Yes.... you heard that correctly. Your life can be amazing, you can be living in gratitude, experiencing joy...AND you can also be coincidingly be going through some sort of mental, emotional, or spiritual [breakdown/breakthrough/existential crisis].
These things do NOT have to cancel eachother out or stay mutually exclusive. But...there are some very important distinctions that you want to keep in mind to make sure that you are leading yourself in the direction of health, freedom, and healing while you navigate this wide array of emotions..
Amy & Leanne are back for the SIXTH episode of the Mini-Series Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time (Normalizing the In-Betweens and Healing From Extremism) where they share their thoughts and takeaways on how you can have BOTH: a happy life AND emotional challenges.
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'll be outwait everything that I'm made, don't won't spend
my life trying to change.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am again. Strong, I
feel free.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I know every part of me.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
And then will always out way if you feel it.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
But you She'll some love to the vid.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Why get there? Take you one day?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Editor?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Did you and die out Way? Happy Saturday.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Outweigh Amy here with my co host Leanne Ellington. Hello, Hello,
we are continuing our mini series on two things can
be True at the same time.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
This is part six of that.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
There will be eight in total, so you can go
back and listen to the previous five. But today's two
things can be True at the same time is your
life can be amazing. You can be living in gratitude,
experiencing joy, and you can also be going through some
sort of a mental emotional or spiritual breakdown, existential crisis, whatever.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I've definitely experienced all of that at the same time,
so it can be true.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
And I think that when it comes to Outweigh and
listening to this podcast, like if you're coming here for
like you're feeling lost in the weeds of your eating disorder,
or you have a loved one that is or you
don't really know where to go next. This is a
dose of encouragement for you. Leanne and I have both
come out of eating disorders. We're both in recovery, so
(01:37):
we both are our hope. But I know it can
be like, Okay, yeah, yeah, y'all, y'all did it. Yay,
good for you. But this mini series is also just
to give you little bits of insight into like you
may be feeling one way, but also it's okay to
allow yourself to feel the other way. And the beautiful
part about healing when you do get into recovery is
you feel more. Because for me, my eating disorder was
(01:59):
very numbing. I numbed, I numbed, DY numbed. I pushed down,
I pushed down. But at the same time I knew
I was feeling so much, but I couldn't really figure
it all out. And the beautiful part is as you
work your way through towards recovery, you take the next
right step, and sometimes it might be a few steps backwards,
but that's okay. There's still steps and you have the
(02:20):
opportunity to step forward. And so Leanne and I what
we hope from this series is that you know, once
you start feeling all the feels and maybe you are
in that place that you'll give yourself permission to recognize
all these beautiful things about you.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
And some may seem like, well, how is this happening?
Speaker 3 (02:36):
If this is happening, and Land's the brain expert that's
giving us permission to say, well, this is why your
brain might be doing that, and it's totally normal.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, And I.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Think you said a weekly dose of encourageon I also
want to stack on reality because it's not always pretty,
it doesn't always have a nice bow wrapped around it.
It is definitely not linear, and I think sometimes we might,
at least for me and the way that I work with,
we put to try on this story of like am
I doing it wrong if I'm also experiencing this, and
(03:05):
we try to put ourselves in a box of what's
air quotes normal and just giving ourselves permission to just
let whatever we're experiencing be whatever we're experiencing without having
to put a label on it. And so I mean
even a few months ago now, I remember we were
meeting at Radner and I was like, hey, by the way,
here's who's going to show up at Radner. I'm like,
I things are great, you know, life is good, all
the things, And I'm in the midst of some like
(03:26):
spiritual existential awakening breakdown to break through, right, and that's
who I am. And I remember you're like, thank you
so much for just being real, you know, and giving y'all. Y'all,
I'm definitely a Tennessee and now giving yourselves permission to
just keep it real and it doesn't have to look
a certain way. So I know if somebody had told
me in the midst of all of my stuff that, hey,
(03:50):
some days you're going to feel like you're breaking down,
and some days you're going to feel like your you know,
air quotes messed up whatever, and that's actually okay and normal,
that would have given me a lot of relief just
knowing that, you know. But I also know that anytime
I've had some sort of air quote setback, it's always
setting me up for something. But this is where I
really want to talk about the power of choice, because
(04:12):
we can choose to look at the lows and when
we're feeling all the feels and all of that as
something that's happening to us or you know, kind of
that victim story. And when I say victim story, it's
not always this very obvious woe is me kind of story.
