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May 21, 2024 34 mins

Ophira catches up with hilarious comedian Rachel Feinstein about her new comedy special, her husband’s alarming playground habits, and why she’s not taken seriously by her daughter.

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It used to be cheer, so I let them start
letting of sales fun pandas a joke.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello listeners, this is parenting is a joke.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
I'm a green, hard boiled egg named Ofira Eisenberg. So
on the show, we bring together stand up comics and
professional funny people to talk about their career in their
weird working hours and being creative, and how they are
managing all of that, working in entertainment with the unpredictability
of raising kids, their unpredictable work, with their unpredictable parenting.

(00:33):
How the fuck are they doing it? And you know
what I say, unpredictable with creative career. But is that
every career right now?

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Doesn't it feel like that? People?

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Hey, Mother's Day an eternity ago.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yes, yes it was.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
But I realized something from talking to a lot of
other moms. All moms want the same thing for Mother's Day.
They want to be the one making.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
The plan or any decisions.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
I don't even want smiley faces looking at me with
full enthusiasm and good intentions asking.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
So what do you want to do?

Speaker 1 (01:12):
Ah? I'm sick of being asked this. I'm sick of
being asked, what do you want to do? What do
you want to make for dinner? What do you want
to watch? What's the plan for tomorrow? Have you seen
my book bag? Have you seen my water bottle, my glasses,
my hoodie, my Harry Potter book, my new slime. Basically,
we all just want to be not on duty for
a beat. I mean, I still want to be with

(01:32):
my family, but I want my brain to be empty. Yes, well,
fingers crossed for twenty twenty five. I did do a
very typical activity on Mother's Day. I got a pedicure
and I'm in the salon, get to my chair, and
who is sitting beside me on the next peedicure chair?

(01:54):
A twelve year old boy. A twelve year old boy
was getting a pedicure beside me on Mother's Day. His
mom was getting a manicure and he was there just
on a phone, playing a game, getting a pedicure. And
I was like, not today, okay, get out out our

(02:14):
guest today shares how her conversations with her four year
old daughter are going. It's Rachel Feinstein, and she vents
that her daughter does not take her seriously.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
She still throws like wild tantrums and like screams at
the top of her lines, the funniest shit here, She'll screaming.

Speaker 4 (02:30):
You're not getting a Lizit sticker. Tell me a better story, bitch, please.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
More with me and Rachel.

Speaker 1 (02:41):
Right after this ad break, Hey, listeners, Hey, do you
do spring cleaning and get rid of a whole bunch
of crap?

Speaker 4 (02:55):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (02:55):
I would love to.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
I mean, I look at things I want to get
rid of and sore through, but I don't do that
next step. I just let it sit there kind of
bothering me until I don't know, we.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Move, I guess.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
And my kid has drawers of plastic crap drawers.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
It's never ending.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
So to that point of stuff. I remember judging a
friend who had a little kid. This is before I
had a little kid, and she said, you know what,
I'd rather just buy my kid a seven dollars doll
from the store every other day than just hear her
complain and beg all the time. I mean, she's my
only kid, so of course she's going to be spoiled.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
What's the big deal?

Speaker 1 (03:37):
And then listeners, she even went global and topped it
with and with the state of the planet and the
political system. I mean, what am I leaving her to
inherit might as well just enjoy a bunch of toys
now and play. And I judge her because I thought,
where's the parenting, where's the discipline, where are the boundaries
and the lessons of the value of money and not

(03:58):
just getting every material thing.

Speaker 4 (03:59):
That you desire.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
But now I hear it differently because so many of
my impulses are driven by guilt. So last week they
had the Scholastic book fair at my son's school, and
he asked us forget this seventy dollars for his digital wallet.
That's a lot of money. Seventy dollars. That's like what

(04:21):
I take home after doing two sets in New York
City on a weekday night. In case you're wondering how
much US comics will break in when you see it
us at the best clubs in the country.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
On a Tuesday m hm.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
But I was also thinking, he wants money for books books.
We should encourage that, right, So we came up with
a list of extra chores he could do around the
apartment to earn the money, which he did for three days,
and then he got us seventy bucks and that was done.
And then he came home from the book Fair with
six comic books, not exactly what we agreed upon, but

