March 13, 2024 • 17 mins
On this episode of Our American Stories, this story comes to us from Paul (a.k.a. the "empty nester"), a listener from Minneapolis, MN.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,
and we tell stories about everything here on this show,
from the arts to sports, and from business to history
and everything in between, including your stories. Send them to
Ouramerican Stories dot com. There are favorite stories, and proof
of that is our next story by Paul in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
(00:30):
Let's take a listen to Paul's story, Wilbur and the
Empty Nester.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I met Wilbur in the senior home because I was bored.
Like a lot of fifty something guys my age, I'm
a man in transition. The kids have grown up and
moved out. It's just the two of us again, Cindy
and I. I'm missing the rush of activity that used
to clog our house and hustle us onto the fields,
the ice rinks, and the gymnasiums that our kids and
(00:57):
all their teammates used to inhabit. There must be something
more I can do. I heard myself saying I wanted
to be more involved, more engaging, more invested. Volunteering seemed
like the right fit for me. So one day I
drove to the senior home near my home in Shakape, Minnesota.
There was nothing formal about it. The staff allowed me
(01:19):
to come once or twice a week. I didn't visit
the residents in their rooms, but I hung out in
the activity room and the cafeteria. I tried to meet
some other lonely people, in other words, people like me
who needed new activities and new friends. Some were easy,
some were tough. Wilbur was one of the hard ones.
(01:40):
He was eighty nine years old back then. His wife
had died twenty six years earlier. In his prime, old
Wilber was a hard working farmer on a farm near Newell, Minnesota,
a small town southwest of Prior Lake. But that was then.
Based on what he has told me, he lost the
farm and all his money, and that was that he
(02:00):
didn't have a dime to his name. The government is
paying for my stay at a senior home, he told me.
In a way, I could feel his pain, so I
just tried to make him laugh. That was tough duty.
The senior home staff told me he was lonely, that
was obvious. The activity staff said Wilbert had a reputation
(02:23):
for being a bit on the grumpy side, well maybe
more than a bit, But he warmed up to me.
As I sat and listened at first, I had tried
recruiting him to Bingo night because I started helping with
Bingo on Monday nights. I was calling bingo some knights
and playing games or visiting on the others. What do
you think, Wilbur, Do you want to try bingo? But
(02:44):
he told me no, he was never playing bingo again.
When I asked him why, he said because he tried
and he was yelled at and the players were mean
to him. Oh, I said, I suspected people yelling and
being mean might not be entirely accurate. That was before
my time as the bingo caller. I told him, don't worry, Wilbur,
(03:04):
We'll have fun. I'll make sure you have a good time.
He said no, thanks. That made me kind of mad.
Being the stubborn German Catholic that I am, I took
his rejection as a challenge. I was determined to get
Wilbur too. Our weekly Monday night bingo game. Bingo is
at seven o'clock sharp. The residents have dinner in their
(03:24):
cafeteria at six o'clock, So I started showing up at
six thirty, taking advantage of a captive audience, and I
went to work on Wilbur each week. I asked him
to join us. Each week I kept getting turned down. Finally,
one evening, my annoyance got the best of him. He
said he would come and try just to get me
off his back. I made sure he had a great time.
(03:48):
I gave him some special attention, teasing him in a
friendly way. I don't remember whether he actually won a
game that night, but I do remember he told me
he had one. He said he would come again the
next week. That was a big time victory, and I
relished it. Wilburt was now coming every week, no begging needed,
and he enjoyed it so much that he stayed after bingo.
(04:10):
When the room cleared out and just Wilbur and I remained.
That gave us the opportunity to visit together before he
went to his room for the night. We took time
to talk about not just how the weather was, but
also about how his day went, how his week was going,
what life was like on the farm, and how he
missed all the hard work. I noticed how my regular
(04:30):
visits and just listening to his stories made all the difference.
The residents had BNGO three times a week, but Wilbur
would only come the night I'm calling it. Sure would
be nice to go to a drive to visit the
old homestead, Wilburt said, but I wondered if such a
trip would be too much, so I focused on Assisted
Living Week, the homecoming promo for Lornely Seniors. Assisted Living
(04:54):
Week gave them a chance to do something special. It
was a big deal, games, special events, and an excuse
to dress up. Every day. There was a different theme,
different things to wear. One day was dress up, one
was a certain color, and after that was Sports Day.
