Nara Smith: ‘The Comments and the Hate Got to Me. I Was Crying Every Single Day.’ The REAL Story Behind Her Viral Persona, Online Criticism & Discovering Her Self-Worth

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I would be crying every single day. I didn't want
to leave the house. I didn't want to interact with anyone,
because all the comments in the hate got to me
so bad. South African born model Nara Smith rose to
fame after her cooking videos with viral, and her fans
have been fascinated with everything in her family life to
her style. People love projecting things onto me, and because

(00:23):
I cook for my husband that I'm in the kitchen
and trapped and I'm just at home and he's the breadwinner,
they use me as this poster child of this like
very traditional wife.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
I feel like eighteen is very young to get married.
Did you always want to get married young?

Speaker 1 (00:37):
I never thought about marriage. I never thought about long term.
But then when I met Lucky, it kind of just clicked.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
What gave you that? In a confidence to be able
to say I know what I want, I know who
I am.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
And Number one Health and Wellness podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty, the Only Jay Shetty. Everyone welcome
back to on Purpose, the place you come to listen,
learn and grow. Today's guest is someone that I've wanted
to talk to for quite a while, and I'm so
excited that she's finally here in the studio. Today's guest
is Nara Azeza Smith, a digital creator and model currently

(01:17):
taking the Internet by storm with over fourteen million followers
across TikTok and Instagram. As one of the most in
demand creators, Nara generates continuous viral content and high engagement
across her platforms with beautifully shot content showcasing her culinary talents,
paired with curated scenes sharing her lover fashion, beauty, wellness,

(01:40):
and motherhood. With her authentic digital presence, Nara has built
a strong personal brand and garnered a loyal following that
continues to grow. Born and raised in Frankfurt, Germany, Nara
now resides in the US with her husband, supermodel Lucky
Blue Smith, and their three adorable children. Dive in a

(02:00):
Nara's journey balancing her full time career, motherhood, and the
journey that she's building. Please welcome to on Purpose, Nara Smith. Nara,
what an intro.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I'm just sitting here giggling.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
I was about to add. I was like, we met
last year, we did at Paris Fashion Week, Yes, and
it was just so nice to me you. I'd been
a fan for such a long time.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
That makes me so happy because I've been listening to
your podcast for years now and I didn't even I
was who came up to who?

Speaker 2 (02:29):
I can't remember. I'm pretty sure I came up to you,
but I don't know.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Maybe so flattered, I was like, you know, who are you?

Speaker 2 (02:35):
That's how I felt about you.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Really.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah, I couldn't believe that it meant to me. I
loved it. And when you said that you loved listening
to the podcast, yeah, my instant response was, well, you
need to come on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
And it's taken us a second, but we're here now.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, and I love it already. Yeah. You know what.
For me, it's just I'm fascinated by people who find
new ways, creative ways of sharing themselves. And then when
I met you in person, You're like this really sweet, endearing, amazing,
genuine person and we connected instantly. Yeah, and I felt
so comfortable around you, and it felt so easy to

(03:08):
be around you. And then you look at your online
persona and I'm like, wow, you're like a You're like
an actor and a character, and I am it's beautiful
to see for someone who doesn't know your content or
may have come across it, but doesn't really know you.
How would you explain or describe what you actually do online?

Speaker 1 (03:25):
I always find it so interesting when I get asked
that question because to me, it just feels so natural
what I do. And I guess it's just me being
in the kitchen sharing my love for cooking, but also
wearing outfits that you probably typically wouldn't wear in the kitchen,
just because I'm a fashion girl at heart. And when
I moved to America, I didn't really leave the house
a lot because we had kids and then I couldn't

(03:45):
work and all of these things. So I was like, well,
if I can cook at home in a cool outfit,
why not. It's sitting in my closet anyways. So I
think that kind of sparked the fashion aspect of my content,
and then cooking is just something I feel like I
slipped into. Then also learning a lot about myself my
health journey that also inspired the from scratch cooking. I

(04:06):
feel like that's how I build my audience, and people
loved seeing it and tuning in.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
It is natural, for sure, yeah, but it's so clever
and smart and wonderful at the same time. Like you said,
no one's used to seeing someone cook a meal from scratch,
beeing like a brand new Prada you know, dress or
whatever it may be, and you're like dressed in all
white while you're like that is risky.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
The fact that I actually have never spilt anything on
myself baffles.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
No, not even as an outtake.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
No, not while cooking. But then I sit down and
eat and all of a sudden, I've got stuff on me.
It's really I don't know how it happens, but fingers
crossed that I'm not jinxing it right now.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
You'd be really disappointed watching me cook.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
You know what, I think i'd have a laugh because
watching Lucky cook in the kitchen is is he terrible? Oh?

Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, that makes me feel so much better.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
No, he's terrible. The only thing he does know how
to make really well as a steak. Usually when it
comes to like steak, I'm like, you do it because
sometimes I get iffy with it. So he'll do that.
I'll do all the rest. And he's a good baker, right.
I feel like baking is something that you could get into. Actually,
if you're not already into it.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
No, don't, I'm so bad.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
You just have to level your spoons and you're fine, right.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah, I'm not sure I can do any of that.
I'm like a full of mess. There's a video of
me RADI always like gets me in the kitchen somehow
for videos, and there's a video of me peeling an avocado,
which you need to see me the most embarrassing thing.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
Wait, what do you mean how do you feel it?

Speaker 2 (05:33):
Well, just watch the video.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
Okay, we'll check it out.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Really embarrassing. It's really bad because I know I can't
imagine that up, but it's it's terrible. The reason why
I wanted to have you on the show is I
also feel that as creators, you get known for a
very specific thing. And of course that's your brand, it's
who you are, it's your business. But then there's a
human behind that, and there's a human story behind that.

(05:57):
And I think that's what I've always loved about my
show is the lad to get to know the human
behind the brand, behind what's working online, behind the creator.
And so I know you grew up in Germany. I
wanted to ask you, like, what's a childhood experience that
you had that you feel really defines who you are
today or an experience that stayed with you, I.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Think growing up with my German grandma. She passed years ago,
but I think she shaped so much of what I
love and what I do. So she's kind of the
reason that I got into cooking, and I've had an
interest in that. She was the one that got me
into playing the piano that I played for ten years.
She's the one that taught me how to read, and
now I can't put down a book and I have
never been able to, Like my room was full of

(06:37):
books as a child, And I think she's a person
that really shaped me and my views on the world.
And I think that's something that will always be missed
with her not being here anymore. And I wish she
could see me now, and I hope she would be proud,
but I think she is.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
How old were you when you lost her, I'm not
too sure.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
I was young. I remember the day she passed. I
was actually at home because I wasn't feeling well, and
I'm really surprised my parents let me stay home, but
I think they saw that I actually wasn't feeling well.
And then I remember getting a call on our house
telephone at the time, and I just I don't know
my heart dropped, which is weird because we got calls
all the time. But I just knew my grandma passed

(07:15):
in that moment, and I don't know how. So I
answered the call and it was the old age home
that she was in, and they were like, is your
dad home? And in that moment, I just knew because
I kind of put two and two together and that
was a really sad day. I don't remember exactly how
old I was, but I was definitely an elementary or
a starting high school.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah. Yeah. And was it something she did or was
it how she lived?

Speaker 1 (07:37):
I think how she lived like she wasn't afraid to
do things, she was very independent. She was just so strong.
She was such a strong woman, and I think that's
what was really inspiring to me.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, I think it's so beautiful. I feel like there
are so many people around us who've impacted our lives. Yeah,
but they never said a thing. No, they didn't tell
you how to live. No, they didn't give you advice.
It's not that they shared some do with you, but
you just felt their presence and their energy and how
they carried themselves, especially grandparents. I think Radi has that
same connection with her grandmother Yeah, we're still alive, but

(08:11):
she just feels her infectious energy when she's around her.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
And that's something I hope that I will have with
my children and my grandkids one day, to where I
don't have to say a lot. I can just be
me and live authentically like myself, and they'll take away
whatever they need to to live their lives in the
fullest way.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, you remind me of this beautiful quote from Saint Francis,
who I love, and he wrote that you know, wherever
you go, you should preach. So whenever wherever you travel,
you should preach and if necessary, open your mouth. And
it's that idea of like we actually preach by not preaching.
We preach through our character or our energy, how people

(08:50):
feel when they're around us. And that says so much
more than the words that come out of our mouth.
That does. Yeah, but where did the modeling begin? Because
I believe you became a model at fourteen? How did
you talk to me about that transition?

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Of Yeah, so that I actually started Instagram right when
it came out, So right when it came out, I
was fourteen, well, thirteen, I lied about my age. Oh,
because you had to be fourteen I think you had
to be fourteen. I just added like a year on.
I don't know what it was. Maybe, I mean Instagram
literally just came out. That's the generation I'm in. So

(09:24):
I never had Facebook, never had anything that came pre Instagram.
Instagram was kind of my first s app that I
was on and I just posted my stuff and I
wanted to become a model. I don't know exactly why
or where that came from, but that was kind of
stuck in my head. And then there was this hashtag
hashtag we love your Genes that IMG models was doing,
so I just kept hashtagging my pictures. Nothing really happened.

(09:45):
I was just a girl trying to make it somehow.
And then they actually one day, the president reached out
to me and she wanted digitals and whatever. So my
dad and I went around the house did the walking
video on like cop. It was so horrible. I don't
know what they saw on me. But then a week
later I was in Paris signing with them at fourteen,

(10:07):
and then I've been with them ever since. I took
a little break when my first kid was born, but
now we're back and it's great.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
What gave you the confidence at thirteen to like take
pictures post them, Like where was that coming from?