And even if that is your version of the victim mode,
no shame about it.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
I've had my version.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
I know, when my victim story shows up and I
see her and I'm like, okay, there she is, right,
So there's no shame about it.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
It's not good, bad, right, or wrong. It just is.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
But we really want to be aware of it because
it's really important to feel the feels and feel the suck,
you know, when something sucks, feel the suck, but not
to sit in it, not to become a victim to it.
So when I talk about this idea of a victim story,
the woe is me.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
And kind of feeling sorry for ourselves, that's a little
bit more obvious.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But sometimes it's this sneaky, insidious victim story that comes
that's like, this is who you're always going to be,
this is just what you do. You might as well
not not even try to change it, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
November feeling that like whenever it like a binge would
be happening, or I would go a few days and
it wouldn't or weeks and then it would happen and
I'd be like, well, I guess this is.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Just how life is.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
This is my life and nobody else is experiencing this,
because that's before anybody was.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Really talking about that.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yep, Like I didn't even know years and years ago,
had to google, Like I didn't know binge eating was
a thing, Like.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I just I thought I.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Was literally the only person in the world that couldn't
control myself for twenty minutes at a time and I
would zombie out. Yeah, but I remember thinking, this is
just how it is.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah, absolutely, And I wouldn't have even known at the
time that that was like a sneaky victim.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Story because what it does.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I call it a game over plot line in our narrative,
in our brain game over, meaning like I might as
well not even try to shift it, because if this
is how it is, like game over, this is this
is I just have to accept it, versus like, no,
this is just what I've actised and this is what
has been. But I have the power to take ownership
of it and shift it. But notice I didn't say, like,
you know, just toughen up and suck suck it up
and skip right through it. It's like, no, feel the feels,
(06:10):
feel the suck, but don't sit in it. Don't become
a victim to it. But also after you feel the suck,
ask what meaning can I give it that can actually
empower me? Like not, why is this happening to me?
Why is this happening for me? And I used to
hear that and think it sounded cheesy, to be honest,
a lot of this stuff, you know, first of all,
if you have that inner skeptic or that inner you know,
your cynical about it. Me too, I was too, And
(06:31):
that's why the brain stuff really helped me. You know,
I call it science with a splash of woo woo,
you know, like it's like all the stuff that I
used to call kind of touchy feeling emotional stuff, the
stuff that I actually like believe in wholeheartedly.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Now that used to feel very foreign to me.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I was very like, Okay, give me a plan, let's
logic and reason our way through it.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
And I was very hardened. My heart was very hardened,
and I had to be.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Tough and I had to, you know, show everybody I
was okay and show people I was smart and successful
in all these things. But again that in itself is
its own coping mechanism. But that being said, if you're
going through any type of anything, right, I do invite
you to look for what is the breakthrough on the
other side of it. We get so kind of focused
on the suck, We get focused.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
On the problem.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
And you know, one of my favorite quotes is nothing
passes until it teaches you what you need to learn.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
And it's true. Like, if you're and we're going to.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Talk about this actually in another two things can be
a true episode coming up about you know, the difference
between regressing and moving backwards and all of that. But
part of it too is like you might not be
experiencing something from the same altitude that you had the
last time, or you might have new altitude. Right, But
if you are looking for it to be the reason
why you're never going to solve it or never heal it,
(07:46):
You're going to sink deeper and deeper. And when I
say your spirit, you know, a lot of this is
in our heart, it's in our soul, it's in our spirit,
and that's when the physical stuff comes in and totally
separates us from it. Right, we no nout we disconnect,
we really just shove everything down. And that's why again
I'm inviting you, like, what if some of this conversation
that we might think is like a food and body thing,
(08:08):
what if it was like a heart, soul, spirit and
brain conversation too, And that when you're going through some
sort of like again, you can have everything can be
roses and butterflies in one air of your life, but
you can also coincidingly be going through some sort of
spiritual awakening, breakdown to break through, existential crisis, whatever it is.
