We are back again sharing Two Things that can ABSOLUTELY be true at the same time: You can be on the journey to self-love and self-worth (and not have self-worth tied to your appearance)....AND still care about what you look like.
These things do NOT have to cancel eachother out or stay mutually exclusive. But...there are some very important distinctions that you want to keep in mind--- especially since there are a lot of messages out there telling you that you "shouldn't" ever focus on your appearance or that it is 'vain' to care what you look like.
Here at Outweigh, we love to give a different perspective, and that's why Amy & Leanne came together for the SECOND episode of the Mini-Series Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time (Normalizing the In-Betweens and Healing From Extremism) where they share their thoughts and takeaways on how you can have BOTH: You can be on the journey to self-love and self-worth (and not have self-worth tied to your appearance)....AND still care about what you look like.
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am, agil I'm strong, I
feel free, I know every part of me It's beautiful
and then will always out way if you feel it
(00:24):
with your hands, and there she'll some love to the
food I get there. Take you one day and did
you and die out way?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, outwigh. I'm Amy Brown and I'm Leanne Ellington
and we are here with part two of a mini
series that we're doing called Two Things Can Be True
at the Same Time. Last week we talked about how
you can be pro body image and still have health
goals that you want to reach. And this week we're
talking about how you can be on the journey to
(00:56):
self love and self worth and we'll.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Care about what you look like.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, and when it comes to self love and self worth,
Leanne is an expert self image scientist, is what you
call yourself.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
I'm on the journey as well, and I am obsessively
studying it, researching it, teaching it, living it.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
So how can these two things be true at the
same time?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
And it does kind of go hand in hand with
what we talked about last week. You know where we
think like, oh, if I'm on this healthy healing journey,
I can't also have these health goals. Well, it's like
you can also be on this healthy healing journey of
your heart and your self image. And when I talk
about self image, what I really mean is what are
you saying to yourself and about yourself? How are you
seeing yourself? How are you perceiving yourself? What are the
(01:42):
goggles that you're seeing yourself through. I'll always be on
that journey the rest of my life, right because we're
meaning making machines, We're constantly seeing ourselves through through different lenses,
and even as we up level and overcome different circumstances,
we're taking on new roles and new beliefs come up
in new doubts. So it's something that I I don't
ever want to not be on. But it also I
think especially in the world of where women specifically are
(02:06):
talking about healing their relationship with food, healing their relationship
with their body and the body image stuff that comes
alongside that. Again, talking about overcoming extremism, there's a lot
of hate, so to speak, on caring what you look like.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
And so if we.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Got geeky for just a second and we talk to
our logic and reason side before we get into the
heart side of it. Right on a logic and reason side,
there is a very specific part of your brain called
the acc the anterior singulate cortex. I talk about it
all the time. It's called the social brain. It's the
part of our brain that absolutely cares what other people
think about us. It's bigger in females than it is
(02:41):
in males, and so we have an entire part of
our brain that cares what people think about us, whether
we're accepted, whether we're connected, whether we're cared for. Do
they like me? Are they judging me? Is she looking
at what I'm wearing? Do I have a wedgie?
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Whatever? It is, right, So we're wired to care.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
But as women, it's human of us to want to
feel beautiful and pretty and attractive and all of those things.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
And we don't have to apologize it now.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
But there's a dark side of it too, which I
personally experienced was that when that's all you are weighing
and measuring your self worth and your self esteem by,
that's when it can become a very dark dark place,
in a rabbit hole of emptiness to be honest. Right,
So there's those distinctions. So first and foremost, giving yourself
permission to care what you look like and care about
(03:30):
your appearance and take pride in your appearance. Right, There's
so many women I talk to you, They're like, oh,
I love fashion. I love showing my personality and fashion.
And I know women that are like, I love doing makeup.
It's my thing. I love watching YouTube videos and it
just like it's a creative outlet. And some of them
are like, love doing my hair, but oh, that's so superficial.
I'm like, no, it's not superficial. It's something that you love.
It's something that you enjoy, it's something that you appreciate.
(03:51):
It's something that you take passion in and take pride in,
like live it up, you know. And because that's why
we're working together, let's also make sure that that's not
the only that's encompassing your value of how you're weighing yourself. Right,
So those distinctions, So, first and foremost, you have permission
to care what you look like, but also just reinforcing
you have an entire part of your brain that actually
(04:12):
does care what you look like how you're perceived all
of that, So again, finding that line between you caring
but also not letting it completely take over your life.
