March 26, 2024 • 34 mins
This week Ophira talks to comedian Giulia Rozzi about her kid growing up in a two-comedian-household, why she doesn't have much blowjob material in her stand-up these days, and the negotiation power of Bubble Guppies.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It used to be chair. It's all the sun, not
think of sales.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Fun parentings a joke. Hello listeners, this is parenting is
a joke. I'm a container missing a lid named Golfiah Eisenberg.
And on the show, we bring together professional funny people,
stand up comedians to talk about their creative careers and
raising children. That's right, what it's like to do a
(00:25):
job in entertainment and be a parent. How the fuck
do we do it? Today my son said, the football
hit me in the acorns and I was like, what,
what are acorns? And he said, well, nuts, but I'm
a little kid, so they're just acorn still, and I
(00:46):
just burst out laughing. Come on, that is hilarious and
really a good use of terminology. I mean, there are
some things that you want to explain to your kid,
but also after a long day, you just want to laugh.
A little kid refers to his testicles as acorns. My
guest today is Julia Rozzi and we talk about her
(01:06):
go to disciplinarian move.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
You're delaying bedtime if you don't fucking like shuldar, get
off the pot, No bubble guppies.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Okay, more with me and Julia Rozzi right after these tiny,
tiny ads that are telling you to buy things that
you might need. So I spent all weekend with my son,
and I gotta tell you, not for me.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Hah.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's a little bit of classic O fear and material.
But no, I was more or less solo parenting with
my son all weekend because my husband was at a
comic con. The nerd shit is real. But then on
Sunday night, I had shows, so I left to go
do them right before bedtime, and my son high fived
me as I was leaving and said, great, spend in
(01:56):
the weekend with your mom, like I was some guest
in from out of town or a cousin that visited
for the weekend. I guess I really do leave a
lot little kids in restaurants, Thoughts, people do you do it?
Some folks I know take their kids all the time
out for food, some not at all. I'm somewhere in between,
because I'll say this, it's not fun yet unless I
(02:19):
just shove an iPad in front of his face and
keep his steady stream of fries coming his way. But
that's not what I want.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
No.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I have this vision a utopia where we're all sitting together.
We're talking, we're laughing, we're trying food that touches each
other on the plate, and it's a delightful experience and
we laugh and all of a sudden, I say, oh,
my goodness, our son loves rosemary. But in reality, even
just the sitting part is a crazy feat. And you
(02:47):
know what, I hate going down this path about talking
about the gender divide, because I do think it's bullshit
and not true. But let me tell you, when we
go out for food with little girls my son's age,
what they do They sit down, They sit down in
chairs and eat their food. Not my son. And I'm
not saying I'm talking for all boys, but I see
(03:10):
less of it with these little boys. And I'm trying
to train myself to just leave it alone, see what happens.
Because guess what doesn't work me saying sit down, put
your tush in the chair, both bump cheeks on the seat,
sit down, Could you please sit down? Please just sit
down for twenty minutes because that has zero results. But
(03:30):
then I'm told just keep saying it because one day
it will sink in. Really does that actually work? I mean,
that is what I'm doing. I guess but it just
feels like fruitless nagging, or maybe it's like potty training.
You know, when you're going through potty training and people say,
when you're struggling, they go, don't worry, don't worry, because
no kid goes to college in diapers. Okay, you're gonna
(03:52):
do it, So should I just assume that I'll just
keep doing this and when he's older, when he's in college,
he'll sit down at a table. Or Willie, what if
everyone just continues to go the other way and honors
their kids individual path and we let them live in
their truth and you know, you do you and wherever
(04:14):
you're coming from is the right place. And we end
up just with a whole bunch of college kids in
diapers who can't sit at a table because we let
them just be themselves. And we were told to take
our feet off the brakes of these draconian, disciplinarian, strict
parenting protocols and nagging because we were told they don't work.
(04:35):
But then I remember, wait a second, twenty years from now,
it's going to be no college. Yeah, food will be injected,
all underwear will be absorbent, and I'll be dead.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
So I just sigh, a big, big sigh of relief.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Are these musings of my mind called intrusive thoughts? I
just learned that term? Is that what these are? Second
is a podcast one big intrusive thought? It might be
I think it is, So you know what, let me
interrupt this one with an even better one coming up.
(05:13):
I talked to the very funny comedian Julie Rozzie about
raising a kid who actually puts their crap away. My
guest is someone I haven't spoken to for a long time,
so I'm very excited. She used to live in New York,
but she left us for the sunny skies of La.
She's a comedian, actress, writer. She's written for HBO, MTV, Bravo,
(05:37):
The New Yorker. She's appeared on Conan after Midnight, Lights
Out with David Spade. She's got a new solo show
called in Bed by ten. You see a trajectory right there.
I'm so excited to speak to the fabulous Julia Rozzi.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Hi, intros always make you sound so busy and fabulous,
and then you like, get off the podcast and go
lie back in bed.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I know You're like, why isn't anyone replying? To my emails.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Why are they all that we hate Julia meeting?
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Right? I know? Okay, So just to give us a
little context, what is the age of your child?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
She is three and a half and I have a
thirteen year old dog child who's crying at my door
that I have to get because she can she can
hear me talking about the real child or the child's
and I.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Do love more. Hey, not everybody is. But are you
comfortable with sharing the name of your daughter?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Oh? Sure, Stella?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Okay, So Julian itself is a totally perfect name. But
because your spelling of your name is unusual, I obviously
know the pain of just having a name that is
odd and it gets both mispronounced and misspelled. But I imagine
you've been plagued with people looking at your name on
a piece of paper or whatever for your life and
(07:02):
saying weird versions of it, yes, Gahlia or something Gulia.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
And also saying, oh, were you named after the wedding
singer because there's Julia Gulia And I'm like, yeah, I was.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I was.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
My mom predicted that fifteen years later or whenever the
movie came out after I was born, that this might happen.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
So did did that influence at all the name you
wanted for your kid?
Speaker 3 (07:33):
No? So I this this is where the name. There's
a couple reasons the name came about. So when I
was a teenager, my best friend Maria and I were high.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
In my Subaru talking about if.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
We ever have kids.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
You had a Suberu pre kids.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah, I a little I had a little gold like.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Subru, you know, four door. I don't even know what
it was called. They don't make them anymore. It's like
a little you know, sedan. And she was like, I
want to name my daughter. If I have a daughter,
I'm going to name her Luna. We're both Italian. And
I was like, well that I'm going to name my
daughter Stella. And it was going to be like Star
and Moon. She had a daughter, didn't name her Luna,
but Stella always stuck in my head. And then I
(08:16):
had a joke that I did so when I did
Conan in twenty nineteen, I didn't know I was pregnant
on the show, but I did used to do this
joke about pull out, and I named the Jiz. I
named my fake kids Stella and Giovanni. And then my
mother in law text to me after Conan and was like,
now make me a real Stella or Giovanni. And then
(08:39):
turns out I was actually pregnant. So it was actually
perfect because I had to like retire the joke, you
know what I mean? And yeah, and so she So
my mother in law loved the name, and my mom
loved the name, and my husband is black, and so
we wanted to pick a name that s felt good
for both cultures, Italian and blacks.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
It worked out great.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
It was like the only one on the list that
we both agreed on in our moms because God forbid
it just be our decision.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
They both agree.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Well, what I gotta say, just hearing that story, Another
thing that sticks out about it is that your mother
in law was giving you some pressure. Was that ever present?
