April 5, 2024 • 10 mins
On this episode of Our American Stories, our next story comes to us from our regular contributor Paul Bauer from Minneapolis, MN. Today, Paul brings us a story he’s titled: “Lessons from Gizmo.”
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
And we continue with our American stories, and up next
a story from one of our listeners and now regular contributors,
Paul Bauer from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Today, Paul brings us a
story he's titled Lessons from Gizmo.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
When I became an empty nester in my home became
quiet and lonely, I decided it might be time to
get a pet. I knew nothing about dogs, but there
must be a reason why they're called man's best friend.
So I went for it. Without a clue on how
to go about picking the right precious canine, and very
few brains in my head, I went with my ear,
(00:49):
and I chose the sweetest sounding breed I could find.
I purchased a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel with a royal
name like that, How could I lose? This regal song
dog was going to be my ticket out of middle class,
and like the young Prince William of England, I would
have sent straight into royalty. I'm not so sure that
(01:09):
was a good plan. Looking back, I'm now five years
into this Canaan experiment, and though I have a breed
that starts with word King Charles and ends with word Cavalier,
I have yet to meet Queen Elizabeth, or even sit
next to Bob Yaker at a baseball game for that matter.
Good say, sir, we're in a wrong shape, buddy, come one. Oh,
I must be in the front row. Come on. But
(01:30):
Gizmo the princely dog has managed to teach me a
few things. I've compiled a list of the top ten
things I've learned from this furry creature. Number one is humility.
There is very little pride in owning a dog, especially
when you have to do sanitation duty. Do you like
holding those bags swinging them by your knees while on
the hike? Furthermore, while walking your dog? What's the proper
(01:52):
way to introduce yourself to a passing stranger or a
friendly neighbor when you have a baggy in one hand
and at least in the other, try saying pardon the
poop without being humble. It's very sad. Number two, you
have to learn who is boss. Are you short on
long suffering? Then get a dog like me, and that
canaine character builder will teach you whose boss in no time. Take,
(02:16):
for example, the game of fetch. I thought all dogs
played that thrown retrieve interactive practice. So When I first
bought my dog, I looked forward to spending hours and
hours of quality time with me throwing balls and my
happy pooch bringing them back over and over, back and forth.
All for not. My dog has no interest in that
kind of bonding nonsense. When I throw the ball, she
(02:38):
pouts and breeze and looks me in the eye, glancing
up at my arching eyebrows as if to say, too
much work, sir, Sorry, I can't help. Maybe that is
where the King Charles Park comes in. My dog Gizmo.
She'd rather be waited on, then returning fetches thrown by me,
her master. My failure at teaching her these basic animal
instincts is not for lack of trying. I've tried just
(03:00):
about every kind of object possible. A stick, a rope,
tennis ball, golf ball, racquetball, fuzzy balls and super balls.
It doesn't matter. All of them are losers. I throw
them out as far or short as possible, and with
hope I say fetch. But the reaction is the same,
a stair down, not even a twitch of a muscle
(03:21):
or hint that maybe she should go chase that ball.
I end up retrieving it myself. And I can plainly
see a smirk on Gizmo's face as she observes this routine.
I even tried, but I thought was pure genius. Cutting
a hole in a tennis ball and filling with treats.
That one actually brought minor success. We got half way there.
She did chase it down, but there was no way
(03:42):
she was bringing that ball back to me. It was
a closed deal. Negotiations were off. She ate the treat
on the spot, and of course left the ball there
for me to fetch. My patience is really being tested,
But after five years of trying, I have not given
up number three. My diet is not so bad after all. First,
(04:03):
let me try saying something with a straight face. I
do not have an eating disorder. There, I said it.
Only problem is it's all a lie. Now, in my
late fifties, I've matured and gotten real about life, and
I've learned that carrying a few extra inches around my
waist is time. I get used to the idea. I'm
never going to be altra slim again. And I do
have an eating problem, I admit it, but at least
(04:25):
I'm not as bad as Gizmo. That dog will eat
anything that resembles food, even some things that don't grass, dirt, roadkill.
It doesn't matter. It's all food to her, as for
human food. No matter how sneaky I am, she knows
when I have food I am. When pressed, I will
hand it over and she will gobble it down in
seconds flat, with no manners to boot. So I've come
(04:48):
to realize I have problems with eating, but I'm a
model of self discipline compared to that dog. Number four,
You're never really alone. You don't need sunshine to cast
a shadow. I have learned. This dog will not lead
me out of her sight. Even the bathroom is not safe.
