or maybe you're waiting for
(01:28):
someone to text you and you're wondering why they haven't
replied for twenty four hours. Or maybe you've been on
a dating app recently and someone goes to you and
you're totally overthinking it. Overthinking, spiraling, crashing out are things
we do every single day. It almost feels like our
minds are overflowing with the same negative thought patterns all
(01:52):
the time. What do we do If you've experienced any
of those things before, this episode is for you. I
want to share with you spiritual truths that help us
understand how to stop overthinking and actually learn to let go.
The first is everything is impermanent. It's important that we
(02:14):
learn to let go gracefully. The bugwd Guita has a
beautiful verse two point fourteen that says, the non permanent
appearance of happiness and distress and their disappearance in due
course are like the appearance and disappearance of the winter
and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, and one
(02:38):
must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed. I love
this verse from the bugwd guitar, and it's something that
I really want you to take in. When you wake
up in the morning and it's raining, if you let
that define your mood, if you overthink it, it will
(02:58):
totally ruin your day. If you wake up and you
only feel happy when it's sunny, it sets you up
for failure on a day when it's dark and it's
not sunny. How do we learn to tolerate this, as
the bugger Ghita is saying, how do we get to
a point where we don't overthink everything that happens around
(03:18):
us and let it affect what's happening inside of us.
I want to talk to you about the skill of
recognizing impermanence. There's a beautiful story of the farmer and
his son. It's a zen story that I love to share.
While the son is wondering the land, he comes across
(03:40):
a horse. He's able to ride this horse back, and
they have a great sense of compatibility, and he brings
the horse back home. All the villagers gather around and
they say to the father, this is amazing, what great
news your son has this horse? And the father replies,
good thing, bad thing, who knows. The Next day, when
(04:03):
the son is riding the horse, the horse has a
slight trip and an accident and knocks the son off,
and the sun breaks his leg. The villagers gather around
and say, oh no, this is the worst thing that
could have happened. This is so terrible. You should have
never let the horse come back. The farmer says, good thing,
bad thing, who knows a few months later, while the
(04:27):
boy is still healing, every single man in this village
is recruited to join the army apart from the sun
because of his broken leg. The villagers gather and say,
you're so lucky, you're so fortunate. This is the best
thing that could have happened. The father replies, good thing,
bad thing, who knows? And of course the story goes on.
(04:51):
What this story teaches us is not that we want
bad things to happen to us, or it's not that
we want negative things to happen to anyone, but that
we've realize that all of these things are impermanent. They're
not going to last forever. They're ephemeral. A sunny day
doesn't last forever, and a rainy day doesn't last forever.
(05:12):
These things come and go like the seasons. This is
what we have to learn. We learn to let go
when we're prepared for this season. If you know it's
going to rain, but you've got your rain boots and
you've got your umbrella, it doesn't matter. You're prepared. If
you know it's going to be really hot out and
you've got your flip flops and your sunscreen, you're prepared.
(05:36):
Letting go isn't about doing nothing. It's about focusing on
what you can prepare. Letting go is not the act
of not being worried or not worrying about the consequences,
or not thinking about what's going to happen. Letting go
is being proactive and preparing in the way that you can.
(05:56):
Whatever season is going to come your way, do you
have the appropriate clothing in your closet? Whatever season is
going to come your way, is your mind prepared to
deal with it? Let us remember that both good and
bad experiences are both impermanent. Now, let's say that you
(06:18):
feel the same thought spiral in your mind every single day.
The same things trigger you, block you, and slow you down.
What do you do about it? The first piece of
wisdom is getting the thought out of your head and
onto a page. It's really hard to filter thoughts while
they're spiraling and circling around your mind. When you actually
(06:42):
write down how you're feeling, you're extracting that emotion from
within yourself and taking it into a place that you
can get tactile with it. If a thought's outside of
your head, you can now actually do something with it.
One of the things that's recommended is either ripping it
up and discarding of it, potentially even burning it to
(07:05):
really let go of it, or allowing yourself to throw
it into the trash. Now you may think these are
woo woo ideas, but actually the Nagoya University study in
twenty twenty four found that participants who wrote down their
angry thoughts and then shredded or discarded the paper experienced
(07:26):
a significant reduction in anger. In contrast, those who kept
the paper saw only a minor decrease in anger levels.