And what I'm inviting you into is like, what if
(08:28):
you don't give it that meaning that it's bad or
wrong or you're doing something air quotes wrong, and that
that was just part of it And two things can
be true at the same time and it doesn't have
to mean anything other than that.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Dig a little deeper into breakdown to break through.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
So you know, when we're in the midst of something,
breakdown for men can look in many ways. Right, it
might be I'm in a spiral of shame and self
condemnation and stress.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Right, breakdown could be you.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Know, I've hit the end of my road and I
feel like giving up, and that hopelessness kinds of kind
of creepy breakdown can be like I feel so alone,
I feel so isolated, I feel messed up, unworthy, broken,
all the things. You know, And I could tell you
a lot of the former storylines of my breakdowns, but
a breakdown right now might be, you know what, so
(09:16):
many things are piling up in my life right now,
and I feel like I've reached my limit, and I
just feel like I need to cry, and I need
to maybe for a moment, even be mopey, poudy, victimy
for just a minute in a very kind of strategic way,
because again, you don't want to shove it down, like
let it out, give yourself permission to be irrational, erratic,
you know, victimy, whatever. But again we don't want to
(09:37):
sit in it. But it's really important to feel to suck.
But any type of breakdown, so you know, for me, honestly,
what I would call most recently my versions of breakdowns
or when I give myself permission to not be okay
in that moment and let myself cry, or I'm more
of a crier than a screamer.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
But whatever it is for.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
You, I'm both okay, I'm both and and there is
a chemical release that's happening when So if you are
someone that suppresses, I would encourage you to figure out
if you're a crier or a screamer both, because there
is some sort of release that feels so good. And
in those breakdown moments with you know, I just love
(10:17):
that you said break down to breakthrough because I feel
like in the breakdown, after we've not suppressed and felt
the things and whatever we live, it's almost as though
you're not a fork in the road, and which way
are you going to go? Are we going to continue
with the breakdown or are we going to look for
the breakthrough?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Absolutely and work for the breakthrough.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, And like sometimes you got to tear down walls
to put up new ones, you know, and it's not
always pretty. And so the breakdowns and again you can
replace it with whatever word resonates with you. And if
you're listening to this and you're like, sometimes I shut
down sometimes I just want to escape, like whatever it is,
and you're feeling all the feels whatever, you might have
tendencies to make wrong or give meaning that you're doing
(10:58):
something wrong or regressing.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Or I should be stronger than this, or I should know.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Better is a big one for my clients, right, So
whatever it is, like, look at like find the gold
in that, find the beauty in it. You know. One
of something I found online I sent to one of
my clients because she was experiencing something actual circumstances in
her life, you know that were hard. She came to
me and she's like, Okay, leam, I'm noticing my victim
voice come up.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And so I was just coaching her through it.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
But I found something online and it just says, replacing
why is this happening to me? With what is this
trying to teach me? Is a game changer. Things happen
for us to learn and grow from. When we realize this,
our perspective shifts from disempowered to empowered. And I think
that's really if we were to simplify this, like the
breakdown to break through, it's a perspective shift. Don't skip
(11:43):
over the suck, like get feel the feels. But then
it's like, Okay, what is now possible for me? What
can I create from this? What do I need to learn?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
God?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
For me? I say, God, what are you trying to
teach me here? What have I not yet experienced? Mastered,
learned have the insight and awareness right where am I
trying to fix something outside of me when something inside
of me feels like it needs some love and attention
and care. But that's where I come back to full circle.
It's the power of choice. You have to choose to
take radical ownership of your journey, of your story, of
(12:13):
your ability to influence all the things that you can influence,
and then of course release the things that you really
can't control. But that's a choice, and shifting your perspective
is a choice. And having aware of sitting here listening
to this podcast, bettering yourself where we're not always talking about.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Roses and butterflies, is a choice.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
But you're obviously listening to this because you're somebody who
wants to take radical ownership of your life. So the
breakdown to break through, the breakthrough is a choice in
my opinion.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Well, and since we mentioned, experiencing joy is one of
the things that is on the opposite of experiencing the pain,
and two things can happen at the same time, Like
you could be experiencing the loss of someone in your
life but also get some really exciting news and then
feel guilty about celebrating it because you should be grieving,
but you it all can sort of happen at the
(12:57):
same time. But I was trying to search up for
this Ted talk that I watched, and now I can't
remember what it was called, but I talked about it
on four things because what what was the key word?
And it makes me think of Donald Miller giving us
what does this make possible in any situation that you face?
