Grief has a way of showing up when we least expect it, especially during seasons that are meant to feel joyful. Today, Jay brings together powerful conversations with different guests who have each experienced grief in deeply personal ways. Together, these stories reveal how grief manifests uniquely for each person, often unfolding in many forms at once.
Kate Cassidy opens up about losing her partner and shares how healing didn’t come from grand moments, but from small, intimate rituals. Nicole Avant reflects on the tragic loss of her mother and reveals how forgiveness, faith, and gratitude became tools for resilience rather than bitterness. Karan Johar speaks about losing his father to cancer and how their honest conversations before his passing gave him a sense of closure many people never get, reminding us not to wait to say what matters most. Taylor Hill honors the different forms of grief that are often minimized, including miscarriage and the loss of a beloved pet.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Sit With Grief Without Rushing Healing
How to Find Comfort in Small Daily Rituals
How to Focus on a Life Lived, Not Just a Loss
How to Say What Matters Before It’s Too Late
How to Hold Space for Someone Without Fixing Them
How to Honor Invisible or Unspoken Losses
How to Let Love, Not Loss, Lead Your Healing
If you’re carrying loss right now, know that you are not alone, even when it feels isolating. Healing often happens quietly, in small routines, honest conversations, moments of stillness, and the permission to feel exactly what you feel.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty.
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.
Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:13 Finding Healing After Loss
07:27 Learning to Listen to the Signs
10:20 Keeping Memories Alive
13:07 Moving Through Tragic Loss
19:08 Why Grief Is Proof of Deep Love
20:18 Celebrating a Life Well Lived
24:24 Understanding That Nothing Is Permanent
29:24 The Conversations You Wish You’d Had
33:20 Creating Space to Grieve Freely
41:09 The Grief of Losing a Dear Friend
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
How many of you find that the holidays bring up
a mix of emotions. For many people, the holiday season
can be a time of connection and celebration, but it
can also quietly amplify grief memories and the absence of
someone we deeply love. When celebration is everywhere and absence
seems louder, lost can feel more present. Grief is something
(00:20):
every single one of us will face, yet most of
us are never taught how to live it, especially during
moments when closeness, tradition, and joy are emphasized. Research shows
that nearly one in three adults struggle with prolonged grief
after the loss of a loved one, and during the holidays,
that weight can feel even heavier. What's often misunderstood is
(00:41):
that grief isn't about getting over someone, It's about learning
how to carry that love forward in a new way.
In this video, you'll hear stories of loss and resilience
from guests I'm truly grateful to have spoken with on
on purpose. Their experiences remind us that grief can feel isolating,
but hearing how others live it can help us feel
(01:01):
understood and less alone. During this season.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
The number one health and wellness podcast Jay Said Jay Sheidy.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
When Kate Cassidy lost her boyfriend Liam Payne in a
tragic accident, her entire world changed overnight. She shares that
in the beginning, everything felt numb, like she was floating
outside of herself, and what surprised her was that the
healing didn't come from big moments, but from the small,
everyday rituals, listening to songs they loved, talking about him
(01:35):
with friends, even noticing little signs that reminded her of Liam.
Psychologists say that grief often comes in waves, sometimes gentle,
sometimes overwhelming, but over time, each wave teaches us how
to carry the weight a little differently. Let's have a listen.
I think so many people listening or watching whether they've
lost someone close to them more. I think people struggle
(01:58):
to know what to say, People struggle to know what
to do themselves when they've lost someone. What worked for you?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I think at the end of the day, you need
to listen and trust your heart, because grief comes in
so many waves, so many different emotions. You're gonna wake up,
you're gonna feel numb. You're gonna wake up, you're going
to feel sad, You're going to feel angry, you're going
to feel one day, you're going to wake up and
you're gonna laugh, and you're going to just think of
good moments you had, and then you're going to find
yourself just this laugh turning into this hysterical cry. And
(02:25):
I think that grief is something that you never know
what to expect, and it hits everybody so differently. So
I think the best, you know, some advice that I
would give, just some general advice, would be to always
trust your gut. Some things for me might not work
for other people. I think keeping a consistent, of course,
(02:49):
schedule routine. And I'm not saying waking up in the
morning from nine am, having a strategic plan throughout the day,
and then not getting home until eight pm, of course not.
Your mind needs time to rest, think and heal. But
even just if you take one activity per day, it
could just be walking, baking, going to the gym, going
to applies class, just any type of small thing, it
(03:14):
just helps so.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Much with your head's face.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
But I think for me, one thing that really has
helped me so much and that makes me feel so
full of light and love is seeing signs.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
And I see.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
So many signs of Lim and I'm such a believer
in signs. I believe in manifesting, and I know that
he's with me and I feel him all the time.
And I remember at first when he passed away, I
didn't feel him for i'd say the first five days.
And I know that's not a long amount of time,
(03:49):
but obviously five days when you're not with somebody after
being with them twenty four to seven, it feels like,
you know, five years. So I remember getting kind of
angry and just being like talking to Liam, just saying,
why haven't you shown me any signs? And I remember
one day, it was before I flew out to England,
so I was still in our house in Florida. I
(04:11):
sat on the floor of his closet and I started
crying hysterically, and I was so angry with him. I said,
show me a sign. This is so unfair, like are
you here with me? Show me a sign? And this
is a stage of grief. That also, I want people
to know it's okay to be angry, and it's okay
to cry, and it's okay to say things.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
It's okay.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
And I was crying and I was just saying, I'm
so disappointed I love you so much, but I need
you to show me a sign because I don't feel you.
And I remember I went back downstairs, and it's just
it was such a simple thing. But my friends asked me,
do you want anything from McDonald's. And at this point,
it was so hard for me to even hold down food.
I was barely eating. And for me, me and Liam,
(04:51):
we loved McDonald's. It was something that we would probably
get like twice a week, which I know is not
the healthiest option. It was just a part of like
just kind of our childlike things to do, and we
would always get the Happy Meal toy. We always would
get the Happy Meal toy. It was always also Liam's
idea to do that. He was such a kid at
heart and he would always get.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
The Happy Meals toy.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
And I said to my friends, you know what, get
me a kid's mealk. I'm not even hungry. I really
don't want to eat, but I'll try to. I'll try
to eat something, but I just want to see what
the happy Meal toy is. I really just want to
see what it is. So they came back, they brought
me the Happy Meal and it came in this like
because it was around Halloween. It came in this trick
or treat bin instead of the cardboard McDonald's like happy mailbox.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
And I remember when they gave it to me.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
I was I was annoyed because I was like, this
is the happy Meal toy. I thought I was going
to get like a little cute thing that maybe would
have been a symbol of Liam, or something that Liam
would have liked, or something like cute that could just
make me feel.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
A little lifted.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
I was just my head was everywhere, just even thinking
that I could get any sort of positivity and light
from a happy Meal kid's meal toy. That was just
where my head was. And I was so angry. I
didn't get any type of toy. I just got a
trigg or treatment that obviously I'm not quiting trick or treating.
So then I opened the lid to try to eat
(06:12):
some of the food, and I noticed there's this maze
on the back of the lid, and it was kind
of one of those mazes where it's like count how
many black cats count, how many ghosts count? How many
pumpkins you can find? And I, obviously I didn't try
to even do the maze. Why would I and on
the back of it it said the answers in small
little letters, so you can, I guess, match it up
to see if you won the puzzle. And our angel
(06:34):
numbers have always been for any sequence of four, and
the answers on the back of it were four four four,
And that was immediately the first sign I got from Liam.
And the number four symbolizes guidance and support from your angels.
And this has been such a big part of our relationship.
I mean, he had the number four initialed on his finger.
(06:55):
I ended up getting it after he passed away, and
I think that for such a big part of our
every single letter he's written me, he has ended it
with your four four four.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
It's just it was always our thing.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
So the fact that I got these this happy meal
toy and the answer said four for four, that was
Liam listening to me, and he was giving me a
sign saying I know I am here, I am here,
You're not alone like I am here, and it made
me feel so just my I just lit up. I remember,
and I still kept the little map I have folded
up and it's in my bedside drawer.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
And it sounds like you've seen so many other signs
off to that as well.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Yeah, I have, and I see so many signs. And
I came to La obviously to be here. I came
to LA and I've never been to La without Liam before.
I've only been with Liam. We've went a handful of
times together, and we've created so many memories here. And
when I landed in La, I felt like part of
me was missing. I just even getting on the plane,
(07:52):
just sitting alone, you know, not next to Liam, just
felt so wrong. And I was just still, you know,
everything that I do, I've I'm missing Liam.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
I'm thinking of Liam. But being in this.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
City that I love and I have this connection with La,
I love it so much. Without the person that I
love who brought me here and showed me around La
and introduced me to this wonderful city, it just felt
so empty. And I think on my second or third
night here, I mean, my friend went to a basketball
game and we were.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
On our way to the basketball game.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
We were in an uber and everywhere we were just
seeing fours everywhere on license plates, we were seeing it
on billboards, phone numbers, like on billboard everywhere, just the
number four. And then we get into the basketball game,
we go into a suite, and every suite it's like,
I'm assuming, decorated differently that's normally how it is. It
has like a different type of interior design, especially at
(08:46):
this arena. And we walk in and the wallpaper is
the exact same wallpaper as me and Liam's bathroom wallpaper
in England, and it's so unique. I've never seen a
wallpaper like this before. It's lionheads with this floral design.
It's something that's not just a color or not this
sort of design that you would see shopping for a
(09:08):
painting at TJ Max. It's just this design that I've
never seen before. Moving into this house in London with Liam,
and the fact that that was in the suite, I
immediately that's the first thing. I walked into the suite
and I just stopped. I turned to my friend and
I said, this is the same wallpaper that me and
Liam had in our bathroom in London.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
And then we leave the basketball game.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
At this point, it's kind of late and we just
want to get some food in us, so we go
to this quick little restaurant for a bite to eat.
We were the only ones in the restaurant because I
think their kitchen was about to close within five minutes.
We walk into the restaurant and the song that's playing
as we're walking in is night changes by one direction.
And the first place my eyes go to is the
TV screen behind the boots, and it was Liam on
(09:53):
the screen. They were playing the music video and it
was just three signed, three big signs in a row
being here in la And I just knew Liam was
with me that night, and Liam was there at that
basketball game with us. Liam was there that night eating
tacos with us. He was there with us, and seeing
those signs make me feel so much more connected and
close to him, and that I know he's here and
(10:14):
he's listening to me, and he's far but he's not
too far.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yeah. I had the pleasure of interviewing Laurea Lyn Jackson,
who wrote the book Signs. Yeah, and I loved that book.
