PWB Replay* | Dare To Be Authentic with Big Kayla

Originally aired January 13th, 2025

On this episode of PWB, Big Bank sits with Big Kayla aka Big Energy and shares her journey of overcoming personal loss, finding her voice as a motivational speaker, the importance of being your authentic self, the impact of spirituality on her growth and inspiring others to find purpose in their struggles. They also discuss the concept of 'Big Energy' as a movement centered around love, motivation and much more. Tune in and join the conversation in the socials below.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
It gets no better than this. You are now in
June to respect us with big bang Bang. Let's get
straight to it.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
The brother is waiting on your energy, grind and shine unapologetically.
That being said, today I'm sitting down with the incredible
Michayla aka Big Kayla Evans, motivational speakers, social media in points, entrepreneur.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
She always got a big energy. What's up, queen?

Speaker 3 (00:29):
What's up? How you feeling?

Speaker 1 (00:31):
Un blessed? How you feeling? That's my that's my line.
How are you feeling? Where your mental lid?

Speaker 4 (00:36):
You know, in transition maneuvering through some things. You know,
we both recently experienced losses and whatnot, So just suggesting,
you know, it's like you never really the same as
you were, but it's like finding your new normal type things.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Oh wow, that's dope. So what so your message was stable,
stable transition.

Speaker 3 (00:55):
I like that in transition.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
All right, let's get to your journey.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
The journey's been alone with. Most people don't know my.

Speaker 4 (01:04):
Story, so I guess we could tell you here exactly.
I started off in Wisconsin. My dad died, my real father,
He died when I was three and a half.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
He got killed.

Speaker 4 (01:13):
So we grew up most of our life not really
having that influence. My mom was a single mom for
a while. My Pops, who I'm always talking about kicking
my shit about, he came my life probably when I
was like ten nine and a half getting ready to
turn ten.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
I met him at the Boys and Girls Club.

Speaker 4 (01:26):
By the grace God, God just always had his hand
in my life for real, Like I can't there's not
I think that's why I am the way that I am.
Like there's not a time that I can go back
and look and say like I did that by myself,
Like that makes sense that I'm still here and that
I'm still as pivotal as I am. Cause when I
look back home, like that was probably the main thing
I noticed when cause like I had to leave my

(01:47):
brother's funeral and whatnot.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
So when I was talking to everybody, you know, I'm.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
Consoling and giving hogs to the people that are there,
and they trying to figure out why I am where
I'm in. But I I finally resonated with it when
I came home, Like I've seen so much that's like
impossible to the people where I come from, and as
much as they try to create possibility, with it. I'm
probably the only one whoever really retained that state of mind,
Like everything that I put in my atmosphere, I can

(02:14):
attain it and it can't be minded.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
It is possible fact, you know. So I think.

Speaker 4 (02:19):
That that's that's my story for real, is that everything
the impossible has always been possible to me. And I
didn't understand that light until probably when I have my daughter,
and it was like, you know what, I don't want
you to ever have unbelief. I don't ever want you
to think. That's the one thing I probably admired about
my daughter, like.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
She knows who she is.

Speaker 4 (02:36):
And I have to give myself a pat on the
back for that because I make sure she knows that
and I make sure she's.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
Constantly reminded of that.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
So for me, I think that's a journey I had
to kind of alove to as a woman, like try
to know who I was and not be afraid to
just be.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
So you how long you been in Atlanta? Okay? That
were you move straight straight here from there? No?

Speaker 4 (02:58):
So I went from So I was in Wisconsin. That's
where I was born at Minnesota. We went there when
my youngest brother got six, So he's been six since he.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
Was like nineteen months.

Speaker 4 (03:08):
We went there for the male clinic because they have
like one of the best children's hospitals. And then from there,
I actually graduated high school in Minnesota and I went
to New York and so I went to school out
there for like a year and a half.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
My roommate ended up coming down here.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
Her family was into real estate down here, so we
was out in the Qula and when they kind of
gave us the layer of the land and stuff, she
had made the decision to move down here, and shit,
I was like why not?

Speaker 3 (03:32):
You know? So I ended up moving down here and
I ain't never left.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Well, what's some things you learned from different spots, Like first.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
First spot Wisconsin, Yeah, then New York yeah, and then Georgia.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
Yeah, Wisconsin, Minnesota, New York did.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Okay, let's break down Wisconsin first.

Speaker 4 (03:52):
What you learned from now Wisconsin is you get the
layer of the land, so it's tons of land, farms,
all that type of stuff there. I got the structure
of like my education there. I definitely say like between
Wisconsin and Minnesota, they have great education systems and they
have a lot of resources for like kids like me,
so like funny enough, so when my dad was killed

(04:14):
while we were in Texas, so, like I said, I
was three and a half, so I was fixing to
start pre K.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
But when my dad died, I didn't start till I
was like four and a half.

Speaker 4 (04:21):
They tried to put me in the slow class, and
so I was in the slow class for probably like
a year, and I ended up coming out of there
and I was reading at like a second third grade
level even in the slow class. And so then transitioning
from there, I got into like the gifted and talented
programs a lot of times, and so like that's kind
of how I am, even though as well spoken as
I am, honestly just from my educational background and just

(04:43):
be having different, like I said, different programs. Like I
went to college my junior year, and so I was
able to kind of like step out a little bit
into my independence before I actually transitioned to moving out Minnesota.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Wise, like Minnesota is like the single mom state.

Speaker 4 (05:00):
So the cool thing about our transition from Wisconsin to
Minnesota is that Minnesota afforded my mom a lot of
opportunities to be able to like give us a better chance,
you know, versus like Wisconsin, like you know, you had
food fans and all the little basic stuff, but like Minnesota,
their their programs that they had for women, like it's exceptional.
So we were able to kind of like get our

(05:20):
foot through the door a little bit more too, especially
after my brother got sick and we were able to
connect with a caseworker who kind of made it to
where like my mom started her own business taking care
of my brother, so that kind of helped everything as well.
But New York, New York was cool. New York is
very fast spaced, but it wasn't for me, Like it
don't really got that home you feel for me, like

(05:40):
the type of shit where you be walking, people step
on your shoes and just keep walking.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
It really wasn't for me.

Speaker 4 (05:45):
Atlanta was like the perfect balance for me of like
home and then you know, the fast spaced nature and opportunity.
So if I had to break it down in a nuts,
she old, that's pretty much for what it would be Atlanta.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
So you feel like you feel like Georgia was the
place and its place for Nats.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Would you ever move, Yeah, no, for sure, would you
ever move? Man?

Speaker 4 (06:03):
Yeah, Well, I see myself as like West Coast for real.
I think that's one of my speed What you mean
like this the vibe, Like I like the vibe of
the West Coast. I don't know if it would necessarily
be in California, but I've thought about places.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Like Phoenix, you know, the Las Vegas.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
Places like that, but my probably not Las Vegas honestly,
more like Salt.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
Lake City or something, you know, but it's not a
definitely thing.

Speaker 4 (06:27):
I wouldn't be opposed to being in Atlanta forever, but
I definitely feel like I'm supposed to transition at some point.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
What inspired you to want to be like a speaker,
like motivational speaker, like to help people?

Speaker 1 (06:37):
What inspired you to do that?