And one of the things I talk about, and then
I'll flip it over back to you, is this idea
of self endorsement. Because we are wired to care what
other people think about us, right, it's impossible not to,
(04:33):
especially the female brain.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
But what if you care just a little bit more
about what.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
You think and what you say, and you feel about
yourself more than what other people think and say and
feel about you, and you're building that endorsement and self
image within yourself. And then again, obviously it's not just
tied up in how you look, but it doesn't have
to completely take away the fact that you're human.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
And chances are, if you're listening to this, you're.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
A woman and you are going to care and you're
allowed to and there's nothing superficial, there's nothing catty, there's
nothing petty about it, and allowing it to be coexisting
while you're on that journey of love and worthiness and
receiving all of the beauty of who you are inside
as well.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
What's happening with certain people that are vocal about how
I don't care what anybody else thinks.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
It's a lie they're probably telling themselves, because we do
care some people. It's a coping mechanism, it's a defense mechanism,
it's a front, but giving them love and compassion because
it might just seem like it's easier to say that.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I mean, we all walk around with stories. I have them.
I have my own stories, myself them. You know, we
all have them. We're all storytellers, we're all menum makers.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
So when people say I don't care what other people think, oftentimes,
and again this is all anecdotal. I don't have, you know,
evidence on this, there's no there's no study on this.
But oftentimes I have found they actually care more, and
that is some sort of coping mechanism, a shell affront.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
I even found that at times I tried to say
that out loud or to myself, and I know that
it's not true. Yeah, but I've owned it before too,
and I know that I hear others. So I thought
I would ask that question because I feel like there's
some people that are like, well, wait, I really don't
care what other people think.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
But the flip side of that is in like turning
it into a self endorsement kind of way of thinking.
Like so, for example, I'm very dorky. I mean, you
know me, I'm dorky. I say dorky things. But like
part of that I used to apologize for that. I
was like, ooh, like are people gonna think I'm a
dark And now I'm just like, I own my dorkiness.
So you can't hurt me when I'm saying when I
already accept me, right, So if there's something that you
(06:39):
don't accept about about me, but I accept me for it,
it's not gonna hurt me. It's not going to penetrate
my bubble. So on the flip side of that, it's like,
wherever we say we don't care, it's like, what if
you it's not that you don't care, but what if
you start caring about what you say and how you
feel and believing in yourself in those areas. So it's
not that you won't care, but it just won't harm you,
hurt you, you know, penetrate your bubble of self love.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
It's more of that saying of you know, your opinion
of me is none of my business exactly, So I
do care. But at the same time, I have to know,
like it's none of my business and I'm not going
to let this affect me.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
And if it does affect me, well that's on me. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
It is our responsibility on how we react to things.
And I think two things being true at the same time.
You know, you mentioned some people it might be makeup
or they're really into face stuff and facials and whatever
they want to get done there or clothing and that
makes them feel really good. That might not be true
for you, but for them, they don't have to apologize
(07:39):
for it because that's what's making them happy. Like that
is something that they can own and they don't care
if you're not into fashion. That's something where That's where
I was going with it, like two things can be true.
They cannot care, They cannot care what other people think
about that totally. Our brain, in turn, still cares what
people think.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Such a good point.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, I can get a little confusing, but I was
thinking specifically of this person I follow on Instagram. Her
name is Gail and her handle is at Gail's Style,
and she lives in New York and I love her style.
