February 28, 2022 • 50 mins
You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.
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Jay Shetty chats with Lauren London about her spiritual journey and healing. She shares how the tragic death of her partner has helped strengthen her faith, dealing with things that are out of your control, using her pain to help and serve others, and maintaining the spirit of celebration.
is an actress, model, and television personality. She first earned recognition and rose to fame for portraying Erin "New New" Garnett in the 2006 coming-of-age film ATL. She has starred in several films including Baggage Claim and The Perfect Match.
Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/
What to Listen For:
- 00:00 Intro
- 03:39 Strengthening faith and reconnecting with God
- 07:26 At the age when you express what you had internalized
- 10:41 Finding protection from a higher being
- 13:01 When you don’t have anything to lean on
- 16:05 The ultimate lesson of not having control
- 19:09 This shared love for reading and spiritual bonding
- 22:54 We are all masculine and feminine energy
- 25:33 A time when it’s difficult to go back to acting
- 29:28 Using your story to help and encourage others
- 35:13 Lessons we can learn from our children
- 39:47 Creating motivational content
- 42:24 Being in the spirit of celebration
- 45:41 Lauren on Final Five
Episode Resources
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
For me personally, it was because I didn't have a choice.
There was no other option that was taken away from
me with the passing of my son's father that I
was forced into. I am alone. Now. Who do you
trust when you don't have anything else to lean on
and stand on? All you have is what you came
(00:23):
here with. It's you in the divine. Hey everyone, welcome
back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in
the world. Thanks to each and every single one of
you who come back every week to listen, learn and grow.
And I am so excited to be talking to you today.
(00:45):
I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of
Love is out and I cannot wait to share it
with you. I am so so excited for you to
read this book, for you to listen to this book.
I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already,
make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com.
It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or
(01:07):
let go of love. So if you've got friends that
are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure
you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you
to come and see me for my global tour love Rules.
Go to Ja shettytour dot com to learn more information
about tickets, VIP experiences and more. I can't wait to
(01:27):
see you this year now. I love these episodes when
I get to sit down with dear friends, people that
I have spent deep, quality, heartfelt time with, and I
get the opportunity to share them with you because they
have such a wealth of insights, such a wealth of wisdom,
such a wealth of life experience. But I have to
move into my interviewer mode and make sure that you
(01:49):
know about how epic they are as well behind the scenes.
I mean, they are doing a lot more than being
my friend. So today's guest is none other than Lauren
London and la native career skyrocketed after starring in the
film ATL and Miss London's career in the year since
ATL includes a number of feature films and television series,
(02:10):
including This Christmas, Next Day Air, Tyler Perry's Medea, Big
Habby Family, I Love You, Beth Cooper Baggage claimed The
Perfect Match, as well as television series HBO's Entourage, nine
two one zero, Single Ladies, and The Game. In twenty nineteen,
she appeared in the BT series Games People play, which
(02:31):
is currently in production on season two. Season one centered
around London's character Vanessa King. And then this was a
movie that I just saw recently. In the spring of
twenty twenty one, Tom Clancy's Without Remorse, starring Michael B.
Jordan was released with Laurence starring as Pam Kelly. There
are so many more amazing things that Lauren's working on
(02:53):
behind the scenes, so many other incredible things that in
production and Netflix mini series True Story alongside Kevin Hart
and Wesley Snipes, and she's producing much more further projects
as well. Beyond all of this amazingness on screen, what
I can truly say is that having spent pretty much
like four hours a week with this incredible woman for
(03:16):
the past twelve months, maybe more, is that there are
very few people who carry the energy she carries. And
in any room Lauren walks into, she lights it up
with love, with grace, with this beautiful presence. And my
wife and I are not only huge fans of her
(03:38):
work on screen, we believe she's one of the most
hilarious people offscreen. We love you, Lauren. Thank you so
much for doing the On Purpose podcast, and it is
so great to have you on the show. Thanks for
being here, Lauren. Oh, thank you jay Man. The introduction
was like a plus plus. You make me excited about myself.
I'm like, I guess I've been working for why you've
(04:02):
You know, you've done so much in your career, and
I always feel blessed when I get to see people
on screen and offscreen, because I think we're all humans
that have real lives and real experiences. But I mean,
everything in that intro was true, So congratulations to you.
I mean, you know it's it's all your hard work
(04:22):
and all your achievements. I hope we get a special
appearance from crossoad Cam today in the shot. You know,
one can only hope. I don't want to snack very soon.
But Lauren, I want to start with just diving straight in.
You know, you have experienced so much in your career,
(04:42):
so many amazing life changing moments, but at the same time,
in your personal life, you've been given so many surprises
and pivots and changes and challenges. And I want to
hear about your journey as to how you've found grace,
spiritual connection and how have you been guided by that
(05:04):
through some of the most difficult things that anyone in
the world would ever have to experience, you know, my
spiritual journey. It had so many transformations. So I had
a very traumatic childhood, you could say, with just a
lot of abuse and you know, neglect, and not at
(05:25):
the hands of my mother though, let me clear that up.
And so I was very very connected to God at
a really early age. I just remember hearing God very
very very clear. And then you know, as I grew up,
I lost a bit of my connection to God and
then got reintroduced to God in another way in my
(05:46):
early adulthood. And then really when Nit passed, I felt
like that was when I had to really really get
to know God personally, not in theory, not an idea,
not you know, only when things are good to pray
and devote. It made me feel like I wanted to
(06:09):
really understand our purpose here on earth, why we were here,
what are we to do here? I didn't want to
live a life in vain. I wanted to be on purpose,
and so it just it was this like this thirst
for the truth. I think when tragedy happens, you you
(06:29):
can either just survive or survive and thrive. And I
really made the choice to survive and thrive, and I
feel like I can only do that through the grace
of God and just being a servant of God. That's
beautiful learning. Thank you for sharing that. Let's let's go
back to that early childhood that you were mentioning. What
(06:49):
was like a pivotal moment in your childhood that you
believe is defined who you are and how you show up.
What was a moment that happened in those early years
you think taught you something so powerful that shaped who
you are today. Well, you know, I think when you
you know, my parents were really young, and they really
tried the best, you know, with what they had and
(07:12):
just the tools they had in their toolbox. And so
I learned very early about betrayal and how being alone
because I was the only child and there was a
lot of violence around me and towards me, how I
could only depend on God. And I learned that very
(07:33):
early on that the humans and the adults in my
life might not have been the best protectors, but that
I was okay because I had faith in God, and
that depending on God and leaning on God and trusting
that I would be okay really carried me through my
young childhood and my adulthood and just you know, clearly
(07:56):
no one's perfect, and our parents are humans. I think
that was a really hard lesson for me to learner
that my parents were just humans. I think you've raised
such an interesting point there, because when I think about
what you're saying, I think it's so natural as a
young person to look for role models, to look for protectors,
to look for shelter, to look for another human to
(08:20):
be under their wing. And when you're young and that breaks,
you kind of keep looking sometimes in the wrong places too.
And I know I did that in my own life,
where when I couldn't find it from what seemed like
the natural, traditional places of shelter, I started to find
it in the wrong areas. Did you ever feel that
(08:41):
you went down that path when you were younger, where
you were taking shelter of things that now you wouldn't
want your kids to do, but you kind of had
no choice before you got to that God place. It's
almost like before that tell us a bit about that
journey of like looking for shelter in humans, looked at
everything decided there was also a moment where I just
(09:02):
you know, my faith dwindled because life happened and I
was like, well, why would this happen? Clearly there's no
power to be life is just crumbling around me. I
was just looking outside of myself for validation. I didn't
have a really good, strong sense of self worth. And
so you know kids, I think children internalize everything when
(09:23):
they're really young, and then around adolescent people always think
adolescents are so troubled, and but that's when you start
to express everything you even internalize that age. And so
around like fourteen fifteen, I start to express everything I
had internalized, and you know, I started to drink and
(09:43):
smoke and skip school or not go to school, you know,
completely not go to school at all. And I got
kicked out of high school. And I went from like
an honors student, which is like you know, very magnet
and all all these ap classes, to never going back
to school because I was so my anger was starting
(10:06):
to come out from everything I had went through. And yeah,
that and then I had a dream around like nineteen
of just years of acting out, that I died. And
I was like, how this is so crazy, How like, no,
I'm not sick, no one knows. I'm like walking out
of my mom's house. And this figure was there and
(10:27):
the figure was like, you know, I kind of explained
to me that I was leaving Earth. It was such
an eerie dream and I was like, where's Jesus And
the figure was like, He's not here for you. And
I woke up immediately. It was Sunday morning and I
literally drove myself to church and my life changed after that. Wow,
(10:47):
I mean that those kind of dreams. Do you have
dreams like that often? Or was that like a one off?
And was that like at that time? Had you had
other dreams around that time that were different to that. No.
I used to have like very dreams that were kind
of like premonitions when I was younger. I you know,
of like areas and places that I would eventually see
(11:08):
when I was older. So but nothing like that that
was very specific, I think to my need of transformation.
