September 24, 2024 • 50 mins
This episode is for the girls who are struggling to find self worth and setting the standards in the dating world. Pau Torres, host of the My Best Self Podcast, and I have a girl chat and get into our personal standards. Are they high or are we picky? We encourage you to find your self worth and never take the bare minimum.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back to the Overcomfort podcast. You guys. I am
your host, Jennaa Lopez.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Thank you guys so much for choosing to watch and
listen to this episode from wherever you guys are at.
I am super excited because we're gonna have a cute
girl chat with one of my gorgeous friends, Balt Torres.
She's been on the podcast before, she was on season two,
and absolutely, I mean, I don't like talking in third person,
(00:30):
but I do love her. I love her and who
she is and what she stands for and believes in.
And she's also I feel like she's very wise because
how old are you.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
You're like two, I'm twenty two.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yes, very wise, very mature for her age.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
And I wanted to have this topic because you have
your own podcast obviously, Yes, My best Self your best self?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Which one? Is it? My bestlf?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
My best self? Because I was like, your best self
of my best self?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Either way, I was like, it's the same thing, my
best self, which congratulations for that. I love, love, love
what you're promoting there, what your conversations are about, because
I feel like it's very genuine to who you are,
and I feel like.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
This could be like a little collab. We're going to
talk about having high standards. Is it being picky or
are we being picky? Or are we And I look,
I personally feel like it's a girl like girls should
have high standards.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, right, But We're gonna get to the nitty gritty
and I'm excited and I wanted to have this conversation
with bout because I feel like we've been pretty single
for a good minute and we're very specific about who
we want to talk to, who we date.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
We don't have time to mess around. And I remember
like in our.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Last episode that we did together, we were talking about
soul ties and the importance of that. So whatever, that's
what we're gonna be talking about today. And hopefully you
guys can take something from this because I feel like
it's important.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I feel like if there's anything that.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Anybody could take from this episode, I feel like it's
knowing you're worth, yes, right, because I feel like, and
I don't know about you, and I'll let you speak
and how you how you discovered your worth. But for me,
a lot of people I've seen, I've noticed people that
they find their worth in men or in a relationship,
(02:23):
and apart from that, and I used. I used to
do that when I was younger, because that's all I
ever knew, you know, like when I grew up, like
I would see multiple relationships and.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
It's all that you're fed to exactly like the Disney
princesses exactly. This is just like all about relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And especially like in Hispanic culture, you got to be
submissive to the man or type, you know, like just
take whatever you can get and just you know, move forward.
But it's like we're in a new generation, we're changing
things up. Let's talk about what are the standards for
each other?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Okay, okay? Or standards? Okay, I'm gonna say my standards,
but I'm not gonna go too deep because another thing
the girls need to know is you can never just
say your standards to a man, because then you literally
give them the cheat code of like Okay, I know
exactly what she's looking for. I know exactly how to act.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
How to present yourself to like, yeah, how if he's
watching this, he knows how to really win.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
And it's a lie, which is very dangerous because there
are like I'm not saying all men are bad, but
there are men out there who are gonna use that
against you, and who are you know gonna have that
type of intention towards you? Of course, But I would
say my standards are just in general obviously a kind person,
a respectful person, who is ready to prioritize a relationship,
(03:47):
which honestly, I don't even know if I'm ready at
that because your stage yet. Yes, So that's like, that's
part of it, as well as I want somebody, you know,
I want to be a mother in the future, right,
so I want somebody who's going to be an amazing dad,
somebody who's going to be able to take care of
our family, somebody that I can rely on. Those are just, like,
(04:11):
I guess, kind of a few points. Yeah, those are
like the main pinpoints. I don't think I'm very like, oh,
like he has to be super attractive and super this
and that. I think it's like someone that I have
a connection with, who shares my values and who, yeah,
who will fit into my life and I'll fit into
their life.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Okay, I agree, I completely agree. There's something different obviously about.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Physical and then emotional. Yeah, my main thing is obviously emotional.
And then I'll and then we'll.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Talk about.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Because you know, obviously I think physical is the is
the picky part, Like if we're getting too like technical,
like oh he doesn't have straight teeth, no babes like bye, no,
but you know what I mean, Like that's the picky part.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, I definitely agree.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I think that along with the being a good dad
because obviously you don't know until obviously you have, yeah,
your kids, and you don't know. But I feel what
is a good example and that you could see from
the bat, like, oh, this man's gonna be a good
dad is the way he treats his mom.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
That's yeah, that's very hard.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
As nieces and nephews or some type of you know,
how he is around kids. You know, because I have
a bunch of nieces and nephews and maybe that man doesn't,
you know. So it's all about how you treat them.
And that's like the biggest, like one of the flags
for me, Like if you do not treat your mother right,
I feel like it's like it shows a lot, it.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Shows your level. I think it really also shows well,
everybody's situation is different, but like you should never be
treating your mom bad, regardless of what it is.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Like, if you need to make abounds.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Then that's different, but yeah, you should be respectful. And
I think it just also shows how much they respect
women in general. And it's like, if you don't respect
your mom, do you respect exactly?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Which is the one thing that I always look.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
For, like how do you how do you treat or
how do you respect your parents? Like, you know, how's
your relationship with them? I know it sounds like getting
too deep, but it's it's really, it's really how it is.
Because let's say his relationship with his dad is is
not the best. I feel like that's where ego and
pride a lot of bitterness. Like you're built, you have anger,
(06:26):
you know. So it's kind of like then word is
that fault? Like you take it out on me or
you'll take it on take it out on whoever.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
It is.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So the way you treat your parents, for sure, that's.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
A big one, just like the way they even the
way they treat women as a whole and speak about
women as a whole, like, for example, I something that
has made me cut somebody off in the past. This
wasn't the only thing they did, but it was like
they would refer to women as the B word, like general,
(07:00):
and I was like wait, Like, I don't like that.
That doesn't sit right with me. It just kind of
shows like, why don't you respect women? So you only
respect the women that you like, care about or that
are like close to you, but not women as a whole. Yeah,
that's honestly, that's a huge red flag.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Okay, but how about if they're if he's talking to
his boys in the group, like in their group chat.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
No, I think that's horrible. I don't know. I just
feel like, why would you refer to women as that? Yeah? Yeah?
Do you do you agree or do you feel like
you would? I?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
No, I agree, I feel like no, I just I
can't even make it like because I'd like to see
like both ways. I'm like, that's why I asked, like
in the group chat, like maybe he's just talking to
his guys, but I like, even your boys, you shouldn't
even be talking.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Yeah. Yeah. And like in my past relationship and in
other like you know, situations that I've been in, I've
never had to like deal with the man just like
texting his friends in that way, So I see it
as like for someone to do that, just yeah, I
don't think that's someone I would ever want to So.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
With I feel like it is disrespectful because it's like
if his friend is saying something about me or something
about somebody else, that's kind of like you are who
you hang around. Yes, I feel like I truly believe
in that. And I'm if you hang around cheaters, if
you're hang around with people like.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
That's big too.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Why do you feel comfortable? Like you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Yeah, But then I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Sometimes that's that's I feel like that's the librit in me,
or that's no find the way like ballots are understanding
the other side of things.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Oh okay, yeah, yeah, I see, But I agree with
you though, Like I just feel like if like, if
a man is comfortable to be around people that act
that way, then you are, like you said, you are
who you hang around. And it's like I guess it
can be you can may maybe seem like picky because
of it, Like I guess this is where we get
(08:47):
into like being picky. But it's like then I'm gonna
be picky, I guess because I just there's certain things
that you just don't want to put up with. And
then I feel like also we're indoctrinated to just accept
whatever we want. I mean, whatever, whatever we get, you
just accept it. So it's like you have to kind
of question things a little bit like Okay, is this
(09:09):
actually right? Like or have I just been fed that narrative?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Like have I been manipulated?
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Am I two used to this exactly? Like oh yeah,
like it's normal for men to treat women this way,
like it's normal for guys to have these conversations about women.
When it's like is that really normal? Is that really like?
Or maybe it's normalized but it's not. Doesn't mean we
have to accept it exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
And I think it depends on certain situations like the
way people were raised or the way, you know, the
experiences they had growing up, which goes into like, you know,
maybe my next thing.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
How do you feel? Because I've been single for okay,
let's say like.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Four years now, three four years now, but obviously in
between dating, have you ever seen yourself?
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Maybe I have, and I'm just maybe I'm getting.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
To a point where it's like, okay, girl, you're like
twenty seven, like when you know, are.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
You having to I know? But you know what I mean,
It's like you.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Get to a point where it's like, at this point,
I want to start feeling like I would love to
receive flowers.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Obviously, I know I could buy myself flowers and I
could do, but like there's sometimes or there's times where
I do miss like the little cute things or whatever.
But then I remember, I'm like, if this is what
I'm asking for, that's all I'm gonna get. I have
to think about, like, Okay, the man that I want
is in the process of is getting prepared, like he's
(10:30):
you know, maybe doing something, you know what I mean.
So it's like, have you cause how.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Long have you been seeing that I've been single for
a little bit over two years.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
But dating in between talking to like, yeah, I've been
dating a little bit, but concrete official yeah, nothing official.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
I yeah, I've been very very single. Yeah, so very
much single. Like right now I'm literally like I'm not
dating anybody, not talking to anybody, not like on any
dating not anything at the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Have you been on dating apps?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I have? I haven't. It was like an interesting experience.
It's weird.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
I don't know, We're gonna go on a quick break
and we'll be right back without the welcome back you guys.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
No, but I've been on it.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Been on it too, and I'm just like, it's it's
a weird dating apps, I feel like, because realistically they do.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
There's really hard to.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Find the ones that don't just want to hook up
and you know, and then I'm very specific and I
feel like maybe you can agree or maybe not, but
I feel like the man that I kind of look for.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I don't want.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Maybe this is being picky again, but I don't feel
like I want somebody in the same industry as me,
like influencer or you know, I want like picky again,
but whatever, like someone businesses, like I feel like owning
your own business or something smarter, you know, like you
have to be influencing and all this stuff. It's not
(12:01):
gonna last forever, right, And then that goes into me
feeling secure and safe, Like how are you going to
like make me feel safe and secure also financially, you know,
if we because I'm dating.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
To marry at this point.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, Like I don't want to. I'm not just dating
to like mess around. So I feel like that's where
financial security comes in, Like I want to be able
to be with somebody that has maybe a little bit
more what I can offer because I feel like I
personally bring a lot to the table.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Yeah, I know that. I know that I do.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I know how to be a good girlfriend, wife, whatever.
