August 29, 2024 • 33 mins
Ever wonder what’s the last story that will be written about you? For many people, it’s in their obituary. In today’s episode, Katie and Yves look through strangers’ obituaries and share their stories…one more time.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
On Theme is a production of iHeartRadio and fair Weather
Friends Media. You Are a Starless. Death is an inevitable
(00:25):
part of the human experience, but the way we mark
and memorialize people who have passed away can take many forms.
One of the most enduring traditions is the obituary, that
short form biography chronicling someone's life and death.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
And the best obituaries are more than just a dry
recitation of facts and dates. They use the craft of
storytelling to breathe life into the person behind the obituary.
They allow us to celebrate people's triumphs, limit their struggles,
and find meaning in the legacy they left behind.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
I'm Katie and I'm Eves.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
On today, episode Dearly Departed looks for the art of
the obituary and share some of the narrative techniques that
transform de sombers and offs into compelling and emotionally resident tales.
(01:21):
You know, I recently had to write an obituary, and
it's a task Like you're already grieving, so you're not
in the greatest headspace to write, but you know this
is the last story. You got to get it right,
or at least you feel the weight of that you know,
getting the facts right of course their birthdate and death
aid and familiar relationships and everything in between, but also
(01:43):
the pressure to write something like really, I don't know,
pulling on the heartstrings of something that honors the loved
one or you know, the person that died. I know
you have experienced writing obituaries.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
It's an interesting experience. All of the emotions that come
with writing an obituary, especially for a close loved one,
They're all over the place because, for one, it's like,
how do I fit a life into what three hundred words?
I mean, it's a short amount of space. How do
I fit an entire life, one that I know so well,
(02:13):
one that I could talk about for years and years
and years unendingly. And also like I want to write
this well because I'm a writer, so I'm thinking about
the storytelling techniques. I'm thinking about that. But also it's
like weird because it's like, who's your audience. It seems
like your audience for an obituary is all the people
who will be reading it, who may want to reflect
(02:35):
on the person's life if they knew them well or
if they didn't know them well, so they might be
learning and things they might not, they can just remember
it fondly. But if it's a loved one, you know,
in my case, it was a loved one that I knew. Well,
it's like, I'm writing this for myself, really, how do
I best represent a person in a short space of time,
in a short amount of words. And it's therapeutic in
(02:56):
a way because you know how when you write, even
if it's something that and not an obituary and you're
trying to condense it into a poem or either something
that is short, like a short piece, you have to
be really precise. It's hyper real. It's the way I
think about it when I'm writing short So it's honestly
kind of therapeutic and kind of nice to be confined
(03:19):
to certain rules to write the obituary when it's about
a loved one, because it's like, what are the things
that are visually and feelings wise, what are the things
that I feel the most right now? What feels like
it makes the most sense for me to include what
do I want to bring to the forefront right now?
So yeah, it's a bunch of different feelings for me
(03:39):
in different ways.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
What were some of the best practices as far as
writing that you found like worked when crafting the narrative
of the obituary.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Taking your time and writing from the heart, And that
sounds so like kind of like.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
A I feel like you don't have time though, because
if you're writing about a life and it's like the
funeral coming.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Well, well, let me explain that because it is specific
to my experience. Like for me, I was like, I
need to write this O bit, I need to write
this open, I need to write this O bit. But
I was also involved in the planning of the memorial service,
and I'm also trying to grieve, and I'm like, I
need to write this over. I got to get to it,
like I was writing the eulogy on the way to
(04:20):
the memorial service. So I know that the obituary is
a little different because you have to turn that in early.
But I think that the same principles can be applied
and just moving a little bit more slowly and taking
your time to feel into it, just like you would
do with any other writing where you're constrained by time
and by space and then write from the heart. Comes
(04:43):
from the same way. There are a lot of best
standards and practices that I guess you would see if
you're looking back on obituaries over the years, this is
how you name the people. This is where you start
from the beginning, you end at the end. You know,
you don't have to do that either. Just write from
the heart, because you know, if your audience is other people,
then they going to be locked in with you if
you're reading it to them, or if they're reading it,
(05:03):
you know it's an emotional experience for them too, and
you can write that as an emotional experience. But if
it's for yourself, then what you need to follow the
rules for anyway.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
You know, have you experienced any family drama around obituaries.
I feel like that's like, I don't know if it's
a particular black thing, but I only talk to black people,
so in my head it's a black thid.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Honestly, I feel like everybody gets messy when it comes
to death a lot of the time. I don't think
that's confined to race. But I haven't had fortunately too
much drama around obituaries. Now. My family is big, and
you know, a lot of children, a lot of cousins,
nieces and nephews, aunties, uncles, all that in my family,
(05:43):
and so for me, But there was a potential for
drama because of what was going to be included family wise,
because of the secrets and things people didn't know on
all of that that was going to happen in the obituary.
That fortunately didn't turn up. When I organized the recent
memorial service and wrote the obituary, that didn't happen for me,
people were just like, hey, you know, loved it. It
(06:05):
was beautiful. Somebody read it for me and that all
went fine. So I haven't seen that for anyone else.
And I also have never experienced that. What about you.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I mean, I feel like I would peep it as
a kid but not really know the depths of it.
But I wouldn't say like complete drama. But you get
a little side comments like O, well, you know I
did a lot for them too.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
It's like, girl, no you didn't, you didn't, And that's
just what it is.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
But you know, everybody wants a little shout out, so
I think that's like kind of funny. Or if there's
like an outside kid, like, oh, how are you going
to mention the outside kid? But you know from this
union came these kids, and then there's this other kid,
like who's that you know, so trying to do some
wordsmithing so that the family secret that's not even a secret,
(06:53):
but it's just kind of like a little you know,
not as wholesome as you would like for the person
like how to do that. But I think it's interesting
because I feel like, you know, family secrets are something
that you know, inches its way into obituaries, and when
you're looking back at the obituary, you know, years down
the road, decades down the road, the person reading it
(07:14):
might not be privy to all the nuances that these
little slights of hand are pointing to. And with black people,
I think in particular, the obituary is really important for
family research because there was a time when you know,
we was just names on the inventory list, and you know,
(07:36):
you might not have the family researcher who has gone
back to Africa, but somebody grandma got the drawer of
obituaries and you can kind of piece it together. But
when there's these like half truths in there, then it
gets a little messy. Have you used obituaries for any
family research?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I haven't. I've gone back and looked at old obituaries
and learned things, but I actually haven't used any for
family research. It's been more of just speaking to my
family members lately. But I think that's a good idea
and I should do it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
I think like people put information in bibles, but I
think the obituary is it.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
It'll give you the rundown, it'll tell you who to
mama the daddy.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah, and those are the hardest things to put together sometimes,
like the actual family tree, at least for me. You know,
my grandmother had eighteen kids on one side. Yeah, and
I got other grandparents, so yeah, that is very helpful.