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Oh? No, in like a cue because I had my
daughter at forty one and so at that point, you know,
I think everyone was kind of like.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Eh, yeah, we'll see, you know, because I've.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Never really was somebody who was like I want a kid.
I want to say I wasn't.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
And it sometimes feels shitty to say what the truth
is I was.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I was kind of in the middle. My attitude was
always like if it.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Happens, cool, if it doesn't cool. What really happened for
me was when I, like right when I hit forty.
I don't know what it was, but like I looked
to my husband and I was like, Oh, I really
want your kid. It wasn't like I just wanted a kid.
I really was like, I really like our vibe. I
(10:05):
love the way he would like he'd always be playing
with like other people's kids at like restaurant. You know,
he's like that guy that like makes the faces across
the room to other And I was.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Like, Oh, I think I could do this with as
long as you're my partner in this. Yeah. I was
always a maybe.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, I was a I was a hardcore no so
yeah it was a hard core now but then, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
How did that change?
Speaker 2 (10:32):
You have the right to change your mind. Yeah, wow,
what a great answer.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I had. Uh. Well, they didn't call it a miscarriage.
They called it a chemical pregnancy. Do you know what
that is now?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
I do not.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I guess it's a miscarriage.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Light It was like I was pregnant, but it was
only for like a week.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
It's still miscarried.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Yeah, but it was so short but I was still devastated.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
But that actually made me want a kid even more.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
So interesting you say that, I will be completely honest
with you. I've thought about this before in my own life,
and I want to hear your perspective, because I thought, Okay,
I had a miscarriage, and then the desire for me
to have a kid felt ultimate. I've thought, is that
a deep desire for a happy ending? But I was like, biological?
Is that emotional? Is that both doesn't matter?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
No, I never thought of it that way for me.
I actually remember where I was standing when I felt
this way. I was in my apartment in Silver Lake,
and I came home after finding out that I had
the chemical pregnancy, and I started.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Crying, saying, what do you mean? What do you mean?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
You found out I had a pregnancy des become out positive? Yes,
and I missmith period.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
And then so I went to the doctor immediately got
it and they were like, oh, you were pregnant, but
now you're not. It was all within the course of
like six days.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
It was very short.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
So for me, I don't know if it was the
happy ending. It was more that I I was shocked
by how happy I was at the positive pregnancy test.
We were at the place of like, let's just not
use protection, see what happens. You know, I'm in my forties.
I had already said, like I don't want to go
(12:20):
through like an intense ivy, Like I don't want to
do this if it's going to be really taxing. I
just you know, that's kind of where my whatever attitude
came about for me.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
When it happened.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
I thought it would be like, you know, if I
got a positive, I'd be like a little scared but
also exciting.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I was not scared. I was like fuck yes.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
And so for me, the reason why I felt even
more motivated is because it felt good and right at
that time. And I was really surprised by how calm
I was by the positive and how happy I was
and how happy my husband was.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
There was something really good.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah, yeah, you're like, now we're doing it.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
So I don't know, but that is I really never
thought of that. I'm going to probably think about that
quite a bit after we get off.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Another thing.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
No, no, no, no, it's not it's it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I think that's really interesting, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
So I also just think because on this podcast we're
talking people about you know, how they are doing this
as stand ups with an entertainment career. You know, here
you are where both parents are in comedy, both parents
want to do shows at hours that are you know,
not great for family life. So how do you do it?
(13:37):
How do you divvy it up? Or are you still
like working that out?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
I'll be honest with you, before I had the kid,
for the pandemic, I was already questioning the stand up lifestyle.
I've never liked the lifestyle. I liked it when I
was single. I liked it when I was really depressed.
I liked it when I was young and drank a lot,
you know what I mean. I liked it at points
in my life. I liked this excuse for I was like, well,
(14:03):
I got to go out and have two I have
two drink tickets.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
I got it, you know, like I used to really
like that.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Like I'm struggling, I'm so tired, you know that whole
character right. Part of why I moved to La was opportunities,
but also I just was that nighttime thing was kind
of getting to me a bit.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
So I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Before I even had a kid, I had already consciously
pulled back a little bit on travel and the amount
of shows I did a week. And I think my
husband was kind of going in that direction too. He
had gotten a writing job out here when we moved here,
and then the pandemic happened, and I was like, WHOA.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Being in a robe all the time is pretty fucking cool.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Like having that normalcy of being the stand ups really
bizarre and away because sometimes you have nothing all day
that you really have to get dressed for, you know,
like maybe your homewriting or doing a podcast or whatever.
Then all of a sudden, like six o'clock hits and
everyone else is coming home to have dinner and get cozy,
and I have to put on makeup, like the putting
(15:12):
on makeup at five six pm. It just started to
be like what so I it was really interesting because
my child came along right when I was already having
a lot of those feelings even without a child. Fortunately,
unfortunately there isn't as much stage time in LA, so
(15:33):
I really only can perform once or twice a week.
I mean, maybe I could perform more I was more famous,
but you know, once or twice a week, I'm pretty happy,
and I usually pick shows that are going to be good.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, so I.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Don't kind of waste those nights, and then I only
really travel if the money is fantastic. It's really conscious,
whereas before I would just kind of say yes to
everything and then be like, why am I so tired? Oh,
it's because I just traveled across the country for one
hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Have you been in the situation yet where you know,
someone gets a booking, someone gets a booking, it's exactly
at the same time, and maybe you know it's either
a scrambled last minute for help or someone has to
do Yeah, take the kid with them.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Never take the kid with us yet. Okay, if one
of us books get.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Something and it's not paid and the other one's paid,
it's pretty easy to figure out who's cancel.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
It's like, hey, I have a bar show that.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Might give me five dollars, and it's like, hey, I
have this gig that's going to be a guaranteed seven
hundred bucks.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah right, exactly, Yeah, we know what's going on.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
I think what works for us is we both are
sort of in the same headspace about stand up where
it's like it's a it's a part of our life.
It's something we do, but we also are doing other things,
so there's not that same like.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Hustle, right, you do writing and you're talking about have
a new show that you're working on, which again I'm like, oh,
you're plunging yourself back in. You say that you're trying
to and you're like, oh no, I just picked the
good No, oh no, you're going back in.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Well say so you're I mean, you're allowed to change
your mind. A great woman once said you're allowed to change.