I could cook clean, I have my own house, I
have my own business, Like, I pay my own bills.
I'm not asking for that, but I just want to
be able to Like.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
You want to be like a feminine woman around it man.
You want your man to be able to take the lead,
and you want him to be I feel like women,
what we really want is someone that's better than us
exactly because if they're not, then it's like and not
to say that, like how can I word this.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
We don't want to be better than them, Like we
don't like respectfully like in like like we don't want.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
To be doing better then exactly.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Yeah, we don't want to be doing better then the man.
And then also because it's like it goes into things
like when a man is maybe at a different level
than you, like let's say, for example, financially or even
sometimes it could be like looks wise for the girls
who like give guys a chance without like really caring
about their looks. It's like also then a man can
(13:32):
become insecure, and that can cause a lot of problems
in the relationship. And I think that's also another reason
why as women, we naturally are inclined to want a
man who can be that like that man that we want,
you know, that can be like a protector for us
and who can make us feel safe and comfortable. I
don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that, honestly.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
No, and I and that's why I'm like, maybe that's
why I'm still sick of it.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
It's like no, but it's like I think about him
like I can't accept You know why.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
It's because you give it to yourself. Yes, you give
that to yourself. You provide this lifestyle for yourself. You
work hard, you do you upkeep yourself physically, mentally, like
I'm sure even spiritually, in all these different ways. So
it's like if you have to match or exactly you
have to add to my life. Because also, you know,
(14:22):
when you're in a relationship, you naturally give a lot
of yourself. You give a lot of your time, you
give a lot of your energy. You give so much.
And as women, we naturally are that we're naturally givers
and nurtures. And so when you're looking for somebody, you
(14:44):
want to find someone who can you know, add to that,
because if not, it's like you're giving so much.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
But for what and that falls and knowing are worth.
If I don't know who I am or what I
can offer to the table, I don't think that's ever
gonna What I want specifically isn't going to arrive for me,
Like you can't accept the bare minimum, Like I've been
loved bomb before.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
You know the term love? Oh yeah, yes, and it's
like it seems all beautiful, the flowers, Oh my god,
you're so beautiful, but it's not enough.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
And that's what worries me about like this generation and
women obviously, and I think like the whole purpose of
you know, filming this episode is obviously inspiring for inspiring
other women to understand their worth, you know what I mean?
Like I And it's a process. It's a lot of time,
and every situation is different because people that may be
watching have you know, been through traumatic experiences or don't
(15:38):
understand certain parts of their you know, the way that
they grew up or whatever.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
How did you know your worth? How do we discover that?
Speaker 3 (15:45):
How did I discover my worth? I feel like a
lot had to do with my family, just like when
I was younger, I saw my parents. They didn't have
a very healthy marriage. They got divorced when I was
very young too, and I think that makes you see
things a little differently. And my mom and my GRANDMOTHERY
would always tell me, like, choose your husband wisely. And
(16:08):
it's so funny. I used to think that you had
to choose your husband. Like this was me and my
five year old wide. I'd be like, oh, there's gonna
be like a room and I have to go and
pick good want And then eventually I clicked obviously, like oh,
I you know, I get to choose, because at the
end of the day, you do get to choose. As women,
we get to choose. So it's like that really helped
(16:32):
me understand like, well, actually that didn't help me understand
my worth. Well, it helped me understand my worth. I
think was just in general. As I got older, I
started to see, okay, like what I find acceptable and
what I don't find acceptable, And you just you know,
when you go through a healing journey and when you
(16:53):
just explore different parts of yourself and really get to
know yourself deeply, you just start to feel like, wow,
I am a very worthy person. We all are just
innately that's who we are. And you know, as women,
we're like, I think that we need to understand how
powerful we really are, Like we're literally able, and even
(17:13):
the women that can't still like we're still so so powerful.
Like you're able to give birth, to bring life, to
do all of these things. And it's like you have
to understand the power that you hold in that. I
agree that goes very deeply. And it's like when you
choose your partner, it goes so deep into it that
(17:36):
it's like, now you're choosing the kind of children that
you're going to raise, and you're choosing kind of like
because a lot of the times, like for example, if
you find let's say, like a narcissistic man, those are
things that are not only like part of their personality,
it's also genetic. Yeah, and it's like these things can
be packaged exactly. So it's like we have to be
(17:58):
smart about that. But I got a little bit no.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I know, because that's what I was gonna go to
as well, Like everybody has baggage, right, men, women, any
everybody has baggage?
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Have you processed it? Have you worked through it?
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Because I don't know if I have the capability any
longer to put up with it, you know what I mean.
Like I feel like if you're in a healing journey yourself,
like okay, but I don't know if I can carry
the weight and also pass that to my children, you know,
(18:32):
if you have anger issues, like, let's figure it out now.
If not figure it out by the time you're dating.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Me, oh yeah, I know, Like it should be something
where you should feel I think everyone should come into
a relationship already as you know, a like good version
of themselves, not And I think that's another thing that
a lot of people just accept the minimum because they're like, oh,
they're gonna change, or like yeah, they're they have these problems,
(19:00):
but we're gonna make it work, and they fall in
love with just like the idea of what someone can be, yeah,
and their potential. But it's like you have to see
people as who they are, and it's like, why are
you going to put up with somebody not having it
figured out and just being And what I mean by
that is not like in general, obviously none of us
have it fully figured out, but it's like you're not
(19:22):
gonna put up with somebody that's going to be disrespecting you,
that doesn't treat you well, that doesn't know how to
be a partner.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
At the end of the day, I think leading you
to better, like you know, not backtracking. I feel like
for myself and I don't know you could speak on
it for yourself as too, Like this healing journey has
been so long and it's been a process, and it's
like I do not want to go back, like I
(19:49):
want you to help me move forward, like maybe I'll
discover something.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
That I needed to heal on in the future. Are
you going to help me? Like you know what I mean,
Like I don't want to feel like like tak bad
about or you know, this is just as important as
is as is as it is important for me. I
hope it is as important for you.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yeah, one hundred percent. And it's when you have like
healed so much of yourself. I think that helps you
really understand your worth because you're like, Okay, I'm not
gonna accept anything else because you realize how peaceful it is.
And I think that's why people stay single for so.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Long, because I feel peace.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
I'm happy exactly, and you don't have to deal with
like oh, like is this person like cheating? Is this
person doing this? And when I say this, by the way,
I'm like just a little PSA. I'm not like coming
from like talking about my last relationship. I just have
to mention it because I feel like people still correlate that,
which I feel like it's you know, it's been so
(20:49):
long it doesn't correlate anymore.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
But it's just what you've learned, right, what I've learned
about experience, but in general.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
In general, in general, not from that experience though. But yeah,
I think that's why we have like such high standards
because we now when we go through that healing, we
know our worth now. And it's like it's like this
analogy I heard recently that it's like, just like how
you don't you know, you don't go to the grocery
store when you're hungry, why because you're gonna want to
(21:18):
grab everything. You're gonna grab things you don't need. You're
gonna be like over you're all desperate trying to get everything.
Same thing with love. Don't go looking for love when
you don't have self worth or when you're lonely. Don't
try to date out of desperation, because then you're gonna
accept anything. You're gonna accept the bare minimum because you're like, oh, well,
you know, I this adds to my life. Like I'm lonely,
(21:38):
I don't feel good, so I don't care if they
treat me a certain type of way, Like you know,
this is still my person. I get to cuddle with
them at night, I get to do all these cute
couples things like and it's like it goes so much
deeper than that. But when you're in that like mentality
and you feel very lonely, you can easily exactly take
(21:58):
whatever you can get.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
And I think that's also like before anything, ladies, even men,
you know, watching or whatever, it's knowing.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Who you are first.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Be secure, be for sure about who you are as
a person. You're kind, You know what you could provide
and what you can bring to the table.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
You know your worth.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
And that's a process like knowing your worth and figuring
that out, Like especially if you've grown up like in
a toxic household or an abusive household, like it's hard
to understand who you are and where you belong.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
But I think that's what starts.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
It's like you have to heal those parts of you
and then open the door to love, open the door
and knowing like, Okay, I'm not gonna put up with
this anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I don't have time at least for.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Me, I don't have time to put up with any
type of shit, Like literally, I have too much on
my plate, Like again, like, are you gonna let's add
to my life?
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Let's add you know, let's build something together, you know.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Let's let's speak to people, let's you know, the I'm
not saying I want someone exactly like me, And I
don't think you wanted someone exactly like you too, because
then I feel like that would be kind of boring.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Yeah, no, of course. I honestly, I'm not sure exactly
the type of person that I'm gonna end up with,
but I agreed with what you were saying you want
like a business man, I feel like, okay, so like.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
What are what are those?
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Obviously you know, okay, we can't say too much because
it's like they're gonna be.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
Talking like okay, let me get start my business right now.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I just.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
No, but it's like it's it's true. It's like I
do you write it down?
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Girl? I have a list it's called my future husband
and it's one hundred point.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Launch and you add it on every day. You're like,
all right, no, not every day.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I wrote it one time and I was like, I'm
gonna be so specific right here, because no, you have
to be yes. And then it's like you'll find like,
for example, in my dating journey, I've found like guys
which would take off so many boxes, but then there
would be like certain things that I could overlook and
then I would add those to the lists, like, oh,
that's another thing that we need.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
What are your deal breakers?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
My deal breaker? Hold on, let me go to my list.
There's a lot. It's because it's hard to think of
only one.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Dude, I know, I feel like, what would my deal
breaker be? I feel like, would you want anybody that's
an influencer or like you want a.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Deal breaker to me? I wouldn't mind it. But it's
not like I'm like, oh, I hope they are you
know what I'm saying. But I wouldn't. Yeah, I wouldn't
like not consider them because of that deal breakers. Okay,
one of my deal breakers would have to be this
is me personally. Wait, let me think, because I have
(24:45):
a lot. One thing. Definitely I want a man that
is romantic, like I don't want a man.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
You know, like okay, sorry to cut you off, but emotional,
like you want to see that he's emotional too.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Yeah, I want somebody that is like emotionally vulnerable with
me and available in that sense. And I'm like, girl,
I just have a lot of I'm a.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Little Okay, what's a red flag?
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Then?
