December 27, 2025 • 20 mins
In the third part of our holiday series on Outweigh, Amy and Leanne tackle a topic that resonates with many women during this time of year: dealing with fears of holiday weight gain and body anxiety.
Amy sets the stage by acknowledging how these fears can intensify with the increased focus on food and body image that the season brings. Leanne delves into the root of these anxieties, explaining that the fear of weight gain often stems from deeper self-worth issues rather than just the number on the scale.
You'll learn how to reframe the holiday season as an opportunity to prioritize mental and emotional well-being instead of fixating on weight. By inviting you to detach from external pressures and celebrate your bodies for what they can do, you'll learn how to take a more compassionate approach to the holidays, so you can embrace the season with less pressure and more self-love.
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'll be outwait everything that I'm made, don't won't spend
my life trying to change.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
I get I'm strong, I feel free, I know every
part of me.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
And then will always out way if.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
You feel it with your hands.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
And here she'll some love to the mood.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Why get there? Take you one day and did you
and die out way?
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, out weigh Amy Brown here with Leanne Ellington
and this is our Holiday series, Part three. I hope
y'all had a great Thanksgiving and you were able to
enjoy food, family, friends, freedom, whatever that looks like for
you this holiday season. And we're rolling right into Christmas
(00:59):
coming up and then the New Year, so there's still
lots of holiday things happening. And this is the time
of year where fear of weight gain sets in and
there's a lot of body anxiety. So I just want
to acknowledge those fears. Leanne and I both do. They
are heightened for a reason. It's very normal for you
(01:20):
to have heightened fears around weight gain during the holidays,
but people may not understand exactly what body anxiety is.
Leanne because I don't know when I was in the
throes of my eating disorder, if I was in tune
with my body enough to know that that's actually what
was happening, because my thoughts were just I was so
(01:42):
consumed with anything health food body related, but I don't
think I really had like the language for it. So
what specifically is body anxiety and then we can talk
about weight gain fears.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It's very closely related to a form of body dysmorphia,
where there's kind of this like high fixation on your
like perceived flaws, right, And it's the things that typically
it's unnoticeable to other people.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But you notice it like a thousand times more.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
And how this shows up, it's like, well, okay, the
effects of it might be like you're spending a lot
a lot of time checking in the mirror. You know,
you're constantly checking for other people and what they're doing
to change their bodies. It's what causes a lot of
people to go on these kind of extreme things because
but the body anxiety side of it specifically is more
so that hyper fixation on your perceived flaws and what
(02:33):
you And again it's a perception based thing, and so
a lot of it does stem and compare, Like the
comparison ititis is a big part of it. But you know, this,
this specific topic, this is one of the ones that
comes up again all year round with my clients because
a lot of times when they come to work with me,
by the time they've gotten to that place where they're like, Okay,
something bigger has to change, Like this is so much
(02:53):
more than food. This is so much more than about
the way I'm ready to, like to finally take ownership
of this disempowered trunk and version of myself that sit
on the sidelines of my life and I'm ready to
break free and take back my power from this.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Like that's the decision that they come to when they
come to work with me.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And when they get there, a lot of times they've
gained back a lot of the weight that they lost,
or they've experienced more weight gain because they like they're like, okay,
I'm done dieting, but now I feel out of control
on the other side of it. So one of the
things that comes up a lot is this fear that like, okay,
people are going to notice that I've gained weight, and
then they have again this hyper fixation on the weight
gain and what it meant, and what it meant which
(03:27):
is causing their body anxiety. And so this gets especially
heightened around the holidays because of the things that we've
been talking about these last couple of days. So, you know,
for some people this might not necessarily be relevant, if
you know, but even the body anxiety can can be
accompanied alongside a mindset, even if you haven't physiologically gained weight,
you know, because that body anxiety is considered like a
(03:47):
mental disorder or disease, right, So keep in mind, like
even if your if your struggles haven't necessarily manifested as
weight gain, a lot of times that feeling that people
are going to notice your body is especially exacerbated around
the holidays.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
So what's something we can do if we are like
listening right now and we're like, oh wait, I think
body anxiety. That sounds familiar to me. I feel like
that's happening, Like what's step one?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yeah, for sure, And obviously just want to give the
disclaimer that it's not like a fix from this episode,
like it's a you know, again, we're talking a lot
of times about decades of patterns and you know, tens
of thousands of repetitions. But you know, one of the
things is to first understand that you know, a lot
of it is coming from the societal pressure, right and
so if you are especially sensitive to the topic that
(04:35):
we're talking about right now, one of the first things
I invite my clients to do before we get into
the how to is I do invite them to kind
of take an audit of how much they're spending online
because a lot of times comparison itis, especially with social media,
can really really heighten this and oftentimes, just like limiting
the amount of time that they're online can get the
part of it is about getting their mental real estate
(04:56):
back so that.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
They can take ownership of this.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
So that's one of the first things I do is
is just like invite them to take a bit of
an inventory of how much time.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
They're spending online. But that being.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Said, you know, first of it is just understanding that
a lot of times whatever is causing the weight gain,
whatever's causing the perception of the weight gain or the
body anxiety where you have a hyper fixation on what
you're perceiving as laws is really about a deeper self
worth issue rather than just a number on the scale
or the size of your genes or how they're fitting. Right,
(05:27):
So that's the first thing is like I would just
invite you all to get really real about what the
problem is. And again, it's not about your weight. It's
your thoughts about your weight. And it's not about what
the scale says. It's your thoughts about what the scale says.
