January 22, 2025 • 9 mins
On this episode of Our American Stories, Gina Ramsey tells the story of the highs—and lows—of managing her father's dementia...and tells the story of his nursing home bond with a 100-year-old woman.
Support the show (https://www.ouramericanstories.com/donate)
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
And we returned to our American stories. Up next a story,
a love story courtesy of Gina Ramsey entitled The Forgotten Bond.
Take it Away, Gina.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
As our car rolled up the long driveway, my heart ached.
He needed twenty four to seven supervision and care. Our
only option was to admit him to Happy Hearts Assisted Living.
My husband Paul, and I sat with the facility director
in a private room to complete the admission. Clyde looked
(00:47):
directly at me, sculling. His eyes pierced into me as
he said, why can't I keep living with you? My
heart sank, Dad. We have to work in the office again.
I can't be home with you anymore. We had already
given him this explanation several times, but he had no
(01:08):
recollection due to his advancing dementia. The silent treatment began.
He stared away, ignoring us for the remainder of the admission.
We caused him pain at the deepest level. Though at
times challenging, caring for someone with dementia does have some perks.
We visited Clyde the next day. Surprisingly, we found he
(01:32):
had quickly acclimated to his new surroundings. He was perky, smiling,
and engaged with the other residents, particularly the women. Two
ladies became especially fond of Clyde, stopping at nothing to
snag a seat next to this kind, funny and gentleman.
It was May who would eventually steel his heart. May
(01:56):
was a lovely lady, approximately five foot four inches tall,
with short, silver roller set hair, adorned with a big smile.
Her eyes twinkled behind her bifocal lenses. Wherever Clyde went,
she followed. Each time we visited, we'd find them sitting
together outside or in the sunroom, chatting, smiling and giggling.
(02:19):
They were inseparable and smitten with each other, as if
they were back in high school again. Each Sunday, when
we picked up Clyde for our family dinner, May's heart
would break. She would give him a kiss and say,
I'm going to miss you very much. Please promise you'll
come back to me. Clyde would reassure her with a smile.
(02:40):
After we left, the staff had to deal with the aftermath,
passing uncountable boxes of Kleenex to May as she cried
a pool of tears, fearful that Clyde would not return
as promised. A few hours later, May would be waiting
as our car pulled into the driveway, her beautiful smile
would appear once again. We sat with Clyde and May
(03:06):
in the sunroom. One day she leaned over to me
and said, I want to tell you something. I'm one
hundred years old. Now, do you know he is the
reason I am still alive. He brings me so much joy.
I can't imagine life without him. I often wondered what
(03:27):
would happen if one of them suffered a health emergency,
what would happen to the other. A year later, Paul's
phone rang, It's Happy Hearts. He stated, my chest became heavy.
We had never received a call from Happy Hearts at
this time of the day. I knew it had to
be something serious. After a brief conversation, Paul hung up
(03:49):
the phone and immediately headed for our bathroom, stating, my
dad fell and his elbows bleeding pretty bad. We have
to get over there with urgency. We quickly dressed, brushed
our teeth and hair, and headed out the door. Upon arrival,
staff rushed us into Clyde's room, where he was sitting
on the edge of his bed, flat on his face.
(04:13):
I knelt down in front of him and placed my
hand on his right knee. Hey dad, we're here now.
What happened? He looked straight through me. He did not respond,
It looks like you scraped your elbow a bit. We
are going to take you to the doctor to have
(04:33):
it looked at. After a barrage of tests at the
emergency room, we were informed that he had had a
stroke and would need to be hospitalized. His cognition and
physical state made it doubtful that he would ever be
able to return to Happy Hearts. As his care needs
exceeded what they were equipped to manage, we made the
(04:56):
difficult decision to officially discharge him. Paul went to Happy
Hearts to update the staff and pick up Clyde's personal items.
There was no sign of may anywhere. Paul informed the
director about how withdrawn and confused Clyde had become since
(05:18):
the fall. We couldn't determine if it was the residuals
from the stroke, worsening of the dementia, or both. She
gave recommendations of a few area nursing homes which she
considered reputable. With a wink, she said, perhaps one day
fate will reunite them again. Putting two and two together.
(05:39):
We were certain May had been admitted to one of
the recommended nursing homes. Paul brought Clyde's belongings to our home.
I found a handwritten note card in a basket full
of greeting cards Clyde had saved. It read, my dear Clyde,
I miss you so much. Please come back to me,
love your May. Of course, perhaps he's missing May, I
(06:04):
thought to myself. On our way to visit Clyde at
the hospital that day, I was scrolling on my phone.