You're allowed to change her, allowed to change.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
My mind, and you have to. You have to. If
anything I have learned is how much you have to
be flexible?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh yep?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Do you do like mommy groups? Do you have like
no mom community?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
So I had my child peak pandemic so I could
see no one, and I have to say it was
actually really great. We both got to be home either
one of us was working from home, and if we
weren't working from home, we were getting that sweet, sweet,
sweet pandemic relief money, which is the closest equivalent to
(17:59):
maternity leave, right, get that is, so you know, So
that worked out great and then we were really fortunate
because a lot of our circle out here already either
had kids or we're having kids around the same time,
so I didn't really feel.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Like I needed to go find a group.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
And then now as she's in school, I'm like making
friends with the parents there, and luckily all her favorite
friends at school I like their parents.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Oh that's good.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Yeah, I'm going to meet a mom I hate I
will meet. Talk to me in a year. I'll come
back here and be like this one.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Bitch, right, or just people that you don't connect with.
I keep talking about like how I bomb in conversation
with some moms because they're just coming from different perspectives.
I'm just needy, Like you know, that's what it is.
It's like I don't realize how needy I am for
their approval until I'm bombing, and then it's just like,
oh god, God.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Do I want to share this publicly? Okay, get forced
it on them. I was on a group text with
some other moms briefly, and I did notice my comments
never got a.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Thumbs up or a haha.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
But everyone else has did, I mean, and I didn't
pop up that much. I was like really conscious because
I was like, they all seem close.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
I don't even know why I'm here.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
And not even a nothing.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
Not even two exclamations, not even I didn't even exist.
And I was like, these moms must be friends with
all those comedy people that won't respond to my emails.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Of course, of course they meet.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
They meet on Wednesdays. That's sick.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Did you get off that group text, Chaine or are
you still on it? Are you looking?
Speaker 3 (19:44):
You know, group text kind of like fade. Yes, they
might still be talking. They're probably happy.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
I'm not. I don't know. It just wasn't the right time.
It's all good. Hey, listen, you can't can't be everyone's
best friend.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I have been there, though, give me one pity heart. Okay,
So I know from your work and this extends like
your stand up, but also you did a ted You
did a Ted X talk. That's the highest standard of
a talk where you know, you talk a lot about truth,
like even if it's painful truth. And then you have
(20:17):
this little kid that you want them to, you know,
be true to themselves but also do what you're told,
Like do you think about sort of the back and
forth between this philosophy.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Listen, I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
No one does, but I use the no TV like, hey, listen,
knock it off or no TV.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
She responds very quickly to that.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
And then I read an article that was like, that's wrong.
Don't make threats at teach it. And I don't even
know if I'm answering your question right now, but I
have this conversation with my best friend recently and I
was like, you know, I feel bad because I feel.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Like sometimes sometimes I can do the whole like how.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Are you feeling?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Why are you doing?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You know, like I try to do the whole engaging,
but sometimes it's like, yo, I know you don't. You're
done on the toilet. You've literally been sitting there for
twenty minutes. You're delaying bedtime if you don't fucking like shuter,
get off the pot. No bubble guppies, okay, you want
like never bubble guppies again?
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Like you know what I mean? Like, I you know, I'm.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Human absolutely, as long as you just gotta get shit done.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
Yeah, literally get shit done, Get your shit done.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
But I was talking to my friend about it and
I was saying, you know, I was, I was telling her,
I feel bad sometimes when I put my foot down.
But like I also have seen you know, I've been
to like the playground and I've seen these parents where
their kid is like hitting other people and they're.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Like, hey, hey Tyler, Hey Bud, Hey Bud, Hey, hey Bud, Hey,
what's going on? It's like your kid is has no
like you know what I mean. Like, so there's a
balance there.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, sometimes there's like a thread or sometimes I snap,
or or sometimes there's you know, a firmness, but there's
always a conversation after where you do the repair work.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
And my parents didn't do that because they didn't know.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
To do that.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
They didn't have, oh my god, that skill set.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yet, was your household strict going up? Like or did
you have a lot.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Of gosh, how do I even explain my households? My
parents are immigrants.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Yeah, so there was a lot of no because I
said so, yes, me too.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
So I guess there was.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Strictness in the sense of like they didn't really understand
like slumber parties. They're like, we have a bed, why
do you have to go sleep and someone's floor or
like do you know.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
What I mean?
Speaker 3 (22:36):
And like when the school would do a fundraiser where
you had to like sell wrapping paper to go on
like the camp trip.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
They're like, we'll just give you the money. Why do
you have to go beg like? So there was a
lot of that pridet and I had what yeah there,
and there was what will people think? What will people think?
Is a huge one.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
So there was a lot of I guess rules, anxiety,
conflict about like what other people would think, Oh weird,
and now I think people are talking about me behind
my back. But there was a lot of freedom when
it came to like I could eat whatever I want,
Like I could open the cookie cabinet and get a
(23:15):
like I could watch TV like I never understood the
like Americans who are like my mother says, I can have.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
One cookie a mom, you know, and like TV rats
your brain.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
And I'm like, oh, I'm literally at eight years old,
just like laying on the couch with like an antipasta
on my chest at ten pm, being like ma, keimving
more salomy.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
You know, like just raw like Wallas that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
But that kind of stuff also kept me in the
house where they could she could watch me, So I
was very overprotected outside of the house. Lots of rules
about clean when I see a TV show and there's
kids with shoes.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
On on the bed. I'm like, how are you alive?
So I came from like an.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Ultra clean house too. The major threat in my house
growing up was if you don't pick up your stuff
and everything. My room was like put away. It would
go in a box in the garage, next stop garbage.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
My room was only for sleeping me too, and a
museum of stuffed animals.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
It was literally to look at.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, I could play.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
We had like a basement and then we had like
a playroom like a porch whatever, and that was where
you played and sometimes had friends over as long as
they took off their shoes and like followed a million rules.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, yeah, man, do you try to do like, let's say,
the clean thing. Do you look at like the toys
that are being left around you have a three and
a half year old, Like this is very different. You're
like clean, clean it up, or we're all gonna put
it away.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Now here's what's interesting. Will and I both have our isms,
as all people do. I'm more neat, like I like
to organize and I used to be an office manager
and it kind of like I love a filing the system. Yeah,
like I really my daughter, like from a very young age,
she'll be like she can't leave the room until she's
(25:20):
put all the things in the places.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
And I remember like staying to my husband.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
I was like hey, and he's like, yep, I guess
it's in the DNA, so may change.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Who knows.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
She has a little bit of what I have, which
is like she does like a neat a tidy space.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
We just bought a house a year and a half ago.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
I have a theory that looking at too many home
listings and decor pages makes you fucked up about how
clean your house should be. Those places, yeah, like they're staged.