(04:57):
he was thrilled, so don't cool, It's fine.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
And yes, i've been away.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
I've been away, and I am racked with guilt because
you know what happened. When I came home. I looked
at my child and I was like, oh my god,
you're taller.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
You're taller.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
He grew while I was away. I wasn't there for it.
That one really gets you people, I know, so I know.
I knew that he needed a new water bottle and
a bike helmet, so I was like, let's go to
Target and pick that stuff up. And while we're at Target,
of course he be lines to the toy section, and
of course he wanted something, and I was feeling weak listeners,

(05:39):
you know what. Actually I was feeling the Holy Trinity, tired,
guilty and weak. But then I thought, okay, I think
I'm gonna let this happen, so let's try to have
some boundaries. So I said, you know what, I'm feeling
very generous, so I'm going to give you twenty dollars
and you can pick out something you'd like. And then

(05:59):
we talked about how we can do more things around
the apartment and not ask for other things for a while.
All this is great, and I even know that I
can get this kid to agree to anything. I could
tell him, you're going to wash and fuld and press
our entire apartment building's laundry for a month, And in
the ten seconds before he feels like he's going to
get a brand new toy, he's like, yes, yes, I'm

(06:20):
gonna do that. And of course he picked out something
that was twenty one dollars and ninety nine cents and
begged and begged and begged for it. It's just one
dollar and ninety nine cents more, Mommy.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
All of a sudden, he's calling me mommy again and
doing this thing where he makes his face into what
he calls his said puppy dog eye face, and he
presses his palms together begging, you know, like in prayer, and.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
I just fuff for it.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
Okay, I buy it, And the whole way home, I'm
the best mom ever. He's skipping and happy and excited,
and you know what, listeners, maybe he gets his dopamine
hit from having this new toy, but I'm getting mine
from watching him be so excited and happy.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
Oh and what did he choose? Oh God, it's.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
A twenty one dollar and ninety nine cent plastic VR
goggle thing where aliens appear at it and you use
this plastic wristblaster to shoot them and they just make
this very loud, weird, annoying sound when you get them.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's a piece of crap. It is a piece of crap,
and it.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Has no volume adjustments and it's really loud. It doesn't
have an on or off button nowhere on it, and
it takes eight triple A batteries.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
It's the worst. He loves it. He loves it for now.

Speaker 1 (07:42):
And my husband did tell me he was mad at
me for buying our son a toy right after we
gave him so much money for the book fair. And
he's right, he's right. I'm weak and I cannot decide
if I care. Yeah, but what do you think I mean? Him?
Am I teaching my kid that it doesn't matter how
much we fill the bucket? It's always going to be empty.
So he should just keep asking because we'll just fill

(08:04):
it up again.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
Should he be happy with less?

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Of course he should be.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
We all should be. But who the fuck cares? Maybe?

Speaker 1 (08:11):
Right this world is brutal. Let him have a dumb toy.
Enjoy spoil him, don't spoil him. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
The answer, and you know who else doesn't have the answer.

Speaker 1 (08:21):
My amazing, hilarious guest, Rachel Feinstein. She is hilarious about
almost everything.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
So enjoy this. Very excited to talk with her guest today.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
I have known her pre and postparenthood. She's been on TV,
she's written for TV, and she's.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Currently on tour.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
But more importantly, she's got a new hour long comedy
special called Big Guy on Netflix right now.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
It is Rachel Feinstein.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. And I
needed this.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
I needed this so when I saw you the other night,
other than telling you that I wanted to give up,
which I still do.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
By the way, it's rough, I understand. Yeah, every other
day I just want to I just want to be done.
I can't hurl myself around the country anymore like this,
sir god, I shouldn't have a name for my suitcase.
I call it the Red Dragon. That's a big The
dragon could only take so much wear. Sorry, well we

(09:21):
please continue.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
Okay, So your daughter is three years old now.

Speaker 4 (09:25):
She's she is she's almost four, she's gonna be four.

Speaker 3 (09:27):
And me twenty first, Yeah, me twenty ath I'm sorry
specials me twenty first.

Speaker 4 (09:31):
I'm trying to promote that.

