August 7, 2025 • 38 mins
On this episode of Our American Stories, Crissy Moran had everything the adult film world promised. The money came quickly, the attention never stopped, and the work only seemed to grow. But what she couldn’t outrun was the sense that something was breaking. In 2006, she deleted her website and stepped away from the business that had made her famous. What followed were years of rebuilding, finding faith, and learning to speak out. Today, the married Crissy is a born-again Christian—and living her life in the best possible way.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,
and we tell stories about everything here on this show,
from the arts to sports, and from business to history
and everything in between. And this next story comes to
us from Houston, Texas, where we are heard on kt
r H seven point forty. A great member of the
iHeart Family. In two thousand and six, Chrissy Moran fled
(00:33):
the porn industry. Today, the married Chrissy Outlaw helps other
women do the same. And just to note this, parts
of the subject matter here might not be appropriate for
young young children, but teenagers are over and it's worth
them listening to this story too. Here's Chrissy to share
her story.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
My earliest memories will probably when I was four years old.
My mom and my dad there was a time when
they went to church every Sunday. My dad was very, very,
very religious in every sense of the word. When I
was four years old, he told me that if any
(01:17):
man ever touched me, to let him know and he
would kill them. As a four year old, that was terrifying.
So the first time that I was molested, I was
four years old and I went across the street to
(01:37):
swim in our neighbors pool. They had kids, and me
and my brother went over there and their father was
the one who molested me. And I was kind of
scared because I'm like, I don't want to tell anybody,
what if my dad kills somebody. So I never told
(02:01):
anybody until around thirty years old when I told somebody.
And my mom and my dad their relationship was really toxic.
He has started drinking and became an alcoholic, was drinking
all the time. He became violent. He would get angry
(02:23):
at dumb things. He's flipped over our dinner table, he
had to put his fist through things. He was erratic
and out of control, and it was scary. My mom
tried to shelter us from his anger, you know, when
they would have fights, she would tell us to go
in our room and close the door. And we never
(02:46):
really talked about it. But around twelve years old or so,
they ended up sitting us down and saying that they're
going to get a divorce. So when I was thirteen
and I my mom had remarried and she married a
(03:06):
police officer, and he was very likable, and I just
I would rather live with my mom where things seemed
a little more stable. So my dad got really upset,
and when he got upset, he would cry. He cries
so like snot comes out of his nose, like I'm
(03:27):
talking intense crying, and he did that quite a bit.
But to let me go, it really broke his heart.
And he did say, you know, if you move on
with your mom, you're going to become a whore like her.
And my mom was not a horror. She's only been
with my dad, but she just remarried. So I feel
(03:50):
like he didn't realize it, but he spoke those words
over me, And I mean, I didn't think that would
ever happen, but I think there's power in words. Yeah,
So it was really hard for him. It was hard
for my brother too. My brother was two years younger
(04:10):
than me. But life with my mom and my stepdad
wasn't perfect either. Like I don't blame her, but she
spent a lot of time with my stepdad and not
very much time with me. I had a lot of
resent for that, and I became very rebellious because I
(04:33):
felt like nobody knew me. I had no encouragement. I
had nothing positive in my life, and so as a teenager,
I did a lot of bad things, like shoplifting. So yeah,
that was horrible, horrible, but we kept getting away with it.
(04:56):
And yeah, I shoplifted my prom dress so terrible. My
mom was like, where'd you get this dress? I said, oh, Leanne,
let me borrow it. She didn't believe me. I don't
even know how she knew. I mean, it was like
(05:17):
she knew that I was shoplifting, but she didn't. And
so as a teenager, you know, getting older and starting
to like boys and everything, I had like my first
real relationship when I was sixteen, I think, and my
boyfriend was in college, and I realized that if I
(05:38):
was with him, I felt loved. But when I was seventeen,
I got pregnant. This boy said he would marry me
and we would have the baby if I ever got pregnant.
So it happened, and then he said he wouldn't marry
me because he needs to finish college and gave me
(06:00):
no support. So I was taken to get an abortion
that summer before my senior year of high school. And
then it got all around the school and all the
friends that I had wouldn't speak to me, and I
turned to the person that everybody talks about and doesn't
(06:20):
sit with started to really graduate with very many friends.
I ended up breaking up with that boyfriend, and then
I went with another guy and he and I moved
in together. So it was really disappointing when he got
Playboy TV or whatever on our TV. He would watch
(06:45):
this stuff when I wasn't home, and then whenever I
realized what it was, then he wanted to watch it
with me. It wasn't like hardcore porn, but it was
enough to make me feel like he didn't love me
very much. It just made me feel like made me
feel ugly that I couldn't be like those girls. They're
(07:07):
better than me, they deserve more attention to me because
they're prettier than me, And I hated that feeling so much.
I hated the women that were in the movies.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
When we come back more of Chrissy's story here on
Our American Stories lie h Habib here, and I'd like
to encourage you to subscribe to Our American Stories on
Apple Podcasts, the iHeartRadio app, Spotify, or wherever you get
our podcasts. Any story you missed or want to hear
(07:43):
again can be found there daily again, Please subscribe to
the Our American Stories podcast on Apple podcasts, the iHeartRadio
app or anywhere you get your podcasts. It helps us
keep these great American stories coming. And we continue with
(08:10):
our American stories and with Chrissy Outlaw's story, let's pick
up where we last left off.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I could also see why he would want to look
at that, because it was way better than looking at me.
So I tried to like just be open minded. We
didn't last very long. We lived together for a few
months and then we broke up, and then I moved
back home. And what happened is, first off, the internet
(08:40):
just started. It was the beginning of the Internet. And yeah,
it was a long time ago. And I found these
chat rooms and stuff so I could communicate with other people.
So I would, you know, work all day. I would
come back to my mom's house and get online. And
I started meeting men to date, and I met quite
(09:04):
a few of them. I had no regard for my
life at all, because if I didn't feel loves then
nothing mattered, you know, if I would do anything for that.
So I met up with a few different guys. I
had been raped, I had been roofed, so anyway, you know,
(09:27):
I noticed that some of the girls had like modeling
portfolios that were online, and so some of the girls
in the chatroom so would become friends with them, and
then I was led to that and I was looking
at these girls' pictures and their models, and they're getting
people to hire them to do shoots. So I was like, well,
(09:53):
I just wanted to see if I could do it.