So that's you know, number one. But if I were
to go kind of big picture overview of if I
were to give you a big picture overview of, like
what's the game plan during the holidays to really like
(05:47):
tackle the hyper fixation on your weight, I would, honestly
because because again what comes off the back of that
when you have a hyperfixation on weight or weight gain
or body is a lot of times that's what leads
people to these kind of extreme, you know methods of
like I gotta, you know, do whatever I can to
air quotes, get in control.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
So one of the things I.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Would invite you to do is actually reframe the whole situation,
where what if you looked at the holiday time as
actually the time to focus on your mental and emotional
well being rather than focusing on your physical body, or
rather than waiting for the new year's to get yourself aligned.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Like, what if this was the.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Perfect time when you when you know that, especially if
you're predisposed to this time of your being a bit
more of a sensitive area on your body. What if
this was the time to double down on your mental health,
your emotional health, your spiritual health, and focusing on this
idea that your worth is tied to the scale or
your body and really acknowledging first of all, acknowledging that
(06:46):
there's typical fluctuations for all of us with our bodies,
and like acceptance of that. But also and we talked
about the black and white thinking that comes off the
back of it.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
But like, again, what if this wasn't a physical thing
at all?
Speaker 2 (06:57):
What if you completely change the conversation so that you
entered into a mental, emotional, even spiritual conversation around your
body rather than it being a physical one. And what
if the holidays were actually the best time to do that.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
To go inward.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
Yeah, I like that you use the word double down.
It is this is the time to double down, Yeah,
like on the mental side of things. And it may
not even mean like that you need to do some
deep therapeutic crazy thing, because it might not be a
deep therapeutic issue. It might be a rewiring of your
(07:33):
brain that you have for so long lived in the
animal part of your brain that you don't have the
control anymore and it's sort of taken over. But the
beauty of our brains is that it's multiple, like you
can rewire it and you just have to start building
those new neuropathways. And that happens with repetition. So earlier,
(07:55):
I know, I even said, like, what's the first step,
And not to be daunting, but it might be like, well,
that's step one out of you know, a thousand times
you need to repeat something, and then a thousand more.
But your brain is making so many different decisions every day,
thousands and thousands and thousands of decisions. This is you
actually acknowledging what's happening and trying to take control of
(08:17):
some of those thousands and thousands of thoughts. And the
more you do it, the easier it gets. And so
I just want to clarify that because I think for
so long I was booking therapy appointments, which I think
therapy is super important, but it was in the throes
of my eating disorder that I thought I had some
deep rooted childhood issue that I wasn't tapping into that
I needed clarity on.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
And then suddenly, bah bah, I.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Was going to be free of my eating disorder, when
really my brain was used to a certain behavior because
I had repeated it over and over and over and
over again. So I had to repeat my new healthy
mental thoughts and behaviors over and over and over again
to override the negative ones.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
And so for me, it wasn't this, you know, is
you with my dad? Did I have issues with my
dad from my childhood? Absolutely? But is that what was
going to give me freedom from my disordered eating? No?