Speaker 1 (09:33):
Oh, and plan a birthday party. And plan a birthday party.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Oh perfect.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
I just saw you at a comedy festival and you
were doing you know, we were all doing tons of sets.
You were doing tons of sets, including a bunch of
big headline sets, and you also had your daughter and
husband with you. For me, it's very hard to mix
church and state.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
I know.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
I've been told a lot that I shouldn't because I
can't do it well. But then I'm rocking with guilt
if I don't, I don't really get anything else done
when I do that, you know, like I because she's
always right there, and it's hard.

Speaker 4 (10:09):
I don't know the answer.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
I would like to get to a place where I
can afford to bring a babysitter if I bring her
alone and my husband's at the firehouse, so I don't
have to trust some random.

Speaker 4 (10:18):
Babysitter on the road.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
Yes, last time, it was like the man, like a
friend of the club managers when we went together and
we just were like, okay, we could we could have.

Speaker 4 (10:28):
This girl, baby said, he like swore by her.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
And then we went to dinner and I was like
I can't, maybe we can do this, and then frank
Frankie like pukes like four minutes into dinner, and we.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
Just hurled ourselves back. She was just like coverted puke.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
I was like, sorry, how are my Friday numbers?

Speaker 2 (10:47):
Friday numbers?

Speaker 4 (10:49):
Did I sell out the back?

Speaker 3 (10:50):
Do we have to pull out the curtain out as
a look, she's wiping vomit off herself.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (10:57):
I don't know how we pull it off at all.
I'm not doing that.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
I mean people people will send me articles about parenting
when they're pregnant, and I'm like, it's not like that.
Like they'll be like, oh, this is you know, like
this is the Dutch style of I'm like, no, it's
it's every day and you can't go into it with
like oh you know, like it's not like Ikea, like
I'll do the sweetish way or whatever. Now it's just
every day you hurl yourself through the day, you know.

(11:23):
And I just try not to watch those gentle monassory
moms that are just like, oh my god, we don't
need screens and I'm like, I do I do, or
I won't shower, I won't bathe myself, I'll be rancid.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah. Well, also, may I just say that, first of all,
any of that stuff online is total utter bullshit. But
I do think, like you mentioned the Dutch thing or whatever,
because and it's just like life is set up differently.
Children are tolerated in a way that they are not
tolerated in America. If you wanted to hurl yourself around
Holland to perform, for example, it would be like, I

(11:59):
think I'm max two hour drive, you know, like it,
yeah place.

Speaker 3 (12:05):
You're right, it's tiny, it's quiet, and I feel like, yeah,
when they're little, especially and you're and they are throwing
tantrums and she threw you know, she still throws like wild,
of course, wild tantrums and like screams at the top
of her LUNs.

Speaker 4 (12:19):
The funniest shit too. She'll scream, you're not getting a
lizard sticker. Tell me a better story, bitch, please.

Speaker 3 (12:28):
That's the equivalent of saying, like, you disgusting, rancid bitch,
You're not even gonna.

Speaker 4 (12:35):
Get a listening sticker.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
But she throws these insane tantrums, and you know, I
have to do things and get things finished.

Speaker 4 (12:42):
So I do feel like sometimes like.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
When people are like, oh, you know, no TV, I'm like,
those are for people that have like more help in
their homes all the time, or like yeah people and stuff, Yeah,
because I don't have that.

Speaker 4 (12:53):
Yeah, But I mean I play with her. We go
into the covers.

Speaker 3 (12:56):
We have some game called like Sooey Time Extravaganza, and
I try to just do that.

Speaker 4 (13:01):
A certain amount of time to day. We just do
funny Time with Stravaganza.

Speaker 2 (13:04):
But you know, what does that entail?

Speaker 3 (13:06):
By the way, what does that It just means we
go under the covers and I made a song that sucks.

Speaker 4 (13:10):
The lyrics are terrible. I just go under the covers
and I go, we're under the covers, like she's gonna
be too smart for this. In like six minutes, I'm like,
we're under the covers.

Speaker 3 (13:20):
She kind of laughs, and then I just do various
like weird faces, and then I'm.

Speaker 4 (13:24):
Like funny Time Extravaganza and.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Then she's like, guy, clearly mam that we just kind
of like, yeah, make voices on the covers and yeah.

Speaker 4 (13:32):
I don't do a lot of crafting.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
I fell prey to one of those crafting things too
and tried to do it with my son and then
he didn't like it. And then I was like, oh, yeah,
I did factor that in that the child is not
just going to be like, oh I love He was like,
what are we doing?