I would have just wanted to see if somebody would
think I was pretty enough to do it. Found some
like snapshots, put them online. People started contacting me to
do work, but the work that they wanted me to
do was porn, and so I hated porn. I didn't
want to be in porn. It represented, you know, insecurity
(10:17):
for me and fear and all of those things. And
it was a photographer that shot some famous women who
ended up being in Playboy, and I felt like they
looked so beautiful. Maybe if he thinks he can make
me look like that, then okay, I'll try it. Because
(10:39):
he had confidence in me. So the first night we shot,
when he started asking me to remove clothing, I just
remember feeling like my heart was racing and just feeling
like what am I doing? Like in my head, what
am I doing? What am I doing? And then I
told myself of you know, like I can't like I
(11:04):
felt like I couldn't be there. So I learned to dissociate,
which was something I learned as a child, and I
didn't know it so that you're not really there. It's
really hard to explain. But I checked out, and the
next day he wanted to shoot me again, and he
wanted to push my boundaries a little more and I
(11:26):
didn't want to, and I told him I didn't want to.
But then during the shoot, you know, he guided it
and he got the photos that he wanted and you know,
again getting authors for work. I was depressed. I didn't
feel loved, but these people kept asking me to do shoots,
(11:46):
so like, well, there's something about me that somebody likes.
So eventually I you know, said yes again. I shot
with a photographer, shot in a huge mansion, you know,
the marble floors, winding staircases. It was beautiful. And the
(12:10):
shoot that I did, you have a hair person, you
have a makeup person, you have everything. I felt beautiful.
I felt glamorous. I felt like they loved me. And
as we would shoot and I would start removing articles
of clothing, I checked out and That's how I was
throughout my whole time in the industry, and I had
(12:32):
to check out because how could I deal with what
I was doing morally? I didn't feel like it was right.
You know, it's not how I grew up. I mean,
I'm not going to be the moral police. I know that.
You know, a lot of people get into it for
a lot of different reasons. But this is my story,
and I think a lot of people can identify with
(12:55):
some of it. So I got really good at dissociating
and and I shot with those people, got more photos,
put newer pictures up. I quit my day job because
I was making good money, and I would do want
to make it clear that I take responsibility for all
everything that I did one hundred percent. It was my choice.
(13:19):
I did it. Take full responsibility for what I've done
in my life. I didn't have I didn't really have anybody,
you know, throughout my teen years tell me like what
kind of man to look for, what do you want
a relationship? How to be healthy, how to love somebody?
(13:40):
So you know, I've learned that as I went along
in my young adult life. So anyway, those photographers introduced
me to my manager and now, I started with a
manager who would book me. I would cope from Florida
to La all the time do I would do some
shoots and then go back home, and I was I
(14:03):
ended up moving with this other guy. Okay, I ended
moving in with I can't even be serious about this
anymore because it's so it's so ridiculous. Oh my gosh. Okay,
So I guess I was addicted to love. So I
(14:24):
ended up moving with another guy. He started managing my
porn career, taking all the money, pushing me to go
even further into things that I wasn't comfortable with, and
I did it. We dated for a year. I thought
I was going to break up with him at some point,
but he ended up ending the relationship, and it devastated me.
(14:50):
Because now I live in Tampa, I didn't know anybody.
He kicked me out out of the house, so, you know,
I was really afraid to be by myself. So I
just moved in the apartment complex across the street because
I was scared, and I started online dating again because
how else am I going to meet anybody. I don't
(15:11):
go anywhere, I don't know any people. So I did
that and that's when I met my abusive ex boyfriend.
He did so many things, pulling me by my hair,
saying he's gonna put me six feet under like every day.
I never knew what I was going to get with him,
(15:33):
and I guess I felt like he was like my dad.
My dad had intense emotions, and I never felt like
my dad. I felt when he cried that he was
genuinely remorseful. So for some reason, I thought that the
same with this guy. So when we would have a fight,
he didn't really mean to do it. You know, he
(15:53):
still loves me, he's crying. So that relationship was three
and a half years of the seven total years that
I was in the sex industry. This boyfriend and I.
He did a lot of drugs, so I started doing
drugs with him. Some horrible things happen, sexual assault. Gosh,
(16:16):
it's so crazy to hear myself say that, because I
didn't really call it that before, but it was. But anyway,
I ended up getting out of that relationship. One day.
I ended up having a friend that was doing makeup
for us move in with us, and he told me
(16:40):
after living with us for a little while, that he
told me, he said, Chrissy, you need to get out
of this relationship, like he's cheating on you and he's
telling me all about it, and I already kind of
knew he was probably cheating with various people, and I
was like, well, I want to, but I never have
found anybody that will help me. I can't, just like
(17:00):
I couldn't just leave because he was abusive. He would
hide my phone, he would hide my stuff for me.
If we had a fight, he would hide my phone,
and he wouldn't be back for days. So my friend Bobby,
his name is Bobby, He's said, Chrissy, I'll help you.
So we loaded up as much as we could into
her car. I took a small carry on suitcase. But
(17:24):
we just needed to get out of Las Vegas, which
is where we were at that point, So we moved out.
We went to La but I would tell my manager
when I was available. I had a website that was successful,
so I didn't have to do things outside of that
because of the success of the website. Not trying to
(17:46):
brag about it, but that was the situation.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
When we come back more of Chrissy's story here on
our American Stories, and we continue with our American Stories
(18:10):
and with the story of Chrissy Outlaw, who fled the
porn industry in two thousand and six, and up till now,
we've covered how she ended up in this business, and
soon we'll be hearing about how she got out. Now
we returned to Chrissy with more of her story.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
So I was like, deep into it. Now I've been
in for so long, my friend, they'll live with me.
Bobby came home, took a bunch of pills. I think
it was like Xanax and some other stuff. He saw
me laying there and he tried to wake me up,
and he was having a really hard time waking me up.