For anyone who loves learning about signs, loves knowing about signs,
that that book is speaking so closely to. I don't
know if you've ever seen it or ever met Laurea Lynn,
but she speaks so beautifully about how all of us
(10:40):
have different whether it's numbers, whether it's emblem symbols, things
that we can see anywhere that points to us that
we're moving in the right direction. And yeah, me and
my team have had some pretty crazy experiences when we
were preparing for that interview and met her and everything
else as well, and so thank you for sharing those
because it's amazing to see how Liam's so alive in
(11:01):
your life and so present in your life. And I
can imagine that's hard too. I'm curious to know what's
been the hardest part of the last few months for you,
because as much as it's wonderful to see Liam being
present in all these places, I'm sure it's hard as well.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
I think the hardest thing that this has of course
brought me is this loneliness feeling. And you go from
being with somebody twenty four to seven to knowing and
facing the reality that you're never going to see this
person again in this life, and that for me is
something that I still just cannot fully process in my mind,
and I think that is always in the back of
(11:39):
my mind. I think going places to everything reminds me
of Liam. I could be having a specific coffee flavor
from Starbucks and I'm just thinking, oh, Liam, love this
coffee I bring. You know, I bring up Liam in
almost every conversation I have because everything reminds me of him,
and at the end of the day, I'm thinking about
him every second of every single day. I could be
having full, full ball in conversation with somebody about something
(12:03):
completely off topic, something just completely not involving me, involving Liam,
and always in the back of my head, I'm just
thinking Liam, Liam, Liam. And then even some of the
things that I don't connect with with Liam, things that
we haven't done, memories that we haven't made yet, or
moments that we haven't shared together, remind me of him
because I'll think to myself, Liam would have loved this,
(12:24):
or I wish Liam was able to experience this, or
I wish we were able to try this together. So
everything reminds me of him in one way or another.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
You know, I think we often think of grief as
a almost as if we're waiting to wake up one
day and we don't feel what we felt anymore. And
that's for anyone who's tried to grieve knows that's not true,
and it doesn't happen like that. Kate's story teaches us
a key lesson that grief isn't linear. There isn't a
(12:54):
straight line from heartbreak to healing. Instead, it's a process
of learning to coexist with absence and realizing that the
love you shared doesn't vanish with loss, It changes form
and it stays with you. Our next guest, Nicole Evan,
(13:27):
discusses the tragic loss of her mother after she was
fatally shot in her own home. Nicole was faced with
a choice. She could let anger and bitterness consumer, or
she could lean into faith, forgiveness and gratitude for their
life her mother lived. Research shows that people who approach
grief with forgiveness and gratitude often report greater emotional resilience
(13:50):
and improve mental health over time. But forgiveness doesn't mean
excusing what happened or ignoring it. For Nicole, it was
about choosing not to let pain define her life. I'm
reading from your book if you don't mind, if that's okay,
So this is page fifty three for those who are
reading along with us and think you'll be happy, and
(14:10):
you say a few days after my mother died, Pharrell
Williams called, He's like a brother to me, his family,
and he says, we're going to celebrate your mom. He said,
we're going to celebrate her legacy. She's a big deal
and we're not going to let anyone forget her. She
created a life worth talking about. Do you realize that
(14:31):
hundreds of thousands of babies were born around the world
the day she passed over? There are one hundred and
forty million a year all around the world. Life is
always continuing, Nicole, and you must continue her life by
living yours to the fullest. And he concluded, God is
still the greatest. And you said that for Ur says
this all the time, through good or bad times, and
(14:53):
He's right. God is still the greatest. What I find
really unique about your journey, Nicole, as well, is that
you are able to you keep and strengthen your faith
in your own spirituality, in the way you practice it
at a time when it's very natural. And I would
never judge anyone if it would actually veer them a way,
(15:13):
right and just say no, no, exactly, Yeah, what do
you mean? Yeah? What do you mean?
Speaker 5 (15:19):
I've been so good and I've had so much faith
and how can this happen? You know? And as I
say in the book, it's like why not us? It
tragedies and trials and everything it happens to. You know,
as it says in scripture, it rains on the just
and it rains on the unjust. It's everyone kind of
gets hammered. But it goes to the power of choice.
For me, and the reason that I grew stronger in
(15:40):
my faith as opposed to leaving it is because I
really do believe that the universe has kind of laid
it all out.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
Life has laid it out various.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
Scripture, you know your Buddhist script everything is laid it out,
which says here it is, you're on this earth, and
it kind of here, here's how you play this game.
But these things were not going to lie. These things
will show up. But the power of free will, which
my mom always reminded me about of, is that you know, listen,
we as human beings, do have free will. We have
(16:13):
the freedom to choose how we're going to live, choose
how we're going to think, as opposed to any other animal,
you know, they don't have the power of imagination and choice.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
We do.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
So to blame the creator for the choices that people
make is not something that I wanted to subscribe to.
I was like, I'm not even going there. People make
choices all the time. I see it every day, we
all do. People who have had the worst childhoods make
great choices have great lives. I've seen people who I
grew up with in a very affluent neighborhood make the
(16:46):
worst choices and had nothing to do with their environment.
Speaker 6 (16:51):
It was their choice.
Speaker 5 (16:52):
So I wanted to stay my faith. For me really
was believing in something that is so much bigger and
greater than me that you know swing. You know, the
stars come out at night. I'm not in control of that.
The earth is spinning, that's not my power. You know,
the birds wake up every morning, the sun is up,
(17:12):
the sun goes down.
Speaker 6 (17:13):
That's a power that is.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
Yes, I'm a part of that and I'm connected to it,
but I did I'm not the creator, and so I
just decided to lean in more with that power and
just say, Okay, I accept this. I don't understand it.
I may never understand it, but I still do love life,
(17:39):
and I still do believe in life and the goodness
of people and the goodness of life. And I don't
want to get bitter. That was my mate.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Jay.
Speaker 5 (17:48):
I was so afraid of becoming a bitter person, and
I could feel the root.
Speaker 6 (17:53):
I could feel I could feel it.
Speaker 5 (17:55):
Starting, and I was like, no, no, no, no, I
got to get rid of this I And that's where
I just went into the forgiveness of not condoning the behavior,
not saying oh, it's okay that this happened, and making
an excuse forgiveness for me, was I am casting this
burden or these burdens of anger and shame and doubt
(18:15):
and disappointment and frustration and fury. Because I was furious,
and I thought, but if I hold on to these feelings,
I'm going to sink myself. And I'm not giving anyone
the power to take me out now.
Speaker 6 (18:32):
I'm not doing that.
Speaker 5 (18:33):
So I'm going to stand in my faith. I'm going
to believe in what I believe in, and I'm going
to believe in life, and I am going to I
choose to believe that things will get better. I don't
know when, and I don't know how. I didn't care,
but I knew that they would and I believe. And
I'm a big believer in tomorrow. I love tomorrow. I do,
I really do.
Speaker 6 (18:51):
I'm always saying okay, because if I don't get it right.
Speaker 5 (18:53):
I'm like, oh, there's always tomorrow, and it keeps me hopeful.
Tomorrow keeps me hopeful. I don't try to stay of
the present, but I do look forward.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
You know.
Speaker 5 (19:02):
My mom always just to say you have to have
something to look forward to, because otherwise you if you
don't train your mind to And I'd say, well, I
have nothing coming up that I'm looking forward to.
Speaker 6 (19:12):
And she used to say, make it up.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
Make it up.
Speaker 5 (19:15):
Pretend you have some partner, pretend you have some whatever
it is, that something that's going to make your heart smile,
because we can all fall into despair very quickly.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
I love that that is brought a massive smile to
my It's so beautiful. How how someone's energy and spoke
can be so big that it can, you know, truly
live on and and truly truly be fought and shared.
It's Yeah, there's this beautiful line that you share from
your friend Penny who says, grief is the receipt from
the universe showing that you loved someone or something and
(19:49):
loved them very deeply.
Speaker 5 (19:50):
It's not the best. When she reminded me of that,
I said, okay.
Speaker 6 (19:54):
Wait, say it again. I have to write this down
say it again. That is so good.
Speaker 5 (19:58):
But she said, baby, that's what it is. It's a receipt.
And it could be a mother, a father, a sister,
a brother, a dog, cat, whatever, something that you love
that is no longer there.
Speaker 6 (20:09):
That has changed form.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
Even if it's the most peaceful transition, the grief is
proof that you loved. You know, the grief is most
of the time, and there's a lot of grief also
where there's regrets and all that. I understand that and
I respect all forms of grief, but it is it's
a receipt.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, a receipt that you loved, and you were loved
and I was loved, deeply, deeply. This one line in
the book, you really I just felt it was perspective
shifting in a way that oh, I just I just
feel like that statement, just like you know, you just
embodied and captured everything. And you said that even though
(20:52):
your mother's death was shocking, her life was beautiful. So
you imagine, even though the end was so terror, her
life was beautiful. And that's what you're celebrating. That's what
you're putting emphasis and focus and your light on. And
I find that's very difficult because when we lose someone,
it's so easy and natural again and normal, And that's
(21:13):
when it's normal for us to obsess over how we
lost someone and how we left them, which is the
shortest amount of time we actually experienced them most mostly,
but we have all of this time. But the brain
and our memory and our mind is so good at
just fixating on the end.
Speaker 5 (21:31):
The end, and not the life. Yeah was yeah, and
not the life. And I had to get to the end.
So I used to say, but, but, but, and then
I realized, wait, I can have both. This is shocking
and terrible and hurtful, and I'm going to celebrate her
life and I'm going to think of the good times,
and I'm going to try and think of all the
(21:54):
great memories that will bring a smile to my face.
So it was no longer a butt and once I
changed but to and I didn't have to choose which one.
I was going to do both and move through life
with the shock and the trauma and the stress and
the beauty of her life, the beauty of how she lived,
the energy of what she gave. So I was I
(22:16):
was moving with all energies. And it was only until
I shifted because I was definitely in that, but this happened.
So I don't know how I could ever smile again.
But this happened, and it was so tragic. And then
as soon as I said, this happened and it's tragic,
and I'm going to think positively, I'm going to think constructively.
Speaker 6 (22:37):
You know, my dad always used to say.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
To me, girl, keep your mind right, keep your mind right,
crucify your mind.
Speaker 6 (22:44):
Every day. You got to keep your mind right.
Speaker 5 (22:47):
And so that really helped me, you know, And that
my friend TD Jake's had called me and he said,
I understand you're angry. Of course, it's normal to be
angry and all the things you're feeling. But I have
a question for you. Do you want your focus to
be on her last five minutes or are you going
(23:07):
to focus on the eighty one years that she lived?