The residents were east to wear a sports themed shirt.
(05:14):
Wilbur was not participating in these events, but with a
nudge from a friendly staff member, I decided I'd take
a chance. The night prior to Sports Day, a staff
member texted me to see if I could bring a
colorful jersey for Wilbur to wear, thinking that he might
wear it if it came from me his new friend,
so I gave him on Tana Grizzly shirre to try.
(05:34):
I walked into the room, showed him the football jersey
and told him he could wear it tomorrow for Sports Day,
but Wilbur said no, he was not going to participate.
As I left for the night, I held out the
Grizzlies jersey one more time, and once you know, he
grumpily took it, but he said as I left, I'm
not gonna wear it, but I knew better. I prayed
(05:57):
that night for a minor miracle, and sure enough, God
found a way to get Wilbur into that shirt. The
next day he wore the silver and maroon of the
University of Montana Grizzlies, and I smiled. Last week, Wilbert
was not at Bingo Monday night. The staff member could
not say why, but I asked if it would be
okay for me to go to his room and say hello.
(06:17):
She said sure. So I did something I had never
done before. I went to visit Wilbur in his room.
That's a big step for some people. The activity room
in the cafeteria that's neutral territory. A room is pretty private.
But I wanted to find him, so I walked through
the Senior Home hallway to find him, and what do
you know, there he was. Hey, Wilbur. I said, I
(06:40):
came to your room because I couldn't find you. I
was concerned because you weren't at Bingo last Monday. Yep,
he said, I was in the hospital for four days.
I was having troubled breathing. He told me how he
had to dial nine one one when ambulance came and
took him to emergency. He said they told him he
almost died. I was relieved he was okay, and I
(07:02):
told him he better not scare me like that again.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And you've been listening to Paul the empty nester telling
the story of Wilbur, his friend in an assistant living center.
Paul lonely, wilburlonely. Two lonely guys trying to pass the time.
Be companions in the journey of life. When we come back,
more of Paul's story and Wilbur's here on our American Stories.
(07:30):
Here are our American Stories. We bring you inspiring stories
of history, sports, business, faith and love. Stories from a
great and beautiful country that need to be told that
we can't do it without you. Our stories are free
to listen to, but they're not free to make. If
you love our stories in America like we do, please
go to our American Stories dot com and click the
(07:51):
donate button. Give a little, give a lot, help us
keep the great American stories coming. That's our American Stories
dot Com. And we continue with our American stories in
(08:11):
Paul and Wilbur's story. Now, let's return to Paul and
Wilbur's story.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
For an eighty nine year old man, he was looking
pretty good. He smiled and relaxed. We visited for a
while in his room, and we were both more comfortable
than we thought. Wilbur showed me pictures he had around
his room, pictures of a young Wilbur and his wife,
of his kids and grandkids. He was a strong young
father and his wife was beautiful. They had three children,
(08:40):
great looking kids. We had a wonderful talk. He showed
me all the gadgets he got from the hospital, the
machine he had blown to see how high he could
make it go, proudly telling me he got up to
twenty six one time. When I left, he said he
was very glad that I came, that he missed me.
On Monday, he said he's glad I come to see
(09:01):
him because his own kids and grandkids don't Our relationship
is getting stronger, and now I've decided Bingo's not enough
for the two of us. I'm going to make sure
and go visit Wilbur one or two other nights a
week as well. A few months later, I had another
twist to my relationship with Wilbur. I went to visit him,
and once again, he was not at the dinner table.
(09:22):
I found out he had fallen the day before and
was in the hospital, so I went to the hospital
to see him. I hurt my shoulder, he said, but
I didn't break it. I told him I was glad
it wasn't broken. He said he fell trying to get
up from the lunch table. I couldn't press the call
button around my neck, he said, because I was fat
on my belly and I couldn't move my arm. I
was scared. Luckily, there were still two others in the room,
(09:46):
so they pushed their buttons and he got the help
he needed. We sat and talked for a long time
that day there in the hospital room. We were comfortable together.
