I Reached a Major Milestone! 8 Life-Changing Lessons I’ve Learned From Incredible Guests Along the Way

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Reaching five million subscribers on YouTube is a milestone I
could never have imagined when On Purpose first began. Over
the years, I've had the honor of sitting with some
of the most extraordinary people in the world, artists, world leaders, athletes,
visionaries and experts. These conversations have offered us glimpses into

(00:21):
how greatness is built, how vulnerability becomes strength, and how
love and resilience shape our lives. I'm truly grateful for
how far we've come, and it's all because of you.
It's also just the beginning. So today we're celebrating our
community and this milestone by revisiting some of the most
significant moments from incredible guests along the way.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
The Number one Health and Wellness podcast set Jay Shet.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
I remember this one really well because I was in France.
I flew to London to take a flight to the US,
and then flew back to London to interview Tom All
within twenty four hours. When I spoke with Tom Holland,
he shared something deeply personal, his decision to quit drinking.
In a world that celebrates alcohol. He stepped away to

(01:16):
protect his mental and emotional health, and he's not alone
surveys show more young people are choosing sobriety than ever before,
with many saying they feel healthier and more present. Here's
Tom on how that choice changed his life. One of
the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave
up drinking about a year and a half ago. Yes,

(01:36):
and you said it was the hardest thing you ever did. Yes,
And I wanted to know what was so hard about
it for you? Why was it so hard.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
It's interesting I didn't one day wake up and say
I'm giving up drinking. I just like many Brits, had
had a very, very boozy December Christmas time. I was
on vacation. I was drinking a lot. And I've always
been able to drink a lot. I think I get
my genes from my mom's side in that thing that.

Speaker 4 (02:02):
I can drink.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
And I decided to just give up for January. I
just wanted to do dry January. And all I could
think about was having a drink. It's all I could
think about. I was waking up thinking about it. I
was checking the clock, when's it twelve, And it just
really scared me. I just was like, Wow, maybe maybe
I have a little bit of an alcohol thing. So
I sort of decided to punish myself and say, I'll

(02:27):
do February as well. I'll do two months off. If
I can do two months off, then I can prove
to myself I don't have a problem. Two months go by,
and I was still really struggling. I felt like I
couldn't be social. I felt like I couldn't go to
the pub and have a lime soda, I couldn't go
out for dinner. I was really really struggling, and I

(02:47):
started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem.
So I decided that I would wait until my birthday,
which is June first. I said to myself, if I
can do six months without alcohol, then I can prove
to myself that I don't have a problem. And by
the time I had got to June first, I was
the happiest I had ever been in my life. I

(03:07):
could sleep better, I could handle problems better. Things that
would go wrong on set that would normally set me off,
I could take in my stride. I had so much,
such better mental clarity. I felt healthier, I felt fitter,
and I just sort of said to myself, why am
I enslaved to this drink? Why am I so obsessed

(03:28):
by the idea of having this drink, and I would
look back and recognize that I would go to events
for work and be like, I can't enjoy myself until
I've had a few beers, and I just felt so
much pressure. And this is one of the things where
I've sort of distanced myself from the rugby community because
so much of it is about how much can you drink.
Let's get you as drunk as possible. And it's honestly

(03:50):
been the best thing I've ever done. I'm a year
and a half into it now, it doesn't even cross
my mind. I found amazing replacements that I think are
fantastic ones that are also really healthy. I found this
one beer that it's full of electrolytes and it's you know,
the carbohydrates in it are long lasting energy. So like
having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing.

(04:11):
I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive
about it. I've never run into that scenario where my
friends are like, oh god on, just have a beer,
like you're fine. They've always sort of really supported me,
and I don't want to be that person that's saying
to people you should get sober. You should get sober.
If I could encourage someone to drink less, then that's great.
But I don't want to start getting into the world
of you need to stop drinking, because I just it's

(04:33):
not for me to say I went on my own
little journey. I'm really enjoying it. I'm delighted that my
mum's as also given up. She's loving it, and it's
been amazing. I can't believe the difference that I feel
from not drinking. Yeah, I feel amazing.

Speaker 5 (04:46):
That's amazing, man.

Speaker 1 (04:46):
I love hearing that, and I love hearing that it's
been great for you, right, I think, yeah, that's the point.
Not everything has to be like, look what I did,
you can do it too. It's kind of like, no,
this is just what's been great for me. Do you
think it was partly that attitude for you, at least
in the beginning, where it's like, well, I can drink,
I drink a lot comes from my mum jeans and
it doesn't affect me, And then all of a sudden
you realize, well, wait a minute, it's more than that.

(05:06):
Because I think there is that, like I was like
that as a young man as well, like for me,
it was it was easy to drink. I didn't drink daily.
For me, I drank a lot more socially sure, and
I love playing drinking games with my mates. Yeah, that
was really what I enjoyed the most, probably, and for
me when I quit, I could just quickly see how
it just got me into doing things I would never
do if I wasn't drunk. So for sure, for me,

(05:27):
it was more that. But yeah, I wonder for you,
did you find that? It's there's a really fine line
between like, I know, I can drink a lot and
then all of a sudden you're kind of not addictive.

Speaker 5 (05:36):
Beyond that, I'm happy to say a lot.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
I was definitely addicted to alcohol, not shining away from
that at all. I think anyone that wakes up and
has not wakes up, anyone that has a beer every day,
it's probably got a little bit of a problem.

Speaker 5 (05:48):
But yeah, you're right.

Speaker 3 (05:49):
I would drink and drink and drink and drink, and
then you would just reach that moment where you're like, well,
I shouldn't have had that last beer, and you wake
up the next day and you have a terrible headache
and you're suffering. I bought one of those rings that
will tell you about your sleep yeah orring yeah, And
it was amazing because I couldn't sleep. I was like,
why can't I sleep? I'm working fourteen hours a day,
I'm doing two hours in the gym, I'm eating really healthily,
and I can't sleep. What's wrong with me? I bought

(06:11):
this ring and it was booze. It just it was
completely affecting my sleep. And since I've given it up,
I can sleep anywhere.

Speaker 6 (06:18):
You know.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
It's also interesting as well, going on nights out and
having a great time as the sober person and then
getting to that point in the night where people start,
you know, spitting in your ear and everyone's I love you, man,
I love you so much, and you're like, yeah, brilliant,
I love you too. I see tomorrow I'm going to bed.
I love being that person now. I love seeing my
friends on the golf course at eight am in the morning,

(06:40):
feeling fresh and ready to go and they're sort of
crawling out their car and so yeah, so I am
over the moon to be sober.

Speaker 6 (06:48):
I love it.

Speaker 7 (06:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
For anyone who is listening right now and is going
tom I love that for you. I want to do
it too, like they're listening, going I'm having too much
every day. I can notice some of those things, but
I'm just stuck. And it's hard because we know that
addictions that way, we know that this is heavy.