I really like the theme, Lauren, that you've kind of
touched on in your own life and in your past,
because I think you're spot on that when we're young
and even when we get older, we're constantly looking for
(11:29):
a protector and shelter, and we almost go from like
will you be my protector? And then that person lets
us down and then we go to this person and say, well, no,
you be my protector, and then they let us down
and we keep doing that. The fact that you've raised
that is really powerful because I think sometimes we don't
even know we're doing that because you're not saying it
in those words. You're not saying be my protector, but
(11:51):
inside in your heart, that's kind of what you're looking for.
Tell us about those lessons you learned when you went
down the wrong paths and chose some of the wrong
I think what I really what I've learned from being
younger and looking outside of myself for protection and safety
and comfort, was that the ultimate comfort and protection comes
(12:14):
from a higher power. It came from God for me.
And I was telling you just being a single mother
and a single woman now and you know, yes, I
have family and I have friends that are protectors, but
ultimately my protection is divine and it comes from God.
(12:36):
And really trusting that now and I didn't trust it before.
And I think when you've gone through tragedy or trauma
in any part of life, it really makes you. You know,
they don't talk about how it really it challenges your
relationship with God and it am I really being protected?
Something really horrible has happened, and I really safe. Something
(13:00):
horrible has happened. And you know, I'm learning that even
now that I am protected, that it is okay to
lean into that, to not have to always be around
people or you know, not always feeling like I'm not
protected if I'm alone, that I am totally in trust
with God. That's a lesson I'm still learning today that
(13:23):
I'm trying to just cultivate even more. Yeah, it's interesting,
isn't it. How we've created this animosity with being alone.
Like we think of being alone or lonely as such
a negative thing, and it's almost been ingrained in our
life since we were younger. It's like, if you were
the kid at school who didn't have lots of friends,
(13:44):
you were the loner. And if you got invited to
a wedding and you didn't have a plus one, it
was like, oh, what's wrong with you? And it's like
we've always been told that you need a better half
or someone to complete you. Like the language has always
being being alone is a weakness, and that being alone
means you've been abandoned. It's almost like we think being
(14:06):
alone means abandonment, but that's not true. You can be
happy alone and have great relationships and friends, but no
way your shelter is. I want to hear about how
long it takes you and what you have to go
through to gain that trust that there's something beyond, because
now when you're looking back, it obviously makes sense, but
(14:29):
if you if you remember being in that position, the
last thing you want to do is trust that there's
something greater or deeper or more powerful, because you're like, well,
I don't even have that trust in myself, you know,
and we keep transferring our trust to humans, and so
I just want to hear about some of the pain
that comes with that, or some of the challenges that
(14:49):
come with that, or some of that journey before you
were able to be. When I see you now and
I obviously we know each other, and I see you
be so confident in that space, I kind of want
to hear where that confidence came from. You know, For me, personally,
I think it's all it's really based on the individual
in someone's individual journey. For me personally, it was because
(15:09):
I didn't have a choice, There was no other option
that was taken away from me. Where I was in
a house I wasn't alone. I was in a relationship,
you know, I was protected and covered and then that
was tragically taken away with the passing you know of
(15:30):
my son's father that I was forced into. I am
alone now? And who do you trust as far as yourself? God?
What's that relationship like? When you don't have anything else
to lean on and stand on, all you have is
what you came here with, and so you and the
(15:51):
divine And so I was kind of pushed into communication
with God. I had to start really talking to God really,
not just reading the books. And um, you know I
always say, like applying it and reading it or two
different things. You can read all the books everywhere, you
can speak recite what you read in the book, but
(16:14):
once you apply what you read, that's a different ball game.
And so I had to learn application. Yeah, that's such
a such a great point from communication and application. I
think that's that's so powerful. Let's I've loved watching you
be a mom. I've only ever known you in this
this phase of your life, like I didn't know. I
(16:35):
haven't known you before, and you have two incredible sons
who are just so fun to be with. Calm is
like the ultimate gentleman, and you know this this very
like almost regal person. It's just like so well spoken,
so gentle, so smart and intellectual as well, and then
(16:56):
you have crossed. It's just like the cutest little being
in the world and just has so much like spontaneous energy,
has your humor, you know, that kind of vibe. And
I see how much they love you and how much
you love them, and that connection. It's so beautiful. Lauren.
I'm asking you this probably for the first time. I've
never asked you this before because I believe it's not
(17:17):
an easy question to answer, But how does it feel
to have a plan for life and have a picture
of what life looks like and then have that picture
being torn? Like? What does that actually feel like? Because
I think that's something that we underestimate because not everyone
goes through that fully, but the extent to which you've
(17:38):
been through that, we may all get little pieces of that.
And so I feel your experience can be a real
blessing for everyone, and I know you can share it
with that heart. So I'd love to ask you that
question now. It is the ultimate lesson in control, not
having control, letting go. It's really when you have this
(18:01):
plan for your life as you should. We should manifest,
we should set goals, you should right you have intentions
and if or when that gets derailed and you have
plan being now to go off that you didn't plan on.
It is the ultimate test of surrender, letting it go,
(18:23):
letting God now move in your life. You know, I
think for me, it was I had this idea I had,
we had the kids, we had a family, and the
head of the household is not here anymore. Does that
mean I have no purpose here anymore? No, I still
have a purpose, I still have a mission, and now
(18:46):
I have to tap into myself. You know, I had
to surrender my idea of what I thought my life
should be and give God and give my children the
opportunity for a happy life. Give God my life so
that now my life is what the divine wants for me,
(19:07):
and so I flow with the river. I'm not holding
onto the rocks, I'm not grasping onto things that you
know you have to let go of. It is literally,
the I'm gonna say again, the ultimate test of surrendering.
You have to surrender because at the end of the day,
as much control as we think we have, we do
(19:28):
not and it's actually very powerful to surrender. We think
that it's a weakness, but it's so much power in
letting go and flowing with the river because life is
gonna do what it's gonna do, and we are all
gonna get chin checked by life one way or another.
So I might as well focus on my enlightenment and
(19:48):
roll with the river and not fight with the rocks. Wow,
I mean, you know, hearing that from you, I hope
that people are going to replay that themselves again and
again and again because everything you just said and the
fact that you're saying it in what you've experienced, that's
(20:10):
what gives it so much power. Right, these are not
just words, and these are not just ideas. It's not
just a concept. It's like you're actually having to apply
this in your daily life. Tell us about learn What
is it that we didn't know about Nipsy and you
and the connection you add? What is it that we
didn't see that we didn't know that that people may
(20:30):
not be aware of that you shared, that you learned
from each other, that you grew from each other. What
were the things you taught him and he taught you
that made this so powerful? And you know, made this
incredible unit that has continued to propel you to greater heights.
You know. I always say that, like we were very
(20:50):
avid readers, and so when we moved in together and
put our books together, you can really see whose books
were so like, he was very very he was an intellectual,
and I always say he was like a spiritual intellectual
and I was a spiritual emotional person. So all my
(21:12):
books were like on hard and you know, and so
to me it really represented masculine and feminine energy. I
think something that people don't know is that we were
always talking about how we could have a better relationship
with God individually and our purpose and our missions in life,
(21:34):
and you know who how we just wanted to be
on purpose as individuals, and how we just helped each
other on our own individual missions, and that our relationship
was actually more spiritual than it was anything, and that
we bonded on our you know, quest for the truth.
(21:57):
That's I mean, what I love about hearing that is
that anyone who is in a relationship right now or
wants to be in a relationship is listening to us.
That feels like such a great north star. Like that
feels like such a beautiful point to connect. And it
sounds so normal for you because that's what you both were,
like you just described, but that's not very normal, as
(22:18):
we both know, Like, that's not what relationships are based on. Like,
that's not why we come together, it's not what we
think about. It's not really what we put in the center.
But that center feels so strong. Sorry, were you about
to say something, Lauren? Didn't. I didn't want to cut
you off. We started and we weren't perfect, and we
definitely had our you know, it was a lot of
(22:39):
human moments. But I think in relationship it's really important
in the beginning if you set an attention what is
what is our union? How is our union going to
participate with everyone else? How are we going to contribute?
How does our union contribute to people outside of us?
Not just us, you know, not between you know, Oh
(23:01):
you love me, give me pleasure. It has to be
deeper than that, or it kind of fades away. So
I think we're very intentional on like how us together,
how does that contribute to our community? Yeah, and I
think that community part is also again such a powerful
point that it doesn't just stop at your quest for
the truth it's what you both do in service to
(23:23):
your community, and that's a space that you continue to
be active in. Both you were both active in, Like
that's such a big priority for you, and I think
that that's another great relationship connection that you've spoken about
there there is like if your relationship is based around
the quest for the truth, not just pleasure, but then
your relationship is based around community service and giving back,
(23:46):
these are the things that really bring you close to
someone that you that you deeply love and you share together.