Speaker 1 (10:20):
I think at that age, at least for me, I
had no sense of embarrassment or humility in a way.
I was like, yeah, I look great, I'm tall, I'm whatever.
Like at that age, I wasn't really insecure about anything,
and I think that came later with obviously the modeling
industry comes with a lot of your appearance is basically

(10:42):
the most important thing. So then all of a sudden
you think about all these things, and I think that's
where the insecurity came in. And I was blissfully kind
of unaware of all my flaws, I guess at that age,
which kind of helped me to get to that point.
And then after is kind of when the insecurity set in.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, it's so interesting, right. I think that age is
also getting younger and younger where insecurity sets in now?
Like if you were the generation where Instagram was your
first app at thirteen. When I was thirteen, I had
a brick phone. I love my Yeah, my life was.
My parents got it for me because I used to
get a bus home from school on my own, so

(11:20):
I could just text my mond or call her and
say Hey, ma, I'm on the bus and that was
the reason I had it. And you know, you had
the like key in your ringtones like there was no
you know, there wasn't an app.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
You had to like trust three times to get the letter.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Literally, Yeah, this isn't a smartphone, right, So it's interesting
to think how thirteen for me was phones were becoming
a thing. Thirteen for you is Instagram thirteen Now.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
I don't even want to know. That's one of the
things that I actually feel really strongly about is protecting
my kids from that world and doing everything in my
power for them to not be involved in that and
whatever way that is. Like, they're not getting smartphones. I mean,
they're too young to even have a phone right now.
There are three and well baby, and then three and four,
so that's not something we're even talking about. But Lucky

(12:05):
and I have always said we're never getting them smartphones.
We're going to get them a phone that they can
call us with and text us with. But also being
in the digital space and knowing what the Internet is
like and knowing what the modeling industry is like, I
would never ever want to subject my kids to that.
So that's something that I think I'm like painfully aware
of to where I just want to protect them so

(12:26):
much because also I think I wasn't protected enough when
I was a kid because my parents didn't know any better.
They'd never seen Instagram before, they'd never heard about Snapchat,
They've never heard about all these different apps that all
of a sudden started popping up, and as a kid,
you're not very at least I wasn't very forthcoming to
my parents about what I was doing on my phone
in my room at night. And I think those things

(12:46):
are just so important for me to keep my kids
away from because of how dangerous the internet can be,
especially for young kids.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yeah, how did you your parents feel when you went
to Paris? God Signed? What was that like for them?

Speaker 1 (13:01):
They were really excited. They were so excited for me,
because I feel like I also matured quite quickly to
where they kind of trusted me and what I was doing,
and they let me travel by myself and let me
do all these things, which now in hindsight, I'm like,
you guys, really you trusted me a lot, But I
never misused that or gave them a reason to not,
And I think that's what was really important for them

(13:24):
in order for me to do what I wanted to do.
They were always so supportive as long as I kind
of put in the effort to get to where I
wanted to get, and they still are. They come and
watch the kids. If I have to work, they come
and help me do something. If I have to do content,
they'll help. Like they've always been so supportive, which I'm
really grateful for because I know not everyone has that

(13:44):
experience growing up.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Yeah, it's amazing that you were able to mature young,
but that they were able to trust you, because that's
an interesting balance. I felt like when I was young,
I was maturing fast, but my parents it took a
second for them to kind of like let go and
trust that what I was doing was right. Yeah, and
so that is wonderful, But did it ever get unhealthy
for you?

Speaker 1 (14:03):
Like from there, it's never worth it to sacrifice your
health and how you feel for something because you are
going to be good enough in whatever way you choose
to show up. You do not have to try to
fit into a mold that someone else is designing just
to be good enough for them, because at the end
of the day, whenever you've outgrown that mold, you become

(14:25):
useless to them instead of just starting off as you
and them either accepting it or not, and then you
move on if they don't. And I think that's one
thing that I'm kind of learning the more I grow up.
It's I don't want to fit in someone else's mold.
I'll do whatever I want to do. If you want
to be on this journey with me, I'd love to
have you. If you don't, that is okay, and you

(14:47):
can do whatever you want to do. And I think
I have had so many unhealthy patterns with eating and
my self worth and how I look that. I just
I'm happy that I've outgrown that.

Speaker 2 (14:59):
Yeah, so well said. And for people who are looking
at you and they're like, nah, I want to be
a creator. I want to make stuff on TikTok, I
want to be on Instagram. I want to be in fashion.
I want to be a model. Let's look at some
of those lanes right now and break down your advice
for people. If someone right now is saying I want
to be a model, what should they be thinking about?
How should they be approaching that career?

Speaker 1 (15:17):
I think figuring out what exactly you want to do.
There's like different things in modeling, you can be high fashion,
you can be commercial, you could be runway, Like, there's
so many different things, so figuring out I think it's
so important to figure out what you want, what your
goals are, and then seeking that. So if you want
to be a model, maybe posting on social media, reaching
out to agencies, sending in your resume, like really doing

(15:40):
things to get to that goal. Obviously feeling and looking
the best to you. So don't try to go off
and do something that you think agencies will, like, be
authentically yourself and if you feel like the best version
of yourself, go and reach those goals.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yeah, and what about from a content point of view,
like what were you posting before you became this version
of you online? Like what was your feed?

Speaker 1 (16:05):
I think it was pretty not pretty similar. Actually, I
sprinkled in cooking videos here and there, but they were
like super simple, like salads and stuff, because I didn't
feel that confident sharing that much of my cooking because
I was learning and like cooking anti inflammatory recipes that
aren't super interesting. So I sprinkled in the cooking. I
did a lot of mourning routines, like the classic like

(16:28):
morning routines, evening routines, little fit checks, get dressed with
me is. I would do makeup tutorials kind of like
a mix of a lot of things, and then cooking
kind of started taking off, so I went with that,
and now I sprinkle in all the other things here
and there.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
How many videos did you post? Do you remember before
you had a viral moment that really made you go
oh wow.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
I don't remember the exact amount of videos, but I
do remember. The first video was so random that went viral.
It was me filming Lucky. It was like a five
second clip of we came back from church and Lucky
was in his like shirt and slacks from church, and
it was like a random clip of him like cutting
an apple, and I said, there was like some text

(17:10):
overlay over it, being like I don't even know what
the text overlay was. And then I put some like
viral song on it, and I got thirty million views,
and I'm like, I don't know what's happening, but I
guess people are finding my husband hot. It's great. So
that was the first like viral video and then it
like kind of was just random things. But then the
first cooking viral video was me making bread butter and

(17:32):
peach jam for my kids from scratch, and that's actually
the first video. I think that the voice was actually
more present because my baby was sleeping next to me
and that kind of went off. And then I didn't
really think of it though, I didn't really tap into
that niche really until a little later on, like months,
I did post consistently every single day on TikTok for
like a solid year. I never took days off. It

(17:54):
was like every day a video would go up. And
now I'm a little bit more lenient with it because
it's so much calm, and I think people don't understand
how much it takes. Like I'm in the kitchen for
like five to seven hours every day and then I
put my kids to bed and edit for another two hours.
Like it does take a lot of time to do
what I do. So I'm trying to like give myself
a little bit more time off here and there. And

(18:15):
now with all of my other work things going on,
I'm traveling constantly, I'm doing things. So one piece of
advice actually that I do have for people is doing
things because you love them, not because they'll perform well.
I think that there's like a rule that you can
make with yourself of like filming content that you know
is going to perform well and sprinkling that in because

(18:35):
you want to keep your engagement up. You want to
like do that, but then also not getting lost in
that and being like, well I hate doing X, Y
and Z, but I know it's going to get my
views up, and then losing yourself in that and then
losing the passion and love that you have for creating content,
and then essentially you're putting yourself in this box. You're
locking yourself in this box because you think that other

(18:57):
people want you to just stay in there, but actually
just you doing that instead of you being like, Okay,
I'll post content that's going to perform really well and
that I know people will love. But also I love filming.
I don't know cleaning, so I'm going to post that
as well. Even though it doesn't perform as well, it
fills up my cup. So I think finding the balance

(19:18):
of posting good performing content and content that you love
and then essentially the content that you love to create
is the content that's going to go viral at the
end of the day.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
Yeah, that's really good advice. Yeah, I think that's really
honest advice as well, because it is that balance because
of the way the algorithm works and everything. And then
I did it what you said, did you find that intersection? Yeah,
and you keep looking for it. And that's why I
wanted to ask you your strategy and your time even
earing you're cooking for five to seven hours, Yeah, editing
for two hours a day. I think that's very real,
and I wanted people to hear that because it wasn't

(19:48):
like this was the first thing you did and it
took off. There was loads of other stuff before it.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
I've been on social media for ten plus years now,
so even though the last year has been so crazy
in term of virality, I've done social media since I've
been fourteen, so it took a lot of trial and error.
I've done a lot of different things. I've fashion has
been a part of my content for so long, like
ever since I've been fourteen. I started posting outfits back then.

(20:14):
So I think consistency and just keeping going and doing
what you love and essentially something is going to stick
at some point and you'll kind of tap into that
and really use that, but then also not to lose
the other parts that you actually love because it can
get so easy being like, oh, I'm going to do
this and I'm going to act crazy like this because
I know it's going to perform, but then losing the

(20:36):
spark and the love for what you do definitely, and
people are going to see that online. People are going
to people know when you're authentic and know when you're
true to yourself, and they can tell if something gets
done for the views or the clickbait or whatever it is. Like,
you want to stay authentically yourself because you want longevity.
You don't want to be a viral moment that happens

(20:57):
for six months and then you're done. There's been so
many creators that had that viral moment, but now they're
nowhere in sight because that's not really they haven't really
built something that is sustainable. So I would take sustainability
and building a community over going viral and getting the
followers in numbers quickly, and then just having people that

(21:19):
tune in because they're interested, not because they actually like
love and support you and want to be part of
this little family you're building.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
So many people are told when they have a viral
moment or when things happen, you've got six months, make
the most of it. And I think so many people
are given that bad advice. I've had managers, agents, everyone
say it to people, Hey, you've got twelve months and
after that you're going to be in relevance, so just
make the most of it. And I think it's in
that moment going well, no, I love this, Like I'm
going to allow this to pursue my passions. I'm not

(21:47):
just going to keep doing the same thing because someone
keeps telling me just do your thing. I'm going to
see how this can build and you can actually then
have a longer career, whereas, like you said, if you
just lean into that fad, then that's going to go
away and it's not sustainable.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Yeah, And I think building something on what you love
instead of what's trending or viral or whatever, and people
are going to stick around for that.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
There's people that have been like big content creators for
twenty plus years now they're like, they're doing great, And
I think it's because they love what they do. It's
because they wake up every single day and want to
do what they do because they see the fun in it,
not because they had a viral moment and did whatever
it took to get there, and then what you know.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Yeah, absolutely, what's exciting you right now? Like what you've
got so much going on? What about it is just
bringing you joy and bringing you life.

Speaker 1 (22:39):
I think being in a position where I feel like
I get to do exactly what I've always wanted to do,
Like I get to travel and do my fashion stuff
and be in campaigns and do other things that I
can't talk about just yet, but that I know people
have been asking me for for so long that I
can finally dedicate time to and really get something beautifully done.

(23:00):
So I think just being in a position a feeling
immense gratitude to be able to fulfill all of my
dreams and living this like reality that I've always dreamt
about ever since being a child, and I just feel
very privileged and grateful to be able to do that.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
You deserve it, Thank you, I think anyone who's listening
right now, Like, I'm sure that advice applies to so
many people in so many different walks of life. Where
everyone can think of something they pretended to be or
tried to be or wanted to be because someone else
wanted that.