If not for the door, she would be right there
wondering why I'm in there, sitting on that thing with
(05:09):
my pants down to my ankles. As it is, she's
relegated to scratching at the door telling me to go
hurry up and finish my business. Number five, I'm not
that smart. If there's anything I've become convinced of since
buying Gizmo, it's this I'm being outsmarted by a dog.
She is my superior. The dog is the one in charge,
(05:30):
not me, So I better get used to that fact.
We walk when she wants to walk. We go where
she wants to go. If I feel like stepping it
up and making it into a jog. It's no guarantee
she will jog with me. Gizmo jog when she feels
like it, which is almost never, So I might as
well follow my leader and obey her instincts. Kind of
like the old Hannababearer cartoon character Quick Drama Gras, Gizmo says,
(05:52):
in essence, I'll do the thinning around here, Bubba boy.
She even orders food for us both. I'm out cooking
on the grill. I know why she wakes her tail
and watches me intently. She is not happy to see me.
She's only making sure I cook the steak just right.
Me d him rare. I have learned she has me
feeling too guilty to give her a piece with some
(06:13):
fat and grizzle on it. She make it sick, I
think to myself. So of course she gets the center cut,
leaving me to eat the part that's not fit for
a dog. Number six, I'm a lousy barber. My dog
has also taught me something about personal care. I'm not
her personal hair stylist. I'm too cheap to pay for
a groomer. I don't even pay to have someone give
(06:36):
my own haircut. I'm not about to pay someone to
do my dog. So Gizmo's at the mercy of my scissors.
If she's not going to play fetch, I'm not going
to go to beauty school. Her precious fur coat looks
as though it had a run in with a weed
whacker and lost. Luckily for her, I was told you
can't shave a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. It just doesn't work.
(06:56):
But if it did, the regal Gizmo would have a
look just like my person. That's my favorite. The Michael
Jordan Kirby Pucket chrom doome a dog Doo made to
look just like me. But as it is, she's the
only dog in the neighborhood with a mullet number seven.
If you snooze, you don't always lose. I'm not lazy,
(07:16):
not when compared to Gizmo. At least I no longer
have to feel guilty taking a ten minute nap in
the afternoon. When this dog is not eating, following me around,
or refusing to play fetch, or complaining about her mullet,
she's sleeping period. She believed in the power nap strategy
for success Mike Einstein, so I follow her example number eight.
(07:37):
You don't have to fuss about housework. Our house used
to be spotless before Gizmo, we were the model of
good housekeeping. But all thoughts about our house being perfect,
or even any guilt about leaving the living just a
little bit messy, that is completely vanished. Gizmo gave us
perspective from the beginning of this experiment. The shedding beast
has turned our house into one continuous fuzzball, not a
(07:58):
house of impeccable perfection. We have worn out three vacuum
cleaners and still can I keep the place fuzz free.
I think, mister Hoover and rent to the notion that
every home needs a pet. Number nine, It's better to
stick to a routine. I used to love change variety.
That's a spice of life, right, But now, in my
middle aged years, living with my King Charles Cavalier Spaniel,
(08:20):
I've changed my mind. You mess with your routine and
you pay for it the following day. Gizmo reinforces that notion.
Don't even think about sitting down to unwine after a
hard day at the office. The dog must be walked first.
Try putting your feet up for a few minutes and
she will stare you down with a look that could
kill a squirrel. This is Gizmo's time, and you better
get up off your booty and take her out for
(08:40):
a walk so that she can come home afterwards and sleep.
Number ten doctors are overrated for anyone considering the medical profession.
You might want to forget about brain surgery or heart
transplants and go right to the more lucrative position of veterinarian.
I've never paid for one of those other surgeries, but
I can't imagine they're more expensive than Gizmo's. Really to
check up the vet and her corresponding medications, Gizmo has
(09:03):
me trained animal science and canaane medicine. That's where it's at.
There's a gold mine there. With all this wisdom I've
acquired from dog ownership and all these lessons learned from
life with Gizmo and an empty nest, I have to
wonder how did I learn anything life without a dog.
That pooch has changed my life too much, way too much.
(09:24):
She has taken over. I have become my dog's intern stylist, psychiatrist,
personal attendant, provider and student. Maybe I shouldn't be such
a pushover, and I should consider teaching this old dog
a few new tricks. But I'm too prone to roll
over at this stage of my life. That's just the
way it goes. She's the dog, I am the tale.
(09:46):
It is after all, dog's life, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
And great work is always by Greg hanglerround this piece
and a special thanks to Paul Bauer from Minneapolis, Minnesota.
He's a devoted listener and also a great contributor. By
the way, I have pugs, and anyone who has pugs
understands and empathizes with my friend Paul. My goodness, King
Charles Cavalier, Spaniels and pugs have a lot in common.