It's hard to keep up now. It just makes me
think too that I mean, none of us know when
we're going to die, but a part of me does
(08:34):
wish that when I was writing that obituaryly I would
have been had it done, so when it was time
to go, then it's good to go. Like I don't
have to think about it, and I know it's ready,
although some things might be missing, so it would have
to be a I guess put not intended living document
because it's something that you have to update as people
at more on to their lives. But I don't know,
(08:56):
thinking about it, it feels like it would be something
that would be feel right to me. And I know
people do that for newspapers and magazines, like they pre
write obituaries for people of note, but I think that
in some cases it could be a worthwhile exercise for
US normies as well.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Interesting one thing I've noticed with obituaries, like if you
look at a bunch of them over the decades, is
that they've evolved to include more storytelling. Like back in
the day, all facts births, church, education, marriage, children, occupation, death,
and no antidotes, no favorite color, nothing. It might not
even be a picture, and if there was one, it
(09:35):
was just one.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Yeah. Now people are putting some flair on it when
talking about folks who have passed. When done well, obituaries
have the power to make readers feel as though they
intimately knew the person being memorialized, despite having never met them.
Through finally render details and emotional storytelling, a connection is
forged between the writer, the subject, and the reader.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
After the break, we'll look at obituaries that do just
that from the Auburn Avenue Research Library Atlanta Funeral Programs Collection.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Stay with us, so tell me more about this Atlanta
Funeral Programs collection.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Sure, so, Auburn Avenue Research Library partnered with the Atlanta
chapter of the Afro American Historical and Genealogical Society. They
got a name one him to spearhead a joint project
with Georgia Public Library Service to digitize.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Over eleven thousand.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Pages of funeral programs. And they go from eighteen eighty
six to twenty nineteen. I think they're updating it soon,
like they've had more people give obituaries, but twenty nineteen
is the last publicly available ones.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Does the collection include mostly famous people or public figures.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Nah, just regular degular folks.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I mean, I did see Shoddy Lowe and Julian Bond's
obituary in there, but you know, the majority is just
regular folks from the South. The thing about obituaries is
after the funeral, they're usually put up somewhere and not
really examined unless for a very specific reason. So I
thought it'd be nice to look through the funeral program's
collections and pick a couple that stood out to us.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
You don't, yes, I am, so what obituary did you
pick and why did it stand out to you? So?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
I picked Keana Shields Bentley's obituary and her unborn child's
She was killed while she was pregnant, and that's just
like a really sad thing to think about. She was
pretty young when she died. She was in school and
had just gotten married and just kind of like had
(11:46):
her life in front of her.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
It seemed.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
But what stood out to me about Keana's obituary is
that it's like written in the first person. I was
very confused when I first encountered it.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
It says, hey, three wives, Hey everybody.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I'm sure you all have heard a little about me before,
but let me formally introduce myself. On September twelfth, nineteen
ninety four, I was introduced to my beautiful mother Angela
and Shields as her fourth Shining Star of six. So
she's like speaking directly to you as you're reading this obituary,
and just the tone of it is kind of upbeat,
like happy, like you're talking directly to me. I can
(12:25):
imagine being a member of her family and feeling very
comforted by this obituary.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
I think the.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Person who wrote it probably really knew her well to
be able to like step into her shoes and you know,
speak about you know, her life, her cheerleading, you know,
meeting her husband, deciding the name of her child. I
just thought it was like really sweet. And she died
in Atlanta, you know, living here, you hear certain things
on the news and it's kind of like a passing thing,
(12:52):
like oh, this person died this way and it was horrible,
but you kind of like don't hear about it anymore.
And so I found a lot of those in the collection.
I'm like, dang, it's really sad. But hers, it was
definitely a sad situation, and you know, young mother and
the baby dying, but it's like you could feel her,
you know, faith in God through her obituary, her love
(13:14):
for her family, just like her personality really really shined.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
And I like that about this one.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
When you started reading it, you said you were thrown
off by being in first person. So when you started
reading it and you were thrown off, were you like,
m let me go into a different or were you like, oh,
I really need to keep reading this. What was your feeling?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I was confused, so I was like, let me keep
reading to make sure I'm understanding what's going on here. So,
you know, she does that introduction, she talks about her childhood,
where she went to school. She even like talks about
her like perfect high pitched voice, like I just felt
like I really got to know her, and it had
to me as a stranger reading it, kind of less
(13:52):
of a barrier. It wasn't as formal, It wasn't somber
at all, which is the vibe you get from a
lot of obituaries. Rightfully so because the person reading it
is sad, and you know, a lot of times funerals
are formal occasions. So it's just like really different for me.
And you know, it's like a lot of the times
when you think about death, you think about like an
older person who lived their life, and you know it's
(14:14):
still sad, but you're like, okay, this makes sense. But
for her, you know, in her twenties, pregnant, about to graduate,
it just just doesn't make sense. And so I think
doing something a little you know different, you know, fit
the spirit of Keana.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I'm guessing that her death, since she got young, it
was unexpected, yeah something. So do you think it's possible
that she could have written this on her own, like
just as an exercise at some point? You don't think so.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I think just even to like her personality from the obituary.
I don't think she was even thinking like that. I
think she was thinking about, you know, having her baby,
and thinks she was thinking about graduating, starting her career.
I don't think she wrote this. It would be really interesting,
as like such a young person for her to have
done that, but I don't think.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
So, what do you think? I don't think so. I
think somebody else wrote this for her, who know her
pretty well. When I saw the three wives and the
hey everybody at the beginning out it's black. This is
a black obituary, Okay, but I've never seen anything like
this before in real life and you know, not reading
it online. So I'm trying to think how respond if
(15:27):
it was somebody I knew that I was reading, and
I think it would be pretty emotional for me, especially
if they were passing out the obituaries and I was
in the memorial service at the time and I'm reading
this as I'm waiting. I imagine there would be those
conflicting feelings like this is very sorrowful because this person
is gone, and you know, there's a child that's not
here now she's gone. I loved her, But at the
(15:49):
same time, it's like it's going to brighten me up.