(18:53):
So he turned on the water in the bathtub and
he gave me a bath, and, like you know, tried
to get me to way, and eventually I did. And
to be honest, I don't remember that part. But I
ended up meeting this guy, my next boyfriend. So this
guy wasn't abusive. He was really nice, and he was
really funny, and he was really like a cool guy
(19:17):
and I liked him. So after like the first week,
he says, why don't you just stay? So I moved
in because that's what I do. Didn't move in. We
were together for a year and a half, but we
were together all the time, which made me feel super secure,
and I felt like he led me. Towards the end
(19:38):
of our relationship, he told a neighbor when he was asked,
why don't you get married? He told my next door neighbor,
why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free? And I actually I heard the end of it,
and I kind of freaked out. I mean inside, I
(19:59):
didn't really say anything about it, but I was like,
did he really just say that, because I was just
walking up anyways, So, at the end of a relationship
for a year and a half, he has to go
shoot for this movie. He was just a regular actor,
stunt guy, photographer. You know in la you have to
wear many hats. So as I was saying goodbye to him,
(20:22):
I said, please don't go to any strip clubs. He laughed,
and you know, he left. And one night he called
me and I heard music and it was two o'clock
in the morning, and I said where are you And
he said he was at a restaurant called PF Chains
and he was drunk. I was like, you are not
at PF Chains. I was super insecure. My heart was
(20:46):
broken because I knew. I just knew that's where he
had gone. And even though I did porn, I felt
like I was always devoted to the men in my
life because I didn't work with men, so anything else
is just acting. And to me, that's where my where
(21:07):
I'm coming from when I say, don't go to strip club,
is that that I wasn't lusting after men. But if
he does something like that, he's going to be lusting
after a woman that's not me, And even that we
weren't married. One of the things that's one of the
things that my dad told me, is that if a
(21:28):
man looks at you with lust, and he's already committed
adultery with you and in his heart, and so I
didn't want that to happen. I wanted him to think
I was the best. He didn't need anything else because
I was that girl. Why would he want to go
(21:50):
see another girl like me when I'm already that girl.
I felt like I was his dream girl. I did everything.
I was sweet, kind, loving, give anything for him. So
and I know it sounds d sounds dumb, but that's
just where it was at the time. So when he
(22:12):
said he wasn't at the strip club. That night, I
my heart broke and I fell on the floor and
I was just like when I when I was eleven
years old, just so when I I came to know
Jesus and I believed, But through all these years that
had gone by, I didn't know where God was. I
(22:33):
was rebellious. I was like, why didn't you save me
from this? Why didn't you save me from that? Like
if you're real, Like I didn't feel him in my life,
And you know, the the reason is I wasn't trying
to have him in my life. I didn't. I really
just didn't know Jesus as an adult. I knew him
(22:53):
when I was a kid, but n I didn't know
how else do you know him? You know, how you
experience him being in your life as an adult, it's different.
So I didn't know where Jesus was. I didn't know.
I thought he had left me, like he didn't love me,
he didn't care about me. And you know that's I
(23:14):
saw that love and everything else and everybody else. So
I fell to the ground on in my kitchen and
I was sitting there and I started praying, and I said, God,
if you're real, I need you to show me because
everything that I know about love is twisted and perverted,
(23:35):
is not right and not the way that I was
told it should be. And I was confused. So the
next day or so, I made a list pros and
cons why I should stay with him. I h I
had to think with the facts and I and not
so much with my heart. So I realized I had
(23:57):
more reasons to break up with him than to be
with him. So I went to Albuquerque where he was filming,
and the next day we w W. I went on
set with that with my boyfriend. He had introduced me
to a few of the people and it it was
(24:17):
pretty much all all men that day. So somebody who
was standing out there chatting got a picture and it
They started passing the cell phone around to each other
and everybody was, you know, reacting to it. And I said,
what is it? And my boyfriend said, oh, it's so
(24:41):
and So's wife and she's topless, and I got super
triggered n to like like nothing else, because marriage is
supposed to be sacred, like you don't do that to
your wife, and so I was like, well, you know,
(25:03):
I would hope that if I was married to someone
that they wouldn't do that to me, even though I
had done porn. I always imagine that the guy who
I marry is gonna respect me more than I've ever
respected myself. So anyway, I said that, and I'm not
(25:24):
a brave person. I'm a very shy person, so I
don't know where that courage came from. But everybody started
laughing at me after I said that. And you know,
the this guy that had just met and him that
was sitting next to me, he says, well, if I
was married, I wouldn't show that to anyone, it would
(25:47):
just be only for me and say. I looked at him,
and I'm like, what, Like there are people like that
in the world, And so I was in shock. Anyway,
So I ended up talking to that guy again at
some point and he said, Chrissy, what do you do
(26:07):
for a job. What do you do? And I'm like, oh,
I am a model because I never told people that
I did porn. And he said, well, what kind of model?
What do you model? And I'm like, bathing suits, lingerie,
I do like car magazines, like I started making up
(26:30):
all kinds of stuff and so eventually I said, okay,
I do adult stuff. He's like adult stuff, yeah, porn.
And he's like, yeah, he said, Crissy, I already knew
that because your boyfriend had been showing your pictures to
everybody since you know, he's been out here.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
And you're listening to Chrissy Outlaw tell the story of
her life and her redemption. And there's that key moment
where her boyfriend calls from the strip club and she
goes to the floor on her knees and she's crying
and she says, God, if you're real, I need you
to show me everything I think I knew about love
is all twisted and my goodness, was it and it's real.
(27:13):
And in the end, the story, well, it takes a turn.
I think you'll all love when we come back more
of Chrissy Outlaws story here on our American Stories. And
(27:37):
we continue with our American stories, and let's pick up
where we left off with Chrissy sharing what she actually
did for a living with a man working on her
boyfriend's movie set. Let's return to Chrissy.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
But then he said, let me ask you something. Do
you believe in God? And I said yes, you know,
he said, you because start over, you can have a
new life and a new relationship with Christ. And we
talked for a little bit and he's like, do you
want to go outside and pray? And I said, sure, yeah,
(28:12):
I want to go outside and pray. I was like,
I was on the verge of crying. So he told
my boyfriend we were going to get outside and pray.
And then my boyfriend was like giving me a look
like what, Like he had no idea what was happening.