But she had done this whole study of people that were,
(13:18):
you know, truly content in life and had joy, and
there was people that you know, said they did, but
then it didn't line up when they were you know,
they asked all these questions, they had to fill everything out,
and she said that the ninety percent of people, Now
I'm paraphrasing and making stuff up just to give you
a picture of sort of what it was, is like
ninety percent of people would have said, oh, yeah, I'm
this way, but she said, really, it's only like five
(13:41):
or ten percent of people that really are. And in
the five to ten percent of people that we found
truly experience that joy any adversity they face in life,
they have that question, what what does this make possible?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
For me?
Speaker 3 (13:54):
What can I do with this now, not why exactly
what you just said, and I want to find that
Ted talk it, but it was, you know, someone got
dinsed with cancer, and instead of being like, why is
this happening to me? She said what is important in
life to me? And she made a list of what's
important so that she could focus on that. A guy
(14:14):
was having a really difficult time with his boss at work,
and instead of saying why does she treat me this way?
Or why is our relationship so strange? He said, what
can I do to show her I am valuable?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:25):
And so the what is huge? So I just was
going to go off on that for a second. Yeah,
don't quote me on any.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Of that, but it is. That is the gist of it.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Absolutely, And I'll even stack on that asking yourself why.
I'm not saying that it doesn't matter, but it's not
going to make a difference. So the big ones are
why is this happening? Why am I like that? Why
do I do that? Why can't I stop that? The
why questions? Again, it's not that they don't matter, but
they're not going to make a difference in how you
show up from here on out. But those what questions,
as you were just saying, Amy, those can actually shift
(14:54):
the trajectory and move you into solution thinking, because why
questions not all the time, but are ten are going
to tend to be more focused on the problem versus
what we really want is a way out of the
problem and solution. So those what questions are going to
bring you more solution focused versus those why questions tend
to tend to take you down the rabbit hole of
the problem.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Well, there you go.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
That is part six of two things can be true
at the same time. And Leanne and I both hope
that you have the day that you need to have.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
And if you need to cry, cry, yes, if you
need to scream, scream, you need to hide things at
one of those places. I googled the on YouTube.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I just looked up a lions roar because I remember
doing that in yoga and it feeling really good. So
I found someone leading the process of that on YouTube,
and I sat down and I did it the other
day and it felt so good. So look up the
lion roar r are are It's very empowering. I don't know,
it's very therapeutic, very so Leanne, where can people find you.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Stressless Eating dot com if you want to hear more
about the whole process of rewiring your brain when it
comes to food, your body, yourself image, your body image
and Leanne ellington over on.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Instagram and I Am at Radio Amy on socials and
radio me dot com. We'll see you next Saturday for
Part seven.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Bye bye,
I won't let my body.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'll be outwait everything that I'm made, don't won't spend
my life trying to change.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who I am again. Strong, I
feel free.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I know every part of me.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
And then will always out way if you feel it.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
But you She'll some love to the vid.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Why get there? Take you one day?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Editor?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Did you and die out Way? Happy Saturday.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Outweigh Amy here with my co host Leanne Ellington. Hello, Hello,
we are continuing our mini series on two things can
be True at the same time.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
This is part six of that.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
There will be eight in total, so you can go
back and listen to the previous five. But today's two
things can be True at the same time is your
life can be amazing. You can be living in gratitude,
experiencing joy, and you can also be going through some
sort of a mental emotional or spiritual breakdown, existential crisis, whatever.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I've definitely experienced all of that at the same time,
so it can be true.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
And I think that when it comes to Outweigh and
listening to this podcast, like if you're coming here for
like you're feeling lost in the weeds of your eating disorder,
or you have a loved one that is or you
don't really know where to go next. This is a
dose of encouragement for you. Leanne and I have both
come out of eating disorders. We're both in recovery, so
(01:37):
we both are our hope. But I know it can
be like, Okay, yeah, yeah, y'all, y'all did it. Yay,
good for you. But this mini series is also just
to give you little bits of insight into like you
may be feeling one way, but also it's okay to
allow yourself to feel the other way. And the beautiful
part about healing when you do get into recovery is
you feel more. Because for me, my eating disorder was
(01:59):
very numbing. I numbed, I numbed, DY numbed. I pushed down,
I pushed down. But at the same time I knew
I was feeling so much, but I couldn't really figure
it all out. And the beautiful part is as you
work your way through towards recovery, you take the next
right step, and sometimes it might be a few steps backwards,
but that's okay. There's still steps and you have the
(02:20):
opportunity to step forward. And so Leanne and I what
we hope from this series is that you know, once
you start feeling all the feels and maybe you are
in that place that you'll give yourself permission to recognize
all these beautiful things about you.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
And some may seem like, well, how is this happening?