Mine was that route.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
And so I say that just to offer hope that, yes,
you may have some deep rooted childhood stuff you need
to work through. I'm not saying do not pursue that,
but also may not be as daunting as you think.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
It just may take a crap ton of repetition.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, I'm so glad you said that, because I also
thought I had daddy issues and that was what was
causing it, you know. And I mean I went and
I talked it out, and I my dad and I
are aokay right now. But that did not eradicate the
disordered eating and the self image and the body image
that came alongside it. And you're right, it doesn't have
to be this deep dark, let's go dig up all
the skeletons in our emotional graveyard kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
I think a lot of people think it does, and
that's why they're afraid of the work.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
But really the work is you're just like you said,
there's there's a recipe of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors are
causing the disorder, and there's a new recipe that's available
to all of us of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that
will create our freedom and our peace of mind, and
having this beautiful relationship with food where food can just
be food and your weight can just be your weight,
and you don't always have to like your weight, like
you're allowed to want to go change it at some
(10:15):
point in time too. Right, But first and foremost, like,
if we're coming back to this idea of dealing with
you know, the fears of weight gain or the fears
of body anxiety, what if, like what you needed to
hear today, what if? And I'm just inviting you into
the possibility and not saying that I'm right, but I
just I do believe it to be true.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
So I'm just inviting you to try on.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
What if your air quotes weight problems were actually in
your head, your heart, and your brain, and when you
address all of that, ironically, the weight stuff would Don't
get me wrong, We a lot of us need a
better system of thinking around food and a better like
kind of decision making process than good, bad, right, wrong,
should shouldn't because that is what causes the disorder. But
what if before you even think about the food or
(10:54):
the weight or whatever it is, you look at the
recipe of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that are in your brain,
and you're right, it is just a matter of repetition.
I call it air attention, intension, and repetition. And once
you find that new recipe, it can happen very quickly, right,
and you don't have to go open the emotional you know, graveyard.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
But sometimes that's really powerful too.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
But if if that's what's keeping you from going and
healing your brain, they're kind of like two separate but
overlapping conversations that they can coexist. But again, like if
that's what's keeping you from doing it, don't buy into
the lie that you have to go get into a lot.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Of pain to go heal the disorder in your brain.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Right, Okay, let's shift a little bit to the fear
of the weight gain, which, yeah, is another form of
body anxiety in itself. I'm just picturing like there's this
like ben diagram and like there's all these different circles.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
So yeah, it really is. It's hard to like talk
about one thing without the other, you know. And so
ok so we talked about double downing on this idea
of like what if this was the perfect time to actually,
you know, focus on my mental emotional well being.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
But also, you know, part of it.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Is like how can you if you know that you're
prone to body anxiety around the holidays, how can you
be proactive and stay present and stay.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Grounded during the holidays.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
So, for example, maybe this is the perfect time for
you to find new ways to connect to your body
through mindful movement or you know, finding clothes that make
you feel good in your body, right, rather than feeling
like you have to succumb to wearing the metaphorical sweatpants
and sweatshirts that or whatever it is baggy clothes, Right,
how can you focus on the experiences in your social
(12:32):
life rather than just the food. Right, So there's ways
for you because again, because of reciprocal inhibition, like when
one turns on the other has to turn off. So
if right now your body is your your mind and
your brain is focusing on my weight, my weight, my body,
my body, my body, because of reciprocal inhibition, all of
the other amazing experiences that are available.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
To you are switched off.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
But the beautiful thing thing about reciprocal inhibition is if
you start focusing on, like, Okay, how can I actually
connect to my body through amazing movement. Maybe there's a
new yoga class or a dance class I want to try,
or maybe I'm gonna go just buy like one pair
of like cute stretchy genes that make my butt look
nice and I'm gonna feel really I'm gonna rock in
those genes so that I have something that fits me
(13:12):
that I can feel proud of myself. And how can I,
you know, focus on these like making time with friends
to go walking and stuff like that and hang out
and connect or go have a coffee rather than just
you know, obsessing over food or feeling like everything has
to be food focused, right, how can I really proactively
create the holiday season that I want that has absolutely
nothing to do with my body? And then you're the
(13:34):
one taking back your power, detaching from you know, the
external pressures of whatever you think you have to do
that during the holiday season. But also you get to
honor your body where it is right now and find
gratitude for what your body can do right now and
what you do appreciate about your body. And again when
you focus on that, because of the again the law
(13:55):
of reciprocal inhibition the other stuff, it might not absolutely
go away, but that the voice, the noise, the volume is.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Going to come way down.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
So that fear of the weight gain. Yeah. I like
the way that you just said that.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
It's almost like it may still be there, but it's
not going to be cranked up as loud, which I
think that that's the goal. Maybe there's an underlying like
it's always going to be there, Land and I are
saying that, like it's just this lifelong cure. Even though
we're both in recovery, you can still have certain thoughts.
