What My Uncle Taught Me Before He Passed

On this episode of Our American Stories, listener and Our American Stories regular contributor, Brent Timmons, tells the story of spending time with his Uncle Bud in the final days of his life—and the life lessons he learned from him before he passed.

Support the show (https://www.ouramericanstories.com/donate)

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:14):
And we returned to our American stories. Up next a
story from a regular contributor, Brent Timmins from Connecticut, entitled
Uncle Bud's Last Day, Take It Away.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Brent, I sat at Finger's kitchen table, listening to an
album from the band and reflecting all my life with
my uncle Budden. He lay asleep, wiped out in the
last days of his battle with pancreatic cancer. He had

(00:49):
just been diagnosed on April eighth. It was now May tenth.
Taka needed to go to work and left me to
sit with Budd in Louisville on May eighth for a
final visit and to help in any way I could.
I opened my laptop to do some work, thought better,

(01:09):
and instead opened the story I had written about the
first visit with our kids to Louisville in two thousand
and six. A gush of emotion overcame me as I
read the story. We had eventually made three more summer
trips to see Bud and Tinka. Every one of them
was a precious time. Since I had arrived but had

(01:31):
slept much of the time. My intention to time my
visit when he was still comfortable had failed. He could
muster up his strength to sit with me and talk
a few hours each day. I labored over what to
discuss with him. I wondered what he would want to
talk about. I let him take the lead as much

(01:55):
as he wanted, and initiated some discussions about topics I
wanted to discussed from a list I had made when
he first broke the news to me. Then, one morning,
fat labor ceased. I heard Bud stirring and found he
had gotten into the shower after he finished and returned
to bed. I pulled up a chair beside him, and

(02:18):
about the time he said, how you doing, son, I
broke down, trying to control my emotions. I looked away
and sensed him waiting for it to pass. Once it did,
I told him that what I liked about writing was
the fact I could look back at what I had written,
see what I was thinking at the time, and see

(02:39):
the change between then and now. He asked what had changed?
And from that we launched into a two hour conversation.
It was wonderful, It was relaxing. There was no labor.
We discussed what I told him that part of his

(03:03):
influence on my life was that he had done his
best to impart what he had learned from life to
me and that had shaped the way. I think it
was an impressive feat on his part, given the fact
that while we are similar in temperament, we are drastically
different in some core beliefs. When I saw he was tiring,

(03:24):
and as the time approached for the hospice nurse to arrive,
I left him to rest. The nurse arrived a little late,
but once she left, Bud wanted to talk more. We
sat another few hours and he poured out more thoughts,
many of them about his struggles with his relationship with
his father. This would become a routine over the next

(03:46):
few days. Bud would rest in bed, then muster the
strength to either get up or have me sit by
his side and talk. Many of the conversations revolved around
the major events and relationships that shaped his life, molded
his thinking, and drove him to do certain things. We
discussed how the tingle blood from his grandfather Asher had

(04:09):
been passed on to his father Elias, to Bud, to
me through my mother, and now to my sons Elias
and Asher. That blood seems to produce very complicated, multifaceted men.
We could put our fingers on that imprint in every

(04:31):
one of the men I just mentioned. As we talked,
I could easily identify the tingle influence in my life.
That blood produces men who seem to end up carrying
a great weight due to the minds it creates and
the actions it tends to lead us to. We talked
about how that weight was finally lifted, at least partially

(04:52):
in the life of Bud at the age of forty four.
He described it as being freed from a chain, freed
from bondage, having that great weight lifted off his shoulders.
That concern of mine of what to discuss with my
uncle resolved itself. It appeared we both wanted to discuss
the same thing, the things that had the greatest impact

(05:15):
on our lives, the things that shaped who we had become.
I made it clear that he had done a great
deal to shape who I had become. Among the many
influences in my life, part of who I am has
to do with our tingled blood. Part of it has
to do with his lifelong attempt to share what he

(05:35):
had learned in life. I felt like in these last
days he wanted reassurance he had accomplished a positive influence
to some degree, it was easy for me to do that.
In these last conversations, he was reminding me of who
I am. Yes, I am a Timmins, and that influence

(05:57):
is for another story. I'm also a Tingle. I have
understood that influence since my teenage years, and talking to
Bud it only became more apparent. We have our faults, yes,
but working through those faults makes us better men. The

(06:19):
very act of working through them makes us stronger. I
had come to help Uncle Bud and Tinka in Bud's
last days. Instead it was Bud who helped me. He
reminded me that it takes a lifetime to complete the
work of influencing those around us. It is slow and

(06:39):
calculated work and requires great patience and determination. And when
the work is done, we can rest knowing we have
completed the task. It was his last great gift to me.
Thank you, Uncle Bud. The day before I was to leave,
I asked whether the time of my departure was good,

(07:02):
wondering whether I should linger a while longer. He said,
there is life at your home that you need to
attend to, and here there is death. You need to
go home. While I conceded that the time to return
home was right. I disagreed with the idea that here

(07:23):
there is death. There is only the passing of your
physical body. Bud, Your life will continue to be with us.
You have worked a lifetime to make sure of that.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
And a great job on the production by Monty Montgomery,
and a beautiful piece of storytelling about Brent Timmins's uncle Bud.
And by the way, if you enjoy this story, you
can find Brent's other stories as well as all of
our stories on our American Stories dot com. And we
love to hear stories that are There are more eulogies

(08:01):
than anything else in remembrances, and particularly in these most
core relationships in our lives is fathers, is mothers, as siblings,
as aunts and uncles and grandparents, because this is where
most learning occurs, so much of the fundamental learning in
our lives occurs. If you have any of those stories,
send them again to our American Stories dot com. Because

(08:22):
you are the stars of this show too. You are
listeners Brett tim AND's story about his uncle Bud's less
days here on our American Stories an The