Speaker 4 (06:38):
My grandpa dying, I would I honestly used to be
I used to like hate my voice real. I used
to think it sounding like a little kid, So I
never really wanted to talk, Like when people would take
videos of me saying stuff like and the replay it back,
like I just never wanted to hear it. And then
when my grandfather passed in twenty nineteen, it was like,
I don't know, God just kind of took me down

(06:59):
this jersey of like self discovery a little bit to
better get acclimated to who Kayla was. And so one
day now I was just watching videos and stuff reading
and then.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
It's like God just spoke to me, like, man, you
gotta start, because.

Speaker 4 (07:12):
I was thinking of things that I would want to
say as I was watching videos on social media, but
I really didn't like put to on two together. I
could be one of those people at the time, and
it was like God just kind of spoke to me, like, man,
just start. So I started doing like little thirty second
clips and I would just talk about things that I
was like resonate with while I was grieving my grandpa,
and people just like the number one comment was like man,

(07:33):
I could listen to you talk all day. And so
that perspective changed the way that I feel about myself
because it was validating number one, to hear other people
have a different point of view, like damn, people love
your voice, but you're really scared to say anything. So
it's got to be something to that. But what I
learned over the course of the past probably five six years,
is that sometimes like the greatest the thing that you're

(07:57):
the most insecure about is your greatest actual In fact,
it's your greatest contribution. When you start going down on
the path of really unraveling that, that's where you really
get in tune with your greatness.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Fact, yeah, I agree with.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
That, that's kind of what sets your apart.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
So basically it's like breaking the barrier.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Basically give us another moment where you know what I'm saying,
where you was down yourself.

Speaker 4 (08:20):
And you had to be a mom really like I
used to feel like I did not have that shit
under up for real, Like I could not figure it out.
But and it's a lot of it because like so
from my daughter's fire right, he's ten years older than me,
and so a lot of times no district fide. At
the time, I feel like his intention was to try
to help me be better because he knew the type

(08:40):
of childhood.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
That I came from.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
But instead of just letting me just be, you know,
he kind of like started to invoke a whole bunch
of insecurity, you know, like.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
His criticisms and things that he was saying to me.

Speaker 4 (08:53):
It became more critical than it was beneficial or like supportive,
you know. And so I think in the time when
I started doing my videos and stuff, it kind of
helped me develop my self confidence as well for me
to really see myself differently in all aspects in every
role that I play as a daughter, as a woman,
as they just person overall, or you know, even as
being a mother, and so over time is I started

(09:15):
to develop and you know a lot of things.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Like I said, it.

Speaker 4 (09:18):
Was validating, like saying, once I started putting out my
energy into the world, people made me realize how big
it was and how essential it was and how pivotal
it was. And so I went from feeling like I
was so minisculed to realizing like, nah, you're really.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Big for real, and like even the whole big energy.

Speaker 4 (09:36):
Like people just start saying when I was doing my videos,
they like big Caleb, big Kla.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
So it's nothing self proclaimed.

Speaker 4 (09:41):
Like people really gave me that, and so I ran
with it, like you know what, big Kala, big energy,
this is what we're.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Doing, This is what we're gonna live in. And I
ain't never looked back for real.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Nah, really shit, what's your top advice that you get
somebody that's struggling, You know what I'm saying, They're struggling
with self doubt and and struggling with their all potential.

Speaker 4 (10:02):
Man, just be and when I say just be, like,
that's like a mantra that I'm really taking over in
my energy and and my space. Like you have to
just be with your time. You have to just be
with your mental you have to just be with your opportunity.
You have to just be with your space. And a
lot of times we are trying to either rest the
process control the process, you know what I mean, and

(10:23):
instead of just navigating and pivoting with things as they
may come.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
And I think in.

Speaker 4 (10:28):
The experience of loss and transitioning relationships, friendships, you know,
being away from family, like I think that that's why
I became who I was is because I really have
learned to excel in pivoting, Like I don't dwell on
things for very long.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
I've learned that a lot of times that does more
harm than good.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
I used to, for.

Speaker 4 (10:48):
Sure, but then I realized, like, dang, you're really holding
yourself back, staying stuck. It's okay to feel, but feelings
are not fact and they should not be the mantra
for how you maneuver. And so I think we should
all give ourselves the space and opportunity to feel through
a situation, but we don't.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
Let that moment define the end. It's not the end
of all be all facts. You know.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
What I was about to ask you, that's real. Feelings
are not facts, and they.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
Not as I'm grieving bank like it, don't even be
feeling like I'm grieving some days, Like I'm so I
don't know how to say it, but I know how
to say it.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
I'm so at peace.

Speaker 4 (11:29):
I'm at peace that like, even though I've lost the
access to the physical for instance of my brother, like
that is not a defining moment as far as where
who I would become. That didn't mean that I died
with him, you know what I mean. He was just
a part of my experience right now, you know, and
the things that he taught that we were able to
experience and that you know, like even me for for instance,

(11:52):
for Big Energy.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
For the brand, right my brother wore my shap every day.

Speaker 4 (11:56):
Bang, I didn't even wear my shait every day when
I went down in his closet after, you know, with
the funeral and everything, I like down, I'm like, Damn,
he's got everything I've ever dropped from the beginning. So
it's like you've overstood my potential before I've ever seen
myself that way, and I think that that was like
one of them things where death give you life, you know,
it gives you a different perspective because instead of staying

(12:16):
thoughts stuck on the thought like you know, some people
will do this where it's like you feel like damn,
time is running out, it's too short, like I don't
got enough time. I gotta rest this instead of staying
stuck there. What I realized was is that I need
to be more particular about my time.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
I needed to value it more, you know.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, how you stay energized and positive through the tough time.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
Like how man my kids in prayer to be honest
when I be getting on there and doing the prayers. Man,
just knowing even if I just touch one person, and
being able to hear the stories that people will give
me sometimes about just like how much they needed it.
Like there's times where I am you know, I'm human too,
so there are times when I do experience, like my
self doubt. I did experience kind of an influx of

(12:58):
it when he first passed, you know, because I was
like kind of in shock about everything. But what I
realized is like even going to events like you know,
the respectives lives taping, or when I go to the hikes,
or you know, we just be on social media. I
might running and bumping to somebody in the city or
have somebody hit my DM and they're like, man, I
really being.

Speaker 3 (13:16):
In your prayers. It's people who they've been in jail, man,
and they'll tell me, like, man, I.

Speaker 4 (13:20):
Was watching your videos to get through that. Like it
was a mom who lost her daughter.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
Man.

Speaker 4 (13:24):
One time she reached out to me. She's like, Man,
I watch your videos from top to bottom. It's people
who would be like a Sometimes when I'm having a
rough day, like I go to the bottom I'm talking
about I'm not even thinking I'm really doing nothing. They
go to the beginning from where I first started and
they can still feel my energy.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Like that speaks volumes for me as a person.

Speaker 1 (13:41):
Not really shit.

Speaker 2 (13:43):
That's I think that's the whole purpose, is to do
some for other people and trying to you know, we
gotta be self sometimes do shit for ourself. But I
think the whole purpose that's gonna bring your blessing is
to do shit for other people, even when you don't feel.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Like you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (13:58):
It's balanced though, you know, what I mean, that's that's
kind of where I'm in twenty twenty five too, is
I'm learning that balance. Like I've been kind of overresealous
in the past about like doing for everybody else, but
self preservation is just as important, and so it's important
like you said, like when I'm feeling down, to make
sure that I'm doing my.

Speaker 3 (14:14):
Prayers if it even for me.

Speaker 4 (14:16):
Like part of my routine too is my self care too,
Like I make sure that I go do stuff like
get my nails done, go to my favorite restaurant, like
you know what I mean, even if it's taking my
walk in the morning, whatever, going on the hikes to
therapy for me, like I make sure that I'm resilient
about doing those things because I know that my if
I'm no good, I'm.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
No good to nobody.