We had moved from a cafeteria relationship to a visit
in your room relationship, and now we were at advancing
up to a hospital visit relationship. Well with him. That day,
first nurse who came in said to me, I'm so
(10:07):
glad you came. Wilbur has been hoping all day to
have a visitor. The next nurse asked if I was
a relative, and I said no, just a friend, and
Wilbur shouted out, a real good friend. It might have
been one of the nicest compliments I had heard in
a long time. When he said it, I was speechless.
(10:27):
I didn't know Wilbur had it in him. When someone
calls you a friend, that's one thing. But when Wilbur,
who wouldn't come to Bingo, who wouldn't take the sports jersey,
who used to be just a little bit grumpy, shouts
to one of the nurses and calls me a real
good friend, Well that's about as good as it gets.
(10:47):
It's a memory and a feeling I will never forget.
It almost brought tears to my eyes. Almost, I said, remember,
I'm a stubborn German Catholic. We talked more that day,
without trying to pry too much. I learned that his
daughter did come to visit him the first night, but
he wished his two sons would show up. He said,
he called his boys, but they can't afford to come
(11:09):
see him. Right then, I asked if they lived out
of town. He said, no, in a town about fifty
miles away. To be fair, you're never quite sure why
someone doesn't visit. There's probably more to the story. Maybe
he was a little grumpy once too often, or maybe
there's a dysfunction one way or the other. I decided
I couldn't be sure of the real reason Wilbur's children
(11:31):
stayed away, but that was not my business. My role
was to love him, and I could be sure of this.
Wilbur was lonely, and whenever I came, he was glad
I came to see him, and I was glad I
was there too. It made me wonder sometimes who was
more looking forward to her nighttime visits, me or Wilbur.
And you know what, I think was probably a draw
(11:54):
for me. Monday nights became the best night of my week.
And I have a suspicion that my friend Wilburt would
say the same. One day recently, when I came, I
found that Wilbur was really bunned out. He was moving
to the long term side of the senior home the
next day. You see, there's an assisted living side where
you have an apartment and maintain some independence, and there
(12:16):
is a side that's more like a hospital when you
need more care and you can't be on your own
any more. It's always traumatic for the residents when they
realize they can no longer be on their own and
they have to move to the other side. I have
to move, said Wilbur. That's going to be hard, I replied.
I told him I'd come after work tomorrow and help
him move some of his belongings to his new room
(12:38):
if he wanted to do that. Not yet, he said,
let's wait. Wilbur was holding out hope. Maybe it wouldn't
be permanent, maybe the staffould let him back to assisted living.
I don't know if that was realistic, but I knew
I could be realistic enough to come back that night
and see him and help him get through. Our visit.
That evening went well. We talked about life's ups and downs,
(13:01):
twists and turns, and what it feels like to go
from assisted living to long term care. Not only did
we talk about wilbur situation, but also about my life
and my struggles. I'm a reserved person. I normally keep
my thoughts and feelings to myself, Yet for some reason
that evening it felt appropriate and even comforting to open
(13:22):
up to my friend Wilbur. We're in this together, I said,
I think these are the kinds of discussions close friends have,
yet somehow this was new territory for me, and Wilbur
was good to talk to. After visiting Wilbur, on my
way back to my car, I walked back through the
senior home and saw my other good friend at the
senior Home, Natalia. She was out of her room playing solitaire,
(13:45):
so I decided to say hello. Natalia is ninety eight
years old and she has told me she's going to
make it to one hundred. She loves to play dominos
and taught me the game too. It's a lot of fun.
Did you ever play? Natalia got so inspire thinking about it,
she said wait, She put down her cards and had
me go to her room and grabbed the dominoes so
(14:05):
we could play a few games right then and there,
and we had a great time. Even though Natalia is
on the long term side of the home, I go
to pick up on bingo night in the assisted living area.
There have been a couple of occasions where another volunteer
has gone to get her for bingo and she has
said something to the fact that Paul usually does this,
I'll wait for him. Sure enough, the volunteer left her
(14:28):
and told me that Ntalie was waiting. She always smiled
when I came to get her, and that day I
smiled too. One day I received news from one of
the staff that Wilbur had taken a turn for the
worse and I should stop in to see him if
I was able to. So I went to visit Wilbur
in his room right away. He was lying in his bed,
(14:49):
comfortable but unconscious. Yes, Wilbur was dying. The grumpy man
who had become my friend, the one who started to
love Bingo, the one who was in this together with me,
A lonely man making a friend of a guy who
used to be a board empty nester. Old Wilbur was
passing away. I was glad I could be there. Even
(15:12):
though he couldn't talk, I just guessed that he could listen,
and he was listening. So I just talked to him
like normal. I assumed he could hear every word, and
I bet he did. Have I mentioned I'm a stubborn
German Catholic. I said some prayers with him and talked
to him and told him how much of a real
good friend he was to me there in that room,
(15:33):
a fading away life. I explained how I was so
glad to get to know him and spend time with him,
and how he had a positive impact on my life.