I wish I could just have everything that she has
and a story that I've often told myself is, oh,
I can't get dressed. I'm trying to start speaking differently
(08:19):
to myself when I'm waking up in the morning, getting
ready and getting ready for work, of I go to
my closet and I pick out outfits with these because
I don't want to stress myself out. The more I say, oh, dress,
I can't put outfits together, the more I'm gonna not
be able to put outfits together. But she first got
into fashion because in junior high or high school, she
(08:41):
was not treated very well by some of her peers,
and that was a way that she would show up
to school feeling confident. She loved fashion, and she would
go home and put together these awesome outfits, and that's
how she would show up to school. And then people
started being like, Oh, I love how you put that together,
or that looks so good, and that was her way
of blocking what others were saying and stepping into who
(09:03):
she wanted to be. And now she's fifty years old
and has a career styling people and going into their
closets and helping them feel their most confident. And she
truly believes because this is what she's into. Maybe not
everybody else is, but she gets dressed every single day
and for nobody else but herself because that's what she
(09:26):
trained herself to do when she was younger. And she
has her hair done every single day. And some people
will be like, ugh, that seems exhausting, but for her.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
That's what works. Totally.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
I don't know her personally, but I feel like I
know a lot of what she shared enough online to
say that her self worth isn't attached to any of that,
but that is something that she cares about, yeah, unapologetically, unapologetically,
like she puts it out there on front streets where
I could see other people might be like, oh my gosh,
(09:57):
this woman's but no, we don't even need to judge
what's your thing for you? And then maybe if you
are judging that, it's a way to look inward and
be like, oh, what am I not giving myself that
I care about?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
What am I denying totally?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Because there's probably something, if I'm being honest, that I
care about and I would like to work on while
still caring about my self love and self worth and
not attaching my self worth to my appearance, saying.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Totally and just to give an example, like a completely
opposite example of that.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
So fifteen years ago, I had one hundred extra pounds
on me.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
And I was wearing men's jeans and frumpy, you know,
big things to cover up my body. I couldn't walk
into stores. They didn't have plus size like they do now.
Like there wasn't very fashion forward, you know, plus size
clothes back then.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
And I lost like my femininity in a way.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Like I did my hair and my makeup and all that,
but like I kind of felt more masculine in a way.
It sounds kind of weird to say that, but I
lost that like feminine essence of who I am because
I was so covered up and like hidden in my
body and disconnected from my body. So one of the
experiments that I went on, and I remember this was
I went to the Mac counter and I was like,
(11:09):
I've never worn lipstick. Can you help me find a
shade to wear lipstick? And I literally went on what
I called a beauty experiment where I was playing around
with fashion and I was trying to find my inner
beauty because I either never had it or lost it
somewhere along the lines because I was so dissociated with
my body. But can you imagine if I was apologetic
about finding my beauty, I looked at it as something
that I really wanted to seek out and actually create
(11:31):
within me, and it caused a little bit of like
a creative outflow in me.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
So there are sides of it too that maybe we.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Want it, but also maybe we lost it along the
way because we got lost in our own journey, right,
And these are the things if we're apologizing for caring
what we look like, we're missing out on the next
level of transformation. But again the distinction, we don't want
to hide in that and let it encompass all of
our self worth, but like, give yourself permission to take
pride in feeling that inner beauty, but also so the
(12:00):
outer beauty that matches it, and it reflects who you're
being on the inside.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah, And then it makes me think of that curiosity
versus judgment, which is where I think my brain was
trying to take me with the Gale thing. As some
people might look at how she's choosing to show up
and be like, oh, I can't believe she puts so
much emphasis on that stuff. But if you're doing that,
then I would get curious about hmm is it because
you would like to show up in that way? And
(12:25):
to your point of now things being more available in
different sizes, which is amazing, amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
It's so great that.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Even Gale encourages that of like, Okay, go into your
closet and I want you to start collecting pieces that
what do you put on? It makes you, It makes
you come alive, It makes you feel your best, not
what size it is, yes, but meet yourself exactly where
you are right now, your body, where you are right
now with you. You found yourself resorting to you know,
(12:55):
T shirts and jeans, when if you had had the option,
you could have and found stuff that really made you
feel who you felt like on the inside and wanted
to be and you deserve to be and you are.
You needed accessibility to the items. But now they're out there.