So we went outside and prayed. We sat at this
little table, and you know, I asked Jesus to come
(28:36):
into my heart. I repented of the things that I
had done and I had decided to turn away and
I was never going to go back. And because I
had prayed for God to give me a sign, so
when he asked me if I believe in God, it
was undeniable. That was the sign. That's what I've been
(28:58):
looking for Jesus. Jesus hasn't I han't felt his presence
in a long time. So anyway, that night I went
to our hotel room. My boyfriend came in. I told
him that I couldn't sleep with him anymore. I couldn't
sleep in the bed, like I'm going to sleep on
the couch and he was. He was super confused. And
(29:21):
the next day I went home, I packed up my stuff,
I put it in storage, and then I flew to
my new friend Chris that that, you know, led me
to the Lord. I flew out to be with his
family without him, he was still working on the film,
and so I meet these strangers, his mom, his dad,
(29:43):
his sister. They were so kind to me and so loving,
and they knew what I had done. And they took
me to a pastor who was a spiritual warfare pastor.
I guess that's what he specialized in, and so met
with him a few times. I was there for like
two weeks. I think it was when I got on
(30:06):
the airplane, I sat next to a woman and she
was a counselor to women who have been abused, and
she was sharing so much with me. I was sharing
so much with her. And yeah, and then on the
way back, where I was sitting in the middle of
these two guys, and I looked to see what books
they were reading. They were reading Christian books, and the
(30:27):
woman gave she sent me a purpose driven life, and
I was like, there was no denying that God was
in this anyway. I got home, got back to La
I found my own place to live by myself for
the first time ever. But I went on on my website.
(30:49):
I had a chat room on my website where I
could go in and talk about anything. So I've made
a post saying why I left the porn industry and
that the never gonna see me again, and I'm I
was sorry that I took them away from the things
that were so much more important, like their families and
their children. And you know, I never should have became
(31:10):
that woman. And anyway, so my webmaster found out about
it and removed it and kicked me out of my website.
And then he sent me a message and he said,
if you would have wanted to go because you wanted
to start a family or something like that, I would
have take your website down. But not for a fairy
(31:31):
tale like God. It was horrible. They get started advertising
my website, making vulgar photos of me with Jesus and
just horrible things. Horrible. They refused to take the website down.
Is still going to this day. But you know, he
asked me where I wanted the money to go. I said,
(31:51):
I do not want any of the money. And I
was making like twelve thousand a month, gave up my
income because I felt like God told me to do that.
He told me not to accept any more money and
to trust him and to lean on him, and he
was going to take care of me. And through that
(32:14):
he did take care of me. Money would come from
like nowhere. It would just be suddenly, Oh, this person
wants to donate you a car. You know, I had
to give up. I gave up everything, my car, my
hair stanches, my fake nails, my fake tan. I gained
a few pounds. I couldn't only have one pair of
(32:35):
jeans that even fit me, and even that I couldn't
zip ab up. So my identity was wrapped up in
all of those things. And I had to learn who
I was and what did I like? What were my
hopes and my dreams. And one thing I already knew
(32:57):
is that I wanted to be a wife more than anything.
I wanted to find somebody that loved me, that somebody
I would be with forever, you know, And I had
so many broken relationships I didn't I thought it was
so far out of reach. I would go to church
on Sundays. I would go to the young adult's church
(33:19):
and then I would go to another church, and then
I would go to Christian counseling, and then I would
listen to all the podcasts that I could listen to.
Like I I feel like I had so much catching
up to do, Like I needed to learn everything, and
I was thirsty for it and I wanted it. And
every time when of these little things happened, I I
(33:40):
thought of it as as a miracle, like and like,
like God is actually proving himself over and over and
over again. You can trust me. I am your father.
You don't have to like not trust me like you
know my own dad. I didn't really trust him. I
didn't know how he was going to be from day
to day. But God proved to be a good father.
(34:07):
After about five years after I got of the industry,
I decided that I needed to take a break from
dating because I met this beautiful girl who was my friend.
She was like a model and she was doing this
fast from dating and I'm like, that's so weird, but
I'm going to do it too. So she was reading
(34:31):
this book and so she gave me the book and
I was like, Okay, I'm going to take a three
months from dating, and so I met this other guy
through a mutual friend on Facebook, and so I was
hanging out with his friend a lot, and so on Facebook,
he was posting on a lot of pictures of me
and him hanging out, and this guy from Houston would
(34:57):
post underneath almost everything that this guy said, because this
guy was really funny. But the Houston guy would always
be one of the people to respond, and then it
would be me, or it would be me, and then
it would be him, and it would And so I
had just met this guy, like, talked on the phone
with him for the first time when I decided to
go on my fast, like I cut off ties with
(35:20):
everybody because the purpose of this fast was to focus
on Jesus, to get into a deeper relationship with him
and to not be distracted by men. But God told
me it was okay that this guy from Houston. I
can talk to him on the phone, but I can't
(35:40):
skype with him. So he was allowed. And so I
told him. God told me that you could. You could
be my friend through this, but there are rules. You
can't tell me I'm pretty. You can't tell me like
I had a whole list of things. It was so stupid,
(36:01):
but those are the rules. I assumed he was going
to tell me those things, but he didn't, and he
kept he kept his word. I went through the three months.
Then God told me to do another six months. And
during this time, this this man is has sent me
a Bible and we're doing Bible studies over the phone
(36:25):
every day. It went for a year, and then after
the after my fast ended, he had planned to come
out to la and so that's when we met. We
met for the first time. We had talked for so
many hours, and I wanted to hold his hand, but
he pulled away from me, kind of rejected me, and
(36:47):
I was like, oh, hurt my feelings, But it's good.
That means because I knew that I knew the guy
that I was get married from my fast. God told
me that person was not going to have sex with
me before marriage anyway. You know. After that, he went home.
We continued to our Bible studies, and then I realized
(37:08):
I got an email about doing a speaking engagement and
guess what it was in Houston, and guess what else?
It was on Valentine's Day. So I went out there.
We hung out. He went to my speaking engagement, met
me there and then after that, we went to his apartment.
He made me some lunch and then he asked me
(37:30):
to be as Valentine, and then we got married. Let's
see if Ivorde March April May. Three months later we
got married, and in two months I moved to Houston.