I don't know for sure whether he could hear me
or not, but it felt good to have the opportunity
to talk and say good bye. I let him know
I will miss him dearly, and I walked out of
his room. Wilbur passed away peacefully the next day, but
(15:57):
not before he was able to open up a piece
of my heart and teach me about friendship in his
own unique way. Can you imagine how much I would
have missed out on if I had not started taking
the drive of the senior home, if I had not
tried to learn to call BINGO on Monday nights. I'm
learning a lot at that home, and I'm becoming a
better person. I've learned how to become a better friend.
(16:19):
I've learned how to share and how to listen. I've
learned to find joy in simple things. I've learned how
to slow down and how time spent visiting and talking
can build lasting relationships. I've learned about living as well
as dying. I've experienced sorrow and loss, yet at the
same time experiencing joy and everlasting memories. This might be
(16:44):
a bit selfish, but it didn't take me long to
learn that I get as much or more out of
volunteering than the residents do. But most of all, I've
learned two things. Number one, you don't have to be bored,
and number two, I've learned what it feels like and
also what it takes to have a real good friend.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
And what a great story. And thanks to Paul in
Minneapolis for sharing it with us. His friendship with Wilbur.
I wanted to be more involved, more invested, he said
when he started this story. Paul did, and so he
drove to this senior home and my goodness, it just
changed his life. And having witnessed his friend say you're
(17:28):
a real good friend to other people, and what that
did for Paul and Wilbur, I've learned a lot. I've
learned to be a better friend. I've learned about living
and dying and the big two things, you don't have
to be bored, And I learned how to be a friend.
What a great story, a friendship of love of a stranger,
(17:49):
Paul's story here on our American Story
This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,
and we tell stories about everything here on this show,
from the arts to sports, and from business to history
and everything in between, including your stories. Send them to
Ouramerican Stories dot com. There are favorite stories, and proof
of that is our next story by Paul in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
(00:30):
Let's take a listen to Paul's story, Wilbur and the
Empty Nester.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I met Wilbur in the senior home because I was bored.
Like a lot of fifty something guys my age, I'm
a man in transition. The kids have grown up and
moved out. It's just the two of us again, Cindy
and I. I'm missing the rush of activity that used
to clog our house and hustle us onto the fields,
the ice rinks, and the gymnasiums that our kids and
(00:57):
all their teammates used to inhabit. There must be something
more I can do. I heard myself saying I wanted
to be more involved, more engaging, more invested. Volunteering seemed
like the right fit for me. So one day I
drove to the senior home near my home in Shakape, Minnesota.
There was nothing formal about it. The staff allowed me
(01:19):
to come once or twice a week. I didn't visit
the residents in their rooms, but I hung out in
the activity room and the cafeteria. I tried to meet
some other lonely people, in other words, people like me
who needed new activities and new friends. Some were easy,
some were tough. Wilbur was one of the hard ones.
(01:40):
He was eighty nine years old back then. His wife
had died twenty six years earlier. In his prime, old
Wilber was a hard working farmer on a farm near Newell, Minnesota,
a small town southwest of Prior Lake. But that was then.
Based on what he has told me, he lost the
farm and all his money, and that was that he
(02:00):
didn't have a dime to his name. The government is
paying for my stay at a senior home, he told me.
In a way, I could feel his pain, so I
just tried to make him laugh. That was tough duty.
The senior home staff told me he was lonely, that
was obvious. The activity staff said Wilbert had a reputation
(02:23):
for being a bit on the grumpy side, well maybe
more than a bit, But he warmed up to me.
As I sat and listened at first, I had tried
recruiting him to Bingo night because I started helping with
Bingo on Monday nights. I was calling bingo some knights
and playing games or visiting on the others. What do
you think, Wilbur, Do you want to try bingo? But
(02:44):
he told me no, he was never playing bingo again.