Speaker 4 (13:48):
Yeah, she's annoyed when I try to do those things.

Speaker 3 (13:50):
Also, a lot of the parenting things involve a lot
of long speeches that she doesn't care for. So, like
I was listening to this one where it was like
she was repeat back the feeling honor your kids feelings.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
So when she's frustrated, you go, you really want this thing?

Speaker 3 (14:06):
I've done that to her? It infuriates her. She's like yeah,
and you have the control to give the ability to
give it to me.

Speaker 4 (14:11):
Fuck off. Also, somebody that to me, i'd be furious too.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
They're like, oh, yeah, you really want that?

Speaker 4 (14:16):
You do you want it?

Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (14:18):
I don't think that must be so hard And just
like really underscoring the pain to your child, so they're
getting like stuck in some sort of cycle or getting
attached to it. I don't even understand the meaning behind it.
But every time I do that, it just makes her angrier.
I'm like, you wanted that coloring book, and she's like,
and you have it, you twat give it to me.

Speaker 4 (14:40):
It doesn't help.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
She needs like a couple of boundaries and less talking,
I think when it.

Speaker 4 (14:45):
Comes to that.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
Yeah, But so when you're on the road with your
family in a tour situation, do you and let's say
you just your shows at seven, do you say.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
It's four o'clock, I'm out.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
I got to go get in my space, and I'm
trying to learn to do that.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
I really need to start like structuring my days because
I'm just not pulling anything off. And then when I'm
near her, feeling guilty that I'm not able to talk
to her at that exact moment, and I feel worse.
So I need to start doing that. I'm not doing
that enough, and people have told me that I should.
When I'm working, you know, just go work for two
days to come back.

Speaker 4 (15:19):
That's what my husband does.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
Mean he goes to the firehouse for half the week
and he comes home and I don't, and he never
thinks about it twice.

Speaker 4 (15:26):
You know. I think I need to get better at that,
and I have to let.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Go of whatever is happening when I'm not there, because
like he's gonna you know, dress her and like all black,
like he dresses are like seed jobs, and I'm gonna
come home and they'll be yeah, it'll be like eleven.
Then they'll still be up. Like I just can't worry
about whatever's happening, you know. Yeah, but I have to
get on stage and do some crowd work clips so
that I can sell seven more.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
Tickets the next week exactly exactly, which they are hilarious.
If anyone's not following Rachel on Instagram and TikTok, please
do because the Crawdberd clips are hilarious. So the last
time you were on the show too, you were telling
me that you were, I don't know, a little nervous
about your daughter's starting school because you didn't love school,

(16:11):
and you know you were you were like, this is
I hope she likes it?

Speaker 2 (16:16):
So how to go? How you know we're almost done
the first she likes it?

Speaker 3 (16:20):
Now, I was like a terrible student. Yeah, it's like
a wild failure in school. So when I even samella school,
it just brings me back to all those thoughts. And
even every day, like I get anxiety because there's so
many rules, like her water bottle has to be filled
up and you have everything. Yeah, And then I get
notes back They'll be like Frankie's water bottle was not

(16:41):
filled to the top yesterday.

Speaker 4 (16:42):
The top her offish.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yeah, well there's no water there, not loud for a
little water.

Speaker 4 (16:47):
I overapologize.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
And then in the teacher meeting, I left like a
passport there and some other debris. I'm always like leaving
stuff in a classroom. Zoo, ma'am, is this your ASO receipt?

Speaker 4 (17:00):
And yeah, the box is mine too, that's my ass
receiving box that i'd like.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
Did you return that for me? Actually it didn't fit,
But now she likes it.

Speaker 4 (17:09):
I mean it's preschool.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
At first, we had a few meetings, and the meetings
are so serious. You know, there's not she's not rotating
enough to the other stations.

Speaker 4 (17:18):
She wants to stay in the kitchen. I wanted to
stay in the kitchen. The kitchen was where was that
the magne tiles? Come on? Fuck a magnetile?

Speaker 2 (17:24):
Who cares? Yeah, But now.