The act of physically disposing of the paper played a
crucial role in alleviating negative emotions. Think about that for
a second. The act of writing something down and discarding
(07:48):
of that paper, ripping it up, throwing it in the
trash burning it actually starts to free you from that
emotional experience. It's mind blowing to even think about it.
And did you notice what I said there in the study.
If you hold on to it like a journal, or
even keep it around, it actually doesn't have the same impact.
(08:09):
Another example is the Ohio State University research from twenty twelve.
A study published in Psychological Science demonstrated that individuals who
wrote down their negative thoughts and then threw the paper
away were more likely to mentally discard those thoughts. Conversely,
(08:29):
those who kept the paper were more likely to dwell
on the negative content. So it's not just about writing
it down, it also is about releasing it. Studies show
that burning photographs of an ex partner can serve as
a powerful symbolic act to facilitate emotional release and closure
(08:51):
after a breakup. This is from a study that I
read in PMC. How many of you have held on
to things that you're gave you? How many of you
have kept in a shoe box, letters, mementos, gifts from
an ex partner because there's a part of you that
(09:11):
stills connected to them. Burn it, let it go, discard it.
If you truly want to release someone from your life,
release items, memories, and things like that physically actually let
it go in order to mentally let it go. Another
(09:32):
study from research Gate that analyzed personal grief rituals found
that symbolic actions, including the disposal of objects through elements
like fire, support emotional healing by providing a tangible method
to express and release complex feelings. I remember when I
interviewed Nessa Barrett on my podcast on Purpose, and she
(09:54):
had this song called burn box, this idea of really
being able to release something. Next time you find a
thought appearing in your mind every single day, I want
you to write it down on a piece of paper.
I want you to rip it up. I want you
to shred it. I want you to put it in
the fire, burn it and let it go, and see
(10:14):
how you feel lighter and liberated from that weight. Spiritual
truth number two. We all have heard that your inner
world shapes your outer reality, but there's an even more
hidden truth here. Your outer reality shapes your inner world.
(10:35):
If you feel like you're overthinking, clean that closet, tidy
that cupboard, reorganize your desk. The practical act of cleaning, tidying,
or reorganizing literally cleans and orders your mind. Waking up
to zero clutter frees you from the stress you feel
(10:55):
when you see unwashed dishes, or that messy desk, or
that piece of art on your wall that is slightly
off center. It's fascinating to me how many of us
are hoping to have a peaceful mind in a chaotic
living room, a peaceful mind in a messy kitchen, a
peaceful mind in a disorganized bedroom. And it's actually the
(11:20):
act of decluttering. It's not just walking into a clean
space when you start cleaning, When you start organizing, it's
almost like you're filing away files in your mind. Have
you ever felt like you have too many tabs open
on your laptop? Imagine how many tabs are open in
your mind. When you start to clean up the tabs
(11:42):
on your laptop, the tabs on your screen, all of
a sudden, you start to mentally declutter. Now, let's look
at the research on this clutter affects your mind. The
first way is cognitive overload. Clutter competes for your attention,
leading to cognitive overload. This constant visual distraction can impair
(12:03):
your ability to focus and process information. A study using
fMRI scans found that Individuals in organized environments were better
able to concentrate and process information compared to those in
cluttered spaces. Clear your space to clear your mind. Clean
(12:23):
that closet, clean the table, wash the dishes, put away
your clothes, and see how your mind starts to feel
more creative, more productive, boost your energy. It may feel
like a chore and a task, but it's something that
will actually heal you. I couldn't be more excited to
(12:43):
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sure you use the code on purpose. The second wave
that clutter affects us is that it actually elevates our
(14:13):
stress hormones. Research indicates that individuals, particularly women, who perceive
their homes as cluttered, have higher levels of cortisol, the
stress hormone. If you want to start reducing your daily stress,
start by organizing your home. Start by putting things in
(14:34):
their place. One of the things I like to think
about is how my home can be like a home hotel.