When I asked him why, he said because he tried
and he was yelled at and the players were mean
to him. Oh, I said, I suspected people yelling and
being mean might not be entirely accurate. That was before
my time as the bingo caller. I told him, don't worry, Wilbur,
(03:04):
We'll have fun. I'll make sure you have a good time.
He said no, thanks. That made me kind of mad.
Being the stubborn German Catholic that I am, I took
his rejection as a challenge. I was determined to get
Wilbur too. Our weekly Monday night bingo game. Bingo is
at seven o'clock sharp. The residents have dinner in their
(03:24):
cafeteria at six o'clock, So I started showing up at
six thirty, taking advantage of a captive audience, and I
went to work on Wilbur each week. I asked him
to join us. Each week I kept getting turned down. Finally,
one evening, my annoyance got the best of him. He
said he would come and try just to get me
off his back. I made sure he had a great time.
(03:48):
I gave him some special attention, teasing him in a
friendly way. I don't remember whether he actually won a
game that night, but I do remember he told me
he had one. He said he would come again the
next week. That was a big time victory, and I
relished it. Wilburt was now coming every week, no begging needed,
and he enjoyed it so much that he stayed after bingo.
(04:10):
When the room cleared out and just Wilbur and I remained.
That gave us the opportunity to visit together before he
went to his room for the night. We took time
to talk about not just how the weather was, but
also about how his day went, how his week was going,
what life was like on the farm, and how he
missed all the hard work. I noticed how my regular
(04:30):
visits and just listening to his stories made all the difference.
The residents had BNGO three times a week, but Wilbur
would only come the night I'm calling it. Sure would
be nice to go to a drive to visit the
old homestead, Wilburt said, but I wondered if such a
trip would be too much, so I focused on Assisted
Living Week, the homecoming promo for Lornely Seniors. Assisted Living
(04:54):
Week gave them a chance to do something special. It
was a big deal, games, special events, and an excuse
to dress up. Every day. There was a different theme,
different things to wear. One day was dress up, one
was a certain color, and after that was Sports Day.
The residents were east to wear a sports themed shirt.
(05:14):
Wilbur was not participating in these events, but with a
nudge from a friendly staff member, I decided I'd take
a chance. The night prior to Sports Day, a staff
member texted me to see if I could bring a
colorful jersey for Wilbur to wear, thinking that he might
wear it if it came from me his new friend,
so I gave him on Tana Grizzly shirre to try.
(05:34):
I walked into the room, showed him the football jersey
and told him he could wear it tomorrow for Sports Day,
but Wilbur said no, he was not going to participate.
As I left for the night, I held out the
Grizzlies jersey one more time, and once you know, he
grumpily took it, but he said as I left, I'm
not gonna wear it, but I knew better. I prayed
(05:57):
that night for a minor miracle, and sure enough, God
found a way to get Wilbur into that shirt. The
next day he wore the silver and maroon of the
University of Montana Grizzlies, and I smiled. Last week, Wilbert
was not at Bingo Monday night. The staff member could
not say why, but I asked if it would be
okay for me to go to his room and say hello.
(06:17):
She said sure. So I did something I had never
done before. I went to visit Wilbur in his room.
That's a big step for some people. The activity room
in the cafeteria that's neutral territory. A room is pretty private.
But I wanted to find him, so I walked through
the Senior Home hallway to find him, and what do
you know, there he was. Hey, Wilbur. I said, I
(06:40):
came to your room because I couldn't find you. I
was concerned because you weren't at Bingo last Monday. Yep,
he said, I was in the hospital for four days.
I was having troubled breathing. He told me how he
had to dial nine one one when ambulance came and
took him to emergency. He said they told him he
almost died. I was relieved he was okay, and I
(07:02):
told him he better not scare me like that again.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And you've been listening to Paul the empty nester telling
the story of Wilbur, his friend in an assistant living center.
Paul lonely, wilburlonely. Two lonely guys trying to pass the time.
Be companions in the journey of life. When we come back,
more of Paul's story and Wilbur's here on our American Stories.