Speaker 1 (23:31):
How exhausting?

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Is that?

Speaker 1 (23:32):
So exhausting? It's not worth it.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
It's not worth it. But it almost, like you said.
I love the way you explained it really simply where
it was like I thought being a model meant you're beautiful,
and I think that's what we will say. I thought
going to a good college meant I was successful. Yeah.
I thought getting a good job out of college meant
I was going to be rich, and that meant I
was important, Right, whatever it is, we all have our

(23:55):
own formula of what we were told and what we
thought we had to live up to. Like I genuinely
believed that if I went to a good college and
I got a good degree and I got a good job,
then that would mean my life was on track. And
if I didn't do that, then that would mean my
life was not on trip. So that was my version
of yours. And I was very lucky that I started

(24:16):
breaking it quite early as well. You said it was
me and lucky that started to break that down for you. Yeah,
how did you guys? Meant how did you connect? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (24:25):
He sent me WEDM for a little bit and then
we exchanged phone numbers and he was the crappiest texter,
Like he was so bad at texting to the point
where I just wanted to be done. I'm like, I
don't even care about talking to this guy anymore. And
then one day he said, I'm going on a camping trip.
I won't have service, but when i'm back, I would
love to just hop on a phone call. And in
my mind, I'm like, okay, sure, whatever, because I would

(24:48):
prefer a phone call anyways. I'm not a great Texter,
but I kind of thought that he was just saying that.
But then he got back from his camping trip and
he actually called me and we were on the phone
for seven hours straight on that phone call. And I
don't know what happened after that phone call, but it
just felt like I couldn't be without him anymore. So
from that day on, we were on the phone every

(25:11):
single day, and when we weren't talking, we were just
sleeping on the phone, like the phone would be next
thing and I'd just be sleeping. Because we also had
a time difference where I lived in Germany and he
lived in la so it was a little bit of
a struggle, but we still made it work every single day.
And then two weeks after that initial phone call, I
told him I'd be in Milan because I was walking
a fashion show and he was like, me too, what

(25:32):
fashion show? And it ended up being the same one
that I was walking that he was attending. So that
was the first time we met in person. And then
that same day he asked me to be his girlfriend.
He met my parents for the first time, asked my
dad to marry me when he met him the first time.
Then I flew to La met his parents. Two days
later we were engaged, and then two months after that

(25:54):
I believe we were married. So it was so crazy,
so quick, but so great, and now here we are
five years later.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
That's Beautifulah, that's amazing. That's that's a true like rocket
shit like.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
No, it truly was, and a lot of people were
really questioning whether we were saying and doing it this quick.
But I wouldn't have changed it for the world. It's
been great.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from
our sponsors and back to our episode. That feeling of
when you know you know is such a like interesting thing,
and there's something about what you just said though, Like
I remember when me and Radifirst met, she was at college,
she was doing her second degree, and I just left

(26:35):
a monastery like six months before, and so we literally
I saw her every day until I got a job,
and so I would go to her college, but I
love love we would, Yeah, I would go to college.
I would sit in the library and apply for jobs
online and fill out my resume and all that kind

(26:56):
of stuff. She'd go to her lectures, then she'd come back.
We'd hang out in between, have lunch together. And I
did that every single day, and it was so beautiful
because we've really got to know each other because we
spend so much normal time together. Yea, even when we
started hanging out, we barely went out on a date,
Like that was how we dated. And I was hanging
out with her friends. They'd come and join us, and
it's like, you get such a real perspective of who

(27:19):
that person is. Yeah, as opposed to, oh, I see
you once a week. We dress up for this day. Right,
you know, maybe I spend like an hour and a
half two hours with you, But when you're talking to
someone for seven hours a day, when we're spending like
seven hours a day together, yeah, you get a different
sense of who that person is. And you can only
do that when you're young. Yeah, like, if I was
dating now at this age in my life, I couldn't

(27:39):
even spend that much time with someone because there's so
much going on.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
Yeah. Also today, like dating nowadays, I feel like is
so different because a lot of my friends are dating
and they're like, I met this person on Hinge or Tinder,
and I never had any of those apps because I
never really thought about it. Because it also happened so quick.
I was eighteen at the time. I got married at eighteen,
so in my mind, I was not really at that
point that they're at now. And I always think it's

(28:05):
so interesting to see people dating nowadays. It feels almost intimidating,
and I'm very lucky I'm not in that position.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
It's hard.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
I couldn't imagine.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
It's hard. What advice do you have for your friends?
What they do they ask you for advice and thoughts?

Speaker 1 (28:19):
Actually don't because the thing is with Lucky and I,
it went so quick, and I told him I remember
when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him,
I'm going to take this very serious, So are you
sure you want to ask me this? Because to me,
I never wanted to date just to date, and I
think now with all of my friends, they love dating,

(28:39):
they love the process of it. For me, personally, I
always hated it because I felt like I had to
open up to all these people and get to know
these people just for it to not work out, and
it felt like a waste of time for me. So
with Lucky, I told him when it became serious, like,
I take this very serious. It's either going to end
in marriage or we're just going to be done now
because I'm not going to invest my time in you

(29:01):
if that's not the ultimate goal. And he was like, yeah,
we're aligned, and we truly were.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
So how were you so confident and sure of that
at eighteen? Like I feel like eighteen is very young
to get married in terms of if you look at trends, Yeah,
Like did you always want to get married young? Was
that always part of them?

Speaker 1 (29:18):
Which is really odd because I had a relationship before Lucky,
and I never felt that way towards my previous partner.
I never thought about marriage, I never thought about long term,
and I think it just was because I wasn't in
love with him and it wasn't the right person that
I felt like I could spend the rest of my
life with. But then when I met Lucky, it kind

(29:39):
of just clicked, and I just thought, we're either going
to do this or we're not. And I think I
don't know. I feel like I've always been a little
bit more mature for my age than a person at
my age would be. And I've always wanted different things
in life than other people. I always wanted to start
a family, I wanted to have a slower life. I
wanted to get married younger. I wanted to work and

(30:01):
build something for my kids. And I never my priorities
were never in like partying or going out or dating
around or going on a lot of fun vacations. My
priorities were a little different. So I think maybe subconsciously
aligned my values and what I wanted with how I
shape my life.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
That's so such a conscious way to live. Yeah, Like,
it's such an intentional way to live.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
Like for you to even be able to communicate to
him at eighteen and say, hey, dude, if you don't
want to be serious about this, I'm not in like,
and also for him to receive it too, Yeah, it
takes a lot from him. There's a lot of maturity
on his side too, because I think a lot of
people would say yeah, of course, and then you know,
leave six months later or whatever it is. But for

(30:46):
you to have that confidence and self worth, yeah, to
actually be able to say that. I think a lot
of people at eighteen struggle, yeah, to actually say what
they want and need because they're scared of the guy
or the girl running off, and so we pretend and
we're like, oh, you want something casual, share, sure, I'll
be that casual, right, or like, oh you want something seriously,
I'll pretend to be serious. But six months from now

(31:08):
I've gone away. So where do you think that came from?
Like what gave you that inner confidence to be able
to say, no, I know what I want, I know
who I am. Can you reflect for a second on
where you think that originated from?

Speaker 1 (31:22):
It probably was my dad. I think he's always been
very supportive in whatever I wanted to do, and he's
very type ased, so he's from a young age he
told us start saving, get a job, do these things.
And I think he's instilled these like very strong values
in me to where I knew exactly what I wanted,
and also having finished high school and being in a

(31:46):
place where I kind of had to figure out what
I wanted to do with my life, and then meeting
someone and being like this is going to work out
or you're going to waste my time. I just felt
like I knew what I wanted, and I think turning
eighteen gave me that confidence. I was like, I'm an
adult now, I can do whatever I want and I
better do it good. And I think that also gave
me that confidence to where I could make my own

(32:07):
decisions now and I didn't have to rely on anyone
or anything to make those decisions for me. So as
soon as I turned eighteen, I was like, Okay, this
is what I want my life to be. If you
want to be a part of it, great, If you don't, great,
I don't know. I wanted it to serve me and
I wanted a partner to fit into my life and
add to my life and it not feel like a

(32:28):
compromise because I feel like I had everything I wanted.
I had my family, I had my friends, I was
really happy, I had work things that I wanted to do,
I was traveling for work, I was busy. So to me,
it felt like, if I'm going to commit to being
in a relationship with a partner, you're either going to
add to my life or you're not a value to me,

(32:51):
not in a negative way, but more so, I don't
want to pour my energy into someone and spend all
of this time with someone that ultimately is not going
to add anything to my life.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yeah, it's really smart. I mean, it makes so much sense. Yeah,
and when you say it like that, I probably haven't
thought about it like that for a long time. But
as I'm listening to him, thinking, you're so right. Yeah,
we waste so much time, money, energy on people that
are not going to be in our life for longer
than six to twelve months, and maybe they're around for
a bit longer. But I think about it all the time,

(33:23):
the amount of money I wasted on days, on the
amount of energy I wasted thinking about whether that person
was going to message me back, all of that, And
of course we all have to learn and we all
have certain things to go through, but there is a
wisdom in let's be really clear about what we're both
investing here. What was different about Lucky that you hadn't
experienced before that made you feel so confident with him?

(33:47):
As you said, you didn't really sense that before, so
you knew that it was something special. But what was
it about him that you feel now when you're looking
back that really resonated at that eighteen year old age.

Speaker 1 (33:59):
I think it felt like it was two complete people
coming together and forming a unity. It wasn't like I
had everything figured out and he didn't, or he had
everything figured out and I didn't. I felt like we
were both in places of our life, him coming out
of whatever he was going through and coming out the
other end, and him being in a place to be

(34:20):
able to be in a relationship and me feeling the
same way. And I think that's what really attracted me
to him, him being in a good place mentally, physically,
emotionally to be able to have a relationship, and also
being honest with me. I think what attracted me to
him was his honesty, Like he would never tell me
something that he wouldn't be able to do, so when

(34:42):
I told him I wanted it to be serious. I
trusted him enough for him to tell me that's going
to work for me or it's not going to work
for me. And I think that's something I've never had before,
because a lot of the guys that I dated or
had been with, they tell me exactly what I wanted
to hear, but I knew in my heart that that
actually wasn't the reality, and there actions didn't line up
with what they said, So that was really important to me.

(35:03):
And then also that our values aligned. We talked about
kids and money and family and our view of life
and religion and all of these big topics I feel
like on our first phone call. So there was never
a part in our journey where anything was unclear. We
knew exactly where we stood, We knew kind of what

(35:24):
would be deal breakers for each of us, and weirdly enough,
everything aligned without it being hard or difficult or being conflicting.
We wanted to have a lot of kids together, we
wanted to both be working, We wanted to build something
for our children. We wanted to do all of these things,
and it just aligned so perfectly.