You know, it's gonna put a smile on my face
because I get to feel a little bit of her
personality and her essence when I'm reading it. So I
imagine that's pretty comforting.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah, And you know I said it was Keana's obituary,
it was also her unborn child's obituary too, Zariah Keela Bentley,
so it was a joint obituary for both of them.
And the person wrote that Keana was preceded in death
by her beautiful daughter, Zarah Quela Bentley, and they have
pictures of the sonogram and a picture of Keana with
(16:22):
her pregnant belly.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I know you can tell she was truly that girl.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And I don't know, just really really fun, god fearing
family woman.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I'd say, yeah. And I think that one of the
last sentences in the obituary is our work and purpose
has been fulfilled. Don't mourn for us. And I think
that's really indicative of how God was in their lives. Yes,
but also in terms of it being an element of storytelling,
it's like you're ending in a place that you've given
us the set up for that payoff. So the payoff
(16:55):
is telling us, don't mourn for us. And you've showed
us that through the other paragraphs that come before, because
they're celebratory, they're not sad. So you have showed us
that we shouldn't mourn for them because they've lived well,
because they were love. And now I've read this, I'm
at the memorial service. I cherished this person, and I
am sad that they are gone, but I see how
(17:16):
full their lives were and the time that they did
have here. And now you're telling me not to mourn
for them. So I'm gonna hold on to that. And
now I have this obituary on paper to hold on
to that sentiment. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
And one of the paragraphs, she says, the time of
my transition, I was working toward my medical assistant degree.
As a matter of fact, my graduation was set for
June eleventh, twenty sixteen, which was just I believe, five
days before she died. And later she says, I would
have loved to celebrate each and every milestone with you guys,
but baby girl and I couldn't ignore God's call. But
(17:49):
don't worry that angels in heaven presented me with my
cap and gown at the Pearly Gates.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
I don't know, I'm getting excited.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, is not the point of the obituary because she wants.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
You to be happy.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, it's like, don't worry for.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Well.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I think when you're seeing an obituary full of somebody's life,
you want to think, oh, their life was so full,
But ironically it often works in the opposite way because
you see how full their life was and it makes
you imagine, like, what could they have done yea had
they been able to stay on this earth for a
longer time. And when you see that about the cap
and gown, you're like, she had plans. Yeah, you know,
(18:29):
she had plans, she had ambitions, she had goals, and
she had a child who would have had those same
things had they lived as well. So yeah, I mean
that's what happens with obituary, is too like your intent
may be one way, or you may have wanted to
express yourself one way, but as it goes in storytelling,
the way we project isn't the way that people always
receive something.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, I think the person who wrote it wanted to
be comforting, which I do think they accomplished, but it's
definitely like a sad situation, but I think they did
a good like telling her life story, showing her personality,
just like showing the woman that she was, and kind
of all that you know will be missed.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yes, miss Keana. I hope that wherever you are, you
are peaceful and all your lights able to shine wherever
you are in prayers and peace to their family as well.
(19:31):
So the obituary that I came across is for Joseph
Seum Lewis. I hope that I'm pronouncing that right, that
maybe Joseph Sayum Lewis. But he was born in nineteen
fifty one and he died in two thousand and eight,
and he had his memorial service at the Shrine of
(19:52):
the Black Madonna in Atlanta. And I enjoyed his reading
his obituary and learning more about his life because I
felt like I just got a sense of who he was.
He did have an impact on people in his community.
He seemed to be a pretty well respected community member.
(20:12):
I like that. In the beginning of the obituary, it
says that he was legally named Joseph Derrek Lewis, but
he later changed his name and rejected this slave name
and mentality and there's a lot to a name, you know,
especially to black people, and I think leading with that
(20:33):
is pretty impactful, just because we see, even just within
something as small as his name, of how much he
changed over the course of his life, and we get
to see a little bit of his perspective, We get
to learn about his political ideology. You know, what matters
to a person if the first thing they're talking about
in the obituary is that they were listed as Negro
(20:54):
and their birth certificate. So just get to the point
we know what he was about, and I appreciate it.
In the obituary, it talks about how he was wrapped
up in gangs a little bit in his earlier life,
and he went through the juvenile justice system, and then
we get this character introduced. I liked this part of
it because it feels like when you know you have
(21:16):
that person who's the one who incites your moment of
epiphany or your moment of where you really shift something
dramatically and importantly in your life. And that person was
his mother. They say, after he went through the juvenile
justice system, his mother came in and sat him down
(21:36):
and drew a small dot on a piece of paper.
So they're getting heavy into the imagery here. It's like,
you know when you pause for a moment when you're
in a narrative, but now we have a scene. So
now when you do something like that in storytelling, you're
stopping to create to tell somebody to be in this
moment with you. Because they could have just said, you know,
she told him this. Instead they said she set him
(21:58):
down and drew a small dot on a paper, and
she explained what he knew was just to die, and
what he didn't know was all the remaining space on
the page, which you know, I'm wu and I love
things like this anyway, so I really appreciated that. But
it shows just how much that moment meant to him.
And I'm not sure who wrote this obituary if it
(22:18):
probably wasn't his mother. I mean, I'm not sure if
she was still alive or not at the time, but
whoever it was had to have been close to him
to know that that moment even happened. And I wonder
if it's something that they knew because they were there,
or if it's something that they knew because Joseph C.
M Lewis told everybody. He's just like, oh, this happened
when my mother told me this, because it was such
(22:40):
an impactful moment in his life, right, Yeah, you think
it was that one? Yeah, which is beautiful because this
person is able to be in on a moment and
understand a moment that was important to the person who
was deceased. They really are able to step into that
with them and now translate that into abituary that everybody
else can receive. So I liked that part. And then
(23:00):
that's when the reversal happens. That's when the switch happens.
In the story of his life, they talk about how
he enrolled in college and graduated with a degree in
African history, and how he continued to rely on his
mother's guidance throughout the rest of his life. So they
narrowed in on this point in time of when we
(23:20):
saw a specific example of guidance that he got from
his mother, and then they leave us to imagine all
the other ways that his mother was involved in his life.
But we know that she was. We know that she
was a big part of it. So I really love
that part of it that really stood out to me.