And now it's been we're going on, we're going on
eight years. So that's my story.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
And you've been listening to Chrissy Outlaw. I just love
that laugh at the end because it shows you can
get through anything and you can overcome it, and she
did it with God's help. Great job on this, as
always to Greg Hangler the story of Chrissy Outlaw here
on our American Stories
This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,
and we tell stories about everything here on this show,
from the arts to sports, and from business to history
and everything in between. And this next story comes to
us from Houston, Texas, where we are heard on kt
r H seven point forty. A great member of the
iHeart Family. In two thousand and six, Chrissy Moran fled
(00:33):
the porn industry. Today, the married Chrissy Outlaw helps other
women do the same. And just to note this, parts
of the subject matter here might not be appropriate for
young young children, but teenagers are over and it's worth
them listening to this story too. Here's Chrissy to share
her story.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
My earliest memories will probably when I was four years old.
My mom and my dad there was a time when
they went to church every Sunday. My dad was very, very,
very religious in every sense of the word. When I
was four years old, he told me that if any
(01:17):
man ever touched me, to let him know and he
would kill them. As a four year old, that was terrifying.
So the first time that I was molested, I was
four years old and I went across the street to
(01:37):
swim in our neighbors pool. They had kids, and me
and my brother went over there and their father was
the one who molested me. And I was kind of
scared because I'm like, I don't want to tell anybody,
what if my dad kills somebody. So I never told
(02:01):
anybody until around thirty years old when I told somebody.
And my mom and my dad their relationship was really toxic.
He has started drinking and became an alcoholic, was drinking
all the time. He became violent. He would get angry
(02:23):
at dumb things. He's flipped over our dinner table, he
had to put his fist through things. He was erratic
and out of control, and it was scary. My mom
tried to shelter us from his anger, you know, when
they would have fights, she would tell us to go
in our room and close the door. And we never
(02:46):
really talked about it. But around twelve years old or so,
they ended up sitting us down and saying that they're
going to get a divorce. So when I was thirteen
and I my mom had remarried and she married a
(03:06):
police officer, and he was very likable, and I just
I would rather live with my mom where things seemed
a little more stable. So my dad got really upset,
and when he got upset, he would cry. He cries
so like snot comes out of his nose, like I'm
(03:27):
talking intense crying, and he did that quite a bit.
But to let me go, it really broke his heart.
And he did say, you know, if you move on
with your mom, you're going to become a whore like her.
And my mom was not a horror. She's only been
with my dad, but she just remarried. So I feel
(03:50):
like he didn't realize it, but he spoke those words
over me, And I mean, I didn't think that would
ever happen, but I think there's power in words. Yeah,
So it was really hard for him. It was hard
for my brother too. My brother was two years younger
(04:10):
than me. But life with my mom and my stepdad
wasn't perfect either. Like I don't blame her, but she
spent a lot of time with my stepdad and not
very much time with me. I had a lot of
resent for that, and I became very rebellious because I
(04:33):
felt like nobody knew me. I had no encouragement. I
had nothing positive in my life, and so as a teenager,
I did a lot of bad things, like shoplifting. So yeah,
that was horrible, horrible, but we kept getting away with it.
(04:56):
And yeah, I shoplifted my prom dress so terrible. My
mom was like, where'd you get this dress? I said, oh, Leanne,
let me borrow it. She didn't believe me. I don't
even know how she knew. I mean, it was like
(05:17):
she knew that I was shoplifting, but she didn't. And
so as a teenager, you know, getting older and starting
to like boys and everything, I had like my first
real relationship when I was sixteen, I think, and my
boyfriend was in college, and I realized that if I
(05:38):
was with him, I felt loved. But when I was seventeen,
I got pregnant. This boy said he would marry me
and we would have the baby if I ever got pregnant.
So it happened, and then he said he wouldn't marry
me because he needs to finish college and gave me
(06:00):
no support. So I was taken to get an abortion
that summer before my senior year of high school. And
then it got all around the school and all the
friends that I had wouldn't speak to me, and I
turned to the person that everybody talks about and doesn't
(06:20):
sit with started to really graduate with very many friends.
I ended up breaking up with that boyfriend, and then
I went with another guy and he and I moved
in together. So it was really disappointing when he got
Playboy TV or whatever on our TV. He would watch
(06:45):
this stuff when I wasn't home, and then whenever I
realized what it was, then he wanted to watch it
with me. It wasn't like hardcore porn, but it was
enough to make me feel like he didn't love me
very much. It just made me feel like made me
feel ugly that I couldn't be like those girls. They're
(07:07):
better than me, they deserve more attention to me because
they're prettier than me, And I hated that feeling so much.
I hated the women that were in the movies.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
When we come back more of Chrissy's story here on
Our American Stories lie h Habib here, and I'd like
to encourage you to subscribe to Our American Stories on
Apple Podcasts, the iHeartRadio app, Spotify, or wherever you get
our podcasts. Any story you missed or want to hear
(07:43):
again can be found there daily again, Please subscribe to
the Our American Stories podcast on Apple podcasts, the iHeartRadio
app or anywhere you get your podcasts. It helps us
keep these great American stories coming. And we continue with
(08:10):
our American stories and with Chrissy Outlaw's story, let's pick
up where we last left off.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I could also see why he would want to look
at that, because it was way better than looking at me.
So I tried to like just be open minded. We
didn't last very long. We lived together for a few
months and then we broke up, and then I moved
back home. And what happened is, first off, the internet
(08:40):
just started. It was the beginning of the Internet. And yeah,
it was a long time ago. And I found these
chat rooms and stuff so I could communicate with other people.
So I would, you know, work all day. I would
come back to my mom's house and get online. And
I started meeting men to date, and I met quite
(09:04):
a few of them. I had no regard for my
life at all, because if I didn't feel loves then
nothing mattered, you know, if I would do anything for that.
So I met up with a few different guys. I
had been raped, I had been roofed, so anyway, you know,
(09:27):
I noticed that some of the girls had like modeling
portfolios that were online, and so some of the girls
in the chatroom so would become friends with them, and
then I was led to that and I was looking
at these girls' pictures and their models, and they're getting
people to hire them to do shoots. So I was like, well,
(09:53):
I just wanted to see if I could do it.