They're like, look, I have my shoes neatly on a shelf.
So sometimes I will like yel about, like why are
(26:07):
there so many shoes at the front door. My husband's
like because we live here, and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Oh right.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
So actually, so with peak COVID, as you were getting
closer to delivering this child, were they on zoom or
were you just going into hazmat suit you know, plastic everything.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Oh I would go in with the doctor. My husband
would have to wait in the car, couldn't come in.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
We did our birthing class on Zoom, which was terrible
because we didn't pay attention at all.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
It was we I mean, what do I need to
know about induction? And like and then.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
Literally I got to the hospital. I had to be
induced and they gave me.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Like all the tarp like it was everything they explained
to The birthing class ended up happening and they were like,
well didn't you And I was like no, the actual birth,
I had to wear a mask when I was delivering,
which I thought was so stupid.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
But and then we were there the way it was
at the time, it was July twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Once you were in the hospital, you could not go
outside for air. So we were in the hospital for
six days and I was like, can I please go
outside and get like a little bit of sunshine on
my face? And they're like no, now, yeah, we just
you have to watch this Undercover Boss marathon.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
It's the only thing. It's the only thing that's playing
on the TV.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Do you love it now, dude?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Like?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Is it sentimental? You see?
Speaker 3 (27:30):
And You're like, oh, the first date was on I
was like coming off the Fetanali gave me and I.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Was like what, Like I was.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Birth is wild and I have to tell you this
speaking of job and babies. So on day two of
the induction, you know, I'm I'm you know, I've got
the fetanyl and the blah blah blah and the this,
and I'm like literally loopy.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
And I get a email from my agents that.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
Was like, hey, we had a self tape.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I turned to Will because I didn't know I was
in labor. And I turned to Will. I go and
I literally have like the beet beat, no beep beat,
the beat beam. She and I go, hey, well do
you think do you think if you took this off me?
And I went in the bathroom. I could I could
do that.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
And I was like talking like a like I was
drugged out.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
I could do this plice over real quick. And he goes, Julia, no,
and I'm.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Like, but it's eight thousand dollars for our child, you know,
like whatever it was.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
He's like, no, sod that. I write back to my agents.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
I go, hey, guys, if there's any chance I can
hand this in Friday instead of Thursday. I'm in the
middle of getting labor, but I think I'll be done
by this.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
We rot back and media.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
Either were like please put away your phone.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
It's amazing. I canceled a gig the day I went
into labor, literally a bar gig. I was like, hey, sorry, okay, Julia.
To end off, we have a segment we do with
our guests called rapid Fire. So I'm just gonna ask
you a bunch of kind of non sequitur question. Just
(28:59):
give me the first answer that comes to your head.
What's one movie you want to make sure that your
daughter sees?
Speaker 3 (29:08):
Oh, National Lampoon's European Vacation. Really, it's my favorite movie. Yeah,
I mean it's like, got a lot of titties and
good classic dirty jokes.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
So not anytime soon.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
But yeah, like five to six, I was thinking four
four and a fourth birthday party kind of thing. Thoughts
on having another child.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Every now and then I think about it, but I
physically don't know it's possible.
Speaker 4 (29:37):
So no, okay, I don't think it's happening.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
What is the most expensive thing you've purchased thus far
for your child?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Uh? Preschool?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
This is the truth, Cool America. Would you rather your
kid watch your stand up act or your husband's.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
I mean she's actually seen both. Oh, so we both did.
After midnight recently. So she watched that and then I think,
like our name has been in the search on like
the YouTube on the TV. So then she saw like
a little square with the mic and was like, what's that?
And so we played it and yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Did she have questions?
Speaker 1 (30:20):
I don't talk about dick as much. I don't know.
It's really weird.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
So all of a sudden, you become your forties and
married with a kid, and your act is suddenly not
about blowjobs anymore.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
I've added more into mine recently just to stay current.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Good. Okay, maybe I'll take that as a.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Note they'll come back in.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Yeah, I feel like I can't with a straight face
ever talk about eating ass and that everyone's covering that
already on stage.
Speaker 4 (30:45):
Yeah, I ate one ass and it was fun.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Maybe cut that actually make that the promo because it
will help my career, it will.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
That's right. What is your favorite thing to play with
your kid?
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Oh? I love when she makes me food in her kitchen,
aw and she serves it, and and then sometimes she
also has me take her order for breakfast and I
have like a little notepad and she has a menu
and I'm the waiter.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I just I really I really love that.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
What's your least favorite thing to play with your kid?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Sometimes anything that involves running? Uh, are you know? And
then at the playground she's like, chase me, oh my fuck,
oh there's a bench you know.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Yeah. Do you have any kids songs stuck in your head? Currently?
Speaker 4 (31:33):
The Spice Girls Stop right now, Stop right now?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
The way you went into stop right now, I was like,
that's that's curt. That is very curd. You're right, very
perfect pitch Julia or Ozzie. Thank you so much. Julia,
everybody you know go see her new solo show, bed
Bite ten. It's at the Lyric Hyperion on May third.
(32:01):
It's excited, it's coming up.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Yes, thank you so much. Thank you, it's so great
to see you.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Hey, thanks so much for listening, and stick around for
Thursday's mini episode. I'll be doing some rapid fire questions
with comedy writer for Late Night with Seth Myers comedian
Matt Golditch, So check that out. If you haven't yet
subscribed to this podcast, don't miss any of them, and
you can stop by Apple Podcasts, leave us a rating
and review. It actually really really helps, So thank you
(32:35):
so much, and thank you for doing it right now.
Follow us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. And parenting is
a joke. On x we are parenting joke. We have
a substack with new content every week. Just go to
substack and search parenting is a joke. Come see me live, Hey,
if you're near Albany or anywhere upstate in the New
(32:57):
York area. I'm going to be at the beautiful Troy
Music Hall that's just outside Albany, and that's on Friday,
April fifth. You can find details on my website Ofira
Eisenberg dot com.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Hey.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Follow me everywhere at Ofira e. Our episode is produced
by me and Julie Smith clem. Our editor is Nina Porzuki.
Our sound designer is Tino Toby Mack. Our digital marketing
is done by Laura Vogel. Our video editor is Melissa Weiss.
Our overqualified intern is Jeffrey Kaufman. Thank you to all
of the engineers at Citybox. And I'll leave you with
(33:29):
a little bit more from Julia Rozzi.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
I love my baby.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I'm very excited to be a mom. I had a child.
Speaker 6 (33:35):
Later in life. It's known as advanced maternal age. It
used to be called cheriatric pregnancy. The actual medical term
for it, though, is old pussy.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
I have.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
A very old pussy.