Speaker 5 (07:03):
It's not easy.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
But if someone is watching, Going Tom, tell me what
did you do to even get started? How did you
have that courage to say, I'm going to do January,
I'm going to stick at it. Were there any moments
where you actually fell back and then I had to
get back on the horse again, Like, we'll just walk
us through that a little bit more. For anyone who
is watching, Going Tom, Mate, I want to be in
your position in like six months.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
I didn't fall back on it. I have done in
the past. I've had periods of my life where I'd
given up drinking and then gone back to drinking. But
this time, I don't know, it was just different. I
really worked to sort of change my mindset. I really
asked myself, like, why do you drink? Why are you drinking?
And a lot of the time my answer would be

(07:44):
to feel more comfortable in the social environment, And I
just put myself in those environments and just would force
myself to be there. I'd force myself to hang out
and go to a club or go to a bar,
go to a dinner, as.

Speaker 5 (07:56):
We weren't avoiding those places.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like
I could go and not have a drink because of
the stress of it. But then after a while I
sort of was like, mate, you've got to pull your
socks up here, and you can't just live in your
house all the time. You've got to go out and
enjoy yourself. And if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drinking,
then you really do have a problem. But I just
changed my mindset. I found really good replacements. Things that

(08:19):
I could sort of attribute to having a beer. I
often found with me. Most of it is just the
ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends
and drinking it, whether it's sparkling water or a beer.
I now can't I don't associate like I don't see
a difference, but I think it's different for everyone. I
had a great support system. Jack is one of my
best mates and we travel all over the world. He

(08:40):
doesn't drink, and doing it with him was a really
helpful experience for me. My brother is always on the
road with me. He was very supportive and yeah, I
just really set my mind to it. I was like,
I really want to do this. I want to prove
to myself I can do it. And then once I'd
felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full.

Speaker 5 (08:59):
Self, My god, this is this is the best.

Speaker 3 (09:01):
But do you not drink?

Speaker 1 (09:02):
I haven't drank for seventeen years. No way, amazing, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (09:07):
It was, It's incredible.

Speaker 8 (09:08):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
So one of the best feelings in the world, and
it's my biggest like worry when I was about to quit,
was like, how am I going to hang out with
my mates? I was like, my mates knew me as
the guy who was like first of the game, last
to get out, that you know, the clown when I
got drunk, like life of the party, kind of like
that kind of guy. And then all of a sudden,
I decided I wasn't gonna drink anymore. I was like, crap,

(09:29):
I'm going to fit in. And then I remember I
went into the corporate world for a bit and I
didn't drink, and I was like, God, am I going
to miss out on opportunities and networking? Like, you know,
all the guys afterwards are like going to get drinks
and I'm like, oh, come, but I'll have a water
or I'll have a soda, whatever it is. And what
was really interesting for me is not relying on drinking
made me rely on qualities and skills I had.

Speaker 5 (09:53):
Sure that were actually better.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
So now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to
hang with the lads, I was bringing out parts my
personality that probably would.

Speaker 5 (10:01):
Have just hidden away.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
Yeah, surpressed, And all of a sudden, you were actually
getting respected and liked for who you were rather than
the person who you were when you were drunk. Sure,
and actually that worked in the workplace, and there was
no one at the workplace going r J doesn't drink,
so he's not getting promoted, right, It wasn't like that.
People were like, oh yeah, I really like hanging out
with J, or he's a really good guy, or whatever
it may be. And I was still getting the same
opportunities and I was still getting promoted at work and

(10:24):
whatever it was. And I think that's why I'd like
to remind people that don't feel like your career or
your work is going to suffer even for you like
you've I'm sure as a you know, with your career path,
you have to be at parties, you have to be
at events, of course, and the fact that you're able
to do that now without having alcohol and you don't,
it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career.

Speaker 5 (10:44):
If anything, it's the opposite.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
But may I honestly cannot believe like the amount of
times I've sat down with an actor that I've really admired,
or sat down with the producer or director and been like, oh,
you know, well, I don't drink anymore, and they go,
I don't drink ten years and You're like, oh my god.
And I've had so many insightful conversations with people like
yourself where you've heard their story, their.

Speaker 5 (11:02):
Reason for giving up.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
And there is a wonderful community of people and I
love it. I love being a part of that community.
I'm really proud to be a part of it. I
hope that, you know, I could meet other people and
chat them about it, because it's really nice. It's lovely
to be like, let's go to.

Speaker 5 (11:16):
Get a lime cione together, you know.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah, let's get a juice, let's get a smooth yeah.

Speaker 5 (11:21):
Yeah, No, it is true. It's true.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
And it's really interesting because they I can't remember. I'm
trying to remember. There was this blog that came out
years ago. I can't even remember it now, and there
was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot
of likes and a lot of comments and a lot
of attention, and one day she just disappeared, like she
stopped posting, and everyone's just like all the comments were.

Speaker 5 (11:44):
Like where are you? What happened? Are you okay? Like
what happened to you?

Speaker 1 (11:47):
You know, everyone was frantic trying to figure out what
happened to her because they loved her, they were following
her and all the rest of it. And what they
didn't know is that it was built by a team
that was trying to show that what people didn't notice
is that in every picture she posted, she was drinking
and it was a made up It was almost like
original AI that was made up to prove the point
that you can love someone and you can think you're

(12:08):
really close to them, and you you could think their
lifestyle looks amazing, but actually they've got a drink in
every picture they post, and you didn't.

Speaker 5 (12:14):
Realize that an alcohol problem.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
So there was no real person who died, but The
point was that this your friends could be struggling even
when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures. But are you aware, wow,
and are you conscious of how much it affects you?
And I can't can't remember who built that?

Speaker 3 (12:28):
Well, that's I think that's one of the problems with
alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now,
if alcohol wasn't a thing, and you like, I've invented
this drink that is going to make you like either
really happy or really aggressive or really stupid, and we're
going to just sell it to the masses. People be like, now, mate,
keep your funky juice, Like, we don't want that.

Speaker 6 (12:48):
That sounds terrible.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
And it's one of those things because it is so
socially acceptable that the addiction side of it, the bad
sides of it, really do fly under the radar. Yeah,
and that's really interesting. I'd say you something I do
love about being a Nundrey. I love being the designated driver.
I love being that person that makes sure that everyone
gets home. I don't know, I just I like being
a dependable person. I think I'm quite dependable, and I

(13:11):
really like that that thing. And I saw this crazy
YouTube video once this was years ago, of a guy
that went to a bar, he got drunk, and he
drove home and he crashed his car. And I don't
know if this is real. It could have been fake,
but it's really impactful. Basically, what his friend had done
was set up the room as if he had been

(13:33):
in a coma for like ten years. And his friend
wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is
there and he had all like old makeup on to
make him look older. And now I'm thinking about it,
there's no way this could have been real because how
would they have been able to pull that off. But
he basically is saying to him, like, you've been asleep
for ten years. Everyone's missed you, Like we can't believe

(13:54):
you're awake. This is amazing and it shows like how
a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future
of your life. So I do love being the designated driver.
That is something I enjoy see my friends have a
good time being like, don't worry, Tom will take you.