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I feel like that's easier. What is like the one?
Because I feel like, Okay, you're on a date, and
this is like I feel like everybody could agree if
he doesn't offer to pay, Is that a red flag?
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, well it's not that it's a red flag. It's
just for me personally, I wouldn't accept it.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Would you go on another date?
Speaker 3 (25:37):
No? I wouldn't go on another date just because well
that has never happened to me actually in my like
dating like phase or whatever that I was on. But
no guy did. And I feel like it's like, you know,
if you're inviting a woman out and you're not gonna pay,
it already shows the type of man that you are,
and it shows how serious. For me. It's like, if
you really like somebody, you wouldn't care, you know, like
(26:00):
if these men had like their celebrity crush in front
of them. You think they would be like, oh, let's
do fifty to fifty. They would be trying to impress
the women that they're dating, you know what I'm saying.
So it's like if you offer that, I just kind
of feel like, either you just don't really like me
or I don't know, maybe our our values just don't
align in that way, which.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Is fine, but you still so.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
I mean, in that case, I would just pay and
just not see them again. I would just be like, okay, yeah,
like we'll do fifty to fifty.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
But clearly that's such anick though.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
It's like, yeah, it's that's what makes it so unattractive,
Like it's like I don't know, like I feel like
I just I don't know. It is very unattractive and
maybe that's just me and it's probably very judgy, but
it's like, no, like you last me out. You know,
you're on your phone probably a lot, like you were an.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
A little girl. Oh hell no, that's a big red flow.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Yes, like being on the.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Ring on the phone.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
I was on a date one time, not too long ago.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
I should have taken it as a red flat.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I was love bombed for sure. But we were on
a date and his phone was out like this or whatever.
We'd already been like a couple drinks in and whatever
I was on I had to take a phone call.
So but he was next to me and his phone
was on the table like this, and then he's obviously
looking through stories and then he liked a girl's story
(27:36):
and I was just like okay. And then in my head,
I'm like, Okay, he's not your boyfriend. He's maybe talking
about the people. That's fine or whatever, but I'm like, no,
but why are you liking it in front of me?
And my problem my fault was bringing up later on
right in an argument that was like that was my
fault completely.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
That was like but I was like, okay, like.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
That, I know that's a red flag, right, I should
have seen it, like, and his excuse to me was that, oh.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
That's a family friend or whatever. I'm like, like, my cousin,
I don't like my stories, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
You know what I mean, Like, I don't. I've never
had a cousin like my story, a boy cousin.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Like why, first of all, why is he on his
phone going through Instagram stories while you're on a date, Yes,
like that's already like what.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Anyways, I don't know why I just had to share that,
But those are red flags ladies, like you got to
pay attention, like you got.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
To pick up on them, yeah, or.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Like the phone being like this, I know, like give.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
It's just a habit, Yeah, it does a habit, but
it's like they're like little cues, little things like I
feel like that people miss out on, like they don't
realize that our.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah are they just kind of like I think our
problem too is will like give people the benefit of
the down, which is like I learned that in dating
you can't do that. You can't like you have to
see it, like if you're over here showing me this,
this and that, then it's like I have to get
what you're putting down, pick up what you're putting down,
like I can't just and I think you can be
(29:19):
blinded sometimes. I feel like I've been personally blinded to
things before, because you can be like very Let's say
you're very physically attracted to somebody like oh wow, this
guy is like so handsome, I really like him, and
then it's like you know, you're like, oh, maybe I
could just like let down this one boundary like, oh,
it's okay if like they do this, But then it's
(29:40):
like you have to think no, like you know what
you want. It's like you can't be blinded, you it is,
because then it's like, girl, that's all it took for
you to fold. That's all it took for all your
standards to go out the window.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
For a stranger. Realistic.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Yeah, at the end of the day, Like, at the
end of the day, you don't know this man. You
just are like it's love at first sight because you're
attracted to them. That's unfortunately it goes.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
We're gonna go on a quick break and we'll be
right back with about the risk.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Welcome back you guys. Would you ever do love is blind?
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Oh? Love is blind? That's a girl. That's scary, right,
I don't know because love isn't blind. I know.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Okay, So that's what then I think that's what we
should talk about next.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Like I don't know, because then I'm so attracted.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
To when like a man is emotionally aware and intelligent
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
Yeah, but then it's like what if they're not, Yeah,
physically you're physically attracted to them and that's not to
say that you're like looking for like a supermodel, like
the most attractive man, but it's like, obviously we all
have our different tastes. Like guys that I've been attracted to,
somebody could probably see them and be like, girl, that's
a little questionable. Are you sure? Yeah? But you know what, like,
(30:58):
you know, we we all like what we like. But
it's important to be attracted. You can't just be with
somebody that you're just not attracted to. I feel like
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
All right, what are your top three, like a physical
attraction like you need to.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I wouldn't say I have Like, well, I prefer a
man to be fit. I really, you know, that's a
big thing. And especially because like that's my lifestyle. I
love going to the gym. I'm very active. That's one
thing I very like I look out for. My dream
man is gonna be a tall man like I. You know,
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Every comer than you because you're a tall girl too.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Right, I'm tall? Yeah, well I'm five to five. I
feel like that's pretty tall for a Mexican girl. And
those are like I think those are my main things.
Like other than that, I don't have like, oh, they
have to have this specific characteristic or they have to
look like this. I think as long as I'm attracted
to them, Okay, is it weird?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Tell me if I'm being judgy, then nice hands and.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
That's good too. That's good too. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
I don't want like if I see that you're like.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Your nails, oh hygiene one hundred yes, hyie like the
things that I get on, Yeah, at all. I don't
want a krusty like, don't want your You got to
be put together, especially because obviously when you're a person
who takes care of themselves, you want somebody that does
the same. It's like it's kind of most unattractive. It's
(32:24):
like a lot like you take.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Care of Okay, you smell good, you look good, you
look clean, like you got some lotion on those elbows,
like you know.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
What I mean, Like.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Little details like that you take care of, like where
you live, maybe your car is probably clean. Like it
sounds picky as fuck you guys, but it's true.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
It's like those things lead to other other examples, like
how they can take care of you as well.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
I agree. And there's a saying that says how you
do one and how does it go. How you do
anything is how you do everything. Yeah, and that really Yeah,
it's true because because if they take care of you know,
their house, their car, all of that, Yeah, they're gonna
take care of you too, because they they care to
be caring.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Yes, exactly, And that's the point. Like even as women
as well, like we should be also be taking care
of ourselves. Like yeah, I'm very big on like having
my men a caure of my piticures, like it makes
me feel good as a girl, as a woman me too,
Like you know, making sure my hair is like you know,
I'm on top my color and all that stuff. It
presents yourself like you have to show yourself like I'm
(33:30):
taking care of myself on the outside and the inside.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Yeah, and it doesn't even have to be anything crazy,
because I know it's like sometimes at the nail salons
they be charging like oh curl, they be charging crazy prices.
But even like you know, obviously like taking a shower,
doing these things, keeping your nails cut and clean, not
having freaking dirt in your freaking nails, these are things
that anyone can do. I agree, And and yeah, like
(33:55):
it's it's important, It's very important.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Okay, so I have a hot take mama's boys. What
if he's the only boy. Oh, I've had my fair share.
I don't think I could do it. I've I've dated
two mama's boys.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
What do you think qualifies somebody as a mama's boy?
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Okay? I feel like when they run to tell.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Their mom everything, oh, like evolving like obviously, like you
can obviously have a great relationship with your MoMA, wonderful.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
You mean, like involving, like telling them all your problems, Like.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
I feel like it in my eyes. Yeah, you look
a little bit less of a man to me, just
a little bit. I agree, Like I just it's a turnoff.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
It's definitely a turnoff. And I feel like that limits
me down because I can't like a girl. It's hard,
It's it's very unattractive.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
It's hard, like you're meant to be a man, Like,
I don't think your mom needs to know everything that happens.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
And I think that goes even into just like the
respect of the relationship. I don't think you should ever
tell your problems that you have with your partner to everyone.
Like I understand that there's certain things you might share
at certain moments with certain people, but for you to
go and run and like tell your mom everything and
then usually it's like when you're having an argument if
(35:24):
I don't know, I haven't been in this situation, but
I feel like in a mama's boy, not in that
sense like I want. What I like is like a
man that you know has a good relationship with his mom,
but that has boundaries too, So it's like you can't
be telling all our business because then I feel like
a mama's boy is created from a mother that doesn't
(35:44):
know boundaries either. And then it's like there's just like weird,
like there's no boundaries in that relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Because then I feel like you're constantly fighting. It's you
and the mom fighting.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah, Like the mom's always going to have a higher
position in his life.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
And that's not right, Like your wife should come first
and that's it. And as my husband, you're gonna be
first for me too. So it's like you, yeah, you
never want to feel like you're competing with his mom.
Like that's just weird, Like that's I don't know. I
I wouldn't I wouldn't do.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
That, Okay, So would you say you and your partner
relationship the mom doesn't like you?
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Are you leaving or you're saying.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
If the mom doesn't like me? But I know I'm saying,
but I feel like if someone didn't like me, like,
why wouldn't you like me? Okay, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
What if your partner didn't defend you, your man didn't.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
Oh, if they don't, yeah, then I couldn't be with
them because then that's that feels like it's gonna be
an ongoing problem and I don't want to deal with that,
Like you never want to come second. I think any
man that loves his woman is gonna put them first
and is obviously gonna choose, not choose, because you shouldn't
have to choose. But if it was a case like
(37:03):
that where like the mom was being just what's the
word respect?
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Ispect?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
Like just being I can't what's the word for this?
Speaker 1 (37:15):
Overbearing?
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Maybe overbearing or like and also disrespectful and like treating
your woman badly, And it's like you're choosing to defend
your mom over your wife staying quiet that too, it's
like you have to be able to be the man
to step in and defend the person that you're with,
(37:36):
and that just shows not only in that situation, but
it just shows a lot about the type of person
they are. So if that's not the type of person
you are, then I don't think that our values aligned
and I don't think we're going to be a good
fit for each other.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
And then I think that's also not respecting yourself as
a woman. Yeah, you know, like I'm sorry if you
don't respect me when it comes to your mother. And
I feel like that it's a hard conversation to have
because it's obviously the mother, the one that gave birth
to that person, and then you the person that's loving
and caring for him right now.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
But it's like, oh, like it goes like really deep,
but it is.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Like a sign like how much are you going to
respect yourself to like, Okay, you know, sadly, this is
what it is.