Speaker 6 (33:52):
You can't tell, but my vagina is actually using a
walker to get across the stage and there's a butterscotch
candy between its lips.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
So sold
It used to be chair. It's all the sun, not
think of sales.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Fun parentings a joke. Hello listeners, this is parenting is
a joke. I'm a container missing a lid named Golfiah Eisenberg.
And on the show, we bring together professional funny people,
stand up comedians to talk about their creative careers and
raising children. That's right, what it's like to do a
(00:25):
job in entertainment and be a parent. How the fuck
do we do it? Today my son said, the football
hit me in the acorns and I was like, what,
what are acorns? And he said, well, nuts, but I'm
a little kid, so they're just acorn still, and I
(00:46):
just burst out laughing. Come on, that is hilarious and
really a good use of terminology. I mean, there are
some things that you want to explain to your kid,
but also after a long day, you just want to laugh.
A little kid refers to his testicles as acorns. My
guest today is Julia Rozzi and we talk about her
(01:06):
go to disciplinarian move.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
You're delaying bedtime if you don't fucking like shuldar, get
off the pot, No bubble guppies.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Okay, more with me and Julia Rozzi right after these tiny,
tiny ads that are telling you to buy things that
you might need. So I spent all weekend with my son,
and I gotta tell you, not for me.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Hah.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's a little bit of classic O fear and material.
But no, I was more or less solo parenting with
my son all weekend because my husband was at a
comic con. The nerd shit is real. But then on
Sunday night, I had shows, so I left to go
do them right before bedtime, and my son high fived
me as I was leaving and said, great, spend in
(01:56):
the weekend with your mom, like I was some guest
in from out of town or a cousin that visited
for the weekend. I guess I really do leave a
lot little kids in restaurants, Thoughts, people do you do it?
Some folks I know take their kids all the time
out for food, some not at all. I'm somewhere in between,
because I'll say this, it's not fun yet unless I
(02:19):
just shove an iPad in front of his face and
keep his steady stream of fries coming his way. But
that's not what I want.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
No.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I have this vision a utopia where we're all sitting together.
We're talking, we're laughing, we're trying food that touches each
other on the plate, and it's a delightful experience and
we laugh and all of a sudden, I say, oh,
my goodness, our son loves rosemary. But in reality, even
just the sitting part is a crazy feat. And you
(02:47):
know what, I hate going down this path about talking
about the gender divide, because I do think it's bullshit
and not true. But let me tell you, when we
go out for food with little girls my son's age,
what they do They sit down, They sit down in
chairs and eat their food. Not my son. And I'm
not saying I'm talking for all boys, but I see
(03:10):
less of it with these little boys. And I'm trying
to train myself to just leave it alone, see what happens.
Because guess what doesn't work me saying sit down, put
your tush in the chair, both bump cheeks on the seat,
sit down, Could you please sit down? Please just sit
down for twenty minutes because that has zero results. But
(03:30):
then I'm told just keep saying it because one day
it will sink in. Really does that actually work? I mean,
that is what I'm doing. I guess but it just
feels like fruitless nagging, or maybe it's like potty training.
You know, when you're going through potty training and people say,
when you're struggling, they go, don't worry, don't worry, because
no kid goes to college in diapers. Okay, you're gonna
(03:52):
do it, So should I just assume that I'll just
keep doing this and when he's older, when he's in college,
he'll sit down at a table. Or Willie, what if
everyone just continues to go the other way and honors
their kids individual path and we let them live in
their truth and you know, you do you and wherever
(04:14):
you're coming from is the right place. And we end
up just with a whole bunch of college kids in
diapers who can't sit at a table because we let
them just be themselves. And we were told to take
our feet off the brakes of these draconian, disciplinarian, strict
parenting protocols and nagging because we were told they don't work.
(04:35):
But then I remember, wait a second, twenty years from now,
it's going to be no college. Yeah, food will be injected,
all underwear will be absorbent, and I'll be dead.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
So I just sigh, a big, big sigh of relief.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Are these musings of my mind called intrusive thoughts? I
just learned that term? Is that what these are? Second
is a podcast one big intrusive thought? It might be
I think it is, So you know what, let me
interrupt this one with an even better one coming up.
(05:13):
I talked to the very funny comedian Julie Rozzie about
raising a kid who actually puts their crap away. My
guest is someone I haven't spoken to for a long time,
so I'm very excited. She used to live in New York,
but she left us for the sunny skies of La.
She's a comedian, actress, writer. She's written for HBO, MTV, Bravo,
(05:37):
The New Yorker. She's appeared on Conan after Midnight, Lights
Out with David Spade. She's got a new solo show
called in Bed by ten. You see a trajectory right there.
I'm so excited to speak to the fabulous Julia Rozzi.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Hi, intros always make you sound so busy and fabulous,
and then you like, get off the podcast and go
lie back in bed.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I know You're like, why isn't anyone replying? To my emails.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Why are they all that we hate Julia meeting?
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Right? I know? Okay, So just to give us a
little context, what is the age of your child?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
She is three and a half and I have a
thirteen year old dog child who's crying at my door
that I have to get because she can she can
hear me talking about the real child or the child's
and I.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Do love more. Hey, not everybody is. But are you
comfortable with sharing the name of your daughter?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Oh? Sure, Stella?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Okay, So Julian itself is a totally perfect name. But
because your spelling of your name is unusual, I obviously
know the pain of just having a name that is
odd and it gets both mispronounced and misspelled. But I imagine
you've been plagued with people looking at your name on
a piece of paper or whatever for your life and
(07:02):
saying weird versions of it, yes, Gahlia or something Gulia.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
And also saying, oh, were you named after the wedding
singer because there's Julia Gulia And I'm like, yeah, I was.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I was.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
My mom predicted that fifteen years later or whenever the
movie came out after I was born, that this might happen.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
So did did that influence at all the name you
wanted for your kid?
Speaker 3 (07:33):
No? So I this this is where the name. There's
a couple reasons the name came about. So when I
was a teenager, my best friend Maria and I were high.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
In my Subaru talking about if.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
We ever have kids.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
You had a Suberu pre kids.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah, I a little I had a little gold like.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Subru, you know, four door. I don't even know what
it was called. They don't make them anymore. It's like
a little you know, sedan. And she was like, I
want to name my daughter. If I have a daughter,
I'm going to name her Luna. We're both Italian. And
I was like, well that I'm going to name my
daughter Stella. And it was going to be like Star
and Moon. She had a daughter, didn't name her Luna,
but Stella always stuck in my head. And then I
(08:16):
had a joke that I did so when I did
Conan in twenty nineteen, I didn't know I was pregnant
on the show, but I did used to do this
joke about pull out, and I named the Jiz. I
named my fake kids Stella and Giovanni. And then my
mother in law text to me after Conan and was like,
now make me a real Stella or Giovanni. And then
(08:39):
turns out I was actually pregnant. So it was actually
perfect because I had to like retire the joke, you
know what I mean? And yeah, and so she So
my mother in law loved the name, and my mom
loved the name, and my husband is black, and so
we wanted to pick a name that s felt good
for both cultures, Italian and blacks.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
It worked out great.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
It was like the only one on the list that
we both agreed on in our moms because God forbid
it just be our decision.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
They both agree.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Well, what I gotta say, just hearing that story, Another
thing that sticks out about it is that your mother
in law was giving you some pressure. Was that ever present?
