Amy and Leanne are back again sharing Two Things that can ABSOLUTELY be true at the same time: You can be self-endorsed and uber-confident.... AND still care what other people think of you (or fear judgment).
These things do NOT have to cancel each other out or stay mutually exclusive. But...there are some very important distinctions that you want to keep in mind--- especially since there are a lot of messages out there telling you that you "shouldn't" care what other people think about you.
Here at Outweigh, we love to give a different perspective, and that's why Amy & Leanne came together for the FIFTH episode of the Mini-Series Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time (Normalizing the In-Betweens and Healing From Extremism) where they share their thoughts and takeaways on how you can have BOTH: You can be self-endorsed and uber-confident.... AND still care what other people think of you (or fear judgment).
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out outwait everything that I'm made,
don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am again. Stoan, I
feel free.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I know every part of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then will always out way if.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
You feel it.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
But she'll some love to the bo why get there?
Take you one day? Anita? Did you and die out way?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne Ellington Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
We're continuing our two things can be True at the
Same Time mini series. So we did four parts of
this and now we're going to do four more, So
definitely encourage you to go back and listen to those
if you missed them, because I think that there's a
lot of in between. There's like, wait, this is how
I'm feeling, or that's home feeling, and Leanne is the
(01:02):
best one to help you understand and me understand quite honestly,
how well all of this stuff.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Can exist at the same time and it's okay.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
And today we're touching on how you can be self
endorsed and you can be super confident all the things,
and you can also still care what other people think
about you or fear judgment, and I think that it's
important to remember.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
That one thousand percent. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
So the topic of self endorsement first kind of presented
itself to me when I had this moment of awareness
where I was like, Okay, if somebody's not telling me
that I'm amazing, or telling me that I'm smart, or
telling me that I'm pretty or anything like that, I
didn't know who I was. I felt like a shell
of a version of myself without relying on somebody else
to give it to me externally. And that was such
(01:49):
a big awareness for me because I felt like my
brain was being hijacked and it was at the discretion
of what other people thought, and not just what other
people thought, what I thought other people thought, so my
person of their perceptions. And so this concept of self endorsement,
like what would it look like if I, you know,
really started paying attention to what I think and what
I feel and what I say and who I'm being
(02:11):
in my own eyes. And as I started further studying
the brain, specifically the female brain, specifically the female self image,
that anterior singular cortex, that acc that I talk about
all the time, it just kept coming up and it
made me realize, you know, because you've met people, you
hear people being like, well, I.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Don't really care what they think.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
And I do agree that the older you get, the
more you really care what or I should say, the
older you get, the less you do care.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
But it's not practical or possible.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
To never care, because we have an entire part of
our brain that is looking for the acceptance from other people.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Do they like me? What do they think? Are they
judging me?
Speaker 1 (02:50):
And we've talked about this too, that specific part of
the brain. It's bigger and more active in females than
it is in male, so especially.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
At the younger years, like teenage brains exactly, especially that
acc really starts developing around puberty, so even as early
as like ten to eleven for some girls, you know.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
So it's that awareness, and it's why the opinions of
their friends matter so much more than the opinions of
their parents or their authority or their teacher, right or it. Again,
it just depends where that person lays on their version
of the social hierarchy, whether they deem them more important socially,
that's whose opinions will care more, right, and so self
endorsement especially I believe is important at as we are
(03:29):
young to till forever.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
But that being said, it's not practical to not care.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
What other people think, right, But again, we become a
victim to other people's opinions all the time if that's
all we're relying on.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
So and I love that you mentioned a minute ago
perceived perceptions. Yeah, because we're filtering something through our brain,
or we make up stories and then it loops in
our head and we feel like that's absolutely the truth,
and it may be sort of the truth, but we
make it far worse.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, it's a truth with a lowercase T, which is
really like a belief for a store or a meaning
that we're giving it, versus the truth with a capital T,
Like what is the end all, be all truth?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
And sometimes we'll never know, right, But.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Some things we do know, And we can also choose
a new, more empowering truth to live by and new
beliefs to step into.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
And that's where self endorsement comes into play.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
But coming back to the whole, two things can be
true at the same time, Like you can be self
endorse you can love who you are, know who you are,
be really assured in who you are, and so there's
again multiple distinctions within here and still care what other
people think about you, right, And you can also care
more about what you think about you than what other
people think about you. And so that's the bottom line.