(10:13):
They run the show period the story of Gizmo and
lessons from Gizmo. Here on our American Story
And we continue with our American stories, and up next
a story from one of our listeners and now regular contributors,
Paul Bauer from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Today, Paul brings us a
story he's titled Lessons from Gizmo.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
When I became an empty nester in my home became
quiet and lonely, I decided it might be time to
get a pet. I knew nothing about dogs, but there
must be a reason why they're called man's best friend.
So I went for it. Without a clue on how
to go about picking the right precious canine, and very
few brains in my head, I went with my ear,
(00:49):
and I chose the sweetest sounding breed I could find.
I purchased a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel with a royal
name like that, How could I lose? This regal song
dog was going to be my ticket out of middle class,
and like the young Prince William of England, I would
have sent straight into royalty. I'm not so sure that
(01:09):
was a good plan. Looking back, I'm now five years
into this Canaan experiment, and though I have a breed
that starts with word King Charles and ends with word Cavalier,
I have yet to meet Queen Elizabeth, or even sit
next to Bob Yaker at a baseball game for that matter.
Good say, sir, we're in a wrong shape, buddy, come one. Oh,
I must be in the front row. Come on. But
(01:30):
Gizmo the princely dog has managed to teach me a
few things. I've compiled a list of the top ten
things I've learned from this furry creature. Number one is humility.
There is very little pride in owning a dog, especially
when you have to do sanitation duty. Do you like
holding those bags swinging them by your knees while on
the hike? Furthermore, while walking your dog? What's the proper
(01:52):
way to introduce yourself to a passing stranger or a
friendly neighbor when you have a baggy in one hand
and at least in the other, try saying pardon the
poop without being humble. It's very sad. Number two, you
have to learn who is boss. Are you short on
long suffering? Then get a dog like me, and that
canaine character builder will teach you whose boss in no time. Take,
(02:16):
for example, the game of fetch. I thought all dogs
played that thrown retrieve interactive practice. So When I first
bought my dog, I looked forward to spending hours and
hours of quality time with me throwing balls and my
happy pooch bringing them back over and over, back and forth.
All for not. My dog has no interest in that
kind of bonding nonsense. When I throw the ball, she
(02:38):
pouts and breeze and looks me in the eye, glancing
up at my arching eyebrows as if to say, too
much work, sir, Sorry, I can't help. Maybe that is
where the King Charles Park comes in. My dog Gizmo.
She'd rather be waited on, then returning fetches thrown by me,
her master. My failure at teaching her these basic animal
instincts is not for lack of trying. I've tried just
(03:00):
about every kind of object possible. A stick, a rope,
tennis ball, golf ball, racquetball, fuzzy balls and super balls.
It doesn't matter. All of them are losers. I throw
them out as far or short as possible, and with
hope I say fetch. But the reaction is the same,
a stair down, not even a twitch of a muscle
(03:21):
or hint that maybe she should go chase that ball.
I end up retrieving it myself. And I can plainly
see a smirk on Gizmo's face as she observes this routine.
I even tried, but I thought was pure genius. Cutting
a hole in a tennis ball and filling with treats.
That one actually brought minor success. We got half way there.
She did chase it down, but there was no way
(03:42):
she was bringing that ball back to me. It was
a closed deal. Negotiations were off. She ate the treat
on the spot, and of course left the ball there
for me to fetch. My patience is really being tested,
But after five years of trying, I have not given
up number three. My diet is not so bad after all. First,
(04:03):
let me try saying something with a straight face. I
do not have an eating disorder. There, I said it.
Only problem is it's all a lie. Now, in my
late fifties, I've matured and gotten real about life, and
I've learned that carrying a few extra inches around my
waist is time. I get used to the idea. I'm
never going to be altra slim again. And I do
have an eating problem, I admit it, but at least
(04:25):
I'm not as bad as Gizmo. That dog will eat
anything that resembles food, even some things that don't grass, dirt, roadkill.
It doesn't matter. It's all food to her, as for
human food. No matter how sneaky I am, she knows
when I have food I am. When pressed, I will
hand it over and she will gobble it down in
seconds flat, with no manners to boot. So I've come
(04:48):
to realize I have problems with eating, but I'm a
model of self discipline compared to that dog. Number four,
You're never really alone. You don't need sunshine to cast
a shadow. I have learned. This dog will not lead
me out of her sight. Even the bathroom is not safe.
If not for the door, she would be right there
wondering why I'm in there, sitting on that thing with
(05:09):
my pants down to my ankles. As it is, she's
relegated to scratching at the door telling me to go
hurry up and finish my business. Number five, I'm not
that smart. If there's anything I've become convinced of since
buying Gizmo, it's this I'm being outsmarted by a dog.