But I do like that picture of there's a volume
(14:31):
button and how loud are you going to allow those
thoughts to be and what are you going to allow
into your life? Because when I think about the fear
of weight gain category of this, you know, I think
of the scale and the pressure I would put on
myself weighing myself all the time. And that was a
(14:54):
whole mind game in itself, because if you don't really
know a number, then are you able to have this
unhealthy competition with yourself? I mean because I would weigh
in the morning, I would wait in the afternoon, I
would waigh in the evening. Obviously you're going to weigh
more in the evening if you're drinking water and consuming food.
(15:15):
But my brain was so messed up that I'd be like, oh,
I can't believe that my scale is up. But like,
that's not rational thinking, because my rational brain right now
would tell me, okay, duh, yes, you're supposed to weigh more.
So you know, my solution to that is I don't
even have a scale anymore, and I don't know my
(15:35):
exact weight. And that's a decision that I made years
ago because I had such a toxic relationship with the scale,
and when I would go to the doctor, I would say, hey,
I know that you need to weigh me for my
records so that you know where I am with things.
But I'm gonna go ahead and turn around. You don't
have to look at it if that's something that could
be triggering. Now I'm to the point where I can
(15:57):
go to the doctor and that's okay. I'm not triggered
by that anymore. But when I was in the process
of remolding my brain and rewiring it, those are things
that I had to do. And then at some point,
I don't even know exactly when it was, like I
rounded the corner corner and now I don't have a
scale here at my house. I'm not obsessed with it
(16:19):
like I once was, But I don't know. Something just
happened one day where I was at the doctor and
I hopped on the scale and it wasn't a big deal,
Like I didn't have to turn around. I didn't have
to make it a thing. But just know that you're
in charge of your own body and you can be weighed.
But some people don't even know that that's an option
to just turn around and not have to look at
the scale. But respect the fact that your doctor's office
(16:40):
may need that information, because I think you can also
refuse to be weighed. But then I always wanted my
doctor to have data, so I wanted to have that,
but I didn't want my brain to have it because
I couldn't trust my brain at the time.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Sure, yeah, absolutely, and I love that. You know, we're
talking about this conversation of turning the volume down. Like
the beautiful thing is is that you can turn the
volume down on one conversation and then up parallel to that,
turn the volume up on a separate conversation that you're
starting with yourself to. It's what's the opposite of body anxiety,
piece acceptance, gratitude, you know, and just start into some
(17:15):
people that feels like a foreign concept, And that's where
the opportunity is.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
And I'm thinking of like gathering with families, like different
holiday parties, work parties, stuff that may be coming up,
instead of your brain being consumed with all these other
thoughts of like what you're going to weigh before the
party or after the party, or what you're gonna eat
or what you're not gonna eat. How can you connect
with your coworkers in a fun way at this party.
How can you connect with your family that you haven't seen,
(17:39):
Like what are some conversation starters, some fun games you
can play. I love those conversation card games for meals,
around the table, for getting people together. It's so fun
to ask the questions and see what everybody's answer is. Like,
there's tons of options available on Amazon if you just
type in like conversation starter games for family, for couples,
(18:04):
like if you want to get to know your partner better,
Like I'm just thinking of following what you're saying here,
Leanne about shifting the anxiety, turning that volume down, Well,
what do you want to turn up? If you want
to turn up other things and other parts of conversation,
then think of ways that you can give your brain
something else to think about. And some of these conversation
(18:25):
starters may help that, either with yourself if you're journaling,
or around the table with people that you love and
want to know better.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
And on a deeper level.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, it's so so powerful.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
And that's where again, the first way to you know,
take back power from your worth just being aligned with
a scale or your weight is to go find value
in other ways, you know, and one of the easiest
ways to do that, and the best and the most
feeling ways is connection to others. You know, how can
I just be present with others and add you know,
fun and laughter and love and entertainment with these games,
(18:58):
I mean, all the things that have absolutely nothing to
do with what you look like.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Love that all, right, Leanne? Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
If you want to learn more about how to rewire
your brain and heal from the all or nothing diet
mentality and take back power from the body anxiety in
your head, you can check it out over at stressless
eating dot com. I've laid out just kind of peel
back the curtain of what I teach my clients.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
And always we want to wrap with you having compassion
for yourself. Leanne and I are saying different things from
this side of the table, but we've been on both sides.
And I have compassion for that version of me, by
the way, that used to weigh myself multiple times a day.