Speaker 4 (14:35):
And if God has me ordain to have this purpose
and to give this energy, I kind of make sure
I preserve it. You know, I gotta fight with everything
I got to make sure that gym is it stays flawless.

Speaker 3 (14:46):
So that's what that's really.

Speaker 4 (14:47):
What I pride myself on too, like is making sure
that I stay self preserved. But also too, like you said,
we're here to serve. So my goal is not to
preserve myself for self, it's to build serve.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
And do what I need to do, touch as many
lives as possible.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
How do you stay away from just the typical shit
online and just remain focused on what you're doing, you
know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 (15:10):
Not how people most women that's pretty you know, got
about it.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
They want to go in there and show that, like
how you remain just in your pocket.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
I ain't gonna lie.

Speaker 4 (15:19):
And when I first got on social media, man, I
used to think that that was it, you know what
I mean, That's the only way you're gonna.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
Get people listening. And then it was like it resonated
one day.

Speaker 4 (15:26):
Like Okay, I have a choice, right either I can
be seen or I can be hurt.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
And I decided that I wanted to be heart before
I was seen.

Speaker 4 (15:34):
And so when it comes to that, I really just learned,
like man, the type of attention that it brings, the
type of men that it would draw to try to
date me, and like the lack of substance that there
was to them. Man, Like, I just had to learn
and start carrying myself a little bit differently.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Like this shit there for sure, you know what I mean.
I'mna pop out every.

Speaker 4 (15:52):
Now and again to show something, but it's not like
part of my I gotta do this, you know.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
It's like if I feel like it, I'm gonna do it.

Speaker 4 (15:59):
You know.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
So how you maintained.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
Like yo, authentic, like with people, know, like I believe
in her, like what you think you put forth for
people to believe, Like this shit organic?

Speaker 4 (16:14):
Man, I think it just comes from the heart. Like
when I talk, you know, it's real, Like I'm not afraid.
There's nothing is scripted, Like when I get ready to
come and I'm talking to you, I'm not thinking about
up until the moment where you introduce me and you
asked me a question. I'm not thinking about it. Yeah,
I'm letting it happen organically. So it's like I think
it's just pure and like when you are a pure person,

(16:34):
like real gonna resonate with the real and even with
the fakes, they still gonna resonate with it.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
They just might not be prepared to accept it.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
So how long you been like just like an entrepreneur,
like working for yourself.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
This is my grandfather?

Speaker 1 (16:47):
God?

Speaker 3 (16:47):
Well yeah, nineteen.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
Okay, what's the ups and downs that.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Just learning the market, I think keeping up with trains.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
I'm such a person that where like I could kick
back and just be cool with when I'm cool with
and kind of stay out the way, touch a few
lives on social media, but not going nowhere. And I
think that the balance of like, man, you gotta come out,
you gotta show face, you gotta make sure you show
up and you're being intentional. People have events, you make
sure that you participate and that you're daring stuff. And

(17:17):
so I think that's been kind of one of my
struggles is because when my care I'm a cancer.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
So I like to go on.

Speaker 4 (17:23):
My shell and so coming out that shell sometimes, especially
like when I'm maneuvering through different things, you know, as
an individual, like I've been having to learn to be
more intentional because I have a brand that I'm building.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
But you think the biggest lesson you learn, like being
it's all on you. What's the biggest lesson?

Speaker 3 (17:39):
Man?

Speaker 4 (17:40):
Recently for real, when I went down there and I seen,
I don't know what, you know, how you had those
moments in life man, where like something happens and it
just make that switch go off to you're like, man,
I've been bushing. That's how I felt when I went
downstairs and I looked at my brother's stuff, and so
I think that right now where I'm at, man, I'm
just like, you have to give it your all, Like
you have to believe in shit more than anybody else.

(18:01):
And if you don't stand beside it, like especially be
you know, advocating for the fact that everything I'm saying
and that I'm doing is pure. That energy of and
it self should propel anything that I do. I just
ain't been giving all my energy to that.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
What do you think that.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
The key ingredients is to creating a great friendship, relationship
or whatever, what's your name?

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Honesty? I think that's the first thing.

Speaker 4 (18:34):
He's being able to be honest about where you're at
and where you're trying to go with people, not being
afraid to advocate for that. It has to be a
pureness to the love that's exchanged, you know, Like I
think the things that last are the things that start
as real from the beginning, no matter what season and.

Speaker 3 (18:50):
Person is in.

Speaker 4 (18:52):
Outside of that, man, just belief for real, Like I
feel like belief can it can prepare you to get
through anything. Whether it's believing in yourself or believing in
that other person, like having an understanding.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
You more religious or spiritual. So how you think your
spirituality influence their journey?

Speaker 4 (19:18):
You know what I'm saying, You just seeing God in
situations where it's like, man, I don't have no other explanation,
but it's like, you know what I.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
Mean, I'm doing something.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
Man, It's like and then who we learned?

Speaker 4 (19:32):
Like I can't take credit for this, you know what
I mean, Like I kind of always had that. So
it's just like a certain situations I'm telling you, I
just be looking. I'm like, that couldn't be nothing but
a higher power. Like I don't know, you know, for me,
I call them God, you know, other people call them
different things.

Speaker 3 (19:46):
But I know it's something. I know, it's something, you
know what I mean, Like, I know it's something.

Speaker 4 (19:50):
You know, And even with like religiousness, man, Like that's
why even when I pray and stuff, and I know
I talk about God, like, I'm very open to everyone
and who they choose to call whatever their higher serving
power is. I just believe everybody should serve something facts
you know what I mean. I feel like that's the
only thing you should be humble to hey, man, I

(20:10):
had a conversation with baby Man and he had me
look up the definition of humble. I don't know if
you've ever done that, man, but he kind of gave
me a gem too that I kind of want to share,
just about humility, like I only yeah, like the only
owe humility to God. He's like, so if somebody tells
you to be humble, they telling you not to be.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
As great as you are. And that shit just kind
of stuck with me.

Speaker 2 (20:33):
I'm telling you, slow down.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
You got.

Speaker 4 (20:45):
Yeah. When he said that to me, it made me
conceptualized humility in a whole different way. We had a
conversation after my brother passed. I ain't gonna say that,
but we had a conversation about it.

Speaker 3 (20:57):
He just was telling me. He was like, man, you
have to go for it. He was like, you're holding
yourself back, you know.

Speaker 4 (21:03):
And I guess I was saying that to say the
gym to give to people like man, you only owe
humidity to your.

Speaker 3 (21:09):
Higher power in God. Man.

Speaker 4 (21:10):
When you serving in your life, you operating in your person,
you you shouldn't hold back from nothing for nobody, no
opinion of nothing. Honestly, Bank that's what's held me back.
That's why I think even in a lot of like,
that's why you won't see me as being like this
viral entity on social media and all that, because I
have been holding myself back because of humility. I've been

(21:32):
overplaying my role being humble to shit, I'm not supposed
to be humble to.

Speaker 3 (21:38):
Poppy. Man, you know what's crazy.

Speaker 4 (21:42):
That was the last conversation we had, man, when we
were sitting at the table, right after the Perspectives was Bank.
When we did the Perspectives of Bank, that's the last
thing he said, Man, you have to get around everybody
at this table.