Speaker 7 (14:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
I used to love being the designated driver until I
realized that next girlfriend just had me do that because
I was the one who didn't.

Speaker 5 (14:14):
Do that right. That wasn't a fun design driver.

Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, but I've always been that guy since because so
I lived as a monk for three years. Yeah, and
when I came back after that, obviously I never went
back to drinking alcohol and everything, and so but I
went back into the workplace, and I remember everyone would
always open up to me and give me advice. But
it's what you're saying. When someone was drunk, they tell
me their whole life story. Next day they'd come and go, Jay,
you'd actually remember what I said. I remember everything. Please

(14:39):
don't tell anyone, Yeah, you know. And I loved I
loved that part where I was like I was able
to be there for people, just hear their stories and
someone that had context the next day, because if they
told someone else who was drunk, you'd both not remember
then it'd be gone.

Speaker 8 (14:51):
No.

Speaker 1 (14:51):
I think the benefits that you just pointed out of
good sleep, good health, mental clarity totally huge. But there's
a couple of things I want to point out for
everyone's li just as takeaways, because Tom makes it so
seamless when you're talking about it's really beautiful as well.
But one of the things you mentioned was finding alternatives
and during my month life. We always talked about how
there was there was something that we called the higher taste,

(15:13):
and it was saying, you can never give up a
lower taste unless you had a higher taste. Sure, and
so there has to be a switch, there has to
be a replacement. And the fact that you found alternatives.
I think that's half the battle, because most of us
are trying to take something out of our lives and
then you're just trying to fill it. Yeah, and then
you have to go back to what you had before
because you're not finding a replacement.

Speaker 5 (15:31):
So that was beautiful.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
And the second thing you said, which I loved, which
was having this conversation and dialogue with other people, someone
who's one year ahead of you, someone who's ten years ahead,
someone's twenty years ahead, who's gone through that process, and
they're open and honest and vulnerable about you.

Speaker 5 (15:45):
Know, I did have a weak moment or you know what.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
This was really tough for me, and I think having
those communities where you can talk about these things makes
a massive difference. So if anyone struggling, I hope that
those two things can kind of, you know, give you
the support you need. Tom's honesty reminds us of a
key takeaway that strength doesn't come from fitting in, but
from making the choices that protect your piece. Whether it's alcohol, overworking,

(16:08):
or any habit that no longer serves you, Sometimes the
bravest thing we can do is to let it go.
One of the most inspiring conversations I've ever had and
that I'm deeply grateful for, was with the legendary late
Kobe Brian. I got to interview Kobe Bryan just a
few months before his tragic passing with his daughter. Kobe

(16:30):
described his mindset for excellence what he often called the
Mumba mentality. It wasn't about talent alone. It was about obsession, discipline,
and showing up every single day. Psychologists studying mastery of
skills have found that consistent, deliberate practice is the strongest
predictor of peak performance. Talent is valuable, but without consistency,

(16:53):
something Kobe embodied in every area of his life, it's
rarely enough. Let's take a look. Have you been able
to in your life see past the cloud of emotion
to actually execute on things? Because I think what we
were speaking about earlier, this challenge that young people afterday,
everyone has today have just so much information, so much
cloud of emotions, so many feelings, so much childhood baggage

(17:17):
that you're bringing, Like, how have you always cut through
that and execute them?

Speaker 9 (17:21):
You know?

Speaker 10 (17:21):
What I try to do is just try to be
still and understand that things come and go, emotions come
and go. The important thing is to accept them all,
to embrace them all, and then you can choose to
do with them what you want, versus being controlled by emotion.

(17:42):
You know, a lot of times I've seen players, even myself,
you know, when I was younger, being consumed by a
particular fear and to the point where you're saying, Okay, nah,
it's not good to feel fear. I shouldn't be nervous
in this situation like that, and it does nothing but grow,
versus stepping back and saying, yeah, I am nervous about
the situation. Yeah, I am fearful about the situation. Well

(18:02):
what am I afraid of? And then you kind of
unpack it, and then it gives your ability to look
at it for really what it is, which is nothing
more than your imagination running its course.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
You know, Yeah, absolutely, I love that, because what you're
saying is that when you're dealing with something it's almost like,
how can I get to the root of it? Yeah,
because sometimes what we're dealing with, like you're saying it's
an imagination and illusion, it's not really.

Speaker 10 (18:23):
It's not really a thing. You know, Like you think
about game winning shots and or game winning free throws,
and people go to the free throwing and they're nervous
about it.

Speaker 8 (18:31):
Well, what are you really nervous about? If you unpack that?

Speaker 10 (18:33):
Okay, you're nervous that you're going to miss the shot,
all right, So you missed the shot, then what happens.
People are going to be embarrassed. You're going to be
embarrassed because thousands of people, millions people say you missed
a shot, all right, and then what people going to
talk bad about you?

Speaker 8 (18:45):
Okay? Right?

Speaker 10 (18:46):
And so you're looking at it and go, are those
things even important? You know what I mean? If that
that is my fear? Like, what is you're worried about
letting your teammates down?

Speaker 8 (18:55):
Okay? Have you let them down before?

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Oh?

Speaker 8 (18:57):
I'm sure?

Speaker 10 (18:57):
And practice and things of that nature, right, they're still there,
you know. And so when you're able to unpack it,
you kind of look at it for what it is,
which is really nothing.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yeah, I love that breaking it down. I think that's
so important. I think everyone who's listening and watching right now.
Next time you're facing a fear, next time you're going
again something, do that, like, literally unpack it. Don't just
settle for your first answer, because the first answer is
really the right one.

Speaker 10 (19:18):
Don't hide from it. You know, you got to be
able to look at it and you know, and and
deal with it head on.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (19:25):
I love that, man.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
And you talk about that because you talk about you know,
when you talk about missing five throws and you talk
about getting over yourself.

Speaker 5 (19:33):
Yeah, right, like getting over yourself.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
How did you get that mentality of just being like
I need to get over this, like I need to
get over myself?