Paul asked me, what are you looking for. I'm searching
for a photo of May. He'll remember her. I know
it with all my heart. May had previously been interviewed
by the local paper about her amazing feet of living
(06:25):
for an entire century. I was convinced seeing a photo
of her would cheer him up and perhaps bring back
some clarity. Paul shrugged. He wasn't convinced Clyde would remember May,
especially since he hadn't mentioned her since having the stroke.
(06:46):
While in the hospital room, I said, Dad, I have
a picture to show you. I showed him a photo
of May on my phone screen. Who is the special lady, Dad,
Clyde stared at the screen for what felt like a
lifetime and responded, she looks familiar, but I don't know
who she is. Who is she? That's May, Dad, I responded,
(07:09):
hoping my attempt to jar his memory would work. Oh yeah,
he responded, frankly, as if I had just shown him
a photo of a random guy standing at a bus stop.
His eyes shifted back to the baseball game on the television.
(07:30):
The progressing dementia had become brutally apparent. This horrible disease
completely erased May from his memory. While being in the
passenger seat of Clyde's failing cognition, we've learned the importance
of navigating life one moment at a time. He took
us along on a journey in time when his beautiful
(07:51):
May was his everything. We've now had to shift gears,
acclimating to the notion that in his mind, she never existed.
Dementia is so cruel and unforgiving, stripping its victim of
precious moments. We recently found out about May's passing in
the local paper. Many might say she died of old age.
(08:16):
I'm convinced she died from a broken heart. The companionship
between May and Clyde found in each other was beautiful.
Even though dementia had stolen the memory of May from Clyde,
our family continues to reflect on their special bond that
kept them youthful and vibrant, if even for a brief
period of time.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
And a special thanks for the writing, production, and editing
on this story to Reagan Habibe and Monty Montgomery. And
a special thanks to Gina Ramsey, who's a student of
one of our frequent contributors, Leslie leyland Fields. And Gina
just told us a heck of a story, a story
that so many Americans are going through right now. If
(09:13):
you're in your forties, your fifties, you're dealing with taking
care of your parents and taking care of your kids
what we like to call the sandwich, and boy is
it tough. But to get to see and witness beautiful
things like this in the throes of the onset of dementia,
To see love take hold, even at an age like
(09:34):
one hundred, and to see people die of broken hearts,
it's tough to see, but beautiful as well. A special
thanks again to Gina for sharing this story and if
you have stories like it, please send them to our
American Stories. You are the hour in the show, the
story of Clyde, and may here on our American Stories.
And we returned to our American stories. Up next a story,
a love story courtesy of Gina Ramsey entitled The Forgotten Bond.
Take it Away, Gina.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
As our car rolled up the long driveway, my heart ached.
He needed twenty four to seven supervision and care. Our
only option was to admit him to Happy Hearts Assisted Living.
My husband Paul, and I sat with the facility director
in a private room to complete the admission. Clyde looked
(00:47):
directly at me, sculling. His eyes pierced into me as
he said, why can't I keep living with you? My
heart sank, Dad. We have to work in the office again.
I can't be home with you anymore. We had already
given him this explanation several times, but he had no
(01:08):
recollection due to his advancing dementia. The silent treatment began.
He stared away, ignoring us for the remainder of the admission.
We caused him pain at the deepest level. Though at
times challenging, caring for someone with dementia does have some perks.
We visited Clyde the next day. Surprisingly, we found he
(01:32):
had quickly acclimated to his new surroundings. He was perky, smiling,
and engaged with the other residents, particularly the women. Two
ladies became especially fond of Clyde, stopping at nothing to
snag a seat next to this kind, funny and gentleman.
It was May who would eventually steel his heart. May
(01:56):
was a lovely lady, approximately five foot four inches tall,
with short, silver roller set hair, adorned with a big smile.
Her eyes twinkled behind her bifocal lenses. Wherever Clyde went,
she followed. Each time we visited, we'd find them sitting
together outside or in the sunroom, chatting, smiling and giggling.
(02:19):
They were inseparable and smitten with each other, as if
they were back in high school again. Each Sunday, when
we picked up Clyde for our family dinner, May's heart
would break. She would give him a kiss and say,
I'm going to miss you very much. Please promise you'll
come back to me. Clyde would reassure her with a smile.
(02:40):
After we left, the staff had to deal with the aftermath,
passing uncountable boxes of Kleenex to May as she cried
a pool of tears, fearful that Clyde would not return
as promised. A few hours later, May would be waiting
as our car pulled into the driveway, her beautiful smile
would appear once again. We sat with Clyde and May
(03:06):
in the sunroom. One day she leaned over to me
and said, I want to tell you something. I'm one
hundred years old. Now, do you know he is the
reason I am still alive. He brings me so much joy.