Speaker 2 (35:44):
It's remarkable, Like it's ually a blessing. No, it is.
It's such a blessing. And the truth is, even though
you were able to pull it off at such a
young age, for people who found valuable relationships, whether they're eighteen,
twenty eight or thirty eight or forty, yeah, they found
it because of the same reason. The values in the
vision piece is at the center of any successful relationship,

(36:07):
no matter what age you meet at. So the fact
that you figured it out young, yeah, just means you
save time. But the truth is those are the same
things that everyone else has to be thinking about about
the values and vision. We just had Benny and Selena
on the podcast to it talking about their relationship, and
I think it was the first time people could see
that their values and the way they treat each other

(36:29):
and it's not who you love, it's how they love
you and how you love them back. And I think
people got to see that for the first time. Whereas
we're so bad at knowing whether people are good together, yeah,
because we base it on such insignificant information and data
that you don't have, Whereas when a relationship is based
on vision and values, it naturally has a healthier or

(36:52):
a more likelihood of working out.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
And I think it's also about compromise, even if your
values align or your vision of life align. I think marriage,
you probably know, is always a give and take and
a compromise and a listening to and maybe shifting not
your core beliefs, but shifting the way you want to
go about things. I think marriage is a collaboration between
two people. That's how I view it, and I think

(37:15):
that a lot of people nowadays it's like, oh, he
gave me the ick and I'm just done, or he
didn't do X, Y and Z, so I'm going to
ghost him. And I think, at least in marriage, for me,
that's not a thing like we chose to get married.
We chose to be with each other for better or
for worse. And obviously there's things that once you live
together and once you have your first fight, and once

(37:38):
you figure out things you've never encountered before, there is
going to be conflict and there is going to be
a difference of opinion. But I think it's all about
how you go about that and how you resolve that
issue with your partner that makes you have a really
strong bond. And I think Lucky and I we've been
married for five years now, and in the beginning, obviously
everything was blissful. We didn't really think about things. But

(37:58):
then we had our first child nine months after being married,
and all of a sudden everything changed. Because you have
another human being, you go through pregnancy, you go through
all these different things, and I think it was really
us learning how to communicate better, how to be there
for each other, how to be less stubborn, how to
be more loving and compassionate. And I think compassion is
such an important and vital part of at least our marriage,

(38:22):
and I think that's something that we had to kind
of learn to have. Not that we've always been compassionate
people and loving people, but when you get hurt, or
you have emotions or feel anger or rage or whatever,
it's hard to be compassionate towards the other person. But
we've both learned that even though we can still have
our own emotions, I can still be angry at lucky

(38:44):
and be compassionate towards how he's feeling for that situation
and want to find a resolution. That doesn't mean I
can't be angry or feel my feelings. So I think
it's all about figuring out how you work together as
a team to really be able to have a really
strong relationship everything else that goes on, work, kids, whatever
it may be.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
Yeah, And that's what love is, right Like, I think
love is that ability to say there's space for both
of our emotions. Yes, there's space for my anger and
your sadness, and there's space for compassion. At the same
time as me needing distance or whatever it may be.
And that's what love is, like, it's far more nuanced
and complex. Yeah, I love you, it doesn't matter, which

(39:25):
is kind of like, well, that does make sense because.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
You're going to feel resentful somewhere down the line, and
we don't want that to happen. And I think with relationships,
it's all a give and take. You're always learning. And
I think that's something that I found so beautiful about marriage,
which is also why it attracted me to being married,
is you're in it for better or for worse, and
you really get to make that commitment to your partner

(39:49):
to really just see them through life and for them
to see you through life, and to really lean on
each other. And I think that's something I wish more
people got to experience because nowadays everything so quick. Social
media is such a massive thing to where you get
that instant gratification of dming someone or being on a
dating profile to where you just swipe and you're done

(40:09):
with that person. So I think being really locked in
is something that's really beautiful to me.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
I think a lot of people struggle with, like when
they feel that people don't love the way they love, right,
And it's like, at least what I've found is that
most people won't love the way you love, and that
maybe isn't the right thing to expect, like the difference
of who they are and how they operate. It's more
about are we moving in the same direction, yeah, but

(40:36):
not at the same pace. Yeah, And we might be
coming through different routes. Like I often think about it,
like you're both driving to the same place, but you
might be coming from different sides. And so I'm on
the phone to RADI saying, Hey, Raley, I'm gonna be
there in twenty minutes.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
She's like, it's gonna take me like forty minutes. I'm like,
all right, I'll wait for you outside in the car
when I get there, right, And so, like we're going
to the same place, but we're coming from two different journeys,
and what's really needed is the communication, Hey, I'll wait
twenty minutes. I'm going to be twenty minutes late. Yeah.
And it's that that you're trying to monitor. Whereas when
we say, oh, no, I want to go with you
at the same time, we're going to leave from the
same place. Everything's going to go exactly a plan. It's

(41:15):
just very unlikely. Yeah, right, does that resonate or?

Speaker 1 (41:18):
I think I'm a very type a person. So in
the beginning of our relationship, that was something I struggled with.
I was like, well, why aren't you meeting me where
I'm at? Why aren't you doing X, Y and Z?
Why aren't you being affectionate now? Why aren't you picking
up the phone when I need you now? Like, there
were so many things that I needed him to be
exactly like me on or vice versa. He didn't understand

(41:41):
how I did things, and it led to conflict. And
sometimes that is really hard to figure out because everyone
has different love languages, everyone has a different past, everyone
has a different personality, Like, I cannot expect my partner
to do exactly what I need them to do when
I need them to do it. So I think we
went to couple's therapy for a while because we didn't

(42:01):
really know how to communicate properly. I always thought I
was a great communicator, but going to therapy, I realized
I really have a lot to work on, and so
does he. So I think as long as you're willing
and open to making changes and listening and learning and changing.
That's what's important. If you're stubborn and stuck in your ways,

(42:22):
it won't go anywhere. And I think that's what I
like about your car analogy. As long as you're willing
to pick up the phone and let your partner know,
and you're willing to wait outside, or you're willing to
whatever it may be, then you really get to be
with someone in the best way you can. Like, I
want my relationship to be the best version of it possible,

(42:43):
so I will do anything and everything to learn and
grow and communicate and do all the things that are
necessary for me to get there.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
Yeah, I think you hit on something really important though.
It's almost like when people are like, what's a green flag?
What should I notice? What should I look for? It's
actually that, Yeah, it's the ability that both people have
to say, you know what, I could be better? Yeah,
I know I can community, like even just as you said, like,
I think everyone who thinks they're a good communicator can
community get better? Me included, Like I same with me.

(43:10):
Before I got married, I thought I was healed and
I'd figured it out, and I got married at twenty eight.
Rather it was like twenty five and We've been dating
since she was twenty two, and even getting married at
twenty eight. I thought I was pretty, you know, sorted,
and sure there were some things I'd figured out, But
there is so much more growth I'd made as a

(43:31):
husband than I would have not made if I was
still single. And it comes back to your point of compassion.
If you feel your partner's judging you and wants you
to grow because they think you shouldn't be better, that
doesn't inspire you. But when your partner's willing to wait
and let you work through your stuff and let you
grow in your own time, at your own pace, that

(43:51):
compassion is what inspires you and makes you enthusiastic.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
I think that's the best part about marriage, at least
mine is having a best friend that will push me
to be better. Like he's never going to sit there
and be like, you're doing great, honey, if we both
know I'm not, He's going to encourage me and really
help me to get to a good point. But it
never comes from like judgment or anger. It always feels
like a nudge of being like, hey, honey, how can

(44:15):
I help you to reach your full potential? How can
I help you do X? Y and Z. And I
think being married actually was like looking into a mirror,
because all of a sudden, you have this person that
you're like, oh, you're not a great communicator. You're not
doing X, Y and Z, you're not doing all of
these things. And it's easy for you to blame someone
else because you think that you're better than them in

(44:35):
certain ways, Like I thought I was a better communicator
than Lucky. I thought I was better at doing certain things.
But then when you actually truly sit down with that
person and they're like, well, actually, you're not that great
at communicating because you didn't communicate then and there and
do this, And I'm like, oh, it's actually like looking
into a mirror and actually being able to self reflect

(44:56):
on all the work that maybe you should be doing
to have a really successful relationship.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
Yeah, it's it's so well said, and I'm just I'm
just blown away. I'm like I can't believe, like, because
how old are you? Know? Are you?

Speaker 1 (45:07):
Like I'm twenty three?

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm talking to like
an old soul's in the sale way, in the most
beautiful way. I love that, And I can so sense
that it's so genuine and real for you, Like as
I'm hearing you talk, I feel it like it's real,
you know, And I think it's important for people to
know that because I can tell that it's it's coded

(45:30):
into your soul of who you are, of how you've
been figuring life out, and it's it's beautiful when someone
can figure it out earlier and be so conscious and
honest about the realities of what's going on. You were
just saying there that obviously nine months after you got married,
you had had your first baby. Yeah, I can't imagine
how quick this has moved. And you're like having a

(45:51):
child too, Like did you always want to be a
young mom? Like was that always the No? Okay, so
that way.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
I never I love children now, but I was younger,
I never particularly cared to be around children, just because
it never felt like something that I was interested in.
And then when I met Lucky again, that's when everything clicked.
And then I remembered my dad telling me growing up.
He would always tell me, I wish I would have

(46:18):
had you guys earlier. I wish one thing I not regret,
but one thing I wish I could do differently is
have you guys twenty years prior, and not have you
when I'm almost fifty and trying to chase toddlers around.
That's not something that he really enjoyed. So to me,
I kind of took that to heart when I met
Lucky and I knew where we were heading and I

(46:38):
knew what our life would be like. I wanted to
have kids young because when I'm forty, they're out the house.
So to me, just raising them while I'm also figuring
out my life is kind of beautiful. To me. I
like having them come along my journey and learning with
me and growing with me, and me being able to

(46:58):
relate to them a little better when they're older because
there won't be that big of an age gap between
us to where it feels kind of harder to connect
with them. And I don't know, there's never a right
time to have kids, at least for me. And I
always hear parents asking when should we have kids? When
is the ideal time? And to me, there isn't because

(47:18):
you're either too young and you want to go to college,
or then you're done with college and you want to
start working, and then when you're working and you don't
want to take time off because you just start at
this job, but then I don't know, five ten years
down the line, you're a senior in this company and
you're so busy and making so much money, and then
that's an inconvenient time. So like, when is the right
time to me? There wasn't and I just loved having

(47:42):
them so young And is it hard? Sure? But is
it so rewarding at the same time It truly is.
For me.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Every time someone asks me when's the right time to
get married or when's the right time to have kids?
My response is always it's the wrong question. The right
question is do I know how my life will change?
Because really what you should be asking is am I
aware of what this is going to require of me? Right?