You spoke a bit about the masculine and feminine energy there,
and I loved how you described yourself as the spiritual
emotional and him as the spiritual intellectual. That's that's a
really cool way of looking at it. When when you
tell us a bit about what you've learned about the
(24:09):
masculine and feminine energy that has helped you that you
think our listeners may find an introduction if they're not
as aware of those ideas. What if some of the
things that you've taken away that you think it really
helped you, you know, just being aware that we are
all masculine and feminine energy. You know, you think it's
(24:30):
just one way or the other, but that we have
we're all intertwined, and we have that in us. I
sometimes operate out of my masculine more than my feminine,
you know, especially just I think I do more than anything,
and and starting to open myself up to my feminine
(24:52):
energy more and more, I've learned that. I think that
was my That's my biggest takeaway really from that is
that it is all in all of us, it's not
one of the other, and that it is so okay
to nurture both sides at the same time, or some
are one side, you might nurture more than the other,
and that's okay. I just you know, it's like the
(25:14):
best of both worlds. Yeah, no, I agree with that.
And I knowing which one to use when and knowing
which one to nourishes such an important decision. And whereas
if you just base it on gender and you say, well,
I'm only feminine or masculine, whatever it may be, you
almost miss out on recognizing that there are powers in
(25:35):
both that are accessible to all of us all the time.
I know for a fact, I remember meeting someone a
few years ago, and I don't know if I ever
told you, this, but I met someone a few years ago,
and I don't really connect with him that much anymore either,
But he said to me, he said, he goes, Jay,
you are you are like completely balanced in your masculine
(25:56):
and feminine. And I was, like I did when I
first heard that. It was a while ago. I was,
I don't know whether to take that as a compliment
or as a disc and so but yeah, yeah, no,
I learned that afterwards. You know, It's like my masculine
ego got in the way of like, what are you
trying to say? And it's creativity and intuition, and as
(26:16):
spiritual beings, we just you know, yeah, you want to
be tapped into that intuition and that create I'm glad
you raised that actually that you know, feminine energy. Often
we don't understand the depth of it, but creativity, intuition, connection, synergy,
like all of this comes from that. And so that's
a really great reminder. I heard you, Lauren in an interview.
(26:38):
You mentioned that you almost made a decision to not
go back to acting anymore, and I wanted to know
more about that, because obviously you have gone back and
you have moved forward, but there was a point where
obviously that that required an act of bravery. Can you
tell us what was it that was stopping you and
then what helped you move back in? What was stopping
(27:00):
me was that, you know, life change, and so my
perspective on life change, and you know, I my field,
the audition process and the rejection and the politics of
you know what came with what I do did not
(27:21):
align with what I was seeking anymore. I didn't want
to have to politic I didn't want to have to,
you know, do things. I felt more in alignment with
my truth and I just wanted to be myself fully.
If I could participate in a project wholly, I would
do it. But if I could not, I didn't want
(27:42):
to be fake and not give of myself in a
real way. And so I was like, you know, I
don't really want to run that race anymore. And so
a project or without Remorse came and I was like,
I'm not sure. I don't want to do this little
(28:02):
you know what felt like a hamster wheel for me.
I didn't like the idea of competition and going against
I didn't like that, and so I was like, I
don't know if I want to do that anymore. And
so Michael was like look, just read the script. And
so I read the script, and what drew me to
was that I could participate authentically, like I can genuinely
(28:28):
play this role, because I really resonated with the fact
that she passes and he has all these visions of
her and that she's still communicating with him, just not
physically but spiritually. And that's exactly where I, you know,
where I felt I was at the time, and so
it was just perfect. It was in alignment with a
(28:51):
story I wanted to tell. I could really give my
truth to this and it didn't have that, it didn't
have a negative energy on it. It felt it felt
like so and I want to say easy, because it
wasn't easy, but it felt like it was just pretty
much in alignment, you know, such a flow and so
(29:12):
and not that I'm expecting everything to be easy, but
I didn't want a certain energy on it, and this
had a really good energy on it, and I trusted
it and went back. Yeah, And I really felt that
when me and Radie watched the movie together that we
really felt that too, that you know, looking at it
from that perspective of of knowing you and speaking to
(29:34):
you about it, and then watching the movie and just
being like wow, like you know, how how must have
that been for Loren to play that role. But but
then to hear you say what you're saying to me now,
I'm just like wow, like that that's therapeutic, it's healing,
it's it's powerful because you're you're transferring that pain into purpose, right,
(29:54):
You're like bringing it through and you're letting it flow.
And that that's so powerful that you're able to transform
your pain in this way, and that feels like a
massively worthy reason to go back to anything and how
you're selecting it. And I love what you said there.
I think you know, I just I like pointing out
things that sometimes we miss. You said, I'm not expecting
(30:17):
it to be easy, but I want it to be
an alignment. And I think that is such a powerful
lesson for all of us that if we're looking for ease,
chances are we don't want to do anything because nothing's easy.
But yeah, but it's like that alignment. And you've devoted
time in helping other people who've lost their loved ones
(30:38):
through gun violence. Can you walk us through how this
has been helping you in your healing journey and why
it's important for people to help even when we feel
like we've lost because I think what often happen is
when we feel like we've gone through something, we most
often don't feel like we're in a position to help.
(30:59):
But when you've actually going out done that, can you
tell us how that has actually helped healing or support?
What have you learned from that? You know? I think
personally that service is our purpose and that we do
it in different ways. I went to New York and
I worked with an organization called Life Camp where they helped,
(31:20):
you know, victims of gun violence and they try to
stop gun violence. And a woman by the name of Erica,
who was amazing runs this organization. It made it also
made I saw. It also made me not feel so
alone and that how close we are as humans and
how connected we are. And we feel like our individual
(31:41):
stories are the things that make us so separate, but
it's actually a thing that really connects us, and that
as I was talking to these young women and these
single mothers that were younger than me, I got so
much strength from them because so much so many times
we think what we go through was just us and
how did this happen to me? And It's not the
(32:02):
way to think like that. It's like, who am I?
Why not me? Why is this not happening to me?
It's happening all around the world. How can I be
of service? How can my story help someone else through
their stories? So many times I read a book or
listen to someone's testimony and they have no idea how
(32:24):
encouraging that is for me at that time, And so
I just want my I don't want to have I
don't want to have my pain in vain. I would
like to give my pain some purpose and transmute the
pain into purpose. And if I could help or encourage
or motivate or pull through, I will sign up for
(32:46):
that every day, all the time. That's beautiful. I'm so
glad you said that, because again, it just comes back
to the same thing that we don't want people. I
think it's those times when you feel you have nothing
to give. Is when by giving you have so much
to gain. Right. It's like when you feel you have
nothing to give, but but in that moment when you
(33:08):
choose to give, when you actually feel like you have
nothing to give, you get so much back from it.
And I feel like if you sposed to give, right,
isn't that. Isn't that when you're supposed to give when
you feel like, you know, when you're really depressed, when
you're really they say, when you're really down, do go
do something for someone else. Step outside of yourself and
(33:30):
go do something for someone else. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And
I think if if we can all find daily, weekly,
monthly ways of doing that by working with organizations that
are important to us. And I think this is one
of the things that I've noticed too as well. When
we look around in the world, there's so much pain,
and there's so much stress and pressure, and it's overwhelming.
(33:52):
But if you just go and do one tiny act
of service in your local area and your local community,
you don't have to go and change the world. You
don't have to go and like raise lots of money
or do this like big thing. You can do this
really small thing every week. And not only is that
going to improve the world, of course, it's improving the world,
it's going to change someone's life. It's going to change
(34:14):
yours too, And I think we underestimate what it feels
like to change one person's life. And I always think about, like,
if you add the option of when we're like Oh,
but that only helps three people. If you think about
those three people and their life experience, I'm sure you
(34:35):
would a thousand percent shoes to change their experience. And
I think we we've got lost this. We've got lost
in this world now of like numbers and millions of
dollars and big change, and we forget that the community
is changed, Like that is the world? Does that make sense?
It's right, it's hot, it's right where you stare, you know,
I don't think it's the small things that you go
(34:58):
up to a big thing. And the big thing is service,
you know, like it's integrity, like are you gonna do
this when no one is watching? Absolutely? You know, am
I gonna make it? It's also like I'm very intentional
on my day. So if I know I'm gonna be
working around a lot of people, my intention is that
you know, I represent God, that I don't give someone,
(35:22):
I don't put my stuff on someone else, that I
bring good energy to a set that you know, if
someone's having a hard day, I don't have to try
to make them better, but I can just represent, you know,
some goodness you know, and some truth. And so I
think it's important also to set intentions when you're around
a lot of people. I remember you telling me that
(35:43):
when you're on set, you like choose your own playlist
to make sure the energy is right and the vibes right,
and like, you know, I think that I get on
that and that trailer and I play my little Jazz
or my self care playlists for my instanse sage. I
pray I just put myself in a space because I
(36:05):
don't want to be influenced by my environment. I want
the environment to be influenced by me. Absolutely, well said,
Well said Lauren. I want to hear about We spoke
about this earlier briefly, but I want to dive into
it being a mother, you know, and we spoke about
Cameron Cross, who you know, I've enjoyed spending the time
that I have with them. Tell us about what you've
(36:28):
been trying to share with them, what lessons, what guidance
you've been trying to pass on to them, but also
what have you learned from both of them in your
own life too, Like what have you taken from them?
Where have they taught you? Because I know they have.