I would have just wanted to see if somebody would
think I was pretty enough to do it. Found some
like snapshots, put them online. People started contacting me to
do work, but the work that they wanted me to
do was porn, and so I hated porn. I didn't
want to be in porn. It represented, you know, insecurity
(10:17):
for me and fear and all of those things. And
it was a photographer that shot some famous women who
ended up being in Playboy, and I felt like they
looked so beautiful. Maybe if he thinks he can make
me look like that, then okay, I'll try it. Because
(10:39):
he had confidence in me. So the first night we shot,
when he started asking me to remove clothing, I just
remember feeling like my heart was racing and just feeling
like what am I doing? Like in my head, what
am I doing? What am I doing? And then I
told myself of you know, like I can't like I
(11:04):
felt like I couldn't be there. So I learned to dissociate,
which was something I learned as a child, and I
didn't know it so that you're not really there. It's
really hard to explain. But I checked out, and the
next day he wanted to shoot me again, and he
wanted to push my boundaries a little more and I
(11:26):
didn't want to, and I told him I didn't want to.
But then during the shoot, you know, he guided it
and he got the photos that he wanted and you know,
again getting authors for work. I was depressed. I didn't
feel loved, but these people kept asking me to do shoots,
(11:46):
so like, well, there's something about me that somebody likes.
So eventually I you know, said yes again. I shot
with a photographer, shot in a huge mansion, you know,
the marble floors, winding staircases. It was beautiful. And the
(12:10):
shoot that I did, you have a hair person, you
have a makeup person, you have everything. I felt beautiful.
I felt glamorous. I felt like they loved me. And
as we would shoot and I would start removing articles
of clothing, I checked out and That's how I was
throughout my whole time in the industry, and I had
(12:32):
to check out because how could I deal with what
I was doing morally? I didn't feel like it was right.
You know, it's not how I grew up. I mean,
I'm not going to be the moral police. I know that.
You know, a lot of people get into it for
a lot of different reasons. But this is my story,
and I think a lot of people can identify with
(12:55):
some of it. So I got really good at dissociating
and and I shot with those people, got more photos,
put newer pictures up. I quit my day job because
I was making good money, and I would do want
to make it clear that I take responsibility for all
everything that I did one hundred percent. It was my choice.
(13:19):
I did it. Take full responsibility for what I've done
in my life. I didn't have I didn't really have anybody,
you know, throughout my teen years tell me like what
kind of man to look for, what do you want
a relationship? How to be healthy, how to love somebody?
(13:40):
So you know, I've learned that as I went along
in my young adult life. So anyway, those photographers introduced
me to my manager and now, I started with a
manager who would book me. I would cope from Florida
to La all the time do I would do some
shoots and then go back home, and I was I
(14:03):
ended up moving with this other guy. Okay, I ended
moving in with I can't even be serious about this
anymore because it's so it's so ridiculous. Oh my gosh. Okay,
So I guess I was addicted to love. So I
(14:24):
ended up moving with another guy. He started managing my
porn career, taking all the money, pushing me to go
even further into things that I wasn't comfortable with, and
I did it. We dated for a year. I thought
I was going to break up with him at some point,
but he ended up ending the relationship, and it devastated me.
(14:50):
Because now I live in Tampa, I didn't know anybody.
He kicked me out out of the house, so, you know,
I was really afraid to be by myself. So I
just moved in the apartment complex across the street because
I was scared, and I started online dating again because
how else am I going to meet anybody. I don't
(15:11):
go anywhere, I don't know any people. So I did
that and that's when I met my abusive ex boyfriend.
He did so many things, pulling me by my hair,
saying he's gonna put me six feet under like every day.
I never knew what I was going to get with him,
(15:33):
and I guess I felt like he was like my dad.
My dad had intense emotions, and I never felt like
my dad. I felt when he cried that he was
genuinely remorseful. So for some reason, I thought that the
same with this guy. So when we would have a fight,
he didn't really mean to do it. You know, he
(15:53):
still loves me, he's crying. So that relationship was three
and a half years of the seven total years that
I was in the sex industry. This boyfriend and I.
He did a lot of drugs, so I started doing
drugs with him. Some horrible things happen, sexual assault. Gosh,
(16:16):
it's so crazy to hear myself say that, because I
didn't really call it that before, but it was. But anyway,
I ended up getting out of that relationship. One day.
I ended up having a friend that was doing makeup
for us move in with us, and he told me
(16:40):
after living with us for a little while, that he
told me, he said, Chrissy, you need to get out
of this relationship, like he's cheating on you and he's
telling me all about it, and I already kind of
knew he was probably cheating with various people, and I
was like, well, I want to, but I never have
found anybody that will help me. I can't, just like
(17:00):
I couldn't just leave because he was abusive. He would
hide my phone, he would hide my stuff for me.
If we had a fight, he would hide my phone,
and he wouldn't be back for days. So my friend Bobby,
his name is Bobby, He's said, Chrissy, I'll help you.
So we loaded up as much as we could into
her car. I took a small carry on suitcase. But
(17:24):
we just needed to get out of Las Vegas, which
is where we were at that point, So we moved out.
We went to La but I would tell my manager
when I was available. I had a website that was successful,
so I didn't have to do things outside of that
because of the success of the website. Not trying to
(17:46):
brag about it, but that was the situation.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
When we come back more of Chrissy's story here on
our American Stories, and we continue with our American Stories
(18:10):
and with the story of Chrissy Outlaw, who fled the
porn industry in two thousand and six, and up till now,
we've covered how she ended up in this business, and
soon we'll be hearing about how she got out. Now
we returned to Chrissy with more of her story.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
So I was like, deep into it. Now I've been
in for so long, my friend, they'll live with me.
Bobby came home, took a bunch of pills. I think
it was like Xanax and some other stuff. He saw
me laying there and he tried to wake me up,
and he was having a really hard time waking me up.