And it's your choice, and you have to choose every
day which one are you going to focus on? You're
going to give him five minutes, the five minutes and
the trauma, or are you going to focus on the
eighty one years? And I remember it through all my
tears on eighty one.
Speaker 6 (23:27):
Years, eighty one years, and.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
It was but it was beautiful because he helped me
shift and I had to go to that every day.
It wasn't like he'd said it one day and then,
but every day and every time it was very challenging
for me, Jay, and every time I did want to quit.
And there were days where I didn't stop all the time.
But you know, sometimes you have to push pause in life.
And there were days where I would lay in the
(23:50):
bed and just lay there and be still and think
or not think, and just lay there and I but
I still decided to focus on her eighty one years
and to focus on what I loved about her, and
to focus on her contributions to life and society and
other people and how she made people feel so powerful.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
That shift for me was, you know, I was like
that I can. That's something I'd like to remind myself
every day with the people that I've lost. Like that,
that really felt like a real gift, that gem of
advice and insight. Thank you. Nicole teaches us that grief
is the proof that you love deeply, and that forgiveness
(24:30):
isn't about denying what happened. It's about refusing to let
tragedy hard in your heart. It's about finding a way
to keep love at the center of your healing and
choosing to cherish the positive. When our next guest, Current
jaw Her, learned that his father was diagnosed with cancer,
he suddenly realized how much had been left unsaid between them.
(24:51):
They began having conversations about life, death, and love, connections
they had never dared to have before. So many people
who lose a li loved one report wishing for just
one more conversation, one more beat, to tell them something
important before it's too late. And while we can't always
control when goodbyes come, current story is a reminder of
(25:13):
the healing that comes from honesty and why we shouldn't
wait to say what matters most.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Can your light stop? No, you have to move on.
Speaker 7 (25:21):
Nothing is worse than losing a loved one, but you
eventually have to come to terms of the fact that
it's happened. That's why there's a full stop, because the
next sentence has to begin, so its only can start
when that full stop is registered, and then you move on.
I look at life like that, whatever goes wrong is
going to go wrong. Nothing is going to be constantly happy,
(25:42):
nothing is going to be constantly sad. It's the way
you have to kind of just understand life. And maybe
because as a child I had such a rough batch,
I think I kind of armored myself for me to
feel the way I do today about anything.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Who have you lost? That that full stop was.
Speaker 7 (25:58):
Hard to my father. He passed away much earlier than
I ever imagined. When he was in his early seventies
and very healthy, on his feet, active man, no vices.
He just one day had a fourth stage tumor in
his usophagus, which we found out much later when it
(26:19):
was in his fourth stage, and that went into full
blown cancer and he passed from the time of the
diagnosis to the point of him passing away with ten months.
I'm a realist. I'm not an optimist or a pessimist.
I'm a realist. So I went to the oncologist in
and we were surprisingly filming Kalhonah, which.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Is about a man dying, and it is about a
man dying.
Speaker 7 (26:41):
We were in New York, and I went to my
ecologist and said, look, my father, you know, and like,
tell me, give me the hard fact. And he said, look,
it doesn't look good. And I was like, okay, now
I know this. That I know it doesn't look good,
and we'll do everything in our capacity medically to kind
of you know, But I said, I don't want to
see him in pain. Actually, oddly, the five days that
(27:01):
he had a tough time for the five days of
his chemotherapy, those were the tough days of the subsequent
days to the chemotherapy. But actually those ten other months,
besides those five days, it gave me so much time
that I could spend with him, that I had conversations
I never thought I would be, discussed my childhood. We
discussed his early years. We discussed his achievements, his failures,
(27:23):
his regrets, his joys. I have complete closure with my
relationship with my father because I have no unanswered questions
because in those ten months I wasn't running around like
a headless chicken trying to keep him alive. I had
accepted that he may go, and in those months I
lived in the moment with him, and I was able
(27:45):
to have all those conversations that I would have loved
to have had with him earlier but I didn't. But
love those ten months gave me that. And I even
told my mom I was like, talk to him, speak
to him, but she was finding very tough to accept
the situation, so she couldn't and that's why she still
doesn't have closure. Twenty years have passed since he passed
away and she still has not been able to deal
(28:07):
with his passing away. And she's eighty two years old today,
Whereas I actually have complete closure because I had every
conversation I could have dreamt of having with a parent,
I did. And that's why I always tell people like,
communicate today because they may not be here tomorrow. Tell
them today anything you have a problem, you have resentment issues,
(28:27):
you have parental trauma, You've got to speak today because
today communication is the result, is the aid is you're
looking for is the solution to every problem. And we
don't talk specifically. I think in our parenting structure in India,
we have respect and respect sometimes equals distance, you know,
and that respect should not give you distance in a relationship.
(28:50):
Respect should also be a close component of love. It
should actually give you the ability to communicate to your parent.
Just because you respect your father and mother doesn't mean
you answer what you want. Parents are not always correct.
It's not that they are saying the right thing to
you all the time. They are carrying the baggage of
their parents, and they put that baggage onto you and
you may not need it or you shouldn't have it,
(29:12):
and you have to kind of have an open line
of channel and you.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Can still be respectful.
Speaker 7 (29:17):
Never not be respectful, because that's something that our tradition
teaches us, our culture teaches us.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
But please, I always tell.
Speaker 7 (29:25):
People keep an open channel of communication with your parent
because they may not always be correct, They may not
always be right, They may not be right. Advice or
value system may not be good for you, and you
have to sometimes question it.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah, for sure, was there a specific question you asked
or a conversation you remember fondly from that time? As
you said, you had every conversation you asked every question,
Is there one that stands out?
Speaker 7 (29:51):
I asked him whether he has any regrets, you know,
and he spoke to me widely about like his relationship
with his parents and his siblings. You know, what he
thought he did wrong as even career wise, and how
he thought he was taken for a ride, but he
didn't act on it at the right time. We lost
a lot of money because some of his indiscretions. And
you know, he spoke about that openly. He also spoke
(30:12):
about the fact that like sometimes he has things he
wants to tell my mom, but he doesn't say it
because he doesn't want to hurt or upset her, and
he says, I wish I had. Then he tells me,
he told me, like, you know, I wish I would
have spent more time with you. He would have been
I wish I didn't incorporated sport in your life. It
would have given you a sense of much more like,
(30:33):
because I believe sport is not just for physical health,
it's also gives you It rains your mind very differently.
And he said I didn't spend enough active time with
you because I was so busy working. So he told
me a lot about his regrets and his thoughts at
that time, and I think it really helped him as well.
I think it kind of gave him so much closure.
And I think those conversations are very dear to me.
(30:53):
And then he wrote an eleven page letter to me,
which I didn't know existed, was given to met him
passing away, where he wrote also business or the accounts,
and it was a technical letter of everything about like
this is the account, these are the these are my
like the businesses that we've this, you don't.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Know money to anyone. It's all done.
Speaker 7 (31:13):
This is where the bank account cetera, detailed mutual deposits
funds like whatever the investments were at that time. He
gave me like a handwritten, handwritten it was written by
him in hand and then he wrote people you can trust, people,
you can't trust. Things you should never do like he
just it became my bible and I'm literally I think
ninety percent of it is what I followed.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
And he wrote me eleven page letter.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Had he ever written your letter before?
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Never? He knew he was going. Yeah, So he wrote
me that and it wasn't an emotional letter.
Speaker 7 (31:41):
It was a practical, thoughtful, business minded, future based letter.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
It's all about me, how.
Speaker 7 (31:49):
To manage the funds, what we have, what we don't have,
Who owes him money? And he said, but never ask
them till they come to you, because you know, it
was all given in good face. And he said, we
don't know anyone, and so if anyone comes and asks,
it's not true. And he gave me every single detail
that me, who was not business minded, had zero business
(32:09):
acumen needed. That eleventh pager that I followed as my
bible to kind of.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Fought forward at that time.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Wow, what a beautiful gift to leave someone's That's so powerful.
I've never heard that before. I've never heard someone leaving
their child a practical, thoughtful I mean, the idea of
who to trust and who not to trust.
Speaker 7 (32:30):
He never wrote anything that I love you, I will
all lose that was said already. It was none of that.
It was not a hallmark letter, you know. It was
a business letter.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
That's unbelievable. Thank you for sharing that. Current's reflections remind
us that grief isn't just about mourning what we lose.
It's also about cherishing the moments we still have. The
best time to say what you feel is always now.
Don't wait until tomorrow to express what matters today. Grief
(33:17):
isn't only about who we lose, but also what we lose,
a pet, a pregnancy, a future. For Taylor here it
came in many forms, the heartbreak of miscarriage and the
loss of her beloved dog. Take These kinds of losses
are often minimized or dismissed, even though between ten and
twenty percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many women
(33:40):
report that their grief is not validated or supported by others.
Taylor speaks candidly about how isolating these losses can feel,
but also about the importance of allowing yourself to mourn
them fully no matter what anyone else says. Let's take
a look. I was saying to you that I've had
multiple friends in the last two to three years who've
(34:03):
all experienced a miscarriage, and I talk to them and
I'll hear from them, and I see so much just stress,
overwhelmed pressure, self degradation, like you know, just negative self
(34:23):
talk like there's it's it's one of the hardest things
to go through. Even if everyone goes through as you saw,
not everyone, but so many people go through it, it
doesn't make it any easier. And often, actually, like you said,
it makes you so lonely that you don't want to
talk to anyone about it. Yeah, and it's it's not
comforting to know other people have gone through it. And
I wonder in that lonely phase, like what was it
(34:45):
that did help you? And even when your friend went
through it, what allowed you to be there for each
other in a way that was comforting and helpful rather
than felt uncomfortable and unhealthy.
Speaker 8 (34:59):
I need to alone. I need to like I needed
to feel it. I needed to sit in it. I
didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want
people want to be there for you, and that's really
special and that's really helpful, but I didn't want people
(35:20):
to be there.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
For me yet.
Speaker 8 (35:21):
I wasn't ready for people to be like, oh, I'm
so sorry, or you know, because people don't know what
to say sometimes when it comes to grief or loss.
Sometimes I don't know what to say either. I have
no idea on how to react to some things, still
having experienced my own version of grief. How do you
(35:47):
be there for somebody? It's a difficult thing. I mean,
I didn't know how I needed well, I didn't know
what I needed from people. I didn't want to talk
about it. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want
anyone to know because I didn't want people to talk
(36:07):
to me about it or say things to me because
I just wasn't ready to hear it yet. And the
way that I think I told people that were really
really close to me. Really my husband obviously knew because
it happened to him too, and two best friends knew
(36:28):
and the way that I feel like they were there
for me because they didn't know what to say. They
didn't say anything. They were there for me physically. They
held me, they let me cry. I just sat there
and I cried and said nothing and they just held
my hand and were like just sat there with me
(36:51):
and like let me cry. They didn't ask me questions.