So don't let that you wish it was a certain number,
or you want to look a certain way. No, just
(13:17):
start stepping into that. If you would like to start
showing up in a different way, buy some of those
clothes that are that size. Don't wait until you lose weight,
or don't even put your the pressure on yourself to
lose weight, because that's not what it's about. You can
still care about your appearance wherever you.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Are without waiting for the weight to make it happen.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Waiting for the weight right, because the truth is you
may not even need to. I think sometimes society may
be telling you you need to lose weight, but just
start living now, Start living now. Yes, so two things
can be true at the same time, and this one
in particular is to not have your self worth tied
to your parents, but still care.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
About your parents. If you want to amen, you have
full permission, Full permission land.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Where can people find you if you want to hear
more about this conversation, the self image of the body image,
rewiring your brain, stresslesseding dot com. It's all there, and
I am at Radio Amy on Instagram. We'll see y'all
next Saturday for part three of this series.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Bye bye,
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am, agil I'm strong, I
feel free, I know every part of me It's beautiful
and then will always out way if you feel it
(00:24):
with your hands, and there she'll some love to the
food I get there. Take you one day and did
you and die out way?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, outwigh. I'm Amy Brown and I'm Leanne Ellington
and we are here with part two of a mini
series that we're doing called Two Things Can Be True
at the Same Time. Last week we talked about how
you can be pro body image and still have health
goals that you want to reach. And this week we're
talking about how you can be on the journey to
(00:56):
self love and self worth and we'll.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Care about what you look like.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, and when it comes to self love and self worth,
Leanne is an expert self image scientist, is what you
call yourself.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
I'm on the journey as well, and I am obsessively
studying it, researching it, teaching it, living it.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
So how can these two things be true at the
same time?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
And it does kind of go hand in hand with
what we talked about last week. You know where we
think like, oh, if I'm on this healthy healing journey,
I can't also have these health goals. Well, it's like
you can also be on this healthy healing journey of
your heart and your self image. And when I talk
about self image, what I really mean is what are
you saying to yourself and about yourself? How are you
seeing yourself? How are you perceiving yourself? What are the
(01:42):
goggles that you're seeing yourself through. I'll always be on
that journey the rest of my life, right because we're
meaning making machines, We're constantly seeing ourselves through through different lenses,
and even as we up level and overcome different circumstances,
we're taking on new roles and new beliefs come up
in new doubts. So it's something that I I don't
ever want to not be on. But it also I
think especially in the world of where women specifically are
(02:06):
talking about healing their relationship with food, healing their relationship
with their body and the body image stuff that comes
alongside that. Again, talking about overcoming extremism, there's a lot
of hate, so to speak, on caring what you look like.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
And so if we.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Got geeky for just a second and we talk to
our logic and reason side before we get into the
heart side of it. Right on a logic and reason side,
there is a very specific part of your brain called
the acc the anterior singulate cortex. I talk about it
all the time. It's called the social brain. It's the
part of our brain that absolutely cares what other people
think about us. It's bigger in females than it is
(02:41):
in males, and so we have an entire part of
our brain that cares what people think about us, whether
we're accepted, whether we're connected, whether we're cared for. Do
they like me? Are they judging me? Is she looking
at what I'm wearing? Do I have a wedgie?
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Whatever? It is, right, So we're wired to care.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
But as women, it's human of us to want to
feel beautiful and pretty and attractive and all of those things.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
And we don't have to apologize it now.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
But there's a dark side of it too, which I
personally experienced was that when that's all you are weighing
and measuring your self worth and your self esteem by,
that's when it can become a very dark dark place,
in a rabbit hole of emptiness to be honest. Right,
So there's those distinctions. So first and foremost, giving yourself
permission to care what you look like and care about
(03:30):
your appearance and take pride in your appearance. Right, There's
so many women I talk to you, They're like, oh,
I love fashion. I love showing my personality and fashion.
And I know women that are like, I love doing makeup.
It's my thing. I love watching YouTube videos and it
just like it's a creative outlet. And some of them
are like, love doing my hair, but oh, that's so superficial.
I'm like, no, it's not superficial. It's something that you love.
It's something that you enjoy, it's something that you appreciate.
(03:51):
It's something that you take passion in and take pride in,
like live it up, you know. And because that's why
we're working together, let's also make sure that that's not
the only that's encompassing your value of how you're weighing yourself. Right,
So those distinctions, So, first and foremost, you have permission
to care what you look like, but also just reinforcing
you have an entire part of your brain that actually
(04:12):
does care what you look like how you're perceived all
of that, So again, finding that line between you caring
but also not letting it completely take over your life.