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Oh? No, in like a cue because I had my
daughter at forty one and so at that point, you know,
I think everyone was kind of like.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Eh, yeah, we'll see, you know, because I've.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Never really was somebody who was like I want a kid.
I want to say I wasn't.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
And it sometimes feels shitty to say what the truth
is I was.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I was kind of in the middle. My attitude was
always like if it.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Happens, cool, if it doesn't cool. What really happened for
me was when I, like right when I hit forty.
I don't know what it was, but like I looked
to my husband and I was like, Oh, I really
want your kid. It wasn't like I just wanted a kid.
I really was like, I really like our vibe. I
(10:05):
love the way he would like he'd always be playing
with like other people's kids at like restaurant. You know,
he's like that guy that like makes the faces across
the room to other And I was.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Like, Oh, I think I could do this with as
long as you're my partner in this. Yeah. I was
always a maybe.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, I was a I was a hardcore no so
yeah it was a hard core now but then, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
How did that change?
Speaker 2 (10:32):
You have the right to change your mind. Yeah, wow,
what a great answer.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I had. Uh. Well, they didn't call it a miscarriage.
They called it a chemical pregnancy. Do you know what
that is now?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
I do not.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I guess it's a miscarriage.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Light It was like I was pregnant, but it was
only for like a week.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
It's still miscarried.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Yeah, but it was so short but I was still devastated.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
But that actually made me want a kid even more.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
So interesting you say that, I will be completely honest
with you. I've thought about this before in my own life,
and I want to hear your perspective, because I thought, Okay,
I had a miscarriage, and then the desire for me
to have a kid felt ultimate. I've thought, is that
a deep desire for a happy ending? But I was like, biological?
Is that emotional? Is that both doesn't matter?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
No, I never thought of it that way for me.
I actually remember where I was standing when I felt
this way. I was in my apartment in Silver Lake,
and I came home after finding out that I had
the chemical pregnancy, and I started.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Crying, saying, what do you mean? What do you mean?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
You found out I had a pregnancy des become out positive? Yes,
and I missmith period.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
And then so I went to the doctor immediately got
it and they were like, oh, you were pregnant, but
now you're not. It was all within the course of
like six days.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
It was very short.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
So for me, I don't know if it was the
happy ending. It was more that I I was shocked
by how happy I was at the positive pregnancy test.
We were at the place of like, let's just not
use protection, see what happens. You know, I'm in my forties.
I had already said, like I don't want to go
(12:20):
through like an intense ivy, Like I don't want to
do this if it's going to be really taxing. I
just you know, that's kind of where my whatever attitude
came about for me.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
When it happened.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
I thought it would be like, you know, if I
got a positive, I'd be like a little scared but
also exciting.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I was not scared. I was like fuck yes.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
And so for me, the reason why I felt even
more motivated is because it felt good and right at
that time. And I was really surprised by how calm
I was by the positive and how happy I was
and how happy my husband was.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
There was something really good.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah, yeah, you're like, now we're doing it.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
So I don't know, but that is I really never
thought of that. I'm going to probably think about that
quite a bit after we get off.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Another thing.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
No, no, no, no, it's not it's it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I think that's really interesting, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
So I also just think because on this podcast we're
talking people about you know, how they are doing this
as stand ups with an entertainment career. You know, here
you are where both parents are in comedy, both parents
want to do shows at hours that are you know,
not great for family life. So how do you do it?
(13:37):
How do you divvy it up? Or are you still
like working that out?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
I'll be honest with you, before I had the kid,
for the pandemic, I was already questioning the stand up lifestyle.
I've never liked the lifestyle. I liked it when I
was single. I liked it when I was really depressed.
I liked it when I was young and drank a lot,
you know what I mean. I liked it at points
in my life. I liked this excuse for I was like, well,
(14:03):
I got to go out and have two I have
two drink tickets.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
I got it, you know, like I used to really
like that.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Like I'm struggling, I'm so tired, you know that whole
character right. Part of why I moved to La was opportunities,
but also I just was that nighttime thing was kind
of getting to me a bit.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
So I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Before I even had a kid, I had already consciously
pulled back a little bit on travel and the amount
of shows I did a week. And I think my
husband was kind of going in that direction too. He
had gotten a writing job out here when we moved here,
and then the pandemic happened, and I was like, WHOA.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Being in a robe all the time is pretty fucking cool.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Like having that normalcy of being the stand ups really
bizarre and away because sometimes you have nothing all day
that you really have to get dressed for, you know,
like maybe your homewriting or doing a podcast or whatever.
Then all of a sudden, like six o'clock hits and
everyone else is coming home to have dinner and get cozy,
and I have to put on makeup, like the putting
(15:12):
on makeup at five six pm. It just started to
be like what so I it was really interesting because
my child came along right when I was already having
a lot of those feelings even without a child. Fortunately,
unfortunately there isn't as much stage time in LA, so
(15:33):
I really only can perform once or twice a week.
I mean, maybe I could perform more I was more famous,
but you know, once or twice a week, I'm pretty happy,
and I usually pick shows that are going to be good.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, so I.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Don't kind of waste those nights, and then I only
really travel if the money is fantastic. It's really conscious,
whereas before I would just kind of say yes to
everything and then be like, why am I so tired? Oh,
it's because I just traveled across the country for one
hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Have you been in the situation yet where you know,
someone gets a booking, someone gets a booking, it's exactly
at the same time, and maybe you know it's either
a scrambled last minute for help or someone has to
do Yeah, take the kid with them.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Never take the kid with us yet. Okay, if one
of us books get.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Something and it's not paid and the other one's paid,
it's pretty easy to figure out who's cancel.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
It's like, hey, I have a bar show that.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Might give me five dollars, and it's like, hey, I
have this gig that's going to be a guaranteed seven
hundred bucks.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah right, exactly, Yeah, we know what's going on.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
I think what works for us is we both are
sort of in the same headspace about stand up where
it's like it's a it's a part of our life.
It's something we do, but we also are doing other things,
so there's not that same like.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Hustle, right, you do writing and you're talking about have
a new show that you're working on, which again I'm like, oh,
you're plunging yourself back in. You say that you're trying
to and you're like, oh no, I just picked the
good No, oh no, you're going back in.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Well say so you're I mean, you're allowed to change
your mind. A great woman once said you're allowed to change.