(04:39):
If I were to say what self endorsement is, it's
like caring just a teeny tiny bit more about what
you think and what you say and how you feel
about you and your value system and your integrity. Then
you care about what other people think about you. But
notice I didn't say not care what other people think
about you. And then of course that goes into not
relying on other people to fill you up internally for
(05:00):
you to feel filled up yourself.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
What if words of affirmation or your love language?
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Sure? Absolutely, And I'm a big believer in meeting yourself
where you are. So for the record, I'm telling all
of this words of affirmation absolutely my number one love language.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, big time.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
So you know, I think it's about again having both,
not either or So for me, it's knowing that I
also really like to have words of affirmation, but I
don't need it. So it's the difference between desire it
versus require it. And then every once in a while
you might require it in order to feel what you
(05:35):
need to fill yourself while you're filling up your own cups. So,
for example, if there's something that you haven't yet stepped into,
and an example of this would be I might call
you and be like, hey, Amy, I am stepping out
on this new ledge right now. I've never done this,
I've never tried this, I've never witnessed myself being successful
at it. I have faith and i know I'm stepping
into it, but I'm a little bit wobbly right now.
(05:56):
And until I've figured out how to really believe myself,
can you just remind me about what you see in
me and what you say about me? And there's nothing
wrong with that, there's nothing wrong with getting endorsed by
other people. And so again desiring it, but not requiring
it to always need it, kind of like a drip
feed of a drug to be able to manifest it
(06:17):
within you for yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
So like if someone's having the body image thoughts, food
thoughts and they're thinking negatively of themselves, a form of
moving in the right direction to get past that would
be who's someone you can call that could say, Hey,
can you tell me what you see in me? So
I have a question too about that, because, like, you
don't want to comment on someone's body, but I guess
(06:41):
hearing a friend or a loved one comment on all
the things they love about you that have nothing to
do with appearance, right, right, be a step in the
right direction, and asking for that from those that are close.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
To you is okay.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Yeah, such a great question, and you brought up some
great distinctions.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So first of all, yes, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
What I would say is making sure that that's not
all you're doing to fill up that self endorsement cup.
And so another way of looking at endorsement. Self endorsement
is one of the kind of distinctions I teach my
clients is, or I should say, when they come to me,
the majority of their thought process is spent looking for
what they're not doing, who they're not being, what's not working,
what they don't like, what they don't have, what they're
(07:16):
not proud of. Right, So it's going in the opposite
direction of endorsement. It's really moving in the direction of shame, blame, guilt,
comparison itis, perfectionism, all those things. Right, So, if that's
what your brain space is used to looking for, it
will continue looking for that until you need teach it
a new pathway, and then you're kind of left to Okay,
if I want to feel filled up, I need somebody
(07:37):
else to kind of again drip feed me that dose
of filling up my own self esteem or self worth cup.
So one of the things I invite my clients into
is this concept so specifically with the body image. And
again I'm never saying like, hey, just take what I
say as gospel. I'm always like, try it on, see
how it fits, see what resonates. But to certain clients,
I might say to them, hey, what if your appearance
(07:59):
and your weight and what you look like was actually
the least interesting thing about you.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
What if there is so much more.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
That is interesting about you that you just haven't explored
and looked for because you've been kind of thinking about
your weight. And so one of the things I invite
them to do is start like a very specific self
endorsement process, which is and it goes beyond the scope
of what I'll share right now, but the and meat
of it is just start looking for what you are doing,
(08:28):
who you are being, what is working, what you do have,
what you are proud of. Right It's like the proud
of side of it, because it feels so great if
you told me, like Leanne, I'm so proud of you.
But for me to manufacture feeling proud of myself, it's
a stretch because there's cobwebs on that part of that brain.
Maybe it's never been used, maybe it hasn't been used
in a very long time, and it needs the cobwebs
(08:49):
need to be cleared, and that new pathway needs to
be built.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
This is for the record.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
One of the most challenging things for my clients is
to start acknowledging, bragging on like a humble brag, so
to speak, knowledging themselves, celebrating themselves, being proud of themselves.
But the reason I invite them into that part of
the conversation is because it's literally the recipe for self endorsement.