And one of the things I talk about, and then
I'll flip it over back to you, is this idea
of self endorsement. Because we are wired to care what
other people think about us, right, it's impossible not to,
(04:33):
especially the female brain.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
But what if you care just a little bit more
about what.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
You think and what you say, and you feel about
yourself more than what other people think and say and
feel about you, and you're building that endorsement and self
image within yourself. And then again, obviously it's not just
tied up in how you look, but it doesn't have
to completely take away the fact that you're human.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
And chances are, if you're listening to this, you're.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
A woman and you are going to care and you're
allowed to and there's nothing superficial, there's nothing catty, there's
nothing petty about it, and allowing it to be coexisting
while you're on that journey of love and worthiness and
receiving all of the beauty of who you are inside
as well.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
What's happening with certain people that are vocal about how
I don't care what anybody else thinks.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
It's a lie they're probably telling themselves, because we do
care some people. It's a coping mechanism, it's a defense mechanism,
it's a front, but giving them love and compassion because
it might just seem like it's easier to say that.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I mean, we all walk around with stories. I have them.
I have my own stories, myself them. You know, we
all have them. We're all storytellers, we're all menum makers.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
So when people say I don't care what other people think, oftentimes,
and again this is all anecdotal. I don't have, you know,
evidence on this, there's no there's no study on this.
But oftentimes I have found they actually care more, and
that is some sort of coping mechanism, a shell affront.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
I even found that at times I tried to say
that out loud or to myself, and I know that
it's not true. Yeah, but I've owned it before too,
and I know that I hear others. So I thought
I would ask that question because I feel like there's
some people that are like, well, wait, I really don't
care what other people think.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
But the flip side of that is in like turning
it into a self endorsement kind of way of thinking.
Like so, for example, I'm very dorky. I mean, you
know me, I'm dorky. I say dorky things. But like
part of that I used to apologize for that. I
was like, ooh, like are people gonna think I'm a
dark And now I'm just like, I own my dorkiness.
So you can't hurt me when I'm saying when I
already accept me, right, So if there's something that you
(06:39):
don't accept about about me, but I accept me for it,
it's not gonna hurt me. It's not going to penetrate
my bubble. So on the flip side of that, it's like,
wherever we say we don't care, it's like, what if
you it's not that you don't care, but what if
you start caring about what you say and how you
feel and believing in yourself in those areas. So it's
not that you won't care, but it just won't harm you,
hurt you, you know, penetrate your bubble of self love.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
It's more of that saying of you know, your opinion
of me is none of my business exactly, So I
do care. But at the same time, I have to know,
like it's none of my business and I'm not going
to let this affect me.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
And if it does affect me, well that's on me. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
It is our responsibility on how we react to things.
And I think two things being true at the same time.
You know, you mentioned some people it might be makeup
or they're really into face stuff and facials and whatever
they want to get done there or clothing and that
makes them feel really good. That might not be true
for you, but for them, they don't have to apologize
(07:39):
for it because that's what's making them happy. Like that
is something that they can own and they don't care
if you're not into fashion. That's something where That's where
I was going with it, like two things can be true.
They cannot care, They cannot care what other people think
about that totally. Our brain, in turn, still cares what
people think.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Such a good point.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, I can get a little confusing, but I was
thinking specifically of this person I follow on Instagram. Her
name is Gail and her handle is at Gail's Style,
and she lives in New York and I love her style.
I wish I could just have everything that she has
and a story that I've often told myself is, oh,
I can't get dressed. I'm trying to start speaking differently
(08:19):
to myself when I'm waking up in the morning, getting
ready and getting ready for work, of I go to
my closet and I pick out outfits with these because
I don't want to stress myself out. The more I say, oh, dress,
I can't put outfits together, the more I'm gonna not
be able to put outfits together. But she first got
into fashion because in junior high or high school, she
(08:41):
was not treated very well by some of her peers,
and that was a way that she would show up
to school feeling confident. She loved fashion, and she would
go home and put together these awesome outfits, and that's
how she would show up to school. And then people
started being like, Oh, I love how you put that together,
or that looks so good, and that was her way
of blocking what others were saying and stepping into who
(09:03):
she wanted to be. And now she's fifty years old
and has a career styling people and going into their
closets and helping them feel their most confident. And she
truly believes because this is what she's into. Maybe not
everybody else is, but she gets dressed every single day
and for nobody else but herself because that's what she
(09:26):
trained herself to do when she was younger. And she
has her hair done every single day. And some people
will be like, ugh, that seems exhausting, but for her.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
That's what works. Totally.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
I don't know her personally, but I feel like I
know a lot of what she shared enough online to
say that her self worth isn't attached to any of that,
but that is something that she cares about, yeah, unapologetically, unapologetically,
like she puts it out there on front streets where
I could see other people might be like, oh my gosh,
(09:57):
this woman's but no, we don't even need to judge
what's your thing for you? And then maybe if you
are judging that, it's a way to look inward and
be like, oh, what am I not giving myself that
I care about?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
What am I denying totally?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Because there's probably something, if I'm being honest, that I
care about and I would like to work on while
still caring about my self love and self worth and
not attaching my self worth to my appearance, saying.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Totally and just to give an example, like a completely
opposite example of that.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
So fifteen years ago, I had one hundred extra pounds
on me.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
And I was wearing men's jeans and frumpy, you know,
big things to cover up my body. I couldn't walk
into stores. They didn't have plus size like they do now.