Speaker 10 (19:39):
You know, trial and error. You know, you grow up
and you make game winning shots and it's awesome. You
come back the next day and miss a game when
it's shot and it's misery. And then the next day
comes and you're back playing again, and you understand that
life has this cyclical nature where it's you know, what
you do on Monday, it's fantastic, but then Tuesday's a
bad day. But guess what, there's Wednesday. So are we
just supposed to live our lif like this the whole time,

(20:01):
you know, versus just staying like this and understanding that
it's really just a journey of evolution every day. It's
just constant improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results
don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yeah, And we all get obsessed about the results that
we get obsessed about, like the output, not the input
of not figuring it out and not like changing things
what you said, trial and error, like the experimenting.

Speaker 5 (20:27):
We forget to do that.

Speaker 10 (20:28):
It's unfortunate, man. Like I've seen a lot of players,
especially now, you know in youth basketball dealing with that.

Speaker 8 (20:35):
You have players that are like bigger and.

Speaker 10 (20:37):
Faster and stronger, and you know, their coaches or just
coaching them for results. You know, we're just going to
use your size that because you're bigger than every other
twelve year old out there to dominate today. But they're
not growing right, So they're just based on that result.
But they're not focused on growing this young child into
becoming a better athlete and through that teaching them how

(20:58):
to become a more well rounded person. And we're missing that.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Yeah. See what you've said there, just I want to
ask you this, And I'm not saying because I you know,
like you know yourself best and you know how you've
got there, So I'm asking it from a place of
humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like,
you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your
superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is
like you think strategically, Like that's a very strategic thought
of saying, this person could be this in the future

(21:27):
if they were developed as a whole individual rather than
just like let's use them for.

Speaker 5 (21:31):
The short term. Right, And where did you develop that?

Speaker 1 (21:33):
From? That ability to see beyond, to think deeper, to
reflect deeper. Where did that come from?

Speaker 8 (21:38):
Well?

Speaker 10 (21:39):
I had to do that because you know, I grew
up growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there,
it was you know, I didn't speak Italian, I didn't
have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball,
and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to
make friends and build connections. But it was a lot
of time spent the loan and when I came back
to the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid. I

(22:00):
was really scrawny, like really really skinny, and have like
major knee issues because I was growing. So I was
the dorky kid with high socks and big old knee pets.
Fashionable now, it's fashionable now and then and then, and
so I had to look long term because in the
here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids.

Speaker 8 (22:18):
I mean there's kids that were like twelve years old
with beards, Like what I was supposed to do with that?

Speaker 10 (22:25):
Like they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and I'm happy
to like tap the backboard, you know. So I had
to look at it from a long term because I
wasn't going to give up on the game. So I
had to say, Okay, this year, I'm gonna get better
at that. Next year, this and then so forth and
so on, and then patiently I was able to catch them.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yeah, Kobe taught us that greatness is in an accident.
It's built through discipline, consistency, and the willingness to go
further than most are willing to go. His words and
wisdom live on as a challenge to bring our best
to whatever we know. When Emma Watson called me to

(23:16):
be on the show. I was thrilled. One insight in
our sit down out of the many that she said,
that stood out was her view on building relationships from wholeness,
not need. In her younger years, she might have chosen
from uncertainty, but now she seeks love from peace and
self knowledge. She also spoke about asking the hardest questions,

(23:37):
Am I really happy? Am I aligned with my values?
Questions that push us beyond appearances and towards truth. One
of the hardest questions you talked about asking you answer
it asking yourself difficult questions, and I want to ask
you something about that. But one thing I've said to
my wife is, if you ever fall out of love
with me, please tell me, because I don't want to
live a day without love. I'm really confident about the

(23:59):
fact that I'm worthy of love and that I want
to experience love in my life. If you ever fall
out of me, just tell me. It's okay, because I
don't have the desire to stay somewhere for any other reason.
And it sounds risky saying that in extreme but to me,
it's a greater risk to have spent ten extra years
with someone and then they tell me, I haven't really

(24:20):
loved you for the last five ten years. And then
I'm like, I've lived without love for ten years in
my life, and I don't want to be in that
place because I've seen people go through that and not
be happy. And so it does come with a humility
and a openness to have very difficult conversations and not
to force something that, oh, it's been going to get

(24:41):
great for twelve years, it has to it should do,
it must do, and it's like, well maybe no, Like, yes,
if it does, it's great and it is right now,
but why should it right now be a prediction for
how you feel in fifteen years with everything else that's
going to change.

Speaker 4 (24:57):
I think if I knew I really couldn't meet the
need of someone and they couldn't meet my needs, if
I really couldn't make them happy and they couldn't make
me happy, like forcing them to stay in that situation,
it's really that like makes love impossible, like the gates.
So I totally get what you're saying. And my mum
said this thing to me, which was like, you want

(25:18):
to be with someone because you want them, not because
you need them. And I think maybe another reason why
I didn't get married younger is because I think maybe
I would have married someone not knowing who I was,
and I would have needed them, maybe not wanted them.

(25:39):
And I think now I have a life that's whole
and complete as it is, and I would be making
a choice from a place of I just want you
and I don't need you. But I just want you
and I don't. I don't think I was that woman
five years ago.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Yeah, I love that. And there's so much, so much
to be said for attracting from a place of peace,
because you know what peace feels like, and so then
anyone or anything that comes into your life.

Speaker 4 (26:12):
And what feeling satisfied feels like.

Speaker 1 (26:13):
Satisfied is probably even a better way, and that feeling
of I know what it feels like to be satisfied,
and so I now know whether someone makes me more
satisfied or less.

Speaker 4 (26:23):
I know what my baseline. You don't know what your
baseline happy is, then how do you You've got no
idea of knowing what's going on at all.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
And that's not feeling of being complete or having it
all figured out. It's like I know what satisfies a
great word, It's like I know what it feels like
to be at peace with myself or satisfied with myself,
and now everyone can show me, yeah, where that pendulum swings.

Speaker 4 (26:47):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
One thing you said which I which really resonated with me,
is that you've had to ask yourself so many hard
questions to do the work. And I want to ask you,
what's one of the hardest questions You've ever had to
ask yourself?

Speaker 4 (26:59):
If you could, well, the first one that comes to mind,
and then maybe I'll dig for a deep or a
different one, is like to have to admit to myself
or ask myself the question of like you right now
have the career and the life that like looks like
the dream, but are you really happy? Emma? Are you

(27:23):
really healthy? Are you really happy? Like is this really
what you want? And to be at that point and
like realize and have to admit to myself that I
wasn't and I didn't was one of the scariest things
I've ever had to do, because you know, I basically
had to ask myself on a daily basis, like I
felt like I was crazy and walking away from something

(27:47):
without knowing what you're walking towards was not having the answers,
but leaving something that was that the world considered to
be of such high value, such a high value kind
of moment in my professional life and career. I think
that was a real sitting with that was a real

(28:11):
moment of reckoning of like, can you tell yourself the truth?
Can you live with your truth? Can you accept the
fact that for most other people your truth is pretty
confusing and unpalatable. That was definitely a hard moment of sitting.
More recently, because I've been being my own partner asking

(28:34):
myself are you really living your values things that you preach,
are you actually aligned and actually looking at some spaces
in my life where I was like, shit, no, not
at all. I'm actually not doing what I talk about,
And I need to create some sort of urgency or

(28:55):
a deadline for that so that I make sure that
I'm a persitive integrity. I purport to be someone that
cares about the world and about the planet and sustainability.
And you know, there are some things I was doing.
Was it enough by my own standards, not by anyone else's,
just by my own? Probably not? But what's nice is

(29:17):
I actually have the time now to be like, okay,
we could do about it.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
Get on with it and like those are.