And it's not just about the doing. It's not just
about Okay, I checked off that box I wrote in
my journal about three things I'm proud of today. It's
(09:15):
about little by little, teaching your brain every day to
go down that path to look for what you are doing,
who you are being, what is working you know. A
metaphor for this is if you are metaphorically getting in
your car every single day and driving south, right, and south,
meaning shame, blame, comparison itis, the opposite of self endorsement.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
What you're not doing every day. I mean, you don't
even have to think about it.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
You could just get in your car and all of
a sudden you'll be heading south in that car. But
once you switch into this mindset of what I'm what
I'm sharing it, you're not going to magically get in
the car and it's all of a sudden going to
turn around.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
And go north.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
At first, you're gonna have to, you know, get in
the car, assume that it's going to automatically start going south,
because that program in your brain just you know, you
start driving the direction that you always would, and it's
gonna take a lot of momentum and energy at first
to literally like hit the brakes on the car, turn
the car around, and then start driving north in this
new direction that you don't have a map for right,
(10:10):
So at first it's a lot of energy to go
from south to north right north. In this metaphor, being
who you are, being, what you are doing, what you
do have, what you've created, what you're proud of what
you love, what you like. But little by little that
car you're again, it's not going to just automatically go north,
But little by little it's not going to take so
much resistance to turn it around, and all of a
(10:30):
sudden it's going southwest, and then northwest, and then all
of a sudden it is going north. But it's about
teaching your brand this new path as opposed to just okay,
check that off.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Wrote my gratitude journal, wrote my proud of journal.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Right, you did give me that homework assignment once, and
I do think it's a good one to, like you said,
have people do, but it's not the end all be all.
But you were like, Amy want you to get in
your journal, and I want you to brag on yourself
to yourself and celebrate.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
And that's what I did.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I wrote, I celebrate that I did this, and I
celebrate that I am this way, and I celebrate these
parts of me. And so my encouragement being someone that
has done that exercise and has had similar thoughts to
where I want to rewire, I want to dust off
those cobwebs, would be absolutely do that and then also
(11:18):
just be patient with yourself, knowing that if the cobwebs
are there, like something's blocked and you don't even know
your fullest potential. You don't even know those parts of
you yet that Leanne mentioned that are really awesome that
have nothing to do with your looks. You might be like, well,
I don't, I don't know that I have anything. Well,
you do, but Leanne and I can certainly relate to
(11:40):
the fact that you just haven't discovered that part of
yourself yet or it was there maybe when you were
a kid or before the food and the body image
stuff started, and then that got suppressed and had to
quiet itself because everything else was louder. And so we
need to And I say we because I'm in the
process of doing too.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
It's you're waking it.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Back up, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
And you know you could past present, future. It's a
great way to reconcile stuff in the past and then
see what you're creating in reality. But the other thing, too,
is like giving yourself grace that This is one of
the most common I'm going to use the word fights
that a lot of people slash women have is like
knowing our worthiness, knowing why we're awesome, remembering it because
(12:21):
I mean when you think about yesterday, what's the first
thing that comes to mind? All the things you didn't
do or all the things that you accomplished.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Oh, you know my yesterday.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
I do know your yesterday.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Yesterday I was like, I don't know what happened, but
like between you might need external endorsement.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Es a baby bird and a huge crack in my
windshield and like, oh, we're taking care of our neighbor's cat.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Couldn't find the cat. It's a black cat, by the way,
And I thought, what in the world? Like everything? And
I don't like to get power to that. I don't
like to say.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Everything's going wrong today, because then everything will continue to
go wrong today. So I didn't do that yesterday, although
I was very aware that lots of things were going wrong,
but I tried to stay lighthearted about it and be
like it is all going to work out all as well.
And then today I'm trying to, you know, laugh about
(13:09):
it more so that way, I just.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Can channel getting in the flow for good things.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
But you know, I have stuff like that is just
gonna happen, but it's part of life. The main takeaway
from this for me, speaking from someone that's done the celebration.