It's a part of my story. And I think back
(19:41):
and I just I kind of want to pick her
up and hold her because.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
She was exhausted.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Yes, love yes, and so I was just looking for
validation in the wrong places. So have compassion for yourself,
and Leanne and I just want to hold you guys,
and hug you and know that you are validated, and
for all the other amazing things about you that have
nothing to do with your body in any way, shape
(20:09):
or form. All Right, we'll see you next Saturday for
our Holiday series, Part four. Were talking the gift of
self acceptance, which I think will be nice, a nice
follow up to this conversation and giving yourself permission to
enjoy the holidays.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
We'll see it then. Bye.
I won't let my body.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'll be outwait everything that I'm made, don't won't spend
my life trying to change.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
I get I'm strong, I feel free, I know every
part of me.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
And then will always out way if.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
You feel it with your hands.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
And here she'll some love to the mood.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Why get there? Take you one day and did you
and die out way?
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, out weigh Amy Brown here with Leanne Ellington
and this is our Holiday series, Part three. I hope
y'all had a great Thanksgiving and you were able to
enjoy food, family, friends, freedom, whatever that looks like for
you this holiday season. And we're rolling right into Christmas
(00:59):
coming up and then the New Year, so there's still
lots of holiday things happening. And this is the time
of year where fear of weight gain sets in and
there's a lot of body anxiety. So I just want
to acknowledge those fears. Leanne and I both do. They
are heightened for a reason. It's very normal for you
(01:20):
to have heightened fears around weight gain during the holidays,
but people may not understand exactly what body anxiety is.
Leanne because I don't know when I was in the
throes of my eating disorder, if I was in tune
with my body enough to know that that's actually what
was happening, because my thoughts were just I was so
(01:42):
consumed with anything health food body related, but I don't
think I really had like the language for it. So
what specifically is body anxiety and then we can talk
about weight gain fears.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It's very closely related to a form of body dysmorphia,
where there's kind of this like high fixation on your
like perceived flaws, right, And it's the things that typically
it's unnoticeable to other people.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
But you notice it like a thousand times more.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
And how this shows up, it's like, well, okay, the
effects of it might be like you're spending a lot
a lot of time checking in the mirror. You know,
you're constantly checking for other people and what they're doing
to change their bodies. It's what causes a lot of
people to go on these kind of extreme things because
but the body anxiety side of it specifically is more
so that hyper fixation on your perceived flaws and what
(02:33):
you And again it's a perception based thing, and so
a lot of it does stem and compare, Like the
comparison ititis is a big part of it. But you know, this,
this specific topic, this is one of the ones that
comes up again all year round with my clients because
a lot of times when they come to work with me,
by the time they've gotten to that place where they're like, Okay,
something bigger has to change, Like this is so much
(02:53):
more than food. This is so much more than about
the way I'm ready to, like to finally take ownership
of this disempowered trunk and version of myself that sit
on the sidelines of my life and I'm ready to
break free and take back my power from this.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Like that's the decision that they come to when they
come to work with me.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And when they get there, a lot of times they've
gained back a lot of the weight that they lost,
or they've experienced more weight gain because they like they're like, okay,
I'm done dieting, but now I feel out of control
on the other side of it. So one of the
things that comes up a lot is this fear that like, okay,
people are going to notice that I've gained weight, and
then they have again this hyper fixation on the weight
gain and what it meant, and what it meant which
(03:27):
is causing their body anxiety. And so this gets especially
heightened around the holidays because of the things that we've
been talking about these last couple of days. So, you know,
for some people this might not necessarily be relevant, if
you know, but even the body anxiety can can be
accompanied alongside a mindset, even if you haven't physiologically gained weight,
you know, because that body anxiety is considered like a
(03:47):
mental disorder or disease, right, So keep in mind, like
even if your if your struggles haven't necessarily manifested as
weight gain, a lot of times that feeling that people
are going to notice your body is especially exacerbated around
the holidays.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
So what's something we can do if we are like
listening right now and we're like, oh wait, I think
body anxiety. That sounds familiar to me. I feel like
that's happening, Like what's step one?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yeah, for sure, And obviously just want to give the
disclaimer that it's not like a fix from this episode,
like it's a you know, again, we're talking a lot
of times about decades of patterns and you know, tens
of thousands of repetitions. But you know, one of the
things is to first understand that you know, a lot
of it is coming from the societal pressure, right and
so if you are especially sensitive to the topic that
(04:35):
we're talking about right now, one of the first things
I invite my clients to do before we get into
the how to is I do invite them to kind
of take an audit of how much they're spending online
because a lot of times comparison itis, especially with social media,
can really really heighten this and oftentimes, just like limiting
the amount of time that they're online can get the
part of it is about getting their mental real estate
(04:56):
back so that.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
They can take ownership of this.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
So that's one of the first things I do is
is just like invite them to take a bit of
an inventory of how much time.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
They're spending online. But that being.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Said, you know, first of it is just understanding that
a lot of times whatever is causing the weight gain,
whatever's causing the perception of the weight gain or the
body anxiety where you have a hyper fixation on what
you're perceiving as laws is really about a deeper self
worth issue rather than just a number on the scale
or the size of your genes or how they're fitting. Right,
(05:27):
So that's the first thing is like I would just
invite you all to get really real about what the
problem is. And again, it's not about your weight. It's
your thoughts about your weight. And it's not about what
the scale says. It's your thoughts about what the scale says.