I think I've learned from them more than they'll ever
be able to learn from me. They're really they're really
resilient and like unc they love me regardless of what
(36:54):
I see in myself sometimes and when I'm down. You know,
Cameron heart has a really big heart. And when I
was his age, I closed my heart up because there
was a lot of trauma around me and I didn't
I used to think that vulnerability was weakness. And I
realized how easy it is for him to be vulnerable,
(37:16):
and how easy it is for him to share his
heart and his feelings, and how strong and brave that is.
And so a lot of times I'll be in a
situation and I would even say, like what would Cam do?
Because it's intention so pure and heartfelt, and his compassion,
you know, and crosses very and I learned from him
(37:40):
his freedom of being himself, total freedom. He is fearless.
He's like, I got this. If I don't get got
it right now, I'm gonna get it. You know. I
didn't have siblings growing up, so watching siblings that love
(38:00):
is like, h I hope if I ever come back
that I get to have a sibling that I grew
up in the house with, because it's beautiful. It's like
they're a part of each other in a way, and
I personally liked in stealing my kids integrity, honor, honesty.
(38:23):
You know you're getting big trouble for lying in this
household and acceptance of yourself fully. You know, I've been
really big on like you know, Cam had a test
today he was really nervous about and I'm like, look,
if you don't ace the test, you don't ace the test.
Did you try your best? Yes? Did we study? Yes?
(38:48):
You don't have to ace it. You have to show
up and show out. And that's it. The result of that,
it's in the universe. And sometimes we don't get the
result of our you know, actions right away. So just
make sure you put your best foot forward. And just
I teach them a lot about God and how there's
a karma check book, so just to make sure you're
(39:09):
always putting good pennies in your karma bank. And I'm
always like you, there's always an opportunity you have good karma,
so make sure you pay attention to all your opportunities around.
I love what you mentioned there one thing around the
idea of you don't always get the reward for the
hard work and that activity in that moment, and I
think that is such a powerful thing to teach a
(39:31):
young person because we always think, like, for example, I
study for this test, but I didn't get the results,
so that study was useless, and we don't realize that
that study maybe really powerful, like five ten years down
the line, when you remember that one piece of insight
and it actually gets a win, And that is such
a powerful, powerful thing to teach someone that the immediate
(39:54):
result is not how powerful that input was, Like, the
immediate result is not how powerful your effort was in
that situation. You're going to get to see that for many,
many years, not at all. I'm just I'm just listening.
I'm just trying to listen to you really attentively, because
(40:17):
I feel like there's so many things that you've worked
on and you've practiced that have become so normal for you.
And when I'm listening to I'm like, Wow, that's actually
really profound, Like that's a really powerful point. And the
fact that you're thinking about teaching that to your kids,
like it's you're not just saying, oh, it doesn't matter
if you don't use the test. What you're actually saying
is it doesn't matter if you used the test, because
(40:38):
what you learned is going to help you at some point.
And I want you to see that. I want you
to recognize that you studied and that's going to support
you in more ways than this test. This test is,
this test is not the proof that you studied. And now, yeah,
and that is the that's it. Yeah, Yeah, that's really beautiful.
I love hearing that. And tell tell us about as
(41:01):
you continue to move on. Now, what are the things
Lauren now at this stage in your life? You know,
you've done so much service, You've worked for the community,
you're embedded you, you're supporting all those people are supporting you.
What are the things that excite you now? Like? Where
is it? Where are you now? What brings joy to Lauren? Now?
I really like creating content that I feel is inspirational
(41:27):
or motivation. Motivation that really excites me. I've been working
on a couple lines with Puma with clothes and just
intention behind that, Like I don't want to just put
out the clothes. What is it? What are the clothes saying?
How are the clothes going to make someone feel? What
intention are you putting behind the clothes? And you know, honestly,
(41:50):
really simple things like Sundays, I love doing you know,
devotional service on Sundays and learning more about that and
applying that. But also just like chilling and watching TV
with my kids. You know, like I used to think
it was these massive things that brought me joy, and
(42:12):
so I would always seek those really big things. And
really it's like a really comfortable room with the kids
and they're listening to them laugh or listening to them
play together, and you know, clean socks and fresh sheets
like those things bring me big joy. And you know,
(42:35):
hanging with friends and listening to music, just those things
and creating things that come from my heart. Definitely. Yeah,
big shout out to your I say Puma back in England,
but I know it's Puma out here. We say Puma
really yeah, we see every time I say Puma, I
(42:57):
just feel so it just I'm like wow, like that,
so it's so for my mind. It's crazy, but yeah,
we call it Puma back in England. But but Puma. Yeah,
the forever stronger line me and rather a big rather
a big fans. And it's always nice to wear something
that means something and that represents something for you. And yeah,
I love that you're bringing that into fashion and places
(43:20):
like that to have that meaningfulness and that presence and
that power. And you know, one thing I remember we
spoke about which I really appreciate from you, and you
even mentioned it today where you're like, I wanted to
let go of that competition in the industry and that comparison.
Walk us through how you've worked through that, because this
isn't something that only you experience. It's actually what's been
(43:41):
created by most industries where people are put against each other,
people are made to compete for things. You're made to
believe there's only one spot, there's only one thing, and
if you get it, then you're losing and you're winning.
How have you worked through that personally? How have you
been trying to apply wisdom around that area of your life,
around comparison and competition that I think we all struggle with. Yeah,
(44:05):
you know, I remember hearing something Reverend Michael said about
being in the spirit of celebration. So when something really
good happens to someone else celebrating, because when you're in
that spirit of celebration, you're just giving out messages to
(44:26):
the universe that you like to celebrate, So then the
universe gives you things to celebrate. So I celebrate everyone's wins.
You know, I've never I've never really been in envious.
I never really carry that energy, even young. So that's
why it always feels funny when it's around me. So like,
(44:48):
I celebrate everyone's wins because I know that that that
is that's mine too. It's just the energy of celebration
and genuinely knowing that there's enough to go around. That
we live in an abundant universe. So just because someone
is eating doesn't mean that I don't have food on
(45:09):
the way. Doesn't mean I can't eat either. It's just
that there's an abundance of it all. So I just
celebrate everyone's you know, wins, and you know, congratulate and
send really good energy out to especially you know, women
and black women like myself that are doing this is
not easy. I just am like a I love women,
(45:31):
So I'm like a woman like I love women winning,
and I just sit in the spirit of abundance and celebration. Yeah,
I think when we start realizing that actually, when people
in our space win, the space wins, and so it's
not like you know, it's when you make it about
(45:52):
one versus one, it can feel like a loss. But
when you see it as a community, an industry, a
space within an industry. When it's winning, that means everyone's winning.
I always think about it like, you know, if you
look at it through house prices, it's like if someone
on your street sells the house for a lot of money,
everyone's prices just went up, Like everyone on that street
(46:12):
just benefited. But you can look at that and be like, oh,
but they just made loads of money and so no
one's gonna buy my house. But it's like, actually, that's
not true. The whole value of the whole street just increased.
Right in that competition. You know, mind frame, you're just
blocking all the beautiful things God has for you, you know,
if you know, you just That's why you're supposed to
(46:34):
celebrate people when they succeeded at something or accomplish something,
because you just open your world for more to celebrate.
So I'm not blocking my blessings. I like all my blessings,
so I love everyone's blessings absolutely. I love that learn
We end every Own Purpose episode with the final five,
(46:56):
So these questions have to be answered with one word
or one sentence maximum, So you can have one sentence.
Let's do Lauren London. These are your final five. Question
Number one, what is the best advice you've ever received?
What you give out to the world? You key, Oh,
I like that. I like that. That's good. We've never
(47:18):
had that. I like that. That's good advice. What is
the worst advice you've ever received or the worst thing
anyone's ever said to you? Someone making someone like your possession,
like you have to keep them, or don't do this,
or you're gonna lose them. That's really bad advice. Yes, good, good,
good advice on the bad advice? All right? Question number three,
what how would you define your current purpose in life?
(47:42):
Transmuting pain into purpose? Beautiful? I love that. Question number four,
what is something that you used to value that you
don't value anymore? Close? I love that. I love it designers,
(48:03):
clothes and stuff. Love appreciate them, but I don't all right.
Fifth and final question, If you could make one law
that everyone in the world had to follow, what would
it be. I feel like there will be stricter punishment
and longer harsher punishment on child abusers. Wow, So hopefully
(48:26):
to hopefully limit people from doing it to Yeah, And
are the punishment of people that harm children would be
you know. I know it's not so spiritual at me,
but it'd be harsh, harsh, harsh harsh. Yeah, thank you, Lauren. Lauren,
is there anything that I haven't asked you but it's
in your heart, on your mind, and your soul that
you want to share with our own purpose community today?
(48:48):
You've been so generous and kind with your time. Me
and RADI adore you. This has been such a powerful conversation. Yeah.
Is there anything that's on your heart, on mind or
soul that you want to share that I haven't. I
feel like you've asked me really good questions and really questions.
I just you know, I'm just honored that I anyone
(49:09):
would want to listen to me for real. So I'm
just grateful to me here. Lauren. We love you. Everyone
who's been listening or watching, make sure that you tag
Lauren and I on Instagram, on Twitter, wherever you're using
social media, because I love seeing and I love my
guest to see what resonated with you, what connected with you.