What I mean by that is I want my home
to have the warmth of a home, the comfort of
a home, but I wanted to have the organization of
a hotel. Have you ever noticed when you go into
a hotel, the hair dryer is in one of the drawers,
(14:55):
The ironing board is in the same place, the steamer,
whatever it may be, everything has a place. Start by
figuring out what deserves a place in your home and
what that place is. One of my favorite exercises from
Marie Condo was this idea of items that spark joy.
(15:16):
What's the first thing you see in the morning. Is
it a messy desk or is it a picture of
your family that makes you feel happy. What's the first
thing in the morning is it the dishes that haven't
been done from last night, or is it a piece
of art that inspires you. What's the first thing you
see when you get back from work? Is it a
(15:38):
disorganized cupboard or is it a closet that has everything
in the right place. When you change what you see
first thing in the morning, first thing when you come
back from work, and last thing before you go to bed,
you transform your day. And the third reason why this
is so important is a cluttered bedroom can negatively impact
(16:03):
sleep quality. Studies have shown that people sleeping in cluttered
rooms are more likely to experience sleep disturbances, including difficulty
falling asleep and staying asleep. So, if you're one of
those people that's just been struggling to fall asleep, to
get a good night's sleep, to get into rem sleep,
and you're wondering, why is it. I'm eating early, I'm
(16:24):
trying to work out, i am tired. It could be
the clutter in your bedroom. Let it go. And one
thing that we often overlook is clutter is connected to
emotional well being. Clutters associated with negative emotions such as confusion, tension,
and irritability. And conversely, an organized home can promote feelings
(16:46):
of calmness and a sense of well being. Here's what
I want you to do. I don't want you to
feel guilty if your home is messy. Mine is too.
I don't need you to feel shame if your cupboards
are not organized, need work too. Here are the practical steps.
Number one, start small, Tackle one area at a time.
(17:09):
You don't need to fix your whole home this week.
Pick one area, one draw, one corner of a room
to focus on this week. It literally could be one draw.
It could be the kitchen car that you open up
every day, could be a refrigerator that you open up
every morning. Just start with one place. Second step is
(17:31):
set a timer. Dedicate thirty minutes of your week to
clean that space. You've got thirty minutes to do it.
Make it a task, Make it an experiment, make it
almost a challenge. Can I get this done in thirty minutes?
Can I get this done in sixty minutes? Setting a
timer gives you a sense of not only making it
more manageable, but you can be competitive with it, can
(17:53):
almost turn it into a game. And the third step
is when you do that, create spaces for each of
the idea, a place where the milk goes, a place
where the bread goes, a place where everything else goes.
Be really clear so that you can actually stick to it.
Spiritual truth number three that will stop you from overthinking
is one of my favorite Buddhist teachings is pain is inevitable,
(18:18):
but suffering is optional. Pain is a reality. Suffering is
the story we create around it. In Buddhism, there's a
powerful story called the Two Arrows. Imagine you're struck by
an arrow. This arrow represents pain and it's unavoidable. Throughout
(18:41):
our days, throughout our weeks, We'll have so many arrows
thrown at us. But if you react by lamenting, blaming,
or agonizing over why you are struck, it's like shooting
yourself with a second arrow. This second hour symbolizes your suffering.
(19:03):
It's entirely optional, created by your reaction. This story shows
us that we can't avoid pain in life. There's always
going to be sorrow, stress, and pressure. But the story
we create around it and how we react to it
turns it into progress or suffering. A lot of our
(19:23):
overthinking is all about why did this happen to me?
Who did this to me? Why would they do that
to me? And while those are important questions, and I'm
not saying to shun them away or hide from them,
but we've got to move forward from them because otherwise
that arrow stays inside of us, and that second arrow
(19:46):
penetrates even deeper when we can shift that story to
instead of why is this happening to me? All the
way through to well what can I do about it?
What skill is this asking me to develop? What is
this reminding me that I've forgotten? What wisdom is inside
of this that I need to learn. As soon as
you shift to a solution proactive approach, you don't have
(20:10):
the suffering. You will always have the pain, you don't
have to suffer from it. I want to share with
you insights from a study on acceptance and emotional pain.
Research published in the Clinical Psychology Review in twenty sixteen
shows acceptance strategies significantly reduced emotional suffering. Participants who learned
(20:32):
acceptance and mindfulness techniques reported in nearly fifty percent reduction
in emotional distress and a stronger ability to cope effectively
compared to those resisting or trying to avoid that pain.