(07:30):
Here are our American Stories. We bring you inspiring stories
of history, sports, business, faith and love. Stories from a
great and beautiful country that need to be told that
we can't do it without you. Our stories are free
to listen to, but they're not free to make. If
you love our stories in America like we do, please
go to our American Stories dot com and click the
(07:51):
donate button. Give a little, give a lot, help us
keep the great American stories coming. That's our American Stories
dot Com. And we continue with our American stories in
(08:11):
Paul and Wilbur's story. Now, let's return to Paul and
Wilbur's story.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
For an eighty nine year old man, he was looking
pretty good. He smiled and relaxed. We visited for a
while in his room, and we were both more comfortable
than we thought. Wilbur showed me pictures he had around
his room, pictures of a young Wilbur and his wife,
of his kids and grandkids. He was a strong young
father and his wife was beautiful. They had three children,
(08:40):
great looking kids. We had a wonderful talk. He showed
me all the gadgets he got from the hospital, the
machine he had blown to see how high he could
make it go, proudly telling me he got up to
twenty six one time. When I left, he said he
was very glad that I came, that he missed me.
On Monday, he said he's glad I come to see
(09:01):
him because his own kids and grandkids don't Our relationship
is getting stronger, and now I've decided Bingo's not enough
for the two of us. I'm going to make sure
and go visit Wilbur one or two other nights a
week as well. A few months later, I had another
twist to my relationship with Wilbur. I went to visit him,
and once again, he was not at the dinner table.
(09:22):
I found out he had fallen the day before and
was in the hospital, so I went to the hospital
to see him. I hurt my shoulder, he said, but
I didn't break it. I told him I was glad
it wasn't broken. He said he fell trying to get
up from the lunch table. I couldn't press the call
button around my neck, he said, because I was fat
on my belly and I couldn't move my arm. I
was scared. Luckily, there were still two others in the room,
(09:46):
so they pushed their buttons and he got the help
he needed. We sat and talked for a long time
that day there in the hospital room. We were comfortable together.
We had moved from a cafeteria relationship to a visit
in your room relationship, and now we were at advancing
up to a hospital visit relationship. Well with him. That day,
first nurse who came in said to me, I'm so
(10:07):
glad you came. Wilbur has been hoping all day to
have a visitor. The next nurse asked if I was
a relative, and I said no, just a friend, and
Wilbur shouted out, a real good friend. It might have
been one of the nicest compliments I had heard in
a long time. When he said it, I was speechless.
(10:27):
I didn't know Wilbur had it in him. When someone
calls you a friend, that's one thing. But when Wilbur,
who wouldn't come to Bingo, who wouldn't take the sports jersey,
who used to be just a little bit grumpy, shouts
to one of the nurses and calls me a real
good friend, Well that's about as good as it gets.
(10:47):
It's a memory and a feeling I will never forget.
It almost brought tears to my eyes. Almost, I said, remember,
I'm a stubborn German Catholic. We talked more that day,
without trying to pry too much. I learned that his
daughter did come to visit him the first night, but
he wished his two sons would show up. He said,
he called his boys, but they can't afford to come
(11:09):
see him. Right then, I asked if they lived out
of town. He said, no, in a town about fifty
miles away. To be fair, you're never quite sure why
someone doesn't visit. There's probably more to the story. Maybe
he was a little grumpy once too often, or maybe
there's a dysfunction one way or the other. I decided
I couldn't be sure of the real reason Wilbur's children
(11:31):
stayed away, but that was not my business. My role
was to love him, and I could be sure of this.
Wilbur was lonely, and whenever I came, he was glad
I came to see him, and I was glad I
was there too. It made me wonder sometimes who was
more looking forward to her nighttime visits, me or Wilbur.
And you know what, I think was probably a draw
(11:54):
for me. Monday nights became the best night of my week.
And I have a suspicion that my friend Wilburt would
say the same. One day recently, when I came, I
found that Wilbur was really bunned out. He was moving
to the long term side of the senior home the
next day. You see, there's an assisted living side where
you have an apartment and maintain some independence, and there
(12:16):
is a side that's more like a hospital when you
need more care and you can't be on your own
any more. It's always traumatic for the residents when they
realize they can no longer be on their own and
they have to move to the other side. I have
to move, said Wilbur. That's going to be hard, I replied.
I told him I'd come after work tomorrow and help
him move some of his belongings to his new room
(12:38):
if he wanted to do that. Not yet, he said,
let's wait. Wilbur was holding out hope. Maybe it wouldn't
be permanent, maybe the staffould let him back to assisted living.