They didn't ask me how I felt. They didn't ask
they didn't say anything to me, like, they didn't say
everything happens for a reason, don't worry like you'll feel
one day, da da da. They didn't go into that.
I think because they know me so well, they probably
knew that I didn't want to hear that. Yet they
(37:14):
just were there and they listened when I was ready
to talk, and then because I wasn't ready, they just
let me emote and they just let me cry and
they cried, and I could tell because I was hurt,
they were hurt. You know. When I finally got to
(37:36):
my husband and we were together, he just held me.
We both cried and he just held me, and you know,
I held him too, Because I think that's another thing,
is another layer on top of it is even though
it physically happened to me, and emotionally it was something
that I experienced. It was it was an individual experience
(37:57):
to myself. Emotionally, it's something that it's a loss. They
happened to him as well. He also thought potentially he
would be having a child. So we were both grieving something.
We were both grieving the loss of this. We were
both feeling this weird sense of relief at the same
time and then immediately guilty because we felt relief, and
(38:17):
then immediately anger because we felt guilt. And you know
what I mean, It's just it's relentless, these emotions. When
it's fresh, you know that you feel literally every single
one that's on the rainbow. Of all the colors we felt,
we felt all of them. And I think when it
was the very beginning, I think for me it was
just holding the people holding me, you know, being in
(38:41):
just being in the space with me. They didn't have
to say anything if they didn't know what to say,
you know, And when we did sort of start talking
about it, we first started saying this, I can't believe
(39:02):
this is happening.
Speaker 6 (39:04):
You know.
Speaker 8 (39:04):
It was if I was feeling angry, then they would
be angry with me if I was that. If I
was sad, then they were sad with me. So it
was amazing. They were amazing at being there for me
in those ways. And you know, I think it is
difficult to know what to say and how to be
(39:26):
there for someone, but I think following them and how
they're reacting is also really good. Like taking the cue
from how they're responding is a good way to respond
back to someone. And you know, checking in. You know,
my friends that knew checked in with me, how are
you feeling today? You know, And then if I didn't
(39:46):
want to talk about they were like, okay, let me
know when you are ready, you know, so just you know,
they were checking in, you know, making sure. And then
you know, my best friend, she who she experienced us
as well, she continues to check in with me. You know,
this is three years later and we still talk about it.
(40:08):
Oh my gosh, Like, can you believe it? You would
have a three year old. I'm like, I know, And
it's just we we get to have these moments together
of we would both have a three year old right now.
That's and we think about that and we deal with that.
We grieve them, We grieve the loss of that potential
and that direction and life, you know, that thread that
(40:31):
didn't happen in this path. So female friendships are incredible
and they're beautiful, and I think it's really important for
women to have women in their life that they can
they can go to and they can talk to you
about these things because we can relate to each other
in other ways that I think, you know, I couldn't
(40:51):
get from my husband, and being able to go to
her was so special and really helpful. So I just
I think also have patience with yourself, and if you
know someone who's going through that, have patience with them
because it's a rollercoaster. And you know, she was my friend.
(41:16):
She was going through this too, and I was feeling
emotions and I was feeling heartbroken because I know because
she was heartbroken, so I was feeling emotions as well.
And I just have to be patient because it's happening
to her, so at her pace, at her time, when
she's ready, when she wants to hear, when she wants
(41:37):
to talk about it, we can and we both kind
of just we both shared that understanding with each other.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Let's talk about the grief of losing a friend, because
that's really what they say is a really dear friend,
walk me through those nine years and the amazing relationship
you built with Tate.
Speaker 8 (42:01):
Yeah, Tate, Oh my angel. I got Tate when I
was eighteen, so it was really kind of in the
mix of all this my life changing.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
You know.
Speaker 8 (42:10):
I booked the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show not very long
after I I Tate came into my life and we
went we walked through life together for nine years and
he was my best friend, and oh gosh, it's so
hard to put it into words because it's it's so
(42:33):
it's such a unique thing to have a deep relationship
with an animal, and it sounds I hope it don't
sound crazy, you know, I gonna sound a little crazy,
but like, I just feel like the love that you know,
dogs and animals in general have for humans is so unconditional,
(42:54):
you know, and they have no judgment. They don't want
anything from you but your love back, and it's so
pure and it's so innocent. It's almost childlike in a way,
you know, when I I can only imagine, you know,
when you hold a newborn baby for the first time,
that immediate connection that you feel to this thing that
(43:15):
I can't even talk yet and is just a part
of you. It's really special to have such a deep
connection to something that literally wants nothing from you except
for also the like unconditional love. So to have Tate
come into my life at that time was so special,
just because so much was changing. You know, I was
(43:38):
growing up. I was, you know, becoming a young woman
from a girl to a woman, and he was there
for that. And you know, I was traveling all the time,
and I was away from family, and I just had
this little, tiny, innocent soul with me that just always
looked at me like you're the best, and I love you.
(43:58):
And Tate taught me so much. I mean, he taught me,
you know, responsibility, caring for something other than myself, you know,
taking care of him, you know, pouring love into him
and making sure that he was good and you know,
even well behaved, and training him and doing all those
things is showing at him an act of love and
(44:19):
making sure that he's a confident, comfortable dog he could
be in any scenario. And he was the best boy.
And I think he also kind of knew that I
was just kind of out there winging.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
It a bit.
Speaker 8 (44:29):
He was like, oh God, this girl this girl has
no idea what she's doing. So I'm gonna have to
be a good boy now. And he just I really
sometimes feel like he did teach himself how to just
be everywhere with me all the time. And I think
that he was meant for me, and he was meant
to be in my life, and I think that we
were sort of made for each other and we belonged
to each other. And you know, he was he was
(44:53):
so it sounds crazy to say this about a dog,
but he was so emotional, Like his eyes were so human,
and he could look at me and I knew what
he was saying or what he was thinking, or I
felt that he could feel what I was thinking or
what I was feeling. And I definitely think that he
also taught me a lot about you know, emotion and
(45:16):
you know.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Being.
Speaker 8 (45:20):
You know what's that saying? You know, be the person
your dog thinks you are. They think you're great. You know,
they're like, I love you no matter what. Yes, mom, Yes,
So that's the energy they give you, right, It's like, oh,
you're the best, and it's just like, am I the best?
But to how something? You know, this little creature just
(45:40):
look at you and think you're the best. It kind
of makes you want to be the best, right, you know,
constantly trying to grow and be better and change. And
you know, nobody's perfect and no one will ever be perfect,
and we're always learning and we're always growing and we're
always changing. But having something to do that for and
having someone to do that with is is really is
(46:04):
It's different, you know, like it's more intentional, right, So
trying to be better because Tate thinks I'm the best
is a different motivation. So he definitely was there for
me through, you know, so much of my life and
so much of my life changing. I think from you know,
eighteen to twenty seven are pretty formative years, don't. I'm
(46:27):
not a doctor, but someone told me once that your
brain stops developing at twenty five or something. So you know,
he was there. Oh sorry, I hit the mic a
top with my hands. He was there.
Speaker 4 (46:39):
He was there.
Speaker 8 (46:40):
From when I had an undeveloped brain to a developed brain.
You know, he kind of just saw me through and
he was he was just the best. I mean, the
love of my life, I mean, my soulmate really, because
he just knew, you know, and I've never had a
connection with any anyone like that that I've had with Tate.
(47:00):
So I'm just I'm really grateful that he was in
my life. He's the inspiration behind me even wanting to
start a pet company, just because I love him so much.
And I know other people have felt that before, people
who've had, you know, what I like to call a
soul dog, they know what I'm talking about, you know,
they know that feeling. And when I shared that I
(47:22):
lost Tape, people who'd you know, been on my journey
with me and been maybe following me for a bit,
no the day I got him, and maybe saw saw
him on my Instagram all the time. I mean, he
was probably in every single picture on my Instagram for
nine years, so I feel like people felt like they
knew him. And when I said, when I, you know,
shared that he was sick, and then when I ultimately
(47:43):
shared that he had passed, the overwhelming amount of support
and you know, messages that I got and also shared
experiences that I received from I lost my soul dog
ten years ago and I still think about them every
single day. It made me feel it made me feel
less alone and less maybe kind of strange for feeling
(48:05):
this way about a dog, because I you know, you
get both you get I got amazing, overwhelming comments that
were just overwhelmingly positive.
Speaker 4 (48:13):
I mean, just.
Speaker 8 (48:15):
You know, I know what you've what you're going through.
I went through this, you know, just remember He's always
with you.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
You know.
Speaker 8 (48:21):
I got messages like that that touched me so deeply
and positively, and I just felt so grateful that I
got those messages. But then, of course you get the
flip side where people don't understand. They're like, oh, it's
a dog, what's the big deal? You know, Oh, it's
a dog.
Speaker 4 (48:35):
Move on.
Speaker 8 (48:37):
I'll never move on from Tate's death. My grief will change,
for sure. My perspective of his death will change, and
it has even since I lost him. You know, I
it's it's devastating and it's heartbreaking. And you know, to
(48:59):
anyone who's felt that, I know that feels like and
don't let anybody rush you. You know, some people don't
understand it's just because this is a dog and you know,
not a person. It doesn't mean that they don't deserve
the same amount of time and space and energy you
would give to grieving anything else. So I would just say,
(49:22):
you know, take your time and you're not alone, and
it's not a fun thing to go through at all.
So I think I'll always miss Tate, you know. I
don't see how I can't, you know. And I think
to say to get over something is such a harsh
(49:43):
way of saying it, because I'll probably never get over it.
I'll never really get over losing Tate. I can heal
from it, and I can find, you know, peace with it,
But those are two completely different things. Getting over it.
Speaker 4 (50:00):
How do you get over that?
Speaker 1 (50:01):
You know?
Speaker 2 (50:01):
It does?
Speaker 8 (50:02):
It's not something that it's not an object in my way,
it's he's a part of me and he's no longer here.
So yeah, I definitely think losing a pet is tough.