You're allowed to change her, allowed to change.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
My mind, and you have to. You have to. If
anything I have learned is how much you have to
be flexible?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh yep?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Do you do like mommy groups? Do you have like
no mom community?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
So I had my child peak pandemic so I could
see no one, and I have to say it was
actually really great. We both got to be home either
one of us was working from home, and if we
weren't working from home, we were getting that sweet, sweet,
sweet pandemic relief money, which is the closest equivalent to
(17:59):
maternity leave, right, get that is, so you know, So
that worked out great and then we were really fortunate
because a lot of our circle out here already either
had kids or we're having kids around the same time,
so I didn't really feel.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Like I needed to go find a group.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
And then now as she's in school, I'm like making
friends with the parents there, and luckily all her favorite
friends at school I like their parents.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Oh that's good.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Yeah, I'm going to meet a mom I hate I
will meet. Talk to me in a year. I'll come
back here and be like this one.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Bitch, right, or just people that you don't connect with.
I keep talking about like how I bomb in conversation
with some moms because they're just coming from different perspectives.
I'm just needy, Like you know, that's what it is.
It's like I don't realize how needy I am for
their approval until I'm bombing, and then it's just like,
oh god, God.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Do I want to share this publicly? Okay, get forced
it on them. I was on a group text with
some other moms briefly, and I did notice my comments
never got a.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Thumbs up or a haha.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
But everyone else has did, I mean, and I didn't
pop up that much. I was like really conscious because
I was like, they all seem close.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
I don't even know why I'm here.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
And not even a nothing.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
Not even two exclamations, not even I didn't even exist.
And I was like, these moms must be friends with
all those comedy people that won't respond to my emails.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Of course, of course they meet.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
They meet on Wednesdays. That's sick.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Did you get off that group text, Chaine or are
you still on it? Are you looking?
Speaker 3 (19:44):
You know, group text kind of like fade. Yes, they
might still be talking. They're probably happy.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
I'm not. I don't know. It just wasn't the right time.
It's all good. Hey, listen, you can't can't be everyone's
best friend.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I have been there, though, give me one pity heart. Okay,
So I know from your work and this extends like
your stand up, but also you did a ted You
did a Ted X talk. That's the highest standard of
a talk where you know, you talk a lot about truth,
like even if it's painful truth. And then you have
(20:17):
this little kid that you want them to, you know,
be true to themselves but also do what you're told,
Like do you think about sort of the back and
forth between this philosophy.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Listen, I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
No one does, but I use the no TV like, hey, listen,
knock it off or no TV.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
She responds very quickly to that.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
And then I read an article that was like, that's wrong.
Don't make threats at teach it. And I don't even
know if I'm answering your question right now, but I
have this conversation with my best friend recently and I
was like, you know, I feel bad because I feel.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Like sometimes sometimes I can do the whole like how.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Are you feeling?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Why are you doing?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You know, like I try to do the whole engaging,
but sometimes it's like, yo, I know you don't. You're
done on the toilet. You've literally been sitting there for
twenty minutes. You're delaying bedtime if you don't fucking like shuter,
get off the pot. No bubble guppies, okay, you want
like never bubble guppies again?
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Like you know what I mean? Like, I you know, I'm.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Human absolutely, as long as you just gotta get shit done.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
Yeah, literally get shit done, Get your shit done.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
But I was talking to my friend about it and
I was saying, you know, I was, I was telling her,
I feel bad sometimes when I put my foot down.
But like I also have seen you know, I've been
to like the playground and I've seen these parents where
their kid is like hitting other people and they're.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Like, hey, hey Tyler, Hey Bud, Hey Bud, Hey, hey Bud, Hey,
what's going on? It's like your kid is has no
like you know what I mean. Like, so there's a
balance there.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, sometimes there's like a thread or sometimes I snap,
or or sometimes there's you know, a firmness, but there's
always a conversation after where you do the repair work.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
And my parents didn't do that because they didn't know.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
To do that.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
They didn't have, oh my god, that skill set.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yet, was your household strict going up? Like or did
you have a lot.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Of gosh, how do I even explain my households? My
parents are immigrants.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Yeah, so there was a lot of no because I
said so, yes, me too.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
So I guess there was.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Strictness in the sense of like they didn't really understand
like slumber parties. They're like, we have a bed, why
do you have to go sleep and someone's floor or
like do you know.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
What I mean?
Speaker 3 (22:36):
And like when the school would do a fundraiser where
you had to like sell wrapping paper to go on
like the camp trip.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
They're like, we'll just give you the money. Why do
you have to go beg like? So there was a
lot of that pridet and I had what yeah there,
and there was what will people think? What will people think?
Is a huge one.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
So there was a lot of I guess rules, anxiety,
conflict about like what other people would think, Oh weird,
and now I think people are talking about me behind
my back. But there was a lot of freedom when
it came to like I could eat whatever I want,
Like I could open the cookie cabinet and get a
(23:15):
like I could watch TV like I never understood the
like Americans who are like my mother says, I can have.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
One cookie a mom, you know, and like TV rats
your brain.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
And I'm like, oh, I'm literally at eight years old,
just like laying on the couch with like an antipasta
on my chest at ten pm, being like ma, keimving
more salomy.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
You know, like just raw like Wallas that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
But that kind of stuff also kept me in the
house where they could she could watch me, So I
was very overprotected outside of the house. Lots of rules
about clean when I see a TV show and there's
kids with shoes.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
On on the bed. I'm like, how are you alive?
So I came from like an.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Ultra clean house too. The major threat in my house
growing up was if you don't pick up your stuff
and everything. My room was like put away. It would
go in a box in the garage, next stop garbage.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
My room was only for sleeping me too, and a
museum of stuffed animals.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
It was literally to look at.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, I could play.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
We had like a basement and then we had like
a playroom like a porch whatever, and that was where
you played and sometimes had friends over as long as
they took off their shoes and like followed a million rules.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, yeah, man, do you try to do like, let's say,
the clean thing. Do you look at like the toys
that are being left around you have a three and
a half year old, Like this is very different. You're
like clean, clean it up, or we're all gonna put
it away.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Now here's what's interesting. Will and I both have our isms,
as all people do. I'm more neat, like I like
to organize and I used to be an office manager
and it kind of like I love a filing the system. Yeah,
like I really my daughter, like from a very young age,
she'll be like she can't leave the room until she's
(25:20):
put all the things in the places.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
And I remember like staying to my husband.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
I was like hey, and he's like, yep, I guess
it's in the DNA, so may change.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Who knows.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
She has a little bit of what I have, which
is like she does like a neat a tidy space.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
We just bought a house a year and a half ago.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
I have a theory that looking at too many home
listings and decor pages makes you fucked up about how
clean your house should be. Those places, yeah, like they're staged.