I love bringing you into the conversation so that we
(49:31):
can notice what really left a mark on you and
impacted you. So make sure you tag us both on
Instagram and Twitter. Lauren, I want to thank you from
the bottom of my heart for your time. I can't
wait to see you again in this new year. Give
Cam and Cross a big hug from me and we
look forward to seeing you very soon. Thank you so much,
(49:51):
thank you. Please give my hug to Ron will Well.
Thanks Lauren, Bye guys. By N
For me personally, it was because I didn't have a choice.
There was no other option that was taken away from
me with the passing of my son's father that I
was forced into. I am alone. Now. Who do you
trust when you don't have anything else to lean on
and stand on? All you have is what you came
(00:23):
here with. It's you in the divine. Hey everyone, welcome
back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in
the world. Thanks to each and every single one of
you who come back every week to listen, learn and grow.
And I am so excited to be talking to you today.
(00:45):
I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of
Love is out and I cannot wait to share it
with you. I am so so excited for you to
read this book, for you to listen to this book.
I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already,
make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com.
It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or
(01:07):
let go of love. So if you've got friends that
are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure
you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you
to come and see me for my global tour love Rules.
Go to Ja shettytour dot com to learn more information
about tickets, VIP experiences and more. I can't wait to
(01:27):
see you this year now. I love these episodes when
I get to sit down with dear friends, people that
I have spent deep, quality, heartfelt time with, and I
get the opportunity to share them with you because they
have such a wealth of insights, such a wealth of wisdom,
such a wealth of life experience. But I have to
move into my interviewer mode and make sure that you
(01:49):
know about how epic they are as well behind the scenes.
I mean, they are doing a lot more than being
my friend. So today's guest is none other than Lauren
London and la native career skyrocketed after starring in the
film ATL and Miss London's career in the year since
ATL includes a number of feature films and television series,
(02:10):
including This Christmas, Next Day Air, Tyler Perry's Medea, Big
Habby Family, I Love You, Beth Cooper Baggage claimed The
Perfect Match, as well as television series HBO's Entourage, nine
two one zero, Single Ladies, and The Game. In twenty nineteen,
she appeared in the BT series Games People play, which
(02:31):
is currently in production on season two. Season one centered
around London's character Vanessa King. And then this was a
movie that I just saw recently. In the spring of
twenty twenty one, Tom Clancy's Without Remorse, starring Michael B.
Jordan was released with Laurence starring as Pam Kelly. There
are so many more amazing things that Lauren's working on
(02:53):
behind the scenes, so many other incredible things that in
production and Netflix mini series True Story alongside Kevin Hart
and Wesley Snipes, and she's producing much more further projects
as well. Beyond all of this amazingness on screen, what
I can truly say is that having spent pretty much
like four hours a week with this incredible woman for
(03:16):
the past twelve months, maybe more, is that there are
very few people who carry the energy she carries. And
in any room Lauren walks into, she lights it up
with love, with grace, with this beautiful presence. And my
wife and I are not only huge fans of her
(03:38):
work on screen, we believe she's one of the most
hilarious people offscreen. We love you, Lauren. Thank you so
much for doing the On Purpose podcast, and it is
so great to have you on the show. Thanks for
being here, Lauren. Oh, thank you jay Man. The introduction
was like a plus plus. You make me excited about myself.
I'm like, I guess I've been working for why you've
(04:02):
You know, you've done so much in your career, and
I always feel blessed when I get to see people
on screen and offscreen, because I think we're all humans
that have real lives and real experiences. But I mean,
everything in that intro was true, So congratulations to you.
I mean, you know it's it's all your hard work
(04:22):
and all your achievements. I hope we get a special
appearance from crossoad Cam today in the shot. You know,
one can only hope. I don't want to snack very soon.
But Lauren, I want to start with just diving straight in.
You know, you have experienced so much in your career,
(04:42):
so many amazing life changing moments, but at the same time,
in your personal life, you've been given so many surprises
and pivots and changes and challenges. And I want to
hear about your journey as to how you've found grace,
spiritual connection and how have you been guided by that
(05:04):
through some of the most difficult things that anyone in
the world would ever have to experience, you know, my
spiritual journey. It had so many transformations. So I had
a very traumatic childhood, you could say, with just a
lot of abuse and you know, neglect, and not at
(05:25):
the hands of my mother though, let me clear that up.
And so I was very very connected to God at
a really early age. I just remember hearing God very
very very clear. And then you know, as I grew up,
I lost a bit of my connection to God and
then got reintroduced to God in another way in my
(05:46):
early adulthood. And then really when Nit passed, I felt
like that was when I had to really really get
to know God personally, not in theory, not an idea,
not you know, only when things are good to pray
and devote. It made me feel like I wanted to
(06:09):
really understand our purpose here on earth, why we were here,
what are we to do here? I didn't want to
live a life in vain. I wanted to be on purpose,
and so it just it was this like this thirst
for the truth. I think when tragedy happens, you you
(06:29):
can either just survive or survive and thrive. And I
really made the choice to survive and thrive, and I
feel like I can only do that through the grace
of God and just being a servant of God. That's
beautiful learning. Thank you for sharing that. Let's let's go
back to that early childhood that you were mentioning. What
(06:49):
was like a pivotal moment in your childhood that you
believe is defined who you are and how you show up.
What was a moment that happened in those early years
you think taught you something so powerful that shaped who
you are today. Well, you know, I think when you
you know, my parents were really young, and they really
tried the best, you know, with what they had and
(07:12):
just the tools they had in their toolbox. And so
I learned very early about betrayal and how being alone
because I was the only child and there was a
lot of violence around me and towards me, how I
could only depend on God. And I learned that very
(07:33):
early on that the humans and the adults in my
life might not have been the best protectors, but that
I was okay because I had faith in God, and
that depending on God and leaning on God and trusting
that I would be okay really carried me through my
young childhood and my adulthood and just you know, clearly
(07:56):
no one's perfect, and our parents are humans. I think
that was a really hard lesson for me to learner
that my parents were just humans. I think you've raised
such an interesting point there, because when I think about
what you're saying, I think it's so natural as a
young person to look for role models, to look for protectors,
to look for shelter, to look for another human to
(08:20):
be under their wing. And when you're young and that breaks,
you kind of keep looking sometimes in the wrong places too.
And I know I did that in my own life,
where when I couldn't find it from what seemed like
the natural, traditional places of shelter, I started to find
it in the wrong areas. Did you ever feel that
(08:41):
you went down that path when you were younger, where
you were taking shelter of things that now you wouldn't
want your kids to do, but you kind of had
no choice before you got to that God place. It's
almost like before that tell us a bit about that
journey of like looking for shelter in humans, looked at
everything decided there was also a moment where I just
(09:02):
you know, my faith dwindled because life happened and I
was like, well, why would this happen? Clearly there's no
power to be life is just crumbling around me. I
was just looking outside of myself for validation. I didn't
have a really good, strong sense of self worth. And
so you know kids, I think children internalize everything when
(09:23):
they're really young, and then around adolescent people always think
adolescents are so troubled, and but that's when you start
to express everything you even internalize that age. And so
around like fourteen fifteen, I start to express everything I
had internalized, and you know, I started to drink and
(09:43):
smoke and skip school or not go to school, you know,
completely not go to school at all. And I got
kicked out of high school. And I went from like
an honors student, which is like you know, very magnet
and all all these ap classes, to never going back
to school because I was so my anger was starting
(10:06):
to come out from everything I had went through. And yeah,
that and then I had a dream around like nineteen
of just years of acting out, that I died. And
I was like, how this is so crazy, How like, no,
I'm not sick, no one knows. I'm like walking out
of my mom's house. And this figure was there and
(10:27):
the figure was like, you know, I kind of explained
to me that I was leaving Earth. It was such
an eerie dream and I was like, where's Jesus And
the figure was like, He's not here for you. And
I woke up immediately. It was Sunday morning and I
literally drove myself to church and my life changed after that. Wow,
(10:47):
I mean that those kind of dreams. Do you have
dreams like that often? Or was that like a one off?
And was that like at that time? Had you had
other dreams around that time that were different to that. No.
I used to have like very dreams that were kind
of like premonitions when I was younger. I you know,
of like areas and places that I would eventually see
(11:08):
when I was older. So but nothing like that that
was very specific, I think to my need of transformation.
I really like the theme, Lauren, that you've kind of
touched on in your own life and in your past,
because I think you're spot on that when we're young
and even when we get older, we're constantly looking for
(11:29):
a protector and shelter, and we almost go from like
will you be my protector? And then that person lets
us down and then we go to this person and say, well, no,
you be my protector, and then they let us down
and we keep doing that. The fact that you've raised
that is really powerful because I think sometimes we don't
even know we're doing that because you're not saying it
in those words. You're not saying be my protector, but
(11:51):
inside in your heart, that's kind of what you're looking for.
Tell us about those lessons you learned when you went
down the wrong paths and chose some of the wrong
I think what I really what I've learned from being
younger and looking outside of myself for protection and safety
and comfort, was that the ultimate comfort and protection comes
(12:14):
from a higher power. It came from God for me.