Speaker 3 (02:36):
If this is happening, and Land's the brain expert that's
giving us permission to say, well, this is why your
brain might be doing that, and it's totally normal.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, And I.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Think you said a weekly dose of encourageon I also
want to stack on reality because it's not always pretty,
it doesn't always have a nice bow wrapped around it.
It is definitely not linear, and I think sometimes we might,
at least for me and the way that I work with,
we put to try on this story of like am
I doing it wrong if I'm also experiencing this, and
(03:05):
we try to put ourselves in a box of what's
air quotes normal and just giving ourselves permission to just
let whatever we're experiencing be whatever we're experiencing without having
to put a label on it. And so I mean
even a few months ago now, I remember we were
meeting at Radner and I was like, hey, by the way,
here's who's going to show up at Radner. I'm like,
I things are great, you know, life is good, all
the things, And I'm in the midst of some like
(03:26):
spiritual existential awakening breakdown to break through, right, and that's
who I am. And I remember you're like, thank you
so much for just being real, you know, and giving y'all. Y'all,
I'm definitely a Tennessee and now giving yourselves permission to
just keep it real and it doesn't have to look
a certain way. So I know if somebody had told
me in the midst of all of my stuff that, hey,
(03:50):
some days you're going to feel like you're breaking down,
and some days you're going to feel like your you know,
air quotes messed up whatever, and that's actually okay and normal,
that would have given me a lot of relief just
knowing that, you know. But I also know that anytime
I've had some sort of air quote setback, it's always
setting me up for something. But this is where I
really want to talk about the power of choice, because
(04:12):
we can choose to look at the lows and when
we're feeling all the feels and all of that as
something that's happening to us or you know, kind of
that victim story. And when I say victim story, it's
not always this very obvious woe is me kind of story.
And even if that is your version of the victim mode,
no shame about it.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
I've had my version.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
I know, when my victim story shows up and I
see her and I'm like, okay, there she is, right,
So there's no shame about it.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
It's not good, bad, right, or wrong. It just is.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
But we really want to be aware of it because
it's really important to feel the feels and feel the suck,
you know, when something sucks, feel the suck, but not
to sit in it, not to become a victim to it.
So when I talk about this idea of a victim story,
the woe is me.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
And kind of feeling sorry for ourselves, that's a little
bit more obvious.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But sometimes it's this sneaky, insidious victim story that comes
that's like, this is who you're always going to be,
this is just what you do. You might as well
not not even try to change it, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
November feeling that like whenever it like a binge would
be happening, or I would go a few days and
it wouldn't or weeks and then it would happen and
I'd be like, well, I guess this is.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Just how life is.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
This is my life and nobody else is experiencing this,
because that's before anybody was.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Really talking about that.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yep, Like I didn't even know years and years ago,
had to google, Like I didn't know binge eating was
a thing, Like.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I just I thought I.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Was literally the only person in the world that couldn't
control myself for twenty minutes at a time and I
would zombie out. Yeah, but I remember thinking, this is
just how it is.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah, absolutely, And I wouldn't have even known at the
time that that was like a sneaky victim.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Story because what it does.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I call it a game over plot line in our narrative,
in our brain game over, meaning like I might as
well not even try to shift it, because if this
is how it is, like game over, this is this
is I just have to accept it, versus like, no,
this is just what I've actised and this is what
has been. But I have the power to take ownership
of it and shift it. But notice I didn't say, like,
you know, just toughen up and suck suck it up
and skip right through it. It's like, no, feel the feels,
(06:10):
feel the suck, but don't sit in it. Don't become
a victim to it. But also after you feel the suck,
ask what meaning can I give it that can actually
empower me? Like not, why is this happening to me?