(48:11):
Like becoming married requires something different of you, Having a
child requires something different of you? And it's like, am
I aware of that? That's fair and I'm willing to
walk into that. Now. I'm not saying you could ever
know everything about how different your life is going to be.
You won't, but there's a sense of recognizing this is
going to change my life. And I think sometimes it's

(48:32):
like timing becomes about body clock, it becomes about an
external thing that doesn't mean you're internally open already, and
when we're making decisions based on perfect timing, like you said,
there is never a perfect time there truly isn't. Like
me and Rather have been together for twelve years, we've
been married for nine. We don't have children yet, and

(48:55):
it's not because we don't want to. I think we
do one day, but this stage of our life just
it's been so much based on like personal realization, especially
for Radi. Like when we decided to get married, the
deal was we were going to live five minutes away
from our mom's house. Right then my career changed and
I got this amazing offer to move to New York
and now we live in la And so Ralei's had
to like go on this crazy journey. It's a lot,

(49:16):
and it's a lot, so we've had to like really
learn to like understand what that means for us, put
our roots down. The first few years of our marriage,
Rady would go back to London a lot more because
she missed home, Like there was just so much to navigate,
and like we didn't feel that we wanted to invite
kids into that uncertainty that we had. That was a
personal choice. That's not the right or wrong answer, it's

(49:37):
just what was right for us. And I think it's
so interesting because, yeah, I think when you make it
about the right time, and you make it about an age,
like oh, you had kids early or.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Late, parameters on things that are so restricting. And I
think that's another thing. When people hear that I have
three kids at twenty three and I had my first
at a few weeks after during nineteen, they always freak
out and they tell me, why aren't you in the clubs,
Why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you doing that?
And I feel like they're projecting how they want their

(50:09):
life to be onto me. That's one thing I really
struggled with in the beginning, even doing social media, with
all these opinions of people having opinions on me getting
married young and having children young, and them not understanding
that that is a choice I made for my life.
That doesn't mean that that's the right choice for you.
It doesn't mean that your choices are right for me.
And I think everyone is on their individual journey. Like

(50:31):
you were saying, you guys weren't ready to really have
your life change, because your life does change. And I
think if you're ready to have that change. Great. If
you're not, it's just not the right time for you.
And I think judging someone based on their timing of
having kids or timing getting married or whatever it may
be is such an odd concept to me. And I
never truly thought about that maybe Lucky and I are

(50:53):
doing it really early or whatever, until I had people's
opinions on it. My dad was stoked. He was like,
this is great going to young mom. But then hearing
other people's opinions. It never even crossed my mind before
that that this might be such an odd thing to
do at eighteen And now, I mean, I wouldn't take
it back for the world. I think it was the
best decision we could have made for us, because even

(51:15):
though it is hard and it changed our life, we
found so much joy in it, and we find so
much joy in it and we really get to grow
and learn. You learn so much from having children, and
whether that's patience or understanding or whatever it is. I
think I'm at the perfect time in my life to
receive all of those lessons from my kids and pour

(51:36):
back into them.

Speaker 2 (51:37):
Yeah. I think you're a really interesting intersection. Yeah. And again,
by the way, these are all societal yas these are
not like, they're not real. No, And I always like
to remind people that anything that we think is real
today is just something society repeated for long enough that
it's become normal. Like when we say the word normal,
it just means it's happened in society for a long

(51:58):
period of time, and that's why things get normalized. And
so when people say, oh, you're you got married early,
you had kids early, that's very traditional. That's a societal
take on your own.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
You don't even know it was, because the other day
someone brought it up to me and they were like,
you have a very traditional way of life. I'm like,
what do you mean, Like we split chores, I work,
my husband works, we have children, we split everything, Like
I cook because I love to, not because I have
to Lucky cleans, Like there was nothing traditional. And then

(52:33):
they were like, well, you had kids at nineteen and
you got married at eighteen. And I was like and
and they were like that's traditional. And I'm like, oh,
I guess that's traditional. Then it never even crossed my
mind because I've always been such a believer in having
people make their own choices and never judging someone else.
Based on how they choose to live their life and

(52:54):
much rather celebrating them. How cool is it seeing someone
else be thirty five and crushing life life and traveling
in the world by themselves, not having a care in
the world. I love seeing that, Whereas I also love
seeing moms that are eighteen and have a child and
are doing life, and I love seeing that. So I
think I've always just loved celebrating people at where they're

(53:15):
at that It was such a foreign concept to me
that people would have a negative opinion on me choosing
to start my life in that way early on totally.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
And that's why you're at that interesting intersection, I'm saying,
because that's what I was about to say, Like, you're
a career person, you have a booming career, you're a model,
you're doing incredible stuff online, and you're a mom and
you love cooking for them. And it's really funny because
we me and Radi in one sense we got married
early and now we're having kids lay and so it's like,

(53:45):
you know, you could whenever you look at things in
any order, it's like, well wait a minute, no, to me,
we're on time. Yeah, to me, you're on time. No,
I love that right because it's you're on time, because
that's the time that made sense for you. But first,
here's a quick word from the brands that support the show.
All right, thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive

(54:07):
back in. And I wanted to ask you about that,
like in the sense of and I love I love
your answer to how you see the time and the
early and late. But I think there's right now there's
such a big conversation around gender roles and around expectations.
And by the way, me and Radi get the same
thing that you guys get. So people always say to me,

(54:27):
you're so lucky you've got a traditional wife, and you're
so lucky that you got a wife loves and I'm like,
Radi loves cooking. Like she doesn't cook because it's a
woman's role by based on tradition. She cooks to she
loves cooking, and I don't cook because I'm terrible at it.
And if I love cooking, I would cook. And rather
way Radi works. She's you know, she's got incredible cookbook.

(54:49):
She's a New York Times bestselling author. She's like creating
all this amazing content. Like Radi's got an amazing business
of her own. It's not even divided that way. But
it's interesting how these perceptions have settled into society. You
challenge them because of what you just said. How do
you encourage people to like think about that, like how
to get out of that kind of expectation and role

(55:12):
and kind of find your own values in time.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
I feel like that's something I sometimes struggle with with
my online presence. It's people love projecting things onto me
and kind of how I live my life. Just because
I cook for my husband because it's my love language
and I love cooking, they project onto it that I'm
in the kitchen and trapped and I'm just at home

(55:36):
and he's the breadwinner and all of these things, and
I'm like, no, I work, I'm very busy. I travel
almost every week. I have kids that I raise. I
love being in the kitchen because it's a passion of mine,
not because I have to. And sometimes I feel like
this is where social media gets tricky for me personally,
is it doesn't matter how much I voice those things

(55:57):
and try to make people understand that I am actually
a full time working mom that they just don't want
to get it. They use me as this poster child
of this like very traditional wife, and I'm not. There's
nothing truly traditional about us as a couple, apart from
maybe that we chose to have kids young and get

(56:17):
married young. But apart from that, we split chwards fifty
to fifty. There's things that Lucky does that I guess
traditional men wouldn't do, like do the dishes or get
the kids dressed, or do the hair or whatever it
may be that people don't associate with a traditional men man.
And there's things that I do, like having a full
time career and having Lucky be home watching the children

(56:38):
while I travel for two weeks, which is I guess
not traditional in their mind. It's odd and I feel
like people see that side of my life and I
voice that side of my life, but they still don't
want to accept it. So I've just kind of learned
to going to do me and whoever resonates with that great.
If they don't, then there's nothing really I can I
can do to change their minds.

Speaker 2 (57:00):
Yeah, yeah, and that's a really hard thing to grapple with.
H Right, It's like, yeah, I remember when me and
Bradley first used to create content together A lot of
people would in the comments, like we'd literally be talking
about an issue we had or an argument we had
and talking about how we try to figure it out.
And there were some interviews we did where I didn't
even know Radley was dealing with something and she'd break

(57:20):
down in the interview and I'd be like, oh my gosh,
I'd like, what's going on and we talk about it,
and we'd still get comments where people will be like, oh,
they just always project themselves as perfect and happy, and
I'm like, trust me, that is the last thing I've
wanted to do. Like the last thing I've ever wanted
to do is present myself as perfect, my marriage is perfect,
or anything as because really, what I'm trying to share is, hey,

(57:42):
this is what I got wrong. Like I wrote a
book about love, and none of it is based on
what I got right. It's all based on what I
got wrong and what I learned through meeting people. But
it's interesting how not everyone hears that because the noise
in our mind of what someone is or what they
look like it kind of overshadows that.

Speaker 1 (58:01):
If that makes sense, I don't think they want to
hear it, And I think that's what I've learned with
being on social media and being so controversial. I guess
is people don't want to hear it. They don't want
to change their opinion, they don't want to see you differently.
It's like once they've made up their mind about you
or have read something. It's also easy on social media.
You read a comment or a headline and you believe it,

(58:22):
Like there's so many things in the news or whatever
it may be that you read the headline and you
believe it, and then you actually, like Google and do
your research and it couldn't be further from the truth. Also,
nowadays society, they love drama, they love negativity. They feed
off of fights and opinions and online situations that cause conflict.
And I think that's what people love projecting onto me.

(58:45):
They love that I'm so controversial and they can kind
of say whatever. And in the beginning it really used
to bother me. I used to cry at home and
tell Lucky like, I don't understand why they're saying all
these things. None of this is true. And then I
would make a post that's like very subtle, like and
I would say in the voiceover, like I'm not x
Y and Z, I'm actually a working well, I actually
don't believe in these things. And then all the comments

(59:08):
would be like, she's lying, she's gaslighting us, she's and
I'm like, I literally cannot win. And I think that's
what I've learned, Like people don't want to hear the truth.
They don't care for the truth. They care about what
they want to hear and what serves them. So the
less I say kind of the better, Yeah, because it
preserves my energy. There's no point in me saying something

(59:29):
that someone doesn't even want to hear.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
Yeah, And it's not the majority, it's the minority.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
It's like, but that's what your brain picks up. It
could be you could get fifty comments of people that
love you and then that one comment that's just so
mean and nasty, and that's what you think about for
the rest of the day. And I think that's also
why I don't you saw me walk in with two phones.
I have a social media phone and a personal phone.
My social media phone I post, I literally post my thing,

(59:55):
maybe read a few comments because I do love interacting
with my community so much, but then that phone is gone.
I don't read my comments. I don't really scroll on
social media. I don't really consume media. And then my
personal phone is for everyone that actually knows me and
can have an opinion about my life, and that's the
phone I care about. If anyone on that phone text

(01:00:15):
me and has an issue with me or think something,
that's when I'll actually sit down and think about it.
The other phone, I couldn't care less. You don't know
me well enough for me to care about your opinion
at this point.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
That's a really smart way of separating the two, because
when your mind con separate the two, you have to
you have.

