OUTWEIGH: This next episode in our series is not just a conversation, it is a reclamation. If you’ve ever been told you’re too sensitive, too intense, too loud, or too opinionated—this episode is for you. Leanne explores how the fear of being “too much” actually stems from a lifetime of shrinking, silencing, and squeezing into standards that were never yours to begin with. Through the lens of brain science and lived experience, you’ll learn how to stop apologizing for your fullness, and start standing tall in the truth of who you are.
HOST: Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Trying to change. I'm learning love who.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I am again. I'm strong, I feel free, I know
everybody of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It is beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then will always out way if you feel it,
but you are She'll some love to the boy you
have there, say good day and did you and die
out way?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, outweigh and welcome back to Part five of
our Reclaiming Your Worthiness series. And in this series we've
been unraveling the deep layers of what self love and
worthiness really is and and honestly what it isn't. And
so in Part one we talked about reclaiming your worthiness
even if you don't accept yourself yet. You don't have
(00:56):
to accept yourself to start this journey. In fact, we'll
meet you there in part two, so we unpacked the
toxic treadmill of external validation. In Part three we went
into the emotional war that so many of us are
fighting silently and secretly inside. And just last week in
Part four, we called out the silent standards and rules
(01:16):
that you didn't even know you were living by and
how they have been dictating your worth. And so now
we're diving deep into one of the most common emotional
roadblocks I see in women who want to feel worthy
but just can't seem to get there.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
And it's this fear of being too much.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
So there's this lie that so many women secretly believe,
and it's that if I were just less of me,
I'd be more lovable, or if I wasn't so much
of this or too much of that or not enough this,
then I'd feel worthy of love. Right.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
And it's not conscious, it's unconscious and subconscious. And so
let's just get real here.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
You know, so many of us have lived a lifetime
of trying to shrink ourselves, whether it's physically, emotionally, even spiritually.
And we've been taught to take up less space and
to dial down our needs or mute our desires or
you know, hide our hunger for food, for connection, for life.
And when we don't do that, we're called needy or
(02:17):
dramatic or you know, high maintenance or intense or whether
you know, we called it to ourselves, right, and so
we internalize this message again, it's not conscious, that I
must just be too much, and over time that message
starts to feel like truth. And like most emotional patterns,
this one didn't start with you. It probably likely started
(02:38):
years or even decades ago. Maybe you were told you
were too sensitive when you cried, or I mean I
lived in a house that was like, you know, go
cry in the other room if you're going to cry.
Maybe you were dictated, like to be too emotional when
you expressed a boundary, or you know, too opinionated when
you used your voice, or you know, too needy when
you asked for more, you know, more love or more
(03:00):
tension or more connection. And maybe someone made you feel
like your feelings were inconvenient, or that you know, your
excitement was embarrassing, like calm down, like like, don't get
excited right, or that your appetite, you know, whether it
was for food or for ambition.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Was out of control.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
And so your brain did what brains do, and it
learned and it adapted, and it said, Okay, I guess
I'll just tone it down and i'll quiet the hunger
and I'll be more palatable, right, whatever society dictates.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
That to be.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
But here's the thing about constantly shrinking yourself to fit in.
You end up losing sight of who you actually are.
And what's even more painful is you begin to believe
that the real you is somehow a burden or for me,
I was like, it's a curse, you know. And then
this fear affects your relationship with food in your body,
not the other way around.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Right, And so let's connect the dots.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Okay, if your brain believes that your true self is
too much, it's going to try to make you more
acceptable by any means necessary. And it's not your definition
of acceptable, it's your perception of what is acceptable. And
so that often spills over into your relationship with food
and your body, and so you restrict your eating to
(04:14):
appear more in control, and you try to shrink your
body because you think it will make you more lovable,
or you use food to numb the big emotions that
you were taught were just too much to feel.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Or maybe you silence cravings.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Not just for food but for life, right, because you
learn to fear desire.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
And so this is why the.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Brain and body are so connected when it comes to worthiness.
And your behaviors are not broken, they're simply adaptations. And
so if you were told that you were too much,
it makes sense that you look for ways to take
up less space. Right, But the solution is not more shrinking.
I'm sure you've been doing that, right.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
The solution is reclaiming your right to take up.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Space, like changing that narrative so that you are like, no,
I have the right to take up space physically, emotionally, energetically,
and so again, bringing this back to the thread, like,
what does self love and worthiness have to do with
all of this? Well, first off, let me just say
this very transparently. Self love isn't about becoming less. It
is about becoming more of who you really are. And
(05:21):
it's about giving yourself full permission to feel and permission
to want things and to express things and to show
up unapologetically.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
And it's it's kind of.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
You know, about reparenting the part of you that was
told to quiet down or tone it down or just
sit down or shut up, right, And it's about trusting
what your needs and your feelings and your presence, trusting
that it's not only acceptable, but that it's necessary. Like
your needs and feelings are not just acceptable, they're necessary.