Why is this happening for me? And I used to
hear that and think it sounded cheesy, to be honest,
a lot of this stuff, you know, first of all,
if you have that inner skeptic or that inner you know,
your cynical about it. Me too, I was too, And
(06:31):
that's why the brain stuff really helped me. You know,
I call it science with a splash of woo woo,
you know, like it's like all the stuff that I
used to call kind of touchy feeling emotional stuff, the
stuff that I actually like believe in wholeheartedly.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Now that used to feel very foreign to me.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I was very like, Okay, give me a plan, let's
logic and reason our way through it.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
And I was very hardened. My heart was very hardened,
and I had to be.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Tough and I had to, you know, show everybody I
was okay and show people I was smart and successful
in all these things. But again that in itself is
its own coping mechanism. But that being said, if you're
going through any type of anything, right, I do invite
you to look for what is the breakthrough on the
other side of it. We get so kind of focused
on the suck, We get focused.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
On the problem.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
And you know, one of my favorite quotes is nothing
passes until it teaches you what you need to learn.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
And it's true. Like, if you're and we're going to.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Talk about this actually in another two things can be
a true episode coming up about you know, the difference
between regressing and moving backwards and all of that. But
part of it too is like you might not be
experiencing something from the same altitude that you had the
last time, or you might have new altitude. Right, But
if you are looking for it to be the reason
why you're never going to solve it or never heal it,
(07:46):
You're going to sink deeper and deeper. And when I
say your spirit, you know, a lot of this is
in our heart, it's in our soul, it's in our spirit,
and that's when the physical stuff comes in and totally
separates us from it. Right, we no nout we disconnect,
we really just shove everything down. And that's why again
I'm inviting you, like, what if some of this conversation
that we might think is like a food and body thing,
(08:08):
what if it was like a heart, soul, spirit and
brain conversation too, And that when you're going through some
sort of like again, you can have everything can be
roses and butterflies in one air of your life, but
you can also coincidingly be going through some sort of
spiritual awakening, breakdown to break through, existential crisis, whatever it is.
And what I'm inviting you into is like, what if
(08:28):
you don't give it that meaning that it's bad or
wrong or you're doing something air quotes wrong, and that
that was just part of it And two things can
be true at the same time and it doesn't have
to mean anything other than that.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Dig a little deeper into breakdown to break through.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
So you know, when we're in the midst of something,
breakdown for men can look in many ways. Right, it
might be I'm in a spiral of shame and self
condemnation and stress.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Right, breakdown could be you.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Know, I've hit the end of my road and I
feel like giving up, and that hopelessness kinds of kind
of creepy breakdown can be like I feel so alone,
I feel so isolated, I feel messed up, unworthy, broken,
all the things. You know, And I could tell you
a lot of the former storylines of my breakdowns, but
a breakdown right now might be, you know what, so
(09:16):
many things are piling up in my life right now,
and I feel like I've reached my limit, and I
just feel like I need to cry, and I need
to maybe for a moment, even be mopey, poudy, victimy
for just a minute in a very kind of strategic way,
because again, you don't want to shove it down, like
let it out, give yourself permission to be irrational, erratic,
you know, victimy, whatever. But again we don't want to
(09:37):
sit in it. But it's really important to feel to suck.
But any type of breakdown, so you know, for me, honestly,
what I would call most recently my versions of breakdowns
or when I give myself permission to not be okay
in that moment and let myself cry, or I'm more
of a crier than a screamer.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
But whatever it is for.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
You, I'm both okay, I'm both and and there is
a chemical release that's happening when So if you are
someone that suppresses, I would encourage you to figure out
if you're a crier or a screamer both, because there
is some sort of release that feels so good. And
in those breakdown moments with you know, I just love
(10:17):
that you said break down to breakthrough because I feel
like in the breakdown, after we've not suppressed and felt
the things and whatever we live, it's almost as though
you're not a fork in the road, and which way
are you going to go? Are we going to continue
with the breakdown or are we going to look for
the breakthrough?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Absolutely and work for the breakthrough.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, And like sometimes you got to tear down walls
to put up new ones, you know, and it's not
always pretty. And so the breakdowns and again you can
replace it with whatever word resonates with you. And if
you're listening to this and you're like, sometimes I shut
down sometimes I just want to escape, like whatever it is,
and you're feeling all the feels whatever, you might have
tendencies to make wrong or give meaning that you're doing
(10:58):
something wrong or regressing.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Or I should be stronger than this, or I should know.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Better is a big one for my clients, right, So
whatever it is, like, look at like find the gold
in that, find the beauty in it. You know. One
of something I found online I sent to one of
my clients because she was experiencing something actual circumstances in
her life, you know that were hard. She came to
me and she's like, Okay, leam, I'm noticing my victim
voice come up.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And so I was just coaching her through it.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
But I found something online and it just says, replacing
why is this happening to me? With what is this
trying to teach me? Is a game changer. Things happen
for us to learn and grow from. When we realize this,
our perspective shifts from disempowered to empowered. And I think
that's really if we were to simplify this, like the
breakdown to break through, it's a perspective shift. Don't skip
(11:43):
over the suck, like get feel the feels. But then
it's like, Okay, what is now possible for me? What
can I create from this? What do I need to learn?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
God?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
For me? I say, God, what are you trying to
teach me here? What have I not yet experienced? Mastered,
learned have the insight and awareness right where am I
trying to fix something outside of me when something inside
of me feels like it needs some love and attention
and care. But that's where I come back to full circle.