Journaling would be start to celebrate yourself. And maybe you're
not a journaler. Well then I don't know. When you're
driving in your car, be like I am awesome because
or when you're at work, maybe you have to do
(13:35):
it silently in your head and you know you just
did an awesome presentation or turned in an awesome report,
say wow, I am awesome.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
I did that and it is.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Good for sure.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
And if that even feels like a far stretch for anyone,
because you know, for some people that might be that
might feel far away or braggadocious or whatever.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Borrow the eyes of unconditional love.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Borrow the eyes if you have somebody in your life
that you're like, man, they always see the real me.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Borrow those eyes, you know, for me, I've.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Borrow eyes like eyeballs.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Oh sorry, good distinction eyes I.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Thought you're about to give us.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Yeah, I you know, borrow the letter eye on the
alphabet acronym.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
You know, like, let's go over all the eyes.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Like, yeah, I borrow somebody's pupils in metaphorical integrity, what intelligence?
Speaker 4 (14:20):
There you go, so eyeballs, yes, eyeballs.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Thank you for that clarification. Go team but yeah, borrow.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Somebody's eyeballs ocular system and you know, just see yourself
through them.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
For me sometimes on in my journal.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
And this is also me not coming from some high
mountain of like, oh, I'm so self endorsed. I never
you know, it's I'm constantly up against my own internal
beliefs and I'm always on the self imaging journey.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Because two things can be true in one thousand percent.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
And I care what people think about me because I'm
wired to care, right, But I also care what I
think about me, and I've placed precedents on that. But
for me, sometimes I'll show up in my journal, but God,
please just remind me who I am, show me who
you see me as, because sometimes I don't have the
strength or the resilience or the energy to pull from
it myself, or sometimes I'm in the midst of something,
(15:07):
you know, So even just borrowing those unconditional eyes of love, acceptance, grace,
if you don't feel like you can engineer it yourself,
that's a great starting point as well. But the bottom
line is knowing, Like if you've ever said, man, I
just wish I didn't care what people think about me,
know that you're not wrong, broken, weird weak for caring
what people.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Think about you. You are wired to care.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
But what we're inviting you into is just start looking
for and paying attention to and starting to care about
what you think and what you see and what you
say in your opinion and view of yourself just a
little bit more.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
It makes me think of the people that say that
do say, well, I don't really care what people think
about me, and you might think, oh, I wish I
was that way, But I would guess that they're saying
that as a defense mechanism, because you're telling.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Us that's sort of impossible wired to care, unless we're
obviously going on the bridge of some sort of like
disorder or sociopathy.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Okay, well that's.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
A whole other eppisode podcast.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
So lean, where can people find you absolutely to talk
more about this?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Learn more about this. You can head on over to
Stressless Eating dot com. There's some resources over there for
you to learn more.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
And I am at Radio Amy on Instagram and hope
y'all are having the day that you need to have and.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
We'll see you next time. Bye bye,
I won't let my body out outwait everything that I'm made,
don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am again. Stoan, I
feel free.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I know every part of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then will always out way if.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
You feel it.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
But she'll some love to the bo why get there?
Take you one day? Anita? Did you and die out way?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne Ellington Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
We're continuing our two things can be True at the
Same Time mini series. So we did four parts of
this and now we're going to do four more, So
definitely encourage you to go back and listen to those
if you missed them, because I think that there's a
lot of in between. There's like, wait, this is how
I'm feeling, or that's home feeling, and Leanne is the
(01:02):
best one to help you understand and me understand quite honestly,
how well all of this stuff.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Can exist at the same time and it's okay.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
And today we're touching on how you can be self
endorsed and you can be super confident all the things,
and you can also still care what other people think
about you or fear judgment, and I think that it's
important to remember.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
That one thousand percent. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
So the topic of self endorsement first kind of presented
itself to me when I had this moment of awareness
where I was like, Okay, if somebody's not telling me
that I'm amazing, or telling me that I'm smart, or
telling me that I'm pretty or anything like that, I
didn't know who I was. I felt like a shell
of a version of myself without relying on somebody else
to give it to me externally. And that was such
(01:49):
a big awareness for me because I felt like my
brain was being hijacked and it was at the discretion
of what other people thought, and not just what other
people thought, what I thought other people thought, so my
person of their perceptions. And so this concept of self endorsement,
like what would it look like if I, you know,
really started paying attention to what I think and what
I feel and what I say and who I'm being
(02:11):
in my own eyes. And as I started further studying
the brain, specifically the female brain, specifically the female self image,
that anterior singular cortex, that acc that I talk about
all the time, it just kept coming up and it
made me realize, you know, because you've met people, you
hear people being like, well, I.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Don't really care what they think.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
And I do agree that the older you get, the
more you really care what or I should say, the
older you get, the less you do care.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
But it's not practical or possible.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
To never care, because we have an entire part of
our brain that is looking for the acceptance from other people.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Do they like me? What do they think? Are they
judging me?