Just think about for a second. When you're trying to
avoid pain, you actually accumulate more of it. When you
(20:56):
learn to accept pain, you can actually release your from it.
It's almost counterintuitive if you think about it. When you
try to avoid pain, you actually think more about the pain.
When you accept the pain, you actually have the ability
to move forward and move on. I want to give
you a two step method to help you do that.
(21:16):
Step one is stop and interrupt the story. When you
feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, visualize a bold mental red
stop sign, and you can even say it out loud stop.
What is the psychological benefit of this It activates the
prefrontal cortex, interrupting automatic emotional reactions and giving you mental space.
(21:44):
Usually we have no space between what we experience and
how we react. When you visualize a stop sign, when
you even say it out loud to your mind, stop,
you actually create space for you to react. Step two
is shift. Shift your mind immediately into a solution oriented
(22:08):
state by asking powerful, reframing questions, For example, what's one
helpful thing I can do right now? How can I
see this as an opportunity or learning experience? And my
personal favorite, if I wasn't feeling upset, how would I
(22:29):
respond differently? I love that third one because when we're upset,
we often always respond poorly to a situation. How many
times have you said something you didn't want to say
because you were upset and later regretted it. How many
times have you done something you didn't want to do
because you were upset, only to realize later that you
(22:49):
wish you held back. You can create that space in
the moment when you stop and shift. The next spiritual
principle that can stop you from overthinking is another one
from the Bugger Ghita, where it says the mind can
be your best friend or your worst enemy. Have you
ever felt that a lot of your time is spent
(23:11):
fighting people in your head? In your mind, you're literally
running play by play every conversation you might have with someone.
You want to raise an argument, you want to solve
a discussion, you want to confront someone, And often we
do none of that in reality. We do it all
in our mind. When you realize that having difficult conversations
(23:35):
in reality actually solves the overthinking you do in your mind,
you're free from it. If there's someone that has been
annoying you, frustrating you, causing you concern, and you feel
constantly triggered by them, it's great to write down your thoughts,
(23:56):
organize them, and then have that conversation in real It
will save you weeks of complaining, comparing, criticizing, venting, which
we can do again and again and again about the
same person. Let it go and move on. The final
spiritual truth I wanted to share with you is don't
(24:18):
delay what can be done today. How many of you
put off replying to that message because you're scared of
confrontation or a disagreement, But then forget to reply at all.
How many of you keep saying next week will be
the week that I start to take on that new habit.
We're constantly postponing and delaying what can be done today.
(24:42):
You can change your life by one decision, one choice,
and one moment if you simply do today what doesn't
need to be delayed. One of the biggest things I
see is when we don't want to let someone down.
Someone invites you to something and you put off the
RSVP to the last minute. You know you didn't want
(25:03):
to go, but you wait till the night before or
the moment before. Now that person's upset. Right, the truth
is true kindness lies in clarity of intention, not silence
out of fear. When you're tempted not to respond for
fear of disappointing someone, remember that compassion isn't about avoiding discomfort.
(25:27):
It's about expressing your truth with grace. If you don't
message someone back because you don't want to let them down,
you just let them down by not messaging them back.
Chances are you messaging them last minute is going to
let them down even more than if you explained how
you felt weeks before. When you receive the message, don't
(25:50):
let the fear of letting someone down block you from
communicating your truth. Communicate your reasons honestly, yeah gently. This
works because your clarity transforms misunderstanding into deeper connection. It
shifts the focus from rejection to mutual respect and authenticity.
(26:13):
I hope that these spiritual truths make a difference in
your life and help you stop overthinking. I hope that
you will listen to this again, make notes, try out
some of the exercises, and watch how your life changes.
I'm Jay Sheddy. Thank you for listening on purpose, and
remember I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting
for you. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy
(26:37):
my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic
and how to speak to yourself with more compassion. My
fears are only going to continue to show me what
I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,
the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom,
and I just want to keep doing that.
Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce
my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can
experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city
near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It
could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO
or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,
(00:25):
spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to
meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences
for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a
meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.