He seemed to have a full life. He became known
apparently as the mayor of Atlanta's West End and was
(23:41):
pretty heavily involved in the community and cared a lot
about uplifting African people. Say so, Yeah, I think this
is a good example of maybe not you know, maybe
not first person. Like that's pretty different. That's pretty unique
in terms of obituator in first person. But it if
you know, you ain't got those kind of storytelling and
(24:02):
writing chops to be able to have that imagination to
write something like first person, then I think this is
a different example on the opposite side of the spectrum
where you can just insert tiny things into an obituary
to you know, make them feel more alive.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
And I think the fact that he was a member
of the Shrine of the Black Madonna, it's nice to
see as far as like something being very Atlanta. Yeah,
and you know, I've gone to church services at the
shrine and that's just like how they are, like all
of them got different names. Yeah, a lot of them
(24:38):
wear you know, they're African clothes, and but they are
very like helpful people, like they're gonna, you know, see
that you're visiting and say, oh, sister Mitchell, stand up, We're.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
All going to pray for you.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
And are really about uplifting African people, you know. So
it's cool to see, like, you know, that was his
path and also cool to see like the change in
people because a lot of times we're told like this
is who you are and.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
That's just how you have to be. But as his
story showed, like.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Oh he was doing a little bit gang banking, So
what you can you know, build homes for people and
be a you know, member in the choir and you know,
be someone that a lot of people are really.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Gonna like miss and cherish for a long time.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Because they didn't have to mention his early time that
he spend in gangs or in the justice system at all.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Yeah, I feel like my family wouldn't have mentioned that.
They wouldn't have he was an angel from day one.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, some revisionist history.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yeah, they wouldn't have said that truly, But I think
probably because he wasn't ashamed of it. And I think
that's how you reach people, to like, if you've always
been an angel, ain't nobody reached you know, But you know,
if you had your vices and you overcame them, it's
easier for people to hear what you saying.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
So I do like that they included that.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yeah, and they didn't linger on it too long. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Another thing about obituaries I think is interesting her like
the poems or the Bible verses or quotes that people include.
I think just like the biography of the person, it
shows their personality. A lot of what quotes that other
people think really embody them. So his quotes, he has
(26:26):
some quotes on him. Okay, you know he started off
with an oldie, but goodie, the hunter will always be
the hero until the lion has an historian, which is
very shard of the black Madonna down. Yes, he also
quotes Malcolm X the Black Man's creed, which I'm assuming
he was not Muslim since he was at the Christian church.
(26:47):
But you know, the black radicalism, it's jumping out, it's
jumping out, and he's jumping out. I think the one
that gets me is to tap into peace because that
generation loves an initialism. Okay, where peace, each letter stands
for something, break it down. He personal commitments. These are
(27:07):
all more than one word, but we gonna rock with it.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yeah. He eliminate negative influences, a a wake up call
to all see conquer fear and ignorance. And E each
of us take a responsibility period. Okay, all good sentiments
to live by. I think I think I would like
a little bit more information about a wake up call
(27:32):
to all, but you know, the other ones are pretty
good guidance.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah, but it's just like a little anecdote about him
parking in a handicap spy. He was with his brother
who was in a wheelchair, and the security card told
him to move because he doesn't have a disabled parking decal,
and he replied, a black man in America is handicap
(28:02):
And he stayed right where he was and she went
back in the store. And just like little things like that.
It's like someone who you know, it's his like great
great great grandchild.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
That little story might get lost otherwise.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, that story is very funny to me. I don't
know the man. That story is pretty funny, but it's
definitely one of those things where it's like the people
who are deep into community, they're like thinking about this
kind of thing all the time. It's like always on
their mind.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
He's always worried about like black community, black togetherness, and
black liberation. Like that's what's forefront to me, Like none
of the things. Nothing else matters, even when you are
parking near Greenbrier Mall. You know, I think that would
affect another potentially another black person who might actually need
the handicap spot.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
He was in a wheelchair. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, he
just didn't have the white man's paperwork.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Yeah yeah, yeah, fair, fair, fair, So yeah, I like that.
And also another quote that he has in his obituary
is salvation is a group experience. I wonder if that's
something that he said a lot, based on what his
personality seems like it was that he would have said that.
(29:16):
But it's interesting to think of that in the light
of someone's death, because you're talking about salvation and normally,
if we were thinking about that, and in terms of
the living, we're thinking about like how we attain liberation
in this realm, and that there is an implication of
solidarity and you know, community work. But in this case,
(29:39):
it's like, my people come with me when I go,
and my presence is still here. So I think that's
a nice sentiment to show.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, you can tell that he's really popular by his obituary,
like everyone wants a little little piece of it, give
their memories of him, pictures all good time. And I'm
sure this tryan sentiment on home. Yes, yes, yeah, I
think both of these obituaries were really nice examples of
(30:09):
storytelling in you know, different ways, but storytelling for the dead.
And it's one of those things that I think you
don't really think about until you have to do it.
So I think it's nice to think about it, to
look at some folks that you don't know, but now
you feel like, you know, I'm a little bit better
now that you looked at their obituaries.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
And girl, I used to do this a lot, read obituaries. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
It was my coping mechanism after my grandpa died. Oh,
because I like the way they did his obituary and
I was like, this what cho should have did, And
I would go look at obituaries. I thought some really
good ones. Some people really put their foot in them.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
H I think the thing that I like about both
of these too is that you can close to us
and have somebody read these to you, and you gon know,
they for black people in different ways. One because of
the way it was written and in this one because
of all the things that he did in his lifetime
were centered.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
So I like that about both of these obituaries.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Yeah, those are that's always nice. And now it's time
for word credits, the segment where we give credit to
a person, place, or thing we've encountered during the week eves.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Who are what would you like to give credit to?
Speaker 1 (31:18):
I like to shout out to estheticians, people who are
willing to get up close and personal with you and
do the kinds of you know, body work. I mean,
you know, work with your body work, close to people,
be in these intimate situations to help you care for yourselves,
and then return there being very caring to you in
(31:39):
whatever way it is, even if it's something that's like cosmetic,
like painting your nails. You know, I'm used to working
with people as a yoga teacher, but I just appreciate
all the estheticians that make my life like a little
bit better in the ways that they do, and I
like to give them credit today. Nice.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I'd like to give credit to the prayer warriors. Okay,
I want to give credit to those who have Jesus
on the main line, those who will make you late
for a reservation because they're praying loud, but they feat
stomping and hands clapping, you know. I think we all
need some prayer sometimes, and the Prayer Warriors they're never
(32:20):
late for prayer, So I appreciate it, and we'll see
y'all next week.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
By y'all. Hi. On Theme is a production of iHeartRadio
and Fairweather Friends Media. This episode was written by Eves
Jeffco and Katie Mitchell. It was edited and produced by
Tari Harrison. Follow us on Instagram at on Theme Show.