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
To physically do it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
It it got so bad after I had like towards
the end of my pregnancy with my third I just
had whimsy. But that's kind of when everything picked up
and people had all of these opinions, and I just
remember how badly I was struggling reading all of these comments.
I would be crying every single day. I would tell
Lucky like I didn't know what to do. I didn't

(01:00:53):
want to leave the house. I didn't want to interact
with anyone because all the comments and the hate got
to me so bad, especially being in the last little
stretch of my pregnancy, and then with all the postpartum hormones,
and I just realized that if I keep reading these comments,
I won't be happy ever again. And it also felt
weird now in hindsight looking back, Why am I giving

(01:01:14):
them the power to make me feel some sort of
way about myself even though that's nowhere near to what
my reality is? And I think sometimes the lines of
social media and reality can get blurred to where I
am not that, So why would I even entertain that
enough for me to go home and cry, yeah, I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
Sorry, sorry to I can't imagine, like that's being pregnant,
taking care of kids, figuring out you know, it's like
it's a lot. Though it's a lot, it's a lot
to carry in. It's it's so bizarre to me that
someone is doing what you do can be controversial today,
Like it's so bizarre, Like it goes totally over my
head because I'm like, wait a minute, like how is this?

Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
It could be anything?

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Like you know, it's it's it's so funny how something
that's so fine and expressive and what to me comes
across as artistic and yea, that can be anything. I
don't even know how you misconstrue it, Like I can't
even wrap my head around that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
I don't know, but I think that's also where I struggled,
because I was like, I'm just doing this for fun.
I just love cooking, I love being in the kitchen,
my kids need to eat, my husband wants something specific
that I can just film me making. And it just
came from such a loving and fun place that then
I think it hit me harder when people had all
these negative opinions on it, because I just felt like

(01:02:32):
I was sticking to myself. I wasn't like on the
internet slagging anyone off or doing anything controversial, at least
in my opinion, And then seeing those comments, I was
just very taken aback and confused by it. But now
I've kind of moved past that and really figured out
how to manage my reality and my work in a

(01:02:52):
better way.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
Yeah, definitely, I love the way you've split that up.
And Yeah, I think that's such great advice for anyone
who's online or create and even in life. Yeah, I
think you know, even if you're not a creator and
you're listening to what Nara's saying right now, there's such
a reality in being able to separate and say, these
people really know me, they've lived life with me, and
by the way, they're honest with me. It's not like
I'm surrounded by people who agree with me. But at

(01:03:15):
the same time, there's a group of people here. Maybe
it's people your colleagues, maybe it's people that you sometimes
work with. Maybe it's people at school, college, whatever, and
maybe who don't really know you, and they also don't
know what you're going through. I think something you've done
so beautifully is you've spoken so openly about your exemer journey.
You've even shared imagery, and like, when I saw you
do that, thought wow, this requires so much vulnerability, requires

(01:03:38):
so much courage, It requires so much strength to see
someone like yourself, who is known for fashion and modeling
and all of that, to actually come out and share that.
Walk us through why it was so important for you
to share that, and also what was Yeah, what made
you do that?

Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
I think by nature, I'm a very private person. So
I think even with the content I put out, it
feels very safe to me because even though I'm showing
parts of my life, I'm not giving everything away. And
I think sometimes I feel like there's so many young
girls out there, or girls or boys or whoever actually
that watch my content and think I'm perfect. I'm not perfect.

(01:04:18):
I'm nowhere near perfect. No one is. No one is perfect,
regardless of how high of a pedestal we put people on.
And I think one of the things that I struggle
with on a day to day basis is my exzema
and my loopus, and I really struggle sometimes getting out
of bed or looking presentable or feeling confident when my
face is flaring up or I'm losing my hair in

(01:04:40):
chunks or whatever it may be. So I kind of
got to a point that I just felt like I
had to share that with people to help anyone go
through it, because I think a lot of people put
me on this pedestal of me being perfect, and I
just wanted people to realize that everyone goes through things.
Everyone has things that they deal with, maybe behind closed doors,

(01:05:02):
And if there's even just one person that could feel
a little bit more confident to deal with their flare up,
or to feel seen, or to feel understood, or to
feel less lonely, that's what I want to use my
platform for. And the amount of people, especially younger girls,
that would DM me their pictures of their ex mel
or DM me how they felt, or the fact that

(01:05:23):
they couldn't believe that I would post these images online
because they can't even leave the house feeling the way
they feel. It just made me feel like I actually
did something to help someone, and that's always been something
that's been really, really really important to me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Yeah, it's so beautiful to see you use your platform
for that. I can't imagine how much that means to
those young girls. I growing up had really bad XMN.

Speaker 1 (01:05:47):
Oh, so you get it, remember.

Speaker 2 (01:05:48):
What it was like, and it took a long time
for my parents. We tried out everything impossible under the sun,
and you know it will come back and go away,
and you know, so I can't imagine how much strength
they feel knowing that someone like yourself that they look
up to and admire and you know that they follow,
is being able to share that journey with them. And
that's also what started, as you were saying earlier, what

(01:06:10):
started the from scratch? Yeah, food right, Like that's connected.
Can you walk us through that.

Speaker 1 (01:06:14):
A lot of people think it's a gimmick, and I
get it, like I'm not going to be in the
kitchen every day making bubble gum, but those are like
the fun things to me. But initially where my cooking
kind of came from is after my son was born,
my ex must started flaring up tenfold again, and it
was really really bad, and it just kept getting progressively worse.

(01:06:35):
And then when he was around two, I just remember
I had this insane flare up all over my body.
I could barely get out of bed. I was. It
was horrible, and I just remember feeling so helpless and
so sad, and I didn't know what to do. So
I did so much research on food and how it
impacts your body and all these things. I would spend

(01:06:55):
countless hours browsing social media, reading books, doing all these
things to figure out how to heal myself. And I
think a huge part of my egzima was that I
was eating all the processed food, not all of it,
but I feel like, by default, when you go to
a grocery store, you buy bread because you think it's bread,
but then you never check the ingredients for it to

(01:07:15):
be thirty different ingredients or you, I don't know, you
buy the most random things thinking that there shouldn't be
a lot of stuff in there. And the more I
kind of checked the ingredients on things, I realized that
I was actually not eating good food, and also raising kids.
It was really important for me for them to have
a really good diet because growing up in Germany, food
is so different over there. I always grew up with

(01:07:37):
my dad going to the store every day cooking fresh food.
We never had processed food. It was never the way
it is in America. So then I kind of shifted
my whole eating and I went on an anti inflammatory
diet and really made sure that I was eating right.
And then that kind of morphed into me making more
things because a lot of the anti inflammatory stuff you

(01:07:57):
couldn't just find on shelves. So I was like, I'll
just make my own waffles with cassava flour and coconut
milk and all these different things. And then that kind
of just evolved and evolved, and then I was like,
I can make bread, I can make sour though, I
can make I don't know, cheese, whatever it may be.
It kind of just turned into a passion of mind
to do that, and I just realized it can be
more cost effective. Not everything, but a lot of things

(01:08:20):
are more cost effective if you make them yourself. It's
you know, exactly what goes into your food and you
can kind of customize it the way that you want it.
So if you want your bread to be saltier, put
more salt in, or whatever it may be, you can
kind of do. And I think my love for cooking
played into that. And then I just spent so much
time in the kitchen developing recipes and cooking and really

(01:08:43):
just having fun with that. And then that's where the
content kind of came in and people it kind of
divided the Internet a little to where people either loved
it or hated it, and that's kind of what kickstarted
my whole content. But also I think growing up with
my German grandma, she made so many things from scratch,
and I think the older generations do that. I never

(01:09:05):
people are always so shocked that I'm doing it and
they've never seen it before. And then there's people that
really slate me on the internet for being inauthentic and
that this has been done before, and I've obviously it's
been done before. Or do you think, where do you
think all of our food used to come from? Like
I'm so surrendom No, it's so random. So I just

(01:09:26):
I love celebrating that as well, and every time I
bake bread or do something that reminds me of my grandma,
that's something that I really do cherish. So that's kind
of where it all started my health, playing into that
and then me just kind of recording what I would
naturally do, and then sometimes i'd have fun with it
and put a fun voice over with it, or like
dramaticize things just a little bit, or make a recipe

(01:09:48):
that's a little quirky, like making bubble gum, which is
so easy and fun to make. So I think my
reality and then playing into it a little was what
really formed my content.

Speaker 2 (01:09:58):
And that is the food you're eating and the kids. Yes, yes,
I was like, it's yeah, it's not just for the
content they're eating that.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
No, we don't. We don't usually buy bread, we don't
usually do all these things. Obviously, I love eating out.
Sometimes I'm also just a mom. I love trying new restaurants.
So it is kind of that duality of when we're
at home, I try to make as many things as
I can myself, and when we're traveling or out, I'll
do whatever it takes to do that. Sometimes I love

(01:10:27):
a good restaurant. Sometimes I'll much rather cook at home.
So I think that's another big thing, like I love
doing both and I'm not confined to the kitchen. I
cook and do things because I love to do it,
not because I have to. If I'm tired, I will
go and eat out. If I don't want to do that,
I will go into the kitchen and make myself a meal.

(01:10:48):
And I think I just love it so much to
where it never feels like a chor to me.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
Do you remember the moment you nailed like you figured
it out where you were like, I'm gonna wear this,
I'm gonna cook this and the voice like because when
I first watched you and I was like the voice
was different, I was like, this is amazing. I was like,
I just love creativity, like I get a real like
kick out of it, like seeing someone. The point is

(01:11:12):
you're playing into the joke like it's part of the
you know, you're very consciously doing it.

Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
So the voice actually originated from I love ASMR. I
listened to it every night before I go to bed.
I even like the ASMR where people like eat food
and it's like storpy sounds that's whatever. So I love ASMR.
I also the voice originated for me actually having to
be quiet because my kid fell asleep like right next

(01:11:39):
to me, and I had to be so quiet talking
to where that kind of developed and then people were like,
we love the ASMR. I like put it on, Like
people literally put on my videos for their children to
go to bed too, and that is something that was
really fun to me. So the voice kind of came
and played a role in it, and I was never conscious.