She is my superior. The dog is the one in charge,
(05:30):
not me, So I better get used to that fact.
We walk when she wants to walk. We go where
she wants to go. If I feel like stepping it
up and making it into a jog. It's no guarantee
she will jog with me. Gizmo jog when she feels
like it, which is almost never, So I might as
well follow my leader and obey her instincts. Kind of
like the old Hannababearer cartoon character Quick Drama Gras, Gizmo says,
(05:52):
in essence, I'll do the thinning around here, Bubba boy.
She even orders food for us both. I'm out cooking
on the grill. I know why she wakes her tail
and watches me intently. She is not happy to see me.
She's only making sure I cook the steak just right.
Me d him rare. I have learned she has me
feeling too guilty to give her a piece with some
(06:13):
fat and grizzle on it. She make it sick, I
think to myself. So of course she gets the center cut,
leaving me to eat the part that's not fit for
a dog. Number six, I'm a lousy barber. My dog
has also taught me something about personal care. I'm not
her personal hair stylist. I'm too cheap to pay for
a groomer. I don't even pay to have someone give
(06:36):
my own haircut. I'm not about to pay someone to
do my dog. So Gizmo's at the mercy of my scissors.
If she's not going to play fetch, I'm not going
to go to beauty school. Her precious fur coat looks
as though it had a run in with a weed
whacker and lost. Luckily for her, I was told you
can't shave a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. It just doesn't work.
(06:56):
But if it did, the regal Gizmo would have a
look just like my person. That's my favorite. The Michael
Jordan Kirby Pucket chrom doome a dog Doo made to
look just like me. But as it is, she's the
only dog in the neighborhood with a mullet number seven.
If you snooze, you don't always lose. I'm not lazy,
(07:16):
not when compared to Gizmo. At least I no longer
have to feel guilty taking a ten minute nap in
the afternoon. When this dog is not eating, following me around,
or refusing to play fetch, or complaining about her mullet,
she's sleeping period. She believed in the power nap strategy
for success Mike Einstein, so I follow her example number eight.
(07:37):
You don't have to fuss about housework. Our house used
to be spotless before Gizmo, we were the model of
good housekeeping. But all thoughts about our house being perfect,
or even any guilt about leaving the living just a
little bit messy, that is completely vanished. Gizmo gave us
perspective from the beginning of this experiment. The shedding beast
has turned our house into one continuous fuzzball, not a
(07:58):
house of impeccable perfection. We have worn out three vacuum
cleaners and still can I keep the place fuzz free.
I think, mister Hoover and rent to the notion that
every home needs a pet. Number nine, It's better to
stick to a routine. I used to love change variety.
That's a spice of life, right, But now, in my
middle aged years, living with my King Charles Cavalier Spaniel,
(08:20):
I've changed my mind. You mess with your routine and
you pay for it the following day. Gizmo reinforces that notion.
Don't even think about sitting down to unwine after a
hard day at the office. The dog must be walked first.
Try putting your feet up for a few minutes and
she will stare you down with a look that could
kill a squirrel. This is Gizmo's time, and you better
get up off your booty and take her out for
(08:40):
a walk so that she can come home afterwards and sleep.
Number ten doctors are overrated for anyone considering the medical profession.
You might want to forget about brain surgery or heart
transplants and go right to the more lucrative position of veterinarian.
I've never paid for one of those other surgeries, but
I can't imagine they're more expensive than Gizmo's. Really to
check up the vet and her corresponding medications, Gizmo has
(09:03):
me trained animal science and canaane medicine. That's where it's at.
There's a gold mine there. With all this wisdom I've
acquired from dog ownership and all these lessons learned from
life with Gizmo and an empty nest, I have to
wonder how did I learn anything life without a dog.
That pooch has changed my life too much, way too much.
(09:24):
She has taken over. I have become my dog's intern stylist, psychiatrist,
personal attendant, provider and student. Maybe I shouldn't be such
a pushover, and I should consider teaching this old dog
a few new tricks. But I'm too prone to roll
over at this stage of my life. That's just the
way it goes. She's the dog, I am the tale.
(09:46):
It is after all, dog's life, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
And great work is always by Greg hanglerround this piece
and a special thanks to Paul Bauer from Minneapolis, Minnesota.
He's a devoted listener and also a great contributor. By
the way, I have pugs, and anyone who has pugs
understands and empathizes with my friend Paul. My goodness, King
Charles Cavalier, Spaniels and pugs have a lot in common.
(10:13):
They run the show period the story of Gizmo and
lessons from Gizmo. Here on our American Story
Host
Lee Habeeb
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