I don't know if that was realistic, but I knew
I could be realistic enough to come back that night
and see him and help him get through. Our visit.
That evening went well. We talked about life's ups and downs,
(13:01):
twists and turns, and what it feels like to go
from assisted living to long term care. Not only did
we talk about wilbur situation, but also about my life
and my struggles. I'm a reserved person. I normally keep
my thoughts and feelings to myself, Yet for some reason
that evening it felt appropriate and even comforting to open
(13:22):
up to my friend Wilbur. We're in this together, I said,
I think these are the kinds of discussions close friends have,
yet somehow this was new territory for me, and Wilbur
was good to talk to. After visiting Wilbur, on my
way back to my car, I walked back through the
senior home and saw my other good friend at the
senior Home, Natalia. She was out of her room playing solitaire,
(13:45):
so I decided to say hello. Natalia is ninety eight
years old and she has told me she's going to
make it to one hundred. She loves to play dominos
and taught me the game too. It's a lot of fun.
Did you ever play? Natalia got so inspire thinking about it,
she said wait, She put down her cards and had
me go to her room and grabbed the dominoes so
(14:05):
we could play a few games right then and there,
and we had a great time. Even though Natalia is
on the long term side of the home, I go
to pick up on bingo night in the assisted living area.
There have been a couple of occasions where another volunteer
has gone to get her for bingo and she has
said something to the fact that Paul usually does this,
I'll wait for him. Sure enough, the volunteer left her
(14:28):
and told me that Ntalie was waiting. She always smiled
when I came to get her, and that day I
smiled too. One day I received news from one of
the staff that Wilbur had taken a turn for the
worse and I should stop in to see him if
I was able to. So I went to visit Wilbur
in his room right away. He was lying in his bed,
(14:49):
comfortable but unconscious. Yes, Wilbur was dying. The grumpy man
who had become my friend, the one who started to
love Bingo, the one who was in this together with me,
A lonely man making a friend of a guy who
used to be a board empty nester. Old Wilbur was
passing away. I was glad I could be there. Even
(15:12):
though he couldn't talk, I just guessed that he could listen,
and he was listening. So I just talked to him
like normal. I assumed he could hear every word, and
I bet he did. Have I mentioned I'm a stubborn
German Catholic. I said some prayers with him and talked
to him and told him how much of a real
good friend he was to me there in that room,
(15:33):
a fading away life. I explained how I was so
glad to get to know him and spend time with him,
and how he had a positive impact on my life.
I don't know for sure whether he could hear me
or not, but it felt good to have the opportunity
to talk and say good bye. I let him know
I will miss him dearly, and I walked out of
his room. Wilbur passed away peacefully the next day, but
(15:57):
not before he was able to open up a piece
of my heart and teach me about friendship in his
own unique way. Can you imagine how much I would
have missed out on if I had not started taking
the drive of the senior home, if I had not
tried to learn to call BINGO on Monday nights. I'm
learning a lot at that home, and I'm becoming a
better person. I've learned how to become a better friend.
(16:19):
I've learned how to share and how to listen. I've
learned to find joy in simple things. I've learned how
to slow down and how time spent visiting and talking
can build lasting relationships. I've learned about living as well
as dying. I've experienced sorrow and loss, yet at the
same time experiencing joy and everlasting memories. This might be
(16:44):
a bit selfish, but it didn't take me long to
learn that I get as much or more out of
volunteering than the residents do. But most of all, I've
learned two things. Number one, you don't have to be bored,
and number two, I've learned what it feels like and
also what it takes to have a real good friend.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
And what a great story. And thanks to Paul in
Minneapolis for sharing it with us. His friendship with Wilbur.
I wanted to be more involved, more invested, he said
when he started this story. Paul did, and so he
drove to this senior home and my goodness, it just
changed his life. And having witnessed his friend say you're
(17:28):
a real good friend to other people, and what that
did for Paul and Wilbur, I've learned a lot. I've
learned to be a better friend. I've learned about living
and dying and the big two things, you don't have
to be bored, And I learned how to be a friend.
What a great story, a friendship of love of a stranger,
(17:49):
Paul's story here on our American Story
Host
Lee Habeeb
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