Speaker 5 (29:24):
Thank you for those. Those are great questions, really really
great questions.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
Emma's bravery and honesty reminds us that real love begins
with knowing yourself. When you're complete on your own, you
can choose someone because you want them, not because you
need them. And just as importantly, fulfillment comes from having
the courage to ask hard questions, to walk away from
what looks good on the outside if it doesn't feel

(29:49):
right on the inside, and to realign your life with
your deepest values. Now, it's a given that Madonna is
a cultural icon, but what struck me most wasn't her
ambition or longevity. It was her devotion to spirituality, even
at the height of fame. The success she felt avoid
and what sustained her wasn't the limelight, but the rituals

(30:12):
that gave her peace and purpose. From yoga and Sanskrit
study to kabbala. Spirituality became the compass she realized she
needed for herself and for her daughter.

Speaker 5 (30:23):
What are your.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
Spiritual practices and rituals that have been so supportive and
emblematic of your journey, that have kept you going at
the times, As you said, there were so many times
you could give up, or things could go wrong, or
you kept pushing and they kept you locked.

Speaker 5 (30:39):
What were they?

Speaker 1 (30:40):
What are they?

Speaker 11 (30:41):
Well?

Speaker 12 (30:42):
One really important thing is studying, making time every week
to sit down and study. I mean, you can study
the Bible, you can study the poetry of Cahil Gibran,
or you can study the Vedas you you know.

Speaker 5 (31:01):
And you did that right.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
You actually studied different traditions.

Speaker 12 (31:03):
And I mean to be honest, before I discovered Kabala,
I was looking for answers.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
And why do you think that was? Why were you
looking for answers?

Speaker 12 (31:12):
Because I had everything that people would assume would give
you happiness. I had successful career, I had fame, fortune,
monetary things, physical things. But I wasn't happy, and I
naturally sought out well. When I was a dancer, I

(31:35):
had a roommate. She was a Buddhist and she would
get up and chant every day, and so I was
very intrigued by that. Like nothing bothered her, you know
what I mean, Everything bothers me, Everything bothers me. I'm
you know, I'm a Leo, I'm Italian.

Speaker 11 (31:55):
I'm very dramatic.

Speaker 12 (31:57):
I wouldn't say she was peaceful all the time, but
I was just struck by her confidence and her knowingness
that everything was happening for a reason.

Speaker 11 (32:07):
She never got upset about things.

Speaker 12 (32:08):
And this is in the beginning of my career when
I was living in New York and I was broke
and a lot of crazy things happened to me. It's
really scary, traumatic things. And I would always ask her
her name is Marianne would always say what, like why
are you like?

Speaker 11 (32:23):
Never upset?

Speaker 12 (32:25):
So I attributed that to her spiritual life, but it
didn't speak to me. And then later on I started
practicing yoga Ashtanga yoga and my teacher, Eddie Stern, he
still has a you know Eddie, Yeah, he's amazing. I
got quite caught up in and competitive about like first series,
second series, third series. But one thing I noticed is

(32:47):
that a lot of people would come into his practice,
his studio where he taught, and they wouldn't even do
the posts. They would just go and sit in front
of the statue of ganesh or light candles or prayer.
And I really and Eddie pointed it out to me
because sometimes I would have injuries, I would or I
would be traveling and I couldn't practice yoga and he say, look,

(33:07):
are you breathing And I'd say yes, and he said,
you're practicing yoga.

Speaker 11 (33:12):
So I realized that I.

Speaker 12 (33:13):
Was too still, too caught up in the physical poses.
And he's like, no, you don't understand. You're missing the
whole point. The poses are just something that you do
to breathe through, to calm your nervous system down and
to bring you back to your center. And that really

(33:35):
spoke to me. There was a big no. It was
a painting on the wall of the yoga studio. It
says desire and detachment. And I said, what does that mean?
And he said, well, of course we want. We want
all the beautiful things in life. We want all the pleasures,
we want all the happiness, we want every we want
it all. There's nothing wrong with that which can't be
attached to it, because then if you're attached to it

(33:57):
and you don't have it, what's going to happen to you?
So I studied that for a while, and I studied Sanskrit.
I had a teacher, and you know, I learned that
the vibrations of the letters, you know, had a calming
effect on your nervous system and centered you and placed
you firmly rooted in the earth, and all of that

(34:17):
made sense to me. But then again, nothing happens by accident.
But I was pregnant with my daughter, Lola, my oldest daughter,
and I suddenly realized I was living in la I
suddenly realized, I'm going to be responsible for an other
human being. What am I going to teach her? I'm

(34:38):
just I'm like a meteor like making my way through
the you know, the on this planet. Like you know,
I have great survival instincts, I have a great work ethic. Yes,
I'm very ambitious all of those things, but I was
never like I was just knocking them down, you know
what I mean, and not like looking back, I'm going

(35:01):
to be somebody, because that's you know, that's why I
came to New York in the first place. I will
never go back to the nobody life I had.

Speaker 11 (35:08):
When I was a child growing up.

Speaker 12 (35:12):
So I definitely was fueled by an inner drive, but
I would not say that I was spiritual or conscious.
When I was pregnant, I suddenly realized I knew nothing
and I was a slave or a victim of other

(35:33):
people's opinions of me. And I didn't have really. Even
though it looks like and looked like I was confident, brave, audacious, whatever,
you know, I deep down Insiday was not.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
So.

Speaker 11 (35:53):
I was at a dinner party.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
Were pregnant.

Speaker 12 (35:55):
Yeah, I was at a dinner party at my friends
in La and there was a woman sitting next to
me and I knew her vaguely. She's a costume designer.
She was a costume designer. Her husband's a director. And
she said, oh, you should come with me to class.
And I said, what class. I'm open to classes, by

(36:18):
the way, I love being a student. So what's the
class all about. She said, there's a teacher there.

Speaker 11 (36:24):
It's something called Kabbala.

Speaker 12 (36:27):
It's next to a synagogue. And I was like, wait,
so he's Jewish and she said yeah, but it doesn't
have anything to do with being Jewish.

Speaker 11 (36:35):
It's just a belief system.

Speaker 12 (36:38):
Not a belief system, like a philosophy about life that
you know, you could learn a lot from.