Speaker 3 (38:20):
And and Amanda loves you will never put you in
that position. No, Like they won't, No, they won't, they
won't allow it.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah, And I think more than anything, and if anybody
like you know, choosing to listen here and obviously coming
from Boo's podcasts as well, like as people that have
gone through healing experiences traumatic experiences as well, like and relationships.
Respecting yourself is always going to be number one, and
that also respecting your own boundaries and respecting your standards.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
And you're not crazy. I know, I'm not crazy about
You're not crazy.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
You know, you're not crazy.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
About having these standards or being quote unquote picky if
you guys see it as being picky. It's when you've
been through so many things and experience different parts of life,
you already know what to accept and not to accept.
I read in the book it's like it's as much access.
It's as much access as you give that person, Like
I'm letting you into my heart. That is as much access,
(39:15):
like I'm giving you basically my whole life, you know.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
And it's it's how much are you going to accept?
Speaker 2 (39:23):
How much are you gonna and how much are you
going to know that you deserve? You know, it's your
heart is sacred, It's it's meant to be protected. What
goes goes through your heart also comes out, you know,
in the physical and into the world.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
So it's like be mindful of choosing, be mindful. I
can't even say no, but it's like also being mindful
of who you're choosing in your life. You know, like
it's a whole other person. It's baggage, it's everything that
person comes along with and are they willing to accept
the stuff that you came along what you bring to
(39:59):
the table, well.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Exactly, you know. And it's always put yourself first and.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Learn know you're worth girls, know you're worth your men.
Women are so special in this world. We're smarter for
a reason.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
We mature fast, we mature faster.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
We know we have babies, Like our bodies are designed
and created so beautifully and wonderfully made.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Like you have to appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
You're not just like worthless or you know, you don't
deserve to be treated like any type of way.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
You are powerful. You know who you are. You know
what you bring to the table. You can conquer anything
in this world.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
And you deserve and willing of every ounce of love
that is I don't want to say that is offered
because that can be multiple people whatever. No, it's like
you have to just know the cues, know the red flags.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
And let people earn your love.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yes, don't just get it out.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Yeah, give it to the first person, like, give it
to someone that actually like you know, give it to
the person that truly shows you that they're deserving of
that because you do give so much to the people
that you love, So make sure that it's somebody that
is going to give back to you and pour back
into you. Yes, and yeah, don't accept just anything, trust
(41:24):
me please.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
And soulties, we're going to bring it back, do not,
because that's that stuff sticks with you, like you don't
know where that person has been. If you guys are
just looking to hook up, like.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Okay, no disrespect whatever you guys want to do. Everybody
makes their own life.
Speaker 4 (41:38):
Choices, but know the consequences the harns, and you don't
know where that person has been or the people that
he's already hooked up with has been.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
So whatever those people have are coming into you.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Yeah, and it's serious, yes, like the amount of even
like you go into Soulti and then you go into
all of this, but then you also have like STDs,
like people aren't just over here, you know these men
be I don't know. You have to protect yourself in
every way because you don't know how something is gonna
(42:13):
affect you.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Don't get love bomb ladies. If they're telling you like this, this, this,
and then they want to have sex on the first date. No, honey, no, no, no,
like please don't.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Please, Like it's like again, know your worth, respect your body.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
It is so beautiful, it's so powerful. Do not just
let like getta come and just mess it all up
for you, because that that is a whole nother healing thing.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
That's traumatic.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Yeah, it is very traumatic, and I think that people,
when they're not aware of it, they can just you know,
cause a lot of harm to themselves without even realizing
what's actually happening. And the bonds that you're creating with people,
the people that are you know, it's like it takes
a long time, I think to get to know somebody
(43:04):
and to really see what kind of person they are,
So you don't know who you're letting into your body
and what they're gonna give you in every sense of
that word. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
So just because even after you get married too, this
I've always heard and even I asked my sister, like
she recently got married, but they've lived together for a
long time. It's like, you know, you discover new things
after and then isn't there like a saying where it's
like you don't really know someone unless you've talked to
them or been with them.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
For like two years or something like that.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Hmmm, something like that. So obviously the point is is
like take your time.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I'm not saying don't give it, like you know, you
could do whatever you want with buddy, but like take
your time, like understand, like you know who you're talking to,
what they do, Like again.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
What baggage do they carry? Like what trauma have they
been through? Can they help you or can you help them?
Like you know, grow Like everything is about growing together.
And if there's anything that I would love for you
guys to take out of this podcast is again knowing
you're worth, respecting yourself and not just taking anything, don't
(44:15):
take everything.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Be mindful, be.
Speaker 3 (44:17):
Very mindful dating and pour into yourself, give yourself all
that love that you crave, give it to yourself, and
eventually that person will come around. You will always, yeah,
you'll find that person. Have you sorry? I forgot to
ask her. I wanted to ask you earlier when you
were talking about this. So you know how you said
you're you know, wanting to start getting settling down and
(44:39):
all that. Yes, have you been putting yourself in certain
positions to meet somebody?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
I've been going out a little bit more like I'll
go I don't go out to like parties or bars
or clubs. I don't feel like my man is going
to be in the club.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
Yeah no, I So I'll.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
Go to maybe to like maybe. Uh. I went to
Mastros with my friend the other day. We went to
go eat. We sat there at the bar at the table,
like you know, right there sitting and we were just
talking or whatever. And I think I'm just more open
to it.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Like I feel like when you're when the idea in
your head, when you open the door, it attracts, yeah,
because then you look close off, like you know what
I mean. So I'll go out to like maybe if
I'm invited. If I'm invited to a party. You know,
I don't usually drink. I'm very like you know, and
I'm not saying not having fun or whatever, but I'm
(45:34):
the door's open. I put myself in positions like I'll
go out with my sister or you know, whatever occasion
that I'm able to like yeah, like, and I make
myself like I know in my head like okay.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
You're like present in the moment and aware of around
and everything that.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Like I'm you know, I'm not, but I'm also not
like out there.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
Yeah, like you're not like going and like talking.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Yeah, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (46:02):
Do you do like when you see a guy that
you're attracted to, do you just like do you smile
at them?
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Oh my god, I don't. Oh maybe I do, maybe
like a smirk. Maybe like a smirk.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
That's good, you should. Well, this is what I've heard.
I'm too shy. I feel like most of the time
when I see a guy I'm attracted to, I'm not
gonna lie. You don't go, I like, no, never, I'm
and I don't want to be the first one to
make the move. But you know you're supposed to, like,
you know, show them you're interested, like smile at them
and stuff. But I still need to work on it.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
I know. It feels like a little weird. It's like
what if you smile at them and they're like.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
I know, what if they just like ignore you? It's
scary too.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Oh yeah, the door is open. And like I feel
like again it's all about mentally as well. Like if
you're opposed to it, it's gonna look like that on
the outside. Yeah, but if you're open to it, it's
gonna look like that on the outside as well.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
So we're gonna come back and when we're both in relationships,
we're gonna talk about this again. Oh my gosh, where
we're at like of with our dream mens, like this
is going to happen.
Speaker 3 (47:03):
Like I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Yes, yes, because we're manifesting.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
It's all about manifesting, putting it out, praying to God, Like, look, God,
I say this every day, and you guys probably think
I'm crazy, but I literally say, God, wherever my husband's at,
make sure, you know, prepare him, prepare me, prepare me
for my future husband that he's also being in preparation,
like you're getting him ready, like you know, you're healing
(47:28):
parts of him, like whatever he's.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
In, blessed him, protect him.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
You have to put it out there. You have to
be willing to receive it and also pray that God
is preparing you. You know that you're in the healing
process and whatever.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
But like I said, right.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
I'm sure your husband he's gonna appreciate that so much.
Speaker 1 (47:50):
Yeah, thanks, Your man's gonna appreciate the bullet points too.
One hundred and ninety. You're going to get that. Maybe
just one that's like whatever, But yeah, fine, you'll get
we're getting them. We're gonna get. No, we are, and
it's and if we're gonna the weight is going to
be worth it, like the weight in the process.
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Like sometimes you also wait a little longer for something.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
It's gonna be honorable, Like you know you're gonna respect
yourself even more that you waited this long for.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
This type of man, for the right one. Yes, I'm ready.
We're ready for it, and.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
We're gonna we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk
about it and we'll be like yep.
Speaker 3 (48:30):
Oh wait, wait, I actually can't wait for that day.
Like I'm excited for that to come day.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
When you find this one and you're aus.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
I feel like when we're on our first date, I
feel like we would know. Do you feel like you
would know?
Speaker 3 (48:42):
Like maybe like I think definitely you would have like
a tingle like yeah, you would for sure know something
like wait, I kind of do like him more than
I thought.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Yeah, like somebody have to be careful.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
No, of course, of course, but I feel like because
we're aware, like are motions like can obviously deceive us
in our heart, But like I feel like there's gonna
be like that one on the first In the.
Speaker 3 (49:07):
Back of your mind, you're like, like, oh, where this goes?
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Yeah, this one's interesting, Like this this is convincing, but
it's exciting.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
I do wish you luck. I'm gonna be thank you
for your man.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
I'm gonna be praying for you, just your future in general,
because you're beautiful and you are worthy and deserving all
the love.
Speaker 3 (49:26):
Thank you in the world.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
We're gonna be We're gonna be texting. We're like, did
you see I'm going to date anyways you guys. Bao
does have her own podcast. She just started it, My
Best Self Police, Share your socials, share where you can
find it, and all that.
Speaker 3 (49:46):
Thank you. So we are on I believe we're available
on any streaming like wherever you hear, Spotify, Apple, all
of that. YouTube at my Best Self and then Instagram
I think is my best self paw to my Instagram
is ipare if you guys want to follow me there,
and yeah, thank you, thank you so much for having me.
(50:07):
This was so fun. I feel like these conversations are needed.
Speaker 1 (50:10):
Yes, of course, and I feel like some girls don't
have those girlfriends, and I feel like, you know, we
could talk about it, have a good time, and I
feel like they're important conversations to have. If you guys
please took anything from this podcast, like, leave a comment,
leave a life, let us know, go to bout podcast.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
She is all about it as well, about moving to
the to the next level of your life, about improving
your life, how to heal all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
So make sure you guys go check out her podcast.