And you know, losing one that you have such a deep,
strong connection with that's been with you for so many
things with no expectation from you other than just they
(50:23):
want to be there with you is that's a tough
loss and a tough thing to work through.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
So thank you for sharing that. What today shows us
is that grief doesn't end. It evolves, and during the
holidays that evolution can become more visible. The people we
love continue to live on in the memories we return
to the traditions we carry forward, and the quiet ways
they still guide us. Kate showed us that healing often
(50:51):
happens in the smallest moments. Nicole reminded us that forgiveness
can be a form of freedom. Current shared why the
most important ways should never wait, and Taylor affirmed that
every kind of loss deserves to be honored, even when
the world expects us to be Okay. If this season
feels heavy for you, there's nothing wrong with you. Grief
(51:13):
is universal, and so is love, and it's love that
allows us to keep going, to keep remembering, and that
carries us forward even when they're no longer here. If
you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with doctor
Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace
difficult feelings.
Speaker 4 (51:32):
You've just got to be motivated every day, and if
you're not, then what are you doing? And actually humans
don't work that way motivation. You have to treat it
like any other emotion.
Speaker 5 (51:41):
Some days it will be there, some days it won't.
How many of you find that the holidays bring up
a mix of emotions. For many people, the holiday season
can be a time of connection and celebration, but it
can also quietly amplify grief memories and the absence of
someone we deeply love. When celebration is everywhere and absence
seems louder, lost can feel more present. Grief is something
(00:20):
every single one of us will face, yet most of
us are never taught how to live it, especially during
moments when closeness, tradition, and joy are emphasized. Research shows
that nearly one in three adults struggle with prolonged grief
after the loss of a loved one, and during the holidays,
that weight can feel even heavier. What's often misunderstood is
(00:41):
that grief isn't about getting over someone, It's about learning
how to carry that love forward in a new way.
In this video, you'll hear stories of loss and resilience
from guests I'm truly grateful to have spoken with on
on purpose. Their experiences remind us that grief can feel isolating,
but hearing how others live it can help us feel
(01:01):
understood and less alone. During this season.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
The number one health and wellness podcast Jay Said Jay Sheidy.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
When Kate Cassidy lost her boyfriend Liam Payne in a
tragic accident, her entire world changed overnight. She shares that
in the beginning, everything felt numb, like she was floating
outside of herself, and what surprised her was that the
healing didn't come from big moments, but from the small,
everyday rituals, listening to songs they loved, talking about him
(01:35):
with friends, even noticing little signs that reminded her of Liam.
Psychologists say that grief often comes in waves, sometimes gentle,
sometimes overwhelming, but over time, each wave teaches us how
to carry the weight a little differently. Let's have a listen.
I think so many people listening or watching whether they've
lost someone close to them more. I think people struggle
(01:58):
to know what to say, People struggle to know what
to do themselves when they've lost someone. What worked for you?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I think at the end of the day, you need
to listen and trust your heart, because grief comes in
so many waves, so many different emotions. You're gonna wake up,
you're gonna feel numb. You're gonna wake up, you're going
to feel sad, You're going to feel angry, you're going
to feel one day, you're going to wake up and
you're gonna laugh, and you're going to just think of
good moments you had, and then you're going to find
yourself just this laugh turning into this hysterical cry. And
(02:25):
I think that grief is something that you never know
what to expect, and it hits everybody so differently. So
I think the best, you know, some advice that I
would give, just some general advice, would be to always
trust your gut. Some things for me might not work
for other people. I think keeping a consistent, of course,
(02:49):
schedule routine. And I'm not saying waking up in the
morning from nine am, having a strategic plan throughout the day,
and then not getting home until eight pm, of course not.
Your mind needs time to rest, think and heal. But
even just if you take one activity per day, it
could just be walking, baking, going to the gym, going
to applies class, just any type of small thing, it
(03:14):
just helps so.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Much with your head's face.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
But I think for me, one thing that really has
helped me so much and that makes me feel so
full of light and love is seeing signs.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
And I see.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
So many signs of Lim and I'm such a believer
in signs. I believe in manifesting, and I know that
he's with me and I feel him all the time.
And I remember at first when he passed away, I
didn't feel him for i'd say the first five days.
And I know that's not a long amount of time,
(03:49):
but obviously five days when you're not with somebody after
being with them twenty four to seven, it feels like,
you know, five years. So I remember getting kind of
angry and just being like talking to Liam, just saying,
why haven't you shown me any signs? And I remember
one day, it was before I flew out to England,
so I was still in our house in Florida. I
(04:11):
sat on the floor of his closet and I started
crying hysterically, and I was so angry with him. I said,
show me a sign. This is so unfair, like are
you here with me? Show me a sign? And this
is a stage of grief. That also, I want people
to know it's okay to be angry, and it's okay
to cry, and it's okay to say things.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
It's okay.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
And I was crying and I was just saying, I'm
so disappointed I love you so much, but I need
you to show me a sign because I don't feel you.
And I remember I went back downstairs, and it's just
it was such a simple thing. But my friends asked me,
do you want anything from McDonald's. And at this point,
it was so hard for me to even hold down food.
I was barely eating. And for me, me and Liam,
(04:51):
we loved McDonald's. It was something that we would probably
get like twice a week, which I know is not
the healthiest option. It was just a part of like
just kind of our childlike things to do, and we
would always get the Happy Meal toy. We always would
get the Happy Meal toy. It was always also Liam's
idea to do that. He was such a kid at
heart and he would always get.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
The Happy Meals toy.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
And I said to my friends, you know what, get
me a kid's mealk. I'm not even hungry. I really
don't want to eat, but I'll try to. I'll try
to eat something, but I just want to see what
the happy Meal toy is. I really just want to
see what it is. So they came back, they brought
me the Happy Meal and it came in this like
because it was around Halloween. It came in this trick
or treat bin instead of the cardboard McDonald's like happy mailbox.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
And I remember when they gave it to me.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
I was I was annoyed because I was like, this
is the happy Meal toy. I thought I was going
to get like a little cute thing that maybe would
have been a symbol of Liam, or something that Liam
would have liked, or something like cute that could just
make me feel.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
A little lifted.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
I was just my head was everywhere, just even thinking
that I could get any sort of positivity and light
from a happy Meal kid's meal toy. That was just
where my head was. And I was so angry. I
didn't get any type of toy. I just got a
trigg or treatment that obviously I'm not quiting trick or treating.
So then I opened the lid to try to eat
(06:12):
some of the food, and I noticed there's this maze
on the back of the lid, and it was kind
of one of those mazes where it's like count how
many black cats count, how many ghosts count? How many
pumpkins you can find? And I, obviously I didn't try
to even do the maze. Why would I and on
the back of it it said the answers in small
little letters, so you can, I guess, match it up
to see if you won the puzzle. And our angel
(06:34):
numbers have always been for any sequence of four, and
the answers on the back of it were four four four,
And that was immediately the first sign I got from Liam.
And the number four symbolizes guidance and support from your angels.
And this has been such a big part of our relationship.
I mean, he had the number four initialed on his finger.
(06:55):
I ended up getting it after he passed away, and
I think that for such a big part of our
every single letter he's written me, he has ended it
with your four four four.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
It's just it was always our thing.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
So the fact that I got these this happy meal
toy and the answer said four for four, that was
Liam listening to me, and he was giving me a
sign saying I know I am here, I am here,
You're not alone like I am here, and it made
me feel so just my I just lit up. I remember,
and I still kept the little map I have folded
up and it's in my bedside drawer.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
And it sounds like you've seen so many other signs
off to that as well.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Yeah, I have, and I see so many signs. And
I came to La obviously to be here. I came
to LA and I've never been to La without Liam before.
I've only been with Liam. We've went a handful of
times together, and we've created so many memories here. And
when I landed in La, I felt like part of
me was missing. I just even getting on the plane,
(07:52):
just sitting alone, you know, not next to Liam, just
felt so wrong. And I was just still, you know,
everything that I do, I've I'm missing Liam.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
I'm thinking of Liam. But being in this.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
City that I love and I have this connection with La,
I love it so much. Without the person that I
love who brought me here and showed me around La
and introduced me to this wonderful city, it just felt
so empty. And I think on my second or third
night here, I mean, my friend went to a basketball
game and we were.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
On our way to the basketball game.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
We were in an uber and everywhere we were just
seeing fours everywhere on license plates, we were seeing it
on billboards, phone numbers, like on billboard everywhere, just the
number four. And then we get into the basketball game,
we go into a suite, and every suite it's like,
I'm assuming, decorated differently that's normally how it is. It
has like a different type of interior design, especially at
(08:46):
this arena. And we walk in and the wallpaper is
the exact same wallpaper as me and Liam's bathroom wallpaper
in England, and it's so unique. I've never seen a
wallpaper like this before. It's lionheads with this floral design.
It's something that's not just a color or not this
sort of design that you would see shopping for a
(09:08):
painting at TJ Max. It's just this design that I've
never seen before. Moving into this house in London with Liam,
and the fact that that was in the suite, I
immediately that's the first thing. I walked into the suite
and I just stopped. I turned to my friend and
I said, this is the same wallpaper that me and
Liam had in our bathroom in London.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
And then we leave the basketball game.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
At this point, it's kind of late and we just
want to get some food in us, so we go
to this quick little restaurant for a bite to eat.
We were the only ones in the restaurant because I
think their kitchen was about to close within five minutes.
We walk into the restaurant and the song that's playing
as we're walking in is night changes by one direction.
And the first place my eyes go to is the
TV screen behind the boots, and it was Liam on
(09:53):
the screen. They were playing the music video and it
was just three signed, three big signs in a row
being here in la And I just knew Liam was
with me that night, and Liam was there at that
basketball game with us. Liam was there that night eating
tacos with us. He was there with us, and seeing
those signs make me feel so much more connected and
close to him, and that I know he's here and
(10:14):
he's listening to me, and he's far but he's not
too far.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yeah. I had the pleasure of interviewing Laurea Lyn Jackson,
who wrote the book Signs. Yeah, and I loved that book.