So that's you know, number one. But if I were
to go kind of big picture overview of if I
were to give you a big picture overview of, like
what's the game plan during the holidays to really like
(05:47):
tackle the hyper fixation on your weight, I would, honestly
because because again what comes off the back of that
when you have a hyperfixation on weight or weight gain
or body is a lot of times that's what leads
people to these kind of extreme, you know methods of
like I gotta, you know, do whatever I can to
air quotes, get in control.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
So one of the things I.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Would invite you to do is actually reframe the whole situation,
where what if you looked at the holiday time as
actually the time to focus on your mental and emotional
well being rather than focusing on your physical body, or
rather than waiting for the new year's to get yourself aligned.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Like, what if this was the.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Perfect time when you when you know that, especially if
you're predisposed to this time of your being a bit
more of a sensitive area on your body. What if
this was the time to double down on your mental health,
your emotional health, your spiritual health, and focusing on this
idea that your worth is tied to the scale or
your body and really acknowledging first of all, acknowledging that
(06:46):
there's typical fluctuations for all of us with our bodies,
and like acceptance of that. But also and we talked
about the black and white thinking that comes off the
back of it.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
But like, again, what if this wasn't a physical thing
at all?
Speaker 2 (06:57):
What if you completely change the conversation so that you
entered into a mental, emotional, even spiritual conversation around your
body rather than it being a physical one. And what
if the holidays were actually the best time to do that.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
To go inward.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
Yeah, I like that you use the word double down.
It is this is the time to double down, Yeah,
like on the mental side of things. And it may
not even mean like that you need to do some
deep therapeutic crazy thing, because it might not be a
deep therapeutic issue. It might be a rewiring of your
(07:33):
brain that you have for so long lived in the
animal part of your brain that you don't have the
control anymore and it's sort of taken over. But the
beauty of our brains is that it's multiple, like you
can rewire it and you just have to start building
those new neuropathways. And that happens with repetition. So earlier,
(07:55):
I know, I even said, like, what's the first step,
And not to be daunting, but it might be like, well,
that's step one out of you know, a thousand times
you need to repeat something, and then a thousand more.
But your brain is making so many different decisions every day,
thousands and thousands and thousands of decisions. This is you
actually acknowledging what's happening and trying to take control of
(08:17):
some of those thousands and thousands of thoughts. And the
more you do it, the easier it gets. And so
I just want to clarify that because I think for
so long I was booking therapy appointments, which I think
therapy is super important, but it was in the throes
of my eating disorder that I thought I had some
deep rooted childhood issue that I wasn't tapping into that
I needed clarity on.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
And then suddenly, bah bah, I.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Was going to be free of my eating disorder, when
really my brain was used to a certain behavior because
I had repeated it over and over and over and
over again. So I had to repeat my new healthy
mental thoughts and behaviors over and over and over again
to override the negative ones.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
And so for me, it wasn't this, you know, is
you with my dad? Did I have issues with my
dad from my childhood? Absolutely? But is that what was
going to give me freedom from my disordered eating? No?
Mine was that route.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
And so I say that just to offer hope that, yes,
you may have some deep rooted childhood stuff you need
to work through. I'm not saying do not pursue that,
but also may not be as daunting as you think.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
It just may take a crap ton of repetition.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, I'm so glad you said that, because I also
thought I had daddy issues and that was what was
causing it, you know. And I mean I went and
I talked it out, and I my dad and I
are aokay right now. But that did not eradicate the
disordered eating and the self image and the body image
that came alongside it. And you're right, it doesn't have
to be this deep dark, let's go dig up all
the skeletons in our emotional graveyard kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
I think a lot of people think it does, and
that's why they're afraid of the work.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
But really the work is you're just like you said,
there's there's a recipe of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors are
causing the disorder, and there's a new recipe that's available
to all of us of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that
will create our freedom and our peace of mind, and
having this beautiful relationship with food where food can just
be food and your weight can just be your weight,
and you don't always have to like your weight, like
you're allowed to want to go change it at some
(10:15):
point in time too. Right, But first and foremost, like,
if we're coming back to this idea of dealing with
you know, the fears of weight gain or the fears
of body anxiety, what if, like what you needed to
hear today, what if? And I'm just inviting you into
the possibility and not saying that I'm right, but I
just I do believe it to be true.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
So I'm just inviting you to try on.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
What if your air quotes weight problems were actually in
your head, your heart, and your brain, and when you
address all of that, ironically, the weight stuff would Don't
get me wrong, We a lot of us need a
better system of thinking around food and a better like
kind of decision making process than good, bad, right, wrong,
should shouldn't because that is what causes the disorder. But
what if before you even think about the food or
(10:54):
the weight or whatever it is, you look at the
recipe of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that are in your brain,
and you're right, it is just a matter of repetition.