Speaker 4 (17:28):
I guess she's rotating more so.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
The last the last crazy what we're kids through.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
And she's finally potty trained. I feel like she was
like the.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Last that's the whole thing.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
Yeah, one day, it just it just worked. I bought
like so many different seats. I bought so much ship
that I never used. And one of her aunts gave
her this little like a like a sports car that
we bring to the park of Mercedes. So I don't
like to let my husband bring it because when I
bring it gets carjacked and the kids like run inside.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
They're always jumping in.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
In try to like rev off, like wait a second.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
And so now it's just like sitting in the living
room when my husband only uses it with her, he
brings her out and I'm too frightened of all the carjackers.
So I would just know that that's when she was
shitting her pants when she was in the white Mercedes,
because she just goes.

Speaker 4 (18:17):
In there and kind of like crouches.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
Well, I hope she's in the car, but now it's
finally something's clicked in as.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
A much elderly woman, I hope that people know that
I'm shitting my pants when I go into my white Mercedes.
Old Lady Eisenberg, that's so great, the greatest visual of
all time.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
Did you other than the.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Talks, the intense talks about your preschool daughter's progress. Did
you have to were you asked to participate in any
activities or little hangouts?

Speaker 4 (18:54):
I went to this school.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
I went to the school and got to I love
doing that because it's so fun and interesting. I mean,
I looked like she asked me that day, do you
want to do open centers? And I looked like I
was hit my truck, and I was like sure, why not?

Speaker 4 (19:06):
Like and so.

Speaker 3 (19:09):
They took a lot of pictures of me looking haunting
at best, but I went around and did all the
little centers with them. It was very cute. I'm sure
I'll get shit for saying this, but like it was true.
At Lisa on that day, Frankie and a few girls
had this very complicated game where they were like tending
some sort of wounded childs back to life. They were

(19:32):
like holding the baby, rocking it. Frankie was kind of
shushing it and they were giving her different medications. The
boys just slammed into me. They just kept slamming their
bodies on me, like I was playing this very imaginative game.
The girls. One girl kept like hugging me. She was
dressed in a full buddy suit. She was so aggressively cute,

(19:52):
and yeah, they were just doing a lot of work
on this child that I think, like, I don't know,
had polio or something, and the boys during the game
did nothing but just slam into my body.

Speaker 4 (20:03):
Yeah, so that was my experience.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah that sounds. That sounds I mean, my boy would
have been that boy.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
Yeah, and that's how my brother was, by the way,
Like my brother now is like this, you know this
like nevishy, like social worker, he's like a therapist. When
he was a kid, he was just never not bright, rich,
just I was like, he was just this irrational lunatic.

Speaker 4 (20:24):
I avoided.

Speaker 3 (20:25):
His tantrums were so insane that my mom would just
put him outside all the time. She was he was
just always out there in like a diaper.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
And the idea of this is just my own upbringing
of talking to my mother about how I was feeling
when I was a kid.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
Nobody cares.

Speaker 4 (20:42):
Yeah, there's a real supply of demand issue with us. Yeah,
no one needs this. Yeah. I don't remember any check
ins at all.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
No, No.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
At what time we went on a trip to Hershey Park,
I was doing something bad and my dad threw me
on the bed and then he threw his back out.
So the next morning, we were, you know, we were
going to breakfast at a Hershey Park and we had
a day's worth of you know, Hershey activities, and my
mom was like, Howard, you can't throw them like he
used to. You gotta be careful. You can't throw them

(21:11):
the way you used to. And then this we were
in this little restaurant in Hershey Park and my dad
just started screaming.

Speaker 4 (21:18):
He was like ah, like he was having.

Speaker 3 (21:20):
Some kind of vile back pain, and he laid down
in the restaurant's the middle of ray vacation. The entire
restaurant just turns around and stares at us like we
were just absolute freaks. They were just watching us like
the most compelling movie. Then my younger brother, there was
three of us, took a full cup of milk and
poured it on my dad's head. He was like to

(21:41):
it aut, I, like a true pig, just took this
as an opportunity to eat all the chocolate chip pancakes,
as we were allowed to have sweets so except when.