For anyone who loves learning about signs, loves knowing about signs,
that that book is speaking so closely to. I don't
know if you've ever seen it or ever met Laurea Lynn,
but she speaks so beautifully about how all of us
(10:40):
have different whether it's numbers, whether it's emblem symbols, things
that we can see anywhere that points to us that
we're moving in the right direction. And yeah, me and
my team have had some pretty crazy experiences when we
were preparing for that interview and met her and everything
else as well, and so thank you for sharing those
because it's amazing to see how Liam's so alive in
(11:01):
your life and so present in your life. And I
can imagine that's hard too. I'm curious to know what's
been the hardest part of the last few months for you,
because as much as it's wonderful to see Liam being
present in all these places, I'm sure it's hard as well.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
I think the hardest thing that this has of course
brought me is this loneliness feeling. And you go from
being with somebody twenty four to seven to knowing and
facing the reality that you're never going to see this
person again in this life, and that for me is
something that I still just cannot fully process in my mind,
and I think that is always in the back of
(11:39):
my mind. I think going places to everything reminds me
of Liam. I could be having a specific coffee flavor
from Starbucks and I'm just thinking, oh, Liam, love this
coffee I bring. You know, I bring up Liam in
almost every conversation I have because everything reminds me of him,
and at the end of the day, I'm thinking about
him every second of every single day. I could be
having full, full ball in conversation with somebody about something
(12:03):
completely off topic, something just completely not involving me, involving Liam,
and always in the back of my head, I'm just
thinking Liam, Liam, Liam. And then even some of the
things that I don't connect with with Liam, things that
we haven't done, memories that we haven't made yet, or
moments that we haven't shared together, remind me of him
because I'll think to myself, Liam would have loved this,
(12:24):
or I wish Liam was able to experience this, or
I wish we were able to try this together. So
everything reminds me of him in one way or another.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
You know, I think we often think of grief as
a almost as if we're waiting to wake up one
day and we don't feel what we felt anymore. And
that's for anyone who's tried to grieve knows that's not true,
and it doesn't happen like that. Kate's story teaches us
a key lesson that grief isn't linear. There isn't a
(12:54):
straight line from heartbreak to healing. Instead, it's a process
of learning to coexist with absence and realizing that the
love you shared doesn't vanish with loss, It changes form
and it stays with you. Our next guest, Nicole Evan,
(13:27):
discusses the tragic loss of her mother after she was
fatally shot in her own home. Nicole was faced with
a choice. She could let anger and bitterness consumer, or
she could lean into faith, forgiveness and gratitude for their
life her mother lived. Research shows that people who approach
grief with forgiveness and gratitude often report greater emotional resilience
(13:50):
and improve mental health over time. But forgiveness doesn't mean
excusing what happened or ignoring it. For Nicole, it was
about choosing not to let pain define her life. I'm
reading from your book if you don't mind, if that's okay,
So this is page fifty three for those who are
reading along with us and think you'll be happy, and
(14:10):
you say a few days after my mother died, Pharrell
Williams called, He's like a brother to me, his family,
and he says, we're going to celebrate your mom. He said,
we're going to celebrate her legacy. She's a big deal
and we're not going to let anyone forget her. She
created a life worth talking about. Do you realize that
(14:31):
hundreds of thousands of babies were born around the world
the day she passed over? There are one hundred and
forty million a year all around the world. Life is
always continuing, Nicole, and you must continue her life by
living yours to the fullest. And he concluded, God is
still the greatest. And you said that for Ur says
this all the time, through good or bad times, and
(14:53):
He's right. God is still the greatest. What I find
really unique about your journey, Nicole, as well, is that
you are able to you keep and strengthen your faith
in your own spirituality, in the way you practice it
at a time when it's very natural. And I would
never judge anyone if it would actually veer them a way,
(15:13):
right and just say no, no, exactly, Yeah, what do
you mean? Yeah? What do you mean?
Speaker 5 (15:19):
I've been so good and I've had so much faith
and how can this happen? You know? And as I
say in the book, it's like why not us? It
tragedies and trials and everything it happens to. You know,
as it says in scripture, it rains on the just
and it rains on the unjust. It's everyone kind of
gets hammered. But it goes to the power of choice.
For me, and the reason that I grew stronger in
(15:40):
my faith as opposed to leaving it is because I
really do believe that the universe has kind of laid
it all out.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
Life has laid it out various.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
Scripture, you know your Buddhist script everything is laid it out,
which says here it is, you're on this earth, and
it kind of here, here's how you play this game.
But these things were not going to lie. These things
will show up. But the power of free will, which
my mom always reminded me about of, is that you know, listen,
we as human beings, do have free will. We have
(16:13):
the freedom to choose how we're going to live, choose
how we're going to think, as opposed to any other animal,
you know, they don't have the power of imagination and choice.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
We do.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
So to blame the creator for the choices that people
make is not something that I wanted to subscribe to.
I was like, I'm not even going there. People make
choices all the time. I see it every day, we
all do. People who have had the worst childhoods make
great choices have great lives. I've seen people who I
grew up with in a very affluent neighborhood make the
(16:46):
worst choices and had nothing to do with their environment.
Speaker 6 (16:51):
It was their choice.
Speaker 5 (16:52):
So I wanted to stay my faith. For me really
was believing in something that is so much bigger and
greater than me that you know swing. You know, the
stars come out at night. I'm not in control of that.
The earth is spinning, that's not my power. You know,
the birds wake up every morning, the sun is up,
(17:12):
the sun goes down.
Speaker 6 (17:13):
That's a power that is.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
Yes, I'm a part of that and I'm connected to it,
but I did I'm not the creator, and so I
just decided to lean in more with that power and
just say, Okay, I accept this. I don't understand it.
I may never understand it, but I still do love life,
(17:39):
and I still do believe in life and the goodness
of people and the goodness of life. And I don't
want to get bitter. That was my mate.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Jay.
Speaker 5 (17:48):
I was so afraid of becoming a bitter person, and
I could feel the root.
Speaker 6 (17:53):
I could feel I could feel it.
Speaker 5 (17:55):
Starting, and I was like, no, no, no, no, I
got to get rid of this I And that's where
I just went into the forgiveness of not condoning the behavior,
not saying oh, it's okay that this happened, and making
an excuse forgiveness for me, was I am casting this
burden or these burdens of anger and shame and doubt
(18:15):
and disappointment and frustration and fury. Because I was furious,
and I thought, but if I hold on to these feelings,
I'm going to sink myself. And I'm not giving anyone
the power to take me out now.
Speaker 6 (18:32):
I'm not doing that.
Speaker 5 (18:33):
So I'm going to stand in my faith. I'm going
to believe in what I believe in, and I'm going
to believe in life, and I am going to I
choose to believe that things will get better. I don't
know when, and I don't know how. I didn't care,
but I knew that they would and I believe. And
I'm a big believer in tomorrow. I love tomorrow. I do,
I really do.
Speaker 6 (18:51):
I'm always saying okay, because if I don't get it right.
Speaker 5 (18:53):
I'm like, oh, there's always tomorrow, and it keeps me hopeful.
Tomorrow keeps me hopeful. I don't try to stay of
the present, but I do look forward.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
You know.
Speaker 5 (19:02):
My mom always just to say you have to have
something to look forward to, because otherwise you if you
don't train your mind to And I'd say, well, I
have nothing coming up that I'm looking forward to.
Speaker 6 (19:12):
And she used to say, make it up.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
Make it up.
Speaker 5 (19:15):
Pretend you have some partner, pretend you have some whatever
it is, that something that's going to make your heart smile,
because we can all fall into despair very quickly.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
I love that that is brought a massive smile to
my It's so beautiful. How how someone's energy and spoke
can be so big that it can, you know, truly
live on and and truly truly be fought and shared.
It's Yeah, there's this beautiful line that you share from
your friend Penny who says, grief is the receipt from
the universe showing that you loved someone or something and
(19:49):
loved them very deeply.
Speaker 5 (19:50):
It's not the best. When she reminded me of that,
I said, okay.
Speaker 6 (19:54):
Wait, say it again. I have to write this down
say it again. That is so good.
Speaker 5 (19:58):
But she said, baby, that's what it is. It's a receipt.
And it could be a mother, a father, a sister,
a brother, a dog, cat, whatever, something that you love
that is no longer there.
Speaker 6 (20:09):
That has changed form.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
Even if it's the most peaceful transition, the grief is
proof that you loved. You know, the grief is most
of the time, and there's a lot of grief also
where there's regrets and all that. I understand that and
I respect all forms of grief, but it is it's
a receipt.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, a receipt that you loved, and you were loved
and I was loved, deeply, deeply. This one line in
the book, you really I just felt it was perspective
shifting in a way that oh, I just I just
feel like that statement, just like you know, you just
embodied and captured everything. And you said that even though
(20:52):
your mother's death was shocking, her life was beautiful. So
you imagine, even though the end was so terror, her
life was beautiful. And that's what you're celebrating. That's what
you're putting emphasis and focus and your light on. And
I find that's very difficult because when we lose someone,
it's so easy and natural again and normal, And that's
(21:13):
when it's normal for us to obsess over how we
lost someone and how we left them, which is the
shortest amount of time we actually experienced them most mostly,
but we have all of this time. But the brain
and our memory and our mind is so good at
just fixating on the end.
Speaker 5 (21:31):
The end, and not the life. Yeah was yeah, and
not the life. And I had to get to the end.
So I used to say, but, but, but, and then
I realized, wait, I can have both. This is shocking
and terrible and hurtful, and I'm going to celebrate her
life and I'm going to think of the good times,
and I'm going to try and think of all the
(21:54):
great memories that will bring a smile to my face.
So it was no longer a butt and once I
changed but to and I didn't have to choose which one.
I was going to do both and move through life
with the shock and the trauma and the stress and
the beauty of her life, the beauty of how she lived,
the energy of what she gave. So I was I
(22:16):
was moving with all energies. And it was only until
I shifted because I was definitely in that, but this happened.
So I don't know how I could ever smile again.
But this happened, and it was so tragic. And then
as soon as I said, this happened and it's tragic,
and I'm going to think positively, I'm going to think constructively.
Speaker 6 (22:37):
You know, my dad always used to say.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
To me, girl, keep your mind right, keep your mind right,
crucify your mind.
Speaker 6 (22:44):
Every day. You got to keep your mind right.
Speaker 5 (22:47):
And so that really helped me, you know, And that
my friend TD Jake's had called me and he said,
I understand you're angry. Of course, it's normal to be
angry and all the things you're feeling. But I have
a question for you. Do you want your focus to
be on her last five minutes or are you going
(23:07):
to focus on the eighty one years that she lived?
And it's your choice, and you have to choose every
day which one are you going to focus on? You're
going to give him five minutes, the five minutes and
the trauma, or are you going to focus on the
eighty one years? And I remember it through all my
tears on eighty one.
Speaker 6 (23:27):
Years, eighty one years, and.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
It was but it was beautiful because he helped me
shift and I had to go to that every day.
It wasn't like he'd said it one day and then,
but every day and every time it was very challenging
for me, Jay, and every time I did want to quit.
And there were days where I didn't stop all the time.
But you know, sometimes you have to push pause in life.