Make sure you guys leave a like comment, subscribe here,
and I will see you guys next Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
Overcome for Podcasts is a production of IHEARTMC podcast Network.
Welcome back to the Overcomfort podcast. You guys. I am
your host, Jennaa Lopez.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Thank you guys so much for choosing to watch and
listen to this episode from wherever you guys are at.
I am super excited because we're gonna have a cute
girl chat with one of my gorgeous friends, Balt Torres.
She's been on the podcast before, she was on season two,
and absolutely, I mean, I don't like talking in third person,
(00:30):
but I do love her. I love her and who
she is and what she stands for and believes in.
And she's also I feel like she's very wise because
how old are you.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
You're like two, I'm twenty two.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yes, very wise, very mature for her age.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
And I wanted to have this topic because you have
your own podcast obviously, Yes, My best Self your best self?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Which one? Is it? My bestlf?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
My best self? Because I was like, your best self
of my best self?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Either way, I was like, it's the same thing, my
best self, which congratulations for that. I love, love, love
what you're promoting there, what your conversations are about, because
I feel like it's very genuine to who you are,
and I feel like.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
This could be like a little collab. We're going to
talk about having high standards. Is it being picky or
are we being picky? Or are we And I look,
I personally feel like it's a girl like girls should
have high standards.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, right, But We're gonna get to the nitty gritty
and I'm excited and I wanted to have this conversation
with bout because I feel like we've been pretty single
for a good minute and we're very specific about who
we want to talk to, who we date.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
We don't have time to mess around. And I remember
like in our.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Last episode that we did together, we were talking about
soul ties and the importance of that. So whatever, that's
what we're gonna be talking about today. And hopefully you
guys can take something from this because I feel like
it's important.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I feel like if there's anything that.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Anybody could take from this episode, I feel like it's
knowing you're worth, yes, right, because I feel like, and
I don't know about you, and I'll let you speak
and how you how you discovered your worth. But for me,
a lot of people I've seen, I've noticed people that
they find their worth in men or in a relationship,
(02:23):
and apart from that, and I used. I used to
do that when I was younger, because that's all I
ever knew, you know, like when I grew up, like
I would see multiple relationships and.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
It's all that you're fed to exactly like the Disney
princesses exactly. This is just like all about relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And especially like in Hispanic culture, you got to be
submissive to the man or type, you know, like just
take whatever you can get and just you know, move forward.
But it's like we're in a new generation, we're changing
things up. Let's talk about what are the standards for
each other?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Okay, okay? Or standards? Okay, I'm gonna say my standards,
but I'm not gonna go too deep because another thing
the girls need to know is you can never just
say your standards to a man, because then you literally
give them the cheat code of like Okay, I know
exactly what she's looking for. I know exactly how to act.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
How to present yourself to like, yeah, how if he's
watching this, he knows how to really win.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
And it's a lie, which is very dangerous because there
are like I'm not saying all men are bad, but
there are men out there who are gonna use that
against you, and who are you know gonna have that
type of intention towards you? Of course, But I would
say my standards are just in general obviously a kind person,
a respectful person, who is ready to prioritize a relationship,
(03:47):
which honestly, I don't even know if I'm ready at
that because your stage yet. Yes, So that's like, that's
part of it, as well as I want somebody, you know,
I want to be a mother in the future, right,
so I want somebody who's going to be an amazing dad,
somebody who's going to be able to take care of
our family, somebody that I can rely on. Those are just, like,
(04:11):
I guess, kind of a few points. Yeah, those are
like the main pinpoints. I don't think I'm very like, oh,
like he has to be super attractive and super this
and that. I think it's like someone that I have
a connection with, who shares my values and who, yeah,
who will fit into my life and I'll fit into
their life.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Okay, I agree, I completely agree. There's something different obviously about.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Physical and then emotional. Yeah, my main thing is obviously emotional.
And then I'll and then we'll.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Talk about.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Because you know, obviously I think physical is the is
the picky part, Like if we're getting too like technical,
like oh he doesn't have straight teeth, no babes like bye, no,
but you know what I mean, Like that's the picky part.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, I definitely agree.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I think that along with the being a good dad
because obviously you don't know until obviously you have, yeah,
your kids, and you don't know. But I feel what
is a good example and that you could see from
the bat, like, oh, this man's gonna be a good
dad is the way he treats his mom.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
That's yeah, that's very hard.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
As nieces and nephews or some type of you know,
how he is around kids. You know, because I have
a bunch of nieces and nephews and maybe that man doesn't,
you know. So it's all about how you treat them.
And that's like the biggest, like one of the flags
for me, Like if you do not treat your mother right,
I feel like it's like it shows a lot, it.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Shows your level. I think it really also shows well,
everybody's situation is different, but like you should never be
treating your mom bad, regardless of what it is.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Like, if you need to make abounds.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Then that's different, but yeah, you should be respectful. And
I think it just also shows how much they respect
women in general. And it's like, if you don't respect
your mom, do you respect exactly?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Which is the one thing that I always look.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
For, like how do you how do you treat or
how do you respect your parents? Like, you know, how's
your relationship with them? I know it sounds like getting
too deep, but it's it's really, it's really how it is.
Because let's say his relationship with his dad is is
not the best. I feel like that's where ego and
pride a lot of bitterness. Like you're built, you have anger,
(06:26):
you know. So it's kind of like then word is
that fault? Like you take it out on me or
you'll take it on take it out on whoever.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
It is.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So the way you treat your parents, for sure, that's.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
A big one, just like the way they even the
way they treat women as a whole and speak about
women as a whole, like, for example, I something that
has made me cut somebody off in the past. This
wasn't the only thing they did, but it was like
they would refer to women as the B word, like general,
(07:00):
and I was like wait, Like, I don't like that.
That doesn't sit right with me. It just kind of
shows like, why don't you respect women? So you only
respect the women that you like, care about or that
are like close to you, but not women as a whole. Yeah,
that's honestly, that's a huge red flag.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Okay, but how about if they're if he's talking to
his boys in the group, like in their group chat.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
No, I think that's horrible. I don't know. I just
feel like, why would you refer to women as that? Yeah? Yeah?
Do you do you agree or do you feel like
you would? I?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
No, I agree, I feel like no, I just I
can't even make it like because I'd like to see
like both ways. I'm like, that's why I asked, like
in the group chat, like maybe he's just talking to
his guys, but I like, even your boys, you shouldn't
even be talking.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Yeah. Yeah. And like in my past relationship and in
other like you know, situations that I've been in, I've
never had to like deal with the man just like
texting his friends in that way, So I see it
as like for someone to do that, just yeah, I
don't think that's someone I would ever want to So.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
With I feel like it is disrespectful because it's like
if his friend is saying something about me or something
about somebody else, that's kind of like you are who
you hang around. Yes, I feel like I truly believe
in that. And I'm if you hang around cheaters, if
you're hang around with people like.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
That's big too.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Why do you feel comfortable? Like you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Yeah, But then I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Sometimes that's that's I feel like that's the librit in me,
or that's no find the way like ballots are understanding
the other side of things.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Oh okay, yeah, yeah, I see, But I agree with
you though, Like I just feel like if like, if
a man is comfortable to be around people that act
that way, then you are, like you said, you are
who you hang around. And it's like I guess it
can be you can may maybe seem like picky because
of it, Like I guess this is where we get
(08:47):
into like being picky. But it's like then I'm gonna
be picky, I guess because I just there's certain things
that you just don't want to put up with. And
then I feel like also we're indoctrinated to just accept
whatever we want. I mean, whatever, whatever we get, you
just accept it. So it's like you have to kind
of question things a little bit like Okay, is this
(09:09):
actually right? Like or have I just been fed that narrative?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Like have I been manipulated?
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Am I two used to this exactly? Like oh yeah,
like it's normal for men to treat women this way,
like it's normal for guys to have these conversations about women.
When it's like is that really normal? Is that really like?
Or maybe it's normalized but it's not. Doesn't mean we
have to accept it exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
And I think it depends on certain situations like the
way people were raised or the way, you know, the
experiences they had growing up, which goes into like, you know,
maybe my next thing.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
How do you feel? Because I've been single for okay,
let's say like.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Four years now, three four years now, but obviously in
between dating, have you ever seen yourself?
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Maybe I have, and I'm just maybe I'm getting.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
To a point where it's like, okay, girl, you're like
twenty seven, like when you know, are.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
You having to I know? But you know what I mean,
It's like you.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Get to a point where it's like, at this point,
I want to start feeling like I would love to
receive flowers.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Obviously, I know I could buy myself flowers and I
could do, but like there's sometimes or there's times where
I do miss like the little cute things or whatever.
But then I remember, I'm like, if this is what
I'm asking for, that's all I'm gonna get. I have
to think about, like, Okay, the man that I want
is in the process of is getting prepared, like he's
(10:30):
you know, maybe doing something, you know what I mean.
So it's like, have you cause how.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Long have you been seeing that I've been single for
a little bit over two years.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
But dating in between talking to like, yeah, I've been
dating a little bit, but concrete official yeah, nothing official.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
I yeah, I've been very very single. Yeah, so very
much single. Like right now I'm literally like I'm not
dating anybody, not talking to anybody, not like on any
dating not anything at the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Have you been on dating apps?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I have? I haven't. It was like an interesting experience.
It's weird.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
I don't know, We're gonna go on a quick break
and we'll be right back without the welcome back you guys.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
No, but I've been on it.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Been on it too, and I'm just like, it's it's
a weird dating apps, I feel like, because realistically they do.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
There's really hard to.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Find the ones that don't just want to hook up
and you know, and then I'm very specific and I
feel like maybe you can agree or maybe not, but
I feel like the man that I kind of look for.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I don't want.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Maybe this is being picky again, but I don't feel
like I want somebody in the same industry as me,
like influencer or you know, I want like picky again,
but whatever, like someone businesses, like I feel like owning
your own business or something smarter, you know, like you
have to be influencing and all this stuff. It's not
(12:01):
gonna last forever, right, And then that goes into me
feeling secure and safe, Like how are you going to
like make me feel safe and secure also financially, you know,
if we because I'm dating.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
To marry at this point.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, Like I don't want to. I'm not just dating
to like mess around. So I feel like that's where
financial security comes in, Like I want to be able
to be with somebody that has maybe a little bit
more what I can offer because I feel like I
personally bring a lot to the table.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Yeah, I know that. I know that I do.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I know how to be a good girlfriend, wife, whatever.