I call it air attention, intension, and repetition. And once
you find that new recipe, it can happen very quickly, right,
and you don't have to go open the emotional you know, graveyard.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
But sometimes that's really powerful too.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
But if if that's what's keeping you from going and
healing your brain, they're kind of like two separate but
overlapping conversations that they can coexist. But again, like if
that's what's keeping you from doing it, don't buy into
the lie that you have to go get into a lot.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Of pain to go heal the disorder in your brain.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Right, Okay, let's shift a little bit to the fear
of the weight gain, which, yeah, is another form of
body anxiety in itself. I'm just picturing like there's this
like ben diagram and like there's all these different circles.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
So yeah, it really is. It's hard to like talk
about one thing without the other, you know. And so
ok so we talked about double downing on this idea
of like what if this was the perfect time to actually,
you know, focus on my mental emotional well being.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
But also, you know, part of it.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Is like how can you if you know that you're
prone to body anxiety around the holidays, how can you
be proactive and stay present and stay.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Grounded during the holidays.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
So, for example, maybe this is the perfect time for
you to find new ways to connect to your body
through mindful movement or you know, finding clothes that make
you feel good in your body, right, rather than feeling
like you have to succumb to wearing the metaphorical sweatpants
and sweatshirts that or whatever it is baggy clothes, Right,
how can you focus on the experiences in your social
(12:32):
life rather than just the food. Right, So there's ways
for you because again, because of reciprocal inhibition, like when
one turns on the other has to turn off. So
if right now your body is your your mind and
your brain is focusing on my weight, my weight, my body,
my body, my body, because of reciprocal inhibition, all of
the other amazing experiences that are available.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
To you are switched off.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
But the beautiful thing thing about reciprocal inhibition is if
you start focusing on, like, Okay, how can I actually
connect to my body through amazing movement. Maybe there's a
new yoga class or a dance class I want to try,
or maybe I'm gonna go just buy like one pair
of like cute stretchy genes that make my butt look
nice and I'm gonna feel really I'm gonna rock in
those genes so that I have something that fits me
(13:12):
that I can feel proud of myself. And how can I,
you know, focus on these like making time with friends
to go walking and stuff like that and hang out
and connect or go have a coffee rather than just
you know, obsessing over food or feeling like everything has
to be food focused, right, how can I really proactively
create the holiday season that I want that has absolutely
nothing to do with my body? And then you're the
(13:34):
one taking back your power, detaching from you know, the
external pressures of whatever you think you have to do
that during the holiday season. But also you get to
honor your body where it is right now and find
gratitude for what your body can do right now and
what you do appreciate about your body. And again when
you focus on that, because of the again the law
(13:55):
of reciprocal inhibition the other stuff, it might not absolutely
go away, but that the voice, the noise, the volume is.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Going to come way down.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
So that fear of the weight gain. Yeah. I like
the way that you just said that.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
It's almost like it may still be there, but it's
not going to be cranked up as loud, which I
think that that's the goal. Maybe there's an underlying like
it's always going to be there, Land and I are
saying that, like it's just this lifelong cure. Even though
we're both in recovery, you can still have certain thoughts.
But I do like that picture of there's a volume
(14:31):
button and how loud are you going to allow those
thoughts to be and what are you going to allow
into your life? Because when I think about the fear
of weight gain category of this, you know, I think
of the scale and the pressure I would put on
myself weighing myself all the time. And that was a
(14:54):
whole mind game in itself, because if you don't really
know a number, then are you able to have this
unhealthy competition with yourself? I mean because I would weigh
in the morning, I would wait in the afternoon, I
would waigh in the evening. Obviously you're going to weigh
more in the evening if you're drinking water and consuming food.