(18:53):
So he turned on the water in the bathtub and
he gave me a bath, and, like you know, tried
to get me to way, and eventually I did. And
to be honest, I don't remember that part. But I
ended up meeting this guy, my next boyfriend. So this
guy wasn't abusive. He was really nice, and he was
really funny, and he was really like a cool guy
(19:17):
and I liked him. So after like the first week,
he says, why don't you just stay? So I moved
in because that's what I do. Didn't move in. We
were together for a year and a half, but we
were together all the time, which made me feel super secure,
and I felt like he led me. Towards the end
(19:38):
of our relationship, he told a neighbor when he was asked,
why don't you get married? He told my next door neighbor,
why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free? And I actually I heard the end of it,
and I kind of freaked out. I mean inside, I
(19:59):
didn't really say anything about it, but I was like,
did he really just say that, because I was just
walking up anyways, So, at the end of a relationship
for a year and a half, he has to go
shoot for this movie. He was just a regular actor,
stunt guy, photographer. You know in la you have to
wear many hats. So as I was saying goodbye to him,
(20:22):
I said, please don't go to any strip clubs. He laughed,
and you know, he left. And one night he called
me and I heard music and it was two o'clock
in the morning, and I said where are you And
he said he was at a restaurant called PF Chains
and he was drunk. I was like, you are not
at PF Chains. I was super insecure. My heart was
(20:46):
broken because I knew. I just knew that's where he
had gone. And even though I did porn, I felt
like I was always devoted to the men in my
life because I didn't work with men, so anything else
is just acting. And to me, that's where my where
(21:07):
I'm coming from when I say, don't go to strip club,
is that that I wasn't lusting after men. But if
he does something like that, he's going to be lusting
after a woman that's not me, And even that we
weren't married. One of the things that's one of the
things that my dad told me, is that if a
(21:28):
man looks at you with lust, and he's already committed
adultery with you and in his heart, and so I
didn't want that to happen. I wanted him to think
I was the best. He didn't need anything else because
I was that girl. Why would he want to go
(21:50):
see another girl like me when I'm already that girl.
I felt like I was his dream girl. I did everything.
I was sweet, kind, loving, give anything for him. So
and I know it sounds d sounds dumb, but that's
just where it was at the time. So when he
(22:12):
said he wasn't at the strip club. That night, I
my heart broke and I fell on the floor and
I was just like when I when I was eleven
years old, just so when I I came to know
Jesus and I believed, But through all these years that
had gone by, I didn't know where God was. I
(22:33):
was rebellious. I was like, why didn't you save me
from this? Why didn't you save me from that? Like
if you're real, Like I didn't feel him in my life,
And you know, the the reason is I wasn't trying
to have him in my life. I didn't. I really
just didn't know Jesus as an adult. I knew him
(22:53):
when I was a kid, but n I didn't know
how else do you know him? You know, how you
experience him being in your life as an adult, it's different.
So I didn't know where Jesus was. I didn't know.
I thought he had left me, like he didn't love me,
he didn't care about me. And you know that's I
(23:14):
saw that love and everything else and everybody else. So
I fell to the ground on in my kitchen and
I was sitting there and I started praying, and I said, God,
if you're real, I need you to show me because
everything that I know about love is twisted and perverted,
(23:35):
is not right and not the way that I was
told it should be. And I was confused. So the
next day or so, I made a list pros and
cons why I should stay with him. I h I
had to think with the facts and I and not
so much with my heart. So I realized I had
(23:57):
more reasons to break up with him than to be
with him. So I went to Albuquerque where he was filming,
and the next day we w W. I went on
set with that with my boyfriend. He had introduced me
to a few of the people and it it was
(24:17):
pretty much all all men that day. So somebody who
was standing out there chatting got a picture and it
They started passing the cell phone around to each other
and everybody was, you know, reacting to it. And I said,
what is it? And my boyfriend said, oh, it's so
(24:41):
and So's wife and she's topless, and I got super
triggered n to like like nothing else, because marriage is
supposed to be sacred, like you don't do that to
your wife, and so I was like, well, you know,
(25:03):
I would hope that if I was married to someone
that they wouldn't do that to me, even though I
had done porn. I always imagine that the guy who
I marry is gonna respect me more than I've ever
respected myself. So anyway, I said that, and I'm not
(25:24):
a brave person. I'm a very shy person, so I
don't know where that courage came from. But everybody started
laughing at me after I said that. And you know,
the this guy that had just met and him that
was sitting next to me, he says, well, if I
was married, I wouldn't show that to anyone, it would
(25:47):
just be only for me and say. I looked at him,
and I'm like, what, Like there are people like that
in the world, And so I was in shock. Anyway,
So I ended up talking to that guy again at
some point and he said, Chrissy, what do you do
(26:07):
for a job. What do you do? And I'm like, oh,
I am a model because I never told people that
I did porn. And he said, well, what kind of model?
What do you model? And I'm like, bathing suits, lingerie,
I do like car magazines, like I started making up
(26:30):
all kinds of stuff and so eventually I said, okay,
I do adult stuff. He's like adult stuff, yeah, porn.
And he's like, yeah, he said, Crissy, I already knew
that because your boyfriend had been showing your pictures to
everybody since you know, he's been out here.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
And you're listening to Chrissy Outlaw tell the story of
her life and her redemption. And there's that key moment
where her boyfriend calls from the strip club and she
goes to the floor on her knees and she's crying
and she says, God, if you're real, I need you
to show me everything I think I knew about love
is all twisted and my goodness, was it and it's real.
(27:13):
And in the end, the story, well, it takes a turn.
I think you'll all love when we come back more
of Chrissy Outlaws story here on our American Stories. And
(27:37):
we continue with our American stories, and let's pick up
where we left off with Chrissy sharing what she actually
did for a living with a man working on her
boyfriend's movie set. Let's return to Chrissy.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
But then he said, let me ask you something. Do
you believe in God? And I said yes, you know,
he said, you because start over, you can have a
new life and a new relationship with Christ. And we
talked for a little bit and he's like, do you
want to go outside and pray? And I said, sure, yeah,
(28:12):
I want to go outside and pray. I was like,
I was on the verge of crying. So he told
my boyfriend we were going to get outside and pray.
And then my boyfriend was like giving me a look
like what, Like he had no idea what was happening.