I could cook clean, I have my own house, I
have my own business, Like, I pay my own bills.
I'm not asking for that, but I just want to
be able to Like.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
You want to be like a feminine woman around it man.
You want your man to be able to take the lead,
and you want him to be I feel like women,
what we really want is someone that's better than us
exactly because if they're not, then it's like and not
to say that, like how can I word this.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
We don't want to be better than them, Like we
don't like respectfully like in like like we don't want.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
To be doing better then exactly.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Yeah, we don't want to be doing better then the man.
And then also because it's like it goes into things
like when a man is maybe at a different level
than you, like let's say, for example, financially or even
sometimes it could be like looks wise for the girls
who like give guys a chance without like really caring
about their looks. It's like also then a man can
(13:32):
become insecure, and that can cause a lot of problems
in the relationship. And I think that's also another reason
why as women, we naturally are inclined to want a
man who can be that like that man that we want,
you know, that can be like a protector for us
and who can make us feel safe and comfortable. I
don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that, honestly.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
No, and I and that's why I'm like, maybe that's
why I'm still sick of it.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
It's like no, but it's like I think about him
like I can't accept You know why.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
It's because you give it to yourself. Yes, you give
that to yourself. You provide this lifestyle for yourself. You
work hard, you do you upkeep yourself physically, mentally, like
I'm sure even spiritually, in all these different ways. So
it's like if you have to match or exactly you
have to add to my life. Because also, you know,
(14:22):
when you're in a relationship, you naturally give a lot
of yourself. You give a lot of your time, you
give a lot of your energy. You give so much.
And as women, we naturally are that we're naturally givers
and nurtures. And so when you're looking for somebody, you
(14:44):
want to find someone who can you know, add to that,
because if not, it's like you're giving so much.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
But for what and that falls and knowing are worth.
If I don't know who I am or what I
can offer to the table, I don't think that's ever
gonna What I want specifically isn't going to arrive for me,
Like you can't accept the bare minimum, Like I've been
loved bomb before.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
You know the term love? Oh yeah, yes, and it's
like it seems all beautiful, the flowers, Oh my god,
you're so beautiful, but it's not enough.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
And that's what worries me about like this generation and
women obviously, and I think like the whole purpose of
you know, filming this episode is obviously inspiring for inspiring
other women to understand their worth, you know what I mean?
Like I And it's a process. It's a lot of time,
and every situation is different because people that may be
watching have you know, been through traumatic experiences or don't
(15:38):
understand certain parts of their you know, the way that
they grew up or whatever.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
How did you know your worth? How do we discover that?
Speaker 3 (15:45):
How did I discover my worth? I feel like a
lot had to do with my family, just like when
I was younger, I saw my parents. They didn't have
a very healthy marriage. They got divorced when I was
very young too, and I think that makes you see
things a little differently. And my mom and my GRANDMOTHERY
would always tell me, like, choose your husband wisely. And
(16:08):
it's so funny. I used to think that you had
to choose your husband. Like this was me and my
five year old wide. I'd be like, oh, there's gonna
be like a room and I have to go and
pick good want And then eventually I clicked obviously, like oh,
I you know, I get to choose, because at the
end of the day, you do get to choose. As women,
we get to choose. So it's like that really helped
(16:32):
me understand like, well, actually that didn't help me understand
my worth. Well, it helped me understand my worth. I
think was just in general. As I got older, I
started to see, okay, like what I find acceptable and
what I don't find acceptable, And you just you know,
when you go through a healing journey and when you
(16:53):
just explore different parts of yourself and really get to
know yourself deeply, you just start to feel like, wow,
I am a very worthy person. We all are just
innately that's who we are. And you know, as women,
we're like, I think that we need to understand how
powerful we really are, Like we're literally able, and even
(17:13):
the women that can't still like we're still so so powerful.
Like you're able to give birth, to bring life, to
do all of these things. And it's like you have
to understand the power that you hold in that. I
agree that goes very deeply. And it's like when you
choose your partner, it goes so deep into it that
(17:36):
it's like, now you're choosing the kind of children that
you're going to raise, and you're choosing kind of like
because a lot of the times, like for example, if
you find let's say, like a narcissistic man, those are
things that are not only like part of their personality,
it's also genetic. Yeah, and it's like these things can
be packaged exactly. So it's like we have to be
(17:58):
smart about that. But I got a little bit no.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I know, because that's what I was gonna go to
as well, Like everybody has baggage, right, men, women, any
everybody has baggage?
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Have you processed it? Have you worked through it?
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Because I don't know if I have the capability any
longer to put up with it, you know what I mean.
Like I feel like if you're in a healing journey yourself,
like okay, but I don't know if I can carry
the weight and also pass that to my children, you know,
(18:32):
if you have anger issues, like, let's figure it out now.
If not figure it out by the time you're dating.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Me, oh yeah, I know, Like it should be something
where you should feel I think everyone should come into
a relationship already as you know, a like good version
of themselves, not And I think that's another thing that
a lot of people just accept the minimum because they're like, oh,
they're gonna change, or like yeah, they're they have these problems,
(19:00):
but we're gonna make it work, and they fall in
love with just like the idea of what someone can be, yeah,
and their potential. But it's like you have to see
people as who they are, and it's like, why are
you going to put up with somebody not having it
figured out and just being And what I mean by
that is not like in general, obviously none of us
have it fully figured out, but it's like you're not
(19:22):
gonna put up with somebody that's going to be disrespecting you,
that doesn't treat you well, that doesn't know how to
be a partner.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
At the end of the day, I think leading you
to better, like you know, not backtracking. I feel like
for myself and I don't know you could speak on
it for yourself as too, Like this healing journey has
been so long and it's been a process, and it's
like I do not want to go back, like I
(19:49):
want you to help me move forward, like maybe I'll
discover something.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
That I needed to heal on in the future. Are
you going to help me? Like you know what I mean,
Like I don't want to feel like like tak bad
about or you know, this is just as important as
is as is as it is important for me. I
hope it is as important for you.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yeah, one hundred percent. And it's when you have like
healed so much of yourself. I think that helps you
really understand your worth because you're like, Okay, I'm not
gonna accept anything else because you realize how peaceful it is.
And I think that's why people stay single for so.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Long, because I feel peace.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
I'm happy exactly, and you don't have to deal with
like oh, like is this person like cheating? Is this
person doing this? And when I say this, by the way,
I'm like just a little PSA. I'm not like coming
from like talking about my last relationship. I just have
to mention it because I feel like people still correlate that,
which I feel like it's you know, it's been so
(20:49):
long it doesn't correlate anymore.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
But it's just what you've learned, right, what I've learned
about experience, but in general.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
In general, in general, not from that experience though. But yeah,
I think that's why we have like such high standards
because we now when we go through that healing, we
know our worth now. And it's like it's like this
analogy I heard recently that it's like, just like how
you don't you know, you don't go to the grocery
store when you're hungry, why because you're gonna want to
(21:18):
grab everything. You're gonna grab things you don't need. You're
gonna be like over you're all desperate trying to get everything.
Same thing with love. Don't go looking for love when
you don't have self worth or when you're lonely. Don't
try to date out of desperation, because then you're gonna
accept anything. You're gonna accept the bare minimum because you're like, oh, well,
you know, I this adds to my life. Like I'm lonely,
(21:38):
I don't feel good, so I don't care if they
treat me a certain type of way, Like you know,
this is still my person. I get to cuddle with
them at night, I get to do all these cute
couples things like and it's like it goes so much
deeper than that. But when you're in that like mentality
and you feel very lonely, you can easily exactly take
(21:58):
whatever you can get.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
And I think that's also like before anything, ladies, even men,
you know, watching or whatever, it's knowing.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Who you are first.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Be secure, be for sure about who you are as
a person. You're kind, You know what you could provide
and what you can bring to the table.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
You know your worth.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
And that's a process like knowing your worth and figuring
that out, Like especially if you've grown up like in
a toxic household or an abusive household, like it's hard
to understand who you are and where you belong.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
But I think that's what starts.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
It's like you have to heal those parts of you
and then open the door to love, open the door
and knowing like, Okay, I'm not gonna put up with
this anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I don't have time at least for.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Me, I don't have time to put up with any
type of shit, Like literally, I have too much on
my plate, Like again, like, are you gonna let's add
to my life?
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Let's add you know, let's build something together, you know.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Let's let's speak to people, let's you know, the I'm
not saying I want someone exactly like me, And I
don't think you wanted someone exactly like you too, because
then I feel like that would be kind of boring.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Yeah, no, of course. I honestly, I'm not sure exactly
the type of person that I'm gonna end up with,
but I agreed with what you were saying you want
like a business man, I feel like, okay, so like.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
What are what are those?
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Obviously you know, okay, we can't say too much because
it's like they're gonna be.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
Talking like okay, let me get start my business right now.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I just.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
No, but it's like it's it's true. It's like I
do you write it down?
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Girl? I have a list it's called my future husband
and it's one hundred point.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Launch and you add it on every day. You're like,
all right, no, not every day.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I wrote it one time and I was like, I'm
gonna be so specific right here, because no, you have
to be yes. And then it's like you'll find like,
for example, in my dating journey, I've found like guys
which would take off so many boxes, but then there
would be like certain things that I could overlook and
then I would add those to the lists, like, oh,
that's another thing that we need.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
What are your deal breakers?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
My deal breaker? Hold on, let me go to my list.
There's a lot. It's because it's hard to think of
only one.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Dude, I know, I feel like, what would my deal
breaker be? I feel like, would you want anybody that's
an influencer or like you want a.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Deal breaker to me? I wouldn't mind it. But it's
not like I'm like, oh, I hope they are you
know what I'm saying. But I wouldn't. Yeah, I wouldn't
like not consider them because of that deal breakers. Okay,
one of my deal breakers would have to be this
is me personally. Wait, let me think, because I have
(24:45):
a lot. One thing. Definitely I want a man that
is romantic, like I don't want a man.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
You know, like okay, sorry to cut you off, but emotional,
like you want to see that he's emotional too.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Yeah, I want somebody that is like emotionally vulnerable with
me and available in that sense. And I'm like, girl,
I just have a lot of I'm a.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Little Okay, what's a red flag?
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Then?
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I feel like that's easier. What is like the one?
Because I feel like, Okay, you're on a date, and
this is like I feel like everybody could agree if
he doesn't offer to pay, Is that a red flag?