You can also send us some email at hello at
(32:47):
on Theme dot show. Head to on Theme dot Show
to check out the show notes for episodes. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
On Theme is a production of iHeartRadio and fair Weather
Friends Media. You Are a Starless. Death is an inevitable
(00:25):
part of the human experience, but the way we mark
and memorialize people who have passed away can take many forms.
One of the most enduring traditions is the obituary, that
short form biography chronicling someone's life and death.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
And the best obituaries are more than just a dry
recitation of facts and dates. They use the craft of
storytelling to breathe life into the person behind the obituary.
They allow us to celebrate people's triumphs, limit their struggles,
and find meaning in the legacy they left behind.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
I'm Katie and I'm Eves.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
On today, episode Dearly Departed looks for the art of
the obituary and share some of the narrative techniques that
transform de sombers and offs into compelling and emotionally resident tales.
(01:21):
You know, I recently had to write an obituary, and
it's a task Like you're already grieving, so you're not
in the greatest headspace to write, but you know this
is the last story. You got to get it right,
or at least you feel the weight of that you know,
getting the facts right of course their birthdate and death
aid and familiar relationships and everything in between, but also
(01:43):
the pressure to write something like really, I don't know,
pulling on the heartstrings of something that honors the loved
one or you know, the person that died. I know
you have experienced writing obituaries.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
It's an interesting experience. All of the emotions that come
with writing an obituary, especially for a close loved one,
They're all over the place because, for one, it's like,
how do I fit a life into what three hundred words?
I mean, it's a short amount of space. How do
I fit an entire life, one that I know so well,
(02:13):
one that I could talk about for years and years
and years unendingly. And also like I want to write
this well because I'm a writer, so I'm thinking about
the storytelling techniques. I'm thinking about that. But also it's
like weird because it's like, who's your audience. It seems
like your audience for an obituary is all the people
who will be reading it, who may want to reflect
(02:35):
on the person's life if they knew them well or
if they didn't know them well, so they might be
learning and things they might not, they can just remember
it fondly. But if it's a loved one, you know,
in my case, it was a loved one that I knew. Well,
it's like, I'm writing this for myself, really, how do
I best represent a person in a short space of time,
in a short amount of words. And it's therapeutic in
(02:56):
a way because you know how when you write, even
if it's something that and not an obituary and you're
trying to condense it into a poem or either something
that is short, like a short piece, you have to
be really precise. It's hyper real. It's the way I
think about it when I'm writing short So it's honestly
kind of therapeutic and kind of nice to be confined
(03:19):
to certain rules to write the obituary when it's about
a loved one, because it's like, what are the things
that are visually and feelings wise, what are the things
that I feel the most right now? What feels like
it makes the most sense for me to include what
do I want to bring to the forefront right now?
So yeah, it's a bunch of different feelings for me
(03:39):
in different ways.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
What were some of the best practices as far as
writing that you found like worked when crafting the narrative
of the obituary.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Taking your time and writing from the heart, And that
sounds so like kind of like.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
A I feel like you don't have time though, because
if you're writing about a life and it's like the
funeral coming.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Well, well, let me explain that because it is specific
to my experience. Like for me, I was like, I
need to write this O bit, I need to write
this open, I need to write this O bit. But
I was also involved in the planning of the memorial service,
and I'm also trying to grieve, and I'm like, I
need to write this over. I got to get to it,
like I was writing the eulogy on the way to
(04:20):
the memorial service. So I know that the obituary is
a little different because you have to turn that in early.
But I think that the same principles can be applied
and just moving a little bit more slowly and taking
your time to feel into it, just like you would
do with any other writing where you're constrained by time
and by space and then write from the heart. Comes
(04:43):
from the same way. There are a lot of best
standards and practices that I guess you would see if
you're looking back on obituaries over the years, this is
how you name the people. This is where you start
from the beginning, you end at the end. You know,
you don't have to do that either. Just write from
the heart, because you know, if your audience is other people,
then they going to be locked in with you if
you're reading it to them, or if they're reading it,
(05:03):
you know it's an emotional experience for them too, and
you can write that as an emotional experience. But if
it's for yourself, then what you need to follow the
rules for anyway.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
You know, have you experienced any family drama around obituaries.
I feel like that's like, I don't know if it's
a particular black thing, but I only talk to black people,
so in my head it's a black thid.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Honestly, I feel like everybody gets messy when it comes
to death a lot of the time. I don't think
that's confined to race. But I haven't had fortunately too
much drama around obituaries. Now. My family is big, and
you know, a lot of children, a lot of cousins,
nieces and nephews, aunties, uncles, all that in my family,
(05:43):
and so for me, But there was a potential for
drama because of what was going to be included family wise,
because of the secrets and things people didn't know on
all of that that was going to happen in the obituary.
That fortunately didn't turn up. When I organized the recent
memorial service and wrote the obituary, that didn't happen for me,
people were just like, hey, you know, loved it. It
(06:05):
was beautiful. Somebody read it for me and that all
went fine. So I haven't seen that for anyone else.
And I also have never experienced that. What about you.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I mean, I feel like I would peep it as
a kid but not really know the depths of it.
But I wouldn't say like complete drama. But you get
a little side comments like O, well, you know I
did a lot for them too.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
It's like, girl, no you didn't, you didn't, And that's
just what it is.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
But you know, everybody wants a little shout out, so
I think that's like kind of funny. Or if there's
like an outside kid, like, oh, how are you going
to mention the outside kid? But you know from this
union came these kids, and then there's this other kid,
like who's that you know, so trying to do some
wordsmithing so that the family secret that's not even a secret,
(06:53):
but it's just kind of like a little you know,
not as wholesome as you would like for the person
like how to do that. But I think it's interesting
because I feel like, you know, family secrets are something
that you know, inches its way into obituaries, and when
you're looking back at the obituary, you know, years down
the road, decades down the road, the person reading it
(07:14):
might not be privy to all the nuances that these
little slights of hand are pointing to. And with black people,
I think in particular, the obituary is really important for
family research because there was a time when you know,
we was just names on the inventory list, and you know,
(07:36):
you might not have the family researcher who has gone
back to Africa, but somebody grandma got the drawer of
obituaries and you can kind of piece it together. But
when there's these like half truths in there, then it
gets a little messy. Have you used obituaries for any
family research?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I haven't. I've gone back and looked at old obituaries
and learned things, but I actually haven't used any for
family research. It's been more of just speaking to my
family members lately. But I think that's a good idea
and I should do it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
I think like people put information in bibles, but I
think the obituary is it.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
It'll give you the rundown, it'll tell you who to
mama the daddy.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah, and those are the hardest things to put together sometimes,
like the actual family tree, at least for me. You know,
my grandmother had eighteen kids on one side. Yeah, and
I got other grandparents, so yeah, that is very helpful.