Head to Jsheddy, dop me Forward, Slash Tour and get
yours today when we can shift that story to instead
(00:47):
of why is this happening to me? All the way
through to well, what can I do about it? What
skill is this asking me to develop? What is this
reminding me that I've forgotten? What wisdom is inside of
this that I need to learn? As soon as you
shift to a solution proactive approach, you don't have the suffering.
(01:08):
You will always have the pain, you don't have to
suffer from it. The number one health and wellness podcast,
Stay Sety Jay Setty, Say, set are you still thinking
about something that happened last week at work and you're
kind of embarrassed about it? Or maybe you're waiting for
(01:28):
someone to text you and you're wondering why they haven't
replied for twenty four hours. Or maybe you've been on
a dating app recently and someone goes to you and
you're totally overthinking it. Overthinking, spiraling, crashing out are things
we do every single day. It almost feels like our
minds are overflowing with the same negative thought patterns all
(01:52):
the time. What do we do If you've experienced any
of those things before, this episode is for you. I
want to share with you spiritual truths that help us
understand how to stop overthinking and actually learn to let go.
The first is everything is impermanent. It's important that we
(02:14):
learn to let go gracefully. The bugwd Guita has a
beautiful verse two point fourteen that says, the non permanent
appearance of happiness and distress and their disappearance in due
course are like the appearance and disappearance of the winter
and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, and one
(02:38):
must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed. I love
this verse from the bugwd guitar, and it's something that
I really want you to take in. When you wake
up in the morning and it's raining, if you let
that define your mood, if you overthink it, it will
(02:58):
totally ruin your day. If you wake up and you
only feel happy when it's sunny, it sets you up
for failure on a day when it's dark and it's
not sunny. How do we learn to tolerate this, as
the bugger Ghita is saying, how do we get to
a point where we don't overthink everything that happens around
(03:18):
us and let it affect what's happening inside of us.
I want to talk to you about the skill of
recognizing impermanence. There's a beautiful story of the farmer and
his son. It's a zen story that I love to share.
While the son is wondering the land, he comes across
(03:40):
a horse. He's able to ride this horse back, and
they have a great sense of compatibility, and he brings
the horse back home. All the villagers gather around and
they say to the father, this is amazing, what great
news your son has this horse? And the father replies,
good thing, bad thing, who knows. The Next day, when
(04:03):
the son is riding the horse, the horse has a
slight trip and an accident and knocks the son off,
and the sun breaks his leg. The villagers gather around
and say, oh no, this is the worst thing that
could have happened. This is so terrible. You should have
never let the horse come back. The farmer says, good thing,
bad thing, who knows a few months later, while the
(04:27):
boy is still healing, every single man in this village
is recruited to join the army apart from the sun
because of his broken leg. The villagers gather and say,
you're so lucky, you're so fortunate. This is the best
thing that could have happened. The father replies, good thing,
bad thing, who knows? And of course the story goes on.
(04:51):
What this story teaches us is not that we want
bad things to happen to us, or it's not that
we want negative things to happen to anyone, but that
we've realize that all of these things are impermanent. They're
not going to last forever. They're ephemeral. A sunny day
doesn't last forever, and a rainy day doesn't last forever.
(05:12):
These things come and go like the seasons. This is
what we have to learn. We learn to let go
when we're prepared for this season. If you know it's
going to rain, but you've got your rain boots and
you've got your umbrella, it doesn't matter. You're prepared. If
you know it's going to be really hot out and
you've got your flip flops and your sunscreen, you're prepared.
(05:36):
Letting go isn't about doing nothing. It's about focusing on
what you can prepare. Letting go is not the act
of not being worried or not worrying about the consequences,
or not thinking about what's going to happen. Letting go
is being proactive and preparing in the way that you can.
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Whatever season is going to come your way, do you
have the appropriate clothing in your closet? Whatever season is
going to come your way, is your mind prepared to
deal with it? Let us remember that both good and
bad experiences are both impermanent. Now, let's say that you
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feel the same thought spiral in your mind every single day.
The same things trigger you, block you, and slow you down.