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, well it's not that it's a red flag. It's
just for me personally, I wouldn't accept it.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Would you go on another date?
Speaker 3 (25:37):
No? I wouldn't go on another date just because well
that has never happened to me actually in my like
dating like phase or whatever that I was on. But
no guy did. And I feel like it's like, you know,
if you're inviting a woman out and you're not gonna pay,
it already shows the type of man that you are,
and it shows how serious. For me. It's like, if
you really like somebody, you wouldn't care, you know, like
(26:00):
if these men had like their celebrity crush in front
of them. You think they would be like, oh, let's
do fifty to fifty. They would be trying to impress
the women that they're dating, you know what I'm saying.
So it's like if you offer that, I just kind
of feel like, either you just don't really like me
or I don't know, maybe our our values just don't
align in that way, which.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Is fine, but you still so.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
I mean, in that case, I would just pay and
just not see them again. I would just be like, okay, yeah,
like we'll do fifty to fifty.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
But clearly that's such anick though.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
It's like, yeah, it's that's what makes it so unattractive,
Like it's like I don't know, like I feel like
I just I don't know. It is very unattractive and
maybe that's just me and it's probably very judgy, but
it's like, no, like you last me out. You know,
you're on your phone probably a lot, like you were an.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
A little girl. Oh hell no, that's a big red flow.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Yes, like being on the.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Ring on the phone.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
I was on a date one time, not too long ago.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
I should have taken it as a red flat.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I was love bombed for sure. But we were on
a date and his phone was out like this or whatever.
We'd already been like a couple drinks in and whatever
I was on I had to take a phone call.
So but he was next to me and his phone
was on the table like this, and then he's obviously
looking through stories and then he liked a girl's story
(27:36):
and I was just like okay. And then in my head,
I'm like, Okay, he's not your boyfriend. He's maybe talking
about the people. That's fine or whatever, but I'm like, no,
but why are you liking it in front of me?
And my problem my fault was bringing up later on
right in an argument that was like that was my
fault completely.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
That was like but I was like, okay, like.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
That, I know that's a red flag, right, I should
have seen it, like, and his excuse to me was that, oh.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
That's a family friend or whatever. I'm like, like, my cousin,
I don't like my stories, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
You know what I mean, Like, I don't. I've never
had a cousin like my story, a boy cousin.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Like why, first of all, why is he on his
phone going through Instagram stories while you're on a date, Yes,
like that's already like what.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Anyways, I don't know why I just had to share that,
But those are red flags ladies, like you got to
pay attention, like you got.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
To pick up on them, yeah, or.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Like the phone being like this, I know, like give.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
It's just a habit, Yeah, it does a habit, but
it's like they're like little cues, little things like I
feel like that people miss out on, like they don't
realize that our.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah are they just kind of like I think our
problem too is will like give people the benefit of
the down, which is like I learned that in dating
you can't do that. You can't like you have to
see it, like if you're over here showing me this,
this and that, then it's like I have to get
what you're putting down, pick up what you're putting down,
like I can't just and I think you can be
(29:19):
blinded sometimes. I feel like I've been personally blinded to
things before, because you can be like very Let's say
you're very physically attracted to somebody like oh wow, this
guy is like so handsome, I really like him, and
then it's like you know, you're like, oh, maybe I
could just like let down this one boundary like, oh,
it's okay if like they do this, But then it's
(29:40):
like you have to think no, like you know what
you want. It's like you can't be blinded, you it is,
because then it's like, girl, that's all it took for
you to fold. That's all it took for all your
standards to go out the window.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
For a stranger. Realistic.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Yeah, at the end of the day, Like, at the
end of the day, you don't know this man. You
just are like it's love at first sight because you're
attracted to them. That's unfortunately it goes.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
We're gonna go on a quick break and we'll be
right back with about the risk.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Welcome back you guys. Would you ever do love is blind?
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Oh? Love is blind? That's a girl. That's scary, right,
I don't know because love isn't blind. I know.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Okay, So that's what then I think that's what we
should talk about next.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Like I don't know, because then I'm so attracted.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
To when like a man is emotionally aware and intelligent
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
Yeah, but then it's like what if they're not, Yeah,
physically you're physically attracted to them and that's not to
say that you're like looking for like a supermodel, like
the most attractive man, but it's like, obviously we all
have our different tastes. Like guys that I've been attracted to,
somebody could probably see them and be like, girl, that's
a little questionable. Are you sure? Yeah? But you know what, like,
(30:58):
you know, we we all like what we like. But
it's important to be attracted. You can't just be with
somebody that you're just not attracted to. I feel like
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
All right, what are your top three, like a physical
attraction like you need to.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I wouldn't say I have Like, well, I prefer a
man to be fit. I really, you know, that's a
big thing. And especially because like that's my lifestyle. I
love going to the gym. I'm very active. That's one
thing I very like I look out for. My dream
man is gonna be a tall man like I. You know,
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Every comer than you because you're a tall girl too.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Right, I'm tall? Yeah, well I'm five to five. I
feel like that's pretty tall for a Mexican girl. And
those are like I think those are my main things.
Like other than that, I don't have like, oh, they
have to have this specific characteristic or they have to
look like this. I think as long as I'm attracted
to them, Okay, is it weird?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Tell me if I'm being judgy, then nice hands and.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
That's good too. That's good too. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
I don't want like if I see that you're like.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Your nails, oh hygiene one hundred yes, hyie like the
things that I get on, Yeah, at all. I don't
want a krusty like, don't want your You got to
be put together, especially because obviously when you're a person
who takes care of themselves, you want somebody that does
the same. It's like it's kind of most unattractive. It's
(32:24):
like a lot like you take.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Care of Okay, you smell good, you look good, you
look clean, like you got some lotion on those elbows,
like you know.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
What I mean, Like.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Little details like that you take care of, like where
you live, maybe your car is probably clean. Like it
sounds picky as fuck you guys, but it's true.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
It's like those things lead to other other examples, like
how they can take care of you as well.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
I agree. And there's a saying that says how you
do one and how does it go. How you do
anything is how you do everything. Yeah, and that really Yeah,
it's true because because if they take care of you know,
their house, their car, all of that, Yeah, they're gonna
take care of you too, because they they care to
be caring.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Yes, exactly, And that's the point. Like even as women
as well, like we should be also be taking care
of ourselves. Like yeah, I'm very big on like having
my men a caure of my piticures, like it makes
me feel good as a girl, as a woman me too,
Like you know, making sure my hair is like you know,
I'm on top my color and all that stuff. It
presents yourself like you have to show yourself like I'm
(33:30):
taking care of myself on the outside and the inside.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Yeah, and it doesn't even have to be anything crazy,
because I know it's like sometimes at the nail salons
they be charging like oh curl, they be charging crazy prices.
But even like you know, obviously like taking a shower,
doing these things, keeping your nails cut and clean, not
having freaking dirt in your freaking nails, these are things
that anyone can do. I agree, And and yeah, like
(33:55):
it's it's important, It's very important.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Okay, so I have a hot take mama's boys. What
if he's the only boy. Oh, I've had my fair share.
I don't think I could do it. I've I've dated
two mama's boys.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
What do you think qualifies somebody as a mama's boy?
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Okay? I feel like when they run to tell.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Their mom everything, oh, like evolving like obviously, like you
can obviously have a great relationship with your MoMA, wonderful.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
You mean, like involving, like telling them all your problems, Like.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
I feel like it in my eyes. Yeah, you look
a little bit less of a man to me, just
a little bit. I agree, Like I just it's a turnoff.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
It's definitely a turnoff. And I feel like that limits
me down because I can't like a girl. It's hard,
It's it's very unattractive.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
It's hard, like you're meant to be a man, Like,
I don't think your mom needs to know everything that happens.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
And I think that goes even into just like the
respect of the relationship. I don't think you should ever
tell your problems that you have with your partner to everyone.
Like I understand that there's certain things you might share
at certain moments with certain people, but for you to
go and run and like tell your mom everything and
then usually it's like when you're having an argument if
(35:24):
I don't know, I haven't been in this situation, but
I feel like in a mama's boy, not in that
sense like I want. What I like is like a
man that you know has a good relationship with his mom,
but that has boundaries too, So it's like you can't
be telling all our business because then I feel like
a mama's boy is created from a mother that doesn't
(35:44):
know boundaries either. And then it's like there's just like weird,
like there's no boundaries in that relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Because then I feel like you're constantly fighting. It's you
and the mom fighting.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah, Like the mom's always going to have a higher
position in his life.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
And that's not right, Like your wife should come first
and that's it. And as my husband, you're gonna be
first for me too. So it's like you, yeah, you
never want to feel like you're competing with his mom.
Like that's just weird, Like that's I don't know. I
I wouldn't I wouldn't do.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
That, Okay, So would you say you and your partner
relationship the mom doesn't like you?
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Are you leaving or you're saying.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
If the mom doesn't like me? But I know I'm saying,
but I feel like if someone didn't like me, like,
why wouldn't you like me? Okay, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
What if your partner didn't defend you, your man didn't.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
Oh, if they don't, yeah, then I couldn't be with
them because then that's that feels like it's gonna be
an ongoing problem and I don't want to deal with that,
Like you never want to come second. I think any
man that loves his woman is gonna put them first
and is obviously gonna choose, not choose, because you shouldn't
have to choose. But if it was a case like
(37:03):
that where like the mom was being just what's the
word respect?
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Ispect?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
Like just being I can't what's the word for this?
Speaker 1 (37:15):
Overbearing?
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Maybe overbearing or like and also disrespectful and like treating
your woman badly, And it's like you're choosing to defend
your mom over your wife staying quiet that too, it's
like you have to be able to be the man
to step in and defend the person that you're with,
(37:36):
and that just shows not only in that situation, but
it just shows a lot about the type of person
they are. So if that's not the type of person
you are, then I don't think that our values aligned
and I don't think we're going to be a good
fit for each other.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
And then I think that's also not respecting yourself as
a woman. Yeah, you know, like I'm sorry if you
don't respect me when it comes to your mother. And
I feel like that it's a hard conversation to have
because it's obviously the mother, the one that gave birth
to that person, and then you the person that's loving
and caring for him right now.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
But it's like, oh, like it goes like really deep,
but it is.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Like a sign like how much are you going to
respect yourself to like, Okay, you know, sadly, this is
what it is.