And there were days where I would lay in the
(23:50):
bed and just lay there and be still and think
or not think, and just lay there and I but
I still decided to focus on her eighty one years
and to focus on what I loved about her, and
to focus on her contributions to life and society and
other people and how she made people feel so powerful.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
That shift for me was, you know, I was like
that I can. That's something I'd like to remind myself
every day with the people that I've lost. Like that,
that really felt like a real gift, that gem of
advice and insight. Thank you. Nicole teaches us that grief
is the proof that you love deeply, and that forgiveness
(24:30):
isn't about denying what happened. It's about refusing to let
tragedy hard in your heart. It's about finding a way
to keep love at the center of your healing and
choosing to cherish the positive. When our next guest, Current
jaw Her, learned that his father was diagnosed with cancer,
he suddenly realized how much had been left unsaid between them.
(24:51):
They began having conversations about life, death, and love, connections
they had never dared to have before. So many people
who lose a li loved one report wishing for just
one more conversation, one more beat, to tell them something
important before it's too late. And while we can't always
control when goodbyes come, current story is a reminder of
(25:13):
the healing that comes from honesty and why we shouldn't
wait to say what matters most.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Can your light stop? No, you have to move on.
Speaker 7 (25:21):
Nothing is worse than losing a loved one, but you
eventually have to come to terms of the fact that
it's happened. That's why there's a full stop, because the
next sentence has to begin, so its only can start
when that full stop is registered, and then you move on.
I look at life like that, whatever goes wrong is
going to go wrong. Nothing is going to be constantly happy,
(25:42):
nothing is going to be constantly sad. It's the way
you have to kind of just understand life. And maybe
because as a child I had such a rough batch,
I think I kind of armored myself for me to
feel the way I do today about anything.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Who have you lost? That that full stop was.
Speaker 7 (25:58):
Hard to my father. He passed away much earlier than
I ever imagined. When he was in his early seventies
and very healthy, on his feet, active man, no vices.
He just one day had a fourth stage tumor in
his usophagus, which we found out much later when it
(26:19):
was in his fourth stage, and that went into full
blown cancer and he passed from the time of the
diagnosis to the point of him passing away with ten months.
I'm a realist. I'm not an optimist or a pessimist.
I'm a realist. So I went to the oncologist in
and we were surprisingly filming Kalhonah, which.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Is about a man dying, and it is about a
man dying.
Speaker 7 (26:41):
We were in New York, and I went to my
ecologist and said, look, my father, you know, and like,
tell me, give me the hard fact. And he said, look,
it doesn't look good. And I was like, okay, now
I know this. That I know it doesn't look good,
and we'll do everything in our capacity medically to kind
of you know, But I said, I don't want to
see him in pain. Actually, oddly, the five days that
(27:01):
he had a tough time for the five days of
his chemotherapy, those were the tough days of the subsequent
days to the chemotherapy. But actually those ten other months,
besides those five days, it gave me so much time
that I could spend with him, that I had conversations
I never thought I would be, discussed my childhood. We
discussed his early years. We discussed his achievements, his failures,
(27:23):
his regrets, his joys. I have complete closure with my
relationship with my father because I have no unanswered questions
because in those ten months I wasn't running around like
a headless chicken trying to keep him alive. I had
accepted that he may go, and in those months I
lived in the moment with him, and I was able
(27:45):
to have all those conversations that I would have loved
to have had with him earlier but I didn't. But
love those ten months gave me that. And I even
told my mom I was like, talk to him, speak
to him, but she was finding very tough to accept
the situation, so she couldn't and that's why she still
doesn't have closure. Twenty years have passed since he passed
away and she still has not been able to deal
(28:07):
with his passing away. And she's eighty two years old today,
Whereas I actually have complete closure because I had every
conversation I could have dreamt of having with a parent,
I did. And that's why I always tell people like,
communicate today because they may not be here tomorrow. Tell
them today anything you have a problem, you have resentment issues,
(28:27):
you have parental trauma, You've got to speak today because
today communication is the result, is the aid is you're
looking for is the solution to every problem. And we
don't talk specifically. I think in our parenting structure in India,
we have respect and respect sometimes equals distance, you know,
and that respect should not give you distance in a relationship.
(28:50):
Respect should also be a close component of love. It
should actually give you the ability to communicate to your parent.
Just because you respect your father and mother doesn't mean
you answer what you want. Parents are not always correct.
It's not that they are saying the right thing to
you all the time. They are carrying the baggage of
their parents, and they put that baggage onto you and
you may not need it or you shouldn't have it,
(29:12):
and you have to kind of have an open line
of channel and you.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Can still be respectful.
Speaker 7 (29:17):
Never not be respectful, because that's something that our tradition
teaches us, our culture teaches us.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
But please, I always tell.
Speaker 7 (29:25):
People keep an open channel of communication with your parent
because they may not always be correct, They may not
always be right, They may not be right. Advice or
value system may not be good for you, and you
have to sometimes question it.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah, for sure, was there a specific question you asked
or a conversation you remember fondly from that time? As
you said, you had every conversation you asked every question,
Is there one that stands out?
Speaker 7 (29:51):
I asked him whether he has any regrets, you know,
and he spoke to me widely about like his relationship
with his parents and his siblings. You know, what he
thought he did wrong as even career wise, and how
he thought he was taken for a ride, but he
didn't act on it at the right time. We lost
a lot of money because some of his indiscretions. And
you know, he spoke about that openly. He also spoke
(30:12):
about the fact that like sometimes he has things he
wants to tell my mom, but he doesn't say it
because he doesn't want to hurt or upset her, and
he says, I wish I had. Then he tells me,
he told me, like, you know, I wish I would
have spent more time with you. He would have been
I wish I didn't incorporated sport in your life. It
would have given you a sense of much more like,
(30:33):
because I believe sport is not just for physical health,
it's also gives you It rains your mind very differently.
And he said I didn't spend enough active time with
you because I was so busy working. So he told
me a lot about his regrets and his thoughts at
that time, and I think it really helped him as well.
I think it kind of gave him so much closure.
And I think those conversations are very dear to me.
(30:53):
And then he wrote an eleven page letter to me,
which I didn't know existed, was given to met him
passing away, where he wrote also business or the accounts,
and it was a technical letter of everything about like
this is the account, these are the these are my
like the businesses that we've this, you don't.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Know money to anyone. It's all done.
Speaker 7 (31:13):
This is where the bank account cetera, detailed mutual deposits
funds like whatever the investments were at that time. He
gave me like a handwritten, handwritten it was written by
him in hand and then he wrote people you can trust, people,
you can't trust. Things you should never do like he
just it became my bible and I'm literally I think
ninety percent of it is what I followed.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
And he wrote me eleven page letter.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Had he ever written your letter before?
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Never? He knew he was going. Yeah, So he wrote
me that and it wasn't an emotional letter.
Speaker 7 (31:41):
It was a practical, thoughtful, business minded, future based letter.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
It's all about me, how.
Speaker 7 (31:49):
To manage the funds, what we have, what we don't have,
Who owes him money? And he said, but never ask
them till they come to you, because you know, it
was all given in good face. And he said, we
don't know anyone, and so if anyone comes and asks,
it's not true. And he gave me every single detail
that me, who was not business minded, had zero business
(32:09):
acumen needed. That eleventh pager that I followed as my
bible to kind of.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Fought forward at that time.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Wow, what a beautiful gift to leave someone's That's so powerful.
I've never heard that before. I've never heard someone leaving
their child a practical, thoughtful I mean, the idea of
who to trust and who not to trust.
Speaker 7 (32:30):
He never wrote anything that I love you, I will
all lose that was said already. It was none of that.
It was not a hallmark letter, you know. It was
a business letter.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
That's unbelievable. Thank you for sharing that. Current's reflections remind
us that grief isn't just about mourning what we lose.
It's also about cherishing the moments we still have. The
best time to say what you feel is always now.
Don't wait until tomorrow to express what matters today. Grief
(33:17):
isn't only about who we lose, but also what we lose,
a pet, a pregnancy, a future. For Taylor here it
came in many forms, the heartbreak of miscarriage and the
loss of her beloved dog. Take These kinds of losses
are often minimized or dismissed, even though between ten and
twenty percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many women
(33:40):
report that their grief is not validated or supported by others.
Taylor speaks candidly about how isolating these losses can feel,
but also about the importance of allowing yourself to mourn
them fully no matter what anyone else says. Let's take
a look. I was saying to you that I've had
multiple friends in the last two to three years who've
(34:03):
all experienced a miscarriage, and I talk to them and
I'll hear from them, and I see so much just stress,
overwhelmed pressure, self degradation, like you know, just negative self
(34:23):
talk like there's it's it's one of the hardest things
to go through. Even if everyone goes through as you saw,
not everyone, but so many people go through it, it
doesn't make it any easier. And often, actually, like you said,
it makes you so lonely that you don't want to
talk to anyone about it. Yeah, and it's it's not
comforting to know other people have gone through it. And
I wonder in that lonely phase, like what was it
(34:45):
that did help you? And even when your friend went
through it, what allowed you to be there for each
other in a way that was comforting and helpful rather
than felt uncomfortable and unhealthy.
Speaker 8 (34:59):
I need to alone. I need to like I needed
to feel it. I needed to sit in it. I
didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want
people want to be there for you, and that's really
special and that's really helpful, but I didn't want people
(35:20):
to be there.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
For me yet.
Speaker 8 (35:21):
I wasn't ready for people to be like, oh, I'm
so sorry, or you know, because people don't know what
to say sometimes when it comes to grief or loss.
Sometimes I don't know what to say either. I have
no idea on how to react to some things, still
having experienced my own version of grief. How do you
(35:47):
be there for somebody? It's a difficult thing. I mean,
I didn't know how I needed well, I didn't know
what I needed from people. I didn't want to talk
about it. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want
anyone to know because I didn't want people to talk
(36:07):
to me about it or say things to me because
I just wasn't ready to hear it yet. And the
way that I think I told people that were really
really close to me. Really my husband obviously knew because
it happened to him too, and two best friends knew
(36:28):
and the way that I feel like they were there
for me because they didn't know what to say. They
didn't say anything. They were there for me physically. They
held me, they let me cry. I just sat there
and I cried and said nothing and they just held
my hand and were like just sat there with me
(36:51):
and like let me cry. They didn't ask me questions.
They didn't ask me how I felt. They didn't ask
they didn't say anything to me, like, they didn't say
everything happens for a reason, don't worry like you'll feel
one day, da da da. They didn't go into that.
I think because they know me so well, they probably
knew that I didn't want to hear that. Yet they
(37:14):
just were there and they listened when I was ready
to talk, and then because I wasn't ready, they just
let me emote and they just let me cry and
they cried, and I could tell because I was hurt,
they were hurt. You know. When I finally got to
(37:36):
my husband and we were together, he just held me.