What do you do about it? The first piece of
wisdom is getting the thought out of your head and
onto a page. It's really hard to filter thoughts while
they're spiraling and circling around your mind. When you actually
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write down how you're feeling, you're extracting that emotion from
within yourself and taking it into a place that you
can get tactile with it. If a thought's outside of
your head, you can now actually do something with it.
One of the things that's recommended is either ripping it
up and discarding of it, potentially even burning it to
(07:05):
really let go of it, or allowing yourself to throw
it into the trash. Now you may think these are
woo woo ideas, but actually the Nagoya University study in
twenty twenty four found that participants who wrote down their
angry thoughts and then shredded or discarded the paper experienced
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a significant reduction in anger. In contrast, those who kept
the paper saw only a minor decrease in anger levels.
The act of physically disposing of the paper played a
crucial role in alleviating negative emotions. Think about that for
a second. The act of writing something down and discarding
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of that paper, ripping it up, throwing it in the
trash burning it actually starts to free you from that
emotional experience. It's mind blowing to even think about it.
And did you notice what I said there in the study.
If you hold on to it like a journal, or
even keep it around, it actually doesn't have the same impact.
(08:09):
Another example is the Ohio State University research from twenty twelve.
A study published in Psychological Science demonstrated that individuals who
wrote down their negative thoughts and then threw the paper
away were more likely to mentally discard those thoughts. Conversely,
(08:29):
those who kept the paper were more likely to dwell
on the negative content. So it's not just about writing
it down, it also is about releasing it. Studies show
that burning photographs of an ex partner can serve as
a powerful symbolic act to facilitate emotional release and closure
(08:51):
after a breakup. This is from a study that I
read in PMC. How many of you have held on
to things that you're gave you? How many of you
have kept in a shoe box, letters, mementos, gifts from
an ex partner because there's a part of you that
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stills connected to them. Burn it, let it go, discard it.
If you truly want to release someone from your life,
release items, memories, and things like that physically actually let
it go in order to mentally let it go. Another
(09:32):
study from research Gate that analyzed personal grief rituals found
that symbolic actions, including the disposal of objects through elements
like fire, support emotional healing by providing a tangible method
to express and release complex feelings. I remember when I
interviewed Nessa Barrett on my podcast on Purpose, and she
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had this song called burn box, this idea of really
being able to release something. Next time you find a
thought appearing in your mind every single day, I want
you to write it down on a piece of paper.
I want you to rip it up. I want you
to shred it. I want you to put it in
the fire, burn it and let it go, and see
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how you feel lighter and liberated from that weight. Spiritual
truth number two. We all have heard that your inner
world shapes your outer reality, but there's an even more
hidden truth here. Your outer reality shapes your inner world.
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If you feel like you're overthinking, clean that closet, tidy
that cupboard, reorganize your desk. The practical act of cleaning, tidying,
or reorganizing literally cleans and orders your mind. Waking up
to zero clutter frees you from the stress you feel
(10:55):
when you see unwashed dishes, or that messy desk, or
that piece of art on your wall that is slightly
off center. It's fascinating to me how many of us
are hoping to have a peaceful mind in a chaotic
living room, a peaceful mind in a messy kitchen, a
peaceful mind in a disorganized bedroom. And it's actually the
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act of decluttering. It's not just walking into a clean
space when you start cleaning, When you start organizing, it's
almost like you're filing away files in your mind. Have
you ever felt like you have too many tabs open
on your laptop? Imagine how many tabs are open in
your mind. When you start to clean up the tabs
(11:42):
on your laptop, the tabs on your screen, all of
a sudden, you start to mentally declutter. Now, let's look
at the research on this clutter affects your mind. The
first way is cognitive overload. Clutter competes for your attention,
leading to cognitive overload. This constant visual distraction can impair
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your ability to focus and process information. A study using
fMRI scans found that Individuals in organized environments were better
able to concentrate and process information compared to those in
cluttered spaces. Clear your space to clear your mind. Clean
(12:23):
that closet, clean the table, wash the dishes, put away
your clothes, and see how your mind starts to feel
more creative, more productive, boost your energy. It may feel
like a chore and a task, but it's something that
will actually heal you. I couldn't be more excited to
(12:43):
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sure you use the code on purpose. The second wave
that clutter affects us is that it actually elevates our
(14:13):
stress hormones. Research indicates that individuals, particularly women, who perceive
their homes as cluttered, have higher levels of cortisol, the
stress hormone. If you want to start reducing your daily stress,
start by organizing your home. Start by putting things in
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their place. One of the things I like to think
about is how my home can be like a home hotel.