Speaker 3 (21:53):
We are a family.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
He's like, Man, how the hell you big energy? You
ain't you playing small? Like you gotta go big on
everything you do. But I promise you what he said.
Then I resonate until my brother died and I went
down there and I seen, I'm like, man, Bank, I'm
literally the no disrespect to nobody and what they're doing
with they're trying to accomplish, but like I am the
one who's making it. And so it's like it's just

(22:16):
at first it was pressure, and then I had to
navigate to the other side of that thought and you
look at it from a different perspective, it was like, nah,
like this really is for you, Like this is who
you are, this is what you're supposed to do. And
it's like, how do you expect anybody else to stand
behind it if you ain't gonna go for it?

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Who been in your biggest impact? Though? Who been the
biggest influence in your life?

Speaker 3 (22:39):
Probably my pops because he chose me.

Speaker 4 (22:41):
He didn't have to choose me, like you're not You're
gonna have no ties to me or my brother. You
didn't have to come in my life where like decide
that we were the kid like you in a club
full of kids at the Boys and Girls Club, Rold
soccer team and the teen line while I was nine
and a half. Man, I told him, I said, somebody,
I just start telling them about my family and everything else.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
Mind you, at this time, I talk a lot. Now.

Speaker 4 (23:04):
I was quiet when I was a kid, like I
read and wrote, and so when I was talking to like, man,
what's making you tell me all this? I said, Man,
I don't know what it is, but something that's telling
me to trust you. And since then he's never gone nowhere.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
That's dope. Never go nowhere standing on business.

Speaker 4 (23:21):
Man I'm talking about, moved, relocated his whole life. He's
a year in this year, came down here. I told
him when I was having my son and said, pop,
I gotta still make it br you know what I mean,
Like I don't have a whole bunch of family supporting it,
but like I gotta make sure that these kids get
everything they need to get. I don't want to sacrifice
nothing when it comes to their life, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
But at the same time, like I know the.

Speaker 4 (23:43):
Type of life and the quality of life that I
can provide them, should I just do everything that I'm
supposed to do?

Speaker 3 (23:48):
And shit, he's still don't business and came down here.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
It ain't lifts like being an entrepreneur and trying to date.

Speaker 4 (23:54):
To let's talk about it, man, if people don't get
your vision. And so what I realized is like I
had to stop seeking the partner and just let one come.

Speaker 3 (24:05):
Like whoever gonna fit in, gonna fit in.

Speaker 4 (24:07):
I think that as a woman, I can be very intimidated,
not because I'm aggressive, but because I really break shit
down and I understand shit and so like even in
your previous conversation you was kind of talking about, like,
I'm analyzing you and your desires and your understanding and
where you're coming from and your background before you even
ever had to articulate it to me. So I'm not

(24:27):
one of those people where you be like, man, you
ain't even think about where I was coming. Oh, I
probably thought about that before I even vocalized my own opinion.

Speaker 3 (24:35):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (24:36):
I broke that down already, so by the time to
come what my sister told me a long time ago, Man,
she told me she was like, man, you like the
mirror for people. And I was like, what you mean
by that? She's like, Man, when people come to you,
they see themselves. Everybody's not prepared to have that conversation. Fact,
everybody's not prepared to stand in their mirror.

Speaker 3 (24:55):
Man. I realized that a long time ago.

Speaker 4 (24:57):
That's why I make sure I stand there because I
know it the one uncomfortable thing that a lot of
people don't want to do. And I think that that's
kind of what sets me apart when it comes to
being in different rooms and having different conversations.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
I'm not afraid of myself.

Speaker 4 (25:09):
Like one thing I tell anybody, like even my daughter, Like,
when you own your shit, can't nobody put that shit
at your front doorstep. You can't step in nothing. You're
gonna avoid it every time. I own it and I
throw it away.

Speaker 1 (25:21):
So now what people people intimidated by the type of
people nigga. I tell them.

Speaker 3 (25:29):
I tell them, and I think it's going back to dating. Bruh.
That's where it was like for me with a man.

Speaker 4 (25:37):
Like see, a man don't really got to do too
much with me, Like I kind of already got that,
and I know how to submit, like by nature, I'm
just one of those people. And I think that a
lot of times. You know what A lot of conversations
be like you too good to be true. I ain't
perfect by far, don't get me wrong. I have my
little ways, but as I only get better with time.
I ain't even hit thirty yet, I only get better

(25:59):
with time. And see, I overstand that. Though it's a
lot of women, I think, and I don't know if
it's you said lownd there, it might be worldwide. Really
like a lot of women don't really know theirself. They're
so caught up on these facetious things that they trying
to project on social media and shit mindset and they
don't really have substance. And I don't even think it's
just women though, I think it's men too. People get

(26:20):
so caught up in the facade you don't really get
to know them. Like when you date me, like you
got you could be you. I'm good, fuck Hayu komb
You know what I mean. Just be your authentic self,
cause I would respect a man like that more than
I want women that feels like he has to keep
up when you know, I've met plenty of people where
you'd be like, man, you feel like, you know, you
give the opportunity going today and you realize, like, man,

(26:41):
oh this shit you putting on for man? You going
for Brock to put on and you ain't even happy
about it. Man, I have my prime to comedy probably
like a week and a half ago.

Speaker 3 (26:51):
You know, he's going through some things.

Speaker 4 (26:52):
You know. I have a lot of like therapy conversations
with people, and I pride myself on that, like being
somebody people could talk to.

Speaker 3 (26:57):
You know.

Speaker 4 (26:58):
He was just telling me, he's like, man, Caleb, I
got all this money. He's like, I got women, got
my kids. He's like, but I'm not happy, and that
shit was the really shit to me because it's like
all that shit is so temporary.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
It'd be like, how do you feel about yourself?

Speaker 4 (27:11):
And so we started breaking down that conversation and realize, like, man,
you know what it is like, Bro, you're not.

Speaker 3 (27:16):
Saying with yourself.

Speaker 4 (27:17):
You've running from a lot of the things that are
are you know, tributing to your unhappiness. Instead of just
dealing with the shit, you know, spend some time with
yourself for a little bit. Like you have the money,
your bills is paid, you don't you could really kind
of lean off of hustle for a little bit. I
understand we got to get it and we have to maintain.
But like mental health breaks are, I feel like they're essential,

(27:38):
especially when you purpose by.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
In fact, you gotta know one to put.

Speaker 4 (27:41):
Yourself on paulls because you would hate to, you know,
run into a wall because you keep your trying to
keep your foot on the gas instead of just being accountable,
like you know what, I'm stopping this resk stop.

Speaker 3 (27:49):
I ain't gonna crash out.

Speaker 4 (27:51):
I'm gonna just stop at the wrist stop for a second,
gas myself up or get back on the road when
the time comes and I think being comfortable to do that,
man's pivotal too real.

Speaker 1 (27:59):
Shit, that really shit. So you're saying basically, you sell
people for who they are facts facts. If you can't
deal with it, you just don't deal with it.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
You gotta be honest because the same way, like if
I come to you, right, we potentially about the day
and you tell me who you are, right and the
things that you have going on, they don't coincide with
where it is that I'm trying to go. They're not
equal to my path. Like, I owe you the same
respect to have that conversation, you know what I mean.
You don't have to agree with it. Everybody has the
right today opinion, but like, who am I to tell

(28:31):
you who you are? I ain't got no right today.

Speaker 1 (28:35):
Naw. That's really shit.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
So do you think when somebody is trying to alter
theirself for another person that being fake?