We both cried and he just held me, and you know,
I held him too, Because I think that's another thing,
is another layer on top of it is even though
it physically happened to me, and emotionally it was something
that I experienced. It was it was an individual experience
(37:57):
to myself. Emotionally, it's something that it's a loss. They
happened to him as well. He also thought potentially he
would be having a child. So we were both grieving something.
We were both grieving the loss of this. We were
both feeling this weird sense of relief at the same
time and then immediately guilty because we felt relief, and
(38:17):
then immediately anger because we felt guilt. And you know
what I mean, It's just it's relentless, these emotions. When
it's fresh, you know that you feel literally every single
one that's on the rainbow. Of all the colors we felt,
we felt all of them. And I think when it
was the very beginning, I think for me it was
just holding the people holding me, you know, being in
(38:41):
just being in the space with me. They didn't have
to say anything if they didn't know what to say,
you know, And when we did sort of start talking
about it, we first started saying this, I can't believe
(39:02):
this is happening.
Speaker 6 (39:04):
You know.
Speaker 8 (39:04):
It was if I was feeling angry, then they would
be angry with me if I was that. If I
was sad, then they were sad with me. So it
was amazing. They were amazing at being there for me
in those ways. And you know, I think it is
difficult to know what to say and how to be
(39:26):
there for someone, but I think following them and how
they're reacting is also really good. Like taking the cue
from how they're responding is a good way to respond
back to someone. And you know, checking in. You know,
my friends that knew checked in with me, how are
you feeling today? You know, And then if I didn't
(39:46):
want to talk about they were like, okay, let me
know when you are ready, you know, so just you know,
they were checking in, you know, making sure. And then
you know, my best friend, she who she experienced us
as well, she continues to check in with me. You know,
this is three years later and we still talk about it.
(40:08):
Oh my gosh, Like, can you believe it? You would
have a three year old. I'm like, I know, And
it's just we we get to have these moments together
of we would both have a three year old right now.
That's and we think about that and we deal with that.
We grieve them, We grieve the loss of that potential
and that direction and life, you know, that thread that
(40:31):
didn't happen in this path. So female friendships are incredible
and they're beautiful, and I think it's really important for
women to have women in their life that they can
they can go to and they can talk to you
about these things because we can relate to each other
in other ways that I think, you know, I couldn't
(40:51):
get from my husband, and being able to go to
her was so special and really helpful. So I just
I think also have patience with yourself, and if you
know someone who's going through that, have patience with them
because it's a rollercoaster. And you know, she was my friend.
(41:16):
She was going through this too, and I was feeling
emotions and I was feeling heartbroken because I know because
she was heartbroken, so I was feeling emotions as well.
And I just have to be patient because it's happening
to her, so at her pace, at her time, when
she's ready, when she wants to hear, when she wants
(41:37):
to talk about it, we can and we both kind
of just we both shared that understanding with each other.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Let's talk about the grief of losing a friend, because
that's really what they say is a really dear friend,
walk me through those nine years and the amazing relationship
you built with Tate.
Speaker 8 (42:01):
Yeah, Tate, Oh my angel. I got Tate when I
was eighteen, so it was really kind of in the
mix of all this my life changing.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
You know.
Speaker 8 (42:10):
I booked the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show not very long
after I I Tate came into my life and we
went we walked through life together for nine years and
he was my best friend, and oh gosh, it's so
hard to put it into words because it's it's so
(42:33):
it's such a unique thing to have a deep relationship
with an animal, and it sounds I hope it don't
sound crazy, you know, I gonna sound a little crazy,
but like, I just feel like the love that you know,
dogs and animals in general have for humans is so unconditional,
(42:54):
you know, and they have no judgment. They don't want
anything from you but your love back, and it's so
pure and it's so innocent. It's almost childlike in a way,
you know, when I I can only imagine, you know,
when you hold a newborn baby for the first time,
that immediate connection that you feel to this thing that
(43:15):
I can't even talk yet and is just a part
of you. It's really special to have such a deep
connection to something that literally wants nothing from you except
for also the like unconditional love. So to have Tate
come into my life at that time was so special,
just because so much was changing. You know, I was
(43:38):
growing up. I was, you know, becoming a young woman
from a girl to a woman, and he was there
for that. And you know, I was traveling all the time,
and I was away from family, and I just had
this little, tiny, innocent soul with me that just always
looked at me like you're the best, and I love you.
(43:58):
And Tate taught me so much. I mean, he taught me,
you know, responsibility, caring for something other than myself, you know,
taking care of him, you know, pouring love into him
and making sure that he was good and you know,
even well behaved, and training him and doing all those
things is showing at him an act of love and
(44:19):
making sure that he's a confident, comfortable dog he could
be in any scenario. And he was the best boy.
And I think he also kind of knew that I
was just kind of out there winging.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
It a bit.
Speaker 8 (44:29):
He was like, oh God, this girl this girl has
no idea what she's doing. So I'm gonna have to
be a good boy now. And he just I really
sometimes feel like he did teach himself how to just
be everywhere with me all the time. And I think
that he was meant for me, and he was meant
to be in my life, and I think that we
were sort of made for each other and we belonged
to each other. And you know, he was he was
(44:53):
so it sounds crazy to say this about a dog,
but he was so emotional, Like his eyes were so human,
and he could look at me and I knew what
he was saying or what he was thinking, or I
felt that he could feel what I was thinking or
what I was feeling. And I definitely think that he
also taught me a lot about you know, emotion and
(45:16):
you know.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Being.
Speaker 8 (45:20):
You know what's that saying? You know, be the person
your dog thinks you are. They think you're great. You know,
they're like, I love you no matter what. Yes, mom, Yes,
So that's the energy they give you, right, It's like, oh,
you're the best, and it's just like, am I the best?
But to how something? You know, this little creature just
(45:40):
look at you and think you're the best. It kind
of makes you want to be the best, right, you know,
constantly trying to grow and be better and change. And
you know, nobody's perfect and no one will ever be perfect,
and we're always learning and we're always growing and we're
always changing. But having something to do that for and
having someone to do that with is is really is
(46:04):
It's different, you know, like it's more intentional, right, So
trying to be better because Tate thinks I'm the best
is a different motivation. So he definitely was there for
me through, you know, so much of my life and
so much of my life changing. I think from you know,
eighteen to twenty seven are pretty formative years, don't. I'm
(46:27):
not a doctor, but someone told me once that your
brain stops developing at twenty five or something. So you know,
he was there. Oh sorry, I hit the mic a
top with my hands. He was there.
Speaker 4 (46:39):
He was there.
Speaker 8 (46:40):
From when I had an undeveloped brain to a developed brain.
You know, he kind of just saw me through and
he was he was just the best. I mean, the
love of my life, I mean, my soulmate really, because
he just knew, you know, and I've never had a
connection with any anyone like that that I've had with Tate.
(47:00):
So I'm just I'm really grateful that he was in
my life. He's the inspiration behind me even wanting to
start a pet company, just because I love him so much.
And I know other people have felt that before, people
who've had, you know, what I like to call a
soul dog, they know what I'm talking about, you know,
they know that feeling. And when I shared that I
(47:22):
lost Tape, people who'd you know, been on my journey
with me and been maybe following me for a bit,
no the day I got him, and maybe saw saw
him on my Instagram all the time. I mean, he
was probably in every single picture on my Instagram for
nine years, so I feel like people felt like they
knew him. And when I said, when I, you know,
shared that he was sick, and then when I ultimately
(47:43):
shared that he had passed, the overwhelming amount of support
and you know, messages that I got and also shared
experiences that I received from I lost my soul dog
ten years ago and I still think about them every
single day. It made me feel it made me feel
less alone and less maybe kind of strange for feeling
(48:05):
this way about a dog, because I you know, you
get both you get I got amazing, overwhelming comments that
were just overwhelmingly positive.
Speaker 4 (48:13):
I mean, just.
Speaker 8 (48:15):
You know, I know what you've what you're going through.
I went through this, you know, just remember He's always
with you.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
You know.
Speaker 8 (48:21):
I got messages like that that touched me so deeply
and positively, and I just felt so grateful that I
got those messages. But then, of course you get the
flip side where people don't understand. They're like, oh, it's
a dog, what's the big deal? You know, Oh, it's
a dog.
Speaker 4 (48:35):
Move on.
Speaker 8 (48:37):
I'll never move on from Tate's death. My grief will change,
for sure. My perspective of his death will change, and
it has even since I lost him. You know, I
it's it's devastating and it's heartbreaking. And you know, to
(48:59):
anyone who's felt that, I know that feels like and
don't let anybody rush you. You know, some people don't
understand it's just because this is a dog and you know,
not a person. It doesn't mean that they don't deserve
the same amount of time and space and energy you
would give to grieving anything else. So I would just say,
(49:22):
you know, take your time and you're not alone, and
it's not a fun thing to go through at all.
So I think I'll always miss Tate, you know. I
don't see how I can't, you know. And I think
to say to get over something is such a harsh
(49:43):
way of saying it, because I'll probably never get over it.
I'll never really get over losing Tate. I can heal
from it, and I can find, you know, peace with it,
But those are two completely different things. Getting over it.
Speaker 4 (50:00):
How do you get over that?
Speaker 1 (50:01):
You know?
Speaker 2 (50:01):
It does?
Speaker 8 (50:02):
It's not something that it's not an object in my way,
it's he's a part of me and he's no longer here.
So yeah, I definitely think losing a pet is tough.
And you know, losing one that you have such a deep,
strong connection with that's been with you for so many
things with no expectation from you other than just they
(50:23):
want to be there with you is that's a tough
loss and a tough thing to work through.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
So thank you for sharing that. What today shows us
is that grief doesn't end. It evolves, and during the
holidays that evolution can become more visible. The people we
love continue to live on in the memories we return
to the traditions we carry forward, and the quiet ways
they still guide us. Kate showed us that healing often
(50:51):
happens in the smallest moments. Nicole reminded us that forgiveness
can be a form of freedom. Current shared why the
most important ways should never wait, and Taylor affirmed that
every kind of loss deserves to be honored, even when
the world expects us to be Okay. If this season
feels heavy for you, there's nothing wrong with you. Grief
(51:13):
is universal, and so is love, and it's love that
allows us to keep going, to keep remembering, and that
carries us forward even when they're no longer here. If
you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with doctor
Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace
difficult feelings.
Speaker 4 (51:32):
You've just got to be motivated every day, and if
you're not, then what are you doing? And actually humans
don't work that way motivation. You have to treat it
like any other emotion.
Speaker 5 (51:41):
Some days it will be there, some days it won't.
Host
Jay Shetty
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