Because when you begin to love and accept that the
(05:53):
you know too much parts of you, they stop feeling
like liabilities and they start becoming your superpowers. The science
also proves that your brain is wired for this connection,
not the perfection that we've been striving for. And so
let's talk neuroscience for a second. Remember how we talked
about how the part of your brain that's wired for
emotional safety, the anterior singulate cortex, We talk about it
(06:15):
all the time. It is always scanning for cues, right,
It's scanning for the cues like am I safe?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Am I accepted? Am I allowed to be who I am? Here?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Like?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Can I just relax and be me?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Right? And if the answer is no, it triggers a
cascade of protective mechanisms and a lot of times that
just shows up as shame or silencing yourself or perfectionism
of disordered eating, like I mean, all the things that
it triggers.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
And so when you create internal safety, right, and this
is what I mean by self image and identity, the
kind that says like I've.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Got you, like I've got your back.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
When you can say that to yourself, you send your
brain the message it's been aching for, which is you
are allowed to exist exactly as you are.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Okay, let me just say that again.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
All right, you are allowed to exist exactly as you are.
And when you start to practice that and condition that
and live into that, that's when everything starts to shift
and you stop trying to earn your place, and you
stop outsourcing your worth, and you stop fearing your fullness,
(07:26):
both metaphorically and literally, because you'll finally know you were
never too much.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
You were just too limited to receive all of who
you are.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
And so the truth that changed the game for me
and so many of my students and clients is that
like you being all of who you are, like the
full you know, outgoing too much, whatever version of yourself,
the full version of yourself, This is not a problem
for you to solve, right, it is not.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
You are not a burden. You are simply a human
being living, a human living with needs.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
And desires and feelings and a whole spectrum and coaleidoscope
of emotions. And so your appetite is not a character flaw,
and your emotions are definitely not embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
And no, your enthusiasm is not annoying.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Okay, And your hunger right for food, for love, for connection,
for rest, for fun, it is not excessive if we're
feeding the actual hunger, right, And these are the parts
of you that are human and they're beautiful and you
are worthy of taking up space? Okay, And so if
this is resonating with you, I want to just leave
(08:35):
you with some things that you can kind of just
be with or journal through. The first thing is where
in my life have I believed that I was too much?
Like just name it and claim it, right, but also
like what version of myself have I been suppressing so
that I don't feel like I'm too much and I
can I'm trying to be accepted and lovable and all
these things like where have I been suppressing myself? Maybe
it's your talents, your creativity, your humor, what just your
(08:58):
voice in general? And then what would it feel like
to fully take up space fully emotionally, energetically, what would
you do?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Who would you be if you were not afraid of
being too much?
Speaker 3 (09:10):
But also acknowledging like what are the needs and desires
that I'm silencing or pretending aren't there that I want
to learn how to honor? And the big one for me,
like I always look at like what's the big bad wolf?
It's like even if it scares me, right, what version
of me is ready to be seen, and I want
to learn how to show up as her, Like what
is that big, bad wolf? Right?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
And if it's scared, like, what's the scary part? But like,
what version of me is ready to be seen even
if it scares me? Okay?
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Because your too muchness is not the problem or a
problem at all. It's the parts of you that have
been waiting the longest to be.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Loved, right.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
And then the hunger that you've been trying to silence,
it's probably pointing to the very parts of you that
need nourishment and healing, and those emotions that keep rising up,
they're probably just begging for compassion instead of criticism.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
And if you feel big, right, the bigness that you feel,
it is not shameful again, it could be your most
beautiful superpower. And so if no one has told you
this today, right, you are not too much? You absolutely
never were And it is safe now to come home
to yourself like fully, without apology, because the world doesn't
(10:22):
need less of you. It needs more of the real you. Right,
It truly needs more of the real you. And so
that is it for today, outweigh and if you want
to learn more about how I teach my clients to
really this narrative that we're talking about, rewire their own
brain and self image for peace and freedom, but of
course turn off the parts of their brain that's obsessed
(10:43):
with food and their weight in order to access that
part of their brain. Then head on over to Stresslessating
dot Com, where I've literally peeled back the curtain and
just walked you through the exact strategy I teach my
own clients to heal themselves and their brain and their narratives.