Speaker 3 (28:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (28:41):
Me too, Yeah, because it's like you can't find happiness
in that. Like even when I was talking to my
parder the other day, you was just telling me about, Man,
I'm doing this for this person, I'm doing this for
this baby mom, I'm doing this for this and my kids.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
Da da dada, you know, and granted, you know we
owe it.

Speaker 4 (28:56):
I feel like the only person you really owe it
to overextend yourself or is your church, you know what
I mean, because they didn't ask to be here.

Speaker 3 (29:02):
We chose to bring them into this world.

Speaker 4 (29:04):
But even to your kids, there's a limit because I
can't be no good to you if I'm no good
to myself. Like this shit is so essential. So when
people start trying to shift and change who they are
and ask extra chaosity because it's already struggled just to
be how we already are, like whoever we designated to be,
so to try to be something else, and then you
got to keep up with it and keep it going.

(29:24):
It's like you you deviate from spiritually who you are.
That's like fighting against God for real facts, to be honest.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
So that's why a lot of people are happy too,
because they not even being them They're not even they
scared to be themself because they're scared who gonna leave,
who they're gonna lose.

Speaker 5 (29:39):
Yes, I don't fuck go type real shit.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
Because I've been there.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
I know how that feel to try to be somebody
that I'm not because at the end of the day,
no matter what, you're not gonna fool them.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
They because you trying to be somebody that you're not.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
For another motherfucker, they gonna know you're faking them because
intuition all real. So if I'm if I'm faking you,
I'm just gonna be a fake ass nigga.

Speaker 4 (30:07):
And then you you're building up that tension within yourself
because you know it's not really you.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
So then guess what.

Speaker 4 (30:13):
Let's say you do all this fake kicking it right
then that person leaves. Anyways, now you stuck with this facade,
so you got to backtrack to whoever the fuck you
really are.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
That's why most I ain't gonna say all women, that's
why most women be mad because hm, they will sacrifice
their self by being fake, and then when it don't work,
they mad.

Speaker 1 (30:33):
Because like, nigga, ain't I could have just been a
whole I ain't have to be faking. You should have
just been been whatever, and I probably liked you better.

Speaker 4 (30:42):
Submission is a natural state of a woman, and so
if you have to force it, it's probably not for you.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
Like people that the truth though, it's like you're doing
all this, they be mad. As fuck because you be
like I did all that you did all what if
a motherfucker walk away from you and you with yourself, you.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
Won't be mad. Man.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
It's sore when a motherfucker you you tried some ship
that won you facts.

Speaker 1 (31:12):
I could have been.

Speaker 4 (31:13):
It's extra effort energy that going in this ship because
I gotta like, I gotta take myself out of what
I do.

Speaker 1 (31:20):
Them facts.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
It's like, I gotta do all this, like I'm waking
up every day talking to myself in the mirror, be fake.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
And then that ship.

Speaker 4 (31:33):
Then then it's like, okay, cool. So I'm not being myself.
So I'm constantly having to think outside of my norm
I'm constantly having to pivot, like okay, no, normally I
would go left, but I know that this nigga want
me to go right, so I'm gonna go right.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
But it's like.

Speaker 4 (31:47):
That and if itself costs chaos in your mind, see
me what I learned, and I show up as myself,
but I be so at peace too. I don't care
who say who go. I love y'all, but you know
I live by this mantra too. Like every relationship has
different reasonings and seasons, right, and so like some people
you plant seeds and you don't you're not responsible for

(32:07):
watering them or watching them grow.

Speaker 3 (32:09):
Other times you plant seeds and you.

Speaker 4 (32:11):
Get to water them, but even then you don't get
to see the final product of the seeds that you're
planning in a person's life. And then there's those long
term relationships. There's those you know, the ones than ones
that you have in your life that it's like, man,
we for life. This is never going nowhere where you
get to plant to see you get the water and
then you get to watch it grow. Like but you
have to be able to decipher what's what and when

(32:33):
you can't really do that when you've been something that
you're not because you're so focused on that you can't
even properly gauge who is who and what is what.
So there's another reason why I try to maneuver my
best like that too, cause it's like, look, I have
to stay aware. I think awareness is the key to success.
You have to be aware of what you're doing. You
have to be aware of who you are, you have
to be aware of where you're trying to go, and

(32:54):
you have to be aware of the things that are
sent down your path to either help you or to
teach you something.

Speaker 3 (32:59):
And you know, I just try to stay where is possible.

Speaker 4 (33:03):
Man, pay attention to what's going on, and pivot as necessary,
but make peace with things above anything.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
I feel like I'm gonna stay on that. Be yourself shit.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
I feel like, bro, people respect They want to know
why Trump's the president, right because he didn't say that
wasn't me when they said he heard him grab the pussy.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
He didn't say that wasn't me.

Speaker 3 (33:24):
He was just like shit, nigga talk yeah, yeah, when
you in locker.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
Room, when you around nigga, that's how you talk. Nigga.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
Respect that because it is when you go to trying
to fake it and you know what I'm saying, do
that fake shit? People don't respect that, Bro.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
I know. I don't.

Speaker 4 (33:41):
Let me ask you a question. Are you more mad
at the person who oversold and under delivered who they
were or are you like who do you be upset
when in that situation?

Speaker 1 (33:50):
I hate a liar. I hate a liar.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
I hate a motherfucker who think they gotta fake me
out when you don't. I know how to adapt everything.
That's just like anything but relationship with the whole. I
know how to do that, baby, all.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
Right, but just tell me you all though, Yeah, you
ain't gotta tell me.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
Show me right that.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
I pick up good. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
That's cool.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
I'm cool with that, I'm cool whatever. I just just
don't see what it is is. People don't be wanna
be treated for what they are, no matter what it is,
so they knowing if I show who I am, he's
gonna just how he is, yes, or whoever, just anybody
like a nigga, tell a woman a lie because I

(34:32):
don't want her to see that on some bullshit and
now she's gonna see me as some bullshit and she
gonna be some bullshit yep, or she's gonna start acting different,
but you gonna understand it's somebody that love it bullshit.

Speaker 4 (34:44):
It's somebody for everybody. And I think that we put
too much effort. And when I say we are, don't
mean you. And I'm just saying as a society, like
people put too much into making shit what it's not
instead of just accepting it for what it is. Like
if I get it around you and were kicking it
for a little bit and you cool in the first
two weeks and then you start to show me some bullshit,

(35:05):
Like it's like people be so pregnant on the time
invested instead of like the quality of the time, Like
you're going to get me Hell if you some bullshit
and I see it, and I continue down this path
because I feel like I have to spend all this time,
you know, dating, et cetera with you, Like I'm setting
myself up for failure, so I can't be mad at
nobody but myself. But if I just accept it for

(35:26):
what it is and make the decision for myself to like,
you gotta know your worth, Like I'm cool with who
I am. I'm cool with who you are. I'm not
upset about what you're doing. But look, I'm making the
decision to be like, hey, look do that over there.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Is the biggest mistake that people make, we all make.
It's when they say, learn how to act. I've been
saying that shit forever.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
Act. It's not an act. Just B just like you say,
just be, just B that's the model. Just be. Why
the fuck is you acting.

Speaker 3 (35:58):
With the BEE stand for big energy?

Speaker 1 (36:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (36:00):
What just be?

Speaker 2 (36:01):
Just be acting? You're pulling up acting. No, I don't
need to be here if I need to act facts facts.