Speaker 1 (02:50):
And we've talked about this too, that specific part of
the brain. It's bigger and more active in females than
it is in male, so especially.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
At the younger years, like teenage brains exactly, especially that
acc really starts developing around puberty, so even as early
as like ten to eleven for some girls, you know.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
So it's that awareness, and it's why the opinions of
their friends matter so much more than the opinions of
their parents or their authority or their teacher, right or it. Again,
it just depends where that person lays on their version
of the social hierarchy, whether they deem them more important socially,
that's whose opinions will care more, right, and so self
endorsement especially I believe is important at as we are
(03:29):
young to till forever.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
But that being said, it's not practical to not care.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
What other people think, right, But again, we become a
victim to other people's opinions all the time if that's
all we're relying on.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
So and I love that you mentioned a minute ago
perceived perceptions. Yeah, because we're filtering something through our brain,
or we make up stories and then it loops in
our head and we feel like that's absolutely the truth,
and it may be sort of the truth, but we
make it far worse.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, it's a truth with a lowercase T, which is
really like a belief for a store or a meaning
that we're giving it, versus the truth with a capital T,
Like what is the end all, be all truth?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
And sometimes we'll never know, right, But.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Some things we do know, And we can also choose
a new, more empowering truth to live by and new
beliefs to step into.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
And that's where self endorsement comes into play.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
But coming back to the whole, two things can be
true at the same time, Like you can be self
endorse you can love who you are, know who you are,
be really assured in who you are, and so there's
again multiple distinctions within here and still care what other
people think about you, right, And you can also care
more about what you think about you than what other
people think about you. And so that's the bottom line.
(04:39):
If I were to say what self endorsement is, it's
like caring just a teeny tiny bit more about what
you think and what you say and how you feel
about you and your value system and your integrity. Then
you care about what other people think about you. But
notice I didn't say not care what other people think
about you. And then of course that goes into not
relying on other people to fill you up internally for
(05:00):
you to feel filled up yourself.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
What if words of affirmation or your love language?
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Sure? Absolutely, And I'm a big believer in meeting yourself
where you are. So for the record, I'm telling all
of this words of affirmation absolutely my number one love language.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, big time.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
So you know, I think it's about again having both,
not either or So for me, it's knowing that I
also really like to have words of affirmation, but I
don't need it. So it's the difference between desire it
versus require it. And then every once in a while
you might require it in order to feel what you
(05:35):
need to fill yourself while you're filling up your own cups. So,
for example, if there's something that you haven't yet stepped into,
and an example of this would be I might call
you and be like, hey, Amy, I am stepping out
on this new ledge right now. I've never done this,
I've never tried this, I've never witnessed myself being successful
at it. I have faith and i know I'm stepping
into it, but I'm a little bit wobbly right now.
(05:56):
And until I've figured out how to really believe myself,
can you just remind me about what you see in
me and what you say about me? And there's nothing
wrong with that, there's nothing wrong with getting endorsed by
other people. And so again desiring it, but not requiring
it to always need it, kind of like a drip
feed of a drug to be able to manifest it
(06:17):
within you for yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
So like if someone's having the body image thoughts, food
thoughts and they're thinking negatively of themselves, a form of
moving in the right direction to get past that would
be who's someone you can call that could say, Hey,
can you tell me what you see in me? So
I have a question too about that, because, like, you
don't want to comment on someone's body, but I guess
(06:41):
hearing a friend or a loved one comment on all
the things they love about you that have nothing to
do with appearance, right, right, be a step in the
right direction, and asking for that from those that are close.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
To you is okay.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Yeah, such a great question, and you brought up some
great distinctions.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So first of all, yes, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
What I would say is making sure that that's not
all you're doing to fill up that self endorsement cup.
And so another way of looking at endorsement. Self endorsement
is one of the kind of distinctions I teach my
clients is, or I should say, when they come to me,
the majority of their thought process is spent looking for
what they're not doing, who they're not being, what's not working,
what they don't like, what they don't have, what they're
(07:16):
not proud of. Right, So it's going in the opposite
direction of endorsement. It's really moving in the direction of shame, blame, guilt,
comparison itis, perfectionism, all those things. Right, So, if that's
what your brain space is used to looking for, it
will continue looking for that until you need teach it
a new pathway, and then you're kind of left to Okay,
if I want to feel filled up, I need somebody
(07:37):
else to kind of again drip feed me that dose
of filling up my own self esteem or self worth cup.