(15:15):
But my brain was so messed up that I'd be like, oh,
I can't believe that my scale is up. But like,
that's not rational thinking, because my rational brain right now
would tell me, okay, duh, yes, you're supposed to weigh more.
So you know, my solution to that is I don't
even have a scale anymore, and I don't know my
(15:35):
exact weight. And that's a decision that I made years
ago because I had such a toxic relationship with the scale,
and when I would go to the doctor, I would say, hey,
I know that you need to weigh me for my
records so that you know where I am with things.
But I'm gonna go ahead and turn around. You don't
have to look at it if that's something that could
be triggering. Now I'm to the point where I can
(15:57):
go to the doctor and that's okay. I'm not triggered
by that anymore. But when I was in the process
of remolding my brain and rewiring it, those are things
that I had to do. And then at some point,
I don't even know exactly when it was, like I
rounded the corner corner and now I don't have a
scale here at my house. I'm not obsessed with it
(16:19):
like I once was, But I don't know. Something just
happened one day where I was at the doctor and
I hopped on the scale and it wasn't a big deal,
Like I didn't have to turn around. I didn't have
to make it a thing. But just know that you're
in charge of your own body and you can be weighed.
But some people don't even know that that's an option
to just turn around and not have to look at
the scale. But respect the fact that your doctor's office
(16:40):
may need that information, because I think you can also
refuse to be weighed. But then I always wanted my
doctor to have data, so I wanted to have that,
but I didn't want my brain to have it because
I couldn't trust my brain at the time.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Sure, yeah, absolutely, and I love that. You know, we're
talking about this conversation of turning the volume down. Like
the beautiful thing is is that you can turn the
volume down on one conversation and then up parallel to that,
turn the volume up on a separate conversation that you're
starting with yourself to. It's what's the opposite of body anxiety,
piece acceptance, gratitude, you know, and just start into some
(17:15):
people that feels like a foreign concept, And that's where
the opportunity is.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
And I'm thinking of like gathering with families, like different
holiday parties, work parties, stuff that may be coming up,
instead of your brain being consumed with all these other
thoughts of like what you're going to weigh before the
party or after the party, or what you're gonna eat
or what you're not gonna eat. How can you connect
with your coworkers in a fun way at this party.
How can you connect with your family that you haven't seen,
(17:39):
Like what are some conversation starters, some fun games you
can play. I love those conversation card games for meals,
around the table, for getting people together. It's so fun
to ask the questions and see what everybody's answer is. Like,
there's tons of options available on Amazon if you just
type in like conversation starter games for family, for couples,
(18:04):
like if you want to get to know your partner better,
Like I'm just thinking of following what you're saying here,
Leanne about shifting the anxiety, turning that volume down, Well,
what do you want to turn up? If you want
to turn up other things and other parts of conversation,
then think of ways that you can give your brain
something else to think about. And some of these conversation
(18:25):
starters may help that, either with yourself if you're journaling,
or around the table with people that you love and
want to know better.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
And on a deeper level.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, it's so so powerful.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
And that's where again, the first way to you know,
take back power from your worth just being aligned with
a scale or your weight is to go find value
in other ways, you know, and one of the easiest
ways to do that, and the best and the most
feeling ways is connection to others. You know, how can
I just be present with others and add you know,
fun and laughter and love and entertainment with these games,
(18:58):
I mean, all the things that have absolutely nothing to
do with what you look like.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Love that all, right, Leanne? Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
If you want to learn more about how to rewire
your brain and heal from the all or nothing diet
mentality and take back power from the body anxiety in
your head, you can check it out over at stressless
eating dot com. I've laid out just kind of peel
back the curtain of what I teach my clients.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
And always we want to wrap with you having compassion
for yourself. Leanne and I are saying different things from
this side of the table, but we've been on both sides.
And I have compassion for that version of me, by
the way, that used to weigh myself multiple times a day.
It's a part of my story. And I think back
(19:41):
and I just I kind of want to pick her
up and hold her because.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
She was exhausted.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Yes, love yes, and so I was just looking for
validation in the wrong places. So have compassion for yourself,
and Leanne and I just want to hold you guys,
and hug you and know that you are validated, and
for all the other amazing things about you that have
nothing to do with your body in any way, shape
(20:09):
or form. All Right, we'll see you next Saturday for
our Holiday series, Part four. Were talking the gift of
self acceptance, which I think will be nice, a nice
follow up to this conversation and giving yourself permission to
enjoy the holidays.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
We'll see it then. Bye.
Hosts And Creators
Amy Brown
Leanne Ellington
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