And I was telling you just being a single mother
and a single woman now and you know, yes, I
have family and I have friends that are protectors, but
ultimately my protection is divine and it comes from God.
(12:36):
And really trusting that now and I didn't trust it before.
And I think when you've gone through tragedy or trauma
in any part of life, it really makes you. You know,
they don't talk about how it really it challenges your
relationship with God and it am I really being protected?
Something really horrible has happened, and I really safe. Something
(13:00):
horrible has happened. And you know, I'm learning that even
now that I am protected, that it is okay to
lean into that, to not have to always be around
people or you know, not always feeling like I'm not
protected if I'm alone, that I am totally in trust
with God. That's a lesson I'm still learning today that
(13:23):
I'm trying to just cultivate even more. Yeah, it's interesting,
isn't it. How we've created this animosity with being alone.
Like we think of being alone or lonely as such
a negative thing, and it's almost been ingrained in our
life since we were younger. It's like, if you were
the kid at school who didn't have lots of friends,
(13:44):
you were the loner. And if you got invited to
a wedding and you didn't have a plus one, it
was like, oh, what's wrong with you? And it's like
we've always been told that you need a better half
or someone to complete you. Like the language has always
being being alone is a weakness, and that being alone
means you've been abandoned. It's almost like we think being
(14:06):
alone means abandonment, but that's not true. You can be
happy alone and have great relationships and friends, but no
way your shelter is. I want to hear about how
long it takes you and what you have to go
through to gain that trust that there's something beyond, because
now when you're looking back, it obviously makes sense, but
(14:29):
if you if you remember being in that position, the
last thing you want to do is trust that there's
something greater or deeper or more powerful, because you're like, well,
I don't even have that trust in myself, you know,
and we keep transferring our trust to humans, and so
I just want to hear about some of the pain
that comes with that, or some of the challenges that
(14:49):
come with that, or some of that journey before you
were able to be. When I see you now and
I obviously we know each other, and I see you
be so confident in that space, I kind of want
to hear where that confidence came from. You know, For me, personally,
I think it's all it's really based on the individual
in someone's individual journey. For me personally, it was because
(15:09):
I didn't have a choice, There was no other option
that was taken away from me. Where I was in
a house I wasn't alone. I was in a relationship,
you know, I was protected and covered and then that
was tragically taken away with the passing you know of
(15:30):
my son's father that I was forced into. I am
alone now? And who do you trust as far as yourself? God?
What's that relationship like? When you don't have anything else
to lean on and stand on, all you have is
what you came here with, and so you and the
(15:51):
divine And so I was kind of pushed into communication
with God. I had to start really talking to God really,
not just reading the books. And um, you know I
always say, like applying it and reading it or two
different things. You can read all the books everywhere, you
can speak recite what you read in the book, but
(16:14):
once you apply what you read, that's a different ball game.
And so I had to learn application. Yeah, that's such
a such a great point from communication and application. I
think that's that's so powerful. Let's I've loved watching you
be a mom. I've only ever known you in this
this phase of your life, like I didn't know. I
(16:35):
haven't known you before, and you have two incredible sons
who are just so fun to be with. Calm is
like the ultimate gentleman, and you know this this very
like almost regal person. It's just like so well spoken,
so gentle, so smart and intellectual as well, and then
(16:56):
you have crossed. It's just like the cutest little being
in the world and just has so much like spontaneous energy,
has your humor, you know, that kind of vibe. And
I see how much they love you and how much
you love them, and that connection. It's so beautiful. Lauren.
I'm asking you this probably for the first time. I've
never asked you this before because I believe it's not
(17:17):
an easy question to answer, But how does it feel
to have a plan for life and have a picture
of what life looks like and then have that picture
being torn? Like? What does that actually feel like? Because
I think that's something that we underestimate because not everyone
goes through that fully, but the extent to which you've
(17:38):
been through that, we may all get little pieces of that.
And so I feel your experience can be a real
blessing for everyone, and I know you can share it
with that heart. So I'd love to ask you that
question now. It is the ultimate lesson in control, not
having control, letting go. It's really when you have this
(18:01):
plan for your life as you should. We should manifest,
we should set goals, you should right you have intentions
and if or when that gets derailed and you have
plan being now to go off that you didn't plan on.
It is the ultimate test of surrender, letting it go,
(18:23):
letting God now move in your life. You know, I
think for me, it was I had this idea I had,
we had the kids, we had a family, and the
head of the household is not here anymore. Does that
mean I have no purpose here anymore? No, I still
have a purpose, I still have a mission, and now
(18:46):
I have to tap into myself. You know, I had
to surrender my idea of what I thought my life
should be and give God and give my children the
opportunity for a happy life. Give God my life so
that now my life is what the divine wants for me,
(19:07):
and so I flow with the river. I'm not holding
onto the rocks, I'm not grasping onto things that you
know you have to let go of. It is literally,
the I'm gonna say again, the ultimate test of surrendering.
You have to surrender because at the end of the day,
as much control as we think we have, we do
(19:28):
not and it's actually very powerful to surrender. We think
that it's a weakness, but it's so much power in
letting go and flowing with the river because life is
gonna do what it's gonna do, and we are all
gonna get chin checked by life one way or another.
So I might as well focus on my enlightenment and
(19:48):
roll with the river and not fight with the rocks. Wow,
I mean, you know, hearing that from you, I hope
that people are going to replay that themselves again and
again and again because everything you just said and the
fact that you're saying it in what you've experienced, that's
(20:10):
what gives it so much power. Right, these are not
just words, and these are not just ideas. It's not
just a concept. It's like you're actually having to apply
this in your daily life. Tell us about learn What
is it that we didn't know about Nipsy and you
and the connection you add? What is it that we
didn't see that we didn't know that that people may
(20:30):
not be aware of that you shared, that you learned
from each other, that you grew from each other. What
were the things you taught him and he taught you
that made this so powerful? And you know, made this
incredible unit that has continued to propel you to greater heights.
You know. I always say that, like we were very
(20:50):
avid readers, and so when we moved in together and
put our books together, you can really see whose books
were so like, he was very very he was an intellectual,
and I always say he was like a spiritual intellectual
and I was a spiritual emotional person. So all my
(21:12):
books were like on hard and you know, and so
to me it really represented masculine and feminine energy. I
think something that people don't know is that we were
always talking about how we could have a better relationship
with God individually and our purpose and our missions in life,
(21:34):
and you know who how we just wanted to be
on purpose as individuals, and how we just helped each
other on our own individual missions, and that our relationship
was actually more spiritual than it was anything, and that
we bonded on our you know, quest for the truth.
(21:57):
That's I mean, what I love about hearing that is
that anyone who is in a relationship right now or
wants to be in a relationship is listening to us.
That feels like such a great north star. Like that
feels like such a beautiful point to connect. And it
sounds so normal for you because that's what you both were,
like you just described, but that's not very normal, as
(22:18):
we both know, Like, that's not what relationships are based on. Like,
that's not why we come together, it's not what we
think about. It's not really what we put in the center.
But that center feels so strong. Sorry, were you about
to say something, Lauren? Didn't. I didn't want to cut
you off. We started and we weren't perfect, and we
definitely had our you know, it was a lot of
(22:39):
human moments. But I think in relationship it's really important
in the beginning if you set an attention what is
what is our union? How is our union going to
participate with everyone else? How are we going to contribute?
How does our union contribute to people outside of us?
Not just us, you know, not between you know, Oh
(23:01):
you love me, give me pleasure. It has to be
deeper than that, or it kind of fades away. So
I think we're very intentional on like how us together,
how does that contribute to our community? Yeah, and I
think that community part is also again such a powerful
point that it doesn't just stop at your quest for
the truth it's what you both do in service to
(23:23):
your community, and that's a space that you continue to
be active in. Both you were both active in, Like
that's such a big priority for you, and I think
that that's another great relationship connection that you've spoken about
there there is like if your relationship is based around
the quest for the truth, not just pleasure, but then
your relationship is based around community service and giving back,
(23:46):
these are the things that really bring you close to
someone that you that you deeply love and you share together.
You spoke a bit about the masculine and feminine energy there,
and I loved how you described yourself as the spiritual
emotional and him as the spiritual intellectual. That's that's a
really cool way of looking at it. When when you
tell us a bit about what you've learned about the
(24:09):
masculine and feminine energy that has helped you that you
think our listeners may find an introduction if they're not
as aware of those ideas. What if some of the
things that you've taken away that you think it really
helped you, you know, just being aware that we are
all masculine and feminine energy. You know, you think it's
(24:30):
just one way or the other, but that we have
we're all intertwined, and we have that in us. I
sometimes operate out of my masculine more than my feminine,
you know, especially just I think I do more than anything,
and and starting to open myself up to my feminine
(24:52):
energy more and more, I've learned that. I think that
was my That's my biggest takeaway really from that is
that it is all in all of us, it's not
one of the other, and that it is so okay
to nurture both sides at the same time, or some
are one side, you might nurture more than the other,
and that's okay. I just you know, it's like the
(25:14):
best of both worlds. Yeah, no, I agree with that.