It's hard to keep up now. It just makes me
think too that I mean, none of us know when
we're going to die, but a part of me does
(08:34):
wish that when I was writing that obituaryly I would
have been had it done, so when it was time
to go, then it's good to go. Like I don't
have to think about it, and I know it's ready,
although some things might be missing, so it would have
to be a I guess put not intended living document
because it's something that you have to update as people
at more on to their lives. But I don't know,
(08:56):
thinking about it, it feels like it would be something
that would be feel right to me. And I know
people do that for newspapers and magazines, like they pre
write obituaries for people of note, but I think that
in some cases it could be a worthwhile exercise for
US normies as well.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Interesting one thing I've noticed with obituaries, like if you
look at a bunch of them over the decades, is
that they've evolved to include more storytelling. Like back in
the day, all facts births, church, education, marriage, children, occupation, death,
and no antidotes, no favorite color, nothing. It might not
even be a picture, and if there was one, it
(09:35):
was just one.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Yeah. Now people are putting some flair on it when
talking about folks who have passed. When done well, obituaries
have the power to make readers feel as though they
intimately knew the person being memorialized, despite having never met them.
Through finally render details and emotional storytelling, a connection is
forged between the writer, the subject, and the reader.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
After the break, we'll look at obituaries that do just
that from the Auburn Avenue Research Library Atlanta Funeral Programs Collection.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Stay with us, so tell me more about this Atlanta
Funeral Programs collection.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Sure, so, Auburn Avenue Research Library partnered with the Atlanta
chapter of the Afro American Historical and Genealogical Society. They
got a name one him to spearhead a joint project
with Georgia Public Library Service to digitize.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Over eleven thousand.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Pages of funeral programs. And they go from eighteen eighty
six to twenty nineteen. I think they're updating it soon,
like they've had more people give obituaries, but twenty nineteen
is the last publicly available ones.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Does the collection include mostly famous people or public figures.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Nah, just regular degular folks.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I mean, I did see Shoddy Lowe and Julian Bond's
obituary in there, but you know, the majority is just
regular folks from the South. The thing about obituaries is
after the funeral, they're usually put up somewhere and not
really examined unless for a very specific reason. So I
thought it'd be nice to look through the funeral program's
collections and pick a couple that stood out to us.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
You don't, yes, I am, so what obituary did you
pick and why did it stand out to you? So?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
I picked Keana Shields Bentley's obituary and her unborn child's
She was killed while she was pregnant, and that's just
like a really sad thing to think about. She was
pretty young when she died. She was in school and
had just gotten married and just kind of like had
(11:46):
her life in front of her.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
It seemed.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
But what stood out to me about Keana's obituary is
that it's like written in the first person. I was
very confused when I first encountered it.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
It says, hey, three wives, Hey everybody.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I'm sure you all have heard a little about me before,
but let me formally introduce myself. On September twelfth, nineteen
ninety four, I was introduced to my beautiful mother Angela
and Shields as her fourth Shining Star of six. So
she's like speaking directly to you as you're reading this obituary,
and just the tone of it is kind of upbeat,
like happy, like you're talking directly to me. I can
(12:25):
imagine being a member of her family and feeling very
comforted by this obituary.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
I think the.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Person who wrote it probably really knew her well to
be able to like step into her shoes and you know,
speak about you know, her life, her cheerleading, you know,
meeting her husband, deciding the name of her child. I
just thought it was like really sweet. And she died
in Atlanta, you know, living here, you hear certain things
on the news and it's kind of like a passing thing,
(12:52):
like oh, this person died this way and it was horrible,
but you kind of like don't hear about it anymore.
And so I found a lot of those in the collection.
I'm like, dang, it's really sad. But hers, it was
definitely a sad situation, and you know, young mother and
the baby dying, but it's like you could feel her,
you know, faith in God through her obituary, her love
(13:14):
for her family, just like her personality really really shined.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
And I like that about this one.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
When you started reading it, you said you were thrown
off by being in first person. So when you started
reading it and you were thrown off, were you like,
m let me go into a different or were you like, oh,
I really need to keep reading this. What was your feeling?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I was confused, so I was like, let me keep
reading to make sure I'm understanding what's going on here. So,
you know, she does that introduction, she talks about her childhood,
where she went to school. She even like talks about
her like perfect high pitched voice, like I just felt
like I really got to know her, and it had
to me as a stranger reading it, kind of less
(13:52):
of a barrier. It wasn't as formal, It wasn't somber
at all, which is the vibe you get from a
lot of obituaries. Rightfully so because the person reading it
is sad, and you know, a lot of times funerals
are formal occasions. So it's just like really different for me.
And you know, it's like a lot of the times
when you think about death, you think about like an
older person who lived their life, and you know it's
(14:14):
still sad, but you're like, okay, this makes sense. But
for her, you know, in her twenties, pregnant, about to graduate,
it just just doesn't make sense. And so I think
doing something a little you know different, you know, fit
the spirit of Keana.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I'm guessing that her death, since she got young, it
was unexpected, yeah something. So do you think it's possible
that she could have written this on her own, like
just as an exercise at some point? You don't think so.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I think just even to like her personality from the obituary.
I don't think she was even thinking like that. I
think she was thinking about, you know, having her baby,
and thinks she was thinking about graduating, starting her career.
I don't think she wrote this. It would be really interesting,
as like such a young person for her to have
done that, but I don't think.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
So, what do you think? I don't think so. I
think somebody else wrote this for her, who know her
pretty well. When I saw the three wives and the
hey everybody at the beginning out it's black. This is
a black obituary, Okay, but I've never seen anything like
this before in real life and you know, not reading
it online. So I'm trying to think how respond if
(15:27):
it was somebody I knew that I was reading, and
I think it would be pretty emotional for me, especially
if they were passing out the obituaries and I was
in the memorial service at the time and I'm reading
this as I'm waiting. I imagine there would be those
conflicting feelings like this is very sorrowful because this person
is gone, and you know, there's a child that's not
here now she's gone. I loved her, But at the
(15:49):
same time, it's like it's going to brighten me up.
You know, it's gonna put a smile on my face
because I get to feel a little bit of her
personality and her essence when I'm reading it. So I
imagine that's pretty comforting.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah, And you know I said it was Keana's obituary,
it was also her unborn child's obituary too, Zariah Keela Bentley,
so it was a joint obituary for both of them.