Speaker 11 (36:43):
And I said, okay, I'll go. So I did, and
that's how I met my teacher.

Speaker 12 (36:48):
And I literally would sit in the back of class
for years. Mostly men were in the class at the time.
It was but everything that he said seemed to make
so much sense to me and gave me courage to
be who I am and who I meant to be,
and made me actually think about intention and a real

(37:11):
sense of purpose, because my sense of purpose can't just
be I want to be rich and famous, or I
want to be popular, or I want to sell a
lot of records, because none of that lasts. But it
wasn't until I went to class that I actually started
thinking about those things. So I just kept going and
here I am today. But you know, motherhood are being

(37:32):
a parent is really what made me start asking questions
that I most likely I should have asked them sooner,
but I didn't because I was just caught up in my.

Speaker 6 (37:44):
Self.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
I love that story for so many reasons, one of
them being that my journey to my spirituality had certain
similarities in that not that I was pregnant, so definitely
not that one. But I had a friend and friends
who were starting to get interested in spirituality, and they
invited me to hear a monk speak. And I'd seen

(38:06):
monks while I was growing up, but I'd never really
engaged with one or really understood what they did or meant.
And I'm so glad I said yes to going along,
and I was very young. I was eighteen nineteen years old.
I wasn't even seeking. I was open, and I was curious, right,
And to be honest, I was doing what everyone else

(38:26):
was doing at that time when you're eighteen nineteen year
old kid like experimenting, experimenting, and doing everything else under
the sun. But I'm so glad I went because now,
looking back, I find that after meeting the monks that
I met, it gave my life a compass at a
very early age that I'm so grateful for because it
changed the entire trajectory of my life. I can't imagine

(38:49):
what I would have ended up doing in the same
way as you did. And it sounds dramatic, but it's
true that without the group of friends that invited me
to go along and meet my teachers, it would become
my future teachers. I can't imagine what life could be like.

Speaker 11 (39:04):
And are those teachers still your teachers?

Speaker 8 (39:07):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Absolutely, still since that time, so it's been nearly twenty
years now. That's meaningful, yeah, very meaningful.

Speaker 12 (39:13):
And are your friends that came with you still also studying.

Speaker 5 (39:18):
Or one of those one of those?

Speaker 1 (39:19):
Yes, absolutely, one of those friends, was my best man
at my wedding and he studies under the same teachers.

Speaker 11 (39:25):
It's cool.

Speaker 6 (39:26):
Yeah, what about the woman who took me to class?

Speaker 11 (39:28):
No, okay, no, stick with it.

Speaker 5 (39:32):
Are you still there at all or not?

Speaker 10 (39:33):
Yes?

Speaker 11 (39:34):
I am sometimes.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Yeah, it's amazing to hear that you had this ambition
and this drive to become successful, and at the same
time there was this spiritual calling. Yes, that was almost
happening simultaneously. How did you reconcile the two when to
the external lie they could look very opposite. How did

(39:55):
you actually look weird? You mean, not weird in the
sense of I think a lot of peopeople assume that
spirituality and success don't go together.

Speaker 5 (40:02):
A lot of people would.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
Think that's absurd.

Speaker 12 (40:04):
Those are narrow minded people. I mean, you need to
be spiritual to be successful. Success is having a spiritual
life period. It's interesting because I had this boyfriend some
time ago, and after we broke up, we saw each
other years later and I was telling them about Cabala.

(40:25):
He's like, oh, yeah, that makes a lot of sense
because you grew up as a Catholic. I know how
religious your mother was. And I was like, no, no,
that's not what it is at all.

Speaker 11 (40:34):
It's got nothing to do with religion.

Speaker 12 (40:36):
Everybody has to find the path that speaks to them
and resonates with them. But I do think it's important
to have one. And I dare say if you didn't
have a spiritual path, you wouldn't be as successful as
you are today. I will make that assumption in your work,
in your marriage, and your friendships, all your relationships. It honestly,

(40:58):
it sounds like a really like a cliche your spiritual life.
Even I was like the reason, but it's just got
a bad rap. You know, you, like one hundred percent
can have a spiritual life and be successful. I wouldn't
be here but I didn't have one.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
Madonna's story is a reminder that success without inner grounding
can feel empty. True resilience isn't fueled by ambition alone.
It comes from a deeper sense of purpose and doing
the internal work to find fulfillment. She demonstrates the takeaway
that spirituality isn't separate from success, it's the foundation. When

(41:51):
Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez sat down with me, it
was evident that their love wasn't just playful, it was mature.
They shared how they handle conflict, take space, and return
to one another with honesty and respect. Research shows lasting
couples on those who never argue, but those who keep
respect and practice repair. Real love is imperfection. It's creating

(42:14):
a safe space through communication and trust.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
Sometimes she'll say this is so funny. Oh boy, no, no, no,
She'll do this and it's really cool. She'll go, I'm
feeling a little irritated, and I think I need like
twenty five minutes. And I'll say okay, and then I
give her her space. And then after like five minutes
she text me. She's like, hey, will you come back.

(42:39):
But it's knowing that and we have the proper boundaries
set with each other, Like I don't have to be
on top of her every second, she doesn't have to
be on top of me every second we're together. I
just want to know she's in the house so I
can say like, hey, I love you and then go
back to what I'm doing. You know what I mean,
Because look, we're both highly independent people. Okay, but we're

(43:02):
both little MUSHes who just need to be attached.

Speaker 6 (43:05):
Yeah, we are so cheesy. It's so fun.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
Yeah, but it's like, but I feel like I think
it helps us too that we're both you know, on
my list a thing was I wanted someone to be
driven and inspired by something. I didn't care if they
made any money or anything. I just wanted someone to
be so into something that they did every day. And
when she comes back from her day and she tells

(43:29):
me what she did, I'm like, I'm not sitting there like, yeah,
like when you're talking to your mom, you know, when
you're talking to your mom and you just say, your
mom just keeps talking to go yeah, uh huh yeah.
Like she comes back and like my eyes light up
because I see the enthusiasm. I see what she did,
and I'm like it inspires me, and I'm like, I
gotta do more in this thing. And it's like we're
in this place where we're inspiring each other and we're

(43:55):
so inspired by what the other person's doing. And and
she'll help me out. I'll be like, well, what if
you did it like this, this and this, and and
then she'll say something I'll be like, well, why don't
you handle the situation? Because we have such different personalities
that are also the same, but we're the thing that
one of us is really good at the other one
maybe lax a little bit and vice versa. And it's

(44:17):
so cool to be able to like workshop like little
conversations or how to handle the situation and it. And
I just feel so comfortable with her like that I
can say anything and she won't ever say I don't know.

Speaker 5 (44:32):
I love the maturity. I mean hearing you both talk
about it.