And I knowing which one to use when and knowing
which one to nourishes such an important decision. And whereas
if you just base it on gender and you say, well,
I'm only feminine or masculine, whatever it may be, you
almost miss out on recognizing that there are powers in
(25:35):
both that are accessible to all of us all the time.
I know for a fact, I remember meeting someone a
few years ago, and I don't know if I ever
told you, this, but I met someone a few years ago,
and I don't really connect with him that much anymore either,
But he said to me, he said, he goes, Jay,
you are you are like completely balanced in your masculine
(25:56):
and feminine. And I was, like I did when I
first heard that. It was a while ago. I was,
I don't know whether to take that as a compliment
or as a disc and so but yeah, yeah, no,
I learned that afterwards. You know, It's like my masculine
ego got in the way of like, what are you
trying to say? And it's creativity and intuition, and as
(26:16):
spiritual beings, we just you know, yeah, you want to
be tapped into that intuition and that create I'm glad
you raised that actually that you know, feminine energy. Often
we don't understand the depth of it, but creativity, intuition, connection, synergy,
like all of this comes from that. And so that's
a really great reminder. I heard you, Lauren in an interview.
(26:38):
You mentioned that you almost made a decision to not
go back to acting anymore, and I wanted to know
more about that, because obviously you have gone back and
you have moved forward, but there was a point where
obviously that that required an act of bravery. Can you
tell us what was it that was stopping you and
then what helped you move back in? What was stopping
(27:00):
me was that, you know, life change, and so my
perspective on life change, and you know, I my field,
the audition process and the rejection and the politics of
you know what came with what I do did not
(27:21):
align with what I was seeking anymore. I didn't want
to have to politic I didn't want to have to,
you know, do things. I felt more in alignment with
my truth and I just wanted to be myself fully.
If I could participate in a project wholly, I would
do it. But if I could not, I didn't want
(27:42):
to be fake and not give of myself in a
real way. And so I was like, you know, I
don't really want to run that race anymore. And so
a project or without Remorse came and I was like,
I'm not sure. I don't want to do this little
(28:02):
you know what felt like a hamster wheel for me.
I didn't like the idea of competition and going against
I didn't like that, and so I was like, I
don't know if I want to do that anymore. And
so Michael was like look, just read the script. And
so I read the script, and what drew me to
was that I could participate authentically, like I can genuinely
(28:28):
play this role, because I really resonated with the fact
that she passes and he has all these visions of
her and that she's still communicating with him, just not
physically but spiritually. And that's exactly where I, you know,
where I felt I was at the time, and so
it was just perfect. It was in alignment with a
(28:51):
story I wanted to tell. I could really give my
truth to this and it didn't have that, it didn't
have a negative energy on it. It felt it felt
like so and I want to say easy, because it
wasn't easy, but it felt like it was just pretty
much in alignment, you know, such a flow and so
(29:12):
and not that I'm expecting everything to be easy, but
I didn't want a certain energy on it, and this
had a really good energy on it, and I trusted
it and went back. Yeah, And I really felt that
when me and Radie watched the movie together that we
really felt that too, that you know, looking at it
from that perspective of of knowing you and speaking to
(29:34):
you about it, and then watching the movie and just
being like wow, like you know, how how must have
that been for Loren to play that role. But but
then to hear you say what you're saying to me now,
I'm just like wow, like that that's therapeutic, it's healing,
it's it's powerful because you're you're transferring that pain into purpose, right,
(29:54):
You're like bringing it through and you're letting it flow.
And that that's so powerful that you're able to transform
your pain in this way, and that feels like a
massively worthy reason to go back to anything and how
you're selecting it. And I love what you said there.
I think you know, I just I like pointing out
things that sometimes we miss. You said, I'm not expecting
(30:17):
it to be easy, but I want it to be
an alignment. And I think that is such a powerful
lesson for all of us that if we're looking for ease,
chances are we don't want to do anything because nothing's easy.
But yeah, but it's like that alignment. And you've devoted
time in helping other people who've lost their loved ones
(30:38):
through gun violence. Can you walk us through how this
has been helping you in your healing journey and why
it's important for people to help even when we feel
like we've lost because I think what often happen is
when we feel like we've gone through something, we most
often don't feel like we're in a position to help.
(30:59):
But when you've actually going out done that, can you
tell us how that has actually helped healing or support?
What have you learned from that? You know? I think
personally that service is our purpose and that we do
it in different ways. I went to New York and
I worked with an organization called Life Camp where they helped,
(31:20):
you know, victims of gun violence and they try to
stop gun violence. And a woman by the name of Erica,
who was amazing runs this organization. It made it also
made I saw. It also made me not feel so
alone and that how close we are as humans and
how connected we are. And we feel like our individual
(31:41):
stories are the things that make us so separate, but
it's actually a thing that really connects us, and that
as I was talking to these young women and these
single mothers that were younger than me, I got so
much strength from them because so much so many times
we think what we go through was just us and
how did this happen to me? And It's not the
(32:02):
way to think like that. It's like, who am I?
Why not me? Why is this not happening to me?
It's happening all around the world. How can I be
of service? How can my story help someone else through
their stories? So many times I read a book or
listen to someone's testimony and they have no idea how
(32:24):
encouraging that is for me at that time, And so
I just want my I don't want to have I
don't want to have my pain in vain. I would
like to give my pain some purpose and transmute the
pain into purpose. And if I could help or encourage
or motivate or pull through, I will sign up for
(32:46):
that every day, all the time. That's beautiful. I'm so
glad you said that, because again, it just comes back
to the same thing that we don't want people. I
think it's those times when you feel you have nothing
to give. Is when by giving you have so much
to gain. Right. It's like when you feel you have
nothing to give, but but in that moment when you
(33:08):
choose to give, when you actually feel like you have
nothing to give, you get so much back from it.
And I feel like if you sposed to give, right,
isn't that. Isn't that when you're supposed to give when
you feel like, you know, when you're really depressed, when
you're really they say, when you're really down, do go
do something for someone else. Step outside of yourself and
(33:30):
go do something for someone else. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And
I think if if we can all find daily, weekly,
monthly ways of doing that by working with organizations that
are important to us. And I think this is one
of the things that I've noticed too as well. When
we look around in the world, there's so much pain,
and there's so much stress and pressure, and it's overwhelming.
(33:52):
But if you just go and do one tiny act
of service in your local area and your local community,
you don't have to go and change the world. You
don't have to go and like raise lots of money
or do this like big thing. You can do this
really small thing every week. And not only is that
going to improve the world, of course, it's improving the world,
it's going to change someone's life. It's going to change
(34:14):
yours too, And I think we underestimate what it feels
like to change one person's life. And I always think about, like,
if you add the option of when we're like Oh,
but that only helps three people. If you think about
those three people and their life experience, I'm sure you
(34:35):
would a thousand percent shoes to change their experience. And
I think we we've got lost this. We've got lost
in this world now of like numbers and millions of
dollars and big change, and we forget that the community
is changed, Like that is the world? Does that make sense?
It's right, it's hot, it's right where you stare, you know,
I don't think it's the small things that you go
(34:58):
up to a big thing. And the big thing is service,
you know, like it's integrity, like are you gonna do
this when no one is watching? Absolutely? You know, am
I gonna make it? It's also like I'm very intentional
on my day. So if I know I'm gonna be
working around a lot of people, my intention is that
you know, I represent God, that I don't give someone,
(35:22):
I don't put my stuff on someone else, that I
bring good energy to a set that you know, if
someone's having a hard day, I don't have to try
to make them better, but I can just represent, you know,
some goodness you know, and some truth. And so I
think it's important also to set intentions when you're around
a lot of people. I remember you telling me that
(35:43):
when you're on set, you like choose your own playlist
to make sure the energy is right and the vibes right,
and like, you know, I think that I get on
that and that trailer and I play my little Jazz
or my self care playlists for my instanse sage. I
pray I just put myself in a space because I
(36:05):
don't want to be influenced by my environment. I want
the environment to be influenced by me. Absolutely, well said,
Well said Lauren. I want to hear about We spoke
about this earlier briefly, but I want to dive into
it being a mother, you know, and we spoke about
Cameron Cross, who you know, I've enjoyed spending the time
that I have with them. Tell us about what you've
(36:28):
been trying to share with them, what lessons, what guidance
you've been trying to pass on to them, but also
what have you learned from both of them in your
own life too, Like what have you taken from them?
Where have they taught you? Because I know they have.
I think I've learned from them more than they'll ever
be able to learn from me. They're really they're really
resilient and like unc they love me regardless of what
(36:54):
I see in myself sometimes and when I'm down. You know,
Cameron heart has a really big heart. And when I
was his age, I closed my heart up because there
was a lot of trauma around me and I didn't
I used to think that vulnerability was weakness. And I
realized how easy it is for him to be vulnerable,
(37:16):
and how easy it is for him to share his
heart and his feelings, and how strong and brave that is.
And so a lot of times I'll be in a
situation and I would even say, like what would Cam do?
Because it's intention so pure and heartfelt, and his compassion,
you know, and crosses very and I learned from him
(37:40):
his freedom of being himself, total freedom. He is fearless.