Speaker 4 (21:52):
We were in Hershey.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
So I was just just.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
Doing some aggressive feeding. And they finally decided that he
couldn't get up. He was just laying in this booth.
And then an ambulance was brought in. My dad was
lifted on it and then I remember the guy looking
at it his white head and he was like what
is this? He said it was something oozing out of
his brain. He's like, how long has this white leg
had been excreening. My mom was like, oh no, that
was the milk, and Aaron threw it at him. That's

(22:15):
just the milk that we hit him back by four.
I need him for the roller coasters. I need him
for the coasters. At the end, when we left, somebody
paid for the bill and because they felt sorry for
our mangled.

Speaker 4 (22:30):
Family, and my mom started.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
Violently crying, just like ah, like sobbing, like grieving probably
her whole life.

Speaker 4 (22:38):
And how exhausted she was with like three kids.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
Did you do summer camp as a kid, Was there
any of that?

Speaker 4 (22:44):
Yes? Yes, I went to Jewish summer camp. Oh you
did Star Camp?

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (22:49):
Camp Louise and my parents were pretty cheap.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
So I'm shocked we went to camp because like my
bot Mitzvah was like in a in one of those
houses in a park, you know, like we had like
bug Juice and I put up like posters and movie stars.
But they decided that we should go to sleep away
camp Camp Louise, and we would have I should bought
a talent show where everybody would wear white and we
would do a talent Did.

Speaker 4 (23:14):
You do that stuff?

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Like I didn't go to summer camp.

Speaker 4 (23:16):
I didn't.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Now I watched the movies. I covert the whole thing.
I will never experience it.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
I'm kind of surprised because I felt like that about
a lot of things, Like we didn't have big customs
as a family. When we would go on a shopping trip,
it was my mom went to the Liz Claiborne outlet
in like red Or Pennsylvania. That was like our family trip.
And so I used to be jealous of families with
like cap outings, you know, like I wanted, you know,
like like I wanted to be like a royal, like

(23:42):
we go but we go finch hunting in the straight,
you know, like I want to have things our family
collectively did, but camp was the one thing we did.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
So you're it makes me just think you were, like,
I don't know, twelve, were you twelve in this kind
of moment?

Speaker 3 (23:56):
Yeah, I think I was like eleven or when I
went to summer camp, maybe ten or eleven. Yeah, there
was a dance between the boys camp and the girls camp,
and that was exciting. I do remember counselors talking about
me during the dance, and they got in a huddle
because this one boy was deciding whether he should ask
me or this other girl to dance, and the counselor

(24:18):
said to the kid that one he was like, oh,
she's like gross, Like oh my. Definitely one of the
moments that I probably slowly became a comic.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
Right, you know. And it's amazing.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
There was like a thousand different experiences that could have
been locked in your brain, but that one certainly stayed there.

Speaker 4 (24:35):
Right, I stayed there.

Speaker 3 (24:38):
It's interesting how that's true for stand up The worst
things become the best bits and we need them. I
used to have a story about how I stole the
pigs we were supposed to dissect in high school, and
we hurled them across the football field with my friends
for no particular reason at all.

Speaker 4 (24:56):
We just we stole a beetle pigs and hurled them.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
Is that hanging out with it free? That's so fun?

Speaker 3 (25:01):
I mean, they were already dead, So don't fucking rte
me it, don't DM me, all right?

Speaker 4 (25:05):
Why not hurl a dead a dead pig? No reason
not to.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Similarly, I cut out the tongue from a frog we
were dissecting and put it in my pocket and then
I would just shove it in people's faces.

Speaker 3 (25:19):
That's fucking awesome. That's so brave a tongue. Somebody else
even took the pigs. I think somebody put them into
like a knapsack. I don't think I could even have
picked up the original pig. I could only hurl and
I was like drunk later. That's amazing that you cut
off a fucking ton. That's fascinating.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
Congratulations on your comedy special that just came out on Netflix.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
That's amazing.

Speaker 4 (25:47):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
That'll be my first hour special for Netflix, and it's
a called Big Guy. I'm excited about it. I hope,
but yeah, I hope people watch it. And my husband
has given me a lot of miss.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
So to ask the obvious question, was there was there
anything that Because there's so many funny stories about your husband,
I love them so much, is there anything that he
was like, Nah, not, okay.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
I don't think so I mean, the thing with my
husband is I talk a lot on stage about how
he's kind of like an emotional desert like a lot
of you know, first responders, like he doesn't run a
tight shit emotionally, how he can't compliment, Like I'll be like,
do I look okay?