But you know, without using words like macros and calorie burn, right,
it is all about getting rid of the narrative that
(11:06):
is keeping you stuck. And so it's there for you
to access over at Stressless Eating dot com and we
will be back for our final part of this series
next week.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Bye,
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Trying to change. I'm learning love who.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I am again. I'm strong, I feel free, I know
everybody of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It is beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then will always out way if you feel it,
but you are She'll some love to the boy you
have there, say good day and did you and die
out way?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, outweigh and welcome back to Part five of
our Reclaiming Your Worthiness series. And in this series we've
been unraveling the deep layers of what self love and
worthiness really is and and honestly what it isn't. And
so in Part one we talked about reclaiming your worthiness
even if you don't accept yourself yet. You don't have
(00:56):
to accept yourself to start this journey. In fact, we'll
meet you there in part two, so we unpacked the
toxic treadmill of external validation. In Part three we went
into the emotional war that so many of us are
fighting silently and secretly inside. And just last week in
Part four, we called out the silent standards and rules
(01:16):
that you didn't even know you were living by and
how they have been dictating your worth. And so now
we're diving deep into one of the most common emotional
roadblocks I see in women who want to feel worthy
but just can't seem to get there.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
And it's this fear of being too much.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
So there's this lie that so many women secretly believe,
and it's that if I were just less of me,
I'd be more lovable, or if I wasn't so much
of this or too much of that or not enough this,
then I'd feel worthy of love. Right.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
And it's not conscious, it's unconscious and subconscious. And so
let's just get real here.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
You know, so many of us have lived a lifetime
of trying to shrink ourselves, whether it's physically, emotionally, even spiritually.
And we've been taught to take up less space and
to dial down our needs or mute our desires or
you know, hide our hunger for food, for connection, for life.
And when we don't do that, we're called needy or
(02:17):
dramatic or you know, high maintenance or intense or whether
you know, we called it to ourselves, right, and so
we internalize this message again, it's not conscious, that I
must just be too much, and over time that message
starts to feel like truth. And like most emotional patterns,
this one didn't start with you. It probably likely started
(02:38):
years or even decades ago. Maybe you were told you
were too sensitive when you cried, or I mean I
lived in a house that was like, you know, go
cry in the other room if you're going to cry.
Maybe you were dictated, like to be too emotional when
you expressed a boundary, or you know, too opinionated when
you used your voice, or you know, too needy when
you asked for more, you know, more love or more
(03:00):
tension or more connection. And maybe someone made you feel
like your feelings were inconvenient, or that you know, your
excitement was embarrassing, like calm down, like like, don't get
excited right, or that your appetite, you know, whether it
was for food or for ambition.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Was out of control.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
And so your brain did what brains do, and it
learned and it adapted, and it said, Okay, I guess
I'll just tone it down and i'll quiet the hunger
and I'll be more palatable, right, whatever society dictates.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
That to be.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
But here's the thing about constantly shrinking yourself to fit in.
You end up losing sight of who you actually are.
And what's even more painful is you begin to believe
that the real you is somehow a burden or for me,
I was like, it's a curse, you know. And then
this fear affects your relationship with food in your body,
not the other way around.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Right, And so let's connect the dots.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Okay, if your brain believes that your true self is
too much, it's going to try to make you more
acceptable by any means necessary. And it's not your definition
of acceptable, it's your perception of what is acceptable. And
so that often spills over into your relationship with food
and your body, and so you restrict your eating to
(04:14):
appear more in control, and you try to shrink your
body because you think it will make you more lovable,
or you use food to numb the big emotions that
you were taught were just too much to feel.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Or maybe you silence cravings.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Not just for food but for life, right, because you
learn to fear desire.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
And so this is why the.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Brain and body are so connected when it comes to worthiness.
And your behaviors are not broken, they're simply adaptations. And
so if you were told that you were too much,
it makes sense that you look for ways to take
up less space. Right, But the solution is not more shrinking.
I'm sure you've been doing that, right.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
The solution is reclaiming your right to take up.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Space, like changing that narrative so that you are like, no,
I have the right to take up space physically, emotionally, energetically,
and so again, bringing this back to the thread, like,
what does self love and worthiness have to do with
all of this? Well, first off, let me just say
this very transparently. Self love isn't about becoming less. It
is about becoming more of who you really are. And
(05:21):
it's about giving yourself full permission to feel and permission
to want things and to express things and to show
up unapologetically.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
And it's it's kind of.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
You know, about reparenting the part of you that was
told to quiet down or tone it down or just
sit down or shut up, right, And it's about trusting
what your needs and your feelings and your presence, trusting
that it's not only acceptable, but that it's necessary. Like
your needs and feelings are not just acceptable, they're necessary.