Speaker 4 (36:09):
I want to be in the places and spaces where
I can just be like that is my twenty twenty
five and so on and so forth, just saying the
yearly thing. It's a revelation itself, like I'm better, I'm
better When I could just be like like what I
just say, I'm holding myself back, come overthinking shit, But
when I just be this shit is magnificent.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
Because you are stressed about you only stress about opinions
and number opinion of others form within you, and they
create doubt, They create anxiety that creates mental illness, all
type of shit, bro.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
When you don't give a fuck.

Speaker 4 (36:43):
You good man scream Ad told me that his therapist
called it automatic negative thoughts bread. The way that you
deviate from having them automatic negative thoughts, bro is just
being just existing, being absent of worry, being at peace
with things as they are, accepting from what they are,
and make the necessary changes as you're supposed to. But
once again, that all goes back to being able to

(37:04):
stand in the mirror. If you can't sit in the
mirror with yourself and accepting like it really starts with
you can't accept yourself, Fraser, how do you even think
that you can conceptualize to accept anybody else?

Speaker 2 (37:14):
Or they bush, We gotta stop making assumption on how
the next person feel too, Yes, even your kids or whoever,
Like you don't know what people going through. Like my
kids don't call me for a few days. I ain't them, man,
I love them.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
I know they love me, but I ain't.

Speaker 4 (37:31):
That's so true when we were going you know that
this funeral is death, man, that it just brings out
a whole different type of energy when it comes to
family and stuff and so like I notice everybody kind
of like start going to odds And I know that'd
be kind of a part degree too, because like sometimes
it'd be like miss misappropriate and anger and shit. But man,
the number one thing I kept telling my family is
bro like, just let people be as they are, Like,

(37:53):
stop trying to assume what everybody's thinking, what they feeling.
Like I said, it was a couple of times like
my siblings give out for they call me in and
tell me.

Speaker 3 (38:01):
Oh, yeah, such and such. Oh they must have meant.

Speaker 4 (38:04):
Did you ask did you have that conversation? I said,
you know what, this is something I really really really
want y'all to like resonate with ask the question. If
you didn't learn nothing from my brother died, you should
know that time is short and when you can't have
them conversations, you're left to assume. So at some point
in time, you're going to have nothing but assumptions. So
while you can't ask the question, ask it, I.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
Ain't asking the question, I ain't assumming. I just don't
give a fuck.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
That part two.

Speaker 4 (38:30):
One of them is better for me than assuming, because
you create a whole narrative in your mind and you
have an anxious to worry, anger, whatever the feeling is
about it.

Speaker 1 (38:38):
People.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
You got some people that will write a whole motion
about some shit that it's false.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
Listen now, accountability.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
I used to be like that. I used to be
like that.

Speaker 4 (38:48):
When I got on this path of like really understanding myself,
I started to realize how much trauma I was causing myself. Yes,
because it's like, bro, you have first of all, you
have a great vocabulary, you have a great awareness, you
have a great understanding.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
Why the fuck aren't you asking the question?

Speaker 4 (39:02):
If you feel some type of way and you're invested
in a person, ask the question, stop creating this whole
scenario and like now you're getting insecurity. Now you're upset
about and shit. But like when you go back to it,
when you have a conversation, you honestly fifty percent of
the shit you tell yourself be false unless you live
your life. And on that mantra of like I'm just

(39:24):
gonna just be I'm just gonna be real.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
I'm just gonna be authentic.

Speaker 4 (39:27):
When you start telling yourself things that people said or
what they meant by this, and you ain't, may you
draw yourself crazy doing this shit for real?

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Hello, my name is black Bank. Now Ayanna, I can't
fix your life. I can't fix your life. That's man,
take that to the bank. My name is Bank, not
a Yanna. I can't fix your life. Like you just

(39:55):
mentioned about family, like when we have deaths and stuff
in our family, I ain't gone. Yeah, I contributed if
I need, but I ain't going because I.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
Don't want to bro We don't align.

Speaker 3 (40:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
I love all my.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
People, but I don't align with y'all because I know
where y'all mindset that because mine was once there, Yes,
and that shit ain't gonna do that but trigger me
to to start. There's no way for me not to
stoop to your level to talk to you.

Speaker 4 (40:18):
Yeah, because you have to, because it's like I can't
even create the expectation because you haven't even you don't
even have the mindset. I have to come up to
speak the way that I'm speaking, or think at the
level that I'm thinking.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
I'm saying it's better or worse. But you just know
what's for you. This ain't for me.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
I used to try to explain, like, man, my people
probably like fuck me real because I used to try.
I used to They know I'm the nigga be to
sit on the phone to two hours trying.

Speaker 1 (40:43):
To get you to get it.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
This is me talk to me.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
I ain't getting you get nothing. I don't give it.
Damn you got it, bro, You do that?

Speaker 4 (40:51):
See you a Gemini. So I know you've reached that
a little bit sooner than me. You know, I'm a cancer.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
I'll just got.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
I had. But it's so it brings you so.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Much peace, yes, because you ain't gonna never get it
because the motherfucker yeah yeah, yeah you yeah yeah, And
then drop egg for something.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
You know what sell me?

Speaker 4 (41:07):
He like that's for you and i'd be like, you
know what, you're right. That understanding is for me. That's
why I am me, and y'all are y'all, and that's okay,
and we're gonna leave it at that because all that,
like you said to our conversation, man, you'll go down
the rab hole and still not come out with no understanding.
So it's like, not my time. I didn't waste my
time trying to explain this scenario.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
No, I just I just I just said this in
another interview. It was like once you just say it's
me and you're having a conversation.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
Yeah, and I.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
Get you to see something.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
If you lack accountability, you gotta make it seem like
I manipulated you to see it because you can't accept it.
You can't accept your wrong. You just gotta be like,
fuck that he played with my mind? Yeah, how even makes.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
Sense or it? Don't?

Speaker 2 (41:58):
You know what I'm saying, not saying everybody gonna be right,
because it takes me sometime to you know what, you're right? Yeah,
you know what I'm saying because I'm stuck in my
ways too a lot, because I've been right so many
time to think I'm wrong.

Speaker 4 (42:11):
Yeah, I think too, like even approaching these conversations and
like from a lack of the right or wrong thing,
because I think that's kind of like a power struggle
with people too, people when people feel like somebody's got
to be right and somebody's got to be wrong.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
I'm more someone on the path now where I'm like, look,
I just want to have understanding.

Speaker 4 (42:29):
And wherever the understanding starts to stop that it's gonna
it's gonna be driven by the accountability be able to
have in this conversation. And if that's not where we headed,
like you said, we can cut it short. We one't
got to keep going on about some shit. If you
don't care to hear it, you don't care to learn
about it. I don't care to try to convince you
about nothing, and I just will just leave it at that.
But if you want to go down this path, let's

(42:49):
just have an understanding. I want to hear where you
come from. You here where I'm coming from, But don't
expect me to take on your thinking and vice versa.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
I know and somebody receiving it, and I know they
not matter what they're saying. They could be saying, Okay,
they be saying yeahod yeah, and vice verson. I know,
and I'm receiving that. Well, I don't got no problem say, bro,
I don't want to hear that. Yeah, I don't got
no problem with.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
Telling you that. I don't even want to hear it.
I want to be wrong. Yeah, if I'm wrong, let
me be wrong. Fuck you. I don't want to hear it. Yep.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
I don't have no problem with saying that. Yeah, But
a lot of people do. They'll take it in and
then gonna tell another motherfucker like this nigga tried to
convince me of this instead of just saying, Bro, I
don't want.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
To hear that.

Speaker 3 (43:23):
I don't want to hear that. Just let it be
what it is.