So we went outside and prayed. We sat at this
little table, and you know, I asked Jesus to come
(28:36):
into my heart. I repented of the things that I
had done and I had decided to turn away and
I was never going to go back. And because I
had prayed for God to give me a sign, so
when he asked me if I believe in God, it
was undeniable. That was the sign. That's what I've been
(28:58):
looking for Jesus. Jesus hasn't I han't felt his presence
in a long time. So anyway, that night I went
to our hotel room. My boyfriend came in. I told
him that I couldn't sleep with him anymore. I couldn't
sleep in the bed, like I'm going to sleep on
the couch and he was. He was super confused. And
(29:21):
the next day I went home, I packed up my stuff,
I put it in storage, and then I flew to
my new friend Chris that that, you know, led me
to the Lord. I flew out to be with his
family without him, he was still working on the film,
and so I meet these strangers, his mom, his dad,
(29:43):
his sister. They were so kind to me and so loving,
and they knew what I had done. And they took
me to a pastor who was a spiritual warfare pastor.
I guess that's what he specialized in, and so met
with him a few times. I was there for like
two weeks. I think it was when I got on
(30:06):
the airplane, I sat next to a woman and she
was a counselor to women who have been abused, and
she was sharing so much with me. I was sharing
so much with her. And yeah, and then on the
way back, where I was sitting in the middle of
these two guys, and I looked to see what books
they were reading. They were reading Christian books, and the
(30:27):
woman gave she sent me a purpose driven life, and
I was like, there was no denying that God was
in this anyway. I got home, got back to La
I found my own place to live by myself for
the first time ever. But I went on on my website.
(30:49):
I had a chat room on my website where I
could go in and talk about anything. So I've made
a post saying why I left the porn industry and
that the never gonna see me again, and I'm I
was sorry that I took them away from the things
that were so much more important, like their families and
their children. And you know, I never should have became
(31:10):
that woman. And anyway, so my webmaster found out about
it and removed it and kicked me out of my website.
And then he sent me a message and he said,
if you would have wanted to go because you wanted
to start a family or something like that, I would
have take your website down. But not for a fairy
(31:31):
tale like God. It was horrible. They get started advertising
my website, making vulgar photos of me with Jesus and
just horrible things. Horrible. They refused to take the website down.
Is still going to this day. But you know, he
asked me where I wanted the money to go. I said,
(31:51):
I do not want any of the money. And I
was making like twelve thousand a month, gave up my
income because I felt like God told me to do that.
He told me not to accept any more money and
to trust him and to lean on him, and he
was going to take care of me. And through that
(32:14):
he did take care of me. Money would come from
like nowhere. It would just be suddenly, Oh, this person
wants to donate you a car. You know, I had
to give up. I gave up everything, my car, my
hair stanches, my fake nails, my fake tan. I gained
a few pounds. I couldn't only have one pair of
(32:35):
jeans that even fit me, and even that I couldn't
zip ab up. So my identity was wrapped up in
all of those things. And I had to learn who
I was and what did I like? What were my
hopes and my dreams. And one thing I already knew
(32:57):
is that I wanted to be a wife more than anything.
I wanted to find somebody that loved me, that somebody
I would be with forever, you know, And I had
so many broken relationships I didn't I thought it was
so far out of reach. I would go to church
on Sundays. I would go to the young adult's church
(33:19):
and then I would go to another church, and then
I would go to Christian counseling, and then I would
listen to all the podcasts that I could listen to.
Like I I feel like I had so much catching
up to do, Like I needed to learn everything, and
I was thirsty for it and I wanted it. And
every time when of these little things happened, I I
(33:40):
thought of it as as a miracle, like and like,
like God is actually proving himself over and over and
over again. You can trust me. I am your father.
You don't have to like not trust me like you
know my own dad. I didn't really trust him. I
didn't know how he was going to be from day
to day. But God proved to be a good father.
(34:07):
After about five years after I got of the industry,
I decided that I needed to take a break from
dating because I met this beautiful girl who was my friend.
She was like a model and she was doing this
fast from dating and I'm like, that's so weird, but
I'm going to do it too. So she was reading
(34:31):
this book and so she gave me the book and
I was like, Okay, I'm going to take a three
months from dating, and so I met this other guy
through a mutual friend on Facebook, and so I was
hanging out with his friend a lot, and so on Facebook,
he was posting on a lot of pictures of me
and him hanging out, and this guy from Houston would
(34:57):
post underneath almost everything that this guy said, because this
guy was really funny. But the Houston guy would always
be one of the people to respond, and then it
would be me, or it would be me, and then
it would be him, and it would And so I
had just met this guy, like, talked on the phone
with him for the first time when I decided to
go on my fast, like I cut off ties with
(35:20):
everybody because the purpose of this fast was to focus
on Jesus, to get into a deeper relationship with him
and to not be distracted by men. But God told
me it was okay that this guy from Houston. I
can talk to him on the phone, but I can't
(35:40):
skype with him. So he was allowed. And so I
told him. God told me that you could. You could
be my friend through this, but there are rules. You
can't tell me I'm pretty. You can't tell me like
I had a whole list of things. It was so stupid,
(36:01):
but those are the rules. I assumed he was going
to tell me those things, but he didn't, and he
kept he kept his word. I went through the three months.
Then God told me to do another six months. And
during this time, this this man is has sent me
a Bible and we're doing Bible studies over the phone
(36:25):
every day. It went for a year, and then after
the after my fast ended, he had planned to come
out to la and so that's when we met. We
met for the first time. We had talked for so
many hours, and I wanted to hold his hand, but
he pulled away from me, kind of rejected me, and
(36:47):
I was like, oh, hurt my feelings, But it's good.
That means because I knew that I knew the guy
that I was get married from my fast. God told
me that person was not going to have sex with
me before marriage anyway. You know. After that, he went home.
We continued to our Bible studies, and then I realized
(37:08):
I got an email about doing a speaking engagement and
guess what it was in Houston, and guess what else?
It was on Valentine's Day. So I went out there.
We hung out. He went to my speaking engagement, met
me there and then after that, we went to his apartment.
He made me some lunch and then he asked me
(37:30):
to be as Valentine, and then we got married. Let's
see if Ivorde March April May. Three months later we
got married, and in two months I moved to Houston.
And now it's been we're going on, we're going on
eight years. So that's my story.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
And you've been listening to Chrissy Outlaw. I just love
that laugh at the end because it shows you can
get through anything and you can overcome it, and she
did it with God's help. Great job on this, as
always to Greg Hangler the story of Chrissy Outlaw here
on our American Stories
Host
Lee Habeeb
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