Speaker 4 (26:25):
He goes, hey you go. I'm like, what the fuck
was that? Like, there you go?

Speaker 3 (26:30):
And I talk a lot about that, how his presence
for me, like he gave me like an Amazon gift
card when I was pregnant for Valentine's say, like a
fifty dollars Amazon gift card.

Speaker 4 (26:41):
I'm like, that's what you give a super and a
mailman's gift.

Speaker 3 (26:44):
So I But it turns out the same thing that
makes him that emotionally paralyzed, like when he has to
make eye contact with me, just goes out and like
sprays something in the line, Like he's always weeding. He's
never not addressing some weird corner. He can't be still.
But I find that that same chip that makes him
oblivious to what my you know, obviously probably also makes

(27:08):
him a good firefighter too.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
The inability to like soothe.

Speaker 3 (27:13):
It works in my favor in terms of he doesn't
give a shit, Like he doesn't care.

Speaker 4 (27:17):
You know, he thinks it's funny. He likes the attention.

Speaker 3 (27:20):
Honestly, what he likes to do is after my show,
people comes up to him and they go, oh, this
must be hard, dad, Do you do it?

Speaker 4 (27:26):
He goes, yeah, you know, get you roll with like.
He loves that moment. He goes, you know, you roll
with it and it's a job and it did. Like
he just loves it.

Speaker 3 (27:35):
And it doesn't make him when he sees it an
audience of people laughing and how unacceptable something he said is.
It doesn't make him realize it's unacceptable. He goes, come on,
they loved it, they thought it was solid. It just
makes him double down and whatever worthlessness. But so you know,
he doesn't care at all at all and sometimes doesn't

(27:55):
even watch it, like he's just like, yay, all right,
you know.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
Yeah, no, I think that's perfect Mother's Day. Do you
expect a gift card? Or have you sort of schooled him?

Speaker 3 (28:07):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (28:07):
And then obviously your daughter will you know, it hasn't
gotten much better.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
I mean he does a thing where he tells me
he's going to take me on a shopping trip, but
then he just makes me reminded big for it, so
that kind of cancels it out. Like he was supposed
to take me, yeah, like six months ago before he's like,
i'll tell you what. They get his shoppings for you, right,
but yeah, and then later on I'm like, can I
get that that? I have to follow him and find
him bleeding in the art and bank him for my
forever twenty one trip or whatever.

Speaker 4 (28:33):
But no, he's not good at gifts.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
Later on, you know, and like couples, you think about
when you first met and you're like, oh, remember and
I said that, were you thinking this? And after our
first date, like, there's nothing else, Like he's not, he's not.
There's nothing, you know, but to that in that way,
the benefit of that is it doesn't need much. So
he's never going to like leave a party and be
like when you said that, I felt like that, you know,

(28:58):
Like no, so who knows. He might have a lot
of those feelings, but they're so far down he wouldn't
have the ability to you know, to bring language to them.

Speaker 4 (29:06):
So yeah, he'll just like punch a wall every six months.
But I might have humiliated with it.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
It's almost refreshing the lack of processing.

Speaker 4 (29:14):
Right, yeah, he doesn't.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
He wants to talk about like sheds, Like I got
him a book about sheds and a box of cigars.
Like my husband wants the gifts that Amazon suggests for men,
you know, just the.

Speaker 4 (29:28):
Most bland, Like that's it.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
He is probably weeding and then he's going to sit
in a toilet and read his shed book and he
talks to me about that, like sheds costco. They love
grocery shopping. Firefighters are always at the grocery store like that.
If I want to butter my husband up, I ask
him questions about sheds or the car. I could give
a fuck about a car, like I'm car jump. I

(29:53):
can't find cars in parking lots. I don't remember what
color they are. Ill into an archaic sadness when somebody
discusses cars or parts of cars. This was a conversation
started to me. He goes, yeah, you know, I think
the figures are going to get the masta, Like that's
his end of the day.

Speaker 4 (30:11):
Like he's like, guess who's getting a masta?

Speaker 3 (30:14):
Like if I could have designed the worst story of
the world, it would be that one. But on the
other hand, does it give a shit, great laugher, and
he gets the weird schedule because that's how they work. Like,
you know, he's not hurt when I'm not going to
be able to when I'm working on Christmas or whatever,
because that's how firefighters work.