(01:12:00):
I was like, I'd literally just have to be quiet
because my kids sleeping next to me. I spend an
hour putting them down. I'm not going to have them
wake up, but I do need to get this content up.
So that's where the voice came from.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
Wow, that's such a cool story. That's great.

Speaker 1 (01:12:11):
And then the outfits. I just loved dressing up. I
remember when I started dating Lucky, I told him I
will never wear a dress ever, and he was like,
just try it and I was like no. But then
I was pregnant with my third and all that was
fitting in the Texas heat was addressed. So then that
kind of evolved in my content as well, to where
I kind of got known for my fashion and the

(01:12:33):
dresses that I wore, and then that kind of evolved
more and more, where Chanelle actually send me a look
that they would debut on the runway months later and
they'd never done that with anyone ever before, and that
felt like such a privilege. And then fashion obviously has
been a part of my life for so long, so
that just became like a fun outlet for me. I'm like,

(01:12:53):
if I'm not going to leave the house in these outfits,
I will wear them in my kitchen. So that's where
that came from. And then what else was there that's
kind of those are the pillars of kind of what
I do.

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
Yeah, we talked about the cookie. Yeah, the fashion in
the vite.

Speaker 1 (01:13:05):
I think it just like evolved with time. It was
never like a conscious thing that I sat down and
I was like, I'm going to speak like this to
do this, I'm going to wear this to do that.
I'm going to do this because I want a reaction.
It was never premeditated or thought out or whatever it is.
It just kind of evolved. And then sometimes I'm like, yeah,
it would be fun wearing a yellow outfit to make

(01:13:25):
capri sun because I want to. It's just I'm just
having fun expressing myself and if people want to tune in.
It's great.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
Yeah, I love people knowing that nine percent of creators
when they start something, it was never that thought through
and that's what made it so beautiful. Like I remember,
if you look at my first videos I ever created,
I'm in these really beautiful scenic locations in London. But
the truth is me and my friend were just walking
around trying to find out where security wasn't right. So

(01:13:55):
we had no permits, we had no booking, we had
no money to like say oh day, So we would
just walk around London early in the morning and try
and figure out where security wasn't and we'd find these
spots where you'd get like London Bridge in the background
or Sampaul's Cathedral in the background, all these beautiful iconic
locations because I liked the look of them, and we

(01:14:16):
would just find it. My earliest mic was literally a
backpack with a mic stuck into it to hold it
up because we didn't have a mic stand. And in
the first videos you see my hair is like flying
all over the place and everyone be like, why's he
got a wind machine? No, it was cold, I was
in London and my hair was just moving and like

(01:14:36):
it just looked really those early videos at that time.
I mean, now they'd be out of date, but if
you looked at them like ten years ago when I
nine years ago, when I first started creating content, these
videos went super viral. But it was like I didn't
plan any of that. That was just what happened. And
obviously what I said was planned or thought through, but

(01:14:57):
all these little things that people would notice, it was
like we just got lucky. Like there's a lot of
it that was just you know.

Speaker 1 (01:15:02):
That's how I feel. Sometimes people are like, I can't
believe your outfit matches this, and I'm like I didn't
even realize either. Or people are like I can't believe
you've never spilled anything on yourself. I'm like oh, Or
they're like wearing white to cook pasta sauces brave and
that doesn't even cross my mind, or all these like
random little things that people pick up on you don't
really do consciously. People always tell me she has a

(01:15:25):
full production team and a nanny and staff at home
and a cleaning crew, and I'm like, it's literally me
my iPhone, a tripod. Sometimes Lucky's like, do you want
help filming? And I'm like no, because it needs to
be like a certain I'm like very type A. So
I'm like, no, no, no, it's me and my tripod.
It's okay. And then he does clean up. Bless his heart,
because at the end of my videos there's like a

(01:15:47):
pile of dishes. But people always assume these things and
they're like, she has a nanny. No, we don't. Lucky
and I tag team, and when I'm filming, he's with
the children. When he has to travel for work, I'm
with the kids. And now it's at a point where
we should be looking at getting help because it's getting
quite a lot and we don't have family that live by.
But all these assumptions based on a piece of content

(01:16:10):
that ninety nine percent is just coincidence has always been
really baffling to me.

Speaker 2 (01:16:16):
Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from
our sponsors. Thanks for taking a moment for that. Now
back to the discussion. I think it's just so hard
for people to imagine, like how can someone be a
mom cook every day from scratch look great, like you know,
like I have all your esthetic down. Like it's so

(01:16:37):
hard because so many people are just like trying to
like get by, but you've made it something that's fun
for you and enthuses you and energizes you, like it's
not something and you've taken something that you're doing every
day anyway for the kids because you want to cook
for them, and made it something fun. And I think
about it like my mom. I've been talking about this
a lot lately because I've been reflecting on just like
how amazing my mom is. It's like my mom cooked

(01:17:01):
me and my sister a fresh breakfast, a fresh lunch,
and a fresh dinner every day. She was the breadwinner
of the family. She dropped us to school, picked us
up until I was old enough to do it myself.
She helped me with my homework, she helped my sister
with her homework. My mom just didn't film it. If
social media was a thing, can you imagine? And my

(01:17:23):
mom could have filmed it because she was doing all
of that and she literally did all of that. Now,
she didn't do it in channel, but she did all
of that. And even now I look back and I think, Mom,
how did you do it? And I think I look
at you and I think it's amazing, Narah, Like it's
really amazing that you're able to and it's kudos to you,
Like you're the one working hard, you're the one figuring

(01:17:45):
it out. You're and Lucky are the ones splitting it up.
But it's admirable to see you're like working hard, You're
taking care of your kids how you want to, You're
cooking how you want to, You're dealing with your own
personal health and everything else that comes with it. And
I'm sure it's not easy. No it doesn't. Yeah, it's
not easy.

Speaker 1 (01:18:02):
No, it's not easy. But I'm privileged to be able
to do what I do. I feel so grateful that
I get to do it and have the flexibility of
being at home with the kids and splitting my time
with Lucky. I feel grateful that his job allows that too.
So I think we've created our little daily routines that
really help, and we just love living life like this.

(01:18:23):
And I know it doesn't work for everyone. And I
always think it's such an interesting thing when people try
to knock me down just because their life looks different.
I understand our life look different. I'm not expecting you
to do what I'm needing to do. I'm just putting
out content, and if you feel some type of way
about it, you can also just keep scrolling like I'm
not forcing it down your throat. If you want to

(01:18:45):
tune in, great and take away whatever you want to
take away from it. Great. Like I've had moms be
like not cooking like you, But I made my kid
bread yesterday and it was amazing, and that always makes
me smile. I'm like, you don't have to do it all.
I don't do it all. That's the thing, like people poor.
I think I'm this perfect person and I'm not. I
have a husband that's very involved, I have very like

(01:19:07):
good structure. On some days, I can't get out of
bed because my loopus is flaring up and I just
can't do that. So I think just taking my content
with whatever you want to take from it and just
enjoying it.

Speaker 2 (01:19:20):
Yeah. And if I'm honest, I see so many people.
And there's one quote that I love from Gary Vee
where he talks about how hate is loud. Yeah, and
it's like I always remind myself that it's like people
who love you are just quieter. Yeah, Like they don't
like something, they won't say anything. No, they will, and
yours is different. I Mean, there's so many wonderful comments
whenever I'm looking at your stuff, it's I see so

(01:19:42):
many people being like me.

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
I only see the hate comments. Yeah, I'm always like,
oh okay, time to get off. After like five minutes,
I'm like, oh no, okay, I have to be done now.

Speaker 2 (01:19:50):
And I think we're all like that because we're all
wired that way. And I'm here to remind you and
just say when I look at it, I see so
many people being inspired, like I just tried that recipe.
Oh I love that look like I'm gonna try this
for my kids, or like, oh that was and what
you just said, like my kids fall asleep to this.
So And I think the beauty is that I don't
think this. First of all, I think you're hilarious and

(01:20:12):
really talented. I don't think you're saying that, at least
from my perspective, not saying that anyone should do what
you're doing at all. Like I don't know, you're not
coming across as a teacher or a preacher or a guru,
Like it's that's not what it comes across us. It's
just that you're living your life and having fun and
it's almost making something like you love cooking, and that's awesome.
It's also just making something that's quite laborious into making

(01:20:36):
it fun.

Speaker 1 (01:20:38):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:20:38):
I saw this video the other day where it's like
two guys who clean all the places that no one
wants to and they video it and they put it
on pick Stuff I love, and it's so cool. Like
these guys will literally go around and clean subway stations,
clean clean that clean stuff, makes stuff look nice because
they want to. And I think it's they have a
cleaning business too. But it's like it's so cool, and
I'm like, that's awesome. Like you take something that's pretty

(01:21:00):
hard to do, something that's true, and you're making it fun.
And I think that at the very least that's something
we can all look to as well. Is we all
have things we have to do every day that we
don't want to do, and if you can try and
make them more fun, more enjoyable, whatever it is for
you that works. But I want you to know, Yeah,
I see all these good comments. It always makes day
when I find you on my for you page, and

(01:21:22):
it's just fun. It's and it's fun to watch interesting, curious,
talented people who you know. To me, you're a comedian
in disgusy. I love that, Yeah, you're a comedian in disguise.
To me, like, it's like, that's what comedians do, is
they create great characters that people can laugh to and
connect with and resonate with and pok at And that's

(01:21:43):
what you've done. And then when I met you in person,
I was like, oh my god, Like you're like one
of the sweetest, nicest people I've met in person, and
then you're like this complete badass and like you know
on on social media. And I love that that juxtaposition
of just you know, you, being who you are and
then then playing this role.

Speaker 1 (01:21:59):
I feel like my content is it's like to me,
I view it as myself but enhanced. Yes, like the
funny version of myself in some videos, the more like
polished version of myself in some videos, the more I
don't know, creative version. It's like me, but depending on
the outfit I put on and what I cook, I

(01:22:19):
become an enhanced version of myself. And that's so fun
to me, which is also why I love fashion and cooking,
because you can dress up and feel a completely different
way like you feel at least I feel different ways
depending on what I have on and that's kind of
the energy that I tap into, and that's kind of
the part of my reality person that gets enhanced for

(01:22:40):
that video.

Speaker 2 (01:22:41):
Yeah, and I love that. I love that that's how
you think about it because and by the way that
that becomes really real in normal life too. I remember
when I was saying earlier, like when I would go
and see Rady in the library or work. I remember
I used to get dressed as if I was doing
something important. Yes, and that helped me. And that was
at a time when I made no content, I didn't

(01:23:02):
have any videos. I was doing it for myself. None
even cared who I was. But dressing as if I
was important helped me feel like I could apply for jobs,
that I could show up as my best, that if
I bumped into someone that Because I was in a
really tough place, I was rejected from forty companies after
leaving the monastery. None would give me a job. I
was living in my parents laft. I was getting rejected left,

(01:23:23):
right and center. I didn't even know if I'd ever
get a job.