I can't imagine life without him. I often wondered what
(03:27):
would happen if one of them suffered a health emergency,
what would happen to the other. A year later, Paul's
phone rang, It's Happy Hearts. He stated, my chest became heavy.
We had never received a call from Happy Hearts at
this time of the day. I knew it had to
be something serious. After a brief conversation, Paul hung up
(03:49):
the phone and immediately headed for our bathroom, stating, my
dad fell and his elbows bleeding pretty bad. We have
to get over there with urgency. We quickly dressed, brushed
our teeth and hair, and headed out the door. Upon arrival,
staff rushed us into Clyde's room, where he was sitting
on the edge of his bed, flat on his face.
(04:13):
I knelt down in front of him and placed my
hand on his right knee. Hey dad, we're here now.
What happened? He looked straight through me. He did not respond,
It looks like you scraped your elbow a bit. We
are going to take you to the doctor to have
(04:33):
it looked at. After a barrage of tests at the
emergency room, we were informed that he had had a
stroke and would need to be hospitalized. His cognition and
physical state made it doubtful that he would ever be
able to return to Happy Hearts. As his care needs
exceeded what they were equipped to manage, we made the
(04:56):
difficult decision to officially discharge him. Paul went to Happy
Hearts to update the staff and pick up Clyde's personal items.
There was no sign of may anywhere. Paul informed the
director about how withdrawn and confused Clyde had become since
(05:18):
the fall. We couldn't determine if it was the residuals
from the stroke, worsening of the dementia, or both. She
gave recommendations of a few area nursing homes which she
considered reputable. With a wink, she said, perhaps one day
fate will reunite them again. Putting two and two together.
(05:39):
We were certain May had been admitted to one of
the recommended nursing homes. Paul brought Clyde's belongings to our home.
I found a handwritten note card in a basket full
of greeting cards Clyde had saved. It read, my dear Clyde,
I miss you so much. Please come back to me,
love your May. Of course, perhaps he's missing May, I
(06:04):
thought to myself. On our way to visit Clyde at
the hospital that day, I was scrolling on my phone.
Paul asked me, what are you looking for. I'm searching
for a photo of May. He'll remember her. I know
it with all my heart. May had previously been interviewed
by the local paper about her amazing feet of living
(06:25):
for an entire century. I was convinced seeing a photo
of her would cheer him up and perhaps bring back
some clarity. Paul shrugged. He wasn't convinced Clyde would remember May,
especially since he hadn't mentioned her since having the stroke.
(06:46):
While in the hospital room, I said, Dad, I have
a picture to show you. I showed him a photo
of May on my phone screen. Who is the special lady, Dad,
Clyde stared at the screen for what felt like a
lifetime and responded, she looks familiar, but I don't know
who she is. Who is she? That's May, Dad, I responded,
(07:09):
hoping my attempt to jar his memory would work. Oh yeah,
he responded, frankly, as if I had just shown him
a photo of a random guy standing at a bus stop.
His eyes shifted back to the baseball game on the television.
(07:30):
The progressing dementia had become brutally apparent. This horrible disease
completely erased May from his memory. While being in the
passenger seat of Clyde's failing cognition, we've learned the importance
of navigating life one moment at a time. He took
us along on a journey in time when his beautiful
(07:51):
May was his everything. We've now had to shift gears,
acclimating to the notion that in his mind, she never existed.
Dementia is so cruel and unforgiving, stripping its victim of
precious moments. We recently found out about May's passing in
the local paper. Many might say she died of old age.
(08:16):
I'm convinced she died from a broken heart. The companionship
between May and Clyde found in each other was beautiful.
Even though dementia had stolen the memory of May from Clyde,
our family continues to reflect on their special bond that
kept them youthful and vibrant, if even for a brief
period of time.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
And a special thanks for the writing, production, and editing
on this story to Reagan Habibe and Monty Montgomery. And
a special thanks to Gina Ramsey, who's a student of
one of our frequent contributors, Leslie leyland Fields. And Gina
just told us a heck of a story, a story
that so many Americans are going through right now. If
(09:13):
you're in your forties, your fifties, you're dealing with taking
care of your parents and taking care of your kids
what we like to call the sandwich, and boy is
it tough. But to get to see and witness beautiful
things like this in the throes of the onset of dementia,
To see love take hold, even at an age like
(09:34):
one hundred, and to see people die of broken hearts,
it's tough to see, but beautiful as well. A special
thanks again to Gina for sharing this story and if
you have stories like it, please send them to our
American Stories. You are the hour in the show, the
story of Clyde, and may here on our American Stories.
Host
Lee Habeeb
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!