Like there wasn't very fashion forward, you know, plus size
clothes back then.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
And I lost like my femininity in a way.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Like I did my hair and my makeup and all that,
but like I kind of felt more masculine in a way.
It sounds kind of weird to say that, but I
lost that like feminine essence of who I am because
I was so covered up and like hidden in my
body and disconnected from my body. So one of the
experiments that I went on, and I remember this was
I went to the Mac counter and I was like,
(11:09):
I've never worn lipstick. Can you help me find a
shade to wear lipstick? And I literally went on what
I called a beauty experiment where I was playing around
with fashion and I was trying to find my inner
beauty because I either never had it or lost it
somewhere along the lines because I was so dissociated with
my body. But can you imagine if I was apologetic
about finding my beauty, I looked at it as something
that I really wanted to seek out and actually create
(11:31):
within me, and it caused a little bit of like
a creative outflow in me.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
So there are sides of it too that maybe we.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Want it, but also maybe we lost it along the
way because we got lost in our own journey, right,
And these are the things if we're apologizing for caring
what we look like, we're missing out on the next
level of transformation. But again the distinction, we don't want
to hide in that and let it encompass all of
our self worth, but like, give yourself permission to take
pride in feeling that inner beauty, but also so the
(12:00):
outer beauty that matches it, and it reflects who you're
being on the inside.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah, And then it makes me think of that curiosity
versus judgment, which is where I think my brain was
trying to take me with the Gale thing. As some
people might look at how she's choosing to show up
and be like, oh, I can't believe she puts so
much emphasis on that stuff. But if you're doing that,
then I would get curious about hmm is it because
you would like to show up in that way? And
(12:25):
to your point of now things being more available in
different sizes, which is amazing, amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
It's so great that.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Even Gale encourages that of like, Okay, go into your
closet and I want you to start collecting pieces that
what do you put on? It makes you, It makes
you come alive, It makes you feel your best, not
what size it is, yes, but meet yourself exactly where
you are right now, your body, where you are right
now with you. You found yourself resorting to you know,
(12:55):
T shirts and jeans, when if you had had the option,
you could have and found stuff that really made you
feel who you felt like on the inside and wanted
to be and you deserve to be and you are.
You needed accessibility to the items. But now they're out there.
So don't let that you wish it was a certain number,
or you want to look a certain way. No, just
(13:17):
start stepping into that. If you would like to start
showing up in a different way, buy some of those
clothes that are that size. Don't wait until you lose weight,
or don't even put your the pressure on yourself to
lose weight, because that's not what it's about. You can
still care about your appearance wherever you.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Are without waiting for the weight to make it happen.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Waiting for the weight right, because the truth is you
may not even need to. I think sometimes society may
be telling you you need to lose weight, but just
start living now, Start living now. Yes, so two things
can be true at the same time, and this one
in particular is to not have your self worth tied
to your parents, but still care.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
About your parents. If you want to amen, you have
full permission, Full permission land.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Where can people find you if you want to hear
more about this conversation, the self image of the body image,
rewiring your brain, stresslesseding dot com. It's all there, and
I am at Radio Amy on Instagram. We'll see y'all
next Saturday for part three of this series.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Bye bye,
Hosts And Creators
Amy Brown
Leanne Ellington
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