Speaker 4 (30:32):
What I like about them is that they can take
a joke.

Speaker 3 (30:36):
And they're coming out like crazy now because now that
I'm talking about firefighters, half of my audiences firefighter families,
and they're just not woke. They're not going to correct
me on anything. They're just like down for whatever. And
there's some weird similarities because it's like they have this
weird insular world that only they understand, and when people

(30:57):
walk inside of it, it feels weird.

Speaker 4 (30:59):
To them, like comics, you know.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
Yeah, So they're like if you walk into like the
firehouse kitchen, you can feel the chemicals in the room change.

Speaker 5 (31:07):
You know.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
They'll be like, oh, civilians here, and we call some
drunk twat after a show civilian, which we should look
like us.

Speaker 4 (31:13):
Some civilian came up to the table.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
But like, there's he has that world, so he's not
jealous of whatever.

Speaker 4 (31:19):
Nonsense I'm up to.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
Thank you so much, Rachel.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
One of my favorite people, and thank you for listening.
Be sure to watch Rachel's special you will love it.
Next week we have a super fun episode with aj Jacobs.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
He is a pro at all.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Kinds of games and he has a new book out
where he attempts to live a year according to the Constitution,
called a Year of Living Constitutionally. Yeah, the concepts in
the title very smart. He is hilarious and very smart,
and he often tries to rope his kids into his
social experiments. So don't miss it. Remember to subscribe to
this podcast. You don't want to miss new episodes, post a.

Speaker 2 (31:56):
Review and a rating. Apple Podcasts is best.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
Life Packer just called us the number one podcast for moms.

Speaker 4 (32:03):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
We have a substack with new written content every week,
jokes lists personal stories.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
So just go to substack.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
Search for Parenting as a Joke and you can subscribe
to that. Follow us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook at.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Parenting as a Joke. On x we are Parenting.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Joke and we're doing a live show, a live taping
of this very podcast on June fourteenth in Hoboken, New Jersey.
That's at the Miles Square Theater. Right now, we have
booked comedian Chris Gethard and co host of the What
Fresh Help podcast, Margaret Ables. A couple more will be added,
and the video is attached to a preschool and they

(32:43):
are staffing it so you can simply add on babysitting
right there in the building while you are enjoying our show.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
Think of this.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
I feel like no one has ever been able to
put this together before. It's a dream comedy show for you,
babysitting on the premises. All the info is linked on
my website, so check it out Ofireisberg dot com. This
episode is produced by me and Julie Smith Klem. Our
editor is Nita Porzuki. Our sound designer is Tino Toby Mack.
Our theme song in music is done by Adira Amram

(33:15):
and the Experience. Our digital marketing is done by Laura Vogel.
Our video editor is Melissa Wise. Thanks to all of
the engineers at CD box and our overqualified intern Jeffrey Kaufman.
And we'll leave you with a little bit more from
Rachel Findsteine.

Speaker 5 (33:32):
I'm married to a firefighter. I mean, I think he's
a fireman. He could just be a stripper with the
fireman costume, but the hard thing about being married to
a fireman is like, you can't change his mind about anything,
because the men at the firehouse have access to my
husband's brain for like half the week. Like he'll come
home with conspiracy theories. He'll be like Vinnie said, they

(33:53):
legit never went to the moon.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
I'm like, don't believe anything Vinnie says, especially after he
says legit.

Speaker 5 (34:00):
This is my life now, I just have to go
to these staten Island dinner dances with the other fire
spouses and he'll just deposit me somewhere at some shrimp station.
One of the venies just goes to me, you gotta
come with me and my wife to Epcot. And then
he goes, that's the real Japan, sweetheart, that's Japan.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
With no irony whatsoever.

Speaker 5 (34:22):
He goes. People think, you gotta spend all this dough
flying all the way to Japan.

Speaker 4 (34:27):
But it's a scam.

Speaker 5 (34:29):
He referred to traveling the world as a scam, an
Epcot as reality somehow goes but it's not true because
it's all right then and we got a timeshit in.
But it's confusing for me because I like get infuriated
by them, but then I'm actively aroused by all of them.
It's just a very confusing sensation
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