Because when you begin to love and accept that the
(05:53):
you know too much parts of you, they stop feeling
like liabilities and they start becoming your superpowers. The science
also proves that your brain is wired for this connection,
not the perfection that we've been striving for. And so
let's talk neuroscience for a second. Remember how we talked
about how the part of your brain that's wired for
emotional safety, the anterior singulate cortex, We talk about it
(06:15):
all the time. It is always scanning for cues, right,
It's scanning for the cues like am I safe?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Am I accepted? Am I allowed to be who I am? Here?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Like?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Can I just relax and be me?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Right? And if the answer is no, it triggers a
cascade of protective mechanisms and a lot of times that
just shows up as shame or silencing yourself or perfectionism
of disordered eating, like I mean, all the things that
it triggers.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
And so when you create internal safety, right, and this
is what I mean by self image and identity, the
kind that says like I've.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Got you, like I've got your back.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
When you can say that to yourself, you send your
brain the message it's been aching for, which is you
are allowed to exist exactly as you are.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Okay, let me just say that again.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
All right, you are allowed to exist exactly as you are.
And when you start to practice that and condition that
and live into that, that's when everything starts to shift
and you stop trying to earn your place, and you
stop outsourcing your worth, and you stop fearing your fullness,
(07:26):
both metaphorically and literally, because you'll finally know you were
never too much.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
You were just too limited to receive all of who
you are.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
And so the truth that changed the game for me
and so many of my students and clients is that
like you being all of who you are, like the
full you know, outgoing too much, whatever version of yourself,
the full version of yourself, This is not a problem
for you to solve, right, it is not.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
You are not a burden. You are simply a human
being living, a human living with needs.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
And desires and feelings and a whole spectrum and coaleidoscope
of emotions. And so your appetite is not a character flaw,
and your emotions are definitely not embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
And no, your enthusiasm is not annoying.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Okay, And your hunger right for food, for love, for connection,
for rest, for fun, it is not excessive if we're
feeding the actual hunger, right, And these are the parts
of you that are human and they're beautiful and you
are worthy of taking up space? Okay, And so if
this is resonating with you, I want to just leave
(08:35):
you with some things that you can kind of just
be with or journal through. The first thing is where
in my life have I believed that I was too much?
Like just name it and claim it, right, but also
like what version of myself have I been suppressing so
that I don't feel like I'm too much and I
can I'm trying to be accepted and lovable and all
these things like where have I been suppressing myself? Maybe
it's your talents, your creativity, your humor, what just your
(08:58):
voice in general? And then what would it feel like
to fully take up space fully emotionally, energetically, what would
you do?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Who would you be if you were not afraid of
being too much?
Speaker 3 (09:10):
But also acknowledging like what are the needs and desires
that I'm silencing or pretending aren't there that I want
to learn how to honor? And the big one for me,
like I always look at like what's the big bad wolf?
It's like even if it scares me, right, what version
of me is ready to be seen, and I want
to learn how to show up as her, Like what
is that big, bad wolf? Right?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
And if it's scared, like, what's the scary part? But like,
what version of me is ready to be seen even
if it scares me? Okay?
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Because your too muchness is not the problem or a
problem at all. It's the parts of you that have
been waiting the longest to be.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Loved, right.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
And then the hunger that you've been trying to silence,
it's probably pointing to the very parts of you that
need nourishment and healing, and those emotions that keep rising up,
they're probably just begging for compassion instead of criticism.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
And if you feel big, right, the bigness that you feel,
it is not shameful again, it could be your most
beautiful superpower. And so if no one has told you
this today, right, you are not too much? You absolutely
never were And it is safe now to come home
to yourself like fully, without apology, because the world doesn't
(10:22):
need less of you. It needs more of the real you. Right,
It truly needs more of the real you. And so
that is it for today, outweigh and if you want
to learn more about how I teach my clients to
really this narrative that we're talking about, rewire their own
brain and self image for peace and freedom, but of
course turn off the parts of their brain that's obsessed
(10:43):
with food and their weight in order to access that
part of their brain. Then head on over to Stresslessating
dot Com, where I've literally peeled back the curtain and
just walked you through the exact strategy I teach my
own clients to heal themselves and their brain and their narratives.
But you know, without using words like macros and calorie burn, right,
it is all about getting rid of the narrative that
(11:06):
is keeping you stuck. And so it's there for you
to access over at Stressless Eating dot com and we
will be back for our final part of this series
next week.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Bye,
Hosts And Creators
Amy Brown
Leanne Ellington
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