Speaker 6 (44:35):
Yeah, there, we are not the perfect No, that's not perfect.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
You're just sing no, no, no. But I think the
maturity of and I agree with you. I think I
think that's actually the difference. And I'm glad you brought
that up. I think there's a big difference between maturity
and perfection. Yeah, perfection is saying we never have a disagreement,
we never have to take space from each other, which
you're not saying.

Speaker 5 (44:57):
You're saying, hey, I.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
Just asked for twenty five eight space, and then I
was like, wait a minute, I need to And I
think there's a maturity in that, because it requires maturity
from both parts for you to first say hey, I
need space, for you to say I get it, I
respect you, and then for you to have the maturity
to say actually I want you back, and for you
to be like not like oh, I told you, so
for you to be like I'm here for you, that's

(45:20):
not perfection to me, that's maturity. And I think that's
I really want people to get that from it, that
you are going to have disagreements, you are going to
want space like me and Raley went through that. She
at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a
disagreement and we were the same, we never we made
a rule that would never raise our voices at each
other because I came from a home where it was
not great. She comes from home where her parents don't

(45:42):
raise their voices. But I was just like, I never
wanted them in my home. I wanted the energy of
my home to be so sacred, and I wanted the
energy of the home to always have a space where
everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug.
And I was like, we can't argue and then expect.

Speaker 5 (45:56):
That to happen.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
But it took a long time for us to realize
that when she at the star of our disagreements, she
wanted space. And I used to say to her, well,
if you don't want to talk about it right now,
that means you don't care about me, and that wasn't true.
She just needed space to process. So it took time
for us to mature, for me to realize, wait a minute,
you wanting space?

Speaker 5 (46:16):
Is you carying?

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Yeah, the relationship some people, I get it. They want
to talk about it right then, they want to The
one thing that also works for us so much is
like we're not chill people, but we're like we're not
We're never going to get like I'm not gonna yell
at anyone in my life, yes and yeah. And you know,
I came from a home where a lot of that
was happening, and I saw like at a young age,

(46:40):
and I was just like, well, like my parents weren't
speaking the same language. Obviously they were speaking the actual
same language. They weren't speaking the same language to each
other to communicate. And if someone comes at you like
hostile right away, the first thing I'm going to do,
and I know she's going to do is shut down.
So you're not getting anything, you know, And I always

(47:02):
say this, Guys are so quick to like they got
to win, they got to win the argument, and it's
like what are you doing? What are you winning? Like
you're going to argue with your wife and like make
her cry, and then you're like I won that argument,
and then she hates you and resents you like wait, like,
don't be an idiot, and it's like I.

Speaker 6 (47:19):
I've been guilty though to start, Yeah, I don't know.
I'm mad of you. Sorry.

Speaker 13 (47:25):
I think for me, I necessarily felt like in other
situations of mine it was I was very reactive. I
think that's why I was alone for five years, because
I really needed to collect myself. I think in the
past that's why I say to him all the time,

(47:45):
and ten years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have
wanted to be with you. I just wouldn't have been
in the right headspace. And I don't think that you
deserve what I had gone through before. So I've learned
a lot of less and I've made mistakes, and I
just want this to be right. So for me, that

(48:07):
was a lesson that I had to learn, because I
think girls can equally want to be right. That for me,
it was really difficult in the past, and he's made
it unbelievably easy, to the point where if I even
get to the point where I'm so frustrated, he's like
very quick to understand. I hear you like you're allowed
to feel that, and that helped me shift where my

(48:31):
mind used to go, which was a little bit of anger.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
So it was the validation of how you felt in
those reactive moments. Yes, that allowed you to not be reactive?

Speaker 5 (48:42):
What was it that allowed you?

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Because I feel like, as Benny was saying earlier, you
carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one.

Speaker 13 (48:49):
I respect Benny because he's done nothing but respect me.
I again trust him. I can tell him any even
if it's about something that's uncomfortable, and maybe she should
just talk to your girlfriends like he is that and
that helps calm me down to say, Okay, so I'm

(49:12):
going through these things because of maybe what I had
before or whatever it is. It's nothing is ever bad,
Like nothing in my life. I regret and I'm so
so happy for my journey and I'll continue to be.
It is a lesson that you have to be patient
and learn. And I just I could never picture myself

(49:34):
disrespecting him.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
I think, well, it's also just a different thing because
it's like, look, none of us are perfect. Like she
gets spicy sometimes and when I see something happening, it's
about guiding the missile, not adding a jet pack on
top of it with a with like machine gun artillery,
Like I want to make if I see her getting

(49:56):
to a place where I'm like, man, in five minutes
from now, this room could explode. I'm never gonna let
it get to that. Five minutes from now. I'm gonna say,
what are all the tools that I know that work
for her, that I've learned over Like, I'm not gonna
exacerbate a situation. I'm gonna try to calm it down,
because why do I want to be in that position

(50:17):
where we're both just like upset about something. I don't
want to just calm it down and tell her what
she wants to hear. I'm not saying that. I'm not
saying like to your partner.

Speaker 8 (50:25):
Be like yes, you're right, You're totally right.

Speaker 5 (50:27):
Like everything you know.

Speaker 2 (50:29):
I think you listen and you say like okay, Like
sometimes I even I'll say like, let's not let it
get there, let's like just talk about this. And I
do think physical touch is always like a very big way,
like if you're in a conversation with your partner, like
it's like sometimes just like a hand helps or just
holding their hand while you're telling them, or giving them

(50:50):
a hug while you're telling them, and if someone's upset,
let them talk it out first, and then after they
talk it out, be like, Okay, well here's what I
think you know, and you can work through these things together.
It's such an easy way. It's not always easy, I
can tell you that. And sometimes we just someone wants
to be frustrated, and it's like, sometimes she'll tell me that.

(51:11):
She'll just be like, I know it's gonna be okay,
but like, I just want to be frustrated in this moment.
And I'll have to redirect because I'll be like, you
know what, you have every right to be in this moment,
and she'll say this is why she said, this is
why I want to be frustrated in this moment. She
said it the other day about something I can't even remember,
and I was just like, oh my god. I was like, yeah,
I was like, that makes so much sense. I was like,

(51:32):
I don't agree with the frustration. We'll get there afterwards,
and I was like, but I get it. I get it,
and it's so cool and I've never quite had a
relationship like with her, and we're the furthest thing from
perfect in the world. We're perfect for each other, not
perfect for everyone else. But I think the thing that's
cool is that we've had.

Speaker 8 (51:52):
All these experiences.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right, and
I'm like, oh, okay, I'm going to change that the
next time, you know, with this person or with that person.
And I think that's when you really grow is when
you take all your experiences, good or bad.