So one of the things I invite my clients into
is this concept so specifically with the body image. And
again I'm never saying like, hey, just take what I
say as gospel. I'm always like, try it on, see
how it fits, see what resonates. But to certain clients,
I might say to them, hey, what if your appearance
(07:59):
and your weight and what you look like was actually
the least interesting thing about you.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
What if there is so much more.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
That is interesting about you that you just haven't explored
and looked for because you've been kind of thinking about
your weight. And so one of the things I invite
them to do is start like a very specific self
endorsement process, which is and it goes beyond the scope
of what I'll share right now, but the and meat
of it is just start looking for what you are doing,
(08:28):
who you are being, what is working, what you do have,
what you are proud of. Right It's like the proud
of side of it, because it feels so great if
you told me, like Leanne, I'm so proud of you.
But for me to manufacture feeling proud of myself, it's
a stretch because there's cobwebs on that part of that brain.
Maybe it's never been used, maybe it hasn't been used
in a very long time, and it needs the cobwebs
(08:49):
need to be cleared, and that new pathway needs to
be built.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
This is for the record.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
One of the most challenging things for my clients is
to start acknowledging, bragging on like a humble brag, so
to speak, knowledging themselves, celebrating themselves, being proud of themselves.
But the reason I invite them into that part of
the conversation is because it's literally the recipe for self endorsement.
And it's not just about the doing. It's not just
about Okay, I checked off that box I wrote in
my journal about three things I'm proud of today. It's
(09:15):
about little by little, teaching your brain every day to
go down that path to look for what you are doing,
who you are being, what is working you know. A
metaphor for this is if you are metaphorically getting in
your car every single day and driving south, right, and south,
meaning shame, blame, comparison itis, the opposite of self endorsement.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
What you're not doing every day. I mean, you don't
even have to think about it.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
You could just get in your car and all of
a sudden you'll be heading south in that car. But
once you switch into this mindset of what I'm what
I'm sharing it, you're not going to magically get in
the car and it's all of a sudden going to
turn around.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
And go north.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
At first, you're gonna have to, you know, get in
the car, assume that it's going to automatically start going south,
because that program in your brain just you know, you
start driving the direction that you always would, and it's
gonna take a lot of momentum and energy at first
to literally like hit the brakes on the car, turn
the car around, and then start driving north in this
new direction that you don't have a map for right,
(10:10):
So at first it's a lot of energy to go
from south to north right north. In this metaphor, being
who you are, being, what you are doing, what you
do have, what you've created, what you're proud of what
you love, what you like. But little by little that
car you're again, it's not going to just automatically go north,
But little by little it's not going to take so
much resistance to turn it around, and all of a
(10:30):
sudden it's going southwest, and then northwest, and then all
of a sudden it is going north. But it's about
teaching your brand this new path as opposed to just okay,
check that off.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Wrote my gratitude journal, wrote my proud of journal.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Right, you did give me that homework assignment once, and
I do think it's a good one to, like you said,
have people do, but it's not the end all be all.