It's the power of choice. You have to choose to
take radical ownership of your journey, of your story, of
(12:13):
your ability to influence all the things that you can influence,
and then of course release the things that you really
can't control. But that's a choice, and shifting your perspective
is a choice. And having aware of sitting here listening
to this podcast, bettering yourself where we're not always talking about.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Roses and butterflies, is a choice.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
But you're obviously listening to this because you're somebody who
wants to take radical ownership of your life. So the
breakdown to break through, the breakthrough is a choice in
my opinion.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Well, and since we mentioned, experiencing joy is one of
the things that is on the opposite of experiencing the pain,
and two things can happen at the same time, Like
you could be experiencing the loss of someone in your
life but also get some really exciting news and then
feel guilty about celebrating it because you should be grieving,
but you it all can sort of happen at the
(12:57):
same time. But I was trying to search up for
this Ted talk that I watched, and now I can't
remember what it was called, but I talked about it
on four things because what what was the key word?
And it makes me think of Donald Miller giving us
what does this make possible in any situation that you face?
But she had done this whole study of people that were,
(13:18):
you know, truly content in life and had joy, and
there was people that you know, said they did, but
then it didn't line up when they were you know,
they asked all these questions, they had to fill everything out,
and she said that the ninety percent of people, Now
I'm paraphrasing and making stuff up just to give you
a picture of sort of what it was, is like
ninety percent of people would have said, oh, yeah, I'm
this way, but she said, really, it's only like five
(13:41):
or ten percent of people that really are. And in
the five to ten percent of people that we found
truly experience that joy any adversity they face in life,
they have that question, what what does this make possible?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
For me?
Speaker 3 (13:54):
What can I do with this now, not why exactly
what you just said, and I want to find that
Ted talk it, but it was, you know, someone got
dinsed with cancer, and instead of being like, why is
this happening to me? She said what is important in
life to me? And she made a list of what's
important so that she could focus on that. A guy
(14:14):
was having a really difficult time with his boss at work,
and instead of saying why does she treat me this way?
Or why is our relationship so strange? He said, what
can I do to show her I am valuable?
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:25):
And so the what is huge? So I just was
going to go off on that for a second. Yeah,
don't quote me on any.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Of that, but it is. That is the gist of it.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Absolutely, And I'll even stack on that asking yourself why.
I'm not saying that it doesn't matter, but it's not
going to make a difference. So the big ones are
why is this happening? Why am I like that? Why
do I do that? Why can't I stop that? The
why questions? Again, it's not that they don't matter, but
they're not going to make a difference in how you
show up from here on out. But those what questions,
as you were just saying, Amy, those can actually shift
(14:54):
the trajectory and move you into solution thinking, because why
questions not all the time, but are ten are going
to tend to be more focused on the problem versus
what we really want is a way out of the
problem and solution. So those what questions are going to
bring you more solution focused versus those why questions tend
to tend to take you down the rabbit hole of
the problem.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Well, there you go.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
That is part six of two things can be true
at the same time. And Leanne and I both hope
that you have the day that you need to have.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
And if you need to cry, cry, yes, if you
need to scream, scream, you need to hide things at
one of those places. I googled the on YouTube.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I just looked up a lions roar because I remember
doing that in yoga and it feeling really good. So
I found someone leading the process of that on YouTube,
and I sat down and I did it the other
day and it felt so good. So look up the
lion roar r are are It's very empowering. I don't know,
it's very therapeutic, very so Leanne, where can people find you.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Stressless Eating dot com if you want to hear more
about the whole process of rewiring your brain when it
comes to food, your body, yourself image, your body image
and Leanne ellington over on.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Instagram and I Am at Radio Amy on socials and
radio me dot com. We'll see you next Saturday for
Part seven.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Bye bye,
Hosts And Creators
Amy Brown
Leanne Ellington
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