Speaker 4 (43:26):
But once again, that's when you start to develop a
different level of peace, man, with like who you are
and how you just be. Like a lot of people,
they be so like you say, stuck on trying to
convince people, or keep up with the fuss hides or
what people want them to be or what they think
people want them to be there, and they be so
lost in that thought or they can't conceptualize real accountability
and conversations, or just walk away from shit and be

(43:48):
like Nah, this is cool.

Speaker 3 (43:49):
It's cool that you have that perspective. I'm cool with
my perspective. You cool with your perspective. And it's still
all over people just like they be on that right
and wrong shit.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
No real shit.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
So back to the day and she said, you just
wait till your person come for you. Yeah, man, did
you run your person off here? You had your person
ran them off there?

Speaker 3 (44:07):
No, I don't know. I can't.

Speaker 4 (44:09):
I can't vow for everything, but I do believe in timing,
and so like everything that's for me, I kind of
I be driven towards it, you know, I'll be aware
of it. But too it's like if I'm not if
somebody did happen across my path that was for me,
I probably wasn't ready.

Speaker 3 (44:25):
So it wouldn't worked anyway.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
So where I'm at right now, I feel like I
can intentionally date somebody.

Speaker 3 (44:30):
And I can because I know what I want.

Speaker 4 (44:32):
Now, I overstand who I am, I overstand what I'm
willing to do because I've gone down the rabbit hole of,
like you know, feeling like you have to overcompensate to
make other people comfortable in a relationship. And then once
I realized in this last situation, even like having my
son and just the different things that I had to
overcome and let go of, like I realized, I'm like, man,
you do all of that, and here I am with

(44:54):
this baby, and it still didn't work. It's pointless. I
drove myself crazy for X amount of time just to
be right here where I started at. It's just to
make any sense. So now I'm on some like, Look,
when you come around, you could be who you are,
can be who I am if it's organic like that,
like anybody who I love in my life, Like even
when I come around, y'all, I can just be myself

(45:15):
if it's not that I don't want it. So that's
that's what I wanna know. If I could just be you,
I'm talking about silly, intellectual, accountable, we can break some
shit down. We can be curious, we can enjoy, like
when I know that that's what I feel safe. Like
you said, you can tell when people understand, just like
you can feel when somebody is for you.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
You know, I believe in everything already done, happened before
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
So if I get a motherfucker, if I get around
the motherfucker, and we click.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
I mean we was friends in the past life.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
But if I get around the motherfucker you my op, Like,
stop trying to force something with your ops just because.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
You think you right.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
You know what I'm saying, Like you can think you
love a motherfucker that wasn't with you in your that
and you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
That that's not aligned with what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
It could be like you can I think you can
get a family member that wasn't your family member.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
It's just like an all I don't know my mind
to be.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
I'm a tripping slim my mind just be going places, bro,
because I feel like, at the end of the day, Bro,
what's for you gonna be for you?

Speaker 4 (46:19):
Yes, you feel when something is aligned man, like it's
the energy of its.

Speaker 1 (46:26):
Relationship. That's something you have to fight for. I don't
believe that, no.

Speaker 4 (46:31):
I see, I'm I'm like that too. Like with relationships,
it's something you grow with. So we're gonna constantly changing,
Like you're not gonna be the same person you are
today that you were tomorrow because life continues to go
on and hopefully you continue, but the foundation of who
you are is forever gonna be the same. And so
it's like your foundation is the line to the line.
You can't force that. You cannot force that. I'm not

(46:52):
fighting with nobody to stay in my life. I'm not
fighting to stay in anybody's life. If we're supposed to
be around each other and each other's it's gonna play out,
just like with anything else.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
In mind, That's how I feel.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
I feel like even if a person leave your life
and they supposed to be in your life, they gonna come.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Back. Yeah, I just feel like that bro.

Speaker 2 (47:11):
Other than that trying to god damn trying to got
there and play tugo water.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
That shit don't work.

Speaker 4 (47:17):
And you know what I realized too, Like even in
the whole going off of that with like the whole
we're fighting for our relationship. A lot of times it'd
be because people are so focused on the relationship and
they not actually viewing themselves. They're not looking at like
what are they contributing that's causing this?

Speaker 3 (47:32):
Like how are they triggering even's conflict?

Speaker 4 (47:35):
You know, if it's lack of understanding, like people be
so hell bent and then you get to the point
the finger game where it's like, nah, you did this
and you made me feel this and you did instead
of everything starts with yourself.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
That's why I gonna continue to keep going back to you.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Gotta look in the mirror.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
Really, I blame myself for anything. Anything I allow myself
to go through, I blame me.

Speaker 4 (47:56):
Don't you feel like it gives you more game for
a perspective too, when you go back and analyze yourself first,
and then you go and you have a conversation with
another person, Because it's like going back to that thing,
like I said, when you're on your ship. Because now
instead of the conversation being like, hey, Bank, you did this,
and you did that, and you did this, now the
conversation is and you know what, I took some time
to think about this and I realized that I may

(48:16):
have done this.

Speaker 3 (48:17):
So now that takes their whole defense.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
With some women, that's that's what do you call it?
What do you call it? John? What do you call
what do you call it? When you when you when
you take no, it's hold on. Let me get that
like when you try to come in and say.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
Use I and I'm the person.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
I'm the reason. They call it passive aggressive.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
You know what I'm saying it's like passive aggression, like,
you know what, you're not the problem I am.

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Yeah, it's me the way that I am.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
Because the end goal is still gonna be I can't
fuck with you because of how I am, so they.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
Don't want to heal goal.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
You get what I'm saying, It turns into an issue
because it's like you don't mean that, you really think
it's me.

Speaker 4 (49:13):
Yeah, But see that's when it comes down. You gotta
know who you're dealing with. Like maybe that go for
other people, but I know when I sit there, I'm
saying exactly how I feel. I'm not blaming you for
shit because I would rather because guess what, I can't
control people.

Speaker 3 (49:28):
So when I get into the blame game trying to
figure out what.

Speaker 4 (49:30):
You did wrong or how you acted, then I'm gonna
drive myself crazy because I can't control your response to that.
The only person that I control with myself, and see it,
I control how I respond to that ship. So look,
let me go look at it, go to the drawing board,
it back, and you're absolutely correct. By the time why
I get done, I probably don't want to fuck with
you no more. It's probably what it is, But I
would rather say that and let Bygunes be buying Guard

(49:51):
than to continue to derive all this negative energy in
this negative conflict and shit. And now I'm spending X
I'm wasting time. I'm wasting time. I miss death. Don't
teach you nothing. Time is precious. I want to be
a substance every moment that I can. You know when
I'm pivoting. I don't want to be pivoting from a
whole bunch of bullshit that could be avoided by me
making a decision to just own some ship.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Big facts, all right, that's a word with a word
you ready. Empowerment, motivation, motivational, spiritual confidence, love, energy, positivity, understanding, breakthrough, purpose,

(50:39):
mindset mm hmm, life transformation.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
Growth, potential, positivity.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
Inspiration like and getting down to a hustle.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
O grind grind ooh, tenacity, vibes, energy.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
Glow mm hmm.

Speaker 5 (51:10):
Self love, swagger, style, drip, sauce, trust, foundation.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
Lords, love, intimacy m hmm.

Speaker 4 (51:30):
What are you getting with these words for intimacy, perspective,
boundaries mm hmm, structure.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
Love, God, patience, time, forgiveness, peace, sacrifice, strength, connection mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (51:58):
I don't know about that, one, it's a connection and
you got me on that one.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
I don't know, think about.