Speaker 5 (52:06):
Like I'm like her.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
I take every experience in my life, my past partners,
my family, my everything. It's like everything happened for a reason,
and I'm not going to sit here and mope about
like things that could be better or different. What I'm
going to do is I'm going to say, Okay, I
learned this, and now I'm going to put it into practice.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
You know, for me, I always always said to RADI.
I always said to my wife, do you want me
to listen? Do you want me to fix this? Or
do you just want me to go through it with you?

Speaker 2 (52:35):
Because they don't want you to fix it right away.
And I'm not saying I'm saying men or women, sometimes
it's not about fixing, you know, everyone is. You know,
I'm such a problem solver, and you are too, so
it's like your first thing, I know, the first thing
in your head is like how can I fix this situation?
But sometimes it's not about fixing it right there. Sometimes
it's about just like you know, especially for women who

(52:56):
are like strong, like both our partners, they don't have
a lot of time to be vulnerable in all the
areas of their life. They have the world on their backs.
Your wife has. There's so many people that rely on her.
There's so many people that rely on her, So sometimes
they just want to complain about something and that's okay, that's.

Speaker 5 (53:15):
Okay, Yeah, it's okay. Who else are they going to
do it to?

Speaker 2 (53:18):
They might as well do it and you just listen.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
Well, Benny and Selena show us is that love is
less about avoiding conflict and more about how you navigate it,
taking space without abandoning each other, listening before fixing, and
validating feelings instead of winning the argument. That's what creates trust, respect,
and growth. Their story is proof that lasting love isn't
built on perfection, It's built on continuing to choose each other.

(53:44):
And finally, President Biden, it was the honor of a
lifetime to be invited to the White House to interview
a sitting president. When I sat with President Biden, our
conversation turned to loneliness, grief, and the role of family.
He reflected on how small gestures of presence, a call,
a visit, simply showing up can ease the anxiety many

(54:07):
young people face today.

Speaker 7 (54:09):
Think of all the young people today, I think that
there's more anxiety and loneliness today than there's been in
a long long time. You know, my friend I appointed
Admiral by mcmurthhy, he was telling me about, you know,
the percentage of young people today who are feeling lonely alone,

(54:32):
and sometimes it's just touching just showing up. I used
to get the son Bo, who should be sitting here
instead of me, would always say, Dad, you know I
have time to make that call. You know, I'd get
in a plane and go home. And because someone had
a serious problem, lost a wife or daughter, and I

(54:54):
said that you don't have time. When he passed away,
the hundreds of people told me how he called, he
showed up, he was there, And because the people have
shown up for me too, it just really matters.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
Yeah, you've been through you mentioned it. There You've been
through so much tragic loss in your life. As you
just mentioned there, you didn't run for presidency in twenty sixteen,
shortly after the loss of your son. You've lost your
first wife and daughter in a horrific accident. I can't
even begin to understand how someone has the courage to

(55:30):
process that much loss in grief, let alone move forward
in the way you have. It's truly admirable. How did
you begin?

Speaker 7 (55:40):
I had an overwhelming advantage in the loss, and that
was I had a really close family. Was there, for example,
when my wife and daughter were killed, my first wife
and my two boys were very badly injured. Attractor chail
and brought side. I was not in the accident. When
I got home from the hospital. Well, my sister and

(56:01):
husband already gave up their apartment and moved in. Helped
me raise my kid my brother. We lived in a
suburban area. It was more country than suburban, and there
was a little barn on a prock garage bar and
my brother came and he turned the loft to the
barn into an apartment for himself. They were there for
me all the time. That was a gigantic difference. My

(56:23):
best friend of my life and my sister and my brothers.

Speaker 12 (56:25):
And.

Speaker 7 (56:27):
So I had an enormous advantage. And I think that
when you see people who were going through something tough,
it does matter if you reach out. I mean it
does matter. Like, for example, you know you have a
one you're a senator. For all the years I was
in a small state, you know so many people, and

(56:50):
people would pass away to show up at the wake
of the funeral, no matter what was happening. I learned
it early on. People would stop and just come and
throw their arms around me because if they know you
know the pain they feel, they get some solace in it.
It's not always easy, but it just matters just to
just to reach out, let people know you see them.

Speaker 1 (57:12):
How did you allow yourself to receive that help too?
I feel like, as you were mentioning earlier, with the
loneliness and anxiety that exists, a lot of people either
struggle to know what to say. I think we live
in a society where people are like, but what do
I say if they've gone through that? And the opposite
end what you just said. Being able to be open
enough to actually receive help requires a certain amount of

(57:36):
courage and strength as well.

Speaker 7 (57:38):
Well, I was raising a family for real extended family,
my grandparents as well, where my dad in an expression,
families beginning, middle and end. There's a rule of the
family growing up.

Speaker 8 (57:53):
Not a joke.

Speaker 7 (57:54):
We didn't notice the time, but whenever you wanted to
speak to your mother or father, I mean, they said,
can we he had a problem. No matter what they
were doing, they stopped. No matter what they were doing,
they stopped and heard, listen to you. And I did
the same with my children, and they did the same
with theirs, because it's a matter of them knowing that

(58:20):
they are the most important thing in your life. Have
they got a problem, You're there to listen. I have
seven grandkids, four of them all five and mold enough
to talk on the phone. You know, every day I
either text them or call them. And a matter of
factor in the campaign, they were having a I didn't

(58:40):
realize they're having an interview the four oldest grandchildren, they said,
and just at the time, and they said, they call
me pop. Pop calls us every day or text us
every day, and I call them phone right. Well, I
give my word. I had no idea, but it said, look,
I just think being there is important it makes such

(59:06):
a difference. I think knowing that someone's going to be
there for you, just to listen, just to hold you,
just to hug you.

Speaker 5 (59:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
After his own losses, he shared how family and community
carried him through. Research confirms it social support is one
of the strongest predictors of resilience in the face of trauma.
What the President reminds us is that helping doesn't require
perfect words or solutions. It can simply require presence to

(59:37):
reach out when someone is struggling, to show up when
it would be easier to stay away, and to listen
fully so the people we love know they matter, because
sometimes the greatest gift we can give is simply not
letting someone go through it alone. These conversations are just
a glimpse of what this community has built together over

(59:58):
five million subscribed. On Purpose has always been about learning
and growing together. Thank you for being a part of
this community, for listening, watching, and carrying these lessons into
your own lives. I'm so incredibly grateful and I can't
wait for the next five million. Thank you. If you
enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with

(01:00:19):
Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay
with your partner when they're changing, and the four check
ins you should be doing in your relationship. We also
talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stressed.
If you're going through something right now with your partner
or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.

Speaker 9 (01:00:40):
Now, wonder our kids are struggling. We have a new
technology and we've just taken it in hookline and Sinker,
and we have to be mindful for our kids. They'll
just be thumbing through this stuff. You know, their mind's
never sleeping

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