What I mean by that is I want my home
to have the warmth of a home, the comfort of
a home, but I wanted to have the organization of
a hotel. Have you ever noticed when you go into
a hotel, the hair dryer is in one of the drawers,
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The ironing board is in the same place, the steamer,
whatever it may be, everything has a place. Start by
figuring out what deserves a place in your home and
what that place is. One of my favorite exercises from
Marie Condo was this idea of items that spark joy.
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What's the first thing you see in the morning. Is
it a messy desk or is it a picture of
your family that makes you feel happy. What's the first
thing in the morning is it the dishes that haven't
been done from last night, or is it a piece
of art that inspires you. What's the first thing you
see when you get back from work? Is it a
(15:38):
disorganized cupboard or is it a closet that has everything
in the right place. When you change what you see
first thing in the morning, first thing when you come
back from work, and last thing before you go to bed,
you transform your day. And the third reason why this
is so important is a cluttered bedroom can negatively impact
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sleep quality. Studies have shown that people sleeping in cluttered
rooms are more likely to experience sleep disturbances, including difficulty
falling asleep and staying asleep. So, if you're one of
those people that's just been struggling to fall asleep, to
get a good night's sleep, to get into rem sleep,
and you're wondering, why is it. I'm eating early, I'm
(16:24):
trying to work out, i am tired. It could be
the clutter in your bedroom. Let it go. And one
thing that we often overlook is clutter is connected to
emotional well being. Clutters associated with negative emotions such as confusion, tension,
and irritability. And conversely, an organized home can promote feelings
(16:46):
of calmness and a sense of well being. Here's what
I want you to do. I don't want you to
feel guilty if your home is messy. Mine is too.
I don't need you to feel shame if your cupboards
are not organized, need work too. Here are the practical steps.
Number one, start small, Tackle one area at a time.
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You don't need to fix your whole home this week.
Pick one area, one draw, one corner of a room
to focus on this week. It literally could be one draw.
It could be the kitchen car that you open up
every day, could be a refrigerator that you open up
every morning. Just start with one place. Second step is
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set a timer. Dedicate thirty minutes of your week to
clean that space. You've got thirty minutes to do it.
Make it a task, Make it an experiment, make it
almost a challenge. Can I get this done in thirty minutes?
Can I get this done in sixty minutes? Setting a
timer gives you a sense of not only making it
more manageable, but you can be competitive with it, can
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almost turn it into a game. And the third step
is when you do that, create spaces for each of
the idea, a place where the milk goes, a place
where the bread goes, a place where everything else goes.
Be really clear so that you can actually stick to it.
Spiritual truth number three that will stop you from overthinking
is one of my favorite Buddhist teachings is pain is inevitable,
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but suffering is optional. Pain is a reality. Suffering is
the story we create around it. In Buddhism, there's a
powerful story called the Two Arrows. Imagine you're struck by
an arrow. This arrow represents pain and it's unavoidable. Throughout
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our days, throughout our weeks, We'll have so many arrows
thrown at us. But if you react by lamenting, blaming,
or agonizing over why you are struck, it's like shooting
yourself with a second arrow. This second hour symbolizes your suffering.
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It's entirely optional, created by your reaction. This story shows
us that we can't avoid pain in life. There's always
going to be sorrow, stress, and pressure. But the story
we create around it and how we react to it
turns it into progress or suffering. A lot of our
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overthinking is all about why did this happen to me?
Who did this to me? Why would they do that
to me? And while those are important questions, and I'm
not saying to shun them away or hide from them,
but we've got to move forward from them because otherwise
that arrow stays inside of us, and that second arrow
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penetrates even deeper when we can shift that story to
instead of why is this happening to me? All the
way through to well what can I do about it?
What skill is this asking me to develop? What is
this reminding me that I've forgotten? What wisdom is inside
of this that I need to learn. As soon as
you shift to a solution proactive approach, you don't have
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the suffering. You will always have the pain, you don't
have to suffer from it. I want to share with
you insights from a study on acceptance and emotional pain.