Speaker 4 (52:08):
It, shit, trying to think of words I ain't.

Speaker 3 (52:15):
Said already.

Speaker 1 (52:17):
To think of for her word connection, connection, hy y hey.
Which one of those words stuck out to you the most? Though?

Speaker 3 (52:29):
Probably love?

Speaker 1 (52:34):
Why?

Speaker 3 (52:35):
Because it's what I operate off of.

Speaker 4 (52:38):
Is just love, whether it be self love or love
for other people, love for God, love for your kids,
love for your mother. I think love is a lot
of what we be missing. I think that's what a
lot of people are absent of that leads them down
past that or not the best. And so love is
just a big thing for me, Like every time I
do anything, like you talk about where did the big

(52:58):
energy come from? What makes me different? Everything I do
comes from love. It's pure, I feel like pure like
love in its purest form is the most highest vibration
anyone can operate off of.

Speaker 3 (53:10):
You do things out of love.

Speaker 4 (53:11):
Man, Like you said when you talked about like somebody's
getting something like you can feel it. People who understand me,
and when we're in rooms like this, right it be love,
Like I know that there's a genuine love how much
in the capacity, how it deriveses.

Speaker 3 (53:26):
It can always be different with different types of relationships.

Speaker 4 (53:28):
But like I genuinely love you as a person, I
want to see you great. I want to see you
heal from the things that hurt you, and I want
to see you propelled to be whoever it is you
desire to be. And when you operate in rooms that
are on that frequency, man like disguis.

Speaker 1 (53:43):
The limit.

Speaker 4 (53:46):
Facts, Man, a whole lot of big stuff.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
Just I'm telling you a whole lot of big stuff.

Speaker 4 (53:55):
Twenty twenty five is the year that I will see
a million off of Big Energy. And I'm not talking
by the menion as in just making it financially monetarily.
I'm talking about subscribers. I'm talking about you know, followers.
I'm talking about people who are a part of the
Big Energy community.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
Like that's what this year is. This year is the
year that I finished when I started.

Speaker 2 (54:17):
Okay, if you had to explain to people, even though
you probably already have, but what big Energy is.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
Explain it.

Speaker 4 (54:25):
Big energy is first, so it's two levels to it, right,
So we got big Energy to brand.

Speaker 3 (54:30):
The whole idea of Big Energy to brand.

Speaker 4 (54:33):
And the clothing is that when you wear it, you
feel big, You feel good about yourself, like big energy
and of itself.

Speaker 3 (54:39):
If I had to describe it as one word is love.

Speaker 4 (54:41):
So when you talk about the big Energy room, big
Energy room is nothing but love and motivation. You come
as you are and you leave even better. And so
that is the mantra that I will continue to push
into anyone who comes to contact me, whether it's a prayer,
whether it's you're putting on something from the brand, or
whether you listen to an excerpt from a podcast. Man,
I just want to do my best to contribute loving

(55:03):
to people's atmosphere.

Speaker 3 (55:04):
And that's what beginner she is with that.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
I do books of the week, so I always get
people a book of the week, and I picked this
something because of you is.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
You are You're a badass?

Speaker 2 (55:16):
How to stop down in your greatness and start living
an awesome life. So the book is You're a Badass.
So y'all go get that book. If you ain't ready,
you go.

Speaker 3 (55:26):
I'm definitely about to get it.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
It's a good book. I started reading the other night
when I put it up, But it's a good book.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
I got twenty five books on my list this year.

Speaker 4 (55:33):
I already finished one, but I said, I'm gonna go
between things that I enjoy reading, you know, like the
romantic dolledge and stuff, and then things that are good.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
For you know, my mind, are developing, my business and stuff.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
So what's your favorite book right now that you've been.

Speaker 4 (55:47):
On Honestly, I'm reading Eve's memoir right now where she's
kind of telling about her life, and man, I resonate
so heavy, but just hearing her story about just how
she overcame where she was to be come who she is,
and she never really limited herself to the perspective of
anyone around her, Like she talks in the beginning couple chapters,

(56:08):
it's about how she knew she always had this light
in her and like me that I resonated with that
so here because like people would be like where the
big energy come from? And like now I know it
comes from love, But like in the beginning, I didn't
know what it was that I was feeling as a kid,
Like you know what when you just feel like you're different.
I know that I'm supposed to go here. I know
that the things people are telling me aren't.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
Possible are really really possible, And so I just.

Speaker 4 (56:33):
Love even hearing that from a woman perspective, you know, like, damn,
I consider you to be one of the greats for real,
and like hearing her story about how she just continued
on with that mindset like it's in me.

Speaker 1 (56:46):
Yeah, that's fining me. Yeah for sure. We're gonna help
you get to that.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
M for sure to follow you.

Speaker 3 (56:53):
Man, follow me a big kayla ink Big Energy the.

Speaker 4 (56:56):
Brand for the clothing and stuff and Big Energy Room
for all the positivity, love and motivation.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
And get well. Before we get out of here, I
want you to give a prayer to the world.

Speaker 3 (57:05):
Oh come on, let's go.

Speaker 4 (57:10):
Find a God who come to you as humbly as ever,
and we first thank you for this great conversation. We
thank you for you letting perspectives go exponentially, and we
pray for the same grace for Big Energy Room.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
God.

Speaker 4 (57:20):
I thank you for all the people, places, and things
that you put in position to be able to help
this happening, for us to be able to spread good
word to the world. God, I just asked that you
can continue to keep us in good health and good spirits.
Let any attacks of the enemy be stopped directly in
their tracks, and let us, excuse me, continue to pivot
in the most positive way.

Speaker 3 (57:39):
God, we ask that.

Speaker 4 (57:40):
You remain big in everything that it is we're gonna do.
And we always give you the glory and the honors
and Jesus name, we pray Amen shame.

Speaker 2 (57:49):
Hey, make sure y'all likes to strive. Come into the
Big Fat Network. Go tap you on my dog cale
big kayla, big energy.

Speaker 1 (57:58):
You put your prayers up everyday right.

Speaker 3 (58:01):
Well, probably about two three times a week. Wow, every
day every day.

Speaker 4 (58:05):
Wake them up listening to your accountability. Looking in the
mirror every day. Y'all be looking every day.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
Now, wake them up with every day. Yeah, wake them
up with don't give a damn you ain't wash your face,
h it.

Speaker 4 (58:14):
Wake them up with them up, Wake them up with
y'all heard it here first in the dark daily coming facts.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
For real and she y'all likes to strive. Coming to
the Big Fat Network perspective bank. We're coming every week
every week with hot topics, hot people, everything, big everything,
big beginning.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
Oh yeah, I see energy for a living. Come on.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
I just make sure I stamped and I told her
that yesterday.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
Uh what how did she come up? John? Like? I
sell energy, bro? So I ain't got time to be
around the mother fucker.

Speaker 4 (58:51):
But I was just saying, you like, that's it, That's
that's fine.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
You worried?

Speaker 4 (58:58):
Yeah, no, yougs and whatnot.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
Another fic episode of Perspectives with Big Bank.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
Follow on Instagram at big Bank at y yo yo.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
Don't miss an episode of Perspective with Bank. Perspective with
Bank or production of the Black Effect podcast Network and
our executi producers are Dolly Bishop, Chanel Collins and produced.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
By Aaron A. King Howard What Up Game.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit to iHeart Radio,
Apple Podcast wherever you get your favorite shows. Make sure
you follow Big Bank ATL Perspective with Bank with a K.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
Make sure you like to strive comment to the Big
Fat Network Pay