Speaker 3 (38:20):
And and Amanda loves you will never put you in
that position. No, Like they won't, No, they won't, they
won't allow it.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah, And I think more than anything, and if anybody
like you know, choosing to listen here and obviously coming
from Boo's podcasts as well, like as people that have
gone through healing experiences traumatic experiences as well, like and relationships.
Respecting yourself is always going to be number one, and
that also respecting your own boundaries and respecting your standards.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
And you're not crazy. I know, I'm not crazy about
You're not crazy.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
You know, you're not crazy.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
About having these standards or being quote unquote picky if
you guys see it as being picky. It's when you've
been through so many things and experience different parts of life,
you already know what to accept and not to accept.
I read in the book it's like it's as much access.
It's as much access as you give that person, Like
I'm letting you into my heart. That is as much access,
(39:15):
like I'm giving you basically my whole life, you know.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
And it's it's how much are you going to accept?
Speaker 2 (39:23):
How much are you gonna and how much are you
going to know that you deserve? You know, it's your
heart is sacred, It's it's meant to be protected. What
goes goes through your heart also comes out, you know,
in the physical and into the world.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
So it's like be mindful of choosing, be mindful. I
can't even say no, but it's like also being mindful
of who you're choosing in your life. You know, like
it's a whole other person. It's baggage, it's everything that
person comes along with and are they willing to accept
the stuff that you came along what you bring to
(39:59):
the table, well.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Exactly, you know. And it's always put yourself first and.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Learn know you're worth girls, know you're worth your men.
Women are so special in this world. We're smarter for
a reason.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
We mature fast, we mature faster.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
We know we have babies, Like our bodies are designed
and created so beautifully and wonderfully made.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Like you have to appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
You're not just like worthless or you know, you don't
deserve to be treated like any type of way.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
You are powerful. You know who you are. You know
what you bring to the table. You can conquer anything
in this world.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
And you deserve and willing of every ounce of love
that is I don't want to say that is offered
because that can be multiple people whatever. No, it's like
you have to just know the cues, know the red flags.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
And let people earn your love.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yes, don't just get it out.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Yeah, give it to the first person, like, give it
to someone that actually like you know, give it to
the person that truly shows you that they're deserving of
that because you do give so much to the people
that you love, So make sure that it's somebody that
is going to give back to you and pour back
into you. Yes, and yeah, don't accept just anything, trust
(41:24):
me please.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
And soulties, we're going to bring it back, do not,
because that's that stuff sticks with you, like you don't
know where that person has been. If you guys are
just looking to hook up, like.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Okay, no disrespect whatever you guys want to do. Everybody
makes their own life.
Speaker 4 (41:38):
Choices, but know the consequences the harns, and you don't
know where that person has been or the people that
he's already hooked up with has been.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
So whatever those people have are coming into you.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Yeah, and it's serious, yes, like the amount of even
like you go into Soulti and then you go into
all of this, but then you also have like STDs,
like people aren't just over here, you know these men
be I don't know. You have to protect yourself in
every way because you don't know how something is gonna
(42:13):
affect you.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Don't get love bomb ladies. If they're telling you like this, this, this,
and then they want to have sex on the first date. No, honey, no, no, no,
like please don't.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Please, Like it's like again, know your worth, respect your body.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
It is so beautiful, it's so powerful. Do not just
let like getta come and just mess it all up
for you, because that that is a whole nother healing thing.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
That's traumatic.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Yeah, it is very traumatic, and I think that people,
when they're not aware of it, they can just you know,
cause a lot of harm to themselves without even realizing
what's actually happening. And the bonds that you're creating with people,
the people that are you know, it's like it takes
a long time, I think to get to know somebody
(43:04):
and to really see what kind of person they are,
So you don't know who you're letting into your body
and what they're gonna give you in every sense of
that word. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
So just because even after you get married too, this
I've always heard and even I asked my sister, like
she recently got married, but they've lived together for a
long time. It's like, you know, you discover new things
after and then isn't there like a saying where it's
like you don't really know someone unless you've talked to
them or been with them.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
For like two years or something like that.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Hmmm, something like that. So obviously the point is is
like take your time.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I'm not saying don't give it, like you know, you
could do whatever you want with buddy, but like take
your time, like understand, like you know who you're talking to,
what they do, Like again.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
What baggage do they carry? Like what trauma have they
been through? Can they help you or can you help them?
Like you know, grow Like everything is about growing together.
And if there's anything that I would love for you
guys to take out of this podcast is again knowing
you're worth, respecting yourself and not just taking anything, don't
(44:15):
take everything.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Be mindful, be.
Speaker 3 (44:17):
Very mindful dating and pour into yourself, give yourself all
that love that you crave, give it to yourself, and
eventually that person will come around. You will always, yeah,
you'll find that person. Have you sorry? I forgot to
ask her. I wanted to ask you earlier when you
were talking about this. So you know how you said
you're you know, wanting to start getting settling down and
(44:39):
all that. Yes, have you been putting yourself in certain
positions to meet somebody?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
I've been going out a little bit more like I'll
go I don't go out to like parties or bars
or clubs. I don't feel like my man is going
to be in the club.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
Yeah no, I So I'll.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
Go to maybe to like maybe. Uh. I went to
Mastros with my friend the other day. We went to
go eat. We sat there at the bar at the table,
like you know, right there sitting and we were just
talking or whatever. And I think I'm just more open
to it.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Like I feel like when you're when the idea in
your head, when you open the door, it attracts, yeah,
because then you look close off, like you know what
I mean. So I'll go out to like maybe if
I'm invited. If I'm invited to a party. You know,
I don't usually drink. I'm very like you know, and
I'm not saying not having fun or whatever, but I'm
(45:34):
the door's open. I put myself in positions like I'll
go out with my sister or you know, whatever occasion
that I'm able to like yeah, like, and I make
myself like I know in my head like okay.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
You're like present in the moment and aware of around
and everything that.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Like I'm you know, I'm not, but I'm also not
like out there.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
Yeah, like you're not like going and like talking.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Yeah, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (46:02):
Do you do like when you see a guy that
you're attracted to, do you just like do you smile
at them?
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Oh my god, I don't. Oh maybe I do, maybe
like a smirk. Maybe like a smirk.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
That's good, you should. Well, this is what I've heard.
I'm too shy. I feel like most of the time
when I see a guy I'm attracted to, I'm not
gonna lie. You don't go, I like, no, never, I'm
and I don't want to be the first one to
make the move. But you know you're supposed to, like,
you know, show them you're interested, like smile at them
and stuff. But I still need to work on it.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
I know. It feels like a little weird. It's like
what if you smile at them and they're like.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
I know, what if they just like ignore you? It's
scary too.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Oh yeah, the door is open. And like I feel
like again it's all about mentally as well. Like if
you're opposed to it, it's gonna look like that on
the outside. Yeah, but if you're open to it, it's
gonna look like that on the outside as well.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
So we're gonna come back and when we're both in relationships,
we're gonna talk about this again. Oh my gosh, where
we're at like of with our dream mens, like this
is going to happen.
Speaker 3 (47:03):
Like I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Yes, yes, because we're manifesting.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
It's all about manifesting, putting it out, praying to God, Like, look, God,
I say this every day, and you guys probably think
I'm crazy, but I literally say, God, wherever my husband's at,
make sure, you know, prepare him, prepare me, prepare me
for my future husband that he's also being in preparation,
like you're getting him ready, like you know, you're healing
(47:28):
parts of him, like whatever he's.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
In, blessed him, protect him.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
You have to put it out there. You have to
be willing to receive it and also pray that God
is preparing you. You know that you're in the healing
process and whatever.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
But like I said, right.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
I'm sure your husband he's gonna appreciate that so much.
Speaker 1 (47:50):
Yeah, thanks, Your man's gonna appreciate the bullet points too.
One hundred and ninety. You're going to get that. Maybe
just one that's like whatever, But yeah, fine, you'll get
we're getting them. We're gonna get. No, we are, and
it's and if we're gonna the weight is going to
be worth it, like the weight in the process.
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Like sometimes you also wait a little longer for something.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
It's gonna be honorable, Like you know you're gonna respect
yourself even more that you waited this long for.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
This type of man, for the right one. Yes, I'm ready.
We're ready for it, and.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
We're gonna we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk
about it and we'll be like yep.
Speaker 3 (48:30):
Oh wait, wait, I actually can't wait for that day.
Like I'm excited for that to come day.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
When you find this one and you're aus.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
I feel like when we're on our first date, I
feel like we would know. Do you feel like you
would know?
Speaker 3 (48:42):
Like maybe like I think definitely you would have like
a tingle like yeah, you would for sure know something
like wait, I kind of do like him more than
I thought.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Yeah, like somebody have to be careful.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
No, of course, of course, but I feel like because
we're aware, like are motions like can obviously deceive us
in our heart, But like I feel like there's gonna
be like that one on the first In the.
Speaker 3 (49:07):
Back of your mind, you're like, like, oh, where this goes?
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Yeah, this one's interesting, Like this this is convincing, but
it's exciting.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
I do wish you luck. I'm gonna be thank you
for your man.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
I'm gonna be praying for you, just your future in general,
because you're beautiful and you are worthy and deserving all
the love.
Speaker 3 (49:26):
Thank you in the world.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
We're gonna be We're gonna be texting. We're like, did
you see I'm going to date anyways you guys. Bao
does have her own podcast. She just started it, My
Best Self Police, Share your socials, share where you can
find it, and all that.
Speaker 3 (49:46):
Thank you. So we are on I believe we're available
on any streaming like wherever you hear, Spotify, Apple, all
of that. YouTube at my Best Self and then Instagram
I think is my best self paw to my Instagram
is ipare if you guys want to follow me there,
and yeah, thank you, thank you so much for having me.
(50:07):
This was so fun. I feel like these conversations are needed.
Speaker 1 (50:10):
Yes, of course, and I feel like some girls don't
have those girlfriends, and I feel like, you know, we
could talk about it, have a good time, and I
feel like they're important conversations to have. If you guys
please took anything from this podcast, like, leave a comment,
leave a life, let us know, go to bout podcast.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
She is all about it as well, about moving to
the to the next level of your life, about improving
your life, how to heal all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
So make sure you guys go check out her podcast.
Make sure you guys leave a like comment, subscribe here,
and I will see you guys next Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
Overcome for Podcasts is a production of IHEARTMC podcast Network.
Host
Jenicka Lopez
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