And the person wrote that Keana was preceded in death
by her beautiful daughter, Zarah Quela Bentley, and they have
pictures of the sonogram and a picture of Keana with
(16:22):
her pregnant belly.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I know you can tell she was truly that girl.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And I don't know, just really really fun, god fearing
family woman.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I'd say, yeah. And I think that one of the
last sentences in the obituary is our work and purpose
has been fulfilled. Don't mourn for us. And I think
that's really indicative of how God was in their lives. Yes,
but also in terms of it being an element of storytelling,
it's like you're ending in a place that you've given
us the set up for that payoff. So the payoff
(16:55):
is telling us, don't mourn for us. And you've showed
us that through the other paragraphs that come before, because
they're celebratory, they're not sad. So you have showed us
that we shouldn't mourn for them because they've lived well,
because they were love. And now I've read this, I'm
at the memorial service. I cherished this person, and I
am sad that they are gone, but I see how
(17:16):
full their lives were and the time that they did
have here. And now you're telling me not to mourn
for them. So I'm gonna hold on to that. And
now I have this obituary on paper to hold on
to that sentiment. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
And one of the paragraphs, she says, the time of
my transition, I was working toward my medical assistant degree.
As a matter of fact, my graduation was set for
June eleventh, twenty sixteen, which was just I believe, five
days before she died. And later she says, I would
have loved to celebrate each and every milestone with you guys,
but baby girl and I couldn't ignore God's call. But
(17:49):
don't worry that angels in heaven presented me with my
cap and gown at the Pearly Gates.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
I don't know, I'm getting excited.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, is not the point of the obituary because she wants.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
You to be happy.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, it's like, don't worry for.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Well.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I think when you're seeing an obituary full of somebody's life,
you want to think, oh, their life was so full,
But ironically it often works in the opposite way because
you see how full their life was and it makes
you imagine, like, what could they have done yea had
they been able to stay on this earth for a
longer time. And when you see that about the cap
and gown, you're like, she had plans. Yeah, you know,
(18:29):
she had plans, she had ambitions, she had goals, and
she had a child who would have had those same
things had they lived as well. So yeah, I mean
that's what happens with obituary, is too like your intent
may be one way, or you may have wanted to
express yourself one way, but as it goes in storytelling,
the way we project isn't the way that people always
receive something.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, I think the person who wrote it wanted to
be comforting, which I do think they accomplished, but it's
definitely like a sad situation, but I think they did
a good like telling her life story, showing her personality,
just like showing the woman that she was, and kind
of all that you know will be missed.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yes, miss Keana. I hope that wherever you are, you
are peaceful and all your lights able to shine wherever
you are in prayers and peace to their family as well.
(19:31):
So the obituary that I came across is for Joseph
Seum Lewis. I hope that I'm pronouncing that right, that
maybe Joseph Sayum Lewis. But he was born in nineteen
fifty one and he died in two thousand and eight,
and he had his memorial service at the Shrine of
(19:52):
the Black Madonna in Atlanta. And I enjoyed his reading
his obituary and learning more about his life because I
felt like I just got a sense of who he was.
He did have an impact on people in his community.
He seemed to be a pretty well respected community member.
(20:12):
I like that. In the beginning of the obituary, it
says that he was legally named Joseph Derrek Lewis, but
he later changed his name and rejected this slave name
and mentality and there's a lot to a name, you know,
especially to black people, and I think leading with that
(20:33):
is pretty impactful, just because we see, even just within
something as small as his name, of how much he
changed over the course of his life, and we get
to see a little bit of his perspective, We get
to learn about his political ideology. You know, what matters
to a person if the first thing they're talking about
in the obituary is that they were listed as Negro
(20:54):
and their birth certificate. So just get to the point
we know what he was about, and I appreciate it.
In the obituary, it talks about how he was wrapped
up in gangs a little bit in his earlier life,
and he went through the juvenile justice system, and then
we get this character introduced. I liked this part of
it because it feels like when you know you have
(21:16):
that person who's the one who incites your moment of
epiphany or your moment of where you really shift something
dramatically and importantly in your life. And that person was
his mother. They say, after he went through the juvenile
justice system, his mother came in and sat him down
(21:36):
and drew a small dot on a piece of paper.
So they're getting heavy into the imagery here. It's like,
you know when you pause for a moment when you're
in a narrative, but now we have a scene. So
now when you do something like that in storytelling, you're
stopping to create to tell somebody to be in this
moment with you. Because they could have just said, you know,
she told him this. Instead they said she set him
(21:58):
down and drew a small dot on a paper, and
she explained what he knew was just to die, and
what he didn't know was all the remaining space on
the page, which you know, I'm wu and I love
things like this anyway, so I really appreciated that. But
it shows just how much that moment meant to him.
And I'm not sure who wrote this obituary if it
(22:18):
probably wasn't his mother. I mean, I'm not sure if
she was still alive or not at the time, but
whoever it was had to have been close to him
to know that that moment even happened. And I wonder
if it's something that they knew because they were there,
or if it's something that they knew because Joseph C.
M Lewis told everybody. He's just like, oh, this happened
when my mother told me this, because it was such
(22:40):
an impactful moment in his life, right, Yeah, you think
it was that one? Yeah, which is beautiful because this
person is able to be in on a moment and
understand a moment that was important to the person who
was deceased. They really are able to step into that
with them and now translate that into abituary that everybody
else can receive. So I liked that part. And then
(23:00):
that's when the reversal happens. That's when the switch happens.
In the story of his life, they talk about how
he enrolled in college and graduated with a degree in
African history, and how he continued to rely on his
mother's guidance throughout the rest of his life. So they
narrowed in on this point in time of when we
(23:20):
saw a specific example of guidance that he got from
his mother, and then they leave us to imagine all
the other ways that his mother was involved in his life.
But we know that she was. We know that she
was a big part of it. So I really love
that part of it that really stood out to me.