Research published in the Clinical Psychology Review in twenty sixteen
shows acceptance strategies significantly reduced emotional suffering. Participants who learned
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acceptance and mindfulness techniques reported in nearly fifty percent reduction
in emotional distress and a stronger ability to cope effectively
compared to those resisting or trying to avoid that pain.
Just think about for a second. When you're trying to
avoid pain, you actually accumulate more of it. When you
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learn to accept pain, you can actually release your from it.
It's almost counterintuitive if you think about it. When you
try to avoid pain, you actually think more about the pain.
When you accept the pain, you actually have the ability
to move forward and move on. I want to give
you a two step method to help you do that.
(21:16):
Step one is stop and interrupt the story. When you
feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, visualize a bold mental red
stop sign, and you can even say it out loud stop.
What is the psychological benefit of this It activates the
prefrontal cortex, interrupting automatic emotional reactions and giving you mental space.
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Usually we have no space between what we experience and
how we react. When you visualize a stop sign, when
you even say it out loud to your mind, stop,
you actually create space for you to react. Step two
is shift. Shift your mind immediately into a solution oriented
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state by asking powerful, reframing questions, For example, what's one
helpful thing I can do right now? How can I
see this as an opportunity or learning experience? And my
personal favorite, if I wasn't feeling upset, how would I
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respond differently? I love that third one because when we're upset,
we often always respond poorly to a situation. How many
times have you said something you didn't want to say
because you were upset and later regretted it. How many
times have you done something you didn't want to do
because you were upset, only to realize later that you
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wish you held back. You can create that space in
the moment when you stop and shift. The next spiritual
principle that can stop you from overthinking is another one
from the Bugger Ghita, where it says the mind can
be your best friend or your worst enemy. Have you
ever felt that a lot of your time is spent
(23:11):
fighting people in your head? In your mind, you're literally
running play by play every conversation you might have with someone.
You want to raise an argument, you want to solve
a discussion, you want to confront someone, And often we
do none of that in reality. We do it all
in our mind. When you realize that having difficult conversations
(23:35):
in reality actually solves the overthinking you do in your mind,
you're free from it. If there's someone that has been
annoying you, frustrating you, causing you concern, and you feel
constantly triggered by them, it's great to write down your thoughts,
(23:56):
organize them, and then have that conversation in real It
will save you weeks of complaining, comparing, criticizing, venting, which
we can do again and again and again about the
same person. Let it go and move on. The final
spiritual truth I wanted to share with you is don't
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delay what can be done today. How many of you
put off replying to that message because you're scared of
confrontation or a disagreement, But then forget to reply at all.
How many of you keep saying next week will be
the week that I start to take on that new habit.
We're constantly postponing and delaying what can be done today.
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You can change your life by one decision, one choice,
and one moment if you simply do today what doesn't
need to be delayed. One of the biggest things I
see is when we don't want to let someone down.
Someone invites you to something and you put off the
RSVP to the last minute. You know you didn't want
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to go, but you wait till the night before or
the moment before. Now that person's upset. Right, the truth
is true kindness lies in clarity of intention, not silence
out of fear. When you're tempted not to respond for
fear of disappointing someone, remember that compassion isn't about avoiding discomfort.
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It's about expressing your truth with grace. If you don't
message someone back because you don't want to let them down,
you just let them down by not messaging them back.
Chances are you messaging them last minute is going to
let them down even more than if you explained how
you felt weeks before. When you receive the message, don't
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let the fear of letting someone down block you from
communicating your truth. Communicate your reasons honestly, yeah gently. This
works because your clarity transforms misunderstanding into deeper connection. It
shifts the focus from rejection to mutual respect and authenticity.
(26:13):
I hope that these spiritual truths make a difference in
your life and help you stop overthinking. I hope that
you will listen to this again, make notes, try out
some of the exercises, and watch how your life changes.
I'm Jay Sheddy. Thank you for listening on purpose, and
remember I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting
for you. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy
(26:37):
my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic
and how to speak to yourself with more compassion. My
fears are only going to continue to show me what
I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,
the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom,
and I just want to keep doing that.
Host
Jay Shetty
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