He's like, I got this. If I don't get got
it right now, I'm gonna get it. You know. I
didn't have siblings growing up, so watching siblings that love
(38:00):
is like, h I hope if I ever come back
that I get to have a sibling that I grew
up in the house with, because it's beautiful. It's like
they're a part of each other in a way, and
I personally liked in stealing my kids integrity, honor, honesty.
(38:23):
You know you're getting big trouble for lying in this
household and acceptance of yourself fully. You know, I've been
really big on like you know, Cam had a test
today he was really nervous about and I'm like, look,
if you don't ace the test, you don't ace the test.
Did you try your best? Yes? Did we study? Yes?
(38:48):
You don't have to ace it. You have to show
up and show out. And that's it. The result of that,
it's in the universe. And sometimes we don't get the
result of our you know, actions right away. So just
make sure you put your best foot forward. And just
I teach them a lot about God and how there's
a karma check book, so just to make sure you're
(39:09):
always putting good pennies in your karma bank. And I'm
always like you, there's always an opportunity you have good karma,
so make sure you pay attention to all your opportunities around.
I love what you mentioned there one thing around the
idea of you don't always get the reward for the
hard work and that activity in that moment, and I
think that is such a powerful thing to teach a
(39:31):
young person because we always think, like, for example, I
study for this test, but I didn't get the results,
so that study was useless, and we don't realize that
that study maybe really powerful, like five ten years down
the line, when you remember that one piece of insight
and it actually gets a win, And that is such
a powerful, powerful thing to teach someone that the immediate
(39:54):
result is not how powerful that input was, Like, the
immediate result is not how powerful your effort was in
that situation. You're going to get to see that for many,
many years, not at all. I'm just I'm just listening.
I'm just trying to listen to you really attentively, because
(40:17):
I feel like there's so many things that you've worked
on and you've practiced that have become so normal for you.
And when I'm listening to I'm like, Wow, that's actually
really profound, Like that's a really powerful point. And the
fact that you're thinking about teaching that to your kids,
like it's you're not just saying, oh, it doesn't matter
if you don't use the test. What you're actually saying
is it doesn't matter if you used the test, because
(40:38):
what you learned is going to help you at some point.
And I want you to see that. I want you
to recognize that you studied and that's going to support
you in more ways than this test. This test is,
this test is not the proof that you studied. And now, yeah,
and that is the that's it. Yeah, Yeah, that's really beautiful.
I love hearing that. And tell tell us about as
(41:01):
you continue to move on. Now, what are the things
Lauren now at this stage in your life? You know,
you've done so much service, You've worked for the community,
you're embedded you, you're supporting all those people are supporting you.
What are the things that excite you now? Like? Where
is it? Where are you now? What brings joy to Lauren? Now?
I really like creating content that I feel is inspirational
(41:27):
or motivation. Motivation that really excites me. I've been working
on a couple lines with Puma with clothes and just
intention behind that, Like I don't want to just put
out the clothes. What is it? What are the clothes saying?
How are the clothes going to make someone feel? What
intention are you putting behind the clothes? And you know, honestly,
(41:50):
really simple things like Sundays, I love doing you know,
devotional service on Sundays and learning more about that and
applying that. But also just like chilling and watching TV
with my kids. You know, like I used to think
it was these massive things that brought me joy, and
(42:12):
so I would always seek those really big things. And
really it's like a really comfortable room with the kids
and they're listening to them laugh or listening to them
play together, and you know, clean socks and fresh sheets
like those things bring me big joy. And you know,
(42:35):
hanging with friends and listening to music, just those things
and creating things that come from my heart. Definitely. Yeah,
big shout out to your I say Puma back in England,
but I know it's Puma out here. We say Puma
really yeah, we see every time I say Puma, I
(42:57):
just feel so it just I'm like wow, like that,
so it's so for my mind. It's crazy, but yeah,
we call it Puma back in England. But but Puma. Yeah,
the forever stronger line me and rather a big rather
a big fans. And it's always nice to wear something
that means something and that represents something for you. And yeah,
I love that you're bringing that into fashion and places
(43:20):
like that to have that meaningfulness and that presence and
that power. And you know, one thing I remember we
spoke about which I really appreciate from you, and you
even mentioned it today where you're like, I wanted to
let go of that competition in the industry and that comparison.
Walk us through how you've worked through that, because this
isn't something that only you experience. It's actually what's been
(43:41):
created by most industries where people are put against each other,
people are made to compete for things. You're made to
believe there's only one spot, there's only one thing, and
if you get it, then you're losing and you're winning.
How have you worked through that personally? How have you
been trying to apply wisdom around that area of your life,
around comparison and competition that I think we all struggle with. Yeah,
(44:05):
you know, I remember hearing something Reverend Michael said about
being in the spirit of celebration. So when something really
good happens to someone else celebrating, because when you're in
that spirit of celebration, you're just giving out messages to
(44:26):
the universe that you like to celebrate, So then the
universe gives you things to celebrate. So I celebrate everyone's wins.
You know, I've never I've never really been in envious.
I never really carry that energy, even young. So that's
why it always feels funny when it's around me. So like,
(44:48):
I celebrate everyone's wins because I know that that that
is that's mine too. It's just the energy of celebration
and genuinely knowing that there's enough to go around. That
we live in an abundant universe. So just because someone
is eating doesn't mean that I don't have food on
(45:09):
the way. Doesn't mean I can't eat either. It's just
that there's an abundance of it all. So I just
celebrate everyone's you know, wins, and you know, congratulate and
send really good energy out to especially you know, women
and black women like myself that are doing this is
not easy. I just am like a I love women,
(45:31):
So I'm like a woman like I love women winning,
and I just sit in the spirit of abundance and celebration. Yeah,
I think when we start realizing that actually, when people
in our space win, the space wins, and so it's
not like you know, it's when you make it about
(45:52):
one versus one, it can feel like a loss. But
when you see it as a community, an industry, a
space within an industry. When it's winning, that means everyone's winning.
I always think about it like, you know, if you
look at it through house prices, it's like if someone
on your street sells the house for a lot of money,
everyone's prices just went up, Like everyone on that street
(46:12):
just benefited. But you can look at that and be like, oh,
but they just made loads of money and so no
one's gonna buy my house. But it's like, actually, that's
not true. The whole value of the whole street just increased.
Right in that competition. You know, mind frame, you're just
blocking all the beautiful things God has for you, you know,
if you know, you just That's why you're supposed to
(46:34):
celebrate people when they succeeded at something or accomplish something,
because you just open your world for more to celebrate.
So I'm not blocking my blessings. I like all my blessings,
so I love everyone's blessings absolutely. I love that learn
We end every Own Purpose episode with the final five,
(46:56):
So these questions have to be answered with one word
or one sentence maximum, So you can have one sentence.
Let's do Lauren London. These are your final five. Question
Number one, what is the best advice you've ever received?
What you give out to the world? You key, Oh,
I like that. I like that. That's good. We've never
(47:18):
had that. I like that. That's good advice. What is
the worst advice you've ever received or the worst thing
anyone's ever said to you? Someone making someone like your possession,
like you have to keep them, or don't do this,
or you're gonna lose them. That's really bad advice. Yes, good, good,
good advice on the bad advice? All right? Question number three,
what how would you define your current purpose in life?
(47:42):
Transmuting pain into purpose? Beautiful? I love that. Question number four,
what is something that you used to value that you
don't value anymore? Close? I love that. I love it designers,
(48:03):
clothes and stuff. Love appreciate them, but I don't all right.
Fifth and final question, If you could make one law
that everyone in the world had to follow, what would
it be. I feel like there will be stricter punishment
and longer harsher punishment on child abusers. Wow, So hopefully
(48:26):
to hopefully limit people from doing it to Yeah, And
are the punishment of people that harm children would be
you know. I know it's not so spiritual at me,
but it'd be harsh, harsh, harsh harsh. Yeah, thank you, Lauren. Lauren,
is there anything that I haven't asked you but it's
in your heart, on your mind, and your soul that
you want to share with our own purpose community today?
(48:48):
You've been so generous and kind with your time. Me
and RADI adore you. This has been such a powerful conversation. Yeah.
Is there anything that's on your heart, on mind or
soul that you want to share that I haven't. I
feel like you've asked me really good questions and really questions.
I just you know, I'm just honored that I anyone
(49:09):
would want to listen to me for real. So I'm
just grateful to me here. Lauren. We love you. Everyone
who's been listening or watching, make sure that you tag
Lauren and I on Instagram, on Twitter, wherever you're using
social media, because I love seeing and I love my
guest to see what resonated with you, what connected with you.
I love bringing you into the conversation so that we
(49:31):
can notice what really left a mark on you and
impacted you. So make sure you tag us both on
Instagram and Twitter. Lauren, I want to thank you from
the bottom of my heart for your time. I can't
wait to see you again in this new year. Give
Cam and Cross a big hug from me and we
look forward to seeing you very soon. Thank you so much,
(49:51):
thank you. Please give my hug to Ron will Well.
Thanks Lauren, Bye guys. By N
Host
Jay Shetty
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