But you were like, Amy want you to get in
your journal, and I want you to brag on yourself
to yourself and celebrate.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
And that's what I did.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I wrote, I celebrate that I did this, and I
celebrate that I am this way, and I celebrate these
parts of me. And so my encouragement being someone that
has done that exercise and has had similar thoughts to
where I want to rewire, I want to dust off
those cobwebs, would be absolutely do that and then also
(11:18):
just be patient with yourself, knowing that if the cobwebs
are there, like something's blocked and you don't even know
your fullest potential. You don't even know those parts of
you yet that Leanne mentioned that are really awesome that
have nothing to do with your looks. You might be like, well,
I don't, I don't know that I have anything. Well,
you do, but Leanne and I can certainly relate to
(11:40):
the fact that you just haven't discovered that part of
yourself yet or it was there maybe when you were
a kid or before the food and the body image
stuff started, and then that got suppressed and had to
quiet itself because everything else was louder. And so we
need to And I say we because I'm in the
process of doing too.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
It's you're waking it.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Back up, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
And you know you could past present, future. It's a
great way to reconcile stuff in the past and then
see what you're creating in reality. But the other thing, too,
is like giving yourself grace that This is one of
the most common I'm going to use the word fights
that a lot of people slash women have is like
knowing our worthiness, knowing why we're awesome, remembering it because
(12:21):
I mean when you think about yesterday, what's the first
thing that comes to mind? All the things you didn't
do or all the things that you accomplished.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Oh, you know my yesterday.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
I do know your yesterday.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Yesterday I was like, I don't know what happened, but
like between you might need external endorsement.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Es a baby bird and a huge crack in my
windshield and like, oh, we're taking care of our neighbor's cat.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Couldn't find the cat. It's a black cat, by the way,
And I thought, what in the world? Like everything? And
I don't like to get power to that. I don't
like to say.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Everything's going wrong today, because then everything will continue to
go wrong today. So I didn't do that yesterday, although
I was very aware that lots of things were going wrong,
but I tried to stay lighthearted about it and be
like it is all going to work out all as well.
And then today I'm trying to, you know, laugh about
(13:09):
it more so that way, I just.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Can channel getting in the flow for good things.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
But you know, I have stuff like that is just
gonna happen, but it's part of life. The main takeaway
from this for me, speaking from someone that's done the celebration.
Journaling would be start to celebrate yourself. And maybe you're
not a journaler. Well then I don't know. When you're
driving in your car, be like I am awesome because
or when you're at work, maybe you have to do
(13:35):
it silently in your head and you know you just
did an awesome presentation or turned in an awesome report,
say wow, I am awesome.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
I did that and it is.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Good for sure.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
And if that even feels like a far stretch for anyone,
because you know, for some people that might be that
might feel far away or braggadocious or whatever.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Borrow the eyes of unconditional love.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Borrow the eyes if you have somebody in your life
that you're like, man, they always see the real me.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Borrow those eyes, you know, for me, I've.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Borrow eyes like eyeballs.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Oh sorry, good distinction eyes I.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Thought you're about to give us.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Yeah, I you know, borrow the letter eye on the
alphabet acronym.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
You know, like, let's go over all the eyes.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Like, yeah, I borrow somebody's pupils in metaphorical integrity, what intelligence?
Speaker 4 (14:20):
There you go, so eyeballs, yes, eyeballs.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Thank you for that clarification. Go team but yeah, borrow.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Somebody's eyeballs ocular system and you know, just see yourself
through them.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
For me sometimes on in my journal.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
And this is also me not coming from some high
mountain of like, oh, I'm so self endorsed. I never
you know, it's I'm constantly up against my own internal
beliefs and I'm always on the self imaging journey.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Because two things can be true in one thousand percent.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
And I care what people think about me because I'm
wired to care, right, But I also care what I
think about me, and I've placed precedents on that. But
for me, sometimes I'll show up in my journal, but God,
please just remind me who I am, show me who
you see me as, because sometimes I don't have the
strength or the resilience or the energy to pull from
it myself, or sometimes I'm in the midst of something,
(15:07):
you know, So even just borrowing those unconditional eyes of love, acceptance, grace,
if you don't feel like you can engineer it yourself,
that's a great starting point as well. But the bottom
line is knowing, Like if you've ever said, man, I
just wish I didn't care what people think about me,
know that you're not wrong, broken, weird weak for caring
what people.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Think about you. You are wired to care.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
But what we're inviting you into is just start looking
for and paying attention to and starting to care about
what you think and what you see and what you
say in your opinion and view of yourself just a
little bit more.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
It makes me think of the people that say that
do say, well, I don't really care what people think
about me, and you might think, oh, I wish I
was that way, But I would guess that they're saying
that as a defense mechanism, because you're telling.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Us that's sort of impossible wired to care, unless we're
obviously going on the bridge of some sort of like
disorder or sociopathy.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Okay, well that's.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
A whole other eppisode podcast.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
So lean, where can people find you absolutely to talk
more about this?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Learn more about this. You can head on over to
Stressless Eating dot com. There's some resources over there for
you to learn more.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
And I am at Radio Amy on Instagram and hope
y'all are having the day that you need to have and.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
We'll see you next time. Bye bye,
Hosts And Creators
Amy Brown
Leanne Ellington
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