They're like, look, I have my shoes neatly on a shelf.
So sometimes I will like yel about, like why are
(26:07):
there so many shoes at the front door. My husband's
like because we live here, and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Oh right.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
So actually, so with peak COVID, as you were getting
closer to delivering this child, were they on zoom or
were you just going into hazmat suit you know, plastic everything.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Oh I would go in with the doctor. My husband
would have to wait in the car, couldn't come in.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
We did our birthing class on Zoom, which was terrible
because we didn't pay attention at all.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
It was we I mean, what do I need to
know about induction? And like and then.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
Literally I got to the hospital. I had to be
induced and they gave me.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Like all the tarp like it was everything they explained
to The birthing class ended up happening and they were like,
well didn't you And I was like no, the actual birth,
I had to wear a mask when I was delivering,
which I thought was so stupid.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
But and then we were there the way it was
at the time, it was July twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Once you were in the hospital, you could not go
outside for air. So we were in the hospital for
six days and I was like, can I please go
outside and get like a little bit of sunshine on
my face? And they're like no, now, yeah, we just
you have to watch this Undercover Boss marathon.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
It's the only thing. It's the only thing that's playing
on the TV.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Do you love it now, dude?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Like?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Is it sentimental? You see?
Speaker 3 (27:30):
And You're like, oh, the first date was on I
was like coming off the Fetanali gave me and I.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Was like what, Like I was.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Birth is wild and I have to tell you this
speaking of job and babies. So on day two of
the induction, you know, I'm I'm you know, I've got
the fetanyl and the blah blah blah and the this,
and I'm like literally loopy.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
And I get a email from my agents that.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
Was like, hey, we had a self tape.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I turned to Will because I didn't know I was
in labor. And I turned to Will. I go and
I literally have like the beet beat, no beep beat,
the beat beam. She and I go, hey, well do
you think do you think if you took this off me?
And I went in the bathroom. I could I could
do that.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
And I was like talking like a like I was
drugged out.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
I could do this plice over real quick. And he goes, Julia, no,
and I'm.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Like, but it's eight thousand dollars for our child, you know,
like whatever it was.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
He's like, no, sod that. I write back to my agents.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
I go, hey, guys, if there's any chance I can
hand this in Friday instead of Thursday. I'm in the
middle of getting labor, but I think I'll be done
by this.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
We rot back and media.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
Either were like please put away your phone.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
It's amazing. I canceled a gig the day I went
into labor, literally a bar gig. I was like, hey, sorry, okay, Julia.
To end off, we have a segment we do with
our guests called rapid Fire. So I'm just gonna ask
you a bunch of kind of non sequitur question. Just
(28:59):
give me the first answer that comes to your head.
What's one movie you want to make sure that your
daughter sees?
Speaker 3 (29:08):
Oh, National Lampoon's European Vacation. Really, it's my favorite movie. Yeah,
I mean it's like, got a lot of titties and
good classic dirty jokes.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
So not anytime soon.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
But yeah, like five to six, I was thinking four
four and a fourth birthday party kind of thing. Thoughts
on having another child.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Every now and then I think about it, but I
physically don't know it's possible.
Speaker 4 (29:37):
So no, okay, I don't think it's happening.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
What is the most expensive thing you've purchased thus far
for your child?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Uh? Preschool?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
This is the truth, Cool America. Would you rather your
kid watch your stand up act or your husband's.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
I mean she's actually seen both. Oh, so we both did.
After midnight recently. So she watched that and then I think,
like our name has been in the search on like
the YouTube on the TV. So then she saw like
a little square with the mic and was like, what's that?
And so we played it and yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Did she have questions?
Speaker 1 (30:20):
I don't talk about dick as much. I don't know.
It's really weird.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
So all of a sudden, you become your forties and
married with a kid, and your act is suddenly not
about blowjobs anymore.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
I've added more into mine recently just to stay current.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Good. Okay, maybe I'll take that as a.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Note they'll come back in.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Yeah, I feel like I can't with a straight face
ever talk about eating ass and that everyone's covering that
already on stage.
Speaker 4 (30:45):
Yeah, I ate one ass and it was fun.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Maybe cut that actually make that the promo because it
will help my career, it will.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
That's right. What is your favorite thing to play with
your kid?
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Oh? I love when she makes me food in her kitchen,
aw and she serves it, and and then sometimes she
also has me take her order for breakfast and I
have like a little notepad and she has a menu
and I'm the waiter.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I just I really I really love that.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
What's your least favorite thing to play with your kid?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Sometimes anything that involves running? Uh, are you know? And
then at the playground she's like, chase me, oh my fuck,
oh there's a bench you know.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Yeah. Do you have any kids songs stuck in your head? Currently?
Speaker 4 (31:33):
The Spice Girls Stop right now, Stop right now?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
The way you went into stop right now, I was like,
that's that's curt. That is very curd. You're right, very
perfect pitch Julia or Ozzie. Thank you so much. Julia,
everybody you know go see her new solo show, bed
Bite ten. It's at the Lyric Hyperion on May third.
(32:01):
It's excited, it's coming up.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Yes, thank you so much. Thank you, it's so great
to see you.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Hey, thanks so much for listening, and stick around for
Thursday's mini episode. I'll be doing some rapid fire questions
with comedy writer for Late Night with Seth Myers comedian
Matt Golditch, So check that out. If you haven't yet
subscribed to this podcast, don't miss any of them, and
you can stop by Apple Podcasts, leave us a rating
and review. It actually really really helps, So thank you
(32:35):
so much, and thank you for doing it right now.
Follow us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. And parenting is
a joke. On x we are parenting joke. We have
a substack with new content every week. Just go to
substack and search parenting is a joke. Come see me live, Hey,
if you're near Albany or anywhere upstate in the New
(32:57):
York area. I'm going to be at the beautiful Troy
Music Hall that's just outside Albany, and that's on Friday,
April fifth. You can find details on my website Ofira
Eisenberg dot com.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Hey.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Follow me everywhere at Ofira e. Our episode is produced
by me and Julie Smith clem. Our editor is Nina Porzuki.
Our sound designer is Tino Toby Mack. Our digital marketing
is done by Laura Vogel. Our video editor is Melissa Weiss.
Our overqualified intern is Jeffrey Kaufman. Thank you to all
of the engineers at Citybox. And I'll leave you with
(33:29):
a little bit more from Julia Rozzi.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
I love my baby.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I'm very excited to be a mom. I had a child.
Speaker 6 (33:35):
Later in life. It's known as advanced maternal age. It
used to be called cheriatric pregnancy. The actual medical term
for it, though, is old pussy.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
I have.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
A very old pussy.
Speaker 6 (33:52):
You can't tell, but my vagina is actually using a
walker to get across the stage and there's a butterscotch
candy between its lips.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
So sold
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