Speaker 1 (01:23:25):
That hard for you.

Speaker 2 (01:23:26):
It was super hard because I'd become a monk because
I loved it. I'd left because I didn't think it
was right for me anymore. And now the jobs that
I would have landed with ease three years before because
I had a first class degree, I couldn't get them.
And that was really hard for me because I just,
you know, I never imagined that I would not be
able to get a job and pay my bills and

(01:23:48):
living with my parents again, I felt bad because I was,
you know, living off of them, and they don't have
lots to off for me, so it wasn't easy. But
I remember dressing up for me felt like I can
do something important today, And for some people, they don't
want to do that. You'd rather be in your sweats whatever.
That's awesome. But all of these little things really work
with our mind, like psychologically, and I think we underplay

(01:24:11):
how much sight and scent and sound can change how
you feel.

Speaker 1 (01:24:15):
Yeah, I don't own sweatpants actually, like Lucky does. Sometimes
I'll like you own zero. I own zero sweatpants. I
used to own them, but then I got rid of them.
All you're my inspirations, so to me, I don't wear
sweatpants apart from maybe when I steal one of Lucky's.
But that's like very rare. I just I think a
lot of how I perform during the day is how

(01:24:37):
I dress. So if I want to get stuff done,
I will dress a certain way. There's like never a
day where I wake up and don't do my skincare.
There's never a day I don't wake up and do
my hair at least if I actually want to feel
like my peak level of production, I do my makeup.
Not because I feel like I need to to feel prettier,
but more so it makes me feel productive. I put

(01:24:58):
on what I want to wear to feel a certain way.
If I'm like, oh, I'm going on a little lunch
with my friend and I want to feel like super
girly and whatever, I will wear a cute dress. But
if I'm like, Okay, I actually need to just power
through meetings all day long, I will wear a suit
because that makes me feel like I'm just going to
get stuff done. So to me, it's all about dressing

(01:25:22):
and doing things to make myself feel a certain way. Yeah,
so I'll never fly in sweats. I don't do that.
There's like things I do to make myself feel a
certain way, and I know it doesn't work for everyone.
But growing up also, my dad had a weird thing
with sweatpants. He was like, you're not. There's this thing
about I think Carl lagerfeldt said something about sweatpants. I

(01:25:43):
don't remember exactly what it is, but my dad basically
said if yeah, you need to find it because he
had a quote about sweatpants. What did he say?

Speaker 2 (01:25:53):
So he said, Carl lagerfeld said, sweatpants are a sign
of defeat. Yes, you lost control of your life, so
you bought sweat pat.

Speaker 1 (01:26:00):
Yes, that's what my dad would tell me growing up.
He said, No, Carl said that, and that's why we're
we're not doing sweatpants. That's crazy. If I ever was
in my pajamas like after nine am, he thought I
was losing it. So when I was sixteen, I bought
my first sweatpants and then I really like them whatever
because like I feel like in Europe, like they love

(01:26:22):
their little tracks so like the Nikes. But then the
older I got, I'm like, actually, my dad's right for
me personally, like I feel like I've lost control of
my life. If I wear sweatsite, I cannot the like
the what I'll do is I get a matching pajama set.
If I really feel like I just need to veg out.
I'll do a matching pajama set. But that's just what
works for me. And I think that's also the thing

(01:26:44):
with like fashion in my videos, Like I want to
feel good, I want to feel confident. I want to
dress up and feel like these different people. So that's
where fashion plays like a massive part and how I
go about my day.

Speaker 2 (01:26:56):
Yeah, it's fun, it's fun, and it's so interesting how
the way we're parented had such a like like Raley
has that with waking up early. Ralely was someone that
even if she went out to a party at night,
her mom would be like, if you're not up in
the morning.

Speaker 1 (01:27:08):
No, I'm telling you you're late.

Speaker 2 (01:27:10):
Yeah, Ralei wakes up so early every day because that's
hardwired into who she is, and I think we all
have different versions of that. I was so excited after
the pandemic to never wear seratupants again because I don't
like sweats, But during the pandemic I fell into it
and I was.

Speaker 1 (01:27:26):
You can find comfy denim, like, you don't have to
just skinny denim, Like I feel like the more baggy
ones are coming back anyway, so just wear that. Then
for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:27:34):
Yeah. I think what I'm hearing from you, what I've
learned from you, is that you've found a way to
do life on your time, in your way, with your permission. Yeah,
And I think that's what we're all seeking. Like, I
think that's what we're all looking for. What we all
really want is to be able to get married when
we want to not get married if we don't want,
to have kids, when we want to not have kids

(01:27:55):
when we don't want And I think when we feel
like we're living thing according to everyone else's expectations and
society's rules, that's what takes us away from who we
really are. And it seems like you've found a way
to do things on your timeline and in the way
you want, whether it's sweatpants or not. And there's some

(01:28:16):
and then and there's beauty to that, because I think
that's what we're all looking for.

Speaker 1 (01:28:19):
I think it's also nowadays, I feel like everyone tries
to fit in certain moles, Like everyone wants to buy
certain things, look a certain way, get a certain haircut,
do certain makeup. And I think that was never really
appealing to me. I love doing what I want to do.
I want to encourage you to do what you want
to do, regardless of what that may look. I just

(01:28:42):
love empowering people to really find their truth and speak
their truth and live authentically like themselves, which is so
important to me. And I just love sharing my journey
and hopefully that inspires someone to do what they want
to do. Not replicate what I'm doing, but do what
you want to do and feel empowered and making decisions
that may not be the norm or may not be

(01:29:03):
what society wants you to do. And I think that's
what's so beautiful about life, Like you can do whatever
you want to do because you get to live life
and experience all these things and do exactly what you
want to do. You don't have to do what I'm doing.
You don't have to do what every other influencer is
telling you to do, or your parents are telling you
to do, or whatever. You can be yourself and that's

(01:29:24):
so beautiful.

Speaker 2 (01:29:25):
I love that message. Yeah, it's been such a joy
talking to you today. I've learned so much. I've learned
so much about you. I always have to figure out
how you become so eloquent, Like you're a brilliant speaker,
and now you are I'm being honest. It's wonderful to
see someone young with an old soul who is working

(01:29:45):
on themselves, working on their marriage, trying to give their
kids a beautiful, conscious life in whatever way you believe
is important. And I'm a fan. I'm going to keep
supporting and I love watching you and your family grow together.
We we end every episode of On Purpose with a
final five. These have to be answered in one word
or one sentence. Okay, time snarismith. These are your final five.

(01:30:09):
The first question is what is the best advice you've
ever heard or received?

Speaker 1 (01:30:14):
Don't try to be perfect, just do it good advice.

Speaker 2 (01:30:18):
Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard
or received?

Speaker 1 (01:30:22):
Try to get it perfect, because nothing's ever perfect. And
if you wait, okay, I'm going off on a danser again.
You get If you wait for it to be perfect,
you'll never get started. I would much rather you try
your absolute best and put something out or do something
and knowing you've tried your best, rather than constantly overthinking it,
trying to get it perfect, and never progressing in life

(01:30:44):
because of it.

Speaker 2 (01:30:45):
Question number three, what's the least narrowsmith thing you do?

Speaker 1 (01:30:48):
I don't steal my hair every day, okay, unless I
want to feel productive. So sometimes on days where I'm
like today is just like not my day, I'm like, okay,
no hair done today.

Speaker 2 (01:31:00):
Hey, guys, I look forward to those days when I'm
not on camera and I will literally be wearing a hat.

Speaker 1 (01:31:05):
No, the hair is like the first thing I don't
do when I don't have to do anything. But then,
like all the other stuff, I'm like, I actually have
to get ready or else I don't feel productive. But
the hair sometimes I'm like, you know what, I'll just
put it in a little ponytail. It's fine.

Speaker 2 (01:31:18):
I love that. Question Number four, What role does faith
spirituality that play in your life and how important is
it to you?

Speaker 1 (01:31:25):
It's so important because it's my center, and I feel
like it guides me and it keeps me grounded, and
it keeps me humble and compassionate, and it really makes
me have a purpose and makes me wake up in
the morning knowing I can be the best version of myself,
and I'm protected and I'm blessed, and I get to

(01:31:46):
live life so beautifully because I have faith.

Speaker 2 (01:31:49):
Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest
who's ever been on the set. If you could create
one law that everyone in the world had to follow,
what would it be being.

Speaker 1 (01:31:58):
More compassionate, not doing things you wouldn't want people to
do to you, because I think sometimes we don't think
about that and people just go off and do the
most insane, bizarre things. And I just want to create
a lot. Whatever you do not want done to you
don't do to other people.

Speaker 2 (01:32:15):
That's great. Yeah, we need that, Yes, we have need that.
Nara Smith, thank you so much. Thank you so your openness,
your vulnerability, your time and energy. What people don't know
is while Nara was driving here today, she actually had
a flat tire and run to a car to get
here because she's in La at my home at a studio,

(01:32:36):
and she went through that to get here, and she
turned out just the sweetest, kindest energy. And I always
feel like when someone's going through something, you know, I
was thinking about it. I was thinking, oh my god,
that'd be so stressful in a new town, you got kids,
you know, all this stuff going on. And she showed
up just wonderful energy is just super still, and I
felt so bad.

Speaker 1 (01:32:55):
I'm sorry again for being thirty minutes late.

Speaker 2 (01:32:57):
You just you do not need to apologize. But if
you're not already following Nara, please follow her across all
of the social media platforms. Also let me know on
TikTok and Instagram. Clip cut away, show us what resonated
with you, what connected with you? What advice is going
to help you, Whether it's breaking through into doing something
you love, whether it's trusting your timing and not trying

(01:33:18):
to live on everyone else's time, and whether it's finding
your passion and pursuing it with all of your heart.
I think there were so many great insights and wisdom
in this episode. I can't wait to see what resonated
with you and Narah, thank you so much again and
spending so much more time with you.

Speaker 1 (01:33:33):
Thanks, thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:33:34):
If you love this episode, you will also love my
interview with Kendall Jenna on setting boundaries to increase happiness
and healing You're inner child.

Speaker 1 (01:33:44):
You could be reading something that someone is saying about
you and being like, that is so unfair because that's
not who I am, and that really gets to me sometimes.
But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like,
but I know who I am. Why does anything else
matter

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