He seemed to have a full life. He became known
apparently as the mayor of Atlanta's West End and was
(23:41):
pretty heavily involved in the community and cared a lot
about uplifting African people. Say so, Yeah, I think this
is a good example of maybe not you know, maybe
not first person. Like that's pretty different. That's pretty unique
in terms of obituator in first person. But it if
you know, you ain't got those kind of storytelling and
(24:02):
writing chops to be able to have that imagination to
write something like first person, then I think this is
a different example on the opposite side of the spectrum
where you can just insert tiny things into an obituary
to you know, make them feel more alive.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
And I think the fact that he was a member
of the Shrine of the Black Madonna, it's nice to
see as far as like something being very Atlanta. Yeah,
and you know, I've gone to church services at the
shrine and that's just like how they are, like all
of them got different names. Yeah, a lot of them
(24:38):
wear you know, they're African clothes, and but they are
very like helpful people, like they're gonna, you know, see
that you're visiting and say, oh, sister Mitchell, stand up, We're.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
All going to pray for you.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
And are really about uplifting African people, you know. So
it's cool to see, like, you know, that was his
path and also cool to see like the change in
people because a lot of times we're told like this
is who you are and.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
That's just how you have to be. But as his
story showed, like.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Oh he was doing a little bit gang banking, So
what you can you know, build homes for people and
be a you know, member in the choir and you know,
be someone that a lot of people are really.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Gonna like miss and cherish for a long time.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Because they didn't have to mention his early time that
he spend in gangs or in the justice system at all.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Yeah, I feel like my family wouldn't have mentioned that.
They wouldn't have he was an angel from day one.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, some revisionist history.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yeah, they wouldn't have said that truly, But I think
probably because he wasn't ashamed of it. And I think
that's how you reach people, to like, if you've always
been an angel, ain't nobody reached you know, But you know,
if you had your vices and you overcame them, it's
easier for people to hear what you saying.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
So I do like that they included that.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yeah, and they didn't linger on it too long. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Another thing about obituaries I think is interesting her like
the poems or the Bible verses or quotes that people include.
I think just like the biography of the person, it
shows their personality. A lot of what quotes that other
people think really embody them. So his quotes, he has
(26:26):
some quotes on him. Okay, you know he started off
with an oldie, but goodie, the hunter will always be
the hero until the lion has an historian, which is
very shard of the black Madonna down. Yes, he also
quotes Malcolm X the Black Man's creed, which I'm assuming
he was not Muslim since he was at the Christian church.
(26:47):
But you know, the black radicalism, it's jumping out, it's
jumping out, and he's jumping out. I think the one
that gets me is to tap into peace because that
generation loves an initialism. Okay, where peace, each letter stands
for something, break it down. He personal commitments. These are
(27:07):
all more than one word, but we gonna rock with it.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yeah. He eliminate negative influences, a a wake up call
to all see conquer fear and ignorance. And E each
of us take a responsibility period. Okay, all good sentiments
to live by. I think I think I would like
a little bit more information about a wake up call
(27:32):
to all, but you know, the other ones are pretty
good guidance.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah, but it's just like a little anecdote about him
parking in a handicap spy. He was with his brother
who was in a wheelchair, and the security card told
him to move because he doesn't have a disabled parking decal,
and he replied, a black man in America is handicap
(28:02):
And he stayed right where he was and she went
back in the store. And just like little things like that.
It's like someone who you know, it's his like great
great great grandchild.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
That little story might get lost otherwise.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, that story is very funny to me. I don't
know the man. That story is pretty funny, but it's
definitely one of those things where it's like the people
who are deep into community, they're like thinking about this
kind of thing all the time. It's like always on
their mind.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
He's always worried about like black community, black togetherness, and
black liberation. Like that's what's forefront to me, Like none
of the things. Nothing else matters, even when you are
parking near Greenbrier Mall. You know, I think that would
affect another potentially another black person who might actually need
the handicap spot.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
He was in a wheelchair. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, he
just didn't have the white man's paperwork.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Yeah yeah, yeah, fair, fair, fair, So yeah, I like that.
And also another quote that he has in his obituary
is salvation is a group experience. I wonder if that's
something that he said a lot, based on what his
personality seems like it was that he would have said that.
(29:16):
But it's interesting to think of that in the light
of someone's death, because you're talking about salvation and normally,
if we were thinking about that, and in terms of
the living, we're thinking about like how we attain liberation
in this realm, and that there is an implication of
solidarity and you know, community work. But in this case,
(29:39):
it's like, my people come with me when I go,
and my presence is still here. So I think that's
a nice sentiment to show.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, you can tell that he's really popular by his obituary,
like everyone wants a little little piece of it, give
their memories of him, pictures all good time. And I'm
sure this tryan sentiment on home. Yes, yes, yeah, I
think both of these obituaries were really nice examples of
(30:09):
storytelling in you know, different ways, but storytelling for the dead.
And it's one of those things that I think you
don't really think about until you have to do it.
So I think it's nice to think about it, to
look at some folks that you don't know, but now
you feel like, you know, I'm a little bit better
now that you looked at their obituaries.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
And girl, I used to do this a lot, read obituaries. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
It was my coping mechanism after my grandpa died. Oh,
because I like the way they did his obituary and
I was like, this what cho should have did, And
I would go look at obituaries. I thought some really
good ones. Some people really put their foot in them.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
H I think the thing that I like about both
of these too is that you can close to us
and have somebody read these to you, and you gon know,
they for black people in different ways. One because of
the way it was written and in this one because
of all the things that he did in his lifetime
were centered.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
So I like that about both of these obituaries.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Yeah, those are that's always nice. And now it's time
for word credits, the segment where we give credit to
a person, place, or thing we've encountered during the week eves.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Who are what would you like to give credit to?
Speaker 1 (31:18):
I like to shout out to estheticians, people who are
willing to get up close and personal with you and
do the kinds of you know, body work. I mean,
you know, work with your body work, close to people,
be in these intimate situations to help you care for yourselves,
and then return there being very caring to you in
(31:39):
whatever way it is, even if it's something that's like cosmetic,
like painting your nails. You know, I'm used to working
with people as a yoga teacher, but I just appreciate
all the estheticians that make my life like a little
bit better in the ways that they do, and I
like to give them credit today. Nice.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I'd like to give credit to the prayer warriors. Okay,
I want to give credit to those who have Jesus
on the main line, those who will make you late
for a reservation because they're praying loud, but they feat
stomping and hands clapping, you know. I think we all
need some prayer sometimes, and the Prayer Warriors they're never
(32:20):
late for prayer, So I appreciate it, and we'll see
y'all next week.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
By y'all. Hi. On Theme is a production of iHeartRadio
and Fairweather Friends Media. This episode was written by Eves
Jeffco and Katie Mitchell. It was edited and produced by
Tari Harrison. Follow us on Instagram at on Theme Show.
You can also send us some email at hello at
(32:47):
on Theme dot show. Head to on Theme dot Show
to check out the show notes for episodes. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or
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